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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,682 --> 00:00:08,121
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,156 --> 00:00:11,691
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,726 --> 00:00:14,694
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,729 --> 00:00:18,197
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:23,104 --> 00:00:24,437
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Hi, I'm Peter Griffin,
12
00:00:32,814 --> 00:00:35,314
and I'm here at
The Museum of Television & Radio
13
00:00:35,350 --> 00:00:37,083
to commemorate Family Guy
14
00:00:37,118 --> 00:00:40,153
becoming the longest-running
show in television history.
15
00:00:40,188 --> 00:00:45,625
For 60 years, Sunday has meant
God, football and Family Guy.
16
00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:48,327
And later, to a lesser degree,
The Simpsons.
17
00:00:48,363 --> 00:00:51,230
Premiering in 1952 as a recurring sketch
18
00:00:51,266 --> 00:00:53,633
in the popular Dow Chemical Follies,
19
00:00:53,668 --> 00:00:56,469
Family Guy has survived
19 cancellations,
20
00:00:56,504 --> 00:00:58,104
two assassination attempts,
21
00:00:58,139 --> 00:01:00,740
and a pretty good ribbing
by those South Park guys.
22
00:01:00,775 --> 00:01:03,443
Well, tonight we take
a look back at classic episodes
23
00:01:03,478 --> 00:01:05,511
from our first three decades.
24
00:01:05,547 --> 00:01:07,180
Uhp, here come some tourists.
25
00:01:07,215 --> 00:01:10,983
I know, I'll sit here
and pretend I'm a wax figure.
26
00:01:11,019 --> 00:01:12,618
Who is that?
27
00:01:12,654 --> 00:01:15,054
That's the fat idiot from
The Family Guy.
28
00:01:15,090 --> 00:01:17,857
- Ugh. I hate that show.
- Me, too.
29
00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:26,332
Raleigh Kids Cigarettes
30
00:01:26,367 --> 00:01:28,768
is happy to bring you Family Guy,
31
00:01:28,803 --> 00:01:32,238
the story of an American family
named the Griffins.
32
00:01:32,273 --> 00:01:34,107
This is Peter,
33
00:01:34,142 --> 00:01:36,042
breadwinner and head of household.
34
00:01:36,077 --> 00:01:38,578
Lois is the name of his wife.
35
00:01:38,613 --> 00:01:40,313
These are their children.
36
00:01:40,348 --> 00:01:43,015
This is Chris, the firstborn son.
37
00:01:43,051 --> 00:01:46,586
This is little Stewie.
Oh, boy, he's a handful.
38
00:01:46,621 --> 00:01:48,087
Meg.
39
00:01:48,123 --> 00:01:51,324
And introducing Doodles Weaver
as Brian the Dog.
40
00:01:53,328 --> 00:01:55,962
We don't trust just any
cigarette for our children.
41
00:01:55,997 --> 00:01:59,232
Raleigh Kids is the only
cigarette made for tiny hands.
42
00:01:59,267 --> 00:02:02,235
It's why it's the playground
favorite. Right, kids?
43
00:02:04,939 --> 00:02:06,339
And now, Raleigh Kids,
44
00:02:06,374 --> 00:02:08,508
also the makers of Kinder Coffee,
45
00:02:08,543 --> 00:02:11,244
invites you to watch Family Guy.
46
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,781
Dad, I overheard the fellas talking.
47
00:02:15,817 --> 00:02:17,817
Can I ask you a question about girls?
48
00:02:17,852 --> 00:02:19,785
Of course, son. You're a young man now.
49
00:02:19,821 --> 00:02:21,254
It's natural to be curious.
50
00:02:21,289 --> 00:02:22,655
Thanks, Pop.
51
00:02:22,690 --> 00:02:24,624
What's "knuckle-dunk"?
52
00:02:24,659 --> 00:02:26,225
Uhp, atomic test.
53
00:02:26,261 --> 00:02:27,760
Put on your glasses.
54
00:02:27,795 --> 00:02:29,562
Never mind what your friends said.
55
00:02:29,597 --> 00:02:32,298
If you want to have fun
with your girl, try dancing.
56
00:02:32,333 --> 00:02:34,200
It's fun and good for your health.
57
00:02:36,237 --> 00:02:37,937
Swell, that's helpful.
58
00:02:37,972 --> 00:02:39,839
So, what's going on if a guy says
59
00:02:39,874 --> 00:02:42,842
a girl "has a red scare
in her Harry Truman"?
60
00:02:42,877 --> 00:02:44,877
Fence.
61
00:02:50,418 --> 00:02:52,418
Oh, look, here comes the milkman.
62
00:02:55,857 --> 00:02:57,924
So convenient.
63
00:02:57,959 --> 00:02:59,192
Good evening, everyone.
64
00:02:59,227 --> 00:03:02,094
I'm Tom Tucker,
and this is the Radio 5 news.
65
00:03:02,130 --> 00:03:04,964
Our top story this evening,
songsmith Elvis Presley
66
00:03:04,999 --> 00:03:07,633
will be appearing on The EdSullivan Show this Sunday night
67
00:03:07,669 --> 00:03:10,503
on that never-gonna-last fad
called television.
68
00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:14,106
And now a word from our sponsor:
Fred Trump Apartments.
69
00:03:14,142 --> 00:03:17,243
If you don't want to live
with blacks, Fred Trump.
70
00:03:17,278 --> 00:03:21,180
Wow, Elvis Presley!
Can we get a television set?
71
00:03:21,216 --> 00:03:22,915
Sorry, Chris, we don't got the money.
72
00:03:22,951 --> 00:03:24,417
I spent our entire savings
73
00:03:24,452 --> 00:03:27,053
building that stupid fallout
shelter we never get to use.
74
00:03:28,423 --> 00:03:30,289
Why don't you just buy a TV
for the weekend,
75
00:03:30,325 --> 00:03:31,657
watch Elvis,
76
00:03:31,693 --> 00:03:33,626
and then return it on Monday
and say it doesn't work?
77
00:03:33,661 --> 00:03:35,628
Boy, even in the '50s, you're a scumbag.
78
00:03:35,663 --> 00:03:38,264
- That's a great idea, boy!
- Hang on.
79
00:03:38,299 --> 00:03:41,100
Why don't I just get a job
to help pay for it?
80
00:03:41,135 --> 00:03:43,469
What? No wife of mine is working.
81
00:03:43,504 --> 00:03:45,538
There's underpants in this house
that need starching.
82
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,773
I don't want to go to work
in soft underpants
83
00:03:47,809 --> 00:03:50,810
like some Nancy boy;
I want to go to work like this.
84
00:03:53,548 --> 00:03:56,315
Stiff as a plate. That's underpants.
85
00:04:01,356 --> 00:04:04,423
We got some time before Elvis.
Can we see what else is on?
86
00:04:04,459 --> 00:04:05,992
Sure thing.
87
00:04:06,027 --> 00:04:09,495
We now return to 1950s sci-fi,
88
00:04:09,530 --> 00:04:12,798
which is always a man in a
silver suit battling a monster.
89
00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:14,533
Leave us humans alone.
90
00:04:14,569 --> 00:04:18,271
It's 1994,
and the moon belongs to Earth.
91
00:04:21,509 --> 00:04:23,009
Rawr.
92
00:04:29,984 --> 00:04:31,884
It's safe now.
93
00:04:31,919 --> 00:04:34,587
How's the soil, Professor Knockers?
94
00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:35,788
It's good.
95
00:04:35,823 --> 00:04:39,025
Good. Good.
96
00:04:39,060 --> 00:04:42,795
Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker,
previously of Radio 5 news.
97
00:04:42,830 --> 00:04:44,897
Tonight, I bring you a special report.
98
00:04:44,932 --> 00:04:47,933
Women in the workplace:
hilarious or disturbing?
99
00:04:52,006 --> 00:04:55,341
I am a 1950s man
100
00:04:55,376 --> 00:04:57,543
speaking in a stilted manner,
101
00:04:57,578 --> 00:05:01,280
seemingly with
no self-awareness whatsoever.
102
00:05:01,316 --> 00:05:05,184
I am shouting for some reason
103
00:05:05,219 --> 00:05:10,189
and will now suddenly be
replaced by crude graphics.
104
00:05:14,896 --> 00:05:18,864
This factory has been beset by women.
105
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:21,200
Is your factory next?
106
00:05:25,573 --> 00:05:28,240
Lois, that's you! You took a job?
107
00:05:28,276 --> 00:05:30,176
Sorry, Peter. I wanted to tell you,
108
00:05:30,211 --> 00:05:32,111
but you were so dead set against it.
109
00:05:32,146 --> 00:05:33,512
Damn right I'm against it!
110
00:05:33,548 --> 00:05:35,548
If God wanted women in the workplace,
111
00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:37,116
he'd have made them alcoholics.
112
00:05:37,151 --> 00:05:38,851
Now, you're quitting that job tomorrow.
113
00:05:38,886 --> 00:05:41,620
- No, I'm not.
- Quiet. Elvis is on.
114
00:05:41,656 --> 00:05:44,590
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis Presley.
115
00:05:46,961 --> 00:05:49,929
- Huh?
- What?! Elvis Presley is white?
116
00:05:49,964 --> 00:05:51,597
Cleveland, did you know about this?
117
00:05:51,632 --> 00:05:54,567
Come on, Donna, let's pick up
some gizzards and fried skins
118
00:05:54,602 --> 00:05:56,502
and head on down to the juke joint.
119
00:05:56,537 --> 00:05:58,804
Tonight it's gonna be jumpin'!
120
00:06:00,608 --> 00:06:03,743
And it was jumpin'. It really was.
121
00:06:03,778 --> 00:06:05,578
But I was banished to the sidewalk
122
00:06:05,613 --> 00:06:09,448
because I called one of
the band guys a bad name.
123
00:06:11,986 --> 00:06:15,321
I thought you were bringing the TV back.
124
00:06:15,356 --> 00:06:17,623
I changed my mind. This TV is awesome!
125
00:06:17,658 --> 00:06:19,291
I've been watching it all day.
126
00:06:19,327 --> 00:06:21,727
You can keep your job
so we can afford this thing.
127
00:06:21,763 --> 00:06:25,030
- Oh, that's great news, Peter.
- You know, Lois, I had an idea.
128
00:06:25,066 --> 00:06:27,867
Instead of eating
in another room and talking,
129
00:06:27,902 --> 00:06:31,203
what if we bring the food
out here and never talk again?
130
00:06:31,239 --> 00:06:34,306
- That's a great idea.
- Shh.
131
00:06:38,646 --> 00:06:41,280
Are you looking for
the perfect breakfast meal?
132
00:06:41,315 --> 00:06:44,250
Try Post Raisin Bran, made with raisins,
133
00:06:44,285 --> 00:06:46,619
which are grapes
that have been dried in the sun
134
00:06:46,654 --> 00:06:48,587
for a long period of time;
135
00:06:48,623 --> 00:06:52,491
and bran, the hard outer layers
of cereal grain.
136
00:06:52,527 --> 00:06:56,796
Along with germ, it is an
integral part of whole grains.
137
00:06:56,831 --> 00:06:59,432
When you eat Raisin Bran,
it fills your stomach
138
00:06:59,467 --> 00:07:02,168
and keeps you from feeling
the sensation of hunger.
139
00:07:02,203 --> 00:07:04,336
"Hunger" being pangs in the belly
140
00:07:04,372 --> 00:07:06,572
as a result of lack of nourishment,
141
00:07:06,607 --> 00:07:09,375
thereby sending signals
to your brain telling you,
142
00:07:09,410 --> 00:07:11,143
"Hey, I'm hungry."
143
00:07:11,179 --> 00:07:13,979
And when you hear Mr. "Hey, I'm Hungry,"
144
00:07:14,015 --> 00:07:17,416
be sure to have a hearty bowl
of Post Raisin Bran.
145
00:07:17,452 --> 00:07:20,419
Again, made with raisins,
which are grapes
146
00:07:20,455 --> 00:07:23,422
that have been dried in the sun
for a long period of time;
147
00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:26,992
and bran, the hard outer layers
of cereal grain.
148
00:07:27,028 --> 00:07:30,996
Along with germ, it is an
integral part of whole grains.
149
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,368
♪ Post Raisin Bran ♪
150
00:07:36,404 --> 00:07:39,305
♪ Made with raisins, which are
grapes that have been dried ♪
151
00:07:39,340 --> 00:07:44,410
♪ In the sun for a long period of time ♪
152
00:07:44,445 --> 00:07:46,712
♪ And bran ♪
153
00:07:46,747 --> 00:07:50,683
♪ The hard outer layers
of cereal grain ♪
154
00:07:50,718 --> 00:07:52,418
♪ Along with germ ♪
155
00:07:52,453 --> 00:07:56,856
♪ It is an integral part
of whole grains ♪
156
00:07:56,891 --> 00:08:00,693
♪ Post Raisin Bran. ♪
157
00:08:00,728 --> 00:08:02,995
Boy, these commercials go by fast.
158
00:08:03,030 --> 00:08:05,231
You can barely absorb any of it.
159
00:08:05,266 --> 00:08:07,199
I don't know how you do it, Peter.
160
00:08:07,235 --> 00:08:08,334
Can we get some Raisin Bran?
161
00:08:08,369 --> 00:08:10,035
Do we have any Raisin Bran in the house?
162
00:08:10,071 --> 00:08:13,706
Just working day after day, I'm
exhausted, and I miss my family.
163
00:08:13,741 --> 00:08:15,307
It's made with raisins, which are grapes
164
00:08:15,343 --> 00:08:18,143
that have been dried in the sun
for a long period of time.
165
00:08:18,179 --> 00:08:20,346
I gave my notice,
and tomorrow's my last day.
166
00:08:20,381 --> 00:08:22,681
So I guess we have to get rid of the TV.
167
00:08:22,717 --> 00:08:24,183
By the way, Chris and Raisin Bran
168
00:08:24,218 --> 00:08:26,252
are at Raisin Bran practice.
169
00:08:29,223 --> 00:08:32,424
- Peter, I got a surprise for you.
- Raisin Bran?
170
00:08:32,460 --> 00:08:33,926
A television?
171
00:08:33,961 --> 00:08:35,895
We can't afford this; you quit your job.
172
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:38,030
This is what we were making on the line.
173
00:08:38,065 --> 00:08:41,333
The only reason I wanted to work
was to make this for you.
174
00:08:41,369 --> 00:08:44,737
Oh, Lois, you're the greatest.
175
00:08:50,244 --> 00:08:54,213
I guess this is why
women shouldn't work.
176
00:08:54,248 --> 00:08:56,382
To the moon, Lois!
177
00:08:56,417 --> 00:08:58,651
"To the moon"? Wh-What does that mean?
178
00:08:58,686 --> 00:09:00,519
You know, "to-to the moon."
179
00:09:00,555 --> 00:09:02,555
Okay, you're threatening
to punch me so hard
180
00:09:02,590 --> 00:09:04,189
I'm gonna fly to the moon?
181
00:09:04,225 --> 00:09:07,326
Like-like it's funny
to hit me so violently
182
00:09:07,361 --> 00:09:10,162
my body will fly out of the atmosphere?
183
00:09:12,166 --> 00:09:14,166
Well, it's not funny anymore.
184
00:09:21,843 --> 00:09:24,711
♪ Hi, I'm Peter ♪
185
00:09:24,746 --> 00:09:26,946
♪ This is Lois ♪
186
00:09:26,981 --> 00:09:30,383
♪ My sons Stewie and Chris ♪
187
00:09:30,418 --> 00:09:33,519
♪ Our dog Brian, and the rest is this ♪
188
00:09:35,523 --> 00:09:38,791
♪ We live in Quahog, near the beach ♪
189
00:09:38,827 --> 00:09:42,361
♪ A wizard gave my baby
the power of speech ♪
190
00:09:42,397 --> 00:09:45,732
♪ No one can hear him,
but when he's away ♪
191
00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:48,935
♪ People in town can hear what he says ♪
192
00:09:50,939 --> 00:09:53,439
♪ This is Family Guy. ♪
193
00:09:53,475 --> 00:09:55,842
The dog talks, too!
194
00:09:59,914 --> 00:10:01,347
Good morning, family.
195
00:10:01,382 --> 00:10:04,117
I'll have my regular breakfast
and the newspaper, please.
196
00:10:04,152 --> 00:10:06,786
Okay, here's your highball,
a grapefruit,
197
00:10:06,821 --> 00:10:08,955
and our one weird serrated spoon.
198
00:10:08,990 --> 00:10:12,859
- And Raisin Bran?
- Yes.
199
00:10:12,894 --> 00:10:15,928
But sorry, there's no newspaper.
Chris quit his paper route.
200
00:10:15,964 --> 00:10:18,564
- What?
- Aw, jobs are for bozos.
201
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,466
Besides, I won't be around to work.
202
00:10:20,502 --> 00:10:23,569
Me and my pals are going to
Woodstock to smoke dope.
203
00:10:23,605 --> 00:10:27,373
No, you are not!
Chris Griffin, you are grounded.
204
00:10:27,408 --> 00:10:28,975
Oh, I hate you!
205
00:10:29,010 --> 00:10:31,778
Now I'll never get to see Sha Na Na!
206
00:10:35,016 --> 00:10:38,117
Hello. I just moved in down the block.
207
00:10:38,153 --> 00:10:41,220
My name's Herbert, not Roy Mitchell.
208
00:10:41,256 --> 00:10:44,924
So, if you see news reports
about a Roy Mitchell
209
00:10:44,959 --> 00:10:49,228
from three towns over who was
accused of all sorts of nonsense
210
00:10:49,264 --> 00:10:52,832
and left in a hurry,
it's got nothing to do with me,
211
00:10:52,867 --> 00:10:55,768
because, again, I'm...
212
00:10:55,804 --> 00:10:57,570
Herbert.
213
00:11:01,209 --> 00:11:04,343
Mom, Dad, Chris is gone!
He went to Woodstock.
214
00:11:04,379 --> 00:11:06,345
Now, Meg, nobody likes a snitch.
215
00:11:06,381 --> 00:11:08,781
I'm not a snitch,
I just tell it like it is.
216
00:11:08,817 --> 00:11:10,016
Damn it, Meg!
217
00:11:10,051 --> 00:11:12,351
Excuse me, Peter,
maybe I should handle this.
218
00:11:12,387 --> 00:11:14,353
- Mr. Brady?
- You know, Meg,
219
00:11:14,389 --> 00:11:16,989
when you tattle on someone,
you're not just telling on them,
220
00:11:17,025 --> 00:11:18,591
you're telling on yourself.
221
00:11:18,626 --> 00:11:21,427
And by tattling on someone,
you're really just telling them,
222
00:11:21,462 --> 00:11:22,995
"I'm a tattletale."
223
00:11:23,031 --> 00:11:25,531
Now, is that the tale you want to tell?
224
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:28,568
- I never thought of it that way.
- Thanks, Mr. Brady.
225
00:11:28,603 --> 00:11:30,436
That's right. Mike Brady.
226
00:11:30,471 --> 00:11:34,040
So, if you see any news reports
about an actor named Robert Reed
227
00:11:34,075 --> 00:11:37,577
from three towns over who was
accused of all sorts of nonsense
228
00:11:37,612 --> 00:11:40,479
and left in a hurry,
it's got nothing to do with me,
229
00:11:40,515 --> 00:11:43,416
because, again, I'm...
230
00:11:43,451 --> 00:11:44,917
Mike Brady.
231
00:11:44,953 --> 00:11:46,452
Chris went to Woodstock?
232
00:11:46,487 --> 00:11:48,321
I got to get there and bring him back
233
00:11:48,356 --> 00:11:49,922
before something bad happens.
234
00:12:10,411 --> 00:12:13,946
Honey, I'm taking the compact;
save a little on gas.
235
00:12:28,096 --> 00:12:30,429
Cars are bigger back now.
236
00:12:38,806 --> 00:12:40,773
Oh, no, my dad!
237
00:12:40,808 --> 00:12:42,375
Chris!
238
00:12:42,410 --> 00:12:45,611
He'll be here in ten minutes.
I got to hide!
239
00:12:47,815 --> 00:12:50,950
- Chris!
- Dad, what are you doing here?
240
00:12:50,985 --> 00:12:54,086
- I'm here to bring you home.
- Well, I'm not going.
241
00:12:54,122 --> 00:12:56,489
I'm staying here and smoking dope.
242
00:12:56,524 --> 00:12:59,492
What? No son of mine
is gonna be smoking dope.
243
00:12:59,527 --> 00:13:03,562
Why not, Dad? Is it any worse
than your three martini lunch?
244
00:13:03,598 --> 00:13:05,231
What?! No son of mine
245
00:13:05,266 --> 00:13:07,199
is gonna be drinking
a three martini lunch.
246
00:13:07,235 --> 00:13:10,836
Why not, Dad? Is it any worse
than your five Scotch breakfast?
247
00:13:10,872 --> 00:13:12,538
What?! No son of mine
248
00:13:12,573 --> 00:13:14,674
is gonna be drinking
a five Scotch breakfast.
249
00:13:14,709 --> 00:13:16,609
Why not, Dad? Is it any worse than
250
00:13:16,644 --> 00:13:20,046
your "three X's drawn on
the jug" corn whiskey moonshine?
251
00:13:20,081 --> 00:13:23,616
What?! No son of mine
drink anything but rice wine.
252
00:13:23,651 --> 00:13:27,520
That's right, we trace
our early family roots to Asia.
253
00:13:27,555 --> 00:13:30,189
Listen, Chris,
your mother and I love you.
254
00:13:30,224 --> 00:13:32,858
We just want you to stay a kid
a little bit longer.
255
00:13:32,894 --> 00:13:36,462
- You understand?
- Um, y-yeah.
256
00:13:36,497 --> 00:13:38,965
I'm glad. 'Cause the thing is, Chris,
257
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,734
drugs turn you into someone you're not.
258
00:13:41,769 --> 00:13:44,904
But you know what?
We love you just how you are.
259
00:13:44,939 --> 00:13:47,840
That's why I'm so grateful I got
here before you dropped acid
260
00:13:47,875 --> 00:13:49,675
or took any kind of drugs that...
261
00:13:49,711 --> 00:13:51,911
Y-You're trippin' right now, aren't you?
262
00:13:51,946 --> 00:13:54,513
- A little.
- All right.
263
00:13:54,549 --> 00:13:56,983
Hey, why is Pete Townshend
taking pictures of you?
264
00:13:57,018 --> 00:13:59,151
He's been doing that all day long.
265
00:13:59,187 --> 00:14:00,886
It's for a book.
266
00:14:00,922 --> 00:14:02,822
I don't think it's for a book.
267
00:14:06,861 --> 00:14:10,229
Okay, I'm off to do my paper route.
268
00:14:10,264 --> 00:14:11,964
Wow, Peter, your plan worked
269
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,966
to show Chris how horrible drugs are.
270
00:14:14,002 --> 00:14:15,968
Quiet, Lois, I'm trying to watch TV.
271
00:14:16,004 --> 00:14:18,204
That's one small step...
272
00:14:18,239 --> 00:14:20,573
Ladies and gentlemen, the Beatles.
273
00:14:20,608 --> 00:14:22,475
The flash now official,
274
00:14:22,510 --> 00:14:24,810
President Kennedy has been killed.
275
00:14:24,846 --> 00:14:26,312
God, there's nothing on.
276
00:14:26,347 --> 00:14:28,581
♪ Just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale ♪
277
00:14:28,616 --> 00:14:30,683
- There we go.
- ♪ A tale of a fateful trip... ♪
278
00:15:05,956 --> 00:15:09,391
Lois, why is my son playing
with a vacuum like a girl?
279
00:15:09,426 --> 00:15:11,192
Here, play with this discus and javelin.
280
00:15:11,228 --> 00:15:13,161
Then you can grow up like a man,
281
00:15:13,196 --> 00:15:15,430
like track and field star Bruce Jenner,
282
00:15:15,465 --> 00:15:17,432
the greatest man in the world.
283
00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:19,668
Maybe you'll even end up
on a box of Wheaties.
284
00:15:19,703 --> 00:15:22,370
Didn't these used to have nuts in 'em?
285
00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:26,708
Chris, I see in the paper
that Vietnam is still going on,
286
00:15:26,743 --> 00:15:30,045
and as a blue collar TV dad,
I demand you enlist.
287
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,880
Peter, you can't send Chris to Vietnam.
288
00:15:31,915 --> 00:15:33,348
They're bombing women and children.
289
00:15:33,383 --> 00:15:35,383
You have no idea
how bad it is over there.
290
00:15:35,419 --> 00:15:37,852
I don't? Oh, I know war, my friend.
291
00:15:37,888 --> 00:15:40,155
I stormed the beaches at Normandy.
292
00:15:41,992 --> 00:15:43,758
Of course, it was 1958,
293
00:15:43,794 --> 00:15:45,927
so the resistance wasn't quite as stiff.
294
00:15:45,962 --> 00:15:48,330
No running.
295
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:49,664
I said no running!
296
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:52,167
I'm not running!
297
00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:54,436
Chris, you are going to Vietnam
and doing your duty,
298
00:15:54,471 --> 00:15:55,770
like Quagmire did.
299
00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:57,739
As a matter of fact, his tour just ended
300
00:15:57,774 --> 00:15:59,474
and his transport
should be getting in soon.
301
00:15:59,509 --> 00:16:01,009
So let's head down to the airfield
302
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,745
and give our soldiers
the respect they deserve.
303
00:16:08,018 --> 00:16:10,352
Welcome home, Quagmire!
304
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,288
Oh, good to see you back safely, Glenn.
305
00:16:13,323 --> 00:16:15,623
- Murderer!
- Hey, show some respect.
306
00:16:15,659 --> 00:16:17,025
Sorry.
307
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,027
Oh, I left my carry-on
back on the plane.
308
00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:20,362
All right, when he comes back,
309
00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:22,097
we got to make him feel welcome again.
310
00:16:27,637 --> 00:16:29,104
Boy, the Clam sure looks different.
311
00:16:29,139 --> 00:16:31,272
Yeah, just be careful with
your collars on the way in.
312
00:16:31,308 --> 00:16:32,607
They're kind of sharp.
313
00:17:04,775 --> 00:17:08,476
Yeah, we'll have a round
of beers for the table.
314
00:17:08,512 --> 00:17:09,978
Uhp, we got her, too.
315
00:17:10,013 --> 00:17:13,281
It's good to have you back from
the war in one piece, Quagmire.
316
00:17:13,316 --> 00:17:15,550
Yeah, some of us weren't so lucky.
317
00:17:15,585 --> 00:17:17,352
What are you talking about?
You never went to Vietnam.
318
00:17:17,387 --> 00:17:18,620
Hell I didn't!
319
00:17:18,655 --> 00:17:21,322
I went to the draft board
and told them I was gay,
320
00:17:21,358 --> 00:17:24,192
and then got hit by a bus
on the walk home.
321
00:17:27,898 --> 00:17:30,231
So, Quagmire, Chris is
shipping out tomorrow morning,
322
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:32,033
and he's pretty nervous.
323
00:17:32,068 --> 00:17:35,103
I know you enjoy staring, like,
3,000 feet out into dead space,
324
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,439
but you got any good stories
I could tell him
325
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,107
about how cool 'Nam is?
326
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:41,810
You know, there's lots of things
you expect in war...
327
00:17:41,845 --> 00:17:44,379
Carnage, the sleepless nights...
328
00:17:44,414 --> 00:17:46,514
But what they don't prepare you for
329
00:17:46,550 --> 00:17:49,050
is the incessant use of "Fortunate Son."
330
00:17:50,787 --> 00:17:53,087
I'd hear that song
any time I was in a helicopter.
331
00:17:55,058 --> 00:17:57,592
Or taking a swift boat
deep into the jungle,
332
00:17:57,627 --> 00:17:59,928
that song again.
333
00:17:59,963 --> 00:18:01,830
My penis would even play "Fortunate Son"
334
00:18:01,865 --> 00:18:03,539
while I was visiting a whorehouse.
335
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,786
♪ It ain't me, it ain't me ♪
336
00:18:06,787 --> 00:18:10,235
♪ I ain't no millionaire's son, no... ♪
337
00:18:10,738 --> 00:18:12,592
Oh, Lord, that's horrible!
338
00:18:12,632 --> 00:18:14,798
There must have been
some other song you heard.
339
00:18:14,834 --> 00:18:16,467
Yeah, there was.
340
00:18:16,502 --> 00:18:19,103
That "There's something
happening here" song.
341
00:18:19,138 --> 00:18:20,538
Hey, I just realized,
342
00:18:20,573 --> 00:18:22,806
your clothes kind of
look like the jungle.
343
00:18:22,842 --> 00:18:24,708
Shut up, Joe! You weren't there!
344
00:18:24,744 --> 00:18:27,111
You don't know!
I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
345
00:18:27,146 --> 00:18:28,879
You didn't hear the songs I heard!
346
00:18:28,915 --> 00:18:30,981
Oh, my God,
Chris ships out in the morning!
347
00:18:31,017 --> 00:18:33,817
I got to get him out to there.
I thought this war would be fun,
348
00:18:33,853 --> 00:18:36,587
you know, just go over there
and fight the Donkey Kong.
349
00:18:36,622 --> 00:18:39,023
We were trying to fight the war our way,
350
00:18:39,058 --> 00:18:41,091
the way we'd always fought wars,
351
00:18:41,127 --> 00:18:44,628
but we were gradually climbing
steel beams and ladders,
352
00:18:44,664 --> 00:18:46,463
and the Donkey Kong knew that.
353
00:18:46,499 --> 00:18:50,601
It was barrel after barrel.
We lost a lot of good men.
354
00:18:50,636 --> 00:18:52,636
And so many quarters.
355
00:18:58,477 --> 00:19:00,978
Now, listen up! When you hear your name,
356
00:19:01,013 --> 00:19:03,213
I want you to sound off smartly
and move out.
357
00:19:03,249 --> 00:19:05,215
- Capo.
- Yes, sir.
358
00:19:05,251 --> 00:19:07,151
- Sumner.
- Yes, sir.
359
00:19:07,186 --> 00:19:08,385
Griffin.
360
00:19:10,656 --> 00:19:12,289
Chris Griffin!
361
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:14,925
Yes, sir.
362
00:19:14,961 --> 00:19:17,461
I didn't think this through.
363
00:19:17,496 --> 00:19:19,463
Hey, where you going?!
What's the matter with you?!
364
00:19:19,498 --> 00:19:22,900
I said put your duffel bag right there!
365
00:19:24,437 --> 00:19:27,471
♪ Hey, guys, wait ♪
366
00:19:27,506 --> 00:19:29,406
♪ I'm not supposed to be here ♪
367
00:19:29,442 --> 00:19:31,642
♪ Stop, halt ♪
368
00:19:31,677 --> 00:19:33,577
♪ My name's not Chris, it's Peter ♪
369
00:19:33,613 --> 00:19:35,412
♪ He's late ♪
370
00:19:35,448 --> 00:19:37,081
♪ He's probably at the theater ♪
371
00:19:37,116 --> 00:19:41,485
♪ Watching a '70s movie ♪
372
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:45,656
♪ Maybe The French Connection ♪
373
00:19:45,691 --> 00:19:49,860
♪ Or possibly Godfather II ♪
374
00:19:49,895 --> 00:19:54,298
♪ The number, not "also" ♪
375
00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:58,102
♪ Let my son die ♪
376
00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:02,172
♪ Let my son die ♪
377
00:20:02,208 --> 00:20:07,177
♪ My son, not me ♪
378
00:20:07,213 --> 00:20:10,180
♪ Let his son die ♪
379
00:20:11,217 --> 00:20:14,718
♪ Let his son die ♪
380
00:20:14,754 --> 00:20:18,188
♪ His son, not him ♪
381
00:20:18,224 --> 00:20:19,690
♪ Oh, whoa ♪
382
00:20:19,725 --> 00:20:22,192
- ♪ Let his son die ♪
- ♪ Let him die ♪
383
00:20:22,228 --> 00:20:23,661
♪ Locked in a cage ♪
384
00:20:23,696 --> 00:20:27,798
- ♪ Let his son die ♪
- ♪ Like John McCain ♪
385
00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:32,636
- ♪ His son, not him ♪
- ♪ Can't raise his arms. ♪
386
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,102
Well, that's all we got tonight.
Hope you enjoyed it.
387
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:41,365
And I hope the exhibits here at
The Museum of Television & Radio
388
00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:43,511
don't come to life like
Night at the Museum.
389
00:20:43,512 --> 00:20:46,473
- Hey, Peter!
- Don Knotts!
390
00:20:46,474 --> 00:20:48,635
- I just want to talk.
- Stay away from me!
391
00:20:48,636 --> 00:20:50,561
Andy Griffith used to beat me up.
392
00:20:50,562 --> 00:20:53,795
He was a big drinker.
Ask Ron Howard, he'll tell you.
393
00:20:53,796 --> 00:20:55,264
Help! Someone!
394
00:20:55,265 --> 00:20:58,367
Tim Conway was sleeping with
half the Apple Dumpling Gang.
395
00:20:58,368 --> 00:21:00,733
You two were the only ones
in the Apple Dumpling Gang!
396
00:21:00,734 --> 00:21:03,293
You're doing the math now, aren't you?
397
00:21:03,671 --> 00:21:06,671
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
31032
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