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# After you've gone
2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,840
# And left me crying
3
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,520
# After you've gone
4
00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:10,440
# There's no denying
5
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:15,480
# Some day, when you grow lonely
6
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# Your heart will break like mine
7
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# And you'll want me only
8
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:19,960
# After you've gone
9
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# After you've gone awa-ay. #
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Aahh.
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00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,480
Big day today.
12
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,040
You'll never guess what.
13
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Don't wanna hear it,
I've gotta finish this homework.
14
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:37,680
OK.
15
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:39,960
Fine.
16
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,240
HE WHISTLES PETER AND THE WOLF
17
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,520
Stop whistling. Sorry.
18
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,560
HE HUMS THE SAME TUNE
19
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,520
Stop humming.
20
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,560
As you wish.
21
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,080
HE BEATBOXES
22
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,040
OK, fine! What is it?
23
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,960
I'm not sure if I want
to tell you now. Alex!
24
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:05,160
All right, since you begged me.
25
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,720
Today's the day I get
26
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,720
the results from my personality test.
27
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,800
And you're expecting good news.
28
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,960
What news, my Thisbe?
29
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:18,880
Well, Gran, today the careers
advisor is going to tell me
which job I'm best suited to.
30
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,840
Finally my full potential
revealed to an expectant world.
31
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:26,080
That's wonderful, Alex,
I have every confidence
32
00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:29,880
that you've thrown off the shackles
of your father's sluggish DNA.
33
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,200
Just think of it,
I could be a lung surgeon
34
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,160
or a celebrity chef... or an
35
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,160
international playboy/archaeologist.
36
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:39,840
Get real.
You're right, I'm aiming too low.
37
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,680
Have you ever considered
becoming a plumber?
38
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,280
Still not got your shower fixed?
39
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:50,360
Oh, how much further do we have
to expand the European Union before
40
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:50,360
someone will mend my thermostat?
41
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:54,720
Anyway, if you'll excuse me.
Think about it...plumber.
42
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,960
With my career prospects,
I'll buy you a plumber.
43
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,000
What can I buy for you, Molly, eh?
44
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,080
Boyfriend?
45
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:07,760
You can't buy me what I want -
to be an only child.
46
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,720
That doesn't look like homework.
47
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,320
OK, it's a design for my tattoo.
48
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,320
You'll never get Dad
to agree to that.
49
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,280
I'm just gonna be extra nice to him,
it works every time.
50
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,960
Never ever be nice,
they can spot that a mile away.
51
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,400
Trust me, timing is key,
52
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:27,160
you have to wait until
the parent is weak or preoccupied,
then go in for the kill.
53
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,520
Morning, kids. (Watch and learn!)
54
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,000
Morning, Dad!
So, what are you up to today?
55
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,280
What do you want?
56
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:41,120
Nothing. Can't a daughter
just be nice to her father?
57
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:46,560
OK, if you really wanna know,
it's interesting. We've gotta put up
plasterboard but there's a pipe...
58
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,880
Actually, I've got homework.
59
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,880
It's all right, Dad, she didn't
want to hear me beatbox either.
60
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:55,920
HE BEATBOXES
61
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,840
Would you mind closing the door?
62
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,520
I didn't see anything. Get out!
63
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,120
Do you want some breakfast?
No, thank you.
64
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,960
Dad, are you all right?
65
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,560
No, thank you.
66
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,400
What?
67
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,840
Why didn't you tell me
your gran was here?
68
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,120
Because it didn't come up
in conversation.
69
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,600
Well, I really wish that it had.
70
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,320
Something's wrong with dad.
71
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,360
If you're having a stroke,
blink three times.
72
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,120
Does your arm feel numb?
Can you smell burning toast?
73
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,480
Oh, my God, I can smell toast.
74
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,040
Oh, that'll be mine.
75
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,400
Come on, Jimmy, it's no big deal.
76
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,400
I don't wanna talk about it.
77
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,160
Talk about what?
78
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,120
Your father walked in
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00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,120
as I was stepping out of the shower.
80
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,320
Whoa!
81
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,240
He saw me naked.
82
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,960
Now, go in for the kill.
83
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,560
Can I have a tattoo?
Yeah, whatever you want.
84
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:37,200
No, you may not, and stop trying
85
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:37,200
to take advantage of the situation.
86
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:41,160
And you, get over it.
It's only the human body.
87
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:44,120
Yes, but it's your human body.
88
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,680
Well, I'm very proud of it.
89
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,120
And yes, yes, and why not?
90
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,720
It was very, um...
91
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:55,600
On an aesthetic level,
I can see why you'd enjoy...
92
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,360
Why didn't you just lock the door?
93
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:02,320
You mean with the lock I keep asking
you to fix but you keep putting off?
94
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:04,560
Yes, that lock.
95
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,680
Look, there's no need
for anybody to feel awkward.
96
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,920
I don't feel awkward at all.
97
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:16,800
No, Diana, you're right.
It was only for a split second
and I really didn't see anything.
98
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:25,840
I saw everything.
99
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,880
Did you get a picture, boss?
100
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,880
No, I didn't get a picture.
101
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,920
You wanna get a camera phone.
102
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,680
I didn't want a picture.
103
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,400
Here's one of me neighbour
in her dressing gown
putting out her bin bag.
104
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,160
There's one of her
hitting me with the bin bag.
105
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,160
That's the duty solicitor.
106
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,160
Listen, Jimmy,
107
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:54,040
you've been through a traumatic
experience, the best thing
for you to do is talk about it...
108
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,760
in detail...
109
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,680
slowly.
110
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,360
What is wrong with you?
111
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,800
It's been a while for me, Jimmy.
112
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,720
She is my mother-in-law.
113
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:10,040
Yes, but you have to admit,
she's a very attractive woman.
114
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:13,760
I don't care
if she's Scarlett Johannsen,
she's my mother-in-law!
115
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,000
Well, maybe you could
just draw what you saw.
116
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,480
Please, can we just talk about
something else? Sure. Fine.
117
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,520
No problem.
118
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,400
Was she dripping wet?
119
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,800
Or just kind of glistening?
120
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,960
Look, Kev, this is a problem for me,
121
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:41,120
I have to see Diana
all the time and I cannot get
that image out of my head.
122
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,480
Look, don't mention this
to Siobhan, OK?
123
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,200
Relax, mum-in-law's the word.
124
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,080
Hi, handsome.
We still on for tonight?
125
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,680
Well, I'll assume you're referring
to me, and so the answer is yes.
126
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,920
So, what are you boys talking about?
127
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,760
Naked women.
128
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,560
What? I didn't say
you saw Diana naked.
129
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:06,400
Thanks, Kev.
130
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,640
You saw Diana naked.
131
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,400
It's nothing. I accidentally walked
in on her when she was in the shower.
132
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,240
Accidentally? Are you sure?
133
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,800
Because some people say there's
no such thing as an accident.
134
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,880
Then how would you explain Kev?
135
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:23,440
That's hurtful.
136
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:27,200
You're hurt? He's two-timing me
with his mother-in-law.
Ex-mother-in-law.
137
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,720
X-rated mother-in-law.
138
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,400
You're enjoying this.
139
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,600
Yeah, question is, did you?
140
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:36,000
Siobhan! All right. I'm sorry,
I'll make up for it later.
141
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:43,640
Really? Yeah, really. If you play
your cards right, you may get to see
142
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:43,640
two naked women in the same day.
143
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:51,280
Now, if you wanna use the zoom,
you press this one.
144
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,840
Hello?
145
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,240
I'm coming in.
146
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,280
I'm in.
147
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:08,040
I'm approaching the living room.
Is everybody decent?
148
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,480
I'm entering the living room.
149
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,640
Gran's in the kitchen.
She's fully dressed.
150
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,960
Dad, you're just in time,
I got the results of my test back,
151
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:22,000
I'm about to find out
how I'll spend the rest of my life.
152
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,960
Oh, you open it. I'm too excited.
153
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,640
My destiny is in your hands.
154
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,200
Relax, Alex. It's just a test.
155
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:35,520
Well, what thrilling adventures
await?
156
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,560
Accountancy.
157
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:42,160
Very funny. Ha-ha!
What does it really say?
158
00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:45,680
Accountancy. Accountancy? Ha-ha!
159
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,400
Sorry.
160
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,080
Dear God, this can't be.
161
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,480
There are worse things
than being an accountant. Name one.
162
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,480
I can't right now.
163
00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,880
I was supposed to be destined
for greater things,
164
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:04,280
to leave my mark, to change
the world, to date supermodels.
165
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,600
Well, you can still
do those things...
166
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,120
some of those things.
167
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:13,640
Well, one of them at least.
168
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:13,640
I don't expect you to understand.
You're a builder.
169
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,000
I'd rather be a builder than an ac...
170
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,000
You see?
171
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:22,880
Well, I'd better go
and start counting things...
172
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:26,960
like reasons to live.
That's the spirit.
173
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:31,160
You handled that really well.
You are such a good father.
174
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,000
Just tell me what you want.
175
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,840
All right, I need £50
for the tattoo.
176
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,440
I don't think you should
be getting a tattoo.
177
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,480
OK, I need £50 for a book.
178
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,200
Oh, well if you put it that way...
179
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,560
No.
180
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:45,600
Fine.
181
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:50,360
But if you don't give me the money,
I'll end up in some cut-price,
back-street tattoo parlour
182
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,480
where they use
un-sterilised needles.
183
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:57,080
I'll probably get hepatitis C or
lose an arm to gangrene. No biggie.
184
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,040
I'll think about it.
Oh, thank you, thank you!
185
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,200
I just said I will think about it.
186
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,760
Yes, but we both know
it's only a matter of time.
187
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,000
I'm entering the kitchen.
188
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,160
Diana. Jimmy.
189
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,560
Something smells good. Thank you.
190
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,080
I'm making a risotto,
191
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,520
I got the recipe
from the Naked Chef.
192
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:26,960
Very funny.
193
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:32,640
I got a new lock so you don't have
to worry about any more accidents.
194
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,920
I'm not worried. No, no, me neither.
195
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,480
Then why can't you look at me?
196
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,520
I am looking at you. Really?
197
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:41,920
Yeah.
198
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:47,040
Just so that you know,
I won't be in for dinner.
I'm going round to Siobhan's.
199
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:48,600
Who are you talking to?
200
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:54,840
Jimmy, I sense that you're still
feeling embarrassed about seeing me.
201
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,800
Embarrassed? Me?
No, what makes you say that?
202
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,920
You're addressing the wall.
203
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:05,680
I'm just checking it
for structural...stuff.
204
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,040
And it seems fine.
205
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:10,640
This is ridiculous, just look at me.
206
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,040
Ok, no problem.
207
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,400
That wasn't so hard.
208
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,200
I'll go and fix this lock.
209
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,440
Mmm, lovely.
210
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,920
# The look of love
211
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:40,280
# Is in your eyes
212
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,320
# The look... #
213
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,080
It's OK.
214
00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,880
Plenty of time.
215
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,880
I'm sorry, it's Diana.
216
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,560
I can't get the image out of my head.
217
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:56,480
Well, why don't you try
thinking about something that, um...
218
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,480
you really...
219
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,040
really like.
220
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,920
OK.
221
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:07,800
Although I don't see how
thinking about crisps is gonna help.
222
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,480
I meant me. Oh.
223
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,720
Plenty of time.
See, that's not helping.
224
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,520
Well, wake me then
if you have any sudden urges.
225
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,080
Well, actually...
226
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,080
You're not eating crisps in bed.
227
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:38,320
Something's troubling you,
I can tell.
228
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:42,080
Look at the way you're handling
that nail gun. There's no joy in it.
229
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:49,560
I hate seeing you like this, boss -
cold, distant, unresponsive.
230
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,040
It's like when
I asked for that pay rise.
231
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,720
It's Diana. I've got the image of her
etched into my brain.
232
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:59,720
Memories fade, boss,
you have to give it time.
233
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:04,080
It's starting to effect other things.
Last night with Siobhan I couldn't...
234
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,720
watch the telly.
235
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,720
That's terrible.
236
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:12,520
I was really up for it, you know?
And it was my favourite programme
237
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:17,160
and it was right there
on the screen, practically
begging me to watch it, I couldn't.
238
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,520
You wanna get yourself Sky Plus.
239
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:25,200
You can stop halfway
and come back to it.
240
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,560
Forget it.
241
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:34,440
I know. You need to see
something else so shocking
242
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:39,480
that it completely wipes away
that image. You know,
Like scaring you out of the hiccups.
243
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:45,400
What could possibly get
that image out of my head,
other than going to war.
244
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,000
Oh, this is bad, boss.
245
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:50,120
Not now and I appreciate
your concern but I'll be fine.
246
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,080
Not that, you just nail-gunned
my foot to the floor.
247
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,160
Oh, Kev this is horrible!
248
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,160
But it's no good,
I can still see her.
249
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,200
Ah!
250
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,680
Ahh, I didn't know
251
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,680
you were interested in butterflies.
252
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:12,000
I'm very interested.
253
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:12,000
I'm thinking about getting one there.
254
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:17,880
Absolutely not. You're not having
an insect imprinted on your body
255
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:17,880
for all the world to see. Fine.
256
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,440
What about a transfer?
257
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,600
I've thought of that,
but what family would have you?
258
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:34,280
Dad, Gran won't let me have the
tattoo even though you said I could.
259
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,480
Is that true, Jimmy?
260
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:41,760
A tattoo may be the sort of
youthful idiocy your father
261
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:41,760
might excuse as free expression
262
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,360
but I won't stand for it.
263
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:48,160
Come on, Diana you can't tell me
you never did anything like this
264
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:48,160
when you were Molly's age.
265
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,920
What do you mean by that?
266
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,800
I'm just saying
we've all done things we regret.
267
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,240
Molly, could you give me
a moment alone with your father?
268
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:59,360
If I give you a moment,
can I get the tattoo?
269
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:00,400
OK.
270
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,000
Can I leave too?
271
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,720
Go ahead, say it. Say what?
272
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,240
The other day, when you
walked in on me, you saw it.
273
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,720
Well, yes, I saw it.
274
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,520
I'm not proud of it.
275
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,600
It seemed normal to me.
276
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,040
I have regretted that tattoo
ever since I got it.
277
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,000
Ah! A tattoo.
278
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,680
What on earth did you think
we were talking about?
279
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,480
I'd rather not say.
280
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,000
It was on my hip,
surely you noticed?
281
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,720
I thought that was a birth mark.
282
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:51,000
So, what is it?
A unicorn, a flaming skull?
283
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,600
Sir Anthony Eden?
284
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,840
Do you want me to show you again?
285
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,840
No, Diana, I'll pay you not to.
286
00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:00,680
So, has the jury reached
a verdict on the tattoo yet?
287
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,120
They're still deciding.
288
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,680
As your accountant, I'd advise you
to forgo the "body art"
289
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,800
and put the money into
290
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,800
a high-interest retirement account,
291
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:13,880
estimating conservatively a return
of 5.5% over the next 40 years.
292
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,160
Oh, my god, I'm so boring.
293
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,520
No more boring than usual.
294
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,840
Mmm. So, Diana has a tattoo.
295
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,120
I must admit, it's nice to know
you're not so perfect.
296
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,880
I never said I was perfect.
You have, repeatedly.
297
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,800
The point is, we all do
stupid things when we're young.
298
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,520
I remember
when my daughter married you.
299
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,840
It's the flaming skull, isn't it?
300
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,120
If you must know, it's a rose.
301
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:45,320
A rose. So it's all right for you
to have a tattoo, but not for Molly.
302
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,120
That's what I've been telling you.
303
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,840
I don't want Molly to get a tattoo
either, but how can we stop her?
304
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:54,800
If I tell her not to do something
she just does it all the more.
305
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,120
We could make that work for us.
306
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,760
A bit of reverse psychology.
307
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,160
Brilliant. Molly, dear?
308
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,640
Good news.
We've talked it over and...
309
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,440
We think you should get the tattoo.
310
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,360
Whatever you want, we're all for it.
In fact, have two.
311
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,200
Oh, great! Thank you.
312
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,960
Molly,
could you give us another moment?
313
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,280
How many moments do you need?
314
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,480
That isn't quite what I meant.
315
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,360
Well, maybe
we should just try being honest.
316
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:26,400
Tell Molly about your floral display.
317
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,240
Fine. Molly?
318
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:34,000
Look, what seems cool to you now
319
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:34,000
may not seem as cool to you
in ten years.
320
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,280
Even less in 30 years.
321
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:40,120
Believe it or not,
when I was young, I got a tattoo.
322
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,680
It's a rose.
323
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:49,280
What I'm trying to say is that
it was a mistake, a mistake that
324
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:49,280
I've regretted every day since.
325
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,800
Do you understand
what I'm trying to tell you? Yeah.
326
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,960
I'm getting a tattoo!
I'm getting a tattoo!
327
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:02,280
# The look of love
328
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,680
# Is in your eyes... #
329
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:06,720
Are you ready?
330
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,960
I've been ready
for about five minutes.
331
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,560
Well, you'd better be.
332
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:14,040
You'll never guess
what I found out about Diana.
333
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,440
Jimmy?
334
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,640
Is that a rose?
335
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:29,360
Yes, do you like it?
336
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,080
I've stopped being ready.
337
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,800
What's wrong?
338
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,240
Diana has a rose tattoo.
Right, get out.
339
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,360
Can't we at least talk about it?
340
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:50,240
Nope. Here you are, Kev. Thanks.
341
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,680
I'd like another Coke. Oh,
it's all about your needs, isn't it?
342
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,400
All I said was
I'd like another Coke.
343
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,080
Well, I have needs too,
I would like to have a...
344
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,040
OK, we don't have to talk about...
345
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,600
What's she mean by that, boss?
346
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,800
EUm... Ooh, Kev, could you just
grab me that bowl of nuts?
347
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,280
Sure.
348
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,320
HE GRUNTS IN PAIN
349
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,360
You act as if
this is somehow my fault,
350
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:18,040
which it is, but I can't help it.
351
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:22,440
Admit it, you can't stop thinking
about her. Why not sleep with her
352
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:22,440
and get it over with?
353
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,280
You can't seriously believe
I'm interested in Diana.
354
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,080
Well, you don't seem
to be very interested in me.
355
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,960
KEV PANTS
356
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,960
There you go, boss. Thanks.
357
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,480
Oh, you couldn't grab me
358
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,480
a couple of those napkins, could you?
359
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:39,040
All right,
but I am in a lot of pain, you know.
360
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,160
Ah!
361
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:46,120
Look, maybe I just need
a little more time.
362
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,560
Why are you so uncomfortable? She's
not even your mother-in-law now!
363
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,560
I know. Unless you still
have feelings for Anne. What?
364
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,040
It's got nothing to do with that.
365
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:58,280
I would be just as uncomfortable
if I saw your mother naked.
366
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,400
Really? Yes.
367
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,600
Oh, that's all I wanted to hear.
368
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,840
But please don't make me prove it.
369
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,840
Actually, can I get one of those,
I'm starting to bleed.
370
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:18,120
Look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have got so upset.
371
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,600
No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...
372
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:25,240
Well, no, I should have, but...
Well, you know what I mean.
373
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,840
Ooh, don't look now, Diana's here.
374
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,680
Diana. Where?
375
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,200
Where did you come from?
376
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,280
How does my hair look?
377
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,680
Jimmy, we need to talk.
378
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:38,840
Hello.
379
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:42,120
Hello. How about a drink
on the house for the lovely lady?
380
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,200
That's kind of you,
I'll have a brandy.
381
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,080
Excellent choice.
382
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,880
He's so friendly. Yes.
383
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:53,760
Yes, he was saying the other day
how he'd like to see more of you.
384
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:58,400
Good news. Did you know that it's
illegal for minors to get tattoos?
385
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,280
Molly won't be able to get one
regardless of what we say.
386
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,320
So, we don't have to be the bad guys.
387
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,320
Exactly.
388
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:09,680
They crush her dreams and we act
supportive and disappointed,
it's a win-win scenario.
389
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,000
Here's your drink. Thank you.
390
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,520
The other one's from Kev.
391
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,200
Oh.
392
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,200
Compliments of
the gentleman at the bar.
393
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,640
My goodness, this is a friendly pub.
394
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,200
You told them you saw me naked.
395
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,040
It may have slipped out.
396
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,000
Jimmy, how could you?
397
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,040
Well, you said it was no big deal.
398
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,880
Oh, my God!
399
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,320
They're all undressing me
with their eyes.
400
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,280
No, they're not.
401
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,000
Well, as long as
you didn't mention the tattoo.
402
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,840
I'll show you mine,
if you show me yours.
403
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,040
Right, I think I'll just be going.
404
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:57,120
Listen, you lot,
put your eyes back in their sockets,
you should be ashamed of yourselves.
405
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:11,080
Alex, why are you getting letters
from old people's homes?
406
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:15,200
Oh, I decided to skip the accounting
and go straight to retirement.
407
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:21,280
I tried to embrace it,
I even went to an accounting firm
to see what it was all about.
408
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,920
I had to leave. Too depressing?
409
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,280
No, security threw me out.
410
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:33,840
Busy day ahead then?
411
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:33,840
Oh, yeah, got Cash In The Attic,
a little nap, then Diagnosis Murder.
412
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:39,200
Alex, I don't mind you watching
this stuff, but please don't
circle them in TV Quick.
413
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:44,440
Ooh, could you turn the heating up,
the cold gets right into my bones.
414
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,600
OK, how long is this gonna last?
415
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,920
What's that?
416
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:54,600
You, feeling sorry for yourself
because of a stupid test.
417
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:59,680
I hate to say this,
but I miss the old Alex.
418
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,080
I miss him too.
419
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,000
Boiled sweet?
420
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:09,920
Just because some test says
you should become an accountant
doesn't mean you have to be.
421
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,880
Alex, you are special.
422
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,160
Do you mean that?
423
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,920
Special in many, many ways.
424
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:22,200
Thanks. And I'll tell you something
else, my careers advisor said
425
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,720
I should become a doctor,
but that is not what I became.
426
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:30,360
So, you could have been
a well-paid, highly respected
medical professional.
427
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:31,640
What happened?
428
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,400
That's not the point.
429
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:40,440
The point is
you can be anything you want to be.
430
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,480
You're right, Dad.
I could be Prime Minister.
431
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:47,240
Well, yes, or something in sales.
432
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,480
Thanks, Dad, I feel like a new man.
433
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:56,320
I'm keeping the big slipper
though, it's really comfy.
434
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,920
Good news, Gran,
I don't have to be an accountant.
435
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,280
Elephant trainer
is back on the table.
436
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,720
Lovely, or something in sales.
437
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,240
And how long
have you been lurking there?
438
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:12,160
I'm rather proud of you
at the moment, don't spoil it.
439
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,760
I feel like a cup of tea,
would you like one?
440
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,560
Yeah, sure. Nice chocky bikkie?
441
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,960
OK, now you're scaring me.
442
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,600
I think we should celebrate.
443
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,400
It's so rare to see you exhibit
good parenting skills.
444
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,640
Was this supposed to be a compliment?
445
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:30,280
Tell me, did your careers advisor
really say you should be a doctor?
446
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,680
No, he said I was suited
for building work.
447
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,480
Oh, well played.
448
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:36,840
MOBILE RINGS
449
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,160
Hi, Kev.
450
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:41,320
Oh!
451
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,960
Right. Er, no, you wait in the van.
I'll be out in a minute.
452
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,680
Yes, yes, I will ask her.
453
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,960
Kev says if your plumbing's out
and you need a shower,
the water pressure at his...
454
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,960
There's not enough water pressure
in the world!
455
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,600
I hate my life.
456
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:02,200
Here she is, here's my girl,
so let's see the new tattoo.
457
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:06,560
Yes, how's the tattoo?
You can forget about the tattoo,
they wouldn't give me one.
458
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:09,760
They didn't believe I was 18,
even with fake ID.
459
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,120
I'll look after this until you're 18.
460
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,280
By then I'll be able
to get a real one.
461
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:23,760
Well, Miss Wanda
William Wilberforce, I hope
you've learned a valuable lesson.
462
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,800
I did. Don't tell your dad
you've got fake ID.
463
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,880
Exactly. And you can't get a tattoo
unless you're an adult.
464
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,920
Yes, and that. Yeah.
465
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,480
But you can get your
belly button pierced, look.
466
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,760
How could you let this happen? Me?
467
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,200
Yes, if it wasn't for you even
entertaining the idea of a tattoo
468
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,720
she wouldn't have mutilated
her belly button.
469
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:51,160
Oh, come on. Its just a little
belly piercing...Inky Hips.
470
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,480
Give me that biscuit.
471
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,680
Oh, what a shame
there isn't a doctor in the house.
472
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:22,120
Tell you what, Kev, it's like
a circus freak show back there.
473
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:26,000
Tattooed lady,
the amazing perforated girl,
474
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,000
Corky the elephant boy.
475
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:32,960
Of course, there's no prizes
for guessing who's gonna have to...
476
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,400
Are you all right? Yeah, boss.
477
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,720
Good thing I was wearing
a seat belt.
478
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,760
I wish you were wearing
more than that.
479
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:03,400
I was just trying to help you get
the other image out of your head.
480
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,080
What seems to be the, er...
481
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,400
problem?
482
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,360
Look, it's not what you think.
483
00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:22,320
I dunno, I've got
a vivid imagination.
484
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,520
You see,
there was a wasp in the van
485
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,520
and it made me swerve
into the lamp post.
486
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:31,040
What about that one?
487
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,520
The impact of the crash
made his clothes fly off?
488
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,200
I find that very difficult
to believe.
489
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:46,080
Thought you said you had a vivid
imagination. Let me handle this.
490
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:49,320
You see, he was having problems...
sexually.
491
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:51,600
Please, please,
492
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,400
just arrest me.
493
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,720
# The look of love... #
494
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,640
Are you sure you're ready?
495
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,720
Oh, don't you worry about me,
I am cured.
496
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:04,160
Diana has been driven out
by the sight of Kev totally naked.
497
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:09,040
Apart from the seatbelt, you could
see everything, warts and all.
498
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:14,360
I mean, my insurance will go up,
499
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:14,360
but what the heck. So come here, you.
500
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,760
Oh, no, don't touch me.
501
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,720
What's wrong?
502
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,760
Er, well...
503
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,680
Now I'M not in the mood.
504
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,760
It's OK,
505
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,360
I understand.
506
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,080
Plenty of time...
507
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,680
Or shall I just get some crisps? Yes.
508
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,240
# After you've gone
509
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,120
# And left me crying
510
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,320
# After you've gone
511
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:48,320
# There's no denying
512
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:52,120
# Some day, when you grow lonely
513
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,520
# Your heart will break like mine
514
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,760
# And you'll want me only
515
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,600
# After you've gone
516
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,440
# After you've gone awa-ay. #
517
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,800
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
518
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,320
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
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