Original subtitles

[music playing]

The first time we really get the goods on him,

they let him out on bail. Now take it easy.

Once we put Buzzy Bellew on the stand,

it will be curtains for Mr. Ken Grant Jackson.

Agh. And another thing--I'm worried about Bellew

doing his act at the Pelican Club

with Jackson running around loose.

Well, I've tried to get that crazy comic

to accept police protection, but you know how it is.

You can't get him to worry about anything, including his life.

[music playing]

Hey now. I hear this place is a clip joint.

What do you mean clip joint?

-Hello. -Mr. Bellew.

Say, they've been holding up the show half an hour

waiting for you.

Very wise move.

What does the clock say, Max?

-Tick-tock. -Tick-tock.

You're dynamite, Max. You're dynamite.

We rehearsed that for two hours.

It's great. Mr. Bellew, you better hurry.

Monte Rossen's throwing a fit.

Well, now take it easy, lad.

A fellow has to pay his cab fare.

What do I owe you, Max?

$0.60, Buzzy.

I'll toss you for it, double or nothing.

Give me a coin.

Come on, Max.

Come on. 'Atta boy.

What do you cry?

Tails.

Too bad, Max. You lose.

[giggles]

Hey, Buzzy, my quarter.

My quarter.

This guy's money mad.

Here you are, Max.

Five bucks.

What a sweetheart.

-I hear Buzzy Bellew's the greatest thing in show business. -Boo.

-Well, where have you been? -What's the matter, Monte? Am I too early?

Pierre, [speaking French]

Save the comedy until you get on.

I've been holding the show for an hour and a half.

What are you giving me?

The guys are just doing the opening number.

Yeah. And that's the third time they've done it.

I've had them following themselves all night.

You know, Monte, if you've got a better grade of gas,

maybe the men would follow me.

Thanks, Tom.

I don't know what kind of a place you think I'm running,

but when people come in and pay their money,

they expect to see a show.

You're not the only comic in New York, you know.

And one of these days, you're--

You know, Monte, with this wonderful celery,

I can't hear a word you're saying.

I don't know how Midge stands you for a minute.

Hey.

Are you a new girl?

Why, yes.

Oh, no.

[knocking]

Just a minute.

[knocking] Come in.

Oh, pardon me for busting into your room, mum.

Oh, it's you.

Indeed it is that, me pretty Collie.

None other than meself, Detective

Sergeant Patrick Fitzpatrick Mavornan

O'Shaughnessy, an Irishman.

What's the trouble, officer?

Is it Buzzy Bellew again?

Oh, indeed it is, mum.

Indeed it is.

We caught him red-handed robbing a jewelry store.

Look at it. It was this very expensive engagement ring he was after.

Oh, shucks.

Oh, sure and be calm, ma'am.

There's no telling what a man will

do for the love of a woman.

There he is, ma'am, rotting in his own cell

and all he wants to know is, do you love him enough to wait

20 years for him?

Why not. I've waited 20 years already.

What's 20 years more?

He stood me up in every church in every tank

town in the country.

Oh, did he do that now?

Well, I'm going to release him and he'll

marry you this Tuesday if I have to see to it meself.

It is a fine brath of a girl you are.

Oh, that you are, mum.

Oh, will you have a cigar, ma'am?

Thank you, officer.

I'll smoke it after dinner.

Oh, in that case, I'll save it for you.

Well, come here and give your poor old father a kiss.

Oh, Buzzy, you idiot.

I'm certainly glad you're not twins.

Oh, you are, huh?

As a matter of fact, I am.

You know I've got a twin brother I haven't seen in years.

Is that right?

On the level.

Maybe I ought to marry him.

Nah.

You wouldn't like him, honey.

He's a bookworm.

You're much better off with me.

I'm just a worm.

And I better crawl out of my costume

because Monte will come out and step on me.

Oh, God.

What a guy.

Hello, Monte.

Hello, Ten Grand. I thought you were--

I was, but a pal of mine got a bucket and bailed me out.

-Oh. -Did I get sprung in time for the show?

Sure. You can still catch Buzzy's act.

Good.

I hear he's been singing out of tune lately.

Show Mr. Jackson to his regular table.

Right this way, Mr. Jackson.

[music playing]

Roar.

Raw-ree-ro!

Ruff!

[crazy laugh]

[shrieks]

[music -"Bali Boogie"]

♪ Somewhere off the coast of Java ♪

♪ Fell a little piece of lava that grew up ♪

♪ to be the island known as Bali ♪

♪ Bali la la la huzzah la hali lahi la ♪

♪ Every native girl looks sorta like the farmer's daughter ought to ♪

♪ And for dancing they are simply off their trolley ♪

♪ Trolley la trolley la trolley la trolley la ♪

♪ But they hadn't seen a new step

♪ Since Methusela did the two step on their isolated island ♪

♪ They were way off beat ♪

♪ From jive they were closeted til the storm ♪

♪ deposited on their beach a jiving ♪

♪ Jack from Lower Bason Street ♪

♪ He went up and got a looking and he ♪

♪ Said, hey, hey, what's cooking?

♪ This hear joint is jumping but with melancholy ♪

♪ Kolly la, kolly la, kolly kolly, kolly la, kollly la ♪

♪ So he took their native movements, added ♪

♪ In the groove improvements ♪

♪ Now they're really on the trolley down in Bali ♪

♪ They made him king of the whole darn thing ♪

♪ And gave him for his queen the Balinese equivalent ♪

♪ Of Olivia de Hivalent ♪

♪ Batocka boin boin yockbatocka zoot flute ♪

♪ Batocka boin boing yocktocaka reet beat ♪

♪ Batocka boin boin yockbatocka stiff riff ♪

♪ Ahocka choo choo chattanoogie Bali boogie ♪

♪ Cooacka soing soing nahoaka slick lick ♪

♪ Cooaka Soing soing nacoaka hip step ♪

♪ Coacka soing soing nacoaka live jive ♪

♪ Ahocka choo choo chattanoogie Bali boogie ♪

♪ Now if you can't dig the chatter with the greatest of ease ♪

♪ It really doesn't matter. Here's the trans-a-lation please ♪

♪ Yockbatocka boin boin ah-oo-ocka ocka soing soing ♪

♪ Means shoot the lava to to me, Java, Batocka boing ♪

♪ Boing yockbatocka zoot flute ♪

♪ Batocka boing boing yockbatocka reet beat ♪

♪ Batocka boing boing yockbatocka live jive ♪

♪ Hocka choo choo, hocka choo choo, hocka choo choo ♪

♪ hock choo choo chattanoogie Bali boogie ♪

♪ Yackatacka and a quick reet beat ♪

♪ Yackatacka boing boing tacka reet beat ♪

[chiming]

[cymbal clash] [laughter]

-Like you're heart's missing a tune. -It is.

Honey, you were swell tonight.

Pretty soon that's going to be legal.

-Ain't it? -Uh-huh.

Now hurry and get dressed.

The man means business this time. Look.

[whistles] That's either love or his horse came in.

He hasn't had a winner in a month.

He got one tonight, honey.

Thanks, Monte.

Well, I suppose you're going to say you'll always be a sister to me.

Monte, you know how I--

Oh, skip it. Buzzy's the right guy.

I'll tell you one thing though.

If he ever tries to take the act to Reno,

I'll be waiting in the wings for you.

I know you will.

[vocalizing]

Good dynamite.

I gotta get more dough.

Two dozen lilies, Mr. Bellew.

You've got the wrong room, bud.

I don't need these lilies.

You will in a minute.

[gunshots]

Hey, Torso.

Come on.

[harp music]

I'll go off the deep end any minute if that woman doesn't--

what's the matter, Mr. Dingle?

Oh.

Do you hear music?

-No. -Do you?

Well, I'm not certain.

I seem to--there.

It's gone now and I feel better.

Isn't that curious?

Mr. Dingle, I think you've been working too hard.

-Oh not really, Ms. Shanley. -What's this?

Oh. It's just part of my chapter on the topography

of the Paleozoic Era.

Buzzy, Buzzy, Buzzy.

Is that what I've been doing?

Buzzy.

That name's been coming into my mind since last night.

What does it mean?

Why, I haven't the vaguest idea.

I just--whenever I think of it, I

seem to hear music in my mind.

I have difficulty with my breathing.

And I feel cold and damp.

You better go in and take your temperature.

I think you have the flu.

Please don't worry about me, Ms. Shanley.

I'm all right really.

Young lady, please.

You--you've had me going through all those books

on Ancient Rome, and there's nothing, not a word,

about Anaxamoras.

Madam, I'm doing my best.

I've never heard of an Anaxamoras.

I don't wish to intrude, but it's Anaxagoras with a g.

-Oh, is it really? -Yes.

He was born in Clazomenae in 500 BC.

Anaxagoras was a disciple of Anaximenes

and a friend of Socrates and Pericles.

He died in 420 BC at Lampascus.

There.

Oh. Good heavens.

He writes with both hands.

-Shhh. -Please.

Don't shush me.

This is a public library. I pay my taxes.

Madam, please come. I'll get you the book.

Uh no, just a minute.

Who is that peculiar person?

Mr. Dingle is not peculiar, madam.

He's very brilliant.

He has a photographic mind.

He knows everything.

Why does he write with two hands?

He says it saves time.

What's he do?

For a living, I mean.

He sits there every day from nine to six.

What on earth for?

He's been writing a book called "The Outline

of Human Knowledge." Come this way, please.

No, no. I must speak to that young man.

Young man. I'm Mrs. Leland Hume.

How do you do?

I'm giving a literary tea and I wonder if you'd like to come

to my house and entertain.

Entertain?

My dear Mrs. Hume, it isn't possible for me.

Perhaps if I weren't so preoccupied.

Oh, that's quite all right.

My guests will be very amused.

Now--now if I could just have your telephone number.

I can't come. I couldn't think of it.

I've got ochlophobia, morbid fear

of crowds, especially women.

Worst case ever recorded in the annals of psychiatry.

Oh, yes Yes, I see.

I understand.

-Aca--octophobia. -Yes.

Oh, I--I wouldn't want my friends exposed to it.

Oh. Thank you very much.

-Goodbye, Mr. Gungle. -Bingle.

-Dingle. -Oh.

Oh. Dingle.

You said Bingle.

-Oh, did I? -Yes.

I was so confused I didn't know what I was saying.

I'm sorry I let her bother you.

It was my fault. Oh, not at all, Ms. Shanley.

I thought you handled her superbly.

I can't imagine how you ever controlled your temper.

You should have spit in her eye.

Oh, I don't think I could do that.

Well, I promise you I won't let you be disturbed any more

when you come back again.

Do you think you'll be coming back tomorrow?

Oh, by all means. I enjoyed it here very much.

I love the smell of leather bindings.

Oh.

Uh, Ms. Shanley?

Yes.

-I was wondering-- -Wondering what?

Well, I hope you won't think I'm too forward,

but I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me.

-I'd love to. -You would?

Sometime around the first of next month.

Oh.

You see, it's a financial problem.

It has to do with my allowance.

Well, you could have dinner with me tonight.

Oh, I couldn't.

I didn't mean I'd take you out to dinner.

I meant that we could eat at my place.

Oh, well I--

Well come on.

You'll get something warm inside you.

You won't be hearing that music and feeling

damp and all that junk.

Well, I don't know if--

I've got millions of canned things.

You have? I love canned things.

Wonderful.

By the way, Mr. Dingle, what is ochlophobia?

Morbid fear of women.

Oh.

Is there any cure for it

Oh, yes, decidedly.

Decidedly.

You know, Mr. Dingle, you have the most extraordinary

mind I've ever heard of.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

You're very modest, aren't you?

Yes, I guess I am.

That's odd.

If I had a mind like yours, in fact if I had any mind at all,

I'd be a brazen hussy.

Oh.

Oh.

There. I bet that's the first time you've laughed

since you read Professor Simmel's inaccuracies

about the Phoenician wars.

Yes, I guess it is at that.

You know, I really enjoy being here.

I'm glad.

I like having you.

I better get to work.

You know what you need is to get away from those musty old books

and get yourself a job.

With your brain, you should have no trouble at all.

Why do you even know how to cook?

I don't really.

-Honey. -Yes?

Oh, the honey, please.

Oh.

Oh, the honey please.

Thank you.

Mr. Dingle, how long have you had to wear glasses?

Oh, I just wear them for reading.

But you're not reading now.

Oh. I was afraid I might lose them

There.

You ought to be happy now, Mr. Dingle.

You don't look the least bit brilliant.

I'd be happier if you called me Edwin.

Edwin.

Yeah.

Edwin, do you always wear your hair parted in the middle?

Uh, yes. Why?

Well, I never saw anybody look good with their hair that way

except Hedy Lamarr.

Oh.

Let me try something.

There.

Now you keep wearing it that way, you hear?

I'll try.

And perhaps I should come to the library

every morning to have you fix it.

[laughing]

It's a fine thing.

My brother used to wear his hair parted in the middle

and then when he changed it, it changed his whole life.

-Really? -Oh.

Yes.

He ran away from home and went on the stage.

Well I don't think there's any danger of that happening to you

Oh, I should think so.

How many brothers and sisters have you?

Oh, just one brother.

But I haven't seen him in years.

I have a picture of him here in my wallet.

We're monozygotic twins.

Oh, that sounds frightening.

Heaven's sakes, what are those?

Super identical.

That's a rare biological phenomenon.

Well, I hope your brother's as nice as you.

Oh, thank you, Ms. Shanley.

Oh, my soufflé.

Let me help.

I'll do it, Dingle.

What a shame.

I'm dreadfully sorry.

Oh, well, nevermind.

We'll have something else.

I know--frankfurters.

You like frankfurters?

Yes.

What goes with frankfurters?

Well, cranberry sauce, popcorn, smoked oysters, no.

I have it.

Potato salad.

But I haven't a can of potato salad.

I could run down to a delicatessen and get some.

All right, if you insist.

There's one just around the corner.

All right.

I'll be back in just a minute.

Oh, and if Schmidt tries to pass

off yesterday's potato salad on you,

throw it right in his face.

I'll do more than that.

I'll spit right in his eye.

[metal scraping]

What makes you slice the bologna with a razor?

Because I slice the bologna with a razor.

If you don't like it, take your business somewhere else.

I will tell you, get out.

Get out!

No bologna!

What do you want?

Uh, good evening, Mr. Schmidt.

Ms. Shanley sent me and--

I'd like a pint of--

[harp music]

--that music--Prospect Park.

What?

That music.

It's very pretty.

Music?

There's--[muttering] I ask you what you want.

I'd like a pint of Prospect Park.

[Mr. Schmidt] Pint of what?

Prospect Park.

Look, we are all out of Prospect Park.

But maybe you will like a quart of Evan Schmidt, hmm?

No.

No. No. Prospect Park.

I've got to go.

Prospect Park.

Buzzy.

I've got to get to the Buzzy park.

Thank you very much.

I pay my taxes.

I don't water the meat.

I keep my hands off the scale.

I vote with the state Democratic Party.

And a man comes in here--wants to buy him some Prospect Park.

How do you like this?

Oh.

Pardon me, is this the bus to potato salad?

Give me that once more slow.

I'd like to go to Prospect Park.

Just goes to show you this job can drive you nuts.

I thought you said you want to go to potato salad.

I do.

Hurry, please.

I must get to the Buzzy park.

Oh, pardon me.

Hello.

Schmidt's Delicatessen?

Oh, hello, Mr. Schmidt.

This is Ellen Shanley.

I sent a young man in to you.

Mm-hmm.

He didn't come back?

My congratulations.

You don't--you don't know how--how lucky you are.

Yes. I will tell you what.

Lock the door and don't let him in.

You live in Brooklyn?

No.

Then why are you going to Brooklyn?

Oh, I'm not.

Well, the bus is.

Oh, no.

The bus is going to Schmidt's delicatessen.

It is?

What for?

Potato salad.

Potato salad!

Just wait a minute.

Driver, I don't want to go to Brooklyn.

You can't make me.

I don't want to go to Brooklyn.

None of us want to, bud, but we

-all got to go sooner or later. -No.

No. No. Stop the bus.

Stop the bus, please.

I lose more passengers that way.

[harp music]

Edwin.

Edwin.

Edwin.

Hey, Edwin.

Come here.

Buster?

Buster, this is wonderful.

Wonderful? Ho, ho, it's murder.

-After 10 years to meet you here of all places, Brooklyn. -Yeah.

Do you remember you once told me you wouldn't

-be found dead in Brooklyn? -Yeah, I remember.

That was the only way they could get me here.

You know, Edwin, you haven't changed a bit.

After 10 years, you look just like me,

Well, thank you very much, Buster.

You haven't changed either. You look just like me.

All the time, Edwin.

Sharp as a tack all the time.

What are you doing here?

Edwin, did you ever see a murder?

A m-murder? Good heavens, no.

Well, I did a week ago. I got in touch with the DA and tipped them off.

And they picked up the guy who did it on suspicion.

But before I could swear out a complete statement,

or whatever you call it, I don't know,

Ten Grand Jackson, the killer, got out on bail

and swore he'd knock me off.

Why Buster.

That places you in a very precarious position.

And you don't appear at all worried.

Well, why worry? They can't do anything to me now.

They killed me last night.

Buster, you know I don't appreciate that type of humor.

Edwin, I know it's a little bit hard to swallow,

kid, but honest I'm dead.

Am I to believe that you're an apparition?

Believe what you want.

What is this? Trick photography?

Uh!

Oh--I--by door--

I--Buster!

How did you accomplish that?

I've been trying to tell you I can get in and out of anything.

I got a two-way ticket.

It's impossible.

It must be an optical illusion.

I can't explain it, but the whole thing is inconceivable.

Edwin, you're a tough nut to crack.

Here, give me a swig of that.

It's positively childish.

It won't hold water.

Buster, haven't you outgrown those practical jokes?

This isn't a gag, Edwin.

You've got to believe me. I need your help.

You know I'd do anything for you, Buster,

but I simply can't accept your statement

that you're not alive.

I can hear every word you say and see every move you make.

Don't ask me why.

Maybe it's because we're super identical twins, I don't know.

All I know is that you can see and hear me

but nobody else can.

Maybe this'll convince you.

Hey, flatfoot.

How would you like a good swift kick in the rumble seat?

Why, that's astounding.

No, it isn't.

It's an undisputed medical fact that when one drinks water,

the semicircular canals of the ears

constrict causing a temporary numbness of the acoustic nerve.

Does the acoustic nerve run down that far?

[grunting]

Why you--

Good evening.

What do you think you're doing?

Oh, forgive me, but it was a scientific experiment.

I'll show you an experiment, Einstein.

Oh, but my brother Buster did it first.

Isn't that true, Buster?

Brother? What brother?

He's standing right there. He's a ghost.

Yeah.

I see him.

He's standing right there wearing a raccoon coat.

Oh no, he's wearing tails.

Yeah. Yeah. There he is right up there in that tree

swinging by his tails.

Then--then he is dead.

Buster is dead.

Sure. That's it.

Well, I'll go back to the station

and have the boys chip in for a wreath.

Pardon me, Buster.

Well, are you satisfied, Eddie?

Yes, but you can understand my skepticism.

That story--two murders.

My own brother a ghost--

I knew you would come to no good when you left home to go

on the stage Buster Dingle.

Come to no good? How do you like that.

Two grand a week at the Pelican Club--what is that, tin?

Buster Dingle.

Edwin, didn't you ever hear of Buzzy Bellew?

Buzzy.

Buzzy.

Then it was you.

That name has been coming into my mind since last night.

Certainly.

That's because I've been trying to contact you.

It was around midnight when they bought me out.

They threw me right off that bridge.

That's why I felt irresistibly drawn to this spot.

-Thales of Miletus paradigm. -What?

The control of spiritual magnetic forces

over the material.

Thales was right. He had the answer.

Well, pay him the $64.

I don't know from Thales.

All I know is I got you here to help me fry that rat Ten

Grand Jackson.

We've got to put him in the chair, Edwin.

To avenge my own brother I'd go to any extreme.

That's the spirit.

Now look, here's what I want you to do.

Now nobody knows they killed me, see,

so you've got to take my place.

Mmm, shh.

Shh.

Don't worry, they don't even know I'm alive--

I mean did.

That's a hip chick.

Look, all you have to do is to be me

day and night till the trial is over.

But there's Ten Grand.

If he killed you to prevent you from testifying,

and he thinks I'm you, he'll most certainly kill you--

I mean me, because I'll be you. Oh, dear.

Not scared, are you?

Fear is not in the Dingle lexicon, Buster.

Then what are you worried about?

Well, if I took your place, I'd be dead in an hour.

Edwin, I can handle everything even though I'm

only a beginner at this racket.

No telling what I can do once I learn the ropes.

Didn't I bring you here when you wanted potato salad?

Potato salad. Potato salad.

-I have to go. -Stop, Eddie.

Let's get out of here.

Eh, Brooklyn's full of them.

This is amazing.

An actual demonstration of Thales' power

of magnetic compulsion.

Kid's stuff.

But what I don't understand--

[shriek] Buster.

What'd you hit me for?

I didn't do nothing.

Dames. I'll be in the car if you want a ride home.

Have you read any good books lately, babe?

-Don't be vulgar. -Vulgar?

Didn't you ever see a girl powder her nose before?

I'm sorry, miss. I wasn't talking to you.

Please.

Oh, what a set-up when I think of all

the time I wasted living.

Please be serious. Did you say you sing and dance in a nightclub?

No, I work in a bakery, but a lot of people take me for Lana Turner.

Oh, if you could fool me, honey.

Please stop that.

How am I going to take your place?

-What, in the bakery? -No, in the nightclub.

But I don't work in a nightclub

-But I do. -I know you do.

Are you trying to tell me where I work?

Would you please stay out of this conversation?

Well, you talked to me first, you masher.

-Oh, no. -Listen.

You started all this. You made me come here in the middle of the night

and now you want to have fun with me.

Fun? I do not.

Mike. Mike.

Hey, Mike! Hey, Mike!

What's the matter?

This guy is getting fresh with me.

Asking for trouble, bud?

You asking for trouble bud?

On the contrary, I'm attempting to avoid it.

On the contrary. I'm attempting to avoid it.

You see I couldn't carry on this deception for today.

Why don't you believe me, Mike?

I didn't deceive nobody.

A likely story.

Stop it.

Now let's settle this alone.

Come up to my room like you used to.

[all] What?

Take your glasses off.

[both] You see, honey, it's just like I told you.

You can't trust nobody these days--

except for sailors.

Come on.

I have a vague feeling this is not going to work out, Buster.

You're all right, Edwin. You're just dizzy from the punch, that's all.

I'll take care of you if you get into any real trouble.

Why my new set-up, all I probably have to do is go--

[sucking in lips] --make people disappear, stop bullets,

and all kinds of stuff. Now start moving, kid.

You've got to get down to the Pelican Club and take my place.

But, Buster, you can see it's futile.

I couldn't appear at the Pelican Club.

I haven't the slightest knowledge of how

to execute a song or a dance.

Don't worry. I've got a gimmick.

I'm going to use it at the club and at Ten Grand's trial too.

What's the gimmick?

It's a cinch.

Whenever you need me for anything like that,

you'll hear the music.

[harp music]

And I'll step inside you and use your body.

What do you mean you'll use my body?

Like this.

Oh. No, Buster.

Buster, what are you doing?

Get out of me, Buster.

Buster, I must talk to you, Buster.

Stop, I tell you. Get out of me immediately.

Buster. Buster. Buster.

Please, Buster. This is utterly ridiculous.

Stop it. Stop it, I tell you.

Buster.

You can't do this to me, Buster.

I won't--

It's my brother Buster again.

He's inside me now.

Buster, I warn you.

The masquerade will be palpably inadequate.

[Buzzy Ballew] Palpably inadequate.

Palpably inadequate. Palpably inadequate.

♪ Palpably inadequate ♪

♪ I got the palpably inadequate palpably inadequate ♪

♪ Palpably inadequate ♪

[scatting]

♪ Rockabye baby on the tree top ♪

♪ Palpably inadequate ♪

[scatting]

Yippee.

Whee.

Yippee.

Yahoo.

Yippee. Whee.

♪ Rockabye baby on the treetop ♪

♪ When the wind blows ♪

[gasp] Buster!

Bye-bye.

Goodbye.

Buster. Buster.

Buzzy.

Buster.

Come back here.

Buster. Buster.

Potato salad.

Mr. Schmidt.

Mr. Schmidt.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I'm coming.

Impertinence. Late in the night.

-Mr. Schmidt. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm coming. Yes.

[Edwin] Mr. Schmidt.

Would you let--Mr. Schmidt.

Mr. Schmidt.

Don't you-- [muttering] come in.

Come in. Come in.

My pleasure.

Sheesh.

-What you--what you want? -What?

What you want?

-What you want? -Oh, don't do that.

I might hear the music.

The music.

Look, there's a nice place on the street.

These are Prospect Park.

Grand Central Station, maybe even the Empire State Building.

Why don't you be a nice boy and go down there?

Go.

[harp music]

-Pelican Club. -Huh? Huh?

What's the matter now?

I'd like a pint of--

What? Pint of? Pint of? Pint of?

A pint of pelican--

No pints of pelican.

I'm sorry to cause you all this trouble.

It's not me. It's my brother.

Your brother? Your brother.

He gets inside of me.

I can't help it.

He makes me do it.

I--I hear the music and I can't fight him anymore.

I must go to the Pelican Club and go through with it.

Good evening, Mr. Bellew.

Hiya, Buzzy.

Hello, Mr. Bellew.

Hi, Mr. Bellew.

Hello, Buzzy.

Don't run away, Buzzy.

I want to talk to you.

[shrieks]

[chatter]

Pardon me.

When are you going to grow up?

I beg your pardon. Are you addressing me?

-Where'd you get the rube outfit, kid? -The what?

And you're not going to fool anybody with those cheaters.

I'll thank you to return those cheaters.

All right, but they won't help.

Midge will slug you with them off or on.

Midge?

Midge who?

Why don't you stop that.

What kind of an act is this anyway?

You stood her up last night, didn't you?

She cried her eyes out till 3 o'clock this morning

and you didn't even phone.

Is that a way to treat your future wife?

-Wife? -Oh, wife.

Yes, of course.

I--well--well, there's really nothing definite.

You see we haven't published the banns yet.

What banns?

Listen, Buzzy, are you serious with that girl?

Oh, you don't realize how serious it is.

Well, are you going to marry her tomorrow or not?

-Tomorrow? -Yeah.

Oh, Yes. Yes. Of course. Certainly.

OK. All right.

All right. All right.

She's waiting for you.

Now be a good Joe.

Slip her a kiss and square the beef so she'll know you're

on the up and up.

Oh, very well.

Very well. I'll be a good Joe.

And I'll slip her a kiss and square the beef

and so she'll know I'm on the up and up.

Oh.

You're just the man I'm looking for.

Well, what was that for?

I--I slipped you that kiss to slice the beef and show

you I'm on the up and up.

Do you still want to marry me?

Sure, if you can talk my husband into it.

Now come on. Zip me up, you big clown.

Come on. Hurry up.

I didn't--

Oh, are you the wardrobe mistress now?

Well, I suppose so.

Is there something I can do for you?

Yes.

You can put that back in your nose.

You don't have to be jealous.

Buzzy was only helping me, Midge.

Midge. Oh.

Oh. You're Midge.

Excuse me.

There.

I slipped you the Joe to show you I'm a square beef

and that everything is on the up and arms.

Some day you won't get away with this, Buzzy.

It's a good thing I'm as wacky as you are.

Here you are, Mr. Bellew.

I'm four seconds late with your 10:00 snack.

Thank you.

Potato salad. Potato salad.

She's waiting for me.

Oh, forgive me, ladies.

There's an urgent matter I must attend to immediately.

Thank you. Phone.

Phone.

And that's the guy I'm going to marry.

I'm sorry, Ellen, but numerous complications have arisen.

I'll explain it to you later.

I have sort of a position.

Well, Edwin, of course I'm disappointed.

I waited for hours.

But then I'm delighted if you've found a job.

What?

What kind of a job is it that you

have to work until midnight?

Well, it's a--

it's a most peculiar establishment, Ellen.

[barking]

It's a pet shop.

Pet shop?

Open till midnight?

What do you sell--owls?

Oh, well, certainly.

We stock the entire animal kingdom.

Well, listen, you can hear for yourself.

[making animal noises]

Polly want a cracker. Polly want a cracker.

Polly want a cracker. Polly want a cracker.

That's an owl, Ellen.

What? What?

[animal noises]

What's that?

Goldfish.

Edwin Dingle, I don't know what you're up to

and what's more I don't care.

You can take your goldfish, and your owls, and your canaries

and have dinner with them.

And from now on do your studying at another library.

Oh, wait a minute, Ellen.

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Ellen. Ellen.

-She hung up on you, eh Buzzy? -Oh no. No.

That was an acquaintance of mine.

He works in a pet shop.

He's crazy, you know.

Goldfish.

Your tails came back from the cleaners.

-Hmm? -Your tails.

I hung them in your dressing room.

You go on in 10 minutes.

We are on it again tonight, Buzzy.

Ten Grand's out front.

Ten Grand? Did you hear?

He said--oh, what a tangled web we weave when

first we practice to deceive.

Sir Walter Scott's "Marmion", Canto VI, stanza 17.

How beautiful.

Where on earth is Fred?

We've been going steady.

We had a date to meet here at eight.

And he's 10 minutes late already.

Freddy.

Freddy.

♪ So in love ♪

♪ I'm so in love ♪

♪ A part of my heart said, no, no, no ♪

♪ The other part said, let's go ♪

♪ And was I afraid but I obeyed ♪

♪ The part of my heart that said let's go ♪

♪ I couldn't say, no, no, no ♪

♪ Just one week ago, I made my mind up ♪

♪ That I'd never fall again and then I wind up ♪

♪ So in love, but so in love ♪

♪ I ought to feel high, but I feel low ♪

♪ And here's what I want to know ♪

♪ Does the one I'm so in love with love me so? ♪

Do you have a problem? Hm?

Is your Don Juan gone?

Is your Casanova a rover?

Well, hurry, hurry, hurry.

Step inside.

Absolutely free if you want to be a bride.

Come and gather wisdom's pearls straight from the lips

of the Goldwyn Girls.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, you're just in time.

Absolutely free if you pay a dime.

[music playing]

♪ So you want to know if he loves you so ♪

♪ Well, you poor smitten kitten on a wedding you can plan ♪

♪ Because the Northwest Mounted comes to us ♪

♪ When they really want to get their man ♪

♪ Have you tried picking petals and seeing ♪

♪ what it settles off a daisy? ♪

♪ Have you tried mixing juleps with a stroll ♪

♪ Through the tulips while he's hazy ♪

♪ Have you tried weeping on his shoulder ♪

♪ During Tristan and Isolde? ♪

♪ Have you tried baking him a biscuit ♪

♪ Or don't you think you ought to risk it ♪

♪ Have you tried Wheaties ♪

♪ But there's one sure cure that'll open his eyes ♪

♪ It's worked with a couple of other guys ♪

♪ Cleopatra rose on it ♪

♪ We'll bet our nylon hose on it ♪

♪ Try playing the field and he'll yield ♪

[applause]

We're looking for Ten Grand Jackson.

He's over there at his regular table.

-Ah? -I say he's over there at his regular--

Now look it, Chimp. You don't need that.

You ain't no deeper than I am.

I know it, but it makes me look very distinguee.

Come on.

I thought I told you guys see me at my office.

Good to hear youse back downtown.

[inaudible]

Yeah.

We'd like our money now. Right, Torso?

-Yeah. -Sure you gave him a bath?

What if we told you in Prospect Park Lake?

We done the job so fast they ain't even had time to take

his name off the marquee.

Wonder who Monte's paying to put in his place.

You know, I'm going to miss Buzzy.

He was a great hit performer.

Buster. Buster. Where are you? Please, Buster.

What's the matter with him?

Every night a new act.

Please, Buster.

Who is that?

Under the splitting chestnut tree,

the village smithy stands.

The smith--a mighty man is he with large sinewy hands.

Let's get going with the show. Shoot the mike.

Yes, sir.

His brow is wet with honest sweat.

He earns whatever he can.

Buster!

[laughter]

Ladies and gentlemen, I think perhaps that some explanation

is due, but I--

unfortunately, I--

I don't know what that routine is, but I don't like it.

I better get the girls back on.

I simply can't--

The music.

There it is--the music.

Buster, where in the world have you been?

Shh.

I thought you'd never get here.

You're the biggest hunk of no talent I ever saw.

You better let me get inside you before you ruin my reputation.

Yahoo!

Close the doors back there and get your laughing belts on, folks.

We're really going to go to work here in a minute.

-Ha, ha. -Come on, girls. Come on.

Hurry up. Hold here a minute.

As a little Eskimo girl says, it takes me a little while

to get warmed up.

You never know what that guy's going to do.

Thought when I first came out, I wasn't

going to be any good, hey?

But seriously, folks, I have a great surprise for you this evening.

We have with us the famous Russian baritone

Sergey Ivanovic who hasn't made a public appearance in five years.

But tonight he has kindly consented to sing for us.

So if you will all join me, maybe we can get him

out here to do a little song. That's it.

[applause]

[music playing]

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to sing for you tonight

a great composition, which my very dear friend, Gregory

Ivanovic Sergei Isdrachwici Kuwiczes Loshyas

Mosnuyiches Keezhes Maiyatsi Broschnuyig

Yatzi Debrevyich wrote for me--

[chuckle]

--with his friend Gnik.

Please, piano, if you don't mind.

[chuckle]

I will never forget the last time that I sang this song.

It was absolutely beautiful.

We were in a--

in a magnificent garden and the stars were shining.

The orchestra was playing, and the people were applauding.

[chuckle]

Me?

Sneeze.

Because--allergies.

But-- [chuckle]

--this was five years ago.

Of course, I feel very much better now.

And I will sing for you this little song.

Please. Piano, if you don't mind.

[chuckle]

[clears throat]

But the five years I will never forget as long as I live.

[chuckle]

Every place I go, whatever I am doing--

gone.

I love to smell flowers.

Could not do this.

Because roses--chrysanthemum--

rhodumdendrombles.

Golden rods.

Oy!

Only--only relief what I possibly have is ocean voyage.

Here, I get seasick.

But-- [chuckle]

--this is five years ago, and of course, I feel much better now.

And I will-- [clears throat]

Please, just--

[playing piano]

♪ Oh che--he-- he--he-- ♪

[non-english singing]

[scream]

[laughing and applause]

Thank you.

See you in the hot seat, pal.

There's only one explanation-- that guy's Buzzy's ghost.

That's it, Chimp. He's coming to get us.

Yeah. Sure.

Now I'll tell you what happened.

You guys came in here to give me the rush

so you can skip town with dough for a job you didn't do.

What did he say, Torso?

Maybe if you'd take that plug out of your ear,

-you'd hear him. -Huh?

You'd hear him!

How'd I do? How'd I do?

Great show, boss. Great show.

Getting warm, isn't it fellas?

[clears throat]

Hello. I'm sorry I'm late, kiddies, but I

just couldn't tear myself away.

Friends from out of town, you know how it is.

You've never been late before in your life, have you, Buzzy?

Oh, well, how can you say that?

-Hey, Chimp. I've got an idea. -What?

I don't think that guy sitting over there

is Buzzy Bellew at all.

I got a good close look at the body. See?

He got a mole right here under his ear.

That don't prove you did the job.

What are trying to pull?

Everybody knows Buzzy Bellew has a mole under his ear.

Yeah, but we didn't get a good a close look at the guy.

And if he ain't got a mole, then he ain't Buzzy Bellew,

-is he, Chimp? -Huh?

Is he?

[laughter]

Quiet, kids. Quiet.

I have the doubtful pleasure of announcing that Midge and Buzzy

are going to be married.

[interposing voices]

I did everything I could to prevent it.

But the unhappy event takes place tomorrow at 4 o'clock

at that little church around the corner.

Well, this is a surprise.

Oh, I've even got a bigger surprise.

[chuckle]

This time I'm going to be there, too.

And I've got a surprise for you.

If you are late--even five minutes late--

I'm going to marry Monte.

[interposing voices]

So help me, I'll set his clock back.

[laughter]

Boys and girls, I propose a toast.

Let's drink to the late Buzzy Bellew.

Mr. Bellew, can I have your autograph,

please, for the guys in my sorority?

Why, certainly.

I'm an old Vassar man myself.

I'd like one, too, Mr. Bellew.

All right.

I didn't know he could even write with one hand.

[chuckle]

Thanks.

Thanks, Mr. Bellew.

Hey, by the way, how's the florist business these days?

-OK. -Oh, fine.

[clears throat]

As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted--

That's him all right.

Same face, same eyes, same nose, and the same mole

-under his left ear. -Yeah. I seen it, too.

That guy sitting over there at that table is right this minute

laying at the bottom of the lake.

I don't get this.

It's the same guy, all right. Look.

He wrote his name, Buzzy Bellew, right here.

Yeah. Look at mine.

Buzz, Buzz, potato salad.

Hey, who's that?

I guess Buzzy thinks that's funny.

Look, you guys. I don't care who or what that zombie is,

but I'm not paying you 10 grand until he's knocked off.

If you two amateurs can't do the job,

I'll get a couple of professionals who can.

What he say, Tors?

You heard.

[music playing]

Just a moment. Ju--just a moment.

I would like to propose a toast.

I would like to propose a toast to my little bride, Ellen.

[all] Ellen?

-[slurred speech] I-- I--I mean Midge. -Oh.

-Oh. -Midge. Whew.

-I'm getting dizzy. -[laughter]

Um, tomorrow afternoon, we're all

going to meet at the little library around the corner.

Hm? At the little library around the corner.

And for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,

for richer or for poorer, 'til potato salad do us part.

[laughter]

Whoa.

[laughter]

Ooh.

Pierre, more champagne, please.

Oh brother, I can't take this any longer.

Now, pardon me.

Oh, what kind of a constitution has that brother of mine got?

I'll never let him take another drink while I'm inside him.

Never.

Hello, Charlie.

Hey, give me a Bromo, will you?

Hey, Charlie.

Let me have a Bromo, will you?

Let me have a Bromo, will you, please, Charlie.

Charlie, let me have a Bromo.

It ain't gonna do you any good.

I've been standing here for 15 minutes

and I can't get a Bromo.

Can I have a Bromo?

[inaudible] was right.

How do you like that?

I finally got the Bromo and I can't pick it up.

I can't pick up the Bromo.

Charlie, how about that Bromo?

I just gave you a Bromo.

Where is it?

What did you run away for?

Halt, or I'll shoot!

You'll have to be quicker on the draw, tenderfoot.

Charlie?

Please let me have a Bromo, will you?

Charlie? Charlie!

Charlie?

What kind of a game is this you're trying to play?

Don't leave me, pal.

Don't leave me alone with this.

Don't leave me with it. Here.

Help me hold it and keep it from squirming.

That's a boy.

Oh, brother.

I wish I were dead.

Psst.

Ellen?

Ellen?

Ellen, I should like very much to converse with you.

There are a few small matters that would like to clarify.

Ellen, please. You must listen to me.

Stop shouting. Everyone's looking.

I want to explain about last night.

Well, it better be good.

Making me wait hours for potato salad,

then telephoning me and barking like a dog, meowing like a cat,

and hooting like an owl.

Oh, well, I guess I'd better start at the beginning.

-Please don't bother. -Oh, Ellen, listen.

I went to purchase some potato salad, remember?

And then I began to feel peculiar and I heard that harp music.

So instead of asking for potato salad,

I asked for Prospect Park.

Oh, I see. That's perfectly natural.

Whenever I hear Piccolo music, I ask for Coney Island.

Oh, I know it all sounds strange.

But the next thing I knew, I jumped off a bus.

And my brother was there waiting for me.

He had been killed the night before.

Oh.

Don't judge me until I finish. You must hear me through.

Go away.

Then, I had to go to the Pelican Club

and sing so the district attorney wouldn't know I was dead--

I--I mean that Buster, who is now Buzzy, was dead.

-Is that clear? -Oh, yes. Very. You're insane.

Yes. But I didn't forget about you.

That's why I telephoned.

But a little dog barked and so I said it was a pet shop.

I tried to get away, but I couldn't on account

of Midge because we're engaged.

I--that is that Buzzy and Midge we're engaged,

but I was Buzzy then.

Oh, well who are you now?

Oh, I'm myself now.

But I don't know long it will last.

Come around when you change back to Buzzy.

Oh, it's true, Ellen. Really, it's true.

That's how Buzzy is. I had nothing to do with it.

I hear music and he gets inside me.

Oh.

Ellen?

You got a nerve hanging around here.

You just got me fired.

I'm sorry, but I must resort to force.

Oh, now you're a caveman.

Well, the Neanderthal man had his merits.

Now, you listen.

I'm taking you to the church right this minute

and get the girl who is waiting there to marry me to tell you

how when I was Buzzy Bellew I got mixed up in this

because Buzzy was supposed to marry her.

So when I'm not Buzzy, why should I have to?

And so we'll face the whole thing together.

Oh, we will?

[gasp]

Oh!

You're nutty as a fruitcake.

First thing you know, two men in uniform

will be coming to carry you off.

[police sirens]

Come along with us, young fellow.

Just a moment. What are you doing?

-Come on. -Quit arguing.

Oh, wait a minute, officer.

You have the wrong fellow.

I'm a peaceful, law-abiding citizen.

Sorry, bud, but we got orders from the DA to take you in.

Get in the car. Get in.

Move over.

Only yesterday he was just a nice, sweet ordinary genius.

Sorry we had to place you in protective custody, Mr. Bellew.

It was for your own safety.

Ross, you should've taken care of that during my absence.

Well, luckily, it turned out all right.

Mr. Bellew is here in the flesh.

-In the flesh? -Oh. Buster.

Buster, please, Buster.

Huh?

Uh, nothing. I--

Oh, I thought--

well, let's get on to business Mr. Bellew.

You told me that you had the goods on Ten

Grand for that Brooklyn murder.

Now, before I can secure an indictment,

I'd like to get a detailed statement from you.

Well, I'm not quite prepared yet.

I'm waiting for something to happen.

Uh, just what are you expecting to happen?

[singing] Buster.

Buster.

Buster.

Buster.

[humming]

Buster, please.

It doesn't look like it's going to happen.

-Buster! -Calm down, Mr. Bellew.

You're as safe as a church.

Will you have a cigar?

No, thank you.

We haven't much time.

You saw Ten Grand at the scene of the murder, didn't you?

Oh, yes. Yes.

I surprised him in flagrante delicto.

Oh, flagrante de--well, good.

Proceed.

Proceed?

Well, I ripped off my stint at the Pelican

Cabaret, where I'm engaged is a song and dance entertainer.

I was a little bit brought down, so I retired to my digs.

I had four or five quick slugs of hooch.

And in consequence, I spent a nuit blanche.

I decided to take a walk.

After walking awhile, I--

my dogs got tired, so I hollered for a breather

in a deserted cul-de-sac.

Now, this hoodlum, Ten Grand, drove up in an armored car,

stalking his victim--

tall, thin man with a red beard.

I suspected foul play the instant--the instant Ten Grand

produced his Gatling guns.

There was a hail of lead.

And the victim fell, fatally pierced

through the pericardial region.

And there you are, gentlemen.

It's an open and shut case.

May I go now?

Just a minute, if you don't mind.

Mr. Bellew, your story is satisfactory except for a few minor details.

Oh, well, it was quite dark, and I may have slipped up on one or two points.

Yes. In the first place, the tall, thin man with a red beard

was a short, fat fan dancer named Choo-Choo Laverne.

Amazing.

-Her disguise was perfect. -Undoubtedly.

In the second place, she was strangled, not shot.

Mr. Bellew, you told me on the phone

you knew the name under which Choo-Choo Laverne rented that safety deposit box.

You said it contains the evidence of Ten Grand's counterfeiting racket.

What was that girl's real name?

The name she used when she rented the box.

No more of your phony quibbling.

Oh, that's her name.

Phony Quibbling.

I--I mean Fanny Quibbling.

After all, what's in a name, as Shakespeare once said.

Buster! Buster!

Who is this Buster you keep yelling about?

Somebody higher up who's behind all this?

Yes. That's it. Somebody higher up.

And I wish he'd hurry and come down.

Buster! Buster!

Nobody's perfect, Midge.

And you know Buzzy's kind of irresponsible.

I wouldn't mind if this were the first time

this had happened.

What time is it now?

Six o'clock.

I wouldn't wait this long for a divorce.

Monte, will you marry me?

What?

I mean it.

Well, only a heel would take advantage

of a situation like this.

I guess I'm a heel.

Well, the stage is set.

We've got all the props.

Well, Midge, you know how superstitious I am.

Would you mind if we don't get married in the same church

where Buzzy stood you up?

You're right.

Let's look around for a couple of days, and maybe we can

find a church where he hasn't.

Are you trying to wreck my political career?

-Are you involved with Ten Grand Jackson? -No.

Are you a member of his mob or did they pay you off?

No, no, no! Buster! Buster!

All right. I'll give you one more chance, or so help me,

I'll railroad you for withholding evidence.

All right.

I'll tell you the truth.

Now you're coming to your senses.

Get every word of this, Miss Hutchison.

-Here. -Thank you.

Now, well, I went to Schmitt's Delicatessen

for some potato salad.

The harp music made me feel cold and damp

and the potato salad turned into Prospect Park.

And then I jumped off the bus and

there was Buster walking in a block of stone

because he was dead.

Then, the water squirted through his head,

but the policeman didn't feel him

when he kicked him because he was

swinging by his tail in a tree.

And that is, he thought he was.

And then he put his arm around the girl

and she didn't see him, but then Sailor knocked me down.

That's when Buster got inside my body and started to dance.

Holy jumping Republicans, throw this maniac out of here!

Throw him into the river! Do anything with him!

And drop the charges against Ten Grand Jackson. We've got no case.

No, don't drop the charges. Ten Grand did it. Buster will tell you. Buster!

Buster! Come down and get inside of me.

Please hurry, Buster! Please!

Take him away. I can't stand the sight of him.

No. No.

They'll kill me, too. They're after me.

I want police protection.

Police protection?

I'm issuing a general order to every policeman in New York

City to arrest you on sight--

shoot you if necessary--if you so much as come near them.

Throw that idiot out!

Oh, but Mr. O'Brien--

Mr. O'Brien!

But I just have to talk to the district attorney

about a young man he arrested.

He's not really out of his mind.

I upset him because he's not used to girls, and--

what?

The district attorney is out to dinner?

Well, when will he be back?

The opera?

Well, I'll call him later.

Goodbye.

[knocking]

Mr. Dingle, what are you doing on my fire escape?

There are two gentlemen after me, watching the front door.

I--I had to come up this way.

If a policeman sees you climbing fire escapes,

he'll think you're a second story man.

Oh, don't mention the police.

All the police in New York have orders to shoot me on sight.

I can well understand that.

Please listen.

I was just with the district attorney.

I don't believe a word you're saying.

I happen to know the district attorney is on his way

to the opera. Now, you'd better go.

Oh, Ellen, please let me come in.

If you poke your head in this window one more

inch, so help me, I'll chop it off.

You're nothing but a Jekyll and Hyde

and the biggest liar in the whole world.

Ellen, please don't doubt me.

Honestly, I'm not lying.

I--I couldn't lie to you.

I couldn't lie to anyone about whom I feel--

that is, for whom I feel such a feeling as I feel.

I'd like to believe you, Edwin.

But if I were only sure you're telling the truth.

Oh, but I am. Honestly, I am. May I come in for a minute?

-No. -Please?

Not until I've heard what you've got to say.

Now, go ahead.

Well, my brother Buster is Buzzy Bellew.

He was killed last night, and I told

his ghost I would help him.

But I didn't think he'd keep getting inside me and--

Ellen! Ellen, please.

Ellen, please let me come in.

Ellen. Ellen.

Ellen, please.

Ellen, please let me come in.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Well, where is he, sister?

He? Who?

Your boyfriend.

Please go away. There's nobody here.

What did she say, Torso?

Oh, forget it. Come on.

Let's look around.

And don't try phoning the police, babe.

[knocking]

Where is he?

Oh, nervous, huh?

What did you say, Torso?

She's not--go on.

Look in the closet.

[tapping]

It's cold.

When I do that loud enough, the janitor turns the heat on.

What did she say, Torso?

[tapping]

That's the janitor knocking back.

[banging]

Listen, you two. There must be some mistake.

I know he's peculiar, but Mr. Dingle wouldn't hurt a fly.

Dingle? Who's Dingle?

You said my boyfriend.

How do you like that?

She's two-timing Buzzy Bellew while he's

two-timing Midge Mallon.

Buzzy Bellew?

Then he was telling--

I mean, isn't Buzzy Bellew dead?

That's what we want to know.

We bumped him off and he bounced back.

Dead, huh?

How much do you know, sister?

[Torso] Yeah.

We want to ask you some questions.

All right. I'll tell you.

I don't know why I should protect Buzzy

Bellew if he's two-timing me.

He's picking Midge Mallon up at the Pelican Club right now.

He knows you're after him, so they're

leaving for Chicago on the 720 from Grand Central Station.

If you hurry, you can just about make it.

[glass breaking]

Buster!

Buster!

The Vatican!

Shush-shooey.

Shh.

What are you doing?

Shh. Quiet. They'll hear you.

Who--who will hear?

Chimp and Torso. They're after me.

Those two men in black.

You mean the men in white?

[pounding]

-Shh. -Who is--

Hide. Hide me.

I--I don't--

I don't--don't go in!

Pardon me, madam. Don't be alarmed.

Papa! Help, papa!

You get out right now! American! Get out!

-Oh, please don't do that. -American, I told you, get out!

Buster! Buster, you must help me.

I need you, Buster. Please!

Mama, mama! He needs you.

Why should he need me?

Why he should? Because he's American.

Now, get out.

Buster, at last you're here.

Well, I've been trying to get to you, kid,

but I've had a hangover that was out of this world.

Now, look, never take another drink while I'm inside you, will you?

Well, you must help me at once.

My--my--my life is in jeopardy.

Get out! Get out!

Papa, be quiet.

The young man is in trouble.

He wants me to help him.

I got bad news for you, kid.

I can't help you anymore.

Oh, but you must, Buster. You simply must.

You--you can't turn me down now.

What do you want me to do?

Well, they're coming after me to kill me.

Just go, pfft, like you said you would and make them disappear.

You mean I should go, pfft, and make who do what?

You--you mama, you just go, fin-fee.

Let him disappear. We do this every day.

Please be quiet. I can't hear what Buster is saying.

Well, the Buster's--what--

she Buster?

Buster, I'm very sorry.

I didn't know I was talking so loud.

Busty, Busty, Buster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good evening, Buster.

You're looking well.

-[laughter] -Quiet!

Come on, kid. We can't talk with these characters here.

I've got a lot to tell you.

Follow me.

Oh, I'm--I'm-- I'm sorry.

My brother just walked through that door.

I--I have to go with him.

Bon voyage.

Excuse me.

Now, get this, kid. I haven't much time.

I can't get to you anymore.

I've run out of ectoplasm.

From now on, you're on your own.

Good heavens. What shall I do?

Perhaps if you give me the evidence on Ten Grand,

I could get to the district attorney with it.

-He's at the opera. -Good. Now, here's the dope.

The girl who was murdered was Choo-Choo Laverne, the fan dancer.

Choo-Choo Laverne, the fan dancer?

That's right.

He's talking to a salami.

He thinks it is a fan dancer.

Such a nice boy, too.

Let me look.

-Then, Ten Grand murdered her? -That's it.

When she threaten to spill the beans to the cops,

he hit her over the head with a champagne bottle and choked her.

I'll remember-- champagne, drunken brawl.

She threatened to inform the police.

Papa, now he's talking to a bottle of pickles

and thinks it's a policeman.

I wish it was.

I saw Ten Grand carry her out.

Now, get this Edwin, it's very important--

Choo-Choo Laverne's real name was Minnie Smith.

And she hid some of the evidence she

had on Ten Grand, along with some

of his phony money in a safe deposit box under that name--

Minnie Smith.

-Oh, Buster, I wish you could-- -[bang]

What was that?

Well, kid, if you get out of this one, you'll be a new man.

And if you don't, I'll be seeing you.

Buster!

Buster! Buster, don't go!

Come back! Buster!

Such a nice boy, and so panicky!

[gunshot]

Come on.

Papa, one goes in, three come out.

[gunshots]

Papa, look.

Now we are open for business 24 hours a day.

Sheesh.

First door on your right.

Second on your left, please.

First door on your right.

Your ticket, please?

Please, I don't have a ticket, but you must let me in.

I've got to see the district attorney. He's here at the opera.

I'm sorry, Miss. But you'll have to take that up with the manager,

right over here. Tickets, please.

First door to the right, please.

Second up. Just a moment, please.

-Where's your ticket? -Oh, I have no ticket.

I have no money. But I simply must get inside.

But you must have a ticket.

There's somebody in there I have to see.

-They're after me. -Wait a minute.

-I'm sorry. -But you don't understand.

I have to get inside.

Edwin!

First door on your right, please.

[gasp]

Chimp.

Buster!

Buster!

[opera music]

[interposing voices]

[non-English speech]

Shut up!

[non-English speech]

[interposing voices]

[opera music and singing]

[non-English singing]

[opera music and singing]

Ha, ha.

Ha, ha.

[chuckle]

[opera singing]

Merci.

[opera singing]

♪ I know the real name-- ♪

♪ The name of Choo-Choo Laverne ♪

♪ Choo-Choo Laverne is ♪

[opera singing]

♪ Choo-Choo Laverne is ♪

[opera singing]

♪ Choo-Choo Laverne is Minnie Smith ♪

[opera singing]

♪ Minnie Smith, Minnie Smith, Minnie Smith, Minnie Smith ♪

♪ Minnie Smith ♪

[opera singing]

♪ Ellen! ♪

[opera singing]

♪ Ellen, Ellen, you tell them ♪

[opera singing]

Buster!

Buster!

Edwin?

[Edwin] Yes, darling?

You know, I read in Martin's notes on American geology that

the tremendous flow of water over Niagara Falls removes

the [inaudible] soil at the rate of two-and-three-tenths

feet a year.

You know, honey, what you need is to get away

from those musty old books.

Why, Edwin, that doesn't sound like you at all.

I'm not going to be like me at all anymore.

I guess there will always be a little of Buzzy inside me.

-Edwin? -Yes, dear?

Do you think he'll dropping in on us

for the rest of our lives?

Oh, no, honey.

I don't think we'll ever hear from Buster again.

[gasp]

Buster!

[chuckle]

I'm a little devil, ain't I?

[chuckle]

[music playing]