Original subtitles

- [birds singing] - [heels clacking]

♪ "La vita nuova" by Christine and the Queens ♪

[woman singing in Italian]

[rooster crows]

♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, uh ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, uh, oh, yeah... ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, uh ♪

♪ Oh, yeah... ♪

[Gia] When my mother was a young woman,

a man used to follow her to work

every morning,

- and masturbate... - [man panting softly]

...in step behind her.

♪ Oh, you're a heartbreaker ♪

♪ I never take your answer for sure ♪

[keys clacking]

- [door opens] - [bell tinkles]

Hey, you want to hear something funny?

What...

No. No.

Oh, my God.

You don't seem too...

surprised to see me.

Well, I'm not.

'Cause this is, like, not surprising at all.

You have no fucking boundaries, man.

You know, you're weird.

You're weird and you're creepy,

like this store.

Did I do something to you?

What are you doing here?

You know what I'm doing here.

I came here for an apology.

Oh. All right.

Well, I am

- dialed in on my book... - Yeah. Uh-huh.

...and I don't need any distractions.

[bell tinkles]

But we're in love!

Dude, don't make me say something stupid

and, like, faux-existential like "I don't believe in love."

You can't write a book on love

if you don't believe in it yourself.

I do. I just don't trust it, okay?

Something bad is gonna happen. Something else.

[groans] Nothing bad is gonna happen!

Nothing bad ever happens to idiots!

You are the idiot!

You are such an idiot.

[sighs]

Come over here, you stupid fucking idiot.

[sighs]

[shouts]

[groans loudly]

[Gia laughs]

[Gia grunts loudly]

[chuckling]

Look, we're gonna try this, okay?

[exhales]

All you got to do is trust me.

So, will you?

I don't...

I don't know. [chuckles]

[birds singing]

[Gia inhales deeply]

[sighs]

I really like our place. It's really nice.

- Shut up. - [chuckles]

You did not move here.

It was time to leave L.A.

- And I can stay at a motel, too. - No.

I already applied for a dead-end job.

[stammers] Look, man...

Don't fucking "look, man" me.

I'm not some random dude you met on eharmony.

We had a fucking baby together.

And the baby's gone.

No.

She's just waiting.

She wanted her parents to be in the same place.

She knew her mom was a little nuts,

and she needed her dad there for emotional support.

Mm.

Why do you like me?

[exhales]

Hmm?

[laughing]

Tell me.

[Jack chuckles]

Clearly, I-I've got some issues of my own.

If I didn't, then I wouldn't be chasing

a sociopath around America.

- [scoffs softly] - When there

are plenty of other girls out there

willing to look the other way over an unsavory text.

- How do you know that? - [chuckles]

That I would, like... I would literally gut you

if you sent a flirty text to someone else.

[clears throat]

Because you're a sociopath.

- Like, I would, I would... - I don't use that term lightly.

...spatchcock your dick.

[chuckles]

- What? - I would.

Oh, you're scared?

- No. - Yes.

[laughs] No.

I just realized that you're a foodie.

- Spatchcock. - [phone chimes]

[groans]

Hey, Ryan.

What do you think about, um, watching your little brother

by yourself while Mommy runs an errand?

Would you be a big kid and do tha...

- Do I have to? - No, no, no.

Okay.

How 'bout we go to Aunt Missy's?

No, I don't want to.

Well, what if, um...

Hey. Oh!

Um, we c... I, uh...

Easter's early this year.

Be good and you can have all the chocolate you want.

Really?

Okay.

[laughing] Come on, let's go!

[squeals]

[knocking]

Hey, Miss, will you just watch the boys for, like, two hours?

Please, it's an emergency.

I know why you need me to watch these kids,

and it's no durn emergency.

- What? What do you know? - Randy heard from Ed.

You're just talking to Ed now?

What, did you forget I'm your sister?

You made him family when you said "I do."

While you're here, uh, Mom's gift came out to $47 each.

Fine. Each? What the heck kind of bracelet costs that much?

Real diamonds aren't cheap, Lina.

Diamonds? Mom is not gonna wear something that fancy.

- Okay, whatever. - It's her 60th.

We're not doing cubic "zachonium."

Fine, fine, fine.

I mean, look, I got to go. Will you or won't you?

No.

I won't enable your sinful behavior.

- Fine. Thanks so much. - What do you suppose

God feels about you?

And I need you to bring your folding chairs to the party!

♪ smooth, jazzy music ♪

♪

♪

All right. All right.

- Oh, gosh! - Oh, my God.

- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. - Hi. Hi.

- Jesus. - Oh, Gia. Sorry.

- Hi. - Um, can...

Can you watch them?

- [Gia] Oh. - Just... Aidan's waiting for me

in Bardstown. He only has, like, a teeny window.

Um, this... Uh, Lina, this place is, like,

not childproofed at all or anything...

- Oh. Lina! - Oh, gosh! Sorry! Okay.

- Hey. I'm Jack. - Sorry.

This is the guy? The guy?

This is the... the guy.

- That's what I'm told. - Oh, my God.

Hi. You didn't tell me he found you.

He sure did.

Uh, for the record,

it-it was magic, how I found her.

Definitely wasn't Internet stalking

and, you know, Whitepages and shit.

- [laughing] - Whitepages?

- Yeah. - Well, I...

I don't know, I think it's magic.

So do I.

[chuckles]

All right. Um...

Well, I'm so sorry to intrude, but I, uh...

Gosh, I'm kind of desperate,

and I was hoping you guys could watch my kids.

I just... I have an appointment.

You know, actually, we were, uh,

just talking about how we need some babysitting experience,

so you'd actually be doing us the favor.

- Oh, my gosh. Okay. All right. - [chuckles]

- This is Elliott. - What's your name?

All right, Elliott. How's it going, bud?

- Hey, hey. - And this is Ryan.

Hey, Ryan.

- Yeah, it is cold. - [chuckles] Um, all right,

I'm gonna be, uh, an hour.

I might be two hours. But I'll be right back, all right?

Love you, love you, love you.

You be good and help take care of your brother, okay?

- Okay. - [chuckles]

[laughs]

♪ soft, somber music ♪

♪

♪

[car door shuts in distance]

[chuckles]

[The Shivers' "Beauty" playing]

[breathing heavily]

[car door opens]

[grunts softly]

[exhales sharply]

Heya.

Hey, Kid.

Now, I'm really out of time.

No, well, I only need a little bit of time.

You said you had a surprise?

Is it worth me being late?

Get in the back.

Right now.

♪ I live off love ♪

Take off your pants and your shoes.

♪ I breathe off love ♪

Go.

♪ I think of love ♪

♪ I drink of love ♪

♪ I sink in love ♪

♪ And in the middle of the night ♪

♪ I need my love ♪

♪ I need to grieve and need to need ♪

♪ And be in love ♪

♪ My love is gonna come to me ♪

♪ Tonight... ♪

I got so hungry, I almost ate it.

[Aidan chuckles]

[laughs]

♪ I give my love and all my love to you, my love ♪

[chuckles]

- ♪ I feast on love ♪ - Oh...

♪ A beast for love, release my love ♪

♪ You're scared and unprepared for love ♪

- ♪ Don't care, my love ♪ - Holy shit, woman.

♪ 'Cause you're the only woman ♪

♪ I've been dreaming of ♪

♪ I swear to God, I'm loving you for that ♪

[moaning heavily]

♪ I swear to God, I'm making you my wife ♪

[both panting]

Mmm, salty and sweet all together.

♪ And if you ever leave me... ♪

- What are you... - ♪ I never will be sore ♪

- Oh, God. - Take this off.

[laughs] Oh, my God.

♪ I'll love you till you're lonely... ♪

Oh, I fucking love eating your goddamn pussy.

[moaning, breathing heavily]

♪ Oh... ♪

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't want that gunk in me.

[breathing heavily, moaning]

♪ There's nobody near me ♪

♪ There never was ♪

Oh!

[chuckles]

- Did you come? - Yeah.

[laughs]

- Oh, my gosh. Are you close? - Yeah.

Stop, stop.

I want it in my mouth this time.

Ooh.

Ah... Oh!

Oh, fuck.

[breathing heavily]

Lina. Fuck! Ah!

[moaning]

♪ I give my love and all my love ♪

♪ To you, my love ♪

- ♪ I feast on love... ♪ - Oh, my God...

I never liked that, you know.

Like, I only like that with you.

Like, I love you in my mouth.

I love me in your mouth, too.

[chuckles]

Aidan.

I missed you these past couple weeks.

Yeah. Yeah, I've been busy.

[both panting]

Oh, I see. You can go now. [dry chuckle]

♪ I never will be sore... ♪

Kid...

I missed you, too.

♪ Till you're lonely ♪

You know that this is more than just sex for me.

I-I'm not some... I'm not some player.

♪ Beauty, beauty, beauty... ♪

But, all the same, Mrs. Parrish,

we got to stop meeting and making out like this.

Uh, Aidan, I'd hardly call what we've been doing "makin' out."

[laughs]

I guess you're right, but I just meant that

- we gotta-- - And, plus, Aidan...

I am not gonna be "Mrs." much longer,

'cause, uh...

I'm separated now. Like, legally.

Aidan?

Yeah. Yeah, Kid.

Look, listen, I don't want to hurt you.

You could not hurt me.

You silly man. [laughs]

-"I don't want to hurt you." - Well, I just mean that I...

Shh, buddy.

[sighs]

I got to go, Kid.

- Get your ass back in the car. - [laughs]

- Bye, bud. - All right, bud.

We'll do it again soon.

- Help me get them in the car. - Is she asleep?

- Oh, yeah. - Wow. Chivalry's not dead.

[laughs]

- How was it? - It was real good.

- Good. - [car door slides open]

Why, why is it so easy to say, like,

"I love you inside me,"

but so hard to say, like,

"I love you," like, period?

[car door slides shut]

- [Gia] I mean, I... - They're all set.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

- [clears throat] - Uh...

[Lina] Thank you.

- Bye-bye. Night. - Good night.

- Drive safe. - Okay.

- Thank you. - [Jack] Yeah.

[country-rock music playing in background]

Are you, uh...

sure about this?

You know it's not a choice.

♪ Rain or shine, we walk the line... ♪

[laughs]

My mother did say to me once

that if I ever sold her jewelry,

she'd come back from the grave and bite my toes.

Hmm. So you're sure.

Yeah.

Four seventy-three, cash.

Four hundred and seventy-three dollars?

I can give you 500 on this Visa gift card.

Let's take a look at this.

Oh, this is not for sale.

Looks heavy.

♪ Nothing but the open highway... ♪

[phone chimes]

[clears throat]

- Lina. - Oh, you're kidding.

[clerk] So, cash or card for this?

[sighs]

♪ Wild and free, wild and... ♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?

You don't have to do that.

[Gia] I do.

♪ Wild and free... ♪

♪ Nothing but the open highway ♪

[bubbling]

[plastic rips off]

- Hey. Hi. - Hi.

- Hi. - [both laugh]

Well, well, well.

Oh, I thought you were done

with this coven of witches.

Well, I came to see you.

Oh, God, sorry. I've been so busy.

- Yeah, I... - I'm sure you have, too.

Yeah.

[awkward laughter]

Um, I was thinking what about tonight,

you and me, mai tais, Lennie's.

We pretend we're in Hawaii.

Ooh, that sounds really,

really, really fun. Um...

Oh, come on, come out.

I gotta tell you about the last time with Aidan.

Gia, it's like I don't even under--

Like, I gave him the best gosh darn blow job

in the history of the world.

Oh, yeah? [chuckles]

I want to know everything.

- Like, I don't even, like... - Hi, ladies.

...recognize myself at this point.

[laughter]

- You look amazing. - Oh, thank you.

- Hi, gals. - [quietly] We'll talk later.

- Lina. - Hi.

- How you been? - Good. Really good.

Like, crazy good.

How's, uh, Aidan? Are you still seeing him?

Am I still see-- Yeah. Oh, my goodness, yeah.

- In fact-- - In fact what?

Is he leaving his wife for you?

[weak laughter]

Something burns that bright, it's bound to burn out.

- Uh-huh. - No offense.

- Yeah. It's true. - Thank you. Hi.

Oh, can I have one?

Gia, you will not believe the latest.

[Gia] Tell me everything.

Did you like it, what-whatever it was?

[Lizzie] Okay. Have you ever heard of a "butter churner"?

You know, like the sex kind?

[Gia] Butter churner?

Uh, like the...

[voices fade]

♪ intense music ♪

♪

♪

♪

♪ rock music playing ♪

[Gia] Wow.

What's all this?

♪ singer singing indistinctly ♪

Isn't today your mother's birthday?

[Jack clears throat]

Oh, my God.

♪

What...

[Jack clears throat]

[chuckles]

- Oh, my God. - What?

- Oh, yeah, um-- - What?!

The pawn guy felt bad, so he sold it back at a loss.

How-how did you buy this back?

[exhales sharply] Doesn't really matter.

But, uh, you know, walking to work is

really gonna get me back in shape.

♪

You sold your car to buy my mother's necklace back?

[sighs] I did.

Jack, that's, like, the stupidest thing

- in the fucking world. - I know.

No, look, we live in the middle of nowhere, dude.

- We have to have a fucking car. - I know.

It's like the most idiotic thing in the fucking world!

Believe me, I know.

[laughs]

Wha--

It's also, like...

You're...

great.

- [both chuckle] - You know that?

Look, I just thought that maybe tonight

you could tell me about her.

Stay right there.

Over one of these.

- Her beer. - Her beer.

Oh, you listen so much.

So do you.

Thank you.

Don't do that.

[both chuckle]

[Jack clears throat]

[sniffs]

- Whoa. - Okay, all right, sure,

so it's not up to foodie standards,

but it's, you know, it's not like

sit-on-the-ground bad.

Hey, you all right?

[Jack] Triplets.

- Well, that's her. She's back. - Stop.

I'm not kidding.

I mean, that's what I believe, you know. Like...

Kids that disappear,

miscarriages and stuff,

they're just waiting.

And eventually they come.

That's sweet.

So...

So?

[Gia sighs]

What, you-you really want to do this again?

It's not again.

And yes.

- Really? Because... - Yeah. Yeah, I do.

...we live in Indiana.

Okay? We have no money.

You work at Kmart,

my book is going fucking nowhere.

We don't even have a fucking car!

I really hope that our baby doesn't inherit your pessimism.

[scoffs]

You know what? I have some good news of my own.

Mm-hmm?

I got a bonus of 28 bucks

for being the top seller of the deluxe

combo photo package at Kmart this month.

That's a sign.

Oh, my God.

It's a fucking sign that everything is gonna be okay.

Look at this.

- Ew. Ew! - Look at this. Come on.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

♪ "My Mona Lisa" by Terry Blackwell ♪

♪ Come, little darlin' ♪

♪ Won't you tell me of your sins ♪

♪ Open up your secrets ♪

♪ Let me in, let me in... ♪

[Gia] Where had he first seen her?

Her legs, even in her old age,

were absurdly feminine.

I can imagine being inside this man's head

and seeing my mother's legs and following them.

One inheritance of living under the male gaze for centuries

is that heterosexual women

often look at other women the way a man would.

[gasps]

My mother is dead now,

so I can't ask her why she allowed it, day after day.

She was not the type of woman to take pleasure in this.

But I can't know for sure.

♪ In my dreams forever ♪

♪ My chanteuse... ♪

[moans softly]

[Gia] My mother never spoke about what she wanted.

♪

- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - [laughter]

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Mom ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[cheers and applause]

[phone chiming]

[indistinct chatter]

[sighs] No cake, Lina?

What? I did have some. It was real good.

Hey, um...

Y'all were right about the bracelet.

It was... the right thing to do.

[chuckles]

Uh, can you help and load the dishwasher, Lina?

I'm gonna check that Mom's all set.

Yep.

[exhales sharply]

Okay, this is why I was saying it'd be easier

if y'all used plastic.

This isn't a picnic. She wanted real plates.

- Okay. - [plates clattering]

[phone chiming]

Ooh.

[clears throat] Uh, okay.

- Okay. - [doorbell rings]

[Randy] What are you looking for?

I'm looking for, um, the gloves.

I just got my nails done.

[Rosemary] Ed, you made it.

- Glad you made it. - Daddy!

- Happy birthday. - Oh, thank you.

- Daddy! - Oh, hello...

What is wrong with you? Inviting Ed?

Mom wanted him here, so you can deal with it.

[Randy] It's her day.

Where you going?

- Where are you going? - Lina!

♪ melancholy music ♪

You know, having a baby is one thing, but...

[exhales] ...buying furniture together?

There ain't no escape now.

This shit was, like, $35, dude.

I can survive losing this in the breakup.

Ew! We are not gonna break up.

- [phone vibrates, chimes] - You say that now.

I'll say it every day, all day.

Oh, my God, fuckin' Lina.

Again. Jesus.

[sighs] You know, she's a real, uh, sweet lady,

but there are, like, no boundaries there.

Yeah, well, what Lina and I are doing is not, like,

cut and dry.

You know, I'm not the one who gets to say

what the boundaries are.

[knock on door]

No fuckin' way.

- Hey. What's going on? - Hi.

Are you, like, getting my, my texts?

Yeah, but we're-- I--

Hey, Jack. Sorry.

I'm gonna-- There's something...

Hi.

You can't drop me like this.

Huh? I-I would never--

It's like Aidan is just totally, he's, like, drifting away,

so you, like, cannot do this, too.

- Like, freezing me out. - I'm not. I promise.

Like, I thought I was more than a subject.

Dude.

Like, what am I supposed to--

You are, you are. I'm sorry.

It's-- You-- I-I-I'm so sorry, I've just been...

Well, tell me.

Want to make a plan? Tomorrow, maybe?

Yeah, um, I'm tanning tomorrow, and then, um--

What if-- Will you come, uh, come tan with me?

Yeah, sure. Tan. Yeah.

- Awesome. - Great.

Um, I need a ride.

Okay. I'll pick you up, 1:30.

Yeah.

Okay, okay, I don't want to intrude, so...

- Okay, 1:30, though. - Yeah.

- You promise? - Yes!

Okay.

[thunder rumbling]

[wind whooshing]

[Lina] I don't even think it's me,

'cause, like, he-- It's not--

He wouldn't even look at me. [scoffs]

[Gia] Well, he's probably just tired from work.

No, that's not-- I'm saying, like,

I feel like I'm losing him even when I'm with him now.

Like, whenever he is not in me,

I have no idea where he is.

I'm sure that's not true.

You're sure, huh? [chuckles]

- [alarm powering up] - What the fuck is that?!

- Oh, my gosh! - What are you doing?

- Nina, what is happening? - [alarm wailing]

Basement, ladies!

It's a tornado warning. Come on.

[thunder rumbling outside]

If you didn't want to come tan with me,

you could have just told me.

Sorry.

You have snacks? [chuckles]

You pregnant?

- How-- - Oh, my gosh.

- How do you know? - Wait. How long have you known?

- Like, five minutes. - Why didn't you tell me?

Because it's, like, like, so early,

and after last time, I'm not telling anyone

- until it loses its first tooth. - No, no.

- It'll be okay. - Oh, will it?

'Cause, um, I'm actually pretty scared.

I just want it to...

I mean, even if this thing sticks, like,

I hardly know Jack, you know.

He could turn out to be a total psychopath.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure

that angel will be a psychopath.

You're crazy.

You're one of the lucky ones.

- Nothing bad is gonna happen. - No, I'm not.

Gia, even when you try to wreck it, it still works out.

You act like a jerk and run away,

and he follows you and wants to have a baby with you.

So. Whereas, I wasn't even trying to make a mistake.

I was doing everything I could to make it work out,

and I still ruined things with Aidan in high school. So...

He blew you off. I mean, what could you have done?

Yeah, well, with the stories going around,

- I could not blame him for that. - Stories?

About the other guys and the whole thing.

What other guys?

At the party. I told you that.

No. Nope. Pretty sure you didn't.

Well, there's not much to tell.

I was very stupid and hurt Aidan,

and that was that.

Okay. So what happened?

[both laugh]

We're really gonna talk about this right now?

Yeah.

Um, so this is sophomore year of high school.

Uh, Aidan and I had been dating for, like, three months.

- Uh-huh. - Eighty-seven days.

I mean, I've always been a counter.

- Oh, my God. - I wasn't cool, like you.

Um, so, um, yeah, we were dating,

and one day, just suddenly, Aidan just started backing off

like he is now. Um...

And just not calling me as much.

And, uh...

He didn't make plans with me one weekend.

- Mm-hmm. - And I-I--

I mean, you know, back then, one Saturday night

without plans with your guy, it's like the end of the world.

Yeah.

And I just...

I just loved him so much.

- And I didn't know what to do. - Ah.

And um, so, that Friday,

this guy, Jeff, asks me to a party, right?

- Mm-hmm. - I say "yes,"

'cause I'm just hoping it'll make Aidan jealous.

But I should've just talked to him first

and trusted he'd come around.

I don't know why I can't, like, just talk to him.

- [inhales sharply] - But you were a kid.

Yeah, and I was very stupid.

Because... So, basically, Jeff picks me up, it's not a party.

It's four guys drinking in someone's basement.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- [chuckles] See, even you know. - Oh.

I was like, "Hi, guys!" Um, yeah, it was so stupid.

And I should've known better. Should've known better

than to drink what they gave me, and, um--

These were boys that you knew, boys from your high school?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but still.

Anyway, it's not like it hurt-- your face--

- even though, um, it was, uh-- - Oh, my God.

'Cause, no, what they gave me, like, really, I mean, it works.

- It knocked me out. - Lina.

You know, I did not feel anything,

and, um, really too out of it

to be scared, and I really only remember, like,

two of them... doing it.

- Um... yeah. - Oh, my God.

Uh, and then, so, afterwards, Jeff drove me home,

and I'm like, silent, like, do not say anything

'cause I don't want to give them a reason

to call me a bitch at school.

I do say, "Please don't tell anyone."

They, of course, do.

It gets back to Aidan.

"Lina went with four guys in one night."

And that was the whole, like...

Just like that, turned his back on me, and...

- I just, I'm... - Like...

- [exhales] I'm so sorry... - Mm-hmm.

- ...that that happened to you. - Yeah.

You have been dealing with that trauma this whole time.

Yeah. Uh, the... Oh, no.

Like, it makes complete sense

why you would marry a guy who wouldn't kiss you.

- Because of the-- - Like, it probably allowed you

to feel some kind of sense of control over what--

Wait, no. No, no. Um, the, what, the...

Are you talking about what happened with the guys?

- Yes. - That's not... No, no.

That's not why I... The-the problem was

I lost confidence after I lost Aidan. Like, I would've...

Gosh, I would've married someone different

if someone else had been interested.

- Well-- - But I didn't have

the confidence to attract anyone but Ed.

- Yeah, of course. - Because of the--

Because it, like, ripples through the rest of your life.

Dude, the trauma of assault, that, like, it can affect

- all of your choices-- - Wait. Can you stop saying that?

- Losing Aidan was the trauma. - No, that's not true.

Huh? [scoffs]

It's... I just, I just think, there's, like, there's no way--

It's my fault that I went with those guys, right?

- If I had trusted Aidan-- - It is not your fault. Lina.

- It... literally is. - Dude.

It is not, and you're sticking

to this story so that he stays blameless,

but Lina, Aidan is a fucking asshole.

Stop! What...

- [chuckles] - You were raped.

- You were, you were raped... - Uh--

...and he just, like, turned his back on you?

- Aidan knew me. - Oh, he knew you?

Our connection even then was crazy.

- Lina, he knew you. Really? - Yes.

Because you hadn't had sex with him, right?

- Yeah. - And it was just, like,

kissing and touching, all very PG-13,

and then, like, what? Out of the blue one day,

he hears a rumor that you fucked four guys,

while you're still his girlfriend, in one night,

and he believes that shit?

Like, he thinks that that's true,

that you would just do that willingly?

If he knew you, if he really fucking knew you,

why would he ever, ever believe that?

- I don't know. We were-- - Because he didn't see you.

Like, not as a human, a human being.

Where was his kindness and his, like, compassion

and-and his humanity?

- Quantum of solace, man! - Mm.

Like, you were, you were, like, dying,

- and he turned his back on you. - Oh, my God. I was not dying.

Gia, calm down. I was fine. He--

- You were not fine! - Aidan was hurt

because he felt cheated on. If you look

at the brass tacks of it, he was!

You have to stop defending him.

You're the one obsessing all the time about your trauma.

You're the one that can't get over what happened to you.

Not me. It's, like, your whole personality!

Whoa. Wow.

- I'm s-- - Wow.

It is not like I chose to lose both

of my fucking parents before I turned 24.

But you choose how you get to live with it.

- Yeah. - I should get to do that, too.

[loud beeping]

♪ slow, melancholy music ♪

♪

[Gia] We are, each of us, afraid of something dark,

something in the shadows we cannot admit.

A woman tried to tell me she was more broken

over unrequited love than a group rape,

and it was hard for me to believe her.

But why?

Why did I want to read my experience onto hers?

Who the fuck did I think I was to do that?

Who the fuck do any of us think we are,

to understand another woman's whole life?

[keys clacking]

♪

[inhales deeply]

[vehicle engine approaching]

[exhales]

- [truck door opens] - [door sensor dinging]

- Hey, Kid. - [laughs]

[Aidan laughs]

Ah, I had to move a mountain, but... I got here.

Hey, Kid, I don't got a lot of time.

[Lina chuckles softly]

Hey, wait.

What's up?

Why...

did you believe that story about me in high school?

About the, um...

that I slept with those guys?

Because... you knew how I felt about you, right?

And that I would never, ever have done that

with anyone before you, anyone but you.

Not willingly, anyway.

What story?

You don't remember?

No.

- Wha...? - [groans]

That's so much worse.

That's worse than what happened, that you don't remember.

Well...

we're old as fuck now, Kid.

I-I can't remember what...

what happened back in the Stone Age.

I...

Forgive me?

Uh...

[Aidan] Mmm.

[Lina inhales sharply]

[murmurs]

[unzips]

- [gasps loudly] - [Jack] Hey.

[gasping, groaning]

[muttering] What's happening? What's wrong?

My lungs.

- Huh? - [gasping]

All right, all right, I'm gonna call the doctor, okay?

No, I need a hospital.

- Okay, all right, all right. - Jack!

- All right, hold-hold on. - [hyperventilating]

[sirens wailing in distance]

[doctor] How are you feeling?

Better, yeah. Fine.

Okay, good.

- So... - Yeah?

The issue is that the ultrasound is showing a lesion

in the left lower lung lobe.

Fuck. My bad, sorry. Hey. Hey, Doc.

Uh, what is it?

- I have cancer. - What?

[doctor] Let's... let's hold on a second, that's...

that's not what I'm saying. Uh...

Just say it, for fuck's sake, please.

My mother died of lung cancer,

now I'm gonna fucking die of lung cancer.

[doctor] We need to do a contrast MRI

and ultimately a biopsy,

but there's risk to the baby,

exposure to radiation and chemicals.

S-So... what, I...

You have to wait until after my baby is born

to tell me that I'm dying?

Well, we'll just do it again, right?

- We can do it again? - No, they did it eight times.

Like, 25 fucking angles.

I saw the look on the woman's face the minute

that she put the thing on my chest.

We can do the tests now, if you like.

You just need to know the risk to the baby.

We are waiting.

Don't look at him! Look at me. We're waiting!

[doctor] Understood.

So, if there's no further treatment at this time,

we will get you checked out.

[whispering] I knew that this was gonna happen.

- I knew it. - Hey.

- I fucking knew it. - Hey.

- Don't-don't touch me. - Gia...

- Jack. - Gia.

Don't touch me. I told you. I fucking told you.

[crying]

[sighs]

- [footsteps approaching] - [Jack humming]

- What... - [Jack] Hey, hey.

- You're fucking back early. - [door closes]

What? Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh...

Kmart has this new, um...

...paternity leave deal. It's pretty sweet.

Uh, what's going on?

Um... uh,

I found a-a maternal fetal health guy.

Oh, okay.

Uh, he's, uh, a specialist in, um... you know.

Where?

It's a-a place. Um...

Yeah, a place. I-I-I want to do some research,

and-and there's a woman that... [clears throat]

that I want to meet there, too, so...

Where?

I will call you when it's...

born. I...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, uh...

You're not...

you're not gonna say where you're going?

No.

What, you were just gonna leave me a note...

and just not be here when I got back?

Look, I just need to...

I need to, like, leave it. Something.

You know, the-the book. I-I have to finish the book.

I-I get it. I do,

but I-I... what I don't get is what-what

this has to do with you and me.

I don't need to love you any more

than I already do, and you don't need to love me any more.

[scoffs]

So, what are you saying, you want to stop seeing me?

You want to stop seeing me?

'Cause you're not seeing me, Gia.

You know, you're... you're-you're my...

I'll always be your...

[sighs] Oh...

All right. Uh... All right, this is insane.

This is insane, I'm in fucking Indiana, and this is insane.

I know, and I'm sorry, but, like...

What am I supposed to do?

I'm just supposed to let you...

you both go?

Yes.

No. No. No way.

[sighs] Jack.

Fuck.

Like, please.

This has been the most fucked-up

experience of my life.

[groans]

And you're right, you are bad news,

just not in the way you think you are.

I'll call you when...

...she is born.

Thank you again for driving me.

Yeah.

I would have understood if you didn't,

after how I talked to you. [chuckles]

Yeah. That wasn't great.

- [both chuckle] - No, it wasn't.

- I'm sorry. - Oh.

I am really sorry.

I don't know, I think you said those things

'cause you care about me.

I did.

I do, like so fucking much.

Good.

I'm sorry, too.

Plus, I don't think you have anyone else to call for a ride.

- Wow. - [both laughing]

I had to, sorry.

I mean, you're not wrong.

[both laugh]

[whispering] Gia, what are you doing?

You don't want to give him one more chance?

Just considering the baby? Like,

why do you have to leave town?

Why not see if it can work, you know?

It's just so rare, what you have.

Yeah, I...

We're just not right for each other, yeah.

Time's not gonna change that,

and I have to do some interviews, you know,

to finish the book. [sniffles]

- Oh, right, the book. - Yeah.

- What about Aidan? - Um...

I don't know. Maybe group's right.

Maybe chasing after him's a little pathetic, and...

Eh.

Maybe we're all a little pathetic

and just don't want to admit it. [chuckles]

Yeah.

I don't know, maybe-maybe none of us are.

Yeah.

Just wish it didn't hurt so much.

Yeah.

I wanted to say, um...

I may be in pain, but I am choosing this pain.

- Like, this time it's my choice. - Yeah.

You know?

Because being hurt by him, I know it's crazy, Gia,

but at least it's a feeling.

I know.

Yeah.

A lot of times, that feeling makes me happy.

I promise to honor that, you know.

To tell your story how you see it.

Okay.

You better, or I'm gonna come haunt you

- like your mom said she would. - [both laugh]

- Jesus. - [both chuckle]

♪ "La vita nuova" by Christine and the Queens ♪

No, don't go.

[both chuckle]

[groans]

You're the strongest woman I've ever met.

- Really? - Yeah.

I mean, maybe...

maybe my mother beats you, but... only her.

♪ Oh... ♪

Bye.

♪ Hey, hey ♪

- ♪ I don't give a damn ♪ - ♪ Damn ♪

♪ Until you don't give a hand ♪

♪ Ah... ♪

Love you.

[laughs]

I do. I fucking love you.

- ♪ I don't give a damn ♪ - ♪ Don't give a damn ♪

[chuckles]

[laughs]

[Gia] I come from a woman who let a man masturbate

to her body on her walk to work,

on her walk home.

I can no longer ask her why she allowed it,

but I know that, for her,

poverty was worse.

♪ Give a hand ♪

♪ Ah, you're a heartbreaker... ♪

Our particular pains come from wound sites

we can't see on one another.

The thing we can do to understand

is to listen,

to really fucking listen.

♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah, ah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪

- ♪ Ah, oh, yeah ♪ - ♪ Answer for sure ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Gia?

- Hi. - Hi.

Thank you for meeting me, finally.

[both chuckle]

[sighs]

Hmm.

Are you a bad person?

Oof. I mean, I don't think so, but... [chuckles]

- You look like you are. - Oh, okay.

I mean that as a compliment.

All right.

I did a bad thing.

And I feel absolutely awful about it.

I betrayed the person I love most in the world.

But...

...it's also the best damn thing ever.

So, if that makes me a bad person,

even if it makes me the worst person,

I still want what I want.

That same thing

every single night,

for the rest of my life.

And who can I tell such a terrible thing?

♪ "Reason or Rhyme" by Bryan Ferry ♪

Hmm.

Tell me.

♪ Why must you shed ♪

♪ Such tender tears ♪

♪ In the evening of your years? ♪

♪ Open your heart ♪

♪ And let me live ♪

♪ All the promises ♪

♪ I could give ♪

♪ The sun ♪

♪ And moon and all the stars ♪

♪ They bow down to you ♪

♪ Whenever you pass ♪

♪ No reason or rhyme ♪

♪ No presence of mind ♪

♪ Just a dance ♪

♪ To the music ♪

♪ Of time ♪