All language subtitles for hayride 2012 Eng

Look here. >> 38-year-old Malcolm
guffin was arrested this morning in

38-year-old Malcolm guffin was arrested
this morning in connection with over a dozen

was arrested this morning in connection with
over a dozen missing-person cases in the

connection with over a dozen missing-person
cases in the surrounding areas.

I'm standing here just a few
yards away from what appears to

yards away from what appears to
be the final resting place for

be the final resting place for
at least six young girls.

What we're being told is that it's too early
and the bodies are too badly decomposed for

it's too early and the bodies are too badly
decomposed for any physical identification to

are too badly decomposed for any
physical identification to take place.

Law enforcement apprehended guffin earlier
today, but, unfortunately, it was too late

guffin earlier today, but, unfortunately,
it was too late for his last victim.

Guffin will be transported to the hale county
correctional facility as early as tomorrow

the hale county correctional facility
as early as tomorrow morning.

Facility as early as
tomorrow morning.

We'll continue to update you on this truly
fascinating and terrifying tragedy coming out

this truly fascinating and terrifying
tragedy coming out of south Alabama.

Order up!

Time won't wait, wait on you
now when you're alone, all...

Wait on you now when
you're alone, all... >> Mmm.

When you're alone, all...
Mmm. Wow.

Mmm. Wow. >> I told you so.

Wow. >> I told you so. Pay up.

I told you so. Pay up. >>
Well, we didn't shake on it.

Pay up. >> Well, we didn't shake on it.
What a gyp.

Well, we didn't shake on it.
What a gyp.

What a gyp. Technically,
you said "best in

technically, you said "best in
Alabama," so I can't really be

technically, you said "best in Alabama," so i
can't really be proven wrong until I've tried

Alabama," so I can't really be proven wrong
until I've tried all the barbecue joints in the

proven wrong until I've tried all
the barbecue joints in the state.

All the barbecue joints in the state.
All right.

State. >> All right. It's
gonna eat up the weekend,

all right. It's gonna eat up
the weekend, but let's get on it.

It's gonna eat up the
weekend, but let's get on it.

But let's get on it.
Okay, fine. Fine.

Okay, fine. Fine.
You're right.

Okay, fine. Fine. You're right.
Holy crap!

You're right. >> Holy crap!
That took months.

Holy crap! That took months.
Yeah, well, don't get used to

that took months. >> Yeah,
well, don't get used to it.

Yeah, well, don't get used to it.
I won't.

Mmm. That takes me back. >>
So, everything here is either

that takes me back. >> So, everything here
is either fried or smothered in barbecue

so, everything here is either fried
or smothered in barbecue sauce?

Fried or smothered in barbecue sauce?
Pretty much, yeah.

Sauce? >> Pretty much, yeah.

Pretty much, yeah. >> I
can see why you liked this

I can see why you liked
this place as a kid.

I can see why you liked this
place as a kid. >> Oh... here.

Place as a kid. >> Oh... here.
I thought you meant the south.

Oh... here. I thought
you meant the south.

I thought you meant the south.
Either way, you're right.

Either way, you're right.
So, are you glad to be home?

Either way, you're right. >> So,
are you glad to be home? >> Yeah.

So, are you glad to be home? >> Yeah.
I'm glad I could finally make

yeah. I'm glad I could finally
make good on my promise to come visit

I'm glad I could finally make good on my
promise to come visit for the holidays.

Good on my promise to come visit
for the holidays. >> Holiday?

For the holidays. >> Holiday?
It's Halloween.

Holiday? >> It's Halloween.
Halloween is a holiday?

It's Halloween. >> Halloween is a
holiday? >> Well, it is with my family.

Halloween is a holiday? >> Well,
it is with my family. >> Really?

Well, it is with my family.
Really?

Really? >> They
get real into it.

They get real into it.
You know, my uncle spends a

they get real into it. You know, my
uncle spends a fortune every year on this

you know, my uncle spends a fortune
every year on this hayride.

Fortune every year on this hayride.
Well, I'm kind of looking

hayride. >> Well, I'm kind of
looking forward to a hayride.

Well, I'm kind of looking forward to
a hayride. I think it's gonna be fun.

Forward to a hayride. I think it's
gonna be fun. >> No. It's terrifying.

I think it's gonna be fun. >> No. It's
terrifying. I still have nightmares from it.

No. It's terrifying. I still have
nightmares from it. >> Are you serious?

I still have nightmares from it.
Are you serious? >> Not really.

Are you serious? >> Not really.
But it is insane.

Not really. But it is insane.
They come up with different back

but it is insane. They come up with
different back stories and have these

they come up with different back stories
and have these reoccurring characters.

Stories and have these reoccurring
characters. >> Like... their own horror

reoccurring characters. >>
Like... their own horror characters?

Like... their own horror characters?
We have, uh, pitchfork and

characters? >> We have, uh, pitchfork
and raw-head bloody bones.

We have, uh, pitchfork and raw-head
bloody bones. >> I'm sorry... what?

Raw-head bloody bones. >> I'm sorry...
What? >> It's raw-head bloody bones.

I'm sorry... what? >> It's raw-head
bloody bones. It's a monster that my grandpa

it's raw-head bloody bones. It's a monster
that my grandpa made up that only comes out when

it's a monster that my grandpa made up that only
comes out when it's windy... for some reason.

Made up that only comes out when it's windy... for
some reason. >> But... why... why was his head

it's windy... for some reason. >>
But... why... why was his head raw?

But... why... why was his head raw?
I don't know that.

Raw? >> I don't know that. I
never really got that part of

I don't know that. I never
really got that part of the story.

I never really got that part of the story.
But to this day...

The story. But to this day...

But to this day... wind
chimes still creep me

wind chimes still
creep me out a bit.

Wind chimes still
creep me out a bit.

Out a bit. >> Seriously, though,

seriously, though,
pitchfork... he used to scare

seriously, though, pitchfork...
He used to scare the crap out of me.

Pitchfork... he used to scare the crap
out of me. >> What was his story?

The crap out of me. >> What was his story?
Well, he... it changed a

what was his story? >> Well, he... it
changed a little bit as I got older, but

well, he... it changed a little bit as I got
older, but basically, he was a guy that my

little bit as I got older, but basically, he
was a guy that my uncle said would come out on

basically, he was a guy that my uncle said would
come out on full moons to revenge the death

uncle said would come out on full moons to revenge
the death of his daughter... or something

full moons to revenge the death of his
daughter... or something like that.

Of his daughter... or something like that.
Why does the killer always

like that. >> Why does the killer
always have to come out at certain

why does the killer always have
to come out at certain times?

Have to come out at certain times?
That's a good question.

Times? >> That's a good question.
And it always happens to be

that's a good question. And it always
happens to be under the same conditions in

and it always happens to be under the same
conditions in which the story is being told.

Under the same conditions in
which the story is being told.

- Which the story is being told.
- I think you've cracked the case.

I think you've cracked the case.
That's what I do.

I think you've cracked the case. >> That's
what I do. So, pitchfork kind of had a lame

that's what I do. So, pitchfork
kind of had a lame back story?

So, pitchfork kind of had a lame
back story? >> No, no, no, no.

Back story? >> No, no, no, no.
You have to keep it simple.

No, no, no, no. You have to keep it
simple. You know, "here's the killer.

You have to keep it simple. You know, "here's
the killer. Here's how he started killing.

You know, "here's the killer. Here's how he
started killing. Here's who he's gonna kill."

Here's how he started killing. Here's who
he's gonna kill." Simpler is scarier.

Here's who he's gonna kill." Simpler
is scarier. People don't come to these

simpler is scarier. People don't come
to these things to learn some lesson in

people don't come to these things to learn
some lesson in life or to hear a compelling

things to learn some lesson in life
or to hear a compelling story.

Life or to hear a compelling story.
They come to be scared.

Story. They come to be scared.
Sounds like lazy writing to

they come to be scared. >>
Sounds like lazy writing to me.

Sounds like lazy writing to me.
I'm just saying.

Me. I'm just saying.

I'm just saying. >> Well,
you know, each year, my

well, you know, each year, my
uncle would get a little more

well, you know, each year, my uncle would get
a little more gruesome with the details, you

uncle would get a little more
gruesome with the details, you know?

Gruesome with the details, you know?
Add more to the story.

Know? Add more to the story.
Pitchfork was scary.

Add more to the story. Pitchfork was scary.
Sounds like it.

Pitchfork was scary. >> Sounds like it.
Yeah, I bet.

Sounds like it. >> Yeah, I bet.
So, why do they call him

yeah, I bet. >> So, why do
they call him "pitchfork"?

So, why do they call him "pitchfork"?
Take a guess.

"Pitchfork"? >> Take a guess.
Hm.

Take a guess. >> Hm. Because
he killed people with a

hm. Because he killed
people with a pitchfork.

Because he killed people with a pitchfork.
Because he killed people with

pitchfork. >> Because he killed
people with a pitchfork.

Because he killed people with a
pitchfork. That's absolutely right.

A pitchfork. That's
absolutely right.

That's absolutely right. Your
uncle's not a very original

your uncle's not a very
original guy, I take it.

Your uncle's not a very original
guy, I take it. >> You'll see.

- Guy, I take it.
- >> You'll see.

Wincer, we got a marshal who's down
here. I went ahead and sent him on

who's down here. I went ahead
and sent him on through.

I went ahead and sent him on through.
He should be heading your way

through. He should be
heading your way right now.

You wincer? >> Yeah. >>
What are we looking at here?

Well, we got a dead cop... one of yours.
We got a dead unknown... local,

one of yours. We got a dead unknown...
Local, by the looks of his clothes.

We got a dead unknown... local,
by the looks of his clothes.

By the looks of his clothes.
Looks like the cop lost control

looks like the cop lost control
of the vehicle and our boy took

looks like the cop lost control of the vehicle
and our boy took advantage of the situation.

Of the vehicle and our boy took
advantage of the situation.

Any idea which direction he went?
South, by the looks of the

went? >> South, by the
looks of the tracks.

South, by the looks of the tracks.
Not much past that.

Tracks. Not much past that.
We put up a perimeter about 5

not much past that. We put up
a perimeter about 5 miles.

We put up a perimeter about 5 miles.
All right.

Miles. >> All right. So,
we got any houses nearby,

all right. So, we got any houses
nearby, any stores... anything?

So, we got any houses nearby, any stores
anything? >> So, you're not from around

any stores... anything? >> So, you're
not from around here, I take it?

So, you're not from around
here, I take it? >> No. I'm not.

Here, I take it? >> No.
I'm not. >> Well, no.

No. I'm not. >> Well, no.
Nothing else out here.

Well, no. Nothing else out here.
So, these roads, they don't,

nothing else out here. >> So, these roads,
they don't, uh, they don't go anywhere?

So, these roads, they don't, uh,
they don't go anywhere? >> Oh, yeah.

Uh, they don't go anywhere? >> Oh, yeah.
They go, uh... nowhere.

Oh, yeah. They go, uh... nowhere.
We got a lot of that out here.

They go, uh... nowhere. We got a
lot of that out here. >> Okay.

We got a lot of that out here. >> Okay.
All right, how about we take

okay. All right, how about we
take that 5-mile perimeter and push

all right, how about we take that 5-mile
perimeter and push it back 15 miles and you get

that 5-mile perimeter and push it back 15 miles
and you get some black-and-whites to search

it back 15 miles and you get some black-and-whites
to search up and down this... road to

some black-and-whites to search up and
down this... road to nowhere you got here?

Up and down this... road to nowhere you
got here? >> You don't think he'll just

nowhere you got here? >> You don't
think he'll just head straight out?

You don't think he'll just head straight
out? >> I think he'll be looking for

head straight out? >> I think he'll be
looking for a change of clothes and some new

I think he'll be looking for a
change of clothes and some new wheels.

A change of clothes and some new wheels.
Also, have some volunteers go

wheels. Also, have some volunteers
go house to house and let them know

also, have some volunteers go house to house
and let them know what we're looking for.

House to house and let them know what we're
looking for. >> What do you know about this

what we're looking for. >> What
do you know about this guy?

What do you know about this guy?
I don't know anything about

guy? >> I don't know anything
about this guy, except that he's

I don't know anything about this
guy, except that he's bat-shit crazy.

This guy, except that he's bat-shit crazy.
Yeah, I'll give him that.

Bat-shit crazy. >> Yeah, I'll give him
that. What the worst-case scenario?

You're looking at it.

Hey, bud. >> Hey, cuz. >>
How was the, uh, ride down?

Hey, cuz. >> How was the,
uh, ride down? >> Long.

How was the, uh, ride down?
Long. >> Yeah, no doubt.

Long. >> Yeah, no doubt.
Hey, what happened to your

yeah, no doubt. >> Hey, what
happened to your old truck?

Hey, what happened to your old truck?
Eh. Got stolen.

Old truck? >> Eh. Got stolen.
Mm.

Eh. Got stolen. >> Mm. >>
Long story... don't want to

mm. >> Long story... don't
want to talk about it.

Long story... don't want to talk about
it. >> So, are you still dating that

talk about it. >> So, are you
still dating that missy chick?

So, are you still dating
that missy chick? >> Nope.

Missy chick? >> Nope. Turns
out he was in love with

nope. Turns out he
was in love with her.

Turns out he was in love with her.
Oh, shit, Tyler.

Her. >> Oh, shit, Tyler. >> Yep.

Oh, shit, Tyler. >> Yep. Hey,
look, don't mention that to

yep. Hey, look, don't
mention that to dad.

Hey, look, don't mention that to dad.
It's still kind of a touchy

dad. It's still kind
of a touchy subject.

It's still kind of a touchy subject.
Speaking of which, where is

subject. >> Speaking of
which, where is your old man?

Speaking of which, where is your
old man? >> He's up at the barn, just

your old man? >> He's up at the barn,
just kind of tinkering around with

he's up at the barn, just kind of
tinkering around with some stuff.

Kind of tinkering around with some stuff.
He's got me out looking for

some stuff. He's got me out
looking for missing bear traps.

He's got me out looking for missing
bear traps. >> Bear traps?

Missing bear traps. >> Bear traps?
We put them out to keep the

bear traps? >> We put them out to
keep the coyotes away from the hayride.

We put them out to keep the coyotes away
from the hayride. >> That sounds scary.

Coyotes away from the hayride.
That sounds scary.

That sounds scary. >> No.
They're gone.

No. They're gone. Look,
uh, how long are you guys

no. They're gone. Look, uh, how
long are you guys gonna be in town?

Look, uh, how long are you guys
gonna be in town? >> Three days.

Gonna be in town? >> Three days.
Three days. Okay.

Three days. >> Three days. Okay.
Well, look, uh, I'm gonna get

three days. Okay. Well, look, uh, I'm
gonna get going, but I know dad would love

well, look, uh, I'm gonna get going, but I know
dad would love to see you two, so, uh, why

going, but I know dad would love to see you two,
so, uh, why don't you just head back up the

to see you two, so, uh, why don't you just
head back up the path and take you a left...

Don't you just head back up the path and
take you a left... >> Yeah. I remember.

Path and take you a left... >> Yeah.
I remember. >> My bad.

- Yeah. I remember.
- >> My bad.

My bad. No problem, buddy.

No problem, buddy. >>
You know, maybe if you'd

no problem, buddy. >> You know, maybe
if you'd visit more often, dick...

You know, maybe if you'd
visit more often, dick...

Visit more often, dick...
See you later, man.

See you later, man.
Bye.

See you later, man. >> Bye.
Later, cutie.

Ow! Oh, shit.

Ow! Oh, shit. >> Hey,
there, captain Morgan.

Oh, shit. >> Hey, there, captain Morgan.
Here you go.

Hey, there, captain Morgan. Here you go.
What is this?

Here you go. >> What is this?
Oh, that's the costume.

What is this? Oh,
that's the costume. Okay.

Oh, that's the costume.
Okay. What is this?

Okay. What is this?
Is this the, uh...

What is this? Is this the, uh...
Mask.

Is this the, uh... >> Mask.
That's the mask?

Mask. >> That's the mask?
Look at that.

That's the mask? Look at that.
Are those eyes there?

Look at that. Are those eyes there?
Yeah.

Are those eyes there? >> Yeah.
What are you gonna do with that?

Yeah. What are you gonna do with that?
Aaaaaaaah!

- What are you gonna do with that?
- >> Aaaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaaah!

You're crazy.

You're crazy. >> Yeah.
I'm sorry.

You're crazy. >> Yeah. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.

Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare
you. Look, I'll give you a ride back,

I didn't mean to scare you. Look,
I'll give you a ride back, all right?

Look, I'll give you a ride back, all right?
All right.

All right? >> All right. >>
How do you walk that far?

All right. >> How do you walk that far?
Oh, my god.

Ow! Dumbass.

Ow! Dumbass. >> How
big is their yard?

Dumbass. >> How big is their yard?
Oh, it's huge.

How big is their yard? >> Oh, it's huge.
It's a few hundred acres.

Oh, it's huge. It's a few
hundred acres. >> Really?

It's a few hundred acres. >> Really?
Yeah, most of it's just woods

really? >> Yeah, most of it's just
woods all the way back to the river,

yeah, most of it's just woods all
the way back to the river, though.

There he is. Hey! Steven!
How you doing?

Thought you only
worked on boats.

Boats. Wow! You
brought me a present?

Wow! You brought me a present?
Wow. Look at that.

Wow! You brought me a present? Wow.
Look at that. How you doing?

Wow. Look at that. How you doing?
Good to see you,

how you doing? >> Good to
see you, uncle Morgan.

Good to see you, uncle Morgan.
Good to see you, Steven.

Uncle Morgan. >> Good to see you, Steven.
It's been too long.

Good to see you, Steven. >> It's been
too long. >> That's captain Morgan.

It's been too long. >> That's
captain Morgan. >> And this is Amanda.

That's captain Morgan. >>
And this is Amanda. >> Wow.

And this is Amanda. >> Wow.
Amanda, this is uncle Morgan.

Wow. >> Amanda, this is uncle Morgan.
Hey, Amanda.

Amanda, this is uncle Morgan.
Hey, Amanda. >> Hi.

Hey, Amanda. >> Hi.

Hi. Wow.

Wow. >> Nice to meet you.

Wow. >> Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. >> Nice to meet you.
Steven's told me a lot about

nice to meet you. >> Steven's
told me a lot about you.

Steven's told me a lot about you.
He did?

You. >> He did? Well,
he's a liar...

He did? Well, he's a
liar... whatever he said.

Well, he's a liar...
Whatever he said.

- Whatever he said.
- How was the trip?

How was the trip? >> Oh, not too bad.
You know.

How was the trip? >> Oh, not too bad.
You know.

Oh, not too bad. You know. >>
Dumb, where the hell have you

dumb, where the
hell have you been?!

Dumb, where the hell have you been?!
You were supposed to be holding

been?! You were supposed to
be holding Sam's ladder!

You were supposed to be holding
Sam's ladder! >> Oh...

Sam's ladder! >> Oh... >> Oh.
Oh, that's the girls.

Oh... >> Oh. Oh, that's the girls.
That's the captain Morgan girls.

Oh. Oh, that's the girls. That's the
captain Morgan girls. Here. Look at that.

That's the captain Morgan girls. Here.
Look at that. >> That one's beautiful.

Here. Look at that. >> That one's
beautiful. That one's dumb.

That one's beautiful. That one's dumb.
They're both pretty, and they're

that one's dumb. They're both pretty, and
they're both a little dumb, you know,

they're both pretty, and they're both a little
dumb, you know, but, I mean, one's slower than

both a little dumb, you know, but, I mean,
one's slower than the other, and...

But, I mean, one's slower than the other,
and... look, I didn't name them, all

the other, and... look, i
didn't name them, all right?

Look, I didn't name them, all right?
Yes, you did.

Right? >> Yes, you did.

Yes, you did. >> Uh,
you'll know everybody

uh, you'll know everybody
else, though, the whole gang,

uh, you'll know everybody else, though, the
whole gang, except for the high schoolers.

Else, though, the whole gang, except for the
high schoolers. They'll be out tomorrow to help

except for the high schoolers.
They'll be out tomorrow to help out.

They'll be out tomorrow to help out.
So, what you got going on

out. >> So, what you got
going on over at the barn?

So, what you got going on over at the
barn? >> Oh, you know, just something

over at the barn? >> Oh, you know,
just something a little new this year.

Oh, you know, just something a little new
this year. >> I mean, is it part of the

a little new this year. >> I
mean, is it part of the ride?

I mean, is it part of the ride?
Well, yeah, maybe. Maybe.

Ride? >> Well, yeah, maybe.
Maybe. Maybe. Mm-hmm.

Well, yeah, maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
Mm-hmm. >> Well, come on.

Maybe. Mm-hmm. >> Well, come on.
Let it out.

Well, come on. Let it out.
Oh, all right.

Let it out. >> Oh, all right.
Uh... all right.

Oh, all right. Uh... all right.
I-i shouldn't say anything, but

uh... all right. I-i shouldn't say anything,
but we're gonna get the riders off

i-i shouldn't say anything, but we're gonna get
the riders off the ride this year and let them

we're gonna get the riders off the ride
this year and let them walk through there.

The ride this year and let them walk through
there. >> So, like a haunted house?

Walk through there. >> So, like a
haunted house? >> A little bit.

So, like a haunted house?
A little bit. >> Oh, okay.

A little bit. >> Oh, okay.
Well... can we see it?

Oh, okay. Well... can we see it?
Ah...

Well... can we see it? >> Ah...
You can let me see it.

Ah... >> You can let me see it.
Yeah, well, I...

You can let me see it. >> Yeah,
well, I... you want to see it?

Yeah, well, I... you want to see it?
Yeah. Let's go.

You want to see it? >> Yeah. Let's go.
Oh, well, then, yes.

Yeah. Let's go. >> Oh, well, then, yes.
Okay. Okay.

Oh, well, then, yes. Okay. Okay.
I couldn't say no to her.

Okay. Okay. I couldn't say no to her.
I love you, too, uncle.

I couldn't say no to her. >> I love you,
too, uncle. >> Yeah. I love you, too, man.

I love you, too, uncle. >> Yeah.
I love you, too, man. >> My uncle.

Yeah. I love you, too, man. >> My uncle.
That's great.

My uncle. >> That's great.
So, uh...

That's great. So, uh... >>
We'll just drive on up to the

so, uh... >> We'll just drive
on up to the barn, then.

We'll just drive on up to the
barn, then. >> Okay. All right.

Barn, then. >> Okay. All right.
She's coming with me?

Okay. All right. She's coming with me?
No, I think I'm gonna...

She's coming with me? >> No, i
think I'm gonna... >> What?

No, I think I'm gonna... >> What?
I think I'm gonna keep this

what? >> I think I'm
gonna keep this one.

I think I'm gonna keep this one.
Get off me.

One. >> Get off me. >>
I'm gonna keep this one.

Get off me. >> I'm gonna keep this one.
Oh, okay. All right.

I'm gonna keep this one. >> Oh, okay.
All right. >> Good to see you.

Oh, okay. All right. >> Good to see you.
All right.

Good to see you. >> All right.
You're not gonna keep her.

All right. You're not gonna keep her.
You're way over your head.

You're not gonna keep her.
You're way over your head.

You're way over your head.
See you up there.

See you up there.

Hey, Chuck. >> Oh, shit.
You on the clock?

Oh, shit. >> You on the clock?
Yeah. Come back.

You on the clock? >> Yeah. Come back.
Where the hell are you?

Yeah. Come back. >> Where the hell
are you? >> About to, uh, run these

where the hell are you? >> About to, uh,
run these lights out here at the old hay

about to, uh, run these lights out here
at the old hay barn for captain Morgan.

Lights out here at the old hay barn for
captain Morgan. What you got going on?

Barn for captain Morgan. What you got
going on? >> All right, man. Hurry up.

What you got going on? >> All right, man.
Hurry up. >> 10-4 on that.

Oh, yeah. I can hear Morgan now.
Yeah, just, uh,

- I can hear Morgan now.
- Yeah, just, uh, you know, throw some blood up

yeah, just, uh, you know, throw
some blood up right here, you know?

- You know, throw some blood up right here, you know?
- I can

- right here, you know?
- I can guarantee you that's what he

I can guarantee you that's
what he was saying.

Guarantee you that's what he was saying.
You weren't kidding.

Was saying. >> You weren't kidding.
They go all out.

You weren't kidding.
They go all out.

They go all out. Yeah,
you know, Corey got lost

yeah, you know, Corey
got lost in here once.

Yeah, you know, Corey got lost
in here once. >> Seriously?

In here once. >> Seriously? >> Yeah.
It was pretty pitiful.

Seriously? >> Yeah. It was pretty
pitiful. >> How long did it take him to

yeah. It was pretty pitiful. >>
How long did it take him to get out?

How long did it take him to get out?
Um, until the high wore off.

Get out? >> Um, until
the high wore off.

Hello?

Quit screwing around, all right?

She joined a.A., said she

she joined a.A., said
she had to think it over

she joined a.A., said she had to think
it over she got new friends, won't let

had to think it over she got new
friends, won't let me take her nowhere

she got new friends, won't let me take her
nowhere jukebox is dead, and now it's

me take her nowhere jukebox
is dead, and now it's over

jukebox is dead, and now it's
over and she don't like me when

over and she don't
like me when she's sober

and she don't like
me when she's sober

She's sober >> ladies
and gentlemen, the

ladies and gentlemen,
the stylings of Corey.

Ladies and gentlemen, the stylings
of Corey. Hey, not too much.

Stylings of Corey. Hey, not too much.
You might encourage him.

Hey, not too much. You might encourage him.
Thanks, pops.

You might encourage him. >> Thanks, pops.
No problem.

Thanks, pops. >> No problem.
Hey, come on.

No problem. Hey, come on.
Let's get together here.

Hey, come on. Let's get together here.
Come on, here.

Let's get together here. Come on, here.
All right.

Come on, here. All right. I
just want to thank everyone

all right. I just want to thank everyone
for really working your ass off

I just want to thank everyone for really working
your ass off for the hot hayride this year,

for really working your ass off for
the hot hayride this year, all right?

For the hot hayride this year, all right?
We couldn't have done it without

all right? We couldn't have done it
without you, and you know that, right?

We couldn't have done it without you,
and you know that, right? >> Aww.

- You, and you know that, right?
- >> Aww.

- Aww. - >> Hayride
gets better and

hayride gets better and
better every year, but it gets

hayride gets better and better every year,
but it gets harder and harder, and I know I

better every year, but it gets harder and
harder, and I know I don't pay you guys much.

Harder and harder, and I know I don't pay you
guys much. So, really, we couldn't do it

don't pay you guys much. So, really,
we couldn't do it without you.

So, really, we couldn't do it without you.
Believe me.

Without you. Believe me.
Thank you.

Believe me. Thank you.
Thanks for having us.

Thank you. >> Thanks for having us.
This is the best part of my

thanks for having us. >> This
is the best part of my year.

This is the best part of my year.
Best part of your year?

Year. >> Best part of your year?
Really?

Best part of your year?
Really? >> Absolutely.

Really? >> Absolutely. >>
That just shouldn't be true,

absolutely. >> That just
shouldn't be true, should it?

That just shouldn't be true, should it?
I mean, thank you, beautiful.

Should it? I mean,
thank you, beautiful.

I mean, thank you, beautiful.
Anyway, thanks for stepping it

anyway, thanks for
stepping it up today.

Anyway, thanks for stepping it up today.
We got a lot done.

Up today. We got a lot done.
If it rains tomorrow, we're

we got a lot done. >> If it rains tomorrow,
we're gonna have a lot more to do.

If it rains tomorrow, we're gonna have a
lot more to do. >> The news said 10% chance.

Gonna have a lot more to do. >> The news
said 10% chance. We'll be all right.

The news said 10% chance. We'll be
all right. >> Hell yeah, we'll be all

we'll be all right. >> Hell
yeah, we'll be all right.

Hell yeah, we'll be all right.
So... oh!

Right. So... oh! I'm gonna
need, uh, someone to

so... oh! I'm gonna need, uh, someone
to drive the truck, you know,

I'm gonna need, uh, someone to drive the
truck, you know, 'cause Jeff hasn't checked in

drive the truck, you know, 'cause Jeff hasn't
checked in yet again this year, right?

'Cause Jeff hasn't checked in yet again
this year, right? >> He'll show up about

yet again this year, right? >> He'll show
up about November... when he comes to.

He'll show up about
November... when he comes to.

- November... when he comes to.
- >> Yeah, probably.

Yeah, probably. Oh,
that means, uh, I need

yeah, probably. Oh, that
means, uh, I need another zombie.

Oh, that means, uh, I need another zombie.
Anybody want to be a zombie?

Another zombie. Anybody want
to be a zombie? Anybody?

Anybody want to be a zombie?
Anybody? >> I'll do it.

Anybody? >> I'll do it. You
just have me running audio.

I'll do it. You just have me
running audio. >> All right.

You just have me running audio. >>
All right. There you go. It's yours.

All right. There you go. It's yours.
Steven, you want to roll?

There you go. It's yours. Steven,
you want to roll? >> Nah.

Steven, you want to roll?
Nah. >> Come on.

Nah. >> Come on. Why not?

Come on. Why not? >> I
think I'll just be a rider

why not? >> I think I'll
just be a rider this year.

I think I'll just be a rider this year.
A rider, huh?

This year. >> A rider, huh?
Okay. All right.

A rider, huh? Okay. All right.
You don't... look, I got to warn

okay. All right. You don't
look, I got to warn you.

You don't... look, I got to warn you.
Things have changed since you've

you. Things have changed
since you've been here.

Things have changed since you've been here.
So, uh, who you got playing

been here. >> So, uh, who you got
playing pitchfork this year?

So, uh, who you got playing pitchfork
this year? >> Oh, are you a rider or a

pitchfork this year? >> Oh,
are you a rider or a worker?

Oh, are you a rider or a worker?
Rider.

Worker? >> Rider.

Rider. >> Oh, you're a rider.

Oh, you're a rider. Yeah,
so I better not tell you,

oh, you're a rider. Yeah, so I better not
tell you, 'cause it might spoil the fun,

yeah, so I better not tell you, 'cause
it might spoil the fun, don't you think?

'Cause it might spoil the
fun, don't you think?

- Don't you think?
- >> I've got you, baby.

I've got you, baby.
Don't worry.

I've got you, baby. Don't worry.
Did he tell you about, uh...

Don't worry. >> Did he tell you
about, uh... >> Pitchfork?

Did he tell you about, uh...
Pitchfork? A little bit.

Pitchfork? A little bit.
Um, he mentioned a

a little bit. Um, he mentioned
a raw-head bloody guy.

Um, he mentioned a raw-head
bloody guy. >> Oh.

Raw-head bloody guy. >> Oh.
He did, huh?

Oh. He did, huh? Yeah,
we had to retire old

he did, huh? Yeah, we had to retire
old bloody bones after grandpa died.

Yeah, we had to retire old bloody bones after
grandpa died. It didn't seem right carrying on

bloody bones after grandpa died. It didn't
seem right carrying on without him, right?

It didn't seem right carrying on
without him, right? We miss him.

Without him, right? We miss him.
But, uh... rumor has it

we miss him. But, uh... rumor has
it old pitchfork... he's still

but, uh... rumor has it old pitchfork
he's still alive and kicking.

Old pitchfork... he's still alive and
kicking. >> Who came up with pitchfork,

alive and kicking. >> Who came
up with pitchfork, anyway?

Who came up with pitchfork, anyway?
Nobody came up. He's real.

Anyway? >> Nobody came up. He's real.
What are you talking about?

Nobody came up. He's real. What
are you talking about? >> Come on.

What are you talking about? >> Come on.
I'm serious.

Come on. >> I'm serious.
We didn't make him up.

I'm serious. We didn't make him up.
We may have added to the story

we didn't make him up. We may have added to
the story here and there, but... it's the

we may have added to the story here
and there, but... it's the truth.

Here and there, but... it's the truth.
His real name is, uh,

truth. His real name is, uh, r.W.
Rayborn.

His real name is, uh, r.W. Rayborn.
He was a farmer... lived about

r.W. Rayborn. He was a farmer...
Lived about a mile away from here.

He was a farmer... lived about a mile away
from here. Well, who wants to hear the

a mile away from here. Well,
who wants to hear the story?

Well, who wants to hear the story?
Story!

Story? >> Story! >> Tell it!

Story! >> Tell it!
Oh, all right.

Tell it! >> Oh, all right.
Go ahead and tell them the

oh, all right. >> Go ahead
and tell them the story, pops.

Go ahead and tell them the story, pops.
I'll tell it.

Story, pops. >> I'll tell it.
I'm gonna tell it.

I'll tell it. I'm gonna tell it.
Oh. Sorry.

I'm gonna tell it. Oh. Sorry.
You can't stay here for the

oh. Sorry. You can't
stay here for the story.

You can't stay here for the story.
You need to go pry Jason off his

story. You need to go pry Jason off
his girlfriend and get some more

you need to go pry Jason off his
girlfriend and get some more beers.

Girlfriend and get some more beers.
I don't know where he is.

Beers. >> I don't know where he is.
You don't?

I don't know where he is.
You don't? >> No.

You don't? >> No. >>
Well, why don't you, uh...

No. >> Well, why don't you, uh...
Find him?

Well, why don't you, uh... find him?
It's dark out there.

Find him? >> It's dark out there.
It's Halloween.

It's dark out there. It's Halloween.
I don't want to go in there by

it's Halloween. I don't want
to go in there by myself.

I don't want to go in there by myself.
Oh, that's right.

Myself. >> Oh, that's right.
It is... it's Halloween Eve.

Oh, that's right. It is... it's
Halloween Eve. It's not Halloween.

It is... it's Halloween Eve. It's not
Halloween. >> You want to die in there with

it's not Halloween. >> You want to die in
there with me, or do you want to die while

you want to die in there with me, or do you
want to die while you're looking for my dead body?

Me, or do you want to die while you're
looking for my dead body? >> Uh...

You're looking for my dead body? >> Uh...
Why don't you just go get the

uh... why don't you just
go get the beer, all right?

Why don't you just go get the beer, all
right? And if you can't find him, just

beer, all right? And if you
can't find him, just buy it.

And if you can't find him, just buy it.
I mean, there's a change.

- Buy it.
- I mean, there's a change.

I mean, there's a change.

I'll come with you.

I'll come with you.
Thanks, beautiful.

I'll come with you. >> Thanks,
beautiful. >> I'll avenge your death, bro.

Thanks, beautiful. >> I'll avenge
your death, bro. >> Thanks, man.

I'll avenge your death, bro. >> Thanks,
man. >> But only if you're killed by

thanks, man. >> But only if
you're killed by a short guy.

But only if you're killed
by a short guy. Otherwise, no.

- A short guy.
- Otherwise, no.

- Otherwise, no.
- >> All right.

All right. Uh, where was I?

All right. Uh, where was I?
You were just about to get

uh, where was I? >> You were just about
to get started on the pitchfork myth.

You were just about to get
started on the pitchfork myth.

Started on the pitchfork myth.
Pitchfork legend.

Pitchfork legend.
Same thing.

Pitchfork legend. >> Same thing.
No, hell no, it isn't... not

same thing. >> No, hell no,
it isn't... not in my book.

You know, sometimes, something can happen.
And it's so traumatic that...

Can happen. And it's so traumatic that...
It becomes a legend.

And it's so traumatic that... it becomes a
legend. Especially in a small town like

it becomes a legend. Especially in
a small town like this, you know?

Especially in a small town like this, you
know? People talk, people add to the

this, you know? People talk, people
add to the story, they glorify the

people talk, people add to the story,
they glorify the details... whatever.

Story, they glorify the details...
Whatever. But it's based on truth, and

details... whatever. But it's based on
truth, and in our case, the legend is...

Ugly. >> Good opening.
Shut up.

Good opening. >> Shut up.
Like I said, r.W. Rayborn was a

shut up. Like I said, r.W.
Rayborn was a farmer.

Like I said, r.W. Rayborn was a farmer.
Had a farm, uh, just right off

farmer. Had a farm, uh, just right
off the property line in the back

had a farm, uh, just right off the
property line in the back there.

The property line in the back there.
You know, uh, it looks run-down

there. You know, uh, it looks run-down
now, but back in the day, it was

you know, uh, it looks run-down now, but
back in the day, it was pretty set.

Now, but back in the day, it was
pretty set. About the last farmer that

pretty set. About the last
farmer that existed around here.

About the last farmer that existed around
here. And when rayborn would come into

existed around here. And when rayborn
would come into town for supplies, he'd

and when rayborn would come into town for
supplies, he'd sometimes bring his daughter.

Yeah, the banks had this grand plan to
make all this area into a subdivision.

Plan to make all this area into a
subdivision. You know, there'd be houses all

a subdivision. You know, there'd
be houses all over here, you know?

You know, there'd be houses all over here,
you know? They even tried to extend the

over here, you know? They even tried to
extend the highway right through here.

They even tried to extend the highway right
through here. >> Yeah, they pushed my dad's

highway right through here. >> Yeah, they
pushed my dad's land back 100 yards to make way

yeah, they pushed my dad's land back
100 yards to make way for that four-Lane.

Land back 100 yards to make way
for that four-Lane. >> Yeah.

For that four-Lane. >> Yeah.
They tried to do that with us a

yeah. They tried to do
that with us a few times.

They tried to do that with
us a few times. But, uh...

Few times. But, uh... back
on the subject, rayborn's

but, uh... back on the
subject, rayborn's daughter...

Back on the subject,
rayborn's daughter...

Daughter...
I mean, when she was a kid, she

I mean, when she was a kid, she
was a beautiful little girl, but

I mean, when she was a kid, she was a beautiful
little girl, but she did what every beautiful

was a beautiful little girl, but she did
what every beautiful little girl does.

She did what every beautiful little
girl does. They grow up to be beautiful

little girl does. They grow up
to be beautiful young ladies.

They grow up to be beautiful young ladies.
Now, some say that when he would

young ladies. Now, some say that when
he would take his daughter on occasion,

now, some say that when he would take his
daughter on occasion, everyone in town would have

take his daughter on occasion, everyone
in town would have their eye on her.

Everyone in town would have their eye
on her. They say he carried a pitchfork

their eye on her. They say he
carried a pitchfork because of her.

They say he carried a pitchfork because
of her. And the joke was that if you'd

because of her. And the joke was that if
you'd mess with rayborn's daughter...

And the joke was that if you'd mess with rayborn's
daughter... you mess with the pitchfork.

- Mess with rayborn's daughter...
- You mess with the pitchfork.

The accounts of this part of the
story vary from person to person.

Story vary from person to person.
Some say that he entered his

person. Some say that he entered his
house to find that his daughter

some say that he entered his house to find
that his daughter and her new boyfriend had

house to find that his daughter and her new
boyfriend had murdered his wife and the sight

and her new boyfriend had murdered his wife and
the sight threw him into a murderous rage.

Murdered his wife and the sight threw him into
a murderous rage. But that's not the story I

threw him into a murderous rage. But
that's not the story I believe.

But that's not the story I believe.
I believe that seeing that his

believe. I believe that seeing that
his wife let his only daughter run

I believe that seeing that his wife let his only
daughter run away drove him over the edge...

Wife let his only daughter run away drove him
over the edge... and she became his first...

Away drove him over the edge... and she
became his first... but not last... victim.

Now, old pitchfork had a problem.
He knew that his daughter had

problem. He knew that his daughter
had run off with one of the

he knew that his daughter had run off with
one of the neighbors' boys, but he didn't

run off with one of the neighbors'
boys, but he didn't know which one.

So he took his revenge
out on everyone.

From house to house, he went
searching for his missing daughter.

Searching for his missing daughter.
[ Music box plays

daughter.

When it was over, the police launched a
manhunt... largest in state history.

Launched a manhunt... largest in
state history. They never found him.

Largest in state history. They never found
him. Some people say pitchfork found

they never found him. Some people say pitchfork
found his daughter and her boyfriend.

Some people say pitchfork found his daughter and
her boyfriend. That's why no one's ever heard

his daughter and her boyfriend. That's why
no one's ever heard about them again.

That's not the story my father used
to tell. It's not what I believe.

Used to tell. It's not what I believe.
The truth is, he never found

it's not what I believe. The
truth is, he never found them.

The truth is, he never found them.
They got away somehow, and

them. They got away somehow, and
people around here all want to

they got away somehow, and people around here
all want to believe everyone involved is

people around here all want to
believe everyone involved is dead.

Legend has it... that when the
moon's full and everything gets all

that when the moon's full and
everything gets all quiet-like...

And everything gets all quiet-like...
Like it is now...

You can still spot old pitchfork
wandering the woods, searching for his

old pitchfork wandering the woods,
searching for his daughter...

Woods, searching for his daughter...
And her boyfriend.

Aaaaaaaaaaah!

God, you kept
me waiting long

god, you kept me
waiting long enough.

God, you kept me waiting long enough.
I was back there for 20 minutes.

Enough. I was back there for 20 minutes.
Oh, it was worth it.

I was back there for 20 minutes.
Oh, it was worth it.

Oh, it was worth it. >> I
knew you were making that

I knew you were
making that shit up.

I knew you were making that shit up.
I didn't make it up.

Shit up. >> I didn't make it up.
That story is true.

I didn't make it up. That story is true.
You can look it up when you go

that story is true. You can look
it up when you go back to school.

You can look it up when you go back
to school. >> If you get back.

Back to school. >> If you get back.
dun-dun-du-u-un

- if you get back.
- >> dun-dun-du-u-un

dun-dun-du-u-un >> okay,
that's enough beer for

okay, that's
enough beer for him.

Okay, that's
enough beer for him.

Him.

She comes on like an

she comes on like
an all-day child

she comes on like an all-day
child when all those colors go

all-day child when all those
colors go exploding around

when all those colors go exploding
around oh, how I love that glowing

exploding around oh, how
i love that glowing hair

oh, how I love that glowing
hair underneath magnolias and

hair underneath magnolias
and midnight air

underneath magnolias and midnight
air and those summer days, yeah,

midnight air and those summer
days, yeah, they're back again

and those summer days, yeah, they're
back again >> is the couch comfy?

They're back again >> is the couch comfy?
Yeah. It's okay.

Is the couch comfy? >> Yeah. It's okay.
You know I can sleep out here

yeah. It's okay. >> You know i
can sleep out here if you want.

You know I can sleep out here if
you want. >> No, I'm fine. It's okay.

If you want. >> No, I'm fine. It's okay.
Don't worry about me.

No, I'm fine. It's okay. Don't
worry about me. >> You sure?

Don't worry about me. >> You sure?
Yes! I'm okay.

You sure? >> Yes! I'm okay.
Why don't you just come sleep

yes! I'm okay. >> Why don't
you just come sleep in my room?

Why don't you just come sleep in
my room? >> I respect your uncle's

in my room? >> I respect
your uncle's wishes.

I respect your
uncle's wishes.

Wishes. >> Although,
his moral compass

although, his moral
compass is a little...

Although, his moral
compass is a little...

- Is a little...
- >> He was only half-serious

he was only
half-serious about that.

He was only half-serious about that.
You can come sleep in my room if

about that. You can come sleep
in my room if you want.

You can come sleep in my room if you want.
I am fine.

You want. >> I am fine.
Don't worry about me.

I am fine. Don't worry about me.
Okay.

Don't worry about me.
Okay. >> Okay.

Okay. >> Okay. Sweet dreams.

Okay. Sweet dreams.
Good night, gorgeous.

When all that cold
has gone away and ended

and she takes all of this
lonely mess >> I have to pee!

Lucky bastard. I thought you were
in there whacking off or something.

I thought you were in there
whacking off or something.

Whacking off or something.
You son of a bitch.

You son of a bitch.

You son of a bitch.
How was she?

How was she? >> Dude.

How was she? >> Dude. >>
and those summer days,

dude. >> and those
summer days, are here again

and those summer
days, are here again

Who's there?

You ever find those traps?

You ever find those traps?
No.

You ever find those traps? >> No.
Think somebody stole them.

No. Think somebody stole them.
It was probably Jeff.

Think somebody stole them. >> It was
probably Jeff. His trucking business went

it was probably Jeff. His trucking
business went under, and he's the one that

his trucking business went under, and
he's the one that helped me put them out.

Under, and he's the one that
helped me put them out. >> Huh.

Helped me put them out. >> Huh.
They'll probably turn up, man.

Huh. They'll probably
turn up, man. >> Mm.

They'll probably turn up, man. >> Mm.
Man, it is gonna be a bitch if

mm. Man, it is gonna be a bitch
if we have to run all these lights

man, it is gonna be a bitch if we have
to run all these lights again tomorrow.

We have to run all these
lights again tomorrow.

Again tomorrow.
We'll be all right.

We'll be all right.
No problem, man.

We'll be all right. No problem, man.
We'll get it done.

No problem, man. We'll get it done.
Yeah.

We'll get it done. >> Yeah.
It's a hell of a ride.

Yeah. >> It's a hell of a ride.
Hell of a ride, bro.

Oh! Oh!

You okay? >> Yeah. Just couldn't sleep.
Yeah, me either.

Yeah. Just couldn't sleep.
Yeah, me either. >> Why not?

Yeah, me either. >> Why not?

Why not? Uh... mind
racing, I guess.

Uh... mind racing, I guess.
Whole lot of memories here.

Uh... mind racing, I guess. Whole lot
of memories here. >> Good ones?

Whole lot of memories here. >> Good ones?
Yeah. Definitely.

Good ones? >> Yeah. Definitely.
You know, it's weird, but you

yeah. Definitely. You know, it's weird,
but you spend half your life pretending

you know, it's weird, but you spend half your
life pretending you're not from Alabama, and the

spend half your life pretending you're not from
Alabama, and the rest, you're pretending you

you're not from Alabama, and the rest,
you're pretending you don't miss it.

Rest, you're pretending
you don't miss it.

Don't miss it. I guess
we moved around too much

I guess we moved around too much
for me to really miss anyplace

I guess we moved around too much for me
to really miss anyplace in particular.

For me to really miss anyplace in
particular. My dad's job moved us to

in particular. My dad's job
moved us to San Diego once.

My dad's job moved us to San Diego once.
That was really nice.

San Diego once. That was really nice.
I bet.

That was really nice. >> I bet.
How old were you when you

I bet. >> How old were you
when you moved in with Morgan?

How old were you when you
moved in with Morgan? >> 10.

Moved in with Morgan? >> 10.
Was your aunt still alive?

10. >> Was your aunt still alive?
Yeah.

Was your aunt still alive?
Yeah. She...

Yeah. She... she didn't
pass away until I was

she... she didn't pass away
until I was in high school.

Were you close? >> She was
my mom for about six years.

She was my mom for about six years.
I'm sorry.

Years. >> I'm sorry.
Nah, it's okay.

I'm sorry. >> Nah, it's okay.
She was probably as close as a

nah, it's okay. She was probably as close
as a person could be to a Saint these

she was probably as close as a person
could be to a Saint these days.

She, of all people, didn't need to hurt
anymore. So, it was just me, Corey, and

to hurt anymore. So, it was just
me, Corey, and uncle Morgan.

So, it was just me, Corey, and uncle
Morgan. Somehow, we made it work.

Uncle Morgan. Somehow,
we made it work.

Somehow, we made it work. We
used to quiz each other on

we used to quiz each other on
microwave directions for TV

we used to quiz each other on microwave
directions for TV dinners and chicken pot pies.

Microwave directions for TV dinners and
chicken pot pies. We were scary-good at it.

Dinners and chicken pot pies. We were scary-good
at it. You name the item and the brand,

we were scary-good at it. You name the item and
the brand, and we could give you the exact

you name the item and the brand, and we could
give you the exact time and heating instruction.

And we could give you the exact
time and heating instruction.

Time and heating instruction.
Well, that's a valuable

well, that's a
valuable skill.

Well, that's a
valuable skill.

- Skill.
- >> Well, it comes in handy at

well, it comes in handy
at school sometimes.

Well, it comes in handy at school
sometimes. But only if it's an older

school sometimes. But only
if it's an older microwave.

But only if it's an older microwave.
If the wattage is too high, my

microwave. If the wattage is too
high, my powers are useless.

If the wattage is too high,
my powers are useless.

Powers are useless. >> Well,
i didn't exactly have a

well, I didn't exactly have
a normal childhood, either.

Well, I didn't exactly have a normal
childhood, either. And I always said when I got

normal childhood, either. And I always said
when I got older and had kids of my own

and I always said when I got older and had
kids of my own that our lives would be

older and had kids of my own that our lives
would be perfectly normal and boring, you

that our lives would be perfectly
normal and boring, you know?

Perfectly normal and boring, you know?
House, fenced yard, dogs, church

know? House, fenced yard,
dogs, church on Sundays.

House, fenced yard, dogs, church on
Sundays. >> Mortgage, arguing about tile

on Sundays. >> Mortgage, arguing about
tile in the bathroom, family game

mortgage, arguing about tile in
the bathroom, family game night.

In the bathroom,
family game night.

Night. Exactly.

Exactly. >> I'm in.

Exactly. >> I'm in. >> Really?

I'm in. >> Really? >>
That's the plan, isn't it?

Otherwise, what are we working towards?
I mean, you've seen the level of

towards? I mean, you've seen the level
of normalcy that I had to grow up

I mean, you've seen the level of
normalcy that I had to grow up with.

Normalcy that I had to grow up with.
Why wouldn't I want that?

Sitting here in the dark >> so, uh...
Did you wanna...

So, uh... did you wanna...
Are you serious?

Did you wanna... >> Are you serious?
Yeah.

Are you serious? >> Yeah.
We'll wake everyone up.

Yeah. >> We'll wake everyone up.
I think you overestimate my

we'll wake everyone up. >> I think
you overestimate my abilities.

I think you
overestimate my abilities.

- Abilities.
- I still don't think it's a good

I still don't think
it's a good idea.

I still don't think it's a good idea.
Are you sure?

Idea. >> Are you sure?
I'm half done already.

- Are you sure?
- I'm half done already.

- I'm half done already.
- >> falling down to the

falling down
to the ground

falling down
to the ground

Ground >> was that thunder?

Was that thunder?
I think so.

Was that thunder? >> I think so.
That's bad, isn't it?

I think so. >> That's
bad, isn't it? >> Yep.

That's bad, isn't it?
Yep. That's bad.

This shit's coming down. >> Yeah.
This rain's gonna hurt our

yeah. This rain's
gonna hurt our tracking.

This rain's gonna hurt our tracking.
Well, we could get, uh,

tracking. >> Well, we could get,
uh, canoes for everybody to go out

well, we could get, uh, canoes
for everybody to go out in.

'- Cause it's raining so hard.
- >> Yeah. Yeah, I got it.

- Yeah. Yeah, I got it.
- Hey, look, first thing in the

hey, look, first thing in the
morning, I need you to get your

hey, look, first thing in the morning, I need you
to get your boys to do a house-to-house, all

morning, I need you to get your boys
to do a house-to-house, all right?

Boys to do a house-to-house, all right?
Notifying or searching?

Right? >> Notifying or searching?
Both.

Notifying or searching? >> Both.
We've got the manpower.

Both. We've got the manpower.
That is, if, uh..

We've got the manpower. That is, if, uh..
We have enough canoes.

It was funny. >> Nope.
No, it wasn't.

Good night, wincer. >> You know, when
this is all over, we should get our own

you know, when this is all over,
we should get our own buddy-cop show.

Over, we should get our
own buddy-cop show.

All right. Let's huddle up.
Come on.

Come on. Let's go! Let's go!

Working hard. Well, we gambled,
and we lost. All right?

Well, we gambled, and we lost. All right?
No sense crying about it.

All right? No sense crying about it.
We just have to bust ass, get

no sense crying about it. We just
have to bust ass, get it done.

We just have to bust ass, get it done.
All right?

It done. All right? So
let's just have some fun.

All right? So let's just have some fun.
Got a lot of work to do.

So let's just have some fun. Got a lot
of work to do. Let's do it, all right?

Got a lot of work to do. Let's
do it, all right? Let's do it.

Let's do it, all right? Let's do it.
All right, ready?

Let's do it. All right, ready?
Break.

All right, ready?
Break. Hayride.

Break. Hayride. Hoo!

Hayride. Hoo!

Let me see... 1, 2, 3, 4...
2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12. Wow.

2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12. Wow. We're
doing a good job out here.

Wow. We're doing a
good job out here.

We're doing a good job out here.
You haven't worked out in a

you haven't worked out
in a while, have you?

You haven't worked out in a while,
have you? >> No. It's been years.

While, have you? >> No.
It's been years. >> Huh?

No. It's been years.
Huh? I don't know.

Huh? I don't know. I heard,
you know... last night,

I don't know. I heard, you know...
Last night, I heard some sounds.

I heard, you know... last
night, I heard some sounds.

I heard some sounds. You're
holding up pretty good,

you're holding up
pretty good, right?

You're holding up pretty good, right?
Except for the wheezing.

Right? Except for the wheezing.
You want an inhaler?

Except for the wheezing. You want
an inhaler? You want me to get it?

You want an inhaler? You want me to get it?
I'm good.

- You want me to get it?
- >> I'm good.

I'm good.

Hey, how's school, man?

Hey, how's school, man? >>
It's going pretty good.

Hey, how's school, man? >> It's
going pretty good. >> It is?

It's going pretty good.
It is? >> Yeah.

It is? >> Yeah. >>
You going to class?

Yeah. >> You going to class?
Most days.

You going to class? >> Most days.
Yeah, I guess that's enough,

most days. >> Yeah, i
guess that's enough, right?

Yeah, I guess that's enough, right?
So, uh, what do you think of

right? >> So, uh, what
do you think of Amanda?

So, uh, what do you think of Amanda?
Oh! Whew!

Amanda? >> Oh! Whew!

Oh! Whew! I try
not to, buddy.

I try not to, buddy. I don't
know if it's gonna work

I try not to, buddy. I don't know
if it's gonna work between us.

I don't know if it's gonna work between us.
Okay, now.

Between us. >> Okay, now. >>
I mean, unless you can say

okay, now. >> I mean,
unless you can say something.

I mean, unless you can say something.
Can you say something?

Something. Can you say something?
I'm not afraid to take you

can you say something? >> I'm not
afraid to take you down, old man.

I'm not afraid to take you
down, old man. >> Oh, really?

Down, old man. >> Oh, really?
Oh, well, maybe you're gonna

oh, really? Oh, well, maybe
you're gonna have to try this.

Oh, well, maybe you're gonna
have to try this. Okay.

Have to try this. Okay.
Let's see it.

Okay. Let's see it. Oh! Hell!

Let's see it. Oh! Hell!
Oh-ho! Oh!

Oh! Hell! Oh-ho! Oh!
He's serious!

Oh-ho! Oh! He's serious! Oh!

He's serious! Oh! Ohhh...

Oh! Ohhh... you love her?

Ohhh... you love her? >>
Why would you ask that?

You love her? >> Why would you ask that?
I don't know.

Why would you ask that? >> I don't know.
You're getting to the age where

I don't know. You're getting to the
age where you're growing hair in all the

you're getting to the age where you're growing
hair in all the right places, I guess, you know?

You're growing hair in all the right places, i
guess, you know? And, you know, liking a woman is

right places, I guess, you know? And, you know,
liking a woman is not gonna cut it anymore, you

and, you know, liking a woman is not
gonna cut it anymore, you know?

Not gonna cut it anymore, you know?
Everything's starting to get

know? Everything's starting
to get serious around here.

Everything's starting to get serious
around here. >> Yeah. I do.

Serious around here. >> Yeah.
I do. >> Oh.

Yeah. I do. >> Oh. Let
me ask you something.

Oh. Let me ask you something.
You know, you graduate, finish

let me ask you something. You know, you graduate,
finish school, get a job, you know, and

you know, you graduate, finish school, get a
job, you know, and it comes down to a choice

school, get a job, you know, and it comes down
to a choice between your career and Amanda.

It comes down to a choice between your
career and Amanda. Who you betting on?

Between your career and Amanda. Who you
betting on? >> Hadn't really thought about

who you betting on? >> Hadn't
really thought about it.

Hadn't really thought about it.
Do you have to?

It. >> Do you have to?
No, I guess not.

Do you have to? >> No, I guess not.
It's Amanda.

No, I guess not. It's Amanda.
Yeah, it is.

- It's Amanda.
- >> Yeah, it is.

- Yeah, it is.
- You know, all the years I've

you know, all the years I've
been around, you know, I'll

you know, all the years I've been around,
you know, I'll tell you what I learned.

Been around, you know, I'll tell you what
i learned. A career is nothing but a damn

tell you what I learned. A career is nothing
but a damn job if you're not working for

a career is nothing but a damn job
if you're not working for family.

Job if you're not working for family.
People are always talking about

family. People are always talking
about focusing on their career,

people are always talking about focusing on
their career, working hard to get ahead.

Focusing on their career, working hard to
get ahead. I tell you what... you find the

working hard to get ahead. I tell you
what... you find the right woman...

I tell you what... you find the right
woman... and you'll spend the rest of

right woman... and you'll spend the
rest of your life trying to make her

and you'll spend the rest of your
life trying to make her happy.

Your life trying to make her happy.
I got you.

Happy. >> I got you. >>
Rest of your money, too,

I got you. >> Rest of
your money, too, probably.

Rest of your
money, too, probably.

Probably. >> No, no, no.

No, no, no. No, look.

No, no, no. No, look.
I'm dead-serious.

No, look. I'm dead-serious.
I got it. I got it.

I'm dead-serious. >> I got it. I got it.
You know, you're getting all

I got it. I got it. You know, you're
getting all emotional in your old age.

You know, you're getting all emotional in
your old age. It's kind of freaking me out.

Emotional in your old age. It's kind of
freaking me out. >> You know, you and Corey are

it's kind of freaking me out. >> You know, you
and Corey are all I got, you know, to carry

you know, you and Corey are all
i got, you know, to carry on...

All I got, you know, to carry on...
My legacy.

On... my legacy. You know,
which one of you two

my legacy. You know, which one of
you two is more suited to take the

you know, which one of you two is more suited
to take the emotional crap, you think?

Is more suited to take the emotional
crap, you think? >> That's a good point.

- Emotional crap, you think?
- >> That's a good point.

- That's a good point. - >>
You know, I love Corey to

you know, I love Corey to
death, but I wouldn't trust him

you know, I love Corey to death, but i
wouldn't trust him with a fucking hammer.

Death, but I wouldn't trust
him with a fucking hammer.

- With a fucking hammer.
- >> Don't.

Don't. I made that mistake.

Don't. I made that mistake.

I made that mistake. All right.

All right. >> So,
uh, who's playing

all right. >> So, uh,
who's playing pitchfork?

So, uh, who's playing pitchfork?
Pitchfork?

Pitchfork? >> Pitchfork? Oh,
uh, are you a-a rider or a

pitchfork? Oh, uh, are
you a-a rider or a worker?

Oh, uh, are you a-a rider or a worker?
Yeah. I think you're a rider.

Worker? Yeah. I think
you're a rider.

Yeah. I think you're a rider.

Man, this is bullshit.

Man, this is bullshit.
You scared?

Man, this is bullshit. >> You scared?
He didn't make it this far.

You scared? >> He didn't make it
this far. >> If you're scared, just say

he didn't make it this far. >> If
you're scared, just say you're scared...

If you're scared, just say you're
scared... scared of hobos and

you're scared... scared of hobos
and hepatitis, um... lurkers.

Scared of hobos and hepatitis, um...
Lurkers. >> Yeah, I'm a little scared.

Hepatitis, um... lurkers. >> Yeah, I'm
a little scared. >> Oh, come on.

Yeah, I'm a little scared. >> Oh,
come on. Let's just go check the house.

As if we haven't talked to enough country
people today. >> Oh, you like talking to these

enough country people today. >> Oh,
you like talking to these folks.

Oh, you like talking to these folks.
Oh, yeah. I do.

And... shit. >> Let's do it.

Okay. Now I'm scared. >> Yeah.
It's getting interesting.

Yeah. It's getting interesting.
Thanks. That's reassuring.

I'm clear.

Clear. >> I'm going upstairs.
Good. Have fun.

Hey, man.

Hey, man. >> Yeah, go ahead.

Hey, man. >> Yeah, go ahead.
Hey, come look at this.

Yeah, go ahead. >> Hey, come look
at this. I need you to come look at

hey, come look at this. I need you
to come look at something real quick.

I need you to come look at something real
quick. It's a bunch of dead animals.

Something real quick. It's a
bunch of dead animals. Like...

It's a bunch of dead animals. Like...
Like maybe our boy's been eating

like... like maybe our boy's
been eating them or something.

Like maybe our boy's been eating
them or something. >> What?!

Them or something. >> What?!
Some freak's been fucking

what?! >> Some freak's
been fucking eating them.

Some freak's been fucking eating them.
Just come look.

Shit!

Could you make out what
they were saying? >> No.

Were saying? >> No. They
were walking a line right

no. They were walking a
line right through here.

They were walking a line right through
here. They checked in at lunch.

Through here. They checked in at lunch.
They were near Harlow, right?

They checked in at lunch. They
were near Harlow, right? >> Yeah.

They were near Harlow, right? >> Yeah.
This is right outside of our

yeah. >> This is right
outside of our perimeter.

This is right outside of our perimeter.
Does anybody live out this way?

Perimeter. Does anybody live out this way?
I don't think so.

Does anybody live out this way? >> I don't
think so. >> Look, we need to get a

I don't think so. >> Look, we need
to get a roadblock block going into,

look, we need to get a roadblock block
going into, um... let's see... Brandon,

roadblock block going into, um... let's
see... Brandon, right here.

Um... let's see... Brandon, right here.
And I need you to get a team

right here. And I need you to get
a team north of Harlow, okay?

And I need you to get a team north
of Harlow, okay? >> You got it.

North of Harlow, okay? >> You got it.
So, what's out here?

You got it. >> So, what's out here?
Just river, as far as I know.

So, what's out here? >> Just river,
as far as I know. >> So, what is this?

Just river, as far as I know. >> So,
what is this? County woods, a dump... what?

So, what is this? County woods, a dump
what? >> Haven't been out there in

county woods, a dump... what? >>
Haven't been out there in years.

Haven't been out there in years.
Let's go find out.

- Years.
- >> Let's go find out.

All right, all right! Hayride!
Hayride! Right?

All right, all right! Hayride!
Hayride! Right? Whoo! Yeah!

Hayride! Hayride! Right? Whoo! Yeah!
We're about to roll this thing

whoo! Yeah! We're about to roll
this thing out, aren't we, huh?

We're about to roll this
thing out, aren't we, huh?

- Out, aren't we, huh?
- All right.

All right. Look, a
couple of ground rules,

all right. Look, a couple
of ground rules, all right?

Look, a couple of ground rules, all right?
The first few rides through,

all right? The first few rides
through, it's just gonna be kids and

the first few rides through, it's just gonna
be kids and their parents, so, guys, look,

it's just gonna be kids and their parents,
so, guys, look, we want to keep it clean for

their parents, so, guys, look, we want
to keep it clean for them, all right?

We want to keep it clean for them,
all right? I'm not shitting you!

Them, all right? I'm not shitting you!
Keep it clean!

I'm not shitting you! Keep it clean!
All right?

Keep it clean! All right? You.

All right? You. And as
the night rolls on, we

you. And as the night rolls on,
we can gradually... we can

and as the night rolls on, we can gradually
we can gradually what, girls?

Can gradually... we can gradually what,
girls? >> Together: Turn up the heat,

gradually what, girls? >> Together:
Turn up the heat, captain Morgan!

Together: Turn up the
heat, captain Morgan!

- Captain Morgan!
- >> Now, gradually, though,

now, gradually,
though, right, girls?

Now, gradually, though,
right, girls? Right?

Right, girls? Right? Corey?

Right? Corey? >> I
need you guys to, uh,

Corey? >> I need you guys to, uh,
communicate with me throughout

I need you guys to, uh, communicate
with me throughout the ride.

Communicate with me throughout the ride.
I got a lot of ground to cover,

the ride. I got a lot of
ground to cover, okay?

I got a lot of ground to cover, okay?
That's true. That's true.

Okay? >> That's true. That's true.
If you need relief or a light

that's true. That's true. If you need
relief or a light goes out or something, radio

if you need relief or a light goes out or
something, radio Corey immediately, all right?

Goes out or something, radio Corey immediately,
all right? There's gonna be a 30-minute

Corey immediately, all right? There's gonna
be a 30-minute break right before the madness

there's gonna be a 30-minute break
right before the madness ride.

Break right before the madness ride.
That's just to regroup, go over

ride. That's just to
regroup, go over our plans.

That's just to regroup, go over our plans.
Oh, and, uh, hate to say it...

Our plans. Oh, and, uh, hate to say
it... no improv-ing this year, all

oh, and, uh, hate to say it... no
improv-ing this year, all right?

No improv-ing this year, all right?
I know we had a lot of fun with

right? I know we had a lot of fun
with it over the years, but our

I know we had a lot of fun with it over
the years, but our routine is tight now.

It over the years, but our routine is
tight now. If we stay with the routine, I

routine is tight now. If we stay with the
routine, I think that's gonna work best for

if we stay with the routine, I think
that's gonna work best for us, all right?

Think that's gonna work best for us, all
right? So, remember... everyone has a

us, all right? So, remember... everyone
has a good time, no one gets hurt.

So, remember... everyone has a good time, no
one gets hurt. So, let's rock these people's

good time, no one gets hurt. So, let's rock
these people's lives and give them the show of

so, let's rock these people's lives and give
them the show of their lives, all right?!

Lives and give them the show
of their lives, all right?!

- Their lives, all right?!
- Yeah, baby!

Yeah, baby! All right!

Yeah, baby! All right!
All right, guys.

All right! >> All right, guys. Come on.
Everybody, bring it in.

All right, guys. Come on. Everybody,
bring it in. Come on, everybody.

Come on. Everybody, bring it in. Come on,
everybody. Give me... somebody, bring it

come on, everybody. Give me
somebody, bring it in.

Give me... somebody, bring it in.
Dick.

Assholes! >> my old man, he told
me once that I had eyes like hers

my old man, he told me once that I had
eyes like hers his big arms never held me

that I had eyes like hers his big
arms never held me like they could

his big arms never held me like they
could the night that I was brought

like they could the night that I was
brought to earth, her debt distracted by

the night that I was brought to earth,
her debt distracted by my birth

To earth, her debt distracted by my
birth he cut all ties when he cut

my birth he cut all
ties when he cut the cord

he cut all ties when he
cut the cord I know

the cord i
know where to go

I know where to go

hey, where are
the other riders?

Ooh!

Aaaah!

Aaaah! Aaaaaah!

Aaaaaah!

Somebody help me!

Okay, that's our cue. Go get the truck.
What?! I'm not getting it.

Go get the truck. >> What?! I'm not
getting it. >> Why not? It's your turn.

What?! I'm not getting it. >> Why not?
It's your turn. >> The hell it is.

Why not? It's your turn. >> The
hell it is. I went last time.

The hell it is. I went last time.
You didn't!

I went last time. >> You didn't!
Dude, I went last time, and

you didn't! >> Dude, I went
last time, and it's really far.

Dude, I went last time,
and it's really far. >> Shh.

It's really far. >> Shh.
Boo-fucking-hoo, dude.

Shh. Boo-fucking-hoo, dude.
It's your turn.

Boo-fucking-hoo, dude. It's your turn.
Paper, rock, scissors.

It's your turn. >> Paper,
rock, scissors. >> No.

Paper, rock, scissors. >> No.
You can do it, or I can kick you

no. You can do it, or I can kick
you in the balls and then you can do

you can do it, or I can kick you in
the balls and then you can do it.

In the balls and
then you can do it.

- It.
- I just love our time together.

I just love our
time together.

I just love our time together.

I got bad news. Truck's dead.
So, just go ahead and head up

truck's dead. So, just go ahead and
head up the dirt path up there and wait

so, just go ahead and head up the dirt path
up there and wait inside the old barn.

The dirt path up there and wait
inside the old barn. >> Ohhh!

Inside the old barn. >> Ohhh!

Ohhh!

Hey, guys, we're gonna need

hey, guys, we're gonna
need another truck up here.

Hey, guys, we're gonna need another
truck up here. This one's shot.

All right. Come on, guys.
Stay together.

They're out. Go get it.
Geez!

Dude, what the hell is that?

Go, go, go,
go, go, go, go!

All right. The second group is on foot
and headed toward the haunted house.

The second group is on foot and
headed toward the haunted house.

Morgan? Is that you?

Whoa! My god! Holy shit! Man!

Holy shit! Man! Oh, man!

Man! Oh, man! You can't
do me like that.

Oh, man! You can't
do me like that.

You can't do me like that.
Killer mask, man.

Killer mask, man. Whew.

Killer mask, man. Whew.

Whew. Hey, hey, hey! Hey!

Should have known to look here.
What do you mean?

Here. >> What do you mean? >>
It's like some places just

what do you mean? >> It's like
some places just attract trouble.

Still not following. What?
Did something happen here?

What? Did something happen here?
This place attracts death

did something happen here? >> This place
attracts death like flies to shit.

Police!

Clear left! >> Clear right!

Fucking help me!!

Fucking help me!!

No!

No!

There's a legend around here that a farmer
killed his family... just snapped one day

that a farmer killed his family... just
snapped one day and started killing.

Family... just snapped one day and
started killing. Never found him.

And started killing. Never found him.
Is it true?

Never found him. >> Is it true?
I don't know if "true" is the

is it true? >> I don't know if
"true" is the right word, but something

I don't know if "true" is the
right word, but something happened.

Right word, but something happened.
You just don't know what,

happened. >> You just
don't know what, right?

You just don't know what, right?
Well, I don't know what

right? >> Well, I don't know what
really happened and what people

well, I don't know what really happened and
what people just made up, but I know there's

really happened and what people just made up,
but I know there's a reason people don't come

just made up, but I know there's a reason
people don't come around here anymore.

When I was in high school, group of kids went
missing... big search, family hysterical,

group of kids went missing... big search, family
hysterical, cops coming around the school

big search, family hysterical, cops coming
around the school asking questions.

Cops coming around the school asking
questions. Well, they found two of them up

asking questions. Well, they
found two of them up here.

Well, they found two of them up here.
The boy evidently stabbed the

here. The boy evidently stabbed
the girlfriend to death, then

the boy evidently stabbed the girlfriend
to death, then torched her car.

Girlfriend to death, then torched her car.
Did they catch him?

Torched her car. >> Did they catch him?
He was in the car, too.

Did they catch him? >> He
was in the car, too. >> Nice.

He was in the car, too. >> Nice.
Local folks swear...

Nice. >> Local folks swear...
Old pitchfork did it.

Local folks swear... old
pitchfork did it. >> Pitchfork?

What's that smell? >> Shh.

Shh.

Officer down! Officer down!
Wincer! Wincer!!

Holy shit.

Jesus Christ.

- Where the hell is everybody?!
- Come on!

- Where the hell is everybody?!
- Come on!

Come on! It's those
dang teenagers.

It's those dang teenagers.
That's what it is every year.

It's those dang teenagers. That's what it is
every year. >> Half the volunteers are gone.

That's what it is every year. >> Half the
volunteers are gone. Where the fuck is Mickey?

Half the volunteers are gone. Where the fuck
is Mickey? >> Now, look, look, we still got

where the fuck is Mickey? >> Now, look,
look, we still got a good crowd out there.

Now, look, look, we still got a good
crowd out there. We got to do this.

A good crowd out there. We got to do this.
We're gonna have to improvise.

We got to do this. We're gonna
have to improvise. Uh...

We're gonna have to improvise. Uh...
Steven, you want to give Corey a

uh... Steven, you want
to give Corey a hand?

Steven, you want to give Corey a hand?
Sure thing.

Hand? >> Sure thing. >> Awesome.

Sure thing. >> Awesome.
What about you, Amanda?

Awesome. What about you, Amanda?
You want to be the girl to be

what about you, Amanda? You want to be
the girl to be yanked off the truck?

You want to be the girl to be yanked
off the truck? >> Uh... yeah, sure.

Yanked off the truck? >> Uh... yeah, sure.
Who's doing the yanking?

Uh... yeah, sure. Who's
doing the yanking?

Who's doing the yanking?
Okay.

Okay. >> Awesome.

Okay. >> Awesome. All right.

Awesome. All right. Everybody
else know what they're

all right. Everybody else
know what they're doing?

Everybody else know what
they're doing? Okay.

- Doing?
- Okay.

- Okay.
- >> Look, we need to call in

look, we need to call in
every man off that roadblock...

Look, we need to call in every man off
that roadblock... get them here right now.

Every man off that roadblock... get them
here right now. Look, if they're south of

get them here right now. Look, if they're
south of Harlow, we need to get them

look, if they're south of Harlow, we
need to get them north of Harlow.

Harlow, we need to get them north of
Harlow. This fucker's close by, cuz.

North of Harlow. This fucker's
close by, cuz. >> All right, guys.

This fucker's close by, cuz. >> All right,
guys. You know what you need to do.

All right, guys. You know what
you need to do. Let's do it.

You know what you need to do. Let's do it.
Let's bring him in.

Let's do it. >> Let's bring him in.
Let's do it.

Let's bring him in.
Let's do it.

Let's do it.

All right, we're gonna start

all right, we're gonna start
this thing, uh, about an hour

all right, we're gonna start this
thing, uh, about an hour later than usual.

This thing, uh, about an hour
later than usual. I mean, please

later than usual. I mean, please
don't run off, like those other

I mean, please don't run off,
like those other potheads.

Don't run off, like
those other potheads.

- Potheads.
- Now, I'll call "places."

Now, I'll call "places."
We go to places.

Now, I'll call "places." We go to places.
I'll sound the horn when we roll

we go to places. I'll sound
the horn when we roll out.

I'll sound the horn when we roll out.
All right?

Out. All right?

All right? Let's go.

Are you sure you're okay riding by
yourself? >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay.

Riding by yourself? >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm
okay. It's, uh, less scary if you're

yeah. Yeah. I'm okay. It's, uh,
less scary if you're in on it, right?

It's, uh, less scary if you're in on
it, right? >> Okay. Are you sure?

In on it, right? >> Okay. Are you sure?
Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay.

Okay. Are you sure? >> Yeah.
Yeah. I'm okay. Go. Go.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay.
Go. Go. Bye.

Oh! >> Jesus Christ!

Just stay with me, man.

So, Amanda's hot. >> Thanks, man.
I mean, at first, I was like,

thanks, man. >> I mean, at first, i
was like, you know, "she's cute," you

I mean, at first, I was like, you know,
"she's cute," you know, "go, Steven."

You know, "she's cute," you know, "go,
Steven." But now, bro, she is hot.

Know, "go, Steven." But
now, bro, she is hot.

But now, bro, she is hot.
Yeah, I appreciate it, man.

Yeah, I appreciate it, man.
I mean, she's hotter than

yeah, I appreciate it, man. >>
I mean, she's hotter than you.

I mean, she's hotter than you.
She's... supposed to be hotter

you. >> She's... supposed to
be hotter than me, dumbass.

She's... supposed to be hotter than me,
dumbass. >> No, I mean, like the girl

than me, dumbass. >> No, i
mean, like the girl you.

No, I mean, like the girl you.
Like, if you were a girl, there

you. Like, if you were a girl,
there is no way you'd be that hot.

Like, if you were a girl, there is no way you'd
be that hot. >> Aw, I'd be crazy-hot as a

is no way you'd be that hot. >>
Aw, I'd be crazy-hot as a girl.

Aw, I'd be crazy-hot as a girl.
You'd be begging me just to look

girl. You'd be begging
me just to look at you.

You'd be begging me just to look at you.
No, see, you'd be that girl

at you. >> No, see, you'd be that
girl that I would give a fake number

no, see, you'd be that girl that i
would give a fake number to at a party.

That I would give a fake number to at
a party. Like, if I'd have nailed you

to at a party. Like, if I'd have nailed
you that night, fine, but if not,

like, if I'd have nailed you that night,
fine, but if not, I'm not trying again.

That night, fine, but if not, I'm
not trying again. >> Aw, whatever.

I'm not trying again. >> Aw, whatever.
That's bullshit, and you know

aw, whatever. That's
bullshit, and you know it.

That's bullshit, and you know it.
Nope.

It. >> Nope. >> Aw,
whatever, man.

Nope. >> Aw, whatever, man.
You'd probably sleep with me now

aw, whatever, man. You'd probably
sleep with me now if I offered.

You'd probably sleep with me now if i
offered. >> I'm not talking about now.

If I offered. >> I'm not talking about now.
I'm talking about if you were a

I'm not talking about now. I'm
talking about if you were a girl.

I'm talking about if you were a girl.
' Course I'd sleep with you now.

Girl. ' Course I'd sleep with you now.
That's not the question.

' Course I'd sleep with you now. That's not
the question. I'm just saying you're not as

that's not the question. I'm just
saying you're not as hot as Amanda.

I'm just saying you're not as hot as
Amanda. >> Hey, Corey, are you there?

Hot as Amanda. >> Hey, Corey,
are you there? >> Yeah.

Hey, Corey, are you there? >> Yeah.
Listen, no one ever reset the

yeah. >> Listen, no one ever reset
the barn for the haunted house.

Listen, no one ever reset the
barn for the haunted house. >> Shit.

Barn for the haunted house. >> Shit.
Um, yeah, I'll be there in a

shit. Um, yeah, I'll
be there in a second.

Um, yeah, I'll be there in a second.
Um, yeah, just hang on.

Second. Um, yeah, just hang on.
Look, I got to go over to the

um, yeah, just hang on. Look, I got
to go over to the barn real quick.

Look, I got to go over to the barn real
quick. Um... can you help out with the

barn real quick. Um... can
you help out with the P.A.?

Um... can you help out with the P.A.?
Uh, yeah, man. No problem.

P.A.? >> Uh, yeah, man. No problem.
It's real simple.

Uh, yeah, man. No problem. >> It's real
simple. All you got to do is just hit

it's real simple. All you got to do is
just hit the button for the werewolf when

all you got to do is just hit the button for
the werewolf when the kids get out, all right?

The button for the werewolf when the
kids get out, all right? >> Got it.

The kids get out, all right? >> Got it.
Just head on down through the

got it. >> Just head on down
through the trees, take a left.

Just head on down through the trees,
take a left. >> You mean, those, uh,

trees, take a left. >> You mean, those,
uh, pitch-black woods out there?

Here you go, pussy. >> Thanks a lot,
asshole. >> Watch out for pitchfork, cuz.

Thanks a lot, asshole. >>
Watch out for pitchfork, cuz.

Let's go! Let's go!

Oh!

Whee-whee-whee!

Hey, why weren't you at the

hey, why weren't you
at the madness rally?

Hey, why weren't you at the madness
rally? >> Dumb was supposed to come and

madness rally? >> Dumb was
supposed to come and get me.

Dumb was supposed to come and get me.
Ah, that figures.

Get me. >> Ah, that figures. >>
Wasn't pitchfork supposed to

ah, that figures. >> Wasn't pitchfork
supposed to kill me in this scene?

Wasn't pitchfork supposed to kill me in
this scene? >> Uh, captain Morgan said they

kill me in this scene? >> Uh, captain Morgan
said they cut that 'cause someone stole

uh, captain Morgan said they cut
that 'cause someone stole the mask.

Cut that 'cause someone
stole the mask.

- The mask.
- Someone stole the mask last

someone stole the
mask last year.

Someone stole the mask last year.
Uh, coincidentally, someone

year. >> Uh, coincidentally,
someone stole my ax, too.

Uh, coincidentally, someone
stole my ax, too. >> Your ax?

- Stole my ax, too.
- >> Your ax?

Your ax?

No! No, please! Please!

No! No, please! Please!

Please!

Hey. Hey, it's pitchfork.
It's pitchfork.

Ha ha! Ah! >> Fuck, yeah!

Fuck, yeah! Pitchfork!

Fuck, yeah! Pitchfork!
Owwwww!

Shit.

Run! Run! Run!

Please, let me go!

Get it off! Aah!

Get it off! Aah!

Get it off! Aah! >> Aah!

Aah! >> Aah!

- Aah! - >> Aah!

Aah!

Hey, what the hell
is going on in here?

Amanda, ru...

Hey, you!

Steven, run!

Steven... who was that?

You all right? >> Yeah. Yeah.

- Is this, uh, normal
enough for you? - >> No.

- For you?
- >> No.

- No. - >> No.

No. We'll get there.

No. We'll get there.
Right there.

We'll get there. Right there.

Right there. Can we start now?

- Can we start now? - Please?

Shit! Holy shit, guys! We got to go!
Colby's fucking dead!

We got to go! Colby's fucking dead!
Fucking Colby's dead!

Colby's fucking dead!
Fucking Colby's dead! We...

Fucking Colby's dead! We... >> Corey!
Corey! Calm down!

We... >> Corey! Corey!
Calm down! Now...

Corey! Corey! Calm down!
Now...

Now...
We know, Corey. It's okay.

We know, Corey. It's okay.

- We know, Corey. It's okay.
- Who the fuck is that?!

Who the fuck is that?!

Who the fuck is that?!
I don't know.

I don't know. >> Did
you just fucking kill

I don't know. >> Did you
just fucking kill that guy?

I love you so much. I don't
know what I'd do without you.

I don't know what
I'd do without you.

- You.
- I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant.

Uh-huh. >> Are you serious?
Yeah.

Are you serious?
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. >> What?

What? What?

- Even after all of this...
- That's still terrifying.

So, what's the damage? >> It's the worst
thing I've ever seen... two dozen dead

it's the worst thing I've ever
seen... two dozen dead bodies...

Ever seen... two dozen dead bodies...
About 10 more seriously injured.

Bodies... about 10 more seriously injured.
And they just called from the

about 10 more seriously injured. And they just
called from the house... there's a body in the

and they just called from the house
there's a body in the old barn.

House... there's a body in the old barn.
Jesus.

Old barn. >> Jesus. >>
Looks like we're way past

Jesus. >> Looks like we're way
past your worst-case scenario.

Looks like we're way past your worst-case
scenario. >> Nah, we're in "shit hitting

your worst-case scenario. >> Nah, we're
in "shit hitting the fan" mode now.

Nah, we're in "shit hitting
the fan" mode now. Where is he?

The fan" mode now. Where is he?
He's out by the barn.

Where is he? >> He's out by the barn.
And listen... he's wearing a

he's out by the barn. And listen
he's wearing a burlap mask.

I shit you not. All right.

All right. [ Beethoven's
"moonlight sonata"

all right.

Fucking shit. >> Yeah.

Who the hell is that?

I know who that is.

There's a legend around
here that a farmer killed his

there's a legend around here
that a farmer killed his family.

That a farmer killed his family.
Is it true?

- Family.
- >> Is it true?

- Is it true? - >>.
..You can still spot

you can still
spot old pitchfork...

You can still spot old pitchfork...
Wandering the woods...

Old pitchfork... wandering the woods...
Searching for his beloved

wandering the woods... searching
for his beloved daughter.

Searching for his
beloved daughter.

Is he dead? >> No.

Time won't wait, wait on you now
when you're alone, all you do

you now when you're
alone, all you do is frown

when you're alone, all you do is
frown the way you look is feelin'

is frown the way you look
is feelin' like a clown

the way you look is feelin' like a
clown with your head stuck there in

like a clown with your head
stuck there in the clouds

with your head stuck there in the
clouds learn to fly high off of the

the clouds learn to fly
high off of the ground

learn to fly high off of the ground
listen to my mind, I knew it

ground listen to my mind,
i knew it all the time

listen to my mind, I knew it all the
time never wastin' mine, yeah, I'm

all the time never wastin'
mine, yeah, I'm alive

never wastin' mine,
yeah, I'm alive

it's found, without your own, you're
going down 'cause livin' doubt doesn't

you're going down 'cause livin'
doubt doesn't make a sound

'cause livin' doubt doesn't make a
sound holdin' off till everything'll

make a sound holdin' off
till everything'll bounce

holdin' off till everything'll bounce
maybe stuck, but never losin'

bounce maybe stuck,
but never losin' ground

maybe stuck, but never losin' ground
without your own, you're gonna

ground without your
own, you're gonna drown

without your own, you're gonna drown
listen to my mind, I knew it

drown listen to my mind,
i knew it all the time

listen to my mind, I knew it all the
time never wastin' mine, yeah, I'm

all the time never wastin'
mine, yeah, I'm alive

never wastin' mine,
yeah, I'm alive

how can I live, live without you now?
without you on, I'm going

you now? without you
on, I'm going down

without you on, I'm going down
all is sane when you're

down all is sane
when you're around

all is sane when you're around
you see me up, ain't ever

around you see me up,
ain't ever comin' down

you see me up, ain't ever comin'
down listen to my mind, I knew it

comin' down listen to my
mind, I knew it all the time

listen to my mind, I knew it all the
time never wastin' mine, yeah, I'm

all the time never wastin'
mine, yeah, I'm alive

never wastin' mine, yeah, I'm alive
looking through my eyes, tells

alive looking through my
eyes, tells me that it's right