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Subtitles by:iMBK
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Okay, it's happening.
It's spontaneous.
3
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,479
This... Who saw this coming?
I did not see this coming.
4
00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:51,799
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, let's do it.
5
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,319
Okay. It's happening.
It's totally happening.
6
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,479
Whoo!
7
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,679
What a twist. Oh, yeah. Okay.
8
00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,479
This is so spontaneous.
9
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:01,679
We're having sex one minute...
10
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,159
Who knows what's
gonna happen next?
11
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:04,759
Who knows what we'll be
doing in 10 minutes?
12
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,919
- Okay.
- This is crazy!
13
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:07,999
We're doing this on
the dining room...
14
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,879
I've never had sex on a dining
room chair in my whole life.
15
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,359
This is amazing.
16
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,639
I'm taking you to
Boner Town, bitch.
17
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,639
- Don't call me "bitch!"
- Okay. I'm sorry.
18
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,159
I'm taking you to Boner Town, love.
Okay.
19
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,062
Baby? Baby?
20
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:23,359
She's totally fucking
looking at us.
21
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:24,599
Hey, baby.
22
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,759
She knows what's happening.
23
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:28,839
She totally knows
what's happening.
24
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,839
She can't see anything.
She just sees shapes.
25
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,759
She sees shapes fucking each other,
is what she sees. She can...
26
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,639
She's fine. She
just sees shapes.
27
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:36,719
It's like bouncing balls.
28
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,319
My bouncing balls.
29
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:39,959
- She's fine. She's fine.
- You know what?
30
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,479
Let me turn her around.
Let me turn her around.
31
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,599
Okay. Okay.
32
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,839
Hey, sweetie. Hey, little girl.
33
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,559
Gonna turn around now. Gonna
look at the wall now.
34
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:50,679
Let's go.
35
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,660
Okay. There you go. Love
you, sweetie. Okay.
36
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,199
Okay! Let's do it.
37
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,359
We're back. We're
back in business.
38
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:58,399
Okay. Okay.
39
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,879
We are back. It's happening.
Okay!
40
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,719
Oh, God. She keeps turning...
Turn around.
41
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:09,079
Just look that way.
Just turn around.
42
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:10,199
Why is she... Okay!
43
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,679
I think it's over.
44
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:12,759
We still did that.
45
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,599
Oh, I'm sorry. Okay.
We still did that.
46
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,559
Hello.
47
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:18,719
What are you doing
in your Jumperoo?
48
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:19,879
This never happened.
49
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,719
- We're gonna finish that.
- We will finish that.
50
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,559
FYI, we're gonna do
it in every room.
51
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,559
And this time, I'm
going to ejaculate.
52
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,319
Just because we have
a house and a baby
53
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,959
doesn't mean that
we're old people.
54
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,399
No. Fuck old people.
55
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,079
Old people don't fuck
like we just did.
56
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,719
Baby, I nearly came.
57
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,239
This is like The Brady Bunch.
58
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,479
I know! What's nice
about the house
59
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,559
is that it looks like every
penny we have is inside of it.
60
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,999
So, at least it looks like it.
61
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,399
It's legitimate, right?
62
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,425
- Neighbors. Hey.
- Hi.
63
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,599
- Hey.
- Oh. Gay couple.
64
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,439
- There's a gay couple.
- Gay couple.
65
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,439
- They seem like a nice couple.
- They're so happy.
66
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,959
- That's awesome!
- Dream!
67
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,799
It is. Well, it's
the second dream.
68
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,079
First dream, Taco Bell opens next door.
That would be fucking dope.
69
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,759
- Hi!
- Hi!
70
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,831
Hey. It's a fabulous
neighborhood.
71
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,399
- Oh, she's awake.
- Really?
72
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,159
- She's awake.
- Okay.
73
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,319
- Okay.
- Uh... Well, bye.
74
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,479
Okay. Bye. Love you.
75
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:12,559
Love you. Bye. Have a good day.
76
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,639
Can I come?
77
00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:14,839
Kidding.
78
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:17,661
No, we'll have a great day! We'll
have a great day. Okay. Bye!
79
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,301
I love you!
80
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,119
Uh-oh. Mac attack.
81
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,239
Hey!
82
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,319
Hey, there he is.
83
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,439
Hey.
84
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,679
I need that Mendelson
file by 4:00.
85
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:28,959
Okay, yeah.
86
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,279
And this is not your bro,
this is your boss talking.
87
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,879
I'll have it to you by 3:30.
How's that?
88
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,439
- Mac!
- Okay.
89
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,559
Mac!
90
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:37,639
What?
91
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,471
Wait. Hold on.
92
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,759
Whoo!
93
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,307
Okay!
94
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,319
Oh, jeez, it's so far.
95
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:49,999
Hey, we gotta go work on that
thing we were discussing.
96
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,079
- What thing?
- What's going on?
97
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:55,479
We have to go work
on that joint file.
98
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:56,759
Of course. The joint file.
99
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,199
You guys are doing a joint file?
100
00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,319
We have a joint file together.
101
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,959
Yeah. We're pretty deep into it.
It's tight.
102
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,839
- It's pretty thick.
- It's a big file.
103
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:04,759
- Pretty fat file.
- It's dank.
104
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:05,999
- We should blaze through it, probably.
- Yeah.
105
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,319
Yeah, we gotta file that
for the THC Corporation.
106
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,799
Okay.
107
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,631
Because we are in the weeds.
108
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,999
- How's Stella?
- She's a cute baby.
109
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,039
It's nice.
110
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,639
I think I realized for the first
six months, everything is fucked.
111
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,079
- Everything changes completely.
- Yeah.
112
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,799
You're like, "My life is over!
Everything's different!
113
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,399
"Everything I could do,
I can't do anymore."
114
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,359
But now, I realize that that's
all gonna go back to normal.
115
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,359
- You sure about that?
- She can start drinking soon.
116
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,159
They make these little strips that
test your tit milk for alcohol.
117
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,519
She puts them on her tits?
118
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,639
Yeah, she puts them on her tits.
Her tits are huge right now.
119
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,159
- Are they really?
- But I can't touch them.
120
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,079
She won't even let me see
them, is what's fucked up.
121
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,159
- What?
- When we have sex,
122
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:42,679
she leaves a wife-beater on.
123
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,479
It's like having sex
with Tony Soprano.
124
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:45,559
You're the goomah
in this situation.
125
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:46,679
Yeah, it's fucked up.
126
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,879
You are the only one of our friends
that has a house and a kid.
127
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:49,959
Yeah.
128
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,279
It's like you're, like, 10 years
older than everyone, you know?
129
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:54,479
You're divorced.
130
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,981
The point is...
131
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:57,959
It's Jimmy time. You
know what I mean?
132
00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,599
And the girls, when
you're dating...
133
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,039
- Yeah?
- Holy shit!
134
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,999
See, we missed out on
the whole, kind of,
135
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,919
sex-tech bubble, you
know what I mean?
136
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:09,719
Now they got Sex Book
and Fuck Friends and...
137
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,559
There's this thing called
Grindr, which is just...
138
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,039
Your phone beeps when there's
someone horny near you.
139
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,519
It's kind of amazing.
140
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,466
It's mostly guys, but I'm gonna
find a girl pretty soon.
141
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:21,719
You're up.
142
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,039
Oh, oh! Oh!
143
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,159
Hey.
144
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,661
What are you guys
doing out here?
145
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,359
- There are the girls.
- Hi.
146
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,239
- How's it going, sweetie?
- Good.
147
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,559
What's happening?
148
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:36,159
There you go.
149
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,959
She's excited to see you.
150
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,919
Wait, wait. Hey.
151
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,519
Man, parenting is easy.
Look at that!
152
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,919
Yeah, two hours a day.
153
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,421
Yeah.
154
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,279
This is delightful. This
is awesome, this thing.
155
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,119
We should get one of
these above our bed.
156
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,951
Oh!
157
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,599
- Hello?
- Hey!
158
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,959
Oh, my God. You guys have
to come out with me.
159
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,199
I haven't seen you in forever.
160
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,599
Yeah. What's going on?
161
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,199
Okay. My friend is spinning
at the Royalton tonight.
162
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,159
There's a rumor that
Prince might perform.
163
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,759
I really need to get
out of the house.
164
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,719
I have not been out since
Jimmy and I got divorced
165
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,399
and I really need you there.
Please?
166
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,039
How do we do this? Do I
call the babysitter bunch?
167
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,399
I don't know about that.
Let's just...
168
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,799
- It's too late. We'll...
- Okay.
169
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,119
Why don't you drop it
at the fire station?
170
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,439
We can't leave her at the...
171
00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,079
What are you talking about?
That's not how it works.
172
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,319
The baby drop.
173
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,439
Okay. No.
174
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,519
I'm kidding.
175
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:33,799
What are you, like,
having a baby,
176
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:34,959
you, like, lost your
sense of humor?
177
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,079
What are you doing?
178
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:39,599
I am using the little box in the
Face Time to put makeup on.
179
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,319
You're not even looking
at us, are you?
180
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,999
No. Who looks at the other
people when they Face Time?
181
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,239
Why are you guys not coming out?
Is fucking Jimmy there? Jimmy?
182
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,799
No, Jimmy's not here.
183
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,439
- We don't have a babysitter, so...
- Yeah.
184
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,159
Hello. Fucking bring her.
185
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,879
No...
186
00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,679
Yes?
187
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,319
No. Yes?
188
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,390
What are you doing?
What are you thinking?
189
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:04,999
Let's just do it!
190
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,639
This could be,
like, a doorway to
191
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,159
a whole new life,
where we have it all.
192
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,879
- We have fun and a baby.
- That's fantastic!
193
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:10,959
- This is the moment!
- I need this!
194
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,679
- This is the moment. Let's do it. Okay.
- I need to go out!
195
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:13,799
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
196
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,439
All right. I'm down. Little chicken.
Come on!
197
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,199
- Baby's first rave.
- Baby's first rave.
198
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,759
Baby's first rave.
199
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,639
Baby's first rave.
200
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,521
- Baby's first rave!
- Baby's first rave!
201
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,039
Wait. Shit! Diaper bag!
It needs to be restocked.
202
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,359
- I gotta get more shit. Okay.
- Okay.
203
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,919
You know what? She needs an extra
Onesie in case she craps herself.
204
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,039
I think I better pump.
205
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,239
- You gotta pump?
- I think I need to pump.
206
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,639
She wants your necklace. Give
me your necklace. Now, go pump.
207
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:44,999
We should get the cooler.
208
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,239
Okay, here we go.
209
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,919
Wait. If we're bringing the swing,
let's just bring the Jumperoo.
210
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:50,599
We have room. I
think we have room.
211
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,959
- Butt Paste.
- I don't know where the Butt Paste is.
212
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,039
I don't know where it is.
213
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,639
- Binky, Binky, Binky.
- I don't know where the Binky is.
214
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,790
Binky's over here. I got Binky.
215
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,230
Huh?
216
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:01,719
- We fell asleep.
- Let's go. Let's go.
217
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:02,799
- Okay, let's go.
- We'll go now.
218
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,399
Wait. Shit! Another video.
219
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,279
Best night ever.
220
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,439
Look at how much
food I just ordered.
221
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,919
I'm not even hungry.
It's so wasteful!
222
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,581
We missed it.
223
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:16,119
Shit. Don't hit me.
224
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,399
I'm so tired.
225
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,550
I know. Let's just go to sleep.
226
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,662
Tomorrow's a new day.
227
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,185
Love you.
228
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,469
- Good night.
- Good night.
229
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,064
Excuse me. Sorry.
230
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,959
They're actually really good.
They taste like vanilla, kinda.
231
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,439
They're awesome.
232
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,359
Pudgie, what do you got there?
233
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,199
Moving truck. Moving truck.
234
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,799
- There's a moving truck.
- Wow.
235
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,399
- Who do you think... Come on.
- Oh, my God.
236
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,106
Look, look, look.
237
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,631
What do we got?
238
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,143
Gay couple? Gay couple?
239
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,959
What is this? What
are they doing?
240
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,305
And what are these kids
in the pink shirts?
241
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,181
Is that a fraternity?
242
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,279
Yeah, they got big
Greek letters.
243
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,350
Looks like a fraternity.
244
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,279
Oh, my God. Look at that guy.
245
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,319
That guy's the sexiest
guy I've ever seen.
246
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,664
He looks like something a gay
guy designed in a laboratory.
247
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:23,519
Look at his arms.
248
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,679
Oh, my God. They're like
two giant, veiny dicks.
249
00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:27,159
It's like a gun show.
250
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,719
Look at the blonde.
251
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,759
I don't see which one you're...
252
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:31,879
Oh, you don't know who
I'm talking about?
253
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,919
That blonde dude with the red sleeves?
He's a handsome guy.
254
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,999
- What do we do?
- Okay, okay. I know what we do.
255
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,319
They're gonna be
loud, obviously.
256
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,519
And they're gonna
fucking party a lot.
257
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,239
Baby, this is a
fucking nightmare!
258
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,839
I agree. We need
to go over there.
259
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,839
We need to fucking tell them
not to do that. Right now.
260
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,599
As soon as they move
in, they know this
261
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,279
neighborhood doesn't
stand for that shit.
262
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,839
And we're fucking grown-ups, we have
a baby, and they need to be cool.
263
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,559
- They need to be cool to us, okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
264
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,559
But... Okay, wait. Maybe we
don't come on strong, though.
265
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,439
Maybe we come on... We act cool.
266
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,199
- We come on like peers.
- Yeah. Yes.
267
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,239
Totally, we be cool.
We take them a joint.
268
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,359
Yeah. We be cool.
269
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,439
- Right?
- Ooh! We roll them a joint.
270
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,839
- Roll them a spliff.
- Give that to them.
271
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,919
Then we seem cool.
They're thinking...
272
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,359
- We're hip.
- "Oh, they're like us.
273
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,679
"This could be us
in a few years."
274
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:09,039
Yes, respect.
275
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,599
- They'll want us to like them.
- Yeah.
276
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,879
Then we say, "By the
way, keep it down."
277
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,799
Exactly. Well, we won't say it like that.
We'll just...
278
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,719
- No, of course not.
- I'll say it. Like, we'll just...
279
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,839
You know, "Keep it down."
280
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,239
You're doing it a little weird.
281
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,519
- Do it again. Do it normal.
- Yeah. Like...
282
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:23,599
- I'll throw it away.
- Just throw it away.
283
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,359
Just like, you know, "If you
could just keep it down."
284
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,039
- Just say it normal!
- I can get it!
285
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,199
It's an important,
key phrase here.
286
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,359
All right, you do it. You do it.
287
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,199
Okay, watch. I'm just
gonna do it like this.
288
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,919
"Keep it down."
289
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,239
Lift it! Come on!
290
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,519
Come on!
291
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:46,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
292
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,639
Wicca-wazzup?
293
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,599
- Hey! How's it going?
- Hey!
294
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,239
- Are you our new neighbors?
- We're your new neighbors!
295
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,399
Yeah!
296
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,759
All right!
297
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,399
What's up?
298
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,902
I'm Teddy. This is Pete.
299
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,746
What's going on? And
who's this little lady?
300
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,359
Oh, that's so sweet. No one
ever knows she's a girl.
301
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,119
What? Of course she is, because
you're a little princess.
302
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:22,279
So, you're the little princess.
303
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,359
You're a little...
304
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,639
Oh, she just scrunched
her little nose!
305
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,869
So cute.
306
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,279
What's her name?
307
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:30,599
- Stella.
- Stella, yeah.
308
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,839
That's the best name ever.
Are you kidding?
309
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,639
She's a little flirt.
310
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,199
Oh, like her mom, I bet.
311
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,559
Mmm.
312
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:38,599
Cool.
313
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,319
Anyway, just wanted
to let you guys know
314
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,719
that in this neighborhood,
we don't keep off the grass.
315
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,279
- What?
- You know what I'm saying?
316
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,319
No way!
317
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,039
Legalize it, y'all.
318
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,479
A joint. Thank you, guys.
319
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,439
Also, if you could
maybe, just sometimes...
320
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,465
Keep it down!
321
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,141
All right.
322
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,799
Well, I mean, if you
guys ever need anything,
323
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,359
or we get too noisy, just
talk to me, or talk to Pete.
324
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:01,679
- We'll take care of it.
- Same with us.
325
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,479
- I mean, we get pretty loud over there.
- Yeah, yeah.
326
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,199
Game of Thrones, we get loud.
327
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,399
When Khaleesi comes
on, I'm like...
328
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,079
Yeah. It's crazy.
329
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,639
- All righty.
- Well...
330
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:14,719
- Dope.
- Cool.
331
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:15,919
All right.
332
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:16,999
- We're okay.
- Cool.
333
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,831
- Later!
- See you, guys.
334
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,308
- All right. All right.
- Nice.
335
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,479
Welcome to the neighborhood.
336
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,319
Take it sleazy.
337
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,679
Bye, Stella!
338
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,386
Bye, Stella!
339
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:33,079
And now, as President
of Delta Psi...
340
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,999
And Vice President, we call...
341
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,639
Our first official meeting
in the new house to order.
342
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,559
Chivalry above self!
343
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,999
Much like Scoonie's cock,
344
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,919
this year is going
to be legendary.
345
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,999
I don't know if you
guys are aware,
346
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,559
but Delta Psi is
simply responsible
347
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:54,279
for the most epic party
moments in history.
348
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,104
Gentlemen, take a
look at the wall.
349
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,679
Travel back in time
with me to 1930.
350
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,391
Delta Psi puts on a
production of Julius Caesar.
351
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:11,067
A girl in the audience unexpectedly
hands one of our brothers a beer.
352
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:15,159
And after that one fateful sip,
353
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,879
the toga party is born!
354
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,399
Hold that gam steady, Pete.
355
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,679
The year is 1971.
356
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:26,751
The US plays Red
China in ping-pong.
357
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,399
Meanwhile, back at Delta
Psi, our brothers
358
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,879
play a little ping-pong
of their own.
359
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:35,702
An errant ball lands
in a brother's beer,
360
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,066
and he just drinks it.
361
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,079
I give you beer pong!
362
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:58,159
The year is 1985!
363
00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,159
Sebastian Cremmington
and his brothers
364
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,519
are at the school pep rally.
365
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,079
They've been drinking since
the butt-crack of dawn.
366
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,759
Sebastian knows he has to throw up,
but he wants to keep partying.
367
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,519
What does he do? Does he
puke, or does he drink?
368
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,399
Why not do both?
369
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:17,064
I give you the boot and
motherfucking rally!
370
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,519
So many party inventions.
371
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,307
So many party discoveries.
372
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,239
How are we supposed to stand
on the shoulders of giants?
373
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,279
Tell 'em, Teddy.
374
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,111
I'll tell you how.
375
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,067
Do you see that empty
space on the wall?
376
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,788
Let's fill it with dreams.
377
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:48,747
We are gonna end the year with the
most legendary rager of all time.
378
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,759
I'm talking even bigger than
last year's White Trash Bash.
379
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,959
No, no, no!
380
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,239
Seems like an impossible feat.
381
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,239
But when we do it,
382
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,519
we will get our
faces on that wall,
383
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,959
amidst the rest
of these legends!
384
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:06,959
Yes!
385
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,919
Pete, do you want to tell us about
your first summer as a Delta?
386
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,399
My parents got divorced.
387
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,479
- And where did you go?
- Right here.
388
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,839
- And what happened?
- I cried.
389
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,119
Why did you cry?
390
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:17,679
Because I felt safe.
391
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,959
Because I was surrounded
by my brothers.
392
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,079
Brothers have a bond that
goes beyond friendship.
393
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:28,439
We are the family you get to
choose, and we don't get divorced!
394
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:29,799
- No, we don't.
- We don't.
395
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,959
To believe in the
life of love...
396
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,479
...to walk in the way of honor,
397
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,439
to serve in the light of truth.
398
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,839
This is the life, the way,
the light of Delta Psi.
399
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,359
This is the creed
of our fraternity.
400
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:46,479
Can you take me higher?
401
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,199
Delta Psi.
402
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,959
Delta Psi.
403
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,479
Delta Psi, Delta Psi!
404
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:53,959
Delta Psi!
405
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,439
Delta Psi! Delta Psi!
406
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,079
Delta Psi! Delta Psi! Delta Psi!
407
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,543
- Christ!
- What the fuck?
408
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:02,879
They're so loud.
409
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,159
They're gonna wake Stella.
What do we...
410
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,399
What do you think we should do?
411
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,639
We should call the police.
412
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,879
No, no, no, no, no.
413
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,199
We can't do that.
414
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,559
We should go over there, okay?
And talk to them.
415
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,879
They'll listen to us if they
think we're cool, you know?
416
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,879
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, okay.
417
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,239
Okay.
418
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,026
Grab the baby monitor.
419
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,919
Hey, Mac, Kelly. What's up?
420
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:26,159
We hate to be these guys, but do
you mind just, like, kind of...
421
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,279
Just keep it down.
422
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:28,399
Just a little bit. A little bit.
423
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,439
The music?
424
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:30,759
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, just a tiny bit.
425
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,159
First off, my bad.
426
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:33,919
Yo, guys! Music check!
427
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,839
We have neighbors,
for Christ's sake!
428
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,039
- Come on.
- Thank you.
429
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,159
That's a big bong.
430
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,399
Is that a two-story bong?
431
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,599
I really appreciate
you guys coming by.
432
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,879
Out of control.
433
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,919
Awesome, man. Well,
thank you so much.
434
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,079
That's all we wanted.
435
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,105
- Cool.
- Great.
436
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,839
See you guys around.
437
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,079
Okay, thanks, man. Dope. Cool.
438
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,820
- Sweet.
- Yeah.
439
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:56,759
I think we should invite
the old people in.
440
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,039
They're old and lame.
441
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,439
I mean, yeah, I like their baby,
442
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,759
but this is no place for a baby.
443
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,199
Yeah, I know. But
they're our neighbors.
444
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,359
They can make our lives a living hell.
We need them on our side.
445
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:06,942
If we're cool with them now,
they'll be cool with us.
446
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,439
Hey, slow down!
447
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,599
Hey, there they are!
448
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:10,799
Where you going?
449
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:11,879
Do you guys want to come in?
450
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,439
You don't want us
to come back in.
451
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,599
I mean, no, we can't.
We couldn't possibly.
452
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,719
No, no, no.
453
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:16,799
Are you serious?
454
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,319
- I think you should.
- Come on.
455
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,439
- No, we've got the baby, so...
- We've got the baby. We can't.
456
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:21,719
Come on. Just real quick.
457
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,359
You have the baby
monitor right there.
458
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:24,559
We do, it's working.
459
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:25,639
It works perfectly.
460
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,199
You're, like, 10 feet away.
Come on.
461
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,279
Super quick tour.
462
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,119
- Just the tour, maybe.
- Just the tour.
463
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:32,599
- Just the tour. Cool.
- Oh, it's so exciting!
464
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,148
Oh, yeah! Magic mushrooms!
465
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:36,559
Slow down.
466
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:37,879
What the fuck is gonna happen?
467
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:42,146
I've been doing mushrooms since
before the fucking Internet existed.
468
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,999
That's a weird phone!
469
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,719
No, it's my baby monitor.
470
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,159
You should look,
you can see her.
471
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,679
Aw!
472
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,228
Peekaboo!
473
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,671
He's done.
474
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,744
- Peekaboo!
- Oh!
475
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,159
Oh, no, no. The monitor
is not working.
476
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,679
I gotta get back. Gotta
get back, gotta get back.
477
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,159
I'm gonna throw up.
478
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,991
Whoa...
479
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,679
I can't...
480
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,039
Right there. Yeah, yeah!
481
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:18,759
No, no, no!
482
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,879
Do you guys want to see
something amazing?
483
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,199
Yes, I want to see
something amazing.
484
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,199
- Yeah.
- What is it?
485
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,679
I know you're all wondering
why I brought you here.
486
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,261
Behold.
487
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,399
- Wow!
- Good job, man.
488
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,231
Yeah, take a bow.
489
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,359
Wait. Wait.
490
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,079
Welcome to the lion's
den, my friend.
491
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,319
Yes!
492
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,079
This is my room. Off
limits during parties.
493
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,919
This is where we keep
all the important shit.
494
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,399
Alcohol, drugs, passports,
ping-pong paddles.
495
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,199
Those things are always
fucking disappearing.
496
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,999
Yeah, dude. My bros is
always stealing my paddies.
497
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,159
Right? What the fuck?
498
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,879
Holy shit! That's a
lot of fireworks.
499
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,079
Can we light some of
those off right now?
500
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,239
No.
501
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:33,079
Man, literally, the last time we lit
those off, we burned the house down.
502
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:37,227
It's not funny. That
was really bad.
503
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,679
Check this out. Watch the yard.
504
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,261
- Ready?
- Yeah.
505
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,079
That's awesome.
506
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,759
Welcome to paradise.
507
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:48,919
Hey, who's Batman to you?
508
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,199
Like, when you think of
Batman, who's Batman?
509
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,279
Are you kidding me?
510
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,679
- Christian Bale?
- Christian Bale.
511
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,944
Michael Keaton is Batman to me.
512
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,911
"Where is she?"
513
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,799
Michael Keaton's
Batman was like,
514
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,559
"Hey, I'm Batman."
515
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,079
"No! Hey, I'm Batman!"
516
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:08,479
"No, dude, no. I'm Batman. This
is what Batman sounds like."
517
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:09,879
"I'm counting on it!"
518
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,599
"No, I'm counting on it.
I'm Batman."
519
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,719
We actually met in college.
Yeah.
520
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:14,919
Aw!
521
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,359
Yeah, I was here for
an exchange program.
522
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,439
I was only supposed
to stay a semester,
523
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,439
but then he convinced
me to hang around.
524
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:24,479
- Aw!
- Yeah.
525
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,479
What's cool is we're
almost roommates.
526
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:27,679
Dude, we are almost roommates.
527
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,319
Our rooms are, like, 10
feet away from each other.
528
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,559
Dude, we can have
walkie-talkies,
529
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,759
actually.
530
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,199
It would just work all the time.
It would be awesome.
531
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,799
Let's get walkie-talkies and
talk to each other all the time.
532
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,559
- Walkie-talkies and earpieces and shit.
- Oh, my God.
533
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:38,719
That would be so dope.
534
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:39,839
It'd be so fun.
535
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,959
So, how did you meet Teddy?
536
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,542
I saw him. He saw me.
537
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,479
Yeah.
538
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,399
It's a really romantic story.
539
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,919
Hold on to this moment, man.
Seriously, enjoy this.
540
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,599
Because soon, you fucking blink,
541
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,279
and you're the oldest
guy at the party,
542
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,599
and it's terrible.
543
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,439
You don't seem old.
544
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,341
You seem like a senior
that took a year abroad.
545
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,863
- Really?
- Yeah, man.
546
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,345
Bottom of my heart.
547
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,865
You want to swordfight?
548
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,071
Absolutely.
549
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,071
Aw!
550
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,239
Epic night!
551
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,479
Crazy! I owe you, man.
552
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,039
- I really needed that.
- Thank you so much.
553
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,959
Yeah, again, if you
can just generally
554
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,799
kind of, you know, keep it down.
555
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,959
Just keep it down.
556
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,319
- Just keep it down.
- Low.
557
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,599
That would be... That would be fucking...
That would be trill.
558
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:40,879
You really want us
to keep it down?
559
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,079
Yeah, like, every night.
560
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,759
Yeah, try to keep it down.
561
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,759
I'll give it the
old college try.
562
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:46,999
- Nice! That was good.
- Nice.
563
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,359
- Cool, cool.
- How is that?
564
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:51,279
Just make sure if we're too
noisy, you call me first.
565
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:52,599
Don't call the cops, okay?
566
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:53,759
- Okay. Yeah, for sure.
- Yeah.
567
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,119
- Do you promise?
- I promise.
568
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:56,399
Do you promise?
569
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,639
I promise. We promise.
570
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,719
You promise? Okay. Because a
promise is a big deal to me.
571
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,199
- Okay.
- Okay.
572
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,359
- We promise.
- Thank you so much, guys.
573
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,279
I hope you guys come over and
try and hang with us some more.
574
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,759
- Yeah, dope, dope. Cool.
- It was a good time.
575
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:09,999
I'll go tell them to shh!
576
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,159
Yeah.
577
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,599
See you guys.
578
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,386
Great night!
579
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,439
Hey, Teddy. It's Mac again.
Your neighbor.
580
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,879
You said to call if
it was ever too loud.
581
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,399
So, we're calling.
It's too loud.
582
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:29,839
Can you please keep it down?
583
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:33,279
It's 4:00 in the morning, our baby's awake.
She's freaking out.
584
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:34,519
Thank you.
585
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:35,679
Ten times.
586
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,599
I've called him ten times.
What do we do?
587
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,439
If we actually go over there
and tell them to keep it down,
588
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:40,479
we're gonna seem so lame.
589
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,559
We're gonna have
to call the cops.
590
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:42,599
- We call the cops?
- Yes.
591
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,599
He told us not to call the cops.
592
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:45,839
Do it anonymously.
593
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,079
They do our dirty work for us.
594
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:50,439
We're cool, they shut up,
she goes to sleep. Done.
595
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:51,879
We have no blood on our hands.
596
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,239
We're innocents. We're
innocents in all this.
597
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:55,599
- It's a good idea.
- It's a good system.
598
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,625
- Let's do it. Okay, I'm doing it.
- Let's do it.
599
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,239
Here we go. Here we go.
600
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,159
Here they are.
601
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,119
Okay.
602
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:08,351
I feel so lame. I can't
believe we called the cops.
603
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:11,879
They can't tell it's us.
604
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,719
They don't know it was us.
Could've been anyone.
605
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:14,959
- Could have been anyone.
- Any one of these people could have called.
606
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,439
We're not gonna get
caught for this.
607
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,944
Anyone would do this. This
isn't because we're old.
608
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,559
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- Oh!
609
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:24,999
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, no!
610
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,319
Oh, no! Oh, fuck!
611
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:27,479
Oh, no.
612
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,159
He sold us out.
613
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,519
Fuck, they're coming up the driveway.
Oh, shit, they're coming.
614
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,639
Oh, shit. They're right there.
615
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,159
- Just go, you answer it.
- You answer it.
616
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,119
You answer! You
are gonna answer.
617
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,319
You do it. You do it. You do it.
618
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,799
We're just getting dressed!
I'm naked!
619
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,599
- No, I see you guys right there.
- One moment.
620
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,359
Act like you just woke up.
621
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,506
Hey.
622
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,826
Hello, are you Mac?
623
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,879
Yeah. What's happening?
624
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,950
You called about your neighbors?
625
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,820
No.
626
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,119
No.
627
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:02,199
I have a call, it's from Mac Radner.
That's you. Right?
628
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,359
Yeah. How do you have
that information?
629
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,181
We have caller ID. We're cops.
630
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,839
Everybody has caller ID.
You're Mac Radner.
631
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:10,919
Okay, yes.
632
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:12,959
You called us. Why
did you call us?
633
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,359
I called the cops because
you were being noisy, man.
634
00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:18,039
And I tried to get you to
stop, and you wouldn't stop.
635
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,199
They won't stop partying!
636
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:20,319
Officer, you know how it is.
637
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:21,399
We're just trying
to get to sleep.
638
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:22,879
- We have a little baby.
- We have a baby.
639
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,839
- Mac's working in the morning.
- We got jobs.
640
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,679
They were at the party
with us just last night.
641
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,719
- Did you party with this kid?
- We don't party with them!
642
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,759
We shouldn't be in trouble. We
haven't done anything wrong.
643
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:31,879
We have a baby. We're parents.
644
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:33,984
Well then, what do
you call these?
645
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,599
I'm too fucked up! Ahhh! Ahhh!
646
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,559
Well, it looks like you guys
were partying with him.
647
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:40,839
You party pretty heavy.
648
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,199
That's a joke photo!
649
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,399
- It's a joke?
- That's a joke!
650
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:45,679
It's not a good joke.
651
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:46,999
Okay, you know what?
Let's end this.
652
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,039
I'm sorry. I rescind
the complaint.
653
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,159
You can go. No noise complaint.
654
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,199
You know the boy who cried wolf?
655
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:54,399
You're that boy.
656
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,559
- Okay, I cried wolf.
- Never call us again.
657
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,108
Never call you again?
You're the fucking police.
658
00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:01,599
Look, man, we're sorry.
659
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:02,759
You were being noisy.
660
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,319
We tried to call you. I
don't know what to say.
661
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,079
We called you five times,
you didn't answer us.
662
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:07,759
You made a promise
to me last night.
663
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,159
We were pissing. We
crossed streams.
664
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:11,759
Don't worry about it, you know?
665
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,319
"Hey, I'm Batman." You know?
Right?
666
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,559
No, we're done with that, bro.
667
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,359
- We're still cool, man. We're still cool.
- We're sorry.
668
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:19,199
I'm not mad.
669
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,279
I'm just disappointed.
670
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,748
Hey, come on. Wait,
let's just...
671
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,301
What's that?
672
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:29,959
Those are for you.
673
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,679
What the fuck?
674
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,420
Oh.
675
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,639
You shouldn't have
called the cops, bro!
676
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,426
Okay.
677
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,719
Okay, very good.
678
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:42,799
Very good.
679
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:44,559
- Okay.
- Congratulations.
680
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,159
You better put that
in the recycling bin.
681
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:47,661
- All Of it.
- All Of it.
682
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,639
It's like Edward Scissorhands.
Do you like it?
683
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,319
It's a really expensive bush!
684
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,719
I'm sorry, I felt inspiration.
What was I supposed to do?
685
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,039
I'm about to rip this
shit out of the ground.
686
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:00,919
- Fuck this bush!
- Fuck that bush, man!
687
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,559
- Fuck this bush!
- Fuck that bush!
688
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,839
Harder, man. Yeah,
really get in there.
689
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:06,559
- Oh! Oh!
- God damn it! Kelly!
690
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,119
Whoa. Hey, man, buy
him dinner first.
691
00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:09,621
Fuck this bush!
692
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:12,839
- Oh!
- Shit!
693
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:14,439
Okay. Ha-ha.
694
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,863
Sorry, man. Sorry my ball
just got in your face.
695
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,663
- I love you.
- Baby.
696
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:26,159
Oh, God.
697
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,105
I can't believe
this is happening.
698
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,079
It's finally happening.
699
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,439
- What the fuck?
- Oh, my God!
700
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,279
Oh, no! Oh, no!
701
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,199
We can't be the only
people in the neighborhood
702
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:39,359
who are sick of this
bullshit, you know.
703
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:40,919
We've gotta get
everyone on our side.
704
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,199
We could lead a revolution.
705
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,701
Oh, no.
706
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,319
They're buying off the whole
neighborhood with their slave army.
707
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,983
Oh! Mrs. Haywood, you're
better than that.
708
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,479
I can't sell your house.
709
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:57,639
- Why?
- Well,
710
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,510
because the only people who would
want to live next to a frat house
711
00:27:00,511 --> 00:27:01,999
is a frat house.
712
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,959
Oh, the university
might be interested.
713
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,879
I know the Spanish department
is looking for a new building.
714
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,639
Only thing, if you sell
to the university,
715
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,199
I'd say, optimistically,
you're looking
716
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,039
at losing about half
your investment.
717
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:15,399
Half of all of our...
718
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,919
- We put all of our money in.
- This is all of our money.
719
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,079
We can't lose half.
720
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,559
But you keep half.
721
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,239
We don't need that!
What is that?
722
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:23,479
Sold!
723
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,239
And you keep making
money no matter what!
724
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,039
Real estate is a fickle bitch.
725
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,319
Okay, maybe it's
best you just go.
726
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:30,719
- Thank you for coming.
- Okay.
727
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:31,919
That was not helpful.
728
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,706
Well, okay.
729
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,479
- What are you wearing?
- What is this?
730
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,119
- What are you doing?
- Yeah.
731
00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:39,270
We're throwing a
Robert De Niro party.
732
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,479
Should be pretty fucking loud.
733
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,119
It's probably gonna go
pretty fucking late, too.
734
00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:46,559
I'm Taxi Driver De Niro.
735
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,399
Yeah, I'm Meet the
Fockers De Niro.
736
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,799
I'm watching you.
I'm watching you.
737
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,799
Who painted that mole on your face?
Did you do that yourself?
738
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,999
Yes, I did. Yes, I did, Focker.
739
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,359
Who are you?
740
00:27:57,360 --> 00:28:00,864
Oh, I'm Sam Jackson, you
know, from Jackie Brown.
741
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:02,199
Hoo-ah!
742
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:03,719
Hoo-ah!
743
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,199
- That's Al Pacino.
- That's not even... Yeah.
744
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:06,359
Scent of a Woman.
745
00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:08,100
Hoo-ah!
746
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:09,879
There's no consistency here.
747
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:11,639
You're all over the place
with your references.
748
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:12,799
You're upsetting Jinxy cat.
749
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,399
Just stop doing this stupid shit!
We're sorry.
750
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,039
Hey, when you called the cops, you
violated the circle of trust, Focker.
751
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,542
We're sorry we called
the cops, okay?
752
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:22,559
Are you talking to me?
753
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:23,759
- Yes.
- Yes.
754
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:24,839
Are you talking to me?
755
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:25,959
- Yes!
- Yes!
756
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,119
No, you talking to me.
757
00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:28,479
- Are you talking to me?
- Are you talking to me?
758
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:29,799
I don't see anyone else here.
759
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,039
I don't see anyone
else here, either!
760
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,239
We're trying to talk to you.
761
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,679
"The path of the righteous man
is beset on all sides..."
762
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,719
What the fuck are you doing? That's
the wrong Sam Jackson speech!
763
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,640
Are you talking to me, or
are you talking to him?
764
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:43,759
- Just get off!
- Are you talking to me?
765
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:44,919
Shut the fuck up!
766
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:45,999
You get the fuck out of here.
767
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,501
Stop it!
768
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,599
Hey. What's nice
is in a few years,
769
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,999
we'll have a third person
to help us do this.
770
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,581
Hey.
771
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,829
What do you got there, sweetie?
772
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,026
Is that a balloon?
773
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:00,991
Did you find a balloon?
774
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,919
Oh, shit! That's not a balloon!
775
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,159
Oh, Jesus!
776
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:06,879
Oh, God! Oh, no!
777
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,359
Help! Help!
778
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,599
Get the fuck... Get out of my way!
Move!
779
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,909
- Doctor! Doctor!
- Oh, God!
780
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,185
- All right.
- Hey.
781
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,864
Your baby
782
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,399
has HIV.
783
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:25,679
Oh, my God.
784
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,103
Is how bad this could have gone.
785
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,799
The condom was unused.
786
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:31,159
Are you fucking kidding me?
787
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,584
Who the fuck says that
to a couple of parents?
788
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:36,839
Hey! Ma'am!
789
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:38,079
Chill out, chill out!
790
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,519
They are dangerous
to the neighborhood!
791
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,919
There's a clear focus
going on here.
792
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:42,359
I heard they burned
down their last house.
793
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,359
And they were
reprimanded for that.
794
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,679
We have a very strict three-strike
policy at this school.
795
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,679
So, they have one strike. If they
get two more, then they're out.
796
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:51,839
A strike?
797
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:53,839
Well, listen, the
way I do my job is,
798
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,359
you know, I'm always thinking
about the headlines, right?
799
00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:01,239
So, "Duke Lacrosse Team Rapes
Stripper." Bad headline.
800
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,119
"Fraternity Keeps Couple Awake"?
801
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,359
That's not really
even a headline.
802
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,559
I don't even think it would
make the local police blotter.
803
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,559
Get ready to read the
headline of the century.
804
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,719
Extra, extra! "Baby
Swallows Condom!"
805
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:14,559
- That's disgusting!
- Exactly!
806
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,119
- It's the frat's condom!
- That's the frat's condom!
807
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:17,799
I have a headline for this.
808
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,159
"Fraternity Practices Safe Sex."
809
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,559
That's a good headline. I could
get a raise off that headline.
810
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,119
I got a headline for you.
811
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:29,479
"Mean Dean Doesn't Realize That
Frat ls Bad For Everyone."
812
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:30,719
It's really not.
813
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,119
It's very poorly worded. I don't think
that would ever make it to print.
814
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,439
I don't know where
you went to school.
815
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,959
I went here, okay?
That's why I'm dumb!
816
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,159
You know what? I just thought
of another headline.
817
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:42,903
"Negligent Parents Allow
Baby to Swallow Condom."
818
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,504
- What'd you say?
- It's not a good headline.
819
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,119
Here's a headline. How
about, "Go Fuck Yourself"?
820
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,279
That's what you get.
821
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:50,559
- This is our home!
- It's our home!
822
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,919
This is our little cub on our
lawn with a condom in her mouth.
823
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,919
Oh, my God. I'm a mama bear.
824
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:57,119
- Yes, you are.
- You know what?
825
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,039
I'm gonna act all
docile and then...
826
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,102
My claws are out! I'm
gonna fucking get them!
827
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,679
Fuck these fucking guys!
828
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,359
They don't know who
they are fucking with.
829
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,279
They think I'm
just a regular dad
830
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,079
and then you know what happens?
831
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:11,439
Boom! Boom!
832
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,039
Teddy's dead! Pete's dead!
Scoonie's dead!
833
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,279
- Fuck you!
- No, no.
834
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:16,799
- I'll fucking kill them!
- No, no.
835
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,479
- Boom!
- No.
836
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,079
- I'm buying a fucking gun!
- No, you're not!
837
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,439
I'm not buying a gun! You're
right, it's a bad idea.
838
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:23,519
Bad call.
839
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:24,679
What about one of those
small prostitute guns?
840
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:26,519
No. You're not buying a gun.
841
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:27,759
Fuck!
842
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,119
What can we do?
That fucking Dean.
843
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,559
What woman is named "Dean"?
844
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,479
She's not named "Dean."
That's her job.
845
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,479
- What?
- That's what "dean" is here.
846
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:36,639
- No.
- Yeah.
847
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,159
- Really?
- What did you think?
848
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:39,559
- I thought that was her name.
- No.
849
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:40,759
Oh, no.
850
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:42,799
- What do they call it in Australia?
- "Chancellor."
851
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,719
No, she's the chancellor.
852
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,839
Oh, my God. I was
so rude to her.
853
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:48,839
- I don't know what to do.
- What do we know?
854
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,159
What didn't we have in college?
855
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:51,839
I didn't have any money.
856
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,079
- I had no money either.
- We had no money.
857
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:54,319
They're broke. They
don't have any money.
858
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,159
We fuck with their house.
They can't afford to fix it.
859
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:57,639
- Yes.
- They have to move.
860
00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:58,999
- Yeah, fuck them!
- Fuck them!
861
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,279
- We're gonna fucking fuck them!
- Fuck them!
862
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,703
- We are going to fuck them!
- Fuck them!
863
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,959
- So the water came out of here?
- Yep.
864
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,519
This is gonna ruin us.
865
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:29,359
I mean, the foundation is flooded.
We can't pay for this shit.
866
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,039
They're gonna condemn the house.
867
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,519
Okay, well, on that note,
868
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,159
maybe we should clean up and not
869
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,185
stand here with our
dicks in our hands.
870
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:39,464
"Dicks in our hands."
871
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,949
Dicks in our hands.
872
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,029
Dicks in our hands.
873
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,549
Dicks in our hands.
874
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,799
Dicks in our hands.
875
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,239
Teddy, how much time we got?
876
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:01,559
Just a couple minutes, and
then we pour in the latex.
877
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,142
We've got Delta Psi dildos
we can merchandise.
878
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,782
Oh, God, I can't keep
my boner much longer.
879
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:08,359
We're supposed to have boners?
880
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:10,399
Yeah. Nobody wants a limp dildo.
881
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:14,159
You don't know that. People
could want it for after.
882
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,759
Like, for cuddling, and
it's like a love...
883
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:19,599
Okay, you're right.
It's just a limp dick.
884
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,399
Hey, you boys have
to go digital.
885
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,039
Look at that 3-D printer go.
886
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:25,159
Look at it go!
887
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:26,599
That's awesome.
888
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:27,759
Penis completed.
889
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,439
Now I can go to class
while my dick prints.
890
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:31,559
Where did you get that?
891
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,239
Got it at my architecture lab.
Pretty cool, right?
892
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:34,679
- Wow.
- Man, you should go to class sometime.
893
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,039
We have excellent facilities
that, like, no one uses.
894
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,159
All right, let's pull these bad
boys off and see what we've got.
895
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:40,279
- We're good?
- Yeah.
896
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:41,479
Let's do it.
897
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,519
- This is like Christmas.
- Oh!
898
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,101
- Wow.
- Whoa.
899
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,719
Hey, you know, I think the
clay is stuck to my pubes.
900
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,585
Why do you have pubes?
901
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:52,959
Wait. You guys shaved?
902
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,759
Dude, I texted you.
I said, "Shave."
903
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:56,919
I thought we were taking pictures.
I cleaned up a little, but...
904
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,467
Not your face.
905
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:00,799
Oh, God.
906
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:02,039
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
907
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:03,439
- Don't worry about it.
- I'm gonna enjoy this.
908
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:04,599
It's not gonna come off.
909
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:05,959
I'm just gonna leave it on.
910
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,559
I'm gonna drill a hole, I'm gonna pee.
I can get bigger pants.
911
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,439
Look at me. You trust me, right?
912
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:11,479
I'm gonna pull this thing off.
913
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:12,639
Come on, just relax. I got you.
914
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:14,039
Stay the fuck away from me!
915
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:15,799
Calm down. Count of three.
916
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,439
- Teddy...
- One.
917
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:18,479
Look at my eyes.
918
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,311
Two!
919
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,639
That was so much worse
than I thought.
920
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,559
Ladies, I need a
single-file line.
921
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:33,919
There will be no
cutting in this line,
922
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,399
and if you're in the back, it is
approximately a 20-minute wait.
923
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:37,639
- Hey.
- Hi.
924
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,999
- Um... I'll take a Teddy.
- Cool. How about a Pete?
925
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,319
Oh, no.
926
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:42,639
I was just kidding, anyway.
927
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:43,999
So weird.
928
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:47,119
Holy shit, guys. I
think we made $10,000.
929
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:48,999
Hey, you guys, if my
calculations are correct,
930
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,919
not only can we fix
the water damage,
931
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:54,583
but we can get the biggest
hot tub in the world!
932
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:56,799
And outdoor speakers!
933
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,999
- Yes!
- Yeah!
934
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,799
Delta Psi!
935
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:02,439
Delta Psi.
936
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:06,519
Delta Psi! Delta Psi! Delta Psi!
937
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,039
Dildo Psi!
938
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:11,111
Dildo Psi! Dildo Psi!
939
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,239
This is fucking ridiculous.
940
00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:18,439
This is ridiculous.
941
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,519
Their dicks bought a hot tub?
My dick couldn't buy a hot tub.
942
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:22,879
Hey.
943
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,543
Your dick could buy more than a hot tub.
Your dick bought me.
944
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:28,159
Thank you very much.
945
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:29,799
I'm not a sizeist.
946
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,064
That's a little patronizing.
947
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,470
I don't get it. Who would
even buy one of those dildos?
948
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:46,319
Bros before hos.
949
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:49,399
Why? Because your bros are
always there for you.
950
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:53,199
They have got your back after
your ho rips your heart out.
951
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:54,559
"Bros before hos."
952
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,319
And you were nothing
but great to your ho.
953
00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,879
And you told her that she
was the only ho for you,
954
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:03,543
and that she was better than all
the other hos in the world.
955
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,062
Bros before hos.
956
00:36:07,240 --> 00:36:09,239
Fraternities. They live and die
on the concept of brotherhood.
957
00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:10,319
I know.
958
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,359
The only way to break it
apart is to get in there,
959
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:16,079
infiltrate a party, and get
them to put hos before bros.
960
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,439
Hos don't go before bros. It
just doesn't work like that.
961
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:19,919
A ho has never
gone before a bro.
962
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,199
Maybe I have been a ho who's
taken down some bros.
963
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:23,919
- Ho, no, you haven't.
- I'm just saying.
964
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,119
You have? That is messed up.
965
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:27,519
I'm saying, that's the only way.
966
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:29,279
We've got to get in there,
we gotta infiltrate.
967
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:32,039
Get those little motherfuckers,
turn them against each other.
968
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:33,239
- Okay.
- I'm serious.
969
00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:34,519
Just ease up.
970
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:35,759
Sorry.
971
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:37,879
She's on the fast road to her
first word being "cunt."
972
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:39,679
- It's not cool here.
- Sorry.
973
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,399
We're gonna make them
put hos before bros.
974
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,471
Step one, lock
down a babysitter.
975
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,199
Get this one taken care of.
976
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:47,439
- Yeah?
- Right?
977
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:48,559
- Yeah?
- Right?
978
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,903
- Yeah.
- We're gonna get these guys.
979
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,279
- Yo.
- I've been waiting forever.
980
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:53,479
- Yeah, glad you made it.
- Whoa, whoa!
981
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,639
- What is she doing here?
- Wait. What is he doing here?
982
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:57,079
Look, we're friends
with both of you.
983
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,479
Fucking just learn to
deal with it, okay?
984
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,119
This is an abomination.
985
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,959
You... Right now, both of you
have to make a choice right now.
986
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,239
Me or her, choose. It's up to you.
You choose.
987
00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:07,279
Shut the fuck up.
988
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:09,225
We're on a mission.
989
00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:11,265
Yes, ma'am. I was just kidding.
990
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:13,159
Yo.
991
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:14,519
You here to ask us to
turn the music down?
992
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:15,999
Because that's not gonna happen.
993
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,184
No, we're here to tell
you to turn it up.
994
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,159
Shit, homie, we've been
beefing for too long.
995
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,185
We just want to squash
this like a bug.
996
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,399
That's all my weed, and it's
really hard for me to get weed.
997
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,981
Oh, shit.
998
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,159
Okay, you guys can come in.
999
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:32,839
No 'shrooms for you, mister.
1000
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:33,999
Don't worry about it, man.
1001
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:35,626
All right.
1002
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,879
Okay, Teddy's fucking Brooke,
but Brooke wants to fuck Pete.
1003
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,639
But she's afraid because Pete
and Teddy are best friends.
1004
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,119
We've gotta get Brooke to
hook up with Pete publicly.
1005
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,639
Then Teddy is gonna
want to kill Pete
1006
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,505
and the whole frat will implode.
1007
00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:14,439
Paula, flirt with Scoonie. Keep
him talking and distracted.
1008
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,959
Okey-dokey.
1009
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,559
Jimmy, isolate Whitney.
1010
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:18,719
Okey-dokey.
1011
00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:20,159
What do I do? Do I
get to do something?
1012
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:21,879
You're on Teddy patrol.
Keep him close.
1013
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,079
He's gotta see them hooking up.
1014
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:24,399
Otherwise, this plan won't work.
1015
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:25,719
And remember, once
they start kissing,
1016
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:28,999
we've only got a few minutes before
they go upstairs and start fucking.
1017
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:30,759
- Okay, let's do it.
- Okay?
1018
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,307
- Let's go.
- Go team.
1019
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:37,559
What? What?
1020
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,159
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
1021
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,639
Cutting through.
1022
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,719
What it is, y'all.
1023
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:44,719
What's up?
1024
00:38:44,720 --> 00:38:46,239
What's this, a dance-off?
1025
00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:48,559
I don't know, bitch.
Is it a dance-off?
1026
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,559
- You tell me.
- I think it's a dance-off.
1027
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:51,639
Oh, Shit!
1028
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:53,999
Dance-off!
1029
00:38:58,240 --> 00:39:01,079
Jesus Christ, not
another dance-off.
1030
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:02,719
He likes them.
1031
00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:04,399
How about some shots, guys?
1032
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:05,839
Okay, yeah!
1033
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,671
Sure!
1034
00:39:41,240 --> 00:39:43,479
- Cheers.
- Here we go.
1035
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:45,266
Cheers. Here we go.
1036
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,904
- Another one!
- Another one!
1037
00:39:51,720 --> 00:39:53,279
One more, one more, one more.
1038
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:55,191
- I can't.
- No.
1039
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:56,919
I don't want to.
1040
00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:58,399
Oh, shit.
1041
00:39:58,400 --> 00:39:59,919
I think I'm drunk.
1042
00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:02,159
You guys are so cute together.
1043
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:03,319
- No!
- No!
1044
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:04,879
No. She's my...
1045
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:05,999
- I'm with Teddy.
- She's with Teddy.
1046
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,519
So you guys have
never hooked up?
1047
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:08,919
No!
1048
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:10,199
You're blushing.
1049
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,350
- No, I'm not.
- You are.
1050
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,591
You guys have gotta relax.
1051
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:26,386
Shit!
1052
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,519
You're so cute. You're
like a little possum.
1053
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:34,479
- Look at you.
- I'm a possum.
1054
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,220
I'm a possum.
1055
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:47,879
No...
1056
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,031
No! No, no, no, okay? No!
1057
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,621
Just a little taste,
a little taste.
1058
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,319
That was sexy. Can I make
out with someone now?
1059
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,799
What are you doing? We have 60
seconds before they go upstairs.
1060
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:14,999
Get in the dance circle.
1061
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,119
Okay, okay. I'm
winning, by the way.
1062
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,079
- Hey, man.
- Oh, shit!
1063
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,184
I think Teddy saw you.
1064
00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:22,599
What? No.
1065
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:25,307
No, no, no. Shit. Shit.
1066
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:29,639
Hey, what's up, man?
1067
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:30,719
Hey, man.
1068
00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:31,999
What's up?
1069
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,479
What's up? You good?
1070
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:35,919
Yeah, I'm good, man.
How's it going?
1071
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,919
- Everything's good.
- Fucking great party.
1072
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:39,239
- Great party, right?
- Awesome party.
1073
00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:40,319
Yeah?
1074
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,106
- Yeah, man.
- Yeah.
1075
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,639
And we got a fight over here!
1076
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,023
Fuck, are you okay, man?
Dude, I'm so...
1077
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:58,599
Oh!
1078
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:00,864
Is that how people fight now?
What are they doing?
1079
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:02,467
Let go, let go.
1080
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:04,039
I'll never let go.
1081
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,827
I'll hold onto your
balls forever.
1082
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,399
What are you thinking about?
1083
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:16,231
Why are you so calm?
1084
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,039
What the fuck? Ew!
1085
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,479
So gross!
1086
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,359
I never wanted to have
to use that on you!
1087
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:24,479
What the fuck, man?
1088
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,199
It's a blessing and a curse!
1089
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,719
Get the fuck out of here!
You're so gross!
1090
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,145
God damn it.
1091
00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:34,719
Throw shit off the porch!
1092
00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:37,879
Throw shit off the porch.
Throw shit off the porch.
1093
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,065
Let's throw shit off the porch!
Whoo!
1094
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,439
- Yes!
- Come on, Delta Psi!
1095
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,590
Whoa!
1096
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,220
Holy fuck.
1097
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:06,822
Somebody call 911!
1098
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:10,039
He's still alive.
1099
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:11,639
He's still alive!
1100
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:13,079
He's still alive.
1101
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:14,639
Oh, shit.
1102
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:15,999
We didn't kill anyone.
We didn't kill anyone.
1103
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,239
Hey, guys!
1104
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:19,039
What do you think
of my new necklace?
1105
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:20,905
It's a choker.
1106
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:26,119
I fucking did it!
I totally did it.
1107
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:27,781
We couldn't have
planned it better.
1108
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:30,223
That was incredible!
1109
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:32,266
We're celebrating.
1110
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:33,759
Fuck it. I'll pump and dump.
1111
00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:53,267
We fucking did it.
1112
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:55,039
- Baby.
- Yeah.
1113
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,719
Baby, let's be spontaneous. Let's
go fuck on the kitchen floor.
1114
00:44:57,720 --> 00:44:58,919
- Yes!
- Come on.
1115
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,439
- Let's do that shit. Whoo!
- Let's do it!
1116
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,199
- Let's do something we've never done.
- Okay.
1117
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:05,159
I don't know. Hit
me with something.
1118
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:06,799
- Okay.
- Smack me.
1119
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,199
Let's be crazy.
1120
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:09,599
- Okay.
- Ow! Fuck!
1121
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:11,879
Fuck! Hey! Shit, stop! Stop! I
don't like it, I don't like it!
1122
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:13,399
- I like it.
- I don't like it, stop!
1123
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:14,759
- This is turning me on.
- I don't like it.
1124
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,119
- I like it.
- Don't do that!
1125
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,159
- Sorry.
- It hurts.
1126
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:18,279
- Okay.
- Okay.
1127
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,679
Let's do something crazy.
1128
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:21,830
Why don't I stick
something up your ass?
1129
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,599
No, not tonight. Not tonight.
1130
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:25,719
Can I stick something
up your ass?
1131
00:45:25,720 --> 00:45:26,799
No, I'm not that drunk.
1132
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:27,999
Oh, I'm gonna come soon.
1133
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:29,519
Okay, I'm not even close.
1134
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:30,959
- I'm gonna come.
- Come, baby.
1135
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,159
- I'm coming.
- Are you close?
1136
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:34,799
Come on.
1137
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,679
And... I'm too drunk to come.
1138
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:38,479
I'm not gonna come.
1139
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,639
- It's gone mushy.
- Thank you, sire.
1140
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:44,319
I will take the gentleman's
route out and call it a day,
1141
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:48,559
for no ejaculation will be occurring
due to over-intoxication.
1142
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:50,186
Thank you.
1143
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,159
That's how adults do it.
1144
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:55,279
I love you, baby.
1145
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:56,919
Baby, I love you.
1146
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:58,159
We're a great team.
1147
00:45:58,160 --> 00:45:59,866
Baby, we're a hot team.
1148
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:03,423
My boobs really hurt.
1149
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,799
I think I should probably pump.
1150
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,879
My boobs are feeling
really full.
1151
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:10,119
I like 'em like that.
1152
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:13,100
I like 'em full, baby.
1153
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,199
- We did it.
- We did it.
1154
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,799
That's a beautiful thing.
1155
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,679
Bros before hos, motherfucker.
1156
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:26,519
That dude forgot
the golden rule.
1157
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:28,519
I feel like shit.
1158
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:29,679
But I love it.
1159
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:33,359
Oh, my boobs.
1160
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:34,759
Oh, God.
1161
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:36,879
- I gotta feed Stella.
- Okay.
1162
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:40,224
Is she awake? I'm
more milk than woman.
1163
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:42,399
I gotta get this out of me.
1164
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,390
Get it out of you.
1165
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:48,399
Wait. Wait, wait, wait!
1166
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,439
Wait. Wait, no! Wait!
1167
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:53,559
Wait. Wait. Wait.
1168
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:55,119
Whoa. Wait. Wait.
1169
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,119
- No, no, no!
- What? What?
1170
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:58,719
Don't slap my boob.
1171
00:46:58,720 --> 00:47:01,587
There's booze in your boobs.
There's booze in your boobs.
1172
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,439
It's poison. It's alcohol.
1173
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,624
There's alcohol in there.
1174
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:08,799
It's like a White Russian.
Lay down, sweetie.
1175
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:11,239
Oh, it fucking hurts! I
need this milk out of me.
1176
00:47:11,240 --> 00:47:13,868
- Okay, we'll get that milk out.
- Get the pump. Ow!
1177
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,199
Okay, I got it.
1178
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,199
- Fuck me!
- Fucking idiot!
1179
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:19,639
- What are you doing?
- I'm sorry.
1180
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:22,119
Fuck. Oh, no. Okay, relax.
1181
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:23,439
I'm sorry. What the fuck?
1182
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:25,599
It broke. I totally broke it.
1183
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,799
I don't even know what the
fuck to do with this.
1184
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:28,959
Oh, no.
1185
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:30,586
Oh, shit!
1186
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:32,999
Oh, they're Hulking out!
They're gonna blow.
1187
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:34,759
What is happening to me?
1188
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:38,628
Oh, gross! They look
like my grandma's legs.
1189
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:41,759
Okay, let me call my mom. She'll
tell us what to do right now.
1190
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,279
Do not call your mother!
1191
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,799
Jesus! You Jews and
your fucking mothers!
1192
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,039
What do I do?
1193
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:48,199
- Milk me.
- What?
1194
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:49,439
You're gonna have to milk me.
1195
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:51,479
- I don't want to milk you.
- Well, you're gonna have to.
1196
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,279
I don't fucking want to!
What do you mean "milk you"?
1197
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:54,439
You don't have a choice!
1198
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:55,679
Be a man and milk me.
1199
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:57,959
Milk yourself! Try
milking yourself!
1200
00:47:57,960 --> 00:47:59,039
I can't...
1201
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:00,719
Ow!
1202
00:48:00,720 --> 00:48:02,239
Oh! I'm sorry. Okay.
1203
00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:04,759
Get on your hands and knees.
We need a pail or something.
1204
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,719
- What?
- You gotta get on your hands and knees.
1205
00:48:06,720 --> 00:48:09,039
- I'm not a cow!
- Well, how else do you do it?
1206
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:10,159
Just, normal.
1207
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:12,319
There's no normal way
to milk a human woman.
1208
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:13,981
- Okay, okay!
- Come on!
1209
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:16,639
Ow!
1210
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:18,199
I can't do it. Don't
yell, just try to...
1211
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:19,986
- Come on! Ow!
- I'm sorry.
1212
00:48:20,240 --> 00:48:21,519
It's not working.
1213
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:24,559
Oh, fuck!
1214
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:26,199
- Oh, fuck.
- Oh, God.
1215
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:27,999
Yeah!
1216
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,279
Boo-ya!
1217
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:30,639
Okay.
1218
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,346
Whoo!
1219
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:34,439
We are not high-fiving.
1220
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:35,919
Oh, God.
1221
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:37,279
It tastes funny.
1222
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:39,319
They say it tastes good to the baby.
It tastes funny to me.
1223
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,709
- Just relax. Just settle down.
- Okay.
1224
00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:45,348
I got, like, four
pails out of you.
1225
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:47,119
We should go mom tipping later.
1226
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:48,879
Hey, too soon.
1227
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:50,519
- Okay, too soon.
- Way too soon.
1228
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:53,944
Yeah, I agree. I'm just trying
to lighten the moo-ood.
1229
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,919
Moo-ood.
1230
00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:58,639
- Stop it.
- I know.
1231
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:01,029
I'm gonna move back to
Australia if you don't stop.
1232
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:03,199
Now I can't stop
thinking of them.
1233
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:04,719
- Okay.
- Mac...
1234
00:49:04,720 --> 00:49:06,879
That was udder-ly traumatic.
1235
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:08,159
Please stop.
1236
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:11,550
How much of you is traumatized?
2%? 1%?
1237
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:13,079
That was a cheesy one.
1238
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:14,399
- That was good.
- You like that?
1239
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:16,159
You did it. See?
1240
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:17,519
Yeah?
1241
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,359
But you know what?
You hear that?
1242
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:20,719
It's victory.
1243
00:49:20,720 --> 00:49:22,039
We can finally go
back to our lives.
1244
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:23,780
It's over.
1245
00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:26,039
What the heck are you guys doing here?
Where's Pete?
1246
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:27,679
I don't know. At some
job fair or some shit.
1247
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:29,359
What the heck's more
important than this?
1248
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,199
Hey, I just wanna
let you guys know
1249
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,599
that I ate a whole pot brownie
before coming in here
1250
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:36,039
- and I am really starting to feel it right now.
- Yeah.
1251
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:37,639
Why would you do that?
1252
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:40,399
Guys, don't talk. Please
let me handle this.
1253
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:41,519
Okay.
1254
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:47,586
"Fraternity Severely Injures
Economics Professor."
1255
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:49,159
What is this?
1256
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:50,439
It's a headline.
1257
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,479
Is it a good one, or a bad one?
1258
00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:53,639
It's a bad one.
1259
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:55,279
Yeah, it's a really bad one.
1260
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:56,879
It's a bad one.
1261
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,399
I promise you, as the
President of Delta Psi,
1262
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:02,039
that we will find a way
to right this wrong.
1263
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,500
Very sorry about this.
1264
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,039
You know what? That's it.
1265
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:09,159
That's two strikes.
1266
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:11,079
You're on probation until
the end of the year.
1267
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,359
Okay? You so much
as throw a party,
1268
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:17,359
generate a noise complaint, or
end up on any sort of headline,
1269
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:18,919
and you are out.
1270
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,319
Please don't put
us on probation.
1271
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,119
What about the
end-of-the-year bash, Teddy?
1272
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:24,479
I mean, we have to get on the
wall, plus we bought the kegs.
1273
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,439
What, is she gonna reimburse
us for those kegs?
1274
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:28,159
- Are you gonna reimburse us for those kegs?
- No.
1275
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:30,230
Scoonie. Not now.
1276
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:32,501
Get out!
1277
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:34,799
I'm so sorry.
1278
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:36,039
Mmm-hmm.
1279
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:39,119
I just want to let you know, I ate a
pot brownie before coming in here.
1280
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:42,279
I'm the opposite of the
person you say that to.
1281
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:45,784
That could have been two
strikes, right there.
1282
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:50,791
Oh, there he is.
1283
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:52,239
Holy shit.
1284
00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:54,199
I'm just kidding. Sort of.
1285
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:55,559
What's up, man?
1286
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:57,079
Thanks for missing
our meeting, Mr. VP.
1287
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,679
I had this job interview, so...
1288
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:02,159
No, no, clearly you had more
important things to do.
1289
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:03,359
Yeah.
1290
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:04,919
So, how'd the meeting go?
1291
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,159
Oh, it went great.
It went great.
1292
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:07,999
We're on probation.
We can't party.
1293
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,423
- Shit. That's a bummer.
- Mmm-hmm.
1294
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:18,079
So, are we cool with what
happened last night?
1295
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,399
Bros before hos. Right?
1296
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:21,947
- Yeah.
- Right?
1297
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:23,479
Yeah, man.
1298
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:25,391
Junk before trunk.
1299
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:27,719
All right, balls before dolls.
1300
00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:30,519
Compadres before I
sleep with tu madres.
1301
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:32,439
Brad Pitt before grab clit.
1302
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,079
Deez nuts before skinny sluts.
1303
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:35,879
Masturbate before I
ask her to date.
1304
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:38,519
Beef stew before
watching The View.
1305
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,279
Male erection before
One Direction.
1306
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:44,559
Mario and Luigi before
Thelma & Louise-ee.
1307
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:47,359
Bert and Ernie before
squirtin' spermy.
1308
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:51,519
Man purses before
regular purses.
1309
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:52,639
- Makes sense.
- Yeah.
1310
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:53,679
- Okay.
- It does.
1311
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:56,999
Sports before genital warts...
No, fuckin'. That's bad.
1312
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,039
- That was a little weird.
- I'm fading a little bit.
1313
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:00,985
John Madden before...
1314
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:03,879
- Jasmine from Aladdin!
- Jasmine from Aladdin!
1315
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:04,919
Yes!
1316
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:07,149
We just said it
at the same time!
1317
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:08,679
All right, man, I
should probably...
1318
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:09,839
But, I'll see you back
at the house, yeah?
1319
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:10,879
See you, brother.
1320
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:12,381
- All right. Good talk, man.
- Later.
1321
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:15,759
Hey! You Delta Psi?
1322
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:17,399
Yeah. Are you a Delta?
1323
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:20,870
No, my roommate was. I used to
wear his ties to get girls.
1324
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:23,425
You interested in
working for AT&T?
1325
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:25,665
What do you guys do?
1326
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:30,039
We're a giant
telecommunications corporation.
1327
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:31,719
- Cell phones.
- Oh.
1328
00:52:31,720 --> 00:52:33,199
What's your GPA?
1329
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:34,906
Like, low twos.
1330
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,662
I'm just kidding. High ones.
1331
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:40,879
We're actually looking
for candidates
1332
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:42,719
that are a little more
academically inclined.
1333
00:52:42,720 --> 00:52:45,239
So, you have a nice day.
1334
00:52:45,240 --> 00:52:46,741
What does that mean?
1335
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:48,910
It means you're too dumb.
1336
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:51,679
Good luck, bro.
1337
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:53,227
Okay.
1338
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,599
I hope we can "build" a
great future together.
1339
00:52:57,600 --> 00:52:59,101
Architecture joke.
1340
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,261
I know!
1341
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:03,759
I like to have fun with it.
1342
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:05,500
Lame.
1343
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,079
- Big Mac!
- Yo!
1344
00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:13,879
- There he is.
- Hey!
1345
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:15,319
- Hey.
- Hello.
1346
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,959
You know, I was just thinking,
1347
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:20,719
it would be great to
have you and Kelly
1348
00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:23,559
and your little princess
over for a play date.
1349
00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:25,559
- We'll put it on the books.
- Okay, cool. Great.
1350
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:27,279
Sometime soon. I'll just...
I'll get back to you.
1351
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:28,781
- Yeah.
- Great.
1352
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:34,519
"And the dog goes,
'Woof, woof, woof, woof!
1353
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:38,422
"'Woof, woof, woof!"'
1354
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:40,959
- Oh, hi, baby.
- How's it going?
1355
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:43,479
Oh, good. Yeah, I'm
good, I'm fine.
1356
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:44,599
I'm fine.
1357
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:46,479
I'm a bit bored, but I'm fine.
I'm fine.
1358
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:47,839
Yeah, I'm bored, too.
1359
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:49,639
My boss just invited
us for a play date,
1360
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,239
so we can both just
kill each other.
1361
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,999
I kind of miss the rush
of messing with the frat.
1362
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,679
I have to go. She's awake.
1363
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:58,989
Okay, call me after.
Call me soon.
1364
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:07,665
Hey, neighbor.
1365
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:09,279
Ooh!
1366
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:14,519
Okay. Are you ready?
1367
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:16,199
Me and Kelly, we
have found a way
1368
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:17,999
to give the frat
their last strike.
1369
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:19,719
- Get them out of here forever!
- Out!
1370
00:54:19,720 --> 00:54:22,239
Why are we doing this? Didn't
we already win? Remember?
1371
00:54:22,240 --> 00:54:24,599
"Bros before hos," that whole thing?
It's over!
1372
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,719
They're still fucking there!
There's beer cans on the lawn.
1373
00:54:26,720 --> 00:54:27,799
They're barbecuing.
1374
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:28,999
- So?
- "So?"
1375
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,359
It smells delicious in here.
1376
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:31,999
Try living next to it.
Try living next to it!
1377
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,679
Hey, you guys don't
want to go back to your
1378
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:35,319
boring ass lives as parents.
That's what it is.
1379
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:37,319
I'm surprised and
shocked, honestly,
1380
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:39,039
that it is so hard
to convince you,
1381
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:40,679
of all people, that
this is a good idea.
1382
00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:41,879
What?
1383
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:46,039
One of those childs is
having sex with your wife.
1384
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:48,199
It's fine. We're divorced.
1385
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:50,039
- Jimmy! Wake up!
- Wake up, man.
1386
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:51,199
His dick is this big!
1387
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:53,359
"Hey, homie. I'm gonna fuck
your wife with my giant dick."
1388
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:54,879
"Oh, my God, this is amazing."
1389
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:56,319
"Oh, my God, homie.
It feels so good."
1390
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:57,599
- "Oh, homie." - "Wow.
Oh, my God."
1391
00:54:57,600 --> 00:54:59,239
- "It feels so good, homie."
- "What are you doing later?"
1392
00:54:59,240 --> 00:55:00,399
"Oh, homie, let's do it.
Oh, God, homie."
1393
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:01,519
"That's amazing."
1394
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:03,799
Okay, enough! Stop imitating!
1395
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:05,959
I get it! He's got a huge dick!
1396
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:07,119
And her vagina,
"Bye!" It's ruined!
1397
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:08,279
Destroyed. Gone!
1398
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:10,039
It's like when you lend a
fat friend your shirt,
1399
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:12,799
and it comes back, and it's
all stretchy and flappy!
1400
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:16,065
Sagging all over the place!
It'll be like this.
1401
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,199
- I'm in!
- Yes!
1402
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:21,239
Nice! Nice! Great!
Awesome, awesome!
1403
00:55:21,240 --> 00:55:22,679
- What's the plan?
- Okay, okay.
1404
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:24,239
We've been thinking.
What gets frats
1405
00:55:24,240 --> 00:55:26,185
kicked out of schools
more than anything?
1406
00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:27,866
Rape!
1407
00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:31,799
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
1408
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:33,199
- Hazing scandals.
- Hazing scandals!
1409
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:34,239
- Yes!
- Hazing scandals!
1410
00:55:34,240 --> 00:55:35,319
- Hazing scandals!
- Yes!
1411
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:37,199
You should've said it
before you let me answer.
1412
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:39,639
We need all that equipment
you bought to spy on Paula.
1413
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,711
I didn't... What?
1414
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:44,599
Just stop.
1415
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:46,439
Look, you just take
these spy glasses.
1416
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:48,279
They look totally
like normal glasses.
1417
00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:49,719
You wear them into
the frat house.
1418
00:55:49,720 --> 00:55:51,279
Teddy's gonna start
pushing you around
1419
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:52,759
and fucking with you,
like he always does.
1420
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:54,439
Like I've seen him
do a million times.
1421
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:56,919
At that moment, you
just push back.
1422
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:58,879
Okay? Just push back.
1423
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:00,559
The rest will take
care of itself.
1424
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:02,199
He'll haze the fucking
shit out of you.
1425
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:03,959
It'll all get caught
on this camera.
1426
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:06,542
Delta Psi is gone,
you're a free man.
1427
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:07,999
Those guys are my brothers.
1428
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:09,119
Your brothers?
1429
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:11,159
Do you think your brothers would
really treat you like that?
1430
00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:12,439
Think about what
they've done to you.
1431
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:13,799
They dehumanized you.
1432
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:15,799
- They treated you like shit.
- They degraded you.
1433
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:17,439
- You're an animal.
- They called you Assjuice.
1434
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:18,599
Assjuice.
1435
00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:20,079
- Assjuice.
- Assjuice.
1436
00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:21,839
- Subhuman.
- Assjuice.
1437
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:23,759
Assjuice. Assjuice.
1438
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:25,959
Assjuice. Assjuice.
1439
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:29,359
Assjuice! Assjuice! Assjuice!
Assjuice!
1440
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,879
You better eat this
fucking dog food, now!
1441
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:35,199
What's the lesson?
1442
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:38,599
Don't go to sleep!
1443
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,864
This is your destiny, Assjuice.
1444
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:42,519
Assjuice!
1445
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:44,959
Assjuice! Assjuice! Assjuice!
1446
00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:46,639
Assjuice! Assjuice!
1447
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:47,679
I don't know.
1448
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:48,999
Everyone breaks, bro.
1449
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:50,279
Biology.
1450
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:52,111
That's from Zero Dark Thirty.
1451
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:55,670
You guys don't get it.
1452
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:57,679
I've gone through hell.
1453
00:56:57,680 --> 00:56:59,839
I'm not gonna throw
that all away now.
1454
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:02,627
You know how many BJs
I've been promised?
1455
00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:04,319
Infinite BJs.
1456
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,719
Infinite. Infinite.
1457
00:57:06,720 --> 00:57:08,710
Infinite BJs.
1458
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:12,510
Delta Psi forever, ya bish.
1459
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:18,759
We'll give you $1,000.
1460
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:20,519
Okay. I'm in.
1461
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:22,039
Nice!
1462
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:24,039
- Nice! That was good!
- That was good. That was really good.
1463
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:26,030
That was good. That
was sexy, too.
1464
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:28,319
He looks like J.J. Abrams.
1465
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:30,999
You look good. It looks okay.
I think it's okay.
1466
00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:32,159
You're never gonna forget this!
1467
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:35,159
Move, elephants! Move!
Keep marching.
1468
00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:36,959
March!
1469
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:38,879
March, march, march, elephants.
1470
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:40,199
I'm not doing this anymore.
1471
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:41,279
Get back in line, Assjuice!
1472
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:42,519
Get back in line!
1473
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:44,599
Fuck you. I am not an elephant!
1474
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:45,759
What did you just say to me?
1475
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:47,319
I am not an elephant!
1476
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:48,719
He's doing it. He's doing it.
1477
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:51,559
I'm a human man! I have dignity!
1478
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:53,559
- We all have dignity!
- Yes, Assjuice, yes!
1479
00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:57,479
Our names are not Fuckhead,
or Jizzface, or Lea Michele.
1480
00:57:57,480 --> 00:57:58,839
- Lea Michele from Glee?
- That's actually funny.
1481
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:00,119
Yeah, that's really funny.
1482
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:01,667
It's Evan.
1483
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:05,231
And Brendan.
1484
00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:06,559
And Juan.
1485
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:08,599
So, fuck you.
1486
00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:10,399
Haze me. Say it.
1487
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,399
- Say it! Come on!
- Say it, Teddy.
1488
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:15,079
I will haze you until your
fucking face falls off!
1489
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:17,423
Yeah!
1490
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:19,879
- That's great. Okay, okay.
- We did it.
1491
00:58:19,880 --> 00:58:22,119
You're in so much fucking trouble.
Come with me, pledge.
1492
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:23,621
Oh, fuck.
1493
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:26,106
Fuck him up, Teddy.
1494
00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:30,948
I'm sorry. I'll do anything.
1495
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:37,341
What's going on, Gary?
1496
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,239
Are you okay, man?
You seem distraught.
1497
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:41,919
"You seem distraught"?
1498
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:44,279
I mean, you've always been, in my
opinion, like, our strongest pledge,
1499
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:45,599
and now you're talking back.
1500
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:46,999
- I'm scared.
- You're scared?
1501
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:50,239
I'm fucking scared, man.
I'm tired all the time.
1502
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:52,439
Fucking tired. I miss my mom.
1503
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:54,279
- Oh, no, Assjuice.
- Breaking? The guy was right.
1504
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:55,319
Everybody breaks.
1505
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:56,799
Okay. I'll tell you what.
1506
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:58,399
You go up to my room.
1507
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:01,119
Lock the door, draw yourself a bath.
Relax.
1508
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:02,679
"Draw yourself a bath"?
1509
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:04,839
Catch up on some Z's, okay?
Take a nap.
1510
00:59:04,840 --> 00:59:06,399
Full season of Girls
up there in the DVR.
1511
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:07,919
We never planned for nice.
1512
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:09,599
Thanks for talking to me, brother.
All right?
1513
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:12,501
You can always come to me with
this kind of stuff, all right?
1514
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:16,439
You're doing a great job.
See you upstairs.
1515
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:25,860
I'm sorry, guys. He's
too good of a dude.
1516
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:27,985
- No!
- Teddy!
1517
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:30,999
- What's up?
- Yeah, one more thing.
1518
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,119
No more thing!
1519
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:34,359
These glasses, there's
a camera in them.
1520
00:59:34,360 --> 00:59:35,519
No!
1521
00:59:35,520 --> 00:59:36,759
Oh, my God!
1522
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:37,999
The asset's gone rogue.
1523
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:39,079
Shit, he's still talking.
1524
00:59:39,080 --> 00:59:40,159
Your neighbors got
me to wear them,
1525
00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:41,479
so they could film
you hazing us,
1526
00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:43,039
so the fraternity
would get dissolved.
1527
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:46,199
And this isn't the first time. No, no,
no, no. They flooded the basement.
1528
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:49,431
They got Brother Pete to
hook up with Sister Brooke.
1529
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:51,239
I'm so sorry, man.
1530
00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:52,679
- It's okay.
- They've been after us for weeks.
1531
00:59:52,680 --> 00:59:54,199
- No!
- He's telling him everything!
1532
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:55,919
- Oh, my God!
- Jesus Christ, guys!
1533
00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:57,785
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
1534
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:01,101
Wait.
1535
01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:02,359
He's looking at us.
1536
01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:04,703
- What are you doing?
- He's looking at us.
1537
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:08,424
You guys just crossed the fucking line.
You're dead.
1538
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:09,999
We're dead?
1539
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:13,199
- Oh, God! Oh, my God!
- That was scary.
1540
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:14,879
- Come on, guys.
- Jesus.
1541
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:16,999
How do you turn these off?
1542
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:18,865
It's on the side.
1543
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:22,199
We're gonna go to the shops
1544
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:25,719
Then we're gonna
go to Mommy and Me
1545
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:29,199
And see all those
bitches that I hate
1546
01:00:29,200 --> 01:00:33,159
It's gonna be really boring
1547
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:35,867
But we'll get out of the house!
1548
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:47,839
I think the frat has broken into the
car and stolen all of the airbags.
1549
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:49,399
- Airbags?
- Yeah.
1550
01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:51,239
That's so weird. Is
anything else missing?
1551
01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:53,105
- No!
- Okay.
1552
01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:54,919
Why would they just break
in and steal the airbags?
1553
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:56,910
I don't know. We should
file a police report...
1554
01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:04,105
What the fuck?
1555
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:06,306
Oh, shit!
1556
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:09,671
Found the airbags!
1557
01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:12,746
There's three left!
1558
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:15,159
Fuck!
1559
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:16,741
Two left!
1560
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:19,270
Jimmy, are you okay?
1561
01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:20,759
I'm fine!
1562
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:23,759
It wasn't as bad as it seemed.
I'm fine.
1563
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:25,879
Delta Psi has the upper hand!
1564
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:28,906
We went too far now.
This is dangerous.
1565
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,639
We did not go too far.
1566
01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:32,679
Now is when we get
them back even more.
1567
01:01:32,680 --> 01:01:34,599
Do you see what they fucking did to me?
We don't stop now!
1568
01:01:34,600 --> 01:01:36,919
So, what it's gonna be next? They're
gonna break into the house?
1569
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:38,039
No. No.
1570
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:40,959
You need to grow up, okay?
Our family is in danger.
1571
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:42,799
- I need to grow up?
- Yes, you need to grow up.
1572
01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:44,999
One of us has got to be the
adult in this relationship.
1573
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:46,279
You should take responsibility.
1574
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:48,719
That's not only offensive,
but it's fucking stupid.
1575
01:01:48,720 --> 01:01:50,639
It's offensive that I'm saying
that you should be smart?
1576
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:53,479
Yes, it's offensive that I have
to be the smart one all the time!
1577
01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:54,999
I'm allowed to be just
as irresponsible as you.
1578
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:57,399
Well, that's how it works!
I'm the dumb guy,
1579
01:01:57,400 --> 01:01:58,919
and you're the woman
who's supposed to
1580
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:00,439
stop the dumb guy
from doing dumb shit!
1581
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:02,599
Haven't you ever seen a
fucking Kevin James movie?
1582
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:04,839
We can't both be Kevin James.
I'm Kevin James!
1583
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:06,679
I have a little bit
of Kevin James in me.
1584
01:02:06,680 --> 01:02:07,799
Well, we can't both...
1585
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:10,119
Clearly, you're the one who knows
better, so you should know better.
1586
01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:13,319
You know that I'm not like that,
and I've never been like that.
1587
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:14,999
- Well, maybe you should be.
- That's never been me.
1588
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:16,519
Just because I'm a
mom doesn't mean
1589
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:18,079
that I'm gonna change who I am.
1590
01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:19,319
Well, just because I'm a father,
1591
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:22,999
it doesn't mean I can stop doing
mushrooms with teenagers.
1592
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:24,119
- Fine!
- Fine!
1593
01:02:24,120 --> 01:02:25,159
- Good.
- Good, then.
1594
01:02:25,160 --> 01:02:27,159
Okay, Kevin, I don't think
we're a good team anymore.
1595
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:28,319
- The team is breaking up.
- Yep.
1596
01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:30,359
This worked before we
had Stella, but...
1597
01:02:30,360 --> 01:02:32,159
- Now it doesn't.
- It doesn't work anymore.
1598
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:33,519
Yeah, because someone
refuses to grow up.
1599
01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:34,599
- Fine. Okay.
- Fine then.
1600
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:36,519
You go find your
nagging wife that you
1601
01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:38,319
want to find, and I'll
go find a real man.
1602
01:02:38,320 --> 01:02:39,879
- Fine! Good to know.
- Fine.
1603
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:42,319
I don't feel safe here, just
in case you didn't know.
1604
01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:43,559
Well, that's crazy.
1605
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:44,719
I'm gonna take our child and go.
1606
01:02:44,720 --> 01:02:46,079
Oh, yeah? Well,
that's ludicrous,
1607
01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:49,239
because this is perhaps the
safest place on the planet,
1608
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:50,479
just so you know!
1609
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:51,999
- You're kidnapping our baby!
- Asshole!
1610
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:53,639
Don't kidnap our baby!
1611
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:55,519
I'm gonna put out an
AMBER fucking Alert!
1612
01:02:55,520 --> 01:02:57,559
Enjoy the house by
yourself, you child!
1613
01:02:57,560 --> 01:02:59,505
This is safer than
the White House!
1614
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:03,559
Dude, we missed the airbag!
1615
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:05,639
Kelly, there's one left!
1616
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,665
It could be anywhere!
1617
01:03:07,880 --> 01:03:09,791
Ow!
1618
01:03:11,720 --> 01:03:16,559
Hey, man, do you think, maybe we're
going, like, way too far with this?
1619
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:18,679
I mean, as a child of
divorce, I just...
1620
01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:21,399
I can't help it, I
sympathize with them.
1621
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:25,063
Well, my parents love each other,
and I think it's hilarious.
1622
01:03:43,760 --> 01:03:45,421
Fuck!
1623
01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:48,421
Fuckers! Fuck!
1624
01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:18,627
Shalom, Mac.
1625
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:22,639
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
1626
01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:23,879
- How's it going?
- I'm sorry.
1627
01:04:23,880 --> 01:04:25,479
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
1628
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:26,719
I love you so much.
I'm so sorry.
1629
01:04:26,720 --> 01:04:27,879
I love you, I'm sorry.
1630
01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:29,279
I was so stupid.
1631
01:04:29,280 --> 01:04:31,119
What a stupid fucking
fight to have.
1632
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:32,439
No, I was stupid. I'm
really, really sorry.
1633
01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:33,799
I'm so sorry. It was so dumb.
1634
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:35,479
- It was really dumb.
- I love you so much, okay?
1635
01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:36,839
- Do you still like me?
- I miss you. I love you.
1636
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:38,079
- Do you still like me?
- Yes, I still like you.
1637
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:40,184
- Okay, good. I love you.
- Okay.
1638
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:41,719
She's so crazy.
1639
01:04:41,720 --> 01:04:43,426
She's still behind you.
1640
01:04:44,280 --> 01:04:46,509
- Hey.
- Hi.
1641
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:55,145
Lame, isn't it, Pete?
1642
01:05:00,640 --> 01:05:01,999
Whoa.
1643
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:05,106
You're really
villaining out in here.
1644
01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:07,669
What's lame? What's going on?
1645
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:10,388
Lame that we're on probation.
1646
01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:12,319
We're not gonna end
up on this thing.
1647
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:16,199
That is kind of lame, but also
kind of meaningless, right?
1648
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:17,639
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1649
01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,999
No, man. I just mean, like,
you're the President, you know?
1650
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:23,119
If you want to be up there so
bad, just put your picture up.
1651
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:24,159
No one's gonna stop you.
1652
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:26,788
Because then I didn't earn it.
1653
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,199
It doesn't mean anything
if you don't earn it.
1654
01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:32,145
Who cares?
1655
01:05:32,160 --> 01:05:34,185
"Who cares?"
1656
01:05:35,280 --> 01:05:37,384
Are you kidding me?
1657
01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:42,029
You're the VP, man.
1658
01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:44,679
We have wanted this
since we were freshmen.
1659
01:05:44,680 --> 01:05:47,079
Dude, that was four
years ago, okay?
1660
01:05:47,080 --> 01:05:49,359
We were fucking virgins.
All right?
1661
01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:51,519
We're about to be,
like, adults now.
1662
01:05:51,520 --> 01:05:53,039
In two weeks, none of this
is even gonna matter.
1663
01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:54,479
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1664
01:05:54,480 --> 01:05:57,879
I mean, you do realize that all this
stuff, it's all bullshit, right?
1665
01:05:57,880 --> 01:05:59,319
It's all made up.
1666
01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:02,839
Like, my brother's fraternity also
thinks they invented beer pong.
1667
01:06:02,840 --> 01:06:04,039
Well, your brother is a liar.
1668
01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:06,110
All right, let's put that down.
1669
01:06:06,680 --> 01:06:08,879
Dude, I don't want you to
take this the wrong way,
1670
01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:10,719
but I think you're freaking out
1671
01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:12,439
about what you're
gonna do next year.
1672
01:06:12,440 --> 01:06:13,919
What?
1673
01:06:13,920 --> 01:06:15,399
I'm trying to be
your friend, okay?
1674
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:17,439
But I don't know why you try
to hide this stuff from me.
1675
01:06:17,440 --> 01:06:19,279
I'm a psychology
minor, you know that.
1676
01:06:19,280 --> 01:06:20,599
"I'm a psychology minor."
1677
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:22,599
Dude, why do you think
you're so obsessed
1678
01:06:22,600 --> 01:06:24,559
with that old couple
next door, all right?
1679
01:06:24,560 --> 01:06:26,399
It's because they remind
you of the future.
1680
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:27,679
I'm sorry, but it's true.
1681
01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:29,239
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1682
01:06:29,240 --> 01:06:30,679
- You're trying to be my friend?
- Yes!
1683
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:32,719
Well, why don't you go
fuck my girlfriend again?
1684
01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:34,119
- What?
- Yeah.
1685
01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:35,759
I thought we were over that.
What are you...
1686
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:37,559
How the fuck could I be
cool with that, man?
1687
01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:39,319
You had sex with my girlfriend!
1688
01:06:39,320 --> 01:06:41,319
What are you... We said all
those things, all right?
1689
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:42,999
They rhymed! What
the hell was that?
1690
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:45,839
We said some shit that rhymed?
Are you crazy, man?
1691
01:06:45,840 --> 01:06:47,519
How the fuck would that
make me feel better?
1692
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:51,119
You don't think I was clearly
trying to mask how I really felt,
1693
01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:52,479
so I tried to bro out with you?
1694
01:06:52,480 --> 01:06:54,279
I don't know! You're
a good actor!
1695
01:06:54,280 --> 01:06:56,079
What the fuck am I
supposed to think?
1696
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:57,599
Get the fuck out of here!
1697
01:06:57,600 --> 01:07:00,159
God! Dude, take your shit out
on someone else, all right?
1698
01:07:00,160 --> 01:07:01,759
- This isn't about me.
- Okay.
1699
01:07:01,760 --> 01:07:04,103
That's right, Pete. Walk away.
1700
01:07:05,040 --> 01:07:06,599
- Bitch.
- Oh, my God.
1701
01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:08,226
Ahhh!
1702
01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:10,239
Scoonie put his
dick in your mouth
1703
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:12,105
while you were sleeping, bitch!
1704
01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:14,226
Uh-uh. I wasn't asleep.
1705
01:07:33,960 --> 01:07:35,621
One sec!
1706
01:07:36,120 --> 01:07:38,079
Get your knees in there.
1707
01:07:38,080 --> 01:07:39,820
There you go.
1708
01:07:42,880 --> 01:07:44,620
Hey, neighbor.
1709
01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:46,639
What the fuck do you want, man?
1710
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:48,439
Hi, how's it going?
1711
01:07:48,440 --> 01:07:49,999
- What do you want? It's over.
- Yeah.
1712
01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:51,679
You won. There's nothing else.
1713
01:07:51,680 --> 01:07:52,799
We're just getting started.
1714
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:54,839
I know what you
might be thinking.
1715
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:56,359
"Teddy is gonna
graduate this year
1716
01:07:56,360 --> 01:07:57,919
"and everything's
gonna be fine."
1717
01:07:57,920 --> 01:07:58,999
But it won't.
1718
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:01,946
Because in a few weeks, when school
ends, so does our probation.
1719
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:07,507
There's gonna be hundreds and thousands of
Teddys living next door to you for all time.
1720
01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:11,159
Because "Teddy" is just an idea.
1721
01:08:11,160 --> 01:08:12,239
- It's over.
- It's over, man.
1722
01:08:12,240 --> 01:08:13,319
Okay? It's done.
1723
01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:14,679
It's over? Okay, it's over,
it's over, it's over.
1724
01:08:14,680 --> 01:08:16,159
I just have one thing
I wanted to say.
1725
01:08:16,160 --> 01:08:19,159
This entire time, your daughter
is gonna be growing up
1726
01:08:19,160 --> 01:08:22,039
watching all these young,
shirtless men next door,
1727
01:08:22,040 --> 01:08:24,359
and we're gonna be
watching right back.
1728
01:08:24,360 --> 01:08:26,879
You're a bad boy!
Get off our porch.
1729
01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:28,479
- Delta Psi, bitch.
- Now! I'm gonna call the police!
1730
01:08:28,480 --> 01:08:29,981
Get off!
1731
01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:32,679
We are not moving.
1732
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:35,103
No. They are.
1733
01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:36,999
The problem is that
they're on probation.
1734
01:08:37,000 --> 01:08:38,239
- I know.
- They're being careful.
1735
01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:39,799
They're never gonna do
anything ridiculous,
1736
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:41,279
because they're
watching themselves.
1737
01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:45,227
What would be great is if they
didn't think they were on probation.
1738
01:08:48,440 --> 01:08:52,879
Our probation's been lifted!
Our probation's been lifted!
1739
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:54,711
Our probation's been lifted!
1740
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:57,159
Yeah, this is amazing.
1741
01:08:57,160 --> 01:08:59,519
I want a baby. I'm
gonna have a baby.
1742
01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:01,559
- You don't want a baby.
- Oh, I do.
1743
01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:02,959
Would you be my
surrogate, Kelly?
1744
01:09:02,960 --> 01:09:04,839
- No!
- Dude, don't ask that.
1745
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:08,230
Don't be so fucking offended. It's
not like we're gonna have sex.
1746
01:09:08,680 --> 01:09:10,399
- I would masturbate into her.
- That's not how it works.
1747
01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:11,479
That's not what you would do.
1748
01:09:11,480 --> 01:09:12,799
I don't want to talk about this.
1749
01:09:12,800 --> 01:09:13,959
Oh, shit. Teddy just tweeted.
1750
01:09:13,960 --> 01:09:15,399
What?
1751
01:09:15,400 --> 01:09:17,239
Tomorrow night, party's on.
1752
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:18,399
Free party tonight.
1753
01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:20,879
There'll be food, blankets.
It's gonna be great.
1754
01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:22,039
We're back on the
air with Dirty Boy.
1755
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:23,079
And Romie the Homie.
1756
01:09:23,080 --> 01:09:24,959
Right, right. So let's
take a few calls.
1757
01:09:24,960 --> 01:09:26,119
All right, caller,
what's your name?
1758
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:27,199
Hey, dude.
1759
01:09:27,200 --> 01:09:29,879
This is Nutsack calling
over from Delta Psi.
1760
01:09:29,880 --> 01:09:31,239
What's up, Nutsack?
1761
01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:32,759
We're having a huge
rager tonight.
1762
01:09:32,760 --> 01:09:35,262
You know what brings people to
a party more than anything?
1763
01:09:36,120 --> 01:09:37,239
Celebrities.
1764
01:09:37,240 --> 01:09:39,399
This is Mark Wahlberg. If you
don't come to this party,
1765
01:09:39,400 --> 01:09:41,079
I'm gonna give you a
world-class knuckle sandwich.
1766
01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:43,359
Oh, my gosh. This
is Anne Hathaway.
1767
01:09:43,360 --> 01:09:47,359
I want to ask you to the party this
weekend that I'm having with friends.
1768
01:09:47,360 --> 01:09:49,942
Hello. This is Julia Child.
1769
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:52,279
- Ho!
- Hey, babe, you want to party?
1770
01:09:52,280 --> 01:09:54,439
The question is, do
you want to party?
1771
01:09:54,440 --> 01:09:55,679
Right there.
1772
01:09:55,680 --> 01:09:57,119
You, too, Deadwood.
There you go.
1773
01:09:57,120 --> 01:09:58,559
See you guys.
1774
01:09:58,560 --> 01:10:02,119
Hey, it's Ray Romano.
What are you doin'?
1775
01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:04,159
- No, this is Ray Romano and...
- No, this is Ray Romano...
1776
01:10:04,160 --> 01:10:06,310
Who is Ray Romano?
1777
01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:08,639
This is President Barack Obama,
1778
01:10:08,640 --> 01:10:11,799
telling you to come
to a great party
1779
01:10:11,800 --> 01:10:14,879
this evening at
2203 West Olmstead.
1780
01:10:14,880 --> 01:10:16,506
Peace, nigga.
1781
01:10:35,400 --> 01:10:37,919
Gentlemen, we are
fortunate members
1782
01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:41,902
of a prestigious lineage of
extraordinary gentlemen.
1783
01:10:42,640 --> 01:10:45,479
We are Delta Psi Beta.
1784
01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:47,391
Delta Psi!
1785
01:10:49,960 --> 01:10:55,466
Now, there is no higher honor in Delta
Psi than making it onto the wall.
1786
01:10:55,520 --> 01:10:59,999
And this year, we will
make it on that wall.
1787
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:01,999
People have hot-boxed showers.
1788
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:03,319
They've hot-boxed cars.
1789
01:11:03,320 --> 01:11:05,639
Attics. Caves. Fire trucks.
1790
01:11:05,640 --> 01:11:07,839
Porta-Potties. Private planes.
1791
01:11:07,840 --> 01:11:10,679
But tonight, forget the hot-box.
1792
01:11:10,680 --> 01:11:14,343
I give you the hot house.
1793
01:12:29,880 --> 01:12:31,759
Holy shit.
1794
01:12:31,760 --> 01:12:33,759
This party is getting
out of control.
1795
01:12:33,760 --> 01:12:35,199
- This is strike three.
- This is crazy.
1796
01:12:35,200 --> 01:12:37,039
- Strike three.
- Yes!
1797
01:12:37,040 --> 01:12:40,119
Yes, hello. This is the President
of the neighborhood watch.
1798
01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:44,919
There is a giant party at
2203 West Olmstead right now.
1799
01:12:44,920 --> 01:12:48,439
They're yelling and fighting. The
ringleader's name is Scoonie.
1800
01:12:48,440 --> 01:12:50,199
He's a little scrawny piece
of shit with a giant dick.
1801
01:12:50,200 --> 01:12:51,919
- Come on, come on. Stay on message!
- I'm sorry.
1802
01:12:51,920 --> 01:12:53,079
They are sending the cops.
1803
01:12:53,080 --> 01:12:56,719
We have a disturbance
at 2203 West Olmstead.
1804
01:12:56,720 --> 01:12:57,839
10-4.
1805
01:13:00,280 --> 01:13:02,639
What is this? Is this our flyer?
1806
01:13:02,640 --> 01:13:05,039
No, we do everything online!
1807
01:13:05,040 --> 01:13:06,799
Who makes flyers anymore?
1808
01:13:06,800 --> 01:13:08,119
Fucking old people!
1809
01:13:08,120 --> 01:13:09,479
Old people?
1810
01:13:09,480 --> 01:13:12,824
Thumbsucker! Let me see the
letter from the school, man!
1811
01:13:17,480 --> 01:13:19,479
Our school's insignia
is in Latin.
1812
01:13:19,480 --> 01:13:21,119
This is in Jewish!
1813
01:13:21,120 --> 01:13:22,799
- What?
- We're not off probation!
1814
01:13:22,800 --> 01:13:24,119
The old people have
the upper hand.
1815
01:13:24,120 --> 01:13:25,319
We got to get
everyone out of here!
1816
01:13:25,320 --> 01:13:26,439
We got to get everybody...
1817
01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:28,704
Hootie-hoo! Hootie-hoo!
1818
01:13:29,840 --> 01:13:31,319
Guys!
1819
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:33,663
Hootie-hoo! Hootie-hoo!
1820
01:13:41,240 --> 01:13:42,519
Shit, they're hootie-hooing!
1821
01:13:42,520 --> 01:13:44,039
- What?
- They're fucking hootie-hooing.
1822
01:13:44,040 --> 01:13:45,159
What does that mean?
1823
01:13:45,160 --> 01:13:46,519
That means they know
the cops are coming.
1824
01:13:46,520 --> 01:13:48,359
- I don't get it!
- It's from an Outkast song.
1825
01:13:48,360 --> 01:13:50,079
Born and bred up
on the street top
1826
01:13:50,080 --> 01:13:52,279
Get the money and the sweet
spot And forever hollerin'
1827
01:13:52,280 --> 01:13:53,799
- Hootie-hoo
- When we see cops
1828
01:13:53,800 --> 01:13:55,519
Yo, cops be robbing niggaz
blind With the dollars...
1829
01:13:55,520 --> 01:13:57,239
- Okay, okay, we fucking get it!
- I get it. I get it.
1830
01:13:57,240 --> 01:13:58,879
- That's the song.
- How could they know that's happening?
1831
01:13:58,880 --> 01:14:00,119
How do they know
something's wrong?
1832
01:14:00,120 --> 01:14:01,199
It's because of the Hebrew.
1833
01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:04,319
I put a little Hebrew in the school
sign, you know, like a coded game.
1834
01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:05,679
- What?
- What?
1835
01:14:05,680 --> 01:14:07,199
Check this out. Inside
the school seal,
1836
01:14:07,200 --> 01:14:11,599
I put sof hamisschak, which
is Hebrew for "game over."
1837
01:14:11,600 --> 01:14:14,359
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
Why did you do that?
1838
01:14:14,360 --> 01:14:15,519
- Stop hitting me.
- That's so stupid!
1839
01:14:15,520 --> 01:14:16,879
No! No, no! It's like
a wink, you know?
1840
01:14:16,880 --> 01:14:18,559
Like at the end of a heist,
you leave your calling card.
1841
01:14:18,560 --> 01:14:20,239
It's like, "They got us again."
1842
01:14:20,240 --> 01:14:22,159
One big difference,
the heist isn't done!
1843
01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:24,424
We're mid-fucking-heist, genius!
1844
01:14:36,320 --> 01:14:39,199
Everybody out! Party's over!
1845
01:14:39,200 --> 01:14:41,519
Let's go! This is not
a fucking drill!
1846
01:14:41,520 --> 01:14:43,559
Stop standing around! Let's go!
1847
01:14:43,560 --> 01:14:47,143
Drinks down! No alcohol outside!
Get the fuck out of here!
1848
01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:49,902
Party's over! Dirty
Santa, let's go!
1849
01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:51,719
- Everyone's clearing out.
- Oh, my God!
1850
01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:53,346
Everyone's leaving!
1851
01:14:53,400 --> 01:14:56,319
This isn't a strike! It's not a
strike if everyone's leaving!
1852
01:14:56,320 --> 01:14:57,821
Shit!
1853
01:14:58,760 --> 01:14:59,999
It's Watkins.
1854
01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:02,559
Looks like the party shut down.
1855
01:15:04,600 --> 01:15:06,079
Cops are here.
1856
01:15:06,080 --> 01:15:08,759
Fuck me! Shit! They're sending
Garf out to talk to him.
1857
01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:10,599
He's so charming, he'll
get the cop to leave.
1858
01:15:10,600 --> 01:15:11,919
Yo, is there a party
going on around here?
1859
01:15:11,920 --> 01:15:14,279
No, no. There was, but
I shut that down.
1860
01:15:14,280 --> 01:15:16,159
You got nothing to
worry about, officer.
1861
01:15:16,160 --> 01:15:17,839
That's really responsible
of you guys.
1862
01:15:17,840 --> 01:15:19,599
You must've heard
we were coming.
1863
01:15:19,600 --> 01:15:22,759
Look, we're in a nice neighborhood.
We want to be good neighbors.
1864
01:15:22,760 --> 01:15:24,039
It's the least we
could do, you know?
1865
01:15:24,040 --> 01:15:25,919
We appreciate that, man.
1866
01:15:25,920 --> 01:15:27,199
- I'm gonna go now.
- No.
1867
01:15:27,200 --> 01:15:28,759
You're not trying to get
rid of me, are you?
1868
01:15:28,760 --> 01:15:31,262
No. No.
1869
01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:33,279
We've got to save...
Come on, we're so close!
1870
01:15:33,280 --> 01:15:35,119
- We gotta save this. What do we do?
- Okay, okay, okay.
1871
01:15:35,120 --> 01:15:36,959
Teddy's room. We got to
sneak into Teddy's room.
1872
01:15:36,960 --> 01:15:38,799
Fuse box. We'll turn
the party back on.
1873
01:15:38,800 --> 01:15:40,359
- Get the party going again.
- Get the party started.
1874
01:15:40,360 --> 01:15:41,799
- Let's go.
- Get the party started! Come on!
1875
01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:43,381
Grab the monitor.
Grab the monitor.
1876
01:15:43,400 --> 01:15:45,439
- What are you doing?
- I'm sneaking.
1877
01:15:45,440 --> 01:15:46,999
What the fuck?
1878
01:15:47,000 --> 01:15:48,639
Don't worry about it.
1879
01:15:48,640 --> 01:15:50,239
Is that your real name? Garf?
1880
01:15:50,240 --> 01:15:51,559
Well, Garfield.
1881
01:15:51,560 --> 01:15:53,359
- Garfield.
- Garfield, yeah. Yeah.
1882
01:15:53,360 --> 01:15:54,479
- Oh.
- Yeah.
1883
01:15:54,480 --> 01:15:56,119
- Like the cat.
- My father... Yeah.
1884
01:15:56,120 --> 01:15:58,079
"I hate Mondays!"
1885
01:15:58,080 --> 01:15:59,919
"I hate Mondays!"
1886
01:15:59,920 --> 01:16:01,359
"I love lasagna!"
1887
01:16:05,440 --> 01:16:09,706
Do some cat stuff real quick.
Be sarcastic or lick yourself.
1888
01:16:10,560 --> 01:16:13,301
Okay. All right.
1889
01:16:19,160 --> 01:16:21,822
I love fucking with you
when you high, man.
1890
01:16:27,320 --> 01:16:28,839
Get the hell out of here.
1891
01:16:28,840 --> 01:16:32,159
Everybody out! Hootie-hoo!
Let's go!
1892
01:16:32,160 --> 01:16:35,279
All right, fellas, get a move on.
Hootie-hoo!
1893
01:16:35,280 --> 01:16:38,279
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
What the...
1894
01:16:38,280 --> 01:16:40,599
That was, like, a distraction so
they couldn't see what was going on.
1895
01:16:40,600 --> 01:16:41,679
- Grow up! It worked.
- Okay. Okay.
1896
01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:42,919
Yeah. There wasn't
anything behind it.
1897
01:16:42,920 --> 01:16:44,439
You used so much tongue!
1898
01:16:44,440 --> 01:16:46,704
Upstairs clear!
1899
01:16:51,480 --> 01:16:54,479
Hey. Do not let anyone
upstairs, you got me?
1900
01:16:54,480 --> 01:16:56,279
Yes, sir.
1901
01:17:04,880 --> 01:17:06,870
Holy fuck.
1902
01:17:10,280 --> 01:17:12,159
What was that?
1903
01:17:12,160 --> 01:17:15,630
Shaggy, Scooby, Jizzface,
let's investigate!
1904
01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:19,709
It's open. It's open.
1905
01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:33,239
He's right there!
He's right there!
1906
01:17:33,240 --> 01:17:34,999
What do we do? What do we do?
What do we do?
1907
01:17:35,000 --> 01:17:36,919
- We got to get him out of there!
- Distraction.
1908
01:17:36,920 --> 01:17:38,079
Okay, distraction. What?
What do we do?
1909
01:17:38,080 --> 01:17:39,159
Distraction, distraction.
1910
01:17:39,160 --> 01:17:41,344
- I'm gonna jump off the balcony.
- What?
1911
01:17:42,760 --> 01:17:45,159
- No, no, why? Why?
- No! What?
1912
01:17:46,280 --> 01:17:48,079
Oh, God!
1913
01:17:50,480 --> 01:17:53,187
Fuck! Shit, shit. Go!
1914
01:17:55,440 --> 01:17:57,305
What the fuck?
1915
01:18:00,440 --> 01:18:01,599
Nice. He's gone.
1916
01:18:01,600 --> 01:18:03,147
He's gone.
1917
01:18:03,880 --> 01:18:05,879
- Come on, come on!
- Damn it!
1918
01:18:05,880 --> 01:18:07,879
One, two, three?
1919
01:18:07,880 --> 01:18:08,919
No!
1920
01:18:08,920 --> 01:18:11,599
Oh, God! Oh, God!
1921
01:18:11,600 --> 01:18:13,119
My God, Jesus!
1922
01:18:13,120 --> 01:18:14,319
What the hell, bro?
1923
01:18:14,320 --> 01:18:15,559
What up, Teddy?
1924
01:18:15,560 --> 01:18:16,679
What the fuck?
1925
01:18:16,680 --> 01:18:17,759
"Boobs" upside down!
1926
01:18:17,760 --> 01:18:19,999
I can't do "boob."
I can do "Bob."
1927
01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:21,919
I can do "cock." I
can do "C-O-K."
1928
01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:22,959
Sixty-nine?
1929
01:18:22,960 --> 01:18:24,079
Sixty-nine? There's
three numbers!
1930
01:18:24,080 --> 01:18:26,399
What other stupid number
combinations are there?
1931
01:18:26,400 --> 01:18:29,959
I'll never talk!
I'm unbreakable!
1932
01:18:29,960 --> 01:18:31,279
Jesus!
1933
01:18:31,280 --> 01:18:33,748
I'm not a distraction.
1934
01:18:34,240 --> 01:18:35,479
It's a distraction?
1935
01:18:35,480 --> 01:18:36,639
No! No!
1936
01:18:36,640 --> 01:18:39,984
I got it, I got it. I got it.
1937
01:18:42,880 --> 01:18:44,039
Four-twenty?
1938
01:18:44,040 --> 01:18:45,239
Victory.
1939
01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:46,639
Boom! Yes!
1940
01:18:46,640 --> 01:18:49,142
Yes! Yes! Yes!
1941
01:18:49,800 --> 01:18:52,462
Yes. I'm gonna kill you.
1942
01:18:52,840 --> 01:18:54,830
- Go, go.
- Okay.
1943
01:18:55,120 --> 01:18:57,748
Don't open this door no
matter what you hear!
1944
01:18:57,800 --> 01:18:59,079
This is it.
1945
01:18:59,080 --> 01:19:01,079
Mano y mano.
1946
01:19:01,080 --> 01:19:02,879
You are not getting
through this door.
1947
01:19:02,880 --> 01:19:05,667
Jesus. Okay.
1948
01:19:06,760 --> 01:19:08,599
Fuck, these kids
locked everything!
1949
01:19:08,600 --> 01:19:09,679
God damn it.
1950
01:19:09,680 --> 01:19:11,999
I've been wanting this.
I've got your number.
1951
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:13,479
Ready?
1952
01:19:13,480 --> 01:19:14,839
Yeah, I'm ready. Are
you ready, huh?
1953
01:19:14,840 --> 01:19:15,919
Oh?
1954
01:19:15,920 --> 01:19:17,501
- Oh?
- Huh?
1955
01:19:18,160 --> 01:19:19,599
- Old man.
- Oh, my nuts!
1956
01:19:19,600 --> 01:19:21,511
Why the fuck do you
keep fighting?
1957
01:19:25,520 --> 01:19:27,359
Yes, that felt good!
1958
01:19:27,360 --> 01:19:29,100
- I hit him, Kelly!
- Fuck!
1959
01:19:29,200 --> 01:19:32,039
Oh, yeah!
1960
01:19:35,600 --> 01:19:37,679
Okay, let's just
relax for a second.
1961
01:19:37,680 --> 01:19:38,839
Baby, let me in!
1962
01:19:38,840 --> 01:19:42,199
I can't let you in yet. I haven't
figured out how to open it!
1963
01:19:42,200 --> 01:19:43,701
Okay, fuck me!
1964
01:19:48,480 --> 01:19:50,027
Stay!
1965
01:19:53,520 --> 01:19:55,067
What the fuck?
1966
01:19:57,000 --> 01:19:58,119
How'd you even do that?
1967
01:19:58,120 --> 01:19:59,279
No idea.
1968
01:19:59,280 --> 01:20:01,669
- Come here!
- No!
1969
01:20:02,160 --> 01:20:03,399
What the fuck? Damn it!
1970
01:20:03,400 --> 01:20:05,345
Who still has waterbeds?
1971
01:20:19,600 --> 01:20:21,181
Let's do this shit.
1972
01:20:27,560 --> 01:20:29,425
Suck my dick!
1973
01:20:30,200 --> 01:20:32,065
Suck my dick.
1974
01:20:35,400 --> 01:20:36,759
Yeah, suck it! Suck my dick.
1975
01:20:36,760 --> 01:20:38,500
No, no!
1976
01:20:42,120 --> 01:20:44,748
So gross! Ew!
1977
01:20:44,760 --> 01:20:47,228
That was very immature!
1978
01:20:51,920 --> 01:20:53,501
I'm Batman!
1979
01:20:53,600 --> 01:20:55,864
Oh! Fuck!
1980
01:20:57,440 --> 01:20:59,021
I'm Batman!
1981
01:21:00,520 --> 01:21:02,260
Ahhh!
1982
01:21:02,280 --> 01:21:03,781
Oh, shit!
1983
01:21:04,440 --> 01:21:06,226
Fuck me!
1984
01:21:15,160 --> 01:21:16,821
God damn it!
1985
01:21:18,680 --> 01:21:21,639
Good luck with all your
problems, officer.
1986
01:21:21,640 --> 01:21:23,346
Really.
1987
01:21:32,120 --> 01:21:33,799
Get off of me!
1988
01:21:33,800 --> 01:21:35,426
God damn it!
1989
01:21:35,640 --> 01:21:37,426
- No, no, no!
- Yeah!
1990
01:21:38,320 --> 01:21:39,479
Oh, shit!
1991
01:21:39,480 --> 01:21:41,141
Kelly!
1992
01:21:41,160 --> 01:21:42,946
Kelly, honey.
1993
01:21:43,320 --> 01:21:45,584
- He's coming.
- Kelly, it's over!
1994
01:21:45,920 --> 01:21:47,359
Kelly, he's coming!
1995
01:21:47,360 --> 01:21:49,828
Fuck! Shit!
1996
01:21:50,080 --> 01:21:52,150
So long, neighbor.
1997
01:22:03,320 --> 01:22:06,790
I need backup at
2203 West Olmstead!
1998
01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:09,639
Delta Psi is attacking me!
I'm under fire right now!
1999
01:22:09,640 --> 01:22:11,266
I need backup! Over!
2000
01:22:11,960 --> 01:22:13,359
Well played, motherfuckers.
2001
01:22:13,360 --> 01:22:14,639
What the fuck are
you looking at?
2002
01:22:14,640 --> 01:22:16,301
What the fuck are
y'all looking at?
2003
01:22:17,320 --> 01:22:19,663
- Well played.
- What the fuck?
2004
01:22:20,800 --> 01:22:23,399
You can't tell anyone I showed you this.
Okay, baby?
2005
01:22:23,400 --> 01:22:24,599
Oh, my God. Shut up, Scoonie.
2006
01:22:24,600 --> 01:22:25,839
I'm sorry, baby.
2007
01:22:31,120 --> 01:22:34,159
No, guys! Hey, hey!
2008
01:22:34,160 --> 01:22:35,279
Oh, shit!
2009
01:22:35,280 --> 01:22:36,519
Holy shit!
2010
01:22:36,520 --> 01:22:37,799
My brothers need me.
2011
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:43,581
Holy shit.
2012
01:23:00,480 --> 01:23:02,982
Holy shit! Did you
break your leg?
2013
01:23:03,200 --> 01:23:04,799
Baby broke his leg!
2014
01:23:04,800 --> 01:23:06,719
I'm not a baby.
2015
01:23:06,720 --> 01:23:08,479
- Oh, no?
- I'm a fucking man!
2016
01:23:08,480 --> 01:23:10,199
My God, Jimmy!
2017
01:23:10,200 --> 01:23:11,839
He's so light. He's all dick.
2018
01:23:11,840 --> 01:23:13,580
Thank you.
2019
01:23:13,680 --> 01:23:15,759
Keep your dick
away from my wife!
2020
01:23:17,520 --> 01:23:19,385
YOLO!
2021
01:23:21,200 --> 01:23:23,145
This is who I am.
2022
01:23:23,480 --> 01:23:25,948
Jimmy fuckin' Blevitz.
2023
01:23:26,520 --> 01:23:28,101
You want this?
2024
01:23:28,920 --> 01:23:30,751
Oh, my leg.
2025
01:23:33,560 --> 01:23:35,266
Let's make a baby.
2026
01:23:36,800 --> 01:23:37,919
That'll solve all our problems.
2027
01:23:37,920 --> 01:23:39,467
Yeah.
2028
01:23:46,200 --> 01:23:47,679
We are fucked, man.
2029
01:23:47,680 --> 01:23:49,591
Yeah. We're fucked, man.
2030
01:23:49,720 --> 01:23:52,439
I guess we're all going down
in a blaze of glory, huh?
2031
01:23:52,440 --> 01:23:55,319
What? No way, man.
Get out of here.
2032
01:23:55,320 --> 01:23:57,279
Dude, all that shit I was
saying the other day
2033
01:23:57,280 --> 01:23:59,119
about you and the fraternity...
2034
01:23:59,120 --> 01:24:01,159
Fuck that, all right? I
was out of line, man.
2035
01:24:01,160 --> 01:24:02,279
This stuff is important.
2036
01:24:02,280 --> 01:24:03,399
I know.
2037
01:24:03,400 --> 01:24:06,719
Regardless of anything,
we're brothers for life.
2038
01:24:06,720 --> 01:24:09,159
This is on me. I
took it too far.
2039
01:24:09,160 --> 01:24:10,759
That's why you got to go.
2040
01:24:10,760 --> 01:24:12,119
You got a bright future, kid.
2041
01:24:12,120 --> 01:24:14,190
You're the smartest
person I know.
2042
01:24:14,440 --> 01:24:15,919
I'm the President
of a fraternity.
2043
01:24:15,920 --> 01:24:17,559
You could be President
of the United Nations.
2044
01:24:17,560 --> 01:24:19,679
There is no President
of the United Nations.
2045
01:24:19,680 --> 01:24:22,879
Yeah, but see, that's my fucking point!
You know shit like that, man!
2046
01:24:22,880 --> 01:24:24,119
This is all my fault.
2047
01:24:24,120 --> 01:24:25,239
You're not taking
the heat for this.
2048
01:24:25,240 --> 01:24:26,679
I fucking will, man.
2049
01:24:26,680 --> 01:24:28,679
- Brothers don't get divorced.
- Yeah, I know.
2050
01:24:28,680 --> 01:24:31,119
I'm a supernova. Burn
bright, die young.
2051
01:24:31,120 --> 01:24:32,519
I fucking love you, man.
2052
01:24:32,520 --> 01:24:34,988
- I love you, dawg.
- I love you.
2053
01:24:35,160 --> 01:24:37,079
I fucking love you, man.
Get out of here.
2054
01:24:37,080 --> 01:24:39,867
Be in this moment! Live
in this shit with me!
2055
01:24:40,480 --> 01:24:42,079
- I love you!
- I love you, too, man.
2056
01:24:42,080 --> 01:24:43,279
I love you!
2057
01:24:43,280 --> 01:24:45,305
- I fucking love you, Pete.
- I love you!
2058
01:24:46,640 --> 01:24:50,428
I love you, too, but... Get
out of here, man! Just go!
2059
01:24:51,680 --> 01:24:53,279
Delta Psi.
2060
01:24:53,280 --> 01:24:55,270
Delta Psi, man. All right?
2061
01:24:56,960 --> 01:24:59,119
Go! Get the brothers
out of here now, man!
2062
01:24:59,120 --> 01:25:00,639
- Go, go!
- All right! Hey!
2063
01:25:00,640 --> 01:25:04,781
T-Bone, Gerbil, Jizzface, let's get
the fuck out of here! Let's go!
2064
01:25:13,760 --> 01:25:15,989
Delta Psi forever!
2065
01:25:17,280 --> 01:25:19,079
Delta Psi this shit!
2066
01:25:19,080 --> 01:25:23,141
You've been a bad boy.
I'm gonna spank you.
2067
01:25:42,040 --> 01:25:43,719
That's our baby.
2068
01:25:43,720 --> 01:25:45,559
She's so sweet.
2069
01:25:45,560 --> 01:25:47,141
Look at her.
2070
01:25:49,600 --> 01:25:51,465
We're a family.
2071
01:25:51,640 --> 01:25:53,585
We are.
2072
01:25:56,400 --> 01:25:58,186
I love you.
2073
01:26:07,400 --> 01:26:09,279
- Holy shit.
- That was close.
2074
01:26:09,280 --> 01:26:11,359
- I could not deal with that right now.
- Fuck, no way.
2075
01:26:11,360 --> 01:26:12,919
- Jesus.
- I'm exhausted.
2076
01:26:12,920 --> 01:26:15,159
- That would be a fucking disaster.
- Oh, Jesus.
2077
01:26:15,160 --> 01:26:16,239
We did it!
2078
01:26:16,240 --> 01:26:17,679
We did it. We fucking did it.
2079
01:26:17,680 --> 01:26:18,879
We did it.
2080
01:26:18,880 --> 01:26:20,119
We did it.
2081
01:26:20,120 --> 01:26:21,439
Come on.
2082
01:26:21,440 --> 01:26:22,719
We fucking did that shit.
2083
01:26:22,720 --> 01:26:24,679
We totally did it.
2084
01:26:24,680 --> 01:26:29,230
I think I was near one of
those oil drums for too long.
2085
01:26:29,440 --> 01:26:31,839
I think I might be
really quite stoned.
2086
01:26:31,840 --> 01:26:33,501
Me, too.
2087
01:26:34,040 --> 01:26:35,239
Life's crazy.
2088
01:26:35,240 --> 01:26:36,359
It is crazy.
2089
01:26:36,360 --> 01:26:38,359
I milked you.
2090
01:26:38,360 --> 01:26:42,103
You're a human being, and
I fucking milked you.
2091
01:26:42,520 --> 01:26:45,879
We made a baby. Things have changed.
Everything has changed.
2092
01:26:45,880 --> 01:26:47,199
Part of our life is
just totally over.
2093
01:26:47,200 --> 01:26:48,479
Yeah.
2094
01:26:48,480 --> 01:26:50,279
- Just gone.
- Yeah.
2095
01:26:50,280 --> 01:26:52,239
- It's never coming back.
- No.
2096
01:26:52,240 --> 01:26:57,143
We'll never not be responsible for
someone until we're so, so old.
2097
01:26:57,480 --> 01:27:00,639
I think I like old people shit
better than young people shit now.
2098
01:27:00,640 --> 01:27:01,959
I love brunch.
2099
01:27:01,960 --> 01:27:03,119
Oh, it's the best!
2100
01:27:03,120 --> 01:27:06,559
And I get really excited when I
smell freshly ground coffee.
2101
01:27:06,560 --> 01:27:07,919
Me, too, because it's awesome.
2102
01:27:07,920 --> 01:27:10,359
Like, way too excited.
2103
01:27:10,360 --> 01:27:12,519
I want a tomato garden.
How's that?
2104
01:27:12,520 --> 01:27:15,799
I love going to The Container
Store and buying containers.
2105
01:27:15,800 --> 01:27:16,999
Me, too.
2106
01:27:17,000 --> 01:27:19,759
I love our hand soap that's
shaped like seashells.
2107
01:27:19,760 --> 01:27:20,999
Why?
2108
01:27:21,000 --> 01:27:22,159
It smells like lemongrass.
2109
01:27:22,160 --> 01:27:23,799
Me, too.
2110
01:27:23,800 --> 01:27:26,119
Do you think we'll
be good parents?
2111
01:27:26,120 --> 01:27:29,464
I think we'll be good
at it and bad at it.
2112
01:27:30,200 --> 01:27:32,987
Whoa!
2113
01:27:33,440 --> 01:27:37,079
You know, when we had Stella, I
was afraid of missing the party,
2114
01:27:37,080 --> 01:27:40,902
but then I realized
that we are the party.
2115
01:27:41,120 --> 01:27:43,588
This is the only party
I want to be at.
2116
01:27:44,720 --> 01:27:46,279
You're gonna make me cry.
2117
01:27:46,280 --> 01:27:48,111
Don't cry.
2118
01:27:51,680 --> 01:27:53,591
Oh, my God.
2119
01:27:54,840 --> 01:27:56,830
Where did you get that?
2120
01:27:57,360 --> 01:28:00,022
I brought it into bed with us.
2121
01:28:01,240 --> 01:28:03,663
I also got some ranch
dipping sauce.
2122
01:28:04,200 --> 01:28:05,959
- Oh, my God.
- Mmm-hmm.
2123
01:28:05,960 --> 01:28:07,599
That's the best idea.
2124
01:28:07,600 --> 01:28:09,306
Yeah.
2125
01:28:10,000 --> 01:28:11,706
Mmm!
2126
01:28:17,800 --> 01:28:19,719
Welcome to Abercrombie.
2127
01:28:19,720 --> 01:28:22,143
Come inside. Check out
some board shorts.
2128
01:28:22,200 --> 01:28:24,270
Hey, Mac!
2129
01:28:24,760 --> 01:28:25,879
- Hey, dude.
- What's up, man?
2130
01:28:25,880 --> 01:28:27,039
- What up, man?
- How's it going?
2131
01:28:27,040 --> 01:28:28,719
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you, too.
2132
01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:30,039
You're one of those guys!
2133
01:28:30,040 --> 01:28:31,359
- I am, yeah.
- Yeah.
2134
01:28:31,360 --> 01:28:33,319
- It's a pretty good gig.
- Yeah.
2135
01:28:33,320 --> 01:28:35,599
You'd be surprised, I actually
meet a shit-ton of girls here.
2136
01:28:35,600 --> 01:28:36,839
Not that surprised.
2137
01:28:36,840 --> 01:28:38,399
Your body basically looks
like a giant arrow
2138
01:28:38,400 --> 01:28:39,799
pointing right
towards your dick.
2139
01:28:39,800 --> 01:28:41,839
- Oh, my God. Thank you.
- No problem, man.
2140
01:28:41,840 --> 01:28:43,919
- I think that's a compliment.
- It is a compliment.
2141
01:28:43,920 --> 01:28:45,239
We went nuts.
2142
01:28:45,240 --> 01:28:46,519
It escalated very quickly.
2143
01:28:46,520 --> 01:28:50,263
It escalated to a really crazy place.
That was really nuts, man.
2144
01:28:50,360 --> 01:28:51,919
How are the guys?
2145
01:28:51,920 --> 01:28:53,759
They're all great. They got
a big house off campus.
2146
01:28:53,760 --> 01:28:56,759
Pete's a fancy architect,
designing buildings and stuff.
2147
01:28:56,760 --> 01:28:59,279
How's the rest of post-college
life treating you?
2148
01:28:59,280 --> 01:29:00,999
It's good, man. I'm having fun.
2149
01:29:01,000 --> 01:29:03,919
I realize I probably should
have studied a little bit more.
2150
01:29:03,920 --> 01:29:05,359
Little bit.
2151
01:29:05,360 --> 01:29:08,999
But I'm going to night school
to get my degree, so...
2152
01:29:09,000 --> 01:29:11,264
- Awesome, man.
- Yeah.
2153
01:29:11,680 --> 01:29:13,759
Well, it's still really
good to see you, man.
2154
01:29:13,760 --> 01:29:14,919
Great to see you too, buddy.
2155
01:29:14,920 --> 01:29:16,119
- All right, brother.
- Good to see you.
2156
01:29:16,120 --> 01:29:17,479
Bring it in for the real thing.
2157
01:29:17,480 --> 01:29:19,679
Nice, okay. Good
to see you, dude.
2158
01:29:19,680 --> 01:29:22,103
You know what? While I'm here...
2159
01:29:22,560 --> 01:29:24,479
I've always wanted to do this.
2160
01:29:24,480 --> 01:29:27,159
All right. Wow, you're
really going for it.
2161
01:29:27,160 --> 01:29:28,839
- I'm doing it.
- Oh, man.
2162
01:29:28,840 --> 01:29:32,799
So, is it our posture? Why
do we look so different?
2163
01:29:32,800 --> 01:29:33,959
I don't know, man. Just be free.
2164
01:29:33,960 --> 01:29:35,479
- Just kind of let it out.
- Okay.
2165
01:29:35,480 --> 01:29:37,141
I feel free.
2166
01:29:39,720 --> 01:29:42,519
Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch.
Can we take your order?
2167
01:29:42,520 --> 01:29:43,759
Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch.
2168
01:29:43,760 --> 01:29:45,919
Abercrombie, Fitch.
2169
01:29:45,920 --> 01:29:47,279
- Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch.
- How you doing?
2170
01:29:47,280 --> 01:29:48,599
Can we take your order?
2171
01:29:48,600 --> 01:29:50,119
- We're a great team.
- Thanks.
2172
01:29:50,120 --> 01:29:52,031
You make the store
more approachable.
2173
01:29:52,120 --> 01:29:53,639
What does that mean?
2174
01:29:54,680 --> 01:29:56,839
It's like, I make...
2175
01:29:56,840 --> 01:29:59,279
I'm a more obtainable goal.
2176
01:29:59,280 --> 01:30:00,959
Yeah, you're like the
relaxed-fit jean guy.
2177
01:30:00,960 --> 01:30:03,144
Yeah. I'm the relaxed-fit jeans.
2178
01:30:06,680 --> 01:30:08,959
I made some blue meth.
It's Gatorade.
2179
01:30:08,960 --> 01:30:10,159
Oh, perfect! Great.
2180
01:30:10,160 --> 01:30:11,599
She's all ready to go.
2181
01:30:11,600 --> 01:30:13,639
This is gonna be the
best calendar yet.
2182
01:30:13,640 --> 01:30:14,839
Look at that, sweetie.
2183
01:30:14,840 --> 01:30:16,359
All right. Let's do it.
2184
01:30:16,360 --> 01:30:18,359
Who's my little Heisenberg?
You are!
2185
01:30:18,360 --> 01:30:19,639
She's a little meth head.
2186
01:30:19,640 --> 01:30:20,799
No, she just makes it.
2187
01:30:20,800 --> 01:30:22,586
Oh...
2188
01:30:24,360 --> 01:30:26,479
- Hey. Look who it is.
- What's up, dude?
2189
01:30:26,480 --> 01:30:28,159
We're at Burning Man!
2190
01:30:28,160 --> 01:30:29,839
Burning Man!
2191
01:30:29,840 --> 01:30:31,159
Hey!
2192
01:30:31,160 --> 01:30:32,519
You guys should come here.
2193
01:30:32,520 --> 01:30:34,519
- Bring Stella! You can bring kids!
- Bring Stella!
2194
01:30:34,520 --> 01:30:36,839
- No.
- No, we're making a Stella calendar.
2195
01:30:36,840 --> 01:30:38,039
Yeah, we got six months left.
2196
01:30:38,040 --> 01:30:39,199
She's Heisenberg.
She's Walter White.
2197
01:30:39,200 --> 01:30:41,319
- See?
- You're such a lame-o!
2198
01:30:41,320 --> 01:30:43,319
- Don't be so fucking lame!
- Totally lame.
2199
01:30:43,320 --> 01:30:44,399
It's awesome!
2200
01:30:44,400 --> 01:30:45,879
It only gets better and better!
2201
01:30:45,880 --> 01:30:49,589
I feel completely comfortable
missing that party. Okay.
2202
01:30:49,600 --> 01:30:51,359
- We gotta go, okay?
- We gotta go.
2203
01:30:51,360 --> 01:30:54,079
Yeah, have a good one.
Try not to die.
2204
01:30:54,080 --> 01:30:55,439
What should we do next?
2205
01:30:55,440 --> 01:30:57,039
- Don Draper. Yeah.
- Yeah, Don Draper.
2206
01:30:57,040 --> 01:30:59,224
Let's get the leading
men out of the way.
2207
01:30:59,760 --> 01:31:01,864
- I love you.
- I love you.
2208
01:31:02,560 --> 01:31:04,079
- We love you.
- We love you.
2209
01:31:04,080 --> 01:31:06,264
- Little Walter White.
- Baby.
2210
01:36:35,800 --> 01:36:39,304
Sof hamisschak. It
means "game over."
2211
01:36:40,305 --> 01:36:46,689
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