Original subtitles

The Bearded Mermaid

Chris, you will be glad.

Tonight...

Not only Régine, but also

Mourir sur scène by Dalida

and most of all Welcome to Burlesque by Cher.

- It's going to be great. - For sure.

I knew it, I know you by heart.

Sweety, no.

No comprendo, because a fajita is stuck in my throat.

I've already created something comical with Dalida before.

It's not my fault if you did.

Perhaps something darker as Halloween is soon?

Darlings, I can't stand any of that anymore.

No, really.

Régine who is no longer the Queen of the night.

Dalida whom nobody can't compete against in squinting.

Sheila who is hanging madly to her morning star.

Dear Cher whose fee is way too dear.

Minelli who is inimitable.

Stop, that's enough.

We will make our own cabaret,

and our own songs.

We need new material for next season anyway.

You want us to write and arrange... I honestly don't feel up to the task.

Don't hold out your butt as much, and you'll see.

You'll see that frustration is the spark that triggers imagination.

Don't stick around here tonight.

You! Write a new song by tomorrow.

- I know you can do it. - All right, Mom.

And what kind, a freaky and dirty song?

No... the ocean,

fish scales with sequins,

Odette's scallop,

glamor, Alonso's erotic poetry...

You need drama, life, passion.

Draw your inspiration from you own lives, dammit!

Not happy, Mom. But I've now a little idea.

Play well.

We're half women, half fishes

Our hair,

our fish scales,

and our tails...

And our tails

- Welcome - For sure.

- Welcome... - ...to the Bearded Mermaid

Welcome... to our fair.

Hi darling.

Do you like it?

You're very handsome.

Thank you.

No... Depraved youth!

Hang up and don't start again. We've lots to do.

...Half women, half fishes

Come taste

Our hair, our fish scales,

and our tails

Alonso, are you serious? Always spreading your legs.

Leave him alone, he is having fun, look.

We don't have time to lounge around, we're full tonight.

We just have to get a move on, that's all.

Full. Full.

- Full, full, full... - Where is Lily by the way?

- Don't worry, her shift ends at 6:30. - No, no, no.

She's on her way. We rehearsed, Mom!

- Tranquilla. - Anyway, I want to see the group.

What a mess, you can't even have a little phone call.

Mom.

I'm going but I'll be back.

We do have a show tonight, in case you're interested.

No? Never mind.

Let's choose.

- I like this one. - No, no. Not this one.

- It's in the other show already. - Yes.

If you're cold, why don't you crank the heat up?

You'll see how we will make you warm

Don't be shy, let us lead you astray

Bet you won't leave us now

We're half women, half fishes

Come taste

Our hair, our fish scales, and our tails

You think you've seen it all

But look closer

Good evening.

- Please, please. - The noblest art is that of making others happy

Splendid, splendid.

Welcome to the Mermaid

Welcome to our fair

Welcome to a domain

Where we all are queens

Now you're too hot, just undress

Make yourself comfortable, we want you to have a good time

We think that visual pleasures are a little bit overrated

That's why we invite you to touch us

We're half women, half fishes

Come taste

Our hair, our fish scales, and our tails

You think you have seen it all

But look closer

The noblest art is that of making others happy

Welcome to the Mermaid

Welcome to our fair

Welcome to a domain

Where we all are queens

Ladies and gentlemen.

You're so sweet.

You are about to discover tonight an unforgettable show,

in the presence of the bellissima Lily,

the greatest, the gifted, the fabulous Alonso Glynn.

And tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have a new recruit.

The astounding and phenomenal Odette Lunn.

And at last, ladies and gentlemen, the intergalactic... yes, I am not afraid to say it,

Sweety Bonbon.

Before we begin,

it's our duty to say the traditional opening line of the Bearded Mermaid

before the start of the show.

And this phrase is...

I've forgotten.

At the Bearded Mermaid,

the noblest art is that of making others...

happy!

Cheers.

I forgot how to give a kiss.

Outstanding.

Congratulations.

Good night.

Thanks a lot, thank you.

Thank you, kudos to the artists.

It was a pleasure.

And your performance with the hoop,

very well done.

- Thank you. - It's true.

It was tensed yet subtle,

and the audience liked it very much.

So we must keep it, and you girls tonight,

you killed it, as they say.

Thank you, Mom.

So, Mom...

Thank you very much, but I'm very tired so I'm turning in.

All right.

“I'm very tired...” Off to bed, we've heard it all before.

It's the same excuse every week. I go up, and there is nobody.

Baby, don't forget your enema.

Did it already, don't worry.

- Go. - Well...

Your thumb is now even brawnier than your ass.

- I'm diligent. - Don't you forget your syringe.

I, too, have the right to be tired.

It's not easy for me the round trips to Brighton,

the shows, the rehearsals,

it's difficult with my man...

So girls, goodbye.

- Have a good night, sleep tight. - Thank you, Mom.

- One for the road anyway? - I'll meet you there.

Rough night, Beluga?

The end of a fun night.

You won't end it all like Dalida, right?

- Good night, Chris. - Good night, Beluga.

Only a small iced tea.

When do we rehearse?

Well, I don't know. We're waiting for the girls, Chris,

the new magician Zappa who will show us his tricks

to see if it works.

I'm going back to the stage.

I'll go with you to take my mind off things.

Chris, please. I need the chair for my next number.

- Coming. - Thank you.

Zappa, will you require a microphone?

No, I don't need one for rehearsals.

Thank you. You can leave it here, just in case.

Yes, over here.

Perfect.

For the next number, I will need a volunteer.

I would like to call on our director, Beluga, for his assistance.

We need the volunteers.

Sit down.

The number is a bit special.

I will try connect

with your thoughts

and maybe even your dreams.

I need your help to open the first door.

I would like you to think about someone whom you care about.

Perhaps someone you recently dreamt about.

Is it someone who passed away?

Yes.

Would it be Armand?

Yes.

It was very good, bravo.

I think we can move on to the card trick.

I have them in my case.

Look at him, on the third row

The cutie with the deadly look

Barely out of his Mom

I wouldn't kick him out of bed

Come over here, big guy

No, don't be outraged

When you'll know my talents

You'll want to try them all

This is my favorite moment.

The moment when I take someone on stage with me.

I love it.

There many men tonight, too many.

I want you to feel anxious when I come close to you.

No, it's useless to look away, I will still come get you.

Drop your saucisson, please.

I still don't know if my choice is final,

but I've been looking closely at him.

He's right under my butt.

He's the man with a beret.

The man with a beret!

Chill out, darling, chill out.

Come with me. Please give him a big round of applause.

The man with a beret. Get your tiny ass up, let's go.

Let's walk elegantly, with grace and charisma.

That's great.

The chair is waiting for you.

You're not used to it, but you'll see that it's very pleasant.

Close your eyes, and go with the flow

I have my flight attendant diploma

Either we go up the stratosphere

Or I get you on my helicopter

Don't play hard to get

I have plenty of volunteers

So don't make such a fuss

And follow me to my bachelor pad

You will want to have desert in my bachelor pad

I will finish you with a spoon

In my bachelor pad

I came up with the most enjoyable program

A wave of a wand

And you'll have a funnel like the Titanic

It's like you want, we take our time

Or we just have a quickie

When you will have tasted my flan

You will want to set the table again

Twinkle twinkle little star, and take me to the seventh heaven

Widen your vocabulary

And stick it in my camembert

I won't make the inventory

of the dirty things I know how to do

So don't make such a fuss

And follow me to my bachelor pad

Put your fingers in my tureen

In my bachelor pad

Taste my mushroom sauce

In my bachelor pad

- Sorry. - You scared me.

I won't bother you for long.

I just wanted to tell you

that you were incredible tonight.

- Thank you. - It was my first time on stage.

You blew me away, man.

What do you do here?

I live here.

There's the factory, we all live here.

It's five minutes away, very convenient.

How does a man like you like the cabaret?

I don't know if I like the cabaret.

But we're bored to death, here.

There is nobody, even on a Saturday night, we're bored.

Friday night, we're bored.

So I'm like replacing the scales with sequins.

- Poet... - And self-taught.

I spent my whole life studying for the diploma that I didn't get.

So what do you want from me?

I just like to talk like that.

- Don't you want us to walk for a while? - Let me stop you right there.

First of all, you're way too young.

Second of all, you're way, way too young.

Third, I've got a man in Brighton.

Fourth, I've got to remove my makup.

I'm beat, exhausted.

See you very very soon at the Mermaid Cabaret.

Take care, sweetheart.

- Good night, Sweety Bonbon. - Good night.

Come in.

It's open.

You can come in.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Don't worry.

Make yourself at home.

Don't mind the mess.

That's how it is.

I paint.

Especially at night.

I love to paint.

Peacefully.

I'm all yours.

We need to hurry because girls are always on time.

So it's very important to be punctual.

By the way, I wanted to talk to you about your Spanish horn act.

It was really great, you must continue

and see it through, and you'll see...

Sweety?

You take me to your bachelor pad?

Hang on, I have to put down my glass.

Forget it, I'll take it back tomorrow.

Let's go.

Three hours of makeup only to end up in the wipes and vaseline, bummer!

Why are you talking about vaseline?

Vaseline is actually a fatty substance.

- So it removes the makeup. - It's too technical.

You lost me at fatty substance.

I used to use olive oil.

But I got tired of smelling caprese salads, it reminded me of my mother.

It was a bit sick.

- Vaseline is better. - Weird.

Or maybe a mackerel.

- What's a mackerel? - A mackerel.

A mackerel is big fat fish.

Cheap fisherman joke.

By the way, and sorry for interrupting,

your mackerel story does interest me,

but last time, I went to buy one kilo of vaseline,

so a lot of vaseline,

- the pharmacist was shocked. - Who does buy one kilo of vaseline?

The pharmacist at the port?

Yes, the one with the A-line Bob and the bun at the back from the 00s.

“Fashion creation, hello!”

What a whore, really.

You make me laugh, you and your mother.

Does your mother look like the pharmacist?

- What? - Does you mother...

My mother is Italian like me.

So a bit vulgar.

- A bit what? - I'm kidding.

Chill out.

I will make you chill out.

It feels good.

Let me take out my tights.

They are too tight.

- Goddamm, you're handsome. - Thank you.

You are sexy.

- Not as much as you. - Stop it.

Fuck, I wasn't expecting that.

And it's not easy.

- Hold on, there's a hair... - I see it.

I've got it.

- Thank you, it's okay. - Sure?

- Yes, it's okay. - You've got it.

Fuck.

Sorry, sorry.

I can't do it.

I'm so sorry. You're not mad?

Sorry, man.

Bye.

- Darling. - How are you?

- What? - Did it go well?

Yes, nothing at all. Honestly, nothing.

What do you mean?

Nothing, anyway... Where are you going?

I'm going to the bar. Come on, let's go.

- You're going to the bar with your dick. - Yes, you know...

I can't, I'm going back to England tomorrow.

I've got to get back my stuff in Brighton.

It's complicated, but I need to move on.

But I'll be here with you more often.

Come on.

He seems out of sorts lately.

- Let's go see him. - No...

It's five a.m., I can't.

I would like to but...

- I can't. - Don't worry about it.

- I'll go myself. - Okay, let me know.

Please, let me know, really.

- Don't worry, I will go check on him. - You'll tell me.

Okay.

- Take care. - Keep me posted.

- She was a fishmonger... - Beluga!

She was a fishmonger

She used to sell bogues and catsharks

- Beluga. - Between four seasons

Come back in.

Easy, easy.

We called her Mary...

She was a fishmonger

- She used to sell bogues and catsharks - Easy, easy.

- Between two seasons... - Move over.

I don't like that song, it's very bad.

Easy, easy.

Everything is going to be all right.

You have a new family, right?

Us, at the cabaret.

Have a rest.

How are you?

Fine.

And you?

I'm great.

It's the flood tide, today.

At flood tide, every mackerel leave the pier and end up here.

It's crazy.

I remember last year, at the same time of the season,

Such a big catch.

It was incredible.

Do you fish?

Not a all.

I'm actually here to clear my head, and meditate.

But it's a bit cold, isn't it?

I'm never cold myself.

Do you know what they say about Dieppe?

It's the only city where it gets sunny several times a day.

And it's true.

The sun is beating down now.

Although it's cloudy.

In two hours, it can be grey.

In one hour, there can be a storm.

It changes all the time.

It's ambivalent, I like that.

Yes, it's sunny

but it's still cold.

Let's go get a drink.

It's not biting anyway.

Too many fishermen.

So no more fish.

Let's go.

I've got to do it differently here.

And I do it like that.

- Here is your cerveza. - Thank you.

I'm so hungry.

Let's go to my place and I cook you pasta.

- Pasta? - That's all I got.

No, I will cook Mexican food.

- Let's finish our drinks first. - Okay.

Shit.

- Are you sure about the color? - Yes, I think.

Lily, I think a tighter belt would suit you better.

- You think? - Yes.

Hi everyone.

Hi Alonso.

- How are you? - It looks great on you.

- How are you, girls? - Fine and you?

You know.

Beluga.

Be careful, it's not thick enough.

Some of us have their head screwed on right.

They should enjoy life.

It's so pretty, I love it.

Madame Sweety Bonbon, let's go to the “fitting room”.

At that point, you throw the shirt. Let's go again.

- Again? - Yes, again. Come on.

You need to be more flexible.

Otherwise, it's too quick and difficult to understand.

So take your time.

This is very good.

- It's too painful. - No, this is...

You see...

- Yes. - I can't do more.

Good enough. It's great.

Perfect. You've got it.

You've got it anyhow, I'm happy.

I could eat you up.

I wanted to ask you a question, Alonso.

Do you believe...

in shamanism, in spiritism?

Even in relation to your culture.

You see, the other day, I walked into a church.

I know it can seem a bit odd that I, myself, walked into a church.

Anyway, I wondered about...

faith, homosexuality, drag queens.

I'm a little muddled.

I think you are right, Beluga.

I think that religion

seeks hope when there is none.

You see, church is still the place

where people find hope.

Hope for the afterlife.

For me, being a drag queen is to hope.

Hope for living.

Do you know that my family doesn't know me?

I mean as Alonso, the artist.

They have never seen me on stage.

For me, The Bearded Mermaid is the hope that one day, I'll be back facing an audience

and there, there will be my mother, my father, my sister, my nephews.

At the end, there will be a big applause.

Me too, I am afraid to die alone, Beluga.

Far away from my country and my close ones.

So, will you be dressing as a drag queen tonight?

No, no, I am done with that. It's time to retire.

Girls, I'm back!

What a sight for sore eyes...

How are you?

Don't worry, stay seated.

How are you, my Beluga?

Are you okay? Are you comfortable in my red chair?

Would you please move your butt? I have to put on makeup.

- All right. - I'm dolling myself up.

But just a tiny bit.

- Thank you. - Divas...

Let's start easy.

Listen.

- Is that easy? - Yes, of course.

Your turn.

You open your legs way better than your mouth, but no matter!

Listen carefully.

Well... I'm pushing it a bit.

Hold the note.

In tune, go on.

Hold the note.

Sounds like a mosquito. Got it, it's over.

Let's do the last one.

Then we'll work on it every day.

I see that there's something wrong. We know each other too well.

So tell me everything.

You know my life, Mom, it's simple.

I can't handle two jobs anymore. I can't.

It's like I've become two persons.

I go to sleep with a hundred people in the audience and I wake up alone.

To put on a uniform and run in a parking lot.

Then to work again at the cabaret, and I'm alone.

And I'm tired.

So?

So I force myself, I stay.

I'm the oldest dancer, I have to give them energy, passion, craziness.

Be a role model.

I no longer want to be a role model.

I want to live, to be happy, to meet someone.

To have arms holding me, not arms of people who fantasized over me all night long.

People who respect me.

Who'd love me in the morning.

So?

So I believe...

it's time to be wise.

Clear-headed.

I no longer want to shine, I want to be loved.

So I think...

I will soon leave you, Mom.

You're not mad?

Ready to start?

Breathe.

Love you!

We are the Lipsticks Sisters

Best enemies forever

And all of the vice squad

Adore our tiny crimes

We always leave a mark

With our glitter lipstick

Like a signature

On the bodies we smash to pieces

We are the Lipsticks Sisters

The Lipsticks Sisters

We spot the dirty pigs

Then open their flies

We play the slutty girls

And grab their baguettes

Before they get bored

We jerk them off to death

You can say that we're classy We, the queens who pack heat

We have cat fights

To rub out boys

We bicker but in the end

Soul sisters Blood sisters

An eye for an eye

We slaughter our lovers

Come taste the Lipsticks Sisters

We shoot, we kill, we wank

And if you fuck the Lipsticks Sisters

You'll see that whoever rubs up against them

will get stung

It's important because you need an atmosphere...

- and to be all together. - Wait, look!

Superb!

The show... the show...

It was splendid, magical!

You were sublime. Let's break out the champagne!

- Oh it was really... - Ladies, ladies, ladies.

While we're enjoying this moment, I have an announcement.

Mom, come next to me.

I know you wanted this for a long time.

We'll take the ferry soon, very soon.

Because we're invited by the great Kara Van Park

to perform in Brighton at the Broadway Cabaret.

Welcome to a domain

Where we all are queens

What I love about this place is the reversed reality.

Be careful about the opposite direction of the cars

Go, let's go.

Look at that.

Madame Kara.

We're here.

The Bearded Mermaid!

That's the way around here.

Everyone!

Come on.

- Turn to the left. - Okay.

On one, not on eight.

Okay, great.

A bit cut-throat area, this place.

The shop front is pretty with the lights.

It's very small.

We'll need to improvise.

It will be Off-Off-Off-Broadway.

Fine, laugh...

but how am I supposed to do Mein Herr? And probably no dressing room either.

Welcome to Brighton.

Let's have a round.

Here's the queen, and there's the king.

- What? - You're quite excited.

Yes.

Kids.

Would you like to get out of Brighton?

- Yes. - You bet.

I've got an awesome place to show you.

It was a great idea, Sweety.

Aren't we comfy here?

To have to walk 5 km in the country,

with these 12 cm shoes only to eat corn and overcooked pasta...

It's not that bad.

The 12 cm aren't bothering you now.

For me, it's the best place to meet men.

You don't know how right you are. That's where I met Jamie.

And I met him well.

It was our little place.

Excuse me for a moment.

What did I say?

- What's wrong with him? - Don't you see?

He hasn't been well for a long time.

I'm going.

Thank you.

Don't I look silly with my egg?

- We're not wanted, aren't we? - I think so.

Don't you want to show me the...

What's it called?

- the Brighton Pier? - The what?

The Brighton Pier.

- So you want to get a drink? - You bet.

Come on, let's go.

I'm sorry for earlier.

Sometimes,

feelings resurface.

Words clashing with each other.

And it makes me think about Armand.

When...

he threw himself from the cliff. It obsesses me.

It always comes back to me.

I never told you why I called myself Beluga.

Beluga is the name Armand gave me.

He was nice, gentle, loving.

He was chubby.

And I don't know...

He reversed the roles and called me Beluga.

It's the first name that came to mind

when I was asked what would be my stage name.

I said Beluga.

- Who wants help with eyeliner? - Me, I can't do it.

So do I, I'm growing roots.

Mom, relax. I'm taking care of the girl.

Do your eye makeup and we'll see.

Do you want some advice?

Don't be like me.

Don't spend your life searching for the impossible on your phone.

Forget about Grindr.

Turn your head around.

All you need is here.

How are you, tarts?

- We're good. - How's my eyeliner?

I'm here, Mom.

Let's start.

- I haven't done my makeup in years. - Close your eyes.

I retired ten years ago

when Armand passed away.

So all of this is difficult.

I know, I known. Don't worry.

Tonight, we brighten you up.

You'll get glitter, love and life.

Mom, you'll rise again from the ashes like a phoenix.

You'll be the prettiest.

You'll light up the stage like your eyeliner.

So pretty. Give us a kiss.

Let's enjoy ourselves.

I still can't believe what happened yesterday.

We totally screwed up our choreography, but it worked anyway.

Yes, he pushed me and I fell like an idiot.

It's always someone else's fault.

Who else?

Put down your phone, you're always on it.

Look at this.

Okay, I get it.

- The men here are great. - Yes.

- He just added me. - I'll take him.

- You're giving him to me, right? - I don't think so...

I've been the dumbass in Dieppe for two years, you can share.

Or else I get to be the dumbass of the Brighton Cabaret.

I wouldn't say no, I could be here more often.

Stay a few more days.

- You'll stay a few days more too? - No, no.

I'm going to continue the adventure with Beluga.

I still love the cabaret.

But I'll still come back here because the men are hot to trot.

Always focused on the same subject.

And you'll stay in Brighton too?

No, I leave in a few weeks.

I'm going to Scotland in a minivan.

I don't know exactly where I'm going.

I want to be alone in nature and find myself.

It will be good for me, and I know we'll see each other soon anyway.

With the diva Beluga?

She'll find us a contract in Italy or in Spain.

We'll find ourselves in Fuerteventura

on a stage twice as small as here.

Please, no.

- We know her. - Yes we do.