All language subtitles for kevin.can.wait.s02e20.HDTV.x264-SVA[N1C]

There they are. How'd the job go?

Well, we were in a cold warehouse

guarding fitness equipment.

- How do you think it went?
- Ah.

There were no chairs, so
we had to sit on buckets.

And mine broke.

- Told you to double it up.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fellas, I was just making small talk.

I don't really care.

Where's, uh...

Where's Vanessa?

She's at FedEx.

Oh, by the way,

she has a birthday
coming up this Saturday.

Oh, boy, I almost forgot.

You did forget.

That's why I put some ideas together.

All right, check this out.

A cop comes in, right?

Everyone looks around,
confused, scared.

And then, boom!

Out of the blue,

“Officer Goodbody”
tears off his uniform,

and he starts to dance,

making his butt cheeks go like this.

What else you got?

Uh, ice-cream cake and a
two-liter bottle of soda.

Done!

Uh, you know you gotta do
more than that, right?

Don't you remember when
we were on the force...

Vanessa made a huge deal
about her birthday?

Yeah. It's like, “I get it, all right?

You were born. Let it go.”

Maybe we should plan a party...

Deck the whole place out,

you know, make it special.

Or we go with Rootger's idea...

Ice-cream cake and a bottle of
soda, and I'm gonna say this...

I don't even think we need to the
bottle of soda, to be honest.

- Hey! Hey!
- Hey! Hey!

Hi, guys.

Well, somebody's got a
birthday coming up.

What are you gonna be?

Turning the old 47... 41? 41?

- You're 41.
- Yes.

But we're just gonna treat
it like any other day.

Okay, you don't want a
party or a little gift...

A little something-something?

Nope. You're off the hook.

It's a trap, dawg.

Oh, I get what you're doing here.

Okay, it's one of those things where

you're saying you don't want a party,

but, actually, deep down inside,

you kind of do. You get that, boys?

So, we're... we're “not”
planning a party for Vanessa.

Listen to me now.

I don't want anything, okay?

I just want to forget
that it's my birthday

and move on with my life.

Don't read into that.

That's it, okay? You got it?

This is a trick, right?
You want a party.

No!

What just happened here?

Okay, a “My Little Pony” ice-cream cake

has just been ordered.

Rootger, she just said
she didn't want a party.

Oh, I'll cancel it, then.

Yeah, I-I wouldn't do that

because it's probably
a lot of red tape.

You have to go through the thing.

Actually, it's just one click.

I know, but it's probably on the way,

and that wouldn't be nice to...

No, it hasn't left yet.

- But I'm sure we paid for it, so...
- Nope.

Okay, why... why are you making me

go through this, Rootger?

I want the cake.

H-How do you spell “boom-shaka-laka”?

Oh, just like it sounds.

I have no idea. That's
not even a real word!

Why?

It's for Vanessa's card.
Hey, check it out.

“Think you won't have a great birthday?

You're off your rock-ah.

'Cause it's time to party
like boom-shaka-laka.”

It's great, right?

No.

Please tell me that's
not all you got her.

No, no, I got her...
I got her this too.

A gift card to Chili's.

Yep.

That Chale gave you for Christmas.

Yeah, it's called “re-gifting”"

Everybody's doing it now.

Mr. Gable, you took us
to dinner with that.

- We ate.
- Yeah.

There's still $37.50 on it, okay?

And that goes a long way
at Chili's, all right?

Dad, no!

Vanessa is your business partner.

And more importantly, she's
a really good friend.

You have to do better.

Believe me, I tried
to throw her a party.

She almost bit my head off.

Ahh, maybe she's a little bit sensitive

about getting older.

Ooh. I didn't think of that.

You know what it is? I always
take this for granted...

How I keep it all up to code.

Okay, anyway, no matter how much

Vanessa says she doesn't want a party,

trust me, she does.

True.

Women will often use subtext

as a way of expressing their feelings.

The key is to learn

how to tune into their frequency.

My dial, for example,

is always set to radio station K-endra.

Where it's love all the time.

Time to change the station, guy.

But you know what? You're right.

I gotta do something.

I gotta figure it...

My God, let's do a surprise party.

I'll throw one for her at Monkey Fist.

Oh, yeah.

We could just decorate it to the hilt.

Yeah! Ooh, and we can
have and we can have...

Shamana! No, no, you're
not doing anything.

Okay, this is my baby, all right?

I'll plan everything.

Dad, no. Are you sure?

'Cause, you know, you always say

details aren't really your thing.

Why don't you just make a list,

and Chale and I can knock it off?

I got it all covered.

Okay, well, do you
have the phone numbers

for everyone she'd like to invite?

Except for that.

Oh, boy. Uh, you know what?

I'll just... I'll just grab her phone.

I'll take 'em from there.

Even easier... I set up the
servers at Monkey Fist.

I can hack into her
account in a twinkling.

Uh, what? No.

That is such an invasion of privacy.
You can't do that.

It is. It really is, yeah.

Uh, no. You're right, you're right.
Sorry.

I just... I lost my moral
compass for a second.

What is wrong with you?

I... I'll think of something else.

- Yeah, okay.
- Sorry.

Sorry about that, sweetheart.

You're a... Start hacking.

- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.

Hey, Mr. Gable.

What's going on with the shirt?

Oh, all my stuff's in the laundry.

I just borrowed one of Kendra's.

Okay, well, I'm gonna
need a different shirt

or some acid for my eyes.

Sorry, I'll... I'll just
go and put on a dirty one.

Yeah.

Whoa.

All right, Vanessa's party.

Um, here's what I'm thinking food-wise.

- Oh, okay.
- All right.

- Cheese pizza.
- Uh-huh.

Crackers and cheese.

Yep.

Mozzarella balls.

And cheesecake for dessert.

Okay, do you see a pattern here?

Indeed. Do you?

Everything has cheese in it.

Yeah, it's called a theme.

No, it's called stuff you like.

That's the theme.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I, uh... I got to talk to
Vanessa about something.

What's the mood today?

Not great.

I said “Good morning,”
and she said, “Is it?”

And then she went in there

and started typing...
Like, uh, angry typing.

Probably the birthday thing.

Well, she's a woman of a certain age.

Her body is starting to deteriorate.

You know, it's... it's hard
to hide that with lipstick.

She tries, though.

You didn't say that before you
said “Good morning,” did you?

In my head, I said it.

Okay, good, 'cause I'm
throwing her a surprise party

on Saturday,

and I... I gotta convince her

to go to dinner with me, you
know, as a... as a cover.

Oof. What if she doesn't go for it?

She has to... I got a
massive deposit down

and decorations and all that stuff.

I got a cake coming with
her fat face on it.

It's gonna be a fun time, though.

Gonna be a lot of fun.

Okay, but I would wait if I were you.

Like I say, she's not
very happy right now.

Oh, please. I can handle it.

Hey, how's it going?

Good. Busy.

Cool, cool.

Very cool.

So, I was thinking,

uh, Saturday, maybe we
hit the new steak place

that opened up on 110.

Apparently, they got a ribeye
the size of your head.

Ha ha. No.

Saturday is my birthday, and I told you

I don't want to do anything.

What? It's just dinner.

Look, you gotta eat.

If not the steaks, how
about, uh, Chinese?

We'll go to Chin Wa's.

They got dumplings the
size of your fist.

Okay, the answer is no.

Okay? I'm sleeping all day.

My friend works at a pet clinic,

and she's getting me one of those pills

they give to nervous puppies.

Mama gonna go down nice and smooth.

Look, I know what's going on here.

Birthdays... look, they get
less fun as you get older.

- They just do.
- Huh.

But we can't pretend
like they don't happen.

Mm, well, that's what
I've been trying to do,

but you won't shut up.

Look, my birthday just reminds me

of all the stuff that I
didn't do in my life.

No house. No kids.

I've always wanted to go to Hawaii.

Walk over hot coals.

Sing a duet with Prince.

It's probably for the best.

I mean, those coals, they're crazy hot.

And the Prince thing... Well, you know.

Hey, the point is, I am turning 47,

and I'm just...

not where I thought I
would be in my life.

I just don't see many
reasons to celebrate.

What?

You think you're the only one

who hasn't done things that they w...

That they wanted to do?

I mean, I...

I got a crazy list. But
you know what I do?

I push forward, and that's
what I need you to do.

Okay, so what's on your bucket list?

It's kind of private.

What? I just told you my stuff.
Tell me yours.

Fine. I always wanted
to see an eagle...

You know, in real life.

An eagle.

How about that?

Well, it can't be that
hard to see a bird.

What else you got?

I always wanted to go
to Statue of Liberty.

What?

The Statue of Liberty...
The lady in the harbor.

I know the lady in the harbor!

I know who you're talking about.

I'm saying you live on Long Island!

It's right there!

I've seen it a bunch of times,

mostly from that karate
studio in Brooklyn.

Remember I was taking lessons
there for the longest time?

Man, when I quit, I
quit out of nowhere,

and I was getting in wicked-good shape.

I was almost able to do like
a split between two chairs.

Like Van Damme.

You ever see Van Damme in the movies

where he does the splits
as he get down low?

Oh, these splits... that's
another thing on my list.

Okay, well, that's not gonna happen.

You can barely pick up a
pencil off the floor.

Okay.

What do you want? I
got a bad back, okay?

But for the rest of me, I'm
like a boneless chicken.

- I'm very supple. Very supple.
- Okay.

You know what I want? To be
out of this conversation.

So if going to dinner with
you will shut you up, great!

Let's do dinner Saturday.

Fine. I love it. All right.

Uh, y-you want to do, uh, head steaks

or the, uh, fist dumplings?

Doesn't matter, hun.

Pick one.

Fist dumplings.

Nope, not even close. Head steaks.

You know what?

Forget dinner.

I'm gonna throw myself a party.

What's that, now?

Yeah, I mean, you were right.

What am I thinking about?

I mean, my life is pretty great.

And I should throw
myself a birthday bash.

I never said “great.”

I mean, you're... you're bumping along,

doing fine.

No! Come on, like, I've never done it.

Like, you know, I'm gonna
invite all my friends,

rent out a space.

I'll get a signature drink
a “Cellucci Sunrise”"

I love that! Oh, my God.

And then I'll get a limo...

Uh, you know, I-I think
it's a bad idea.

First of all, limos are very dangerous

'cause... You know why?

The mechanics who work on
'em, they don't own 'em,

so they don't... they don't care.

Oh, shut up. Well, this
is gonna be great.

I'm gonna start planning it.

You know what? Thank you, Kevin.

You're right.

That went straight in the crapper.

Let me see if I got this right...

Vanessa's on her way, and
she's gonna invite us

to a beach party, but
we're supposed to say no?

Yeah. I already called
all her contacts.

They're doing the same
thing, all right?

They're all coming to my surprise party

that I'm throwing at Monkey Fist.

But the one at the beach sounds better.

Okay.

There is no party at the beach, Mott.

I'm squashing it, all right?
Mine's gonna be awesome.

Besides, I got Rootger deejaying.

You're a deejay?

Yeah. Here, I'm Rootger.

But in Holland, I'm MC Root...

The man who makes the party...

a wicked-good time.

Wouldn't it just be easier

to let Vanessa plan her own party?

Then you'd be off the hook.

No. I put in a lot of
work for this, all right?

I-I bought all the food.

I got the decorations and stuff.

I did all this stuff out of
the kindness of my heart.

I'm getting credit for it.
That's what I'm doing.

I need you guys to just come
up with an excuse, all right?

That's all I'm asking.

Oh, I'm not good at lying.

I start sweating like crazy.

Okay, you sweat like crazy anyway.

You're gonna be fine.
She's not gonna know.

You know, Vanessa tried calling
me three times today, and...

Man, just to see her
face on that screen

and me having to ignore the call...
tough.

You have a picture of
her on your phone?

Yeah, I took a quick shot of her

when she dozed off on Thanksgiving.

All right, here she comes.

- Hey! Hey!
- Hey! Hey!

How's it going? All right?

Left your phone at the office.

- Oh, thank you. Hey...
- You're welcome.

How's the party planning going?

Oh, my... Awful.

What?!

Yes, everybody I invited can't come.

That is so disappointing.

I-I mean, I gotta tell you,

we'll... we'll be there, right, boys?

Um, actually, I can't make it.

Didi and I have a wedding to attend.

- Whaaat?
- I know.

I, uh... I can't go, either.

Oh, God, it's so hot in here.

Rootger, what about you?

I'm so sorry. I can't.

I have to go back to the doctor.

That thing on my toe came back.

What?

You guys are unbelievable.

Yeah, really!

I mean, it's like, every
time you need me,

I'm there.

Every time.

And then,

when it's my birthday, my party...

- Yeah.
- Everybody's busy.

Exactly. You sicken me.

You sicken-a me to the
height of sickenness.

Just unbelievable.

Don't even worry about them.
I'll be there.

Yeah, not cool, guys.

I'll be there for you, too, Vanessa.

- Yeah.
- No, no.

Thank you, but forg...

I'm just gonna cancel the party.

We'll just go back to the
dinner thing, all right?

I-I guess that's probably best now.

All right, I'll see you guys later.

- All right.
- All right.

Geez.

All right, good job, boys.

You made us look like idiots.

Not cool, guy.

What, are you sure you
want to do this to her?

Once we all yell “Surprise,”

all the pain goes away, all right?

It's exactly like I did with my kids.

I'd make them think I
forgot their birthday.

And then once they saw the balloons

and the prizes and
stuff, all good times.

Except that one time I did
actually forget Jack's.

And that was tough.

Technically, he never turned eight.

Never turned eight.

Hey. Here you go, buddy.

Take that for me. How
it's going, Rootger?

You know the routine? You got it down?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Vanessa comes in.

House lights go up. Then
we all yell “Surprise”"

I hit the music, and then
I hit the light show.

Okay.

Light show?

Oh!

Ha-ha! Light show, baby!

Whoo! All right, all right, all
right, all right, all right.

Turn it off, Deejay Lite-Brite.

Ah, way to suck out the fun.

Come on! Hi, Dad.

Uh, so, guests are gonna
start arriving any minute.

Maybe you should go pick up Vanessa.

No, it's... it's okay. I
got Kyle getting her.

I wanted to make sure
everything was in order

- over here.
- Wait, what?

No, I thought you were
taking her to dinner

and then bringing her here yourself.

It's okay. I told Kyle to tell
her that my car broke down.

Oh, crafty lie, Mr. Gable.

Using your brother as a
little misdirection.

Mm, exactly.

No, Dad.

What if she gets really upset,

and she's gonna think
that you ditched her,

and then, if she just goes home,

this entire thing is ruined.

Okay, relax, all right?

The guy's messed up a lot,

but even Kyle can handle this.

So, first, nobody wanted
to come to my party,

and now your brother... the
only friend I have left...

Stands me up.

You know, I think I'm just...

I'm just gonna go home.

- I'm gonna just go.
- No, no.

No, he... h-he'll be here.

- Okay...
- Trust me.

He's over an hour late.

Obviously, it's not
that important to him.

It is. It is.

It isn't! I mean, it really...

It just stings when you realize,

like, you really are
alone in the world.

Yeah, I know. I know.

I-I feel the same way.

All the time.

See, Kyle, you do get it.

All right, well, then here's to life

sucking a bowl of lemons.

Ah, salud! Salud.

Mm.

You know, I always thought
I was better than you,

and... the truth is, I'm...
I'm really not.

But... But you are better than me.
A little bit.

A little bit, but not a ton.

Not a ton that I thought.

But you are here celebrating
my birthday with me,

so thank you.

You're welcome.

You know, if you...
If you turn your head

slightly towards the light

and the light hits you just right...

And it has to hit you just right...

you're actually kind of cute.

What's, uh...

W-What's... What's going on here?

Is that Kevin?

I don't know who that is.

Look, I don't... I don't
know where this is going,

but if we do kiss, full transparency,

I have a wicked nose whistle.

Kiss? We're not gonna kiss.

And it's not because of a nose whistle.

Is it my bulgy eyes? 'Cause
I'll have them fixed.

No! Stop it! It's not your eyes.

Well, what is it, then?

I-I want to get back to that moment.

Tell me. I'll do anything.

Kyle, it wasn't anything.

- What are you doing?
- Oh, not now, guy.

We're in the middle of something
here, huh? Take a lap.

No, we are not in the
middle of anything!

Ugh! Unbelievable.

Look, uh, come on. We... We got to go.

The alarm went off at Money Fist,

and I want to make sure everything's...

- Oh, really? Okay.
- Okay. Yes.

You and Rootger handle it, okay?
I'm just gonna go home.

- No, I need you.
- You need me?

I just want this day to end.

It's been one of the
worst days of my life.

So, I-I didn't forget
your birthday, okay?

I sent Kyle in here to keep you busy

so you wouldn't ruin the surprise.

Surprise?

Yes.

Look, I've been planning
this thing for a week.

I wanted to do something special
for your birthday, that's all.

Wait. So, you had my
friends cancel on me?

I did.

Okay, do you know how
devastating that could've been?

All right, what do...

I'm sorry.

I-I-I just wanted to do...

something special for your birthday.

That's all.

Oh, wow, you really threw me a party?

Yes! And... And everybody's waiting.

So, come on, let's go!

I got it. Is it my teeth?

Because if it is, don't worry.
They're not even mine.

These babies pop right out.

You know, it's like a one-piece bridge.

Click-click, gone.

Looks like Rootger forgot
to leave the lights on.

Yeah.

Surprise!

What?!

I am so surprised!

This is me so surprised!

Uh, take it... take it down a notch.

Little less ham on that sandwich, okay?

Well, thank you, everybody!

Hi!

Oh, this is so sweet.

- Thank you.
- Ah.

It's what partners do.

- Aww!
- All right?

All right.

Ah!

- For you!
- Oh, you're so sweet.

- Hey!
- Hey!

A Cellucci Sunrise for
the birthday girl!

Oh, you remembered. Thank you so much.

Oh, my gosh.

I'll take another one.

Oh. Already?

I got seven kids and a giant
husband with sleep apnea.

Every night, he straps that
mask on his big, fat face,

giant cheeks falling out the sides,

snoring and vibrating.

Bottom line... This
glass never gets empty.

Well, I guess I can cross
Hawaii off my bucket list!

Well, there's actually something else

you can cross off.

Antonio Banderas is here?

Yeah, no. I wish. Oh.

Okay, Rootger, hit it.

Oh. What's going on?

♪ Mm, never meant to
cause you any sorrow ♪

♪ Mm, never meant to
cause you any pain ♪

♪ I only want to see you
dancing in that purple rain ♪

♪ Purple rain ♪

♪ Purple rain ♪

♪ Purple rain ♪

♪ Purple rain ♪

♪ I only want to see you
laughing in the purple rain ♪

- ♪ Purple... ♪
- ♪ Come on, come on, come on ♪

♪ At the Monkey Fist ♪

♪ Vanessa's birthday ♪

♪ Well, Kevin Gable pulled it off ♪

♪ She's 47 ♪

♪ 41 ♪

♪ Sorry about that part ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

Whoo!

Whew.

Powerful.

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Bucket list almost complete.

Bucket list complete.

Hoo-ahh.

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -

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