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# After you've gone
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# And left me crying
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# After you've gone
4
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,360
# There's no denying
5
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# Some day, when you grow lonely
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# Your heart will break like mine
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# And you'll want me only
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# After you've gone
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# After you've gone away. #
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You know what I love most
about this job, boss?
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The bright lights, the applause?
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The fact that we can take
an ordinary wall
13
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and turn it
into a bigger ordinary wall.
14
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,880
Yeah, it's quite an achievement.
15
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,040
I bet you I can lift that
bag of sand above my head.
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Kev, no, that is silly, juvenile
and dangerous. Twenty quid.
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You're on.
18
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,320
Come on then, Kev,
let's have a bit of ambition.
19
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:03,760
Oh, well,
there's no shame in failing,
as long as you shoot for the stars.
20
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:08,440
Your turn. Oh, I don't think so.
Cluck, cluck, cluck!
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Do you honestly think I'm gonna
fall for that? Cluck, cluck, cluck!
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00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,080
All right, stand clear.
23
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:28,360
Molly, did you remember to pack
your gym kit? Yes, Gran.
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00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,040
Alex, I assume you've studied
for your maths test?
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Nope. Now, listen to me, young man,
without a decent education,
you'll end up on the scrap heap,
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00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:41,760
the bottom of the pile,
the very dregs of society...
well, just like your father.
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00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:45,080
Relax, Gran, I was going to study
but then I thought,
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"Why study maths when I can study
the noble art of telepathy?"
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Because telepathy doesn't exist.
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Ah, my poor sibling with your mere
five senses. This way, I'll never
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00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:57,560
need to revise again,
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00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:02,320
I'll read the thoughts of the person
next to me. And if you're next to
an idiot? I knew you'd say that.
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00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,880
TELEPHONE RINGS
34
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This isn't over.
35
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Hello.
I knew she was gonna say that.
36
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:13,280
Think of an animal, any animal. OK.
37
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,920
Now think of a place, any place.
38
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:18,360
OK, I'm thinking of a place.
39
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:22,240
Now think of an object, any object.
Fine.
40
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,960
Are you thinking of...
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00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:29,600
a hippo in a Post Office, holding
a bottle of vinaigrette? Yes!
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00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:33,280
I knew it. What are you doing?
Writing down everything you said,
43
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,240
so your future therapist
has all the right information.
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00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:40,800
Quick, children, get your coats,
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00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:40,800
no-one's going to school today.
46
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Really? Is it bad news?
No, your father's been
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00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:45,400
rushed to hospital.
48
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,800
Dad!
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00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,800
Careful, careful. Oh, sorry.
50
00:02:55,800 --> 00:03:01,800
What happened? Well, in my line
of work, sometimes these little
accidents are unavoidable.
51
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:06,200
No matter how strictly you adhere
to the safety in the workplace
guidelines.
52
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:11,440
Kev said you were trying to, and
I quote, "Lift a big bag of sand
above your head."
53
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:15,600
Well, like I say, unavoidable.
For a bet.
54
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:22,320
Are you gonna be OK, Dad?
Your father has a hernia, which is
one of the main consequences
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00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:26,480
of stupidity in older men.
Unfortunately, it's not fatal.
56
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:32,160
It makes sitting, lying, standing or
walking a might uncomfortable though.
57
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,560
When's the operation?
Some time later today,
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00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:41,520
but I don't want you kids to worry,
because there is every chance
I will pull through.
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00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,360
It's only a hernia, Jimmy.
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00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:49,400
They say a hernia is as painful as
having a baby.
61
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,920
Nonsense.
62
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:56,240
A hernia will never grow up
and disappoint you by marrying
beneath herself.
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00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,880
I just want to say that I think
you're being really brave,
64
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:05,200
but you don't have to pretend with
me, I know you're crying inside.
65
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,880
No, I'm not. You are, Dad.
66
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,720
No, I'm not.
67
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,680
Alex, take your telepathy outside.
68
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,440
But we were connecting.
69
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,640
You too, Molly, I want to have
a word with your father.
70
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,640
Now, this is only a hernia,
isn't it?
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00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:29,920
It isn't one of those things where
you tell the children you'll be
fine, put on a brave face
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00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:33,320
and two days later, you're dead from
some horrible flesh-eating virus?
73
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:39,840
Just wishful thinking. You will be
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00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:39,840
able to cope without me, won't you?
75
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:42,000
I'll be out of commission
for some time.
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00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:46,440
Out of commission, don't you mean,
lounging on the sofa doing nothing?
77
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:50,760
Oh, right, how will we cope
in the face of such change?
78
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:54,920
Oh, you're leaving, shame(!)
Before I go,
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00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,920
I must talk to Anne's colleagues,
make sure they take care
of you properly.
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00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,320
Is this Anne's old ward?
Yes, don't you remember?
81
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:05,280
I don't remember very much about
my marriage to Anne. Lucky you.
82
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:09,880
I recall you made quite a splash at
several of her work parties. Did I?
83
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:13,080
I wonder if the nurses
will remember you.
84
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,080
Er, nurse,
could I have a quick word?
85
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:18,320
Enjoy your stay, Jimmy.
86
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,120
It's gonna be weird
without Dad here.
87
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:30,320
Of course it will be weird at first,
but after a while it might start to
feel quite pleasant, joyous even.
88
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:35,600
I found this on the landing,
it's one of his.
89
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:39,600
Alex, for goodness sake, take that
out of the kitchen this instant.
90
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,840
It still smells of him.
91
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:45,080
Oh, you are too gross.
92
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,760
Molly, this is all we have left
of Daddy.
93
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:53,320
Look, I miss Dad too, but I'm still
not gonna smell his sock.
94
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,880
No-one's smelling anyone's sock.
95
00:05:55,880 --> 00:06:00,960
Your father will be back soon,
and until then, I am your father.
96
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,160
Put on a Darth Vader mask
and say that again.
97
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,040
Nurse!
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00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,840
Nurse...
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00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:20,560
Nurse, please. What?
100
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,840
You remember me, don't you?
101
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,440
Just jog my memory.
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00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,240
The Christmas party.
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00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,440
You drank the bar dry
and got my name wrong.
104
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,160
That's right, I called you a...
105
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,520
A hatchet-faced angel of death.
106
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:42,120
Well, in fairness,
you weren't wearing your name tag.
107
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,320
And why did you throw up
on my shoes?
108
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,600
I don't know,
you're the medical expert.
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00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:53,640
Look, don't take it personally, I
wasn't very nice to anyone back then.
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Especially your wife.
111
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:58,040
I've sorted that now, we're divorced.
112
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,400
I know, I helped Anne celebrate.
113
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,400
Can't we call a truce?
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00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,640
Yeah, why not.
115
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:08,920
Taking it out on you after all this
time would be cruel and petty...
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00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,480
but fun.
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00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,960
Stop, stop...
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00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,560
Stop! Stop!
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00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:36,200
I'm seeing a rocking chair,
a very old woman and an oil slick.
120
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:41,160
Alex, can't you see I'm exhausted,
I've done everything your father
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00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:41,160
usually does and more.
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00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:46,520
I've watched TV with you,
I've driven Molly to Ellie's and to
the shop then back to Ellie's.
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00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:50,360
I've been in the loft,
I've mowed the lawn, I've cleared
the guttering. By the way,
124
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:55,480
where does your father put dead
pigeons? He chucks them over the
125
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:55,480
hedge. Good. Now, will you please
126
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,800
go away and leave me alone!
127
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,800
Gran? Yes.
128
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,920
Have you taken down the ladder? Yes.
129
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,920
Have you locked it in the shed? Why?
130
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:10,680
Oh, it's just my TV's gone
all fuzzy, Dad usually goes
131
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:10,680
on the roof to fix it.
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00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,680
Bad luck.
133
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,200
Now, will you two please get lost!
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00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,080
That totally sounded like Dad.
135
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,560
Come on.
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00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,920
Can't be wrapped in cotton wool
forever. It's been at least..
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00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:37,880
ten minutes since your operation.
Did everything go smoothly? Fine.
138
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:42,600
We're pretty sure we took out
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00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:42,600
the right kidney. What? Only joking.
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It was the left one.
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00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:53,480
Oh, it's all fun and games
till someone gets a hernia. Hi.
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00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,240
Hiya, boss.
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00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:57,920
I brought you these.
144
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,920
I got you these, I wasn't hungry.
145
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:07,040
It's not my fault you took
so long to come round.
146
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,360
Oh, I'm sorry I took up
so much of your precious time.
147
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:15,880
That's all right.
To tell you the truth, I feel
partly responsible for all this.
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00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,040
Partly!
149
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:25,920
Ah, my poor little injured soldier!
150
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,360
Siobhan, I'm a grown man,
151
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:34,160
but while we're on the subject,
the nurses are being
really horrible to me. Why?
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00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:41,040
Well, they knew me in my not so nice
days, you know, the insult people
and vomit on their shoes days. Yes.
153
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:44,160
It turns out medical professionals
really hold a grudge.
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00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,600
There you are, don't choke on it.
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00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,080
See.
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00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,120
Where's Kev gone?
157
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:04,840
There you go. Lovely. Can I get
a cup of tea to go with that?
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00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,440
Of course.
159
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,000
Kev, there's someone in that bed.
160
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,760
He's only gone to the toilet.
161
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:15,040
Hey, you snooze, you lose.
162
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:22,680
What are you doing, Gran? Throwing
away all the food that might be
bad for your father's health.
163
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:26,280
Since when do you care about
Dad's health? Since I realised
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00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,440
he isn't completely useless.
We need him.
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00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:34,360
If only to climb up ladders,
fix televisions and chuck
dead pigeons over the hedge.
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00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,440
I want him back on his feet
as soon as possible, which
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00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,440
means no more junk food.
168
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:42,160
You don't have to throw it all away.
Yeah, you could give it
to the homeless.
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00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:45,480
I don't want to be responsible
for homeless obesity.
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00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,720
They take up enough room as it is.
171
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,800
I'm home! Ow...
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Ow... Ow... Ow... Ow...
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00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,480
Ow...
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00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:02,080
Ow, come on,
I'm in a lot of pain here!
175
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,000
I know, Dad, and you're thinking...
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00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,400
someone should come over there
and help you.
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00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,320
Oh, sorry...
178
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,440
Careful, careful, careful, careful,
careful...
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00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,680
Agh...
180
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:19,080
Great to see you, Dad. Welcome
back to civilization, hernia man.
181
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,520
I thought you weren't
being discharged till later.
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00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,360
I couldn't wait that long,
I discharged myself.
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00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,960
I've had no sleep, I had to keep
one eye open all night, looking out
184
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,920
for those night nurses, creeping
round in the shadows and whispering.
185
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:38,000
Can I get you anything, Dad?
No, no, no, no, you relax.
186
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,320
Diana, could you get me a cup of tea?
187
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:41,840
Oh, and a biscuit.
188
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,760
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
189
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:49,040
What, being as weak as a kitten
and needing you to nurse me
back to health? Of course not.
190
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:53,400
Fine, I've just made some tea.
Children, get ready for school,
you can see your father later.
191
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:59,760
Are you sure you'll be OK, Dad?
192
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:59,760
What, with my own personal nurse,
I'll be right as rain. Here...
193
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,960
Oh, thank you, Diana,
you're very kind.
194
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,320
Ooh, no sugar.
195
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:09,160
And did I, or did I not,
ask for a biscuit?
196
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:13,280
There'll be no biscuits, Jimmy,
nor any sweets, chocolate or sugar.
197
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:17,920
From now on, nothing will
pass your lips that isn't
198
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:17,920
100% nutritious and healthy.
199
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:21,760
Seriously, get me a biscuit.
200
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,040
Oh, I'm serious, Jimmy.
201
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:27,120
It turns out having you around
is rather convenient for me,
202
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:30,480
so I've decided to keep you alive
for as long as possible.
203
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,040
Well, don't I get a say in this?
204
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:37,520
Jimmy, you're a grown man, feel free
to go through to the kitchen and eat
whatever fatty rubbish you can find.
205
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:42,880
Ooh, I forgot, you're as weak as a
kitten and can barely move, shame!
206
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,440
Molly!
207
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,040
Yes. Can you pass me the remote?
208
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,680
Molly!
209
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:09,840
Yes. Can you get me a biscuit?
Sorry, Dad, Gran says,
the sooner you're up on your feet,
210
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:14,520
the sooner you can fix the aerial,
clean out the gutters, and
drive me and Ellie to Top Shop.
211
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:20,480
Oh, Alex... Yes, Dad. Can you
get me a... Ssh, don't tell me,
212
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,200
an orange,
213
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:27,560
a Swiss army knife, a copy of When
We Were Children by Kazuo Ishiguro?
214
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,240
Forget it. Diana!
215
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:35,520
Must dash. Where are you going?
Work, of course. The world
doesn't stop turning
216
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:39,720
because Jimmy Venables has a hernia.
Come on, Diana, you can't
leave me like this.
217
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,720
Molly won't help,
and Alex is giving me the creeps.
218
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:46,120
What am I supposed to eat all day?
Ooh, I've got a treat for you.
219
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:49,760
Is it boiled egg and soldiers,
just the way I like them?
220
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,920
A rice cake.
221
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,000
Nutritious and delicious.
222
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,320
You are a devil woman.
223
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,840
And your painkillers,
two every four hours.
224
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,640
And don't operate heavy machinery.
225
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,480
I did...
226
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,000
Have a nice day.
227
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,320
Well, these are bound to
have some sugar in them.
228
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,720
Diana?
229
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:04,320
Let me tell you something, Diana,
230
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,400
you and me,
231
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,680
we've got to stop this fighting.
232
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:12,960
Ah, it's no good, man!
233
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:18,080
Why don't we just mellow out,
be cool
234
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,680
for the sake of the kids?
235
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,640
I love those kids.
236
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,080
Come in...?
237
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,880
Talk to me, Diana.
238
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,520
Wakey-wakey, sleepy head.
239
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:58,680
Oh, oh, I've been having
the weirdest dream...
240
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,160
And I think I still am.
241
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:11,320
I read your mind and I could tell
you needed cheering up, and let's
face it, what's funnier than clowns?
242
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:15,800
Off the top of my head, death?
243
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,280
You're not laughing. Well spotted!
244
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,080
Can you go and get me some water?
245
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,080
Of course.
246
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,680
In a bucket or a squirty flower?
247
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:27,000
On second thoughts, just
run away and join the circus.
248
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,160
How was your day, Jimmy?
249
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,040
I've absolutely no idea.
250
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,800
Oh, good.
251
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:40,760
We should make a special
meal this evening,
252
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:46,560
spend some quality time together
as a family.
How many of these have you had?
253
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:52,640
No, no, no, no, no, it's just
since getting hurt, I have gained
a new perspective on life.
254
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:56,360
Coming that close to death,
well, it changes a man.
255
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,200
Dad. Ah, Molly!
256
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,240
Come and sit beside me,
tell me about your day.
257
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:07,640
Why? Because I want to know
how my daughter spends her time.
258
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,040
How many of these has he taken?
259
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:14,160
Am I not allowed to take an
interest in my own children?
260
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,360
Now come and tell me about your day.
261
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:22,800
OK, well, I had double maths...
Good.
262
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,720
Then English... Mm-hm...
263
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:30,000
And then I came
home and found my dad had
written me a really creepy letter.
264
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,760
I didn't write you a letter.
265
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,520
Yeah, you did -
I found it under my pillow.
266
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,960
Let me see that.
267
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:43,320
"To my dear sweet daughter, you will
never know how much you mean to me.
268
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,080
"You are groovy."
269
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,280
Oh, my God...
270
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,360
Keep reading - it gets even weirder.
271
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,760
"It's all too beautiful,
272
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,600
"it's all too beautiful."
What is this, Jimmy?
273
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,840
Nothing.
274
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,600
It's just a...a joke, you know.
275
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,240
What a laugh!
276
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,640
Are you sure you're OK, Dad?
277
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,440
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine,
I'm fine, I'm tip-top.
278
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,080
You're behaving
very strangely, Jimmy.
279
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,800
Do you know, I'm
just gonna go and have a lie down.
280
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:20,120
You've been lying down all day.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna go and have
281
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:20,120
a lie down somewhere else.
282
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:28,480
Let this be a lesson to you, Molly -
men only get stranger with age.
283
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:37,360
For a man who was as weak as a
kitten this morning, you seem
284
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:37,360
awfully quick on your feet.
285
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,680
It must have been the clown thing.
286
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,120
Well, make yourself
useful and set the table.
287
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,520
Jimmy...
288
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:49,000
what are you looking for?
Nothing. You must be looking
for something. Nope!
289
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,480
What are you going through
those drawers like a madman for?
290
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,440
Exercise.
291
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,240
Come on, Jimmy - what are you
looking for
that you don't want us to find?
292
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:03,560
All these years I've been trying
to see what you were thinking.
293
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:09,360
I've tried bonding,
I've tried asking you outright,
I've tried telepathy,
294
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:12,240
and now I finally know
how you feel about me, Dad.
295
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,840
He wrote you a letter as well?
296
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:19,360
I never knew I was the
wind beneath your wings.
297
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,760
Oh, my God.
298
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,640
I'll never forget this day.
299
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,840
This is a nightmare.
300
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,600
Well, you did take one
too many happy pills!
301
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,200
But if we found Molly's letter
and we found Alex's letter,
302
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,720
that must mean there's one more.
303
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,680
DOORBELL RINGS
304
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,680
I'll get it.
305
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,120
Did you write me a
sappy letter as well?
306
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:46,640
Course not! I was high, not stupid.
307
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:52,680
There he is, my handsome one!
308
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,880
You are so sweet.
309
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,560
Yeah, why?
310
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,160
Is Molly in?
311
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,800
Well, she's upstairs, why?
Well, we should call her down.
312
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:07,120
OK...why?
313
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:09,880
Oh... ..Molly, can you come
down here for a sec?
314
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,080
Diana, you can take a break for
a few minutes, can't you? Yes.
315
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,160
Jimmy and I have got
something we need to tell you.
316
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,720
Have we?
317
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:21,040
What's going on?
I'm not really sure.
318
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,720
Diana, kids,
319
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,800
Jimmy and I are getting married.
320
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,880
Oi! Ow.
321
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,960
All right, boss?
No, I'm not all right.
322
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:43,800
Thanks to you and your stupid
bet, my life is in ruins. Oh.
323
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,000
Oh, no, you're kidding.
324
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,520
Do I look like I'm kidding?
Is there...
325
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:55,280
permanent damage? There will be when
Siobhan finds out what I've done.
326
00:20:55,280 --> 00:21:00,240
Let me guess, you've strayed with
another woman. We've all been there.
327
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,280
No it's not that. Then what...
you insulted her mother?
328
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,840
Accidentally told
her she looked fat?
329
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,560
If I had a penny for every time I...
330
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:12,840
Bobby, I took too many painkillers
and I have proposed.
331
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,760
Oh, I've never done that.
332
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:23,000
So let me get this straight,
you lift up a bag of sand
and give yourself a hernia,
333
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:30,240
you take too many painkillers
and propose to your girlfriend
334
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:30,240
and somehow it's all my fault?
335
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,000
Yes.
336
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,720
Look, what am I gonna do?
I need help.
337
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,120
I'm not ready to get married again.
338
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:42,480
Then you've come to the right place.
339
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,400
I've never proposed to anyone
under the influence,
340
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,680
but I have promised to love
and cherish a complete stranger
341
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,240
in a drive-through
wedding chapel in Vegas.
342
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,240
You got married in Vegas?
343
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,480
In a drive-through wedding chapel?
344
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,520
I only wanted a Big Mac.
345
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:03,480
Then I saw the Elvis
impersonator holding a bible,
so I knew something wasn't right.
346
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,120
How did you get out of it?
347
00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:10,560
I faked my death,
changed my name - easy.
348
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,800
You're joking, right?
349
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,880
Course I am.
350
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:24,600
What do you take me for?
351
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,320
I drove her into the
desert and left her there.
352
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,320
So how was school today?
353
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:40,040
Fine, you know, the usual.
354
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:45,440
You didn't, oh, I don't know, get
the results of that maths test you
were supposed to be studying for?
355
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:49,360
Well, sorry, Gran, but my theory
356
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:49,360
worked - I got 98%.
357
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,640
I sat next to the
cleverest kid in class.
358
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,680
And I suppose you feel
good about that, do you?
359
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,640
Er, well, yeah -
I didn't revise, I still passed
360
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:01,040
and I'm part of the next step in
human evolution, where's the bad?
361
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,680
The bad, Alex,
is that you still think you can get
362
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:08,240
away with sitting on your laurels -
you passed because you're clever.
363
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:09,760
And telepathic.
364
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,680
You didn't see that coming, did you?
365
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,000
Please, no-one speak.
366
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,600
I just need a moment.
367
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,440
To gather your thoughts. Mm-hm.
368
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,160
To get things straight in your mind.
Mmm.
369
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:30,720
To decide whether you're gonna have
chicken or fish at the reception.
370
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:34,080
Diana, please. After you and Siobhan
371
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:34,080
get married, are you gonna live
here?
372
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,280
I don't know. Can I be best man?
373
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,800
I don't care. Can I help Siobhan
pick the bridesmaids? Enough!
374
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,840
If I was to buy a hat, what
sort of a hat do you think...?
375
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,800
Oh, for goodness sake!
376
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:48,720
That was fun, wasn't it?
377
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:55,800
# Here comes the bride
Sixty inches wide. #
378
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,160
Siobhan.
It'll be Siobhan Venables soon.
379
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,080
Are these all wedding magazines?
380
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,640
Every last one of them.
381
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:08,680
I was thinking of a July wedding,
somewhere rural, rural and big...
382
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:10,680
like a castle.
383
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:17,320
A castle, really? You don't think
about something a bit smaller?
You know, like a scout hut
384
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:18,920
or a two-man tent?
385
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,480
Oh, no, this is our big day,
Jimmy - I want the works.
386
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:27,280
Doves and ice sculptures,
oh, and a honeymoon
somewhere really hot and expensive.
387
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,600
Siobhan, I don't know
how to say this...
388
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:37,840
Oh, that is so sweet -
you love me so much you can't
even put it into words, oh,
389
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:42,480
we're gonna be so happy, Jimmy.
We're gonna have a big wedding
390
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:42,480
and a huge reception
391
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,560
and we'll buy a house in the country
and have lots of babies...
392
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,080
I was on drugs!
393
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:55,040
I'd taken too many
stupid painkillers and that's the
only reason I proposed.
394
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,520
I'm also fairly certain
that Marie Antoinette was
in the room at one point.
395
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:02,760
You were on drugs?
396
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,240
Legal prescription drugs
for the pain I was in.
397
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,000
So the only reason you
proposed was because...
398
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,160
you didn't know what you were doing.
399
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:14,680
Yes.
400
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:20,000
But you said I was
once, twice, three times a lady.
401
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,480
Siobhan, I am so sorry.
402
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:35,440
Oh, oh, it took you long
enough to admit it, oh.
403
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,720
You mean you knew?
404
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:42,920
Of course I knew. I've been out with
enough losers to know when someone's
405
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:42,920
off their face on painkillers.
406
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:46,280
Siobhan, I've been going
crazy thinking about this.
407
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,360
The last
408
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,360
hour and a half has been a nightmare.
409
00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:51,000
Well, it serves you right.
410
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:55,320
So you're not angry with me, then?
No!
411
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,520
Just promise me one thing, Jimmy.
412
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,720
Anything.
413
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,120
Don't ever propose to me
again unless you mean it.
414
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,200
I promise.
415
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:14,440
I hope you didn't do
any other stupid things during
your trip on the magic roundabout.
416
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:17,480
Course not.
417
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,040
Looking for this?
418
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:32,560
Where did you find that?
Behind the sherry,
somewhere you knew I would find it.
419
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,200
Don't...! Why not?
420
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:39,200
Do you really want to hold me to
something I wrote under the
influence of drugs?
421
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,360
Absolutely!
422
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:43,040
Don't! What now?
423
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:47,480
Look, if this whole experience
has taught us anything, surely
424
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:53,560
it's that we are better as a team,
which means we should help each other
425
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:53,560
and respect one another's wishes.
426
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,640
Actually, that was quite convincing.
427
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,640
Really? Until the last part.
428
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:03,000
Now, once and for all,
we are going to find out
what you really think of me.
429
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:13,040
Careful, Jimmy -
don't give yourself another hernia.
430
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:18,360
"Diana, there's no polite way
of saying this, so here goes -
431
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:18,360
you're an interfering old bat,
432
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:23,000
"I wish I'd never met you and I hope
your broomstick gives you splinters.
433
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,840
"However, in the time we've been
looking after the kids together,
434
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:31,600
"I've come to respect and admire you
as a grandmother
and as a human being.
435
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:36,320
"I must admit you do want what's
436
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:36,320
best for the children and I
couldn't do this on my own."
437
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,960
Oh, Jimmy, how sweet. Is that it?
438
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,600
No.
439
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:45,200
"There's something else I have to
say to you. It's a bit embarrassing
440
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:49,840
"and I never thought I'd confess
this to anyone, least of all you.
441
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,560
"The thing is I have a...
442
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:57,720
"Continued on page two."
Well, Jimmy, where's page two?
443
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,520
Page two...
444
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,000
I don't know. Oh, I think you do.
445
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:08,800
Oh, PAGE two? No, no, I remember now
there is no page two, because, erm,
446
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:13,440
the pen ran out and then so did
the paper. Erm, would you like a
447
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:13,440
cup of tea?
448
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,680
Oh no, you don't!
449
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,080
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2007
450
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,120
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
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