Original subtitles

Namaste. Welcome to Tranquillum House.

I'm Masha.

-Are you saying they don't want the book? -It's not normal to be screaming,

"Dead to the fuckin' world" at the top of your lungs.

We're going 'cause we have issues, Benjamin. With us.

What are you in for?

Weight loss, esteem building, mind and body transformation.

I mean, I already feel better. I really do. Is this not fantastic?

-What's that? -Blood draw. Standard practice.

Did she give you any idea what to expect?

Suffering.

Hey, there.

Hey!

-Are you okay? -Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm fine. I just...

Just a little panic attack.

They come and go.

And sometimes, I just feel like I'm gonna freak out so I didn’t want to...

you know, disrupt the session or anything.

Oh, well, that session is officially disrupted, anyway.

Your dad's back there holding your mom back,

I think she wants to claw Masha’s eyes out.

Something about death, or something. I didn't quite catch it.

Yeah, yeah.

It's my brother Zach. He stopped living three years ago.

Kind of why we’re here.

It would've been his 21st birthday this week.

Or our 21st. We were twins. But...

he stopped living the day before our 18th birthday. So...

Oh God.

There you have it, the Marconi family baggage,

which was also searched, by the way.

-I'm sorry, honey. -It's okay. We really weren’t close. So...

-Are you all right? -Yeah, I'm fine. Just needed some air.

-Hello. -Hello.

-Could I talk to my daughter please? -Yes.

-Mom, Mom, it's fine.

I’m fine. Francis, I'm fine.

I was actually just gonna go for a run. We’re runners.

I'll see you.

She was telling me about your son.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

Yeah, I didn't read anything about getting my fucking bags gone through.

Anybody else read anything about that? 'Cause I didn't read anything about that.

Maybe you could take a breath.

The fuck? I am not taking a breath.

It’s a fucking crime is what it is. Tossing our cells for contraband?

Not giving our shit back,

that's a violation of our human rights, lady.

Now, I've got prescription medication in my wash bag

and I’m gonna need it back, like right-fucking-now. You feel me?

Yao. Would you go and retrieve Tony's medicine?

-Yeah, very good, thank you. -Would you like your vodka as well?

Or do you take it separately?

-Fuck you. -Hey, now. Let’s just take it easy.

-Fuck you too. -All right.

Yeah, this is not what I signed up for. Just like, FYI.

We’re okay. Part of the healing is finding the wound.

-That's why you picked us, right? -What do you mean, she “picked” us?

She accepts less than ten percent of her applicants. We're just an equation.

We complement each other’s demons.

-Fuckin' crock. -What is it you look for in your guests?

-Damage. -Potential.

Tomato, to-mah-toe.

Is that how you're feeling about yourself, Francis? Is it?

About things? About your life? Tomato, to-mah-toe, whatever.

I know women like you.

-You don't. -You're so driven.

And you're so committed...

to perfection that you're not even human anymore.

And you whittle away everybody else

so you don’t have to see your own bumps and bruises.

Maybe some of these guests did come for struggle.

But I get enough of that in my day-to-day life.

I didn't come here to open a vein.

I came here to have a little bit of fucking fun.

I’d like to talk to you in private, if I may.

Look, obviously, you’re a very smart person...

building this whole...

thing.

But it just doesn't make any sense.

There's not a qualified professional in the world

who would confiscate somebody's medication.

You’re a drug addict, Tony.

There's many places you could go to detox or rehab. But you came here.

Maybe to fix what caused you to become a drug addict.

I know. I know what caused it, okay?

-Three spinal surgeries, a blown knee. -That's just a story.

One that's keeping you numb and checked out of your entire life.

Okay. Yeah, day one and you know all this, right?

You’re divorced, yes?

Yeah.

You have... two children?

How’s your relationship with them?

This is it, right? This is what you do?

You get people to talk about their shit, and then you use it against them.

Huh? You gonna plug me into an ATM machine now?

Are you happy with your life?

Am I happy with my life?

Who the fuck is happy with their life?

Just give me my medicine, please.

Have it. Right now!

And another one, in the morning. Everyday.

I don’t want you sick, Tony.

I just want you...

safe, healed, whole. And I think that's what you want.

I never wanted to take your pills, Tony. Just your secret.

-Shit! -I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

-Jesus! -I'm sorry.

-You scared me to death. -I'm so sorry.

You shouldn’t sneak up on people in the dark like that.

I wasn’t sneaking. I just read in the pamphlet to be mindful

of others that they might be meditating and try not to disturb.

So that's what that...

-Yeah. -Well. I'm not meditating,

just despondently staring into the gaping void.

Hey, the welcoming thing.

-That was... -It was bat shit.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Okay, cool. 'Cause I thought I was just like losing my mind, okay.

Hey.

You probably don’t want to hear this.

You know, people come to retreats to get away

from it all and I have to say...

I am such a huge fan.

I've read Nathaniel’s Kiss, like, three times.

I think it’s the most romantic book in the world.

Thank you for that.

-So, what's your crisis? -What's my what?

The British dude, he said that...

Masha, like, picked us all for a particular crisis.

With all your success, I was wondering, I...

Now I'm realizing that, I am kinda crossing a line.

So, I'm just gonna take it back.

It's okay, I'm just here for a little R&R.

Maybe my crisis is I don't have a crisis.

-So, are you writing anything new-- -What's your crisis?

Marriage counseling. Yeah. Well, Ben and I just...

a little bit of a bumpy patch.

-I know that road. -Oh, you’re married?

Not currently. Have been. Twice.

Optimist, masochist. Fine line.

“He saw her.” That’s my favorite part of...

Nathaniel’s Kiss. You wrote...

“He saw her."

"And until then, she never knew."

"She’d never been seen before."

"It was like coming home.”

-It's a little clunky. -No. No, it's not.

It’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. To be seen.

You want a little grown-ass lady advice?

-You can take it or leave it? -I'll take it.

I wouldn't look to novels, or music, or movies,

to tell you the truth about love.

They lie.

And we’re just a pack of dirty liars.

Right? I mean, yeah.

Hustlers of the heart.

-Did you just make that up? -Yeah, I guess I did.

God! You're good.

I'm gonna... get back to...

thanks.

I'll see you tomorrow, I guess?

-Maybe it won't be as-- -Weird?

-Yeah. -Yeah. Let's hope.

-Good night. -Good night.

Hi, baby. Let's have a quiet day today.

What shower pressure. Fantastic.

I had a spectacular sleep.

It’s going to be a fantastic day, I can feel it.

You should shower if you’re going to do so before breakfast,

they want us promptly there at 7:00.

I’m absolutely famished, by the way.

Which I take as a good sign. My metabolism is engaged and firing.

I think I might skip breakfast and go for a run, instead.

I think brekkie is mandatory.

It’s a very precise regimen here. I suggest we surrender to it, pumpkin.

There’s only so much surrendering I can do, Leon.

You go. Don’t be late for breakfast.

You certainly wouldn't want to break a rule.

What’s that supposed to mean?

Look, it means rules are meant to be followed.

How else to ensure the survival of a civilized society?

You have to seek out the wonderful, Heather,

because it doesn’t just come knocking. Maybe life will surprise you.

You know, what you said to me? Right after. Do you remember?

You said, “Things happen for a reason.”

What reason?

As much as I love you, and I do, I do...

-Finish it. -I'm angry.

-At me? -Yeah.

For being so constantly upbeat.

For trying to make sense of the most incomprehensible.

But mostly, for making me feel so alone.

You make me feel so fucking alone.

You ask, "Why are we here?"

I’m here because I miss liking you.

I know, you didn’t deserve that.

But I got it just the same.

Yes!

Hi, there, handsome.

Hey, honey. I am unfortunately gonna have to postpone my trip.

I'm so sorry.

-Oh no. What happened? -It's Ari. He was in a car accident.

-Oh my God. Is he okay? -They put him into an induced coma,

to help with his healing. I'm trying to get him

transferred to a better hospital...

Here, you go detective, you can keep it.

I told him I loved him.

He's an imaginary person and I told him I loved him.

This happens to a lot of women of your age and circumstance.

-Good morning. -This should be on Instagram.

This is so adorable. So healthy.

It's like a dream. The perfect breakfast.

Yes, if you can't have substance, style will do, I suppose.

-How we doing, everybody? -I lost weight!

You know, I was meaning to say.

Why you trying to lose weight? You’re not fat.

Thank you. But I'd still like to be thinner.

But why? I don’t get it.

Why is everybody so obsessed with that kind of thing?

I don't think we are, Ben. And if you're looking for commonality,

I think we're all obsessed with being a little

better than we were yesterday. A little less lousy,

a little less in the toilet.

I could be wrong, but isn't that the essence of life?

Identifying your hump and then hurling yourself over it.

Told you, she's like a gifted writer.

Good morning, good morning, everybody.

What fell off the chuckwagon? That's not me.

Hey, guys, look, I know I came in a little rough

to the dock yesterday and I apologize.

Okay? And if I offended any of you and...

I probably offended most of you, sorry. New day, huh?

Seems like someone got his meds back.

You know what, Lars?

I did.

Thanks for caring.

Who are you, really?

You mean, like, deep down?

He does look familiar, right? Like, I've seen your face.

Probably on Dateline or something.

People! All right! Today’s schedule.

We will all begin with a little dirt-digging.

-In the afternoon-- -What do you mean, dirt-digging?

Soil bacteria has special qualities.

It can fight anxiety, depression, maybe even cancer.

I'm not that big on dirt or bacteria.

It's kind of a Protestant thing. I don't wanna talk about it.

You got an excuse for everything.

-I said, you got an excuse-- -No! Still can't hear, your mouths is...

-I get it. -Okay. Team...

Yeah, this is definitely not a team.

I mean, this is like the opposite of a team.

Something you need?

Tell me, you pool sit when you’re stressed.

And you've been down here every day of late. What's wrong?

I received some disturbing messages.

-Threats. -Threats from who?

Anonymous.

Should we report it?

To who? The police? What are they gonna do?

It could be from anyone.

I wasn't a very nice person in my previous life.

You would’ve shot me too if you’d known me then.

No. No, I wouldn’t have.

No. You wouldn’t have.

You and Delilah okay?

-She still gets a little jealous. -She’ll have to get over that, won’t she?

It’s difficult.

That’s what life is more than anything, difficult.

We are and we always will be profoundly and inextricably bound.

Don't you agree?

Love her and she will feel loved.

Fuck! That's it, I’m done.

Digging graves is not doing my back any favors.

What are you talking about? They dug half of it for us

and you haven't even stood up yet.

I am still helping and exerting myself. Not that I've asked for your opinion.

It feels good, doesn’t it?

To exhaust the body with hard, hard work.

Pre-industrial man, he didn’t get depressed

because he was too busy working.

Would you please lie down in your ditches?

We spend our lives avoiding the thought of the one true guarantee.

That our time here is limited.

We are terrified of death,

not because it is unknown, but because it forces us

to confront our deepest regrets.

Be it...

lies we have told...

people we have hurt...

professional failures...

or simply...

an unfulfilled life.

So, I want you all now to close your eyes.

Think of your life, past.

Imagine that your body, has returned to the Mother Earth,

and that your soul has been set free. And your loved ones...

Your loved ones are gathered around you.

Marconis, we okay with this?

Yeah. You good, Mom?

I'm fine.

Now, think of all the things that matter to you.

The events that pre-occupy you.

Everything, that you're obsessed. That you're worried about,

that is stopping you from having a full and extraordinary, exceptional life.

Think of the relationships that matter to you.

The people who will mourn you.

What do you want them to say about your life?

Now... that it is over?

You know, this exercise is ridiculous.

Just lie down, Francis. Contemplate.

What is it gonna take? What do I have to say

to get out of the dirt hole?

You wanna hear that if I die today, nobody would care? Fine.

Because if I did die today, nobody would care.

Because I’m humiliated and I am alone and it’s only gonna get worse.

And you'll love this. I pre-paid my own funeral.

Because nobody else is gonna do it.

Okay? Is that enough? Does that count? Can we stop now?

Francis, this isn't just about you.

You now have the chance...

and you have the choice...

to come back and reinvent yourself.

When you hear the sound of the chimes, I invite you...

to rebirth yourself...

out of the Earth and into your new life.

-That was interesting. -Could you just be open, please?

Okay.

All right! Next up is the hike this afternoon.

Yeah, I don't think I'm up for a hike.

Of course. It’s not mandatory, though highly recommended.

We can schedule you for some acupuncture,

-Maybe, it'll help with your back. -That would be lovely.

Jessica, your session with Masha is now.

-Is that mandatory? -Yes. Yes, it is.

This is absolutely incredible.

You know, I toured the acupuncture houses in Beijing.

I was doing research for one of my books.

-But have you been? -Oh, Lulu’s been everywhere.

-I trained in Oregon. -La-di-da-di!

The Baihui point.

It's where all energies converge.

-Is that right? -That’s right.

Try to keep still, Francis.

-I felt that. -Yeah, I'm just taking some blood.

-Why? -For your blood sugar.

Okay. Well, next time maybe

give me a heads-up before you shiv my lipids.

-Okay. -Okay, good one.

You're funny. I like you.

Well... that makes one of us.

-Can I ask you two a question? -Of course.

I mean, is Masha crazy or is she the real deal?

Masha?

Masha is the realest of them all, 100%.

Why are you here?

Oh, I thought we had our one-on-one, but I can come--

No. Why are you at Tranquillum?

What are you hoping to gain?

Transformation, for one thing.

I'm really interested in fixing what's broken.

-You know? -And what would that be?

You are very nervous.

-Yeah, I am. -There is no reason to be.

Tell me.

What is particularly making you anxious right now?

You.

You're, like, super smart...

and intuitive.

And very fucking hot, by the way. I'm sorry, but you are, and I'm not.

I'm okay. I'm fine.

And I'm okay with people looking at me on the outside, you know, I've basically

cultivated that, but being seen on the inside, which...

you strike me as very... capable of,

-it just makes me-- -You came here afraid.

You were afraid before you knew of my existence.

When I was...

lying in that ditch,

you know...

imagining my own death,

I thought about comments.

Not my family.

Comments.

Saying how tragic it was that someone so...

young and...

pretty... died like that.

And for a second, it made me feel better.

For a second.

Then I realized, my Instagram account would be deleted a week later and...

everyone would move on, forget about me.

You want your life to be important, to mean something.

Yeah.

But that's not what you really came here for.

It's not?

Why doesn't he love you anymore?

I don't know.

It's unfair.

Attractive.

If you don't mind, I'm social distancing.

Actually, I do mind.

Well then, fine. I have my cramps.

You can't have both cramps and hot flashes...

I don't think.

For you, I can. So, bye-bye.

-You know what, lady? -Here we go.

One of the reasons I came to this funny farm,

my entire adult life people have been telling me to fuck off.

-Well... -And in the very short time

that we've known each other, you've practically medaled at it.

You know what, I'm not fucking off.

All right? This place practically screams, "Welcome mat."

I'm gonna enjoy the nature.

I'm gonna enjoy the food. I'm gonna enjoy the pool. I'm even gonna enjoy you

bobbing up and down like a cork in the pool.

You know why? Because every day is a gift.

This whole place is my fucking gift, lady.

Did I hear something? I could have--

I just thought-- Did anyone say something?

I don't see anybody. No. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.

Son of a...

You bastard!

I'm sorry, what did you say?

Okay, let's take this to a higher plane, shall we?

You're gonna start with your hands out

in front or behind you. Eyes on the ground.

Six to eight feet in front of you.

We're gonna start with your right foot, move it forward one step.

-Think right step, left step... -Right. Left. Right.

So how did it go?

-Yeah... -Wait, was she amazing?

I bet she was.

I think both of y'all are a little star-struck.

Oh no. I'm actually, not a star-struck person.

I used to work on Broadway, so, I've met stars, real stars.

I met Alan Cumming. So, I'm not star-struck.

Wow, Broadway. What'd you do on Broadway?

Oh, I did...

wardrobe, hair and make-up, props. I kinda actually did it all.

Yeah, till I had my girls and my husband, he didn't want me to work anymore.

He made enough money...

so, you know, he just, he didn't like the idea

of a nanny raising our kids.

That's nice. At least you had that time with your kids.

What did you say?

Well, they're still my kids.

Just because they're off with someone else, they're still my kids.

-What did I say? -You said, "had," past tense.

But...

Seems like she had a past and now it's tense.

Is that really something to be proud of?

These bloody breeders.

Biggest threat to the planet is overpopulation

and they keep pumping them out without an apology.

It's incredible you're still single.

-Crazy. -Whatever.

Hey, hey. No, no. Come here. Hey!

You all right? Hey?

-You okay? -I don't know, I--

Just take deep breaths. Deep breaths. In and...

Oh God! What happened?

I don't know. You were sleeping, you were snoring

and then all of a sudden you were choking. It was so weird.

I don't understand how you just start choking.

I don't know. Do you have a medical condition?

No! Not that I know of, I don't...

-Oh, that was scary. -Oh, what is that?

What?

-Is that a grape? -No. No, I don't...

Is that...

-Don't! What are you doing? -I don't think so.

Keep-- Damn it.

It is a grape.

-How did it get in-- -I don't know. Yeah.

Did you put a grape into my mouth?

-No. What are you-- -Oh my God!

-I-- No... -Did you throw a grape into mouth?

I know, I tossed the grape in your mouth

but it was an accident, okay? You were snoring and I just...

You know, I just wanted to wake you up. And...

-I'm sorry. -You could've killed me.

I could take that shot all day long and the odds of it going in are like...

-Do you want a grape? -What?

I do not want a grape. I'm not gonna...

Don't do it.

How do you like it?

Who's Paul?

Who's what?

Paul. You were...

You were saying his name, Paul,

-when you were sleeping. -No, I wasn't.

-Yes, you were. -No, I wasn't.

Got it.

So who is he?

I don't know. I can honestly say, I don't know who Paul is, but I do know

that it's none of your business.

Well, which is it?

Paul Drabble.

Is a man I met...

online, a man I fell in love with online.

A man who did not fall in love with me, either online or offline.

Allegedly from...

Canada, who had a fake child,

that got a fake illness...

and then he convinced me to...

send him... quite a bit of real money.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I mean, you know, it’s not like I had to date online.

I get asked out by men...

all the time. There's multiple sources that say

I'm very good in bed, even enthusiastic.

Well, you don't have to talk about this if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Doesn't make me uncomfortable. Does it make you uncomfortable?

Yeah, a little.

There's a part of me that thinks it was worth it.

You know, six months of love and... companionship.

I don't know, half a year of that, feeling like that...

Not a bad deal. Right?

Maybe you could put it in one of your books.

It'll make a good story, no?

Yeah, maybe.

I take it you’ve never read me.

Well, yeah. You know what? I read a snippet.

-Snippet. -Yesterday.

When I was taking a piss on this massive tree,

found an article all about your Beating Heart.

Wait, what?

Isn't that what it's called? The Beating...

-The Beating Heart? -No!

-It was. -No.

-That's what they said. -No, it's not.

It can't-- No, because it can't be, because it's not...

It's not published yet.

-And so, it's still in manuscript format. -I don't know what to tell you.

Maybe, the guy got a leaked copy or something.

I'd be stoked, actually.

It means he really wanted to read it, right? You're in demand.

-I would take it as a compliment. -What did it say?

I don't remember.

Just-- I know you're lying. What did it say?

He didn't like it very much.

-He didn't like-- Did he hate it? -What do critics know anyway, huh?

Look at poor Stallone.

The fucking critics treat him like garbage and Rocky is the greatest movie ever made.

So they hated it.

Well. That's that.

Where are you going?

Implicitly, it may seem like a kids' game. But when it comes to trusting,

when it comes to being ourselves, when it comes to letting go...

-kids have a lot to teach us. -That's right.

Let’s give it a go.

Okay. Ready?

Okay, come on, Carmel. Come on!

Okay, you ready? Here we go... All right. Come on, Carmel.

Oh my God!

Oh wow, you got me.

Got you!

All right, I wanna do him next.

Mom.

Mom! -Honey! Honey!

Take your hands off me.

-Just take your fucking hands off me! -Please, honey. Please.

Napoleon, please step back. It’s okay.

It's okay!

Heather, what’s going on?

I just want you to step away.

I'm not gonna do that, but what I am gonna do, is hold your hand.

Do you know what they say about holding hands?

It's intimate.

It can be more intimate than lovemaking even. Do you know why?

There’s something intuitive about it, something knowing about it.

Perhaps it's the nerve endings in the fingertips

or the sensory systems in the hands, but people feel each other.

They know each other, even people they’ve never even met before.

What do you feel in my hands, Heather?

Somebody who’s been where you are, maybe?

Somebody who has stood where you stand?

You have never stood where I stand.

-You think she was really going to jump? -I don’t know.

Maybe not today, but she’s certainly ideating.

This group is a powder-kick, Masha. I mean...

Lars is... Honestly, I don't know what Lars is,

but I know, he's not just a guest.

He's got some agenda. I can smell it.

-You swept his room? -Top to bottom.

Yao, would you sweep it again for me?

No problem.

I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were in a meeting.

No. It's quite all right. Please.

Come on in.

How can I help you?

I think I have to go.

I don't want to find myself.

I don't think I’m equipped for the discovery.

I just had kind of a near-death experience myself,

so I guess that's one thing we have in common, huh?

Mine wasn’t as exotic as yours, but...

First, because I almost choked on a grape.

And, second, I didn’t...

I didn't see the little girl, joyously riding her bike. I just...

I just saw the truth.

Which is...

How much time do you got?

Sit.

Francis.

What?

The truth is that I’m a twice-divorced, middle-aged...

hot-flashing, menopausal heap.

I’ve become a punchline.

I have been down in these dark holes before.

And the one way out was that I could write my way out.

Turns out I’m a one-trick pony that can no longer do her one trick.

You’re a car, Francis.

Okay. A car?

And your gas tank is empty. And you're smoking,

you’re churning, you're wheezing.

You can't get going. But...

in a few days, you're gonna refuel.

And I promise you you're gonna feel a thousand times better.

I totally expected a metaphor there. I just thought...

maybe it would be something a little more lyrical.

Okay.

Try this.

-Kintsugi. -A bowl?

No. The Japanese art of repairing broken pottery.

The broken pieces are mended with lacquer, powdered gold to make something stronger.

More beautiful.

Does beat a crappy car.

This will be you.

I just... I don’t think I want it.

It’s what you need.

I think, I may need a Four Seasons and a couple of Bellinis, is what I need.

Francis, give me one more day.

Please.

One more day.

If tomorrow you don't wanna stay, fine.

I’ll respect your decision. But give me one more day. Yes?

I don't think anything is gonna change.

What have you got to lose? You've come this far.

Okay.

Just no more metaphors. Like, I can take it.

Hey, honey.

She wasn't gonna jump.

Stop trying to shield me from everything, Dad! I saw!

-I fucking saw it. -Honey, you know, as well as I do,

-your mother would-- -You watch me like I’m the problem.

Do you realize you guys are the fucked-up ones inside?

And all you do, is hide it from me.

And from each other, from everybody.

One at a time.

-Hey. How's Francis? -She's hurting.

You’re right, Delilah, this is...

a particularly volatile group. But they're a brilliant one,

and we need them all.

Let’s start the protocol. The new protocol.

Okay, but it's only day two.

But we have to make it to day three.

We can't lose any of them.

They haven’t fully detoxed. It hasn’t been tested.

They are begging to be saved.

They're on their hands and knees. You can both see that.

I've made the decision.

All right?

Let's go, my loves.

There is no time to waste.

This is exciting.