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1
00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:05,657
Pfft.
2
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,643
Isn't there another way, superintendent?
3
00:00:13,838 --> 00:00:16,494
Budget cuts are an ugly
reality, Principal Durbin.
4
00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:18,279
Kind of like that vest you're wearing.
5
00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:21,064
Thi... well, Helen said
I looked adorable.
6
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,501
Oh, he does. He looks
like a little penguin
7
00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,242
that ran away from the zoo,
8
00:00:25,286 --> 00:00:28,130
and then he became
a little principal named Ralph.
9
00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:30,181
Eh. Too late.
10
00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:33,328
I've got another school to
disembowel before first bell.
11
00:00:33,593 --> 00:00:35,165
Time to trim the fat, Durbin.
12
00:00:39,151 --> 00:00:42,379
Helen, we're gonna need fresh fruit.
13
00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:45,570
Fresh fruit there shall be.
14
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:54,619
Oh, hey, Jack. Help
yourself, you deserve it.
15
00:00:54,663 --> 00:00:56,452
You're a good teacher
and a great citizen
16
00:00:56,477 --> 00:00:57,692
with an
even better posture.
17
00:00:57,717 --> 00:00:59,494
You know, I'm gonna
go ahead and say it:
18
00:00:59,537 --> 00:01:01,615
- you're a hot man.
- Mm-hmm.
19
00:01:03,194 --> 00:01:05,674
Okay, why am I sensing
a Trojan Horse situation
20
00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:09,765
where you slip in some bad
news under a mound of honeydew?
21
00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,221
Well, there better not be honeydew.
22
00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:12,729
I paid for premium fruit.
23
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:17,078
Although, now that you mention it,
I do have a small announcement.
24
00:01:17,234 --> 00:01:19,578
There it is. See? Knew it. Called it.
25
00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:22,647
The superintendent
is trying to raise funds
26
00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:24,519
to renovate her new executive building,
27
00:01:24,562 --> 00:01:26,897
so she is proposing some budget cuts.
28
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,393
- These are blood bagels.
- Mm-hmm.
29
00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:31,134
She said, and I quote,
30
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:34,396
"The decadence of public
school must be curbed."
31
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,661
Hey, there's no TP on the second floor,
32
00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:38,517
so that's gonna be a "hold it" zone.
33
00:01:39,275 --> 00:01:43,277
She is proposing cuts
in school supplies,
34
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,758
arts events, and unfortunately,
35
00:01:47,376 --> 00:01:48,630
part-time teachers.
36
00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:51,720
That means you, Jack, 'cause
you only teach one class.
37
00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,417
You guys teach more than one class?
38
00:01:53,726 --> 00:01:54,731
Yeah.
39
00:01:55,036 --> 00:01:56,812
- That sounds exhausting.
- It is.
40
00:01:56,855 --> 00:01:59,554
I fall asleep the minute my
head hits the steering wheel.
41
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,081
Yeah...
42
00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:02,818
Well, Jack, I am going to do everything
43
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:05,864
within my limited power
to help you keep your job.
44
00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:08,171
It'll be like a little ant
45
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,781
trying to push a pumpkin back home.
46
00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:13,481
Durbin, please don't work your
children's book into Jack's firing.
47
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:16,266
Yeah, don't... Wait, am I being fired?
48
00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:31,700
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
49
00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:34,937
I can't believe the
superintendent's canceling
50
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,808
the jazz band's Pops concert.
51
00:02:37,055 --> 00:02:39,594
We were finally gonna
do a jazzy salute to
52
00:02:39,637 --> 00:02:42,510
"The Ladies of the '80s
And Also to The Men of Then."
53
00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:44,425
We can't just let them
cancel our concert.
54
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:45,991
It's all I have.
55
00:02:46,527 --> 00:02:47,689
It's all I have.
56
00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:50,692
Maybe we can make a
"Save our Concert" video
57
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,215
to show at the school board meeting.
58
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:57,339
Yeah, we've gotta fight for
our right to play smooth jazz.
59
00:02:58,347 --> 00:02:59,526
All right, everybody.
60
00:02:59,565 --> 00:03:02,486
Let's shut up, and
shut up to completion.
61
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:03,835
My job's on the line here, guys,
62
00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,489
and I need to figure out how to save it.
63
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:07,639
Why do you care? You hate this place.
64
00:03:07,819 --> 00:03:09,319
It's that hot payroll lady, Lynette.
65
00:03:09,777 --> 00:03:11,800
He doesn't wanna leave
until he gets some of that.
66
00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:15,847
He did get some of that.
67
00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:18,720
We saw them kissing,
full mouth-to-mouth.
68
00:03:20,474 --> 00:03:23,349
Okay, uh, Victor, you've taken
what was a wonderful moment
69
00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:24,980
and made it sound like a pool accident.
70
00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,598
All right, if you guys don't
know how and when to "ooh"
71
00:03:28,622 --> 00:03:29,753
then just don't "ooh" at all.
72
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:32,300
Okay? Now, I need to find
a way to hang onto this cushy
73
00:03:32,325 --> 00:03:34,670
position for another few months
while I finish this book.
74
00:03:34,838 --> 00:03:36,998
Maybe you should have
made yourself more indispensible.
75
00:03:37,377 --> 00:03:39,275
Mm. Anthony, slap Marcus.
76
00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,775
- I don't want to get up.
- Let me guess.
77
00:03:41,867 --> 00:03:43,981
You're gonna do some
sneaky, unethical mission
78
00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,660
to bring down superintendent Bullard.
79
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:49,148
Sarika, you make me feel seen.
80
00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:56,061
Yes, the order is under DeMarcus.
81
00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:59,935
That's D as in "Dexamethasone,"
E as in "eight,"
82
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:04,069
M as in "Mnemonic," A as in "Au Pair,"
83
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,837
R as in "Are we having tacos tonight?"
84
00:04:06,862 --> 00:04:08,142
Hey, hey, you guys, I've got it.
85
00:04:08,298 --> 00:04:10,598
I've got the perfect plan to
take down the superintendent.
86
00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,081
All right? It starts
with you jumping out
87
00:04:12,105 --> 00:04:14,055
in front of her moving car.
You get bashed, right?
88
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,299
And as you're going to
the ground you pull out a razor
89
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,515
from under your tongue, you
slash yourself in the face...
90
00:04:18,539 --> 00:04:19,583
Wait, wait, I'm sorry... wait.
91
00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:22,497
I have a razor blade in my mouth
when I get hit by a car?
92
00:04:22,522 --> 00:04:23,587
Yeah, that's right. So anyway,
93
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,632
as you're bleeding to death
on the ground, you stand up
94
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,976
and you go,"You're
drunk again, Bullard!"
95
00:04:28,140 --> 00:04:29,500
No, I'm not... I'm not doing this.
96
00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:32,315
It sounds like I could
get seriously hurt, and...
97
00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:33,515
between you and me...
98
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:35,753
I cry when I get hurt.
99
00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,407
Oh, pfft. That's perfect.
100
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:38,602
I mean, you're crying, you're bleeding.
101
00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:40,036
Could you also pee-pee your pants?
102
00:04:40,130 --> 00:04:44,247
No, I'm not peeing my pants
for anyone ever again.
103
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,329
We are gonna keep our dignity on this.
104
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,810
At Whitlock High, we take the high road.
105
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,768
Mm, but I feel like
the low road is just...
106
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,117
it's always so much faster.
107
00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:54,076
Well, we're gonna knock her silly
108
00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:56,600
with some Whitlock pride!
109
00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,776
Yup. But what's most
important is we have found
110
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,534
a way for you to keep
your job.
111
00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:03,607
Effective immediately, you are full-time
112
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:08,285
by becoming the assistant
to the principal's secretary.
113
00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:11,615
That's me.
114
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:18,579
Oh, God...
115
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,326
Mm.
116
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,110
Good morning.
117
00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:31,722
After a night of sustained
pillow screaming,
118
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:34,094
I am physically here.
119
00:05:34,672 --> 00:05:39,062
Aloha! Here is your
lanyard, Helen's assistant.
120
00:05:39,235 --> 00:05:40,703
Here we go.
121
00:05:40,711 --> 00:05:41,960
Oh, we're missing a T here.
122
00:05:41,984 --> 00:05:44,735
I think I know how to spell
my own name, you ding-dong.
123
00:05:45,366 --> 00:05:48,788
All right, we're gonna start
off with my filing system.
124
00:05:48,819 --> 00:05:51,307
I file each kid under their best trait.
125
00:05:51,796 --> 00:05:53,396
Like Tommy Orbach, that jokester
126
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,355
is under H for "hilarious."
127
00:05:55,866 --> 00:05:59,924
And David Epstein,
he's under M for married.
128
00:06:00,116 --> 00:06:01,709
Wait, we have a student who's married?
129
00:06:01,866 --> 00:06:03,706
No, his parents were married
when they had him.
130
00:06:03,756 --> 00:06:05,016
Not me, I'm a bastard.
131
00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:06,710
Don't tell anybody.
132
00:06:07,139 --> 00:06:08,150
I tell everybody.
133
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:11,283
Joe Abel is under O
'cause I'm always like,
134
00:06:11,327 --> 00:06:13,851
"Oh, Joe. Get out of here."
135
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:20,284
Honk, honk, honk!
136
00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:22,904
Honk, honk!
137
00:06:23,525 --> 00:06:25,210
I'm sorry, Helen. What is this?
138
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:26,908
- What... what are we doing?
- Oops!
139
00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,231
- I skipped the headline.
- Yeah.
140
00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,855
These are examples
of inappropriate touching
141
00:06:30,886 --> 00:06:33,596
in the workplace. Honk! Honk!
142
00:06:33,729 --> 00:06:37,314
Now this one... honk! It's appropriate.
143
00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:40,085
It's your honker.
But don't try to do this.
144
00:06:40,163 --> 00:06:43,499
Honk, honk, honk, honk,
and work your way down.
145
00:06:43,545 --> 00:06:44,599
You know what I'm talking about.
146
00:06:44,623 --> 00:06:46,424
I don't want to interrupt the workflow.
147
00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:48,379
Oh, no. Please do interrupt, Lynette.
148
00:06:48,456 --> 00:06:49,702
And please never stop interrupting.
149
00:06:49,726 --> 00:06:52,107
Nah, I'll just leave this
start paperwork and
150
00:06:52,132 --> 00:06:54,152
let you get back to honking, Helen.
151
00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:55,763
Don't go. Please don't go.
152
00:06:55,797 --> 00:06:57,782
Hey, you're visually honking her.
153
00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,070
- Stop it.
- I wasn't...
154
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:03,101
Now, I want you to show me
all the honkables on you.
155
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,831
Oh, God.
156
00:07:06,812 --> 00:07:10,703
Well, I... I suppose
this would be a... honk.
157
00:07:11,142 --> 00:07:12,819
- Correct. Next.
158
00:07:14,820 --> 00:07:16,784
Come on.
159
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:17,866
You know.
160
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,228
It's lunch.
161
00:07:25,686 --> 00:07:26,869
Lunchtime!
162
00:07:26,894 --> 00:07:28,565
- Helen, I'm...
- We gals in the office
163
00:07:28,590 --> 00:07:29,907
- like to eat together.
- Mm-hmm.
164
00:07:29,932 --> 00:07:32,539
And I'm gonna tell you all
about how I was wide awake
165
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,902
when I got my hip replacement.
166
00:07:35,042 --> 00:07:37,111
You know, the anesthesiologist
missed a vein,
167
00:07:37,268 --> 00:07:39,078
and I just didn't want
to get him in trouble,
168
00:07:39,103 --> 00:07:41,504
so I laid there and hushed
up, but I heard it all.
169
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:44,289
I heard the scooping,
I heard the hammering
170
00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:47,162
and the sawing
and the Jay Z songs.
171
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:50,219
- Okay, I quit. I can't do it. I quit.
- Oh, thank God,
172
00:07:50,572 --> 00:07:52,816
because you've been around
my honk zone a lot.
173
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,491
Here's your ass lanyard.
174
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,956
So I was thinking for our
"Save the Concert" video,
175
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:02,312
we could be British
orphans begging for jazz.
176
00:08:02,703 --> 00:08:04,757
Oh, that'd be awesome.
177
00:08:05,239 --> 00:08:07,922
"Please, sir,
can I have some jazz?
178
00:08:08,144 --> 00:08:11,105
My ears is ever so empty."
179
00:08:13,354 --> 00:08:16,792
Yeah, or maybe something rad like
180
00:08:17,253 --> 00:08:20,166
Dan pretending to be an
orphan begging for jazz.
181
00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:22,980
Okay, Dan's not in jazz band.
182
00:08:23,171 --> 00:08:25,866
Yeah, and I don't really see
myself as the face of smooth jazz.
183
00:08:26,108 --> 00:08:30,590
- Are you saying it's dorky?
- No, no, j... Well, yeah, but...
184
00:08:30,615 --> 00:08:33,861
but you guys can probably make it cool.
185
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:35,993
- So...
- So that's a no?
186
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:45,612
In medieval Europe, there
was a torture technique
187
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:48,522
called the Judas Cradle which
involved lowering a man
188
00:08:48,576 --> 00:08:51,226
by ropes onto a pyramid-shaped seat
189
00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:53,511
with a sharp point that was...
190
00:08:54,542 --> 00:08:56,394
inserted into his anus.
191
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:59,539
After one morning with Helen,
I found myself yearning
192
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,982
for that sweet, sweet cradle.
193
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:06,863
Anyway, suffice it to say, I quit.
Couldn't take that anymore.
194
00:09:06,902 --> 00:09:08,045
So it looks like the only way
195
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,472
to save my job now is to
take down the superintendant.
196
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,542
We've actually got an
amazing plan cooking
197
00:09:12,567 --> 00:09:14,597
that's gonna save both jazz and your job.
198
00:09:14,781 --> 00:09:17,062
Mm-hmm. Right. My only worry
is that your plan is dumb.
199
00:09:17,805 --> 00:09:19,711
You know, so let me drive.
All right, Grace,
200
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,615
Check her Instagram.
Caleb, check her Carfax.
201
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,983
Anthony, pull up her financials.
202
00:09:24,008 --> 00:09:26,000
Eduardo, give me some of
that weird peanut brittle
203
00:09:26,025 --> 00:09:28,245
your mom makes. I like it.
204
00:09:28,564 --> 00:09:29,569
All right.
205
00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:31,396
Ha ha ha hah. Great.
206
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,371
Give me something good, guys.
What do you got?
207
00:09:33,395 --> 00:09:35,270
Sorry, her financials look good.
208
00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:38,106
- Hmm.
- Yeah, she's clean, Griff.
209
00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:41,723
Well... no one is squeaky clean.
210
00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:44,496
No one.
211
00:09:44,986 --> 00:09:46,586
I just need to dig deeper.
212
00:09:53,076 --> 00:09:54,318
Doesn't he have a dead tooth?
213
00:09:54,362 --> 00:09:55,755
Yeah, but he's using the molars.
214
00:09:55,798 --> 00:09:58,758
Well, well, well.
Fancy meeting you here.
215
00:09:58,801 --> 00:10:01,108
Uh, yeah. I'm just picking
up some food to go.
216
00:10:01,151 --> 00:10:02,805
Well, everyone's got to eat,
217
00:10:02,849 --> 00:10:04,415
even naked Mickey Mouse over here.
218
00:10:05,765 --> 00:10:07,636
Oh, the gloves aren't part of it.
219
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,131
- It's just cold outside so...
- Oh, and now he looks like
220
00:10:10,156 --> 00:10:12,554
notorious bad died Steve Jobs.
221
00:10:12,597 --> 00:10:14,643
Come on turtle neck!
222
00:10:14,687 --> 00:10:16,186
Oh, Michelle, did you
wanna rip on his outfit?
223
00:10:16,210 --> 00:10:17,559
Yeah, did you have something?
224
00:10:17,602 --> 00:10:19,039
- Uh, come back to me.
- Okay.
225
00:10:19,082 --> 00:10:20,344
Yeah, giggle it up, hens.
226
00:10:20,388 --> 00:10:21,539
I'm actually going on a stakeout.
227
00:10:21,563 --> 00:10:23,347
Oooh, who you staking out?
228
00:10:23,391 --> 00:10:25,195
The superintendent. Yeah,
I'm gonna find something
229
00:10:25,219 --> 00:10:27,376
to blackmail her with
so I can save my job.
230
00:10:27,743 --> 00:10:29,702
Shouldn't you be bringing
a table onstage
231
00:10:29,745 --> 00:10:31,704
- in "Hello Dolly,"?
- Ah, there it is.
232
00:10:31,747 --> 00:10:33,706
Like a stagehand!
233
00:10:34,332 --> 00:10:35,730
Jack, don't you think that blackmail
234
00:10:35,754 --> 00:10:37,797
- is a little bit extreme?
- You know, actually,
235
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,688
you should be thanking me,
Mary, because first to go
236
00:10:39,712 --> 00:10:42,199
is part-time teachers but, uh,
you know what comes next?
237
00:10:42,497 --> 00:10:44,064
Art. And then, Michelle,
238
00:10:44,107 --> 00:10:46,153
Health isn't far behind.
239
00:10:46,196 --> 00:10:47,632
Mm-hmm.
240
00:10:50,244 --> 00:10:51,375
- Hey.
- No.
241
00:10:51,419 --> 00:10:52,768
- Yeah.
- No.
242
00:10:52,812 --> 00:10:54,161
No, no, no. Absolutely not.
243
00:10:54,204 --> 00:10:56,511
This is so fun!
244
00:10:56,554 --> 00:10:58,165
It's like a sleepover in a car.
245
00:10:58,208 --> 00:11:00,575
Oh, my God. Hope I don't
freeze your bra, Jack.
246
00:11:05,858 --> 00:11:07,677
Last time I was on a
stakeout, I was waiting
247
00:11:07,702 --> 00:11:08,984
for a Taco Bell to open.
248
00:11:09,477 --> 00:11:13,110
Did you know that they close
sometimes? I guess to mop?
249
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,149
Ladies, will you just focus?
250
00:11:15,187 --> 00:11:16,553
All right, somebody's
coming to the door.
251
00:11:16,577 --> 00:11:18,304
Look, look, look. Who is that?
252
00:11:18,837 --> 00:11:20,012
Okay...
253
00:11:22,762 --> 00:11:25,848
Ah, that's the basket of Whitlock
stuff from Helen and Durbin.
254
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,596
- Damn!
- Ooh.
255
00:11:30,621 --> 00:11:32,623
Wow, she didn't even keep the basket.
256
00:11:32,710 --> 00:11:34,150
Who doesn't need a basket, you know?
257
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,934
- I don't know.
- Like, you know, you can
258
00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:38,134
put socks in there or I
don't... all kinds of stuff
259
00:11:38,159 --> 00:11:40,869
can go in a basket.
I mean, friggin'... socks or...
260
00:11:40,954 --> 00:11:43,581
Look, I shouldn't have to explain
to you guys what goes in baskets.
261
00:11:43,606 --> 00:11:44,698
Why are you laughing?
262
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,337
We don't keep our
socks in baskets, Jack.
263
00:11:47,430 --> 00:11:48,915
- Come on, now.
- Everyone just be quiet.
264
00:11:48,939 --> 00:11:50,898
- Put our socks in there?
- Who's this guy?
265
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:53,844
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
266
00:11:54,308 --> 00:11:55,868
- Hey! Fresh-step.
- What are you doing?
267
00:11:55,892 --> 00:11:57,188
Over here! Order for Mary?
268
00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,150
- Yeah, yeah, come on.
- You're gonna blow our cover!
269
00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:02,871
- What is this?
- Thank you. Ahh.
270
00:12:03,229 --> 00:12:05,100
Uh, tip?
271
00:12:05,161 --> 00:12:06,221
I'll do it in the app.
272
00:12:08,062 --> 00:12:09,203
Boo!
273
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,741
Are you really that hungry
that you couldn't wait?
274
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:16,263
Oh, Jack, this pizza is not for eating.
275
00:12:20,976 --> 00:12:24,153
- Three, two, one.
- Pizza slap!
276
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:29,370
Dang, Michelle, that
was an aggressive slap.
277
00:12:29,395 --> 00:12:31,310
Don't hate the player, hate the game!
278
00:12:31,355 --> 00:12:32,918
I do hate the game. It's a stupid game.
279
00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:35,113
Wh... you can't say that.
You haven't even played yet.
280
00:12:35,364 --> 00:12:36,895
Three, two, one. Pizza slap!
281
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,444
I'm not play...
282
00:12:40,698 --> 00:12:42,215
Really? Really?
283
00:12:42,446 --> 00:12:44,165
So I'm over here trying to save my job,
284
00:12:44,291 --> 00:12:46,487
and you just got pizza all over
my dead mom's turtleneck.
285
00:12:46,511 --> 00:12:48,206
This is too far, too far. We're done.
286
00:12:48,231 --> 00:12:49,261
Give me these pizzas.
287
00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:51,770
Whoa!
288
00:12:52,048 --> 00:12:54,659
- Double slap!
- He took it to a new level!
289
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,547
Took it to a new level.
290
00:12:56,798 --> 00:12:58,985
It's cathartic. It really is cathartic.
291
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,852
Oh, my God, you guys, we got the best
292
00:13:00,877 --> 00:13:02,791
pizza slap pictures. Look
at this one of Michelle.
293
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:04,773
Oh, my God. Wait...
294
00:13:08,106 --> 00:13:09,571
What's that in the background?
295
00:13:10,764 --> 00:13:13,279
Looks like superintendent
Bullard kissing her husband.
296
00:13:13,304 --> 00:13:15,262
Excuse me, that's not her husband.
297
00:13:15,484 --> 00:13:17,077
Her husband is super short.
298
00:13:17,369 --> 00:13:19,806
Oh, my God, really? A cheating photo?
299
00:13:20,907 --> 00:13:22,251
We got her.
300
00:13:22,411 --> 00:13:24,500
We got her! Oh, sweet low road,
301
00:13:24,606 --> 00:13:26,450
- take us home.
- Yeah!
302
00:13:51,537 --> 00:13:53,285
Happy birthday!
303
00:13:53,431 --> 00:13:55,326
So what do you think?
304
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:57,182
Be totally honest.
305
00:13:57,213 --> 00:13:58,319
Dorky?
306
00:13:58,344 --> 00:14:00,070
Why does it say happy
birthday at the end?
307
00:14:00,125 --> 00:14:01,885
Yeah, and who's the
creepy guy with the cake?
308
00:14:01,944 --> 00:14:04,512
- Yeah.
- Oh, that's my dad. He's cool.
309
00:14:04,573 --> 00:14:07,141
It's, like, a bug in
the editing software.
310
00:14:07,168 --> 00:14:09,431
It's from a birthday
message I made for him.
311
00:14:09,522 --> 00:14:11,306
Couldn't figure out how to delete it.
312
00:14:11,413 --> 00:14:13,272
I told you that was gonna be a problem.
313
00:14:13,317 --> 00:14:15,841
I really don't think anyone
watching it is gonna be like,
314
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:19,543
"Why is there a shot of this
old man's birthday at the end?"
315
00:14:19,977 --> 00:14:21,848
Vic, everyone's gonna wonder that.
316
00:14:22,002 --> 00:14:23,046
Yeah.
317
00:14:23,641 --> 00:14:26,633
What if I had an idea
for a better video?
318
00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:29,329
- Hey, Double Decker.
- Hm?
319
00:14:29,364 --> 00:14:30,559
What if I told you that I had
320
00:14:30,584 --> 00:14:34,457
a surefire way to make Pops cool?
321
00:14:34,678 --> 00:14:36,857
Wait, is that a vintage Orange Slice?
322
00:14:37,005 --> 00:14:40,748
Uh, yeah. Cost me 30
beans just to open it.
323
00:14:41,199 --> 00:14:42,809
There's two more where this came from.
324
00:14:42,868 --> 00:14:44,120
- It's beautiful.
- Uh-uh-uh.
325
00:14:44,587 --> 00:14:47,441
You wanna get twisted,
you've gotta save jazz.
326
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:51,765
Ahh.
327
00:14:54,041 --> 00:14:56,149
That is superintendant
Bullard kissing a man
328
00:14:56,174 --> 00:14:57,697
who is not her husband.
329
00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,242
Looks like we saved the school, Ralph.
330
00:14:59,370 --> 00:15:00,414
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
331
00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:02,981
Much more effective than you
sending her a sock basket
332
00:15:03,006 --> 00:15:04,366
filled with a bunch of other crud.
333
00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:07,893
Okay, well, I am still very optimistic
that that plan is going to work.
334
00:15:08,182 --> 00:15:10,752
Oh, you mean this gift basket
335
00:15:10,807 --> 00:15:12,541
that we saw her throw in the trash?
336
00:15:13,109 --> 00:15:14,137
Now, listen.
337
00:15:14,162 --> 00:15:17,006
I am giving a very moving speech
338
00:15:17,031 --> 00:15:18,461
in front of the school board
that I think is gonna
339
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,487
do the trick, and I'm sorry, gang,
340
00:15:20,512 --> 00:15:21,792
but I gotta delete these photos.
341
00:15:22,974 --> 00:15:24,302
No! No! No, no, no!
342
00:15:24,327 --> 00:15:26,285
- Ralph!
- Oh!
343
00:15:26,372 --> 00:15:28,436
All right, well, at least
we still have the hard copies.
344
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:29,580
- Nope.
- What are you doing?
345
00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:31,888
- Trust me, Jack.
- No, no, no... no!
346
00:15:31,913 --> 00:15:33,038
- Hey!
- Ralph!
347
00:15:33,174 --> 00:15:36,284
Durby is gonna save
the day... the right way.
348
00:15:36,445 --> 00:15:37,576
Ahh.
349
00:15:39,315 --> 00:15:42,231
And that is yet another
of the many reasons
350
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:46,272
why we cannot afford to
lose any of our educators,
351
00:15:46,297 --> 00:15:48,734
teachers like... Jack Griffin.
352
00:15:48,953 --> 00:15:51,896
Now, Jack Griffin
is a part-time teacher,
353
00:15:51,921 --> 00:15:54,726
but he's a full-time genius.
354
00:15:54,757 --> 00:15:59,273
Every one of his students
is currently testing at 100%.
355
00:15:59,304 --> 00:16:01,642
Now, moving on...
and this one's a biggie...
356
00:16:02,825 --> 00:16:04,044
paper towels.
357
00:16:04,122 --> 00:16:10,036
Please, please do not make us go back
to that rotating linen thing.
358
00:16:10,239 --> 00:16:11,367
And by the way, here's something
you don't think about.
359
00:16:11,391 --> 00:16:14,231
A kid with a runny nose
uses that linen thing.
360
00:16:14,269 --> 00:16:16,503
What does he do? He loops it back up
361
00:16:16,581 --> 00:16:18,229
inside the container, and if you have
362
00:16:18,254 --> 00:16:21,229
three separate teenagers
using one of those things
363
00:16:21,254 --> 00:16:25,643
within 20 minutes, that is
teenaged hormone-soaked mucus
364
00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:27,407
being rolled back up into the darkness
365
00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:31,096
to mutate and strengthen,
and that, my friends,
366
00:16:31,121 --> 00:16:33,254
that is the beginning
of "World War Z."
367
00:16:33,456 --> 00:16:35,456
Hey, when Durbin wraps up,
368
00:16:35,481 --> 00:16:38,160
I need you guys to go up there
and fill as long as you can.
369
00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,519
- Okay.
- All right.
370
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,901
Now, we're in Toledo,
and this is a great city,
371
00:16:41,925 --> 00:16:43,582
but we're not gonna last.
372
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,769
- Oh, hey, Mr. Griffin.
- Oh, hey, kids.
373
00:16:53,910 --> 00:16:56,727
- Lynette.
- Jack. Finally put a stop to Helen?
374
00:16:56,752 --> 00:16:58,985
Ha! Like this would be enough.
375
00:17:03,675 --> 00:17:04,798
Here we go.
376
00:17:05,026 --> 00:17:06,081
Yes, baby.
377
00:17:06,948 --> 00:17:08,604
Back away from the confidential trash.
378
00:17:09,166 --> 00:17:10,244
Dale, I've got an axe.
379
00:17:10,859 --> 00:17:12,819
- Yeah. Let me unlock that for ya.
- Yeah.
380
00:17:14,561 --> 00:17:15,604
All right.
381
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,460
- Yep.
- Got it?
382
00:17:18,514 --> 00:17:19,634
- There it is.
- Here you go.
383
00:17:20,514 --> 00:17:22,356
- Working on something fun?
- Yeah, uh, well,
384
00:17:22,381 --> 00:17:24,006
just gotta piece this together.
385
00:17:24,053 --> 00:17:27,012
Wanna grab me some
glue stick there, bud?
386
00:17:27,342 --> 00:17:28,840
- Dale.
- What?
387
00:17:28,865 --> 00:17:30,333
- Now!
- Ohh...
388
00:17:31,747 --> 00:17:33,418
You know, without money in the budget
389
00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:35,786
for extra clay, there would be no...
390
00:17:36,864 --> 00:17:39,489
gift ashtrays for, uh...
391
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,645
that awkward uncle who
would yell when you were 12,
392
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:45,271
"Uh-oh, looks like someone's
ready for a training-bra."
393
00:17:45,342 --> 00:17:49,692
Yeah. I mean, extra clay
is the glue, if you will,
394
00:17:49,717 --> 00:17:51,875
that holds together Christmas, you know,
395
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:54,332
and Hanukah and Kwanza.
396
00:17:54,357 --> 00:17:56,864
Which brings us to glue, you know,
397
00:17:56,889 --> 00:17:58,684
which is literally the glue, you know,
398
00:17:58,709 --> 00:17:59,890
that holds itself together...
399
00:18:01,303 --> 00:18:03,186
We demand you watch our video!
400
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:04,809
- Okay.
- Oh.
401
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:05,882
Yeah.
402
00:18:12,231 --> 00:18:14,691
Hey, pretty lady. So I wanna talk to you
403
00:18:14,716 --> 00:18:16,527
about something very
close to my heart...
404
00:18:16,552 --> 00:18:18,097
this year's Pops concert:
405
00:18:18,122 --> 00:18:20,691
"A Jazzy Salute
to the Ladies of the '80s
406
00:18:20,716 --> 00:18:23,559
and also to the Men of Then."
407
00:18:24,051 --> 00:18:27,262
Oh! Okay. An Orange Slice.
408
00:18:27,355 --> 00:18:29,449
That's that sweet,
tangy pop right there.
409
00:18:29,957 --> 00:18:31,668
- Thanks, doll.
- You got it, stud.
410
00:18:31,809 --> 00:18:33,033
Let me lay this on you.
411
00:18:33,611 --> 00:18:36,463
Just like this sweet,
tasty, delicious pop,
412
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,650
Pops concerts are essential
413
00:18:38,908 --> 00:18:41,666
because they keep you
refreshed and smilin'.
414
00:18:42,057 --> 00:18:43,978
They're cool and not dorky at all.
415
00:18:44,032 --> 00:18:45,872
- Ain't that right, Mama?
- You know it, Daddy.
416
00:18:49,156 --> 00:18:50,157
Hit it, suckers.
417
00:19:16,006 --> 00:19:17,524
Happy birthday!
418
00:19:17,549 --> 00:19:18,935
- Victor!
- What the hell, dude!
419
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,154
Can't figure out how
to get that outta there.
420
00:19:22,607 --> 00:19:26,107
I'd like to call for a ten-minute
recess before we vote.
421
00:19:32,413 --> 00:19:34,245
Superintendant Bullard.
Hey, 'scuse me. Hi.
422
00:19:35,992 --> 00:19:37,812
I'd like you to shelve
your budget proposal.
423
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:39,508
Look at this.
424
00:19:40,499 --> 00:19:43,209
So white people finally
found out about Pizza Slap?
425
00:19:44,376 --> 00:19:46,008
Uh, no, look in the window there.
426
00:19:47,594 --> 00:19:49,040
Uh-huh.
427
00:19:50,079 --> 00:19:51,423
Find another way to fund your building,
428
00:19:51,447 --> 00:19:53,351
and your husband
will never see this photo
429
00:19:53,376 --> 00:19:55,196
of you kissing another man.
430
00:20:00,355 --> 00:20:04,754
I heard you, Principal Durbin
and your thoughtful words,
431
00:20:04,779 --> 00:20:07,152
teachers of Whitlock and your...
432
00:20:07,512 --> 00:20:09,856
strange presentation about clay,
433
00:20:10,254 --> 00:20:12,825
students of Whitlock
and your interesting...
434
00:20:13,208 --> 00:20:14,239
soda commercial.
435
00:20:14,677 --> 00:20:18,848
I have decided to rescind
my budget initiative.
436
00:20:20,622 --> 00:20:23,013
- Yes!
- Oh, yes!
437
00:20:23,239 --> 00:20:24,239
Oh, yes!
438
00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:36,981
- Boss, we did it!
- We saved the concert and your job.
439
00:20:37,082 --> 00:20:38,482
You're welcome, girl.
440
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:40,919
Yep. Good job, guys.
441
00:20:41,527 --> 00:20:42,740
- You were amazing.
- You're amazing.
442
00:20:42,764 --> 00:20:45,355
- You're amazing.
- You were amazing!
443
00:20:45,380 --> 00:20:48,409
And Jack, while you were
in the bathroom with an axe,
444
00:20:48,730 --> 00:20:49,880
we saved your job.
445
00:20:50,942 --> 00:20:52,004
Mm-hmm.
446
00:20:52,066 --> 00:20:53,739
- Ooh!
- You're welcome.
447
00:20:53,764 --> 00:20:55,307
You're welcome.
448
00:20:56,012 --> 00:20:57,279
We got everything we wanted.
449
00:20:57,304 --> 00:20:59,903
You see what happens
when you take the high road?
450
00:21:00,129 --> 00:21:01,395
Ah! Yeah!
451
00:21:01,755 --> 00:21:03,333
You did it, Durby, you did it.
452
00:21:03,358 --> 00:21:04,558
- Okay, yeah.
- Thank you, buddy.
453
00:21:04,582 --> 00:21:07,886
- Durby saved the day, huh?
- He did! I gotta get a little sugar.
454
00:21:07,911 --> 00:21:09,009
- Honk!
- Okay.
455
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:11,175
- Honk!
- Oh. All right.
456
00:21:11,276 --> 00:21:12,447
All set, all set.
457
00:21:14,986 --> 00:21:16,206
Ah...
458
00:21:16,503 --> 00:21:17,515
What strange...
459
00:21:18,229 --> 00:21:20,039
Happy birthday!
460
00:21:20,115 --> 00:21:25,115
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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