Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Oh, Morag.

[hen clucks]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[bird chirping]

[music continues]

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[whistles]

Ah, nice morning, isn't it?

Did you pull me over to tell me it's a nice morning?

Because I don't have time for this.

No.

I pulled you over because you were

coming down with undue haste and...

- I was just... - You mean speeding?

And me going a little over the speed limit

is a danger to all these cars?

Jessie, I'm a Warrant Officer.

You can't talk to me like that.

[intense music]

Just make sure that you block the exit.

[sheep bleating]

Okay.

Now go. Go. Go.

[sheep bleating]

- [indistinct] - Hurry.

You're quite fit. Huh?

It's all those store bought lunches you eat.

I've told you, you need more veggies, bruh.

Whoo.

Mm-hmm.

That looks good.

[upbeat music]

♪ What I want to say about yesterday ♪

♪ Was I saw you all so near me ♪

♪ Yes I know you drive close by my side ♪

♪ To draw my attention to you ♪

♪ But you'll understand that I really can ♪

♪ Knock any touch with you ♪

♪ But if you really will if you wanna steal ♪

♪ I'll tell you what you have to do ♪

♪ Well clap your hands ♪

♪ And slap your feet ♪♪

[engine revving]

That's him!

Got you now, you bliksem!

- That's him. - Who?

The tractor terrorist!

All units, all units, this is Karoo 1.

There's a possible suspect in charge of a vehicle

on the intersection of...

On the road to Ou Jan's farm.

Got you now, you bliksem!

- All units, all units... - Duty literally calls!

Yeah, um, cool.

I guess you won't have time to write me up

for my serious crimes.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Um.

Jessie. Jessie, I'm gonna have to commandeer your vehicle.

- Let's go. - Fine. Take it.

If I can get yours going I'll drive it back into town.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. - It wasn't a question.

[instrumental music]

[speaking in foreign language]

Stop!

Off the road!

Pull over!

Hey, come on!

[speaking in foreign language]

[horn honking]

Now go!

No, you go to the side!

Pull over, pull over. Pull over.

Hey, hey.

- Oye! Are you okay? - I'm alright.

Oh.

♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪

♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪

♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ So glad you're here ♪

♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪

♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ And stamp your feet ♪

♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪

♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪

- Hey, Jess. - Morning. I'll be right there.

♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪

♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪♪

- Morning. - Morning, Tannie Maria!

Ooh, I've got some lovely marrow bones for you in the back.

Aren't you a dear!

Well, if it's deer you're after,

I've got some venison too.

You're going to love this week's recipe, ostrich mince pie!

Oh, I can't wait!

- See you later. - [Doep]Bye.

Yes, well, for a quarter page I could give you 20

or a 25 percent off.

Morning.

Um, no fine.

- Fine. - Ostrich pie.

Your favourite.

No. Well, do you know what I think?

I think what you need is a half page.

Well, I could send you the options this week or next week.

Oh, next month is fine. Alright.

Yes. It's the same number.

Karoo Gazette. Lovely, thank you.

Bye.

Maria. Now, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

Sit.

[sighs] It's no good. It's no good at all.

What you... Just taste it.

Hi, Hats, sorry I'm late, I had to hot wire a police bike.

Yes, fine. Jessie, come in. Sit.

The pie?

Yes, but there's something that I need to discuss with you.

And, um, it's quite important and I, uh...

[humming]

[chuckles]

You're fired.

[laughs]

Fired. It's not that bad, surely?

It's not the pie. We'll run the pie for today.

But that'll be your last recipe with us I'm afraid.

I've been instructed by the head of the newspaper association

that I'm part of to run an advice column.

It's a requirement for their revenue model.

And so I'm afraid it's Tannie Maria's Recipes out,

and Tannie Sara's Advice Column in.

You're not making any sense.

Hattie, I write recipes for the paper.

Seven years now. It's my job.

I've made a list of other places that publish recipes,

I'll help you reach out to them.

Who's Tannie Sara?

I hope Jessie got the messages

I sent for her this morning.

We need to advertise and we need to advertise fast.

Actually, Hattie, I was thinking I could be Tannie Sara.

No, you already do the crime beat

and the local tit-bits and the business forum news

and the human interest stories, and...

But I'm really excited about the opportunity

to connect to our readership.

I feel like we could understand

their longings, their desires...

- You? - Yes.

- And I really feel that... - I'm sorry, Maria.

We could really get to grip on

the hectic issues plaguing our society!

I should have said something sooner.

But I've been avoiding it

and now well, I can't anymore.

I'm actually have been thinking of some hashtags.

Hashtag Gazette goes viral.

I could write it.

- What? - The advice column.

- I could write it. - No, I was just saying...

If you can't afford to pay me for the recipe column anymore,

well, then I could write the advice column.

No offense, Tannie M., but can you actually write?

Your recipes are like a, the best, honestly.

I won the East Lothian

junior essay writing competition when I was 12.

- Hattie, we need to focus... - Twelve.

I'll give you each a trial.

Wonderful!

[speaking in foreign language]

Let's do it.

Can't wait.

Good luck then to both of you! There's quite a stack!

Um...

I put out a call on Monday. Well, get on with it.

The public eagerly await your advice, Tannies!

[instrumental music]

[nurse]Mr. Jacob is in open house.

They're operating on him tomorrow.

- Good morning, Ms. September! - Good morning, officer.

- Somebody in custody? - Yes, ma'am.

We think it's the Tractor Terrorist

the-the one who ruined

Father Adam's petunias last week.

Tell him anyone who messes up my hospital answers to me.

Will do. Have a good day.

[phone chimes]

And now?

- Tip off from the cops. - Regardt?

Local interest story down at the hospital.

Fine, you can go.

But I want both your columns on my desk

first thing tomorrow morning.

Yes, ma'am!

- And you too, Maria? - I can't think here.

My brain only works in the kitchen.

Maria, you're not writing recipes now.

You are writing an advice column.

Don't worry, I'm full of good advice.

I'll even brush up on some sex tips for you.

Hattie, hi, um, I was just picking up my sausages...

Yes, okay.

- Good to know, Maria. - Mm-hmm.

Come.

Let's go and see if it's a good quality sausage.

Hey! Oh, hey. Uh-huh.

Not so fast, eh?

Listen, thank you for the loan.

- I'll-I'll go grab my bike... - Your bike's fine.

- It's outside. - Oh.

Cool.

Thank you for paying me back for the repair job...

with a good lead.

Well, now you owe me a favour in return.

I don't owe you a damn thing.

[laughing]

Shh.

Suspect sustained a new broken arm.

He's lucky.

Actually, we find that if you're drunk

you're less liable to injure yourself.

The rag doll effect, we call it.

Doctor, how many cases would you say

that you see every month that are alcohol related?

- Most. - Would you have the stats?

- Trends over time? - Jessie.

It's just a drunk guy who stole a tractor.

The Karoo has ignored for too long

its racist history of profiting off of cheap lab our

and in many cases instilling alcoholism

into its working classes.

But as a medical professional...

I thought that the village paper was about

quilting expos and spelling bees.

Just trying to make sure that we're relevant

to all of our readership.

Thank you for your time.

Always happy to help our local newsletter!

- Jess! - Hi, ma.

All okay? I didn't expect to see you here.

Just writing a piece on the Tractor Terrorist.

Oh, your boyfriend tipped you off.

For the last time, he's not my boyfriend, ma!

Well, if you didn't look like the lovechild

of a biker and a librarian.

I need to go back to work.

Just saying, you spent all of five minutes

in the bathroom this morning.

That's because I had to get my siblings to school.

I hope you get the cover story!

[instrumental music]

[blender whirring]

[music continues]

Mm.

Mm.

[chuckles]

Right, Morag. Let's see who needs our help.

Mm.

[Marine]I'm such a total idiot.

Please tear up that last letter.

I'm a fool. Please don't publish it.

I beg you.

If my husband...

he'll kill me.

[instrumental music]

I think I found it.

Okay.

- How's the suspect behaving? - Ah, good, sir.

Apart from singing the rude songs,

whenever the nurses try and take his temperature.

Rude songs?

[singing in foreign language]

No, no, no, eh. We can't have it.

We can't have it here.

[clears throat]

Hello, uncle. We need to ask you some questions.

A is for apple.

Can you state your name for the record please sir?

- B is for Bert us. - Is your name Bert us?

[singing in foreign language]

Suspect doesn't seem to know his own name.

[singing in foreign language]

Whose truck were you driving, sir?

[singing in foreign language]

- Constable Kasin. - September.

You know Bertes Chanchis.

Works for Bar end du Toit.

Off the record, him and Bar end du Toit

have the same father.

So the du To its, they won't be pressing charges.

You know, he's not one of the violent drunks.

Just gets like this every year on the time his mummy died.

Will you be pressing charges detective?

Honeysuckle oil.

Lovely.

[engine revving]

Mm.

That is amazing.

[chuckles]

Oh.

Nearly forgot.

And, and...

Final touch. There.

Mm.

Yes. Oh, I almost forgot.

Your letter.

Oh, right.

Tannie M., I hope you don't mind that I'm also doing the column.

It's just something I'm passionate about, you know.

Of course. May the best Tannie win.

Cheers.

[instrumental music]

Dear Tannie.

I am ashamed to be writing to you now for advice.

I've made my bed and I should lie in it.

[music continues]

[Martine]I promised to love and obey this man.

My husband. But the love has dried up.

[music continues]

Not hungry?

[utensil clatters]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?

I just don't understand why you feed me this garbage?

I do my best.

He does too, he pays for our daughter's special needs home.

Nothing but the best for his girl.

I have a lot of happy hours with my friend when he is out.

She and I have a kind of love for each other,

although I prefer to keep it platonic.

She gave me the ducks.

I'll call that one Donald, and that one Daffy.

Yeah, but he's white! Daffy was a black duck.

Well, they're my ducks now

and I will call them Donald, and Daffy, and Petunia!

- Petunia! - I'll call them what I want!

[chuckles]

Those ducks were the first thing I ever loved

in a completely pure way.

Without guilt or pain, just... pure bright joy.

[instrumental music]

[panting]

No.

[gunshots]

You bastard!

I'm gonna fucking kill you, you bastard!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You know I couldn't let you keep them.

She gave them to you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[panting]

I'm sorry.

[speaking in foreign language]

Hey, hey.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Is it wrong to have a funeral for ducks?

Yours sincerely. Bereaved woman.

I'm sorry.

[instrumental music]

It's perfectly natural to find yourself attracted

to your friend's husband, and I'm sure...

- Don't make me come in there! - [Riley]Sorry, Jess!

I'm sure lots of us have found ourselves wanting

what we can't have, from a lack of midnight snack,

to a snack of a different kind!

You might find that this can be transference, a response to...

[Riley]Jess! Bronwyn said I'm too stupid to do my homework!

[Bronwyn]I didn't say he was stupid,

I said he made a stupid mistake!

It's important to consider

all the potential ramifications...

Ramifications? Is this a lecture?

Even though all you what really want

is to be consider a relationship

with a man that makes you weak at the knees

when you look into...

Uh-huh, "weak in the knees," take that out.

It's cringe.

Yeah. You're probably right.

I recently received a letter on a topic

that might affect...

Blast it.

I wanted to address

the subject of domestic violence in it.

No, Maria, you're not a school principal!

I...

I knew a woman who lived with a man...

I knew a woman who lived

for too many years with a man who beat her.

Bruises and bones can heal but the heart...

the heart can be damaged forever.

Recipes, Maria?

They needed them.

Academic reference lists, Jessie?

We can't pander to our readers.

Fine. I'll run them both.

And Jess you're going to need a new by-line.

You're clearly no Tannie.

Yet.

[instrumental music]

Hello.

"If you are with a man who abuses you,

you should leave him."

[Dirk]What's that then?

Just a mutton curry recipe I wanna try.

Good.

Because the thing you call curry

is more like warmed up vomit.

[instrumental music]

[Maria]Since you mentioned a disagreement about a curry,

here's one that I hope will put a fire in your belly,

and strengthen your resolve.

One tablespoon of ground turmeric,

one and a half tablespoons of paprika,

two tablespoons of ground coriander

Two to four chillies. [Maria]Two to four chillies.

[Maria]Three tablespoons of chopped fresh ginger.

A quarter cup fresh chopped garlic.

One and a half tablespoons of cumin seeds,

two teaspoons of fenugreek seeds,

six cardamom pods,

one tablespoon of mustard seeds.

After the mustard seeds...

half a cinnamon stick.

Two large onions.

Woah, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Ah! Got it.

I'm so sorry, detective!

It's just onions.

[Maria]Two tomatoes, four medium potatoes,

one tablespoon of garam masala,

and one cup of chopped coriander.

Spices.

You didn't never buy spices.

You're trying a new recipe today?

- Yes. - My fiance is exactly the same.

Can't handle anything fancier

than fish n chips with loads of ketchup!

- Hi. - Hi.

Um, may I have a kilogram of mutton please?

Coming right up.

Martine! You finished early!

I left the figures on your desk, Mr. Van Wyk.

Right. Good. Good.

We do sell meat at the Koop, you know?

- Is Hattie... - Out for the afternoon.

Ah. Right.

Right. Good! Have a lovely day!

Okay.

It's 84.90. Do you wanna tap?

[Maria]Heat the oil in the pot,

stir until the smell fills the kitchen,

and the mustard seeds start to pop.

Mix all the spices except the garam masala,

and rub the spice mix into the meat.

Curry takes a lot of patience, Morag.

You can't rush a good curry.

It's a little bit like sex that way.

Maybe not for chickens?

Now add the lamb,

and keep stirring to stop the spices from catching

on the bottom of the pot.

[Maria]When the onions are soft add the aubergines,

and cook till they have a little colour.

[instrumental music]

[Maria]In the oven,

cook covered at a 150 degrees for two hours.

Hello my wife.

[Maria]Meat needs slow cooking to become tender...

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

[Maria]And the spices need time to infuse flavour.

The supper will be on time. I promise.

Looking forward to it.

[Maria]About an hour before you're ready to eat,

boil the potatoes and add the garam masala then.

And there you have it.

The perfect mutton curry.

[speaking in foreign language]

Mm.

Wow!

[instrumental music]

Mm.

[engine revving]

[Gordon]Aileen.

Look at this alert I just got.

Well.

After all these years, eh?

[instrumental music]

You uploaded them both to the website?

Yes, on Friday.

It's Maria's column is doing mad online.

That's more traffic in three days

than there has been in the past three months put together.

- Oh, my. - And my cousin Jared.

- Yes. - The one that works at the Koop.

Wants more copies of the paper.

Also, Doep wants more copies.

The sales of mutton are through the roof.

- Oh Jessie... - I know. I'm off the column.

Oh, Maria. You've done it now.

What, Hattie? Sorry.

Maria. You're famous.

- I am? - The column's yours.

It seems as though you might have a few fans online.

And... they're all addressed to Tannie Maria.

- Well... - The people have spoken.

Oh-oh, Jessie, I am sorry.

It's okay, Tannie M., people aren't ready for my home truths.

- Do you wanna see the website? - Mm-hmm. Yeah.

What's my surname doing there?

I thought it looked more professional, Maria Purvis.

No, no, no, I-I'm just, I'm Tannie Maria. That's all.

Take it down! Take it, take it down!

Okay, fine. Sorry, Tannie M.

- I'm changing it now. - Alright?

Thanks, Jessie.

[instrumental music]

[Martine]A note for Tannie Maria.

Not for publication.

Oh, God, it was amazing. You should make it more.

I'm glad you liked it.

[instrumental music]

Goodnight.

[music continues]

The mutton curry was superb.

But I read your advice too.

I have a plan that will allow my daughter and I to leave.

I'll just have to tread water until I get it right.

[instrumental music]

Did you have a good day at work?

I...

It was alright.

Same old one.

Finally! What the hell, Bron? Where have you been?

Just helping teacher clean the classroom.

Don't lie, I saw your teacher 15 minutes ago.

Oh, so now you're spying on me?

Oh, I don't have time for your drama.

- Is it a boy? - No, Jess. Okay.

You know boys are nothing but trouble.

And if I catch him hurting you, I'll moer him.

- You tell him that. - Yes.

Your sister is a psycho, and she'll moer him.

Jess, you are embarrassing me.

Sorry.

[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

Bloody man!

"Tannie Maria."

I think my friend's husband is going to kill her.

"He thinks she's leaving him and he said he'll kill her."

She doesn't wanna find the police.

"She said I can't go into her house anymore."

If I kill him in self-defence of her,

how long will I go to jail, hmm?

"Signed, friend in need."

I wish there was a giant insecticide for these guys.

DDT that you could spray from planes.

I think this letter is from my duck lady's friend.

The giver of the ducks.

It might be someone else,

a lot of people are beaten by their boyfriends and husbands,

especially around here.

I just have a feeling it's her.

And now he might kill her.

Right, well you need to write a response

to this woman right away.

We'll put a feature on the site.

I'm sure I can get the Karoo Ladies Society to sponsor it.

And I'll get you the numbers for People Opposing Women Abuse,

Lifeline, Legal Aid...

I'll put the kettle on for you, Maria.

[instrumental music]

♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪

♪ You make me feel like I am home again ♪

♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪

♪ You make me feel like I am whole again ♪

[instrumental music]

[sirens wailing]

♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪

♪ You make me feel like I am young again ♪

♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪

♪ You make me feel like I am home again ♪

♪ However far away ♪

♪ I will always love you ♪

♪ However long I stay ♪

♪ I will always love you ♪

♪ Whatever words I say ♪

♪ I will always love you ♪

♪ I will always love you ♪

[Hattie]Ambulance chasing, Jess!

Hattie, it wasn't like that.

And privacy for the poor chap? The bereaved?

I used a telephoto lens, the bereaved didn't even see me.

What was I supposed to do? The ambulance was right there.

I'm an investigative journalist, Hats.

Sorry, Maria!

We're just discussing the ethics

of journalism.

Just have a look at the photos. Maria.

I asked my ma. Her name is Martine Burger.

Her husband is Dirk.

I found this at the crime scene.

That's my lady with the ducks.

[Hattie]Oh, no.

No, no, no.

I'll put the kettle on.

Hats, we need to investigate this.

[sighs]

Which of you is Tannie Maria?

Who gives people advice on how to live?

I'm Tannie Maria.

The love of my life is dead and it's all my fault!

Oh.

Would you like some coffee or a koeksister?

[knock on door]

[Khaya]Police!

We are here for Anna Pretorius!

Yes, yes. I'm coming.

Hang on. Coming.

- Oh. - Anna Pretorius.

You need to come with us and answer questions

regarding the murder of Martine Burger.

Come. Come, let's go.

- Come. - Okay.

- Anna. - Oh, oh, oh.

Oh. Oh!

[groans]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]