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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,000
# Oh, Mandy, well, you came and you
gave without taking
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:12,320
# But I sent you away Oh, Mandy
3
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:17,320
# Well, you kissed me and stopped me
from shaking
4
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,320
# And I need you today Oh, Mandy. #
5
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,200
20 Embassy, please, Abu.
6
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:26,640
Ta.
7
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,120
- Do you still work at Asda?
8
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:33,120
- No, I'm working as a living statue
now, Abu.
9
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,760
- Do you have long Covid?
- What?
10
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:39,440
- You look very grey.
- It's make-up, Abu. I'm doing living
statue work.
11
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,840
- What is living statue?
- You just stand still looking like a
statue.
12
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,240
- And this is a job?
- Yeah.
13
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,520
- Where do you apply for this?
14
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,360
- Just start doing it.
15
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:53,680
- OK.
16
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,640
- Right, bye, then.
- Bye-bye.
17
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,240
- Oh, shit. Is that the time?
18
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,480
Need to get changed for the theatre.
19
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,160
- Mandy, I'm so excited.
20
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,840
I can't believe you bought tickets to
see Psychic Pauline.
21
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,080
- Oh, I didn't pay. I thought we could
do the old high-vis jacket trick.
22
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,280
Here, put this on.
- What?
23
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,040
- High-vis jacket gets you in
anywhere, no questions asked.
24
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,240
I've seen loads of stuff with a
high-vis.
25
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:54,640
I've been on Top Of The Pops.
26
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,920
- Well, we have a terrific programme
for you.
27
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,040
We have Bon Jovi, Farley "Jackmaster"
Funk,
28
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:02,240
Frankie Goes To Hollywood and they're
all live in the studio.
29
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:05,160
- I went to the Royal Variety
performance.
30
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,680
APPLAUSE
31
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,960
I saw Torvill and Dean.
32
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,440
CHEERING
33
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:19,480
And I saw the 1980 Embassy World
Snooker finals at the Crucible.
34
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:24,760
COMMENTATOR:
- And Higgins will be disappointed
with that.
35
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,280
- Muffed that up, didn't you, Alex?
36
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,520
WHISPERS: Alex.
37
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:38,840
Alex!
38
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,640
Hurricane.
- What?
39
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,000
- Couldn't give me a light, could you?
40
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,440
Ta.
41
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,520
Alex.
42
00:02:55,520 --> 00:03:00,680
Alex, can I borrow your ashtray?
Sorry.
43
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,280
Oh, thanks.
44
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,880
Quite dishy, Thorburn, isn't he?
thought?
45
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,400
If you like that sort of thing.
46
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,440
- That miss gives Higgins another
chance.
47
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,160
- REFEREE:
- Cliff Thorburn, eight.
48
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,160
- APPLAUSE
49
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,400
Alex, I love you!
50
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,440
CROWD EXCLAIMS
51
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,360
- Oh, and that's a terrible miss from
Higgins.
52
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,880
He'll be disappointed with that.
53
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,600
- Jesus fucking Christ. You fucking
idiot.
- Oh!
54
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:27,800
- Who let you in here?
55
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,240
- I carried the table in.
- You fucking moron!
56
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:30,240
- MANDY SHRIEKS
57
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,160
CROWD: Oh!
58
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,240
- You're with the Hurricane now!
59
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,920
Now you've done it! I'm going to come
for you.
60
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:40,000
- Alex "The Hurricane" Higgins must
have been furious, Mandy.
61
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,720
- Hmm. I cost him the final. Said he'd
never forgive me.
62
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,080
Said if he ever saw me again, he'd
fucking kill me.
63
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,840
- Wasn't he a big drinker?
- Why do you think he turned to drink?
64
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,800
- And you never got to apologise?
- No. He died in 2010.
65
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,640
Anyway, the high-vis jacket pays for
itself in no time.
66
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,760
- But what do we do?
- That's the beauty of it, Lola -
nothing.
67
00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,040
You just walk in. They think you're
meant to be there.
68
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,800
- I'm not sure, Mandy. What if we get
caught?
69
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,960
- Thought you might say that. To make
you feel better,
70
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,520
we'll carry a table in.
- Carry a table?
- Yeah.
71
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,560
Nobody questions you if you're
carrying a table.
72
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,640
BELL RINGS
- If you'd like to take your seats,
73
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,720
ladies and gentlemen, the show is
about to begin.
74
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,240
- Let's leave it here, Lo.
75
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,480
We'll cover it in leaflets about
zip-wire experiences in old caves
76
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,640
to make it blend in.
77
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,120
Let's get some seats.
78
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,520
- I can't believe it worked.
- Never fails.
79
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,520
- Oh, good seats!
80
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,640
- Right, that's the earpiece in.
81
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,400
Ready to go?
- Of course.
82
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,240
So I've got all the information
submitted by the audience
83
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,560
to the website listed by seat number -
84
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,360
names, addresses, deceased loved ones.
85
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:53,000
Just in case the spirits are quiet
again tonight.
86
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,640
Oh, we don't want another
87
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,120
Nottingham, do we?
88
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,800
I've picked out a few juicy ones to
start with.
89
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,040
- Don't give me all the info in one
go.
90
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,160
I like to eke it out,
91
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,480
so it sounds like they're coming
through in dribs and drabs -
92
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:09,920
put on a show!
93
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,840
- You certainly do that.
94
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,800
Going to use the spirit
95
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:18,000
of the dead actress on stage routine?
96
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,360
- Oh, it's a bit hammy.
97
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,160
But the crowd love it.
98
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,560
I'll do it if I need it.
99
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,640
- SHE GARGLES
100
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,600
- Excuse me, I think you're sitting in
our seats.
101
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,280
- Piss off, grandma, I was there
first.
- Oh!
102
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,840
So rude!
103
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,640
- UPBEAT MUSIC
104
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,080
- Oh, good evening, ladies and
gentlemen.
105
00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,160
So LOVELY to be here.
106
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,120
But, wow,
107
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,600
I'm already feeling some spirit
energy.
108
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:11,400
- Woman in row B, seat 12.
109
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,560
- You, my love.
110
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:17,360
Do you know anyone to have passed in
tragedy?
111
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,600
- Yes.
- She's recently lost her aunt.
112
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,600
- Was it an auntie?
113
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:27,160
- Yes, yes.
- Because I've got someone saying "I'm
her auntie".
114
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,080
- I've got access to the will. She got
the necklace.
115
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,400
- You've got something of hers,
haven't you?
- Yes, I have.
116
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,040
I've got a necklace.
117
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,000
- She says you're to keep the
necklace.
118
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,560
Think of her when you wear it.
119
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,640
Don't lend it out or pawn it.
120
00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,520
Was she quite a bossy woman
121
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,760
when she was alive, your auntie?
122
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,640
- Yes, she was.
- Yes.
123
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:47,640
She's still bossy!
124
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:51,000
- LAUGHTER
125
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,600
- She's laughing.
126
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,480
- Son got the motorbike.
127
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,520
- Who's got the motorbike?
128
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,080
- Oh, that'll be my son.
- Ah.
129
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:03,920
She's saying tell him to sloooow
doooown.
130
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,960
- Right.
- She says she feels much better now,
131
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,520
so you're not to worry.
132
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:13,200
Will you take her love, my darling?
- Yes. Thank you.
133
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,160
Yes.
134
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,280
- Thank you.
135
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,440
- APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH
136
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,400
- Goose bumps.
137
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,320
- A5 - daughter Elizabeth died in a
car crash.
138
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,760
- I'm feeling some other energy now.
139
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,240
Making me move in this direction.
140
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,720
I think I'm coming to you, my love.
141
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,680
Blonde lady.
142
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:40,000
I'm getting a... Oh, young lady.
143
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,160
Something about a car crash.
144
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,040
- No.
- Sure?
145
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,800
A lady called Elizabeth.
146
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:54,000
- No.
- It's definitely seat A5.
147
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,400
Car crashed on Ledbury Street.
148
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,560
It was a four car pile-up. She can't
have forgotten it.
149
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,880
- Ledbury Street.
150
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,560
I want you to think about that.
151
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,080
Definitely for you.
- No, not for me.
152
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,120
AUDIENCE MURMURING
153
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,920
- She must be sitting in the wrong
seta.
154
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,920
You're losing them!
155
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:12,920
Do the stage spirit.
156
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,920
- I think the communication from the
spirit world
157
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,040
is being disturbed
158
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,360
by a strong, violent presence
159
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,600
here on this very stage.
160
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,600
Ah, ladies and gentlemen,
161
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:30,160
there is a spirit with me here now
162
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:34,920
who died 100 years ago when a piece of
scenery fell on her head
163
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,520
during a matinee performance
164
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,600
of the Importance Of Being Earnest
165
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:45,240
by Irish playwright and homosexual
Oscar Wilde.
166
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:48,200
She is trapped now
167
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,280
between Earth and heaven.
168
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,960
She wanders the stage.
169
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,960
She is tired now. So tired.
170
00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,480
She wants me to see if I can help her
get into the spirit world.
171
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,800
I'll do my best, my love.
172
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,360
Spirits, if you can hear me,
173
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:10,200
please take this lady to her rest.
174
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,720
Please let her enter your porthole.
175
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,120
Spirits, take her!
176
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,280
- AUDIENCE: Oh!
177
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:21,960
- She's gone.
178
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,200
Thank you, spirits.
179
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,840
Thank you!
- Hey, maybe I should ask
180
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,640
if she can bring Alex Higgins through
so I can make amends.
181
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,120
- That's a good idea, Mandy.
182
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,880
- Um, excuse me.
183
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,080
Excuse me, Pauline.
184
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,000
Um, I don't know this Elizabeth woman,
185
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,960
but there is someone on the other side
I'd like to talk to.
186
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,840
Um, I've got some unfinished business
187
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,480
with Alex "Hurricane" Higgins.
188
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,960
AUDIENCE: Oh!
- The two-times world champion snooker
player?
189
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:54,040
- Yeah. Yeah, could you bring him
through so I could apologise to him?
190
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,800
- You want me to summon the ghost! of
Hurricane Higgins?
191
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:02,600
- Yeah.
- You want me to summon the ghost of
Hurricane Higgins?
192
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:07,480
- Yes, please.
- You want me to summon the ghost of
Hurricane Higgins?
193
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,680
I'm sorry, love, I don't do requests.
194
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,200
I'm not a DJ!
195
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,840
- Shame she didn't get Alex.
- Yeah.
196
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,840
- Maybe she's losing her touch.
197
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,680
How's the human statue work going?
- It's all right.
198
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,560
Most people find the hours of
inactivity hard to cope with,
199
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:38,840
but, for me, it's the only perk of the
job.
- Hmm.
200
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,840
- When I performed here last night,
201
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,600
I was confronted by the spirit
202
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:56,080
of an actress
203
00:10:56,080 --> 00:11:00,360
who died on this very stage 100 years
ago.
204
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:04,600
I wonder, will she make an appearance
again?
205
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,360
- What the...?
206
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,480
Oh, fucking hell.
207
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,040
I know that smell.
208
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,160
Embassy 100s.
209
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,360
Higgins, is that you?
210
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,640
- Of course it's me.
211
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,200
I've come for you, Mandy.
212
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,320
You lost me the 1980 World Snooker
finals.
213
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,480
I said I'd track you down.
214
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,440
And I have.
- I'm sorry. It was an accident.
215
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,160
Please forgive me.
- I could have potted that blue,
216
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,880
come round for the final red,
217
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,720
leaving me on for the black.
218
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,720
But you distracted me.
219
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,680
You cost me the World Championship,
Mandy!
220
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,720
- SHE SHRIEKS
221
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,480
BBC SNOOKER THEME MUSIC "DRAG RACER"
PLAYS
222
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,880
- Here comes Hurricane!
223
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,160
- Row A, seat six.
224
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:10,720
- While I'm talking, I'm being drawn
over here
225
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,440
to this lady.
226
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,240
And I'm getting the name...
227
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,320
- Pauline Franklin.
228
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,560
- ..Franklin.
229
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,480
- You're snookered now, Mandy!
230
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,840
This is your cue to die!
231
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,840
- WOMAN: No, means nothing to me.
- Come on, think.
232
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,000
- No.
- People must be sitting in different
seats again.
233
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,400
- Maybe it's the lady next to you.
234
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,120
- No, mate, no. Not me, no.
235
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:02,280
- Come on, let's get our money back.
The woman's a charlatan.
236
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,760
- Pauline! Open your porthole!
237
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,800
Higgins is coming for me!
238
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:10,320
Help me!
- Fuck me, the Grey Lady's real.
239
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,400
- Mandy Carter.
240
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,120
- it's Alex "Hurricane" Higgins.
241
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,120
- This is your reckoning.
242
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,960
- Alex, I love you!
243
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,320
- AUDIENCE GROANS
244
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,640
SHE CHOKES
245
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,480
AUDIENCE: Oh!
246
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:41,680
- Oh...
247
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,360
She didn't see that coming.
248
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,960
- Typical Higgins - went for the shot,
249
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,360
should have played safety.
250
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,200
- # There's a ghost in my house
251
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,440
# A ghost of your memories
252
00:13:56,440 --> 00:14:00,600
# The ghost of the love that you took
from me
253
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,160
# Where our love used to be
254
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,680
# Only shadows from the past I see
255
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,200
# Time can't seem to erase
256
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,320
# The vision of your smiling face
257
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,080
# Though you found someone new
258
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,840
# I can't get over you
259
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,520
# There's a ghost in my house. #
18845
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