All language subtitles for Baby.Daddy.S06E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪♪

You want some more sprinkles?

Yes, please.

Okay, I'm not really sure
if I'm the best dad
or the worst dad in the world

for getting you up
in the middle of the night
to eat ice cream with me.

The best.

Oh, what do you know?
You're all hopped up
on sugar.

With all the depraved crazies
I have to put up with
at the bar,

I love comin' home
to someone so pure
and innocent.

And this is where
the magic happens.

Um... before
any magic happens,

let's remember the rule:
no magic in front
of the baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Hey. Hey, man.

Ha-ha. This is...

Kiki.

Kiki? Yes.
Kiki. Kiki.

It's Kiki. (laughs)

That's my roommate
and his kid.

You don't really need
to talk to them,
just-- just make your way

down to the end of the hall.
I'll grab us some wine.

Pay no attention
to the self-help books
and the vision board,

I-- I'm holdin' those
for a friend.

Please take this
as a huge compliment,

but she is way
out of your league.

I know, right?

So I just decided to grab,
like a quick drink
down at the Belvedere,

you know, and there she was,
just sittin' there alone,

at the end of the bar, man.

-The Belvedere?
-Yeah.

You met her sitting alone
at the Belvedere?

Yep. (laughs)

And now she's here.
In my house, in my bed.

(laughs)

Why am I still
talkin' to you?

Okay. Eat up,
Daddy will be right back.

Danny.
Danny. Danny. Danny.

Dude, what is wrong with you?

Remember when you told me
to wake you up no matter
what time it was,

if A, there was an apocalypse,
B, if beer were suddenly
free around the world,

or C, if I ever met
a real live hooker?

Well, one of those things
just happened.

B. Wait, no, A.

It's C. A hooker.
Tucker just brought home
a hooker.

What?

No way.

He met her at the Belvedere,
AKA, hooker hangout.

Oh. Oh my God,
I wanna see her.

What? No.
But if you hold me out
over the fire escape,

I think I could see her.

(theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing how
the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change direction ♪

So, where's
the new girlfriend?

Didn't spend the night, huh?

No, she had to be up early.

So you say she stayed--
I don't know-- about an hour.

Yeah...

something like that.

Okay, seriously,
please, please tell me

what's makin' you two smile
like weird home-schooled kids?

Dude, it's okay,
we've all paid for it before.

Really? You've paid for it?

No, I've never
paid for it.

That's what you say
to a friend,

so he doesn't feel bad
when he pays for it.

Um, hi.
Uh, I'm sorry.

You guys think Kiki's
a prostitute?

Pretty much.

I mean, look where
you met her, look
how you met her,

and if that doesn't
convince you,
look at her.

Oh, and don't forget
her name-- Kiki.

Oh, I see what's goin' on
here, you're just jealous.

Me? How am I jealous?

Yeah, you're jealous because
I found a smart, attractive
girl who likes me.

Tucker, pretending to like you
is her job.

I didn't pay for it.

I hear the first time's
usually free.

That's drugs. What--?

And besides, man, at least
I'm not the one chasin' around

some fantasy chick
he's never even met

because he can't
have a relationship

with a real girl.

I might not have a girlfriend,
but at least I have a job.

Oh, you did not just go there.

Oh, I went there.
I'm livin' there.

I'm gonna build a house
and raise a family there.

You know what?

Hey, Tuck.

-Ben.
-I know.

You know
what you gotta do?

Yeah, prove that girl
really is a prostitute.

-Adios. Sayonara.
-Arrivederci.

And, uh, buh-bye.

Last stop on our goodbye tour
before we head off

on our lust-filled trip
around the world.

I learned how to scream
"Oh, God" in five languages.

Grandma.

Oh... Emma.

Mmm. Oh, Grandma's
gonna miss you so much.

It's not gonna be the same
without you, Mom.

Oh, honey.
Oh, this...

this is the memory
I will take with me.

(sighs)

Let's be honest,
I could use a break.

Right there with ya.

Well, Bon-Bon, we better
get goin'. Our flight leaves
in two hours

and we still need
to get our shots.

Oh, you're getting vaccinated?

No, we're gettin' wasted.

Both:
Boink.
(laughing)

-This vacation starts now.
-Bye.

(both laughing)

Hi, Riles. Bye, Riles.

Bye, Mrs. Wheeler.

I'm really gonna mi--
(clears throat)
I'm really gonna mi--

Oh, damn it, I could do it
this morning.

(elevator dings)

-FBI.
-Oh, my God. Okay,
you know, it's medicinal.

I have a license, yeah.

I'm holding it for a friend,
his name is Ben Wheeler,
he lives right there.

We aren't here
for you, ma'am.

Brad Walker,
you're under arrest.

What? No, no. There must be
some kind of a mistake.

What are you doing?
I mean, what are
the charges?

Are you sure
you're not here for her?

-I am. Real estate fraud.
-That could still be her.

Honey, what are
they talking about?

Listen to me, Bonnie,
everything is gonna
be okay.

There is
a perfectly logical
explanation,

which I am currently
working on.

Just stay calm,
and find me
a great lawyer.

(gasps)

No. No, no, no,
definitely not.

I'm-- I'm busy.

I'm pregnant.

Conflict of interest,
not my specialty.

Please stop me
when you hear
one of those you like.

Listen, if you don't help
Brad, I will make every day
of your life a living hell.

Yeah, that's right,
nothing's gonna change.

-Race you
to the courthouse.
-Okay.

Danny. It's her.

Tucker's hooker is here.
She's sitting at the bar.

Really? Oh, my God,
I want to see her.

No, no, no, no. no.
You're not just gonna
see her,

you're gonna pick her up.

Okay.
And where should I put her?

You're gonna proposition her,
Danny. Bring her home,

and I'll make sure
Tucker is there.

We gotta prove to him
that she's a hooker.

What if she doesn't agree?

I don't feel
very attractive today.

Dude, she's a hooker.

It's literally her job
to agree.

-Hey.
-Hey.

Thanks for meetin' me here.
You ready to go?

-Yeah. Let's go.
-You look great.

Okay. So she's the hot one
sitting in the middle
of the bar.

I'll find Tucker
and meet you at home.

Boy, am I lonely.

If only I could have sex
with someone.

This can't be happening.

I don't know how much longer
I can stand to see you
rotting away like this.

Bonnie, it's
only been two hours.

But I'm scared.

Three prison gangs want me
and I don't wanna hurt
anyone's feelings.

Listen. All right,
don't worry.

Riley is gonna get you
out of here.

In the meantime,
let me take you
to cellblock double-D.

Oh, my God.
Mrs. Wheeler,
put those away.

No. This is how I grieve.

Okay. Hi. All right.
I looked through
the charges,

and I think I have
a clear strategy
for getting you out.

So your guilt or innocence
doesn't matter.

-In fact, it's actually
better if I don't know--
-I'm guilty.

Is the kind of statement
that I don't need to know.

I did it all.
There is a storage locker
in Brooklyn

with all the evidence
they need against me.

And I did not hear that.

-I said I'm guilty.
-Brad, stop.

I can't hear any of this.

There's something wrong
with my phone.

Would someone
please tell my lawyer
that I'm guilty?

(exhales)

Wait. I've actually
been here before.

I know.
That's kind of the point.

Could you just wait here
for one second?

Hey.
I got the hooker.
Where's Tucker?

I don't know.
He hasn't answered
any of my texts.

Normally, at this time of day,
he's sitting on the couch,

wondering where
his life went wrong.

-Ben?
-Rachel?

Rachel. Hey.
So great to see you.

Sorry I never called you back,
I, uh... broke my hand.

What are you doin' here?

-I thought
your name was Kiki.
-Nope. Rachel.

Well done, Danny,
you brought home
the wrong girl.

-You're not a hooker?
-No, I'm not a hooker.

Then why'd you come back
with me when I asked you
if you wanted to have sex?

I thought I was hooking up
with a New York Ranger.

I thought I was hooking up
with a New York Ranger.

Riley. Uh, it's not
what it looks like.

See, I thought Rachel
was Tucker's hooker,

so I tried to make her
my hooker.

It's just your classic case
of mistaken hooker identity.

Ah, relax. The fact
that Ben is here
automatically clears everybody.

So, Rachel,
how's your cat?

-She died.
-Bummer.

What's goin' on?

Okay, well, big picture:
Brad's been arrested
and my life may be over.

And small picture:
Danny hired this hooker

to prove that you
were dating one.

Yeah. I think that's
everything, right? Yeah.

-I'm not a hooker.
-Okay, whatever
you say, sweetie.

Ben, can I talk to you?

I'd rather not,
you seem pretty pissed.

Did he pick you up
at the Belvedere?

Tell Jimmy I said hi.

-I'm tellin' you, I'm right.
-Dude, you are being ridiculous.

Kiki is not a hooker, man.
You wanna know how I know?

I'm not paying her.

That doesn't mean
other people aren't.

Come on, man, what do you
even know about her?

What does she do
for a living?

-No idea.
-Are you seeing her
again tonight?

Nope, she's working.

-At what?
-No idea.

-Exactly.
-Okay...

This does not prove
that she's a hooker, man.

It-- It just proves
that I'm a bad listener.

And what does any girl
you've ever dated do?

Riley's like a judge
or something?

Exactly.
And we're done
with this conversation.

-Tucker--
-I said done.

-Tucker still mad?
-Yup.

Should we apologize?

Nope. We're goin'
to the Belvedere.

-Why?
-Because friendship

isn't just
about what you say
to your friends.

It's what you do
behind their backs.

Tucker's lucky
to have us.

Mrs. Wheeler.
Mrs. Wheeler,
great news.

-What?
-All the evidence against
Brad is circumstantial.

After a preliminary
conversation with
the DA's office,

it looks like
I may be able
to cut him a deal.

Quit the legal mumbo jumbo,
you showoff, and give it
to me straight.

I think I'll be able
to get Brad out.

Okay, I mean, except
for an indecent exposure case
that you are a part of,

his record is squeaky clean.

I mean, he'll just have to pay
a fine, he won't even lose
his real estate license.

Oh, my God. You did it.

I mean, you.
You actually did it.

God, I-- I knew I was smart
to pick you, huh?

Yep, it's all you.

It always is.

Oh, I'm gonna convince Brad
to take the deal.

Phew!

(sighs) Always waitin'
on the men, am I right?

-Well, it is
a men's prison.
-Ah.

-What's yours in for?
-Real estate fraud.

Guilty as sin.
But when you've
got an ass like that,

you're bound to make
a few mistakes.

Think you'll be able
to get him off?

(laughs)

Oh, for the fraud
and stuff, right.

Yeah, we're already
working on it.

Okay. Brad's on board.

Now I just need to talk
to the assistant DA
and get this thing finalized.

No need.
I'm the assistant DA.

And the deal's
off the table.

Better luck
next time, Counselor.

I'm sorry...

Way to go, Riley.
I knew I shouldn't
have picked you.

But no, you're family,
it would've been awkward.

God, thanks a lot.

Danny?

-Riley?
-What are you doing here?

Um... I... uh, we...

-Ben?
-We were just payin'
some parking tickets.

You don't have a car.

We just signed up
for a ride-along.

Danny's afraid of sirens.

You said you wouldn't
tell anyone.

Okay, fine, the truth is,
we came to see Brad,
and support you and Mom.

Well, that's an obvious lie,
but whatever you're doing,
I'm sure it's Ben's fault.

Come on, Mrs. Wheeler,
we need a whole new plan.

Soliciting a prostitute?

Well done, boys,
you owe me bail money.

We were just trying
to get information,

not sex.

Though I feel like
you were maybe
considering it.

Is it a crime to ask
what's on the menu?

Well, we're in jail,
so I'm gonna go with yes.

How were we supposed to know
she was an undercover cop?

Oh, my God. You are never
gonna give up on this, are you?

No. Never.
Not happening.

Zero chance in hell.
You know why?

-Because I'm right.
-Okay, you know what?
I'll play.

I'm gonna prove to you both
that Kiki is not a prostitute.

I don't suppose that means
you want me to have sex
with her

and see if she charges me?

Just throwin' it out there.

What's wrong with you?

I can't do it again.

The first time
I got the wrong girl,

the second time
we got arrested.

Let's face it, I'm no good
at pickin' up prostitutes.

Look, you will be fine.

Okay? As soon as you
sit down, I'll text her

that I have to cancel,
at which point she will
undoubtedly get up

and walk out of the bar.

Yeah, with Danny
and his cold hard cash.

Now you get out there
and pick up a pro, bro.

Okay, you've burnt down
a house, a forest,
and a summer camp.

What's one lousy
little storage locker?

Mrs. Wheeler,
what are you doing?

No evidence,
no conviction.

-Oh...
-You can't do that.

It's arson.
It will ruin your life.

Also, can't you ever
just shred something?

Why is burning
always your go-to?

-But I love him.
-I know.

Please don't hate me
for saying this,

but... are you sure
he's worth it?

It shouldn't be this hard.

Neither is choosing
between Ben and Danny,

but Lord knows
that decision baffled you
for 20 years.

I'm just saying maybe it's time
you do what you do best,

only think about yourself.

Do you really think
I should just walk away?

Mrs. Wheeler, I know you thought
you would never find love again

after everything that happened
with your ex-husband,

but you are a vibrant woman
with a lot of mi-- life
left in you.

You shouldn't have to rot away
alongside Brad.

Well, it seems pretty dicey
to trust somebody who'd
make the choice

to cut their hair
like that, but...

(sighs)
you might be right.

Maybe there just
is no happy ending for us.

But it's not too late
for you to have
your happy ending.

-Do you smell smoke?
-No.

Oh, God.
Okay, all right, run.

Run, this is like
Camp Winnataki all over again.

-Go! Go, go, go, go, go.
-(fire alarm ringing)

Amateur.

(grunting)

You're welcome!

Hello, there.

I'm a businessman
from out of town.

-How are you?
-Uninterested.

Really?

Because, working in business
as I do can get very lonely.

The only thing
keeping me company
right now

is my pocket
full of cold hard cash.

(phone vibrates)

Well, maybe
we can be lonely together.

Seems my night
just opened up.

Why's she still talking
to him, what is he saying?

Well, if he's been
paying attention,

hopefully it's about
having sex for money.

So, you think you wanna
have some fun?

And... you know
what I mean by "fun?"

I know.

So are you staying nearby?

Just so we're clear,
you only wanna have sex
with me

because I'm going
to pay you. Right?

Yes. It's 500
for the hour.

Oh, my God.
You are a hooker.

Guys. She is a real hooker!

I can't believe it.

I mean, honestly,
I didn't think so,
but Ben was so sure of it

and Tucker refused
to believe it,

wow.
A real life hooker,
it is so nice to meet you.

Tucker, what the hell
is going on?

Kiki, I am so sorry. Okay,
these idiots are convinced
that you're a hooker,

and I'm just tryin' to prove
to them that you could
never do that.

Why not? It's a business,
just like everything else.

Wait, so you are a hooker?

Yes.
But I wasn't
when I was with you.

I really liked you.
I was hoping that we could have
a real relationship.

Something I don't get
very often.

Bye, Tucker.

Yes.

What did I say?
I told you guys,

but no, nobody believed me.

I was being ridiculous.
Well, who's ridiculous now?
(laughs)

Congratulations, Ben.

You know, just tell me
one thing.

Were you doing this
because you wanted to be
a good friend,

or... just because
you wanted to be right?

Oh, I get it,
you're just tryin'
to make me feel bad.

Oh, crap, now I feel bad.

I burned most of the evidence.
Not my usual breakup gift,

but the conjugal visit trailer
was booked up for weeks.

You sure you're ready
to do this?

I am.

Game face, Bonnie.
Stay strong.

Stay strong.

Brad, we need to talk.

Bonnie, they're gonna
keep me in this cage for years.

Yeah, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

The pain and suffering
is going to be immeasurable.

Well, at least
for one of us.

You have to let me go.

I can't let my choices
affect the woman that I love

more than I ever
loved myself.

Wait. What?

You love me more
than you love yourself?

But you love you so much.

I know.

And that is why
I am setting you free, Bon-Bon.

Well, there you go,
you wanna share a cab?

No. No, I'm not going
anywhere.

You are my husband,
and I love you,
and I will wait for you.

Even if it takes forever.

Because I love you
more than you love you, too.

That's why you're gonna
be the pride of the family...

the bar is low.

Kiki, hey. Thank you
so much for coming.

You know, I feel terrible
about how everything went down

between you and Tucker,
and I have a proposition
for you.

Not for all the money
in the world.

No. No, no, no, no, no,
not me.

Although, that sort
of hurts my feelings.

Listen. I didn't realize
how much Tucker
really liked you.

So, do you think
you would consider
calling him and saying

you were just pretending
to be a hooker

because you knew
what we were up to,

and were just messin' with us?

I don't think
I'm comfortable lying.

Oh, but you're comfortable
with-- Never mind,
never mind.

I'll admit to him
I was wrong,

and then maybe you guys
could go out a couple
more times,

and just break up normally?

I mean,
he never makes it
past three dates anyway.

(laughs)

I guess I would be up
for that.

Really?
That's awesome.

Wow.
Look at that. A hooker
with a heart of gold.

Those don't exist.
It's gonna cost you $500.

Huh.

Cash... best friend.

Cash... best friend.

Ca--
This might take a while.

Well, here we are again.

Bad Dad waking you up
in the middle of the night
for a snack.

Welcome.

Really?

Okay, this is Natalia,
she's a librarian,

she lives in Brooklyn,

originally from Yonkers,

she has a sister named Jody
and a cat named Sprinkle.

-Well, what about--
-I don't wanna hear it.

Well, what about Kiki,
didn't she call you?

No, why would she do that?
I don't even wanna talk to her.

I kind of got
my hands full, man.

Let this
be a life lesson, Emma.

Always get a receipt.