All language subtitles for Alex, Inc. 1x05 - The Mother-In-Law (English)

Things with the company
were really coming together,

but we were still missing a name.

Story Space... Story Place...

Story... Amos?

Apple!

Oh, no, that's already a thing.

Talk of the Town, Talk of the Night,

Talk of the Truck, Taco Truck.

Beets! Oh, damn you, Dr. Dre.

Pod, Pod People, The Podsters.

Fire.

Ooh, I like that, like stories
around the campfire.

No, like the bacon's on fire.

I was even working on it in my sleep.

Signal... Signal Media...

Today's guest is Alex Schuman,

the CEO of Signal Media.

Oh.

Thanks, Oprah, but I'm a married man...

and what about Stedman?

I've got it!

Guys, I've got the name!

I've got it. I got the name.

Prepare to be wowed.

No, don't shake your head.

You haven't even heard it yet.

- It is...
- I'd like to be wowed.

Honey, you didn't tell me
that your mother was visiting.

What a fun surprise.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

What's your mother doing here?

Sometimes moms just pop in unannounced.

Who pops in from Dallas?

And maybe she heard about you
starting your company

and decided to come in
and provide the kids

with some stability
during this turbulent time.

Well, if she's here, I hope she's ready

for some fun in the city, extra spicy,

Indian-style, the full Schuman.

No, no. No full Schuman.

Please, babe, I really don't want you

to do that thing where you try
overcompensating with her.

I bet your mother would love
my overcompensating

if I was that Bengali doctor
you used to date,

that stupid, perfect Dr. Sandeep.

Yeah, well, I didn't want
to marry a tall,

handsome, successful doctor.

I wanted to marry you.

Okay, fine. No overcompensating.

Maybe just some regular compensating

with just a hint of under-compensating.

Thank you.

And to prove it to you,

I'll be ignoring
that Google alert I just set

for any and all Indian-themed events

happening in the greater New York area.

Joya!

It really is good to see you.

Good to see you, too,

although I would have been fine
seeing a little less of you.

Yes. Sorry for my lack of clothes.

Or as you might say,
"Sorry, I forgot my sari."

Oh, my God.

Rooni, did I tell you

that I recently became Facebook friends

with your old friend Dr. Sandeep?

And he posted the cutest video
of his gorgeous family.

Why are they covered in colors?

They are observing
the Hindu holiday of Holi.

Your mother used to love Holi as a girl.

I guess they decided
not to continue that tradition

with the two of you... for some reason.

Oh, Mom, isn't it a little early
for this much judgment?

So, Alex, I hear that you decided

to jeopardize your children's future

by quitting your radio DJ job
to start a new company.

I guess that means it's not too early.
The company's going great.

Thank you for asking.

We launch our first podcast
in a few weeks.

Come to think of it,

since the family is
such a big part of the series,

it would be wonderful to get you on tape

to hear some of your thoughts
on everything.

_

She said, "Maybe later."

Okay. That's one's gonna be,
"Maybe later."

Awesome.

So, what is this company called?

The name has actually been
a little hard to come by.

But this morning,
while washing my undercarriage,

I think I found it.

The name or your undercarriage?

The name. Kids, drumroll.

The Universal Radio Directive.

It's so... long.

It hurts my brain.

The acronym is "turd."

Dad's making a giant turd!

No, no. I'm not gonna make a turd.

It sounded better when I was soapy.

You should have stayed a DJ.

Everyone in New York needs DJs.

There are weddings, bar mitzvahs...

Mom, you know he wasn't
an actual DJ, right?

I wasn't a DJ.

...Quincea�eras, block parties,
proms, hootenannies.

Magic shows.

Raves.

Kids, come on!

Grandma Express leaves in five!

Thanks again for handling drop-off, Mom.

Hmm, anything to help launch
your husband's giant turd.

Could you please just try

to take it easy on Alex a bit?

He gets so anxious
just trying to please you.

You know who else I was tough on? You.

And you turned out to be

a very successful public defender.

But, you know,
maybe I should have treated you

like your cousin Debesh, huh?

My sister coddled him,
treated him like a prince,

and now he's a Prince... impersonator.

Okay, Mom, please.

Fine.

If it means that much to you,

I'll be nice.

- What's this?
- Alex likes to leave

a little joke in their lunch every day.

"How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it."

He doesn't make it easy.

No, he really doesn't.

Let me ask you something.

What's the one thing
every company here has

that we don't?

- Mints.
- Diversity.

A name.

Oh, that was gonna be my next guess.

Sure would be nice
to have those mints, though.

Guys, we can't keep putting this off.

No one is gonna take
this company seriously

until we have a name.

And to be honest,
it's a little embarrassing.

I mean, even the Virtual Reality
Machine guys found a name.

Ve Are VR?

Sure, it's not great,
but you get who vey vare.

Does this sudden motivation
have anything to do

with your mother-in-law being in town?

Ed, having a name
would give us legitimacy

in the eyes of a lot of people.

Including my mother-in-law.

"Interested in Indian threesomes?"

It's probably for golf.

Deirdre, what's the current
status of our name search?

Well, currently, our status is nothing.

But one of my roommates
works for a branding agency

that specializes in naming.

They name everything from businesses,

to Ikea furniture, to new diseases.

Flardstorp... That was them.

I think that's the name
of my shelving unit.

No. Actually, it's the hot new bird flu.

- Should I set up a meeting?
- I don't know.

Hiring some corporate,
soulless agency to name us...

It goes against the very first thing

I'm looking for in a name,
which is authenticity.

I like it when a name has two meanings,

like the movie "Face Off."

Okay, this is good.

You know, why don't we...
why don't we just make a list

of everything we want in a name?
Deirdre.

Okay, I like names that are
subtle and clean, you know,

like one syllable, and remind people

of a simpler time,
like "Cream" or "Yurt."

Okay.

I'm not sure about those specific names,

but I like the thought.

- Morning, Stanley.
- Morning, Ben.

I think it's weird that you know
all the janitors' names.

I think it's weird that you don't.

You've got to be kidding me.

Sven Chang has been killing it
with the ladies lately.

Even Chloe!

Yeah, my Chloe.

I don't get it.
What's so great about him?

I guess they think he's cool
because he's super diverse.

The guy is Swedish,
Chinese, and Brazilian.

We just had a Multicultural unit,

and it was like a week-long
Sven Chang propaganda piece.

Well, you're diverse.

You're Indian and whatever dad is.

New Jersian, I guess.

But nobody knows that.

My name is Ben Schuman!

I sound like I'm an orthodontist
with an herb garden.

Too bad you didn't get
this multiracial skin

or a name like Soraya.

I-I just wish there was a way

to showcase my Indian side.

Dude, Sven Chang just brought in these!

Have some Swedish meatball dumplings.

You gotta try them.

Angelo, you just gave me a great idea.

God, I love Sven Chang!

Okay.

So, all we need is an authentic,
one-syllable name

that reminds people of a bygone era,

either includes
or definitely doesn't include

the word "podcast,"

is familiar but not too familiar,

doesn't think it's better than you,

and possibly has two meanings,
like the movie "Face Off."

Naming stuff is hard.

This is why I never buy plants.

Yeah, and even if you like a name today,

doesn't mean that you're gonna
like it tomorrow.

When I was a kid, I named
my imaginary friend Fuzzybottom,

and now I feel kind of silly
calling her that.

Maybe we should just go with
Deirdre's name guys.

I read online they came up with
"Hot Pockets."

I mean, they're obviously talented.

Come on, you guys. We can do this.

This is our identity.

It's gonna tell people who we are.

So...

Who are we?

You know what?

Maybe we should take
a little break, clear our heads.

I got an idea.

Surprising Alex with a pizza party

was a great idea, Mom.

Well, you said to be nice.

Your auntie was the inspiration.

She used to surprise
your cousin Debesh with snacks

while he was pulling all-nighters

recording his cover
of "Raspberry Beret."

I know Dad likes pizzas,

but I would have preferred samosas.

We Bengalis have
a different name for samosas.

We call them "singaras."

That's awesome.

Do you think you can show me
how to make them sometime?

Like, enough to feed
a classroom-amount of people?

Of course.

These things are an important
part of your identity.

So, is this some kind of a sweatshop?

I know it's a little funky,

but everyone here is working hard

to pursue their dreams.

And no one works harder than Alex.

I actually think you'll be impressed

when you see him in action.

I'm gonna land
on that little rock over there!

Go for it.

Oh, look at these cute little creatures!

- Hit them with the fireball!
- Oh, I don't want to hurt them. Aah!

- They're the bad guys! They're bad guys.
- They're attacking my legs!

They're attacking me!

- I'm sorry.
- I gotta get outta here!

Just hold on.

Aah! Aah!

It is nice to see him in action.

I was so obsessed

with how I'd embarrassed myself
in front of Joya

that I couldn't even focus
on the name search.

Thrust.

Grind.

Hump.

I used to have glutes like that.

- Too much upkeep.
- Alex!

Sorry, guys. I'm just... I'm in my head.

Rooni was acting so weird this morning.

Maybe Joya's finally getting to her.

I'm pretty sure she was the one

who locked you in that
broom closet at your wedding.

Really?

Whoever it was brought a hammer
and nails to my wedding.

I just can't imagine
somebody not liking you.

I mean, you're Alex.

You're the reason people
wake up in the morning.

Some people. Not me.

Hey, if it makes you feel any better,

Indian women aren't into me, either.

Now, Pakistani women...
they can't get enough.

Turns out, I am one of the many things

those countries don't agree on.

I just wish there was some way

to change Joya's mind about me.

Yeah, well, we could work on that

or we could talk about a name.

You're right. I'm sorry.

- Let's focus.
- Okay.

I'll be right back.

Dad, where are we going?

It's a surprise, but don't worry.

- You're gonna love it.
- You better not be taking me

to put on a robot hat
and have gremlins eat my legs.

Yesterday, I couldn't help but notice

you were a little disappointed

that our family
doesn't celebrate Holi...

A holiday that signifies
fresh starts, forgiveness,

repairing broken relationships.

Are you taking us to a Holi?!

Awesome, we're gonna get messy!

Alex, that is very sweet!

You know, I have some of
the most wonderful memories

of Holi as a child.

Well, prepare to have
some more wonderful memories

of Holi as an adult!

That's right, baby!

This isn't Holi!

I think I'm the only Indian person here.

Guess I should've read
the website closer.

This juice tastes funny.

- I can't feel my face.
- Give me that!

Look, Joya, I know this isn't probably

the kind of Holi you're used to,

but I think we can still have fun.

Holi!

You know what? It's not that fun.

The important thing to remember

is that this is one of those
freak things that happens,

and it really isn't anyone's fault.

Go dry off. I want to talk to your dad.

Or you know what, stay here
and we'll all go in together.

Stay strong, Dad.

We'll see you on the other side.

Ow! It's too pointy!
That's my nighttime zone!

Why couldn't you just do what I asked?

I tried. But you don't know
what it's like

having to deal with your
mother's constant disapproval.

You think I don't know what that's like?

I'm just saying,

I could use a little bit
more support with your mother.

You want to talk about support?

Where's my support?

While you're off chasing your dreams,

I'm here struggling
to hold our lives together.

You think I wanted
to ask my mom for help?

Wait, you asked her to come?

I needed help,

and I knew if I asked you,
you'd freak out.

I cannot believe you lied to me.

We're supposed to be honest
with each other no matter what.

- You want honesty?
- Yes.

I'm scared.

We have so much riding on this...

our savings, this house, our careers...

and you can't even name
your own company.

I love that you're the guy
with these big dreams.

But right now,

I need you to be the guy
who can get things done.

After what Rooni said,

it was time
to call in the professionals.

Let me tell you a little bit
about what we do.

We name things.

- Mm.
- Let me tell you a little more.

- We name the crap out of things.
- Mm!

Well, that's great
because we need a name,

and for whatever reason,

it's been impossible for us
to come up with one.

Impossible is our specialty!

Mindr, Findr, Bindr, Windr... All us.

Show them the dogs.

Celebrity dogs... Named... them... all.

- I told you these guys were very good.
- That's good.

So, does that answer your question?

I don't think we asked a question.

No, we never got a chance
to ask questions.

No, not out loud.

Um, but, do you have a name for us?

Uh, yeah, I'd say we have a name.

Squiz Media.

What's a Squiz?

It isn't anything.

You don't have to worry about people

having any pre-existing
negative associations.

So, how does Squiz relate
to our identity as a company?

Nobody cares about that stuff, A-money.

This has been focus-grouped
from Maine to Spain.

Squiz is a sure thing.

It's fun. It's sharp.

It's now.

Right now.

So, what do you say?

W-We do need a name ASAP,

and y-you did test it
from Maine to Spain.

Uh, okay. Uh...

Let's go with Squiz.

- Yeah.
- Whoo!

We're in Squiz-ness.

- Yay.
- Cool.

You may know these as samosas,
but in the Bengal,

where my family is from,
we call them singaras.

I saved the biggest one for you, Chloe.

This looks amazing.

It's an old family recipe.

Tradition is very important
in my culture.

Ooh!

Sorry, Sven.

Must have miscounted.

All right, everyone...

Or as my French great-grandfather

on my dad's side
would say, bon appetite!

Too spicy!

Oh, no. We went too authentic!

Why?!

My insides are on fire!

My organs are staging a revolution!

Don't worry, Chloe. The singaras here.

Stay with me, stay with me.

I hate you, Ben Schuman!

I'm assuming you're finished?

He has a juice box!

Angelo, sit down!

Everyone sit down!

I've never been to war,
but it can't be worse

than what happened
in that classroom today.

The school paper is calling it
"The Singara Horra."

Oh, Ben, I am so sorry.

I guess I'm just not used to

cooking for American children.

I don't get it.

Why is it so hard
to get girls to like me?

You used to be a girl.

What did Grandpa do to get you?

Your grandfather didn't do anything.

It was an arranged marriage.

My father talked to his father,
we met once,

and then, that was it. We were married.

That sounds so much easier.

How can I get one of those?

Arranged marriages aren't all great.

It worked for me, but you're lucky

to live someplace where you
get to choose your own partner.

One reason why your grandfather
and I moved to this country

was so that our children
could know that kind of freedom.

So...

you're not mad that Mom chose
to marry Dad over Dr. Sandeep?

What? No.

Why would you think that?

Well, it's pretty obvious

that you don't like my dad very much.

Sweetheart, that is not true.

Your father is a good man.

We might not see eye-to-eye
on everything,

but he takes good care of you

and he makes your mother very happy.

Hey, Alex Schuman.

Squiz Media, double handshake.

I'm a Squizzer.

Alex, can I interrupt...

whatever it is that's going on here?

Joya, I'm really not in the mood
to be insulted right now.

Okay.

Look, I know that I have
given you a hard time

about starting this company.

I also know, more than most,

that it takes a lot of courage

to leave what you know behind

in order to give yourself
and your family a better life.

Thank you.

I gotta say, it's a lot harder
than I thought.

I know Rooni told you she was worried,

but I have to be honest.

I'm worried, too.

I have everything on the line.

I'm going to tell you a story.

So, get your giant microphone
out of your manny-pac.

- It's going to be a good one.
- Really?

That's great.
You know, the sound out here...

The sound is fine.

When I was a little girl in Calcutta,

my grandfather treated me differently

than he treated all of the sisters

and the girl-cousins.

He treated me, for some reason,

like one of the boys.

He would send me, all by myself,

to the market to get potatoes

or hilsa... the king of the fish...

when I was no older than Soraya.

That's so young.
You must have been terrified.

I was. And I told my dadu.

And he sat me down, and he said,

"You don't even know
what you are afraid of.

You must never fear ajana,"

which in Bengali means "the unknown."

"Because," he went on to say,

"ajana is where
all the good things happen."

I never forgot that.

And even now,
every time that I'm afraid,

I see that little 7-year-old girl

throwing her shoulders back

and marching into
that crowded market in Calcutta.

So...

throw your shoulders back, Alex Schuman.

Wow, hi.

I'm guessing things went well
at the branding agency?

They came up with a name for us.

They said it was a sure thing

that tested well from Maine to Spain,

and I'm not using it.

Wait, you're not?

I-I'm so confused.

I just had

the most incredible conversation
with your mother.

Okay, now I'm really confused.

She told me this awesome story
from her childhood,

and it just made me realize...

we're not "sure thing" people.

That's not us.

You know, my old job was a sure thing,

and I hated it.

And... And I'll bet you handsome
Dr. Sandeep was a sure thing,

and yet you chose a dreamer
with large features.

Babe, we follow our hearts

and we embrace the unknown.

And sometimes, it is so scary.

But it's also...

Where all the best stuff happens.

She told you about ajana.

That's it.

What's what?

That's the name of our company...

Ajana, the unknown.

It's perfect!

So much better than TURD.

I have to do something amazing
for your mother.

Don't worry,
I won't do anything too crazy.

Actually, I think
I know something she'd like

that is a little crazy.

? One, two ?

? One, two, three, go ?

? She wore a raspberry beret ?

? The kind you find
in a second-hand store ?

? Raspberry beret ?

? And if it was warm,
she wouldn't wear much more ?

? Raspberry beret ?

Ajana.

Is it me, or does that sound
a little like vag...

Do you really want to go down
that road again?

- Love the name, boss!
- Me, too.

But I can't take all the credit.

Oh, you bastards messed
with the wrong Bengali!

Oh, what's this?

I'm flying!

Alex, I can fly!

Um, you said she was just
gonna be a minute.

I got a bunch of work to do.

I have never seen that woman smile,

so you might wanna
get comfortable, Orson.

I'm flying!

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com