All language subtitles for Christmas.Trade.2015.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

[keyboard clacking]

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

[yawning]

[sighs]

GOOD NIGHT, MOM.

[rumbling]

[vehicle approaches]

[horn beeps]

Radio Announcer:
'Twas the week
before Christmas,

and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring,

except your favorite
holiday classics,
here only Holly 106.3.

That's right , boys and girls,
the big day is approaching,

which means just
six shopping days left

to find the perfect gift
that makes that special someone
in your life ask

if you've still got
the receipt!

[Christmas rock music playing]

[alarm beeping]

[alarm beeping]

♪ CHRISTMAS LIVES
IN EACH AND EVERYONE ♪

♪ ONE

♪ IT COMES OUT ONCE A YEAR
TO SHARE THE FUN ♪

♪ FUN

♪ I DON'T WANNA SEE

♪ WANNA SEE
WHAT YOU GOT FOR ME ♪

♪ I DON'T WANNA KNOW
WANNA KNOW ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE COVERED IN SNOW

♪ CHRISTMAS IS
MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR ♪

[yawns]

♪ YEAH

NO, NO, NO.
IT'S THE STILLMAN FILE.

WELL, PURCHASE CONTRACTS
JUST DON'T GET UP AND WALK AWAY.

-CHRISTMAS IS IN SIX DAYS.
-I KNOW, BUDDY. I KNOW.

YOU SAID WE WERE GONNA
GET A TREE YESTERDAY.

AND TWO DAYS
BEFORE THAT...

JUST ONE MORE SECOND.

HEY, ROBBIE,
IS THIS YOURS?

UH, NO.

THAT'S WEIRD.
SOMEBODY MUST HAVE
DROPPED IT OFF.

-MORNING, MR. T.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
-MORNING, JERRY.

-[dogs barking]
-HI, MR. TAYLOR. HI, ROBBIE.

-MORNING, AMELIA.
-HI, AMELIA.

WOW, LOOK AT ALL THESE DOGS.

DID YOU JUST ROB
A PET STORE OR SOMETHING?

PEOPLE HIRE ME
TO WALK THEIR DOGS.

I'M ALREADY ON WINTER BREAK,
WHICH IS TOTALLY AWESOME,

BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN
TAKE ON A BUNCH MORE CLIENTS
FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.

I JUST SAW
THE BROWNS' COCKER SPANIEL
AND THE VANDERHARTS' BOXER,

AND I HEAR THE BENITEZS'
GERMAN SHEPHERD IS, LIKE,
TOTALLY UP FOR GRABS NOW.

WHICH WOULD BE AMAZING FOR ME,
BECAUSE I CAN SAVE MORE
FOR COLLEGE,

AND RUNNING A BUSINESS LIKE THIS
LOOKS TOTALLY GREAT
ON YOUR APPLICATION.

SO, YOU KNOW, DAD,
IT IS ALMOST CHRISTMAS--

WHOA. WHOA. WHOA, SON.
WHOA. DON'T.

WHAT? YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT I WAS GONNA ASK.

REALLY?

DID IT START WITH A "CAN I"
AND END WITH "A PUPPY"?

-[sighs] MAYBE.
-I THOUGHT SO.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
YOU STAND A BETTER CHANCE
OF WINNING THE LOTTERY

AND GETTING STRUCK
BY LIGHTNING ON THE SAME DAY
THAN GETTING A NEW PUPPY.

[sighs]

LET'S GO.
IN THE CAR.

Mitch:
WELL, THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
WE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THAT.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
'CAUSE OF THE CONFERENCE.

YES, RIGHT. SO... UH-HUH.

YEAH, PUSH IT TO FRIDAY THEN.

YOU GOT IT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M ON A CONFERENCE CALL.
SIT. SIT. SIT. SIT.

YES, THANK YOU.

Mitch: YEAH.

OKAY.

HEY, WOULD YOU GET...

GET BACK IN THE CAR.

PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON.

YOU THERE? YEAH, OKAY.
I'M HERE. I'M HERE.

I CAN DO THAT.

I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

[sighs]

I MISS HER TOO, KIDDO.

[sighs]

[bell ringing]

-HEY, WAIT UP, OKAY?
-OKAY.

-OH, MY GOD. REALLY?
-REALLY? YOU THINK?

-WHAT?
-[shushing]

-OH!
-THERE HE IS.

-HOT, WIDOWED DAD.
-YOU'RE TERRIBLE.

I'M JUST STATING FACTS.

HE'S HOT. HE'S A WIDOW.

IF HE WERE A FAT DRYWALL GUY,
I'D SAY, "HERE COMES
FAT DRYWALL GUY."

-YEAH.
-THAT ONE,
PRIME REAL ESTATE.

HI, MITCH. WE WERE
JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU.

-[whispers] TRISH.
-TRISH. TRISH.

-THAT'S RIGHT, TRISH. HEY.
-TRISH, RIGHT.

HEY, DIANE.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.

I WANTED TO THANK YOU
FOR THE RECOMMENDATION.

THE DIVORCE LAWYER.

OH, RIGHT! OF COURSE.
RIGHT, RIGHT.

YEAH, HE'S SUCH A MAN-EATER.

FRANCIS'S FATHER, MY EX...
MY VERY, VERY EX,

HE BROKE DOWN SOBBING
IN COURT THE OTHER DAY,
JUST LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO DROP OFF
A CHECK AT THE--

-OH, THE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT.
-YES.

I HEARD ROBBIE
GOT THE LEAD.

CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU MUST BE SO PROUD.

-Mitch: SURE AM.
-Trish: YEAH.

THIS ONE,
HE'S PLAYING A ROCK.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU
UNTIL BOTH MY FISTS COME OUT
THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR HEAD.

OH, LOOK AT THAT!
YOU'RE JUST LIKE
TWO PEAS IN A POD, YOU TWO.

OH, IF YOU'RE RUNNING
A LITTLE LATE FOR SOMETHING,

I CAN TAKE THAT
INTO THE OFFICE FOR YOU.

OH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
THERE'S CHAOS AT WORK.
I'VE GOT TO GET STRAIGHT THERE.

-NO PROBLEM.
-YEAH, THANK YOU.

LISTEN, I FEEL SO BAD
FOR YOU AND ROBBIE

HAVING DINNER ALL ALONE
IN THAT GREAT, BIG, EMPTY HOUSE.

IF YOU EVER WANT,
I CAN COME OVER AND...

UH, MONDAY? TUESDAY?

WEDNESDAY?

[laughing]
DON'T MAKE ME STALK YOU.

THAT'S A LOVELY GESTURE,
AND I APPRECIATE THAT.

WE SHOULD TRY TO DO THAT.

-OKAY.
-WE WILL. OKAY.

HAVE A GREAT DAY.

-SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL, BUDDY.
-OKAY.

[bell ringing]

[telephones ringing]

MR. TAYLOR! THANK GOD.

THE PHONES HAVE BEEN
RINGING OFF OF THE HOOK.

RELAX, TRUDY. BREATHE.

-DID YOU FIND THE...
-STILLMAN FILE. YES.

YES. EXCELLENT. EXCELLENT.

BUT THAT IS NOT
THE PROBLEM.

THE COFFEE IS
THE PROBLEM.

IT'S DECAF.
YOU ASKED ME
TO SWITCH YOU, REMEMBER?

IN FACT,
YOUR EXACT WORDS WERE,

"EVEN IF I THROW
A STAPLER AT YOU,

"DO NOT,
UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES,
LET ME HAVE REGULAR COFFEE."

SO, WHAT'S THE BIG EMERGENCY?

DUNNE AND COOPERSMITH SAY
THEY'RE GOING TO FILE
AN INJUNCTION.

NO.

WAS IT
THE TRANSFER MODIFICATIONS?

A WOMAN I CLERKED WITH IS
ON THEIR LAND DEVELOPMENT TEAM,
AND SHE SAYS IT'S A SLAM DUNK

THAT THEY AND TO CLAIM HARDSHIP
AND LOSSES OVER TITLE LIABILITY.

WELL, THIS CLOSES NEXT WEEK.
THEY'VE ALREADY DRAWN UP
THE PAPERWORK.

DOES HARPER KNOW ABOUT THIS YET?

-I DON'T THINK SO.
-OKAY. WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

GIVE ME THAT PAPERWORK,
ALL OF IT.

I WANNA SCRUTINIZE ADJUSTMENTS,
TAXES, UTILITY COSTS,
EVERYTHING.

OKAY.

AND START LOOKING FOR PRECEDENT,

BECAUSE IF THIS GOES
IN FRONT OF A JUDGE,
I WANT US TO BE READY.

AND WE'RE NOT
IN CRISIS MODE HERE, PEOPLE.
WHAT DO I ALWAYS SAY?

[simultaneously]
THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS,

ONLY OPPORTUNITIES
IN UGLY CLOTHES.

THAT'S RIGHT.

LET'S DO THIS.

MR. TAYLOR, SHE'S COMING.

HARPER, WE WERE JUST...

[speaking French]

[phone beeps]

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT CHILDBIRTH FEELS LIKE,
MITCHELL?

UM, NO, I CAN'T SAY I...

AGONY. PURE, UNCONTROLLABLE,
EXCRUCIATING AGONY.

I WOULD RATHER STEP
ON A DOZEN RUSTY NAILS
THAN TO GO THROUGH CHILDBIRTH.

I WOULD RATHER
PULL MY LIP OVER MY HEAD

THAN TO GO THROUGH THE TORTURE

OF POPPING OUT
ONE OF THESE LITTLE
BUNDLES OF JOY AGAIN, OKAY?

THIRTY-SIX HOURS, MITCHELL.
THIRTY-SIX HOURS OF LABOR.

ETHAN WAS BORN ON A TUESDAY,

AND BY WEDNESDAY,
I WAS BACK IN THIS OFFICE
CLOSING THE VILLA ESTATES DEAL.

I WAS 32 YEARS OLD.

BY THE TIME I WAS 33,
THEY WERE GIVING THAT OLD GEEZER
WHO FOUNDED THIS PLACE THE BOOT

AND STENCILING MY NAME
ONTO HIS OFFICE DOOR.

I HAVE MUNICH FOR YOU.

FOCUS, MITCHELL.

I NEVER TOOK
MY EYE OFF THE BALL.

IF YOU LOSE YOUR FOCUS
FOR ONE SECOND IN THIS GAME,

YOU GET BEANED.

AND YOU'RE SUCKING
YOUR DINNER THROUGH A STRAW
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I'M ON TOP OF IT, HARPER.
I PROMISE.

I HOPE SO.

EIGHT THOUSAND
BILLABLE HOURS A YEAR,

THAT IS WHAT MILTON GREEN
MEANS TO THIS FIRM.

THE INJUNCTION WAS
JUST A SLIGHT HICCUP.

I DON'T LIKE HICCUPS.

-NO HICCUPS.
-MITCHELL...

SORRY.

THE HOLIDAY PARTY
IS IN THREE DAYS.

GREEN IS GONNA BE THERE,
AND I WANT EVERYTHING
TO GO OFF WITHOUT A HITCH.

NO HITCH, NO PROBLEM.
I'M ON TOP OF IT.

IN FACT, WE ORDERED
THE DOM PERIGNON,
THE '93, YOUR FAVORITE.

AND WE CLOSED THE CONTRACT
WITH THE CATERER,

AND ALL OF OUR BIGGEST CLIENTS
ARE CONFIRMED TO ATTEND,
ALL OF THEM.

GOOD.

I'M COUNTING ON YOU
TO HANDLE THIS, MITCHELL.

[phone beeps]

KLAUS! [speaking German]

OKAY, IN LINE, EVERYONE.
PLEASE, PLEASE.

IF YOUR NAME WAS CALLED,

YOU NEED TO BE ON STAGE
FOR THE BIG, CHRISTMAS CAROL
NUMBER, OKAY?

SCROOGE.
WHERE IS MY EBENEZER SCROOGE?

NO! NO, CALEB!
WE DO NOT MAKE
HENRY EAT OUR SHOES.

[sighs] I CAN'T BELIEVE
I GOT STUCK PLAYING SANTA.

YEAH, YOU TOTALLY BLEW IT
AT THE AUDITION.

YOU ACTUALLY TRIED.

NAOMI SAYS SHE LIKES YOU.

[stammering]
SERIOUSLY?

YEAH, SHE WANTS
YOU TO BE HER BOYFRIEND.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

UH, OKAY.

Girl:
YOU SHOULD BUY HER A NECKLACE.

A NECKLACE?

BOYFRIENDS ALWAYS BUY
THEIR GIRLFRIENDS NECKLACES
FOR CHRISTMAS.

OKAY.

AND CHOCOLATE,
AND SOME STICKERS.

YEAH.

OKAY.

HELLO. GREETINGS FROM
LAND USE AND MEDIATION.
ANYONE IN HERE?

JUST ME.

I THINK TRUDY IS BURIED
UNDER AN AVALANCHE
OF PAPERWORK, SOMEWHERE.

HAS HURRICANE HARPER
BLOWN THROUGH YET?

-THANK YOU.
-YOU'RE WELCOME.

YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE AFTERMATH.

I THINK THE GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
HAS OFFICIALLY DECLARED
THIS PLACE A DISASTER AREA.

THE GREEN INJUNCTION?

[chuckles] ALREADY?

YEAH. BAD NEWS TRAVELS FAST.

YI-YI-YI-YI.

HOW ABOUT DINNER TONIGHT?

YOU CAN VENT TO ME
OVER A NICE BOTTLE
OF CABERNET.

I WISH I COULD.

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING.
I PROMISED I'D TAKE
ROBBIE TO THE MALL.

WHY DON'T YOU COME ALONG?

OH, YEAH. I AM SURE THAT
WOULD MAKE ROBBIE'S NIGHT.

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

WELL,
I'M NOT EXACTLY MARY POPPINS
WHEN IT COMES TO KIDS, MITCH.

CHLOE, YOU'RE THE FIRST WOMAN
ROBBIE'S SEEN ME WITH
SINCE HIS MOM.

HE'LL COME AROUND.

HE JUST NEEDS
A LITTLE MORE TIME.

AND WHAT IF HE DOESN'T?

SORRY. I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND
COLD AND NOT UNDERSTANDING.

IT'S JUST, UH...

YOU KNOW, I THINK
YOU AND I HAVE
SOMETHING GOOD GOING.

-OH, NO.
-WHAT?

-OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
-WHAT?

ROBBIE'S SCHOOL.
I'M LATE.

I'LL CALL YOU.
I GOTTA GO.

[sighs]

I KNOW. I KNOW.

I'M SORRY. THERE WAS
AN EMERGENCY AT THE OFFICE.
I LOST TRACK OF TIME.

THERE'S ALWAYS
AN EMERGENCY
AT THE OFFICE.

GIVE IT A REST, ROBBIE.

IN THE CAR.

IT'S BEEN A TOUGH DAY.

CAN I HAVE A RAISE
IN MY ALLOWANCE?

[laughs] FOR WHAT?

I HAVE EXPENSES.

YOU'RE 11 YEARS OLD.
WHAT EXPENSES?

THERE'S BEEN A SPIKE
IN THE PRICE OF POKEMON CARDS
OR WHAT?

[sighs] NEVER MIND.

HEY, IS THIS YOURS,
BY THE WAY?

DID YOU ORDER THIS?

DAD, I HAVEN'T
HAD A TEDDY BEAR
SINCE I WAS SEVEN.

HMM.

I'LL TAKE THAT AS A NO.

[pop beat playing]

♪ JOY TO THE WORLD

♪ THE LORD IS COME

♪ LET EARTH...

BAILEY.

BAILEY, LISTEN TO ME.

CERTIFICATION OF SERVICE
HAS TO BE SIGNED AND DATED
BEFORE IT GOES TO COURT, RIGHT?

RIGHT? YEAH.

WELL, THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK.

[sighs]

[stammering] EXCUSE ME.

HI, CAN I SEE
THAT PINK NECKLACE?

DON'T LOOK AT ME.
I'VE BEEN WAITING HERE
20 MINUTES, MYSELF.

NO. NO, YOU CAN'T FORGE MY NAME.

OKAY? YEAH.

DON'T FORGET THAT NOTARY.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.
NO, NO, NO, NO.

THAT ONE, UH, WAS MINE.

THAT ONE.

DON'T SEE YOUR NAME ON IT.

YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE.

EXCUSE ME.
MY SON REALLY,
REALLY WANTS THAT.

AND IN FACT,
HE CIRCLED IT AND UNDERLINED IT
ON HIS CHRISTMAS LIST.

MY KID WANTS ONE TOO.

TOUGH.

WAIT. NO NEED TO BE HOSTILE.
WE CAN RESOLVE THIS AMICABLY.

I'VE GOT A $20 BILL RIGHT HERE
WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.

NO WAY, BUDDY.

THIS IS THE LAST GALACTIC NINJA
IN LOS ANGELES.

I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE.
BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR.

UH, $50?

OBVIOUSLY,
MONEY DOESN'T INTEREST YOU.

I HAPPEN TO BE AN ATTORNEY.

UH, PERHAPS I COULD
INTEREST YOU

IN SOME FREE LEGAL
SERVICES. MA'AM?

EXCUSE ME.

THE TOY SECTION
IS ON THE FIRST FLOOR

BETWEEN APPLIANCES
AND THE TOOL CORRAL.

I JUST WANNA KNOW
HOW MUCH THIS IS.

[register beeps]

IT'S $24.36.

AH! I ONLY HAVE $16.

THIS ECONOMY, RIGHT?

DAD!

[whistles]

-DAD!
-YES, SON?

WE JUST PASSED
A CHRISTMAS TREE LOT.

WHERE?

RIGHT THERE.

[sighs]

CAN WE DO THAT TOMORROW, SON?
IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.

DAD, COME ON.

-[sighs]
-[grumbles]

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
YOU'RE RIGHT. LET'S DO THIS.

BUT WE GOTTA BE
SUPER QUICK, OKAY?

YES!

[Christmas music playing]

[sarcastically]
THANKS FOR THE HELP.

DAD, THAT WAS
THE FIRST ONE
THAT WE SAW.

YOU JUST GRABBED
THE FIRST ONE.

ROBBIE, YOU WANTED A TREE,
WE GOT A TREE.

DAD, IT'S ALL CROOKED.

THE ORNAMENTS ARE GONNA
FALL TO ONE SIDE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
ENOUGH. ENOUGH.
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

YEAH, YOU NEVER HAVE TIME
FOR ANYTHING, DO YOU?

ALL YOU DO IS WORK.

HERE WE GO.

I KNOW. POOR BABY.
YOU'VE GOT IT SO TOUGH.

[sighs]
WHATEVER, DAD.

CHRISTMAS SUCKS!

YOU KNOW WHAT, ROBBIE?

I JUST WISH ONCE, JUST ONCE,

YOU COULD SEE HOW TOUGH IT IS
FOR ME TO PULL ALL OF THIS
TOGETHER ALL OF THE TIME.

OKAY, YOU SIT BACK THERE,
AND YOU THINK CHRISTMAS
JUST MAGICALLY HAPPENS.

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, BUDDY.
THAT MAGIC IS A LOT OF WORK.

HUH? OH, YEAH? WELL, I WISH
YOU COULD SEE ALL THE CRAP
THAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH.

LIKE WHAT? YOU'RE 11!

THIS WHOLE STUPID SCHOOL.

THIS BOY, FRANCIS,
THAT ALWAYS TRIES TO KILL ME!

AND NOW, THE STUPID PAGEANT!

PAGEANT! PAGEANT! PAGEANT!
ENOUGH WITH THE PAGEANT!

YOU GET TWO WEEKS OFF.
YOU GET TONS OF GIFTS.

YOU GET TO GOOF OFF
WITH YOUR BUDDIES ALL THE TIME.
I WISH I HAD IT THAT GOOD!

[sighs]

[male electronic voice]
Your Christmas wish is
my command.

I'M DRIVING.
DAD. DAD, I'M DRIVING.

HOW DID I GET BACK HERE?

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE.

ROBBIE, ROBBIE, HIT THE BRAKES!

-DAD?
-YES?

WHY DO I LOOK LIKE YOU?

WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE ME?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I'M TOTALLY FREAKING OUT.

PLEASE MAKE IT STOP, DAD.
PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.

OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD, ROBBIE! I'M YOU.

IF YOU'RE ME,

AM I YOU?

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

I DON'T KNOW, MAN. I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE WE GOT ZAPPED BY ALIENS
OR SOMETHING.

ALIENS, ROBBIE? ALIENS?
YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT
EXPLANATION!

OH. UH, HI. GOOD EVENING.

HELLO.

ROBBIE, GET IN THE CAR
RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE GOING TO
SORT THIS OUT
WHEN WE GET HOME.

OKAY.

[horn honks]

-ROBBIE?
-YEAH?

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SWITCH.

YOU MEAN DRIVE, DAD?
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY.
I MEAN, I...

ROBBIE, I'LL TALK YOU
THROUGH IT, OKAY?

IF A COP SEES AN 11-YEAR-OLD
DRIVING THIS THING,
WE'RE TOAST.

NOW, JUST COME ON.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

WHAT ABOUT ME?

YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED
TO SIT IN THE FRONT SEAT
UNTIL YOU'RE 12.

ROBBIE, I'M A GROWN MAN.

ALL RIGHT.

TELL THAT TO THE COPS.

[tires screech, engine revs]

HALLELUJAH! WE'RE ALIVE.

OH, MAN!

I PROMISE, I PROMISE,
IF THIS IS JUST A BAD DREAM,

I'LL DO, LIKE,
A BILLION JILLION CHORES

IF YOU JUST LET ME
WAKE UP, PLEASE.

PLEASE!

ROBBIE, THERE'S GOTTA BE
A PERFECTLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION.

Mitch:
A PERFECTLY LOGICAL...

WILL YOU STOP
LOOKING AT ME?

WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S WEIRDING ME OUT.
THAT'S WHY!

DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE THAT?

ROBBIE, DON'T FREAK OUT.
LIKE YOU SAID,

THIS WHOLE THING
COULD JUST JUST TURN OUT TO BE
A DREAM OR SOMETHING, OKAY?

WE CAN'T BOTH BE
HAVING THE SAME DREAM!

-ROBBIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
-I'M TRYING TO WAKE MYSELF UP.

ROBBIE, STOP. STOP.
JUST CALM DOWN.

WE'RE GONNA BE FINE
AS LONG AS WE DO NOT PANIC,
OKAY?

I'M NOT PANICKING.

I'M FREAKING OUT!

WHAT'S HAPPENING, DAD?

[groans]

ROBBIE, I DON'T KNOW.

CAN YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING?

[crying] NO. NO.

WE WERE ARGUING,

AND THEN THAT BEAR
MADE A WEIRD NOISE.

AND THEN I THINK
IT SAID SOMETHING.

AND THEN I WAS DRIVING!

OH, MAN.

THE BEAR?

YOU THINK MAYBE
WE SHOULD CALL A DOCTOR?

A DOCTOR, ROBBIE? REALLY?

OH, YEAH, WHAT ARE
WE GONNA SAY?
"OH, HEY, DOC.

"MY KID AND I SEEM
TO HAVE SWITCHED BODIES.
YOU GOT A PILL FOR THAT?"

ROBBIE,
THEY'LL HAVE US COMMITTED!

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS WE HAVE TO
FIGURE THIS OUT FOR OURSELVES.

OKAY, SO,
LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

WE STARTED ARGUING,
THE BEAR STARTED TALKING,

THEN, BOOM,
WE'RE IN EACH OTHER'S BODIES.

RIGHT.

OKAY, SO,
LET'S START ARGUING,

AND MAYBE IT'LL
SWITCH US BACK OR SOMETHING.

ARGUING? ABOUT WHAT?
I MEAN, JUST START
YELLING AT EACH OTHER?

ROBBIE, I DON'T CARE.
JUST START!

-GO. COME ON.
-OKAY. OKAY.

HERE GOES.

YOU...

YOU SMELL WEIRD,
AND YOU'VE GOT HAIR EVERYWHERE.

WELL... WELL,
YOU NEVER CLEAN YOUR ROOM!

ALL YOU DO IS JUST SIT THERE
AND PLAY STUPID VIDEO GAMES
ALL DAY!

OKAY. OKAY. WELL, YOU DO NOTHING
BUT BOSS ME AROUND ALL THE TIME!

YOU NEVER APPLY YOURSELF!

YOU NEVER PUT OUT THE GARBAGE,
AND I'M STUCK DOING IT!

[laughing] OH! GARBAGE, HUH?

-YEAH!
-YOU'RE GONNA GO THERE?
THAT'S YOUR BEST SHOT?

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU SUCK AT ARGUING!

I SUCK AT ARGUING?

ROBBIE, I'M A LAWYER.
I GET PAID TO ARGUE.

WELL, THEN HOW COME
I'M KICKING YOUR BUTT
AT ARGUING?

-ROBBIE, LOUDER. COME ON.
-I'M TRYING! OKAY.

LOUD, RANDOM NOISES OF ARGUING!

DAD, IT'S NOT WORKING.

I CAN CLEARLY SEE THAT.

SWITCH US BACK,
YOU STUPID BEAR.

-ROBBIE.
-SWITCH US...

THAT THING TOTALLY
"FREAKY FRIDAY-ED" US.

DID I BREAK IT?

CAN YOU FIX IT?

ROBBIE, I'M A LAWYER,
NOT A REPAIRMAN.

Mitch: [gasps]
THERE'S A NUMBER ON THE THING.

-QUICK. QUICK.
GRAB THE PHONE.
-OKAY.

-[phone ringing]
-[gasps] IT'S RINGING.

-IS ANYBODY THERE?
DID THEY PICK UP?
-SHH!

You have reached the helpline
of Mystery Emporium.

-[groans]
-SHOOT.

-IT'S JUST A VOICE MAIL.
-Please leave a message.
We'll get right back to you.

-[sighs]
-[voice mail beeps]

YES, HI.
THIS IS MITCH TAYLOR.

I'M CALLING BECAUSE
A BEAR WAS DROPPED OFF
AT MY HOUSE,

AND I JUST FOUND
THE PHONE NUMBER
ON THE BACK OF THIS THING,

-SO, UM, PLEASE CALL US.
-PLEASE CALL BACK!

SHH!

UH, YOU CAN CONTACT ME
AT 721-354-7623.

[exhales]
OKAY, SO NOW...

NOW, WE WAIT.

OH, MAN.

THAT'S IT?

WE JUST WAIT?

I MEAN, WHAT ELSE
ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

-DAD!
-WHAT?

YOU'RE 11 YEARS OLD, REMEMBER?

YOU CAN'T DRINK BEER.

OH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

BRUSHING MY TEETH.

WITH YOUR TOOTHBRUSH?

YEAH. SO?

DAD, IN MY MOUTH.

THAT'S GROSS.

LOOK...

ROBBIE, IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.
[sighs] AND I JUST WANNA
GO TO BED.

SO, MAYBE WHEN WE WAKE UP,
THIS WHOLE NIGHTMARE
WILL BE OVER.

SO GROSS.

[slow pop song playing]

♪ I DON'T WANNA WAIT
ANOTHER DAY ♪

♪ ONE MORE MINUTE
WITHOUT YOU IS A WASTE ♪

♪ WHEN THE LIGHTS GO UP

♪ AND THE SNOW IS ON DISPLAY

[sighs]

♪ EVERY SECOND
OF THIS HOLIDAY ♪

♪ SEEMS LIKE HOURS
WHEN I FEEL... ♪

DAD! DAD!

I'M STILL YOU.

EAT SOME PANCAKES.

MAYBE YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

PANCAKES WON'T FIX THIS, DAD.

WHOA.

THESE ARE GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, I HAVE A PLAN.

GREAT. WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?

WE LAY LOW.

WE STAY COMPLETELY OUT OF SIGHT
UNTIL WE HEAR BACK FROM
THE NUMBER ON THE BEAR.

-UH-HUH.
-I CAN WORK FROM HOME.

WE NEVER LEAVE THIS HOUSE.

THAT'S YOUR PLAN?

I DO WHAT I CAN.

[knocking on door]

QUIET.

DON'T MAKE A SOUND.

MAYBE THEY'LL LEAVE.

-Amelia: MR, TAYLOR,
ARE YOU IN THERE?
-[dogs barking]

-Mitch: IT'S AMELIA.
-Robbie: SHH.

Amelia: I THOUGHT I HEARD
SOMEBODY YELLING IN THERE,

AND I KNOW YOU GUYS
ARE USUALLY GONE BY NOW.

ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE?

MAYBE SHE'LL JUST GO AWAY.

WHAT IF SHE CALLS
THE COPS OR SOMETHING?

[sighs] ALL RIGHT, FINE.
ANSWER IT, BUT KEEP IT SHORT.

HEY, AMELIA.

HEY, MR. TAYLOR.
EVERYTHING OKAY?

YEAH, JUST, YOU KNOW,
GOOFING AROUND.

[whimpering]

HEY, GUYS.

OH. HI, ROBBIE.

THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T
LIKE DOGS, MR. TAYLOR.

THAT'S RIGHT.
I JUST MUST HAVE
FORGOT FOR A MINUTE.

OH, HERE.
I BROUGHT YOUR PAPER UP.

YOU KNOW,
YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T LEAVE

YOUR NEWSPAPER SITTING
ON YOUR DRIVEWAY LIKE THAT,
MR. TAYLOR.

CRIMINALS SEE THAT,
AND THINK NOBODY IS HOME,

AND TRY TO BREAK IN YOUR HOUSE
AND STEAL EVERYTHING.

-GOOD POINT
-ESPECIALLY AROUND
THE HOLIDAYS.

RIGHT. I'LL...
I'LL TRY TO REMEMBER THAT.

AMELIA?

[whispering] WHO AM I?

WHAT?

[whispering] WHO AM I, AMELIA?

YOU MEAN, LIKE,
PHILOSOPHICALLY OR SOMETHING?

THANKS, AMELIA.
WE'LL SEE YOU LATER.

Robbie: BYE.

OH, NO!

NOT TODAY.

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.

OKAY, I CAN FIX THIS.

JUST AN OPPORTUNITY
IN UGLY CLOTHES, RIGHT?

ROBBIE,

I'M GONNA NEED YOU
TO GO TO MY OFFICE.

WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO YOUR JOB.

I DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING
ABOUT BEING A LAWYER.

I CAN'T BE YOU, DAD. YOU'RE...

I'M WHAT?

YOU'RE GROWN-UP,
AND BORING, AND OLD.

EXACTLY HOW OLD
DO YOU THINK THAT I AM?

I DON'T KNOW. 60.

-60?
-65?

[sighs] LOOK, ROBBIE,
WE DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CHOICE.

WHAT ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
US TRYING TO LAY LOW?

[sighs]

MILTON GREEN IS
OUR BIGGEST CLIENT.

IF THE SOUTH BASIN DEVELOPMENT
ENDS UP GETTING DERAILED,

HARPER WILL FIRE ME SO FAST
IT'LL MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN.

-SO WHAT?
-"SO WHAT?"

ROBBIE, WHAT DO YOU THINK
PAYS FOR THIS HOUSE OR THE FOOD?

THIS IS THE REAL WORLD.

THE REAL WORLD, DAD?

TRY LOOKING IN THE MIRROR
AND TELLING ME THAT AGAIN.

[phone ringing]

-THE BEAR.
-THE BEAR.

[phone continues ringing]

HELLO. HELLO.

This is Agnes
from Ralph Parker Elementary.

Can I speak
to Mr. Taylor please?

-THIS IS HIM.
-Excuse me?

OH. UH... [clears throat]

[in a deep voice]
YES, I JUST HAD
A FROG IN MY THROAT.

YES, THIS IS MR. TAYLOR.

Hi, Mr. Taylor.
We noticed Robbie
isn't in school today.

OH, YEAH. RIGHT.
I MEANT TO CALL.

HE'S FEELING A LITTLE BIT
UNDER THE WEATHER.

UH, HE'S NOT GONNA BE ABLE
TO MAKE IT TODAY.

IN FACT, HE PROBABLY
WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT
UNTIL AFTER CHRISTMAS.

Mr. Taylor, Robbie's
already missed quite a bit
of school this semester.

FREEZE.

UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY A LOT?

I ONLY REMEMBER
HIM BEING OUT A COUPLE TIMES.

He's been out 10 times
this year already.

I hate to say it,
but if these absences continue,

we'll have to consider
holding him back a year.

OKAY. HE'LL BE THERE.
I'LL MAKE SURE OF IT.

WHY DID YOU TELL HER THAT?
YOU CAN'T GO TO MY SCHOOL.

APPARENTLY, NEITHER CAN YOU.

TEN TIMES, ROBBIE?
WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?

[sighs] MAYBE I FORGOT
TO SAY "HERE" A FEW TIMES

WHEN MRS. BREWER
WAS DOING ATTENDANCE.

I WANT THE TRUTH, ROBBIE.

OKAY, MAYBE I KIND OF,
SORT OF WROTE A FEW
ABSENTEE NOTES AND...

FORGED YOUR NAME ON THEM.

YOU FORGED MY SIGNATURE?

[sighs] ON HOW MANY?

LIKE, EIGHT.

EIGHT? EIGHT?

ROBBIE, HOW DID YOU THINK
I WAS NOT GONNA FIND OUT
ABOUT THIS?

DAD, DON'T YOU THINK
WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS
TO DEAL WITH RIGHT NOW?

ROBERT FRANCIS,
YOU COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW.

I'M NOT DONE
TALKING ABOUT THIS,
YOUNG MAN.

DAD, I REALLY DON'T THINK
THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA.

ROBBIE, DEPOSITION
IS A PIECE OF CAKE.

IT'S JUST
A WHOLE BUNCH OF LAWYERS
SITTING IN A ROOM

TRYING TO TALK
OVER EACH OTHER.

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

DON'T WORRY.

IF YOU JUST
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT,
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

OH, YOU REMEMBER
MY PARALEGAL, RIGHT?

-BAILEY.
-YEAH.

WELL, TELL HER THAT YOU'RE SICK,
AND YOU'RE LOSING YOUR VOICE
OR SOMETHING.

BUT REMEMBER,
TELL HER THAT SHE NEEDS
TO TAKE THE LEAD TODAY.

-CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT?
-GOT IT.

SHE WILL JUMP
RIGHT AT THE CHANCE.

HOPEFULLY, THEY WON'T,
BUT IF ANYBODY ASKS YOU
ANYTHING,

THE ANSWER SHOULD BE ON THOSE
INDEX CARDS RIGHT THERE.

DON'T LET ANYBODY SEE THEM.

OKAY.

COOL. WHAT'S, UH...

PER-... PEREMPTORY CHALLENGE?

UH, NEVER MIND THAT.

WHEN IT'S ALL OVER,
YOU NEED TO RUSH HOME
AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

WHATEVER YOU DO,
PLEASE DON'T TALK TO HARPER.

COOL.

HEY, DAD, YOU THINK
YOU CAN HANDLE THE SIXTH GRADE?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ONCE,

AND I DON'T EXACTLY RECALL
IT BEING A PICNIC.

BUT I'M NOT LETTING
YOU FLUNK OUT.

AWESOME.

THAT MEANS I GET TO DRIVE.
THAT MEANS I GET TO DRIVE.

YEAH, KEEP DREAMING, KIDDO.

I'M GONNA CALL A TAXI.

COME ON, DAD.

MORNING, MR. TAYLOR.

HEY, BAILEY. WHAT'S UP?

I MEAN... [clears throat]

[in a deep voice]
GOOD MORNING.

BATTLE STATIONS, MR. TAYLOR.

TRUDY, AWESOME SWEATER.

DUNNE AND COOPERSMITH
HAVE REALLY BROUGHT OUT
THE BIG GUNS ON THIS ONE.

IT'S THE COMPLAINANT,
PLUS KETTERING AND DAVIS.

BAILEY HAS US SET UP
IN CONFERENCE ROOM TWO.

I'VE ALREADY SET THE THERMOSTAT
TO 75 DEGREES WITH...

MR. TAYLOR,
CONFERENCE ROOM TWO.

I'VE ALREADY SET
THE THERMOSTAT
TO 75 DEGREES.

I'VE GO THE CHAIRS
DIRECTLY BENEATH THEM,
AND THEY'RE FACING THE WINDOWS,

SO THE SUN SHOULD BE
IN THEIR EYES WITHIN
THE NEXT 20 MINUTES.

SO REALLY GRILL THEM
TILL THEY START TO SIZZLE.

WHAT IS THIS?

COFFEE.

DECAF LIKE YOU ASKED.

UGH. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE
LIKE SOME CHOCOLATE MILK, OR
A JUICE BOX, OR SOMETHING?

-UGH.
-JUICE BOX?

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.

MR. TAYLOR,
WE REALLY NEED TO HURRY.

UH, TRUDY,
YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING...

TRUDY, I'M GONNA NEED
A FEW THINGS. SOME...

-SOME PENCILS...
-UH, MR. TAYLOR...

-SOME POST-ITS...
-YOU NEED ME TO
HELP YOU WITH THAT?

SOME FOLDERS.
WE NEED FOLDERS, RIGHT?

MR. TAYLOR, THESE FOLDERS
GO UP TO TRANSACTIONS
AND LITIGATIONS.

JUST LET ME HAVE
THE FOLDERS, OKAY?
IT'S TOTALLY FINE.

DUDE, GIVE ME THE FOLDERS.

UH...

OKAY.

-SORRY.
-NO SWEAT. JUST, UH,
TOOK ME SIX HOURS TO...

-MR. TAYLOR.
-COLLATE THESE LAST NIGHT.

-MR. TAYLOR, PLEASE.
-I'M REALLY SORRY.

I HAD TO BAIL
ON MY GIRLFRIEND'S
ANNIVERSARY DINNER.

-SHE CHANGED THE LOCKS.
-Trudy: I SPOKE WITH
THE SUPPLIER.

HE'S RECOMMENDING WE GO WITH
ONE MORE CASE OF THE DOM.

-WHAT?
-THE DOM PERIGNON.

THE CHAMPAGNE.

CHAMPAGNE?

DO YOU THINK
THAT'S A BAD IDEA?

I DON'T KNOW. DO YOU?

I'M CONFUSED. ARE YOU SAYING
WE SHOULD CANCEL THE CHAMPAGNE?

I SUPPOSE WE COULD GO
WITH A NICE MONTRACHET MAYBE.

IS THAT FRENCH FOR COKE?

YOU WANT ME TO ORDER COKE?

WELL, IF I WERE HAVING A PARTY,
I'D ORDER A BUNCH OF 12-PACKS
OF THAT.

ARE YOU FEELING OKAY,
MR. TAYLOR?

WHY? DON'T I LOOK OKAY?
IS SOMETHING WRONG?

I STILL LOOK
LIKE MITCH TAYLOR, RIGHT?

MITCHELL, EXCELLENT.
THERE'S SOMEONE
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET.

[whispering hoarsely]
I HAVE A LITTLE THROAT THING.

MR. GREEN, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET MITCH TAYLOR.

HE'LL BE HANDLING POINT
FOR US ON SOUTH BASIN.

-PLEASURE. I...
-WHOA!

SIR.

MS. SHAW HAS BEEN
SINGING YOUR PRAISES ALL WEEK.

THOUGHT I'D STOP BY
AND TAKE A LOOK
AT YOU IN ACTION.

SWEET.

WELL, I'LL, UH,
SEE YOU ON THE BATTLEFIELD.

[whispering]
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

LET'S GO.

AM I IN TROUBLE?

[sighs]

[clears throat]

IF THIS IS SOME KIND
OF LAME TACTIC, TAYLOR,
IT'S NOT GONNA WORK.

UH... LAME TACTIC?

CAN WE JUST GET THIS
UNDERWAY, PLEASE?

WE'D LIKE TO GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE WE'RE OLD ENOUGH
TO COLLECT SOCIAL SECURITY.

YES. YES.
[stammering] I'M SO SORRY.

I'M JUST TRYING TO...

[sighs] I JUST... I'M SORRY.

THIS IS ALL I COULD FIND,
MR. TAYLOR.

GREAT. THANK YOU.

UH...

[gulping]

OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
THIS IS THE, UH...
UM... UH... [clears throat]

I... UM, I'M SICK TODAY.

AND I HAVE, UH...

[whispering]
YOU KNOW, I HAVE A THROAT...
I'M LOSING MY VOICE,

SO I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO
COVER ALL OF THIS TODAY, OKAY?

EVERYTHING,
ALL OF IT FOR ME, OKAY?

ABSOLUTELY, MR. TAYLOR.

EXCUSE ME.

I AM NOT PAYING YOU PEOPLE
A SMALL FORTUNE TO HAVE
A PARALEGAL ARGUE MY POSITION,

DEPOSITION OR NOT.

NO, OF COURSE NOT,
MR. GREEN.

MITCHELL WILL BE
TAKING LEAD TODAY.

-WON'T YOU, MITCHELL?
-UH, OKAY.

OKAY. UH...

-UH, I'LL TRY.
-MM-HMM.

SO, WHY DON'T, YOU KNOW,
YOU GUYS GO FIRST,
AND THEN WE CAN...

WE CAN TAKE OUR TURN?

MR. TAYLOR,
WE'RE SIMPLY HERE TO
REDIRECT SHOULD THE NEED ARISE.

WE CAN'T REDIRECT A DEPONENT
UNTIL YOU'VE ALREADY
QUESTIONED HIM.

RIGHT. RIGHT. EXACTLY.
I KNEW THAT.

[chuckles nervously]

[stammering]
JUST TESTING.

UM... WHY DON'T YOU,
UM, DO WHATEVER IT IS,

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU GO FIRST,
AND THEN WE'LL JUST, YOU KNOW,
JUMP IN WHENEVER.

HI, ROBBIE.
RUNNING A LITTLE LATE
TODAY, HUH, HON?

HI, TRISH.

MS. KOZLOWSKI, ROBBIE.

SORRY.

SAY HI TO THAT CUTE DAD
OF YOURS FOR ME.

[sighs] OH, BOY.

OKAY, MR. BILLINGS...

MR. BILLINGS?

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

[laughing] OH, YES, MISTER...
MR. BILLINGS.

UH, YES, CAN YOU, UM...

CAN YOU PLEASE DESCRIBE
THE NATURE OF YOUR COMPLAINT

AS IT PERTAINS TO THE INJUNCTION

YOU FILED AGAINST
GREEN LTD AND PALM CANYONS...

ILK?

ILK? ILK?

L-L-C.

OH. [laughs]

YES, PALM CANYONS, LLC.

I OWN THE 42 ACRES ADJOINING
THE GREEN DEVELOPMENT
IN PALM CANYONS.

AND IF MILTON GREEN
THINKS THAT HE CAN
OBTAIN PERMANENT EASEMENT

WITHOUT RENEGOTIATING TERMS,

HE'S GOT ANOTHER THING COMING.

EASY, HOWARD.

[gulping]

MR. TAYLOR, PLEASE!
[exclaims]

-[stammers]
-WHAT THE HECK
ARE YOU DOING, MR. TAYLOR?

I'M REALLY... I'M SORRY.
I'M REALLY SORRY.

I'VE GOT THIS.

UH, MITCHELL?

OW!

NO, NO, I GOT THIS.
I GOT THIS.

I GOT THIS.
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA DO...

WHOA!

-Bailey: ARE YOU OKAY?
-I GOT IT. I GOT IT. YES.

I GOT IT. I'M OKAY.

Robbie: IT'S OKAY.

I'M, UM... MR. UM...

BILLINGS?

BILLINGS. BILLINGS, YEAH.

WOULD YOU CARE TO REVIEW
THE TRANSCRIPT OF YOUR TESTIMONY

TODAY IN ITS ENTIRETY

AND CHANGE ANY OF YOUR ANSWERS
BEFORE THEY...

THEY'RE ENTERED INTO THE RECORD?

MY TESTIMONY
IN ITS ENTIRETY?

YOU MEAN
THE ONE QUESTION
YOU ASKED ME?

OKAY, THIS IS OVER.

OH, NO, NO, NO.

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
[stammering] WHAT...

YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID.
THEY QUIT. WE WIN. THEY QUIT.

NO, NO, NO. NO, NO.
NO BACKSIES.

IF SHAW, COLLINS AND TATE
ISN'T GOING TO TAKE
THIS DEPOSITION SERIOUSLY,

NEITHER ARE WE.

WE WERE LOOKING
FOR A SIMPLE SOLUTION.

CLEARLY, YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR A FIGHT.

NO, NO, NO,
WE'RE NOT LOOKING FOR A FIGHT.
WE'RE NOT LOOKING FOR A FIGHT.

LET'S GO.

NO, NO, NO. YES!
WE WIN. THEY QUIT.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
HAVE YOU GONE INSANE?

-WELL...
-[clears throat]

THAT WAS, UM, DIFFERENT.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE,

BUT IF THIS IS SOME KIND
OF HARDBALL TACTIC,

YOU BETTER KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

MITCHELL, WE NEED TO TALK!

SORRY, I, UH... I...

GET BACK HERE!

OH, MY GOD.

TIME TO FIRE UP THOSE
NUMERATORS AND DENOMINATORS,
BOYS AND GIRLS.

ALL RIGHT, THIS WAS ALL
IN CHAPTER 10 OF YOUR TEXTBOOK,

SO IT WILL BE OBVIOUS TO ME
WHO HAS BEEN STUDYING
AND WHO HASN'T.

♪ NAOMI AND ROBBIE
SITTING IN A TREE ♪

♪ F-A-R-T-I-N-G

[makes fart sound]

ENOUGH, FRANCIS.

IF YOU'RE TRYING TO BREAK
THE RECORD FOR THE MOST TIMES
YOU CAN GET SENT TO THE OFFICE,

KEEP IT UP.

NO PASSING NOTES, ROBBIE.

BUT... BUT I DIDN'T.

IT JUST ENDED UP ON MY DESK.

IN FACT, I DEFY YOU TO FIND
A SINGLE STUDENT IN
THIS CLASSROOM

WHO CAN WRITE A TESTIMONY
WHO ACTUALLY EVER SAW ME
ACCEPTING THAT PIECE OF PAPER.

NEVER MIND.

YOU'RE MAX, RIGHT?

YES, ROBBIE.
NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU TODAY?

OKAY, CLASS,
YOU'VE GOT 20 MINUTES.

MRS. BREWER IS GOING TO TAKE
A NICE, LITTLE, 20-MINUTE
VACATION.

[classical music playing
over headphones]

[clears throat]

NO, ROBBIE, YOU CAN'T USE
YOUR TEXTBOOK FOR THE TEST.

UH... UM...

I'M DONE.

WHAT?

ROBBIE, YOU CAN'T JUST CHECK
THE FIRST ANSWER YOU SEE
AND TURN IT IN.

WELL, THAT ONE IS RIGHT.

THAT ONE.

THAT ONE.

THAT ONE.

THEY'RE ALL RIGHT.

DID YOU JUST
WAKE UP THIS MORNING

AND DECIDE YOU'RE NOT LONGER
A C-MINUS STUDENT IN MATH,
ROBBIE?

♪ JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE ALL THE WAY ♪

YOU'RE DOING
A VERY GOOD JOB.

♪ OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE
IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH ♪

HEY!
♪ JINGLE BELLS...

CHECK IT OUT.

WHAT IS THIS?

Max: IT'S FRANCIS
AND HIS BIG, FAT, STUPID FACE.

SEE? IT'S LIKE GODZILLA
STOMPING ALL OVER TOKYO,
ONLY IN A DIAPER.

ISN'T THAT KIND OF MEAN?

MEAN?

I MEAN, WHEN HE TOOK
YOUR MILK MONEY LAST WEEKEND

AND MELVINED YOU IN FRONT OF
THE WHOLE SCHOOL, THAT WAS MEAN.

WHEN HE TRASHED
YOUR SOLAR SYSTEM

AND TRIED TO
MAKE YOU EAT JUPITER,
THAT WAS MEAN.

I HEARD HE COULD LIFT UP
THREE FIRST-GRADERS AT ONCE.

YEAH, I ALSO HEARD THAT
HE GOT ARRESTED ONE TIME.

LIKE, IT TOOK ABOUT 10 COPS
TO HOLD HIM DOWN.

HE'S 11.

YEAH, SO ARE YOU,
EINSTEIN.

WHAT'S THIS, LOSERS?

YOU LITTLE RUNT!

OKAY, FRANCIS, CALM DOWN.
IT'S JUST A DRAWING.

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU
EAT THIS, YOU LITTLE DISEASE.

OKAY, FRANCIS,
FUN'S OVER. LET ME GO.

I HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
EVERYBODY IS SORRY.
NO HARM, NO FOUL.

NO, LOTS OF HARM,
LOTS OF FOUL.

WHAT ARE YOU REALLY
MAD ABOUT, FRANCIS?

IS IT REALLY THIS PICTURE?

JUST BECAUSE
WE'RE NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE,

[stammering] WE MIGHT NOT
HAVE AS MANY FRIENDS,

OR WE'RE SELF-CONSCIOUS
ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS,

DOES NOT MEAN
WE HAVE TO ACT OUT IN ANGER.

SO TELL ME, FRANCIS,

WHO DO YOU REALLY WANNA HIT?

♪ JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE ALL THE WAY ♪

♪ OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE
IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH ♪
HEY!

NEXT TIME YOU ASK HIM
WHO HE REALLY WANTS TO HIT,

MIGHT JUST HAVE
A SUGGESTION HANDY, ROBBIE.

♪ OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO...

[whistling]

Robbie: HEY, GUYS.

SORRY, MR. TAYLOR.
IT KIND OF GOT AWAY FROM US.

NO PROBLEM.

WOW! I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU PLAYED SOCCER, MR. TAYLOR.

NOT TOO SHABBY, HUH?

-HOW YOU GUYS DOING?
-GOOD.

-Robbie: HE JUKES A DEFENDER.
-[children shrieking playfully]

Robbie: HERE WE GO.

[child shrieks]

Robbie: JUKES ANOTHER DEFENDER.

AH, GREAT.

JUKES A DEFENDER.

OOH, STOLE IT AWAY.

Robbie: ONE MAN TO BEAT.

ONE MAN TO BEAT!

[cheering]

[exclaims]

[laughing]

AHEM.

Robbie: DAD!

I MEAN...
HI, ROBBIE.

I THINK IT'S TIME
FOR YOU TO HELP ME
WITH MY HOMEWORK, DAD.

OKAY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FACE?

NEVER MIND THAT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LAY LOW.

DO YOU KNOW
HOW MUCH THAT SUIT COST?

IT'S RALPH LAUREN.

RALPH LAUREN?
WHAT? DID YOU BORROW
SOMEBODY'S SUIT?

[sighs] NO.
NEVER MIND.

WHAT HAPPENED
AT THE DEPOSITION?

NOTHING.

ROBBIE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BY "NOTHING"?

WHAT HAPPENED?

DAD, THEY JUST GOT UP
AND WALKED OUT, OKAY?

WE TOTALLY WON.

WE WHAT?

IT WASN'T THAT BAD, DAD.

OH, IT WASN'T SO BAD?

IT WASN'T SO BAD?
HERE. LISTEN TO THIS.

Harper: Taylor, have you
gone insane?

I just spend the last half-hour
having to assure Milton Green

that you weren't
some crazy person

that just wandered in
off the street.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CONTINUE?

Harper: If you think
acting like a lunatic
and blowing the Green contract

is the way to make partner
at this firm, Mitchell,

you are sorely mistaken.

A juice box, Mitchell?
A juice box?

OKAY, OKAY.
SO, MAYBE IT WAS A LITTLE BAD.

[knocking at door]

[sighs]
GREAT.

[whispers]
IT'S CHLOE.

[whispers]
GREAT. JUST WHAT I NEED.

WELL, MAYBE SHE'LL GO AWAY.

SHE HAS A KEY, YOU KNOW.

A KEY? SINCE WHEN?

OH, MAN!
I CAN'T EVEN HAVE A DOG,

AND YOU'VE GOT
A WHOLE PERSON MOVING IN.

ROBBIE, THIS IS NOT THE TIME.

JUST GO TO THE KITCHEN.

DAD.

[sighs]
HE'LL APPRECIATE ME SOMEDAY.

OH, HEY, HEY, HEY THERE, CHLOE.

HI, ROBBIE. HOW ARE YOU?

UH, IT'S...
IT'S A VERY LONG STORY.

IS YOUR DAD HERE?

UH, NO. NO. NO, HE'S NOT.

UH, WELL,
I SAW HIS CAR OUT FRONT,

SO I'M PRETTY SURE
HE WOULDN'T LEAVE YOU HERE
BY YOURSELF, ROBBIE.

OH, NO. I MEANT HE'S SICK.

HE'S VERY...
HE'S VERY CONTAGIOUS.

ROBBIE, I'M NOT TRYING
TO TAKE YOUR DAD AWAY FROM YOU,

AND I'M NOT TRYING
TO REPLACE YOUR MOM.

I JUST WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND,
SO HOW ABOUT WE START THERE,
OKAY?

UH, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
NO, CHLOE. CHLOE...
NO, NO, HE'S VERY SICK.

THAT'S... [sighs]
HE'S TERRIBLY SICK.
YOU DON'T WANNA...

-MITCH.
-CHLOE. HI.

HI. I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED.
I WANTED TO COME OVER
AND MAKE SURE YOU WERE OKAY.

THANKS. I'M MUCH,
MUCH BETTER NOW. THANKS.

THE WHOLE OFFICE
IS TALKING ABOUT IT.

THEY SAID YOU HAD
SOME KIND OF MELTDOWN.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
I... OH!

I'LL GET IT.

I JUST... I HAD THIS, UH...

THIS, YOU KNOW,
EPISODE WITH, UH...

UH, SHRIMP.

-SHRIMP?
-YEAH.

YOU KNOW, BAD SHRIMP.
BAD SHRIMP. BAD NEWS.

WHOO! YOU DON'T WANNA GO
ANYWHERE NEAR THAT BATHROOM.

IT'S A WAR ZONE.

ARE YOU OKAY?

I WAS SO WORRIED.
HARPER MADE IT SOUND LIKE
YOU DROPPED YOUR PANTS

AND SANG "THE BATTLE HYMN
OF THE REPUBLIC" OR SOMETHING.

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT WAS NEVER THAT BAD.

I'M FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW.

IN FACT, WE WERE JUST
ON OUR WAY OUT TO, UH...

GO TO CHURCH.

CHURCH?

YEAH, CHURCH.
I'M SORRY.

SLEEP. SLEEP. YOU KNOW,
THIS WHOLE SHRIMP THING
HAS BEEN A LITTLE TAXING,

AND, UM,
I'M JUST REAL TIRED NOW,
SO I'M GONNA TAKE A NAP.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I'M GONNA STAY, BECAUSE
YOU SEEM A LITTLE OUT OF IT.

NO, NO, NO, NO, CHLOE.

IT'S REALLY...
I'M JUST REAL TIRED.

AND, UM, YOU SHOULD GO, OKAY?

-COME ON.
-UH, OKAY. I MEAN...

OKAY, MITCH,
IF YOU'RE SURE.

COMPLETELY.

PROMISE YOU'LL CALL ME
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

I WILL. PROMISE.

PINKY SWEAR.

LOOK, MITCH,
THE GREEN CONTRACT
IS A LOT OF WORK.

PLUS EVERYTHING ELSE
YOU'RE TAKING ON,

THE PARTY,
NOT TO MENTION
CHRISTMAS, ROBBIE.

IT'S OKAY TO
ASK FOR HELP, YOU KNOW.

[sighs]

BYE, ROBBIE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

UGH. THAT WAS...

THAT WAS WEIRD.

[sighs] YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

[male electronic voice]
Your Christmas wish is
my command.

-THE BEAR!
-WHOA!

IT'S WORKING AGAIN.

WHAT DO WE DO?

OH, SWITCH US BACK, BEAR.
PLEASE. PRETTY PLEASE.

DID IT WORK?

ARE YOU STILL ME?

AM I STILL YOU?

[knocking on door]

WHO IS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

-Man: MR. TAYLOR?
-[knocking on door]

MITCH TAYLOR?

OH, I SEE.

Mitch: EXCUSE ME.
CAN I HELP YOU?

INTERESTING PLACE
FOR A CHRISTMAS TREE.

ON TOP OF YOUR CAR.

[laughing] A LOT OF TIMES,
THEY'LL HAVE THEM
IN THE LIVING ROOM,

AND THEY'LL HAVE LIGHTS ON THEM
AND MAYBE A LITTLE TINSEL.

YEAH, WELL,
WE'VE BEEN A LITTLE BUSY.

I'LL SAY.

OH, I UNDERSTAND.

LOOK, WHO ARE YOU?

I'M GUS.

Mitch: YEAH, BUT...

I'M THE GUY YOU CALLED
TO FIX YOUR BEAR.

-YOU CAN FIX IT?
-WELL, THESE TOOLS
HAVEN'T LET ME DOWN YET.

WHERE DID THAT THING
EVEN COME FROM?

WHERE DO ALL
TOYS LIKE THIS COME FROM?

THE TOY STORE.

LOOK, THIS IS GONNA
SOUND REAL CRAZY, BUT...

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
WHEN YOU ORDER THESE THINGS,
IN SHIPPING, THINGS BREAK LOOSE.

WE DIDN'T ORDER THAT.

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

[scoffs] OH, YEAH. I'M SURE.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. SHIPPING,
IT'S ALWAYS COMPLICATED.

YOU KNOW, LAST MONTH,
WE HAD A ROCKING HORSE,

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO
TO OTTUMWA, IOWA.

ENDED UP IN NOME, ALASKA.

PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES.

A MISTAKE?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT BEAR
HAS PUT US THROUGH?

THERE IT IS.

WOW.

A BRONZE SPROCKET.

IT'S ALWAYS THE SPROCKET.
[laughs]

I'LL TELL YOU,
IF YOU DON'T CHANGE THESE
EVERY 100 YEARS OR SO,

EVERYTHING GOES HAYWIRE.

100 YEARS? WHOA.

THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM
LIKE THEY USED TO, DO THEY?

CAN YOU REPLACE IT?

WELL, I CAN ORDER YOU A NEW ONE.
IT'LL TAKE A COUPLE OF DAYS.

-UH! A COUPLE OF DAYS.
-[sighs]

OR I COULD TAKE
THE BEAR WITH ME
AND FIX IT IN MY SHOP.

-NO, NO, NO, NO.
-NO, NO, NO, NO.

KEEP IT HERE.
ONCE YOU HAVE THE PART,
COME BACK.

SUIT YOURSELF.

LOOK, WHO ARE YOU REALLY?

I'M GUS.

HEY, DON'T WORRY, YOU TWO.

AS SOON AS THE PART COMES IN,
I'LL HAVE YOUR BEAR ALL FIXED UP
AS GOOD AS NEW.

[sighs]

[sighs] GREAT.

TWO MORE DAYS.

COULD BE WORSE.

UH, HOW EXACTLY?

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FACE?

YOUR BEARD WAS GROWING,
SO I THOUGHT I SHOULD SHAVE.

[sighs] ROBBIE,
I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT FACE
WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER.

[inhales sharply] OOH.

I HAVE TO GO.

TOUCHDOWN! OH!

[imitating crowd cheering]

YOU KNOW, DAD,
YOU SHOULD TOTALLY
BLOW OFF SCHOOL.

I MEAN, IT'S HARD ENOUGH ON ME,
AND I'M JUST A KID.

WOW.

I REALLY AM BLIND.

ROBBIE, YOU'RE NOT
BLOWING OFF SCHOOL

THE PAGEANT IS IN TWO DAYS.

UGH.

THE PAGEANT.

ROBBIE, YOU MADE A COMMITMENT.

YOU'RE NOT JUST GONNA
BLOW IT OFF.

ANYWAY, IF YOU MISS
ANY MORE SCHOOL,
YOU'RE GONNA GET HELD BACK.

MAYBE WHEN YOU'RE GROWN-UP,
YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.

I DON'T THINK I COULD BE
ANY MORE GROWN-UP THAN THIS.

I WANT YOUR WORD, ROBBIE.

YOU WILL NOT LEAVE THIS HOUSE
FOR ANY REASON.

OKAY. I PROMISE.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,

THERE IS A FRIDGE FULL OF FOOD,
A DRAWER FULL OF DVDS,

AND I EMAILED HARPER,
SAID I WAS GONNA "DECOMPRESS"
FOR A FEW DAYS.

WITH ANY LUCK,
WILL BE BACK TO
EACH OTHER'S BODIES IN NO TIME.

COOL.

HEY, YOUR WORD, ROBBIE.

YOU'LL STAY HERE.

TOTALLY. MY BUTT
WILL BE GLUED TO THIS COUCH.

BYE, DAD.

[dogs barking]

-AMELIA, WAIT.
-HEY, ROBBIE.

SORRY. I CAN'T LET YOU
PLAY WITH THE DOGS TODAY.

I'VE STILL GOT A BULLDOG AND
A SHORT-HAIRED POINTER TO
PICK UP, AND I'M TOTALLY LATE.

UH, IT'S NOT THAT ACTUALLY.

IT'S MITCH. ME... MY DAD.
I MEAN, I NEED A FAVOR.

I DON'T KNOW, ROBBIE.
I'M KIND OF BUSY.

I NEED YOU TO WATCH HIM.

WHO? YOUR DAD?

YEAH. HE, UH... HE SLIPPED
IN THE SHOWER LAST NIGHT,

AND HE HIT HIS HEAD,
AND HE HAS A CONCUSSION,
AND HE'S NOT EXACTLY HIMSELF.

THE DOCTOR SAID
HE NEEDS TO STAY HOME,

BUT THERE NEEDS
TO BE SOMEONE WITH HIM.

ROBBIE, I'M A DOG WALKER,
NOT A BABYSITTER.

ANYWAY, YOU'RE DAD IS, LIKE,
YOU KNOW, A GROWN-UP.

I'LL PAY YOU $50.

ROBBIE, WHERE ARE YOU
GONNA GET $50?

$100 THEN.

OKAY. DEAL.

BUT WHATEVER YOU DO,
PLEASE DO NOT LET HIM
OUT OF THE HOUSE, OKAY?

-BUT, ROBBIE...
-AND DON'T TELL ANYONE
ABOUT THIS.

[rock music playing]

♪ JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE ALL THE WAY ♪

♪ OH, WHAT FUN
IT IS TO RIDE
IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH ♪

YEAH!

♪ SNOW IN A ONE-HORSE
OPEN SLEIGH ♪

♪ O'ER THE FIELDS WE GO
LAUGHING ALL THE WAY ♪

♪ BELLS ON BOBTAIL RING
MAKING SPIRITS BRIGHT ♪

♪ WHAT FUN IT IS
TO RIDE AND SING ♪

♪ A SLEIGHING
SONG TONIGHT ♪

♪ OH, JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE ALL THE WAY ♪

♪ OH, WHAT FUN
IT IS TO RIDE ♪

♪ IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH
HEY!

♪ JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE BELLS
JINGLE ALL THE WAY ♪

♪ OH, WHAT FUN
IT IS TO RIDE ♪

♪ IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH

-[fire alarm beeping]
-WHOA! WHOA!

[telephone ringing]

HELLO?

MR. TAYLOR,
THANK GOD YOU ANSWERED.

TRUDY?

YOU HAVE GOT TO COME IN,
MR. TAYLOR. IT'S A DISASTER.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THE HOLIDAY PARTY.
THE CATERERS JUST CANCELED.

APPARENTLY, THEY HAD
A PIPE BURST OR SOMETHING.

They're completely underwater,
and they won't be dried out
by tomorrow.

PLUS, THERE WAS A SNAFU
WITH THE RENTAL COMPANY.

APPARENTLY, THEY ONLY HAVE
FIVE TABLES ON THE BOOKS,
NOT 50.

Which means
even if we had food,

there'd be no place
for anyone to eat it.

AND NOW, THIS ICE SCULPTOR GUY
IS CALLING AND CANCELING,

SAYING HE WON'T SHOW UP
UNLESS WE PAY HIM DOUBLE
WHAT WE ORIGINALLY QUOTED HIM.

TRUDY, UH, I CAN'T.

Milton Green is
going to be here.

YOU REMEMBER
WHAT MS. SHAW SAID.

MR. TAYLOR,
I CAN'T GET ANOTHER JOB.

I WAS BARELY QUALIFIED
FOR THIS ONE.

DO YOU THINK SHE'LL FIRE HIM?

I MEAN US.

FIRE US?

AFTER WHAT HAPPENED
AT THE DEPOSITION YESTERDAY,

I THINK WE'LL BE LUCKY
IF THAT'S ALL SHE DID TO US.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

[sighs] I LOVE YOU.

[engine starts]

[transmission crunching]

MR. TAYLOR?

"THE SOUND OF
JINGLING SLEIGH BELLS

"HAS BROUGHT JOY TO MILLIONS
OF CHILDREN ALL OVER THE WORLD.

"THIS HOLIDAY SEASON,
WE COME TOGETHER
TO CELEBRATE..."

[sighs]

YOU FEELING OKAY, ROBBIE?

EVERY RECESS, THE LAST FEW DAYS,
I SEE YOU JUST SITTING HERE.

YEAH, I'M JUST PRACTICING
FOR THE PAGEANT.

ARE YOU MISSING
YOUR MOM, ROBBIE?

I'M OKAY, MRS. BREWER. THANKS.

SO THEN WHY ARE YOU SITTING HERE
WASTING 10 PRECIOUS MINUTES
OF FREEDOM?

YOU KNOW,
SOMEDAY WHEN YOU GET OLDER,

YOU MIGHT REGRET THE TIME
YOU COULD HAVE SPENT PLAYING
AND HAVING FUN, BUT DIDN'T.

WHY NOT?

I GOT THIS! I GOT THIS, PEOPLE!

THIS IS AMAZING.

I CAN RUN AND RUN FOR HOURS.
MY LEGS DON'T EVEN GET TIRED.

HEY, DO YOU NEED SOME HELP?

NO. NO. NO.

I'M GOOD.

I'M GOOD.

-IS SHE HERE?
-SHE'S NOT COMING IN TODAY.

YES!

I'M SORRY TO DRAG YOU IN HERE
LIKE THIS, MR. TAYLOR,

BUT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY
IS TOMORROW,

AND WE ARE
RUNNING OUT OF RABBITS
TO PULL OUT OF OUR HAT HERE.

PARTY? OKAY, TOTALLY GOT THIS.

LIKE MY DAD ALWAYS KEEPS SAYING,
ONCE YOU COMMIT TO SOMETHING,
YOU JUST...

YOU GOTTA FINISH IT.

I THOUGHT YOUR DAD
DIED 10 YEARS AGO.

YEAH.

I MEANT HE USED TO SAY.

HUH.

I HAVE A MILLION CALLS OUT.

I FOUND US ANOTHER VIOLINIST,
BUT SHE'S EN ROUTE FROM CHICAGO,

SO WHO KNOWS
IF SHE'LL MAKE IT IN TIME?

I ALSO FOUND
ANOTHER ICE SCULPTOR,

BUT TECHNICALLY,
HE'S BOOKED ON SOMETHING ELSE.

I THINK WE COULD PRY HIM LOOSE.

I DON'T GET IT.
WHAT FUN IS THAT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, LAST WEEKEND,
I WAS AT JIMMY PIERSON'S
BIRTHDAY PARTY,

AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE
AN ICE SCULPTOR,
OR A VIOLINIST,

OR, YOU KNOW,
ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

I THINK, MR. TAYLOR,
NOW MIGHT BE THE TIME

TO EXPRESS MY COMPLETE
AND UTTER CONFUSION.

I GOT THIS, TRUDY.

OKAY. RIGHT.

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

UH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

I NEED YOU TO GO ONLINE
AND GET THE PHONE NUMBER FOR
A PLACE CALLED THE PARTY PALACE.

PHONE NUMBER.
PARTY PALACE. GOT IT.

YEAH, AND I NEED
A CHOCOLATE MILK.

AND A GRILLED CHEESE,
AND, UM, SOME DONUTS,
AND SOME RED VINES.

RED VINES.

♪ DECK THE HALLS
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

OKAY, THE SETTING IS
THE NORTH POLE.

THE TIME IS CHRISTMAS EVE.

THE ANIMALS IN SANTA'S FOREST
HAVE SETTLED IN FOR A LONG
WINTER'S NIGHT

AS THE SPOTLIGHT ON
THE CHRISTMAS TREE
BEGINS TO FADE.

I SAID FADE, ELLIOT,
NOT CATCH IT ON FIRE.

[laughing]

NICE CATCH, LOSER.

THREE BUCKS.

I WAS LOOKING FORWARD
TO ACTUALLY GETTING
TO EAT LUNCH TODAY.

IT WAS SALISBURY STEAK.

I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT
ENOUGH OF YOU, FRANCIS.

OH, REALLY, MOM?

LOOK, FRANCIS,
WE ALL GET IT.
NOBODY LIKES YOU.

YOU'RE ABOUT TWO SIZES TOO BIG,
YOU GOT NO FRIENDS,
YOU'RE STUPID,

AND YOU'RE ABOUT GOOD
AND PISSED OFF AT THE WORLD

THAT YOUR PARENTS
ARE GETTING A DIVORCE.

SOMEWHERE WAY DEEP DOWN INSIDE
THAT LITTLE PEA BRAIN OF YOURS,

YOU'RE ACTUALLY THINKING
THAT THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

SO YOU STOMP
AROUND HERE LIKE BIGFOOT,
AND STEAL KIDS' LUNCH MONEY,

GIVE THEM WEDGIES AND SWIRLIES,
AND THROW BALLS AT THE BACK
OF THEIR HEAD.

LOOK, THIS HAS BEEN
THE WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE
SO FAR.

SO I MIGHT AS WELL TOP IT OFF
BY TRYING TO CRAM SOME ADVICE
IN THAT FAT HEAD OF YOURS.

NOBODY WILL EVER LIKE YOU.

EVER.

I KNOW WHAT KIDS LIKE YOU
TURN OUT TO BE.

THEY'RE CALLED LOSERS.

NO FRIENDS,
NO FAMILY, NOBODY.

BECAUSE NOBODY
CAN STAND TO BE AROUND YOU.

GOT IT?

[all cheering]

THAT WAS AWESOME.
LIKE, YOU TOTALLY NUKED HIM.

I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA
PEE HIS PANTS OR SOMETHING.

[sighs]

[sniffles]
GET OUT OF HERE, TAYLOR, UNLESS
YOU WANNA LOSE SOME TEETH.

I COME IN PEACE.

WHY DON'T YOU
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?

I JUST WANTED TO SAY I'M SORRY.

YOU'RE APOLOGIZING TO ME?

LAST WEEK,
I STUCK YOUR HEAD IN A TOILET.

WELL, YOU GOTTA ADMIT IT.

YOU KIND OF HAD
THAT COMING IN THERE.

YEAH? SO WHAT?

DIVORCE SUCKS.

TRUST ME. I'VE SEEN IT.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?
YOU'RE JUST A KID.

I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO NOT HAVE ONE OF MY PARENTS
AROUND ANYMORE.

AT LEAST YOU HAVE FRIENDS.

YOU COULD TOO, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT,
I'M GONNA MAKE
A DEAL WITH YOU.

YOU LEAVE THE SIXTH GRADE
ALONE FROM NOW ON,

NO MORE WEDGIES,
NO MORE TAKING LUNCH MONEY,
NO MORE SWIRLIES, NOTHING.

YOU CAN HANG OUT
WITH ME AND MY FRIENDS ANYTIME.

WHY ARE YOU BEING
SO NICE TO ME
ALL OF A SUDDEN?

SOMETHING MY DAD ALWAYS SAYS.

EVERY PROBLEM IS
JUST AN OPPORTUNITY
IN UGLY CLOTHES.

ARE YOU SAYING
MY CLOTHES ARE UGLY?

COME ON.

SO, LEAVE
THE SIXTH GRADE ALONE, HUH?

THAT'S THE DEAL.

WHAT ABOUT FIFTH-GRADERS?

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE
ABOUT THIS, MR. TAYLOR?

BELIEVE ME.

THIS IS GONNA TOTALLY BLOW
JIMMY PIERSON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY
OUT OF THE WATER.

YOU'RE THE BOSS.

-CHLOE.
-HEY. IT'S ONE O'CLOCK.

ONE O'CLOCK?

WHAT HAPPENS AT 1:00?

OUR GYM DATE.
WE GO EVERY THURSDAY.

GYM DATE, RIGHT. RIGHT.

[whispering]
ZIP UP YOUR FLY.

ZIP IT UP.

OH. [laughs]

[whistling]

[laughing]

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

NOT QUITE SURE
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE TODAY.

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
IN AN OUTFIT LIKE THIS.

[laughing]

DON'T WORRY.
YOU LOOK CUTE.

-THANKS.
-YOU'RE WELCOME.

YOU LOOK LIKE
MY EIGHT-YEAR-OLD NEPHEW.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

EIGHT.

TRY 11.

HMM.

THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

[grunts]

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'M OKAY.
YEAH, I'M OKAY.

I'M WORRIED, MITCH.

I'M, UH...

SURE THESE THINGS
ARE PERFECTLY SAFE.

ABOUT YOU.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN YOURSELF
THE LAST FEW DAYS.

WHO, UH...

WHO HAVE I BEEN?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I JUST THINK YOU'RE
PUSHING IT TOO HARD.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE BURNING
THE CANDLE AT BOTH ENDS.

NO, NO.

I'M FINE. TOTALLY.

WHAT IS IT WITH MEN?

YOU ACT LIKE ACCEPTING
A LITTLE BIT OF HELP

IS SOME HORRIBLE SIGN
OF WEAKNESS OR SOMETHING.

GOD! IT'S LIKE DR. PHIL SAYS...

DR. WHO?

HE HAS THIS THING
CALLED RELATIONSHIP INVENTORY.

AND RIGHT THERE AT NUMBER FIVE,

IT SAYS, "DO YOU
AND YOUR PARTNER
SHARE EACH OTHER'S BURDENS?"

NEVER HEARD OF IT.

NUMBER THREE,
"DOES YOUR PARTNER SHUT DOWN

"EVERY TIME YOU BRING UP
YOUR RELATIONSHIP?"

LOOK, MITCH, I WANNA HELP.

I KNOW WE BOTH SAID
IT WOULD BE BEST

IF IT WAS JUST
YOU AND ROBBIE
FOR CHRISTMAS.

AND I DON'T WANNA
PUSH MYSELF ON HIM.

LIKE YOU SAID,
IT'S NOT THE RIGHT TIME YET.

I JUST WANT YOU BOTH HAPPY.

[gulping]

AH!

SO YOU'RE REALLY GONNA JUST
BE HOME ALL ALONE FOR CHRISTMAS?

[chuckles]
I'M A BIG GIRL

JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?

I MEAN... [laughs]

ROBBIE.
MAKE ROBBIE FEEL BETTER?

THAT'S...
THAT'S, UH...

THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

WELL, I'M PROBABLY
DOING HIM A FAVOR, ANYWAY.

'CAUSE I'M NOT EXACTLY
A NATURAL WITH KIDS.

MY SISTER HAD
A BABY LAST YEAR,

AND MY MOM SAW ME HOLDING HIM
AND SAID I LOOKED LIKE
I WAS HANDLING...

[laughing]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I, UH...

I GOTTA...

[whispers]
YOU GOTTA WHAT?

I GOTTA GO PEE.

OKAY, UM...

ANYWAY, I'M HERE
IF YOU NEED ME.

OKAY? SO,
IF YOU NEED HELP AT WORK,
OR EVEN CHRISTMAS SHOPPING...

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING?

[rock music playing]

♪ DECK THE HALLS
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ 'TIS THE SEASON
TO BE JOLLY ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ DON WE NOW
OUR GAY APPAREL ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ TROLL THE ANCIENT
YULETIDE CAROL ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA ♪

I'LL HAVE THIS ONE, PLEASE.

OF COURSE, SIR.

OF COURSE.

OH! SCORE!

BLOW IT UP, BABY! BLOW IT UP!

[growling]

TRISH, TRISH, TRISH, LOOK.

HOT, WIDOWED DAD,
TEN O'CLOCK.

OH, YEAH, BABY!
GIVE IT UP. BLOW IT...
[imitating explosion]

OH, MY GOD. HE MUST BE
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING FOR ROBBIE.

THAT'S ADORABLE.

OH, IF HE WERE
RAKING YOUR LAWN,
YOU'D SAY IT WAS ADORABLE.

I'M GOING OVER THERE.

I THINK HE'S SEEING
SOMEONE.

YEAH.

UNTIL HE'S STANDING
IN FRONT OF A PRIEST,
HE'S FAIR GAME.

[humming, whistling]

MITCH, HI.

SMALL WORLD.

YEAH.

MRS. KOZLOWSKI, HI.

NO NEED TO BE SO FORMAL.
THE BOYS AREN'T HERE.

TRISH, PLEASE.

OKAY.

-YOU'VE BEEN DOING
SOME CHRISTMAS SHOPPING, HUH?
-MM-HMM.

LOOKS LIKE ROBBIE HAS BEEN
A VERY GOOD BOY.

[laughs] I GUESS.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

NAUGHTY OR NICE?

UM...

YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING.

YOU'VE GOT ROBBIE.
I'VE GOT FRANCIS.

YOU'RE A SINGLE PARENT.
I'M A SINGLE PARENT.

WE'VE GOT SO MUCH IN COMMON,
WE SHOULD GET TO KNOW
EACH OTHER.

YOU KNOW, JUST THE TWO OF US,
SIT DOWN, HAVE A LONG TALK.

IS THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING NOW?

[exclaims]

I WAS THINKING,
SOME PLACE A LITTLE QUIETER?

[exclaims] I KNOW.
THIS PLACE IS COOL, RIGHT?

I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

I MEAN, YOU AND ROBBIE.

IT MUST GET LONELY,
JUST THE TWO OF YOU.

SOMETIMES.

I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED.

YOU DO?

YOU NEED SOMEONE
TO TAKE CHARGE.

I DO?

SOMEONE TO
TAKE CARE OF YOU.

MRS. KOZLOWSKI.

I'M SORRY IF THAT WAS...

-YOU KISSED ME.
-A LITTLE FORWARD.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A GIRL
WHO BELIEVES IN GOING AFTER
WHAT SHE WANTS.

YOU PUT YOUR TONGUE
IN MY MOUTH.
IT WAS LIKE...

IT FELT LIKE
A SLUG OR SOMETHING.

UGH.

[Chloe scoffs]

OH, I GOTTA GO.

CHLOE!

CHLOE, WAIT.
I CAN EXPLAIN.

[scoffs]
YOU'RE A VERY GOOD LAWYER.
I'M SURE YOU CAN.

CHLOE, WILL YOU PLEASE
JUST STOP, OKAY?

[stammering]
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER.

SHE'S JUST SOME MOM
FROM MY SCHOOL.

-YOUR SCHOOL?
-YES.

I MEAN, NO. NO.
ROBBIE'S SCHOOL.

I DIDN'T KNOW
SHE WAS GONNA
DO THAT. I SWEAR.

SHE JUST DID THIS THING
WITH HER TONGUE.

IT WAS GROSS.

YOU'RE GOOD, COUNSEL,
PLAYING THE VICTIM.

YOU'RE JUST SITTING THERE,
MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS,

AND SOME STRANGE GIRL
CAME UP AND SHOVED HER TONGUE
DOWN YOUR THROAT?

-YES. YES, THAT'S EXACTLY...
-OH, PLEASE.

NO, NO, NO, PLEASE.
I CAN'T SCREW THIS UP TOO.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I JUST...
I HAVEN'T BEEN MYSELF LATELY,
OKAY?

OH, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE GONNA
THROW SOME MID-LIFE CRISIS
GARBAGE AT ME, ARE YOU?

I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT IS.

STOP PLAYING DUMB.

IT INSULTS BOTH OF US, OKAY?

I THOUGHT
YOU WERE READY
FOR A RELATIONSHIP,

AND CLEARLY, YOU'RE NOT.
AND IT'S FINE, MITCH.

OKAY? SO, GOODBYE.

CHLOE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

SAY GOODBYE.

THIS IS HARD FOR ME TOO.

IF I WERE A KID,
I'D KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

IF I WERE ROBBIE,
I WOULD JUST SAY IT
THE WAY KIDS SAY STUFF.

IT'S SO MUCH EASIER FOR THEM.
IT JUST... IT JUST COMES OUT.

AND I'D SAY

THAT MY DAD...

REALLY, REALLY LIKES YOU A LOT.

HE REALLY DOES.

AND YOU'RE MUCH NICER
THAN I THOUGHT
YOU WERE GONNA BE.

AND YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY.

AND I'M SO...

AND I'M SO, SO SORRY
IF I WASN'T NICE TO YOU.

IT'S PROBABLY 'CAUSE I'M SCARED.

PROBABLY 'CAUSE I'M SCARED
I'M GONNA LOSE MY DAD, TOO.

MITCH.

BUT MOSTLY 'CAUSE I JUST...
I JUST...

REALLY MISS MY MOM, TOO,
ALL THE TIME.

AND SOMETIMES WHEN I...

SOMETIMES WHEN
I CLOSE MY EYES AT NIGHT, I...

I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER
WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE ANYMORE.

MITCH, I'M SORRY.
I HAD NO IDEA.

MITCH, WAIT.

[telephone ringing]

Mitch: ROBBIE!

-ROBBIE!
-[telephone ringing]

I'M GONNA KILL THAT KID.

[telephone ringing]

-[voice mail beeps]
-Mitch, it's Chloe.

Please give me a call.

I was worried when you
just ran off like that.

I've never seen you that upset.

Everything you were saying
about Robbie's mom and...

-Please just call me
when you get this.
-[voice mail beeps]

-[Robbie crying]
-OH, NO.

[crying]

ROBBIE?

HEY, BUDDY.

YOU DOING OKAY?

I'M SORRY, DAD.

I KNOW YOU TOLD ME
NOT TO GO ANYWHERE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
UNDER THERE?

[crying]
I MISS MOM.

I KNOW, PAL.

I MISS HER TOO.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

[sighs] I KNOW.
I KNOW, KIDDO.

THAT WAS JUST THE HAND
THAT WE WERE DEALT.

HEY, UH, AT LEAST
WE STILL GOT EACH OTHER, RIGHT?

Robbie:
SHE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO...

ENJOY THIS PLACE
FOR VERY LONG.

ROBBIE,
THE BAKERY WAS HER DREAM.

SHE WAS REALLY HAPPY.

HOW ABOUT YOU, DAD?

ROBBIE, MY DREAM
WAS TO BE YOUR FATHER.

THERE'S NOTHING MORE
I COULD HAVE EVER ASKED FOR.

THANKS, DAD.

SORRY I TOOK THE CAR.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

AND YOUR CREDIT CARD.

[stammering]
MY CREDIT CARD?

I KEPT ALL YOUR RECEIPTS.

I LOVE YOU, DAD.

LOVE YOU TOO, ROBBIE.

[crying]

-HEY.
-HEY.

-FEELING BETTER TODAY?
-YEAH.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME
SLEEP IN YOUR BED.

NO PROBLEM.

-GONNA BE GOOD HERE?
-YEAH.

DAD, DON'T YOU THINK
I SHOULD GO TO THAT PARTY
FOR YOU?

IT SOUNDS REAL IMPORTANT.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

IT'S NOT WORTH THE RISK, ROBBIE.

WHATEVER HAPPENS WITH
HARPER, HAPPENS. DON'T WORRY.

HEY, THIS WILL ALL BE OVER SOON.

WE SHOULD BE HEARING
FROM THE REPAIRMAN
SOMETIME TODAY.

THIS WHOLE THING
WILL BE A MEMORY
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

I CAN'T WAIT.

DAD, YOU REALLY LIKE
CHLOE, DON'T YOU?

YEAH. SHE'S PRETTY GREAT.

I KNEW IT. YOU CAN TELL.

I GOTTA GO.

I WILL SEE YOU
AFTER THE PAGEANT.

I TOLD MAX'S MOM
THAT YOU HAD THE FLU,
SO SHE OFFERED ME A RIDE.

COOL.

DAD?

WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE ME?

IT'S PRETTY COOL, KIDDO.

PRETTY COOL.

-TRUDY.
-MR. TAYLOR.

-ALL SET?
-ALL SET.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT.

I HOPE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING, MR. TAYLOR.

-ARE YOU OKAY?
-FINE.

I MEAN, UNEMPLOYMENT
ISN'T THAT BAD, RIGHT?

IT GIVES ME PLENTY OF TIME
TO PICK UP MACRAME.

STOP WORRYING.
THIS PARTY IS GONNA BE AWESOME.

I HAVE A FEELING MS. SHAW'S
DEFINITION OF AWESOME IS
SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.

OH, MY GOD.

PRETTY AWESOME.

HO! HO! HO!

IT'S COOL, HUH?

IT'S LIKE BEING
INSIDE OF A SNOW GLOBE.

EXACTLY.

AND CHECK THIS OUT.

RIGHT?

[gasps]
SHE'S COMING, MR. TAYLOR.

IF YOU START RUNNING NOW,
YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT
TO MEXICO.

TAYLOR!

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY
AND TOTALLY INSANE?

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
WHAT HAPPENED TO
THE DOM PERIGNON,

THE LITTLE, WARM
CAMEMBERT TARTS,

OR THE STRING QUARTET
PLAYING PRETENTIOUS
CHRISTMAS MUSIC

THAT ABSOLUTELY NO ONE
HAS EVER HEARD OF?

SEEMED BORING.

[scoffs] SO YOU REPLACED THEM
WITH A BOUNCY CASTLE
AND A MALL SANTA?

HELLO, MA'AM.
WOULD YOU CARE FOR
SOME HOT CHOCOLATE EGGNOG?

THESE GLASSES
HAVE ANTLERS, MITCHELL!

IT'S A CHRISTMAS PARTY.

FOR SIX-YEAR-OLDS?

STOP IT. STOP IT.

I DID NOT MAKE PARTNER AT 33

JUST TO HAVE SOME LUNATIC
FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET!
DO YOU HEAR ME?

YES, MA'AM.

EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR,

THAT IS WHAT
THE MILTON GREEN CONTRACT
REPRESENTS TO THIS FIRM.

I MEAN, MAYBE WE COULD...
WE COULD STOP GREEN
BEFORE HE GETS HERE.

YEAH, WE CAN...
WE CAN TELL HIM THERE'S A FIRE.

SOMEBODY GET ME SOME MATCHES,
A LIGHTER, ANYTHING.

I AM GONNA BURN THIS PLACE DOWN!
DO YOU HEAR ME?

YOU ARE FINISHED.

YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND A JOB
WORKING NIGHT COURT IN POMONA BY
THE TIME I AM THROUGH WITH YOU.

YOU HAVE HUMILIATED
THIS ENTIRE FIRM!

SO, PACK UP YOUR OFFICE, TAYLOR,

'CAUSE FIRST THING
MONDAY MORNING
WHEN THE PARTNERS MEET,

-YOU WILL BE OUT OF HERE!
-[speaking French]

OH, MY GOSH!
CAN YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

MS. SHAW?

AH! MR. GREEN.

I KNOW THIS
MAY SEEM A BIT UNUSUAL,
BUT I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.

YOU SEE, MITCHELL SUFFERED
A MASSIVE HEAD INJURY RECENTLY.

SO THIS PARTY
IS ALL YOUR DOING?

COMPLETELY, MR. GREEN.

AND REST ASSURED, WE WILL HAVE
THIS WHOLE SITUATION HANDLED.

SEE THE BOY THERE IN THE CASTLE?

-THIS IS AWESOME.
-RIGHT, THE BOUNCY CASTLE.

WE ARE SO SORRY, MR. GREEN.
WE WILL HAVE THAT
REMOVED IMMEDIATELY.

THAT'S MY SON.

OH.

I JUST WANNA SAY...
THANKS, TAYLOR.

I ONLY GET HIM
ON WEEKENDS AND SOME HOLIDAYS.

AND NOT ALWAYS
EASY BETWEEN US,
I MUST ADMIT.

HE THOUGHT HE'D BE
BORED STIFF TONIGHT.

LOOK AT HIM.
[chuckles] HE IS HAVING
THE TIME OF HIS LIFE.

COOL. COOL. UM...

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I'M IMPRESSED, SHAW.

AH.

HOW DID YOU KNOW
I WAS GONNA BRING
HIM WITH ME TONIGHT?

WELL, I DIDN'T...

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY DOUBT

THAT A WONDERFUL FATHER LIKE YOU
WOULD BRING HIS SON
TO OUR LITTLE PARTY.

WE BELIEVE IN DOING OUR HOMEWORK
HERE AT SHAW, COLLINS AND TATE.

LOOK, LET'S GET
DUNNE AND COOPERSMITH
BACK IN HERE.

LET'S GET THIS EASEMENT
NONSENSE SETTLED.

WE'LL MOVE THIS THING FORWARD.

CONTRACT IS ALL YOURS, SHAW.

YOU, UH...
YOU WON'T BE SORRY, MR. GREEN.

-OH. [chuckles]
-AH.

NICE TOUCH.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

WELL...

NICE JOB, MITCHELL.
LOOKS LIKE YOU PULLED IT OFF.

CARRY ON.

JEAN-CLAUDE. [speaking French]

[whispers]
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

I DON'T HAVE
TO TAKE UP MACRAME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MR. TAYLOR.

-[giggles]
-MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[cell phone ringing]

HELLO?

OOH! I'M COMING. I'M COMING.
I'M RIGHT THERE.

I'M ON THE WAY.

CHLOE!

CAN WE TALK?

JUST... JUST A SEC.

YEAH.

I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO GIVE UP ON YOU.

DID YOU GET IT, THE PART?
CAN YOU FIX IT?

I DIDN'T KNOW IF
IT WAS GONNA BE HERE IN TIME,

'CAUSE IT HAD TO TRAVEL
HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD.

BUT I GOT IT.

[stammering] WHAT?
DID YOU WORK SOME MAGIC
OR SOMETHING?

SORT OF. AMAZON.

THERE YOU GO, SON.
GOOD AS NEW.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
IT'S STILL NOT WORKING.

PATIENCE, ROBBIE. PATIENCE.

PATIENCE? YOU SAID
YOU WERE GONNA FIX IT.

HOW MUCH LONGER
AM I GONNA BE STUCK LIKE THIS?

DON'T WORRY, SON.

I'VE BEEN DOING THIS
A LONG TIME,

AND THERE'S ALWAYS A PLAN.

ALL RIGHT,
WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THE BEAR,
PUT HIM IN THIS BOX.

THEN PUT HIM OUT
ON THE FRONT PORCH,
AND SOMEONE'S GONNA PICK HIM UP.

YOU'RE GOING?

NO, NO, NO, PLEASE.
YOU CAN'T... YOU CAN'T GO.

I'M SORRY.
THIS IS MY BUSIEST
TIME OF THE YEAR.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

WHEN YOUR DAD
WAS A LITTLE BOY,

HE ASKED FOR A BEAR
EXACTLY LIKE THIS.

BUT I BET
HE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER.

WAIT A MINUTE.

ARE YOU...

HEY, TRUST ME.

THESE THINGS TEND TO FIND A WAY
TO WORK THEMSELVES OUT.

COME ON, ROBBIE.
IT'S CHRISTMAS.

HAVE A LITTLE FAITH.

THERE YOU GO.

[rock music playing]

♪ SILENT NIGHT
HOLY NIGHT ♪

OKAY, AS SOON
AS THE LIGHTS COME UP,

I'M GOING TO NEED ALL OF
MY REINDEER FRONT AND CENTER.

ONE...

WAIT A MINUTE.
WHERE'S PRANCER?

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY PRANCER?

CHRISTMAS IS COMING
I WISH IT WERE HERE

THE VERY BEST TIME
OF THE WHOLE OF THE YEAR

I'M COUNTING EACH DAY
ON MY FINGERS AND THUMBS

[sighs]

FOR THE WEEKS THAT MUST PASS
BEFORE SANTA CLAUS COMES

[sighs]

DISTINGUISHED LEADERSHIP AWARD,
CALIFORNIA STATE
BAR ASSOCIATION.

STANFORD LAW, THIRD IN MY CLASS.

MAN, I HOPE MY PARENTS DIDN'T
BRING MY BROTHERS TO THIS.

I MEAN, THEY SEE ME LIKE THIS,
THEY'LL CALL ME SNOWFLAKE
TILL I'M 50.

♪ DECK THE HALLS
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪

♪ WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪

♪ WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR ♪

♪ GOOD TIDINGS TO YOU
AND ALL OF YOUR KIN ♪

♪ GOOD TIDINGS FOR CHRISTMAS
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR ♪

[crowd applauding]

OKAY, ROBBIE,
YOU'RE UP, HONEY.

[male electronic voice]
Your Christmas wish is
my command.

[applause]

Mrs. Brewer:
ROBBIE.

YOUR LINES, ROBBIE.

DAD!

SON.

OH, SON.

MY GOODNESS.

[stammering]
AM I ME?

[stammering]
ARE YOU REALLY YOU?

IT'S ME.

AND I PROMISE THIS TIME AROUND,
I WILL NEVER, EVER BE
TOO BUSY FOR YOU AGAIN.

AW, HE'S SUCH A GOOD FATHER.
IT'S ADORABLE.

SHUT UP, DIANE.

WE'RE BACK.

[sighs]

-[vehicle approaches]
-[horn beeps]

Radio Announcer:
That's right, boys and girls,
it's Christmas Day

here at HOLY 106.3,

which means
it's never too early

to start planning
that trip to the mall

to exchange
that Chia Pet you just opened

for something
you really wanted.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, DAD.

THANKS, KIDDO.

IT'S SURE GONNA BE
A MERRY CHRISTMAS
FOR MY CREDIT CARD COMPANY.

THAT TOOK ALL OF, WHAT,
TWO SECONDS?

WHAT DO YOU SAY, KIDDO?

AFTER BREAKFAST, WE HEAD
OVER TO THE PARK AND
CHECK OUT YOUR NEW SCOOTER?

I DON'T KNOW.
MIGHT BE A LITTLE BUSY.

I CAN SEE THAT.

[knocking on door]

OKAY. MERRY CHRISTMAS, SON.

CHLOE, HI.

HERE I AM.

WHAT ARE YOU, UH...

OH, GOD, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME
YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND

ABOUT ME SPENDING CHRISTMAS
WITH YOU AND ROBBIE.

I KNOW THIS IS
A BIG STEP FOR US.

NO, NO. PLEASE, COME IN.

HERE. IT'S THAT THING
YOU ASKED ME TO GET.

THAT THING I ASKED YOU TO GET?

YEAH, THE OTHER NIGHT,
OUTSIDE THE PARTY.

WOW. THANKS, CHLOE.

[gasps] A PUPPY!

OH, MY GOODNESS!
COME HERE, BUDDY.

-AW.
-HI.

HI, BUDDY.

LOOK AT YOUR NEW FAMILY.

I THINK I'LL CALL HIM CHEWIE.

ARE YOU SURE ROBBIE'S OKAY
WITH ME BEING HERE?

YOU SEEMED
SO CONVINCED THE OTHER NIGHT
THAT WAS WHAT HE WANTED.

YEAH, I THINK HE'LL BE FINE.

ARE YOU OKAY?

YOU HAVEN'T
BEEN YOURSELF LATELY.

UH, YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

HEY.

[cell phone vibrating]

-SORRY.
-THAT'S OKAY.

HEY, HON.

[rock music playing]

♪ DECK THE HALLS
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ 'TIS THE SEASON
TO BE JOLLY ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ DON WE NOW
OUR GAY APPAREL ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA ♪

♪ TROLL THE ANCIENT
YULETIDE CAROL ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ SEE THE BLAZING YULE
BEFORE US ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ STRIKE THE HARP
AND JOIN THE CHORUS ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ FOLLOW ME
IN MERRY MEASURE ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA ♪

♪ WHILE I TELL
OF YULETIDE TREASURE ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ DON WE NOW
OUR GAY APPAREL ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA ♪

♪ TROLL THE ANCIENT
YULETIDE CAROL ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

[piano playing softly]

♪ SHOULD OLD ACQUAINTANCE
BE FORGOT ♪

♪ AND NEVER
BROUGHT TO MIND ♪

♪ SHOULD OLD ACQUAINTANCE
BE FORGOT ♪

♪ AND DAYS
OF AULD LANG SYNE? ♪

♪ IN DAYS
OF AULD LANG SYNE,
MY DEAR ♪

♪ IN DAYS
OF AULD LANG SYNE ♪

♪ WE'LL DRINK A CUP
OF KINDNESS YET ♪

♪ TO DAYS
OF AULD LANG SYNE ♪