Original subtitles

So, I ask you again... are you drugging us?

It's called micro dosing and it's perfectly safe.

You could go to jail for this.

You know, some drugs, they can really help--

help people.

-They're watching us. -And the threats.

They wouldn't be coming from you, would they?

Why would I want to threaten Masha?

-She's the fucking greatest. -You get violent.

Yeah. You know.

Tomorrow's your 21st birthday.

It's his 21st birthday.

-We weren't close. -I don't believe that.

Many of us have actually been damaged by other people.

I'm a drug addict.

I got two kids that don't talk to me,

I got a career that ended in a blink. Why am I here?

No, no, no! No! No!

Just two comments, one question.

First, happy birthday.

Second, not your fault.

Okay, now for my question.

Why do you keep telling people we weren't close?

You're not real. You're not real. You're not real. You're not real.

I'm standing right here, Zoe.

See? You couldn't do that with a ghost.

Hey. You can hug me now.

-This is so fucked. -Well, yeah,

it could be so fucked.

It could be a dream, it could definitely be the...

I don't know, the smoothie you had at dinner.

The point is I'm here. Okay? What did Dad always say?

"Celebrate every moment, big or small,

'cause the moment may not last."

Now I do need you to listen to me very, very closely, okay?

Okay. What? What?

Don't tell people we weren't close. Okay?

You're my only legacy other than... you know.

I miss you every single day.

-Every single day. -I know.

I'm so lonely.

I didn't know what it felt like to be lonely

because I always had you.

I know.

-Zach? -Zoe?

Hey. Listen, I heard a noise.

And I heard you talking.

Yeah, I guess I was just talking to myself.

What about?

I miss him.

Happy Birthday.

This is gonna be rough.

You think?

We can do this.

The trauma that you've witnessed...

I should have been more attentive to you.

But you're so strong, I forget.

I'm still a work in progress, you know.

Forgive me, my loves.

I got chills They're multiplying

And I'm losing control

'Cause the power You're supplying

It's electrifying

Happy birthday.

You better wake up

Cause I need a man

And my heart is set on you

Better wake up

You better understand...

To my heart, I must be true

Nothin' else for me to do

You're the one that I want You are the one I want

Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey

The one that I want You are the one I want

Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey

The one that I want You are the one I want

Ooh, ooh, ooh Yes, indeed

You're all I need

You are the one I want

You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh... Honey

You are the one I want

You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh... Honey

You are the one I want

You are the one I want Ooh, ooh, ooh... Honey

The one I want...

-Happy Birthday. -Thank you.

Okay. Was it just me or did anybody else dream

a tad more vividly last night?

Because mine were...

No, I had... I had... I had an amazing dream.

-Yeah? -I was a Beatle.

I kid you not, one of the Fab Four.

I was playing at Shea Stadium for the sold-out 50,000 people.

Hold on, you were a Beatle?

What? Yeah, I was. I could feel what it was like

to actually be a Beatle.

Whatever's in these, Dee, keep them coming, all right?

Okay.

-Which Beatle? -Thank you.

I think I was John. I mean, I never saw myself,

but John wasn't there and I was singing a ballad with Paul.

Shall I sing a verse for you now?

-No! -Hell no.

-Please, yes! -No, it was beautiful,

I tell you. You know what we were singing?

We were singing "Something," which is...

That's a George song, technically.

I had a dream logic, I suppose.

But we found these wonderful harmonies.

That was my wedding song.

I guess that triggered me.

I don't know why. It was a beautiful wedding,

and it's... it's a lovely song.

Forks don't lie.

Okay, let's get this out for you.

And... nope. Nope.

Here we you go. That's all you need. Okay.

Spoon. For... cereal.

-Morning. -Hey.

Sorry I'm late, if I am late.

You know, I still have a bit of a morning head.

Maybe I'm too well-rested.

Is this just... straight up or is it laced with something?

-It's just oatmeal. -Just oatmeal.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay, team, listen up!

Let's quickly go over today's schedule.

Wait, wait, I want to hear Lars's dream

-'cause it sounded good. -No.

Come on, you can't just waltz in here

-talking about your dream and... -Come on.

Say your dream! Say your dream!

Say your dream! Say your dream!

Okay, fine. Fine, Fine, fine, fine.

-If you must know... -That was easy.

I gave birth.

What do you mean, you gave birth?

Just as I said.

And you were all there.

It was quite insane but, it was kind of beautiful.

Push! Push!

You gave birth. Baby birth.

No epidural, I'm tougher than I look.

-And we were all there? -You especially, Tony.

Seems that you were the father.

-All right. -I can still see it, like vividly.

Beautiful baby boy.

And... you know what, Tony? You cried like a baby yourself.

You had a son. You kept saying you never thought

you'd see the day, and...

you began to weep.

You're a fucking lunatic, you know that, Lars?

Yeah, I know. It's always good

to get a second opinion though. I think.

-Hey, Frances. -Hi, Yao!

Hi, hi... You have a visitor.

-I do? -And he's...

come all the way from Canada.

Did you say Canada?

Yes. Yeah.

Yeah.

-Should I take you to him? -Yeah. Yeah.

How do I even begin to say I'm sorry?

You don't, Paul.

Frances.

Jesus. You said you were six-one.

You just started lying right out of the gate.

Well, I didn't lie about my loving you.

What about Ari? Did he really need surgery?

Do you even have a son?

Or is that just part of the scam to get my money?

I thought you might say that, so I brought a check here.

Payment in full, plus interest.

I've been trying to reach you for days.

And when you wouldn't respond, I hopped on a plane.

Your agent said I could find you here.

Well, they confiscate our phones here,

so I have no way of knowing if you actually were trying

to contact me.

I don't understand why you just went silent.

I sent you the money, and then it's just like...

you just fell off the face of the Earth,

which is why I assumed you were...

were scamming me and were a fake.

Ironic.

I became convinced that you were the fake.

Me, why?

Well, how do I say this? Um...

I read your books. All of them.

There's not a hint of truth to be found in any of them.

They're so gimmicky.

What?

Yeah, I mean, you don't dig in.

You just take a little bit of romance

and topical cocktail of your choice,

sexism, ageism, racism, ableism.

There's no story at all. There's just "isms."

That's not what I do! That's not--

that's not what you do when you write a whole st--

I don't have to explain this to you, but it's not what I do.

Are you saying that you ghosted me

because you didn't like my books?

I couldn't stand your books. I don't know how anyone

could possibly stand your books. And I panicked.

I thought, "Oh my God, I've fallen in love

with a total and utter hack." I came all the way here,

at considerable expense to myself, to prove otherwise,

that you're worthy of my love. That you're a significant,

dimensional being, albeit someone who literally

just cannot write a lick.

Frances, things could have been so good between us.

If only I hadn't have read your...

-Kill him. -...dreadful books.

Do it. Now.

I think she needs some water.

Babe, wake up.

I think maybe you're giving her, like, too much of that stuff

-or... -I'm okay.

It's just-- I suddenly got so sleepy.

-Yeah. -Did you guys get sleepy?

Maybe we start to reduce your dose, yeah?

You think maybe, Yao?

-Never mind. -Fuck "never mind", man.

She just passed out in her breakfast.

I may not be feeling a hundred percent.

What is that on my... face?

-It's oatmeal. -Oatmeal.

Why is there oatmeal on my face?

'Cause you took a header into your breakfast.

Well I'm sure that I'm okay. Right?

-Yeah. -Did I have a visitor

come see me? Did that actually happen?

No, we don't allow visitors, Frances.

Okay. Well, then I must have been hallucinating is all,

'cause I also thought that you had given birth to a baby.

No, that part did happen. In my dreams.

Tony was the father.

Enough already, okay?

I don't think I'm feeling great

'cause I'm finding this very confusing.

Yeah, okay, come on, I'll take you to your room.

-No, I'll take her. -No, it's okay.

-You've done enough. -Fuck off, Tony.

Okay, well,

that's not exactly appropriate therapist behavior,

but we'll table it. Come on.

Was it at least Quaker Oats?

Because that's my favorite oatmeal.

Yeah, come on. You know,

I lost my virginity to a Quaker.

Hey, inside voice. Come on.

He was very tender and loving.

-Yeah. -You know, he was almost mushy.

Okay, come on. Come on.

-Like his oatmeal. -Okay, come on,

-let's go to bed. I mean... -What?

-...let's go to your room. -Very good.

-How much are you giving her? -Nice and easy.

Wait. Don't tell me. I should fuck off too, right?

I think I will share a quote from Maya Angelou,

if you don't mind. "Today is a wonderful day.

I have never seen one like this before."

Fabulous quote, Dee. Fabulous.

Bye, Delilah.

It got back there. I got it.

No, I could do this myself.

I mean, I like-- I like you doing it,

-but for the record... -Okay.

-I'm capable. -I got you.

I... just can't believe how real it seemed.

You know, he was just there.

Paul was standing there in front of me

and brought me flowers.

But, you know.

But what?

There was a lot of truth in what he said about my books.

Just shallow takes of, you know, whatever the flavor

of the moment is and I... just shove some romance into it.

They're hollow.

Maybe I'm hollow.

But he was right, I can't write.

Hey. Hey, look at me.

You can write.

Look at me, I know you can write. Okay?

I mean, I-- I've... I read a snippet.

It was good shit.

You may not play football now, but you could.

I bet you were really something.

But me, I never have been.

I think I'm gonna vomit.

What?

You're gonna vomit. I'm gonna go.

Sh...

Thank you.

Hi, Dee.

You asked to see me?

Sit, please.

I hear you told Tony to fuck off.

I'll apologize.

Apologies are good.

And I think I owe you an apology.

Recently, I've been meditating, I've been...

seeing your face.

What you went through with Connelly.

I underestimated the trauma that you have been through, Dee.

-I'm sorry for that. -I'm fine.

Are you back on your dosage?

Withdrawals from psilocybin, they can render you dangerous.

Meaning what?

You think I'm the one sending you death threats?

Dee.

We are on the precipice of something great.

Stay with me, stay together, yeah?

-Tell me, what do you need? -I'm fine.

You're fine?

-Talk to me. -Okay.

Actually...

I need you to stop fucking Yao.

You think he's capable of making that adjustment?

I don't know.

That's why I need you to make that adjustment for him.

And are you capable of making that adjustment?

I am.

I think so.

I'm proud of you. You came here, you were broken,

and now, go ahead. You know what you want.

-You say what you want. -I had help.

Masha, Yao can't ever know.

Well, he's never gonna know.

He never did know.

He never will know.

Mom!

Mom!

Wow, that was good. Straight from the diaphragm.

Yeah. Even better. Like you were giving birth.

Shut up. Very funny.

-You want to talk about that? -No, what's there to talk about?

It was just a crazy, drug-induced dream.

Come on, Lars.

You obviously have a thing about babies.

It's what broke up my relationship.

Ray wants to have a child

and his sister even volunteered

to be the surrogate. I just...

-I don't go there. -Why not?

I mean, you know, besides overpopulation

-and imminent apocalypse. -I just think the world

is a tough place for a kid right now.

Was it a tough place for you as a child?

I was bullied...

I knew very early on that I was gay.

As did the other kids.

As did my father.

He actually blamed my mother.

Her genetic tide pool.

It was not in his DNA to have a homosexual child.

Certainly not.

Jesus.

And then, in the end, he left her.

Though I suspect he was more fleeing me,

his genetically flawed offspring.

Zach came to me last night.

What?

Yeah. I was in my bathroom and he just appeared.

And it wasn't a dream, he was there.

He was as real as he ever was.

Did you tell your parents about this?

No, I figured they couldn't handle it, you know.

Fragile day. So...

Yes, but you shouldn't be alone with this.

I'm not alone.

-Don't be ridiculous. -Yeah.

It's very safe.

Doesn't look very safe, Yao.

Hey, it's gonna be-- it's gonna be a rush.

It's gonna-- it'll be fabulous, honey.

I don't feel like doing fabulous today.

Come on, please? We're here, right?

What's the worst that can happen?

Team. I know this is a difficult day.

-Your son's 21st birthday. -Don't speak of my son.

Stop it. Jesus Christ. It's his birthday. It's happy!

Can't you just be-- just be happy?

Ever?

You want to jump, Napoleon?

You jump. Fine. Go ahead. Do it.

Oh my God!

-You okay, Napoleon? -I'm good! I'm fine!

I'm totally fine.

Fucking hell.

Hey, yeah. Yeah, it's going.

Whether it's according to plan or not, but it's going.

She's dosing us. Yeah.

-Are you sure? -I promise you.

I wouldn't steer you wrong.

I mean, okay, I would, but on this,

it is so exhilarating. Such a shot of adrenaline.

Of life!

-I'm terrified. -That's part of it, isn't it?

You do something that scares you.

It's like the John Burroughs quote:

"Leap and the net shall appear."

It means take that plunge, go for it.

I remember this mountain climber once who--

Napoleon, shut up! I'm up here. It's happening.

-It is. All right. -It is very safe.

Okay.

It helps to scream. Don't forget to scream.

-Hurry up. -On three.

One.

-Two. -God!

Three!

-Oh my God! -See?

-Fuck you. -I told you.

-Amazing. -I told you. It was amazing.

Do you wanna do it again?

-No! -No? Come on.

Thank you for bringing me here.

What?

I love this place.

You're on drugs.

Yeah, I love Masha too.

There's just something about her. You just...

You know, you feel safe with her.

I know what you mean.

Just makes you wanna surrender.

Sometimes I just wish we could surrender all the money.

I really hate that money.

There's just no going back, right?

I mean, unless...

-Unless what? -What do you say

we go all "Two Bunch Palms” on each other.

Like the old days.

I still remember the first time I asked you out.

In high school.

-I got goosebumps. -I was so nervous.

-I still get goosebumps. -I do miss my old life.

Our old life.

It's all there.

We just got to dig it out.

Whatcha doing?

Gonna throw it out there one more time.

-What are you doing? -Sorry, I was--

I was meditating.

I didn't think you kinda went for that stuff.

Seem to be going for a lot of stuff

that I never thought possible.

Okay, well. I'll bite. Like what?

Well, like this place, for starters.

I mean, what the fuck?

But I am off the oxys.

And more importantly,

the oxys weren't just for my knee.

I've been numbing a lot of shit for a lot of years.

And now here I am, facing it all, and...

I'm doing it off the drugs. I'm not having the best time.

Look, I know I was fairly out of it this morning, but...

I still noticed that you got

very upset about Lars', you know,

imaginary hallucination baby

and that you had fathered it and...

I wasn't there when either of my kids were born.

With my older one, I was working.

I had a game.

But my younger one...

I was high, that much I remember.

I should've never come to this place.

I think maybe it's exactly where you need to be.

You're a good person, Frances.

I mean, I know I keep saying that,

-but it's-- -You have never said that.

-Really? -I keep saying that,

repeatedly, hoping it'll, you know, catch on.

Well, I knew I heard it somewhere.

Every time I close my eyes here, I just-- I just--

I keep on seeing those things that I don't want to face.

Every fucking mistake that I ever made.

Maybe you just shouldn't close your eyes.

I'm not sure I want any of this bad enough, Frances.

I'm not gonna make it.

Well, what do you mean? You're not--

You're not gonna make it where?

To the end of the week. The end of the year.

What are you-- What are you saying?

-What are you saying? -Nothing.

I'm not saying anything. I...

I don't know what I'm saying. Forget it.

I'm not gonna forget it. I'm...

I'm worried about you.

No. You don't need to be worried about me.

I know I don't need to. I...

I want to.

Well, see, like I said. You're a good person.

You're full of shit.

Yes.

I fucking love this place! Oh my God.

Fucking.

Why is everybody just fucking around here?

I don't under-- I don't understand.

I'm so stupid. Stupid sometimes.

-Hi. -Hi.

It's okay.

-I'm sorry. -Are you okay?

I'm fine.

What's all this I hear about fucking?

I'm just not in the mood, okay?

Lars, not today.

Why all the tears? What's wrong?

I'm...

I just...

I get sick of it sometimes, all right? I just...

I just-- I get sick of it.

Yeah, me too.

Sick of what?

This pretending.

Pretending to be okay, okay with me,

okay with his happy life,

pretending to be happy for the sake of my kids, happy.

Happy like it doesn't bother me to see-- see married couples,

even unhappy ones, doing what married couples do,

like fucking in a fucking hot tub.

Why should that trigger me? Why does it take me over

that my ex and his pretty young thing

are fucking all over Florence, that--

That she's probably flossing her teeth

with his little pencil dick right now

while my kids are in the next room,

why does it-- why does it-- does it-- fucking--

Can't I even hear a reference to my wedding song

without wanting to stab the table?

I'm just-- I'm sick of it! I am-- I'm sick of all of it.

Don't you look at me like-- like--

don't stare at me like I'm a fucking psycho, all right?

Which I... probably am.

Carmel.

Listen to me.

I've spent most of my adult life in psychotherapy.

I could literally be the camp counselor here, honestly.

What you need to do is dissociate from him.

Hating him has its benefits, stabbing him even better.

But dissociation is the only lasting cure.

How do I do that?

You just do it the old-fashioned way.

You meet someone new. And you will.

Because you are a vibrant, beautiful woman.

Don't give me that.

I am giving you that because it's true. Okay?

Not only that, but you're passionate.

You're a passionate, vibrant, beautiful woman.

My God, Carmel.

There's a whole world of men waiting out there for you.

God, what is Masha putting in your smoothies?

I know, right?

Creeping myself out.

-Yeah. -Come here.

Come on.

I thought you were going to the hot springs.

Not after what you told me.

Absolutely not.

Savages.

Happy birthday, 21st

Happy birthday to you

You have to make a wish first.

Twenty one!

I'd like to make a toast.

First, to Zach,

who I really wish was here right now.

And would be cringing so hard at this speech.

It was definitely, definitely his thing.

Yeah. Happy birthday, Zach.

Happy birthday, Zach.

You know, yesterday my parents said that we could leave

if I didn't want to be stuck here on my birthday,

but the truth is

I really wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Believe it or not, maybe-- maybe it's the smoothies,

but, you guys are all really starting to feel

like family to me.

I don't know how the fuck that's possible.

But I don't know, no--

nobody's really treated me like a person

for the past three years.

They've treated me like a patient,

and definitely a victim, but...

not really as a person, so...

Sorry.

I'm just really grateful for you guys.

And I've made friends here.

No one should be alone on their birthday, and I'm not.

I got you weirdos.

But let's not forget, no good deed goes unpunished.

And as far as punishments go,

there is a tradition on my birthday.

And it pains me to say that it is my father singing.

Yes, Napoleon!

Well, thank you. Thank you very much, Carmel.

I've been singing this song to my kids

-since they were little. -Torturing us with it.

-What? -What?

And... never mind.

And it's become, as Zoe says,

sort of a birthday tradition, one you can dance to

if you're so inclined. So...

We're all intrigued, Napoleon.

Yeah. Look at this.

Look at this, huh?

Yeah.

That's actually a good look on you.

This is part of the tradition, too.

Yeah, I think so.

Happy, happy birthday Baby

Although you're with Somebody new

What the fuck?

Well, when you ask like that...

I'm a really good dancer.

That I wish this happy day

Come on, baby.

-Sorry. I don't "mercy dance". -Yes, you do.

You know you want it.

Secret's out on you, Lars.

-You're a kind human being. -Well, still a secret.

For you to keep.

Check out Tony and Frances.

Something going on there, I think.

I think something's going on here now.

Because that's when We fell in love

Do you remember

-You and Yao okay? -Better.

I feel like we're moving into a new space.

Good.

I can't do this without you.

Great party.

-Dance with your lady. -I think I shall.

How can we say goodbye

Happy, happy Happy birthday

Happy birthday.

Although I'm-- I'm not acting like a lady.

So I close this note to you

With good wishes And luck too

He's here, isn't he?

It's you.

You're the key.

Happy, happy birthday

Baby

Happy birthday.