Original subtitles

(melancholy music)

- [Jim Voiceover] In architecture,

they say structure is what makes a building last.

If the foundation is poor, the roof caves in.

I suppose the same goes for families.

- How's it going, pal?

I hate to dump this on you right now,

but our exalted leaders have made a few minor changes.

You'll notice this over here, and this has to go.

I know it sucks, but just think maybe someday

you'll be one of the schmucks with the red pencil.

- You promise?

- [Jim Voiceover] The world is divided

into two groups of people,

those who have no idea what they're doing,

and those of us who work for them.

- No, you're gonna have a wonderful time.

Mm-hmm, I've heard Paris is fantastic in June.

(phone ringing)

Okay, can you hold on one second?

No, well, no, I've actually never been.

Can you hold on?

Thanks.

Travel Muse.

Hey, what's up?

Oh, you're kidding.

You spent a week on those.

Yeah, I know, okay.

I'll pick Casey up.

All right, I'll see you tonight, bye.

Travel Muse.

(children laughing)

- Arrgh, you kiddies! - Go, Casey.

Come on, Alex, don't let him get you.

- I'm gonna get you! - Check this out.

- Where's the kids?

I want the kids, oh!

Come here, you little rascals.

- Hey Chuck.

- Hey, Jimbo.

Slippery little things.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Get over here, get over here.

- What a surprise, the neighbors are here.

Chuck, you look great.

- Oh, you know what?

You look a lot better.

Hey, kids!

Daddy's gonna play.

- No, no. - Someone's being kidnapped.

- [Casey] All right, all right, I'll go quietly.

- Get in there, Mister.

You're under arrest!

(people chattering)

- [Casey] Daddy's arrested!

(children laughing)

(inquisitive music)

- [Child] Bang, bang, you're dead!

- A little tailor who loved bread and jelly.

One day, some hungry flies swarmed into his shop

and they nibbled his bread and jelly

and that made the little tailor furious.

He picked up a stone and squeezed it in his hand

until a drop of water came out.

(crickets chirping)

Nervous?

- I haven't had to crack a book since we were in college.

- How does it look?

- Not great.

I'm over 30, I'm not supposed to have to think anymore.

Plus I'm gonna be the oldest person in there.

- What about Sheri?

- She doesn't count, she looks like she's 19.

- She doesn't look like she's 19.

- Sheri's got a great figure.

- You have a great figure.

- You are a liar.

- No, I'm not.

- (sighs) I can do this, right?

- You want me to take your mind off it?

- No thanks, sweetheart.

I appreciate the offer.

(melancholy music)

- [Jim Voiceover] If only it was taboo

for a man to have sex with his wife,

I think we'd all do it more often

out of the sheer perversion of it.

I kept thinking about her.

The one in the window, of course.

The proud owner of the perfect upper torso.

My brain was xeroxing reprints every minute,

just knowing that she was out there.

(melancholy music continues)

♪ You were like a lover

♪ Like a red badge of courage

- [Sheri] Why did you even bother coming to class

if you're just gonna read that silly book?

- That is not a silly book.

Besides, why should both of us have to take notes?

- Hey, what is this word?

- Fiduciary.

- Okay.

- Look it up, Sher.

- So you wanna know what I did last night?

- Do I have a choice?

- I went out on Craig's boat.

- Craig has a boat?

- Mm-hm.

It was so romantic.

Have you ever done it on a boat, Mar?

- Yeah, sure, all the time.

- It's amazing.

I mean, you don't even have to move, you know?

I mean, the waves just kind of rock you back and forth.

I had one of those um, exploding orgasms.

You know the kinda that just rocks you down to your toes?

- You might wanna speak up a little.

I don't think the people next to us heard you.

- I don't care who hears me.

I'm in lust.

- Hey, ow!

What's this?

- It's a hair.

- So it is.

- It was on your ear, Daddy.

- I know it was.

- Am I gonna grow hairs on my ears?

- No, no because only old men get hairs on their ears.

- Oh.

(upbeat TV music)

- [TV Character] Here, get on my back!

Oh, here, gotta jump!

One, two, three, whoa!

(door closing)

- Hi. - Hey.

- Hi, mommy. - Hi sweetie.

- How was class?

- Oh, great.

- That bad?

- Mm-hmm.

(TV characters chattering)

Cannot believe all the useless information we have to learn.

And Sheri doesn't shut up

about that new stud boyfriend of hers.

- She has a new stud boyfriend?

- Yeah, but this one's different.

She's in lust.

- Who isn't?

- I'd hate to be single again.

- [Jim] Me too.

- And they're so desperate.

She wants to believe in this guy so badly.

- Do I look older to you?

- What?

- I mean, you know, like...

- Jim, your hairline isn't receding.

- Really?

- Well, no, not, not too much.

(both chuckling)

- Funny, very funny.

Listen, I was thinking about renting us a movie tonight.

- Okay, let's get something really scary.

- I was actually thinking about something

maybe a little more exotic.

- Exotic?

- Mm-hmm.

- Jim, do you ever think about anything else?

- Hey, I'm aging rapidly here.

- Okay, Gramps.

But not tonight, okay, because I'm so tired.

How about this weekend?

I might have a bit more energy.

- [Jim Voiceover] I huddled inside my pavilion.

Details, elevations and sections

were always a sure thing for me.

Floor plans always put out,

and well, geometry never rejects.

- Okay, I'm going to bed.

- Okay, I'll be right in.

- I'm not gonna say one word

about what a wonderful architect you are,

or how badly those jerks over at Harland treat you.

- Thank you for your restraint.

- Yeah, don't mention it.

Night. - Good night.

(melancholy music)

(inquisitive music)

- [Jim Voiceover] It dawned on me.

There was much more here than met the eye.

This woman wasn't just my neighbor.

She was a totem pole

representing every woman I never had in my life

and every woman I was never going to get.

(wood creaking)

(light whimsical music)

(toys clattering) (dog barking)

(light whimsical music continues)

(inquisitive music)

- Oh, Been looking all over for this thing.

Oh, Tiffany.

(inquisitive music continues)

- [Jim Voiceover] There was a name for what I had just seen.

Let's see, the French, I believe call it fucking.

(shoes clattering)

(book banging)

- Hey, hon.

(melancholy music)

- Jim.

Jim.

- [Dave] Jim?

Jim?

Jim?

You finished?

- Almost, almost.

- Almost?

- I'm sorry, something came up last night.

- All right, all right, out with it.

- It's hard to explain it.

- Fine, deprive an old fart of his vicarious thrill.

It's not like I have to recommend you to Carpenter.

- What are you talking about?

- Monroe's leaving.

- You're kidding, why?

- Shame, really.

Hell of a good guy, hell of a good architect.

Just couldn't land a client to save his life.

- Since when is that supposed to matter?

We're designers, we're not supposed to be salesmen.

- Not according to the new queen bee.

- Poor Monroe.

Jesus, Carpenter doesn't fool around.

- Nope.

But there's always hope.

- You should get it no later than this afternoon.

I am so sorry for the inconvenience.

Call me if there are any problems.

Okay, thank you.

Travel Muse, please hold.

Did you have a nice time?

- Splendid.

- Are you okay, you look a little flushed.

- [Sheri] Just relieving a little stress.

- Travel Muse, please hold.

You did not?

And, oh, Sheri, how can you do that.

- Mary, don't be such a prude.

- I'm not being a prude, it's just.

- There is nothing wrong

with a little healthy diversion every now and then.

You know, you should try it.

- I'm not gonna read this drivel.

- Mary, that is a fabulous book.

- [Jim Voiceover] It was her.

There she was again.

Different window, different face,

but it's the same woman all right.

(baby crying)

I didn't mind the mother busting me,

but that kid gave me such a look.

(whimsical music)

- Hey.

- [Jim] Hey.

- [Mary] What's wrong?

- Oh, nothing.

Just, you know Larry Monroe?

- Yeah, the guy above you.

- Yeah.

He's leaving.

- Is that bad?

- It means someone's gonna have to take his place.

- You're kidding. - No, I'm not!

- Oh God, that's great!

- I know, it's good.

Well, I mean, no, I mean,

it's not great because I don't have the job yet, but.

- Yeah, but you will.

- I might. - You will.

- I will. - You will.

- I will. (Casey whimpers)

Hey, what's the matter?

- I can't find her.

- You can't find who?

- Tiffany, she's lost.

- Where was the last place you saw her, sweetie?

- Oh, Tiffany.

- Okay.

I'll get you a new Tiffany, I promise.

Good night, go to sleep.

I love you.

- Do you know how expensive those dolls are?

- Yes, I know how expensive those dolls are.

- Well, she will turn up eventually.

- You never know.

- Jim, she's gotta start learning

how to take care of her things.

- Well, maybe it's not her fault.

You ever think of that?

Maybe, maybe, a squirrel had stolen it.

- A squirrel? - It's possible.

There are dozens of them out on that deck.

I see them all the time.

- A squirrel?

- Stranger things have happened.

- Wow, she's really got you

wrapped around her little finger, doesn't she?

- Hey, I'm a hell of a good dad, all right?

- Nobody said that you weren't

the best dad on the block, hun.

- All right, if you say so.

- Yes, I say so.

- I uh, I got us a movie.

- Like this? - Oh, oh, yes.

(characters moaning)

- Mrs. Hamilton.

- Oh, this is hysterical.

Who writes this stuff?

- [Jim] You know, Mary,

I don't think people rent these films for the dialogue.

- I know, hon, but this is too much.

(characters moaning)

- [character] Oh, so good.

- I got you a little something.

(characters moaning)

- Huh, oh.

- [Character] You've been very, very naughty.

- What did you get me?

(playful music)

- Oh, the things I do for you.

(playful music)

- Do you like it?

- I don't think it really matters whether I like it.

- Of course it matters.

Who do you think I got this for?

- Oh, you're so considerate.

(playful music)

Jim, I'm sorry. (laughs)

Jim, honey, that tickles a little bit. (laughs)

- Oh, oh, don't move your, don't move.

- Why, what's the matter?

- My incisor is caught on this lace.

No, no, turn your hips.

- Okay, moving. - Turn your hips.

Towards me. - Okay, okay.

- Ah.

Oh, goddamn. - What?

- Oh, ow. - Oh, I see.

Are you okay? - Yeah.

- Are you okay?

- I was trying to bite this off.

Who makes these things, NASA?

- Well, there, there,

there are these two openings right here

and we might just want to.

- Oh yeah, of course, all right.

- [Casey] Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!

- I'll get her.

- No, no, no, I'll get her.

Just stay here.

(tongue smacks)

(playful music)

- She all right?

- Yeah, she just misses Tiffany.

(Mary sighs)

(playful music continues)

Jim?

Jim, hon.

- What?

- Could you please just make love to me?

- I was just trying to, you know.

- Well, I know, I know, but yeah.

Could we, could we just maybe make love because...

- Yeah, yeah, sure, sorry.

- That's okay.

(crickets chirping)

You tired?

- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

- I don't know, you wanna see what's on?

- [Announcer] Number on the screen

and you can talk to your personal psychic.

- [Announcer] Four, we've only got four left.

- Oh, wait, go back.

Oh God, do you remember this?

This is so sad.

Hey, you wanna eat some ice cream with me?

- No, thanks.

I'm gonna go out to the deck for a while.

You wanna come with?

- No, that's, no.

(melancholy music)

(whimsical music)

- Hey!

Get out of there.

Go!

(stranger humming)

Go, go, go, go, go!

(stranger humming)

Hey, put that down!

No!

(stranger coughing) (bin banging)

Can't believe this, go!

Do you mind?

Thank you!

(play house clanking)

- Sheri Williamson?

- Oh, over there.

- For me?

- What does this mean?

"I was up all night."

"I finally figured it out."

- What I smell like.

- He was up all night

trying to figure out what you smelled like?

- Oh, I can just see him there in the sheets.

I just adore being adored, don't you?

- Well, I'm married.

- So what, Jim doesn't adore you?

- Well, he hasn't been up all night

trying to figure out what flower I smell like lately,

if that's what you mean.

- Yeah, but Jim still wants

to make a love lot though, right?

- You have no idea.

- Good.

I don't think I could handle it

if Craig stopped wanting to make love to me all the time.

- Are you guys getting serious?

- Well, you know how after you have sex,

there's that crucial moment

where you either wanna bury your head in the guy's chest

and tell him that you love him forever,

or you wanna jump into a vat of disinfectant?

- (laughs) I might.

- Well let's just say

that I have been spending a lot of time

with my head in Craig's chest lately.

- And that's how you know if you're getting serious?

- Mm-hmm.

I call it the cum test.

- Sheri, that's so romantic.

(child vocalizing gunshots)

Hey, look who finally made it home.

- Hey.

Sorry I'm late.

Hi, how are ya? - Hi.

- I uh, had to make a little pit stop.

- Is that for me?

- You could tell by the packaging, couldn't you?

Actually, it's for.

Hey, look what I got.

- Isn't that precious? - Tiffany, thanks Dad!

- Oh, oh!

(bird cage crashes)

- Are you all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

(dog barking)

- Oh my, are you okay, you're okay?

- I'm fine. - You all right?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Damn it.

- [Mary] It's all right, I'm fine.

- No, it's not all right, it's not all right.

It's not fine.

- It was an accident.

- Accident?

This shouldn't have happened.

(hammer banging)

- How's it going?

- It's going all right.

- You certainly aren't taking any chances, I see.

- No, I'm not.

- You almost done?

- Yeah, I'll be in in a little bit.

- Okay, thank you, Handy Andy.

- I'll be right in.

(hammer banging)

(sultry music)

(whimsical music)

- [Jim Voiceover] You have to understand

that I wasn't in the most rational of mindsets.

I was impaled on the horns of my libido,

and it was running down the streets of Pamplona.

I was obsessed.

I was repressed.

I was 33.

This was my last stand at youth

and I was clinging to it like Velcro.

(helicopter whirring)

(whimsical music)

- [Casey] Get up, mother fucker,

before I bash your skull in!

- Don't, I live here.

- Is that you, Jimbo?

- Yeah, it's me.

- Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.

I was looking out my window.

I saw somebody crawling around down here.

What the hell are you doing in there?

- I'm uh, it was a, yeah.

- No, no, don't, don't, don't say another word.

Whatever you were doing, it's your goddamn business.

We're all fucking crazy as hell, you know that?

Yeah, my brother, for example,

used to stick M80s up cat's butts.

I mean, go figure,

the guy got off blowing little animals to smithereens.

Poor bastard's an alcoholic now, drinks like a fish.

Pathetic.

- Sorry to hear that.

- Ah, serves him right.

Not a bad guy, though.

Has a hell of a dry cleaning business.

We go visit him on holidays.

We don't bring the cat though. (laughs)

I'm kidding.

Me, hell, I can't stop eating to save my life.

But fuck it, eating's one of my few pleasures.

You know what I mean?

- I think so.

- Yeah, it's probably like you in there.

Maybe you like to play GI Joe.

Big deal.

You probably did as a kid, am I right?

- Sure.

- You stay down here as long as you want.

You give 'em hell, Jimbo.

(Chuck vocalizing gunshots)

Oh, you got me! (coughs)

- All right, shit head, don't blow this.

- Let me see.

- What do you think?

- So, handsome.

- Handsome handsome, or just handsome?

- Incredibly handsome.

- What do you think of the tie?

- You gonna wear that tie?

- Oh, no, it's terrible, isn't it?

- I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Stop it. - It's the only one I have.

Couldn't find anything without a food stain on it.

- Oh, stop.

God, you are such a wonderful architect.

You're the best architect they have.

You deserve this job.

Just be your naturally charming self.

What could go wrong?

- [Receptionist] Cam Clark to the reception area, Cam Clark.

- Hey, sport, how are we doing?

- I'm ready.

- That a boy.

just remember one thing. - What's that?

- Don't stare at her tits.

- [Receptionist] All right, I'll get it to you,

thanks a lot.

(Jim knocking on door)

Dan Bell, there's a phone call from you on line-

- Absolutely. - Dan Bell.

- Mm-hmm, oh, I couldn't agree more.

(laughs) You know, I do.

Bye.

Jim.

Please, sit.

So you think you're ready

to work on some of your own designs?

- Absolutely.

- Why?

- Well, I've been involved

in a number of the firm's bigger projects.

The Hutman, Hutman Tower,

which is part of the San Pedro Bay renovation,

as well as working on some of,

some bits for my own designs,

which I'd like to show you at this, this time.

- So how old are you, Jim?

- 32.

- And you're married, right, with kids?

- I have a daughter.

- Aww.

And you're probably gonna have more, too.

You seem like the big family kind of man to me.

- Yes, well, I mean, maybe, I'm not sure.

- Oh, don't be ashamed.

I'm pro-family, believe me.

When the time comes.

I only ask because this job

calls for a real competitive son of a bitch.

Somebody who's not afraid to go out there

and kick a little ass.

You know what I mean?

- I think so.

- May I be frank?

- Of course.

- And please don't take this the wrong way,

'cause I mean this as a total compliment,

but uh, you just don't seem like the ruthless type to me.

- I am, I mean, I can be.

- You're a nice guy.

I can tell.

- [Sheri] So Mar, how's the drivel?

- Well, it's all right.

You know, if you like that sort of thing.

- [Sheri] Yeah, right.

You'll never look at an ice cube the same way again.

- Okay, I'm ready to present you to you.

Hello.

Whatever, just the most beautiful thing ever.

- Oh my God.

- Huh, huh?

- Mary, Mary.

- Wow.

It looks beautiful.

- Come on, Mar, how about you?

Do you want a change?

- Oh, no, no, no.

I'm fine, thank you.

- Come on. - Oh, yeah, Mary.

Come on. - Oh, please?

- You've had the same boring hair forever.

Come on, come on. - Come on.

- I mean, have you seen Glamour this month?

You are beyond out of style.

Come on. - Thank you.

- I Mar to be with me in my chair.

- No, no. - The chair beckons.

- Just trust her, she's wonderful.

Look at me.

- What?

- Platinum? - Definitely.

Definitely, platinum.

- Platinum? - Platinum.

- Uh-oh.

- Trust.

Do you feel it?

- Oh, very hot.

- Oh my God. - Hold on.

(Mary laughs)

- Oh.

- Blot, please.

Oh. - Fire engine red.

- You guys, I look like a hooker.

- You do not.

- Have you seen Vogue this month?

- That's the look. - Totally.

- Can I try that one?

- Ash, I love ash.

Tres Mod.

- Tres.

- Take this, thank you.

Oh, it's magical.

- Oh.

- I look like my mother.

- Have you seen Cosmo this month?

- That's the look?

- That's the look. - Totally.

- I'm an idiot.

- Hey, she asked for it.

- I can't believe it, I stared at her breasts.

- She's been torturing me with 'em for years.

I'm completely at her mercy.

- Oh yeah, what does Ellen think about that?

- Ellen, my wife, Ellen?

- Yeah, your wife.

- What's she care?

- You mean she knows?

- She must.

- She knows that you?

- Yeah, she must, but I don't go around advertising it.

- Let me ask you something, Dave.

Do you and uh, you know, still?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, just last year.

- Oh, Jesus.

- What's the matter, Mary not putting out?

- No, Mary's, Mary's great.

Mary's not the problem, I'm the problem.

I'm going through this weird...

- Yeah, where wanna fuck everything in sight?

- Yeah, kind of.

- Get used to it, pal, 'cause it only gets worse.

- I don't want it to get worse.

I'd like it to stop.

- Yeah so did I.

Look what happened to me.

- There he is.

How'd it go?

- Oh my God.

You cut your hair.

- Yeah, I did. - Wow.

- No, how'd it go?

- It's really, it's great.

- You're not gonna answer?

How'd it go?

- No, I don't think, is this today's?

Yeah, it didn't really go. - Okay.

Jim, stop teasing me.

How did it go?

I've been, I've been waiting here all day.

When do we start celebrating?

- We don't.

I blew it.

- What, you did?

- Yeah.

- Did you show her the pavilion?

- She wasn't exactly interested in the pavilion.

- How could she not be interested in the pavilion?

It's beautiful.

- She said,

I was too nice a guy.

That I couldn't solicit clients.

- Too nice, but what does that mean?

I don't even know what that means.

- I'll tell you what it means.

It means that she's a lousy judge of character,

that's what it means.

- I bet it went much better than you thought.

- No, it didn't.

Yeah, it looks great.

You look, great.

It's very short.

It's great on you.

- I, I'm so sorry.

- No, I'm sorry.

- I'm so sorry.

What jerks.

- What are you doing?

- Calling Sheri.

I told her I might go and have dinner with her and Craig.

- Mary, for god's sake.

Go, you should go.

Go enjoy yourself.

- I'm not gonna go without you.

- You know how I am.

I need the appropriate amount of time

to pout and feel sorry for myself.

- Well, I wanna stay here

and pout and feel sorry for yourself with you.

You wanna be alone?

- Do you mind?

- No, of course not.

No, I understand.

Well, you won't have to meet Craig at least,

he sounds pretty awful.

- Wow, that's short.

- He didn't like it?

- Well, no.

He said that he liked it, but he was lying.

- Yeah, but Mary, how could he not like it?

I mean, you look amazing.

- Well, thank you, but it's kind of short.

- You see, this is why marriage scares the shit out of me.

I mean, one day it's all wine and roses

and the next thing you know,

you're sitting across from each other at Denny's

with your teeth falling out

and nothing to say to each other.

- I think that's really unfair.

I mean, he just had a very important interview.

It did not go well.

And he has other things on his mind other than my hair.

- No, I mean, I, I was just talking hypothetically.

- Oh.

- I just don't wanna settle into some mundane,

boring as shit existence, you know?

- Why, as opposed to the rest of us who do?

- No, it's just,

when I look across the room at Craig and our eyes meet,

I just melt.

I get this rush, you know?

And I don't ever want that to go away.

- Well, why don't we have this conversation

after you've gotten naked with Craig

a couple of thousand nights in a row?

- I am not going to live without passion in my life, Mar.

And don't gimme that "Passion fades"

"but I don't mind because I have stability and a microwave."

- And a daughter and a husband

that I happen to love very much.

Just because I don't break out into a sweat

every time I see Jim does not I mean I'm not happy with him.

- Yeah, but don't you miss it?

I mean, that feeling of being madly in love.

- Oh, I don't actually have a lot of time

to sit around and think about that.

- But that's so sad.

- Well, if it's so sad,

then why is every single person I know

so desperate to get married?

- I am not desperate to get married, Mary.

- I was talking hypothetically.

- Hey.

- Hey. - Sorry I'm late.

- It's about time, you.

- Hi, you must be Mary.

I'm Craig.

- Hi, how do you do?

- Another one.

- Eh, I think you better go to bed.

I'll read you more tomorrow, okay?

- Okay. - Okay.

- [Casey] Where are you going?

- I'm gonna go outside.

- What if a monster comes in?

- If a monster comes,

I'll hear him and I'll come back inside

and I'll scare him away, okay?

Go to sleep.

(people chattering) (romantic music)

- Excuse me, you folks ready for dessert now?

- Oh, yeah. - Great, yeah.

- [Restaurant Patron] I can't do that.

- [Waiter] You guys ready for dessert?

- Huh, huh?

No?

- Really? - Again.

- Funny. - Shh.

- No, thanks.

- Oh Mary, come on, live a little.

- I, I just haven't had more than two glasses of wine

since I don't know when.

- You and Jim don't get out much, do you?

- Well, no, we have a four-year old.

She is adorable.

- Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm still hungry.

- Really?

Does he always eat this much?

- Mm, he's like a horse.

- Yes, I'm a growing boy.

- He will be.

(Mary laughs)

- What, I'm sorry, what was that?

- No, it's just your girlfriend has a very dirty mind.

Well, I guess you already knew that.

Would you two like to be left alone?

- Oh.

- No, we love you being here.

- Yeah, I, I promise I will behave myself.

Okay, don't go.

- Oh, for crying out loud.

Gimme a break.

(Jim muttering)

what the hell are they talking about?

(Jim fake chuckling)

Hardy har har.

Jesus.

Oh, boy.

(whimsical music)

(door closing)

Shit.

(whimsical music)

(endearing music)

- Jim.

Jim, you awake?

- Hm, what?

- Jim, I want you.

- What?

- I want you.

Honey? - Yeah.

- Is everything okay?

- Oh, oh, oh, I'll be right back.

(whimsical music)

Ice?

Oh!

Oh, oh!

Oh, that's cold.

- Don't move. - I won't.

Ah, Mary.

Mary.

- What's wrong?

- I don't think it's such a good idea.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties.

I think it's the, the shock.

The cold temperature.

Oh.

- I'm sorry.

- No, I'm sorry.

- No, I was just trying to liven things up a little bit.

I'm so sorry, it's my fault.

- No, it's my fault.

I assure you, it's my fault.

- No, hun, really, I understand.

It's not like we haven't been married forever.

- Mary, this has nothing to do

with how long we've been married.

I, I think that you're the sexiest woman in the world,

and ice was a terrific idea.

It's just, I think this promotion thing has gotten to me.

- Really, you're not just getting bored with me?

- God, no, of course not.

I'm just stressed out.

- Well maybe you should take a day off

and relax a little bit.

Maybe that's what you need.

- No, I don't.

I need to work.

- Well, Jim, you can take one day off.

- You're not getting bored with me, are you?

- Oh, God no.

Oh, no.

(sirens wailing) (gunshots firing)

- Hi. (lively TV music)

(gunshots firing)

(tires screeching) (lively music)

- Wow. - I know.

- God, this must have cost fortune.

- Well, I certainly hope so.

You know what really gets me though?

It's an ankle bracelet.

I mean, there is something about that that is just so...

- Sexy.

- Exactly.

- Wow, you might have actually found yourself a guy here.

- Yeah.

You know, he um, he really liked you, too.

- He did?

Oh, good. - Yeah.

It was actually sort of nauseating.

You know, he went on and on about you.

- He did?

- He said he thought you were beautiful.

- Huh?

- For an old married woman.

- Yeah, that I believe.

- [Sheri] You wanna know what he really said?

Direct quote.

- Sure?

- He said he thought you were sensual.

- Sensual?

- Yeah.

(Mary laughs)

- Jim?

- Alicia.

- What'd you get?

- Oh, I got this crazy whale thing.

- Whales, hmm.

I didn't know you were into whales.

- Yeah, well, kind of a hobby.

- Uh-huh.

- Well, I don't wanna keep ya.

- Okay.

- Hey, Veejay. - Alicia.

- So are you going home?

I could go back with you.

- Yeah, I'm gonna, actually, I'm gonna write some errands.

- Oh, really?

Okay.

So I guess I'll see you later.

- Yeah.

- Have a nice afternoon.

- Okay.

Say hey to Chuck.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Migrating whales?

Good choice.

Very popular.

"Some Like It Hot and Juicy."

- Hey. - Buongiorno.

Dinner is served.

- This is so nice.

Thank you. - You're welcome.

- What's the occasion?

- Does there have to be an occasion?

- [Mary] No.

So how was your day off?

- The day was good.

- What'd you do?

- I uh, I fixed the bird feeder, made dinner.

That's it.

- Saw Alicia today.

Said she ran into you at the video store.

Said you looked a little embarrassed.

- Embarrassed?

I wasn't embarrassed.

- So what movie did you rent?

- Just some dumb movie.

- Mm-hm.

And what was it called?

- I don't think you've heard of it.

- Well, try me.

- Come on, Mary.

- Who was in it?

- Nobody.

- Casey, you stay here

and daddy and I are gonna be right back, okay?

You know, I really,

really don't care that you rented some porn film,

but did you really have to do it in front of Alicia?

- You think I planned it like that?

- She gave me that look, Jim.

- What look?

- That "You can't satisfy your husband" look.

- All right, I'm sorry.

It won't happen again, okay?

- Are, are you really that desperate

that you have to go out and rent a porn film?

- Of course I'm not, Jesus.

I mean, I just, yeah, I was out there,

and I was working the bird feeder

and got a little bored and didn't wanna bother you.

- You didn't wanna bother me?

- Okay, I didn't want to get rejected by you.

I don't know if you've noticed,

but that happens a lot around here lately.

- Did you ever think about coming to the office,

taking me out to lunch?

Maybe seeing what would've happened?

- All right, well then the next time

that I'm good and horny,

I will come down to the office and take you out to lunch.

- But did that even occur to you?

- I'm not a kid anymore.

I'm not gonna feel ashamed for renting a video tape.

- Yeah, but you should because you're acting like a child.

- Well, I guess I'm not ready for middle-age yet.

- Did you just call me middle-aged?

- No.

- Because if I recall correctly,

I'm not the one who experienced

the technical difficulties last night.

- Can't believe you just said that.

- [Both] Hi, you want some ice cream?

(tense music)

(neighbor panting) (sensual music)

(porn star moaning) (lively music)

- What are you doing?

- Research.

Is that how you want me to be?

- No, God no, Mary, of course not.

- That's what you want, I'd do it.

I'd probably have to get a boob job though

and some liposuction.

Definitely a brain reduction.

- Goodnight, Mary.

- [Mary] Hey, Jim.

- Hey, what?

If you want one of those girls so badly,

why don't you just go out and find yourself one?

- Maybe I will.

- Well, maybe I will, too.

- Great.

- [Mary] Great.

- Hey, you're late.

Tough night?

- You know how relationships

have their little peaks and valleys?

Yeah, well, we're sort of in the Grand Canyon.

- You guys are probably

just going through a phase, you know?

I mean, it'll pass.

- I don't know, Sher, I mean,

every time we try something new,

it just, it feels so silly.

- You see, this is the beauty of short term relationships.

You can have all your whips and chains

and never have to deal with the tampon trips to the 7-11.

One or two?

- Three. - Help yourself.

Travel Muse, can you hold, please?

Here.

Hey, I tell you what, why don't uh,

why don't you come with me to Craig's house tonight?

- The love shack?

I think not.

- Oh come on, Mary, it'll be fun.

I mean, when was the last time

you actually just got to sit back and do absolutely nothing?

- I can't, Sher.

- You have plans?

- Meet Destiny,

and Wicked Wanda,

Delicious Debbie,

Luscious Lucinda.

- Where's Bouncing Betty?

- On vacation.

(phone ringing)

- It's Lucinda.

- Hi, hello? - Hey.

- She picks up cherries with her belly button.

- Um, I was wondering if you had any plans tonight.

- Don't make me go down there alone.

- Tonight, why?

- Well, you know that makeup class I had,

it was rescheduled.

- [Jim] Go.

- Is that a problem?

- This place is hot.

- Well. - I'm telling you.

- Dave kind of wanted to go over some new designs, but.

- Oh, okay.

Well, yeah, I don't have to go.

It's just that, I mean, those classes are so expensive.

- No, you know what?

It's okay, you go.

We can do this some other time.

- Are you sure?

- Stick to your guns, babe.

- Well...

- You go ahead.

- Look, you go.

- Really, you're sure?

- [Jim] Yes, go.

Don't worry, I'll make Casey dinner.

- Okay, well thanks, and uh, I'll see you tonight.

- Have a good class.

- [Mary] Yeah, I will.

I love you. - Love you, too.

- Good.

That wasn't so hard.

- You're making me sick.

- Ladies, after you.

- Wow, this is so beautiful.

- Did I tell you, or did I tell you?

- Hey uh, be right back.

- Okay.

(whimsical music)

(neighbors laughing)

(melancholy music)

(whimsical music)

- So you're glad you came?

- Yeah.

Thank you, thank you.

- Oh.

♪ Got me thinking about you

Please, please, please.

(whimsical music)

- [Jim Voiceover] Many lesser men in my shoes

were out cheating on their wives

or out in bars getting drunk,

cheating on their mistresses

they used to cheat on their wives.

I wasn't doing all that.

I was just loving thy neighbor.

Taking an active role in the community.

Very active.

(whimsical music)

- [Sheri] So did I tell you I'm getting a tattoo?

- Tattoo? - Mm-hm.

- [Mary] Where?

- [Sheri] Where Craig has his.

- I don't know about you two, but uh, I'm hot.

- [Sheri] Yes, you are.

- [Craig] What are you looking at, huh?

- [Sheri] Well,

I guess you'll get to see his tattoo after all, Mar.

♪ Nothing to be so fine, it's burning deep inside ♪

♪ Now I realize

It's right there.

♪ Feeling me, feeling me

- Oh, it's a bath tub in here.

- Was that my imagination

or did Craig just dive into the pool with no clothes on?

- Hey, Mar, you wanna no secret?

- I don't think so, no.

- I told Craig we fooled around together.

- [Craig] I need mouth to mouth.

- You did what, you did what?

- He thinks it's like the sexiest thing.

I mean, he was so into it.

It was scary.

- [Mary] That's a shocker.

- Oh, what's wrong with sparking his imagination

just a little bit?

- Sparking?

What are you doing?

Oh God.

Sher, he's gonna think that we did something.

- [Craig] Ah, yes.

- I know. - Yes.

Come here.

Come here.

Yeah.

♪ I'm feeling so much

- Come on, Mar.

- Oh, boy.

(neighbors laughing)

(neighbors speaking in Hungarian)

- What the?

(neighbors speaking in Hungarian)

No way.

They're gonna have sex in Hungarian.

(neighbors speaking in Hungarian)

- Gotcha! (Mary squeals)

- What are you doing?

- You are coming swimming.

- No, no, no.

I am perfectly fine right here.

- No, no, no, no, no.

Don't be such a chicken, Mar, come on.

- No, I am not going swimming.

- Yes you are.

- No, God damn it, no, no!

- Oh!

Wow, wow.

- You rat.

- Oh thanks.

- You're a rat.

(neighbors speaking in Hungarian)

- Why, why certainly.

(neighbors speaking in Hungarian)

Let's slip into something more comfortable.

(neighbors speaking in Hungarian)

- [Jim Voiceover] I guess in a manner of speaking,

I was having sex also.

Not in the way I would've liked, of course,

but I was there.

I was him.

I was having a threesome by proxy.

(neighbor speaking in Hungarian)

- Oh my God.

(neighbor moaning) (squirrel chittering)

Get out of there.

(squirrel chittering)

The stupid stuffed lamb, you idiot.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You're dead, squirrel.

(sensual music)

(lively rock music)

♪ Seeing its calling stripping away ♪

♪ Being Jack Kerouac stripping is heresay ♪

♪ Even in the pond where things are played ♪

♪ Even in the television gotta say it my way ♪

(lively rock music)

(record scratching)

- What are you doing?

- I'm, I'm calling a cab.

- Oh, come on.

I'll give you a lift home.

- Oh, no, that's okay.

I'll, I'll just call a cab.

- Wow, it's gonna be awful expensive from here, Mary.

- It's really all right, I'm fine.

- Will you, will you let me give you a lift home, please?

- Where's Sheri?

- She's taking a shower.

Come on now, come on.

Don't be ridiculous.

♪ Don't believe in what they're saying ♪

♪ Don't believe it as long as they're kissing on me ♪

(car engine whirring)

- I had a really nice time tonight.

- Yeah, thank you very much for ride.

- No, no, no, no, really um,

listen uh, I,

I know things got a little weird,

but I want you to know that I never intended for,

for anything to happen, really.

I, I just think that you're beautiful.

- Thank you very much for the ride, Craig.

- Mary, Mary.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Come here, come here, come here.

- Craig, I have to... - Just wanted to...

- Hey, that's my wife you're kissing!

Stop kissing my wife!

- That's your husband?

- Who is this guy?

Who is that?

- That is Sheri's boyfriend.

- What are you doing kissing him?

- I was not kissing him.

He was kissing me.

What were you doing up there anyway?

- Where's Sheri?

And why are you all wet?

I thought you said you were gonna be in class.

- Is that Casey's monitor?

What, what is it with the monitor?

- Don't change the subject.

I wanna know what the hell is going on here.

I wanna know what the hell is going on.

Did you cheat on me?

♪ Don't believe it as long as you's kissing on me ♪

- Oh my God.

You bastard.

- Mary, I know this doesn't look good to the naked eye.

I don't even know that woman.

- Did I cheat on you?

You asshole.

- Mary, I can explain this.

- Fuck you.

(melancholy music)

♪ I never know what you gotten me into ♪

♪ Till it's too late to change your mind ♪

♪ Birds fly at the first sign of trouble ♪

♪ We're clear for wind, it keeps us safe ♪

♪ Hear me out

♪ The harder we pull, the tighter it gets ♪

♪ We howl at the moon if it did any good ♪

♪ But it won't

♪ Has to be the same

♪ And you walk away, walk away

♪ Can you walk away, can you leave me alone ♪

♪ With so much as time, can you take your love ♪

♪ Can you take it away, can you let it go ♪

♪ Can you put it away

♪ Can you take it away

♪ Can you take your love, can you give it up ♪

♪ Can you put it away, can you take it away ♪

♪ Can you take it away

♪ Love is hope and love is reason ♪

♪ Never mind what the poets say ♪

♪ Dreams will tear your heart to pieces ♪

♪ There's time to go

♪ You drift away

♪ Take my heart

♪ Broken enough but still stronger than dreams ♪

♪ I give you more than we know how to use ♪

♪ And when it's time

♪ I make you a choice and I walk away, walk away ♪

♪ Dreams never seen to die

- Hey, what are you doing here?

- I'm a hardworking architect.

- You slept here, too?

- Can I borrow this?

- Yeah, but bring it back later.

I'm gonna need it.

You must be tired if your night was anything like mine.

Chick was unbelievable.

You should have seen her.

Legs up to here.

(phone ringing) (melancholy music)

- Hello?

I'm sorry, yes, this is Travel Muse.

What day?

Sure, let me check on that.

Can you hold?

Thanks.

(melancholy music)

- Hi, Sheri.

Good morning.

Guten tag.

- I'd appreciate it if you did not speak to me.

- Is that forever or just right now?

- You are speaking.

- Sheri, what did Craig say?

- Okay Tom, thanks for coming in.

- Oh, thank you.

- Please don't worry about a thing.

- [Receptionist] Joyce Kurt, your client is in your office.

- All right, we'll take good care of you.

- Okay.

- So I'll give you call later this afternoon.

- Excuse me, excuse me.

Ms. Carpenter, may I have a moment?

- Jim, I'm sorry.

My plate's full.

- I think you may have gotten the wrong impression of me

in our initial meeting.

- Really?

- Really.

- [Receptionist] Lauren Cody to the reception area.

Lauren Cody.

- We're gonna win this bid.

It's gonna mean a lot of business for this firm.

Now, as you can see,

it's Spanish and keeping with the university's heritage,

the construction will be primarily fiberglass and steel.

The shutters, which open in the summer, releasing heat,

they close in the winter,

thus providing a heating and cooling savings

of approximately $65,000 to the university.

- Jim, I wish you had shown this initiative

when we first met.

- That coupled with the increased seating capacity

provides an annual revenue.

- I'm sorry, Jim.

Afraid I've already made my decision.

- It's final?

- I'm afraid it is.

- Then I'm afraid so is mine.

I'll have my desk cleared out by the end of the day.

- All right, Jim, I think you've made your point.

- You'll reconsider?

- I'll think about it.

Okay?

- Sheri, what did he say?

- He said that you hit on him.

- He said that I hit on him?

- Mm-hm.

He said that he had to fight you off.

- And you believe him?

- No.

It's just that I've had so many guys

tell me that they're love me, you know?

I just feel so stupid.

- I'm so sorry.

Come on, how are you supposed to know he was such a jerk?

- I don't know.

I mean, how do you ever know?

You know?

I mean, how did you know that Jim wasn't a jerk?

- Well, I guess you never know

because last night when I got home,

I found Jim over at our neighbors.

- What?

- She was naked.

- Oh Mary.

- I don't even know where he slept last night, Sheri.

- Wait, you don't think that Jim's having-

- [Mary] I don't know.

- Jim?

- Yeah.

I don't know.

- [Receptionist] Mr. Wallace, phone call on line four.

Mr. Wallace.

- I just got off the phone with Carpenter.

- What's wrong?

- You went into her office

without clearing it with me first?

- Is that a problem?

- Is that a problem?

You're damn right it's a problem.

You slick bastard.

- What are you talking about?

- She's gonna give you the job.

- You're kidding!

- I swear, if you nail her before I do, I'm gonna-

- Dave, I wasn't trying to nail her.

I was trying to get a promotion.

- What's that tell you about women?

If you want to nail 'em, you act like you don't.

You don't want to nail 'em, you act like you do.

Which reminds me, guess who's back in town?

Ah, Delicious Debbie.

- Dave, did it ever occur to you

that your wife stopped making love with you

because she realized what a you are?

- No.

Hey, where are you going?

You to come to this thing with me or not?

- [Jim Voiceover] I think Dave

was a bad influence on himself.

(melancholy music)

- I was in the neighborhood.

Thought I'd take you out to lunch.

- [Jim Voiceover] It's kind of odd

going on a lunch date with your wife.

It's amazing how attractive she could look.

I've always been fatally attracted to unobtainable women.

- Should have done this a long time ago.

- Well, we're doing it now.

- It's not too late, is it?

- I don't know, is it?

- [Jim] I hope not.

- I hope not, too.

It's pretty weird thinking that we're the only two people

we're ever gonna be with, forever.

- Yeah.

- But I really don't think anybody else has it any easier.

I mean, Sheri just changed her hair for the hundredth time.

- Dave.

I don't even want to think about Dave.

- We've been married for 10 years.

- Yes we have.

- And we have a beautiful child.

- Beautiful child.

- And we have each other and I think that's enough.

- Absolutely.

I wouldn't trade what we have for anything.

- Me either.

- [Jim Voiceover] We never actually discussed the specifics.

I never knew what happened with Mr. BMW,

and she never knew about the torrid rollercoaster affair

between me and what's her name.

Sometimes you have to discover the same thing twice in life

to prove it's real.

- [Chuck] Psst, Jimbo.

- Go on, sweetie, I'll be right back.

- Hi Mary. - Hi.

- Hi Chuck.

- Got something for ya.

See you later, soldier.

- Oh, sorry.

- Jim.

Do you need something?

- No.

Yes.

I um.

You know, it's kind of weird

to think of somebody else seeing you naked.

- Yeah.

- I wonder if they know how lucky they are.

- I think sex is terribly overrated.

It just kind of gets in the way.

- Personally I could take it or leave it.

- I mean,

who could expect to have good sex after 10 years anyway?

(calming music)

(upbeat music)

♪ A hundred lovers dressed in red ♪

♪ A hundred lovers lying in my bed ♪

♪ A hundred lovers, my big surprise ♪

♪ A hundred lovers, here through her eyes ♪

♪ A hundred lovers, that's what I said ♪

♪ A hundred lovers dance in her head ♪

♪ Demons taunt her, spirits guide her ♪

♪ A hundred lovers all inside her ♪

♪ She's 23 goddess's, couple of queens ♪

♪ Half a dozen sirens of the silver screen ♪

♪ 69 bathing beauties lying in the sun ♪

♪ A hundred lovers roll into one ♪

♪ A hundred lovers, all looking fine ♪

♪ A hundred lovers, all mine

♪ A hundred lovers with all their charms ♪

♪ A hundred lovers lie in my arms ♪

♪ Hundred lovers lie in my arms ♪

♪ She's 23 goddess's, a couple of queens ♪

♪ Latifah in her hair

♪ Half a dozen sirens of the silver screen, oh so fine ♪

♪ 69 bathing beauties lying in the sun ♪

♪ A hundred lovers rolled into one ♪

♪ She's 23 goddess's, couple of queens ♪

♪ Half a dozen sirens of the silver screen ♪

♪ 69 bathing beauties lying in the sun ♪

♪ A hundred lovers rolled into one ♪

♪ A hundred lovers lie in my arms, lie in my arms ♪