Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,827
♪
2
00:00:01,852 --> 00:00:03,852
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
3
00:00:04,028 --> 00:00:05,561
Hellooo.
4
00:00:05,663 --> 00:00:07,930
Who wants to meet Armani?
5
00:00:08,032 --> 00:00:09,445
Aww, he's cute.
6
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:11,566
Oh, you already had the baby.
7
00:00:13,517 --> 00:00:15,431
This is your Aunt Darlene.
8
00:00:16,204 --> 00:00:17,452
Don't you want to pet him?
9
00:00:17,521 --> 00:00:19,354
- I can't. I'm allergic.
- Oh, no, you're not allergic.
10
00:00:19,423 --> 00:00:21,778
Mom just said that 'cause she
didn't want a dog in the house.
11
00:00:23,073 --> 00:00:24,360
I could've had a dog?
12
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,593
Yeah, you could've had seafood, too.
13
00:00:25,662 --> 00:00:26,727
It's just expensive.
14
00:00:27,931 --> 00:00:29,073
Damn it!
15
00:00:29,265 --> 00:00:30,398
I love dogs!
16
00:00:32,285 --> 00:00:34,018
So, a dog. Why?
17
00:00:34,087 --> 00:00:37,755
Because today I'm going to
Andrea's fancy fertility doctor,
18
00:00:37,824 --> 00:00:39,023
and he's gonna give us a calendar
19
00:00:39,125 --> 00:00:40,925
for my embryo transfer,
20
00:00:41,263 --> 00:00:42,596
and then I'm gonna have a baby,
21
00:00:42,665 --> 00:00:44,798
and then I'm gonna get $50,000,
22
00:00:44,834 --> 00:00:46,300
and then I'm gonna get a house with a yard,
23
00:00:46,369 --> 00:00:48,068
and since I'm getting a yard,
24
00:00:48,336 --> 00:00:51,904
I can finally get a dog
like I always dreamed of.
25
00:00:53,230 --> 00:00:54,229
Oh, okay.
26
00:00:54,297 --> 00:00:55,964
So you did the last part first.
27
00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:57,365
Well, you've inspired me.
28
00:00:57,467 --> 00:00:58,867
I'm gonna go dive into a swimming pool
29
00:00:58,969 --> 00:01:00,217
and then fill it with water.
30
00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:03,905
You are so damn negative!
31
00:01:04,009 --> 00:01:05,125
It serves you right
32
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:06,783
that while I'm in my nice, new house
33
00:01:06,851 --> 00:01:08,484
with my nice, new dog,
34
00:01:08,586 --> 00:01:11,020
you'll be living here in
this Mongolian cockfight
35
00:01:11,122 --> 00:01:12,775
that's our childhood home.
36
00:01:15,062 --> 00:01:16,995
Anyway, want to be my Lamaze coach?
37
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,360
Oh, yeah, Lamaze classes...
38
00:01:19,429 --> 00:01:21,413
I'd go to those just for
the movie they show you.
39
00:01:22,508 --> 00:01:23,773
It's like "Carrie",
40
00:01:23,798 --> 00:01:25,531
but after the bucket of blood,
they hit her with a baby.
41
00:01:25,556 --> 00:01:26,822
[DOOR CLOSES]
42
00:01:28,852 --> 00:01:31,386
[WHIMPERING]
43
00:01:31,455 --> 00:01:34,156
No, I am not giving any more money
44
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,924
to your organization.
45
00:01:37,394 --> 00:01:39,261
And stop with those sad commercials.
46
00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:41,563
I cannot enjoy my snacks!
47
00:01:43,534 --> 00:01:44,766
Mom got caught eating candy
48
00:01:44,835 --> 00:01:47,135
out of the bulk bins
at the grocery store...
49
00:01:47,736 --> 00:01:48,802
not a good time.
50
00:01:48,827 --> 00:01:49,838
[CHUCKLES]
51
00:01:50,354 --> 00:01:52,287
This is my new dog, Armani.
52
00:01:52,322 --> 00:01:54,623
We were just leaving to
go to Andrea's doctor.
53
00:01:54,691 --> 00:01:55,757
What are you telling me for?
54
00:01:55,859 --> 00:01:57,820
You know how I feel about this.
55
00:01:58,296 --> 00:01:59,328
I'm a little nervous.
56
00:01:59,397 --> 00:02:01,499
I was hoping you might wish me luck.
57
00:02:01,699 --> 00:02:02,930
You're gonna need it.
58
00:02:03,434 --> 00:02:06,368
Conner babies have huge heads.
59
00:02:08,893 --> 00:02:11,393
You had an uncle who never even got out.
60
00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:16,104
His legs just eventually grew long enough
61
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,400
to touch the ground.
62
00:02:18,871 --> 00:02:19,803
Will you stop it?
63
00:02:19,904 --> 00:02:21,604
You're not gonna scare me out of this.
64
00:02:21,673 --> 00:02:23,406
Well, you're too damn bone-headed
65
00:02:23,474 --> 00:02:24,950
to listen to reason.
66
00:02:25,376 --> 00:02:27,777
What if this is the one baby you can have?
67
00:02:27,846 --> 00:02:29,779
You've just not thinking this through.
68
00:02:30,082 --> 00:02:33,031
I don't want a baby. I have a dog.
69
00:02:33,708 --> 00:02:34,739
You know what?
70
00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:36,369
I'm not coming over here again.
71
00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:38,684
Can you believe that?
72
00:02:39,415 --> 00:02:41,090
And she was the smart one.
73
00:02:43,113 --> 00:02:44,212
You know what?
74
00:02:44,237 --> 00:02:45,682
Even as an adult, I can't hear that enough.
75
00:02:47,621 --> 00:02:53,681
♪
76
00:02:57,564 --> 00:03:00,465
♪
77
00:03:07,474 --> 00:03:15,474
♪
78
00:03:20,420 --> 00:03:23,421
[DAN AND ROSEANNE LAUGHING]
79
00:03:23,773 --> 00:03:26,540
"Roseanne" was taped in front
of a live studio audience.
80
00:03:26,931 --> 00:03:27,948
Okay, we're almost done
81
00:03:27,973 --> 00:03:29,339
with the medical-history sections.
82
00:03:29,441 --> 00:03:30,941
So, next question is...
83
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:34,652
Hep-C, Hep-B,
HIV, STDs?
84
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:36,549
No, no, no, and...
85
00:03:36,574 --> 00:03:37,897
[KNOCKS ON WOOD] ...not anymore.
86
00:03:39,543 --> 00:03:41,209
Uh, terminated pregnancies?
87
00:03:41,234 --> 00:03:42,197
Zero.
88
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,421
Oh, come on!
89
00:03:43,446 --> 00:03:45,081
Aunt Jackie!
90
00:03:45,649 --> 00:03:47,215
I just know that you were "popular,"
91
00:03:47,317 --> 00:03:48,983
like I was, so I assumed...
92
00:03:50,220 --> 00:03:51,391
Okay.
93
00:03:51,621 --> 00:03:53,488
[BREATHING HEAVILY] Hey, ladies!
94
00:03:53,590 --> 00:03:55,590
Sorry, I was at the hormone specialist.
95
00:03:55,615 --> 00:03:56,768
He says I'm gonna have no problem
96
00:03:56,793 --> 00:03:58,259
producing my own breast milk.
97
00:03:58,361 --> 00:04:00,028
I have very porous nipples.
98
00:04:01,398 --> 00:04:02,497
Lucky!
99
00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:05,433
So, before we go in,
100
00:04:05,535 --> 00:04:07,135
I have a small gift for you.
101
00:04:07,237 --> 00:04:08,403
It's just a little "thank you"
102
00:04:08,505 --> 00:04:10,038
for the gift that you're giving me.
103
00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:11,233
Aww.
104
00:04:13,677 --> 00:04:15,843
It's a bedazzled egg.
105
00:04:18,181 --> 00:04:19,514
That's not just an egg.
106
00:04:19,616 --> 00:04:21,182
That is really expensive.
107
00:04:21,284 --> 00:04:23,117
That's a "Fuh-berj" egg.
108
00:04:25,155 --> 00:04:26,788
It's... uh, it's Fabergé.
109
00:04:27,841 --> 00:04:29,238
And what'd I say?
110
00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:31,980
Thank you.
111
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,371
Becky Conner-Healy?
112
00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:34,589
Here we go, team!
113
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,707
Here we go! Alright.
114
00:04:37,817 --> 00:04:40,651
Let's get in there and
put the "us" in "uterus".
115
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,880
♪
116
00:04:43,175 --> 00:04:44,774
I don't hear the
pitter-patter of little feet.
117
00:04:44,877 --> 00:04:46,510
Where are the loud, small things?
118
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,012
Oh, it's really funny.
119
00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:50,080
One of the mothers
120
00:04:50,149 --> 00:04:51,882
mentioned an indoor water park in passing
121
00:04:51,984 --> 00:04:53,450
and so I shoved Mark into her van
122
00:04:53,552 --> 00:04:54,918
as they were rolling away.
123
00:04:56,177 --> 00:04:57,376
What about Harris?
124
00:04:57,738 --> 00:04:58,803
I know where one of them is.
125
00:04:58,905 --> 00:05:00,138
Why don't you give me a break?
126
00:05:02,142 --> 00:05:04,142
Hey. Where are you going?
127
00:05:04,244 --> 00:05:05,410
You know what? Just because I live here
128
00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:06,544
does not mean you have the right
129
00:05:06,613 --> 00:05:08,313
to ask what I'm doing or where I'm going.
130
00:05:08,382 --> 00:05:10,448
I'll go wherever I want
and do whatever I want.
131
00:05:10,484 --> 00:05:11,850
Okay.
132
00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:13,920
But seriously, where are you going?
133
00:05:15,223 --> 00:05:16,222
Alright, fine.
134
00:05:16,291 --> 00:05:18,224
I got a job interview
at Build-A-Bear.
135
00:05:20,377 --> 00:05:22,544
I-I guess it's between me
and some high-school kid.
136
00:05:22,569 --> 00:05:23,768
Fingers crossed.
137
00:05:25,973 --> 00:05:26,938
[DOOR CLOSES]
138
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,340
[WHISPERING] Hey, Dan.
139
00:05:28,408 --> 00:05:30,516
Did you know you can go on the Internet
140
00:05:30,541 --> 00:05:33,809
and get anybody's address
and also their phone number?
141
00:05:35,330 --> 00:05:36,663
No, but I know if you're looking for work,
142
00:05:36,732 --> 00:05:39,099
don't click on FantasyPositions.com.
143
00:05:40,803 --> 00:05:42,144
There's people working, alright,
144
00:05:42,169 --> 00:05:43,568
but it ain't a job site.
145
00:05:45,633 --> 00:05:47,534
Whom are you stalking, my pet?
146
00:05:48,003 --> 00:05:49,689
That Andrea person.
147
00:05:50,491 --> 00:05:52,457
She's not getting a Conner baby.
148
00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:54,459
What are you gonna do?
149
00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:57,303
I'm gonna go tell her
that Becky is 43 years old.
150
00:05:57,385 --> 00:05:59,452
And once Andrea finds out that she lied,
151
00:05:59,554 --> 00:06:01,191
that'll shut the whole thing down.
152
00:06:01,216 --> 00:06:02,295
No, you're not.
153
00:06:02,891 --> 00:06:04,390
Look...[SIGHS]
154
00:06:04,492 --> 00:06:05,959
...neither of us wants this to happen,
155
00:06:06,027 --> 00:06:08,261
but she's a grown woman
and she's made it clear...
156
00:06:08,330 --> 00:06:09,529
We don't have anything to give her,
157
00:06:09,631 --> 00:06:11,564
so we shouldn't be standing in her way.
158
00:06:11,975 --> 00:06:14,042
Oh, so what? Now you're on her side?
159
00:06:14,110 --> 00:06:15,743
Did you see the look in her eyes
160
00:06:15,812 --> 00:06:17,045
when she thought she had the money
161
00:06:17,113 --> 00:06:18,675
for some kind of future?
162
00:06:19,308 --> 00:06:22,242
We got no right to tell
her she can't take $50,000.
163
00:06:22,311 --> 00:06:24,678
I'm not gonna tell her.
164
00:06:24,746 --> 00:06:27,614
That's why I'm going to see Andrea.
165
00:06:29,413 --> 00:06:30,884
No, you're not!
166
00:06:31,217 --> 00:06:32,783
You're gonna stop interfering with Becky,
167
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:34,318
and you're gonna do it now!
168
00:06:41,813 --> 00:06:43,146
Okay.
169
00:06:45,319 --> 00:06:46,388
[CHAIR SLIDES]
170
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:54,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
171
00:07:04,126 --> 00:07:05,926
What do you want for lunch?
172
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,360
Something that was prepared, cooked,
173
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,585
and sealed at another location.
174
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:12,798
I don't care, honey.
175
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,433
Something quick you can microwave.
176
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:15,875
I can do that.
177
00:07:22,437 --> 00:07:23,426
Ding!
178
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,645
♪
179
00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:28,396
Okay.
180
00:07:28,795 --> 00:07:30,257
Usually, the next step
181
00:07:30,257 --> 00:07:32,190
is to start monitoring your cycle
182
00:07:32,259 --> 00:07:34,692
to see when you need to
take the hormone shots
183
00:07:34,761 --> 00:07:36,961
so we can move toward fertilization...
184
00:07:37,063 --> 00:07:38,096
I can't wait.
185
00:07:38,198 --> 00:07:39,564
...but here's what I found...
186
00:07:39,799 --> 00:07:41,499
Her eggs aren't acting their age.
187
00:07:41,910 --> 00:07:44,669
Not acting their age in a good way, like...
188
00:07:44,771 --> 00:07:46,204
like Cher?
189
00:07:48,365 --> 00:07:50,241
The eggs are poor quality.
190
00:07:50,694 --> 00:07:51,826
You may be 33,
191
00:07:51,895 --> 00:07:54,700
but you have the eggs
of a much older woman.
192
00:07:55,332 --> 00:07:56,698
What does that mean?
193
00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:58,479
I can still have a baby, right?
194
00:07:58,805 --> 00:08:00,271
Even with interventions,
195
00:08:00,373 --> 00:08:03,241
I'd say you have less than a 5% chance
196
00:08:03,343 --> 00:08:04,488
of ever getting pregnant.
197
00:08:05,772 --> 00:08:07,571
I know you've both been
looking forward to this.
198
00:08:07,673 --> 00:08:08,853
I'm sorry.
199
00:08:09,509 --> 00:08:10,851
I'll give you all a minute.
200
00:08:12,578 --> 00:08:14,384
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
201
00:08:18,714 --> 00:08:21,127
Look, Becky, I really appreciate
everything you've done.
202
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:22,194
It's just...
203
00:08:22,194 --> 00:08:23,758
- I'm not getting any younger.
- Sure.
204
00:08:26,432 --> 00:08:28,899
Well, I guess there's really
nothing else left to say.
205
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:29,967
Yeah.
206
00:08:33,773 --> 00:08:35,572
I think we're just gonna
sit here for a moment,
207
00:08:35,675 --> 00:08:37,003
kind of take all this in.
208
00:08:37,028 --> 00:08:38,027
Mm.
209
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:39,431
I understand. Please.
210
00:08:43,549 --> 00:08:44,715
I guess we just walk away
211
00:08:44,817 --> 00:08:46,350
with the things we brought
into the relationship.
212
00:08:46,452 --> 00:08:48,319
But there's also things
we've given each other
213
00:08:48,421 --> 00:08:50,054
that remain with us forever.
214
00:08:51,457 --> 00:08:52,489
Okay, look, I feel terrible,
215
00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:53,824
but I really have to have the egg back.
216
00:08:53,926 --> 00:08:55,059
It's too soon. She'll send it to you.
217
00:08:55,161 --> 00:08:57,261
No, here. It doesn't matter anyway.
218
00:08:57,363 --> 00:08:58,629
Ahhhhhh.
219
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:01,231
[SIGHS]
220
00:09:01,470 --> 00:09:03,032
Good luck with everything, Becky.
221
00:09:03,135 --> 00:09:04,796
Yeah, yeah, you too.
222
00:09:05,304 --> 00:09:06,546
Oh, Becky.
223
00:09:07,139 --> 00:09:09,173
- I am so sorry.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
224
00:09:09,275 --> 00:09:10,457
You alright?
225
00:09:10,876 --> 00:09:12,183
I don't know.
226
00:09:13,179 --> 00:09:14,578
I think I need a minute.
227
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,647
Yes. Take all the time you need.
228
00:09:19,452 --> 00:09:21,418
♪
229
00:09:24,077 --> 00:09:27,162
Okay, um, you're gonna be mad at me.
230
00:09:27,547 --> 00:09:29,998
I took Becky to the fertility doctor today.
231
00:09:30,023 --> 00:09:32,390
But it's okay. She's not
going through with it anymore.
232
00:09:32,415 --> 00:09:33,347
Really?
233
00:09:33,450 --> 00:09:35,083
Thank God. How'd you talk her out of it?
234
00:09:35,151 --> 00:09:37,285
I didn't. The doctor said the
odds of her getting pregnant
235
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,386
are slim to none.
236
00:09:38,455 --> 00:09:40,888
Fantastic. How'd you get him to say that?
237
00:09:40,957 --> 00:09:42,258
No.
238
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:44,609
Roseanne, it's for real.
239
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:46,670
Her eggs are too old.
240
00:09:47,633 --> 00:09:49,566
So you mean she can never have a baby?
241
00:09:49,591 --> 00:09:50,616
Ah, damn.
242
00:09:50,736 --> 00:09:52,035
- [DOOR OPENS]
- BECKY: Hello?
243
00:09:52,104 --> 00:09:53,870
I'm only here to pick up my laundry.
244
00:09:53,939 --> 00:09:56,200
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Let her tell you, Roseanne, okay?
245
00:09:59,357 --> 00:10:00,451
Hey, Becky.
246
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,501
Jackie told us everything.
247
00:10:05,401 --> 00:10:06,448
Aunt Jackie!
248
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,106
Roseanne!
249
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:09,440
We are not discussing this.
250
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:10,842
You don't know what I'm gonna say.
251
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,310
BECKY: Yes, I do.
252
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,071
You're gonna tell me how
happy you are about this.
253
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,515
I'm happy that you're
not giving a baby away,
254
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:19,317
if that's what you mean,
but that's not what I...
255
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,152
And then you're gonna
tell me how wrong I was
256
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,024
and how I lied and it blew up in my face.
257
00:10:24,049 --> 00:10:25,990
I'm getting punished enough, Mother.
258
00:10:26,443 --> 00:10:27,609
I'm not getting the house,
259
00:10:27,678 --> 00:10:30,011
so I have to take Armani
back to the rescue.
260
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,546
God knows what's gonna happen to him.
261
00:10:31,615 --> 00:10:32,847
- Can you just let me talk?
- And you're just...
262
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:34,738
No! I know what you're gonna say.
263
00:10:34,789 --> 00:10:36,723
"Becky made another stupid decision.
264
00:10:36,791 --> 00:10:38,558
Mom was right. Mom's always right".
265
00:10:38,660 --> 00:10:39,948
Becky, let your mom talk.
266
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,939
No. She said plenty.
267
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:43,307
Now you're getting all riled up
268
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:44,709
and you're not even listening.
269
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:47,011
Well, now you know how I
feel about you all the time.
270
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,546
I've learned in most fights,
271
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:49,886
people just aren't clear enough...
272
00:10:49,911 --> 00:10:52,610
You are a selfish, old woman!
273
00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:54,117
Okay, good. That's...
274
00:10:56,412 --> 00:10:58,863
You don't know what it
was like sitting there,
275
00:10:59,616 --> 00:11:00,948
hearing what they said.
276
00:11:01,017 --> 00:11:02,432
[VOICE BREAKING] You weren't there.
277
00:11:03,119 --> 00:11:04,385
You don't care about me.
278
00:11:04,487 --> 00:11:05,887
I do care!
279
00:11:06,128 --> 00:11:07,728
That's why I wanted you to keep that baby
280
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:10,931
so you could experience all
the joys of motherhood
281
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,466
that I'm feeling right now.
282
00:11:13,569 --> 00:11:15,469
And we still have stuff to talk about.
283
00:11:15,571 --> 00:11:17,905
Oh, look, you're finally
wrong about something.
284
00:11:18,007 --> 00:11:19,139
Becky!
285
00:11:20,384 --> 00:11:21,535
Damn it!
286
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:23,193
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- She'll come around, Roseanne.
287
00:11:23,261 --> 00:11:24,627
It's been a bad day.
288
00:11:24,730 --> 00:11:25,995
[SOFTLY] Yeah.
289
00:11:26,098 --> 00:11:27,728
And I made it worse.
290
00:11:28,467 --> 00:11:31,134
I need you to go back to that rescue place
291
00:11:31,159 --> 00:11:33,531
and get Becky's dog back.
292
00:11:34,017 --> 00:11:35,216
It's the least I can do.
293
00:11:35,286 --> 00:11:36,552
Why can't you go?
294
00:11:36,621 --> 00:11:38,618
I have an Uber run!
295
00:11:40,224 --> 00:11:42,491
She can't keep it at her apartment.
296
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:46,062
I know. That's why you need
to keep it at your place
297
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,130
so she can take it later.
298
00:11:48,232 --> 00:11:49,865
I'm getting a dog?!
299
00:11:51,202 --> 00:11:55,204
♪
300
00:11:55,827 --> 00:11:56,793
Hey.
301
00:11:56,818 --> 00:11:58,451
Hey, Jackie, look what I found.
302
00:11:58,553 --> 00:12:00,666
It's a leash for Armani.
303
00:12:00,922 --> 00:12:01,987
DJ used to use it
304
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,423
when he took his blanket out for a walk.
305
00:12:06,825 --> 00:12:10,193
They'd rather put Armani
down than let me love him.
306
00:12:10,295 --> 00:12:12,262
They said that I wasn't fit to rescue him.
307
00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:14,631
What? Why would they say that?
308
00:12:14,909 --> 00:12:16,409
You're the perfect match.
309
00:12:16,477 --> 00:12:19,111
You have no one to love
and no one to love you.
310
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:20,414
Right?
311
00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:22,014
And then they said I was too old
312
00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:23,549
and I should get a senior dog
313
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,418
so he wouldn't have to
go through the trauma
314
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,186
of grieving my death.
315
00:12:28,189 --> 00:12:29,288
[SIGHS]
316
00:12:30,568 --> 00:12:31,858
Are they still open?
317
00:12:32,194 --> 00:12:33,219
Yeah.
318
00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:34,426
Let's go.
319
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:38,197
[SIGHS] I just got a text from Becky.
320
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:39,298
Where is she?
321
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,543
She's at work. She told me what happened.
322
00:12:41,598 --> 00:12:43,965
And according to the text,
she's "wasted as duck."
323
00:12:47,143 --> 00:12:49,136
I'm gonna head over there.
Where are you guys going?
324
00:12:49,239 --> 00:12:51,139
To that stupid rescue place.
325
00:12:51,241 --> 00:12:52,741
We're getting Becky's dog back.
326
00:12:52,843 --> 00:12:53,942
I was gonna keep him for Becky,
327
00:12:54,044 --> 00:12:55,577
and they rejected me.
328
00:12:56,847 --> 00:12:59,014
Why? You'd be perfect. You're so lonely.
329
00:12:59,116 --> 00:13:01,216
You got so much free time on your hands.
330
00:13:01,318 --> 00:13:02,450
Your house is empty.
331
00:13:02,552 --> 00:13:04,019
Sometimes you don't talk
to people for days...
332
00:13:04,121 --> 00:13:06,184
Don't bother, Darlene!
333
00:13:06,657 --> 00:13:08,690
I already comforted her.
334
00:13:12,351 --> 00:13:14,897
Hey, girl. Mind if I sit
down and catch up to you?
335
00:13:14,922 --> 00:13:18,924
Mm. Emilio, a margarita
and three shots of Cuervo.
336
00:13:20,461 --> 00:13:22,944
Oh, good. I was worried I
didn't have plans tomorrow,
337
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,002
and now I know I'll be projectile vomiting.
338
00:13:26,086 --> 00:13:28,419
Well, I'll be working here tomorrow
339
00:13:28,488 --> 00:13:29,787
and the rest of my life,
340
00:13:30,118 --> 00:13:33,086
listening to white people
order "fah-jee-tas".
341
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,157
Let me give you some advice
342
00:13:38,226 --> 00:13:40,193
from a 40-year-old
woman with two kids
343
00:13:40,261 --> 00:13:41,561
who still lives at her parents' house,
344
00:13:41,629 --> 00:13:42,729
that was just told this afternoon
345
00:13:42,797 --> 00:13:44,397
she's not
"Build-A-Bear" material.
346
00:13:45,611 --> 00:13:46,643
I have a better idea.
347
00:13:46,745 --> 00:13:48,111
Put one of these in your mouth.
348
00:13:51,216 --> 00:13:52,569
Goodbye, Wednesday.
349
00:13:53,351 --> 00:13:54,459
[SHOT GLASSES CLINK]
350
00:13:57,723 --> 00:14:00,490
Ugh. The Conner sisters are failing!
351
00:14:02,446 --> 00:14:04,046
How did we get here?
352
00:14:04,148 --> 00:14:05,214
How about this?
353
00:14:05,443 --> 00:14:06,709
You tell me what's wrong with me
354
00:14:06,777 --> 00:14:08,521
and I'll tell you what's wrong with you.
355
00:14:09,213 --> 00:14:11,058
That's a terrible idea.
356
00:14:11,515 --> 00:14:12,748
Okay, my turn.
357
00:14:14,231 --> 00:14:17,365
You still act like you're in your 20s.
358
00:14:17,434 --> 00:14:19,234
You go out and get "lit".
359
00:14:19,303 --> 00:14:23,143
You've shopped at Forever 21
for at least two 21s.
360
00:14:24,212 --> 00:14:26,079
Oh, and you take bathroom selfies.
361
00:14:26,181 --> 00:14:27,581
Ooh! Let's take one.
362
00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:30,450
I can put whiskers on you
and make you look like a cat.
363
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,219
Ready...
364
00:14:34,590 --> 00:14:36,690
Now your drink looks like a cat.
365
00:14:36,758 --> 00:14:39,793
Aww, it's a Meow-garita.
366
00:14:42,201 --> 00:14:43,797
Holy crap, we're different.
367
00:14:43,899 --> 00:14:45,632
♪
368
00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:48,568
Hello? You're still open, right?
369
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:50,403
[SIGHS]
370
00:14:50,938 --> 00:14:53,243
Excuse me, ma'am.
371
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:56,355
I don't know what your problem is,
372
00:14:56,457 --> 00:14:59,591
but this woman would be a
damn good owner for that dog.
373
00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:01,993
And it's not fair that
you just took it away.
374
00:15:02,096 --> 00:15:03,095
Like I said earlier,
375
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:05,497
we have rules to protect the dog.
376
00:15:05,836 --> 00:15:07,069
What if your sister dies?
377
00:15:07,094 --> 00:15:09,101
I'll be sad, but I'll move on.
378
00:15:10,757 --> 00:15:12,189
We have nothing else to talk about here.
379
00:15:12,292 --> 00:15:13,257
Come on!
380
00:15:13,359 --> 00:15:15,526
This woman wants a dog,
381
00:15:15,628 --> 00:15:17,295
and that dog needs a home.
382
00:15:17,363 --> 00:15:19,784
How hard is that for you to figure out?
383
00:15:20,516 --> 00:15:22,282
I'm sorry, but there are restrictions
384
00:15:22,384 --> 00:15:23,650
on who can get a dog.
385
00:15:23,752 --> 00:15:26,620
[SCOFFS] Let's just go, Roseanne.
386
00:15:27,066 --> 00:15:27,998
Fine.
387
00:15:30,169 --> 00:15:31,702
- Wait.
- [SIGHS]
388
00:15:33,606 --> 00:15:36,462
Can you just let this sad, old biddy...
389
00:15:37,843 --> 00:15:40,373
...say goodbye one last time
390
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,746
to the only thing that's
shown her affection
391
00:15:42,848 --> 00:15:44,181
in a decade?
392
00:15:45,593 --> 00:15:46,992
Only if you promise you'll leave.
393
00:15:47,061 --> 00:15:48,194
We'll leave.
394
00:15:48,262 --> 00:15:50,062
We're going to a real pet store,
395
00:15:50,131 --> 00:15:51,197
where you can buy a dog
396
00:15:51,299 --> 00:15:52,932
and do whatever you want with it!
397
00:15:54,936 --> 00:15:56,093
Okay, you have one minute.
398
00:15:56,118 --> 00:15:57,484
Oh, there you are, baby boy!
399
00:15:57,811 --> 00:16:00,211
Oh, there you are, baby!
400
00:16:00,314 --> 00:16:01,340
Ooh!
401
00:16:01,735 --> 00:16:02,801
Go, Jackie.
402
00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:05,881
What?
403
00:16:05,906 --> 00:16:07,247
[WITH CLENCHED TEETH] We're taking the dog.
404
00:16:07,272 --> 00:16:08,295
Go!
405
00:16:09,042 --> 00:16:10,942
Hey, hey, hey! Do... Do not take that dog.
406
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,510
I will call the police.
407
00:16:12,803 --> 00:16:15,103
Do you have any idea who you're talking to?
408
00:16:15,205 --> 00:16:17,339
That is Officer Jacqueline Harris
409
00:16:17,408 --> 00:16:19,408
of the Lanford PD.
410
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,935
So go ahead and call the cops
411
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,003
and tell them their sister in blue
412
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:28,429
is saving a puppy!
413
00:16:28,531 --> 00:16:29,697
Run, Jackie!
414
00:16:31,734 --> 00:16:34,402
♪
415
00:16:34,504 --> 00:16:37,705
Alright, so how else
did I screw up my life?
416
00:16:37,807 --> 00:16:39,006
Bring it.
417
00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:40,051
Alright, hold on.
418
00:16:40,076 --> 00:16:41,509
There's a lot here to pick from.
419
00:16:41,611 --> 00:16:43,611
I feel if I start with
you "dating your teachers",
420
00:16:43,679 --> 00:16:46,440
I'm giving short shrift
to the tube-top years.
421
00:16:47,729 --> 00:16:49,495
Although I do believe
the two are connected.
422
00:16:51,332 --> 00:16:53,599
My life wasn't supposed
to turn out like this.
423
00:16:54,736 --> 00:16:56,269
Mark and I were gonna have kids.
424
00:16:57,272 --> 00:16:58,237
What?
425
00:16:58,339 --> 00:17:01,675
Yeah. We were trying. Like all the time.
426
00:17:02,110 --> 00:17:04,510
Oh, wow, Becky. I didn't know that.
427
00:17:04,907 --> 00:17:07,184
I just assumed you never wanted kids
428
00:17:07,209 --> 00:17:08,368
'cause you never had any.
429
00:17:08,393 --> 00:17:10,744
No, I just never met anyone after
430
00:17:10,846 --> 00:17:12,212
who I wanted to have them with.
431
00:17:13,149 --> 00:17:14,114
You never meet anybody,
432
00:17:14,216 --> 00:17:15,983
or you never try to meet anybody?
433
00:17:16,051 --> 00:17:18,485
No, I just never met anybody as good.
434
00:17:18,587 --> 00:17:20,320
I have high standards.
435
00:17:23,185 --> 00:17:24,151
Really?
436
00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:25,185
How many people that work here
437
00:17:25,287 --> 00:17:26,920
have you had a one-night stand with?
438
00:17:26,989 --> 00:17:28,856
Geez, you sound like my manager.
439
00:17:31,393 --> 00:17:32,993
So what if I have a little fun?
440
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,161
I'm young.
441
00:17:34,263 --> 00:17:35,229
Mm.
442
00:17:37,085 --> 00:17:39,202
You're like a young old person.
443
00:17:39,635 --> 00:17:41,101
Or like an old young person.
444
00:17:41,203 --> 00:17:43,716
You know, you're kind of...
Kind of stuck in the middle.
445
00:17:44,986 --> 00:17:46,786
I-I don't know if you can see yourself
446
00:17:46,855 --> 00:17:49,022
frozen in the same place since Mark died,
447
00:17:49,124 --> 00:17:50,456
but everybody else can.
448
00:17:52,028 --> 00:17:53,159
You know, Becky...
449
00:17:55,166 --> 00:17:57,080
it's not betraying Mark to move on.
450
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:58,682
[CELLPHONE DINGS]
451
00:17:59,103 --> 00:18:01,403
Oh, the Uber is here.
452
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:02,746
Should I cancel it?
453
00:18:02,796 --> 00:18:04,963
No, [SIGHS] I should stop.
454
00:18:08,735 --> 00:18:11,369
ROSEANNE: Hey, your driver's here.
455
00:18:12,839 --> 00:18:15,674
You don't look like Allen in a Chevy Sonic.
456
00:18:16,439 --> 00:18:18,540
I know. He called me.
457
00:18:18,813 --> 00:18:19,812
We have a deal...
458
00:18:19,914 --> 00:18:21,780
He doesn't pick up my kids,
459
00:18:21,882 --> 00:18:24,973
and I don't pick up his
"drunk whore of a wife".
460
00:18:25,219 --> 00:18:27,249
His words, not mine.
461
00:18:27,655 --> 00:18:29,140
I need to sit.
462
00:18:31,646 --> 00:18:32,891
Give your mom a chance.
463
00:18:34,104 --> 00:18:35,403
Darlene, let's go pick out a song.
464
00:18:35,472 --> 00:18:37,405
We haven't danced in like forever.
465
00:18:37,474 --> 00:18:38,740
That's because it's creepy.
466
00:18:40,810 --> 00:18:43,177
I'm trying to give your mother
and your sister some space.
467
00:18:43,279 --> 00:18:44,645
[WITH CLENCHED TEETH] Just do it.
468
00:18:50,150 --> 00:18:51,249
Well, I have a couple of things
469
00:18:51,351 --> 00:18:53,517
- I want to say...
- Mom, I can't right now.
470
00:18:55,355 --> 00:18:59,110
Sometimes, I'm a selfish, old woman.
471
00:18:59,135 --> 00:19:00,205
Okay, I can.
472
00:19:01,924 --> 00:19:03,924
I get real stubborn about what I want
473
00:19:04,026 --> 00:19:07,061
and I forget that there are other people,
474
00:19:07,163 --> 00:19:09,581
and apparently they want stuff, too.
475
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:11,332
But the point is,
476
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,345
I-I should've gone to the doctor with you.
477
00:19:15,171 --> 00:19:16,768
I should've been there for you.
478
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:22,142
[VOICE BREAKING] Thanks, but it
wouldn't have changed anything.
479
00:19:23,415 --> 00:19:25,112
I can't have kids.
480
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:27,994
You said you didn't want kids.
481
00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:30,416
I thought I had more time.
482
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:35,912
Well, maybe the doctor's wrong.
483
00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:38,415
I had a kid in my 40s.
484
00:19:39,488 --> 00:19:41,822
It usually happens when you least expect it
485
00:19:41,923 --> 00:19:44,173
and when you're least prepared for it.
486
00:19:45,294 --> 00:19:47,527
That happened to me every single time.
487
00:19:50,121 --> 00:19:52,867
Well, one of you I wanted.
488
00:19:53,550 --> 00:19:54,585
Which one?
489
00:19:55,886 --> 00:19:56,985
You.
490
00:19:58,555 --> 00:20:00,655
Oh, I've got something I want to show you.
491
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:01,921
Look at this.
492
00:20:02,023 --> 00:20:05,491
It's your, uh, crazy Aunt Jackie
493
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,148
sharing a Popsicle with your dog.
494
00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:10,530
Oh, it's Armani!
495
00:20:10,632 --> 00:20:13,333
She's gonna keep him for
you 'til you can take him.
496
00:20:13,435 --> 00:20:15,268
They look so happy.
497
00:20:15,337 --> 00:20:16,970
Yeah, well, it's all good now
498
00:20:17,072 --> 00:20:20,206
'til Jackie starts asking
him where this is all headed.
499
00:20:21,998 --> 00:20:23,343
[SNIFFLES] You want a drink, Mom?
500
00:20:23,445 --> 00:20:24,777
Oh, I shouldn't.
501
00:20:25,914 --> 00:20:26,946
Okay.
502
00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,354
Ahh.
503
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:32,885
Ooh!
504
00:20:32,988 --> 00:20:34,687
[SMACKS LIPS] You're driving!
505
00:20:36,214 --> 00:20:38,984
[LOUDLY] Alright, I'll give
it a shot, but don't tell Mom!
506
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:46,664
How's the dog training going?
507
00:20:46,689 --> 00:20:48,022
No, we don't call it "training".
508
00:20:48,068 --> 00:20:50,129
We call it "behavior sculpting".
509
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:51,425
Watch.
510
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:52,705
Armani, sit.
511
00:20:53,296 --> 00:20:54,662
Good boy!
512
00:20:54,764 --> 00:20:57,431
See? I've taught him to
be an independent thinker,
513
00:20:57,456 --> 00:20:59,526
not just do what people tell him to do.
514
00:21:00,270 --> 00:21:02,264
So he... he's really not trained at all.
515
00:21:02,572 --> 00:21:03,815
Armani...
516
00:21:04,340 --> 00:21:05,840
do you want to lie down,
517
00:21:05,942 --> 00:21:07,842
or do you have other things to do?
518
00:21:10,246 --> 00:21:12,046
See? He's his own dog.
519
00:21:13,850 --> 00:21:15,182
Tell me to stay and watch some more.
520
00:21:15,285 --> 00:21:16,484
Stay and watch some more.
521
00:21:16,586 --> 00:21:17,652
[PANTING]
522
00:21:18,788 --> 00:21:20,045
Good job, Dan!
522
00:21:21,305 --> 00:21:27,832
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
35890
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.