Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,999
(silence)
2
00:00:03,576 --> 00:00:09,271
[crickets chirping]
3
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:17,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
4
00:00:37,742 --> 00:00:43,556
??
5
00:00:43,636 --> 00:00:46,673
[roaring]
6
00:00:47,912 --> 00:00:48,911
[wood splitting]
7
00:00:53,826 --> 00:00:59,600
[whispering]
8
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,897
[growling]
9
00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:16,304
Do not be afraid, child.
10
00:01:17,123 --> 00:01:19,001
You must be Harker�s boy.
11
00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:20,200
Yes.
12
00:01:21,678 --> 00:01:23,736
Quincey, sir.
Of course you are!
13
00:01:23,796 --> 00:01:25,694
[snarling]
14
00:01:27,053 --> 00:01:28,431
The devil has returned.
15
00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:30,688
Van Helsing!
16
00:01:30,689 --> 00:01:33,446
Was delicious.
17
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:41,438
Did you really think you
could flee to the Americas
18
00:01:42,238 --> 00:01:44,635
and I would not find you?
19
00:01:47,692 --> 00:01:49,810
[laughter]
20
00:01:50,050 --> 00:01:51,329
Go to the house.
21
00:01:51,648 --> 00:01:56,083
House Harker... how delightful!
22
00:01:56,084 --> 00:01:57,501
I killed the last vampire.
23
00:01:57,502 --> 00:02:02,118
You may have killed Count Dracula,
but he was not the last.
24
00:02:02,298 --> 00:02:04,814
And there will be more.
25
00:02:04,815 --> 00:02:06,852
You do not have the Master�s power...
26
00:02:06,853 --> 00:02:12,927
From the ashes and bone I devoured the
Master�s skull and consumed his power.
27
00:02:13,826 --> 00:02:17,821
Now I... Am... The Master...
28
00:02:17,822 --> 00:02:20,939
I can�t concentrate if you
keep mouthing my lines, Gerry.
29
00:02:21,778 --> 00:02:22,557
I�m not!
30
00:02:22,558 --> 00:02:23,736
Yeah... you are.
31
00:02:25,035 --> 00:02:26,193
Amateurs.
32
00:02:26,194 --> 00:02:31,487
But like I was saying... we
picture the house! It�s 1912!
33
00:02:31,488 --> 00:02:34,145
[roaring]
34
00:02:34,146 --> 00:02:37,102
Now that I have Dracula�s power,
35
00:02:37,103 --> 00:02:41,877
I will turn you and your
family into vampires!
36
00:02:41,878 --> 00:02:45,714
A new legion of undead will rise!
37
00:02:45,834 --> 00:02:46,833
Never!
38
00:02:47,372 --> 00:02:48,332
[cruel laughter]
39
00:02:48,351 --> 00:02:49,350
Jonathan!
40
00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,647
[shrieking]
41
00:02:53,267 --> 00:02:59,161
[comical roaring]
42
00:03:01,079 --> 00:03:04,116
[shouting]
43
00:03:04,395 --> 00:03:07,792
[deep laughter]
44
00:03:07,892 --> 00:03:11,807
[grunting]
45
00:03:11,808 --> 00:03:13,806
[laughs cruelly]
46
00:03:15,424 --> 00:03:16,283
Aaah!
47
00:03:16,284 --> 00:03:17,283
[yelps]
48
00:03:18,262 --> 00:03:20,379
[roaring]
49
00:03:20,759 --> 00:03:21,858
[grunting]
50
00:03:23,556 --> 00:03:25,334
[giggling]
51
00:03:25,654 --> 00:03:27,392
And then the boy cries...
52
00:03:27,972 --> 00:03:28,690
Father!
53
00:03:28,691 --> 00:03:29,430
Quincy! No!
54
00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:32,168
[roaring]
55
00:03:32,268 --> 00:03:35,864
Aaaarrrrrrghhhhh!
56
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,037
He pulled me too hard. Again.
57
00:03:45,035 --> 00:03:46,633
[deep laughter]
58
00:03:48,331 --> 00:03:49,550
[gasps]
59
00:03:50,150 --> 00:03:51,149
[stick snaps]
60
00:03:53,326 --> 00:03:54,404
Aaah!
61
00:03:54,405 --> 00:04:01,598
[roaring, shouting]
62
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:05,794
The lights dim.
63
00:04:07,792 --> 00:04:09,171
The lights dim.
64
00:04:09,430 --> 00:04:12,208
Oh yeah. Got it... Got it.
65
00:04:14,206 --> 00:04:15,264
And big finish.
66
00:04:16,124 --> 00:04:16,463
Before he died, our
great-great grandfather,
67
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:19,060
?? Before he died, our
great-great grandfather,
68
00:04:19,061 --> 00:04:19,500
Before he died, our
great-great grandfather,
69
00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:21,537
Jonathan Harker, told his son
70
00:04:21,538 --> 00:04:24,614
to burn the bones of the last vampire.
71
00:04:24,615 --> 00:04:28,052
But... the boy chose to keep one piece.
72
00:04:28,551 --> 00:04:31,129
The head of the monster.
73
00:04:31,408 --> 00:04:34,504
A skull of the first vampire.
74
00:04:34,505 --> 00:04:40,399
The power to turn others
and create a legion of vampires.
75
00:04:40,759 --> 00:04:45,394
A reminder of that fateful night
and to stay vigilant
76
00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:51,228
and if the forces of evil
should ever rise again.
77
00:04:51,868 --> 00:04:52,787
Shit.
78
00:04:52,947 --> 00:04:55,683
Applause... applause... applause!
79
00:04:55,684 --> 00:04:57,401
Mr. Harker...
80
00:04:57,402 --> 00:05:00,039
Oh, call me Gerry. My dad was �Mr. Harker.�
81
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,638
Yes, and I am sorry for your...
82
00:05:02,657 --> 00:05:03,976
loss.
83
00:05:04,635 --> 00:05:07,712
But when the Leechwood
County Clerk�s office
84
00:05:07,752 --> 00:05:11,988
granted you fifty thousand dollars
for property renovations...
85
00:05:12,008 --> 00:05:14,844
we never agreed to financing this...
86
00:05:14,845 --> 00:05:15,464
Masterpiece?
87
00:05:15,644 --> 00:05:20,558
It�s a disasterpiece!
Have you completely lost your mind?!
88
00:05:20,559 --> 00:05:26,054
That money was supposed to make this home
a safe and suitable historical landmark!
89
00:05:26,313 --> 00:05:30,090
Not bankroll a god-awful
freakshow about vampires!
90
00:05:30,209 --> 00:05:33,066
This house is a deathtrap!
91
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:34,845
??
[crashing]
92
00:05:34,945 --> 00:05:36,123
Broken glass.
93
00:05:36,124 --> 00:05:37,123
We�re gonna fix that.
94
00:05:37,582 --> 00:05:39,920
What is this even attached to?!
95
00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:41,119
Zip ties.
96
00:05:41,478 --> 00:05:43,275
This actually looks pretty good.
97
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:46,593
Well we did start the renovation!
Then Gerry came home.
98
00:05:47,612 --> 00:05:51,387
Why is there a woodchipper
at the top of the stairs?!
99
00:05:51,388 --> 00:05:53,245
Do you see any wood up here?
100
00:05:53,246 --> 00:05:53,805
Really?!
101
00:05:53,806 --> 00:05:54,685
Props for the show.
102
00:05:54,686 --> 00:05:56,043
You�re using real wooden stakes?
103
00:05:56,044 --> 00:05:57,161
Those aren�t real.
104
00:05:57,162 --> 00:05:58,201
Wait, those are real?!
105
00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,495
Why are their spices in the fusebox?
106
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,875
I thought it was a spice rack.
107
00:06:05,774 --> 00:06:06,453
[zap]
[yelp]
108
00:06:06,454 --> 00:06:08,311
Oh, you can�t latch the spice rack.
109
00:06:08,651 --> 00:06:12,027
A person could wander in off the streets
and find themselves on that stage.
110
00:06:12,028 --> 00:06:14,704
If the cable was pulled at the wrong
moment, they could step out
111
00:06:14,705 --> 00:06:17,681
without having any idea they're
about to be impaled in the throat!
112
00:06:17,682 --> 00:06:19,041
Way ahead of you, lady.
113
00:06:19,260 --> 00:06:21,977
Did it ever occur to you
that it could get stuck?!
114
00:06:21,978 --> 00:06:23,755
Oh trust me this thing is safe!
115
00:06:23,756 --> 00:06:25,134
Ahh!
116
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:27,951
Is everyone okay?
117
00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:29,070
You have one week.
118
00:06:29,071 --> 00:06:32,226
One week to finish renovations and we
won't sue for misappropriation of funds.
119
00:06:32,227 --> 00:06:32,947
About the money.
120
00:06:32,948 --> 00:06:35,004
I mean look at the detail
of that background!
121
00:06:35,005 --> 00:06:36,322
It�s like he�s really there!
122
00:06:36,323 --> 00:06:37,321
One week!
123
00:06:37,322 --> 00:06:38,141
[crunching]
124
00:06:38,142 --> 00:06:39,739
And fix your damn door!
125
00:06:39,740 --> 00:06:40,499
Wait!
126
00:06:40,959 --> 00:06:42,496
You forgot your T-shirrrr...
127
00:06:42,497 --> 00:06:43,995
[thumping]
128
00:06:43,996 --> 00:06:44,995
Got it!
129
00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:48,930
If you cannot reimburse the fifty thousand,
this property will be condemned
130
00:06:48,931 --> 00:06:50,089
and seized by the state.
131
00:06:50,090 --> 00:06:53,365
Oh, and I�m afraid Leechwood
has very strict water usage hours.
132
00:06:53,366 --> 00:06:56,642
So I�ll be sure to add this to the fine.
Good day, gentlemen.
133
00:06:56,643 --> 00:06:57,722
[tires screeching]
134
00:06:57,762 --> 00:06:59,560
You forgot your free T-shirt!
135
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:07,712
??
136
00:07:25,035 --> 00:07:25,053
We blew it.
??
137
00:07:25,054 --> 00:07:25,734
We blew it.
138
00:07:25,735 --> 00:07:27,171
Oh I fucking nailed it, man!
139
00:07:27,172 --> 00:07:29,349
You can�t break character!
Not in the middle of a scene.
140
00:07:29,350 --> 00:07:31,767
Well you�re the big Hollywood actor.
You play the vampire!
141
00:07:31,768 --> 00:07:35,123
No, it has to be a Harker who tells the
story... and Charlie does not want to do it!
142
00:07:35,124 --> 00:07:36,202
What about your sister then?
143
00:07:36,203 --> 00:07:38,400
No, Paige thinks this whole
thing is a bad idea.
144
00:07:38,401 --> 00:07:39,200
Yeah, well it is.
145
00:07:39,201 --> 00:07:41,357
Dammit. Charlie was so
proud of making these.
146
00:07:41,358 --> 00:07:47,471
That does it! You darn Harkers! I warned ya
about that damn dog shittin� in my yard...
147
00:07:47,472 --> 00:07:49,709
Mavis, that is not our dog!
I keep telling you that...
148
00:07:49,710 --> 00:07:53,365
Oh, you Harkers are all alike!
Making a mess of everything.
149
00:07:53,366 --> 00:07:54,705
[dog whines]
150
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:55,764
For the record, I�m not a Harker.
151
00:07:55,765 --> 00:07:59,001
Whoa whoa whoa... Mavis!
Leave those boys alone.
152
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,878
Oh, shut your mouth, you old fart!
153
00:08:02,377 --> 00:08:05,714
Now you... clean it up!
154
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:08,751
[door slams]
155
00:08:08,771 --> 00:08:09,609
She didn�t like the shirt?
156
00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:10,589
Nah, it�s shit.
157
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,506
Okay, from the top.
158
00:08:12,507 --> 00:08:14,804
No, no, no... I can�t
be late for work again,
159
00:08:14,805 --> 00:08:17,201
because my manager will kill me, man,
because he�s a psycho.
160
00:08:17,202 --> 00:08:20,638
Like a serial killer psycho, like I�m
gonna wake up in a trunk or something.
161
00:08:20,639 --> 00:08:22,557
But I don�t give a shit!
Because he pays me.
162
00:08:23,116 --> 00:08:24,395
I don�t even know why I help you guys.
163
00:08:24,575 --> 00:08:25,574
I�m back!
164
00:08:26,013 --> 00:08:34,005
??
165
00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:54,364
Oh hey, Paige! Need any help with that?
166
00:08:54,365 --> 00:08:55,884
I�m good. Give Wayne a hand.
167
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,339
Aww, dadgummit!
168
00:09:00,978 --> 00:09:03,575
Oh man... thank you, Charlie.
169
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,462
When are you gonna end it
with that dick socket?
170
00:09:05,714 --> 00:09:06,573
Real classy, Ned.
171
00:09:06,574 --> 00:09:08,570
I told you before, I do not trust that guy.
172
00:09:08,571 --> 00:09:11,527
You don�t trust my fiance... the Sheriff?
173
00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:12,827
Your brothers hate him.
174
00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:15,483
Oh, they're humoring him.
175
00:09:15,484 --> 00:09:17,170
So I take it you�re not
coming to the wedding?
176
00:09:17,422 --> 00:09:21,178
Well, actually I�m making you a
special gift for the big day.
177
00:09:21,738 --> 00:09:23,496
It�s not a wood carving, is it?
178
00:09:23,756 --> 00:09:27,052
Yeah it�s a wood carving!
Gerry loved the one I made for him...
179
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,470
where is it, by the way?
180
00:09:28,471 --> 00:09:29,770
It was... stolen.
181
00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:31,587
Hey, stolen?! Why didn�t you tell me?!
182
00:09:31,588 --> 00:09:33,706
Uhhh... how�d it go with the County Clerk?
183
00:09:33,886 --> 00:09:37,001
Did she �have a bloody good
time� at House Harker?
184
00:09:37,002 --> 00:09:39,319
Oh shut up, Wayne! It was awful...
185
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,298
Awfully good. Awfully good.
186
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,017
Really?!
187
00:09:42,018 --> 00:09:45,054
I told you, Paige. People want
to hear about our family.
188
00:09:45,474 --> 00:09:47,092
Hm. Well, hope you boys are hungry.
189
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:50,609
Famished.
190
00:09:50,928 --> 00:09:52,215
I thought you were late for work.
191
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:54,405
Oh hey! Wanna take a ride in the squad car?
192
00:09:54,645 --> 00:09:56,082
Get you there in a jiffy! Whoop-whoop!
193
00:09:56,083 --> 00:09:57,980
Oh, we all know you�re
a big shot now, Wayne,
194
00:09:57,981 --> 00:09:59,419
but I don�t need your charity.
195
00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:00,678
Okay... okay.
196
00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:02,676
[siren wailing]
197
00:10:02,677 --> 00:10:05,522
Oh, hey! It looks like all your wood
carvings are selling like hot cakes!
198
00:10:05,774 --> 00:10:06,773
All gone!
199
00:10:13,386 --> 00:10:15,204
Okay! Okay! Okay!
200
00:10:15,444 --> 00:10:16,443
Ha ha!
201
00:10:17,182 --> 00:10:18,261
[door chime rings]
202
00:10:24,615 --> 00:10:29,450
[whistles]
203
00:10:35,824 --> 00:10:37,442
??
204
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,893
??
205
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:52,587
You�re late, Morris.
206
00:10:52,588 --> 00:10:57,622
AHHHH! Oh, sorry, Kevin. I
lost track of time, pal.
207
00:10:57,881 --> 00:10:59,600
Funny... we lost track of time too.
208
00:11:00,599 --> 00:11:02,076
Playing with our new toy.
209
00:11:02,077 --> 00:11:05,374
It slices and dices up to
twenty-two carvings in minutes.
210
00:11:06,353 --> 00:11:06,852
What?!
211
00:11:07,532 --> 00:11:11,247
No... no.... NO!!
[maniacal laughter]
212
00:11:11,248 --> 00:11:13,726
We put all of your carvings
in the wood chipper.
213
00:11:13,905 --> 00:11:17,122
Nooo!!
[sobs]
214
00:11:17,142 --> 00:11:20,338
You�re fired, Morris.
This should be easy enough to carry home.
215
00:11:20,339 --> 00:11:24,695
Two years... two years of work
in a goddamn wood chipper!
216
00:11:24,914 --> 00:11:25,474
Get out!
217
00:11:25,475 --> 00:11:32,047
??
218
00:11:32,347 --> 00:11:32,786
Potato...
219
00:11:32,787 --> 00:11:33,486
Fingers.
220
00:11:33,487 --> 00:11:36,762
No, you have to say, �french fries�
or my �potato� sounds stupid, so... Potato!
221
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:37,762
Open potato.
222
00:11:37,802 --> 00:11:38,801
Nevermind.
223
00:11:38,801 --> 00:11:40,318
What the hell am I gonna do now, guys?!
224
00:11:40,319 --> 00:11:43,255
Wanna know what we�re gonna do?
Charlie, can we fix the house in one week?
225
00:11:43,256 --> 00:11:43,895
No.
226
00:11:43,896 --> 00:11:46,752
Therefore our only shot is the show.
227
00:11:46,753 --> 00:11:49,149
The show? It�s not gonna work, pal!
228
00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:50,967
People love vampire stuff!
229
00:11:50,968 --> 00:11:53,566
People love male models
that sparkle and pout.
230
00:11:54,425 --> 00:11:55,723
Gorgeous people.
231
00:11:55,724 --> 00:11:59,559
No one�s scared of vampires anymore.
Thank those stupid Stacey Mendler books.
232
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,816
The Nix County Necro has struck... again.
233
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,753
Law Enforcement are baffled
as they have discovered
234
00:12:05,754 --> 00:12:09,310
five defiled bodies in the Nix County area.
235
00:12:09,969 --> 00:12:13,864
Sheriff�s Deputy Denny Green reminds
us that �even if he kills you...
236
00:12:13,865 --> 00:12:15,843
you�re still not safe.�
237
00:12:16,323 --> 00:12:17,481
And in other news...
Oh! Oh!
238
00:12:17,482 --> 00:12:19,959
We should show them the real vampire skull!
239
00:12:20,299 --> 00:12:21,517
What real vampire skull?
240
00:12:21,518 --> 00:12:22,477
This is a bad idea.
241
00:12:22,478 --> 00:12:25,393
??
242
00:12:25,394 --> 00:12:26,971
Alas, poor Yorick!
243
00:12:26,972 --> 00:12:29,009
[applause]
244
00:12:29,010 --> 00:12:31,827
This is a bad idea!
245
00:12:32,407 --> 00:12:33,226
No, mine!
246
00:12:33,227 --> 00:12:36,781
[children shouting]
247
00:12:36,782 --> 00:12:38,241
Stop it!
248
00:12:38,301 --> 00:12:46,293
[otherwordly groaning]
249
00:12:58,740 --> 00:12:59,739
[gasps]
250
00:13:00,399 --> 00:13:01,398
Charlie?
251
00:13:12,866 --> 00:13:14,145
[shriek]
[thumps]
252
00:13:14,245 --> 00:13:14,964
Keep em coming, Bart.
253
00:13:14,965 --> 00:13:17,201
??
254
00:13:17,202 --> 00:13:18,201
Can we have another?
255
00:13:18,561 --> 00:13:19,360
We�ll have another.
256
00:13:19,361 --> 00:13:22,356
What is with the fucking pencil?
257
00:13:22,357 --> 00:13:24,434
When we were kids, he used
to talk to the walls.
258
00:13:24,435 --> 00:13:27,692
One day my Dad hands him the pencil and
says, "Use this to get out your feelings."
259
00:13:28,251 --> 00:13:29,210
He took it literally.
260
00:13:29,490 --> 00:13:30,529
Like Asperger�s?
261
00:13:30,708 --> 00:13:31,608
Who�s gettin� burgers?
262
00:13:31,668 --> 00:13:33,744
Hey, kid... what�s in the bag, kid?
263
00:13:33,745 --> 00:13:35,164
Look, dude! It�s your movie!
264
00:13:35,424 --> 00:13:36,701
Hey, kid!
265
00:13:36,702 --> 00:13:38,719
Leave me alone! I'm just going to school!
266
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:39,979
Leave me alone!
267
00:13:40,599 --> 00:13:44,994
"He was an outsider in a small town
with dreams of making it big."
268
00:13:45,154 --> 00:13:48,590
Your daddy was an accountant, dammit,
and you�re gonna be one too!
269
00:13:48,591 --> 00:13:51,348
Your mother was right!
You�re nothin� but an accountant!
270
00:13:52,027 --> 00:13:56,523
"Based on the true story of one
boy who defied the odds..."
271
00:13:56,583 --> 00:14:00,278
[stomping, clapping]
Twirl, baby. Twirl.
272
00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:02,736
??
273
00:14:03,895 --> 00:14:07,571
??
274
00:14:07,572 --> 00:14:10,528
"From the team who brought you... Kazoo."
275
00:14:10,529 --> 00:14:16,681
??
276
00:14:16,682 --> 00:14:18,839
"Twirl."
277
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,717
What a piece of shit!
278
00:14:20,718 --> 00:14:20,758
[laughter]
What a piece of shit!
279
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,496
[laughter]
280
00:14:22,497 --> 00:14:24,355
They might not be your demographic.
281
00:14:24,455 --> 00:14:25,633
Hey, Gerry...
282
00:14:25,634 --> 00:14:27,312
Twirl, baby! Twirl!
283
00:14:27,851 --> 00:14:30,089
Let�s go. Let�s go.
284
00:14:30,149 --> 00:14:33,805
Aw, come on! I love when
you guys come in here!
285
00:14:34,445 --> 00:14:39,060
Once people find out you�re here,
they show up just to mess with you.
286
00:14:39,859 --> 00:14:41,996
Gives me a ton of business!
287
00:14:41,997 --> 00:14:44,074
[laughs mockingly]
288
00:14:44,075 --> 00:14:47,870
??
289
00:14:47,871 --> 00:14:51,128
You guys know I spent like six fucking
months learning how to twirl that thing.
290
00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:53,165
I thought it was gonna be a good movie.
291
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:55,822
It was supposed to be the �Billy
Elliot� of baton twirling films.
292
00:14:55,823 --> 00:14:59,500
It was a great movie! Do you know
how many little boys you touched?
293
00:15:00,219 --> 00:15:01,498
Their lives!
294
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,014
Why does everyone in this
town hate us so much?
295
00:15:04,015 --> 00:15:05,094
Oh they don�t hate us.
296
00:15:07,552 --> 00:15:09,869
What? What?!
297
00:15:12,407 --> 00:15:13,944
I can�t even... talk to you right now.
298
00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:15,303
Come on, they�re jealous!
299
00:15:15,304 --> 00:15:15,763
No!
300
00:15:15,764 --> 00:15:18,560
I�m awesome. You�re awesome.
Your sister is hot!
301
00:15:18,561 --> 00:15:19,560
Wait, what?
302
00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:22,097
She�s beautiful!
303
00:15:22,337 --> 00:15:24,094
Oh, come on, Gerry!
304
00:15:24,095 --> 00:15:27,491
She�s been this whole town�s
spank bank since she grew tits!
305
00:15:27,492 --> 00:15:29,469
Are you...?! Oh my God.
306
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,066
She is! She�s beautiful!
That's disgusting. That's disgusting.
307
00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:34,324
Like a sister, Charlie. Like a sister!
308
00:15:34,325 --> 00:15:35,064
That makes it worse!
309
00:15:35,065 --> 00:15:36,901
Twirling is something they can
never take away from you.
310
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:38,480
Every single time you do
it, I get inspired...
311
00:15:38,481 --> 00:15:38,999
Charlie. Every single time
you do it, I get inspired...
312
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:39,078
Charlie.
313
00:15:39,079 --> 00:15:40,857
I mean the last time I was
sad, I just put on the movie...
314
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:41,458
Charlie... Charlie! I lied, okay?! I mean the
last time I was sad, I just put on the movie...
315
00:15:41,459 --> 00:15:42,817
Charlie... Charlie! I lied, okay?!
316
00:15:45,494 --> 00:15:46,692
I never learned how to twirl.
317
00:15:48,211 --> 00:15:49,490
I tried... I tried...
318
00:15:49,929 --> 00:15:51,647
I just was too embarrassed to tell you.
319
00:15:52,626 --> 00:15:56,203
They hired a stunt-man, and
it was visual effects.
320
00:15:57,142 --> 00:15:58,201
Shit.
321
00:16:01,977 --> 00:16:03,176
Well now you�ve done it.
322
00:16:05,074 --> 00:16:08,910
The performance of your life!
That was amazing, Gerry! Wow.
323
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:13,026
I believed him for a second there. He�s
gonna be twirling till the day he dies!
324
00:16:13,925 --> 00:16:15,484
I'm going to watch every time.
325
00:16:15,543 --> 00:16:16,542
You fucker.
326
00:16:16,982 --> 00:16:17,981
Ow!
327
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:19,799
Ow!
328
00:16:24,854 --> 00:16:25,913
Fuck, man!
329
00:16:29,430 --> 00:16:31,147
Did somebody leave the door open?
330
00:16:31,148 --> 00:16:32,046
Where�s the fucking money?!
331
00:16:32,047 --> 00:16:32,925
Oh come on!
332
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:33,845
Where�s the fucking money?!
333
00:16:33,846 --> 00:16:35,443
You could not have picked
a worse day to rob us!
334
00:16:35,444 --> 00:16:38,000
You kidding me?! I saw the sign
outside, all this dusty old shit...
335
00:16:38,001 --> 00:16:39,199
I know this place is loaded!
336
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:39,619
We�re not...
337
00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:42,635
Don�t lie to me, fucking Dopey, I�ll paint
your brains all over this fucking wall!
338
00:16:42,636 --> 00:16:43,535
Might have a few quarters!
My credit cards are all in...
339
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:44,553
Shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down! Might have
a few quarters! My credit cards are all in...
340
00:16:44,554 --> 00:16:47,311
Shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down!
341
00:16:47,312 --> 00:16:48,311
[gun clicks]
342
00:16:49,190 --> 00:16:51,747
[glass shattering]
343
00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:53,544
It�s the Nix County Necro!
344
00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:55,044
He�s gonna kill us then fuck us!
345
00:16:57,122 --> 00:16:58,081
What do we got here, boys?
346
00:16:58,082 --> 00:17:00,717
That�s just an ordinary box!
There�s nothing in that box...
347
00:17:00,718 --> 00:17:01,936
We keep our money... in a box with...
348
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,055
[choking]
Ow!
349
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,055
Smoother edges.
350
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:08,151
What the fuck is this?
351
00:17:09,310 --> 00:17:10,389
That thing is freaky.
352
00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:14,164
[boom]
[hissing]
353
00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:15,623
What the fuck is that?!
354
00:17:19,519 --> 00:17:22,476
Ooh-ho-ho-hoo... What do we got here?
355
00:17:23,436 --> 00:17:24,714
There�s a sign, pal.
356
00:17:25,194 --> 00:17:28,310
Oh, this sign? The �do not pull� sign?!
357
00:17:28,311 --> 00:17:29,030
[laughs]
358
00:17:29,031 --> 00:17:32,745
What, are you running some kind of
freaky-deeky kinky sex show here?!
359
00:17:32,746 --> 00:17:35,622
It�s a family show! It�s sort
of a tourist attraction!
360
00:17:35,623 --> 00:17:36,622
Bout what?
361
00:17:36,902 --> 00:17:38,421
Vampires.
362
00:17:39,060 --> 00:17:42,316
Vampires?
What, are you guys con artists?
363
00:17:42,317 --> 00:17:44,573
You dupe people to come in here
and believe this dogshit?!
364
00:17:44,574 --> 00:17:47,630
Hey! You cannot just come in here
and make fun of their beliefs.
365
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:48,909
No, Ned, it�s okay.
366
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:51,467
I got this!
Now I may not believe in this...
367
00:17:52,347 --> 00:17:55,702
a person could wander in off the streets
and find themselves on that stage...
368
00:17:55,703 --> 00:17:58,160
if the cable was pulled at the wrong
moment, they could step out
369
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,938
without having any idea they�re
about to be impaled in the...
370
00:18:00,978 --> 00:18:02,975
Shhh! Now I may not believe
in this vampire stuff...
371
00:18:02,976 --> 00:18:04,415
I said shut the fuck up.
But these assholes do...
372
00:18:04,454 --> 00:18:06,012
and they are my assholes!
373
00:18:06,013 --> 00:18:06,033
I said... shut the fuck... UP!
And they are my assholes!
374
00:18:06,034 --> 00:18:08,190
I said... shut the fuck... UP!
375
00:18:08,191 --> 00:18:08,769
[thunks]
I said... shut the fuck... UP!
376
00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:09,769
[thunks]
377
00:18:13,186 --> 00:18:16,641
Ohhh!! No, no, no!
Don�t pull it! Leave it in! Leave it in!
378
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:18,800
Ohhh...
379
00:18:20,778 --> 00:18:21,777
[thuds]
380
00:18:26,852 --> 00:18:27,791
You okay, pal?
381
00:18:27,792 --> 00:18:35,784
??
382
00:18:37,262 --> 00:18:38,380
That could�ve been me!!
383
00:18:38,381 --> 00:18:40,298
We�re in trouble!
Dad was right! It is dangerous!
384
00:18:40,299 --> 00:18:43,255
I�m pretty sure it was cause that
fuckhead yanked on the cable!
385
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:44,614
There is a sign!
386
00:18:45,174 --> 00:18:47,351
Whoa, what�re you doing, man?!
We can�t call the cops!
387
00:18:47,352 --> 00:18:48,051
But Wayne!
388
00:18:48,052 --> 00:18:52,047
Oh sure, he�ll bail you two out, but he
knows I�m his only competition for Paige!
389
00:18:52,287 --> 00:18:55,642
I�m not spending the next five years
getting my turd-cutter tongue punched
390
00:18:55,643 --> 00:18:58,919
by a cellmate named daddy
with a straw doll collection!
391
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,156
You guys, this was not our fault!
It was an accident!
392
00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:04,074
Actually, the official
citation from the County Clerk
393
00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:06,072
did say something like this could happen.
394
00:19:06,073 --> 00:19:07,351
Something like this did happen!
395
00:19:07,352 --> 00:19:09,109
Could this day get any worse?!
396
00:19:09,110 --> 00:19:14,964
[winds blowing]
397
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:19,100
[thuds]
398
00:19:22,856 --> 00:19:25,932
[roaring]
399
00:19:25,933 --> 00:19:33,165
??
400
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:36,202
Dude, we can�t use paper towels...
there is blood everywhere!
401
00:19:36,203 --> 00:19:37,121
Well, what then?!
402
00:19:37,122 --> 00:19:37,821
Got it!
403
00:19:37,822 --> 00:19:39,958
??
404
00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:42,016
[vacuuming]
405
00:19:42,017 --> 00:19:44,654
Charlie! Get something to wrap him in
and I�ll pull around the car!
406
00:19:45,114 --> 00:19:45,993
Vacuum, Ned.
407
00:19:46,213 --> 00:19:47,192
Aw, man.
408
00:19:47,272 --> 00:19:47,351
[vacuuming]
409
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:55,344
??
[vacuuming]
410
00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:13,145
??
411
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:13,226
[engine cranking]
??
412
00:20:13,227 --> 00:20:14,264
[engine cranking]
413
00:20:14,265 --> 00:20:16,902
Come on. Come on!
414
00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:19,559
[engine starts]
415
00:20:19,659 --> 00:20:20,837
Ah... yes!
416
00:20:20,838 --> 00:20:23,794
??
417
00:20:23,795 --> 00:20:24,694
Walter!
Ahhh!
418
00:20:24,695 --> 00:20:27,790
Those Harkers are up to something...
I know it!
419
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,989
Dammit, Mavis! Leave them boys be.
420
00:20:31,727 --> 00:20:35,383
Get over there now
or I�ll smother you in your sleep!
421
00:20:36,223 --> 00:20:37,222
You would.
422
00:20:37,921 --> 00:20:41,237
[vacuuming]
423
00:20:41,238 --> 00:20:43,275
[vacuum turns off]
424
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:44,534
Whoa.
425
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:47,032
It looks pretty damn clean in here.
Good work.
426
00:20:47,451 --> 00:20:48,450
Ah well, you know.
427
00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:49,969
Let�s turn him over!
428
00:20:52,366 --> 00:20:53,384
Aaahh!!
429
00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:55,223
I didn�t know rigor mortis set in so fast.
430
00:20:55,224 --> 00:20:55,983
It doesn�t.
431
00:20:55,984 --> 00:20:58,000
Well he was on a lot of drugs.
432
00:20:58,001 --> 00:21:00,617
Ah man, if you could show
this to kids, and say look...
433
00:21:00,618 --> 00:21:01,617
Look what can happen!
434
00:21:02,756 --> 00:21:04,373
Hey, hey, Walter!
435
00:21:04,374 --> 00:21:08,589
Sorry to bother you, but you know
that soul-sucking succubus of a wife...?
436
00:21:08,590 --> 00:21:11,726
She literally threatened to kill me
if I didn�t come over and find out
437
00:21:11,727 --> 00:21:13,245
what's going on with all the ruckus.
438
00:21:13,505 --> 00:21:15,243
Just sprucing the place up.
439
00:21:15,263 --> 00:21:16,470
You know I heard about what happened.
440
00:21:16,722 --> 00:21:17,261
Oh?
441
00:21:17,262 --> 00:21:18,419
Yeah. The County Clerk.
442
00:21:18,420 --> 00:21:19,878
Oh yeah! Yeah, yeah...
443
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:20,998
You need any help?
444
00:21:21,098 --> 00:21:22,217
No, no, no... we�re fine.
445
00:21:23,955 --> 00:21:26,531
That�s a damn shame about
your father�s passing.
446
00:21:26,532 --> 00:21:29,708
He did such a fine job of
raising you kiddos on his own.
447
00:21:29,709 --> 00:21:31,827
I never knew your mother, but she was a...
448
00:21:34,624 --> 00:21:35,823
handsome woman.
449
00:21:37,461 --> 00:21:38,460
Yeah.
450
00:21:38,940 --> 00:21:40,059
How you boys holding up?
451
00:21:40,538 --> 00:21:41,337
We�re fine!
452
00:21:41,757 --> 00:21:45,653
Well... if you need anything,
I�ll probably be murdered by my wife.
453
00:21:46,732 --> 00:21:47,731
Goodnight.
454
00:21:49,669 --> 00:21:50,348
Ned.
455
00:21:50,728 --> 00:21:51,727
Walter.
456
00:21:54,664 --> 00:21:56,502
Woah!
457
00:21:56,642 --> 00:22:04,634
[? Hall of the Mountain King ?]
458
00:22:20,258 --> 00:22:23,395
[grunting]
459
00:22:24,035 --> 00:22:26,291
Let�s dump it right here. Come on.
460
00:22:26,292 --> 00:22:29,409
[grunting]
461
00:22:31,527 --> 00:22:32,646
[splash]
462
00:22:37,281 --> 00:22:38,360
Where do you think it goes?
463
00:22:39,959 --> 00:22:41,296
Probably Lake Superior.
464
00:22:41,297 --> 00:22:42,096
[sighs]
465
00:22:42,097 --> 00:22:43,056
This isn�t going to work.
466
00:22:43,057 --> 00:22:45,493
Charlie... it�s gonna work!
467
00:22:45,533 --> 00:22:47,951
I saw it on an episode
of Unsolved Mysteries.
468
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:50,868
Hello...
469
00:22:51,347 --> 00:22:52,686
�Unsolved.�
470
00:22:53,765 --> 00:22:56,361
At least we know the body is
gonna be far away from here. Come on.
471
00:22:56,362 --> 00:23:02,117
[? Hall of the Mountain King ?]
472
00:23:13,245 --> 00:23:14,544
Hey, Kip?
473
00:23:15,343 --> 00:23:16,442
Yeah, Denny?
474
00:23:19,939 --> 00:23:21,297
Found a body.
475
00:23:21,697 --> 00:23:23,195
Mhm-hmm.
476
00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:30,568
You guys are up early.
477
00:23:31,227 --> 00:23:33,605
Or you never went to bed.
Long night?
478
00:23:33,985 --> 00:23:36,522
How... how... how was your night?
479
00:23:36,822 --> 00:23:38,660
It was... fine.
480
00:23:39,319 --> 00:23:41,717
Uh, we just... watched TV.
Cuddled on the couch.
481
00:23:41,857 --> 00:23:44,594
Twirl was on, so we watched
my brother the superstar.
482
00:23:46,192 --> 00:23:47,670
Heard you boys got into
some trouble last night.
483
00:23:47,671 --> 00:23:50,467
[spits]
[chokes]
484
00:23:50,468 --> 00:23:52,066
Hey! Hey, hey...
485
00:23:52,067 --> 00:23:54,364
Those boneheads at the
tavern giving you guys guff?
486
00:23:54,764 --> 00:23:58,159
Look, what they don�t understand is that
487
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,937
Twirl is like the �October
Sky� of baton twirling movies.
488
00:24:02,176 --> 00:24:04,173
Alright? Cheer up.
489
00:24:04,174 --> 00:24:06,692
[radio]: Hey, Sheriff?
You�re gonna want to come and see this
490
00:24:06,772 --> 00:24:07,691
Copy.
491
00:24:07,971 --> 00:24:08,670
I gotta go, babe.
492
00:24:08,671 --> 00:24:10,948
Oh okay... see you later. Bye.
I know, sorry.
493
00:24:11,847 --> 00:24:13,665
Alright! See you guys!
494
00:24:15,943 --> 00:24:19,178
Well I�m off to go yawn a
big bright chunky rainbow.
495
00:24:19,179 --> 00:24:20,578
I�m gonna uh... pay the...
496
00:24:22,056 --> 00:24:22,916
What�s going on?
497
00:24:22,956 --> 00:24:23,655
Nothing.
498
00:24:23,715 --> 00:24:25,653
Uh-huh. What are you not telling me?
499
00:24:27,651 --> 00:24:29,688
[clattering]
500
00:24:29,689 --> 00:24:30,688
Oh no.
501
00:24:35,363 --> 00:24:38,040
You�re okay. You just had a little fall.
502
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,536
??
503
00:24:42,616 --> 00:24:44,554
He�s fine... he just rolled off...
504
00:24:45,093 --> 00:24:47,731
I don�t know. Looks
pretty scuffed up to me.
505
00:24:47,971 --> 00:24:49,588
Maybe I should just use yours?
506
00:24:49,589 --> 00:24:51,126
No... that�s uh... I...
507
00:24:51,127 --> 00:24:53,545
That�s ah ah ah...
Spit it out, special ed!
508
00:24:54,964 --> 00:24:56,021
Nothing?
509
00:24:56,022 --> 00:24:57,720
Well maybe I will use your pencil then.
510
00:24:57,721 --> 00:24:59,619
[grunting]
[mean laughter]
511
00:24:59,639 --> 00:25:02,195
No! No, please don�t... give it back!
512
00:25:02,196 --> 00:25:05,832
No? Don�t give you the pencil back?!
Okay, I�ll keep it then!
513
00:25:05,833 --> 00:25:07,950
Hey, dipshit�s pencil. I�m Chad.
514
00:25:07,951 --> 00:25:10,267
And I�m gonna pay my bill with you
and then snap you in half
515
00:25:10,268 --> 00:25:13,404
to teach your special friend here that
you�re just an inanimate fucking pencil!
516
00:25:13,405 --> 00:25:14,404
Chad Cheever?
517
00:25:15,903 --> 00:25:17,821
Quarterback for the Leechwood Devils...?!
518
00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:19,279
Sup, Paige?
519
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,416
How�d a chick like you wind
up in a family with him?
520
00:25:21,417 --> 00:25:22,956
Oh he�s not so bad.
521
00:25:23,015 --> 00:25:25,413
He�s got his strengths...
not unlike yourself.
522
00:25:26,292 --> 00:25:27,771
Yeah you�re not so bad yourself.
523
00:25:29,089 --> 00:25:32,345
I�m sure we can find something much better
to do with these hands of yours,
524
00:25:32,346 --> 00:25:33,385
don�t you think?
525
00:25:34,004 --> 00:25:37,120
What�d you have in mind? Wouldn�t
want to piss off the town Sheriff...
526
00:25:37,121 --> 00:25:38,560
That shouldn�t be a problem for you.
527
00:25:39,739 --> 00:25:41,157
You�re all muscle, right?
528
00:25:42,756 --> 00:25:43,795
And not much else.
529
00:25:44,234 --> 00:25:44,854
What?
530
00:25:44,914 --> 00:25:47,410
You see, Chad... I need the whole package.
531
00:25:47,411 --> 00:25:51,347
And the word around town is that you
don�t have much of a package at all.
532
00:25:51,647 --> 00:25:52,386
[giggles]
533
00:25:52,387 --> 00:25:55,763
So unfortunately for you, it�s a...
small town.
534
00:25:56,802 --> 00:25:58,319
What did you say, bitch?!
535
00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,479
What did you say to me?!
536
00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:01,156
Your family is such a freakshow!
537
00:26:01,157 --> 00:26:03,114
Hey, you don�t know the first
thing about my family, asshole!
538
00:26:03,115 --> 00:26:03,895
Oh yeah?
539
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:06,491
Retard... Faggot... and the
princess who thinks she�s better
540
00:26:06,492 --> 00:26:08,489
because she happens to be mildly hot!
541
00:26:08,490 --> 00:26:10,107
[laughter]
542
00:26:10,108 --> 00:26:11,146
What is wrong with you people?
543
00:26:11,147 --> 00:26:12,345
Fuck you, Chad!
544
00:26:12,346 --> 00:26:13,664
I might if you ask nicely.
545
00:26:13,665 --> 00:26:16,742
[laughter]
546
00:26:17,201 --> 00:26:18,200
Chad Cheever!
547
00:26:20,318 --> 00:26:21,317
Go Devils!
548
00:26:23,855 --> 00:26:24,993
We�re going to State!
549
00:26:25,313 --> 00:26:26,691
God, will you let go of me!?
550
00:26:26,692 --> 00:26:28,510
If I do, will you calm down?
551
00:26:28,710 --> 00:26:29,709
Let�s just go.
552
00:26:30,168 --> 00:26:31,587
I can take care of myself.
553
00:26:34,204 --> 00:26:35,682
No you can�t, Charlie!
554
00:26:35,683 --> 00:26:37,100
Are you kidding me?
555
00:26:37,101 --> 00:26:38,819
Then I should�ve just let
them break the pencil
556
00:26:38,820 --> 00:26:40,598
cause then you�d stop acting like such a...
557
00:26:42,096 --> 00:26:48,549
??
558
00:26:48,550 --> 00:26:51,367
Say it again! Say it again!
559
00:26:52,646 --> 00:26:53,984
What was I supposed to do?
560
00:26:54,244 --> 00:26:56,021
It�s not like Charlie could
do anything about it.
561
00:26:56,022 --> 00:26:57,861
Yes he can, Paige.
562
00:26:58,300 --> 00:27:00,237
You just have to let him try.
563
00:27:00,238 --> 00:27:03,554
I�m the only girl in the world
who has to protect her big brother.
564
00:27:03,555 --> 00:27:06,511
??
565
00:27:06,512 --> 00:27:07,949
He�ll surprise you someday.
566
00:27:07,950 --> 00:27:10,508
Until he does... you better plan on
picking me up from detention.
567
00:27:11,147 --> 00:27:11,767
Every day.
568
00:27:11,827 --> 00:27:15,823
??
569
00:27:15,942 --> 00:27:18,640
I�m sorry. Charlie, I�m
sorry, I didn�t mean...
570
00:27:21,057 --> 00:27:22,056
Charlie!
571
00:27:28,610 --> 00:27:30,248
I feel like I missed something.
572
00:27:34,724 --> 00:27:35,901
Grabeste-te!
573
00:27:35,902 --> 00:27:37,900
Unde �l �ngropam?
574
00:27:39,019 --> 00:27:40,896
Bury?!
[laughs]
575
00:27:40,897 --> 00:27:43,275
No, this traitor we feed to the wild dogs.
576
00:27:44,534 --> 00:27:45,633
Uh... ugh.
577
00:27:46,432 --> 00:27:47,151
[growling]
578
00:27:47,152 --> 00:27:48,529
Hahaha! Look! Haha! Dog is hungry!
[growling]
579
00:27:48,530 --> 00:27:50,987
Hahaha! Look! Haha! Dog is hungry!
580
00:27:52,106 --> 00:27:53,745
Be bones by morning.
581
00:27:54,524 --> 00:27:57,481
Ohhh... Hahaha!
582
00:27:58,220 --> 00:28:02,755
Hey, doggy doggy... you hungry, doggy?
583
00:28:02,756 --> 00:28:06,312
Come on little doggy... time to eat...
584
00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:11,346
[growling]
[screaming]
585
00:28:11,347 --> 00:28:13,903
Oh! Tu Dracul! Strigoi!
586
00:28:13,904 --> 00:28:19,559
[panting, screaming]
587
00:28:20,278 --> 00:28:23,474
Whoa! Oh... what is... that?!
588
00:28:23,475 --> 00:28:26,052
We�ve IDed him.
It�s that killer who�s been on the loose.
589
00:28:26,352 --> 00:28:29,309
He was just spotted less than
twelve hours ago outside of Leechwood.
590
00:28:29,808 --> 00:28:33,863
Decay around the lacerations show he�s
only been dead a couple of hours.
591
00:28:33,864 --> 00:28:34,963
It�s his blood...
592
00:28:35,723 --> 00:28:36,761
it's gone
593
00:28:36,762 --> 00:28:37,581
What do you mean gone?
594
00:28:37,582 --> 00:28:40,277
Completely! Like something
just sucked it out of him!
595
00:28:40,278 --> 00:28:41,516
Like something came along and...
596
00:28:41,517 --> 00:28:43,514
Alright, let me stop you
right there, okay, Gil?
597
00:28:43,515 --> 00:28:45,971
It�s that kind of talk that causes
pandemonium in this town.
598
00:28:45,972 --> 00:28:49,228
The legends, the stories...
they really freak folks out. Alright?
599
00:28:49,229 --> 00:28:51,846
Boys? Mums the word.
Let�s keep your lips sealed.
600
00:28:52,006 --> 00:28:53,844
Right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
601
00:28:53,904 --> 00:28:55,483
You too, Gil. Okay?
602
00:28:55,703 --> 00:28:57,181
Okay? Got it?
603
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:03,234
??
604
00:29:03,235 --> 00:29:04,573
Everything okay, Doc?
605
00:29:04,574 --> 00:29:05,473
Yeah, yeah... I�m fine.
606
00:29:05,474 --> 00:29:08,968
Hey, everyone knows about
the body they found this morning.
607
00:29:08,969 --> 00:29:10,487
I can�t talk about it.
608
00:29:10,488 --> 00:29:11,327
Time to take the edge off?
609
00:29:11,328 --> 00:29:15,082
No, no... I�m sober now.
I've been through the 12-Step program...
610
00:29:15,083 --> 00:29:18,520
And here�s to step 13.
611
00:29:23,575 --> 00:29:24,374
??
612
00:29:24,375 --> 00:29:26,611
Something just chewed up his neck!
??
613
00:29:26,612 --> 00:29:28,828
I�ve seen animal attacks and this...
??
614
00:29:28,829 --> 00:29:28,849
No blood... and bitten right here!
??
615
00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:32,005
No blood... and bitten right here!
616
00:29:32,006 --> 00:29:33,525
[? Hall of the Mountain King ?]
[gasps]
617
00:29:34,144 --> 00:29:39,119
It was probably a driveby! You know,
like one of those gang-bang thingies!
618
00:29:39,559 --> 00:29:41,396
If you�re scared I can protect you.
619
00:29:41,397 --> 00:29:43,395
Oh, no thanks! Vampires are hot!
620
00:29:43,794 --> 00:29:45,572
Chad, I�m saving myself.
621
00:29:45,573 --> 00:29:48,390
Babe, it�s vampires.
We gotta repopulate the Earth.
622
00:29:48,989 --> 00:29:51,066
How many people constitute a mob?
623
00:29:51,067 --> 00:29:53,763
[shouting]
624
00:29:53,764 --> 00:29:56,401
Calm down! Calm down! Calm down!
[shouting]
625
00:29:56,402 --> 00:29:56,642
I�m hearing a lot of rumors...
[shouting]
626
00:29:56,643 --> 00:29:57,899
I�m hearing a lot of rumors...
627
00:29:57,900 --> 00:30:01,036
and any such talk of vampires,
well that�s just plain silly!
628
00:30:01,037 --> 00:30:04,773
If there were vampires, those Harkers
would�ve said something about it, right?
629
00:30:06,951 --> 00:30:08,410
Ah, dadgummit, Denny.
630
00:30:10,648 --> 00:30:15,482
[shouting]
631
00:30:15,483 --> 00:30:16,561
Guys?
[shouting]
632
00:30:16,562 --> 00:30:21,097
[shouting]
633
00:30:21,157 --> 00:30:22,595
Where do they come from?!
Have they been here the whole time?!
634
00:30:22,596 --> 00:30:24,773
How do we stop them?!
What are they, terrorists?
635
00:30:25,832 --> 00:30:28,330
You know, the body the
cops found this morning!
636
00:30:29,029 --> 00:30:30,107
Awful.
Tragic.
637
00:30:30,108 --> 00:30:31,366
Always use the buddy system.
638
00:30:31,367 --> 00:30:33,324
Okay, guys! Guys! Please disperse!
639
00:30:33,325 --> 00:30:35,721
Everyone go home...
there�s nothing to see here, okay?
640
00:30:35,722 --> 00:30:36,860
These guys don�t know shit.
641
00:30:36,861 --> 00:30:39,897
[muttering]
642
00:30:39,898 --> 00:30:41,116
Guys, I am so so sorry.
643
00:30:41,117 --> 00:30:42,275
I don�t even know what�s going on!
644
00:30:42,276 --> 00:30:44,633
It�s okay, honey.
We just found a dead body this morning...
645
00:30:44,634 --> 00:30:47,651
neck was mangled, blood was
drained, had fang marks...
646
00:30:47,790 --> 00:30:49,168
People just get a little paranoid.
647
00:30:49,169 --> 00:30:51,626
See, this is why I was worried
about the whole show thing.
648
00:30:51,627 --> 00:30:55,482
Oh... yeah, of course, vampires!
649
00:30:55,483 --> 00:30:58,878
Oh, we know a lot about vampires!
650
00:30:58,879 --> 00:31:00,856
We were just... hey, uh... come back!
651
00:31:00,857 --> 00:31:02,934
Solid, solid police work, Wayne.
652
00:31:02,935 --> 00:31:05,212
Send the whole town over
here to terrorize us!
653
00:31:05,213 --> 00:31:05,931
Good job, pal!
654
00:31:05,932 --> 00:31:06,811
Hey, Ned!
655
00:31:06,812 --> 00:31:10,468
No, no, honey.
I am so sorry, this is completely my fault.
656
00:31:10,947 --> 00:31:13,424
They just hear the word...
[silently: �vampires�]
657
00:31:13,425 --> 00:31:16,262
and they think of your family.
Let�s get inside.
658
00:31:20,677 --> 00:31:21,856
[car starts]
659
00:31:24,234 --> 00:31:26,131
Wayne!
I can't believe I didn't think of it!
660
00:31:26,132 --> 00:31:27,490
Oh how were we supposed to know?
661
00:31:27,491 --> 00:31:30,826
We dumped a dead body with a mutilated
neck drained of blood in the lake!
662
00:31:30,827 --> 00:31:32,525
Well when you say it like that...
663
00:31:32,526 --> 00:31:34,363
[gun cocks]
I knew it!
664
00:31:34,364 --> 00:31:35,203
Have you been here the...?
665
00:31:35,204 --> 00:31:37,899
The whole time, you sickos!
666
00:31:37,900 --> 00:31:40,097
Mavis, put down the gun!
Please!
667
00:31:40,098 --> 00:31:43,613
This here gun is for my protection...
you murderers!
668
00:31:43,614 --> 00:31:46,710
I saw you the other night out my window.
669
00:31:46,711 --> 00:31:48,229
Oh that? We were just...
670
00:31:48,230 --> 00:31:51,546
Ah, get back in here and shut the fuck up!
671
00:31:51,547 --> 00:31:55,881
I know what you did,
I saw it with my own eyes!
672
00:31:55,882 --> 00:31:56,761
Mavis!
Ahh!
673
00:31:56,762 --> 00:31:58,059
Ah, get over there! Both of you!
674
00:31:58,060 --> 00:31:59,019
They�re good boys, just like their daddy.
Ah, get over there! Both of you!
675
00:31:59,020 --> 00:32:00,457
They�re good boys, just like their daddy.
676
00:32:00,458 --> 00:32:05,591
These �good� boys murdered that man
in cold blood and dumped his body!
677
00:32:05,592 --> 00:32:07,589
Mavis, please...
678
00:32:07,590 --> 00:32:11,506
You can all rot in hell...
the whole bunch of ya!
679
00:32:11,507 --> 00:32:12,844
I�ve had it!
680
00:32:12,845 --> 00:32:18,299
I�m turning you in...
and you Harkers will be done!
681
00:32:18,300 --> 00:32:22,735
You�re finished!
You�re... uuuuuuhhh...
682
00:32:26,412 --> 00:32:27,451
Mavis?!
683
00:32:32,865 --> 00:32:33,864
She�s dead.
684
00:32:34,723 --> 00:32:36,701
Why does this keep happening?!
685
00:32:40,498 --> 00:32:41,537
Boys...?
686
00:32:42,575 --> 00:32:43,614
We gotta talk.
687
00:32:46,791 --> 00:32:48,309
Well?
I think I'm gonna throw up.
688
00:32:48,310 --> 00:32:50,127
That�s the craziest idea I�ve ever heard.
689
00:32:50,128 --> 00:32:50,806
Definitely.
690
00:32:50,807 --> 00:32:51,725
I admire his candor.
691
00:32:51,726 --> 00:32:52,584
It would work.
692
00:32:52,585 --> 00:32:53,325
He�s right.
693
00:32:53,326 --> 00:32:56,421
Guys, everyone in this town
hates us... we know that.
694
00:32:56,422 --> 00:32:58,319
But for a brief moment, they didn�t.
695
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,077
They were interested in what we had to say.
696
00:33:00,078 --> 00:33:01,615
Which was nothing, apparently.
697
00:33:01,616 --> 00:33:03,155
But what if they did believe in vampires?!
698
00:33:03,175 --> 00:33:03,814
Exactly.
699
00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:05,432
You don�t even believe in vampires.
700
00:33:05,433 --> 00:33:06,511
You�re right, I don�t.
701
00:33:06,512 --> 00:33:09,348
But I believe people pay
good money to feel safe
702
00:33:09,349 --> 00:33:11,466
and I sure as hell know you
do not want to lose our house!
703
00:33:11,467 --> 00:33:12,086
Charlie?
704
00:33:12,087 --> 00:33:13,464
The probability of your plan�s success
705
00:33:13,465 --> 00:33:15,981
isn�t high enough to warrant
the desecration of your wife�s body.
706
00:33:15,982 --> 00:33:17,180
She tried to kill us, dude!
707
00:33:17,181 --> 00:33:18,100
That�s true.
708
00:33:18,101 --> 00:33:20,656
??
709
00:33:20,657 --> 00:33:21,596
Work shed.
??
710
00:33:21,597 --> 00:33:29,049
??
711
00:33:31,566 --> 00:33:32,466
[sighs]
712
00:33:32,705 --> 00:33:33,504
Okay.
713
00:33:33,505 --> 00:33:35,042
I�m not gonna do it! You do it!
714
00:33:35,043 --> 00:33:36,361
You carve things all the time...
715
00:33:36,362 --> 00:33:38,360
I don�t carve people with my chainsaw!
716
00:33:39,339 --> 00:33:41,616
Oh, I�d love to help you, but...
might get messy.
717
00:33:43,415 --> 00:33:44,414
Help.
718
00:33:45,433 --> 00:33:47,690
Now don�t hesitate.
We don't want it to bind up.
719
00:33:49,768 --> 00:33:57,760
[drill whirring]
720
00:33:58,539 --> 00:34:00,237
Oh, it�s in my mouth!
[drill whirring]
721
00:34:00,238 --> 00:34:02,794
[drill whirring]
722
00:34:02,795 --> 00:34:05,372
Gerry, why are we doing this?!
[drill whirring]
723
00:34:05,373 --> 00:34:06,530
It�s a bad idea!
[drill whirring]
724
00:34:06,531 --> 00:34:08,649
[drill whirring]
725
00:34:13,664 --> 00:34:14,843
One down!
726
00:34:15,502 --> 00:34:21,996
[drill whirring]
[screaming]
727
00:34:24,613 --> 00:34:26,252
[groans]
728
00:34:27,910 --> 00:34:30,028
Yeahhh, that�ll do it.
729
00:34:31,926 --> 00:34:33,025
Good job, buddy.
730
00:34:33,804 --> 00:34:35,103
I�ll get the Shop Vac.
731
00:34:36,501 --> 00:34:39,079
Alright, boys.
Here�s the plan...
732
00:34:39,858 --> 00:34:43,134
After we lay her outside, I�ll draw as
much attention as possible. [hollering]
733
00:34:43,135 --> 00:34:46,352
You boys go out to the forest
and make yourselves dirty.
734
00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:49,668
I�ll call 911 to set things in motion.
735
00:34:49,968 --> 00:34:53,005
And in less than 10 minutes
the news will show up.
736
00:34:53,245 --> 00:34:56,121
So once you see the lights...
make your way back.
737
00:34:56,122 --> 00:34:57,699
Can you tell us what happened here tonight?
738
00:34:57,700 --> 00:35:00,717
It was a [distorted] vampire!
739
00:35:03,494 --> 00:35:05,731
Don�t worry... I�ll make
believers out of all of them.
740
00:35:05,732 --> 00:35:08,488
Those were the ones who saved me!
741
00:35:08,489 --> 00:35:10,167
??
742
00:35:10,168 --> 00:35:13,603
What was it? What was it?
??
743
00:35:13,604 --> 00:35:13,624
??
744
00:35:13,664 --> 00:35:14,802
We chased it!
745
00:35:14,803 --> 00:35:15,762
We staked it!
746
00:35:15,763 --> 00:35:17,041
It got away.
747
00:35:17,221 --> 00:35:18,758
Vampires in Leechwood?
748
00:35:18,759 --> 00:35:20,976
You expect us to believe
this was a real vampire?!
749
00:35:20,977 --> 00:35:23,234
Of course it was a vampire!
750
00:35:23,235 --> 00:35:25,891
We could be dealing with a maniac
on the loose! Where�s your proof?
751
00:35:25,892 --> 00:35:28,249
[clamoring]
752
00:35:28,250 --> 00:35:31,525
Fine! Fine! You want proof?!
We�ll capture it...
753
00:35:31,526 --> 00:35:32,944
and we�ll show it to you!
754
00:35:32,945 --> 00:35:36,540
Okay? We�re gonna catch the vampire
and you can all see for yourselves! Okay?
755
00:35:36,541 --> 00:35:39,618
Right here! At House Harker! Alright?!
756
00:35:39,858 --> 00:35:41,416
You heard it here first, ladies...
757
00:35:42,895 --> 00:35:44,692
Well that wasn�t exactly
in the script, Gerry.
758
00:35:44,693 --> 00:35:47,909
It�s beginning to feel now like we drilled
a hole in my wife�s neck for no reason!
759
00:35:47,910 --> 00:35:50,287
I know! I�m sorry... I�m sorry! I panicked!
760
00:35:50,288 --> 00:35:52,604
Prove it... How are we
going to prove it, Gerry?!
761
00:35:52,605 --> 00:35:54,623
We show them the real vampire skull.
762
00:35:55,402 --> 00:35:56,641
Where�s the real vampire skull?
763
00:35:56,981 --> 00:35:58,539
I�m sorry, Gerry. We hid it.
764
00:35:58,859 --> 00:36:00,797
From me? Why?!
765
00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:02,754
We�re going to lose the house, Charlie!
766
00:36:02,755 --> 00:36:04,194
We had to. I�m sorry.
767
00:36:04,693 --> 00:36:06,670
Your father said that the skull was cursed.
768
00:36:06,671 --> 00:36:07,670
Wait, you�ve seen it?
769
00:36:07,671 --> 00:36:11,046
Yeah. I�m no stranger to
the forces of darkness, fellas.
770
00:36:11,047 --> 00:36:14,324
I mean when I first met your pops...
I was still a Priest.
771
00:36:14,703 --> 00:36:17,600
Where do you think I learned on
how to handle the situation with Mavis?
772
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,495
I mean, misdirection of information
is the church�s specialty.
773
00:36:21,496 --> 00:36:22,515
Makes sense.
774
00:36:22,975 --> 00:36:24,314
I mean it was ages ago.
775
00:36:24,553 --> 00:36:27,790
But I used to handle exorcisms,
demonic possessions... you name it!
776
00:36:27,810 --> 00:36:31,087
[screeching]
777
00:36:35,183 --> 00:36:36,660
??
778
00:36:36,661 --> 00:36:39,657
[heavy breathing]
??
779
00:36:39,658 --> 00:36:44,692
[heavy breathing]
780
00:36:44,693 --> 00:36:45,372
Our Father, who art in Heaven...
[heavy breathing]
781
00:36:45,373 --> 00:36:48,169
Our Father, who art in Heaven...
782
00:36:48,170 --> 00:36:50,987
NuqDaq-oH puchpa-e
783
00:36:53,125 --> 00:36:55,102
The power of Christ compels you!
784
00:36:55,103 --> 00:36:56,002
[growling]
785
00:36:56,003 --> 00:36:57,100
The power of Christ compels you!
[growling]
786
00:36:57,101 --> 00:36:58,079
The power of Christ compels you!
787
00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:58,558
[sizzling]
788
00:36:58,559 --> 00:36:59,438
The power of Christ compels you!
[sizzling]
789
00:36:59,439 --> 00:37:00,777
The power of Christ compels you!
790
00:37:01,756 --> 00:37:02,955
[gasps]
791
00:37:05,093 --> 00:37:10,446
??
792
00:37:10,447 --> 00:37:11,665
Fuck you!
793
00:37:11,666 --> 00:37:12,824
The power of Christ...
794
00:37:12,825 --> 00:37:14,583
[shrieks]
[splatters]
795
00:37:15,822 --> 00:37:16,900
Not so bad.
796
00:37:16,901 --> 00:37:18,819
[roaring]
[splatters]
797
00:37:22,395 --> 00:37:25,431
You fucking moron!
798
00:37:25,432 --> 00:37:26,830
[cackling]
799
00:37:26,831 --> 00:37:29,608
I cast you out, in the name of...
800
00:37:30,507 --> 00:37:32,146
[splatters]
Jesus Christ!
801
00:37:34,903 --> 00:37:37,041
Yeah... yeah...
802
00:37:37,780 --> 00:37:39,758
Can I get you something to drink?
803
00:37:40,138 --> 00:37:42,275
[laughter]
804
00:37:42,895 --> 00:37:43,894
Really?!
805
00:37:44,234 --> 00:37:49,948
I have seen some stupid
fucking imbeciles, but...
806
00:37:50,128 --> 00:37:53,144
you are the worst!
807
00:37:53,145 --> 00:37:57,140
A person can only be yelled at
and puked on so many times
808
00:37:57,141 --> 00:37:58,999
[splatters]
by the spawn of Satan.
809
00:38:00,357 --> 00:38:03,354
I guess you could say... I just lost it.
810
00:38:04,773 --> 00:38:08,368
I had left the Priesthood.
I was lost. But then...
811
00:38:08,369 --> 00:38:09,467
Oh!
[clattering]
812
00:38:09,468 --> 00:38:12,444
Oww... Watch where you�re going,
you peckerhead!
813
00:38:12,445 --> 00:38:14,084
You damn near killed me!
814
00:38:14,104 --> 00:38:18,559
Why, I�ve met some morons in my day...
pick up my damn groceries!
815
00:38:19,159 --> 00:38:22,156
I�d spent my entire life
getting yelled at by demons.
816
00:38:22,875 --> 00:38:24,433
I guess I sort of missed it.
817
00:38:24,913 --> 00:38:26,911
What the hell are you looking at?!
818
00:38:27,630 --> 00:38:29,968
Oh man... your breath smells!
819
00:38:30,148 --> 00:38:32,186
Your hair looks like a dog cut it!
820
00:38:32,365 --> 00:38:34,962
I couldn�t even stand looking
at you everyday of my life...
821
00:38:34,963 --> 00:38:36,881
I�d shoot myself in the face.
822
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:40,676
Golly... I would never want to
be a part of your life!
823
00:38:40,677 --> 00:38:44,372
All those years we were together, I figured
she was just probably possessed by a demon.
824
00:38:44,373 --> 00:38:45,372
[clears throat]
825
00:38:46,231 --> 00:38:48,070
Sorry to interrupt storytime.
826
00:38:48,229 --> 00:38:49,387
Hey!
827
00:38:49,388 --> 00:38:50,387
Gerry, can I have a word?
828
00:38:52,146 --> 00:38:53,145
Sure.
829
00:38:53,444 --> 00:38:54,443
[door slams]
830
00:38:56,861 --> 00:38:57,700
What were you thinking?
831
00:38:58,060 --> 00:38:59,697
No such thing as bad publicity?
832
00:38:59,698 --> 00:39:00,916
This isn�t a movie, Gerry...
It�s our lives!
833
00:39:00,917 --> 00:39:01,855
[chainsaw roaring] This isn�t a
movie, Gerry... It�s our lives!
834
00:39:01,856 --> 00:39:02,855
[chainsaw roaring]
835
00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:04,173
Hang on.
836
00:39:05,452 --> 00:39:11,645
[chainsaw roaring]
837
00:39:11,646 --> 00:39:12,824
Shut-up!
[chainsaw roaring]
838
00:39:12,825 --> 00:39:13,824
[chainsaw roaring]
839
00:39:18,459 --> 00:39:19,778
She seems pretty miffed!
840
00:39:21,456 --> 00:39:22,975
That is a nice one.
841
00:39:23,334 --> 00:39:24,173
That is...
842
00:39:24,174 --> 00:39:26,470
[chainsaw rumbling]
843
00:39:26,471 --> 00:39:29,447
Hey, I was thinkin� that maybe you and
I could, uh... [chainsaw rumbling]
844
00:39:29,448 --> 00:39:30,287
have a little talk.
[chainsaw rumbling]
845
00:39:30,288 --> 00:39:31,625
[chainsaw rumbling]
846
00:39:31,626 --> 00:39:31,646
[chainsaw roaring]
[chainsaw rumbling]
847
00:39:31,647 --> 00:39:32,924
[chainsaw roaring]
848
00:39:32,925 --> 00:39:33,884
It�s just...
849
00:39:33,885 --> 00:39:36,860
[chainsaw roaring]
850
00:39:36,861 --> 00:39:38,998
I saw you that one time...
[chainsaw roaring]
851
00:39:38,999 --> 00:39:41,195
she, she said that one...
[chainsaw roaring]
852
00:39:41,196 --> 00:39:42,195
[chainsaw roaring]
853
00:39:42,735 --> 00:39:44,732
[chainsaw roaring]
854
00:39:44,733 --> 00:39:46,530
I�m gonna go check on Charlie. Okay?
[chainsaw roaring]
855
00:39:46,531 --> 00:39:47,838
I�m gonna go check on Charlie. Okay?
856
00:39:48,090 --> 00:39:49,089
Alright, good.
857
00:39:52,006 --> 00:39:55,422
[chainsaw roaring]
858
00:39:55,662 --> 00:39:58,100
It�s bad enough that you
dragged Charlie into this sideshow,
859
00:39:58,279 --> 00:40:00,416
now you�ve got the evening news
waving a camera in his face!
860
00:40:00,417 --> 00:40:01,895
He�s fine.
861
00:40:01,896 --> 00:40:03,373
You saw what happened at the diner.
862
00:40:03,374 --> 00:40:05,652
He still believes all the crazy stories.
863
00:40:06,271 --> 00:40:07,990
Everything Dad ever told him.
864
00:40:08,289 --> 00:40:13,183
All I�m trying to do is give this
shithole of a town a reason to believe him.
865
00:40:13,184 --> 00:40:14,623
Would they pick on him then?
866
00:40:15,482 --> 00:40:16,881
No.
867
00:40:17,460 --> 00:40:19,898
They�d be sorry they
messed with the Harkers.
868
00:40:20,317 --> 00:40:20,997
Right?
869
00:40:20,998 --> 00:40:22,395
[patting the bed]
870
00:40:24,183 --> 00:40:25,752
You always do this.
871
00:40:26,091 --> 00:40:28,050
You always make me feel like
you know what you�re doing.
872
00:40:28,229 --> 00:40:30,687
And that�s how I got my first part.
873
00:40:35,442 --> 00:40:37,120
I have an idea!
874
00:40:37,220 --> 00:40:38,458
We kill Wayne!
875
00:40:38,459 --> 00:40:42,114
No! Proof?!
They want proof...
876
00:40:42,115 --> 00:40:43,114
Heyyyy...
877
00:40:44,073 --> 00:40:45,271
We hire an actor.
878
00:40:45,272 --> 00:40:46,390
Alright I�ll do it.
879
00:40:46,391 --> 00:40:47,489
Not you.
Who?
880
00:40:47,490 --> 00:40:49,067
He played my coach in Twirl.
881
00:40:49,068 --> 00:40:51,525
He�s kind of an arrogant
asshole, but he was good.
882
00:40:51,526 --> 00:40:54,722
Like, really good.
Like Daniel-Day Lewis level of commitment.
883
00:40:54,723 --> 00:40:55,582
Go on.
884
00:40:55,583 --> 00:40:58,658
People are coming here on
Friday night looking for a show.
885
00:40:58,659 --> 00:41:00,736
Oh, we give them a show!
886
00:41:00,737 --> 00:41:03,153
And then we swoop in and save the day!
887
00:41:03,154 --> 00:41:03,994
The probability of...
888
00:41:03,995 --> 00:41:07,530
What choice do we have?
This is our Hail Mary pass!
889
00:41:08,189 --> 00:41:09,188
Amen!
890
00:41:09,808 --> 00:41:09,888
We are thrilled to welcome
Stacey Mendler...
891
00:41:09,889 --> 00:41:12,824
?? We are thrilled to
welcome Stacey Mendler...
892
00:41:12,825 --> 00:41:15,081
best-selling author of the
�Succulent� book series. ??
893
00:41:15,082 --> 00:41:16,341
Best-selling author of the
�Succulent� book series.
894
00:41:16,461 --> 00:41:20,656
Now, Ms. Mendler, you�ve
captivated millions by taking this violent,
895
00:41:20,657 --> 00:41:26,290
horrific monster and turning it into
a sensitive, sexy, sparkling hero.
896
00:41:26,291 --> 00:41:29,127
What inspired you to
reinvent this creature?
897
00:41:29,128 --> 00:41:33,723
Okay, well first of all, they�re not
creatures... they�re just misunderstood people.
898
00:41:33,724 --> 00:41:37,199
I mean someone had to tell
their side of the story.
899
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:38,958
I�ve just brought the humanity back.
900
00:41:38,959 --> 00:41:45,071
As you may have heard, we recently made national
news with two alleged �vampire attacks�...
901
00:41:45,072 --> 00:41:47,449
But this behavior is in
stark contrast to the
902
00:41:47,450 --> 00:41:51,005
misunderstood and loving
people that you write about.
903
00:41:51,006 --> 00:41:52,524
Would you care to comment?
904
00:41:52,525 --> 00:41:53,703
Let me be clear.
905
00:41:53,704 --> 00:41:56,860
Whoever is staging this hoax
are low-down con artists
906
00:41:56,861 --> 00:41:58,498
looking to make a quick buck.
907
00:41:58,499 --> 00:42:01,715
This insensitivity and, I�m
sorry, flat out racism
908
00:42:01,716 --> 00:42:03,693
towards vampires is sickening.
909
00:42:03,694 --> 00:42:05,431
I�ve got news for them...
910
00:42:05,432 --> 00:42:08,628
My book tour was never coming to Leechwood.
911
00:42:08,629 --> 00:42:09,628
Now it is.
912
00:42:10,587 --> 00:42:11,725
[wind rustling]
913
00:42:11,726 --> 00:42:13,403
[growling]
[[ragged breathing]
[wind rustling]
914
00:42:13,404 --> 00:42:17,180
[growling]
[[ragged breathing]
915
00:42:17,220 --> 00:42:18,538
[screaming]
[snarling]
916
00:42:18,539 --> 00:42:19,637
So you�ll do it?
917
00:42:19,638 --> 00:42:21,635
A thousand bucks. Non-negotiable.
918
00:42:21,636 --> 00:42:22,654
Eight-hundred.
919
00:42:22,655 --> 00:42:23,274
Done.
920
00:42:23,694 --> 00:42:24,892
I�m sure it�ll be worth it!
921
00:42:24,893 --> 00:42:27,709
Are you kidding me?
After I transform, I�ll be the character.
922
00:42:27,710 --> 00:42:30,446
The make-up, the hair... I�ll be the
scariest thing you�ve ever seen.
923
00:42:30,447 --> 00:42:33,284
Thanks again, Tanner! So
good to catch up after...
924
00:42:38,679 --> 00:42:39,937
You got eight hundred bucks?
925
00:42:39,938 --> 00:42:47,930
??
926
00:42:55,262 --> 00:42:59,257
[imitating guitar]
??
927
00:42:59,258 --> 00:43:00,797
??
928
00:43:01,416 --> 00:43:02,155
Whaddya think?!
929
00:43:02,156 --> 00:43:03,853
Sup, Nedward Scissorhands?
930
00:43:03,854 --> 00:43:04,853
Oh fuck off, Gerry.
931
00:43:04,854 --> 00:43:07,249
If we are gonna be vampire hunters...
we are gonna look good.
932
00:43:07,250 --> 00:43:08,689
Oh! I forgot the best part!
933
00:43:08,909 --> 00:43:13,503
[imitating whirring sounds]
934
00:43:13,504 --> 00:43:14,562
How kickass is that?!
935
00:43:14,563 --> 00:43:16,160
Will that even work?
936
00:43:16,161 --> 00:43:19,058
Oh it�ll work.
Made something for you too, pal.
937
00:43:20,237 --> 00:43:21,336
It�s a baton!
938
00:43:22,055 --> 00:43:23,394
Made out of wood!
939
00:43:23,534 --> 00:43:25,372
�Twirl, baby. Twirl.�
940
00:43:25,772 --> 00:43:26,711
Thanks, man?
941
00:43:26,891 --> 00:43:29,327
Oh come on!
You guys are not ruining this for me!
942
00:43:29,328 --> 00:43:31,985
I wore that stupid vampire
costume for your show!
943
00:43:32,964 --> 00:43:34,543
Your turn.
944
00:43:36,681 --> 00:43:38,579
I feel like the Robin Hood of fetish porn.
945
00:43:39,138 --> 00:43:42,074
Vampires beware!
946
00:43:42,075 --> 00:43:43,993
You guys look like a bunch of dweebs.
947
00:43:44,153 --> 00:43:45,652
How are we on the livestream?
948
00:43:46,191 --> 00:43:48,228
You really think we can get
enough viewers to make any money?
949
00:43:48,229 --> 00:43:51,865
Even if we monetize, it�s gonna take
millions of views. How many we got?
950
00:43:51,866 --> 00:43:53,283
Currently...? Four.
951
00:43:53,284 --> 00:43:54,283
Alright.
952
00:43:57,220 --> 00:43:58,659
What�s this bullshit?
953
00:43:59,658 --> 00:43:59,756
I need you on the door, Paige!
954
00:43:59,757 --> 00:44:01,495
[organ music]
I need you on the door, Paige!
955
00:44:01,496 --> 00:44:02,834
[organ music]
956
00:44:02,835 --> 00:44:02,892
What are you doing?
[organ music]
957
00:44:02,893 --> 00:44:03,474
What are you doing?
958
00:44:03,475 --> 00:44:04,852
It looks like a haunted house!
959
00:44:04,853 --> 00:44:06,929
It looks like we have painters coming over.
960
00:44:06,930 --> 00:44:08,129
Have you seen our budget?
961
00:44:09,208 --> 00:44:10,607
[laughs]
962
00:44:11,726 --> 00:44:12,745
You guys look...
963
00:44:14,103 --> 00:44:15,462
unbelievable!
964
00:44:16,261 --> 00:44:17,260
I told you!
965
00:44:18,379 --> 00:44:19,518
Alright...
966
00:44:19,917 --> 00:44:23,953
Ten bucks each if they want to see
the show... and proof of purchase?
967
00:44:24,133 --> 00:44:25,672
They gotta wear one of these!
968
00:44:26,251 --> 00:44:26,990
Great.
969
00:44:27,070 --> 00:44:30,586
Once the sun goes down...
things are going to get crazy!
970
00:44:30,587 --> 00:44:32,144
[roaring]
971
00:44:32,145 --> 00:44:35,781
[growling]
972
00:44:35,782 --> 00:44:36,801
[screams]
973
00:44:42,635 --> 00:44:48,928
??
974
00:44:49,728 --> 00:44:51,665
? I'm driving in my car ?
975
00:44:51,666 --> 00:44:53,464
? I'm in my car alone ?
976
00:44:53,504 --> 00:44:55,282
? I like to drive it fast ?
977
00:44:55,342 --> 00:44:56,741
? I like to drive it slow ?
978
00:44:57,100 --> 00:44:58,479
[phone ringing]
979
00:45:01,616 --> 00:45:02,834
[phone ringing]
980
00:45:03,833 --> 00:45:05,830
Hey... you didn�t say you were
in the middle of nowhere.
981
00:45:05,831 --> 00:45:06,889
Hey, man... where are you?
982
00:45:06,890 --> 00:45:07,889
Says I�m an hour out.
983
00:45:07,890 --> 00:45:10,246
Park a few blocks away and
call me when you�re close.
984
00:45:10,247 --> 00:45:11,445
And remember, no one can know...
985
00:45:11,446 --> 00:45:14,143
Yeah, I got... Yeah, I got it, I got it.
Discreet.
986
00:45:15,462 --> 00:45:16,381
Dipshit.
987
00:45:16,701 --> 00:45:17,979
? Lord have mercy ?
988
00:45:18,099 --> 00:45:21,635
Are the centuries-old legends
of Leechwood County true?
989
00:45:21,636 --> 00:45:27,149
Two bodies have been discovered with mutilated
necks and drained completely of blood.
990
00:45:27,150 --> 00:45:32,424
In a town anxious for answers, there are
three men who claim that vampire hunting...
991
00:45:32,425 --> 00:45:34,423
is in their blood.
992
00:45:36,481 --> 00:45:37,779
This is the place.
993
00:45:38,379 --> 00:45:42,375
? Lord have mercy on my tired old bones ?
994
00:45:42,455 --> 00:45:44,851
Oh my God, Stacey... I love you!
995
00:45:44,852 --> 00:45:49,987
[clamoring]
996
00:45:50,107 --> 00:45:51,666
Will you sign my boobs?
997
00:45:52,385 --> 00:45:54,982
I've read all your books!
I love you, I love you!
998
00:45:55,402 --> 00:45:58,259
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for coming.
999
00:45:59,857 --> 00:46:00,856
Hey!
1000
00:46:02,894 --> 00:46:05,770
I think what you�re doing is super tacky.
1001
00:46:05,771 --> 00:46:10,026
I mean, vampires are beautiful
and sensual creatures.
1002
00:46:10,027 --> 00:46:15,282
This sort of exploitation undermines
any real knowledge there is to vampires.
1003
00:46:15,342 --> 00:46:18,199
And if you read my books,
you would know that.
1004
00:46:19,857 --> 00:46:22,833
I�m really looking forward to
scaring the shit out of these people.
1005
00:46:22,834 --> 00:46:26,949
[cheering]
1006
00:46:26,950 --> 00:46:29,468
No such thing as too much!
1007
00:46:30,507 --> 00:46:34,202
I super-glued a guy�s dick
and sent him to the E.R.,
1008
00:46:34,203 --> 00:46:36,180
but I thought it was hilarious.
1009
00:46:36,181 --> 00:46:36,461
[laughter]
1010
00:46:36,462 --> 00:46:37,858
Everything in the woodchipper!
[laughter]
1011
00:46:37,859 --> 00:46:38,179
[laughter]
1012
00:46:38,858 --> 00:46:40,076
Quite the turnout.
1013
00:46:40,077 --> 00:46:43,353
I know, right?
It�s actually kind of amazing.
1014
00:46:43,354 --> 00:46:45,711
But it looks like it�s
going to be a lost cause.
1015
00:46:46,331 --> 00:46:47,270
I�m sorry, what?
1016
00:46:47,271 --> 00:46:50,805
Given there are those foolish enough
to pay for this pathetic attempt,
1017
00:46:50,806 --> 00:46:55,621
I�ve calculated that you won�t come even close to
reimbursing the fifty-thousand dollars by tomorrow.
1018
00:46:55,622 --> 00:46:57,699
You can say goodbye to House Harker.
1019
00:46:57,879 --> 00:47:01,236
I just came by to see which room
I'd like to make my office.
1020
00:47:04,353 --> 00:47:05,790
What can we expect for tonight?
1021
00:47:05,791 --> 00:47:07,909
Oh, tonight is not for
the faint of heart...
1022
00:47:07,949 --> 00:47:10,506
We're trained professionals though,
and you�re gonna expect...
1023
00:47:10,507 --> 00:47:11,206
Enjoying yourself?
1024
00:47:11,207 --> 00:47:12,884
One sec. Okay?
1025
00:47:13,164 --> 00:47:14,223
Can this wait?
1026
00:47:14,682 --> 00:47:16,221
When were you going to tell me?!
1027
00:47:16,401 --> 00:47:19,756
After we were evicted?!
After we lost everything?!
1028
00:47:19,757 --> 00:47:21,495
Hold on, it�s not what you think...
1029
00:47:21,496 --> 00:47:23,912
You can�t talk your way
out of this one, Gerry.
1030
00:47:23,913 --> 00:47:26,090
This whole thing was your idea, not mine.
1031
00:47:26,091 --> 00:47:29,007
Not Charlie�s. And it
sure as hell wasn�t dads.
1032
00:47:29,008 --> 00:47:31,864
Dad always wanted to hide things.
People need to know...
1033
00:47:31,865 --> 00:47:32,884
About you!
1034
00:47:33,384 --> 00:47:34,403
Right, Gerry?!
1035
00:47:35,062 --> 00:47:36,581
It�s always about you.
1036
00:47:37,420 --> 00:47:38,438
You left and you didn�t even care about us.
1037
00:47:38,439 --> 00:47:39,856
??
You left and you didn�t even care about us.
1038
00:47:39,857 --> 00:47:40,057
??
1039
00:47:40,058 --> 00:47:42,733
You never called once to
see how dad was doing. ??
1040
00:47:42,734 --> 00:47:44,072
??
1041
00:47:44,073 --> 00:47:45,431
He died and you were too
busy focusing on you! ??
1042
00:47:45,432 --> 00:47:47,270
He died and you were too
busy focusing on you!
1043
00:47:48,109 --> 00:47:49,726
And then when you weren�t
getting enough attention,
1044
00:47:49,727 --> 00:47:52,325
you tucked your tail between your legs
and came back to see us.
1045
00:47:53,244 --> 00:47:54,662
And now you�re trying to help.
1046
00:47:56,281 --> 00:47:57,719
We don�t need your help, Gerry.
1047
00:48:01,655 --> 00:48:02,694
We don�t need you.
1048
00:48:03,813 --> 00:48:05,452
We were doing fine without you.
1049
00:48:10,786 --> 00:48:12,744
I�ll go pack my things.
1050
00:48:18,978 --> 00:48:20,377
Paige!
1051
00:48:22,834 --> 00:48:23,873
This is my gift.
1052
00:48:25,232 --> 00:48:26,471
[laughing]
1053
00:48:28,409 --> 00:48:29,627
I made it.
1054
00:48:30,467 --> 00:48:33,903
Not for the wedding... not for Wayne...
1055
00:48:34,583 --> 00:48:35,741
for you.
1056
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:38,199
I love you.
1057
00:48:38,998 --> 00:48:40,357
I always have.
1058
00:48:42,355 --> 00:48:43,873
You�re my beautiful mermaid.
1059
00:48:44,752 --> 00:48:46,670
Jesus, Ned. Not now!
1060
00:48:50,187 --> 00:48:51,764
So you don�t like the carving?
1061
00:48:51,765 --> 00:48:53,123
No!
1062
00:48:53,124 --> 00:48:54,861
??
1063
00:48:54,862 --> 00:48:55,721
Blah blah blah. Blah blah blaa...
??
1064
00:48:55,722 --> 00:48:58,418
Blah blah blah. Blah blah blaa...
1065
00:48:58,419 --> 00:49:00,417
Woooah!!
[tires screech]
1066
00:49:03,354 --> 00:49:05,610
Are you kidding me, man?!
I almost killed you!
1067
00:49:05,611 --> 00:49:06,610
[growling]
1068
00:49:06,611 --> 00:49:08,328
Oh great. Another vampire.
1069
00:49:08,329 --> 00:49:12,125
Nobody said there was gonna be
two vampires. Look, buddy...
1070
00:49:14,343 --> 00:49:15,122
Buddy?
1071
00:49:15,302 --> 00:49:16,301
[twig snaps]
1072
00:49:18,818 --> 00:49:22,274
[screeching]
1073
00:49:22,275 --> 00:49:27,490
[roaring]
1074
00:49:27,709 --> 00:49:30,287
Tanner?
Hey!
1075
00:49:30,766 --> 00:49:32,065
What, is this guy lost?
1076
00:49:32,604 --> 00:49:34,351
I don�t think we should
go through with this.
1077
00:49:34,602 --> 00:49:36,200
Gerry, I stole these costumes!
1078
00:49:36,201 --> 00:49:37,359
Well that was your id...
Wait, what?
1079
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:38,557
This is our chance!
1080
00:49:38,558 --> 00:49:42,754
The entire town paid money to see
us catch a real vampire, just...
1081
00:49:43,314 --> 00:49:47,090
We only made twelve-hundred dollars!
That�s not even close!
1082
00:49:47,450 --> 00:49:49,707
Come tomorrow, we lose the house.
1083
00:49:54,842 --> 00:49:56,081
I lost the house.
1084
00:49:57,679 --> 00:49:59,158
This whole mess is my fault.
1085
00:50:05,591 --> 00:50:06,849
It's definitely your fault.
1086
00:50:06,850 --> 00:50:08,109
Come on, Charlie.
1087
00:50:08,708 --> 00:50:09,647
But look at us.
1088
00:50:09,648 --> 00:50:12,105
We look fantastic.
Especially me.
1089
00:50:12,245 --> 00:50:15,520
When we were little...
people used to stare at us and point...
1090
00:50:15,521 --> 00:50:20,436
And they�d say, "Look at those weirdo
Harker kids and their loser friend Ned."
1091
00:50:20,437 --> 00:50:21,615
No they didn�t.
1092
00:50:22,814 --> 00:50:24,093
But what did Dad say?
1093
00:50:24,952 --> 00:50:26,830
He said, "Life is a chess match...
1094
00:50:27,829 --> 00:50:29,887
and the game isn�t
over until checkmate."
1095
00:50:30,986 --> 00:50:34,861
Gerry, you think you�ve lost
the house, but you haven�t.
1096
00:50:34,862 --> 00:50:38,697
Not yet. It�s still on the board.
It�s like when you left.
1097
00:50:38,698 --> 00:50:42,175
Paige and I thought we�d lost you,
but Dad always said...
1098
00:50:42,375 --> 00:50:44,133
"He has to play his own game."
1099
00:50:45,951 --> 00:50:48,968
He was so proud of you, Gerry.
Because you�d won.
1100
00:50:49,607 --> 00:50:54,482
You made Twirl!
The �Karate Kid� of baton twirling films.
1101
00:50:55,362 --> 00:50:58,099
So if we lose the house, it�s okay.
1102
00:50:58,838 --> 00:51:00,716
There are other pieces on the board.
1103
00:51:01,815 --> 00:51:03,134
We still have each other.
1104
00:51:04,373 --> 00:51:05,112
And Ned.
1105
00:51:05,292 --> 00:51:06,291
Hmm?
1106
00:51:09,148 --> 00:51:10,147
Harkers.
1107
00:51:12,804 --> 00:51:16,060
And their mutherfuckin�
badass friend, Ned Morris.
1108
00:51:16,061 --> 00:51:18,678
Alright, let�s go find our vampire.
1109
00:51:19,198 --> 00:51:21,974
[roaring]
[shrieking]
1110
00:51:21,975 --> 00:51:25,490
Holy shit, man! Now that is fucking scary!
[laughter]
1111
00:51:25,491 --> 00:51:27,129
That make-up is next level, Tanner!
1112
00:51:27,130 --> 00:51:27,628
[screeching]
That make-up is next level, Tanner!
1113
00:51:27,629 --> 00:51:28,628
[screeching]
1114
00:51:28,988 --> 00:51:30,685
Like I said... kind of an asshole.
1115
00:51:30,686 --> 00:51:31,665
He doesn�t sound very healthy.
1116
00:51:31,666 --> 00:51:33,104
He�s probably in character.
1117
00:51:34,203 --> 00:51:36,121
We should probably get him out of sight.
Come on!
1118
00:51:38,538 --> 00:51:39,218
[growls]
1119
00:51:39,457 --> 00:51:40,675
That�s a great idea!
1120
00:51:40,676 --> 00:51:43,432
Yeah, yeah! Go inside and
lay low until we�re ready!
1121
00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:44,731
There�s snacks downstairs.
1122
00:51:44,732 --> 00:51:47,350
Hey, make yourself comfortable.
Mi casa es su casa.
1123
00:51:48,009 --> 00:51:51,745
[growling]
1124
00:52:03,453 --> 00:52:04,871
Hey! I want to talk to you!
1125
00:52:04,872 --> 00:52:06,250
Wayne, I know... Paige is pissed.
1126
00:52:06,251 --> 00:52:07,628
No, no, not you.
1127
00:52:07,629 --> 00:52:09,307
No... Hey, Charlie. Not you.
1128
00:52:09,308 --> 00:52:11,744
Hey, you! I know you
have feelings for Paige.
1129
00:52:11,745 --> 00:52:12,524
Come on.
1130
00:52:12,724 --> 00:52:14,522
Hey... hey look!
1131
00:52:15,761 --> 00:52:17,558
I know you love her, okay?
1132
00:52:17,559 --> 00:52:19,337
I�ve learned to accept that.
1133
00:52:19,338 --> 00:52:24,632
But why can�t you accept me and stop
being so dadgum mean all the time?!
1134
00:52:25,431 --> 00:52:28,368
[growling]
1135
00:52:48,988 --> 00:52:52,344
[roaring]
1136
00:52:54,462 --> 00:53:00,077
Once you become a best-selling
author, it is so hard to meet guys.
1137
00:53:00,396 --> 00:53:01,316
Uh-huh.
1138
00:53:01,316 --> 00:53:04,072
It�s like they can�t handle my gift.
You know?
1139
00:53:04,073 --> 00:53:04,632
Yeah.
1140
00:53:04,633 --> 00:53:08,228
My special connection with vampires.
1141
00:53:08,229 --> 00:53:11,105
I can sense their presence, you know?
1142
00:53:11,106 --> 00:53:12,763
I mean if one was near it�s
like I could feel him...
1143
00:53:12,764 --> 00:53:15,420
[growling] I mean if one was near
it�s like I could feel him...
1144
00:53:15,421 --> 00:53:15,801
I mean if one was near it�s
like I could feel him...
1145
00:53:16,460 --> 00:53:18,698
I know. It�s a lot to take in.
1146
00:53:19,317 --> 00:53:21,036
[growling]
1147
00:53:22,594 --> 00:53:24,173
[screams]
1148
00:53:26,131 --> 00:53:27,948
You know what? I love her.
1149
00:53:27,949 --> 00:53:30,365
And I�m gonna take good care of
her and you know that!
1150
00:53:30,366 --> 00:53:30,985
[screaming]
1151
00:53:30,986 --> 00:53:31,304
Guys, maybe we should get inside.
[screaming]
1152
00:53:31,305 --> 00:53:32,165
Guys, maybe we should get inside.
1153
00:53:32,166 --> 00:53:34,942
Give the guy a break!
He�s pouring his heart out here.
1154
00:53:35,941 --> 00:53:39,198
See what I mean?
It�s like he doesn�t even listen!
1155
00:53:39,457 --> 00:53:41,015
??
1156
00:53:41,016 --> 00:53:42,174
Am I sparkling?
??
1157
00:53:42,175 --> 00:53:43,174
Am I sparkling?
1158
00:53:46,390 --> 00:53:48,548
[screaming]
1159
00:53:51,226 --> 00:53:53,483
Aw, man. People are
trying to leave already.
1160
00:53:53,623 --> 00:53:57,679
[roaring]
[screaming]
1161
00:54:07,130 --> 00:54:08,229
I�m sorry?
1162
00:54:14,123 --> 00:54:16,041
Was that... [coughs]
was that so hard?
1163
00:54:18,678 --> 00:54:19,238
Oh!
1164
00:54:19,238 --> 00:54:21,795
Ha ha... okay, pal
1165
00:54:22,374 --> 00:54:23,913
Okay. That�s good.
1166
00:54:25,271 --> 00:54:26,570
[laughs]
1167
00:54:26,770 --> 00:54:28,448
Yeah. Okay.
1168
00:54:29,867 --> 00:54:32,723
Let�s get back in there,
before we miss all the fun, right? Yeah.
1169
00:54:32,724 --> 00:54:33,723
Okay.
Okay.
1170
00:54:34,462 --> 00:54:35,761
Hey, where�d you go?
1171
00:54:36,300 --> 00:54:38,717
Line for the pisser was too long.
1172
00:54:38,718 --> 00:54:40,296
And I brought my private stock.
1173
00:54:42,574 --> 00:54:45,171
[roaring]
1174
00:54:45,172 --> 00:54:46,709
[screaming]
[roaring]
1175
00:54:46,710 --> 00:54:47,709
[roaring]
1176
00:54:48,189 --> 00:54:49,347
What the fuck?!
1177
00:54:50,266 --> 00:54:52,643
Hey, Doc, what in the
Sam Hell are you doin�?
1178
00:54:52,644 --> 00:54:54,861
Are you taking to the bottle again?
1179
00:54:54,862 --> 00:54:56,640
His wife is gonna be so disappointed.
1180
00:54:57,699 --> 00:54:59,018
What�s wrong with his face?!
1181
00:54:59,697 --> 00:55:00,696
Step back.
1182
00:55:04,053 --> 00:55:05,490
Woah, woah.
1183
00:55:05,491 --> 00:55:06,550
[screech]
1184
00:55:08,228 --> 00:55:11,764
Sheriff Wayne for Kip...
Sheriff Wayne for Kip, do you copy?
1185
00:55:11,765 --> 00:55:13,282
Sheriff, we�ve got a situation here!
1186
00:55:13,283 --> 00:55:16,219
Another dead body on the side of the
road... neck mangled like the others...
1187
00:55:16,220 --> 00:55:17,759
few miles outside of Leechwood.
1188
00:55:17,899 --> 00:55:21,394
His ID says his name is... Tanner.
1189
00:55:21,395 --> 00:55:22,774
Tanner Scott.
1190
00:55:23,233 --> 00:55:26,310
Wearing a funny costume like he�s from
Transylvania or something like that.
1191
00:55:27,909 --> 00:55:29,007
Oh shit!
1192
00:55:29,008 --> 00:55:30,166
We knew he didn�t sound healthy.
1193
00:55:30,167 --> 00:55:33,922
How could I be so stupid?!
We invited it inside the house!
1194
00:55:33,923 --> 00:55:35,501
Repeatedly.
The skull?!
1195
00:55:38,418 --> 00:55:40,895
Because I didn't think there
would be an actual vampire.
1196
00:55:40,896 --> 00:55:43,232
We agreed to put it in the basement.
It has all things that Gerry hates!
1197
00:55:43,233 --> 00:55:45,231
It's dark and constricted
and it has spiders...
1198
00:55:45,431 --> 00:55:46,909
Yes, I know that�s all
things that vampires love.
1199
00:55:46,910 --> 00:55:48,347
Dad would be so pissed right now!
1200
00:55:48,348 --> 00:55:49,366
Hey!
1201
00:55:49,367 --> 00:55:51,565
Will somebody tell me what
the hell is going on?!
1202
00:55:52,484 --> 00:55:53,803
[screeching]
1203
00:55:54,482 --> 00:55:56,041
[screeching]
1204
00:55:56,760 --> 00:55:58,039
[screeching]
1205
00:55:59,217 --> 00:56:00,016
So the actor...?
Yes!
1206
00:56:00,017 --> 00:56:00,635
Was a...?
Yes!
1207
00:56:00,636 --> 00:56:01,635
And he's a...?
Yep.
1208
00:56:01,995 --> 00:56:03,513
Vampires can�t be real!
1209
00:56:04,332 --> 00:56:05,032
Can they?
1210
00:56:05,033 --> 00:56:06,229
[growling]
1211
00:56:06,230 --> 00:56:07,569
[screams]
1212
00:56:07,969 --> 00:56:11,224
Hey Kip, I�m gonna want you to step away
from that body... it might spring up on you.
1213
00:56:11,225 --> 00:56:13,842
Nah... I don�t think so. He looks like...
1214
00:56:13,843 --> 00:56:15,400
He looks like shit.
1215
00:56:15,401 --> 00:56:16,559
He looks like shit, Wayne.
1216
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:18,737
He was just feeding. Gaining power.
1217
00:56:18,738 --> 00:56:22,134
All he needed was the skull and
now he can create a legion of vampires!
1218
00:56:23,233 --> 00:56:24,232
[shrieking]
1219
00:56:24,292 --> 00:56:25,231
Why aren�t they escaping?
1220
00:56:25,232 --> 00:56:28,867
Well there�s crosses on the doorway and
on the door handles... and the windows...
1221
00:56:28,868 --> 00:56:31,345
Looks like your great-grandpa
made this house apotropaic.
1222
00:56:31,385 --> 00:56:32,384
Aca-paca-what?!
1223
00:56:32,385 --> 00:56:33,542
Wards off evil.
1224
00:56:33,543 --> 00:56:34,641
They�re trapped!
1225
00:56:34,642 --> 00:56:35,421
For now.
1226
00:56:35,422 --> 00:56:38,317
If they can�t get outta the house...
we�re home free!
1227
00:56:38,318 --> 00:56:40,175
Sun comes up, they�re fried!
1228
00:56:40,176 --> 00:56:42,413
Come on, fellas. First rounds on Wayne!
1229
00:56:42,414 --> 00:56:43,513
Uh... guys?
1230
00:56:44,852 --> 00:56:45,931
Where�s Paige?
1231
00:56:50,366 --> 00:56:51,884
Ahhhhh fuck!
1232
00:56:51,885 --> 00:56:52,923
??
1233
00:56:52,924 --> 00:56:53,883
I�m going in!
??
1234
00:56:53,884 --> 00:56:57,298
??
1235
00:56:57,299 --> 00:56:57,799
No, no, no, no!
Close the... door!
??
1236
00:56:57,800 --> 00:56:59,637
No, no, no, no!
Close the... door!
1237
00:57:00,256 --> 00:57:00,976
Dick!
1238
00:57:01,195 --> 00:57:01,795
What?
1239
00:57:01,895 --> 00:57:04,731
Oh come on, Wayne is a cop with a gun.
I�m sure he�s fine...
1240
00:57:04,732 --> 00:57:06,729
Ow! Dadgummit!
1241
00:57:06,730 --> 00:57:07,729
Jeez...
1242
00:57:08,488 --> 00:57:12,204
So... how long do you think it
would take for your sister
1243
00:57:12,524 --> 00:57:15,300
to get over the fact that I accidentally...
1244
00:57:15,301 --> 00:57:17,499
shoved her fiance
into a den of vampires?
1245
00:57:18,418 --> 00:57:19,176
Three months?
1246
00:57:19,177 --> 00:57:19,896
Paige!
1247
00:57:19,897 --> 00:57:19,935
??
Paige!
1248
00:57:19,936 --> 00:57:20,895
??
1249
00:57:20,896 --> 00:57:21,675
Paige!
??
1250
00:57:21,676 --> 00:57:23,472
??
1251
00:57:23,473 --> 00:57:24,231
Come on, pick up!
??
1252
00:57:24,232 --> 00:57:24,612
Come on, pick up!
1253
00:57:24,992 --> 00:57:25,111
[phone ringing]
1254
00:57:25,112 --> 00:57:26,349
[roaring]
[phone ringing]
1255
00:57:26,350 --> 00:57:27,429
[phone ringing]
1256
00:57:27,849 --> 00:57:28,948
Hey!
1257
00:57:30,546 --> 00:57:33,223
And now they know there�s someone upstairs.
1258
00:57:34,742 --> 00:57:35,741
Oops.
1259
00:57:36,620 --> 00:57:43,034
??
1260
00:57:45,451 --> 00:57:46,490
It�s time?
1261
00:57:46,890 --> 00:57:47,949
Yeah...
1262
00:57:48,248 --> 00:57:51,905
??
1263
00:57:59,257 --> 00:58:00,696
Hold this.
1264
00:58:03,593 --> 00:58:05,350
In nomine Patris et Filii
et Spiritus Sancti...
1265
00:58:05,351 --> 00:58:06,011
You sure this is gonna work?! In nomine
Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti...
1266
00:58:06,011 --> 00:58:07,508
You sure this is gonna work?!
1267
00:58:07,509 --> 00:58:08,508
Yes!
1268
00:58:09,127 --> 00:58:10,166
Maybe.
1269
00:58:13,163 --> 00:58:14,082
Fuck it!
1270
00:58:14,083 --> 00:58:16,080
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!
1271
00:58:16,260 --> 00:58:19,257
[screaming]
1272
00:58:22,714 --> 00:58:23,893
Now!
1273
00:58:24,292 --> 00:58:25,651
NOW!
1274
00:58:26,850 --> 00:58:28,067
Boys... now!
1275
00:58:28,068 --> 00:58:29,827
I did! It isn�t working!
1276
00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:32,564
Now, boys!
1277
00:58:36,500 --> 00:58:37,739
Get outta here!
1278
00:58:39,497 --> 00:58:43,313
[shrieking]
[laughing]
1279
00:58:45,971 --> 00:58:47,008
Charlie, you did it!
1280
00:58:47,009 --> 00:58:47,688
Potato!
1281
00:58:47,689 --> 00:58:48,388
French toast!
1282
00:58:48,389 --> 00:58:51,145
No it has to be french fries...
that�s the joke! Nevermind!
1283
00:58:52,244 --> 00:59:00,236
??
1284
00:59:05,151 --> 00:59:07,588
Gerry... turn on your sunlamp!
1285
00:59:07,589 --> 00:59:08,787
I need an outlet!
1286
00:59:08,788 --> 00:59:10,126
There�s a light right here!
1287
00:59:10,846 --> 00:59:14,082
[shrieking]
[screaming]
1288
00:59:20,516 --> 00:59:23,332
Ah! She scratched me!
Am I gonna turn into a vampire?!
1289
00:59:23,333 --> 00:59:25,031
It has to be a full moon I think!
1290
00:59:26,050 --> 00:59:28,248
Do you guys know anything about vampires?
1291
00:59:29,287 --> 00:59:32,263
[shouting]
1292
00:59:32,264 --> 00:59:33,783
[shrieking]
[shouting]
1293
00:59:36,180 --> 00:59:37,699
Oh, I am so sorry!
1294
00:59:37,859 --> 00:59:39,897
[heavy breathing]
1295
00:59:42,894 --> 00:59:44,611
[shrieking]
1296
00:59:44,612 --> 00:59:45,230
Die!
[shrieking]
1297
00:59:45,231 --> 00:59:46,230
Die!
1298
00:59:51,205 --> 00:59:52,864
I�m gonna make sure she�s dead.
1299
00:59:55,281 --> 00:59:56,999
[squirting]
Uggh!
1300
01:00:02,074 --> 01:00:03,853
Yep, she�s dead.
1301
01:00:05,491 --> 01:00:10,646
??
1302
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:18,017
Where is everybody?
1303
01:00:18,018 --> 01:00:19,057
Shhhhh!
1304
01:00:19,637 --> 01:00:23,493
[door creaking]
1305
01:00:26,450 --> 01:00:28,068
Go go go go go go!
1306
01:00:29,327 --> 01:00:31,505
[roaring]
1307
01:00:33,703 --> 01:00:35,721
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
1308
01:00:39,317 --> 01:00:40,516
Why are they popping?!
1309
01:00:42,574 --> 01:00:44,332
They always do that!
1310
01:00:45,231 --> 01:00:47,168
Will you put that thing down?!
1311
01:00:47,169 --> 01:00:48,608
It just needs some juice!
1312
01:00:51,145 --> 01:00:53,123
Come on, baby!
Give me some juice!
1313
01:00:57,958 --> 01:00:59,516
Hahahaha!
1314
01:00:59,517 --> 01:01:01,515
Here comes the juice!
1315
01:01:08,728 --> 01:01:10,186
Here it comes.
1316
01:01:11,585 --> 01:01:12,883
[splattering]
1317
01:01:19,017 --> 01:01:20,516
Hell yeah, it worked!
1318
01:01:21,435 --> 01:01:22,434
Fake...
1319
01:01:25,211 --> 01:01:27,569
[screaming]
1320
01:01:30,206 --> 01:01:32,164
[growling]
1321
01:01:34,861 --> 01:01:36,220
I can take care of myself.
1322
01:01:55,301 --> 01:01:56,560
Go Devils.
1323
01:02:00,596 --> 01:02:01,814
Paige?
1324
01:02:05,551 --> 01:02:06,550
Pai...?
1325
01:02:16,300 --> 01:02:18,058
Where�s your clothes, big fella?
1326
01:02:20,176 --> 01:02:22,254
[shrieking]
1327
01:02:22,434 --> 01:02:24,492
[screaming]
1328
01:02:28,767 --> 01:02:30,505
No, no, no, no...!
1329
01:02:30,506 --> 01:02:31,624
Ahhh!
1330
01:02:31,625 --> 01:02:33,343
Ahh... Oh, please don�t pop.
1331
01:02:34,781 --> 01:02:36,500
[popping]
1332
01:02:37,778 --> 01:02:38,816
It�s warm.
1333
01:02:38,817 --> 01:02:42,873
??
1334
01:02:46,789 --> 01:02:48,488
I don�t want to talk to you, Gerry.
1335
01:02:53,623 --> 01:02:57,699
[shrieking, roaring]
1336
01:02:58,018 --> 01:02:59,117
Gerry!
1337
01:03:01,115 --> 01:03:03,633
Twwwwiirrrrllllll!
1338
01:03:05,571 --> 01:03:07,528
[roaring]
1339
01:03:07,529 --> 01:03:10,885
??
1340
01:03:22,294 --> 01:03:23,772
[growling]
1341
01:03:34,841 --> 01:03:35,840
Ahhh!
1342
01:03:38,538 --> 01:03:39,537
[screams]
1343
01:03:39,538 --> 01:03:41,275
[shrieking]
1344
01:03:43,133 --> 01:03:44,391
And... big finish.
1345
01:03:44,392 --> 01:03:46,090
[popping]
1346
01:03:47,169 --> 01:03:47,948
Thank you.
1347
01:03:48,348 --> 01:03:51,025
You are my sunshine...
1348
01:03:51,245 --> 01:03:54,222
my only sunshine...
1349
01:03:54,462 --> 01:03:57,459
you make me happy...
1350
01:03:58,018 --> 01:03:58,876
when skies are...
1351
01:03:58,877 --> 01:03:59,217
[snarling]
when skies are...
1352
01:03:59,218 --> 01:04:00,295
[snarling]
1353
01:04:00,296 --> 01:04:00,535
What do I even do?!
[snarling]
1354
01:04:00,536 --> 01:04:01,455
What do I even do?!
1355
01:04:01,456 --> 01:04:02,773
Kick him in the fuse box!
1356
01:04:03,353 --> 01:04:04,352
What does that mean?
1357
01:04:04,353 --> 01:04:05,431
The spice rack!
1358
01:04:07,609 --> 01:04:09,407
[roaring]
1359
01:04:15,900 --> 01:04:18,057
I said, I don�t want to talk to you...
1360
01:04:18,058 --> 01:04:19,735
[growling]
1361
01:04:19,736 --> 01:04:21,195
[screams]
1362
01:04:21,674 --> 01:04:22,953
Walter, come on!
1363
01:04:23,952 --> 01:04:26,909
Go!
I�ll hold them off as best I can!
1364
01:04:30,586 --> 01:04:31,964
Go, boys.
1365
01:04:32,444 --> 01:04:33,961
Get Paige outta here.
1366
01:04:33,962 --> 01:04:37,718
??
1367
01:04:41,914 --> 01:04:45,511
Come get some, you
satanic sons-a-bitches!
1368
01:04:45,591 --> 01:04:46,590
[roaring]
1369
01:04:48,168 --> 01:04:49,207
[confused growling]
1370
01:04:49,766 --> 01:04:53,023
[roaring]
[screaming]
1371
01:05:00,615 --> 01:05:01,614
Ned?
1372
01:05:03,373 --> 01:05:04,512
Oh hey, Gerry.
1373
01:05:05,191 --> 01:05:06,190
Charlie.
1374
01:05:06,729 --> 01:05:09,447
If you�re not too busy,
could you get this hairy fucker off of me?
1375
01:05:11,285 --> 01:05:14,282
[grunting]
1376
01:05:16,260 --> 01:05:17,678
What is that... pee?
1377
01:05:21,275 --> 01:05:23,153
If anything, he peed on me!
1378
01:05:24,132 --> 01:05:25,310
Make me piss myself...
1379
01:05:25,311 --> 01:05:26,869
[shrieking]
1380
01:05:27,908 --> 01:05:29,347
Get off of me, Kevin!
1381
01:05:31,025 --> 01:05:32,623
[gurgling]
1382
01:05:34,322 --> 01:05:36,060
[spattering]
1383
01:05:40,496 --> 01:05:41,994
Hahahaha!
1384
01:05:42,673 --> 01:05:43,811
[hissing]
1385
01:05:43,812 --> 01:05:44,811
Ahh!
1386
01:05:45,151 --> 01:05:46,749
[screaming]
1387
01:05:56,619 --> 01:05:57,499
Paige?
1388
01:05:57,658 --> 01:05:59,197
We came here to...
1389
01:06:01,415 --> 01:06:02,354
Save you?
1390
01:06:02,355 --> 01:06:03,611
Who says I need saving?
1391
01:06:03,612 --> 01:06:05,411
[roaring]
1392
01:06:06,549 --> 01:06:08,407
I feel really bad losing the house.
1393
01:06:08,408 --> 01:06:09,286
How everything went...
1394
01:06:09,287 --> 01:06:10,286
DOWN!
1395
01:06:11,505 --> 01:06:13,183
You can�t lie to me, Gerry!
1396
01:06:13,443 --> 01:06:15,699
You�re right!
I�ve been selfish.
1397
01:06:15,700 --> 01:06:19,896
If we�re gonna be family,
we have to be honest with each other!
1398
01:06:20,296 --> 01:06:22,613
I know! I promise!
1399
01:06:24,651 --> 01:06:26,290
I know I wasn�t there for you guys...
1400
01:06:27,369 --> 01:06:28,787
but I�m here now.
1401
01:06:30,186 --> 01:06:32,663
And I want to be a part of everything.
1402
01:06:35,860 --> 01:06:37,479
I love you guys!
1403
01:06:38,597 --> 01:06:40,355
And we love you, Paige!
1404
01:06:40,356 --> 01:06:41,853
Dammit, Ned! Not now!
1405
01:06:41,854 --> 01:06:43,552
Got it. We�ll talk later.
1406
01:06:44,432 --> 01:06:45,790
[woodchipper rumbling]
1407
01:06:45,910 --> 01:06:48,087
Hey, has anyone seen Wayne?!
Where�s Wayne?
1408
01:06:48,088 --> 01:06:49,026
Anyone seen Wayne...
1409
01:06:49,027 --> 01:06:49,605
[roaring]
1410
01:06:49,606 --> 01:06:49,946
[screaming]
[roaring]
1411
01:06:49,947 --> 01:06:51,944
[screaming]
1412
01:06:53,303 --> 01:06:54,362
Hey, Wayne!
1413
01:07:04,631 --> 01:07:08,307
Aww, is that Paige?
That is so beauti... ahhhhh!
1414
01:07:08,308 --> 01:07:09,307
Ahhh...
1415
01:07:11,744 --> 01:07:13,862
Wait, you really liked it?
1416
01:07:13,942 --> 01:07:15,840
Ah, now I feel terrible.
1417
01:07:16,579 --> 01:07:17,698
Guys?
1418
01:07:17,898 --> 01:07:18,976
Oh!
1419
01:07:18,977 --> 01:07:20,276
He seems pissed.
1420
01:07:20,615 --> 01:07:21,934
Don�t move!
1421
01:07:22,014 --> 01:07:25,630
He can�t see you if you don�t move.
1422
01:07:26,070 --> 01:07:27,628
Not moving.
1423
01:07:30,845 --> 01:07:32,642
Ahhhhhhhhgggggg!!!
1424
01:07:32,643 --> 01:07:33,861
No!!
Ahhhhhhhhgggggg!!!
1425
01:07:33,862 --> 01:07:35,940
Ahhhhhhhhgggggg!!!
1426
01:07:37,099 --> 01:07:39,097
Look!
I�m immune!
1427
01:07:40,376 --> 01:07:41,375
Ahhh!
1428
01:07:42,513 --> 01:07:46,030
Not immune! Not immune!
Oh, this sucks so bad!
1429
01:07:51,804 --> 01:07:52,803
Ned?
1430
01:07:53,143 --> 01:07:55,041
[screaming]
1431
01:08:06,989 --> 01:08:08,107
Thank you!
1432
01:08:08,108 --> 01:08:13,662
??
1433
01:08:19,277 --> 01:08:21,375
[choking]
1434
01:08:43,153 --> 01:08:44,511
Check.
1435
01:08:48,128 --> 01:08:49,806
Look at the whole board.
1436
01:08:54,082 --> 01:08:55,201
Broken glass.
1437
01:08:57,279 --> 01:08:59,596
You�re using real wooden stakes?
1438
01:09:00,216 --> 01:09:04,012
Why is there a woodchipper
at the top of the stairs?
1439
01:09:04,112 --> 01:09:06,369
[screams]
Oh you can�t latch the spice rack.
1440
01:09:07,229 --> 01:09:09,007
I can�t get out.
1441
01:09:09,406 --> 01:09:11,524
Don�t... don�t overthink it.
1442
01:09:12,084 --> 01:09:13,303
Just look.
1443
01:09:15,480 --> 01:09:17,538
They hit him again, Dad.
1444
01:09:19,776 --> 01:09:22,773
I still don�t know what to do.
1445
01:09:23,492 --> 01:09:25,151
Don�t be scared, Charlie.
1446
01:09:25,410 --> 01:09:27,908
I know... It can get crazy out there.
1447
01:09:28,328 --> 01:09:30,905
But you know when that
happens to me what I do?
1448
01:09:31,344 --> 01:09:33,922
I use... this.
1449
01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:37,717
What is this even attached to?
1450
01:09:37,718 --> 01:09:39,695
You�re my beautiful mermaid, Paige.
1451
01:09:39,696 --> 01:09:41,075
Maybe I will use your pencil then.
1452
01:09:41,175 --> 01:09:46,549
??
1453
01:09:51,684 --> 01:09:53,382
I need you, buddy.
1454
01:09:57,918 --> 01:09:59,555
[gurling]
1455
01:09:59,556 --> 01:10:02,234
Ahhhhh!!
1456
01:10:02,393 --> 01:10:06,010
[roaring, shrieking]
1457
01:10:11,384 --> 01:10:12,502
Ah, come on!
1458
01:10:12,503 --> 01:10:12,903
[growling]
Ah, come on!
1459
01:10:12,904 --> 01:10:16,040
[growling]
1460
01:10:16,299 --> 01:10:18,158
Ohh!
1461
01:10:19,996 --> 01:10:20,995
[squirts]
1462
01:10:21,654 --> 01:10:22,653
Huh.
Oh.
1463
01:10:23,033 --> 01:10:24,591
[explodes]
Woah!!
1464
01:10:24,991 --> 01:10:26,488
Ah shit. My head.
1465
01:10:26,489 --> 01:10:27,628
Oh my God! Ned!
1466
01:10:29,506 --> 01:10:30,905
You�re alive!
1467
01:10:35,720 --> 01:10:36,719
Okay.
1468
01:10:38,517 --> 01:10:40,734
Not now. Not ever.
1469
01:10:40,735 --> 01:10:41,734
Take your time.
1470
01:10:43,692 --> 01:10:45,389
Oh my God, did you piss yourself?
1471
01:10:45,390 --> 01:10:46,848
No... no.
1472
01:10:46,849 --> 01:10:49,047
They�re monsters, Paige.
They peed on me!
1473
01:10:51,824 --> 01:10:53,302
How did Ned change back?
1474
01:10:53,842 --> 01:10:55,779
Maybe if you kill the big bad guy...?
1475
01:10:55,780 --> 01:11:00,455
Before the first sunrise, the power of the
first is destroyed... the rest are restored.
1476
01:11:00,695 --> 01:11:02,333
Oh!
1477
01:11:02,893 --> 01:11:04,112
Oh...
1478
01:11:04,691 --> 01:11:10,465
??
1479
01:11:25,530 --> 01:11:27,728
Yeah, but they were all assholes.
1480
01:11:29,646 --> 01:11:32,483
Oh no. Paige, I didn�t mean...
1481
01:11:33,003 --> 01:11:36,258
About Wayne, I�m so sorry.
I had to.
1482
01:11:36,259 --> 01:11:38,576
??
1483
01:11:38,577 --> 01:11:41,294
Thank you for taking
care of us, big brother.
1484
01:11:52,303 --> 01:11:55,199
??
1485
01:11:55,200 --> 01:11:56,199
Wayne!
1486
01:11:57,378 --> 01:12:00,635
Oh, that smarts!
Ooooh dadgummit!
1487
01:12:02,353 --> 01:12:05,309
Wayne�s alive. Yay.
1488
01:12:05,310 --> 01:12:09,346
If staking a guy in the shoulder
killed a vampire... I�d be a goner!
1489
01:12:10,146 --> 01:12:11,604
That�s a good job!
1490
01:12:12,463 --> 01:12:13,742
What about Walter?
1491
01:12:15,121 --> 01:12:16,258
What about me?
1492
01:12:16,259 --> 01:12:19,635
??
1493
01:12:19,636 --> 01:12:23,792
Well, this isn't the first time I've been
bathed in the blood of vampires.
1494
01:12:24,611 --> 01:12:25,610
Ooh...
1495
01:12:28,687 --> 01:12:30,405
I'm so sorry.
1496
01:12:31,224 --> 01:12:32,583
I made T-shirts.
1497
01:12:32,743 --> 01:12:40,735
??
1498
01:13:07,708 --> 01:13:10,225
Sorry you lost your pencil, Charlie.
1499
01:13:16,199 --> 01:13:17,198
Potato.
1500
01:13:17,658 --> 01:13:18,417
French Fries.
1501
01:13:18,717 --> 01:13:19,836
So...
1502
01:13:20,155 --> 01:13:22,273
they really are...
1503
01:13:22,413 --> 01:13:23,212
vampires.
1504
01:13:23,213 --> 01:13:24,970
[laughs]
1505
01:13:24,971 --> 01:13:26,408
Vampires?
1506
01:13:26,409 --> 01:13:29,986
They're nothing compared to
the goddamn werewolves.
1507
01:13:30,245 --> 01:13:34,700
??
1508
01:13:34,701 --> 01:13:36,318
[popping]
??
1509
01:13:36,319 --> 01:13:42,293
??
1510
01:15:27,068 --> 01:15:29,006
Is this thing still recording?
1511
01:15:29,446 --> 01:15:32,063
The livestream? Oh my God...
1512
01:15:33,182 --> 01:15:34,661
How many views?
1513
01:15:35,420 --> 01:15:37,357
A hundred and twenty-five...
1514
01:15:37,358 --> 01:15:38,057
Alright.
1515
01:15:38,058 --> 01:15:39,416
Million.
Okay.
1516
01:15:41,634 --> 01:15:43,532
We could do the show!
1517
01:15:46,129 --> 01:15:46,949
What?
1518
01:15:46,949 --> 01:15:49,225
Ah... We could definitely do the show.
1519
01:15:49,226 --> 01:15:51,603
Wait. Did we make money?
I was thinking that first, we should...
1520
01:15:51,604 --> 01:15:53,922
maybe get a kitchen. We
don't have a kitchen anymore.
1521
01:15:53,981 --> 01:15:56,418
I mean, the kitchen can come after.
We've got to focus like right now.
1522
01:15:56,419 --> 01:15:58,616
We have momentum. Look at this.
1523
01:15:58,617 --> 01:15:59,935
Our house is halfway through a remodel.
1524
01:15:59,936 --> 01:16:02,352
I know, but right now we can't
stop the progress. We made money.
1525
01:16:02,353 --> 01:16:04,430
Wait, can they hear us?
[offscreen]: Every word.
1526
01:16:04,431 --> 01:16:07,788
Hel... Hello!
If you can hear us, Hello!
1527
01:16:08,327 --> 01:16:10,224
Hello! Helloooo!
1528
01:16:10,225 --> 01:16:11,383
We've gotta strike while the iron's
hot, you know? Hello! Helloooo!
1529
01:16:11,384 --> 01:16:12,502
We've gotta strike while
the iron's hot, you know?
1530
01:16:12,503 --> 01:16:15,159
Like, like... we'll focus on the show...
You know what else? We could make...
1531
01:16:15,160 --> 01:16:16,778
and go to Bed, Bath & Beyond.
More money, guys.
1532
01:16:16,779 --> 01:16:19,756
And we will get some stuff...
Let's not just make money off of this...
1533
01:16:19,776 --> 01:16:21,493
I mean, we also have to go to, like...
Let's make money off Ned's wood.
1534
01:16:21,494 --> 01:16:23,571
To Home Depot.
If you are looking for Ned's Wood.
1535
01:16:23,572 --> 01:16:26,428
You can't just go to Bed, Bath & Beyond
to get everything. You can go to http
1536
01:16:26,429 --> 01:16:29,984
Because it's a great store, but that's where
you get... Uh, I think it's a colon...
1537
01:16:29,985 --> 01:16:32,382
just the stuff you put in a finished
house. Uh, two... two forward slashes...
1538
01:16:32,383 --> 01:16:36,459
And we don't have a finished house. We have
half a house. Ned's, N-E-D-S, underscore...
1539
01:16:36,539 --> 01:16:38,196
You know, we've got a...
Wood.org
1540
01:16:38,197 --> 01:16:40,274
A... a fusebox for a spice rack.
Go there...
1541
01:16:40,275 --> 01:16:42,632
And Ned goes to the bathroom in a bucket...
I don't have any sculptures right now...
1542
01:16:42,633 --> 01:16:44,630
I don't even have a bucket.
Because I had a little accident with
1543
01:16:44,631 --> 01:16:47,487
You don't have a bucket?
I have to go to the bathroom in...
the other wood that I had there.
1544
01:16:47,488 --> 01:16:55,120
??
1545
01:18:59,116 --> 01:19:00,115
[sighs]
1546
01:19:00,575 --> 01:19:01,374
What's up?
1547
01:19:01,375 --> 01:19:02,713
I should've been there.
1548
01:19:03,252 --> 01:19:06,288
Been there?
Sheriff Wayne said the whole town is dead.
1549
01:19:06,289 --> 01:19:08,707
Yeah, but I wanted in
on some of the action.
1550
01:19:09,006 --> 01:19:11,624
Action? [scoffs]
We would have died first, bro.
1551
01:19:12,902 --> 01:19:13,940
No, not me.
1552
01:19:13,941 --> 01:19:15,499
Especially you.
No.
1553
01:19:15,500 --> 01:19:18,216
Guys like us don't live long
in situations like that.
1554
01:19:18,217 --> 01:19:19,496
What do you mean 'guys like us'?
1555
01:19:19,775 --> 01:19:22,512
When you wake up in the morning and
you look in the mirror, what do you see?
1556
01:19:22,513 --> 01:19:23,950
John McClane.
1557
01:19:23,951 --> 01:19:25,649
[scoffs]
No, what do you see?
1558
01:19:25,650 --> 01:19:27,028
John Rambo.
1559
01:19:27,967 --> 01:19:30,904
You've seen the movies, bro.
We always die first.
1560
01:19:31,104 --> 01:19:32,443
Always.
1561
01:19:33,182 --> 01:19:35,300
Look at us. What are we?
1562
01:19:36,399 --> 01:19:37,977
Cops.
Ah.
1563
01:19:38,305 --> 01:19:44,222
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/3u7up
Help other users to choose the best subtitles
109694
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
