Original subtitles

Mr Wells?

Yes, Mrs Schmidt? You've got company, Mr Wells

That's some bender you've been on, pal. They're gonna have to

Put a night shift on Jack Daniel's just to keep up with you

Mrs Schmidt, call the police 485-2581. Tell them to get

An ambulance here fast, tell them we got a dying man

Police emergency? Can you send an ambulance?

We've got a man here I think he's dying

The address is 1405 Beechwood

It's not as bad as the time in San Diego

Ira, I got a deal for us

Harry, who did it?

It's a chance for us to make a lot of dough

Harry, you're dying Tell me who did it

How did it happen?

Don't worry, Ira, I'm cutting you in, fair deal...

Just don't try to throw a scare into me, it won't work

I'll lay it all out for you

Just get me to a hospital

God damn you, Harry!

Letting somebody walk up and drill you like that

Point Blank

Nobody can palm a 45

Jesus Christ

You never had the brains God gave a common dog

Sorry you're going off, pal

You were real good company

The best

The very best

Margo, that's him

Jeez, Charles, he doesn't look so hot to me

Let me tell you, Kiddo, Ira Wells used to be one of the greats

Whatever it is, Charlie, the answer is no

What do you mean no? Did I say a word? Did I?

No... Yeah...

Ira... Margo Margo... Ira

Mr Wells, Margo here's a pal of mine

How do you feel about cats?

I beg your pardon? Cats, how do you feel about them?

I'm not sure

What I mean is that somebody stole Winston

Somebody stole who? Winston, my cat

Somebody stole him I have a picture of him

What the hell is she talking about? I wanna show it to you

See, Brian stole Winston

And he said he would strangle him if I don't pay him the money

Margo owes this guy $500 for a long time

Come on, Charles, six months is hardly a long time

He gets po'd at her and steals the cat and

Threatens to kill it if she doesn't give the dough

So pay him, I can't pay him

I don't have the money to pay him. I see, you want me to find

The guy that stole your cat and bring it back, right?

Thanks, pal He's easy to identify

I can't help you out, try the fire department

I'm out of the business His collar is...

Come on, this is the kind of play you can handle easy

Mr Wells, if it's money

I had planned to offer you $25 I have it right here

Charlie, how long have I known you? I don't know, 16, 17 years

In all that time, you'd ever hear of Ira Wells taking a 2-bit job?

I heard what you said

This is not a 2-bit job

I mean, if I offended you, I'm very sorry, and I apologize

Because I didn't mean to offend the great Ira Wells

Charlie, I want you to know I appreciate you coming to

Harry's funeral, I enjoy talking to you

Maybe I don't act like it, but I do

There aren't many guys left from the old days

I think you ought to teach your pal here some respect for her elders

Yeah, well, maybe you should learn a little respect

For other little creatures that are walking under your

Where are you headed? I'm going to the track, Hollywood Park

This little kitty is just a little honey bun!

Give this little cat a break!

"It's Bank Vault going away by a length-and-a-half"

"Wild Chase second by 4 lengths Easy Victor, on inside, third"

"Kewpie Doll and Top Target are tied the rest of the"

"Field is well back down the course, Bank Vault pulls away"

"Wild Chase is leading"

"Easy Victor and Kewpie Doll unable to close any ground"

"And Kewpie Doll is the fourth horse"

"Timing the race for six furlongs, covering three-quarters of a mile"

"One minute, ten seconds flat in the winner's circle is Bank Vault"

"With Hollywood Park's leading apprentice jockey"

"Benny de Angelino, etting his fifth in the current leading"

"And for those looking for a hot bet on Friday the 13th, this might"

"have been the horse they were looking for luck on the 13th"

All right, Charlie, give out with it

I thought you was going to the track?

How long has it been since I've seen you, Charlie?

Close to a year, isn't it?

Somebody puts the freeze on Harry Regan

Next thing I know, you show up at Harry's funeral with some dolly

And a song and dance about a stolen cat, and all that hot comedy

What's it all got to do with Harry?

Harry was working for the dolly

Are you telling me that Harry got himself killed on account of some cat?

Listen...

I know Margo maybe 6 or 7 years

Used to be a client of mine One night, a couple of weeks ago

She comes into this bar where I'm working

Just sort of temporary, the talent business is slow, anyway

It turns out that she's mad as hell about this guy stealing her cat

I'm listening

And all of a sudden I remember Harry Regan

And I think to myself, he's still in the business

"If there's any business left for him to do"

He took the job

So he finds this guy that stole the cat and starts to follow him

Yeah Who is this guy Harry was tailing?

I wouldn't know him from a hole in my sock

The dolly?

The dolly? What about her? Where does she live, Charlie?

Some place called La Paloma

Over on Franklin, near Vermont

That's where you live, isn't it, Charlie?

Yeah

"As we begin to meditate"

"Take a deep breath"

Charlotte, listen to me, tonight is important...

I don't want you to get uptight about it...

Because this guy books a lot of Holiday Inns all over the country

I think it's a good place to start

I mean, it's a good place to work out a lot of problems...

You're gonna be absolutely terrific tonight, who's taking you?

What's he gonna wear? Imagine the joy...

Wait, I'll tell you what, I think he should wait outside

No, because that's very important

I'm telling you, the entire picture, the entire impression, is important

Charlotte, this is another self- destructive act, in my opinion...

Listen, if I am gonna handle your career...

And if I am going to be... Wait a second, Charlotte

Charlotte listen, I got to go now, somebody just walked in

I'll see you at 10:30 You're gonna be terrific

Think positive, OK, bye-bye

Why don't you just come in and make yourself comfortable?

"Descending into the boundless water"

"As it rises over"

"Your tired, weary body"

"You begin to relax"

Harry Regan was a pal of mine close to 24 years

Whoever it was that killed him is gonna be goddamn sorry

Mr Wells, I can understand your feeling that way

I mean, as an actress, I understand it as a motivation

What about this guy who took your cat? Brian Hemphill, he's

This guy, a really sort of a tuna, just hangs around, you know

And we used to have this thing going, kind of a sexual interlude

It never really came to anything

Now Brian and his friend sometimes give me money

To schlep things to this guy in Bakersfield

Things? What things? You know, things...

Material things, I mean, worldly, possessions

Washing machines, TV sets, clocks, radios, things...

Did it ever cross your mind these things might be hot?

Who's to know? I mean, I'm not by nature a curious person

I'll bet

I mean, go with the flow That's what I always say

This guy in Bakersfield, he paid you off in cash, right?

Yes Then you'd bring the dough to this punk, Brian, then you'd get your cut?

Yes Only on this last trip,

You decided you wanna keep the money yourself, right?

So Brian gets mad because he wants his dough, so he steals your cat

And you go crying to Harry Regan It was just a loan, I did not take

The money, it was a loan, just till I get my dress business going

Your dress business? I design all the clothes I make

I thought you were an actress. Are you kidding? I did the whole

Star trip.I just never could learn how to push myself, you know

I don't like to go begging. I don't want anybody to do me any favors

I just never could learn how to play the Hollywood game

My shrink says that I'm a very conflicted personality

Jesus Christ! But my astrologist...

What is that supposed to mean?

Back in the '40s, this town was crawling with dollies like you

Good-looking cokeheads trying their damnedest to act tough as hell

I got news for you, they did it better back then!

This town doesn't change, they just push the names around

Same dames, screwing up their lives just the same way

All right, what about this guy Brian? Where can I find him?

Who's to know, he just hangs around

Where is around? Around is around, I mean

Around is no particular place, the only time I hear from him

Is when he calls me up to torment me about my cat

The next time he calls you up, I want you to set up a meet

All right

Mr Wells, listen, I don't want you to get the wrong idea

About me schlepping those things Doll, I'm not interested

In your life story, just set up a meet with your friend Brian

Yes? I'm coming

Just a minute

I don't care what you say, you understand?

Yes? Hi, I'm Margo Sperling

We'd like to talk to your husband

No, my husband passed on seven years ago

What's going on in here?

We were playing canasta right there in the living room

Kid, the you-know-what has hit the fan

Look, I wouldn't make a federal case out of everything, Charlie

Mrs Schmidt, would you leave us alone for a couple of minutes?

I have some personal business to talk over with these people

Of course, Mr Wells

It was very nice to meet you... Nice to meet you...

Anytime, Mr Wells, your friends are more than welcome

Thank you I like the color of your sweater

Thank you very much

The man's a killer, you ding-a-ling! Don't call me a ding-a-ling!

Hold it!

This happens to be where I live, OK?

It may not look like a hell of a lot to you, but it suits me

Now, Mrs Schmidt, that's my landlady, we get along just fine

At least we did until a few days ago. If you two would simmer down

Tell me what's going on, I'd appreciate it

Ok. You wanted to take a meeting with Brian, right?

So he called me

I'm listening to him carefully because I've known him a long time

And Brian's not very evolved In fact, he's rather de-evolved

I was talking to him, and I'm very sensitive to the vibrations

He gives out, because I know what karma he has

What is she talking about? She said you was looking for this guy

Because of what happened to Harry That's what I said

She said if he didn't come here you'd come gunning for him

That's right. The punk that nailed Harry's coming here?

Wait a second, you are so paranoid

You don't know for sure. You don't know that that's true at all!

Maybe Brian didn't even do it I got a pretty good idea

Charlie may be a chiseler, a crook... but he's best information man in town

Wait a second, what is that for?

It's for, if Charlie's right

Please come on, no, don't do this!

Do you know people who play with guns are generally impotent?

What's ever settled with a gun?

Come on, hold on a second now, just a second!

How many people you're gonna shoot? Hold on a second!

I think it's him. It's him

Mrs Schmidt

I'll use the living room for a few minutes, if you don't mind

That's fine, Mr Wells Just don't make a mess

Come on, lighten up on this cops and robbers stuff

I can handle this

Christ!

Watch it!

He's getting away, don't let him!

Take it easy... Go, get him!

Are you crazy? Plug him!

God damn it, kill him! You could get him!

I could get a heart attack, that's what I could get

Running all that way

How far do you think I'd get with this leg of mine? That's one

Two, whoever that guy is, he's no snob about how he kills people

It's a goddamn' 45 he's using There are a lot of ways

To play any game, I play mine on the house percentages

485-2581, Mr Wells I remembered

Thank you very much, Mrs Schmidt

I'm sorry about all this It's no bother...

Where's my cat, you creep?

Come on in, doll, before you catch a cold

All right, Charlie, hand it over

What do you mean?

Whatever you took off the stiff

Hand it over

Jesus, kid, I always said you were the best

Didn't I tell you he was the best?

What's that?

Stamps?

The "Whiting job" Who, Whiting?

About 10 days ago, some place out in the Valley

Whiting? Who's that?

Whiting had a stamp collection worth almost $50,000

Who's Whiting? There's a murder one tied to it, right?

Okay, don't tell me What do I care?

Two guys broke into a house out in the Valley

They tied up Whiting and his wife, and started to lift the stamps

Then something must have gone wrong

Because they beat up Whiting and killed his wife

Disgusting, I don't wanna hear any more

That's what Harry was onto, right? I don't know

I don't wanna hear any more

Harry knew about the stamps and he also told you

That's why you knew what to look for on the punk

Kid, I swear he didn't tell me anything

Hear that? That's the cops, they'll be here in a couple minutes, either

You start to play it on the square with me, or I'll feed you to them

Which, considering your record You wouldn't do that

Okay, here's the house number

Harry is tailing this guy, Brian, looking for Margo's cat

When Brian and this pal of his pull off the Whiting heist

The next day, Harry met me and laid out the whole thing

Wants me to check out the reward angle, I nose around, sure enough

Continental Insurance is offering $15,000 for the goddamn stamps...

You guys were gonna split it

Just the kind of cheap grift Harry would go for

Listen, Charlotte, I'm having a lot of trouble

I had a lot of big trouble Kid, you know who just kicked off?

That dame, the one that almost nailed you back in '53

Jesus, what was her name?

Madeline? No... Marilyn Thornton, that's her

I'm still carrying some of that lead, I'll talk to you later

Pit city I mean, pit city!

Not only did I still not get my cat back, thanks to you

Not only did I almost get mowed down here tonight

Not only did I sit here with yellow socks and perjure

Myself in front of the entire Los Angeles Police Department

On top of that, I promised a singer

That I manage I would be there for a very important audition

And of course, you can probably tell I'm not there

And on top of that, I got my period

Listen, doll, let's get something straight

As long as we're gonna be working together

Try to act like a lady, will you?

Who says we're working together?

Do you have any ideas about who might have wanted to kill him?

No, I don't What about the

Guy that helped your boyfriend pull off the Whiting heist?

Ray Escobar

Mr Wells, a truly evolved person

Doesn't go around ratting on her friends, if you catch my drift

This guy, Escobar, who is he?

There is no point in this discussion

If you only knew how far behind I've gotten in everything

Just because of all this ridiculous And I don't even have my cat yet!

I don't wanna even talk about it, because I'm finished

I mean, I am finished Finalissimo!

Kid

Let me talk to Margo alone

I don't wanna be talked to alone, or talked to in a crowd

I don't wanna be talked to by you, Charles

Just hear me out, okay? Please!

Look, sugar, I'm not listening

You're two payments behind on the car, right?

I know, because you already tried to hit me up for loan

What do you think you owe the dentist for your caps?

OK. What about that trip to Vegas? How much do you think

You're in hock for that? And

What about the Japanese lessons?

Let's see, how much do you figure that's all totaled up to

At least $4,000?

Now can you think about $15,000 in reward money

Strictly on the up and up, split two ways

Well?

Boy, it's really lucky for you that I just happen to be a

Self-destructive person. Okay

Start talking from the top

Okay, as long as we're gonna be working together

Brian had this creepy friend

Far be it for me to go around passing judgments on people

But Ray Escobar is truly Pittsville They had some kind of arrangement

A deal going with this guy named Birdwell

Ronny Birdwell? Yeah

He's a fence New since your day Got a setup over on Sunset place

Check around the street, Charlie See what you can pick up on Escobar

Can do... That's it?

Charles, wait! Give me a lift out to the airport

Jesus, Margo! It's 02:00 in the morning!

Okay, so I'll buy gas One more thing, doll, about my fee

My fee?

I get $25 a day plus expenses What's he talking about? Listen

Sweetheart, you're talking to Ira Wells, not some low-rent gumshoe

I'm the best, and I get paid like the best.

All right Okay

Birdwell?

No I work for Mr Birdwell My name is Jeff Lamar

Won't you come in, Mr Wells? Thank you

Are you all right? Yeah

No hard feelings, Sir

I know that

Come on

This is Mr Wells

You said on the phone you had something I might be interested in

Before we do any talking, better warn this cheesehead

Next time he tries anything with me, I'll kill him!

I won't give him a chance I'll kill him!

Okay, pop

Now that you've got that off your chest, what's your business?

The Whiting job

Postage stamps, right? That's right

What's that got to do with me? The word is, it could be tied in to you

I'm gonna tell you I don't know dick about the Whiting job, right?

You'll tell me you'll take this hotshit information of yours

To somebody else, then I'll tell

You I'd be interested if the price is right, Then we'll dance

For a couple of hours, so let's just cut to the chase

You like music?

I got a Panasonic hi-fi over there that is a sensation to the ears

Automatic record changer, air suspension, plus an 8-track tape

Last week a pal of mine was tailing one of the guys that pulled the

Whiting job, he turned up dead

I'll throw in a couple of suits Manufacturers' name brands

Hart Shafner and Marx,Botany 500, Petrocelli, what do you say?

Bullshit!

His name was Harry Regan I mean to have the louse that nailed him

I never heard of any guy named Regan

I'll tell you, pop, I'm in a kind of line of work

That you pick up things, you know? I can see that

It could be I have some information about your buddy

Come on, Ronny, how do you know he really has anything

And isn't just jerking you around? You know something, punk?

If he was to finger you, I'd give him a Petrocelli suit

Stamps are a specialty item Not just anybody can move them

When a guy pulls a heist like that, he's got the fence lined up in front

So far, I couldn't give less of a shit. Maybe...

But one of the punks that pulled the Whiting job works for you

Brian Hemphill

You are peddling Brian Hemphill

I know the son of a bitch pulled the Whiting robbery

You know who told me? The cops... Yeah...

I was down at the station house already, two hours,

They kept me there, they ran my ass ragged. I told them the same

I'll tell you - I fired Hemphill two months ago. He was a thief

He was robbing me blind I haven't seen the little turd since

I'll tell you something else, they know he was shot last night

They're looking for a pal of his

You're a little late, pop, about 40 years...

Come here...

I like you, I admire a guy your age that's got the balls to try a

Hustle like that Right, Lamar?

What's your size? What?

In the collar and sleeve? I got a shipment of

Van Heusen shirts, yesterday that will knock your eyes out

On account of what Lamar did to you...

You're a 17-34-something else

The police know that Brian Hemphill is an alias

His real name is Earl Hampton

He did time in Illinois for robbing a jewelry store

This is you, it's perfect

You wear that, you'll drive the girls crazy

Okay, pop?

No hard feelings

Must be around here somewhere There he is Ira

Where are you headed?

I'm on my way to the Brown Derby to meet Louis B Mayer

Where does it look like I'm headed?

Where were you all morning? I must have called you twenty times

I went to see Birdwell What did you wanna do that for?

Trying to figure out why two guys who heist $50,000 in stamps

Are still hanging around town, waiting for the cops to wise up

And grab them on murder rap

I could have told you that. Because they are dumb, they're d-u-m-b

I'll remember you said that How'd it go?

With Birdwell? Piece of cake...

Didn't I say he was the greatest? Didn't I say that before? Damn!

Wait a minute!

Come on, start this thing Mr Wells!

Wait a second!

For crying out loud, don't tell me how to drive when I'm driving!

This car is not only a toilet, but you are the attendant

There he is

Did you dig up anything on this guy Escobar?

But it's gonna cost

Yeah?

I found a guy who knows another guy

That saw Escobar holed up some place over in Santa Monica

That's the part that costs He wants a C-note for the address

You got that kind of dough?

What about you? $46, that's all I've got

It might interest you to know that I dug up a few items about your pal

Brian today, such as, his real name is Earl Hampton

Did a stretch in the pen a couple of years back for armed robbery

His name was Earl Hampton

$68, but that's every penny I'm not kidding I mean, every penny

Birdwell tried to put some muscle on me and I had to get tough with him

He's starting to crack,but it's not Christmas yet, understand?

You shouldn't put that in first I beg your pardon

If you still wanna cash in on the reward money, I got to move

I got to move fast

How come I'm the one that has to raise the money?

How come nobody else here in this group has any cash?

What's wrong with you, Charles?

Why don't you try to come up with a little scratch once in a while?

You two have a real class act

Charlie, take a couple of hours and dig up anything you can on Birdwell

There's something screwy going on there. Got you

I'll tell you what you do, call up Tom Wyman

He works out of the Bureau of Detectives, downtown

Tell him I told you to call, he owes me a favor anyway...

Kid, Tom's dead!

He's been dead almost six months

Then find somebody else Jesus Christ, Charlie, use your brains!

All right, I'll try to raise $100

Birdwell showed up out here about six years ago

Went to work for a guy who had a fence operation out in the Valley

A couple of years ago, the guy retires

Buys himself a condominium in Florida

Birdwell buys him out That's it?

What did you expect - "Gone with the Wind"?

If 3 people get killed, I expect more than a condominium in Florida

Nothing's ever good enough for you

That's three...

The word is, he's got dolly trouble Any dolly in particular?

His wife

She was chippying around on him With?

Jesus, Kid, all I had was a couple of hours!

Want one?

Are you kidding?

You know what one of those would do to my gut?

Must be tough

Does Birdwell know his wife was cheating on him?

If he does, he's playing it close to the vest

I gotta have a Coke

Did you bring the dough? Please use the scoop

Yes, I brought the dough, and I want it all back, you guys

I mean it from the top I'm keeping track, too

There's been $50 for Mr Wells, $20 for expenses plus

75, 85, 95, 100. 10, 25,

You count it

And I want a receipt, too

Come on, hurry up I've got this guy waiting outside

This is Pepsi! Hurry up, come on...

You know what I had to go through to hassle up this dough?

I laid off four ounces of pure red Columbian

For $15 an ounce...

I mean, it's disgusting

Some freak over on Pico thinks I'm Santa Claus, I swear to God

$15 an ounce...

You have a lot of faith in me, don't you? Come on, this is...

Just business. $15 an ounce. This grass was so great, I can't tell you

There was so much resins in it, it made your lips stick together

How long have you been pushing?

Who says I'm pushing? You've got a lot of nerve

I'm not pushing

You think if I was a pusher, I'd have a little empty purse like this?

You make it sound like I hang around schoolyards trying

To prey on 12-year-old kids

Anyways, I'm only doing it till I get my shrink paid

That makes sense

I had a session with her today

And I told her all about you

Don't you wanna know what I told her? Not particularly

I told her that you were cute

You told her I was cute?

Got it

Okay, that's all for me, right?

Everything's cool? Because I am out of here

Wait a minute, just stay put

Stay put? why? Stay put!

I've got a job for you

Look, I don't wanna go in there

Let me just sit in the van here I can keep watch

According to Charlie, this is where Escobar is hiding out, right?

Yeah

You know him, right? I know him

He's gonna be nervous... He'll have a gun...

He'll have a what? He'll have a gun!

You can look at me and say, 'He'll have a gun'?

You bought into this, toots Look, just back off I mean

Come on, let me explain something to you

I'm not good at this stuff, maybe I could just...

Okay... Get the key...

Ira!?

Okay, you've seen enough, let's get out of here

Ira, don't make any noise

Winston, Ira, it's Winston

Winstie, is that you? It's Winston, my cat

Look, he's okay, hello Winstie!

Come on, let's get out of here, I got my cat back

I take back everything I ever thought about you

I swear to God, thank you, let's get out of here

Everything's copasetic

I am not gonna tell you again I swear to God

If we don't get out of here, I'm gonna start to panic

You're an actress, aren't you? I'm begging you...

Act calm...

Ira, don't go in there! Stay put!

Ira, wait a second...

It's all right. Don't leave me out here... Come on

Please let me in!

Come on, it's not me, it's Winston He needs to stretch his little legs

I think he's been brainwashed

Holy moly, where did she come from? I found her in the bathtub

Aren't you gonna do something? You got any ideas?

Listen, both of you I'm the one who hired you

I'm warning you Lady, do me a favor. Put that thing down!

Margo here is not too stable... Yeah

She's liable to try something dumb

Just a minute Just hold your water!

Maybe I'm wrong, but you don't look like you've had a lot of experience

Handling a 357 Magnum

Even so, at this close distance, you couldn't miss

If something happened, it wouldn't be a great loss to the world

But you'd go over on a manslaughter, that's minimum eight to twelve

That's right

That's better

Mister...? Wells, Ira Wells

I'm a detective, private detective. I'm sorry about

The part before with the gun, but I was so afraid

Mr Wells

I am going to be totally open and honest with you. I'm going

To lay myself naked before you I hope you appreciate that

He'll try. Get me a glass of water, will you, doll?

Why don't you ask her what she's doing here in the first place?

What did I ever do without you? Very little, I'm sure

Now, then, Mrs Birdwell... Laura Birdwell...

You seem like a very intelligent man. I've had my moments

I really cannot relate on this level

I'm in a great deal of trouble

I don't know how much I can open up to you

Why don't you just tell it to me in your own way, Mrs Birdwell?

Laura...

I got a call this afternoon from a man who said his name was Escobar

He said he had certain items Here you go, ace...

You drink too much of that, you're gonna start seeing red rats

Could I please have a glass of water, a Coke or something?

Sure, any friend of the hunk's is a friend of mine

I'm very nervous, you can understand that, can't you?

I can understand that

What could I do? I tried to reason with him

But he sounded like a truly desperate character

I had no choice

When I got here, the door was open

I was about to leave, and I heard you coming

And I thought You can imagine what I thought

Thank you You're welcome

Why was this Escobar blackmailing you?

I was seeing this man, we were having an affair

Your husband didn't know about it? Does the "Pope shit in the woods"?

Just fix the goddamn Coke, will you?

Mr Wells

Ira

I'm sorry, doll what I never told you is this,

Is the hardest goddamn way in the world to make a buck

Ira, look

Damn

Be careful

Come on

Watch it!

Okay Start the motor

All right. Now you can turn on your lights

Don't miss the light! I'm not gonna miss the light

Just watch what you're doing, that's all...

Let's go to the cops. We really should just go to the cops

Let's do it, please

Not until I find the guy that nailed Harry Regan

That is such bullshit

I mean, that is such total bullshit! Yeah. Sure thing, doll

Speed up, he's getting a little too far ahead

It's disgusting, you don't care about Harry Regan

I'll tell you what this is, this is one last chance for you to

Go around shooting off guns at people, playing cops and robbers

You're getting off behind all this blood and guts. It's true

It's very immature You need help

Now, wait a minute, watch it! I can see, I'm watching

Tail him

Slow down

Where the hell did he go?

Hold on!

Holy moly, wait a second Hold on!

Jesus Christ!

Hush, baby, it's okay!

Ira, I feel so incredibly high, I can't even tell you

I feel like I've dropped acid Have you ever dropped acid?

Not in the last 10 minutes... Do you get this feeling?

Can you see anything about me that's different?

Do I have a different kind of expression? You look higher

I look high right now? I am high! Did I give you sugar?

I haven't had the tea yet. I'm sorry I don't know what I'm thinking

Look at these little things in here Don't worry, they just float around

They're herbs, they won't hurt you

Everything's incredibly okay, because I feel so high I'm not kidding

I feel wonderfully high! I saw that space

I had some possibilities, which I considered, and I made choices

That's all, I went right through it. Didn't I? It was incredible!

I had my hands on the wheel Didn't I take care of business?

You did I did it I went right through it

I couldn't believe it, I thought I did a great job

I know you think I'm trouble

You probably think I'm talking like I'm a crazy person

But I feel just like Nick and Nora! Who?

You know, "The Thin Man", Phyllis Kirk and Peter Lawford

Wait a second I just got a flash, this is incredible!

Escobar and Brian robbed this man Whiting, right? Yeah

They killed his wife while they were at it. How come they

Didn't take it on the lam? How come they stuck around town?

Ask yourself why I have asked myself

Ask yourself again,'cause I'm gonna tell you the answer

Because they found something besides the stamps at Whiting's

They found something they could blackmail Laura Birdwell with

Are you following me? I'm following you

She said she was having a sexual relationship with another man

Other than her husband

What if the guy she's making it with

Turned out to be Whiting?

You didn't think of that one, did you? What about it?

That's pretty good. Pretty good? That is fabulous!

I mean, if I do say so myself

I'm gonna go down to the police station

And get a private detective's license

If we teamed up, we'd be great together

That's just what this town has been waiting for

A broken-down old private eye with a bum leg and a hearing aid

And a fruitcake like you

I don't know...you're not so old

If you lost a few pounds...

And stopped wearing those baggy suits, you'd look 10 years younger

Anyway, we'd be a team We'd be working together

Don't you get it?

You've got the experience, and I'm this very on-top-of-it person

This could be big bucks for us

The more I think about this, the better an idea I think it is

This is the most fantastic thing

The apartment next door is vacant, I just remembered

You could move right in there this could be perfect, we could...

It would be like a duplex, a kind of suite of offices

I think that would be perfect We could have cards printed up

I feel it I have that intuitive kind of thing

I wouldn't mind having you next door, it'd be okay

I got to go I could stand the company

I wouldn't mind it, I know what you're going to say "Don't start"

You're gonna say, "There's gonna be problems"

Of course there's gonna be problems, because that's what life is

If I were really truthful with you, and I'm gonna be truthful

In my mind, you're a pretty old-school kind of person

Kind of old-fashioned and everything

And I don't have to tell you that I'm kind of weird around the edges

I mean, you're a slob, too, to be truthful

And I'm a Virgo, that makes me a little crazy

But don't you see? The combination is what makes something interesting

Listen, doll, let's get one thing straight

I'm a loner, I always have been a loner

I was a loner when I was a kid

I was a loner when I was married

Probably why we broke up

I'm by myself now because I like it that way

Nothing personal, but I don't like to talk a lot

There's too damn much talk in the world as it is

Listen, I know what you're saying, because...

I know what you mean about being alone

We're not very different in that department

I'm a loner, too I prefer to be alone

I am alone most of the time

Thanks a lot, but I don't think it would work out

I don't want you to over-interpret what I'm saying

It was something to do. It was an exciting kind of thing tonight

And I got carried away with it

Don't worry about me because everything's okay

I'm not really upset, and I don't know why I'm doing this. It's just

Because I was excited tonight, and it seemed like a good idea

And I thought of making these little cards and...

Doll, I'll call you tomorrow

You looking for Mr Whiting? Yeah

He's not here. Do you have any idea when he'll be back?

He hasn't been home for a few days

If he doesn't get back by Friday, his azaleas are gonna look like shit

Really? That's tough... You with the police?

That's right. You look kind of old to be a cop

Don't worry, this is just a disguise

Listen, when you see Mr Whiting, tell him to call me at this number

What do I look like, some kind of social secretary?

No, you certainly do not

Hi, pop

Think fast, Kid

Where's the rest of your iron?

Knife Front pocket

No hard feelings, pal

I'm not as young as I used to be

Okay, pal

Let's go see what we can find

Jump in! What?

This nose-picker here is crazy enough to try some kind of a

Dumb play and get himself drilled

Stay in the middle and tread water Show your hands all the time

Screw you! This is a Cashmere jacket!

I said, Jump in! This old fart's crazy!

Jump! Crap!

Shit!

If you've got something to say, say it and get the hell out

Ever hear of a man named Escobar? Could be

He's dead I'm sorry to hear that...

I'm always sorry to hear any of God's creatures stepping off

You got any idea who did it?

If I was the cops, I'd come looking for your wife

Laura? You're crazy!

Maybe, but she was at Escobar's place last night

How do you know? I was there

Had a nice talk with her

If you were there, you could have killed him

I wasn't the one Escobar was blackmailing

I've got a Vitamaster portable steam bath inside...

Plugs into any 110-volt outlet...

Got a pilot light, automatic timer It's an effective, fun way to relax

Where's your wife? I'd like to talk with her

She went out,about an one hour-and-a-half ago

Never saw a woman yet who could stand the sight of something like this

Must be a couple of days old. Jesus Christ, Ronny! Tell him, will you?

I don't know where Laura is

She disappeared two days ago

Did you know your wife was chippying around with Walter Whiting?

Laura and I have been married three, almost four years

She's not a happy woman Reason I know

She's not happy is because she's always talking about it

I say screw her! What does she know?

A couple of months ago, I get this call from a lady, Mrs Whiting

She's a real fruitcake

Starts screaming about her putz husband fooling around with Laura

And if I don't stop it, she will Come on, I'm sinking!

So I have this encounter with Laura Confrontation, know what I mean?

I'm following you

Laura says she's not only boffing this guy Whiting

She can't stand the sight of me and wants a divorce

I realize I'm at the moment critique in my marriage

Immediately, I get very calm Ronny, please!

I figure this direct confrontation shit is getting me nowhere

Except maybe six more months of unhappy crap

Plus, if in a fit of rage, I should happen to lay one finger upon her

I'll pay for it the rest of my life

That's the kind of woman my wife is

I figure there's got to be an easier way to deal with it

That's when you decided to have Whiting hit

Nudged, not hit Just nudged a little

Listen, Wells, you find Laura, you bring her back here

And I promise to deliver you a brand-new Coupe DeVille

Your choice of color

I told you before, I'm looking for the louse that nailed Harry Regan

All new tires, radials...

Leather seats, headrest, stereo radio, plus a tape deck...

When you want to talk business, give me a call

I'll throw in 27 tapes! All guaranteed hits!

Popular stars of today, yesterday

Charles Hatter, my name is Ronald Birdwell

You got the wrong guy

You work with a man named Ira Wells

Right?

I believe this putzola Wells

Is behaving in a cheap, immoral fashion

That's why I've come to ask you for help

If you choose to take my position

We're talking about a financial package in the five-figure department

If you don't, it's toilet time

What I'm looking for is a handgun

Automatic Colt, 32 caliber, nickel-plated

Serial number 473320

That's simple, isn't it?

A gumball named Ray Escobar used to have it

He's dead, the gun's disappeared

I'm depending on you to find it for me

Comprendo?

Here's my card

Not to worry, pal I have confidence in you

Lamar

Then I started choking him with his necklace

I said 'Let's go see your boss'

This guy is like his bodyguard? Yeah

He's a flunky

Check? Yeah, thanks

He's walking ahead of me

Birdwell's just coming out of the pool. Looked like a pregnant porpoise

So I got this joker at this end of the pool,and I stick my rod

In his ribs. I said "Jump in" He says to his boss

"This old guy's crazy" I said 'I'm not crazy, I'm just deaf'

"Jump in" Wait he said you were crazy to you?

Well, sure That makes me mad

You know what he said? He said, "I've got a 100% Cashmere jacket on"

"I'm not jumping in" I said "You're going to jump in!"

Get a load of how he jumps in Just like this

He has his shoes on and everything?

What is it? I don't know

I don't feel so good, my gut!

Maybe I better sit down

What is it? Jesus God help me

What is it, Ira?

Somebody call a doctor

Ira, are you all right?

I'm fine I feel fine

Everything's going to be all right

I called the ambulance They'll be here any minute

Help me up, will you, doll? Take it easy, okay?

Ira, wait a second We'll get you to the hospital

I'm not going to any goddamn hospital

You gotta go, so they can find out what's wrong with you

I know what's wrong with me I got a perforated ulcer, it's

starting to bleed again, in the hospital, they'll want to operate

Let them, that's better than walking around like this

I will not go through another goddamn operation

Lay back down, there's nothing to be afraid of

It's my gut, it's my life

I won't let anybody call me a goddamn coward

I went through 2 operations last year on my gut. 2 operations

Do you realize what it's like in a veterans' hospital

Lying on your back for six months, with tubes going every which way?

Maybe I don't have much of a life right now, but it's better than that

But I'll be goddamned if I let those butchers open me up again.

Never! I'll blow my brains out first.

Stop it, just stop it! Okay

Let's get out of here

Here we are

Thanks for the lift, doll

Want me to go in the house with you? No

Are you going to be all right? I'm fine

Mr Wells

Yes, Mrs Schmidt?

May I speak to you for a minute? Sure

I don't know how to say this, Mr Wells

You've always been such a good tenant

Paid your rent on time, you were quiet,until these past few days

But if you're going to keep young women in your room at night

I'm going to have to ask you to leave

$4250 a month, and it's all yours

Mr Wells, I'm really terribly sorry about what happened last night

Running away like I did

Had a nice talk with your husband today. You talked with Ronny?

Yup

He told me if I found you, brought you back to him

It would be worth a brand-new Cadillac You wouldn't do that, would you?

Don't be too sure, I could use a car

Mr Wells Ira

Last night, I felt a very deep compassion coming from you

I felt a really deep sense of

Mr Wells, if you won't help me, there's no one else I can turn to

I'd offer you a drink, but I don't think there's enough to go around

Right now, I think I need it more than you do

You kill Whiting's wife? No

Ronny, my husband, is a very violent human being

When he found out about Walter Whiting and myself

I was terrified of what he might do

And I had this gun

And I gave it to Walter for protection

That's what Escobar was using to blackmail you with

He said it was my gun that killed Mrs Whiting

And he said if I didn't pay him

That he would hand it over to the police

All right Let's go see Whiting

I don't know where he is I swear I don't know!

Listen, lady, any day now some hotshot detective at Homicide

Is going to tumble on the fact that this is more than a simple robbery

When they do, they're going to come looking for Whiting

If the cops tag him for killing his wife

They'll nail you as an accessory just as sure as I'm sitting here

There's this place over at Fountain and La Cienega where we used to meet

All right. Let's go

Things haven't really been going so great lately

Not as well as they might have gone. But

I don't think that's reason enough for you to give up everything

Charlotte, there's one thing I want to say

You know this town doesn't change They just push the names around

If you want to change managers, far be it for me to stand in your way

I'm just not that type, so go ahead

I'm telling you, Mr Wells, Walter wouldn't be here without me

We'll see

No Walter

Walter?

God, oh my God!

Ronny did this, Ronny killed him!

Hi, this is Margo Sperling Is Ira Wells in?

Oh God no. If he calls,

Would you tell him, please, to call me? It's very important

Margo Okay, thanks a lot

CS Hatter Productions Charles, it's Margo

Do you know where Ira is? I've got to talk to him

How the hell would I know? What's the matter?

Something funny has happened

I was going to feed Winston tonight

I've had a lot of trouble getting him back on schedule since the

Kidnapping and I looked down and I found this gun laying on the floor

No shit! I'm pretty sure it's real

And I want to find Ira Margo, don't worry I'll handle it

I was here this afternoon My husband must have followed me

Mr Wells, I'm scared

If my husband can do something like this to Walter

He'll do the same thing to me He'll kill me

You've got to help me

It's raining everywhere these days, lady...

That gun of yours, the one you gave Whiting

It was a 32, right? I think we should call the police

Why don't you do that?

I'd like to be around when you try and explain to the cops

That Whiting's wife was murdered in this dump

Mrs Whiting caught you and her husband here one night

There was a fight. When it was all over, she ends up dead

Mr Wells, some of the things I told you before were untruths

Still not there? Tell him that I called again

Wait, I think this is him Thanks a lot

Ira! Hiya, doll

Margo Sperling, Ron Birdwell, Jeff Lamar

I'm tied up right now I'm working on something

Would you mind waiting in Don't you push me

Okay

I'd like to invite you in, but I've got work that I have to finish

So please don't sit down What do they think they're doing?

Listen, remember that gun that we were talking about?

This guy Birdwell, he's willing to buy it

What about Ira? Let me tell you something

Ira Wells was a broken-down old bum who was never any good to start with

That schmock blew every chance he had

And he'll blow this one, too, if I let him

We'll give him a couple of thou

Let him go to the track and act like a big shot You know

Get them out of here

How the hell long are you gonna stay in there?

Just a minute, pal I mean it, get them out of here

And you get out, too Easy, now

Hold on Listen I'm running into a little

I'm through shitting around with you, you putzola

I want you to give me the gun Mr Birdwell, I'm the one that

Has the gun I mean, it's in my possession

Charles told me what you are offering and I'm

Wait!

Hit her, for God's sake She's got the goddamn gun

He has a point, Lamar Wait a second

If you lay a hand on me, you're gonna pay for it in your next life

Violence has never solved anything

If you come one step closer, I'm gonna break this right in your face

Answer it

Hello, doll Ira

I'm at Whiting's place

He's dead. I've got this whole thing figured out

Ira! Doll...

In case you're interested, I know who killed Harry Regan

It was Birdwell

Stay put, okay? I'm on my way over to your place

Don't hang up!

Lamar...

How would you like a new Coupe DeVille, color of your choice?

Mr Wells, I cannot tell you how good it feels

To have finally opened up and told the truth

To have opened up the dark side of my soul

It's like stepping into the sunlight

I'm all right

Listen, he's an old guy He's not even well

He needs an operation, one on his stomach

I know we could talk this over and work something out

There's no reason to get him

Mr Birdwell, let me give you the gun

Why don't I do that?

I don't know why I didn't give it to you before

I know how much you want it, and I don't even care about the gun

I'll do that, okay?

I'm going to stand up

See, I'm standing up...

I'm just going to walk across the room...

Here I am I'm walking across the room...

I'll open this drawer, see me opening it...

Just take it and go...

What about me? What about yours truly? We had a deal

"Twelve bills for the gun" That's a direct quote

You know, that old guy isn't so dumb. He's right about Harry Regan

I killed him

Ronny You're okay?

Darling, you must think I'm such a terrible person

Ira!

Do something I told you he was sick

You don't look so good, pop

Ronny, you ever been to Florida?

They got these old turtles that crawl up on the beach at night

As a kid, I'd sneak up with a two-by-four and flip them over

On their backs, they looked just like that

A doctor I want

What did you say, old man? I want a...

You wanna know something, punk?

You were born dumb, and you're going to die dumb

Now, get up!

Get up!

Hurry up!

Park it over in that chair

All right, sit down Keep your hands nice and quiet

And your mouth shut up

Are you all right? Never been better

Pretty nice, pretty slick

You knew if I fell for it, they'd fall for it, right?

Of course I didn't fall for it

You son of a bitch, don't you even do that to me again

What if I had fallen for it? I could have had a heart attack

Here's someone I really care about, drop dead at my feet

How am I supposed to feel about that?

Mentally deranged, that's how Probably for the

Doll, you're still alive, aren't you?

That's another thing. Don't call me doll, I don't like it!

Pop, she's a real loony bird You're not?

You don't mind if I sit down, do you? I've had a tough day

Kid, just hear me out before you do anything crazy

We've got this guy between a rock and a hard place, see?

We're in a position to make an A-number-one deal

Nice to see a man who loves his wife

Get used to something She doesn't love you back

Ronny, do something! Be quiet!

Laura kills Mrs Whiting at that love nest over on Fountain Avenue

She calls Brian Hemphill and gets him to clean up her mess

Escobar and Brian move the body back to Whiting's house

And fake the stamp caper to throw the cops off the track

That's water over the dam, let's cut to the chase

Escobar's got the gun Laura used on Mrs Whiting and blackmails her

Somewhere along the way

Birdwell realizes if he can get a hold of that gun

Laura will have to stick to him like glue for the rest of her life

Why are you putting my wife under this pressure?

He and this joker go looking for Escobar

They catch up with him at that palace he had in Santa Monica

Put the arm on him, but Lamar

Gets carried away and kills him

I can see

This is going to cost me By now

Whiting's starting to get nervous. He's in this mess, way over his head.

He decides to go to the cops

Laura couldn't afford that, so she had to kill him

That's a lie!

That's when you came to me, hoping I'd play the sap for you

He's lying! No, that's exactly what happened

You figure I'll want to talk to Whiting, you take me there

I'll sniff around, and think your husband killed him

You don't believe him, do you? I'm not saying you're right

But what's the price?

I've been in this business 31 years, give or take a couple of months

I've always played it on the up and up

Call the cops Hold it!

Put that thing down, you haven't got the ass to swing it

All my life I've been a loser, from the day I was born

What makes you any different now?

What makes you think Birdwell's gonna sit still

For some chiseler like you to take that kind of dough off?

I'll make him, that's why because I've got him by the short hairs

Yeah, you'll make him, just like Harry Regan made him

Harry goes to Birdwell, tries to deal himself in

But Birdwell can't gamble on

Some two-bit chiseler gumming up the works

So they meet some place for a payoff

Birdwell unloads a 45 Point Blank into his stomach

You dumb son of a bitch!

Didn't I tell you, you'd blow it? Mr Wells...

Sit down and shut up!

Six figures...

He was going to pay us six figures...

Police emergency? It's 3626 Franklin Apartment 405

We have a dying man here... Step on it!

Jesus Christ

How did I ever get mixed up with you in the first place?

You're right, Charlie I'll never learn

I think maybe I better sit down now. Yeah...

All right

I think I'll sit down... Okay

You believe in reincarnation? I don't know

Never thought much about it I hate to think of

Charles just floating around in the eternal void

I like to think he's gonna drop around again sometime

Even if he was pretty non-evolved

You know what I mean?

Charlie did the best he knew how That's for sure

Where you headed?

I was going to take this number 10 to Highland

Then transfer to number 4

That should let me off a couple of blocks from my house

What about you? I don't know

Mrs Schmidt asked me to move out

That place next door to you, is that still empty?

I don't know, I don't think I could take it

You just never say anything, for God's sake

It's not fair I've to keep up my side of the conversation

And your side of the conversation

Yeah, that's it, you just never say anything

For God's sake, I want some feedback from you!

I want to know what you think about things

And what you think about me

Would it kill you, if, once in a while, you wore a goddamn dress?

Subs corrected by Anvil2k10, Edit them, credit me...