All language subtitles for Shameless.US.S06E05.HDTV.XviD-FUM[ettv]

You missed another episode of
Shameless, and now we got

to take valuable time out of our
show to tell you what the hell

you missed 'cause you were too
damn lazy to get up off

your fat asses
and watch the damn TV?

We're both consenting adults.

Separated by two decades,
a husband, and tenure.

[grunts]
What the fuck was that for?

Making me fall in love
with you.

- Hi, Aunt Fiona.
- Holy shit.

I forgot about the swastika.

- Hey, what's your name again?
- Ian.

When Caleb's not here, he's in
his sculpture studio.

You ever let anyone visit
your studio?

I would if anyone cared.

Frank Gallagher,
cancer concierge.

You got help with the kids?

I have a lead on potential
employment for you.

You're setting me up
with a dying woman's husband?

He'll need a shoulder
to lean on

and then to sleep on.

[scoffs]
I'm leaving.

Hi.
Sorry I'm late.

Yanis, what are you doing?

Hey, put that down
so we can work on

our extra strong friendship!
[yells]

- [yelling]
- Holy shit!

[exhales]

Eviction notice?
Are you kidding me?

The house is being sold
at auction.

I do have some savings
I could kick in.

No, no, no.
It's a Gallagher thing.

[Sean] You lose the house, it's
gonna be somebody else's thing.

- Hurry up.
- We're gonna lose it.

$130,000 right here.
What do you think?

- Last call.
- We're out.

Sold.
You got her.

$130,000.
Thank you.

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

♪ think of all
the luck you got ♪

♪ know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ you were beaming
once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ what is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

♪

♪ round up
the friends you got ♪

♪ know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ you were willing
once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ what is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

It's our crib.

- Not anymore.
- [Carl] Who says?

State of Illinois.

They can't just
take it from us.

I don't have time to explain
foreclosure law to you.

Those are the stairs where I
broke my arm for the first time.

Yeah, and the second.

Oh, and the fifth.

That table is where Liam
was born.

[Fiona] There's nothing
we can do.

[crashing]

Can you keep it down in there?

Copper pipes aren't gonna
take out themselves.

While Rome burns,
you eat waffles.

You gonna tear apart
the place piece by piece?

Scorched earth.

The preferred method of defeated
generals who refused to allow

their conquerors
the satisfaction.

Of taking a dump?

Copper's two bucks a pound.

Look, we don't have the luxury
to sit around and get weepy.

We need a place to live.

Let's see them try to
get Nick and I out.

We'll take positions up at
the upstairs windows with M16s.

Carl.

Throw Liam at the bottom of
the stairs with some grenades.

Think you can pull a pin
and throw it?

Strap Chuckie up
with some explosives

and throw him
off the roof.

Do any of that and they'll
try you as an adult.

That's big boy prison.

Look, the house is gone.

It's over.

We need to move on.

This is all cause of
the mud people.

What the fuck?

That's what my friends
in juvie said.

[laughs]

What?
What did I say?

Chuckie, if you want
to stay alive,

shut up and go to school.

[groans]

Where's Lip at?

He'd back me up on this.

I told him we didn't need him.

He needs to focus on school.

[both groaning
and moaning]

That's too much?

No. Don't you dare stop.

♪

[books clattering]

- [laughs]
- [laughing] Oh, my God.

[both laughing]

♪

George, Betsy, let's go!

I got 600 bags of fiberglass
coming today.

Hold on, I got another call.

Hey, Mark, I'll be on site
as soon as I can.

Are you fricking kidding me?

[toaster dings]

Oh, no, no, no.
I got it.

Jam or honey?

- Jam, thank you.
- [Debbie] Of course.

You got to eat before
you go to the hospital.

Uh, sandwiches, chips,
and carrots,

and Betsy, I put your cleats
in your backpack for soccer.

[Tyler] Hold on, let me check
the budget.

Okay.
[groans]

There's too many people
in this house.

No, we can't afford
two more laborers.

Come on.
Bus isn't gonna wait.

- All right, bye.
- Kisses.

Hey, no fights today, Georgie.

Hey, come here,
little one.

Bye, babies.

Hey, I'm serious, buddy.

[car horn honks]

Isn't Debbie great
with the kids?

We don't need the teen mom
every morning.

She's 18.

[door closes]

And it's only
a couple hours.

Um, I'll start cleaning
up the dishes,

and Betsy's sheets need washing.

She wet the bed again?

I'll start the laundry.

Don't you have school
or something?

Uh, not for a while,
so if you need any help,

I'm available, Mr. Wexler.

You're a nice girl, but keep
your resume handy.

This isn't gonna be
a long-term gig.

Of course.

Oh, no!

♪

[sighs]
I got to go.

♪

Well, looks like
an earthquake hit.

Hope we didn't tip off
the neighbors.

Don't be late for class.

You know, I'm not sure
I'm gonna be able to remember

where the room is after
so many blows to my skull.

You put "Atlas Shrugged"
on the top shelf?

Hardcover?

Aww, did Ayn Rand hurt
your poor little skull?

You know, I'm pretty sure
she gave me a contusion.

You should read it.

She's got some interesting
things to say.

Ah, no thanks.

Every Libertarian was born
on third base

and thinks he hit a triple.

All right.

What about Klimt then?

I got it for you.

Those paintings I mentioned.

Prepare to have
your mind blown.

I'll, uh, I'll check it out.

What?

No... nothing.

[chuckles]

♪

Theo's going out of town
for work.

♪

Keep me company tonight?

♪

Lord Jesus, thank you for
bringing us together

to study your word
and bask in your glory.

- Amen.
- [all] Amen.

Who else would like to show
the Lord his gratitude?

Right here, Carol.

[child exclaims]

Lord, please let
my baby girls grow up

to have wicked backhands
and 120 mile-per-hour serves.

This is Bible study, Kevin.

We're here to praise Jesus,
not ask him for favors.

Right.
Right, I'm sorry.

Can I just do
one more real quick?

Jesus, please help Yanis rest
in peace so I can get some rest

and not have panic attacks,

and not soil my pants.

- Is that everybody?
- [all] Yes.

Well, I'll see you next week.

There's coffee and muffins
in the kitchen.

They're a day old,
but no mold.

I checked.
Praise Jesus.

Oh, and don't forget, we still
need a volunteer to host

the foster child we're
receiving this morning.

Thank you for coming.

- We'll take him.
- What?

Bless you, Kevin.

He's on his way from Myanmar
to a dairy farm in Wisconsin.

Oh, it-- it-- it's only for
a couple of days.

Oh, this is-- praise Jesus.

Thank you.
Oh.

The hell you doing?

It's a kid in need.

If I do God a solid,
he'll do me one.

Eye for an eye.

That is not what
"eye for an eye" means.

Oh, how do you know what
the good book means?

You were doing your nails
the whole time.

Forget that barbecued Greek.

It wasn't your fault.

Of course it was.
What are you talking about, V?

If it wasn't for me,
Yanis would still be alive.

Please, baby.

[electricity crackling]

Whoo.

If I go along with getting
a new crib, it better be sick.

We can't pay any more
than we already were.

We were barely making ends
meet as it was.

Why you acting like
we ain't got no lettuce?

Lettuce?

The Benjamins.

Cash.
Money.

Say the word, and I'll make it
rain up in here.

I told you, I'm not taking
your dirty money.

It must be wonderful living
in your little fantasy world

where unicorns slide down
magical rainbows and everybody

on the South Side gets by
on the up and up.

What do you think this
neighborhood runs on?

It ain't donuts.

Without heroes like Carl here
driving our shadow economy,

we would've gone the way
of the dodo years ago.

Hey, can I, um, can I get
a relocation advance?

Thank you.

Yo!
What the hell?

I didn't realize the house
was still occupied.

Oh, shit.

You're the new owners.

We're just here to take
a few measurements

for the kids' beds,
tile for the bathroom.

We're in the process
of moving out,

but been here since
before I was born.

It's a lot of stuff
to get together.

Contractors aren't coming
till next week

if you want to take your time.

Thanks.
That's really nice of you.

Hey.

You ever seen what a machete
can do to the human body?

He's kidding.

Let's get to school, huh?

Come on.
I'll drop off Liam.

We'll just go up and look
at the bedrooms.

[Ruby squeals]
I get the biggest one.

[Matilda]
No way, I do!

[door slams shut]

You all right?

It's the hormones.

I'm trying not to think
about it.

It's hard losing the house
you've lived in your whole life.

It's just a pile of wood
and plaster.

I called you.
We had a family meeting.

I had work.

You got a job?

Yeah, I have to support
my family.

And to answer
your next question,

yes, I'm still going to school.

I'm responsible like that.

- I'm gonna find us a new place.
- So?

It's not like me and my baby
will be welcome there.

It's not out of your womb yet.

You can still stay
under my roof.

[scoffs]
Splitting hairs, aren't you?

It's my job to tell you when
you're making a huge mistake.

[Frank] Don't listen
to that baby killer.

Shut up, Frank!

I am way past when any doctor
would do an abortion anyway,

so just save it, Fiona.

There are other options.
Adoption.

You'd give away a Gallagher?

For free?
Shame on you.

Just answer your phone
when I call, will you?

Pay no attention
to your homicidal sister.

Coffee?

Can't, it's bad for the baby.

No, for me.

We have to speed things up.

You've got to convince
the dying mom

that they need you
full-time.

Well, Mrs. Wexler
already loves me.

So convince the husband.

I've been busting my ass trying
to prove to Mr. Wexler

that I'd be a great wife,

and he just doesn't
want me there.

That's because you're not
being a great wife,

you're being a great nanny.

Nobody wants
to fuck Mary Poppins.

[sighs]

What am I supposed to do?

See to his needs.
All his needs.

But I've tried sexy before.

It's never worked,

and that was before
I had cankles.

Nonsense.
You're glowing.

And remember what my mother
said... "A hole's a hole."

A guy doesn't really care
who's attached to it.

[chuckles]
Sounds like Grammy.

Besides, you think after
a day of radiation,

cancer girl's getting
on her knees?

She hasn't given it up
for months.

The husband would probably blow
his wad if you shake his hand.

What happened to the wall?

Mind your own business.

You smell like a toilet.

Beat it, brat!

Mom!

What time's the soon-to-be
widower get home?

Late afternoon.

Okay, when the family's away,
you take care of your man.

I guarantee you, he'll move you
into the guest room in no time.

But what about Mrs. Wexler?

- Where is she now?
- Hospital.

All right, I'll make sure
she's not home

to cock block you.

Here.

There.

♪

There you go.

♪

That a girl.

♪

Hey, what's up, girl?

How's that new bike handle?

- Smooth, unlike you.
- Please.

That's not the only thing
you'd enjoy riding.

[Dominique laughs]

Do you have a straight-up
brain injury?

[phone dings]

Damn, nice lock.

Did NASA design that?

Kryptonite KryptoLok.

- Hmm.
- Hey, yo, it's on.

- She's meeting us.
- [Nick] Tight.

Hey, don't get too jealous.

Real estate agent.

What do you need
a real estate agent for?

Me and Nick getting
our own crib.

When you get tired
of crashing with daddy,

you should give me a ring.

I always got room
for my number one boo thang.

We're here!
Come on in, boys.

Come on.

Just tell me which one is ours

so I can stick him in front
of the TV.

Well, the good Lord gave
us a few more refugees

than we expected.

Well, that's the good
Lord's problem.

I'm sure he'll
figure something out,

him being all powerful
and shit-- Kev!

Girl, I'm taking in three
myself.

Stop bitching and show
some Christian charity.

[V] Does it look like I have
an extra five beds?

Beds?

They've been living in
the jungle off of insects

and tree bark.

They'll be happy with a roof
over their head

and a can of Spam.

Kevin Ball,
get your ass down here!

Okay, come on.

Who are they?

Damn refugee kids.

I thought you said
they were from Miami.

- Myanmar.
- Myan-what?

It's in Asia.

You know, there's too many
damn countries in Asia.

Should just make it
one country.

[car backfires]

Oh, it-- it's okay, boys.

It-- it's just a car.

It's okay.

Loud sounds spook them,
and quick movement too,

so go slow.

Were they altar boys
or something?

They weren't fondled,
they were forced to fight.

Civil war.

Can you imagine,
handed a gun and made to kill

practically just out of diapers?

Oh, thank goodness
we got them out.

I didn't sign up for
four-foot mercenaries with PTSD.

Mama trying to dump
the whole litter on us.

- That's a great idea.
- Kevin.

I can get all my karma points
out at once.

[lighter clicking]

♪

Oh, hell no.

♪

Let me get one of those.

♪

I don't recall texting being one
of the requirements of your job.

I told the staff I had
to come to the office

to run the numbers.

What does that mean?

No idea.
It sounded managerial.

I didn't want them to see me
doing personal stuff.

I'm your boss.

Aren't you supposed to try
to keep that shit from me too?

All the houses at our price
point are, like, condemned.

I didn't realize what
a palace I lived in.

What time are we picking
Will up?

Oh, I think you got enough
on your plate already.

No, no, it's important to me.

What have you got
planned for him?

I was thinking go-karts
and then laser tag,

and maybe hit an arcade?

Is that too much?

I only have him with me
a few days.

I feel like I have to make this
the best time he's ever had.

As long as he's with you,
Will's gonna have a blast.

There you go.

But if you can scrape together
enough for Six Flags,

he might just tell you
he loves you.

Buying his love
is not beneath me.

[phone ringing]

- Hey Debs, what's up?
- Fiona, the sheriffs are here.

- They're kicking us out!
- [Fiona] What?

They're putting everything
on the street!

Shit.
I'm on my way.

[scoffs]

Hey!
That's not yours!

♪

Hey!
Get off that!

That's our stuff!

[yelling]
What the fuck?

[woman] Please call
the front desk.

Dr. Stateman,
please call the front desk.

What room's Erica Wexler in?

Oh, you're not Mr. Jorgensen.
I'm in the wrong room.

- Mr. Gallagher?
- Do I know you?

Oh, you're the woman
who hired my daughter.

- That's right.
- How's she doing?

Oh, Debbie's a gem.

What are you doing back here?

I work here.
I'm a cancer concierge.

A what?

- I-- I don't want to keep you.
- No, it's fine.

I'm-- I'm waiting for them
to call me for my treatment.

How are you feeling?

Well, I mean, the doctors say
there's always a chance I could

go into remission,
but honestly,

every day I just feel
worse and worse.

I see this all the time
in my business.

The-- the hospitals
and the insurance companies

tell you to keep pumping
chemicals into your body

so they can use you as
a bottomless cash machine.

If-if you don't mind my asking,

are your affairs in order?

No.

Because my husband is convinced
I'm gonna get better.

That's why he doesn't come
to the hospital,

because when he comes here,
reality hits.

It's always the spouses
who are in denial.

Thank God, someone who doesn't
think that I'm just gonna be

back on my feet and taking
care of my family.

Sadly, if you don't
take a turn for the better,

it's your husband who will be
left making the arrangements

when he should be grieving.

You know, I'm fully certified
in end-of-life preparations.

I can't afford a specialist.

[laughs]

You think I do this
for the money?

There are a lot of jobs
a Northwestern grad could get

that pay a heck of a lot more
than this.

You went to Northwestern?

Go Wildcats.

I tell you what.

Let's use today
as a trial run.

No charge.

To be totally honest,

I'm happiest when I'm paid
in smiles.

What about your other patient?

He's just a stage two.

Time is a luxury
he still has.

You finish up
what you're doing here,

and I'll take you
to my casket guy.

He'll find you one so comfy,
you'll want stay in it forever.

[laughter]

Ju--
[laughs]

Just a little industry humor.

You sleep well at night
after a long day

kicking people out
on the street?

♪

Okay.
Hey.

- Fiona, ugh, finally.
- You call Lip?

Ian and Carl too.
They're on their way.

Thanks, Debs.

I'm still a Gallagher.

Hey, we got permission to stay
in the house until next week.

- From the bank?
- No, the new owners.

Bank owns this place
till the inspection's done.

Bank wants you gone.

Wha--
[stammers]

You can't just throw us out
with no warning.

- You get an eviction notice?
- Yeah.

That was your warning.

[Fiona] Motherfucker.

Where are we gonna do
with all this stuff?

This is everything we have.

I'm gonna get some boxes.
Be right back.

What is going on?

We're getting evicted.

This one seems fine.

Absolutely not.

What's wrong with it?

I will not allow you
to be buried in a pine box.

The insects'll be munching
down on you

the second you hit the dirt.

Well, I'm gonna be dead.

I'm not gonna know
the difference.

No, you need stainless steel.

Or mahogany.

Oh, yeah.

Here we go.

The Escalade of coffins.

If you got to go, go in style.

When you're being lowered
into the ground,

you want your loved ones to find
solace in the knowledge that

you're resting comfortably.

- [scoffs]
- [laughs]

It's not for you.
It's for them.

Want to take it for a spin?

Get in there?

[whispers]
Yeah.

Wait.
[laughs]

♪

It's roomy.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Very comfortable.

♪

[both laugh]

- Hop in.
- Okay.

♪

You see, it's the attention
to detail

that makes all the difference.

Look at this.

You know what I think this is?

This is imported silk.

- You may be right.
- Mm-hmm.

[sighs]

Oh, this is like
a bed of roses.

What's the verdict?

Well, we considered
the basic model,

but I-- I think we're gonna go
with the Eternity Elite.

Wonderful.

♪

On second thought, maybe we
should take another look

at the no-frills model.

You know, I mean the, uh,

the workmanship is, um,
it's substandard.

Nope, it's not gonna work.

So all we need is
your credit card, dear.

[sighs]

Now, aren't you comfortable?

[sighs]
This is amazing.

Look at this workmanship.

It's a good color on you too.

♪

That's all the boxes.

Uh, Ian and I'll go get
the dryer.

I already got it!

We got to start moving
your stuff over to our place.

Boxes inside,
furniture in the yard.

[Fiona] Thanks, Kev.

[V] You can leave your
stuff there as long

as you need to,
or at least until it rains.

Hey! Make yourselves useful!

No "I don't speak
English" bullshit!

You get the table,
you guys get the boxes.

Get it!
Move!

[knocking]
Yo.

Need a place to crash tonight?

Looks like it, huh?

Well, uh, if you want to stay
in my dorm room,

I promise I'll let you clean up
as much puke as you want.

Don't you need the place
to have sex with your old lady?

I mean that literally.

Well, Helene's 40.

Yeah.

I'll stop by after the barbecue.

A bunch of firemen
are throwing it.

Oh, yeah?
You banging one of them?

Why do you think I'm going?

What is it with you gay guys?

Everything is a straight shot
to sex.

Even burgers and Frisbee.

Yeah, well, why waste time?

I've never done it
at a barbecue before.

Dugout a couple
times, alleyway,

just about everywhere
in basic training.

Give an all-new definition
to the term "mess hall," huh?

Hey, listen, when you're done
getting your gay on,

these'll get you in
the dorm room, all right?

I found Liam's markers.

What are these boxes?

Uh, my clothes.

Dishes.

We are so organized
for a homeless family.

Homeless?

What happened to that two grand
you got from Gus' ring?

I can't use that.

I got to give the ring back.

Well, you know you always have
our place if you need it.

Looks like your inn
is all booked up.

Ooh!
Just say the word,

I'll kick those refugee kids'
asses to the curb.

It's okay, I don't
need a place.

Debbie, if these--

I'm just gonna get the family
I work for to let me stay.

- I can take Carl.
- Yeah, you can.

All eight inches.

I'm pimping like that.

- Feel me?
- Pimping?

I changed your diaper, so I know
your little pudding pop

ain't never been chocolate.

I'm getting tired
of this little minstrel act.

You think cornrows
make you black?

400 years of oppression
makes you black,

and if you keep up
with this wigger bullshit,

I'm gonna reverse
George Zimmerman your ass.

Feel me?

I got to go get Will.

Oh, shit!

All the craziness, I forgot.

Yeah, you can stay
at my apartment.

That could work.

It might be a little tight, but
I think we could fit everyone.

Everyone?

It sounded like Carl and Debs
have themselves covered.

Debbie won't listen to me,
but Carl will,

and he didn't know you
were gonna invite us.

[chuckles] Well, I didn't.
I invited you.

What are you saying?
My family can't come?

Well, Liam's okay.

Will's staying with me, Fiona.

So?

So if my ex finds out
Carl was too,

she'd never let
Will come again.

Why?

Because he acts like
he's the black El Chapo.

Listen, I know
you have problems.

I want to help,
but when it comes to my son,

I have to draw a line.

Why are you being an asshole?

You're acting like Carl's
riding a tricycle.

He served time.
He's carrying a piece.

He's not gonna let you
tell him where to go.

How do you think we made it
all these years, huh?

Every time we got torn apart
and beaten down?

It's by staying a family,
no matter what.

Did you hear anything
I just said? Did you?

Did you hear anything
I just said?

I got to get my son.

Great.
Thank you!

I'm gonna be sleeping
on the street with my family!

♪

A bar?

I thought you said
the next stop was vital.

It is.

I'm tired.
I would like to go home.

Too much to discuss.

Can't afford distractions.

Coffee for my client.

Wake her up.

Espresso, latte, cappuccino?

Whatever happened to just
plain old American joe?

Beer for me.

Mariah Smoked Porter, Lagunitas
IPA, Goose Island IPA--

The fuck's an IPA?

Just pick a winner.

Do you mind if I smoke?

♪

Okay.

♪

You look surprised.

Didn't take you for a stoner.

No, this is state-sanctioned
pain relief.

So what's so important
you have to discuss?

Okay, we booked the coffin.

Time to talk about the day
people see you in it.

Have you picked out an outfit?

Um, I hadn't really
thought about it.

Something like this, maybe?

[scoffs]
Why?

You're a fine-looking
piece of tail.

[laughs]
Thanks.

Your viewing is the last time
people are gonna see you.

Wear something short.

You'll have every in guy there
wishing he could hop into

the casket
and mount your corpse.

[both laugh]

You're not subtle, are you?

You want me to lie?

No.

What else is on your mind?

That depends.

Want to go out with a bang?

If you're coming on to me,
I'm just--

I'm gonna stop you
right there.

There are ways other than sex

to remember what it's like
to be alive.

Go on.

The greatest pain reliever
there is-- coke.

I know, snorting a line
the first time sounds scary,

but don't die with anything
left on your bucket list.

No, my first time wasn't scary.

You've done it before?

Mm, yes, it was a--

it was a present from my
boyfriend on my 16th birthday.

Certainly made it sweet.
[chuckles]

Mm.

Heroin then.

Black tar or China White?

I feel like
I've misjudged you.

[sighs]

[Lip] Hey.

I think this is it.

Thanks.
We can take it from here.

All right.

Why does this shit
always happen to us?

Again and again?

And again and again
and again.

[sighs]

Used to tell myself that was
just life with Frank and Monica.

Nothing ever changes,
does it?

You know,
why don't I stick around?

You know, help make sure
everything gets taken care of.

Nah, it's okay.

Kev's gonna take me
to the Alibi,

see if we can get Svetlana
to let us us stay

in the room upstairs.

What about Liam?

I'll grab him
from Head Start.

There's no point even talking
to Debbie anymore.

You can't force her, Fi.

You sound like Sean.

It's annoying.

Well, who knows?

She could make a great mom.

You know, she helped
raise Liam.

She's too young.

Yeah, but everyone's
getting older.

You know, everyone's getting
on with their own lives.

The upside is now you can
spend less time

worrying about everyone else,

spend more time thinking
about yourself.

You vacuum out the fetus yet?

I had to cancel
my appointment.

What?

We lost the house,
I got tied up.

It's not like I'm having
second thoughts.

We're locking up the house.

Can you give me
a minute first?

Sure.

♪

[man] ♪ there falls the night ♪

♪ birds pushing sky ♪

♪ all for you ♪

♪

♪ colors divide ♪

♪ creation it's size ♪

♪ all for you ♪

♪

♪ how great ♪

♪ love is ♪

♪ how much ♪

♪ you are needed ♪

♪ oh, oh ♪

[sighs]

[man] ♪ out in the world ♪

♪ the world's still in turn ♪

♪ all for you ♪

♪

♪ heaven it seems ♪

♪ angels applaud ♪

♪ and all for you ♪

♪

♪ oh, oh ♪

♪

♪ oh, oh ♪

♪

♪ oh, oh ♪

[door slams]

AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

Welcome to your new crib, man.

Tight.

[car horn honking]

Long day at work?

What are you doing here?

Um, I used the spare key
from under the flower pot.

I brought some groceries.

Mrs. Wexler asked me.

Fine.
Whatever.

I just want to get out
of these clothes and relax.

Great idea.

Well, now that I'm here,
maybe I could be of some use.

Well, the kids won't be home
for another hour.

I wasn't talking
about the kids.

I fixed you a drink.

This damn city inspector to give
us the go-ahead on the attic.

Whoa, hey.

Whoa.
[chuckles]

Uh, what are you doing?

I was helping you relax.

I could draw you a bath.

I'll see you tomorrow, Donna.

Donna?

[man] ♪ oh, ho, ho, ho, ho ♪

I used to be a groupie.
[laughs]

I followed bands
all around the country.

Sounds memorable.

[scoffs]
What I remember of it.

My bucket list was crossed off
before I was old enough

to buy a wine cooler.

Well, perhaps I can
help you expand it.

I have something of a sordid
history myself.

[laughs]
Not like mine.

You're talking to a Ph.D.
in the debaucherous arts.

Have you ever...

snorted PCP off a man's penis?

Would you judge me if I had?

Have you ever woken up
naked in the street

with no idea how you got there?

That's called Tuesday.

That all you got?

Have you ever been used
as a rotisserie

by two members
of Guns N' Roses?

I have no idea what that means,

but I'm enjoying trying
to picture it.

It would've been more too,
but Axl couldn't get it up.

Why on Earth
did you leave it behind?

Because I decided to try
something even wilder.

Freebasing?

Family.

Husband, kids.

That's the real high wire act,

but with the best high
you could ask for.

So no regrets?

One.

[sighs]

Melissa Etheridge.

Yeah, I heard
one of her songs once.

Felt like Satan was
hate-fucking my eardrums.

She was so luminous with long
hair and this raspy voice.

You visited
the island of Lesbos?

No, no, it was more
than a visit,

but she dumped me.

I broke the cardinal rule--

never fall for the singer.
[chuckles]

And I cannot shut up
because I am so stoned.

[laughs]

You sure I can't interest you
in a bathroom quickie?

I'm not that stoned.

Excuse me, I'm waiting
for an appointment.

No wait no more, baby.

Dope pad.

Shit, you guys got Jacuzzis
up in here?

You're Carl Gallagher?

Yeah, that's right.

Don't get too juiced up.

I only go for sistas.
You accept hundreds?

You don't look like the trust
fund kids I normally work with.

Are you a rapper?

Yeah, that's right.
They call me White Chocolate.

Well, you would need
a parent to co-sign.

Even then I'm afraid that you
would never make board approval.

What, black folk money
ain't no good here?

I don't follow.

Nah, you don't.

You ain't got no idea who I am.

You got to go through 400 years
of oppression to know who I am.

Shit, we don't want to stay
in cracker-ville anyway.

Let's get it, Nick.

Good luck...

Mr. Chocolate.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Don't worry,
I'm not gonna punch you.

Can I come in?

No, you know, I'm--
I'm in a relationship.

I don't want sex.

Just a photo of your wall.

♪

The painting I made?

Look, I'm kind of in a rush.

Well, I need it for art class.

"Exploring the Female Form."

♪

Okay, yeah, just, uh--

yeah.

So are you still fucking
that professor?

- Yeah.
- I'm seeing someone.

Josh Phelps.

Math prodigy.

He goes down on me for hours.

Instead of the alphabet,
he licks the number for pi.

His room's upstairs.

We basically live together.

All right, look, I don't
want to be rude, but, um,

I got a paper due
in Cognitive Robotics,

so I got to hit the shower,
then the library, so--

Take your shower, I'll be gone
by the time you're back.

Okay.

Uh, you, uh,
you look good, Amanda.

[phone beeping]

Yo, screw that real estate
granny.

We'll get ourselves
a hotel suite.

- [laughs]
- What?

White Chocolate.

Tight name, right?

♪

Wow.
Never fails.

Gallagher crisis,
Frank's drunk and high.

Yeah, well it's a good thing too
because he's our only customer.

Please tell me that somebody
else came in.

Lenny, to read meter.

Damn it.

What?
Oh, r-right.

Um, look, Fiona got
kicked out of her house,

so she's gonna be moving
upstairs with you.

I rent, I have contract.

Is my apartment to share,
not yours.

- We don't take up much room.
- No.

It would only be for
a couple days.

No.

You're a mom.

You know what it's like
to take care of someone.

I just want to make sure
my family's okay.

So get motel.

That adds up.

I get you massage job.

[laughs]

Oh, you're too good for it?
I understand.

You don't realize God gave you
ATM machine between your legs.

When I do massage,
it's because I have to.

No money, 5,000 miles from home.

I start, I was here.

I work hard, now I'm here.

This is how America works.

Soon, when I open my own Quiznos
submarine store, I will be here.

You?
You think you're here,

but you're not.

You are here,

and girls who are here
must do

things that other girls
would not do.

♪

Hey, Red.

Come on over.

Help yourself.

Thanks.

See those two kids right there
playing football?

Those are mine.

That's Charlie and Wes.

Where you been?

Oh, I got held up.

You ever pitch?

Usually,

but I'm open, depending
on what you're into.

Where we doing this?

Follow me.

Wait, we're actually
playing softball?

[laughs]
Yeah, what'd you think?

Zach usually starts on
the mound, but if he's had

too many Coronas,
his stuff is shit.

You cover second.

[Velcro rips]

What?
You play, right?

Oh, sure, I play.

We'll need all the help
we can get.

If we lose to the fags in blue,
we'll never hear the end of it.

Who?

The gay cops.

You have the right to remain
silent while we run the score up

on your sorry asses.

Tony?

Wh--
[laughs]

When did you come out?

Oh, your sister turned me gay.

Oh, wow.

♪

[lock clicks]

[gasps] Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry!

I didn't even know
you were in here.

What the--

Not like it's anything I
haven't seen before, though.

Why are you still here?

You take on so much
for your family,

but who's looking out
for you?

My wife.

Yeah, for now.

I'm not just here
for the kids, Mr. Wexler.

I'm here for you too.

I don't even know
what that means.

She's dying!

Just because you don't want
to admit it doesn't mean

it's not happening.

Dierdre has night terrors,
Betsy keeps wetting the bed,

and George keeps getting
into fistfights at school,

but at least
they're facing reality.

You're too scared
to even do that.

You need groceries
and laundry and meals.

You need me.

Your kids need me,

and not just in the mornings,

so just man up and admit it.

Hey, uh, excuse me.

Can you tell me where
the books on robotics are?

- Let me check.
- Thanks.

[woman]
Oh, my God.

[laughter]

[people speaking indistinctly]

Yo, wh-- where did you get that?

Some girl tweeted it.

Nice bit of MILF trim
though, huh?

♪

[people speaking indistinctly]

[Caleb] One out.

[applause]

One out.
Look alive, boys!

Look alive!

[applause]

[Caleb] Look alive, baby!

[man] One, two, and three!

[bat thuds]

Two!
Two!

You're blocking the baseline.

Go fuck your father.

[grunts]

Fuck off!

♪

Hey, don't worry.

I'll get you a new bike
with more cool shit on it.

Need my gun.

Yo, you don't even know
who took your bike.

[sighs]

Oh, I didn't realize
taking a five-hour break

was one of the perks
of your job.

Got evicted.

[laughs]
That's a good one.

I should use that excuse.

Wait, really?

Your cousin still a super?

Why?

He got any apartments open?

Yeah, but they're not rentals,
and given that you work here,

I'm guessing you can't
afford to buy.

Well, is there one that we can
crash in before it's sold?

We'd be quiet and clean.

What do I get in return?

You get to keep your job.

Seriously?

You'd fire me?

No, but I'd really
appreciate it.

I could give two craps
about you,

but I like
your little brother.

He's a cute kid.

I don't want him living on
the street just 'cause

his older sister's
a fuck-up.

I will call my cousin.

Thanks.

Can I have this?
Yeah.

♪

Hey, Carl, it's me.

I think I might have
a place for us.

Yum yum yum yum!

♪

If I find any more weapons
on any of you,

you out on the street,
you understand?

[sniffing]

Damn, y'all stink.

Let's go upstairs.

Move like you got some sense.

The last time you all
took a damn bath?

[man] ♪ one two three four ♪

♪

♪ you coming on baby ♪

♪ you know I got sickness ♪

♪ everybody wants it ♪

♪ everybody's a witness ♪

♪ oh ♪

♪ oh I need control ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪

[sighs]

[knocking]

You in there?

[Amanda] Come in.

What do you think?

People say hands are the hardest
thing to draw,

but I think it's tits.

How the fuck could you send out
that picture of Helene?

I just saw your phone there and
the idea popped into my head

like divine intervention.

You know, my therapist says
that revenge doesn't give you

any real satisfaction,
but clearly she's an idiot

because this feels really,
really good.

Amanda, it's all over
the goddamn school.

Yeah, social media's fast, huh?

You shouldn't have screwed
me over.

I never made any fucking
promises to you!

Yes, you fucking well did!

With your eyes and your smile
and your cock.

Does it hurt?

Fuck!

You should change
your security code more often.

♪

All the other boys are clean.

Your turn.

You're not a boy.

Which one do you like?

[laughs]

Pink or blue?

Pink.

That a bullet wound?

We can put makeup on it.

Hello?

Hello?

Where is everyone?

♪

Helene?

♪

_

You're making yourself at home.
I take it the plan worked?

Oh, well, not exactly,

but after Tyler cried on my
shoulder, he said I could stay.

Room and board instead
of more pay.

Tyler?

What happened to Mr. Wexler?

Come here.

[both chuckle]

I am so proud of you.

Okay, you unlock
the downstairs window,

I'll sneak in late,
sleep on the floor,

I'll be gone before
anyone wakes up.

At least until Erica kicks it.

Cool.
You got it, Dad.

♪

Hey, how about another shot
for the Hands of Steel?

[laughs]

That one's for you, slugger.

- Ooh.
- Ahh.

So when you gonna
take the test?

Test?

To become a firefighter, man!

- Whoa!
- [laughing] Oh, shit.

- [groans]
- You all right, man?

[both laugh]

- Oh, man.
- Okay, those guys are wasted.

You should.

You really think I could be
a firefighter?

Isn't that why you've
been hanging around?

'Cause you want to go
on runs, save lives?

Yeah, that, and I was hoping
to get my hands on your hose.

[chuckles]

Is that what this is to you?
A fuck?

You say it
like it's a bad thing.

Come on, let's get
out of here.

You know, I knew you were
younger than me,

but I thought you were
a grownup.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, okay.

Hey.

I'm into you, all right?

I thought you were into me.

I am.

Then what's the problem?

I don't stick my dick
in just any guy.

What do you want then?

Seriously?

Do I have to
spell it out for you?

Yeah.

A date.

With, like, flowers
and chocolate and shit?

No, we can skip the flowers.

Okay.

You're on.

All right.

Let's get some fucking brews.
[laughs]

Helene?

[knocking]

[Lip] Helene!

I thought you
were out of town.

Given the circumstances,
I came back.

Look, I-I-I need to speak
with Helene.

You took a picture of her.

In your dorm room.

Please, can I just--
can you let me talk to her?

She's being summoned before
the disciplinary board.

Do you know what that means?

It means that you may just have
buried her career.

Okay, it wasn't my fault,
all right?

Somebody--somebody took
my phone.

Just wait.

Wait.
Helene, just let me explain!

[grunts]
Fuck!

Helene!

Helene!

I thought you weren't
taking me up on my offer.

Carl's getting a hotel room.

It's just me and Liam.

Melinda might have
a place for us,

but we'd like to
stay with you.

And do you figure there were
no hard feelings from earlier?

I'm mature enough
to get over them.

I meant me.

Are you not gonna let us in?

Come on in.

I'll get sheets
for the pull-out.

Come on, Liam.

♪

Do you remember Will?

♪

There you are.

I was looking forward to
a nap in the back row,

but you were a no-show.

Had to lecture myself.

I'm sorry.
Something-- something came up.

Yeah, better be good.

Uh, so it's a long story.

Um, someone got a hold of
my phone, and they--

they sent out this picture.

Professor Runyon?

That was you?

Jesus Christ, you saw it too?

I'd say that's some
elephant-sized shit

hitting the fan.

She as hot in bed as she looks
in that picture?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

To be 20 and receive
the affection of a real woman.

For me, it was Mrs. Linstrom.

Next-door neighbor.

She had the face
of Betty Friedan

with the body
of Betty Rubble.

We went at it over and over
and over.

[sighs]

Can't do that anymore.

The ravages of age.

Well, the gallons of bourbon
probably didn't help either.

Shall we go get soused?

- Please.
- Yeah.

♪

We need our stuff.

I got dinner on the stove.

You ballers want some
mac and cheese?

We'll take some mac and cheese.

All right, kids.
Dinner's on.

[child speaks native language]

[gun clicking]

Give it here.

[gun clicking]

- [speaks native language]
- What do you want?

[speaks native language]

[gun clicks]

[bullets clanging]

[gun clicks]

Shit.

[child speaks native language]

♪

[door creaks]

I was hoping you'd come.

I was hoping you'd say that.

♪ come to my window ♪

♪ crawl inside ♪

♪ wait by the light
of the moon ♪

I'm gonna take Will
to the skate park.

He wants to show me some moves.

[laughs]
Yeah?

You're gonna get on
a skateboard?

You don't think I can?

[laughs]
That I got to see.

All right, you're invited.

I'll be there.

I rescheduled my abortion.

What prompted that?

Feels like everyone's getting
on with their lives.

I figure it's probably
time for me too.

You didn't think I was having
second thoughts, did you?

Pillows.

- Two enough?
- Yeah.

- One will do.
- All right, kiddo.

- Oh, my. Shit.
- I got you right in the--

Oh!

- Should not have done that.
- Oh, yeah?

[both laughing]

- Wait! Hold up!
- Bing, bang.

- Right in the kisser!
- And boom.

- [all laughing]
- All right. Me?

You're supposed to be
on my side!

[all laughing]

Are you gonna hit your sister?

♪

[man singing
in foreign language]

So you fought in a war?

You ever smoke anybody?

You know, kill somebody?

♪

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

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