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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,084 --> 00:00:09,669 There she comes. 2 00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:12,296 There it is, moving on down. 3 00:00:13,422 --> 00:00:16,550 Ooh, it's good. I needed the car wash, man. Yikes! 4 00:00:18,136 --> 00:00:20,179 That was a dirty, dirty car. 5 00:00:20,263 --> 00:00:22,974 My backseat looked like a water bottle graveyard. 6 00:00:23,892 --> 00:00:26,853 What do we got here? What about these air fresheners? 7 00:00:26,936 --> 00:00:28,437 You got one, like, to recommend? 8 00:00:28,521 --> 00:00:32,566 Any smells that are, like, I don't know, sexy or... 9 00:00:32,651 --> 00:00:35,528 Is that weird to ask? Is there, like, a sexy smell? 10 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,699 I think maybe piña colada? 11 00:00:39,783 --> 00:00:43,327 Okay. Yeah, look at that. 12 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,454 Yeah, it smells like suntan lotion. 13 00:00:45,538 --> 00:00:50,084 Yeah, I could see how that would work. Sort of, people get associations of... 14 00:00:50,168 --> 00:00:54,547 suntan lotion, beaches, bikinis, skin... yeah. 15 00:00:54,631 --> 00:00:56,424 Yeah, no, we're just... 16 00:00:56,507 --> 00:00:59,052 I'm picking up a girl in the car and, you know, 17 00:00:59,135 --> 00:01:01,470 I want my car to smell good. I don't want it to smell bad. 18 00:01:01,554 --> 00:01:03,640 - Yeah. - That's a bad first start. 19 00:01:03,723 --> 00:01:05,516 What else we got here, uh... 20 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,812 - Guys, Gus is coming over... - soon. 21 00:01:08,895 --> 00:01:10,021 Yay. 22 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:13,482 - Who's Gus? - He's this guy I think I might be into... 23 00:01:13,566 --> 00:01:16,152 - Do you have butterflies? - Oh, yeah, I have butterflies, 24 00:01:16,235 --> 00:01:19,488 and I have a heart murmur, and I got the Hershey squirts. 25 00:01:19,572 --> 00:01:22,992 - But I thought you liked him. - I do. 26 00:01:23,076 --> 00:01:25,411 I do. He's different. 27 00:01:25,494 --> 00:01:27,956 He's... I think he might be a little bit boring. 28 00:01:28,039 --> 00:01:29,040 Yeah, I mean, we've... 29 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:31,710 She and I have, like, talked before, you know. 30 00:01:31,793 --> 00:01:34,587 We've interacted and, like, texted and stuff, but, like, 31 00:01:34,670 --> 00:01:37,631 I feel like that's, like, a little more workshopped? 32 00:01:37,716 --> 00:01:39,383 - Mmm. - You know, but this is like, 33 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,094 - this is real life, you know. - Yeah. 34 00:01:41,177 --> 00:01:43,304 - You can't workshop that, you know. - Yeah. 35 00:01:43,387 --> 00:01:44,806 Yeah. Yeah. 36 00:01:49,978 --> 00:01:51,604 People seem to like pine. 37 00:01:51,688 --> 00:01:54,023 Pine! Okay, yeah. 38 00:01:54,107 --> 00:01:57,526 I like Gus. I feel like he's different. He's cool without trying. 39 00:01:57,610 --> 00:01:58,987 Or even knowing. 40 00:01:59,070 --> 00:02:00,571 He's definitely afraid to fuck me. 41 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,323 Oh, God, no. That's no good. 42 00:02:02,406 --> 00:02:04,200 I went through a phase where I was really loving 43 00:02:04,283 --> 00:02:06,494 having sex with very unattractive men. 44 00:02:06,577 --> 00:02:09,122 Oh, yeah, that was my move. All women go through that phase. 45 00:02:09,205 --> 00:02:11,249 - Really? - Yeah. 46 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,542 You know, uh, Sam Kinison? 47 00:02:13,626 --> 00:02:15,294 That comedian that screamed a lot? 48 00:02:15,378 --> 00:02:17,505 - He didn't scream with me. - No! 49 00:02:17,588 --> 00:02:20,049 In fairness, though, he had laryngitis, I think. 50 00:02:20,133 --> 00:02:23,762 I once had sex with a guy whose dick was so small, I thought it was a clitoris. 51 00:02:23,845 --> 00:02:24,888 Hmm... Gus! 52 00:02:24,971 --> 00:02:27,556 - Hey. Hi. - Oh, my God, Gus. Well, hello. 53 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:30,769 - We were just talking about Christmas! - Oh, cool. 54 00:02:30,852 --> 00:02:33,897 - This is Syd, our neighbor/friend. - Hi, Syd. 55 00:02:33,980 --> 00:02:35,648 - Hello. - Hi. 56 00:02:36,482 --> 00:02:37,608 You guys just all hanging out? 57 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:38,692 - Mmm-hmm. - Yeah. 58 00:02:38,777 --> 00:02:42,781 I like it. It's like when, uh, my sister would have, like, a sleepover. 59 00:02:42,864 --> 00:02:44,615 A cool vibe to, like, walk into. 60 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,576 Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. 61 00:02:47,660 --> 00:02:50,538 Do you wanna... hang out inside? 62 00:02:50,621 --> 00:02:53,416 - Uh, yeah, sure. Cool. All right. - This way. 63 00:02:53,499 --> 00:02:55,293 - Nice to meet you. Good to see you. - Good to meet you. 64 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,295 Have fun, you guys. 65 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,465 So, what do you got going on the rest of the day? 66 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,093 Oh, I'm going to book club. We're reading Dianetics. 67 00:03:04,177 --> 00:03:05,761 We just want to see what it is. 68 00:03:07,096 --> 00:03:08,347 Okay. 69 00:03:22,815 --> 00:03:27,815 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 70 00:03:31,037 --> 00:03:33,539 - You want something to drink? - Yeah. 71 00:03:33,622 --> 00:03:37,836 - Thanks. - Got water, juice, milk... 72 00:03:37,919 --> 00:03:40,629 Um, I'm good for some milk. 73 00:03:40,713 --> 00:03:42,131 - Okay. - Sure. 74 00:03:43,716 --> 00:03:45,509 Thank you. 75 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:50,014 My grandma used to pour a big glass of milk and make me drink the whole thing 76 00:03:50,098 --> 00:03:53,142 - 'cause she was from the Depression. - Oh. 77 00:03:53,226 --> 00:03:56,855 Ooh. I think this milk's gone bad. 78 00:03:56,938 --> 00:04:00,441 Oh, shit! That was in there to remind me to get new milk. I'm sorry. 79 00:04:00,524 --> 00:04:01,567 You know what you should do? 80 00:04:01,650 --> 00:04:04,153 You should just throw out the milk, so, like, the absence of milk 81 00:04:04,237 --> 00:04:06,655 is the thing that reminds you to get milk, you know? 82 00:04:06,739 --> 00:04:08,366 Well, that's just our system. 83 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,493 I mean, this is the first time it's backfired. 84 00:04:10,576 --> 00:04:13,997 Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Or you could just... empty out the milk 85 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,250 and then just have an empty container in there and, you know, go... 86 00:04:17,333 --> 00:04:19,127 "Oh, right, empty container, gotta get milk." 87 00:04:19,210 --> 00:04:21,170 Do you want some water? 88 00:04:21,254 --> 00:04:22,755 Yeah! That'd be great. 89 00:04:27,343 --> 00:04:30,096 - Thank you. - I have a question. 90 00:04:30,179 --> 00:04:32,765 - Mmm-hmm. - Are you afraid of bugs? 91 00:04:32,849 --> 00:04:35,143 There are bugs under those cups and I can't kill 'em. 92 00:04:36,394 --> 00:04:37,896 'Cause it's, like, inhumane or... 93 00:04:37,979 --> 00:04:40,564 Ew, no. No, because they're gross and I hate them! 94 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,066 Inhumane? 95 00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:43,651 All right. 96 00:04:43,734 --> 00:04:45,819 All right, well, uh... 97 00:04:45,904 --> 00:04:48,239 Let's see what we're dealing with, huh? Okay. 98 00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:49,698 No! Wait, wait, wait! 99 00:04:49,782 --> 00:04:52,660 I don't know which of those are secretly alive and which of them can fly, 100 00:04:52,743 --> 00:04:55,121 and what if they fly into my face and they sting me? 101 00:04:56,122 --> 00:04:57,790 What kind of bugs do you think you're dealing with here? 102 00:04:57,874 --> 00:05:02,795 Every bug can fly, is poisonous, and has Ebola until it's proven innocent. 103 00:05:02,879 --> 00:05:05,339 Okay. Hey, it's okay. You can just, um... 104 00:05:05,423 --> 00:05:06,966 Can you get some tissues? 105 00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:08,509 - Yeah. - All right. 106 00:05:12,555 --> 00:05:14,390 - Thank you. - I'll be back here. 107 00:05:14,473 --> 00:05:15,724 Okay. Yeah. 108 00:05:15,808 --> 00:05:17,393 I think that's a good distance. 109 00:05:17,476 --> 00:05:19,228 - Um... - Be careful! 110 00:05:19,312 --> 00:05:22,356 - I will. All right. Ready? - Yeah. 111 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,524 Okay. 112 00:05:23,607 --> 00:05:24,984 Did you get it? 113 00:05:25,068 --> 00:05:26,194 Yeah, I got it. 114 00:05:26,277 --> 00:05:29,697 Aw. You hear that crushing sound? It's satisfying. 115 00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:30,990 You should come closer so you can... 116 00:05:31,074 --> 00:05:34,911 - Mmm-mmm. That's good. It's okay. - ...hear this nice bone-crunching sound. 117 00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:38,331 - Did you get it? Did you get it? - Yep. Yep. 118 00:05:38,414 --> 00:05:39,915 - Okay. - He's dead. 119 00:05:39,999 --> 00:05:42,335 - Whew. - He's dead. This feels really good. 120 00:05:42,418 --> 00:05:44,045 My heart is racing. 121 00:05:44,128 --> 00:05:46,755 My heart is racing 'cause I'm excited. 122 00:05:47,798 --> 00:05:49,508 Uh... 123 00:05:49,592 --> 00:05:51,427 - Okay. - Oh, shit! I saw that one. 124 00:05:51,510 --> 00:05:52,928 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw it too. 125 00:05:53,012 --> 00:05:54,973 And it's gross. Okay. 126 00:05:55,056 --> 00:05:58,601 All right. So I'm gonna bring these guys all together. 127 00:05:59,268 --> 00:06:00,728 That's it? You got 'em all? 128 00:06:00,811 --> 00:06:02,646 All right. 129 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:05,649 Okay. I'm gonna, like, flush these. 130 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,818 Okay. 131 00:06:09,945 --> 00:06:13,074 Took care of 'em. 132 00:06:13,157 --> 00:06:14,617 That was kinda hot. 133 00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:18,787 - Yeah? You think so? - Yeah. You handled those fuckers. 134 00:06:40,143 --> 00:06:41,935 - Wow. - Wow. 135 00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:02,873 You had your eyes open. 136 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,542 - I know. - I did, too. 137 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,502 - So what? - Yeah, well, that's okay. 138 00:07:06,585 --> 00:07:09,713 - Okay. - I just want you to not be in pain. 139 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:11,757 - I'm not in pain. - Okay, okay. 140 00:07:39,535 --> 00:07:42,496 I should've never set you up with Bertie. 141 00:07:42,580 --> 00:07:44,832 - Oh, it's totally cool. - Okay. 142 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,094 - Yeah, let's do it. - Yeah? You want to? 143 00:07:56,177 --> 00:07:59,305 - Yes. It's okay. - Okay, okay. 144 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,851 - Let me just... Okay. - Okay. 145 00:08:03,934 --> 00:08:05,978 Okay. 146 00:08:06,062 --> 00:08:07,771 Okay. 147 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:24,205 There's a high school around the block. Marching band practice. 148 00:08:24,288 --> 00:08:25,373 Mmm. 149 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,501 I like it. 150 00:08:30,086 --> 00:08:31,254 Me, too. 151 00:08:31,337 --> 00:08:32,921 So, hey, you wanna... 152 00:08:33,005 --> 00:08:35,674 get something to eat? You hungry? 153 00:08:35,758 --> 00:08:39,720 - I'm starving. - Yeah... Let's go out. 154 00:08:39,803 --> 00:08:43,056 Don't you just want to stay in and order a pizza? 155 00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:50,356 No, I... think I might have some plans for us. 156 00:08:50,439 --> 00:08:52,233 Oh, that's right. 157 00:08:52,316 --> 00:08:54,443 - You had a whole date planned. - Yeah. 158 00:08:55,611 --> 00:08:57,155 Can I guess? 159 00:08:57,238 --> 00:08:58,739 - Uh, where we're going? - Yeah. 160 00:08:59,782 --> 00:09:02,034 - Okay. - Hollywood Bowl. 161 00:09:03,161 --> 00:09:04,453 No. 162 00:09:04,537 --> 00:09:06,622 That would've been good, but no. 163 00:09:07,665 --> 00:09:12,044 Actually, the place I'm taking you to has a dress code. 164 00:09:12,128 --> 00:09:15,548 So, I gotta get my suit out of the car. 165 00:09:15,631 --> 00:09:17,007 - Oh. - So... 166 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:20,344 I think I know where it is. Can I guess? Okay. Um... 167 00:09:22,971 --> 00:09:25,474 Suit, eh? You're wearing a suit? 168 00:09:25,558 --> 00:09:28,227 Is it Disneyland's Club 33? 169 00:09:28,311 --> 00:09:29,687 What's that? 170 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,815 A private club at Disneyland where Walt used to... 171 00:09:32,898 --> 00:09:34,650 ladies. 172 00:09:34,733 --> 00:09:38,987 Oh. Yeah. It's, like, that restaurant at the park, right? 173 00:09:39,071 --> 00:09:42,533 Yeah, I don't think Walt Disney, like... ladies. 174 00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:47,246 - Really? - Oh, yeah, all the time. 175 00:09:47,330 --> 00:09:49,748 Wow! Okay. Well, that's cool. 176 00:09:49,832 --> 00:09:51,292 - Mmm-hmm. - All right. 177 00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:52,793 You wanna get dressed? 178 00:09:52,876 --> 00:09:55,338 I don't know what the dress code is. You pick out my outfit. 179 00:09:55,421 --> 00:09:58,466 - You want me to pick out your clothes? - Dealer's choice. 180 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,051 - You look great. - Aw, thanks. 181 00:10:03,179 --> 00:10:07,057 - Kinda chilly. - Yeah, right? Chilly beans. 182 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,642 That's what my dad used to say all the time. 183 00:10:08,726 --> 00:10:12,480 - He'd go... - "Chilly beans." Uh. 184 00:10:12,563 --> 00:10:13,647 - Oh. - Let me get that. 185 00:10:13,731 --> 00:10:16,275 - All right. - Let me be chivalrous, huh? 186 00:10:16,359 --> 00:10:18,569 Let me have old, weird, gender stuff. 187 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,529 Okay? 188 00:10:28,036 --> 00:10:30,373 I cried in front of Natalie, like, a million times, 189 00:10:30,456 --> 00:10:31,957 and she cried in front of me, like, zero times. 190 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,459 Damn it. 191 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,337 I, uh... 192 00:10:37,255 --> 00:10:39,047 I record my therapy sessions. 193 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:48,140 - Do you smell piña colada? - Yeah. 194 00:10:48,224 --> 00:10:50,893 Yeah, I got an air freshener at the car wash. 195 00:10:50,976 --> 00:10:52,520 This is taking me back. 196 00:10:52,603 --> 00:10:55,273 I feel like I'm in my math teacher's car, Mr. Eldi. 197 00:10:55,356 --> 00:10:58,817 Yeah, totally. I mean, uh... Wait. 198 00:10:58,901 --> 00:11:01,320 You would ride around in a car with your math teacher? 199 00:11:01,404 --> 00:11:04,365 Yeah, we would go shopping or whatever after school. 200 00:11:05,408 --> 00:11:08,244 Shopping? What... 201 00:11:08,327 --> 00:11:11,330 What sort of stuff would you go shopping for with your math teacher? 202 00:11:11,414 --> 00:11:12,498 I don't know. 203 00:11:13,499 --> 00:11:16,126 - Uh, what? - Oh, my God, that is weird. 204 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,795 - Yeah. - No, he was great! 205 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,588 He was, like, my favorite teacher. 206 00:11:19,672 --> 00:11:21,006 - He was a good guy. - Mmm-hmm. 207 00:11:21,089 --> 00:11:22,508 We were... friends, right? 208 00:11:22,591 --> 00:11:26,094 I guess. I mean, he didn't, like, try anything... 209 00:11:26,178 --> 00:11:28,597 - No! No, we were buddies. - No? Okay. Okay. 210 00:11:28,681 --> 00:11:31,392 Yeah, and your parents were okay with it, too? Like... 211 00:11:31,475 --> 00:11:34,102 No, they loved him. They thought he was great. 212 00:11:34,186 --> 00:11:35,313 Oh. 213 00:11:35,396 --> 00:11:39,400 God. Should I call my mom right now and ask her if I was molested? 214 00:11:39,483 --> 00:11:40,776 No. 215 00:11:41,985 --> 00:11:44,530 Unless you think you should or... 216 00:11:44,613 --> 00:11:45,614 Nah. 217 00:11:58,711 --> 00:12:01,755 - Are you cold? - I'm always cold. 218 00:12:03,674 --> 00:12:05,050 What do your parents do for a living? 219 00:12:05,133 --> 00:12:06,760 Um... 220 00:12:06,844 --> 00:12:09,304 My dad's a non-practicing dentist and my mom is... 221 00:12:09,388 --> 00:12:12,433 Non-practicing? What do you mean? What's that? 222 00:12:12,516 --> 00:12:15,769 Ugh. You know, it's a long story. I'll tell you some other time. 223 00:12:15,853 --> 00:12:19,272 - Um, my mom's an interior designer. - Ah. 224 00:12:19,357 --> 00:12:23,276 Is she a, um, what's it called... uh, a tetrachromat? 225 00:12:23,361 --> 00:12:24,362 What? 226 00:12:24,445 --> 00:12:28,240 They're, like, people who can see, like, more colors than normal people. 227 00:12:28,323 --> 00:12:30,951 Like, you know, more than just ROYGBIV. 228 00:12:31,034 --> 00:12:32,703 Well, who's Roy G. Biv? 229 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:35,330 Oh, he's not a person. ROYGBIV is, like... 230 00:12:35,414 --> 00:12:37,207 I don't know, like, an acronym. 231 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:40,919 ROYGBIV. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo... 232 00:12:41,003 --> 00:12:42,212 Are you making this up? 233 00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:43,881 No. 234 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,424 Why, you've never heard of that before? 235 00:12:45,508 --> 00:12:46,967 I remember learning that as a kid in school. 236 00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:48,386 Must be a South Dakota thing. 237 00:12:48,469 --> 00:12:52,806 In Jersey, all we got to learn was FBI stands for "Female Body Inspector." 238 00:12:52,890 --> 00:12:55,058 Yeah. I think I've seen that shirt before. 239 00:12:55,934 --> 00:13:00,731 But yeah, anyway, tetrachromats, you know, are, a lot of times, um, women. 240 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:03,025 - Mmm. - And artists. 241 00:13:03,108 --> 00:13:05,235 That's why I thought with your mom, maybe she, uh... 242 00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:07,780 Yeah, I don't think she has that ability. 243 00:13:07,863 --> 00:13:10,282 Oh, oh. Okay. 244 00:13:10,365 --> 00:13:14,369 So, what're you looking at? What sounds good? 245 00:13:14,453 --> 00:13:19,374 I think I'm gonna get this avocado wrap but with the ponzu sauce. 246 00:13:19,458 --> 00:13:21,043 Ah. 247 00:13:21,126 --> 00:13:22,420 Can I take your order? 248 00:13:22,503 --> 00:13:25,923 Uh, yeah, can I get that but with the ponzu sauce? 249 00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,884 Only the garlic chicken comes with the ponzu. 250 00:13:28,967 --> 00:13:30,886 Chef's orders. 251 00:13:31,429 --> 00:13:34,139 Okay, then I guess I'll get it without the sauce. 252 00:13:34,222 --> 00:13:35,683 But just so you know, that's kinda unfair. 253 00:13:35,766 --> 00:13:40,729 Uh, yeah, I'll get the, uh, the vegetable tempura, please, 254 00:13:40,813 --> 00:13:42,440 and, um... 255 00:13:42,523 --> 00:13:46,694 can I also get the garlic chicken with the ponzu sauce? 256 00:13:46,777 --> 00:13:48,446 - Okay. - Thank you. 257 00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:52,908 You know, I didn't even want the garlic chicken. 258 00:13:52,991 --> 00:13:54,660 I just got it for the ponzu for you. 259 00:13:54,743 --> 00:13:59,873 What? Gus, that's, like, the nicest thing anybody's ever done for me. 260 00:13:59,957 --> 00:14:01,542 Hey, a girl's gotta have her sauce, right? 261 00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:13,512 Hey. 262 00:14:18,434 --> 00:14:21,311 Wow. That was a long time. 263 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:24,106 It was a long pee. Shut up. Don't pay attention to that. 264 00:14:24,189 --> 00:14:25,608 Okay, sorry. 265 00:14:25,691 --> 00:14:28,527 Now you got me feeling all goofy that I even... 266 00:14:28,611 --> 00:14:31,530 said anything. 267 00:14:31,614 --> 00:14:34,199 Um, hey, uh... 268 00:14:34,282 --> 00:14:36,910 So, I wanted to ask you. 269 00:14:36,994 --> 00:14:38,954 Have you ever been to The Magic Castle? 270 00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:42,124 No, don't you need a special invitation or something? 271 00:14:42,207 --> 00:14:46,211 Lucky for you... guess what I am. 272 00:14:48,547 --> 00:14:50,799 A member. 273 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:55,012 - I'm not really that into magic. - That's okay. 274 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:59,432 You know... just a whole castle devoted to it. 275 00:14:59,517 --> 00:15:01,477 Why don't we just go to a bar? 276 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,604 We can just go there for the bar, you know. 277 00:15:03,687 --> 00:15:07,149 Hey, trust me, if we go there, you don't like it, 278 00:15:07,232 --> 00:15:09,151 just let me know, we can take off. 279 00:15:10,694 --> 00:15:12,154 Okay. That's fair. 280 00:15:12,237 --> 00:15:15,574 See, the thing with Ricky Jay is, he's, like, basically at the top 281 00:15:15,658 --> 00:15:17,910 of the cool pyramid, you know, of magicians. 282 00:15:17,993 --> 00:15:22,164 Tonight, you know, what you're gonna see is, like, the real shit. 283 00:15:22,247 --> 00:15:26,418 When you say "real magic," you still mean it's all fake, though. 284 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,506 Right. They don't do, like, real magic. 285 00:15:30,589 --> 00:15:32,883 It's not like they're wizards or something. 286 00:15:34,092 --> 00:15:36,929 Ideally, you want to do a trick better than everyone else, you know, 287 00:15:37,012 --> 00:15:39,598 make it your own, put your own personal stamp on it. 288 00:15:42,851 --> 00:15:44,227 - Thank you. - Watch your step. 289 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:46,564 - Ugh, Jesus. - And it's like, if you think about it, 290 00:15:46,647 --> 00:15:48,356 in a way, you know... 291 00:15:49,274 --> 00:15:51,985 magic's almost like a form of performance art, you know. 292 00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:55,823 Let me ask you a question and please answer honestly. 293 00:15:55,906 --> 00:15:56,907 Okay. 294 00:15:56,990 --> 00:16:00,452 Is this your way of telling... Are you a magician? 295 00:16:01,411 --> 00:16:06,124 I know it may seem that way, but rest assured, I am merely a fan. 296 00:16:06,208 --> 00:16:07,668 Okay, phew. 297 00:16:12,297 --> 00:16:15,551 - Welcome home. - Aw, thank you. 298 00:16:15,634 --> 00:16:17,094 After you. 299 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,929 Thanks, Don, Carlos. 300 00:16:20,973 --> 00:16:24,977 No way. Uh-uh. Oh, no, how'd you do that? 301 00:16:27,896 --> 00:16:29,189 What? 302 00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,650 Where's it gone? 303 00:16:32,735 --> 00:16:34,194 Oh, Lord. 304 00:16:34,277 --> 00:16:35,487 You're good! 305 00:16:35,571 --> 00:16:37,615 - Gus. - Uh-huh? 306 00:16:37,698 --> 00:16:39,700 You have to check out this woman. She's amazing. 307 00:16:40,492 --> 00:16:43,787 - There it is! What? - Easy come, easy go! 308 00:16:43,871 --> 00:16:47,750 - She's, like, amazed by everything. - Uh-huh. She's into it, huh? 309 00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:51,712 I want to follow her around all night and see magic through her eyes. 310 00:16:51,795 --> 00:16:55,548 How's that happening? No! 311 00:16:55,633 --> 00:16:57,050 Follow me. I want to show you something cool. 312 00:16:57,134 --> 00:16:59,219 - Okay. All right. - Come here, come here, come here. Yeah. 313 00:17:00,804 --> 00:17:02,430 You coming? 314 00:17:09,521 --> 00:17:12,065 - Ooh! - Ooh, cool! A player piano. 315 00:17:12,149 --> 00:17:14,818 Oh, no, no, no. That's playing on its own. 316 00:17:14,902 --> 00:17:16,695 What do you mean? 317 00:17:16,779 --> 00:17:20,240 That's Irma. She's, like, the resident piano-playing ghost. 318 00:17:21,366 --> 00:17:22,660 - Cool! - Uh-huh. 319 00:17:22,743 --> 00:17:25,412 Hey, let's go stalk that, uh, super excited lady. 320 00:17:25,495 --> 00:17:27,998 No, you should ask her to play a song. 321 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:30,834 - She does anything. It's cool, any song. - Anything? 322 00:17:30,918 --> 00:17:32,670 Give it a try. 323 00:17:32,753 --> 00:17:34,004 Request something, come on. 324 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:37,716 - Oh, I got one. I got it. Yeah. - You got it? Okay. 325 00:17:38,508 --> 00:17:42,387 Hey, uh, ghost piano, play, uh, "Blister in the Sun." 326 00:17:46,016 --> 00:17:47,225 It doesn't know "Blister In The Sun"? 327 00:17:47,309 --> 00:17:49,728 That's, like, the one Violent Femmes song everybody knows. 328 00:17:49,812 --> 00:17:53,356 Um... I don't think her name's Ghost Piano Lady. 329 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,775 So just try it again. 330 00:17:54,858 --> 00:17:56,652 Just, like, ask politely. 331 00:17:59,237 --> 00:18:01,865 Miss Irma, would you please play... 332 00:18:01,949 --> 00:18:04,743 See? Yeah. 333 00:18:06,078 --> 00:18:09,957 ♪ When I'm out walkin' I strut my stuff and I'm so strung out ♪ 334 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:14,544 ♪ I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out ♪ 335 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:19,466 ♪ Let me go on Like a blister in the sun ♪ 336 00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:21,802 ♪ Let me go on ♪ 337 00:18:21,885 --> 00:18:25,305 ♪ Big hands, I know you're the one ♪ 338 00:18:26,724 --> 00:18:28,976 All right, the balloon trick. Can I borrow a phone? 339 00:18:30,018 --> 00:18:33,772 Okay, so, balloon, ordinary balloon, and ordinary phone. 340 00:18:36,942 --> 00:18:38,902 Check it out. 341 00:18:38,986 --> 00:18:41,113 It's how I practice safe text. 342 00:18:41,196 --> 00:18:43,824 All right, I'll do a card trick now, if you guys wanna see a card trick. 343 00:18:43,907 --> 00:18:45,283 Do you mind picking a card? 344 00:18:45,367 --> 00:18:46,576 - Sure. - Take one. 345 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:47,745 Okay. 346 00:18:48,704 --> 00:18:49,788 - Look at it. - Okay. 347 00:18:49,872 --> 00:18:52,165 Place it back in the deck anywhere. Good spot. 348 00:18:52,249 --> 00:18:55,043 Okay. So, this trick doesn't use sleight of hand like most magicians here. 349 00:18:55,127 --> 00:18:57,045 This trick uses sleight of mouth. 350 00:18:58,005 --> 00:19:00,340 Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. 351 00:19:01,925 --> 00:19:07,472 A-ha! One card folded in my esophagus, once, twice, three times. 352 00:19:07,555 --> 00:19:09,266 Was that your card? 353 00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,435 Uh... 354 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:15,147 I don't know. Was I supposed to memorize it? 355 00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:16,940 Yeah. 356 00:19:17,024 --> 00:19:18,150 It was the nine of clubs! 357 00:19:18,233 --> 00:19:20,402 That was her card, guys. The nine of clubs. 358 00:19:21,779 --> 00:19:24,072 Trust me, it was the nine of clubs. 359 00:19:25,573 --> 00:19:28,243 He just said to look at it. 360 00:19:28,994 --> 00:19:32,455 Oh, yeah, in magic, "look" means "memorize." 361 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,833 It's rare that you would look and not memorize. 362 00:19:34,917 --> 00:19:37,669 Oh, well, he didn't explain the rules. 363 00:19:37,753 --> 00:19:43,508 No, I know, I know, but, I mean, you've... you've seen magic before, right? 364 00:19:43,591 --> 00:19:44,843 I don't know. I saw that show on Fox 365 00:19:44,927 --> 00:19:46,887 where they explained how they did the tricks. 366 00:19:46,970 --> 00:19:49,056 Yeah, well, it's okay if you're not into it. 367 00:19:49,139 --> 00:19:52,392 No! No! I'm having a great time. This is awesome. 368 00:19:52,475 --> 00:19:54,019 I swear to you, the next time... 369 00:19:54,102 --> 00:19:56,021 I will fuckin' memorize that card. 370 00:19:56,104 --> 00:19:58,440 Yeah, okay, whatever. I don't care. 371 00:19:58,523 --> 00:20:00,733 I mean, it's between... you and your magician. 372 00:20:02,485 --> 00:20:04,487 - All right. Here we go. - All right. 373 00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:05,613 Sorry about that. 374 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,918 - Chilly beans in here. - Yeah, it's kinda cold, huh? 375 00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:20,545 Can I borrow your jacket? 376 00:20:20,628 --> 00:20:25,217 Uh, I don't mean to sound like super-crazy or annoying or anything, 377 00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:28,846 but it's just, like, they're really strict here about the dress code, so... 378 00:20:30,347 --> 00:20:33,934 Well, maybe since we fucked earlier, you know... 379 00:20:34,017 --> 00:20:36,436 it wouldn't be that big of a deal. 380 00:20:36,519 --> 00:20:38,396 Okay. Makes sense. 381 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,274 - Yeah - Okay. But just, um... Just, um... 382 00:20:42,109 --> 00:20:46,488 Ladies and gentlemen, William the Wonder! 383 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,166 Whoo! 384 00:21:02,754 --> 00:21:05,007 Wow! 385 00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:06,466 Isn't that amazing? 386 00:21:06,549 --> 00:21:09,845 Yeah, but I just feel like there's a trick to it. 387 00:21:09,928 --> 00:21:13,056 Well, yeah... That's what magic is, you know. 388 00:21:13,140 --> 00:21:15,225 - Mmm. - Tricks. 389 00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:27,112 Whoo! 390 00:21:35,913 --> 00:21:40,042 Yeah, this guy's a real clothes horse, huh? What? 391 00:21:42,502 --> 00:21:44,546 Why are all the women just assistants? 392 00:21:44,629 --> 00:21:47,632 Like, why aren't there any female magicians at this place? 393 00:21:47,715 --> 00:21:49,384 Everyone we've seen is a dude. 394 00:21:52,429 --> 00:21:55,682 So, the man reads the paper while the woman does all the work? 395 00:21:55,765 --> 00:21:57,684 How much longer is this gonna be? 396 00:21:57,767 --> 00:21:59,769 About 40, 45 minutes. 397 00:22:06,401 --> 00:22:09,654 That shit's all wires. It's always wires. 398 00:22:10,655 --> 00:22:13,575 Wires and magnets. 399 00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:18,080 - I feel like half of it is like... - Right. 400 00:22:18,163 --> 00:22:19,957 - It's showmanship. - Yeah. 401 00:22:21,083 --> 00:22:22,625 I still don't know how he's doing this shit, 402 00:22:22,709 --> 00:22:25,087 but I know I'm not looking in the right places. 403 00:22:29,591 --> 00:22:30,675 Oh! 404 00:22:37,390 --> 00:22:39,601 You're gonna need to put your coat back on. 405 00:22:39,684 --> 00:22:41,353 Gus, your buddy's talking to you. 406 00:22:41,436 --> 00:22:43,230 Oh, hey, what's up? 407 00:22:43,313 --> 00:22:45,190 I'm sorry, but if you don't put your jacket back on, 408 00:22:45,273 --> 00:22:47,150 I'm gonna need to ask you to leave. 409 00:22:47,234 --> 00:22:50,570 I'm sorry, she's just really cold and... 410 00:22:50,653 --> 00:22:52,405 You know the rules? Come on. 411 00:22:52,489 --> 00:22:55,617 What happened to "Welcome home"? Fuck this shit. 412 00:22:55,700 --> 00:22:59,454 Oh! Um, sorry, Don. The thing is, she's freezing. 413 00:22:59,537 --> 00:23:01,789 - Don't make me get Carlos. - Carlos? 414 00:23:01,873 --> 00:23:05,752 Dude, don't be a fucking asshole. I'm cold. Fuck this. 415 00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:08,171 What... 416 00:23:10,757 --> 00:23:13,426 Ma'am, we believe you've had enough entertainment for the evening. 417 00:23:13,510 --> 00:23:14,927 What? 418 00:23:15,012 --> 00:23:16,596 That's enough lip. 419 00:23:16,679 --> 00:23:18,890 Come with me so I can escort you out of the Castle. 420 00:23:18,973 --> 00:23:20,392 Gus, are you hearing this shit? 421 00:23:20,475 --> 00:23:23,853 - On your feet. - Um! Get your hands off of me. 422 00:23:26,564 --> 00:23:27,982 Sorry. I'm sorry. 423 00:23:35,907 --> 00:23:38,493 Gus, I'm sorry, but this place is being a total dick. 424 00:23:38,576 --> 00:23:41,329 - So embarrassing. - Whatever! Fuck these guys. 425 00:23:41,413 --> 00:23:44,082 Don't say that! Don and Carlos are just doing their jobs, okay? 426 00:23:44,166 --> 00:23:46,000 Yeah, I guess, if their job is being a jerk. 427 00:23:46,084 --> 00:23:47,877 Look, they're right. I should've known better. 428 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,838 - Gus, it's a fucking Magic Castle. - But it's my fault. 429 00:23:50,922 --> 00:23:52,132 - Are you serious? - Yes. 430 00:23:52,215 --> 00:23:55,093 Mickey, I'm sorry I'm not some rebel who's all about "breaking all the rules" 431 00:23:55,177 --> 00:23:56,719 all the time. Okay? 432 00:24:01,349 --> 00:24:04,144 Can I just say, I thought magic was all about breaking rules. 433 00:24:04,227 --> 00:24:06,896 Like, defying the laws of nature, whatnot. 434 00:24:06,979 --> 00:24:09,482 And those people... 435 00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:12,694 Oh, my God, they had such sticks up their asses. 436 00:24:12,777 --> 00:24:14,571 I just don't take it that seriously. 437 00:24:15,488 --> 00:24:18,658 Okay, well, I don't take it that seriously either, you know. 438 00:24:19,534 --> 00:24:22,662 Like, the reason I like it is because it doesn't take itself seriously. 439 00:24:22,745 --> 00:24:24,956 For me, I can just like... 440 00:24:25,039 --> 00:24:26,958 turn my brain off for a few hours 441 00:24:27,041 --> 00:24:30,253 and, like, watch it like I was a kid, or... 442 00:24:30,337 --> 00:24:31,963 You know? 443 00:24:32,046 --> 00:24:37,344 Like, I like seeing a guy pull a necktie out of a magazine, okay? 444 00:24:38,970 --> 00:24:41,139 That sounded lame as I was saying it, 445 00:24:41,223 --> 00:24:42,765 but, like, in the moment, I thought it was cool. 446 00:24:42,849 --> 00:24:44,601 It's also not fair to take someone someplace 447 00:24:44,684 --> 00:24:47,729 and then demand that they have a specific reaction to it. 448 00:24:48,813 --> 00:24:50,732 Okay. I get that. 449 00:24:50,815 --> 00:24:54,319 I guess I was just, like, excited and I wanted you to enjoy it, too. And... 450 00:24:54,402 --> 00:24:55,445 - No, I liked things about it. - Okay. 451 00:24:55,528 --> 00:24:56,946 I just didn't like the things about it that you like 452 00:24:57,029 --> 00:24:58,072 and that made you mad. 453 00:24:58,156 --> 00:25:00,200 Like, I thought that lady in the lobby was amazing 454 00:25:00,283 --> 00:25:02,619 and I would've happily watched her all night. 455 00:25:03,953 --> 00:25:04,954 Okay. 456 00:25:05,997 --> 00:25:08,040 We had fun singing that song with the piano, right? 457 00:25:08,125 --> 00:25:09,959 Yeah. Yeah, no, it was fun. 458 00:25:10,042 --> 00:25:12,212 It was just... I think it was just like, you know, 459 00:25:12,295 --> 00:25:16,383 magicians are, like, sticklers for, like, rules and tradition and stuff. 460 00:25:16,466 --> 00:25:19,219 Yeah, like they all have to traditionally be men 461 00:25:19,302 --> 00:25:22,347 and the women have to traditionally wear super tight dresses. 462 00:25:22,430 --> 00:25:25,725 Okay. I'll admit, there is a problem with sexism in the magic community. 463 00:25:25,808 --> 00:25:30,522 I'm just not good with arbitrary rules and people who get off on being dicks. 464 00:25:35,652 --> 00:25:39,697 I had a really nice time tonight. I'm sorry I don't believe in magic. 465 00:26:04,431 --> 00:26:06,974 Are you mad at me? 466 00:26:08,310 --> 00:26:09,311 No. 467 00:26:10,603 --> 00:26:12,272 Do you wanna come in? 468 00:26:13,648 --> 00:26:15,233 Uh, okay. 469 00:26:24,826 --> 00:26:27,245 Wait, wait! Can you just hold on for one second? 470 00:26:27,329 --> 00:26:28,330 - Ow. - You okay? 471 00:26:28,413 --> 00:26:29,831 Yeah, I'm just a little sore from earlier. 472 00:26:29,914 --> 00:26:30,915 - Okay. - Okay. 473 00:26:30,998 --> 00:26:31,999 - You wanna stop? - No. 474 00:26:32,083 --> 00:26:33,710 Can we just... Can we move to the bed? 475 00:26:33,793 --> 00:26:35,837 - Yeah? Yeah, okay, okay. - Uh, sure. Let's go to the bed. 476 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:37,297 - Okay. - Okay. 477 00:26:47,849 --> 00:26:50,186 Would you mind if I use my vibrator? 478 00:26:50,269 --> 00:26:52,856 Oh. No, that, that's cool. 479 00:26:52,939 --> 00:26:55,191 - Yeah, yeah, go ahead. - Okay. 480 00:27:16,504 --> 00:27:18,339 - Hey. Hey. - Hi. 481 00:27:35,023 --> 00:27:36,065 - This okay? - Yes. 482 00:27:52,825 --> 00:27:57,825 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 37123

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