Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:03,230
It's so lovely to finally meet you.
2
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:04,990
Yeah, great, likewise.
3
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,650
God, doesn't the smell of school
4
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:09,440
make you want to kill yourself?
5
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,670
- Where's Marion tonight?
- Your guess is as good as mine.
6
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:17,590
Apparently my mother no longer
has any interest in maintaining
7
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,830
the welfare of my children. Look...
I can't... I can't be here long,
8
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,590
I've got a massive thing to prep for work,
9
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,990
so if you could just sort
of stick to the headlines.
10
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:27,710
Just the lowdown.
11
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,270
Like, a sneak peek, I suppose.
12
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:32,420
Basically, what would the trailer
be for this parents' evening?
13
00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,470
I'm not sure, if you don't mind me saying,
14
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,030
I don't really understand
your parenting style.
15
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,270
Because you're never here,
and when you are, you're late,
16
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,670
and you barely get involved in
any of the school activities so...
17
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,590
OK, OK. I think I know what this is about.
18
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,150
Is this because I forgot to buy
you a bottle of wine at Christmas?
19
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,670
- No, it's because...
- If it is,
20
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,950
I really don't think that's
very fair, because I didn't know
21
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,990
about the present-giving
culture at this school.
22
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,270
- It's not.
- What do you want me to do?
23
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,910
Do you want me to bring
you an apple every day?
24
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,390
Do you want me to tip you at
Christmas, like the binmen?
25
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,670
- Pardon? - Oh, God, it's
like a bloody racket here.
26
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,470
What is this?! Can you
all just back off a bit?
27
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,440
It's not the Antiques Roadshow.
28
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,280
Jesus!
29
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:20,990
Anne's doing the drinks?
30
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,470
Oh, for God's sake.
31
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:23,990
Anne's measures are too small.
32
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,350
It's not Glastonbury, Liz.
33
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,670
Exactly! It's a bloody school fundraiser.
34
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,350
We need alcohol, Kevin, proper measures.
35
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,870
You were the one who said Anne
should do the drinks last time.
36
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,910
I was going by her being
Irish, it's before I knew her.
37
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,550
Am I going insane?
38
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,750
That looks like Caroline Lacy.
39
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,670
Caroline, yeah, Rueben's mum.
Just come back from Thailand.
40
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,390
Thailand for a family
holiday -- dear, oh, dear.
41
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,550
Caroline Lacy goes to our school?
42
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,470
- Hi, babe.
- Do you know her?
43
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,910
Do I know her?! How do you NOT know her?
44
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,350
I do know her -- we're talking
about her because we know her,
45
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,990
- and you don't.
- Excuse me, Liz, I know her,
46
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,790
we started with the same company together.
47
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,710
We were quite close at one point.
48
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,430
Until she won every bloody award going.
49
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,310
Follow me, kids. Caroline!
50
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,950
Hello! Hi.
51
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,030
Hello, you! I didn't know
you went to this school.
52
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,590
Yeah! Yeah, I do. These are mine.
53
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,830
What? I thought they were Marion's?
54
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,430
No, no, that's my mother.
55
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,190
- Oh! Love Marion.
- Who doesn't?
56
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,910
Oh! Here we go. See you around.
57
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,800
Yes, see you around!
58
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,630
She remembered me!
59
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,670
- Didn't say your name.
- What?
60
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,470
Didn't she? I'm sure she did.
61
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,560
No. Unless your name is "Around".
62
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,350
Is this You've Been Framed?
63
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,910
No, no, that was my wedding.
64
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,560
That's my dad.
65
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,030
- Oh, God! That cake looks nice. - Mm!
66
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,110
I might go and get some cake, unless
you want to share that with me?
67
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,030
No, I want to eat all of it on my own.
68
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,550
Pig!
69
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:09,150
I think that's the meeting
for the fundraiser.
70
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,550
Shouldn't we be over there?
71
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,710
I'm doing drinks, you're
doing the cloakroom.
72
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,510
Why do we need to go to a meeting?
73
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,230
And don't complicate it, Kevin.
74
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,150
They hate it when you complicate things.
75
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,830
Why would you want to get involved?
76
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,630
- Well, you have to do your bit.
- Do you, though, do you really?
77
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,870
- Yeah, you do.
- Do you, though?
78
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,280
- Yes. - I'm just
going to go over and...
79
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,680
I'll just go over.
80
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,510
Do you, though?
81
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:35,990
Fundraiser!
82
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,110
- Kevin!
- I'm so sorry.
83
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,310
- You frightened Anne.
- I'm all right.
84
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,070
- I'm so sorry, Anne.
- I'm fine now.
85
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,550
I'm just saying, you know...
86
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,390
Here we go.
87
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,680
Let's do it.
88
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,950
Let's do it for all the kids who
need this kind of specialised
89
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,510
- equipment in the music room.
- You're doing the cloakroom, right?
90
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:57,590
- Yes.
- Great.
91
00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,760
- See you tomorrow.
- Yes, yes. See you tomorrow.
92
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,510
Oh, dear. What happened?
93
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,310
I don't...
94
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:07,640
.. really know.
95
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,710
- What's going on there?
- Charlie and Manus are best friends
96
00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,950
since Manus got a drone. So me and
Cersei Lannister are being civil
97
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,080
- for the children.
- Manus!
98
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,590
That's weird.
99
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,680
- What?
- Well, it's just whenever, um...
100
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:37,510
No. Forget it. I'm being paranoid.
101
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,870
- Go on, what is it? Tell
me. Maybe I can... - Well...
102
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,470
Caroline!
103
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:44,950
Hello! Again.
104
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,830
Hi. Not working today?
105
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,310
Not today, Spoken Orchid are
pretty good with flexitime.
106
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,270
Don't work Fridays, do
half day Wednesdays.
107
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,670
Essentially means I've
got a three-day week.
108
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,470
Oh, that's sick! That's brilliant.
109
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,710
Yeah, it stops me running
around like a mental patient.
110
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,390
God, yeah, I imagine it does.
111
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:01,990
Have you heard about this fundraiser?
112
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,270
Oh, God.
113
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,590
No way...
114
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,350
- I'm organising it.
- .. would I miss that,
115
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,230
because I think we have to do our bit.
116
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:13,030
As parents, we have to do our bit.
117
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,030
- Got to. - Anything I
can do, just say the word.
118
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,590
We're having a planning meeting,
if you'd like to come to that.
119
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,470
You bet I would! Any time.
120
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,190
Over there.
121
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,830
Oh, it's happening now.
122
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:25,240
Er, OK, yeah. I'll just
get my bits and bobs.
123
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,840
She still hasn't said your name.
124
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,110
Should... should Kevin come?
125
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,120
Er...
126
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,910
I'd like to take this opportunity
to be a little bit creative,
127
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,870
and think a little bit
outside the box, as it were.
128
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:54,070
Last year I was Nibbles
King, do you remember?
129
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:58,030
I had all the bags of crisps
and nuts pinned to me.
130
00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,720
That was fun, wasn't it?
131
00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,110
But I thought this year,
I'd go one better --
132
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,920
human cloakroom.
133
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:08,990
So everyone puts their coats on me,
134
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,150
instead of hanging them
up in the cloakroom.
135
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,710
I wear everyone's coats!
136
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:18,470
What a sight! And then when
everyone's ready to go,
137
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:20,760
the cloakroom comes to them.
138
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,910
Let's say we charge £1 a coat.
139
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,510
Why don't we just charge
£1 a coat in the cloakroom?
140
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,000
Why?!
141
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,710
My God, Amanda.
142
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,870
Why are there rainbows?
143
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,670
Why is there Ant and Dec?
144
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,030
Because it's fun.
145
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:41,030
It's fun, goodness! Well,
I'm going to do it anyway,
146
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,750
so set up a normal cloakroom if you want.
147
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,990
But it's going to have stiff competition
148
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,510
from the human cloakroom.
149
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,880
Let the battle of the cloakrooms commence!
150
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,270
Caroline, I just noticed
there's no tombola,
151
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:56,950
and I usually do the tombola.
152
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,830
Well, I just thought it didn't feel
like a tombola sets the right tone,
153
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,390
- if that makes sense?
- Sure. Of course.
154
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,110
I mean, sorry, Amanda,
I'm not blocking you.
155
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:08,030
I just think we should be a bit
more ambitious for this one.
156
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,510
This fundraiser is close
to my heart, as you know,
157
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,400
with Rueben, and what the
music room means to him.
158
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:19,590
- Rueben's mythraxic.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
159
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,350
Oh, no, it means he's musically gifted.
160
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,230
- Oh, how lovely. - Well, I'm more
than happy to melt into the background,
161
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,550
Caroline. I don't know, maybe
162
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,910
this year I could just... host it.
163
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,790
Is Liz really doing the drinks?
164
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,510
Because her measures are
demented. I mean, do you remember
165
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,070
the last time she did them?
166
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,950
No. I don't think anyone does.
167
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,030
Ladies, ladies. Is everyone
listening? Everyone?
168
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,030
We're talking about prizes now.
169
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,870
I really want to make sure we don't
get the same old cake sale crap
170
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,270
this year. Can't we just
do something a bit fresher?
171
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,110
Ooh! Ooh! Why don't we make it
172
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,550
so that everyone gets a chance to host?
173
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:56,990
That would be fun, wouldn't it?
174
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,350
- We could all...
- We're doing prizes now, Kevin.
175
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,720
Anyone have any ideas? About prizes?
176
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,760
Just off the top of my
head, we could do a, uh...
177
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,750
.. auction of promises.
178
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:17,390
Like, you get a gardener to promise
to trim your hedge, or something.
179
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,910
- OK. - They do it a
lot at Hollywood events.
180
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,710
Yeah, I love that.
181
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,750
Like Richard Gere promises
to go on his yacht.
182
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,070
Ricky Martin does...
183
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,870
.. something. Uma Thurman
auctioned a kiss at Cannes,
184
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,510
and she made 200,000 or something mad.
185
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,590
I love it. We're doing that.
186
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,310
I agree. Let's do it.
187
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:42,000
- I agree.
- Agreed!
188
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,110
There she is!
189
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:47,720
My saviour!
190
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,870
Auction of promises -- brilliant.
191
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:54,040
Oh, please! It's great to
be able to contribute to...
192
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,990
- .. this cause.
- Listen.
193
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,950
Between ourselves, Spoken Orchid are
looking for people at the moment.
194
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,390
Just in case you want to
pass along your resume.
195
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,430
Great, I didn't even know that
you were looking for people.
196
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,190
You're coming tonight, right?
197
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,520
Am I? I mean, I can.
198
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,470
I mean, I definitely am.
199
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,830
I love to do events at the school.
200
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,710
I love being at school, out of hours.
201
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,070
What do you think of this?
We thought it would be fun
202
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,310
to do a thermometer that showed
how much money was coming in.
203
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,000
- That is such fun.
- Would you mind knocking one up?
204
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:32,550
Love to. No problem. I've got
plenty of time for crafts.
205
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,510
- You need to be able to see it from
the back of the hall. - OK! - OK.
206
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,080
Bye.
207
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,870
Still didn't say your name.
208
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,430
Perfect chance there, and all.
209
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,550
Liz, she as good as offered me a job.
210
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,960
She just wants to see your CV
so she can find out your name.
211
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,070
Hey, hey.
212
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:51,750
- On the roof.
- Ugh, I'm an idiot.
213
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,030
I won't argue with that! Joking!
214
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,640
It happens to the best of us.
215
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,160
- Did you see that?
- Huh?
216
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,350
Caroline Lacy, yeah.
She's with Spoken Orchid.
217
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,430
Spoken Orchid. I mean, this could
be so useful for us, Paul --
218
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,990
I mean, me especially.
219
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,670
I mean, the flexitime
alone could change my life.
220
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,710
I mean, if you could just
have them for an hour or so,
221
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,830
- that would be great. What do you think?
- Julia, I can't.
222
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,990
I think this thing's going to go
on for another couple of hours.
223
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,510
Sorry, what is it again?
224
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:36,110
It's just some team-building
bollocks, it never ends.
225
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:37,710
Baby, I'd better go.
226
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,710
Good luck with the baby-sitter
-- whatever you want to do,
227
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,160
I'm right behind you.
228
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,070
- Will you be long?
- Not at all.
229
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,630
It will be like I've barely left.
230
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:57,550
Help yourself to beers,
the kids are asleep, so...
231
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,550
I'm not much of a night owl.
232
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,360
Oh, dear. What will keep you awake?
233
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,470
Sherry? Literally, help
yourself to anything.
234
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,110
I can't be up late.
235
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,030
And you won't be, Barbara.
236
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,950
You know, if you're feeling tired,
feel free to have a lie-down.
237
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,550
Oh, don't look so worried.
238
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,440
My mother is dead old,
she did this for years.
239
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,870
Do you like MasterChef?
240
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,800
Let's get a bit of MasterChef on.
241
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,480
There you go. Egg Wallace. Have fun.
242
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,120
Fantastic.
243
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,960
Actually, if you could help me
pop that on, maybe. Brilliant.
244
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,320
Tickets, tickets?
245
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,310
I'll remember, it's fine. I'll remember.
246
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,120
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- It's fun, isn't it?
247
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,350
You all right? You look
very uncomfortable.
248
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,390
Oh, no, having a great time.
249
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,830
It's fun, isn't it? Isn't it fun?
250
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,710
Everyone's responding really well to it.
251
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,150
You look like you're melting.
252
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,560
- Do you want some water?
- Oh, yeah, sure.
253
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,790
I can't bend my arm.
254
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,510
Someone's phone's ringing.
255
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:35,160
- Don't touch anything, Anne.
- I was just looking.
256
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,830
Oh, hey, go easy there now.
257
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,230
Your measures are very large.
258
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,910
They're not, they're normal.
259
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,710
Normal for a school fundraiser.
260
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,950
Yeah, well, just don't get
high off your own supply
261
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,310
and start acting the giddy goat.
262
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:50,550
- Oh, shush. - Last time you did
the drinks, I woke up in the park.
263
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,200
My husband was furious.
264
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,710
What is that anyway?
265
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,350
- I don't know. Sangria?
- What is sangria? Red wine?
266
00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,590
Anything. Sangria's red wine and anything.
267
00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:03,800
In Spanish, sangria means "any old shit".
268
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,470
Can I have some alcohol,
please? I don't care what.
269
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,030
- I've got just the thing.
- Look, I'm manning the thermometer now.
270
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,830
I made it, and I'm working it all night.
271
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,470
It's like building your own gallows.
272
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,190
I want to be able to get straight home.
273
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,440
I've got this sleepy-looking old
woman looking after the kids.
274
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:24,000
God, I wish he hadn't
put my coat on first.
275
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,470
Uh-oh! The drinks are out already.
276
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,080
I'd better get a move on
before you're all legless!
277
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,990
OK. Now.
278
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,200
Can I get a "hey, girl"?
279
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,800
Hey, girl. No? OK...
280
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,390
OK, welcome, everybody.
281
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,360
Are we going to have fun?
282
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:58,190
OK, well, the answer to that
question is, you bet we are.
283
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:02,750
Now. We're going to do things a
little bit differently this year.
284
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:07,240
We're doing an auction of promises.
285
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,390
Oooh!
286
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,990
Yeah, just pop your promise on a
piece of paper, anything you like,
287
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:16,590
and stick it in the box.
288
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,590
As you know, it's for a good cause.
289
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,550
We've been trying to get a
Yamaha keyboard for the music room
290
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,710
for a few years.
291
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,910
Now...
292
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,790
I can see there's only two
promises in here so far
293
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,160
so, come on, everybody,
let's get those promises in!
294
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,520
OK. Thank you.
295
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,670
Have you noticed how
Amanda hoses herself down
296
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,550
- every time she interacts with
me and my kids? - Does she?
297
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,470
I thought I was imagining
it at first, but, yeah.
298
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,470
What are you eating?
Are those onion rings?
299
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,960
- Where did you find those?
- Found them in the back.
300
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,070
Oh, from 2002.
301
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,750
They're 15 years old?!
302
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,350
It's fine. They are 90% E numbers.
303
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,510
These crisps will outlive us.
304
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,830
Go on, then. God, no wonder
Amanda thinks you're Dirty Jezzy.
305
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,240
A dirty jezzy?
306
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,310
Oh, my dad used to say it.
307
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,950
Short for Jezebel. We were watching
Top Of The Pops and he'd say,
308
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,710
"Look at those dirty jezzies."
309
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,670
Exactly, she thinks I'm a dirty jezzy.
310
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,320
Oh, don't let it get to you.
311
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,590
Look, if she was a REAL friend,
then it might mean something but...
312
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,080
Coming, Caroline.
313
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,550
Would you like a drink, Amanda?
314
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,070
I never drink when I'm performing.
315
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,550
- Here you go.
- Great.
316
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,500
Do you want to... You can just
pop them in the box yourself.
317
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,630
No, you only have to do one.
318
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,720
- Oh, no. I'm doing Kevin
and Julia's for them. - OK.
319
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,710
Don't worry. I barely touched them.
320
00:15:58,760 --> 00:15:59,800
Sorry?
321
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,960
- Did you think I was funny?
- Yeah, funny!
322
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:15,230
OK, everybody, I think
that's everyone now.
323
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,150
Let's get this show on the road!
324
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:19,960
Yay, thanks, Caroline!
325
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,950
OK, and our first one is...
326
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,790
Keith Carter.
327
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,390
Where's Keith? There he is.
328
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:33,390
Hello, Keith. And Keith says he'll do a...
329
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,070
.. portrait of your pet.
330
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,720
That sounds rather lovely.
331
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,510
Um, shall we start the bidding at £10?
332
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,990
Anyone? £10.
333
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,920
Keith, if someone doesn't have a
pet, would you do a family member?
334
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,430
Um, I can't do hands.
335
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,470
OK.
336
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,630
- £10.
- And we're off.
337
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,590
There you are.
338
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,710
I've had three people asking for you --
339
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,190
could you please just hang
everything up in the cloakroom.
340
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,390
Caroline, are you kidding?!
341
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:09,550
I've had a brilliant response
to the human cloakroom from...
342
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,440
.. Keith and...
343
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,310
Keith just loved it.
344
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,870
Now, if you'll excuse me.
345
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,240
I need some water.
346
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,960
Fantastic, Samantha! There
you go. Congratulations!
347
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,230
Free haircuts for a week.
I wish I'd bid on that one.
348
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,910
Free haircuts for a week?
349
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,520
Isn't that just one haircut?
350
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:44,750
Ah, this next one is... very exciting.
351
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,230
Kevin Brady.
352
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,320
Where's Kevin?
353
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,640
Kevin.
354
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,110
Um, Kevin has offered a couple's massage.
355
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,910
Would anyone like a couples
massage from Kevin Brady?
356
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,430
I didn't put that in.
357
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:05,110
I'll do it if you want, but
I haven't got any training.
358
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,990
I put it in. I put a few in.
359
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,750
Kevin, I presume that you'll
come to someone's house,
360
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,720
or do they have to come to you?
361
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:17,270
OK. Well, we can work that out later.
362
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:18,920
Shall we start the bidding at...
363
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,270
..£25?
364
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,110
Anyone?
365
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,910
£25?
366
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,390
Come on, who's up for a
lovely couple's massage?
367
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,270
With Kevin.
368
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:33,430
Give me a drink.
369
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,150
No-one's bidding on this shit.
370
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,510
No offence, Kevin, but come on.
371
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,560
Well, I didn't write it, Liz did.
372
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,470
You've been very generous so far.
373
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,630
Christ, Anne! What is in that?!
374
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,350
- Liz made it. - We can do this.
I'm watching this thermometer.
375
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,430
If someone bids on this,
you have to do it, Liz.
376
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,710
I'm not giving a couple a massage.
377
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:59,310
OK, well, no bids on that one yet.
378
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,150
Maybe we'll come back for it later.
379
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:04,070
But thank you anyway, Kevin.
380
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,560
Ladies and gentlemen.
381
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,630
I still haven't done my one yet.
382
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,800
Um... Hmm...
383
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,600
I know.
384
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:19,600
OK.
385
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,480
Just a little surprise for later.
386
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,790
You saw me after I had the sports jacket?
387
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:37,110
I think I had the blue
anorak on when I saw you.
388
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,710
That's here. How could
I have got to this one,
389
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,680
and not got to your one?
390
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,750
Oh, wait. I had to take them all off
391
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,990
when I went to the toilet.
392
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,560
Someone's... phone's ringing.
393
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:57,270
So that's £45 for a meal
for two at Alfresco's,
394
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,390
courtesy of Giuseppe and Lorna!
395
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,830
Thanks, L and G, and
congratulations, Nicky.
396
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,720
Enjoy those dough balls.
397
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:07,640
Uh-oh!
398
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:10,710
This is my one.
399
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,710
Um, I can't believe I did this.
400
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,270
Anyway. Bit of fun.
401
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,640
Um...
402
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:21,880
I auction...
403
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,040
.. a kiss.
404
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,680
That's right.
405
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,120
A kiss to the highest bidder.
406
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,830
Shall we start the bidding at £50?
407
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,680
Who wants a kiss for £50?
408
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,120
Anyone? A kiss from a lady.
409
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,710
Oh, come on, don't be shy.
410
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,590
This is for charity.
411
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,350
Anyone? Any bids?
412
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,720
50 pence.
413
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:03,270
Thanks, Liz. Any raise on 50 pence?
414
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,430
Hmm?
415
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,550
Come on, everyone. This is for
children, for the music block.
416
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,270
We can get those keyboards.
417
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,710
We're so close, come on.
418
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,190
Anyone?
419
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,310
- £1.
- No-one raised it.
420
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,270
Oh, 50 pence still.
421
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,790
50 pence still. Still 50 pence.
422
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,520
Any raise over 50 pence?
423
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,310
£1?
424
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,390
Does anyone want to bid £1?
425
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,070
- £1.
- No-one raised it!
426
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:32,710
Oh, sorry. Sorry, that's it, isn't it?
427
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,830
Have I won? No-one else is bidding on it.
428
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,710
Who else? OK, well.
429
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,990
I think that Liz is having a
little bit of fun with me right now,
430
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,720
because I don't think that 50...
431
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:19,720
There's that phone again.
432
00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:24,870
Can somebody help me find it?
433
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,310
Look, I really need to leave.
434
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:30,350
Let's make a real push
to get our target up.
435
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:34,080
We are so close, guys,
to getting this keyboard.
436
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,950
I know how important music is
to our kids -- my son, Reuben,
437
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,150
is very musically gifted.
438
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,350
And he really found his voice
when he got his first euphonium.
439
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,710
Which, for those of you who don't
know, is a dinky little tuba.
440
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:54,030
So let's dig deep, and shell out.
441
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,310
Can I... Can I grab that for a minute?
442
00:22:56,360 --> 00:23:01,230
Sorry. I just wanted to take this
opportunity to ask the parents,
443
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,750
and everybody here,
444
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,350
to give a massive round of applause
445
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,110
to Miss Caroline Lacy, who has
446
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,870
organised this whole bloody thing.
447
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,280
Caroline Lacy.
448
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:19,790
Thank you. So much.
449
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,470
Shall I do the next promise?
450
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:22,630
Yeah.
451
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:27,990
Oh! This one is from Julia Johnston...
452
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,320
Where's Julia?
453
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,270
Um... I'm Julia.
454
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:34,760
Julia.
455
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,990
Of course.
456
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,830
Oh, my goodness. This
is an interesting one!
457
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,950
Maid for a week...
458
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,590
You're going to be someone's
maid for a whole week?
459
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,710
That's wonderful! Oh, my God!
460
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,870
Julia, thank you.
461
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,630
- What?
- That's so good of you.
462
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,590
Sorry, I don't know what's happening now.
463
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,750
I think this is a bit of a special
one, so shall we start it at £25?
464
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,230
- £25. - £25! Already! - I don't
know what's happening now.
465
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:05,710
Any advance on 25?
466
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:10,430
- £30. - Anyone else like to
bid on Julia being your maid
467
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,510
for a whole week?
468
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,110
I presume that's weekdays, Julia?
469
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,110
No, I can't be a maid for a week, I...
470
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,150
Any more for any more?
471
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,630
I can't do the thing that
I'm moving the arrow for.
472
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,950
- £50.
- 50, thank you!
473
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,110
That's wrong as an amount, because I...
474
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,510
- I can't... - £100! - Thank you!
475
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,200
- 200!
- Thank you!
476
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,630
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
477
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,480
we did it. We hit the target, we did it!
478
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:43,910
We didn't do it, no. No,
no, no, no. We didn't do it.
479
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,230
We didn't do it. I can't
be a maid for a week.
480
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,230
I can't do this. I didn't write this.
481
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,550
This isn't me. I didn't do this. I
didn't write this. Can I see that?
482
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,030
Can I see that? Can I see it?
483
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,510
Can I see it? Thank you.
This isn't my handwriting.
484
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,430
Who wrote this? Liz?
485
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,350
I'm so sorry. I can't commit to this.
486
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:05,670
This is some kind of, someone's
idea of a very funny joke.
487
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:12,120
I'm a working mother, and I can't
possibly be a maid for a week.
488
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,470
Maybe I could do a Saturday. But I
definitely can't do this Saturday,
489
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:21,230
because we have to go and see my
husband's family this Saturday.
490
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:22,470
But I could check my iCal,
491
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,950
there might be a Saturday
at the end of September.
492
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,600
But that would have to be
a very, very light pencil.
493
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,440
I'm so sorry. It's just
the practicalities of...
494
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,750
I'll tell you what. Listen.
Why don't we just...
495
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,230
Let's take it off the table, off the
table, off the table, off the table.
496
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:42,030
Let's start again. Let's start again.
497
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,790
Caroline, what's the next promise?
498
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:45,750
Julia, please can I
have the microphone back?
499
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,310
No. I'll bid on it.
500
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:50,270
Whatever it is, I will bid on it,
let's have a little look in the box.
501
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,710
And we have two nights
in a cottage in Margate.
502
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,110
What do we need for the
total? We need £200.
503
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,670
I'll pay 200!
504
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,870
I'll pay £200!
505
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,360
Boom! And we've done it!
506
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,670
We've done it, everybody.
507
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,880
Can I get a "whoop, whoop"!
508
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,520
Whoop, whoop!
509
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,150
We did it!
510
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,070
Thank you, Julia.
511
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:20,510
No problem.
512
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,870
It's for a great cause.
513
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,430
I can't believe I just spent
£200 on a shit hole in Margate.
514
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,960
That's my summer home.
That was my promise.
515
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:39,150
I've a message for the owner
of the teal Alice coat.
516
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:43,200
Um, your phone went off numerous times.
517
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,960
Apparently there's been
a flood in your bathroom.
518
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:53,030
The people downstairs have
gone to a hotel for the night.
519
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,710
Your children are safe,
the baby-sitter's safe.
520
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,150
The fire brigade have been around,
521
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,630
so there's nothing to worry about there.
522
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,870
The cat is unaccounted for,
523
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,070
but it's unlikely there is a sad ending.
524
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:08,390
You know cats.
525
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,710
But unfortunately, it doesn't sound
like the hallway rug is salvageable.
526
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:17,240
So... So hit me up at the back of
the hall, if you want to call Jenny.
527
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,080
Although she says there's not a
lot you can do about it now, so...
528
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,800
.. so enjoy your evening.
529
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,190
Um...
530
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:32,560
Although the evening is, of course, over.
40039
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.