Original subtitles

(dramatic, Eastern-influenced music)

(birds chirping)

(frogs croaking) (water rustling)

(dramatic music)

- Sensei.

- Sensei Yamazaki. (barks)

- These are the symbols

of our rule.

The precious golden nunchucks, passed in a tradition

from one master to the next

in an unbroken chain for 300 years.

I'm an old man now,

and you Adleman, my American friend

and Chiba are my best students.

It is time pass to the next generation.

Show me what you have learned.

- [Adleman] Yes, Sensei. (Chiba barks)

(music intensifies)

(heavy drum music)

(fighters yelling)

(Chiba yells)

(fighters grunting and yelling)

(Chiba groaning)

(Chiba yelling)

(staff smacking) (Chiba yelling)

(kick smacking) (Chiba yelling)

(music calms)

(fighters yelling) (kick thudding)

(Chiba grunts)

- Okay Pops, hand 'em over.

- No.

- I won.

- But winning is not everything.

Chiba has learned compassion.

And that is the sign of a master.

- If you think this is over, you're crazy.

I'm tired of this grasshopper shit anyway.

(menacing music)

(gentle music)

(men panting)

(fighters grunting)

(triumphant music)

(fighters grunting)

(dramatic music)

(car tires screeching)

(car engine revving)

- Master Josh.

- The one and only. The old man in?

- Yes sir, Mr. Keegan's expecting you sir.

(water splashing)

- [Josh] You're working too hard, Dad.

- [Mr. Keegan] Wish I could say

the same thing about you, son.

Glad you decided to come by.

- Well, actually I'm a little short this month.

- What? Another loan?

What's it for this time?

- It's education, sir.

See there's this summer course in the French Alps

on 18th Century poetry and I think-

- How much?

- $5,000.

- No, not 5,000, not 500, not $5.

- Come on dad, be reasonable, huh?

Okay, so I had a couple of setbacks in Vegas.

Come on, you're a businessman.

Are you going to hold that against me?

- Look, up 'til now, you've had it too easy.

Cars, women, money.

- Yeah? - No more.

I'm not going to keep throwing good money after bad

until you can prove you're a good investment.

- No problem, what do you want me to do?

- I want you to enroll in the state's

top martial arts academy.

You live through it, your allowance will be reinstated.

- Is this retroactive?

- Look, don't push your luck.

When I was young, we had Vietnam.

We fought for our country, we died for it.

We didn't have any of this "me generation" stuff.

- There's always El Salvador.

- Look, don't give me any of your lip.

You make it through this equivalent of a bootcamp,

you'll be okay.

'Til then, zip.

- Zip?

- Read my lips. Zip.

(bouncy upbeat music)

- Can we slow down now please?

- One more mile.

Oh my God, there he is.

- The Tai Chi guy?

- Yeah, I'm going to swoop in for a closer look.

- Oh, Suzy.

Well, when you going out?

- He hasn't asked me out yet, but he will.

Look at this, look at this.

- Martial Arts School.

- Yeah.

- No way, not me, not this time.

(playful music)

(car horn honks)

- This your best day yet?

- (scoffs) You never learn.

- This is getting to be a drag you know.

It's too easy man, people are going to talk.

Now why don't you get yourself into shape.

And next time we come around,

I want you to punch me in the nose

or else we're going to die of boredom.

(truck honks)

(man muttering) (playful music)

(man sneezes)

(man blowing and coughing)

(items clattering)

- Ow!

(pots clattering)

(eggs splattering)

Ah! (panting)

(hand sizzling)

(water steaming)

(man panting and muttering)

(timer buzzing)

Oh!

(fire crackling)

Ow!

I hope she likes extra, extra crispy.

No!

(dishes clattering)

(doorbell rings)

(doorbell rings)

She's here.

Ah ha, uh, Cynthia, hi.

- I'd love to stay, but I just remembered.

I have to see my dentist about a root canal

- Root canal?

- Bye!

- That's the third one this week. Ah.

- Hey Claude.

You lose her too? Man, that's too much.

That's the third one in two weeks.

- Fourth, the last time you were at the movies.

Five if count the one that dropped me

the day your wife got sick.

Oh gee, I don't see what's wrong.

- You've got to work on your coordination.

Check this out.

Picked this up at the supermarket around the corner.

- Ninja Academy? - Good stuff, man.

If those guys can't teach you to walk

and chew gum at the same time, no one will.

(spy music)

- Mmm, Phillip, is that a gun in your pocket,

or are you just happy to see me?

- I hate to disappoint you my dear, but that is a gun.

- I say my good man, have you noticed

any suspicious characters lurking around here lately?

- No, no, no, no.

What would they look like?

- Well they'd be in black, nothing this elegant.

They'd be carrying weapons, explosives, toxic chemicals.

- Toxic chemicals?

Sounds like a bunch that just flew in here.

They went that way.

(eerie music)

- [Henchman] Excuse me, Number One.

- What is it?

- I'm sorry sir, but your cat has gone.

(spy music)

(cat mewing) (gunshot fires)

(cat screeches)

- Terribly sorry.

- [Number One] Surprise, surprise Mr. Wellington.

- Your PA system is lousy. Hang up and call again.

(motorcycle revving)

(gunshots blast)

(gunshots blasting)

Japanese products aren't what they used to be.

- [Number One] Damn you Wellington,

you killed every one of my men.

- I also killed your cat.

(Number One laughing maniacally)

- [Number One] We'll meet again.

(spy music)

- Terribly sorry for the interruption sir,

but I've got M and M on the satellite channel.

- [M And M] I'm very disappointed in you,

Double O Seven Eleven.

I've been fielding a considerable number

of complaints here from various organizations

for the prevention of cruelty to animals,

not to mention the Japanese ambassador.

The feeling here is you've gotten a little carried away.

- But sir...

- [M And M] License revoked, Double O Seven Eleven.

No more wanton killings.

- What?

- [M And M] Hand the driver your weapon.

You're to enroll in a refresher course in the martial arts.

You get yourself out of this phallic dependency

on your gun in a crisis, and we'll talk again.

(birds chirping)

(vehicle zooming past)

- You wouldn't happen to have a car on you, would you?

- Real men don't drive, they walk.

(cheerful music)

- Jesus, what is this Sherwood Forest?

And rabbits.

$9.50.

That's (laughing) money, I need $9.50, $9.50.

- This place looks like a dump.

- What are, you deranged?

This is what I call heaven.

(car backfires)

- [Driver] Later babe, maybe we'll catch

you back at the beach, huh?

- I shall miss the old Beretta.

- Of course, sir.

- Welcome to our winter session.

My name is Gayle Nakiyama.

I'm the sensei's assistant and I'll be your instructor.

So if you'll follow me, please.

(dramatic music)

(music intensifies)

(Chiba speaking Japanese)

Chiba sensei welcomes you all here.

(Chiba grunts and speaks Japanese)

Training starts first thing in the morning.

It's going to be a long week.

He recommends you get a good night's sleep.

But first I'd like for you to meet our sensei.

- Phil baby, you and I will make a killing here.

- A killing?

- Skirts, the broadsky's.

Only the sayonara? She's mine.

- I see.

(dramatic music)

- How do you do?

- What's up? So how you been, good? Good.

(student speaking stilted Japanese)

- Or something like that.

- Private George Randall at your service, sir.

(bubblegum pops)

- How you doing sensei, I'm Claude, give me five.

(hand slaps)

- Hey listen, you want to drum up more business,

you're going to have to lose old Ho Chi Minh here.

Serious attitude problem.

- [Woman] I'm worried about it.

(students muttering)

- Everyone outside.

- Touchy, touchy.

(upbeat music)

- All right, choose your beds,

settle in and I'll see you later.

(music intensifies)

- Fantastic.

- Well, it isn't Club Med.

- Looks like we're going to get

to know each other real well, real soon.

- I just wonder when we're going

to get those little outfits.

You know, the cute little black bathrobes.

- When you earn them.

- Okay, okay.

(door squeaks)

- I had Herod ship this ahead.

Private stock.

Caviar anyone?

(goofy music)

(bed clattering)

- Personal friend of yours?

- No way, I hate that fucker and everyone else

on that side of the world, because you never know

when they're going to drop the big one.

I mean, they're already screwing with the rain.

20 inches this year, when we're expecting 15.

You got to watch those things.

You watch those things?

- No.

- I watch 'em.

- If anyone would like some bubbly later on,

I've got a nice Perrier-Jouet '69.

- How about a Bud Light?

(clock ticking)

- George, George, this your alarm clock ticking?

- Holy shit.

(explosion blasts)

- The article seems to be helping

in bringing in some new blood.

(Chiba grunting)

So what do you think of our new students, Father?

(Chiba grunts)

- Sensei.

- What the fuck is this?

- I don't know sensei.

- You don't know?

Some shit-ass school comes out of nowhere

and I got to read about it in some fucking magazine?

- I'm saying, I've never heard of that sensei.

- Yeah?

You get your ass over there

and you find out what's going on.

I want to know who's running this place.

- All right.

- Go, God damn it!

(crickets chirping) (owl hooting)

(people snoring)

(door creaking open)

(mysterious music)

(bow smacks) (man yelps)

- Lesson one. Learning to move is easy.

Learning when to move is hard. (grunts)

(calming music)

- I see you found yourself a favorite.

Do you think he's going to be worth the trouble?

- Our young man is quite full of himself.

First we empty cup, then we will see what is inside.

(gentle music)

(birds chattering)

(dramatic music) (birds cawing)

(camera shuttering)

(music intensifies)

(Chiba grunting and yelling)

- Okay, first things first,

we're going to start by getting everyone in shape.

Follow instructions, and you'll make it through the week,

no problem.

Now! (people laughing)

Let's see if you're properly dressed for morning run.

- Good morning.

- Aren't you going to change?

- But I have.

(guitar music)

- I see.

(energetic music)

♪ Don't know where I'm going ♪

♪ Don't know where I've been ♪

♪ Always on the outside ♪

♪ Always looking in ♪

- Is that guys a fox?

- Oh please.

- Well I think he is.

♪ Wearin' a happy face ♪

- Have fun guys. (yawns) I'm going to go to bed.

♪ Nothing's happening I can't do ♪

♪ Gotta learn how to give it a try ♪

♪ Nothing's happening out of control ♪

- Grass looks great.

Get yourself one of those electric lawnmowers,

and it goes a lot faster.

(Chiba yells)

♪ Nothing's happening too much pressure ♪

♪ Gonna go to a private school ♪

♪ Nothing's happening need a professor ♪

♪ Trying to learn about this golden rule ♪

♪ Don't know where I'm going ♪

♪ Don't know what I've been ♪

♪ Always on the outside ♪

♪ Always looking in ♪

♪ But now I keep on running fast ♪

♪ Keep at a steady pace ♪

♪ Looking at the finish line ♪

♪ First in every race ♪

♪ Something's happening, I'm going to make it ♪

♪ I can feel it, don't you see ♪

♪ Something's happening, let's just take it ♪

♪ Now it's happening to you and me, me, can't you see ♪

♪ That something's happening, we can do it ♪

♪ Now we're heading for the very top ♪

♪ Something's happening, gonna get to it ♪

- Well we're gonna look for breakfast.

- Take a look around you.

Nuts, berries.

- The three Rs: roots, roaches and rats.

- Right.

You're going to have to follow nature's lead

and live off the land, okay?

- (sighs) Just my luck, not a 7-Eleven in sight.

♪ Something's happening, I'm going to make it ♪

♪ I can feel it, don't you see ♪

♪ Something's happening, let's just take it ♪

♪ Now it's happening to you and me, me ♪

♪ Can't you see ♪

♪ That something's happening, we can do it ♪

♪ Now headed for the very top ♪

♪ Something's happening, gonna get to it ♪

♪ Nothing's ever gonna make us stop, stop, stop stop stop ♪

♪ Something's happening, something's happening ♪

♪ Something happening ♪

- Vodka martini?

- Oh.

- Shaken, not stirred.

(upbeat music)

- Ah, civilization.

(music skids)

(twangy guitar music)

(cheerful music)

- This is one big joke to you, isn't it?

- A joke?

No, I was just making sure

that the neighbors were friendly.

- Give me 50 push-ups.

- (laughing) You're funny.

(ground thuds)

- Was that 15 or 50?

(intense music) (girls giggling)

- I could never be a nudist.

I'm always spilling hot coffee on my lap.

(cheerful music)

(men grunting)

(men yelling)

- I was just going to ask him where the bathroom is.

(men yelling)

(punches whooshing)

(bricks shatter)

(men yelling)

(punches whooshing)

(punches whooshing)

(smoke sizzling)

(bell dings)

(men chanting)

(group muttering)

- Okay, who's first?

- Ladies first.

- Lesson two, defeated in heart, defeated in battle.

- I'll go.

(group cheering encouragements)

- Big deal.

- So, you see anybody here you like?

- Mm-hmm, over there.

- The strong silent type?

- Do you feel lucky today? Do you, punk?

- Are you always like this George?

- What are you, some kind of shrink?

- Well I like to think that I'm good with people.

- I bet down deep inside, you are a frustrated family man.

who wants a wife, 2.3 kids, house.

- Fat chance.

My Christmas list calls for an M-60 with endless ammo belts,

an army of El Salvadorian rebels

and a broad with tits out to here.

(Claude screaming)

- Wait, come on, hold on, help, somebody, help.

Oh no! Ah!

- You think he'll live to see 30?

- If his birthday's tomorrow.

- We take out life insurance on old Clyde here

and we can all retire.

What'd I say?

Bonzai!

(energetic music) (people shouting)

♪ Oh, she's a little scary ♪

♪ Got the howl in her hands ♪

Okay soldiers, come on up.

♪ She could turn a fairy ♪

♪ Into a muscle man ♪

♪ Oh, she got hokey ♪

- Yo baby.

♪ Hokey-pokey ♪

(Claude crashing)

♪ Yes you do, yeah ♪

♪ Doobie doobie for your tokin' ♪

♪ She's got all the pieces, and all the parts are working ♪

♪ But later in the evening, you best not be lurking ♪

♪ She got hokey ♪

- All right, your turn.

- May I?

♪ Don't be tokin' for the hokey-pokey ♪

(buzzsaw whirling)

♪ Bobby tried to kiss her ♪

♪ Now he'll never play his horn ♪

(group applauds)

(group laughs)

- Was that easy or what? (laughs)

♪ She got hokey, hokey pokey ♪

♪ It's no jokey, don't be dopey, for the hokey-pokey ♪

♪ Well nothing's going to please her ♪

♪ Like a man upon his knees ♪

♪ If you try to tease her ♪ (girls muttering)

(Josh sighs)

♪ You got to dot your Is and cross your Ts ♪

♪ She's got hokey, hokey pokey ♪

♪ It's not jokey, don't be dopey ♪

♪ For the hokey pokey ♪

- You see this? - Yeah.

- You see me. - Yeah.

- Now watch.

(explosion blasts) (mysterious music)

- Hello? Hello?

(Chiba shouting)

(Chiba shouts)

♪ You put your left foot in ♪

♪ You put your left foot out ♪

♪ You put your left foot in and you shake it all about ♪

♪ You do the ninja-ninja and you do the ninja walk ♪

♪ And that's what it's all about ♪

(Chiba yells) (group screams)

(Chiba speaking Japanese)

(gentle music)

(bow thuds) - Ow!

(Chiba laughing)

(Josh grunts)

- Yes, we still are taking applications.

Oh, it's $15,000 for the first year, and the...

(laughs) Of course the black belt is guaranteed.

Well then, would that be on your

American Express Gold or your platinum card?

Surely. Thank you.

(phone beeps)

- Hey, so I see you guys are number two around here.

How about some sort of discount?

- Discount? - Yeah!

- (laughs) I'll give you a fucking discount.

(kid screaming)

(George sighs)

(falling music)

(cheerful music)

(nunchucks whipping)

♪ I love you baby ♪

♪ I love you darling ♪

♪ I love you so much ♪

♪ More than you could ever love me ♪

♪ I know you're thinking, makes me feel all right ♪

♪ Touch me, touch me darling, thrill me in the night ♪

♪ One day, we're going to get married ♪

♪ Someday, and I'm going to carry ♪

♪ You dear in these loving arms ♪

♪ Take me in your heart ♪

♪ Doo doo doo say it ♪

♪ Doo doo doo all night ♪

♪ Doo doo doo yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪

(Josh panting)

- Give up?

- Never.

- She's going to kill me.

♪ Show me, show me darling ♪

♪ There's no love to hide ♪

♪ Listen, we might be too young ♪

♪ You will be the one ♪

♪ This time, we'll make it clear ♪

♪ This is what we'll hear ♪

♪ Doo doo doo say it ♪

♪ Doo doo doo all night ♪

- You're getting better.

- I'm a great believer in exercise.

I used to have a Butler jogging for me back home.

- You should have found someone in better shape.

- Yeah, well his Pacemaker was going

to give out on him anyway.

So you guys get out much?

I figured you guys to be real party animals for the weekend.

- Really?

- Or have you got a special someone on the side?

A boyfriend?

- No boyfriend.

- That's what I thought.

Well, Josh looks like you have to do

your bit for mankind here.

(gentle music) Hey Gayle!

(Josh thuds)

(cheeky music)

- You were off balance.

- Balance?

- Lesson Three, balance.

- The purpose the traditional karate yell is twofold.

The first is to help you focus on your blow.

- Go ahead, take your best shot.

(George karate-yelling)

- Next.

(Claude karate-yelling)

Next.

(George karate-yelling)

(hat whooshing)

Next.

- Ah

- Louder!

- Ah.

- Louder!

- Ah.

(sound reverberates)

- All right all right, here we go.

- Here, you try one, yeah.

- Okay. Okay.

- Go ahead.

- Yeah, yeah, don't rush me.

- Come on.

(small explosion poofs)

(lively music)

(energetic music)

(people shouting)

♪ She's a little scary ♪

♪ Got the power in your limbs ♪

(Josh yells) ♪ She can turn a fairy ♪

(fighters grunting and yelling)

♪ She got hokey ♪

♪ Hokey pokey ♪

(Josh grunting and yelling)

♪ It's no jokey, don't be dopey ♪

♪ For the hokey-pokey ♪

♪ She's got all the pieces ♪

♪ And all the parts are working ♪

(George grunting)

♪ You best not be lurking ♪

- Chicken-shit faggot.

(menacing music)

(frogs croaking)

(music intensifies)

(intense music)

(mysterious music)

(camera shutter snaps)

(Gayle humming)

(cheerful music)

- Aye, mamasita.

Show me what you got.

(Gonzales speaking Spanish)

(owl hooting)

- I thought I saw someone out here.

- Yes, I know.

(dramatic music)

- Father, I have a feeling,

a premonition that something's is wrong.

- You have a ways to go yet.

What seems wrong may be right after all.

- Who said that, Confucius?

- No, Chiba.

- You don't want me to look around?

- Just ghosts from the past.

- You don't have any ghosts that I know of.

- We all have them, my flower, even me.

(Josh yawning)

- It's dawn.

(people snoring) (birds hooting)

(Josh snorts)

(intense music)

(stick smacks) - Ow! Ow!

(Chiba laughing)

(energetic music)

- You understand?

- I think you better show me one more time.

(Chiba grunts)

Okay I'll do them all.

Cool, thanks.

- Okay I want you to take a shuriken,

and then you flick it home with your wrist.

- I will try.

(Gonzales yelps)

- What was that?

- Nothing. Next please.

(shuriken swoops) (bird caws)

(bird thuds)

- George.

- I'll take four.

(shuriken swooshes)

(shuriken swooshes and thuds)

♪ Short temper, please remember ♪

- Concentrate.

(shuriken thuds)

- (laughs) Now is that concentration or what?

(spy music)

(controller buzzing and beeping)

- Sharper Image.

(Chiba grunting)

- Are you sure you want me to do this?

- It's okay.

- All right, you asked for it.

(arrow whizzing)

(Suzy gasps)

- Any volunteers?

- I can do that.

Piece of cake.

- You sure?

♪ Cupid, draw back your bow ♪

- Okay, now you have my undivided attention.

(arrows thudding)

Is that the best you guys can do?

- Concentrate.

- Chiba, baby, relax.

(arrows flying)

- Oh, what? A black belt now, hmm?

- There's a Japanese saying:

"A nail that sticks out must be knocked back in place."

- [Phillip] All right, lads let's get him.

- [Josh] Oh shit.

(arrows flying and thudding)

(Chiba laughing)

- Okay, be careful.

- Okay.

- You got it.

- I got it.

- You're sure?

- Positive.

(explosion blasts) (twinkling music)

(Claude coughing)

- So what'd you find out?

- That place is a dump, Sensei.

They got some bimbo instructor there

and 12 pathetic students.

- A dump huh?

So what the fuck are they doing number one?

- Well you got the sensei in there?

- Hey, no problema.

Hey look at this one, Sensei.

Oh, that one's personal.

- What the fuck is this?

What are you doing, Gonzales, jerking my chain here or what?

(menacing music)

Chiba.

- No sensei, nunchucks.

- That son of a bitch needs another lesson.

And this time I'm going to hurt him real bad.

(stick smacks) (Josh yells)

- Goddammit.

- Okay listen up, it's Friday

and it's time we started putting it all together.

Now you've done hand to hand and a few traditional weapons.

It's a good foundation, but let's face it.

There's a real world out there

and your average, mugger's not coming

at you with a shuriken or a sword, right George?

- Affirmative.

Kids nowadays are into semi-automatics

with extended 25-round mags.

- So we're going to have you taking out

paint guns for practice.

- Guns?

- You, you, and you

will be making up the home team with me.

Now, these things sting a little so watch yourselves.

No headshots, okay?

Now this is compressed air, good for 10 to 12 shots.

- So what about us, what do we get?

- You get the real weapons.

Now head on up the trail

and give us half an hour to get set up here.

- Ooh, real weapons.

- Don't worry, I got something that'll give us an edge.

(mysterious music)

(George yells) (gunfire blasts)

It's showtime.

- Let's get this thing over with.

- Wait, they expect us to take the path.

Follow me, we'll flank them, rip their hearts out.

- What? - Shh.

- What?!

- It's quiet, too quiet.

- There's nobody within miles of here.

(Claude yelling)

- Hi.

- Bang?

- Well guys, we're almost there, back in one piece.

- Shh.

- Rattlesnake!

(Lynn panicking)

(paintball guns firing)

(George yelling)

- [Lynn] Ow! Ow!

- Couldn't you have used pastels?

(upbeat music)

- Can you believe that?

We got Lynn, we got Claude.

(Suzy gasps)

(Suzy yells)

(romantic music)

(Suzy sighs)

- Suzy!

(paint ball thuds) (dramatic music)

Woops.

(Suzy thuds)

- Happens every time.

(paint ball gun fires)

- Bullseye.

(dramatic music)

- Gayle.

(paintball gun fires)

- She's mine. I'm going to blow her face away.

(paintball gun fires) (George grunts)

- Today's lesson is, a weapon's only as good

as the one using it.

(paintball gun fires)

- You want to kiss and make up?

- I'm hit.

- You're dead.

- Dead? - Dead, you're history pal.

Buried, finished, kaput, finito, sayonara, get it?

- [Suzy] Hey, what's he doing?

- [Instructor] Shh, he's meditating.

Excuse me, that's a really neat trick.

(screaming)

I think he needs to work on his concentration.

(upbeat music)

(men grunting and yelling)

- I say. (Suzy giggles)

- You know, days like these make me think.

- I like your taste in decoration.

- Decoration? It's insurance man.

- Section eight, he's gone over the edge.

(gentle music) (birds call)

- Looking for a midnight snack?

(sticks clatter)

- I'm rigging myself an alarm system.

- Why?

- Why? Because Chiba keeps bopping my head, that's why.

The guy is obviously a loon,

and who the hell does he think that he is?

- The sensei.

- Well, he's straight out of Friday the 13th.

Jason lives, trust me.

- You think he's a little hard on you, is that it?

- No, I like to hurt when I walk.

- It's a privilege.

- You don't have to tell me about privilege.

I have led a privileged life, and it's $800 suits.

It's having to dial nine to get an outside line

from your house.

- I'm sorry.

- You're sorry?

- Yes, you're obviously wasting your time here.

- Well what about you, the loons assistant.

- The loons daughter.

(birds calling)

- Hey Gayle.

Look, I'm sorry.

I haven't slept in a week and I'm starting to hallucinate.

- I understand.

I've been doing this since I was knee high.

I realize it gets a little rough at times.

- I can't figure you out.

I mean, a girl with your looks and brains

can really go far.

You ever think of joining the real world?

- Yeah, I gave it a shot a few years back.

Didn't amount to much.

(gentle music)

I woke up one day realizing

I was just going through the motions.

That night, I was back training again.

- And he took you back?

- Of course, the prodigal daughter returns to the fold.

He never said "I told you so",

but you could tell that's what he was thinking.

It was really rough the first couple of months.

I mean in his eyes I'd been corrupted

and he had to set things straight again.

I'm glad I did it though.

Gave me a new perspective on things.

I'm with him from choice now.

You know, he really likes you.

- (laughs) No way.

Remember me, I'm the guy he uses for batting practice.

- Yes that's because he sees you as some sort of successor.

- Really?

- It's like the highest of gifts to the lowest of the low.

Well, I'd better head on back to the house.

I'm off with the advanced students in the morning.

And you're stuck with Chiba.

- No, not yet.

- Why not?

- Everything in its own time, you understand?

- No, I don't. I'm an '80s guy.

I like to rush things, I have to go for it.

(Josh sighs)

But I guess I don't have much choice, do I?

I guess not.

(small explosion blasts)

Come on Claude, let's go to sleep.

- Amazing how time flies.

Two more days, I'll be back in service.

- And I'm back to nine to five.

- Or five to 10 with time off for good behavior.

- What do you do, George?

- Orange County chamber of commerce.

- What about you?

- I work with the atomic energy commission.

- You got access to plutonium?

(goofy music)

- (sighs) Another couple of days guys,

I think we're going to make it.

(cans clattering)

(men grunting and yelling)

- All right now seven, and no-holds-barred.

(dramatic music)

(men grunting and yelling)

- One, two, three, four, five, six.

All right that's six, now where's...

(strike smacks) (Adleman groans)

- Gotcha, sensei.

("Do Your Ears Hang Low" on harmonica)

(dramatic music)

(George laughing maniacally)

(gunfire blasts)

(adventure music)

(romantic music)

(birds calling)

(gentle, uplifting music)

(Claude groans)

(dreamlike music)

(menacing music)

(dramatic music)

(weapon wooshing)

(weapons clanging)

(romantic music) (birds chirping)

(baby cooing)

(owl hooting)

(gentle music)

(sultry music)

(romantic music)

(can clattering softly)

♪ Look in my eyes and tell me you love me ♪

♪ I'm falling off of my feet ♪

♪ Falling, your love is so sweet ♪

♪ I'm falling, going out of my mind ♪

♪ 'Cause of every I think of you girl ♪

♪ I can't sleep, I want to hold you ♪

♪ I can't eat, I think I've told you ♪

♪ I would try to never hurt you ♪

♪ You know that I love you, I'll never desert you ♪

♪ I'm falling, deeper each day ♪

♪ Falling, hear what I say ♪

♪ I'm falling, please understand ♪

♪ Falling I am, oh yes you do, girl ♪

(Josh screaming) (cans clanging)

- Josh, grow up.

- Just get me out of here, okay?

(birds chirping)

(intense music)

(weapons clacking)

(dramatic music)

(door creaking)

- Where's everybody? Place looks deserted.

- Deserted?

Hell, there could be thousands

of those invisible sons of bitches around here

and we'd never even know it.

- I don't know, there's something wrong.

I can just feel it.

- What's up guys?

- We're looking for Gayle.

- She's gone with the advanced students

on a survival exercise.

Practice on your own.

- Practice on our own.

(Josh sighs)

♪ In California, in California. ♪

- Mm, I love the life of a ninja.

(George sighing)

(dramatic music)

(car doors slamming)

- Holy shit.

(pants zipping) (George groans)

- Everything exactly as I told you, Gonzalez?

- Exactly, Sensei.

I got 10 people waiting for you by the pond,

Another ten waiting for me.

Hey, Sensei, don't worry, we'll kick some ass.

- Yes we will.

And remember nobody touches the old Jap.

He's mine.

(Lynn panting)

- [George] Th-th-th-there's a shit load of ninja'

coming this way!

- Cool, are they cute?

- Cute? They're going to beat us up!

Come on!

(goofy music)

(birds singing)

- Get up asshole.

(group clamoring and shouting)

- Shut up!

- I say.

(dramatic music)

- See, I told you!

- Okay, back to camp.

There's a small army heading this way,

and we thought that you might like to join us

for a little R and R in Burbank.

- Go.

We'll take you on the Universal Studios tour.

- So long suckers.

- Wait, Chiba's not going.

- What?

- This is not your concern, this is my fight.

Go!

- I'm staying.

- Hey, come on guys, he wants us to go.

This isn't our fight.

- The other sensei he's got his students,

ours should have his.

- But this is a job for the advanced class.

- We're all he's got.

- No disrespect intended sensei but I have a somewhat

varied experience that might prove of assistance in a pinch.

- What about you? Let's go Clyde.

- No, I'm staying in, and my name is Claude.

- What now, sensei?

- First, we fight.

(exciting music)

(birds calling)

(man choking) (neck cracks)

(Suzy sneezes)

(ninja yells)

(Suzy yelling)

(fighters grunting)

- You wouldn't hurt a cute little girl like me, would you?

(birds chirping)

(Suzy laughs)

- [Lynn] Oh my God.

(ninja yelling)

- [Ninja] Come out, bimbo.

- Bimbo? What'd you call me?

Prepare to die, butt head!

- [Ninja] Come on, give it to me.

(Lynn grunting)

(Lynn yells)

- Thanks Lynn.

- Hi, can I help you?

(yells) George, George!

(George yelling)

(men groaning)

- Thanks, George.

- Don't mention it.

(punch smacks)

Go ahead, he's all yours partner.

(punches smack)

- Oh shit, I broke nail.

(ninja screaming)

- Okay, lesson two, when in doubt, run.

(Ninjas screaming)

Where is Chiba when you need him?

(fighters yelling)

(ninja screaming)

Lesson number four, you too can join the Vienna Boys Choir.

(ninja yells)

I don't know much about this ninja shit,

but I do know how to fight dirty.

(Ninja yelling)

See? I told you.

(adventure music)

(birds chirping)

(door handle rattling)

(door squeaking)

(locks snapping)

- [Ninja] What the fuck?

- That's one dumb son of a bitch.

(group grunting and gasping)

(adventure music)

(group chattering)

(gentle music)

(ninja whooshing)

(ninja grunting)

(ninja yelling)

(fighters yelling)

(ninja yelling)

(ninja yelling)

(ninjas yelling)

(ninjas yelling)

(chimes tinkling) (calm music)

(dramatic music)

(birds chirping)

- So we meet again Chiba.

- Yes.

- You guys know each other?

- Adleman and I are old, old friends.

- You afraid to meet me one-on-one this time, old friend?

- These going to be yours, only this time,

there will be no surprises.

- Yeah, and this time he ain't got Yamazaki

around to hold your little hand.

- I am Yamazaki.

I am all the masters from the beginning of time.

We are one.

(Adleman grunting)

(Chiba yells)

(Chiba yelling)

(fighters grunting)

(Chiba yells)

(fighters yelling)

(group cheering)

(group cheering)

(group cheering)

(Adleman groans)

(Chiba yelling)

- [Group] Chiba! Chiba! Chiba! Chiba!

Chiba! Chiba! Chiba! Chiba! Chiba!

Chiba! Chiba! Chiba! Chiba! Chiba!

(group cheering and chanting)

(Chiba yelling) (suspenseful music)

(dramatic music)

(group applauds and cheers)

(gentle music)

- This is a special moment.

You have survived the most difficult week,

and while you are not as yet ninjas,

there is nevertheless much here

that will stay with you the rest of your life.

I wish you who are leaving us well,

and those of you who choose to remain with us,

it will get tougher.

There are no diplomas here.

What you earn remains inside you.

It is priceless.

- I say, can I drop you off?

- How about a little lunch first?

- Oh, there's this lovely little restaurant in Venice,

Italy, I'm sure you'll like it.

(jovial music)

(car engine starts)

- So, want to get together sometime maybe?

Wanna give me your number?

Ah, here, how about if I give you my card?

Oh, this is going to be more trouble than I thought.

Do you do Morse Code?

Oh George, coming with us?

- You betcha. And my name is Clyde.

(Mr. Keegan laughs)

- That's my boy, I'm proud of you.

I didn't think you could do it.

- Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad.

- Well, I told you you'd be the better for it.

Come on and jump in, let's play a little tennis

over at the house.

Oh, and by the way, your allowance is reinstated.

- I think that's going to have to wait for awhile.

- What?

- I've made some new friends here

and I think I'd like to stick around.

- Ah, jokes are jokes Josh, come on.

- It's no joke.

Look, I'll send you a postcard, we'll do a lunch.

- Don't tell me,

you just turned your back on privileged life.

- Temporarily.

- If you're serious about staying,

you ought to know that I'm-

- Gayle, wait a second.

Now the new student's are arriving tomorrow, right?

- Right.

- Which means that today is a day off.

- So?

- So why don't you and I take a little stroll?

(romantic music)

We can talk about serious things.

Like for instance, peace in the middle East,

a new Palestine state, human rights in Nicaragua,

Soviet reform, and how the Japanese companies

are buying out... (voice fades away)

(twinkling music)

(ominous music)

(whooshing)

Try not wake the others on the way out, okay?

(Chiba grunts and laughs)

(door slams)

(synth music)

♪ Day out of game ♪

♪ A candle to a flame ♪

♪ Shown there on your face ♪

♪ Now fell out of place ♪

♪ You still get undone ♪

♪ Like an old shoelace ♪

♪ But I pull through ♪

♪ I want to live a little love that is way over due ♪

♪ But I pull through ♪

♪ Tonight I spend the week with you ♪

♪ Tonight I spend the week with you ♪

♪ Dreams fill my head ♪

♪ With you in my bed ♪

♪ Hold me through the night ♪

♪ Hold me oh so tight ♪

♪ I was caught in your web ♪

♪ Looking for your light ♪

♪ But I pulled through ♪

♪ I want to live a little love that is way overdue ♪

♪ But I pull through ♪

♪ Tonight I spent the week with you ♪

♪ Tonight I spent the week with you ♪

♪ Turn on the TV ♪

♪ Send out for Newsweek ♪

♪ Nights at the North Pole ♪

♪ Where can I get some sleep ♪

♪ Tonight I spend the week with you ♪

♪ Tonight I spend the week with you ♪

♪ Oh but I pull through ♪

♪ I want to live a little love that's way overdue ♪

♪ But I pull through ♪

♪ Tonight I spend the week with you ♪

♪ Tonight I spend the week with you ♪