All language subtitles for The Late Shift (1996) BR Eng

Geez, how late
is fotoma open ?

( Laughing )

( Male )
i do wanna thank you all
for your Patience,

we are now obviously
ready to go.

I'm Howard stringer,

and, as president
of CBS entertainment,

it is my singular pleasure,
and a great moment for us,

to be able to bring
this great star to CBS,

David letterman !

( Applause )

I never dated Amy Fisher !

I fixed her car,
i helped her with her homework,

and, that's all,
alright, thank you.

Alright, I'll
take some questions,

and, then, Colin Powell
will be in here,

and update you
on the bombing.

( Laughing )

I do wanna thank CBS
for their support,

and, of course,
for their generosity,

I mean, wow,
this is a deal,

that would put a smile
on Jack Benny's face,

and that's in the condition
he's in right now !

Does g.E. Make the best managers
for a television network ?

( Clears throat loudly )

What was
the question ?

Oh, yeah, no, you know,
i don't know about that,

but, they make
a darn fine toaster oven.

( "Say hello say good-bye"
instrumental )

C'mon, Paul,
we gotta do a show.

Dave, I have a terrible
case of the hiccups.

You tried holding your breath ?
everything.

I got an idea,
hold on.

What are you doing ?

Just put that
on your head there,

breathe normally,
there, Paul.

Okay.

( Hiccuping )
I'm breathin'.

( Laughter )

How was that,
you feel any better ?

( Hiccups )

Oh, gosh.

Sorry...

Must've been
something I ate.

( Applause )

( Male )
it's bloody marvelous.

( Male on t.V. )
The tonight show,
Johnny's guest host tonight is,

Jay leno !

Ladies and gentlemen,

Jay-y-y leno !

( Applause )

Thank you !

Thank you !

Wonderful, wonderful,
that's nice to hear,

now, did you all
see in the paper,

there's a survey that says
that you're safer,

and, now this is true,
you're safer,

on an airplane than you are
in your own bathroom.

Do you believe that ?
do you think that's true ?

I don't know, I've never
slipped on the toilet seat,

and fallen 35,000 feet !

I mean, I never
adjusted the shower rod,

and had a fire ball
come out and incinerate me.

So, why can't we just throw
money at one of them ?

What sort of offer
do you have in mind ?

What does it matter ?

"Late night's" making
$70 million a year for nbc.

Where's our bloody piece ?

That would have
been Mr. sajak.

Oh, Christ,
what a disaster.

He's got a lock on
every blue-haired old biddy,

who ever watched
"wheel of fortune".

Do you know how many
of our stations,

are canceling him
for arsenio ?

It's like they're
canceling him before we can.

Look at these fucking numbers
when leno fills in for Carson.

And letterman.

Nbc has him signed
through '93.

Well, what about leno ?

Nbc only has a one-year
holding deal with Jay.

That's nothing,
he could be ripe.

So let's steal him !

We can give him a show now,
for christssakes.

I'll push sajak over a cliff
if we can get leno.

They might
fight for him.

Let them.

They can't fight equally
for leno and letterman.

They're not gonna offer both,
Carson's spot when he retires.

This is the best opportunity
we've ever had,

to break nbc's
strangle-hold on late night.

Okay, Howard.

Let's go
stir something up.

And, you know,
we can knock it out,

in one fell swoop.

Oh !

Oh, bouncy up here !

We gotta do a commercial here,
boys and girls,

we'll be right back
with more Sandra bernhard.

( Cheers and applause )

I'm havin' a blast,

thanks for havin' me
back on Dave.

How you doin' ?

What do you want the number
of my therapist ?

You should be thrilled
with your life.

It wasn't that bad, Dave.

Okay, we had a little trouble
with the first bit,

but Sandra was good,
and you were good with her.

I sucked, morty,

and the whole show sucked
because I sucked.

I don't belong on
network television,

I belong in muncie,
driving gravel.

You got great laughs.

Oh, bullshit, if that
audience was any deader,

there'd be guys
in lab coats,

going through
harvesting organs.

Those dorks at nbc probably
steered in the crowd,

waiting in line for donahue,
by mistake.

It's their way of
sending a message.

What message ?
the message,

giving Jay the job as permanent
guest host for Johnny.

They didn't make him guest
host to mess with you.

They do everything
to mess with me.

Renting out our studio in
the morning, to Maury povich ?!

Laurie, I need some coffee.
Great show.

Yeah.

I mean, when are we
supposed to rehearse ?

Am I supposed to move my camera
around a bunch of bald women,

with eating disorders ?

We won't let that happen, Dave.
We'll do something about it.

Gosh, morty, I know,
we could boycott the show.

They'll probably use that
as an excuse to fire me.

( Morty )
oh, come on, Dave.

I fucked up
number six--

no, you didn't.

It was the only decent joke
in the whole fucking show--

it was funny !

It was funny, I wasn't.
Let me see the tape.

Take a breather !

Give me
the fuckin' tape.

( Dave )
oh, man,

oh, for chrissake's !

Jesus, do I suck !

Oh, that's good,

I should've jumped in
right there !

( Loud crash )

( Female )
listen, you cheap,
fuckin' bastard,

it's one lousy table,
$10,000 !

That's chump change !

( Male )
that's extortion, Helen.

It's not extortion,
it's charity, for god's sake.

It's for pediatric aids.

You selfish prick !

( Male )
don't flatter me !
put me down for two.

( Female ) what ?
two tables.

You are such
a mensch !

Yes, I still love you.

See, that didn't
hurt very bad.

So, we can
have dinner, honey.

I gotta go,

I gotta go,
Jay's here.

Bye.

( Laughing )

How ya doin' ?
here's your tickets.

Where am I going
this time ?

Come, I'll walk you
to the car.

That's mine.

I gotta know
my future.

I know your future,
follow me !

( Female )
you're playing "joe laffs"
in green bay, Friday.

The nbc affiliate is w.L.U.K.

Good luck, huh ?

I'm getting you in just in time
to do the noon news.

That's good, I'm sure
there's a lot of people,

watching the noon news
in green bay.

Don't give me shit.

Those local stations are gonna
get you "the tonight show".

Here, I wanna show you
somethin' look at this.

Not another goddamn motorcycle,
i don't have the time.

Helen, hold on.

Take a second,
look at this motorcycle.

"To j. L.,

crank it on up and
ride over to CBS forever."

It's a rare bike,
do you what this cost them ?

No, I don't know
what it cost,

but, I know what it means.

Hi.
hello.

Table for two ?
please.

Are you sure this is
the place for a good
corned beef sandwich ?

Yeah.

She wanted discreet.

I don't think anybody
from nbc will be dropping--

oh, Jesus.

What ?

Arnie kleiner
from Paramount,

just walked in
with some other guy.

Will they know Helen ?

Here she comes.

You said we'd
have privacy here,

I just saw Arnie kleiner in
the corner downing a thai beer.

Oh my god,
Howard stringer.

A pleasure to
meet you, Helen.

Rod said we'd just talk
a little business over lunch,

this looks like
a little more than lunch.

Of course it is,

we wouldn't wanna waste
your valued time.

Alright...

Now, we think
the world of Jay.

We've noticed what he's been
doing filling in for Carson,

and we think he's ready
to be a star, right now.

And, we have something
no one else can offer him.

11:30, wide open.

Holy shit,

a deal memo,
already ?

You guys are serious.

Here, you take this,
i don't wanna hold on to this.

You can give Jay the details
without the paper if you prefer.

The show opens in September,
he'll get six million to start.

How does that sound ?

Six million ?

Yeah, alright,
I'm impressed.

But, uh, we may be
rushing this a little bit.

Jay's a loyal puppy,
he's got a thing
for "the tonight show",

like every other
comic in America.

Of course.

But, isn't he still
third in that line,

behind Carson
and letterman ?

No, I wouldn't
say that.

But, I would say
that we have some reason,

to feel a little impatient
with where we are.

And I'll admit it
to you, Howard,

I love this offer.

I'm sure you do, Helen.

Compliments of Mr. kleiner.

This feels like
the late night dmz.

Does that make me Nixon ?

I guess I'm kissinger.

With you negotiating,
that war would've gone nuclear.

At least in this war
we control all the weapons.

We hope.

Hey, mort, how ya doin' ?
good to see ya.

( Male )
hey, Warren,

we got Howard stringer
humping leno's leg.

What are we gonna tell
the g.E. Guys if we lose him ?

My dog ate
my late night host ?

I may.

Helen needs a stroking.

Jay,

I hear Howard stringer
wants to take you to Bermuda,
for a romantic weekend.

Helen.
hi, how are ya ?

Jay, honey, it's time to go
get your makeup on,

your spot starts
in 30 minutes.

Manger and network need to
be alone, I can take a hint.

Brandon, watch
your wallet.

Hey, David !

Oh, hey, Jay,
how ya doin' ?

How ya doin' ?

Good.
what's goin' on ?

Listen, how's nbc
treating you ?

Good, you know,
i mean, okay, I guess.

Hey, I saw that show the other
day with Sandra bernhard,

it was great,
c'mon, it was great.

You don't know what you're
talkin' about, it was so funny.

I know morty's down there,
i wanna talk to morty.

Hey, are you guys
gonna stay around ?

No, we gotta take
the "red-eye" back.

I hate
the "red-eye".

Listen, Jay,

we'll have morty call ya,
we'll book you on the show.

When you're not
filling in for Johnny.

You know me, I'm always
ready, whatever,

as long as
it's okay with Helen.

Ah, right, of course.

We'll have morty call Helen,
and do it that way.

I'll talk
to you later.

Alright, oh,
listen, Jay,

call morty, alright ?

Yeah, tell him
to call Helen.

Alrighty.

Good to see ya.

( Helen )
i gotta tell ya,

I got a hell of
an offer from CBS.

I don't know, I mean,
Jay wants to stay,

and take over
when Carson steps down,

but, Brandon,
i need a commitment.

Helen, you're as subtle
as a knee to the groin.

I didn't hear the words
"tonight show" in there anywhere

what are you saying ?

You want us to
bounce Johnny, now ?

You wanna deprive him of
reaching his 30th anniversary ?

Just lookin'
to protect my guy.

Look at her workin' Brandon,
is she shameless or what ?

I don't see any reason, why you
shouldn't say hello to Brandon.

Oh, for god's sake.

Now's your chance
to let somebody know,

that you want
"the tonight show".

Let's wave
him over.

Jesus, you don't "wave"
heads of networks,

you wave waiters
and hookers...

Brandon.

Good lord,

how can a television show be
worth this much embarrassment ?

Hey, David !
hey Brandon.

David, I think I heard them
call your category,

but don't worry, littlefield
ran in to accept for you.

Johnny sends his
regards, Brandon.

Oh, thank you, Peter,
too bad he couldn't come,

then I could have
been photographed with
all our late night stars,

before they all start
filing for free agency.

David...

I know you want the job
as much as Jay.

Listen, Brandon,

I'm not campaigning
for anything.

I'm not saying you are.

I just want you to know
that we haven't forgotten you.

Well, that's uh,

that's good to hear,
Brandon, thanks.

Sure.

I was in New York
in July,

and I stopped by
to see you,

but Laurie said you were
in rehearsal--

no, actually, I was
locked in my office, sobbing.

I'm sorry about that.

I'll try not to be
an anti-social jerk next time.

And, Brandon, listen,

I really do
appreciate it.

Sure Dave,
good luck ?

I feel like a daddy who's just
gotten all his children to bed.

( Helen )
Brandon, you shit.

We have to talk.

Helen, I'm running through
a contract negotiation,

with the guys
from "cheers".

Listen, I've had it
with this runaround.

You don't get by with
verbal assurances anymore.

See, I had a verbal commitment
from Brandon a year ago,

now, he's gone
to Paramount.

You I'm not so fond of,
John, no offense,

you think you can pull the same
manipulative shit with me,

you try on everybody
else in this town.

But you fuck with me
and I'll fuck you back good.

I don't have
a contract with you.

I can move Jay
to CBS within a month.

That would leave you
with Carson, and his
retirement-home audience.

So let's cut the shit,
shall we ?

Helen, this is just been
a busy period.

These things
take time.

You're not
listening, asshole !

I don't wanna hear about time,
i want a piece of paper.

I don't know when Carson's
gonna get the fucking
message, and quit.

I want Jay signed.

Helen, I hear you.

Believe me.

Let me see what I can do,
give me one week ?

A week's
seven days, John.

Trust me, I can count.

Right.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, man.

Hey, morty.
Have you seen this ?

Jesus Christ. What the hell is
this ?

From what I can tell,
there's no source for it.

( Dave )
what's this mean,
now, morty ?

It means nothing,

it means Helen
got on the phone.

This has to be Helen.

Yeah, but, would nbc
treat Johnny this way ?

This is ridiculous.

I can't believe this
would've happened if Brandon
hadn't gone to Paramount,

he had some control.

Helen wouldn't dare pull this
shit when Brandon was there.

Maybe this is all nbc,
their way of dealing Jay in.

No, don't assume
these assholes have a plan.

It's the New York post,
for god's sake.

What's that mean ?
it's not nbc's style.

Alright.

Let's see how these guys
weasel out of this one.

( Female )
we have to
control the rumors.

"We have to
control the rumors" ?

You have to
control the rumors.

So, how do we
word the release ?

Maybe we should just
talk about the network's,
huge debt to Johnny.

No words like,

"and we hope the king will
reign, for many years to come ?"

No !

Okay.

Helen's work, right ?

What do you think ?

( Helen )
it probably came from
the Carson people.

They know they're
in trouble.

They're tryin' to screw you
by leakin' a story,

they wanna make you look
so fuckin' eager,

you'll do anything
to get the job.

I guess that makes sense,

I'm just
worried about Johnny.

What are you worried about him
for, he doesn't worry about you.

I don't know,
that's the problem,

I don't think
he really likes me.

There you go with
that "like" shit again,

what the hell difference
does it make, whether
Carson likes you or not ?

I mean, he's not pickin'
his successor, nbc is.

Oh, you don't think
they'll give him a vote ?

No, I don't !

Would you leave
the campaigning to me,

go, do your fuckin' jokes.

I wanna be able to swear to
Johnny this didn't come from us.

So, go ahead and swear.

( Johnny )
hello.

Johnny, hey,
it's Jay.

Jay ?
yeah, how ya doin' ?

Look, I just wanted to
talk to you,

about this rotten
article in the post,

I just wanted to tell you,
to make it clear to you,

that it didn't
come from us.

Actually, you've been
the g.E. Employee of the week,

haven't you, there, Paul ?

Gee, Dave, I guess
i missed out on that one.

Well, it's quite
an honor, Paul,

kids, why don't we find out,

who the g.E. Employee
of the week is, this week.

Right here, on our show,

we can reveal the name of
the g.E. Employee of the week.

Anton, can we have a--

( drum roll )

There we go.

Let's see who it is
this week, huh, Paul ?

Warren littlefield
and John agoglia.

Well, this is the reason
i went into television.

So my family can see me
being insulted in front
of 4 million people.

He's got the microphone,

and we're helpless.

Forget about it.

I've been looking through
these rating charts you sent me.

( Warren )
you know how well Jay is doing.

Yeah...

Prime time revenues
are next to nothing.

I'm thinking about
all the money we've got,
riding on "late night".

The last thing we need
is a problem there.

Well, we've
already got one.

Helen kushnick,

the woman's
forcing the issue.

So far we've been able
to keep her in line,

with verbal assurances,

leno's in line
for "the tonight show",

plus we've committed
serious money,

if leno doesn't
get the show,

two, three million.

But she'll forfeit
the money and go to CBS.

And that could be
a disaster for us.

We've still got
Carson and letterman.

A lot of people believe
that leno,

is the hottest talent
in television.

It would be a major
mistake to lose Jay now,

especially, since Johnny
doesn't have that long to go.

John has never said one word
to me about quitting.

Well, it may get to the point,
where we can't wait any longer.

You wanna get rid
of Johnny Carson ?

His ratings are softening.

Arsenio's got
the younger viewers.

That's where the money is.

We've gotta make sure
the future is secure.

If we give Jay
a firm deal now,

give him a contract,

that guarantees him the show
whenever Johnny leaves,

I think he and Helen
would go for it.

Yeah, but, where does that
leave us with letterman ?

He can't go anywhere.
We've got him for two more
years.

And letterman's never once
asked us to guarantee him
the show, if Johnny quits.

Dave is still
our 12:30 guy.

We'll make sure he stays there,
all we need to do now,

is get Jay signed,
keep him off CBS.

And, this should
stay between us,

Helen and Jay.

Carson doesn't have to know,
letterman doesn't have to know,

it never makes
the papers.

That is essential.

I don't want
anybody writing

that nbc is pushing
Johnny Carson out the door.

I want this handled
very carefully.

John and I are friends.

But we've gotta have
"late night" locked up.

If that means
a deal for leno...

Let's do it.

( Male )
Jay is the host,

the first week night
after Carson's last show.

Helen is the
executive producer.

Nbc productions
owns the show,

now, of course,
no word of this,

leaves this room.

No.

Oh...

Helen gets
this fat check.

I think you could say
this is the impossible dream,

coming true
for two people, huh ?

I think, Helen, they've
got us where they want us.

Well, you see,

I would've said it
the other way around.

( Laughing )

Let's give a big hand,

for the stars
of our 1992 fall line-up.

( Applause )

Well, you've seen...

The new programs
for our fall season,

and, I hope our affiliates,

and our friends in the
advertising community agree,

we've put new life
into prime time,

and, now the last surprise
of the day,

ladies and gentlemen,

the king of
late night television,

soon to begin his
30th year at nbc,

heeeeeeeere's Johnny !

( Applause )

Thank you.

That's very nice of you.

Gee, what
a fast-paced afternoon.

You folks must be
just short of coma.

( Laughter )

You know, I always
get a little awestruck,

to think of the great men
who've graced this stage,

jascha heifitz,

Vladimir horowitz,

and today...

Warren littlefield.

( Laughter )

Kind of knocks the hell
out of Darwin's theory,

doesn't it ?

( Laughter )

( Johnny )
Jay leno,

who's now the
guest host on our show,

is driving me
nuts backstage,

"how're you feeling ?"

"Your thyroid okay ?"

You know, I like Jay, and he is
very concerned about my health.

In fact, he suggested I take
a run through central park,

about midnight tonight.

Anyway, I know it's been
a long afternoon,

I just wanna say,
this is the last year,

that I'm doing
"the tonight show".

What did he just say about
this being the last year ?

I don't know.

But, my last show
is gonna be one year from now,

may the 22nd, 1992.

I just wanna thank you,

I am very grateful...

And, I bid you,
good-bye.

( Applause )

This is real.

I just said it,
the world heard me.

It's real.

Great tie, Bob,
terrific.

Did you know
about this, John ?

Mr. littlefield, can
i just ask a question ?

I would like
to thank you, Johnny,

and, thank you
for coming,

and the bathrooms are
down the hall and to the right.

( Crowd yelling )

Warren, what
is going on ?

I had no goddamn idea--

we have no release
prepared, nothing.

Betty, why don't you--

the press is going to
fry us like bacon strips.

... the advertises and the world
with our asses hanging out.

He didn't say
a word to me.

Who gets
"the tonight show" ?

I'm not gonna answer
any questions right now.

Is it leno
or letterman ?

( Yells )

Stay tuned, everybody,
stay tuned.

Thanks, bye.

Mr. leno ?

There's a phone call
for you, sir.

I'd like to show you
to the the courtesy phone.

Oh, alright.

Excuse me, aren't you
the doritos guy ?

Johnny announced
he was quittin' today.

What ?

What are you talk--
i was just with him.

He went on last,
long after you'd gone.

He just
dumped it on 'em,

he said he was doing the show
one more year, and then out.

Did they make any kind
of announcement about us ?

Nothin', they were too busy
trying to pull up their pants.

But, it'll come,
the deal is set.

We got it, Jay,
one more year !

His last show is may 22, our
first is may 25, Memorial Day.

God, I'm havin' a hard time
gettin' my breath.

I hearing what my mother
always said,

"be careful what you wish for,
you might get it."

I know what you mean...
It's still secret, right ?

We can't, you know,
say anything about it ?

We've waited this long,

what difference does
another day or two make ?

Yeah, I guess, they wanna,
probably wanna tell Dave first.

You're such a nice guy,
Jay leno !

Worrying about
your old friend, Dave ?

You wanna know the real
difference between
you and letterman ?

You had me,
enough !

Now, go do your show in Tahoe,
have a good time.

( Tonight show theme music )

( Dave )
yes, sparky !

Oh, yes, good boy !

Alright, we're gonna
be right back,

with a commercial.

Paul, get us out.

( Applause )

Hey, Peter,
how are ya ?

Good to see ya. Is John here ?

Yes, he's here
and he's ready.

You're not gonna
believe this.

Johnny announced his retirement
at the affiliates meeting
in carnegie hall.

What do you mean,
when, when's he gonna retire ?

A year from now.

One more year on the air,
that's what he said.

Holy shit. And did nbc--

no, no.

No announcement
from nbc.

Okay, 20 seconds.

Can you fucking
believe this ?

Isn't this amazing ?

( Male )
five, four, three,

two...

Ed couldn't make it,

I happened to be
in the neighborhood,

so, I brought you
a little something.

What's this ?

You're the winner of
the million dollar sweepstakes.

Morty, Johnny asked me to
stay on until the show's done,

and, I told him I would.

After that,
I'm all yours.

That's great,
'cause we both want you.

No, I just happened
to be in town,

doing a something
for the affiliates.

You quit, Johnny,
you quit your job !

That's the business
you came to--

Jesus Christ,
this guy is so good.

I cannot
fucking believe,

we haven't heard from agoglia,
Wright, or littlefield.

None of 'em.

Maybe they
lost the number.

( Male )
so, we can handle
unpleasant Dave ?

Well, it's real simple,
first we slap him,

and, then we kiss up.

There's only so much
kissin' up I'm capable of.

I got a signed contract
with this guy's name on it.

Fuck him and
his bruised ego.

My ass is bruised from sittin'
on a goddamn plane.

So, you want morty
to sit behind the desk ?

Alright, fine,
i can do that.

Okay, no, no,
is this gonna work, Peter ?

Hello.
hello, gentlemen.

Dave will be with you
in just a few more minutes.

Great, thanks.

Can I get you some coffee
while you wait ?

Please, black ?

Yeah, I'd love some,
thanks.

Oh, god, they're here.

They look like such
worms, I tell ya,

it's littlefield.

Yeah, agoglia's
with him.

Oh, great,
thank you.

You're welcome.

The coffee
is freezing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
i can do this.

Don't worry, alright,
thanks, Peter.

Morty, sit behind my desk.

You sit at the desk.

I'm gonna sit
right here.

And, I'm gonna
put them over there.

Hi ya', Warren, how ya doin' ?
good to see ya.

Thanks for coming.

And, you are ?

C'mon, Dave,
John agoglia.

Oh, yeah, John, good to
see ya, how ya doin' ?

Why don't you
have a seat over here ?

Dave, you know
why we're here.

The network has been analyzing,
the "late night" situation,

and we've watched Jay,
grow into the role of host.

We have every reason
to be proud of what
you've accomplished,

but a choice
had to be made.

And tomorrow nbc will announce,
that Jay leno has been named,

the next host
of "the tonight show".

And, I'm sure that Jay
will do a fine job.

But, I must tell you,

that we have done
this show for 10 years.

And, we know
how to do this show.

Now, the best thing would've
been for all of us here,

to have gone on and done
"the tonight show".

That's what we always
wanted to do.

And, it's a real
disappointment,

that we're not.

But,

if it is
your final decision...

Then, you can
contact my lawyer.

Gentlemen, this is
completely unacceptable.

I want you to release me
from my contract.

( Littlefield )
what is this ?

I mean, where does
this leave us, morty ?

I mean, how can we
make him happy ?

You wanna
keep him happy ?

Do as he asks.

He wants
"the tonight show".

Well, short of that.

We have a plan,

for enhancing Dave's role
on "late night".

We want to make it
a seamless two-hour block,

right after Jay
takes over the show.

No, Johnny,
you don't understand.

Dave wants "the tonight show".

Period.

Well, I'm afraid,
that just isn't possible.

Why isn't
that possible ?

Morty.

You already have
a deal with leno ?

You do, don't ya ?

Let's just say
a decision has been made.

"A decision
has been made ?"

It's over, so, if you
wanna help us out, morty,

you tell me how nbc
can make Dave enthused,
about the 12:30 show.

Morty !

He'll be back.

Hold my calls, Pam ?

( Female )
okay, Mr. Morton.

Oh, morty, ah !

Not bad, huh ?

No, I sucked.

No, you didn't
suck, Dave.

There's something there,
I've known those guys...

Warren littlefield
has never seen my like that--

David, David--

they thought I was
George peppard or something.

It didn't work...
We don't know...

Yes, we do know,
they just told me,

in their own charming
fucking and immatable way.

They're going
with Jay.

As far as nbc's concerned,
you're 12:30.

And, that's it ?

Yeah.

That's it.

Fuck.

( Peter )
David, I know
you're depressed,

but you have
to keep fighting.

Fighting for what ?

I'm fucked, I'm finished,
my time is up.

It's the end of the road
for TV boy.

David, don't get
into that.

Do you want
the tonight show ?

Why don't you ask me
if I want to play

centerfield for
the Yankees ?

Of course I want
"the tonight show",

since I was 10 years old,

it's my only dream
in my whole life.

Alright, what are you
gonna do about it ?

You can't just want it,
you have to do something.

I have done a television program
on their network,

for the last
10 years.

What do you want me
to do about it ?

I put a penalty clause
in my contract,

if they don't give me
the tonight show.

How much ?

A million dollars.

Oh, David, that's tip money
to those guys.

Alright, I'm a pin-head, Pete,
i didn't know what I was doin',

c'mon, now,
what'll I do ?

I just want that show.

I'm only really happy
that one hour a day,

when I'm doing my show.

You will have a show.
You're a t.V. Star.

People will
wanna hire you.

Yeah, who, CBS ?
CBS just fired pat sajak,

their gums are
still bleedin',

they don't wanna hear the words
"late night" ever again.

Abc ?

Abc's got Ted koppel
on at 11:30.

He's the gold standard.

I'm nickel-plating.

So, what does that leave,
syndication ?

Oh, what a feeling,

could you imagine
being sold by a syndicator.

"Uh, we got letterman,

or studs",

"you can either have
studs" or letterman".

I'm fucked, Pete.

Listen, David,

don't accept what nbc
is doing to you.

You simply can't.

You must not
follow Jay leno,

because you'll hate yourself
for the rest of your life.

It'll make you crazy.

I've already lost
the job to him.

What else am I gonna do ?

How about
getting an agent ?

Now, don't reject
the idea out of hand,

I know how
you feel of agents.

But, we need somebody with
some power in the business.

Yeah, I know,
but Jesus, an agent ?

I mean, an agent's what you pull
off the bottom of your shoe,

after a baseball game.

They're just gonna
book me in Tahoe,

with Tony Orlando and dawn.

Listen, David,
i have an idea.

David. Peter.

Mike ovitz.

Please come in,
it's wonderful to have you here.

David, I don't know
if you remember this,

but years ago, when you
were with William Morris,

and I was still
an agent there,

we actually met
very briefly.

Geez, I can't believe
you remembered that.

What I remember is,

you were the funniest
guy in the room.

In fact, I don't think we got
much accomplished that day.

Michael, maybe we should
tell you a little,

about David's
circumstances.

Peter, I know
Dave's circumstances.

And, so I know
why you're here.

Dave is a star of
such compelling stature,

that frankly, it makes me
personally angry,

he finds himself
this abused.

We pride ourselves
here at c.A.A.,

in developing a career plan
for our clients,

that protects them as much
as it enriches them.

David has set such an incredibly
high professional standard,

and yet he is going
disturbingly unrewarded.

That just doesn't
make sense.

It's simply bad
business practice.

Obviously, we have
an intense interest,

in establishing a business
relationship with you, Dave,

and with you, Peter.

Frankly, we have worked out
a career plan for David,

and it includes securing
everything for Dave,

that he wants.

Everything.

Of course, that means
an 11:30 television show.

Dave will be offered
an 11:30 show,

and he will be offered it
by every network.

The geometry of the deal
will be far larger.

The studios will be in,

the syndicators,

the full range of
the entertainment industry.

We shall frame a deal,

that will make you
one of the giants.

And, if you give us
the privilege,

of working with you...

C.a.a. will take care of
everything your talents deserve,

and your spirit desires.

Water ?

Huh ?

Jesus, that was like,

having a meeting
with the...

The godfather.

( Phone ringing )

Hello ?

( Helen )
hi Warren.

Good morning,

Theresa told me
I'd find you in the car.

Good morning, Helen,
how are things ?

Well, I've had it
with the Carson people,

tryin' to get
anything outta them,

they wouldn't put
Jay on the show,

they wouldn't pass the Baton.

Pass the what, Helen ?

Pass the Baton,
i had this great idea.

I thought Johnny
should say good-bye Friday,

leave his desk,

take his
hand-held mic,

walk over to our studio,

and hand it over to Jay,

right on the air...
Pass the Baton.

And you suggested this ? to whom
?

Peter lassally,
it was like I peed on his shoe.

Well, you know,

I think they might wanna finish
up on their own terms, Helen.

You'll have plenty of time
for your own ideas.

We sure will,
starting Monday.

Now, I wanna talk
about the ad again.

We've been over this, Helen,

and, we can't buy an ad
for Jay in Friday's paper,

because we've already bought
a full-page ad there,

to say good-bye to Johnny.

Why can't nbc
buy a full-page ad,

to welcome Jay
to face Johnny's ad ?

Because, as
i told you before,

the paper's doing it's
own full page of stories,

saluting Johnny on
the page opposite the ad,

and we're not
gonna crowd that

with a "welcome Jay" ad,
that's it, end of story, Helen.

No, it's not end of story,
that ad's goin' in Friday.

If nbc won't buy
the fucking thing,

I'll pay for it myself,
but that ad is going in.

No, it isn't going in, and
it's not gonna be your money,

and you're not doing it
because I will not allow it.

We've thought about it,

we've listened,
and we've made a decision,

and that decision is final.

I knew I could expect
shit like this from a dickless

wonder like you.
Well, fuck you, Helen,

fuck you and the horse
you rode in on !

We're not gonna do this,
i will not allow it.

You closed Jay's
contract, didn't you ?

You're out of
your fucking mind !

But, I got
the fucking show anyway.

I can see that this man
is embraced by this--

it's your only natural
talent Warren, fucking up !

Enough, it's over, done.

( Chuckling )

( Audience laughing )

( Carson on TV )
so, this is it, huh ?

I am one of the lucky people
in the world because,

I got to do something,
I've always wanted to do,

and, I've enjoyed
every minute of it...

And, I can only tell you,

it's been an honor,

to come
into your homes,

and let me entertain you.

And, I hope when I do
find something that I wanna do,

you will still invite me
into your home,

as you always have...

I bid you a very
heartfelt good-bye.

( Cheers and applause )

( Leno )
is this where
you want me to stand ?

I always stand right here.

Where the fuck
is Billy crystal ?

And why hasn't
he arrived yet ?

Stand up straight,
for chrissake.

You're the host of
the tonight show !

So Jay,
how's it goin' ?

Hey,
you know me.

Yeah,
Mr. stress.

You look like you're
ready to take a nap.

Maybe I will.

I just want to
get it over with.

You know, I think we should
lose the second perot joke.

Don't you think it
might be appropriate,

to say something
nice about Johnny ?

Early in the show ?

That wasn't
my decision.

But still...

( Helen )
Bob Wright ?

Him I guess
i have to talk to.

Hi, Bob !

So nice of you to
check in today.

Thanks, Helen.

I just called to
wish Jay well tonight.

I'm sure he's gonna
have a great show.

Thanks, I'm doing all I can
to make sure that happens.

I'm sure you are.

Listen,

Helen.

I did have one
other thought.

What's Jay gonna do
to thank Johnny ?

We're not gonna
do anything.

I'd like to hear why.
You wanna know why ?

Okay.

The new show is going to be
different from the old show.

We don't want to look
like we're beholden
to Johnny's old audience.

Get that
outta here !

Every comic knows you salute
the last guy to get more
applause for yourself.

That's kiss-up stuff,
Jay doesn't do kiss-up.

I think it's a
terrible mistake, Helen.

It boils down to
simple politeness.

I would really like for
you to go down there

and tell Jay to say
something like--

"i wouldn't be here
but for John."

I'm not gonna go to Jay
one hour before a live broadcast

and tell him to insert some
tribute to Johnny Carson.

Absolutely not.

I appreciate your good wishes,
and I'll tell Jay you called.

( Dial tone )

( Announcer )
from the nbc studios in Burbank,

the tonight show,
with Jay leno.

Featuring branford marsalis,
and the tonight show band.

Tonight, Jay welcomes
comedian Billy crystal.

And musical guest,
garth Brooks.

And now, Jay leno !

You're gonna
love this.

I got official
notice from c.A.A.

"All future business activity
for David letterman,

will be handled through
Michael ovitz's office.

What, is he trying
to get sprung ?

He'd have to hire
god for that !

Well, let's
think about this.

Dave didn't hire Mike ovitz to
get a five-year-deal out of us

to stay at 12:30, that's not
a big enough move for him.

This only works,

if he gets
11:30 for Dave.

You're not
listening, Warren.

Dave can bring machiavelli
back from the dead,

it still does not
do him any good.

I made this deal.

We've got full protection,
what is he gonna do ?

Ovitz, huh ?

Put him on television
in Venezuela ?!

Come on !

( Male )
this letterman contract
has clauses in it

a prisoner
wouldn't have !

How the hell do
we get him out of it ?

Give me all
the bad news.

Whatever deal we make
they have the right to match,

and they can take a full year
to match which means,

they could keep him
off the air if they want.

That sounds like something
you'd have in a deal

for a sports announcer from
some local radio station.

Gets worse, nbc has first
negotiating position.

We can't even talk a deal
with anybody but them,

for 18 months,
no offers, nothing.

Okay, so we don't
negotiate.

We can still talk
to people, right ?

Sure, we can talk,
what then ?

Then we
set up pitches.

We can't pitch letterman around,
Mike, nbc would challenge it.

No, we don't pitch
David letterman to anybody.

They pitch themselves to us,
we reverse the process.

And it's legal too ?

Yes !

We can't stop somebody
from talking to us.

Pardon me.

Rod.

Howard, oh,
i beg your pardon.

I made the plane
in 14 seconds !

I'm glad, all the heavy weights
are coming in.

I heard eisner's going
to pitch Disney himself.

I wish they'd made it
clearer earlier

that this was
a true pitch.

Morton called
me yesterday

and told me they'd
see me here.

That's the first time
i knew I had to come.

All I had in the Hamptons
was this old suit.

And then I get on
the plane, I realize

I have no bloody
cuff links.

Paper clips.

I'm just afraid
letterman will see them

and conclude Larry Tisch
is an even bigger tight-wad

than g.E., which
isn't far wrong.

Hey, rod.

Hi, rod.

Gentlemen, I'm sorry, we're
under a bit of a time constraint

so I just wanted to say
we're here because

we wanna get acquainted
with how you do business,

and to see how Dave might
fit in with your plans.

I would like to reiterate
this is not a negotiation.

It is, for want of
a better word, a process.

Howard, would you like
to speak for CBS ?

Terrific.

David, I know that you
have an appreciation

for the history and tradition
of broadcasting.

Much of that tradition
has been written by CBS.

Even in england
we knew Jack Benny,

and Lucy, and gleason.

Does David letterman
fit that tradition ?

Like a glove.

The point is,
the CBS of the present,

can give you what
you want, David--

affiliate strength.

Strong
management,

excellent promotion,

and yes, we have space available
at 11:30 every weeknight.

And we're a network.

We're what you
want, Dave.

We're a home.

Michael.

Thank you so
much for coming.

You have a young audience,

we're the
young network.

We're also the only
ones capable of

offering you a
start time of 11:00 pm.

That would give you
the jump on Mr. leno.

Hi ya Robert,
good to see you,

thank you so much
for coming.

Abc has always been the
network with young viewers.

We know how to reach that
audience and deliver it to you.

I'm not gonna
say here today

what we're gonna do
about nightline, but...

Hi al, thank you for coming,
i appreciate it.

We'll build the entire
syndication operation
at Columbia

around David letterman
and late night.

We expect we could
launch nationally

with a lineup
of stations

as strong as
any network's.

( Letterman )
ah, that sounds
great, Bob,

uh, Alan...

Whatever.

Hi Brandon,
i appreciate it.

Thank you.

At Paramount, we've
proved with arsenio

we already know how to
make late night work

in syndication.

I think it's
a perfect match--

arsenio followed
by letterman.

I'd follow the example
of their nominee...

... don't inhale !

Listen to this
old fool.

On and on and on.

It's getting close to 11:00.

The local news
will start late.

Get Warren
on the phone.

We reschedule our
fucking lives

to do a live show
so Jay can follow up

their ghastly convention
coverage with some new jokes.

Then they won't let us
on the goddamn air.

Motherfuckers in news
fucking us again !

Warren,

they're letting
this go on.

He's not gonna
finish by 11.

I swear to you
I'm sending my audience home

if you don't get this
over on time.

No, I'm
not losing it,

you said you had this
under control !

Look, a pause,
right there !

They could've
cut him off !

Get me gartner in Houston,
goddammit !

It's 11 P.M.
in the east right now !

Mr. gartner,
phone for you.

Helen kushnick
on the line.

Yeah, gartner here.

You promised me you'd be
off by 11, you shit-head.

I'm goin' live tonight
so we can get some pay-off

from your horseshit
convention coverage.

I'm accommodating you by
giving brokaw air time with Jay.

You get this gas bag Reagan
off the air now

or I'm not using
brokaw tonight.

I don't give a shit
if you use brokaw tonight

or any other night, lady.

And let's get
something straight.

I'm the president
of nbc news.

You don't have anything
to do with what I do.

I'm taking you
off the air this time,

you pompous ass.

There's only one person
who can take me off the air.

Bob Wright.

I'll give you his number,
call him.

I don't need to call
Bob-fucking-Wright.

I'll send my
audience home

and then you can call him

and explain why
"the tonight show"
wasn't on the fucking air.

Because the news asshole

couldn't get a horseshit
speech off on time !

Send 'em home !
get them the fuck out of here !

Helen, is this a
good idea ? can we do this ?

Who the fuck made you
the executive producer ?

You do the
fucking jokes.

I run the fucking show.
I've made the decision.

They fucked us, so now
they don't get a show.

Get these fucking
people out of here now !

There is no show
for them to see !

Ladies and gentlemen,
we have, what you might call,

technical difficulties
right now.

It's a heck
of a thing.

Have you been watchin'
the convention coverage ?

I could've been
a doctor !

Yeah, that's
not the point...

Oh, Rick.

We're running
a little late,

but I think we're
gonna be alright.

The show should start...
I think around...

That's great
Warren, but...

Would you hold
that thought ?

What, what... what ?

What the hell ?

That ship has sailed,
there's nobody here.

Jesus Christ,

what, she sent
the audience home ?

We don't have
a tonight show ?

You know,

I've already sold this
thing to advertisers.

Christ !

She killed
a scheduled show !

My level of tolerance
with Helen kushnick

is completely
used up.

So is ours.

That woman canceled
"the tonight show"

with no
authorization whatsoever.

We had less than half an hour
to get that repeat on

or we would
have gone dark.

She is completely
out of control.

That's become apparent
to everybody now, Bob.

The problem is
what do we do about it.

If we make a move
on Helen now,

Jay could be injured, maybe
irreparably.

The guy seems to be
totally dependent on her.

That's his problem,
not ours.

It's ours if Jay
walks off the show.

And the ratings
have been solid,

I hate to tamper
with the show. Maybe...

Maybe we should just
limp along for the a while.

And wait for her
to self-destruct.

She will, soon,
the way she's going.

Then it won't be an
issue with Jay...

And we won't have
to pay her off.

I think it's more
apparent than ever before,

that we should keep our
options open with letterman.

If you two want to limp
along with this situation,

that's your call.

But at some point,

and it's getting
to be soon,

it's gonna be my call.

( Door slamming )

I'd just like to say
thank you,

to all of you,
for this wonderful tribute.

It has been one of
the most memorable nights,

of my life.

Thank you.

( Applause )

Excuse me.

Maybe it's time for
us to talk, Bob.

You heard about
kushnick, huh ?

I'm not going to get
in the middle of

whatever you need
to do with kushnick.

But if you think
it's time

to get serious about
doing something with Dave,

I have a few
suggestions.

I'd like to hear them.

I think it's...

Hey,
how are you ?

Nice to see you.

I think it's
important for nbc,

if you're really serious
about keeping Dave,

to start creating
some goodwill.

There's enough animosity
in this relationship

to start a small war.

In my mind it's all been
stupid and unwarranted.

Thank you.

I'm all for
goodwill.

What do you
have in mind ?

We're prevented from
pursuing offers for David

because we are
required by nbc,

to negotiate
with them first.

But that clause only
serves to insure

that David is not going
to listen to

any initial offers
you might make,

generous as they may be,

because naturally he is
going to want to test
the waters elsewhere.

So we can all
play this game,

or we could just loosen
the chains a little bit.

How ?

You can allow us to solicit
other offers openly.

After all, you still
retain matching rights.

Seems like we're
conceding a lot

for the sake of
goodwill.

Maybe you could offer
something in return ?

Our sales department
has told me that

we've sold the letterman show
to the end of June.

But, as you know,

David's contract
is up April 2nd.

So if we don't
resign him,

we'll have to
return that money.

Unless...

Unless we give you
a three month extension.

Okay, alright,
so that's the deal.

We give you three months,

you free us up
to negotiate.

Do you think David
would see that

as a gesture
of goodwill ?

I believe I can
assure you that he would.

Hello, Howard.

Mike !

Listen, we're ready
to talk seriously now.

( Secretary )
Robert Morton on three.

Morty, how are
things in New York ?

New York is great,
it's great to talk to you too.

I'm sure you're
quite busy with the show.

Yeah, I'm damn busy,
so what's up ?

You've probably been
too busy to realize

that you've double
booked one of our guests.

Apparently you've got
Roger daltry

the same week
we've got him.

Now I'm sure this is just
an oversight by your staff.

But, I thought I should call,

and just let you know
the way we work things.

We always had this "gentlemen's
agreement" with Johnny...

Hey morty,
haven't you noticed,

I'm no gentleman !

Well, Helen, it's just that
the record company is telling us

you're trying to
force daltry into

cancelling his
appearance with us.

He's our guest, Helen.

He is ? well let me help
you out here, morty.

You have no power with nbc
to back you up with guests.

You really think nbc is
gonna back your show,

over mine ?

Your guy was
the loser, remember ?

That's a cheap shot, Helen !

Well, you can expect more
where that came from !

You have no fuckin' clue
what's goin' on at the network,

you're helpless !

You really ought have me
do your next contract for ya',

you're making bupkis
next to me !

You know,
i thought we were friends.

But, you know,
let me tell you something,

I will fight you
on daltry

and I'll fight you on every
guest you try to steal.

Ooh, good luck,
mighty mouse !

( Secretary )
it's kushnick on one.

Helen !

Kenny, I'll get right
to the point.

We see Travis's
billboards

all over town,
we wanna to book him.

That's great, Helen,
that's really nice.

When do...

We want him this week.
When he's here for the concert.

Gee I'm sorry,

he's on arsenio. Wednesday.
Yeah, I know.

My bookers told me,
so, cancel it.

Arsenio's over with,
he's in the toilet.

He advertisers
are desertin' him.

By the end of the year there
won't even be an arsenio !

Well, he's on the air now,
and we're committed there.

I guess you're
not hearing me.

Let me spell it
out for you--

if you want Travis
on this show ever again,

you better break
that date with arsenio.

I think you need to
know something about me.

I don't respond well
to threats.

Maybe I could offer
you something else.

We have a movie of the week
coming up we need to promote,

with Kenny Rogers, Travis

and Naomi judd.

What if I could get them
all for the same...

Excuse me, this
ain't merv Griffin.

We don't do
fuckin' theme shows,

you dumb shit-kickin' hick. !

Let me break
the news to ya'.

Not only is Travis tritt

not gonna do
"the tonight show" ever again,

but you and I are gonna be
in this town for a long time.

We're gonna see each other,

and we're never
gonna to talk again.

It's your fucking loss,

and the record
company's.

Ken, the booking office
from leno just called..

Trisha yearwood's
appearance has been canceled.

Trisha yearwood has been
booked with leno for months.

How can Helen get away
with this crap ?

I'm not going to take it !

Get me Robert hilburn
at the L.A. times.

Brace yourself,
Warren.

Ken kragen has gone
public about Helen.

Holy hell is
breaking loose.

This is it !

Even Jay can see,

she's totally
out of control.

Independent verification.

Helen has one option.

She accepts this
redefinition of duties

or she's off the show.

( Helen )
"can't book guests"...

I don't do that already,
we have bookers for that.

"Can't cancel guests"...

I've never
canceled a guest,

no matter what the fuckin'
L.A. times says.

"Cannot talk to the media",
well, that's a relief.

Who needs that ?

This is no redefinition
of my duties.

It's what I've been
doin' all along.

If you sign this,

we'll hold your feet
to the flame on every issue.

When they put John sununu
out of the white house,

everything fell apart.

( Helen )
you guys want me to prove
i can be a good little girl.

Would any of this be pulled
with a male executive producer ?

Bullshit !

Well, okay, I can be
a good little girl.

Who the fuck are you
to tell me what to do ?

Try to control
yourself, Helen.

Stop fucking
with me, Warren.

I know what you're up to.

You've made a mess
of prime time.

You know you can't measure up
to the job Brandon did !

So this is all you can do
to try to save your own ass

is to come after me.

Hey Warren, did you
know they're talking to

Don ohlmeyer
for your job ?

And kerry mccluggage ?

So go fuck yourself,
Warren.

I mean, you've had a lot
of practice at that, right ?

Helen !

She'll never make
it as a diplomat.

If you love her,
get her out of here.

She needs help, Jay.
We all need help, Warren.

The numbers are still good,
isn't that what's important ?

It doesn't
matter.

You're approaching disaster.

Helen has
pushed too far.

The whole town is
rising up against her.

It's not as easy
as you think.

Helen made all this
happen for me.

You know what I was doin'
before I met Helen,

I was workin'
in strip clubs !

I wasn't gonna be on
any television show.

An agent once told me
i had a face

that would scare
small children.

I'm the host of
the tonight show.

Helen kushnick
got it for me.

And she could
lose it for you, too.

Great !

17 years you know
is an awful long...

Her son died of aids,
you know.

The hospital gave him a bad
transfusion, a 3-year-old baby !

That was a
terrible tragedy, Jay...

Her husband got
colon cancer,

he died a
year after that..

She had a mastectomy...

Jerry kushnick
on his deathbed,

on his deathbed, he asked me
to take care of her.

I recognize you have
intense feelings about this.

You have every reason to
feel loyalty to Helen.

But we're past that.

Now, I was a psychology
major in college,

and what John and i
are doing with you now,

we would have to
call an intervention.

What you see as loyalty to
a woman who has suffered deeply,

we see as a form
of addition.

She cannot continue to
produce a television show

in this
condition.

Helen is either gonna
take you down,

or you are going
to separate from her.

But she is not
going to take me down.

She is fired.

If we have to
we'll bar her from the lot.

What if I were to
walk out with her ?

If you can't
separate from Helen,
that's a big mistake.

I regret it, but we
have choices to make.

And the choice I have to make
is to tell David letterman

that it's time to take
over the tonight show.

I suspect Peter lassally
and David, could be in Burbank

on 24 hours notice.

You guys would
do that to me ?

I will absolutely do that,
that's how strongly we feel.

I need a commitment
from you Jay.

Will you be
at work tomorrow ?

Is what you're saying is
that if I don't come to work,

I'm gonna be fired.

I'm not saying
that exactly.

But is that what you mean,

I'm gonna be fired if
i don't show up for work ?

Jay, are you looking for
some legal justification

for breaking with Helen ?

It's a simple question
just tell me.

If I don't come
to work tomorrow,

are you gonna
fire me ?

Yes, I guess
we're saying that.

You guys can
let yourselves out.

Agoglia handed this to me
when I came in.

They're
firing me.

I told him you'd
never stand for this.

What do you want me
to do about it, Helen ?

Issue a statement
backing me.

Then we just go on
with the show.

Just like that ?

Aren't you still fired ?
not if you don't accept it.

They'll never
let you go.

All you have to do is
threaten to quit.

They'll cave,
they've got no balls.

You know what
they told me ?

They told me they were gonna
fire me and bring in David.

Bullshit !

These guys
hate letterman.

All we gotta do is
stay strong, honey.

Everything is all
out of control now.

Hold it, don't you
give me this shit too. Not you.

Who do you think pulled you out
of those shit-hole clubs ?

Who got you on television,
on letterman ?

I remember.

You, who wasn't blonde,
who wasn't from the midwest.

15 years ago,
this town, the Carson people,

they wouldn't let you
play on their field !

So I had to
move the game.

Sorry, assholes,
the game's over here now.

I moved the game !

Who the hell do you
think forced Carson out

so you could get the best
fucking job in comedy ?

Forced Carson out,
Johnny quit !

Sure he quit ! because he
couldn't take the heat anymore.

I got the affiliates
on your side.

I got the network to
kiss your Italian ass.

I got page one of the
fucking New York post

to bury that fossil
Carson, all for you !

What do you mean you got
page one of the post ?

You told me we didn't have
anything to do with that story.

For chrissake,
grow up.

You lied to me ?

We've always
played the same game.

You never want to know
what I'm doing for you,

so you can be
Mr. nice guy.

"Booking war,
what do I know ?

Helen handles that,
i do the jokes."

You just want me to
keep servin' you the steaks,

you never wanna know how
I'm slaughtering the cow.

I can't believe
you lied to me.

We needed the story,
it helped us.

I did it for you !

I called Johnny.

And I told him it
didn't come from us.

Because you told me
that it didn't come from us.

I can't believe you had me
lie to Johnny Carson.

Big fucking deal,
so go to fucking confession !

I got a show
to do, Helen.

( Helen )
godammit !

What are
you doin' ?

Jay, honey, let's
get this ironed out.

We can work something
out with nbc.

No Helen, they want you out.
So do I.

What about taking care
of me and my kid ?

You sat there on
Jerry's deathbed,

you said, "I'll take care of
your wife and daughter."

I heard you say that !

I did say that,
and I meant it then.

But now, Helen, you
almost cost me this job.

You don't need this job,
I've been on the phone.

I guarantee us a job,
25 million.

We can walk
out of here.

Good-bye,
Helen.

Don't you leave me,
you two-faced bastard !

What do you
want to do ?

You wanna break this ?
you wanna break this !!

It's broken.

( Female )
Warren littlefield's
office.

Yeah it's Jay,
is he in ?

Sure.

Yeah Warren,

you gotta help me
through this.

Absolutely.

You gotta help me,
I'm moving forward with you.

I'm doin' the show.

She's no longer
the executive producer.

I'm no longer in business
with Helen kushnick.

I had a
wonderful time !

( Applause and cheers )

( Jay )
can you guys come
in here please ?

Hey everybody,
come on in here.

I just have a few things
i wanna say to everybody.

It'll just take
a few minutes, okay ?

Great show tonight...

So I wanted to take
a few minutes to,

apologize for all the craziness
that's been goin' on

around here,
the past few months.

I listened to Helen
and it was a mistake,

and I shouldn't
have done it,

and I'm sorry for it.

So please
stay with me,

I'm gonna try and make it up
to each and every one of you,

and let's just keep doin'
the best shows that we can do !

So to you,
i thank you very much.

Thank you
so much.

Way to go, Jay !

We're behind you !

( Letterman )
what a place !

Oh my god, there's
more fruit in here !

Is it scurvy, Mike,
can you see it on my skin ?!

Pete, have a seat and
take that silly rug off !

Morty, for god's sakes,
straighten your tie,

this isn't a tractor pull !

Alright, here we go !

( Mike )
these are summaries of all the
offers David has on the table.

They're all in the same range--
12 to 14 million a year,

depending on how well you do.

We also have a couple of those
oversized syndication offers,

like the 50 million
from viacom...

Syndication gives
me the willies !

He wants a network.

Abc passed because
we wouldn't accept
midnight after "nightline".

Fox is...

Fox is fox, 3/4 of
a network, at best.

So, that leaves us
with CBS.

Suddenly our
options are narrowed.

The good news, David, is that
CBS really has stepped up.

They're offering
you 12.5,

but that will escalate
as your demographics improve.

What did they say
about the clearance issue ?

Nbc's is putting
the tonight show, on what,

99% of affiliates...

We're only get about 65%
of the affiliates in year one.

Howard stringer promises
they'll get it up to 90%

by the end of year three,
at the very, very latest.

In spite of these
limitations, Dave,

I think that stringer is an
extremely competent executive.

And if you go to CBS,
there is no doubt,

you will become their
number one signature star.

I can't put a
price tag on that.

There is one problem that
we now have to deal with.

And that is that nbc
still has the right,

to match this offer
within 30 days.

So nbc matches the offer,
I'm stuck at 12:30,

for the rest
of my life !

Not necessarily...

We've come up
with something extra.

The CBS deal has
a penalty clause.

CBS agrees to
give you a show,

that airs before
midnight eastern time,

or they owe you
50 million.

50 million !

That's no penalty,
that's capital punishment.

It's not even
gonna faze CBS

because they're giving
you 11:30 anyway.

But it's going to
make nbc choke.

Cool !

It's c.A.A.'S
formal recommendation

that you accept the CBS offer,
and so inform nbc.

Congratulations, Dave.

Taxi !
where are you goin' ?

I got a date
downtown.

Really, another one,
who's left ?

David.

You know there's still one
promise ovitz hasn't kept.

Maybe nbc's happy
with what they got.

If nbc were to offer
you the tonight show,

would you still
accept it ?

We've had this conversation,
of course I would,

I want that show,

I just wanted to hear
you say it again.

Where are you goin' ?

Pete ?

David.

Bob Wright is
here to see you.

Here ?
um-hmm.

Hello, David !

Hey Bob,
how are ya' ?

It's good to see ya',
thanks for comin' down.

Pete, why don't
you come on...

I'm sorry, I have things
to do down the hall.

Thanks, Peter.
You bet, Bob.

Hey Bob, thanks
for comin' down.

Thank you for
having me.

Make yourself
at home.

You like that ?

You want one,
there you go.

Thank you.
You own it.

David...

I really
don't want you

to leave your family
here, at nbc.

I'm here because I want
desperately to prevent that.

I wanna offer
anything I can.

Is there anything I can offer
to get you to stay ?

Those are warm
sentiments, Bob.

Thank you.

Well, of course
you know I would stay.

But you've already
filled your 11:30 slot.

I can offer almost
anything else.

Prime-time,
specials...

I know, Bob...

It's just,
prime-time,

I'm a creature
of late night.

I always have been and
that's who my audience is.

The guys on the
west coast say

you may have trouble
adjusting to 11:30.

Alright, listen,

those guys are entitled
to their opinion, but,

I'm tellin' you I think
that they're wrong.

I think that
i am ready,

and I've given
a lot of thought

to what it will take
to shift to an 11:30 position.

I know it's a
different audience.

And if that means booking
different types of guests,

or country music mixed
in with the rock.

Whatever it takes.

And I can also
temper my own act.

I'm a professional,
i know how to do that.

I have no doubt
that you can.

And I see that you have
given this a lot of thought.

I have, but,
all the same,

I just have to tell ya',
that it's time.

I gotta move up.

And if I don't do it now,

I'm not ever
gonna do it.

It's time to move.

John,

have you heard anything
new from ovitz ?

Nothing new,
nothing old,

lots of nothing.

What's Wright saying ?

He says he's waitin'
to hear from ovitz.

He's leaning
towards letterman.

I told Jay, west coast
is behind him,

but I can't speak
for New York.

You're worried
about boca ?

Once again,
Jay and Dave

are in competition
with one another.

New York likes Dave so much
they don't wanna let him go.

I like Dave,
he's my friend,

I love this show,

I'm not asking them
to not like Dave !

Why does it have to be
either or ?

These network guys,
they can't make up their mind.

They think they can
just flip a coin,

Dave or Jay, Jay or Dave,
it doesn't matter to them.

Do you think that's
what the meeting's about ?

Choosing between
you and Dave ?

I don't care what
the meeting's about,

I've given them everything
they've asked for.

I've given them the demo's,
I've given them the numbers...

If I'm the one goin' down,

I'm goin' down
swingin !

Hey, where's
Rick ludwin ?

He left to be in on that
conference call from boca.

Guess what that's
gonna be about ?

Hey, everybody, I'm gonna cut
the post-mortem short tonight.

It was a great
show, really.

I'll talk to you
tomorrow.

And I'll see you
at the house later.

Alright ?
okay, thanks.

( Voices )
are you reading us okay,
can you hear us ?

Yeah, I hear
you all fine.

You settled in ?

You order
the pizza yet ?

Thanks for joining us, Rick.

We're here to discuss and
figure out everybody's opinion

on what we should do
about late night.

I think this should have
been settled long before now.

Jay has the job, he's doing
great he has a great attitude.

Whoa,
wait a minute.

I thought we were
talk this thing out.

Not do self-serving
commercials.

If you want the executive
producer job that bad, Rick,

kiss Jay's ass
in private, okay ?.

We all see
the job Jay is doing.

His selection of
musical acts,

unoriginal comedy
past the monologue.

And his piss-poor
interviewing.

Which, by the way,

looks like it will
never get any better .

Let's talk about what we
think it would really cost us,

to match CBS's offer,
for letterman.

And on the other hand,

and if leno quits
to go to CBS,

are we out from under
the 10 million we owe him

if we fired him ?

Warren, I've got some
seris concerns here,

and I don't think you can
just throw off Jay...

Jack, it's very good
of you to come so late.

Please sit.

And keep talking,
everybody.

I'm just here to listen.

Sorry it's so warm,
the air conditioning went out.

Warren, why
don't you continue.

My fear is that
letterman won't cooperate.

It's not in his personality,
he'll stiff us.

Remember, this is the guy
who kicks nbc executives

out of his
anniversary parties.

Excuse me for a minute...

There's still a serious
question that his act

can play an hour
earlier.

A lot of us
think it won't.

And don't forget.

With leno, we own
the show again.

Letterman wants to
own his show.

Then he has all the
ancillary profits.

May I say
something here ?

Jack, please,
of course.

I'm not a regular
late night viewer,

so I would never
presume to make a call

about who's
the best comedian.

All I want to say is this--

as always I'm for whatever
is the best business deal.

That's for you Bob and
your people to determine.

However, if the decision comes
down to a tie on all angles,

I'd cast my vote
for loyalty.

Goodnight.

Goodnight Jack, thanks
very much for dropping by.

We'll meet again
tomorrow...

Hey Warren,
it's Jay.

How ya' doin' ?

Hey, I know you're
probably all tired

from sittin'
through those boring
g.E. Meetings all morning.

I bet I caught you just
as you were about to sit down,

on the toilet.

That was quite a meeting
you had last night.

I hope g.E. Protects it's
nuclear secrets better

than they protect their
late night secrets !

I thought it was too bad
to hear that dick ebersol

was no Jay leno fan.

Although it was good
to know that

Jack Welch was is
in favor of loyalty.

As long as it came down
to a "tie on all angles"

holy shit, Jay !

How the hell do you get
your information ?

Well, I may look stupid,
but you know, I'm Italian.

I know how to
find information.

Listen Jay, don't tell
anybody about this.

Warren, you don't
have to worry,

your secrets are
safe with me.

I won't break
the g.E. Code.

Have a wonderful time in
beautiful sunny Florida !

Betty,

we have a security leak
of enormous proportions.

Paul schaffer,
ladies and gentlemen.

Well, that sucked !

Let's see how bad we can
write tomorrow's.

John, you have some
top ten...

The top ten reasons
sinead o'Connor hates the pope.

No, no,
no can do.

We got a memo from nbc.

Standards and practices
is rip-shit over tearing

the pope in half on
Saturday night live.

I don't care...

No sinead o'Connor
jokes, Dave !

And now nbc's telling us what
jokes we can and can't do ?!

Something in that survey
"tasty hot meal" on my desk ?!

Ah fuck.

Alright, the top ten jokes
that nbc won't let us do.

Peter liked it,
Peter liked that joke.

Laurie, you like
that joke ?

Yeah.

Mike ovitz
is on line one.

Alright, fellas, let's go,
i gotta take this call.

Come on, it's adult swim,
get outta here.

Don't come back
until it's funny.

You guys wanna hear this ?

Oh yeah.

Alright,
you ready ?

Hi ya' Mike,
how are ya' ?

Dave, one hour ago Bob Wright
conveyed to us an offer

for you to host
the tonight show.

Don't jump
to any conclusions.

Let me lay
all this out.

The deal is for three years
with an option.

The salary range is
7 to 12 million.

Here's the wrinkle--

the deal does not commence
until may of 1994.

18 months from now.

What's all that about ?

It's rather transparently
nbc's attempt

to keep both you and leno,
at least for a while.

The may date,
as I understand it,

coincides with the end
of leno's contract

as the host of
the tonight show.

But I get the show ?
yes.

I just don't get it now ?
no.

I get it a year from may ?
yes.

And they don't
force Jay out ?

No, unless he quits,
which I assume he might.

Maybe that's what
they want him to do.

Jay's gonna quit ?

Not a chance !

Jesus, can you believe this ?

Let me point out
a few more things--

CBS is offering
more salary,

CBS is offering
ownership.

CBS is also offering for
the show to start in the fall,

nbc the following
spring... maybe.

What's that,
what's maybe ?

I mean that the deal
is obviously very smoky
in many details.

But I get the show, right ?

No, not necessarily, David.

The waiting period gives Jay 18
months to make the show a hit.

If he does, nbc will find a way
to weasel out of the deal.

Honestly, c.A.A. Sees no reason
to change it's recommendation.

Mike, listen.

You don't understand,

it's every driver's dream
to drive a Ferrari.

You're asking me
to give that up.

I can probably
buy some time.

The nbc deadline is Monday.

I could get agoglia in here
on Saturday and Sunday

and have him start
drawing up papers.

Yes, get agoglia
in there !

I'm not gonna
be the only guy

who's weekend is
ruined by this.

Have agoglia drag
his tired ass to c.A.A.,

while I'm up in
Connecticut in hell

trying to figure out what
I'm going to do with my life !

Dave ?

Dave !
what ?!

Hello, David.

Hi ya, Pete !

Welcome to my
weekend in hell !

No movement since Friday ?

And agoglia's not puttin'
anything in writing.

Ovitz says nbc
can't take the risk

that it would leak.

And Jay would figure out
they've offered his job to me.

Can you imagine if the press
heard about this ?

Do you think
Jay knows ?

No,
how can he ?

But it's worth thinking
what it will mean to Jay

if you take this.

It means you'll be
denounced in the press

for shoving an
old friend under a train.

Jeez, that's horrible.

I can't worry
about that.

Have you talked
to anyone else ?

Yeah, I've talked
to everybody.

I've talked to hal,
morty, Rob, Jude...

And what do they say ?

They all said the same thing,
it's a shitty deal.

CBS offered
a better one.

I tell ya', Pete,

I'm still thinking
of taking it.

I want that show.
What show ?

I deserve that show !
Johnny's show ?

Don't you
get it, David ?

They're not offering you the
"Johnny Carson tonight show".

That is
gone forever.

They're offering you
damaged goods.

They're offering you
the Jay leno show.

And they're not even
offering it now.

They're making you wait.

I lost that show once,
I'm not gonna do it again.

I just can't say no.

Then don't say yes yet,
make one more call.

Why are you
doing this to me ?

Don't you understand,
i don't care !

I cannot lose
the tonight show twice.

Once to Jay leno...

And once because I was too dumb
to take a second chance.

They're offering me
a second chance, Pete !

David, you don't
understand.

I am the guy that moved
heaven and earth

to get you
that second chance.

And I'm tellin' you,
it's not right.

It's left-overs,
it's shoddy.

Call the one guy
in all the world

who can help you
figure this out.

( Phone ringing )

Hello.

Uh, Johnny,
it's Dave.

I hate to bother you on
a Sunday, like this but...

I know why you're
calling, Dave.

Peter filled me in
on the nbc offer.

Listen, I just hate to put you
on the spot like this.

But you may be
the only guy

who really understands
this sort of thing.

What do you think ?

I think you gotta do
what's best for your career.

I mean, do what's
in your heart.

Johnny, it's just
those two things

seem to be
in direct conflict.

It's just so tough !

I just have to ask you
straight out, Johnny.

What would you do ?

Well, Dave, I would
probably walk.

Now, I'm not telling you
to do that.

But if you're asking me
what I would do

if I was treated
like this, yeah,

I would probably walk.

Yeah, I imagine
you would, Johnny.

Listen, I really
appreciate this.

It's just awfully
nice of you.

Thanks.

Good luck, Dave.

Everyone here wants to know
what's going on in late night.

And the answer is--

the host of the tonight show
will continue to be Jay leno !

( Applause )

( Motorcycle starts )

How ya'll doin' ?

Don't let these nbc guys
out of your sight !

Oh, hi ya', Warren.

Welcome to nbc,

which stands for--
never believe your contract !

( Laughter )

They say we're living in
a time of lowered expectations.

They must be right,
because look at this.

You're all here
and I have the job.

What we're celebrating is
that I haven't been fired !

Okay, let's go.

It's our turn, now.

( Honking )

Hold it.

Gentlemen, we're just
going from one bizarre
circumstance to the next.

( Dave )
i never dated Amy Fisher !

I helped her with her homework
i fixed her car,

and that's it ! thank you, and
goodnight.

What about Paul shaffer,
is he coming along ?

Paul who ?

Oh, Paul shaffer !

Oh no, god,
we forgot about Paul !

Howard, is there just

a little bit left over
for Paul shaffer ?

Dave, are you gonna
kick Jay leno's ass ?

I'm gonna kick
your ass, buddy !

( Female )
is your comedy too "hip"
for 11:30 ?

Well, you people seem
to be keeping up.

Do you realize what
we've got riding on Jay leno ?

A whole lotta money
and my ass.

Dave's really good.

I hope we haven't
made a mistake.

* there's no business
like show business *

* like no business
i know *

* all made up and soon
you'll be appearing *

* every bit of nervousness
is gone *

* and the sound that's
music to your hearing *

* to hear them cheering
when you come on *

* there's no people
like show people *

* they smile
when they are low *

* how I wish the folks at home
could only see *

* what's come to Annie,
how proud they'd be *

* gettin' paid for doin'
what comes naturally *

* lets' go
on with the... *

* show

( "say hello say good-bye"
instrumental )