All language subtitles for Silicon.Valley.S05E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10-eng

Jian-Yang, are--
are you copying

all those companies
for the Chinese markets?

-Oh, no.
♪

RICHARD HENDRICKS:
Are you suggesting that

someone in here is leaking info
to Gavin Belson?

Tell me about these... fridges.

It's a company secret.

Do you want to save a fortune,
or not?

Well, yes.

In exchange, I need you to do
something for me,

with regard to the people
who hacked your refrigerators.

I'm going to destroy
their lives.

Jared, do you think it's...
time we hire a COO?

You're 20-30 pounds underweight.

Don't worry about him.

We're gonna find you
a much better COO.

You want the job?

-All right-- Ugh. All right.

Okay, everybody, um,
thanks for coming.

Uh, sorry about the venue.

We had a minor
security issue.

I didn't feel comfortable

hosting you guys
at-- at our offices.

But, hey, at least out here,

we don't run the risk

of running into anyone
from the tech industry.

Yeah, they're all so old.

But they look so happy.
Yeah.

Richard:
It's weird.

I don't
understand it either.

Anyway, I wanted
you guys to meet,

because despite
being a very diverse

and talented group of
young web developers--

Goodscape, huh?
Social coding platform.

Tholio, analytics firm.

Plucky, music streaming.

FirstSight, dating site.

Gay dating site.

Okay, technically,
you're a dating site,

but specifically, a gay one.

Which is a subset,
so I'm not wrong.

Anyway, uh, despite
all our differences,

we all have one thing
in common, right?

A signed agreement with me

to build and launch
your websites,

not on the tired,
bloated, old web,

but on the new
Internet of the future.

The Pipernet.

Which is why,
from this day forward,

I'm going to be naming
the eight of you...

the OctoPipers.

Until something better, TBD.

So when can
we tell people?

Soon! Actually, very soon.

Uh, next Tuesday,
Gavin Belson is, uh...

launching his Box Three.

So, um, the day before,

we are going to announce
our partnerships with you all,

and beat him to the punch.

Shit. He's gonna be
super pissed.

Man:
He's really gonna
come after us.

Yeah, he is,
but fuck him.

Not butt fuck him.

Just...
You don't have to explain

that kinda stuff.
I-I know what you mean.

Yeah, I know. Look-- look.

As long as we stick together,

and support each other,
we can crush him.

Because what we are doing
is amazing, okay?

We are building the world's
first truly open,

truly free
de-centralized Internet.

And I tell you what,
I got a sneak preview
for you guys, okay?

Because as of this morning,

messaging is live.
What!

Cool.
Yeah.

Really? So cool!

So...

right now,
I will send to you all

the very first message

ever to be sent
on a de-centralized,
peer-to-peer Internet.

Ready?

"Hit her."

I don't get it.
Are you talking about me?

I meant to say "Hi there."

Well, it definitely
says "Hit her."

I'll try it again.
There's a new one.

There. "Hi there."

"Hi there, Hitler."

Goddammit.

Hey, Richard?

You don't have
any issue with us

being an exclusively
gay site, do you?

What? No!

No, it's--
it's totally cool.

Oh! Wait a minute, no,
I don't mean you are anti-gay.

I mean the opposite.
Like, are you worried

that we're excluding
straight people?

Oh.
I just remember you said,

you want your new Internet
to be open for everybody,

and, you know, I just want
to make sure we're jibing
with your vision.

Deedee, we are psyched
to have you aboard.

Exclude all the straight
people you want.

You sure?
Yep.

Because we're not
snobs about it.

I mean, between you and me,

I'm dreadfully boring.

I might as well
be straight myself.

I've been
with the same man
for seven years.

I go to church every Sunday.

Look, it-- it's all good.

FirstSight
is a gay dating site.

And-- and I will sing it
from the rooftops.

Alright, well,
thank you, Richard.

I think this is
gonna be great.

Cool.

Yeah.
Okay.

Don't be weird.
I didn't know
what we'd be doing.

♪ ♪

Richard:
So...

everybody is very psyched.

You know who else is psyched?
I'll give you a hint.

They have four thumbs,
and they are these two guys.

I am very excited.
I am giddy!

Okay, what--
what happened?

We found the mole.

What?
Yeah.

Who

Good old-fashioned
police work.

I skimmed through all 40,000
of the staff's outgoing emails.

Yeah?
And in addition to learning

that we need to revise
the office dating policy,

because it is, essentially,
the Olympic Village out there,

I learned that
someone has been sending

a number of
encrypted messages

but using Gilfoyle's
purloined NSA tools--

I can't hold this smile
forever, Jared.
Get to the good stuff.

One of our coders
has been sending info

straight to
Hooli High Command.

Richard:
Wow.

How the fuck did the mole
get all this information?

By exploiting our most
glaring weakness.

♪ You were working
as a waitress ♪

♪ In a cocktail bar ♪

♪ When I met Jeff ♪

No, no, no.
You guys have it all wrong.

Okay? There's no way
Jeff is the mole.

Okay? It's not Jeff.

Right, Jeff?

Jeff?

What about
Dave & Buster's, Jeff?

What about that time
I got a bullseye in Skee-Ball

and yelled out, "Bazinga!"

And you said, "Okay."

You can't fake
enthusiasm like that.

Well, I did.

Jared:
You Judas.

You cow-handed
poltroon!

We-- We thought
you were a Stallion!

You're no Stallion.

What is it with you guys
and stallions?

What's with you
being a rat fuck?

You signed a very aggressive
Non-Disclosure Agreement...

which you are
in breach of.

Which means, we can
fire you, obviously,

and then have you arrested,
and thrown in jail.

But Gavin would then
know we are on to you,

so here's the deal.

You're gonna come
into the office every day,

and sit down at your
fucking workstation,

and pretend like
nothing's wrong.

Fine.

Uh, that was mine.

Bummer.

"The irony is, the Internet,
which we all use

"to search for
billions of things,

"has itself long been
searching for something.

And here it is."

Okay, then I turn
and gesture.

"The Box Three.

Signature Edition."

Then I come back
to the podium.

"I put my name on this,

"because I personally
stand behind

"the new SAS-slash
SSD-slash-NVMe
drive bays,

"the 24-core processors.

"I stand behind the ECC DDR4
SD-RAM LR-DIMMs

"and their exceptional
reliability.

Will you stand with me?"

About the spotlight,
should it be wider?

I had the same thought.
As did I.

I can speak with
the technical team.
Please.

Any word from our mole
at Pied Piper?

I'm confident that if there
were anything to report,

we'd have heard
about it by now, sir.

Alright!

I'm off to Jackson Hole
for a couple of days
to clear my mind,

and center myself.

I'll be off the grid.
Not to be disturbed
for any reason.

Understood?
Scott: Absolutely.

Is there anything else
you'd like us to take care of?
Oh.

The bear is sticky
with honey.

See ya soon.

"The bear is sticky
with honey."

What does
he mean by that?

I don't know.

Hello, Stallions.

You continue to be
the best of the best.

I commend you.

And then there's you.

The anti-Stallion.

Move your hand off
your fucking mouse, now.

And I was going to take you
to see BattleBots live with me,

but no longer... "friend."

Now who looks stupid?

♪ ♪

Yeah, so, um...

our new developers
just agreed to our terms,

Richard :
and are now
officially on board.

Richard is a master
at getting consent.

That's great news, guys.

Eight new partners.

Yeah! Actually,
we're calling them
the OctoPipers.

Uh, until a better name
comes along.

Just wanted to give
that one its day in court.

Well, we have some more
good news for you, Richard.

You remember last year,

Laurie and I funded
K

Largest independent
gaming company
in the Valley?

Uh, yeah, of course!

Um, actually, now that
you-- you bring them up,

I-I didn't want to
be too forward,

but I was hoping
that one day,

we could talk to them
about joining our 'net.

Well, what if I told you
that day is today?

What?

In addition to being
business associates,

the CEO and I take
medically prescribed

and supervised
MDMA together.

I'm taking it for severe
post-partum depression.

I do not know
why he is taking it.

Regardless, when
I saw him yesterday,

he was quite euphoric
about speaking to you
regarding a deal.

K
The creators of the game

"Undead Sex Offender"?
They're-- they're huge.

Yeah! Yeah, partnering
with a company
of that size this early

would put us months ahead.

This is not a done deal.

K-Hole is protective
of its brand.

They will want
to speak to you

regarding who else
you are dealing with.

Okay, right, well, um...

why don't I just
bring the OctoPipers?

New name to come,
though it's pretty
popular around here.

Uh, they can talk to K-Hole.

Tell them why they joined.

Allowing you to speak less?

Good strategy. Alright.

K-Hole will be
expecting you
this afternoon.

Knock 'em dead, Richard.

Whatever you are doing,
stop it now.

Um, yeah.
We're just... high-fiving.

Bye.

K-Hole.
I can't believe it!

I'm bursting. I'm bursting!

Um, here, I printed
driving directions.

Oh, it's okay,
I got my phone.

Well, I have marked available
bathrooms along the route.

Okay, here we go.

Richard, you never
return my calls.

You mean the hundreds
of voicemails you've left

where you just called me
a terrible CEO with no dick?

Yes! You're talking
to other companies.

That is not
public information.

Jian-Yang:
I'm a part owner
in Pied Piper.

You need to make a deal
with my companies.

You mean your incubator's
spurious knock-offs

of legitimate
American businesses?

"New Expedia,"
"New Snapchat,"
"New Zillow"?

But they're for Chinese market.

It's a very
sophisticated strategy.

Okay, look, taking
existing companies

and just calling them "new"
isn't sophisticated.
That's theft.

You make a new Internet.

That is different.

I-- Look, we're not
gonna make any deals

with any of your
companies, okay?

Don't pick up.

Richard, hello.

It's Jian-Yang.

You are a shitty CEO.

As long as I own
10% of Pied Piper,

I will make chaos.

Okay.

I thought
you hated that car.

Aviato car smells
like a dead pig.

You're aware
that Russ Hanneman
urinated in that car, no?

This car?

Mm-hmm.

Uh...

are you just
gonna leave it here?
Yes.

Well...

looks like I have
a reason to find

Pied Piper's official
towing company.

I'm gonna get some bids.

Yeah, while you're at it,

see if you can find someone
to bash that guy's face in.

Uh, I-I can do
some research.

Maybe turn your phone off
during the meeting.

You're a shitty CEO!

Richard:
Thanks again, Colin,
for having us.

Uh, the fact that
a company like yours

with such a
pristine reputation
it sitting down with us

is, honestly,
incredibly flattering.

It's cool.

Ooh, wow.

That'll be a
closed casket. Yeah.

Alright, well,
we thought the best way

to introduce the Pipernet

would be through
the eight developers

that have already
signed on.

Who we are calling
the OctoPipers.

That's dumb.

Um, anyway,
let's introduce you
to the group.

Um, we've got a great
analytics tool

by a former Google guru.

Wish I'd have thought
of that one.
Cool.

Uh, music streaming
with an AI taste predictor

that is off the charts.

Good space.

Yes, and this handsome
devil over here,

is creating a very promising
gay dating site.

That's cool.
Yeah, but don't worry,
he's not snobby about it.

He's actually
pretty boring.

I don't mean
that as an insult.
Those are his words.

Long-term relationship.
Doesn't smoke, doesn't drink.

And him and his man
go to church every Sunday.

So...

loves Bible studies, right?

Just a straight-up
boring, ordinary guy,

but obviously not straight.

Very gay, and also
a Christian, right?

Richard:
Okay, so, that went well.

It started out a little weird,
but things really picked up--
Why did you do that?

Why did you say that?
Say what?

Richard, you just told
a room full of tech people

that I'm a
Christian.

Oh.

Okay, but--
but you are, aren't you?

Yes, but I told you
that in confidence.

I said "between you and me."

I'm not openly Christian.

Thanks a lot, man.

You just outed me.

Oh, I'm sorry, Deedee.
I didn't--

Okay, um,
should we hug?

I can not make it
weird this time.

I'm-- I'm sorry, Richard.

You know that
my default position

is blind support
of whatever you do, but...

this was not
your best moment.

Guys, it can't be
that big of a deal, right?

Why should it be?

America loves Christians.

Muslims are the enemy.

Well, that's true
in most of America,

but not in
Silicon Valley, sadly.

"Sadly"?
You can be openly
polyamorous.

And people here
will call you brave.

You can put micro-doses
of LSD in your cereal,

and-- and people
will call you a pioneer.

But the one thing
you cannot be
is a Christian.

I find their theology
to be illegitimate,

and it's clear that
they are the source

of the majority of
the world's problems.

But, fuck, Richard,
even I wouldn't just...

out a Christian like that.

Yeah, it was
kinda fucked up.

Cool man, thanks.

Hey, I thought he wasn't
supposed to chime in.

Yeah, he's not, but...

based on its merits,
I'll allow that one.

Guys,
come on.

It can't be that bad.

Richard!

What the fuck
did you do over there?

So I just got off
the phone with Colin
over at K-Hole,

and while he loves your tech,

he's considering
blowing up the deal.

What?

Just because one of
my CEOs is Christian?

It freaks people out
in the Valley!

Okay, so what do you
want me to do, Monica?

You want me to drop Deedee
just because he's Christian?

The company's not Christian.
It's gay...

which is fine, right?

Yeah! No, that--
that plays great.

Look, cutting all ties
to Deedee and FirstSight

will definitely send
a strong message to Colin.

And it might be
the only way.

Like killing somebody
to prove you're not a narc,

or showing a john
your genitals

to prove you're
a legitimate
male prostitute

and not an undercover cop.

What?
Because cops aren't
allowed to do that.

And worst case scenario,

the john walks off
with a free peek.

Oh, that's the
towing company.
Excuse me.

Forget it.

Monica, I'm not doing it.

I mean, I'm not dropping him.

Alright. Fine.

Fine. I-I will call Colin,

and try and smooth
things over for you,

but you need
to handle Deedee.

Okay, apologize
for outing him, of course,

but you need to make sure
he keeps quiet about this.

Alright, 'cause it's not just
about losing K-Hole,

it's way worse than that.

Let's put it this way.

Would you want to go
from being a rock band

to being...
a Christian rock band?

Oh, shit.

"The bear is sticky
with honey."

Those were
his exact words.

But what does that mean?

Well, Gavin speaks
in parables.

I think what
Gavin is saying is...

"consider the bear."

And all this pizazz
is like the honey.

And it's become too sticky.

There's too much of it.
It's all over him.

Incorrect. No, see,
the whole launch
is the bear,

and the honey is the pizazz.

The bear needs more pizazz.

The bear is ravenous
for pizazz.

You don't speak for Gavin.

I don't need to.
This is the word of Gavin.

Alright, forget it.

You do it your way,
I'll do it mine.
Okay, fine.

Gonna show you.
Make it clear for all of you.
Okay, follow me.

Jared:
Well, congratulations
on becoming

Pied Piper's official
towing company.

Uh-huh, yeah, great.

So should I bill this to you,

or is Mr. Bighetti
gonna take care of it?

"Bighetti"?
It's registered
under his name.

I'm sorry. Can I...?

♪ ♪

Richard:
Anyway, it was a mistake.

I'm sorry I outed you.

I just wish we could
go back to normal.

You know, just like,
how things were.

A CEO and a gay CEO.

I don't even know what
normal is anymore, Richard.

It's been such
a crazy 24 hours,
you know?

Gossip travels
so fast in the Valley.

I'll be lucky if my parents
ever talk to me again.

Your parents
aren't Christian?

I'm from Palo Alto.

You know, my dad says
my lifestyle makes him sick.

He just wants
his gay son back.

And he's okay
with the gay part?

He's gay.
Oh.

But the crazy part is,

when I finally got home
and I got in bed,

I had the soundest sleep
I've had in years.

Exhaustion.
No! Relief, Richard.

I'm out, okay?

My nightmare's over.

I don't ever have to go
back in the closet again,

and I've got you
to thank for it.

Check it out.

Oh, oh, oh.

You like it?

It's good. I guess...
maybe it's just a little busy?

Like, um, there's
one word too many.

One word?
Well, I like the gay part.

If anything,
it could be more gay.

You should gay it up,

and then, I like
the "proud" part.

It's just the...

Christian part.

Look, Richard,
this is great,

because now I can be
gay and a Christian.

Or just be gay!

You know, you could
be a-- a twink.

A bear, an otter.

A circuit queen,
a chub, a pup.

A gipster,
a daddy chaser,

a leatherman,
a lady boy.

You could be a Donald Duck,

which is a gay guy
who got kicked out
of the Navy.

Yeah, I-- I know what it is.

How do you know
so many gay things?

I worked with a guy.

Just...

don't be a Christian.

Wow.

After all you put me through,

it turns out,
you're biased too.

No! No, no, no!
I'm not!

I swear to you I'm not.
I'm chill AF.

It's just everybody else.

Look, if you go Christian,
I lose K-Hole games.

I cannot let that happen.
I know it sucks.

It's shitty,
but it's the truth.

I'm gonna make things
easy for you, Richard.

I'm out.

Of the closet?
No!

The new Internet!

The Internet you said
was gonna be

"The first truly free
and open Internet."

Open for everyone.

Whatever happened to that, huh?

♪ ♪

Nice place.

Oh, thanks, yeah.

Oh, wow!
That's a nice touch.

Big Head:
Yeah, thanks!

The Monterey Bay Aquarium
was testing their sonar,

and found this thing, like,
two miles under the ocean.

And I figure,
Erlich and I
already bought it,

so I might as well
hold onto it.

Plus, it weighs
like 8,000 pounds,

so I couldn't move it
if I wanted to.

Well, and it also kinda
works as your mascot.

Right

Oh, yeah, 'cause "Nelson."

Oh, I meant because
it's a big head.

I guess that works, too.

So, what's up, man?

Um, well,
I wanted to ask you--

Oh! Big Head!

Now I get it.

Sorry.
Is-- is it possible

that the general partnership
that you formed with Erlich

is still in effect?

Oh. No way.

You definitely dissolved it?

Yeah, my dad insisted.

I remember he filled out
this whole form for me,

and made me sign it,

mail it in and everything.

Yeah, 'cause I--
I remember I had
the paperwork in one hand,

and the menu for
Mr. Chow's in the other.

And then--

♪ ♪

Oh, no way!

Still have the paperwork.

Guess I must have
sent the menu.

Big Head,
this is great news.

Scott:
Gavin?

I think you're really going
to love the changes

that my team has made
to the presentation.

I think you might
like ours even better.

Sorry, what changes?

We are presenting two paths,

and you alone will decide
which one we walk, Gavin.

What the fuck are you
talking about?

I thought the presentation
was fine as it is.

Wait. What?
You did?

Goddammit!

Why is this still here?

I said it was too sticky.

Don't you listen
to anything I say?

The bear...
Sticky with honey.

So what did you change?

Uh, the spotlight.

Yes! We're making it
wider just like you asked.

Good.

You know what? Let's show you
to your dressing room.
Yeah.

And whenever
you're ready,
you let us know,

we'll show you
that spotlight, huh?

You're gonna love it.
Sarah: We did it!

We had to fly
him in from Tucson,
but we got the bear.

Gavin hates the bear.
You failed!

Put everything back
the way it was.

And widen the spotlight!

Guess what, asshole.

Leon told me
he wanted your ticket,

'cause he wants to go
see BattleBots with me.

But then he remembered
he actually had plans that night

with a bunch of people,
doesn't know what they're doing,

their plans are sort of fluid,

plus, it's like friends
from his old work,

so it'd be weird
if I hung out with them.

Anyway...

looks like you and I
are going to see BattleBots.

You're going to
hang out with me,

and have fun,
whether you like it or not.

And what goes best
with BattleBots?

That's right.
Chicken wings.

That's why you get
a sweet $50 gift card
to Dave & Buster's.

Serves you right
for fucking us over.

Wash your fucking hair.

And you know what happens
when I get drunk, Jeff?

I get so sincere.

It's really awkward.

Fuck you, Jeff.

Oh, um, can you drive?

♪ ♪

Well, I spoke to La Flamme,

and it's official.

Big Head is still legally
Erlich's next of kin.

So Jian-Yang's whole gambit
was for naught.

Wow, really?

Big Head owns Erlich's house,
and 10% of Pied Piper.

I called the sheriff
and started eviction
proceedings.

We're gonna get
everything back.

Oh, also, the, uh,
OctoPipers are arriving
for the meeting.

It's a good thing
that FirstSight
dropped out, right?

'Cause we're back down
to eight developers,

so you can keep that name.

Actually, uh, no, we can't.

Wait, what?

I'm glad this
worked out.
Yeah.

Thanks for
dropping FirstSight.

Jesus, my board would
have nailed me to a cross.

Well, I think we're just about
ready to get going here, uh...

Oh.
Hey!

Oh, good, there he is.
What's he doing here?

He is here because
I asked him to be.

I want him to be one
of our developers.

What? No!
Fuck that guy!

Hey, man, how's it goin'?

Richard.
Deedee.

Can I talk to you?
Yeah!

No, no, no.
Actually, look!

Look, guys, I...

I asked you to be
a part of this

because I thought you were
willing to take a chance

on my idea.

An entirely new Internet.

An Internet that is everything

the old Internet is supposed
to be, but isn't.

Truly free and truly open.

Well, I'm sorry, gang.

Truly open means
"open to everyone."

No matter how repugnant
their views are.

How ignorant or stupid,

or, to be honest,
totally fucking wrong.

And, look, who are we
to judge, right?

There's some people
out there that believe

that we're living in
a computer simulation.

Well, that is supported
by the evidence.

What?

Uh, it's basic
probability theory.

Right, uh, Richard, can I
talk to you for just a sec?
Yes, of course.

Uh, that's bullshit actually.

It's been disproven.

But why does that
even matter?

In a few years,
we'll all be working
for robots.

No, that's stupid.

The robots will be
working for us.

Robots?
Who gives a fuck
about robots?

It's the artificial
super intelligence
we should be worried about.

Exactly, and that's why
we have to stop it.

Stop it?
No, that's the us
I'm talking about.

We have to bring it
into existence.

Otherwise, it'll find out
who didn't believe in it,
and punish them.

Clark: Right.
Guys, I was wrong.

Um, Deedee is...

not in. He's actually
very much out.

So...

do-over on the whole speech.

Fuck that guy!

Christians suck!

And, uh,
here's a good
side effect though.

Uh, we all get to keep
the name OctoPipers.

You know what?
Why don't we just
take a quick five?

And then, we'll BRB,

and then, go teams.

So just-- let's have a--

What just happened?

Deedee's out?

Yeah, well, he said

that right after
he bailed on us,

he went out and made a deal
with our competitor.

But we don't have
any competitors.
Richard?

Richard:
Fuckin' Jian-Yang.

I'm gonna tear him
a new asshole.

It wasn't enough to do
New Snapchat or New Expedia,

he had to do
New Pied Piper too?

Where did
he get our code?

He was always stealing
snacks from the office.

He could've lifted it
from anywhere.

I guess that's what happened
to my lavender cheese.

Richard: Jian-Yang! Open up!

Gilfoyle:
What the fuck?

Why does every home
I've ever loved
get stripped?

Is that Erlich
in the bucket?

♪ ♪

Uh...

"Richard...

"Hello, I went to China
to do new new Internet.

"Thank you. Enjoy your house.

"I love you.

Jian-Yang."

I'm here with Pied Piper CEO
Richard Hendricks,

and newly minted COO Jared Dunn.

Tell me what your new internet
is,

and why Gavin Belson
should be afraid of it.

♪ ♪

HOOVER: Sir, I had no idea
they were this far along.

You must be furious.

That's the thing.

I'm not.

So, we're just giving
a random company

a bunch of free compute power
on our network?

Some company called Eklow.

BERTRAM GILFOYLE:
The AI company?

Follow me,
I'll introduce you to her.

Sorry

Fiona.

-Good morning.

♪

Yeah, sure. Yep.

♪ ♪