Original subtitles

? ?

[satellite beam humming]

[chittering softly]

[Bing'Zoik Jones over radio] Happy MooniYum.

The day UniYum's satellite casts

- the green glow that brings out impulsivity. .. - [satellite beeps]

...which makes people shop

and do whatever else they want in any given moment.

Excited to wake up with you all tomorrow,

regretting every terrible, impulsive choice.

[gasps] Dad, MooniYum is here. MooniYum is...

here.

Buy two. Buy ten.

Buy 20.

[gasps]

MooniYum Madness has begun.

? ?

Ah.

MooniYum or MooniYikes?

A look back at the best and worst

impulsive purchases and actions of years past.

The Surgical Slicer-8000 with matching lab coat.

Ooh-ooh. The Surgical Slicer-9000 just came out.

I'm a prisoner of my every whim.

I disagree with the GHU's mandate that hospitals stay open.

We're clearly not trustworthy right now.

Zypha. Have fun. Don't die.

[mumbles]

She decided to climb the Floating Mountains of V'torg.

Ooh, let's climb the Floating Mountains of V'torg, too.

I would never. Wow, even UniYum's glow

doesn't affect my unrelenting fear of mountains.

Will I lose all of my money betting on the robo-dog races,

like I do every MooniYum?

Or is this the year Plowpy wins the day?

Some of us are above the moon's influence.

You're in the middle of getting a tattoo.

- [buzzing] - Make it bigger.

Is that Dean Yanat? From med school?

As much as I support the student's Free the Sloops club,

MooniYum is not the day to overturn a centuries-long practice. [chuckles]

We will continue to use the sloops as test subjects.

We honor their sacrifice for science.

No! Free the Sloops!

-[shouts] - [blubbers]

Fascinating. Should I call my ex?

Hey, Free the Sloops.

That's the club we started. They need me.

That's it. I'm gonna free the sloops.

No one should be tested on and prodded their whole lives.

This is probably about me and my mother.

I'm coming. It's archaic to use living beings as test subjects.

It's horrific and inhumane.

- [screeching] - [munches]

- Mmm. - Let's go free some sloops!

Do you think Motherboard sounds like the name of a winner?

[Bognoth humming]

- Father. - [chuckling]

I'm thrilled to be at one of the best hospitals

with one of the finest doctors in the galaxy.

And I'm thrilled to be with one of the best dads in the galaxy.

[chuckles]

Here's where we'll be doing your Brain Wash-N-Scrape.

I can't believe I get to perform brain surgery

on my own dear father.

Quark-Butterscotch lost? But that was my inheritance.

Oh, hello, sir. Uh...

I might be gambling with my savings, but I will not be gambling with your life.

With your life? What does he mean? What is he doing here?

Son, you're the best doctor there is,

but I've scheduled Dr. Plowp to perform my surgery.

He and I have the same alma mater.

You know I like to support my fellow Cyclops.

? La, da, da-de-dee, da ?

? Ooh, la-da, da-da-dee ? Mwah.

[both] Go, Cyclops!

[gasps] You replaced me?

Okay. Well, let's get your consciousness safely out of this body.

Bognoth, what do we know about consciousness?

Um, it's exhausting?

It can't exist without a brain or a machine for more than ten minutes

- or it will completely disappear. - [groans]

- Daddy! - He's fine.

- He's in here. - Hi, son.

You know what's funny? I can smell from in here.

Bognoth, I was doing a cloud upload of the recently dead

when your father checked in.

Will you keep an eye on it while I'm in surgery?

[rings]

Hey, I figured it out. Bet my brother's inheritance.

His password is "ILoveMyBrothers1," exclamation point, pound sign.

[gasps] That was brutal. Some irresponsible shopping could help.

I live a life of doing whatever I want whenever I want without consequence.

The glow doesn't affect me.

But my father's opinion does. [crying]

Oh, Dean Yanat.

It's Sleech. Of Sleech and Klak, successful alumni.

You may remember me as being voted "Most Likely to Die."

[laughing] I think I came up with that superlative.

Klak!

Oh! It's so good to see you.

But what are you doing here?

We're grateful to speak to you about the sloops, Dean Yanat.

As the co-founders of the Free The Sloops Society on campus,

you know this is a cause we are both very dedicated to.

But forgot about until this morning.

Of course, I love a spirited debate.

Because of MooniYum,

most students and professors are out skydiving or getting divorces.

Professor Koosk is doing both at once. [laughs]

But I must warn you, I'm able to stay resolute in our position

because I have these to counteract MooniYum's effects.

The effectiveness of glow-blockers isn't verified.

Well, I haven't bought anything in at least ten minutes.

In fact, they're so effective, I should buy another pair.

- [blubbers] Blasted glasses. - Ah!

Surprise! I put a tracking device on you and followed you here. [chuckles]

MooniYum made me do it. Is what I'll say in court. [laughs]

I also bought hovershoes.

Well, you can't hear me, you're very far away.

Ah! [laughs]

I just need to... lift with the hips, Teeb.

[grunting]

Hmm.

[Klak] Behold the humble sloop. May we honor their unwitting sacrifices.

[sighs] Remember our sloops? They were so cute.

[chittering]

Ow.

Ugh, I hate testing on you, Subject 12-A.

Yeah, it's not great.

What?! How can you talk?

Just jabbed her with a serum to heighten her language abilities.

Also did this one, who quite honestly scares me a little.

Will there be side effects?

Uh...

Shall we?

[humming]

If my dad picked Plowp to do his surgery, even though he said I was the best doctor,

does that mean I'm not the best doctor?

And if that's the case- preposterous, I know-

would I also then question everything and anything

my father has ever praised me for?

No, I refuse to believe it. There's no way I'm a bad doctor.

Would a bad doctor speed up this upload

because it's so slow and boring?

No, a best doctor would.

[chimes]

- [alarm blares] - Ah!

[all exclaim]

Where am I? The real world?

Is there anything worse? Help me, Doctor!

I don't know how.

Was father right, am I not the best doctor?

Is my life a lie?

Ah!

[gasps]

[exhales] Finally, someone good-looking.

Or am I?

Ah!

Aw.

They're just like us when we were in school.

Hello, Dean Yanat. And welcome, Dr. Sleech and Dr. Klak.

We have a list of demands...

- [buzzing] - [chattering]

Uh, was he wearing that helmet before, and crouched over like a rodent?

Whoa.

Oh. Meeting adjourned.

[both panting]

I'm the president, I say "meeting adjourned."

[metal clanking]

[gasps] This is just like that horror sim, Murder in the Vents.

[weary groaning]

[chittering]

[rope snaps]

[both shout]

This is just like that horror sim, Murder in the Nets.

Should we go on a last-minute trip to a fire planet or an ice planet?

Or a planet where time's backwards?

Yeah.

I know you're here with me, but I want all of you here with me.

Oh, this is a big story, Joomo, I can feel it.

It always is.

I remember when your other eye used to look at me, too.

[device burbles]

Mm.

Hi, Dean Yanat, Teeb Beeb here, journalist from Deep Cuts.

I have a question about Nak Nak Sleech's med school application.

It appears you never signed her Medical Clearance Form,

which means she technically

shouldn't have been allowed a medical license.

Give me a call. Okay.

Okay. Mm-mm.

[gasps]

[sighs]

Sleech, if we die, I want you to know I bought us matching funeral outfits.

- What? So did I! - [chittering]

[whimpering]

[Sleech] Ah. Sloops.

[Subject 12-A] Stop! I know them.

Let's take a beat, and kill them in five.

Is that Subject 12-A from our med school study?

It is I, Subject 12-A from your med school study.

[exhausted panting]

[indistinct chattering]

I wish we could free them all.

Don't tell anyone we didn't kill you like we were supposed to.

We should start a "Free the Sloops" club.

To change policy forever.

[gasps] We love you.

These are the sloops you released all those years ago,

experimental side effects and all.

Of course, you cursed my sister and I with the ability to speak-

the rest of the sloops aren't afflicted.

They are simpler creatures, but no less brilliant.

[growls, whimpers]

This is Sleech and Klak, they who gave us life.

[sloops chatter]

This is a MooniYum miracle.

We actually came here to convince Dean Yanat

to stop testing on sloops, once and for all.

This is good news indeed.

I have a few ideas as well,

- I can tell you all about them- - [Baghead exclaims]

Oh, boy.

Welcome, sis.

Just in time for the show.

- [electricity crackles] - [babbling]

[pants] Help. Help!

- [grunts] - Dean Yanat. Are you okay?

Help me. [groans]

Baghead. What have you done?

The helmets work, sister,

because we have the full power of MooniYum's supercharged rays.

Isn't it wonderful? [laughs]

Mind-controlled?

Baghead goes rogue sometimes

but she's my sister- what are you gonna do?

This is as horrifying as it is cute.

[panting]

Dr. Azel, I need your help. The cloud patients escaped.

I can't. I'm getting a back tattoo of my own face.

- [kissing] - Dr. Nerlo.

And Matt?

Honestly, I can kind of see it.

- [gasping] - [cloud person 1] Pardon me. Hello. - [cloud person 2] Help us!

- [cloud person 3] Excuse me. - [screams]

- Sir, please. - Bognoth,

these cloud people won't, uh, survive their afterlife.

If you don't get them back in the cloud,

they'll disappear forever.

Forever? I can't die again.

Nurse Tup, what do we do?

Buy stuff.

Ovu! Are you streaking?

- Because I am coming with you. - [groans]

Help me, please.

I am very bad at doing that.

Daddy!

Dr. Plowp, I need your help.

I'm in the middle of this Wash-N-Scrape.

I just realized there's a tiny chance

I might be bad at everything.

When I can't do something, you're supposed to do it for me.

Can't, Bognoth, you need to fix this leak.

- You're our only hope. - [whimpers]

Come on, Mooncup. Use those robot fins.

Plowp! Daddy's brain!

Sorry, sorry.

Come on, Plowpy. Focus.

[groans]

- [electric buzzing] - [Baghead cackles]

[sputters]

[speaking gibberish]

Family. Am I right?

Wow. Mind control.

The GHU hasn't even cracked this tech.

Because it's wrong.

No doctor would ever use mind control.

Oh, I would for sure.

Well, yeah, obviously we would.

But we need to set an example.

We need to save the dean.

- [Klak] Or free the sloops. - Ooh.

Or buy ice cups on the floating mountains of V'Torg.

[grunts] MooniYum is not making it easy to focus.

[all grunting]

[gasping]

Whoa. O-Okay.

Hello?

I'm looking for information on a Nak Nak Sleech.

Nak Nak Sleech? That's my sister.

- Come on in. - So you're her real brother?

No surprises hiding here?

[laughs] No, but I understand why you'd think that.

Sleech has always been wild and secretive.

When we were kids, we were always getting into trouble.

- She's my sister, through and through. - Oh. Oh.

I did have some follow-up questions.

I wish we could chat longer so I could answer them,

but I've got three dozen MooniYum deliveries arriving.

[chittering]

- [screams, grunts] - [crashes]

[Teeb laughs]

Ah.

- [knock at door] - Huh?

Hello?

I'm looking for information about my father Yuulow Moop?

Yuulow? That's my brother. Your father. [laughs]

He's dead.

"In the event of a cloud leak, try to gather all loose patients

into a backup drive until our technicians can get there."

[gasps] Daddy's Consciousness Hard Drive.

Help me, please. [moans]

[Bognoth panting]

[groans]

[groans]

Wow, I'm doing it. I'm fixing it.

Ugh. No one's looking.

[Bognoth Sr.] Son, uh, I feel rather squished.

Is this part of the brain scrape, son?

[panicked groaning]

[panting]

I-I'm on hold with cloud customer service.

[screams]

[yelps]

Capacity limits are for people without money!

[screams]

[gasps]

Bognoth, am I dead?

Oh, Father!

Your wait time has increased to six days.

Do something, you privileged fool.

[gasps] That's right. I'm a privileged fool.

Give me Dithgor. Tell her it's Bog Bog.

[snarling and grunting]

[speaking gibberish]

Oh! We're freeing the sloops.

[laughs] Yes.

Oh, man. We wanted to free the sloops.

They're being mind-controlled by the sloops.

[grunts]

[snarling]

We have to save them.

- The sloops? - No, the people.

[groans]

[panting]

[snarling and grunting]

No! The students will ruin everything.

Stop them!

[student panting]

[sloops gibbering]

[student gasps]

[gasps]

[screeching]

This is the opposite of what the club is about.

I'm really sorry.

[shouts, yelps]

Oh, my! [pants]

[laughing]

Dean Yanat, use the glow-blocker glasses

to diffuse the light of the green glow.

- [grunting] - [grunting]

- [Sleech and Klak groan] - No.

[whirring]

[beeps]

[murmuring nervously]

[all gasping]

Students, listen up.

What's the best way to disable a robo-biotic creature?

Sever the neuro-biotic cord.

- What will that do? - Kill it.

[Klak] Well, what if you're a pacifist and want to stun it?

You need to jolt the neuro-biotic cord.

Exactly. Nice work.

[crackling, popping]

Wow. That was amazing.

You would make a good teacher.

Can you get me out of this net?

Thank you for helping us, Subject-12-A.

What?

No more testing on sloops.

You're all invited to join the robotics department as students.

The only testing you'll see will be pop quizzes. [laughs]

Uh... am I invited, too,

even though I've been, you know, a little evil?

Oh, yeah. Evil means nothing if you're successful.

Your mind control technology is incredibly advanced,

and your mechanized sloop statue was fun.

Imagine what you could do with proper guidance.

Don't worry. It won't set us back.

We could start testing on baby Turnellos instead.

They can't even scream.

- [squeaks] - [gasping]

[gasps]

[chuckles] Oh, hello.

I prefer being in the bag.

Uh, sorry about her. You'd think she was the side effect. Ha!

Well, she's not. I am.

With the good influence of my sister and this school,

I will change my ways.

She won't. You're making a huge mista-

[muffled speech]

Oh. The testing really got to her mind.

Oh, no. She's always been murdery.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to buy a backpack and get an HPV shot.

I'm a college kid!

- [alarm ringing] - Bognoth. What's going on?

- I fixed it. - Huh?

I went to school with the daughter of the best friend

of the woman who owns the whole cloud tech thing.

I just put in a call and...

Uh, hi, there.

Can you get my dad back in my dad?

Thank you.

[grunts]

[groans]

Son. I heard everything.

You did what you're supposed to do when things get hard.

You used your privilege.

My boy.

[bookie grunts]

Tell Sleech not to wait for me.

[sighs]

Klak said you might want this for research.

I'm not surprised this trouble arrived with you. [chuckles]

Dean Yanat, I get that you like Klak better.

Everyone likes Klak better.

But you could have been a little more encouraging.

Dean Yanat. Teeb Beeb again.

Just following up on your missing signature

from Sleech's medical clearance document.

I suspect she may be hiding something from y...

No, I don't know where you left your FaceLaser.

Are you really going without me?

Oh, that? Yeah.

Happens all the time. Ink just disappears.

Sleech, I have always supported you.

I took a special interest in Klak

because she wasn't confident in herself.

And I didn't want her to get in her own way.

But you? [chuckles]

I never doubted you'd succeed.

Yesterday, I would have reported you for this signature thing.

After today, I believe archaic laws should be changed.

To not be able to be a surgeon

because you might get an illness? Absurd.

Well, I can't give Teeb Beeb a forged document.

And there's nothing you can do to get this document signed...

Put it on my head so I won't be liable in court.

Come on now.

Oh...

[laughs] That tickles. Oh!

[speaking gibberish]

I can't believe that all this time I was your favorite.

[chuckles] Klak will always be my favorite.

Should we buy a spaceship that's also a can opener?

Oh.

[sighs]

Mm.

Hmm.

Why would you be eating Squirty Turleys if you're allergic?

Mm.

Forged. I knew it.

[gasps]

[laughs] Oh, yes.

[indistinct chatter on TV]

[Plowp panting]

Wait, what happened there?

He basically lost all his possessions and has to work it off.

It's a six-month contract where he races like an animal.

Yikes.

[gasps]

The dean offered me a guest lecture position.

- That's amazing. - Yeah.

It'll be weird doing something without you.

Might have to get used to that.

- What? - Nothing.

Only a few minutes left of MooniYum.

[yawns] We should end with one last impulsive adventure.

Yeah. Let's do it.

[both snoring]

Ah, giddyap, giddyap!

[laughing]

[? Drinking Electricity: "Good Times"]

? Give me the good times ?

? I want them now ?

? Good times ?

? Glamour, comforts, brighter lights ?

? Love, colors, paradise ?

? Join the party ?

? Life's a game ?

? And the world turns faster ?

? Consumer credit, toys to be bought ?

? Cut-up process ?

? Life support ?

? Moral backlash ?

? And the world turns faster ?

Chirp.

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