Original subtitles

Go take and rest.

God forbid, an officer never rests while on the job.

One must always be prepared for action.

But you could also sit. - Not in Jaffa, Albert.

To tell you the truth, I'm usually on the night shift.

In this precinct, thank god, nothing much

ever really happens.

You're like that almost 20 years.

Albert, it's not the years, believe me.

Either you have what it takes to be a good cop or you don't.

Take me for an example. I was blessed with, how should I say...

A sixth sense. - Sixth? - Sixth.

What does that mean, sixth sense? Sense of sight, touch,

hearing, taste and smell all mixed together.

You've surely passed some courses. We're just inspectors.

You'll pay for that. What'll you do if a terrorist comes

into the theater with a knife? Will you run and call the police?

They didn't say a knife, only bags. - Bags?

What'll you do if a big terrorist attacks you with a knife?

I don't know. - So, you don't know. Attack me with a knife.

Why? - To demonstrate. Look me straight in the eyes.

Look in the enemy's eyes and learn his intentions. Like this.

Knife. - No, not in the stomach. Hit in the head.

Knife...

No, Albert. Not so fast. Do it slower

so that I have a chance to protect myself. Understand? Knife.

Not so hard now, loosen your hand. Albert, loosen your hand.

Loosen it. You're doing it too hard. You can't...

Forget it... Forget everything I told you.

That's enough. Rest our hand.

At ease. Ouch! - Bravo!

Welcome!

I'm a plumber, here are my tools. What's wrong?

Your grandfather's a plumber.

Thought you caught me, did you? At the most, a loiterer.

You're going to loiter in my yard. Quiet!

I'm a plumber.

What am I doing here? I don't know you.

What am I doing here? I don't know what I'm doing here.

What do you want from me?

Hello, this is Sergeant Begerano from Jaffa 3.

Chief Inspector Lefkowitz? Very good.

Burglary, Sir. I caught them with all the loot and tools.

What tools? Which tools? - Quiet over there.

I think it's Omar's gang.

They did the job without making a peep.

I spread out the men in every corner.

I brought in patrolmen by the book.

So, how come? You're asking me how come?

I'll give you three guesses, Sir.

Sure? Exactly. Who else could it be?

Please. You can hear him for yourself.

It's nothing. Cold water will do the trick.

I'm sorry. - Don't worry about it. Wait a second.

Dor, this is Dor 10, Azulai on a routine patrol.

How's it going, Azulai? - Here all is quiet, Begerano.

Everything's under control. - Thank's. - You're welcome.

Good night. Over and out.

You see, Albert? That's what I like about the night shift.

One man is responsible for the entire borough

with all its hundreds of residents.

As the sunrises, you see with your own eyes

how the whole city awakens in front of you.

A new day is born.

I don't know what to do with Azulai.

He's not a bad guy, but... - Transfer him, Lefkowitz.

Who will take him? You think there's a surplus in manpower?

Always the same answer. - Why must I renew his contract?

Do you know what he did a week ago?

He had the State Comptroller's car towed away.

We can't allow double standards, Sir.

And besides that, I didn't know it was his.

One more time and I'll boot him.

I should of fired him long ago.

So, for God's sake, get rid of him.

It's not so simple.

"All the streets are empty

All the alleyways are his..."

Shaike Ophir

"The Policeman"

A film by Ephraim Kishon

Avner Hezekihu, Zaharia Haripai, Joseph Shilach

Nitza Shaul

"If we could only turn back the clock

"What a wonderful world it could be...

"Only to have the time that's gone by

"How the world would be different.

"For at least ten years he walks between the shadows

"Again and again

"For at least ten years he walks between the shadows

"No one to love or to hate"

Written and directed by: Ephraim Kishon

I've been waiting for you. - I just came from Jaffa by foot.

What am I to do with you? - I don't feel so good.

All this baby sitting isn't worth it,

a half an hour I had to wait. - Okay, so I'm here now.

A cigarette in the morning?

Did he let you sleep? No, he didn't let me sleep at all, poor thing.

Teeth. His parents returned from a party, they just now went to sleep.

I've been waiting for half an hour. - Enough already, lets go home.

I don't have the strength. - Fine, give me the key.

Don't go in. He'll see you and cry even more. - Give him the dummy.

If at least he was ours.

What kind of problems are you causing?

You didn't let Aunt Betty sleep all night?

What's lacking in your life? You have a rich father,

and everything you could want. Go to sleep. Go to sleep.

That's the way...

"Little Nathan, puts his hand on his tummy...

"And waits for his mommy

"Oh, little Nathan."

Give it to me...

How much did they pay you? - Seven and a half, like always.

You're not giving them receipts are you? - No, I told you I'm not.

1.40 lira an hour, and also a receipt?

Avraham? You need to pay - 80 lirot for vegetables.

I don't care about your vegetables!

My future is about to be cut in a few days

and you're talking to me about vegetables.

They'll surely renew your contract. - Renew?

I'm not renewing.

Lefkowitz can come crawling on his knees.

Under the present conditions, I'm not renewing anything.

Either he offers me second sergeant and a 50 lirot raise,

or they can get along without me.

How is it that the vegetables are 80 lirot all of a sudden?

We didn't pay for over a month.

If they don't renew the contract,

I don't know what I'll do.

Avraham!

Avraham!

Here's 1.60 lira. What do you want?

I told you not to come here. She's at home. She's sick.

God forbid that she should find out that I always give you money.

God forbid. - God forbid.

Mr. Matzliach, from now on, don't come here

until the issue of the contract is taken care of.

Don't come here. There's no money. None.

May you have a long life... - Yes, yes. Enough, enough...

Amen. - Amen, and don't come anymore.

Papers, please. - What did I do?

When seeing a pedestrian in a crosswalk, slowdown and stop.

I did stop. - And that's to allow safe crossing.

We write and write,

but no one reads the rules.

The auto registration, please.

Take the registration, take the car, I don't care.

What's wrong with you? - It's my father's and he'll kill me.

You're not human. - Why do you say that?

From now on I won't be able to take the car.

What can I do? I already wrote up the report.

Cancel it. - How can I cancel it? I still have the copy.

What shall I do with the copy? - It's done, it's written.

What's wrong with you people?

So, void it, for christ sake.

I promise it won't happen again, just cancel it.

I'm begging you. It won't happen again.

Jesus, go ahead. You spoiled little kid.

You're paying for this? - Its my friend's.

He's working, so I... - 50 lirot.

What 50 lirot?

Look, it wasn't exactly a crosswalk.

The markings were faded. - It doesn't matter.

The officer wrote, regulation 67 A, 50 lirot.

Look, I'm the officer. Don't make trouble for me.

Are you paying or not?

I'll come back later. - Remember, only 15 days.

You're telling me.

Begerano, Begerano...

Sergeant Begerano? - Yes.

My wife has not been feeling well all morning.

Sometimes, actually quite often she has palpitations.

Okay, but make it quick. - Thank you.

Hello. Headquarters? - So?

Headquarters, it's Azulai. Ask how my wife's doing.

Begerano said it's okay. - Wait.

Miss Eliza, Azulai wants to know how's his wife Betty.

Over!

Rabinovitz.

Miss Betty, Avraham asks how you are.

So, so. - So, so.

So, so. - So, so.

So, so. - Thank you.

Get a move on, one, two.

Everyone, move it, get going!

Catch those over there!

Come on, come on. - Begerano, I'm closing off the area.

Okay, okay. Watchout for the redhead, she bites.

Inside, that's the way. Take her inside.

Begerano, Begerano, I'm here!

Everything's under control. Don't worry, Begerano.

Let me go. My mother's in the hospital,

and there's no one to take care of her. - I can't, I'm from the police.

I'm begging, my grandmother's in the hospital.

You said your mother. - My mother and my grandmother, everybody.

Let me go.

I'm a minor, can't you see? Let me go this time.

Thank you very much. - Good, now run quickly.

Azulai, are the two of you embracing over there? Bring her in.

I'm sorry, but I can't, we've been seen. Maybe next time.

You're all the same. - I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry, you little shrimp.

Let's go, let's go. - Stop it!

Two days in a rest home. No special treatment.

Here's another bird. Take her!

I think we were very successful in today's operation.

I'm sorry, Sir, I can't take it any longer.

You'll say as always that I'm attacking him.

We catch ten prostitutes and half of them go home.

They escape from his very hands. In the end he catches a skinny

little thing like this. "Please, go up, please go down"

What's this... Begerano, what do you want from me?

I want to know if they're renewing his contract or not.

Under no circumstances! - That's it? - It's finalized.

What they're booting him? - This time it's definite.

But I want you to do it with feelings.

With diplomacy. - Me? - Yes. - Why me?

What, a sergeant fires someone? - There are times. - No way!

Begerano, for christ sake. - I can't.

He's like a kid. He cries, you know.

I can't. No, no I can't.

Sergeant Begerano, that's an order. - I'm refusing to follow orders.

Fine, then you're fired! - Okay.

Wait a minute. - It's just fine. - Begerano, what's with you?

Can I talk to you for a second? Begerano?

Azulai, it's good that you came. Come in.

What's in your hand? - Not reports, Sir.

My wife sends hot burecas straight from the oven.

Thanks for the burecas, Azulai.

When exactly does your contract terminate?

Pretty soon, Sir. - The 18th of March.

About then. - Not about then, but exactly then.

Look, Azulai, you know that my relation to you was always

more than friendly, right? You must understand.

There are times when one must really look at himself

and draw conclusions.

At times this is uncomfortable and even painful...

I'm willing to admit.

But we shouldn't let these things get in our way...

Fire!

Fire!

Fire!

Okay, we'll continue this conversation another time.

Go on, Azulai. Go to your patrol. Go ahead now.

And for once, straighten your pants!

Lefkowitz said he's eaten lots of burecas.

But burecas that delicious,

he's never tasted in his whole life.

Lefkowitz likes you?

What do you want? It's been 15 years together.

We started off together. Betty, come over here and have a look.

Stop it! Stop it!

Private Lefkowitz, Private Begerano,

Private Azulai. - Who's this next to you?

The Minister of Police. - Who? - The Minister of Police.

Nice.

They all went on to be officers.

I don't like paper work.

I prefer direct contact.

Sure.

Attack as a group!

Don't bash any heads, except in self-defense.

Take them down one at a time. Carefully, and with feelings,

but firmly. Lets go!

Don't withdraw! Use truncheons.

But Sergeant Begerano, maybe it would be better without violence.

Stones are not violence? - Yes, but they see it differently.

Azulai, leave me alone! - Do you got something against me?

Let me have a chance. - Oh, really. Don't be daft.

How to you want me to excel

if you don't give me an opportunity? - Azulai, shut up!

I'm telling you, Begerano. I'll neutralize them in 5-10 minutes.

I have a system. I have a solution.

Begerano, what are we to do? - We don't do a thing.

Not a sole moves from his position.

The honored officer Azulai has a solution. Please.

Bring a stretcher.

Gentlemen, quiet. - Sabbath! Sabbath!

Please, do me a favor, a personal favor.

I want to prove to my sergeant that it's possible to end this

without violence. Gentlemen. - Sabbath! Sabbath!

Quiet!

He's really nuts. - He's not nuts, he's an Epicurean.

I'm not an Epicurean, I just want to speak with you quietly.

I thought he was sephardic. - Is he ever sephardic.

Gentlemen, could we please have some quiet here, for God's sake.

How dare you take the Lord's name in vain, you good for nothing.

Maybe I'm a good for nothing, but where in the Torah is it written

that throwing stones at a police officer is a good thing? - It is.

"And the officers of the children of Israel were beaten"

That's Book of Exodus, chapter 5, verse 14.

Excuse me, but that's arbitrary.

That's taking the words out of context. It's not fair.

It's as if I'd ask you, let's say, which prophet said:

"And the Lord roars out of Zion, and utters his voice from Jerusalem

Amos. Chapter 1, verse 20. - Only Amos? - Yes.

Well I have news for you. The Prophet Joel said the same.

Yoel, chapter 4, verse 15. - 16. - 16, oh right, excuse me.

Where is there a connection between a dress and an officer?

"Thou hast a dress be thou our ruler."

Azulai, Azulai! - Just a second.

That's in Proverbs.

Well done! - Well done...

May I join in? - Please.

When did the Jews sit in a sukkah on Passover?

"When Israel went out of Egypt, the house of Yaacov from strangers..."

Nice guy this cop. Tell me something,

what prophet admonishes the people on light and darkness?

That would be Isiah. It's a nice chapter.

"Woe to them that call evil good, and good evil;

"that put darkness for light, and light for darkness;

"that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

"Woe those wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!

"Woe those mighty to drink wine, and warriors to mingle strong drink

"Who justify the wicked for bribe, and take away the righteousness...

Azulai, are you religious?

No, I'm asking you out of curiosity.

The first time in my career that I heard of a uniformed officer

dispersing of a demonstration with a Bible quiz.

It's a little... unconventional, no?

Where do you know all that stuff from the Bible?

It's fantastic! No need to be ashamed!

Azulai, do you truly believe?

Maybe you will finally answer me.

Look, Sir, in the Old City lived a wiseman called Isaac.

Once on the Sabbath the worshipers asked him:

"How do you make one a believer in God?"

He replied: "Why worry yourself over this? It would be better if

"you would concern yourselves with your own deeds and behavior

"so that God will believe in you."

That's obvious.

No, my grandfather went every Sabbath...

to the synagogue. - To the synagogue.

Azulai, you surprise me. You genuinely surprise me.

You're a true scholar.

But why do you want to be a police officer?

The police force is my whole life, Mr. Lefkowitz.

Avraham, do you want to hear some good advice from me?

Take your contract, who's there?

The delegation of French officers.

Commander,

it is our pleasure to bless you on behalf of the Parisian police force.

You speak French? - Of course...

No, no I don't. Not French.

Bring someone to translate. - To translate? Just a second.

How's it possible that nobody speaks French?

Tell me, who speaks French among us?

Azulai. - Who? - Azulai. - I said French.

Azulai. - Are you sure? Thank you very much.

Come here.

Do you know French? - What? I know a little.

Good, so bless them in my name and that of the police force.

Etc, etc, etc...

Take your hand down.

So, I should translate? - Yes.

In French? - Sure, what else? Put your hand down.

Ladies and gentlemen, translate.

It's like this. My boss said that... - Do you speak French?

Yes, I speak it, but not in a long while

have I had an opportunity. That's why I'm confused.

The boss asked if I could help out with something.

Listen, that short police woman...

What are they saying? What are they saying?

No need to ask permission to speak with the police woman.

By the way, she speaks French. She happens to be Moroccan.

What are they saying?

Have you been to Paris? - I've never been to Paris.

Maybe I'll visit once in Paris.

Take a piece of paper and write down the address.

Pardon me. They're inviting me to Paris.

They're giving me their address in Paris.

Write down Dipon, Amil...

It's not okay.

You're speaking only of yourself, you need to speak also about me.

As if we're brothers, no?

The little cop is simply charming, but the big one...

Sir, Commander Lefkowitz is the best commander in the world.

The disco that I saw on the beach, near the ocean.

Yes, near Hayarkon Street. You just need to go down...

I'm Commander Lefkowitz I'm Commander Azulai.

Mr. Shector, pardon me. What's this 41 lirot?

41 lirot and 65 agurot. - 65 agurot, yes?

They subtracted all the loans that you received this year, Azulai.

Why? - Against the contract.

Are you renewing? - I still haven't decided.

To tell you the truth. I have my doubts.

Azulai, let it be. You have 20 years.

You'll get a nice pension. - There are other considerations.

Tell me, Mr. Shector, how much is the pension

for a first or second class sergeant?

70 lirot more than you.

So, very well and best of luck, Azuali.

In what am I to succeed? - Whatever you do.

I told you, never come to the station!

Until I renew the contract,

I don't want to see you here at all.

Besides that, I gave you 1.30 lira the day before yesterday.

Tell me, what did you do with the money?

It's for food, not for luxuries.

Okay, now I'll give you a lira.

Take it and get out.

Blessings, Mr. Matzliach.

About the contract?

About the contract, a renewal!

May your renewals prosper, and your wages multiply

May your silver weigh you down, oh, graciousness. - Amen.

Shalom.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't let you go

and Begerano, he saw me.

I hope that you're not particularly angry with me.

It's not a big deal, I already forgot about it.

Are you now on duty? - Yes, a routine patrol.

Without... - Not out looking for working girls? - No, my lady.

Jesus, stop with the "my lady"!

Wow, you're blushing! My word, you're really blushing.

You make my day. You're not like all the other cops.

Why not?

You're nice.

You're not so bad yourself...

Like a girl that... - I know,

that's why I'm successful with the clients.

No matter where I stand, every car stops.

I'm a red light.

May I ask you a personal question?

Ask already.

Do you report it? - Report what?

On... is it official, or without receipts?

What receipts? It's not enough we work in this profession.

We should pay them as well. The shame isn't enough?

Where are you? - I'm in uniform.

Does your father know that you? - What father? I don't have a father

Have you ever thought about a different line of work?

What's wrong with this? - No, nothing...

I have a young lady friend, like you.

Lady friend! - Yes. She did a nursing course.

Now she wears a white uniform with a red star on it.

How much does she make? - How much? With overtime she makes 450.

- A month? - Yes.

Okay, so I make that on one Saturday.

Yes, but she's satisfied at her job.

So am I, sometimes.

This is a profession just not recognized by the government.

Now, maybe they'll make it official.

I'm not bothering you on the job.

You're a sweetheart. Bye. - See you.

What's your name? - Mimi.

Mimi...

Quiet boys, he's coming.

Hold your horses, Joe. Tell them to drop the guns.

I want the microfilm.

I want Sali.

You'll pay for that.

That's a dangerous choice.

You bastard.

That's for murder.

Big boy.

It's only you and I.

You're as good as dead. Shut up or I'll shoot.

Doniven, lets talk.

Sorry to have kept you waiting, darling -Doniven...

With your permission, gentlemen!

Archie, we're going home.

Heads up! Look smart!

About face! Left, right, left, right! Left...

Department halt! Right face! Left face! Rigt face!

On the left, forward march!

Eyes front, step in place.

Heads up! Look smart!

Is that your best Police Day look? Repeat!

On the left, forward march!

Left, left, left right left!

About face!

Left, right, left.

Left right, left right, left right, left...

Step in place.

Department! Halt! Forward march!

Heads up!

Department halt! At ease! Dismissed!

"Arafat left for Cairo"

Sergeant Begerano, Begerano, Sergeant Begerano.

You're writing a report? - What report? Don't stutter.

A behavioral report for end of contract? - I must, Azulai.

Sure, it's part of your job, well done.

No, I just wanted to know if that's a general report that you're writing

or a very detailed one. I don't want to interfere.

Just... in the end you'll write: "A good, trustworthy, devoted

"officer who fulfills his duties above and beyond the required".

I didn't want to interfere. You're the sergeant and I'm in your charge.

You must do what you must, and I must do what I must.

Everyone according to his abilities.

I'll bring him malaria, not burecas.

I'm not suited to be an officer. It's not for me.

Don't you have anything to say about that?

Why aren't you suitable? I think you're a very good policeman.

It's very important what you think.

You should hear how people talk about me as an officer.

What difference does it make? - You're downright amazing.

Nothing bothers you.

Every recruit, becomes a duty officer. Detective. I'm on patrol.

But you... what does it matter?

No, no, it's very important. You're right.

Don't get righteous on me all of a sudden. I know you.

Everybody else goes home, first thing his wife asks him:

"Did you get a raise?" He says: "No". She doesn't let up on him.

She pesters him. "You're such a cheapskate", always nagging at him.

But with you! No raise, no big deal.

Everything is nice and wonderful.

You're satisfied with everything, in the whole world.

You're just like your mother, may she rest in peace.

What's that? Who's that? - A picture. - Who's in the picture?

It's a picture! I know what picture. There are lots of them.

Probably fell on the way to work somewhere.

Straight into your pocket? - You know what? Throw it away.

Tear it up. You think I care? Is it my picture?

You know what? Tear it up and throw out my police certificate.

Why? - Why? It's not enough to tear the picture one time?

You have to shred it up into little pieces?

Fold it a little, throw it in the garbage, and be done with it.

I can see in your eyes that you think there's something between us.

Betty, stop it. Bettty, stop.

Sorry.

Police, a routine patrol. - Hello, what police? What's routine?

Even if it's routine, you're on the job? - I'm on the job 24 hours a day.

I'm very sorry, Sir. Okay, just a second.

How much does a good ticket in the center cost? - 3.80 lirot.

Both of them? - No, each. - Lets go.

You don't know Albert? - I don't know anyone.

Let them in. - What, without a ticket?

He'll guard. Do you know who that is? - Who is he?

We missed the news report. - Doesn't matter.

I'm here every evening.

That's how the youth are corrupted. They see the film,

go home, and do the same kinds of things.

Can I smoke? - Are you crazy? It's forbidden. 100 lirot fine.

Hello, smoking is forbidden!

Lets go downstairs. This isn't a good spot.

No need. - Yes there is.

Aved, throw that out now.

What happened?

They caught a terrorist. - Where?

Musa, call the police.

Get him off me!

Speak Hebrew! Hebrew!

I'm a policeman!

I'm a policeman!

I caught him, the terrorist.

Azulai, what terrorist? Don't you know me?

Shalom, Sergeant Begerano. - Good evening, Omar. How are you?

You don't know Omar? - No, but now I've met him.

For 10 years you've been passing by him in Jaffa.

The suspect laid explosives, and I gave an order to get rid of them.

I'm sorry Begerano. All the signs clearly pointed

to a PLO member. Nervousness. Dark skin.

I'm dark skinned, me?

If I'm dark skinned, then you're Superman.

Okay, lets conclude the incident. - First he needs to apologize to me.

I'm an Arab? - I didn't mean anything personal.

It was just the alertness of a law man. - He almost strangled me.

He bit me here. - Where's that?

Okay, give me your hand.

Omar! Omar!

Excuse me. - Good.

Okay. Let bygones be bygones.

Forget it. Everything will be alright.

Forgive me.

The film's a little tiring, no? - But rather risque.

Nude bodies everywhere.

Will you eat something? Maybe the lady? - No, thank you.

We already ate at home. - It's okay, it's on me.

Okay, a little something. - 3 steaks well done

with all the side dishes for my guests.

But not like in a dump. Give us a nice table fit for humans.

Serve the man!

Would you like something to drink? Maybe the lady?

Raspberry. - Do you have raspberry?

What, raspberry? Arak. - No, she's not allowed.

A nice bottle of Arak and a glass of raspberry for the lady.

Raspberry? - Raspberry! I see they know you well.

You could say so.

Good girl. Orphan.

To the Jaffa police. - L'chaim!

To the Azulai family. - L'chaim, Betty!

That's what I like.

Wow, what can I tell you?

The moment I saw you at the movies,

I saw the two stripes right here.

And I'm usually not mistaken. - I'm sorry, Azulai.

But I'm not a terrorist. - In any case, I saw a bomb, an Arab...

No, not an Arab... - It doesn't matter.

Right, we have something against Arabs?

I grew up with them. - You grew up with them?

In my book you're a far cry from Arabic anything.

You've got blue eyes, don't forget.

What do blue eyes have to do with anything?

There's no Arab with blue eyes? - None. - Excuse me,

the Arabic that you're speaking is a rural dialect?

What sort of Arabic do you speak? - I speak proper Arabic.

The proper Arabic language. - Welcome.

So, listen:

"The cock and the fox.

The cock was on the tree, and the fox came by and said:

"Cock, I brought you good news, better than the wind in the rain.

"The trust and the honor prevails between us."

Bravo, my good friend.

Praise the Jews and the Arabs. Two brothers, cousins,

and let there be peace and brotherhood.

And also an alliance of culture and commerce.

L'chaim! - Cheers!

You know, I'm a shitty cop.

I'm a disgrace to the Israeli police. - Don't be silly.

Believe me, I never spoke this way to anyone.

But you're my friend, and I need to tell you the truth.

You were my last chance in the Israeli police force.

Believe me, I'm sorry, but I'm not a terrorist.

I don't blame you. I don't blame you.

But it's a shame, such a pity.

But now I'm going to fly like a bird in the sky

who got kicked in the butt and flew quite high.

To a place where there aren't any police nor thieves.

Nothing at all.

Come dance, Avraham. Don't be sad. Come on.

Lets get out of here.

Are you high?

Left right, left right, left right, left...

Department, halt! Right left, forward, march!

You call that marching? Stick out your chests.

Left, right, left...

What is this headquarters or an amusement park?

Get that crap down now!

It's very fresh. Spinach. - Don't want spinach, nor burecas.

Don't want anything. Avraham Azulai, Greek dancer,

meritorious terrorist hunter, I have the honor to announce...

Azulai, no pressure.

This time it's not going to work.

I'm officially telling you,

as your commander, that with the completion of your contract

I'll have no option... Who's that?

Mr. Lefkowitz, the delegation...

Where did you go? Where did you disappear to?

I couldn't. I worked at night, but today I'm free.

But this evening we're leaving.

They came to bid farewell. They're flying out. - Thank God.

What did he say? - He said that he's sorry you're leaving so soon.

I'm also sorry because I would have taken him to a discotheque.

He would have seen my girl.

She has a fine set of thighs.

They have high regard for the overall organization of the police.

Azulai, Azulai. She has tits... like grapefruits.

And resourcefulness...

Guys, it's getting late. We must be going to the airport.

Can you accompany us to the airport?

Commander, can he come with us to the airport?

Yes, it's possible. - Yes, yes.

Good-bye, Sir.

Azulai? Where are you going?

You said that I may accompany them to the airport. - What?

Thank you very much, Azulai.

See you.

Put your hands up. - What are you doing here?

I came because of you. So, you can blush now.

Are you joking? - Again you're blushing.

Why are you looking around all the time?

Fine, lets go to our spot.

Please. - Sincere thanks.

It's so cold today. - Today is especially cold.

How I'd like to meet you one day out of uniform.

Just as a person. - Maybe in another week Ms. Mimi,

you'll have the opportunity to meet me as just a person. - Vacation?

Vacation without pay. - I hope you don't leave.

I decided... we decided, Commander Lefkowitz and myself,

a joint decision that maybe I should finally remove the uniform.

So we won't be meeting anymore?

Look, Ms. Mimi, I thought that maybe,

so as to avoid any unpleasantries, I'll tell you now.

I'm married. - No! - I'm not lying.

Do you love her, your wife?

She's a good woman. Takes care of me, like her own son.

Children? - She can't.

I don't know why, but I really like you.

Whenever you want, I live over there by the motel.

Ask for Mimi. No charge. - Thank you.

You know, I also thought about it a lot.

But I didn't tell you, Mimi, I'm a Cohen, and it's forbidden.

Besides that, I wouldn't be able to take that step.

Which step? - To divorce her.

It would be the end of her.

But maybe once, we'll make some kind of an arrangement.

Mazel Tov!

Mazel Tov!

Mom, stop it! - Why?

Where's the police?

Lets get him. - Get on!

Faster. Faster.

Lets see your papers. The auto registration.

You're endangering pedestrians.

You may consider yourself under arrest from this moment.

Akiva, what's going on here?

Officer Azulai is teaching driving.

Sir, we're on a chase after the carefree driver.

I took down the number. - Azulai, this time you're really finished.

By the end of the week you're be booted from the force. - But why?

I almost had them. Me and these two civilians.

Which two civilians? Can't you see that that's a stolen car?

Only a blind fool couldn't see that.

Poor guy, they fired him. - Ain't no justice in the world.

Call immediately to Yona, Tzion, the Yemeni, and Horowitz.

It's not a cop, it's a co-op. You don't get it?

Tally how many of our jobs went off without a hitch, thanks to him.

That's a cop who's been cooperating with us for years, without knowing.

Due to that he doesn't get promoted.

But he's a cop, no? - What cop? That's a cop?

He's more of a nurse. - Very funny.

Besides that, I like him. I'm his friend. - Friend?

Ass hole, you don't get it?

If they fire him, and replace him with a different cop,

that will be the end of the good life for you.

In two weeks you'll be on the inside. - What do you want from me?

That I should break-in and get caught

so he'll get a promotion? Great!

Why not? - Horowitz, you said why not?

Not a bad idea. It's a question of planning. - Planning?

Alright. Why not? We'll commit him a crime. - Who'll do it?

But not just any crime, something really nice.

A real crime. - A gas station.

Yes, yes, but armed or unarmed?

That's important, right, Omar?

How much for being armed at a gas station? - Depends on the judge.

Rubinstein. - 15 years. - Not a chance.

Doesn't interest me. I'm out. - Wait!

Arguing, discussing, getting advice.

What's wrong? You're already doing time. - We'll break in the new guys.

Which attorney? - 2000 cash. - Two weeks on probation.

What's wrong? One has to go in for years?

Yemeni, you're already doing a good deed, so do it with all your heart.

But why me? - Why does it matter who it is?

The main thing is that it will be okay. - Okay, fine, but what?

The monastery. Religious articles.

What, again? We already put that one off, no?

Can't get a good price today for a crucifix and a holy curtain.

This isn't about a good deal. It's politics. - It's good politics?

It's good for the officer.

Horowitz, how much for the monastery?

Don't keep it from me? - Me? - A high average lawyer.

Judge Shinderman. - Shinderman.

Clean past? - No.

And don't forget a third off for good behavior.

That's taken for granted, Yemeni.

Six months.

That's it, as far as I'm concerned we can begin.

Okay, okay...

Where is he? On the rounds in Old Jaffa.

Well, get a move on.

There's a burglary. They broke into a store.

This is the store? - Yes.

It's been broken open? - No? - No! Can't you see that it isn't?

Okay, it's not been broken. What do you want from me?

Come here.

Go to the pick up point. - Okay.

Horowitz, what do we need

all this bullshit for to bring him here?

Put him in a taxi and that's it.

He needs to think that he's discovered the break-in by chance.

Plan B, "Quasimono".

Smart ass! Come here, come here.

What are you doing? Follow me.

Not moving. - Another round!

"Quasimono" didn't take the bait.

Call out the gang to stage a fight. - It's busy. - Send the kid.

Go to the restaurant, the phone is busy. - Hurry.

Lady!

Put the phone down. - Lady!

I'm talking! - Christ almighty.

Hey, I'll kill you!

Can't you see, he'll kill him over there. - Okay.

They're just showing muscle. No need to interfere.

Going. Leaving. Tired. Sad. - Don't tell me tired and sad.

Let the knives go down.

No!!

Stop! Stop! Come here, stop!

Hey, I don't want to arrest you. I want to help you.

The cop is moving.

He's on his way. - I heard.

Give a little smile. - Get out of here or I'll smash your head.

To do six months for him?

You're all a bunch of mother fuckers.

Boy, you're wounded! Let me help you.

They're coming! They're coming!

Thieves, thieves... - Not yet, you ass.

Why are you running off at the mouth?

Thieves! Robbers!

They pinched the whole monastery. Officer, a robbery at the church.

Robbery! - I hear! Are there any wounded?

Are you a priest? - What, I work in the church.

Are you alone? Where are the other priests? - What's that?

The priest. They're still there. They can't leave the place.

What are they philosophizing over? Idiot. Some fuck'n priest.

How many thieves were there in all? - Don't know, they didn't tell me.

Of course they wouldn't tell you. - No, I heard shooting. - Shooting? - Yes.

So it was armed robbery? - And the crucifix jumped. - Don't be afraid.

They went that way. - Don't worry, you're safe with a man of the law.

They came by here. - Let me do my job. Let me write the report.

Get out of here, you imbecile, go on.

That man is blind. Got to drag him over to the the storeroom.

Leave him alone. He's a little agitated. - What's wrong with him?

Ring the bell.

The cop is deaf. - Trust him, he'll come around.

Good, now don't hang around here.

Folow me and keep talking as if nothing happened.

Doesn't matter on what, just keep the trap moving.

I was born in Batzra, Baghdad. As an infant I moved to Israel.

Talk. Messing up the whole deal.

My parents wanted me to study welding.

But... - Talk, talk. Now watch what tactics I use.

Watch me.

Put your hands up! - You got me. - What did you think?

What is the Israeli police doing, just making out reports?

Hands in the air. Hands up and don't move.

Genius. - So they say.

Got a token?

To break into the post office? - Idiot!

Do you have a phone token?

Who are you calling?

To the precinct. - 82284? - Yes. That's not a problem.

Hello, precinct? - What? - Azulai caught me. Talk.

Headquarters?

Tell me, you think it's so funny?

I caught you red handed, don't forget.

Do you know what you'll get for this? - Six months.

Regards from Omar.

Raise your hands. Lift your legs.

The aforementioned displayed resourcefulness and courage beyond

the call of duty when storming single handedly a gang of thieves

and returning to the Jaffa Church the... what's it called?

Objects... - Rare religious articles.

Hereby avoiding for the government any unwanted complications.

The Dept. Chief is awarding him with the rank of first class sergeant.

Pardon me.

Hello. Yes. Ah, yes, my dear. What do you want?

200 gram minced. Yes.

Sergeant first class. They promised second class and gave first. - An honor

Lamb? Okay, but...

Send, your mom for once to...

What about the boy? He can't... so good. Okay, good.

Okay. It's exactly at 7:15 this evening.

I'm sorry. Where was I? - My rank. - What?

First class sergeant. - Yes.

And for these outstanding actions we've gathered together to celebrate.

Accept my blessings, Avraham.

Here are your stripes, and here's your certificate.

Congratulations. - Thank you, sir. - All the best to you.

Along with this, Sergeant Azulai, I've been asked to announce

that your contract will not be renewed this time.

You'll retire with all the rights

and with full benefits of a sergeant in the Israeli police force.

They're not extending it? - No, no...

Why not? Now with the rank

I could have contributed so much more.

It's not necessary. They don't need any contributions.

Now that you're at the top. Now is the time to move on.

They're not renewing. - Surely a mistake.

In addition, you receive as a gift a watch from the police force.

It's on the occasion of your retirement. I hope it's engraved.

And that's it. All the best to you. What were you saying about a trip?

That was the ceremony? - Yes, yes.

You could have brought a few more people...

We could have sent another couple cars.

We can't take care of everything.

Chief... Mr. Lefkowiz. - On this special occasion...

On this special occasion, let me present you with...

burecas. - Thank you, Mrs. Azulai. - Your quite welcome.

Very nice. Thank you.

He won't forget. He's short on manpower.

Okay, don't bother me about it. Take care of it.

No problem. We'll apply pressure. We'll manage.

It will be fixed. Don't worry. - Okay, but I don't want to deal with it.

We have a new informer. Really good, by the way.

Oh, did you know that I'm getting a new car?

On the 7th of the month. - How nice. Really wonderful.

Stormed single handedly and saved the country by his resourcefulness.

It doesn't matter, we've got a pension.

Wait a second. I forgot something.

Mr. Lefkowitz? - What Azulai?

May I ask you something?

Did I receive the rank for the robbery or for my tenure?

Of course it was for the robbery. - So don't I deserve?

I think this was arranged.

The boys in Jaffa organized this for me.

What, what, Azulai? The guys organized the robbery for you,

so that you'd receive first class sergeant? Can't be. - Seriously, I...

No, you must be a little excited from the ceremony, the watch,

the ranks, from this whole day. Never mind, Azulai.

I told you, and besides that I'm not a recruit.

I'm finally 20 years on the Israeli police force...

Why Arafat? - That's what it said in the papers.

Sorry.

May I come visit at the station?

Call first.

Avraham...

Your pants.

Betty, your covering up the stripes.

To the left.

Department! To the right.

"The Policeman"

Subtitles: Elrom Studios

"The Israeli Theater of Ephraim Kishon"

Subtitles: Elrom Studios

What, what does he want? - Nothing, it's just a watch.

But the noise bothers me.

This is Salach Shabati's transit camp.

A new satirical film by Ephraim Kishon and

produced by Menachem Golan, has recently been completed.

The film was directed by the writer himself and Haim Topol leads

a cast of Israel's best actors. The technicians came from abroad.

First of all I need housing.

When I made my first films,

this little building was the studio.

Gentlemen! Over there was Salach Shabati. It began with us building...

There was a even restaurant inside.

There're buildings, a synagogue. We built everything right here.

On the first day of filming I arrived and said:

"Gentlemen, how do you make a movie?" Nobody knew.

Someone said that he had once been a grip somewhere.

He was a large fellow by the name of Gross.

He said that we have to watch out for...

The eye will always catch...

We didn't understand a word he said. But I said: "Fine, lets try it".

So we did it like an intelligent man makes a movie.

And how would an intelligent man do anything?

Every scene was illustrated.

I draw sketches of all my films.

Stop it, what are you doing here?

This was Mr. Borboim's forest.

For them we need a new forest.

You, you're fired!

Me? - Yes, you!

May the Lord be blessed.

In Green Onion he played Salach Shabati in various sketches.

Not like this. Not with a beard. He was always excellent.

But in the actual film he was one of a kind.

Mr. Shabati, you are Sephardic,

and with all due respect, you must try and adapt yourselves

to the ways of our developed country

and quickly forget about

all those barbarian customs you brought with you from over there.

To forget? Why should we forget?

You are always wanting us to forget what isn't good for you.

Why? Why does the Mr. And Mrs. Eat schnitzel everyday?

Beautiful songs, such lovely songs,

These songs are not good.

But the radio plays the symphony in La Minor all day long.

It's enough to make you go crazy. And that's good?

Attending the the grand premier of the Israeli film "Salach Shabati"

at the "Chen" theater in Jerusalem

were the president, members of the government and ministers.

At the end of the film, Haim Topol who played Salach Shabati,

Ephraim Kishon, the writer and director, and Menachem Golan,

the producer received a round of applause.

At the first screening almost all the Israeli critics got up.

And said: "Ephraim, excuse me." They didn't even wait for the end.

They left. My wife, Haim Topol, and me went to Herziliya.

We sat in some restaurant.

Then my wife said to me:

"Ephraim, you should stop making films. It was awful."

Then Haim said to me: "I regret it, Ephraim,

but you can have my shares for next to nothing."

They hadn't finished speaking and tickets were sold out for the week.

A total of 1,300,000 saw the film.

The entire population was about 1,500,000.

The success was so grand, both locally and worldwide.

In New York it ran for nine months.

For nine months from morning till night it ran in Little Carnegie.

So I had no choice but to continue.

Excuse me, Comrade Shabati,

in what manner do you wish to receive what you're deserving of?

In the form of money.

Yes, I... I understand, but in how many installments?

It doesn't matter, just so it's a lump sum in the palm of my hand.

We found one.

"Arbinka"

Police!

Come quickly. - What happened? - What, did something happened?

Hault my friend, stop! - We went for just a moment.

Just a moment!

The filming of Ephraim Kishon's new film "Arbinka"

has recently been completed in the Herziliya studios.

The best of Israel's actors took part in the film.

Alex Thomson, the photographer, was brought over from London

to film the adventures of the infamous Tel Aviv prankster

Arbinka, played by Haim Topol.

In his performance there's not a trace

of Salach Shabati, his last roll on the big screen.

Your auto registration, please. - I don't have it.

You don't have it, that's nice. Clause 23. What about insurance, sir

I don't have any. - You don't have any.

No insurance. - No insurance. Actually I don't have a car.

No car.

We wanted to prove that Haim

could be young if he wanted to. A really nice film.

I swear I'm going crazy. I'm kissing the authorities.

That young cheeky fellow that doesn't want to work?

Only interested in winning the lottery, and in the end robs

the lottery under the guise of filming a movie.

Quiet! Filming.

So what do you say? Should we shoot it again?

I'll tell you, it will never look a 100% natural.

But for an Israeli film it's not bad.

Sheike was a genius.

He was a genius on stage, and on the big screen.

His intuition is remarkable. He was born with what it takes.

Surely you can identify the man that attacked you.

Of course I can. He held a gun

Forty tickets. Where are the police?

We're here ma'am. We are the police.

Look over these men.

Identify the one who attacked you and point at him. See, like this.

That's the man!

Just an example.

Please.

That's him!

Lady, what are you kidding us?

He was here with us all day long.

Do you remember approximately which minute? - You're joking.

No, no, no, wait a minute.

I promise you,

you're not to be giving us orders what to do and what not to do.

In this city I'm the one giving the orders

about what you can do and not do.

The sound track that I was given had a lot of background noise

due to the fact that it was an old film much like old cassettes.

And of course the sound track was mono.

We converted it to a "surround" system.

This way we were able to add layers of additional sound like tractors

and things like this from the side and back speakers.

An additional effect was similar to that in the film "Earthquake"

for those who remember, and for those who go to the movies today,

we added a type of strong sound frequency on a low level

that can suddenly shake the whole house,

especially in the scene where they're eating supper.

All of a sudden the table shakes and everyone at home can feel it.

It's an outrageous vibration and an incredible experience.

"The Blaumlich Canal"

Enough!

Enough!

The filming of Ephraim Kishon's movie "The Blaumlich Canal"

are in process on Alenby Street

that was constructed in the Herziliya studios.

A mad man that escaped from a mental institution dug a canal

the length of the road that acts as Tel Aviv's main artery

and had it filled with water.

This is the way Alenby Street was. That building wasn't there.

But the street went on endlessly.

We dug the canal. It was at least - 30 meters long. It was very wide

because all the boats and demonstrations were there,

but the road itself was 50-60 meters.

But once again it was all only a facade.

By the dimensions...

I said, partly in jest, that this was Israel's "Titanic".

Bumba sat here and asked: "What are my lines?"

I said: "You say Blaumlich"

Blaumlich

Blaumlich

I said that's all, that's your line. He didn't say "Yes"

He captured the audience with his oddity. He didn't need to speak.

...that damn municipality.

Did I request that Alenby be opened?

Let me have a go at it.

It's my first time. How do you do it? Press here?

Take it, take it. Here it goes, here it goes.

My line is dead.

Maybe in this huge studio it was the first time...

The scene at the mayor's.

We built rooms here and filmed a lot.

It was very pleasant to work in this studio.

This is her underpants...

Just one moment.

Listen, Shultheis,

my department and myself are responsible for repairs on Alenby.

You and your department aren't even capable of mending a pair of socks.

Out!

Come on already!

You, not me. - Get out of Tel Aviv-Jaffa.

I despise you!

Fire!

"Officer Azulai"

Allow me.

Why do you want to be a police officer?

The police force is my whole life, Mr. Levkowitz.

Sir, we're in a situation that...

They're driving wildly...

You were my last chance in the Israeli police force.

I'm sorry, but I'm not a terrorist.

I wrote "Officer Azulai" as a movie from start to finish,

just like "Blaumlich Canal".

And I wrote with one actor in mind.

For Sheike Ofir.

Maybe I am ignorant,

but where does the bible say that stoning police is permitted?

The accused causes problems and interferes with routine police work.

He is armed with an extremely sharp pair of scissors.

Patrolman 201-272

Calling from Alenby Street: "Help. Over"

Ma'am, you're hiding the stripes.

In "Officer Azulai" he was superb in a theatrical sense.

A character that touches the heart.

In America he was compared to the greatness of Charlie Chaplin.

He wasn't so handsome, but he had a gentle soul.

The text was exactly as I wrote it. He says, what's this? - A picture.

You don't know? A picture. So how did it happen? It was in my pocket.

If you don't like it, tear it up.

It's brilliant, yes? She tears it up,

and then Sheike intuitively says: "Why do you tear up it so much?

Once or twice would've been enough, no need to..."

That's such a great scene.

It's not enough to tear the picture one time?

You had to tear it up into lots of tiny little pieces?

You fold it a little and throw it in the garbage bin, and that's it.

The scene in which the police parade by him and salute and he...

I asked Garfinkle who shot the scene so expertly what he thought.

His reply was: "I can't see through the tears".

If you want to know why I asked him,

I couldn't see it either because I also cried.

Something so authentic was going on there.

"The Fox in the Hens' Pen"

I am happy and proud to officially open

this spectacular flower festival. - Road.

What? - Road. - Road...

I said to Geula: "You go your own way in the women's organizations,

and I'll go my way in public life."

And that my friends was the start of women's emancipation.

It is most important to remember... - Thank you very much Dulick.

Ladies, cake and coffee is being served in the foyer.

You had to cut me off a moment before the main point?

You spoke for an hour and a half.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy and proud

to open the first meeting of the temporary council...

...just like a child, every day it's a different eye.

And for my sweetness, you're the one who said it.

Dolniker, you don't feel them laughing at you behind your back?

Do us a favor, join an old age home. God almighty, give us some peace.

We don't want anymore Dolnikers.

You don't want any, so you won't have any.

Maybe I am just a silly old fool

who did nothing but chit-chatted his life away.

Maybe I'm just a dreamer who built nothing for this country.

Not a thing, but this silly old fool gave his soul in its entirety.

For what he did or did not do.

When Dolniker will finally go to the old age home,

he'll go poor and innocent.

After living a full life he has nothing left

besides the belief that he served his country.

Even this you take from me.

Regretfully, I will not be able to include you in my autobiography.

"The Israeli Theater of Ephraim Kishon"

Beth Kuzi

Subtitles: Elrom Studios