Original subtitles

FRENCH TWIST

Happy with the rental?

I'll come by tomorrow for the pool.

Is your dad okay?

Give your mom a kiss.

How's it going?

How did it go?

The usual: They'll think it over, they'll call. Jerks!

- Miss. - Hello.

Antoine. This is Vero.

Vero! Nice to meet you. Cute.

Yeah.

- A Pastis! - Coming!

The guy wants two million for a dump.

Some nerve.

Four walls, no roof, but it sold.

Right!

Some Brit bought it.

As long as there's sun, they're happy. Look at their weather.

Thanks, we've already fucked.

Nice.

Just kidding, Vero. Wait, wait.

Well, I've got to go.

- See you tomorrow? - I can't tomorrow.

Call me at 7:00. Don't forget.

At 7:00? Okay.

See you soon?

- What's your sign? - Here, Mr. Lafaye.

- Oops, sorry. Excuse me. - It's okay.

May I?

Haven't we met?

Probably. I run the sports shop.

I'll have to drop by.

I don't look it, but I'm really a jock.

Any time. It'd be my pleasure.

Ingrid, it's Laurent.

Yeah, everything's fine.

Laurent!

I'll meet you there in an hour and a half.

Okay? Bye.

Your wife is really cute, Mr. Lafaye.

My wife? Where?

Yeah, she's cute.

Even better than that.

Julien! Seven years bad luck if it breaks.

Touch with your eyes only.

It's pretty.

Go play with Pablo.

Hello, Mrs. Lafaye!

How are you?

- I'm dying from the heat. - Mommy! Quick!

Why did you put your toy in there?

Look. Now it's all plugged up!

Real smart move.

It just fell.

Sure. It jumped right in.

Go see who it is. Shit!

Mommy, it's a man.

Sorry to bother you, but my van broke down.

Let's see what's up, Pablito.

It overheated. May I have some water, please?

The man's got dirty hands.

Stop it, Julien! You know it's not a man.

I'll unscrew it.

- I'm so useless. - I'm pretty good at this.

Are you from Paris?

I was a DJ in a club there.

That must be a great job. Fiesta every night.

Yeah, we had a lot of fun.

But I got fired.

Staff cutback?

- Love affair. - He was your boss?

She was.

Here you go.

For me?

That's sweet.

- Sugar? - Please. Two.

- Hi! - Hi, kid.

It stinks.

Julien! Be polite!

He's right. It does stink. Do you mind?

Not at all. Go ahead.

I like to smoke a little cigar now and then.

Have one.

No, thanks. My husband doesn't like it.

He's not home. We won't tell.

Thanks.

Great coffee.

It feels good to take a break.

That engine gave me a headache.

Piece of shit broke down three times.

I'm sweating like a pig and I'm dirty. Do I smell bad?

Don't worry. I opened the window.

I like your laugh.

Tight, Mr. Lafaye?

Nothing gets past you.

He could've parked in your yard.

- Who? - Your visitor.

Nicely decorated.

Depends on one's taste.

The heat, it's never going to end.

Are you expecting triplets?

Why is he saying that to me?

What's Fatso saying? Nobody's here.

Hey, it stinks!

Loli! Don't tell me you're smoking cigars again.

It's me.

Sorry, I'm stinking up the place.

My van broke down and your wife let me shower.

Julien clogged the drain with a toy.

Luckily she was here to fix it.

- So I... - Let her take a shower. I know.

Is the Hare Krishna van yours?

I got it cheap from some retired hippies.

Nice, huh?

- Was it in the way? - Not at all.

May I use your hair dryer?

Always the bleeding heart.

You should be careful.

- Listen, she unplugged... - The sink. I know.

Hey, Pablo won again.

Juju, look what you've done.

Why are you so edgy?

- I don't like her. - Why?

- Didn't you notice anything? - No.

Julien, don't play with that.

- What's that? - The lady's cigars.

Let me see.

Truck driver's cigars!

Can't you see she's a dyke?

I can smell them a mile away.

It smells great. What is it? Rabbit. I love it.

Move over.

You only like women with huge tits and garter belts.

Wrong. You don't have huge tits...

or garter belts.

I'm glad I'm spending the evening with my dearest wife.

Right, midgets? Isn't she the best mom?

I worked so hard, I'm exhausted.

We'll put the kids to bed, then let's do it!

Let it ring.

What a pain. I told them not to call me at home.

No, I'm busy.

Okay, I'll be there in ten minutes.

Antoine's a pain!

Can't he go alone? He's your partner.

He can't schmooze.

It's a big sale. Without me it might not go down.

- Go down. - What's so funny?

Nothing. Just a thought.

Shit. A client at 8:00 p.m.

- And he'll want to have dinner. - Will it be long?

I don't know. I'll do my best, kitten.

It was the same thing yesterday and last week!

We almost had a quiet evening together!

We never eat before 10:00 p.m.!

Dinner time in Spain!

But in Spain I had fun. I wasn't home alone waiting.

It's my job. I can't help it.

I can't pass on a deal. We owe the bank...

- You're a quiet one. - Loafers.

Thanks so much. You've both been great.

Thank my wife, not me.

Some men would mind.

I'm not the type.

Your cigars.

Bye, kitten.

Should I wait for dinner?

- Better not. - Fine.

Will you stay for dinner?

I don't want to be a bother.

It's no bother at all.

- Right, Laurent? - Good idea.

At least I won't be alone for once.

Do you like rabbit?

- We were the "Purple Queen". - Here.

I was on drums.

We were into women's lib.

We believed in it.

Fabienne wrote the lyrics.

Death to men!

No! Just a title.

And after all this time you split up?

I was with Dany, the guitarist. She was dating the singer.

- May I? - Of course.

You should leave some.

He should've been here.

He who leaves his place...

Loses it!

That's all.

We lost track of one another.

Then we ran into each other again.

I worked at her club. "The Sofa." Sofa, Sappho.

- Sofa? - Sofa, Sappho.

- It's a muff bar. - A what?

A muff bar. Muff, the muff.

- What's that? - The muff.

We say "the carpet."

I didn't know that one!

That's a good one.

The rabbit's great.

What's the matter?

Do you know rabbit in Spanish?

The muff.

You know what it is in Quebec?

Beaver.

- But beavers also have a dick. - Rabbits do too.

- But it's tiny. - That's true.

The bitch I found in bed with her was from Quebec.

I come home early and get dumped.

Luckily, I had the van.

It happened to me too. I found a slut in my home.

I wanted to leave him, but he was so miserable.

It can happen once, right?

How much are they asking?

Three million. But we can negotiate.

Not bad.

Make an offer I can't refuse.

If you're nice to the broker.

It's a major investment. Let me think.

Ingrid, let's close the deal now.

It's too good to let go.

It is tempting.

I'll go for it.

What are you doing? Get ready.

No. I've got to go now.

It's not late, and I still want to.

- One for the road. - Some other time.

My wife's waiting for me. Stop.

What makes you so sure?

What do you mean?

She might be doing the same.

Are you nuts? Get dressed and cut it out.

You got hair all over me.

You've never thought about that?

Listen, we have great fun screwing together.

But leave my wife out of it.

She's the faithful type. Get it?

My husband must say the same to his mistress about me.

Why did you quit?

Love. I met Laurent while on tour.

What a pity.

Love?

No, to have quit dancing.

It just happened that way.

I saw him and knew he was the one.

I mean, you just know it.

I haven't smoked in years.

I might pull my panties over my head!

The pleasure would be all mine.

Let's get it straight.

I'm only kidding. I hope it's okay.

Yes, it's okay.

This takes me back.

In Barcelona, we'd go dancing all night...

then rehearse in the morning.

We were young.

Life sucks.

If you liked women, you'd still be a dancer.

We might've hit it off.

Imagine the love affair! Just kidding.

Don't worry, it's okay.

Great. It's cool then.

But men are great.

Have you ever tried?

No way!

He sticks it in, you're in ecstasy. Right?

But I have orgasms and give right back.

And no premature ejaculation with us.

That's true.

You're right.

Did you ever want kids?

Can't have it all.

Can you see me with a kid? With my lifestyle?

I've got two cute nephews.

A hair!

- But I shaved today. - Not close enough.

You've got a hair as big as a...

- Where? - There. I'll get it.

No, it's too small.

Wait, don't move.

- Don't move! - Stop!

- Why? - Stop.

This time, no kidding.

You turn me on.

All my stuff's in it. It's jam-packed.

Your rabbit was delicious.

Really. Thanks. Bye.

Bye.

Bye, and thanks again.

Thank her, not me.

All the same, bye. See you around.

Hey, kitten. Any rabbit left?

You could've saved some from that truck driver.

You said you were eating with your client.

Yeah, well, I wasn't sure.

How did it go?

- With who? - Your client.

Oh, yeah.

The deal went down.

Wait, I'm not finished.

Okay.

Night, kitten.

Stop it, Loli. I'm tired.

I've been at it all day.

Come on, Loli!

I want it.

What's with you tonight?

Lolo!

Come on. It'll help you relax.

Did you hear a noise?

Stop it.

Someone threw a stone.

- I can't believe it. - What is it?

What's the diesel doing here?

Who?

Your pal, the top model.

You're naked!

Seeing one for a change won't kill her. What's wrong?

Sorry to wake you. I left my wallet.

I need my papers. I'm leaving.

What a pain in the ass!

Come on, she's sweet.

You go then. She's your guest.

What a grump.

Okay. Relax.

I'll go. It's okay.

Sorry, I couldn't find it anywhere.

Because I didn't lose it.

I just wanted... to say good-bye.

You've got guts. What if he had come down?

I just knew it would be you.

I went to a dyke bar once...

and I ended up feeling effeminate.

Lucky I wasn't home last night.

I couldn't have put up with the diesel and her smelly cigars.

I know why she's a dyke. She has no choice.

Mr. Lafaye? It's for you. It's a Marijo.

Marijo? Don't know her.

Can't keep track of them?

No, I don't know any Marijos.

Take the call anyway.

Hello.

Marijo? Do I know you?

- Who is it? - Oh, it's you!

You're still here? The diesel.

Put the speaker on.

I want to apologize.

You were both so nice.

May I buy you dinner?

Say yes! Yes!

We would have been delighted, but my wife and I are busy.

Yes, it'll be fun!

Hold on a second.

I want to come along.

May I bring a friend?

The doctor pulls one more from his butt.

He counts them: 12 flowers.

So the fag says, "I didn't know how to tell you."

Excuse me. I'm off to the powder room.

I have to take a leak.

I think she fancies you.

Sure.

I keep on telling her.

I don't mind two women doing it as long as they fit me in.

It depends. If she asks me, I'm out of here!

So when are you two doing it and fitting me in?

What's with you, Loli?

I was joking. Weren't you? Are you shocked?

Yes! In a woman's mouth, it's vulgar!

Why? Because there's penetration?

- Cut it out. You're pushing it. - What's up?

Dykes, fags and penetration.

Very highbrow!

Dessert time!

Let's sweeten up.

Damn, everything's good here.

What do I want?

For me... profiteroles.

Oh, shit. My cigarettes.

Did you choose?

I'd sure go for...

a creme brulee. And you?

A lemon sorbet.

I love it.

Are you ready?

One lemon sorbet. Marijo?

Creme brulee.

I'm having the profiteroles.

Laurent?

Laurent. What do you want?

Nothing. I'm not hungry anymore.

What's wrong? You've turned white.

Something I ate.

Paella's vicious. All it takes is one clam.

Antoine, let's dance.

What's up? Too much clam?

Come on, let's dance.

Come on, we'll show them.

Marijo! Come on!

May I?

That's enough!

- What's wrong? - We're leaving!

- You're hurting me! - Come on, we're having fun.

Back off. Are you coming?

You're ridiculous!

No, you're ridiculous! Are you drunk?

Let go of me! You're sick!

You're a pain in the ass.

- Right. - Jesus! Stop fighting.

What's with you, Laurent?

I can get in on my own!

- Let's go. - What about Marijo?

Leave the fat dyke.

She's paying. We can't dump her.

Here she comes.

Good night, lovebirds!

Couples! They'll patch it up.

Next time, I'm buying.

Thanks, but I'm leaving tonight.

Are you okay?

- How much? - Three hours.

- When can we... - Not now.

- What came over you? - Hush. You'll wake the kids.

Thanks, miss. Bye.

Had fun, huh?

I could have, if you hadn't been such a jerk!

Slut!

I never knew you were such a slut!

Are you mad?

Now you're going to wake up the kids!

Did you care about the kids when you felt up that...

that thing?

What? What are you talking about?

I saw you!

You had your hands in each other's panties!

That sure shut you up!

Shame on you!

Disgusting!

Hey, look who's talking.

I never brought anyone home.

Who screwed around in our bed?

- It happened once! - Well, then me too!

But I didn't screw a fag!

I didn't either.

Don't try to be funny!

Oh, that fat, horny pig!

I'll kick her ass!

Stay here, please.

Laurent, come back!

- Get out of there. - Laurent!

You got a problem?

Ask my wife, you slut!

- Calm down! - Leave me alone!

Are you nuts?

Afraid of coming out?

You act tough, but you don't have any balls!

The neighbors, Laurent!

- I'm not afraid of a baseball bat. - Cricket bat.

It bruises better.

I'll still knock your teeth out!

Don't hit a woman!

A woman? I don't see a woman!

Trouble, Mr. Lafaye?

Should I call the cops?

No, Mr. Crepineau!

My cousin saw a prowler and called my husband.

But he's gone.

Oh, because we heard a commotion.

- Sorry we woke you up. - Thanks.

Let's go back in.

If I catch you around here...

I'll ram the bat up your ass!

Not its normal use, but it could be a lot of fun.

Asshole.

She touched my hand.

And you didn't do a thing?

What did you two do together? Answer me!

I told you... just that. I swear. She started.

And you let her touch you?

How was it? She got you wet?

Not at all. I was too afraid to speak.

You were afraid, so you felt her up?

Shut up! I don't know what came over me.

You know I'm not like that.

I'm ashamed.

So ashamed.

Laurent.

Forgive me, forgive me, please.

You don't know how I feel.

In front of everybody.

But nobody saw us.

At least you kept it under the table.

Loli, you're repulsive.

No, Laurent, no!

Please! Please, forgive me.

Forgive me. Forgive me.

I love you. You know I do.

What are you doing here?

Coming to bed.

Are you kidding?

Go sleep wherever, but not here.

It's a big house.

Why not go see bushwhacker in her pretty van?

What do you think?

What... Did he hit you?

- I'll bash his head in! - No!

Tell me what happened. Did he hurt you?

He threw me out.

I don't want him to hurt you.

I never want anyone to hurt you, ever.

Daddy, Daddy!

I'm hungry.

Go see Mommy.

Mommy's not here.

Finally. Hurry! The sun's already up.

I'm not doing 30 miles sweating like a pig.

You could've told me. I called the Crumble sisters.

They'll be all hot and ready.

Hey, the kids.

You look pretty bad.

Pass the chocolate.

Where's Mommy?

She's out shopping.

Hi, Antoine.

Hello. Hurry. We're going shopping.

Coming.

Why is she here?

It's all my fault.

So take a swing at me, but let her be.

You banged my wife again!

Stop it, Laurent!

Stop being a jerk! She drove me back.

Marijo! So you didn't leave after all?

A little setback, but I'm on my way.

Once you know our region, you'll never leave.

- Are you going? - Are we in the way?

Stop arguing, you two. Life is too short.

Keep your two-bit wisdom.

Fine. I'll wait outside, but hurry up.

If this keeps up, I'm going alone.

Come on in. It's okay.

Come on! And you, get going! Go cool down.

And leave you two alone to do your filthy stuff?

You can have your wife, but you don't deserve her.

Are you leaving?

I was a jerk last night.

I didn't know what I was saying.

- Forgive me. - Don't touch me. Get out.

Isn't it great to be here?

Feel the cool breeze on your neck?

Can't you shut up?

- Jesus, what's with you? - It's not your problem.

What are friends for, damn it?

For screwing the Crumble sisters and bicycling like hot pigs!

No one made you come!

You're being a real pain.

Screw it! You can go alone.

Great move. You were getting boring.

For Christ's sake!

That's it. Leave me!

And you call yourself a friend?

What's the problem?

Can't you see I'm miserable?

And two Pastis, two!

Waiter, please!

Thanks.

Nope!

Men can screw around. It has nothing to do with love.

I mean love with a capital "L."

We don't use our feelings, only our dick.

But a women who's cheating on her husband, that's disgusting.

That'll never happen with Loli, you've got a real pearl there!

And having a little fight now and then isn't a bad thing.

Makes a couple stronger.

If my wife had been more like yours...

I'd still be with her.

Here's a good one.

A guy had this wild thing happen to him.

A married guy...

happy, the perfect couple.

His wife was banging a woman. Can you believe that?

You believe it?

And under his own roof.

- No way. - I swear.

As soon as he was away, they'd start bushwhacking!

How humiliating.

What a dork!

Do I know him?

He's right in front of you.

You're kidding.

Loli? With who?

With who? With who? You idiot!

Are you my friend or what? She's banging the dyke!

Holy shit!

No, it can't be.

Not Loli.

What did I do to her?

What did she do to her?

- Slut. - In my opinion...

she's playing with you.

She must've found something.

I'm extra careful.

No traces, ever.

No calls at home, so she can't track me down.

I'm no bastard. I don't want to hurt her.

She caught me once. That was enough.

I don't know. It only takes a scent.

Women don't just use their brains. They sense things.

But why? Why with that poor /ersatz/?

At least with a man I'd understand. But with that? Why?

Because Loli's faithful. She's not a pervert.

That's all that was available.

She did it once to piss you off.

Anyhow, the dyke's gone.

Your wallet?

To say good-bye.

- May I kiss you? - Wait. Fatso's watching.

- Life's a bitch. - Yup.

And a short bitch too.

Just a little kiss good-bye.

A little love kiss, to say good-bye.

And then you leave?

Then I leave.

Wait.

Mrs. Lombard?

I've got to do my laundry. Could you watch the kids?

I'm hurt. I'm hurt!

Hurt!

I'm so hurt.

Deeply.

Hurt.

- Very, very hurt! - It'll be okay.

Stop it now.

Sluts!

Sluts... all sluts!

Excuse him.

Come on, put my helmet on.

It makes me look like a dickhead.

Better a dickhead than a busted head.

We're surrounded by sluts!

Laurent, come on. Cut it out!

Laurent, come on.

Get on, get on. There. Get on.

We'll take it nice and slow now.

Are you okay?

Why wouldn't I be okay?

Isn't life swell?

You're going the wrong way!

I'm off to see the Crumble sisters!

Come back!

Look out! You're gonna crash!

Where are the Crumbles?

Where are the sluts?

You had it coming!

Great!

We just made some cheese. It's all fresh!

We had a little setback.

I hate women. I hate 'em! They make me wanna puke!

We were waiting for you.

- Sluts! - He's depressed.

What's wrong?

Don't come near me. Don't touch me!

As for your crappy cheese...

I hate you, I shit on you!

Bitches!

I'm gonna hump a goat.

What's wrong with this guy?

Stop it, their milk will be sour!

Stop goofing around and give me a hand, you bitches!

What a pair of numbskulls!

OK, I'm off.

I'll make some dandelion tea.

It should clear his mind up.

Right. Make him some herb tea.

I'll go get the car, it'll take me at least two hours.

I'm miserable. I'm so miserable.

I'll follow the coast down to the Italian Riviera.

I have a girlfriend. She works at a spa.

A girlfriend?

Just a friend.

I've got regular friends too.

We won't see each other again?

Who knows?

I do.

Loli! Are you home?

You're the only one that counts. You and the children.

He got the message. No more fooling around.

No more girls. No more cheating left and right.

And he really means it.

What cheating left and right?

When you caught him.

Don't take me for an idiot!

You said: "Left and right"!

He's been cheating on me, and you knew it?

With who?

But... But... With who? Who? Nobody.

It was just a little fling or two. He's a man with needs.

I know nothing! It's none of my business!

Loli, have you gone mad?

You're his best friend, you bastard.

You're both bastards!

So you'd better tell me everything, or I'll gut you!

You son of a bitch!

What's going on?

She's moving in.

You bastard!

What was that you said?

How long have you been fooling around?

Everybody knew.

Everybody!

You cheated on me with every slut around.

I'm humiliated.

Ashamed to be married to a pig like you.

What's this bullshit?

Ask your friend Antoine!

Unless he made it up!

And this!

You use condoms with me?

You have a whole stock hidden in the kids' room!

You're a monster!

I don't want her anywhere near my son!

Whatever happens, Loli, whatever happens...

I don't want this diesel in my house!

If she goes, I divorce.

With your track record, kiss the house good-bye!

- Maybe, but I'd get the kids! - Not with a good lawyer!

Come, baby. Come with Mommy.

You're wrecking a home.

Feel good about it?

You're not leaving?

What did you do to me?

Why'd you do it?

You're my friend! Why?

I was trying to help.

Hit me... kick me.

I'm useless. I'm a shit.

Stop bawling!

I should be crying.

This is a nightmare.

Please God, I want to wake up.

What are you doing? You're crazy!

- Yeah, I'm crazy! - Put that down!

Where are the bullets?

Don't mess with that! For Christ's sake, stop!

Let go, or I'll hurt you!

I don't care. Stop, I'm begging you!

Think about your kids.

In jail, you won't ever see them.

Not seeing your kids...

is the worst thing on earth.

I haven't seen mine in 12 years.

Twelve years.

Good evening.

Why are you so sad?

Why?

Because of whores like you.

You're more the heartbreaker.

With your looks.

Stop it. I'm not interested.

You're not here by chance.

Why not?

It'd be my first old bag.

I'm leaving.

I'll pay. Don't worry.

Too old?

Sorry, I was cruel.

I'm used to worse.

I can't be picky anymore.

Please.

It's not your age.

You're beautiful.

Look at me.

You're beautiful.

It's me. I'm not doing well.

Usually, I do the comforting.

Go.

Go to the wife who's waiting for you.

She's not waiting.

Not anymore.

Stay a while, if you want.

Since you're paying.

To say what?

Bullshit you've heard over and over?

Actually, my story has a little twist to it.

She dumped me for a woman.

Isn't that funny?

You only have one true love in your life.

Only one.

All the others are just poor substitutes.

You might not know it's the right one.

Or you might know...

but not be loved back.

And sometimes it's the perfect match.

That's the most difficult.

But when it happens, don't blow it.

Is it that one?

It was, but I found out too late.

Bullshit.

If it is, then swallow your pride.

Beg, grovel... accept.

Believe me.

You must show those you love how much you love them.

I understood too late.

Give me a kiss.

Just a kiss.

I cooked a roast and vegetables.

Do you like that? Great.

Will you be long?

See you soon. I love you.

- I want juice. - You've had enough.

- A little more. - I said no.

Eat, Pablo.

Eat the good food Daddy made.

- Here, baby. - Can I try?

Huh, Pablito?

Do you have kids? No?

So butt out!

Yes, baby.

Here, baby.

Smell that? It'll be delicious.

It's always delicious.

- That's my shirt. - Really?

- Where was it? - In a pile.

That's my shirt.

You steal my shirts too?

You can have it back!

Keep it. It's dirty.

- What a looker. - You like it?

Mommy's beautiful.

One from the heart.

Look, I got it for nothing. Beautiful, huh?

Off to bed, kids.

Give Mommy a kiss.

A little peck.

You brushed your teeth? Go on, I'll be right along.

Oh, you.

I don't like your hair like that.

Could I have some bread, please?

Nice eating in front of a newspaper.

You get the news.

If I loafed all day, I could read the paper too.

Who's that aimed at?

- I'll get the cheese. - Good for you.

- Bastard! - Sure, I'm the bastard.

She lives off me and screws my wife, but I'm the bastard.

You know what really bothers you?

You can't screw her!

Please! I don't know how you can.

Be an angel. Give me some cheese.

- Sorry. - Some of that one too.

Thanks. No butter?

I'll rub your nose in the butter, sir!

Hello? Yes, just a moment please.

Hey, it's Ingrid.

I'm not here.

Bad luck, he just left!

Yes, I'll tell him. Yes, of course I will!

But he's very busy these days. That's right, talk to you later!

That's the third time she's calling this week.

And so does Véro.

Let them call.

You've been hiding for a month now.

You look like a zombie.

Come on, let's go out. It'll do you good.

She likes you.

I always knew it. You can have her whenever you want!

Nice sense of humor.

Are you listening? He's feeling bad.

He was crying in front of the TV last night.

Laurent? I don't believe it.

Go easy on him.

After what he did? Are you kidding?

I feel bad he's so flipped out.

He screwed up, so he's paying.

Ease up.

Go see him.

Do it for me.

Do you want me to?

Okay.

At least put something on.

Leave me alone.

Go back upstairs.

Stop it. You're being a pain.

Tell me what to do.

I can't take it anymore.

I love you.

I love you so.

I'm nothing without you.

Forgive me.

Stop it now.

You don't love me anymore?

It's over?

Then say it.

Look me in the eye and say it.

I'll let you be.

I'll leave.

You'll never see me again.

But I must know... I must know!

Remember our first time?

The bed was even smaller.

You wore a red dress.

And you were in such a hurry you caught your finger in the zipper.

- Do you love me? - Y-Yes.

- Say it. - Yes!

- Say it. - Yes! Yes, I love you.

Sorry to disturb you lovebirds.

- You have to get the kids. - Thanks.

Oh, and I'm leaving.

Good news at last.

But why?

What got into her?

What now?

Can't I sleep with my husband?

Of course you can. And I can leave!

For once I agree with you. Put that on.

You asked me to be nice to him.

Being nice to guys means balling them?

Guys! Marijo, it's not guys.

It's my husband!

Not easy to cope with, huh?

Why don't you just drive off in that pretty little van of yours?

Loli, ask your husband to put some underwear on.

Let's not bicker over details.

Oh, baby, afraid of Uncle Dick?

No, it's just ugly.

That's all.

Yup, but this is my house.

And in my house, I walk around naked...

if I feel like it.

Please, don't overdo it. And you?

You're bailing out again? Yet you can't live without me?

Take your glasses off.

Look, I put up with your hubby...

but there are limits.

So you choose, or I split!

- Then split! The door's wide open! - I don't want to choose!

I don't want to, and I can't.

How can you ask me that?

I've always hated dykes, and I always will.

- Saggy balls. - You're gonna get it.

Come on then.

Are you nuts? Marijo, are you okay?

Wow, it feels good!

It could work out fine...

with a little good will.

What do you mean, good will?

Three days each. That's fair.

Two times three is six. A week has seven days.

On the seventh day we rest.

- What do you mean, rest? - Each in his own bed.

There are only two beds for three.

That's the problem.

What problem?

I take the room, you the den, Marijo the van.

Fine by me, but the neighbors will wonder...

why the cousin sleeps in the van once a week.

Just be discreet. I know it's asking a lot.

It makes you sick that I'm staying?

Get used to it!

You're so childish. Can't you be more mature?

Easy for you to say, playing princess in your room.

Stop showing off your ass!

As if I'd never seen it!

Coming.

No, no, no! Today's Sunday.

See you Thursday.

See you tomorrow.

Good night!

Hello, Mrs. Lafaye.

Hello, Loli. Wow, she's beautiful!

I love you.

If you love me, kick her out.

Aren't we happier since she came?

You're your wife's lover.

Sure, I should thank her.

Listen, I can't keep this up.

Don't get started again.

Let's go.

You're not dressed? Hurry up.

You won't talk. You only speak with your ass.

That's nice.

Get dressed and cut the bullshit.

We've got to pick up the kids.

She's not doing it?

She's at the unemployment office.

They should find her a job abroad.

There must be dyke bars in Guyana.

Jealous, jealous, jealous.

Mommy, I made a drawing.

- For Daddy or Mommy? - For Mommy.

Not for Daddy? Figures.

Jealous.

What's this mess?

A bargain. The kids'll love it.

And the adults too!

- Thanks so much. - Who's that?

A long story. It's a crazy life. Hey, girls.

I'm at the unemployment office, and guess what?

There's my old pal Dany! Can you believe it?

Hi!

- And Solange. - Hi.

I'm off to wash the kids.

Bye.

Come, Pablito. Bath time.

Well, uh, time to go.

Give me a buzz in Paris, huh, babe?

Here's my number. Call me.

No! Don't just leave like that.

Let's have a drink.

I'm not hungry.

Eat your meat, like your brother.

- How about a drink? - I'm too busy.

They're nice, huh?

Especially Dany. She played bass guitar in a band.

Purple Queen.

- Come on. - I'm too busy!

- Something wrong, kitten? - Why would there be?

My little wife.

- What's cooking? - Rabbit.

It'll be good.

- I'll cream your ass! - I doubt it.

It'd be the first time a man touches your ass.

- Cut it out! - Weep, ladies!

Ain't over yet. Match point!

Coming, kitten!

Time out?

- What's up, kitten? - Dinner is ready.

They're not staying.

Ask Marijo. They're her pals.

Want to play, Loli?

I have a lot to do, and I'm on my own!

Is there a problem?

Not at all.

Storm warning posted.

- Tell me something. - What?

- I'm wondering. - What?

Why are you so nice suddenly?

I'm lightening up. It happens.

Let's stop acting like old pricks.

Two against one, ladies?

Well, the husband's nice.

Julien, stop that!

Pablo is going to take a nice nap while mommy's being mad at my friends.

Even though they are really nice.

Especially Dany, the bass player!

She's your ex, right?

You'd get along with them.

I don't like her!

Too bad. She's my friend and she's great.

I don't want them in my home!

- Shit! - Cheers.

- Marijo, you want some? - No, thanks.

Want to eat out, girls?

Yeah! I'm getting hungry.

- Good idea. - Great idea!

Oh, no! Have dinner with us.

Not enough food!

Then we'll dig up some pasta, okay?

So he bought the bunker!

Rita's married.

No way!

In Sweden, with Isabelle.

You had me scared!

No, thanks.

Now, listen, you!

They're al dente.

You two go way back?

Oh, yeah.

We were broke, but we had fun.

Those were the days.

- We're out of gas. - Then get off your fat ass!

I told you I put on weight.

Wait, I'll go.

Why not champagne? To celebrate!

I saw her eyeing you up! All gooey-eyed!

How'd you manage? She's ugly as shit!

And the other paratrooper!

Look who's jealous now.

Oh, yeah? How come?

You've been taking time off for your husband!

You can't fool me.

I'm allowed to go out.

And I to have friends!

I'm not putting up with dykes!

The recession put us in a slump.

Do you count too?

It's better now.

Bitch!

I see good signs.

How about in your business?

There are ups and downs.

I'm into army surplus.

You are so selfish!

Gotta go. I'm up early.

I'm splitting too.

Don't go. Coffee's ready.

I'm up at the crack of dawn tomorrow.

- It's not late. - I wake up at 5:00 a.m.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed!

- Bye, ma'am. - Night.

Fuck off.

Bitch.

There's pasta.

Stay, Dany. I'll drive you back.

No, I'd better go. It's getting tense.

Tense? What's tense?

You mean Loli? It is tense.

We haven't talked in years.

You've got to stay.

Well, I'm off. Thanks for the pasta.

Thank your wife.

Any problem with the purchase, just give a buzz.

Bye, now.

My wife seems jealous, but...

Spaniards! It comes and it goes.

Okay. Well, we'll see.

Some cards?

- Your turn, Dany. - Wait a sec.

I'll pass.

You're a funny guy.

'Cause I live with my wife's mistress?

- I'll take it. - Okay.

It is pretty unusual.

I love Loli, and I'll win her back one day.

Wouldn't you, for love?

I don't think so.

I would.

If I had to, I would.

That's why I let you screw in secret.

The tension is rising.

It's cool. We're only talking.

Amongst men.

Julien, no bicycling. Come and eat.

Come and eat, Julien.

Hi, kiddo. Hello.

I slept like a charm!

Where'd she sleep?

On the sofa. Marijo, in the office.

At least, I think.

I've got tickets for U2. Like to come?

Great. I'd love to see U2 with you too.

But I don't know.

Who's stopping you?

Nobody.

- Coffee, Loli? - No, I had mine.

I woke up at 8:00 with the kids.

I'll be going. Can I call a cab?

- I'll drive you. - No.

Your train is at 5:00. You have plenty of time.

We could go for a walk. To the Ochres?

With the kids, huh, Loli?

- No, I'll drive her. - Why?

Do you mind going with me? Or does she mind?

No, not at all.

What's the Ochres?

Isn't it beautiful?

Here is my number in Paris.

Call me.

This time, let's not lose touch.

My rock and roll girl.

The colors are great at sunset.

It's an ochre quarry.

It's sculpted by nature.

We're leaving, Mommy?

Loli, wait!

Are you happy now? You won.

Oh, and you're not at fault here?

Piss me off and you're walking home!

Guess I'm taking a cab after all.

I'm fed up with the situation.

I'm hurting you.

I've lied to you both.

It's not that I don't love her.

But I want it to be just you and me.

It's my fault.

No, it's my fault. I screwed up first.

I just want to hold you in my arms.

Don't worry. There'll be no fights.

- Give me the phone. - I don't want to speak to her.

She won't see you anymore.

You'd better leave now.

I'd like to hear it from her.

Don't make it any harder on her.

It's over.

She said so?

Didn't you hear?

She won't even speak to you.

She wants to be with me and the kids.

Back to normal.

I'll let her tell me herself.

She'll never leave me, so why bust our balls?

You've done enough.

The game's not over.

There are three periods.

I thought it over.

I'll leave.

Are you stoned...

or really leaving?

I'm a bit high, but I'm really leaving.

- Happy? - It's hard to contain my joy.

But on one condition.

What?

Tonight, you give me a child.

I'm 40. I have no time to lose.

You're asking me?

I could do worse.

You're handsome. I know your background.

You won't nag me.

Why should I agree?

Loli's back tomorrow...

and we're bound to get back together.

I know it's beyond you...

but one phone call can't erase what's between us.

I'm not forcing you. That'd be hard.

It's up to you.

Either pass...

or assume you have the better hand.

It's like a game.

- Could be fun. - Get out.

You'll be out of our lives.

We never see you again.

Ever.

Even if it doesn't work.

And I pray it won't, for the kid's sake.

I give you my word.

Want a toke?

To muster up some courage...

partner.

Let's go. The missionary position.

How fitting.

I have to get it up somehow.

Not an enticing prospect.

You have to touch me a little.

Yeah.

Purely mechanical.

That hurt!

Sorry.

I'm not used to this.

I'm a virgin.

Funny, huh?

Am I your first virgin?

My second. I married the first.

Lucky bastard.

Here's what we'll do:

Close our eyes and both think real hard of Loli.

That way we might just manage.

Especially me.

She's gone.

We'll be happy. You'll see how happy we'll be.

Miss? I'd like a water and...

a club sandwich.

It's a small world.

Remember me?

Of course.

Any news of Marijo?

Oh yes, she's fine. It's due next month.

What's due?

Why, her baby!

Didn't you know?

Loli's back in two days.

To see her brother. Just a day.

How're the kids? Not too rough on you?

See you Thursday. Good-bye, Dad.

He's waiting for you.

Come in, miss. Don't be afraid.

Are you looking for an appartment?

We've met, you know.

Strange, I really don't recall. I should remember...

such a charming girl!

Don't I look familiar?

Well, I'd love to say you do...

What's your name?

A pretty name for such a pretty face!

How about a drink? There's a nice bar next door?

I'll be back soon.

Just long enough for a flirt, so you can score tonight?

Excuse me?

My name is Christelle Bartavé. I'm your daughter.

I wondered if what mom said about you is true.

Now I know.

Hi honey. How is everything?

You make a child behind my back!

What about me? What about me?

Stop screaming.

You lied to me. Once again you lied!

I'll get the next plane to Paris and meet you at the station.

See, Antoine... you always have to pay for bullshit.

I just got the check too.

She didn't rape you!

In a way, yes!

Don't bullshit me!

Why didn't you tell her to split, Ms. Courage?

Cut it out. I didn't ask you to sleep with her.

Why stir shit up now? It's over.

I want to clear it up.

Listen to your bullshit!

I say bullshit? You do it!

Bastard!

- Where is she? - In the 15th district.

Look at the line of jerks waiting for a cab!

I'm not going.

Oh, yes, you are!

Let go. You're a real pain.

Hey, my cab!

What the hell!

Fuck off, asshole! Take the cab!

- Please. - It's private, sir.

You let my wife in.

I choose who I let in. Move out of the way.

Peeping Tom!

I didn't fly 500 miles to be kicked out.

Don't you get it, dude? No men!

How was it with Laurent?

Painful.

I'm glad to see you.

Some asshole says he knows you. What is it about?

Coming!

- Who's the broad? - Fabienne. Who's the jerk?

Excuse me, miss.

Sorry.

Excuse me, miss, I only...

Hey, wrong club.

- You're back with her. - Not at all.

- You can tell me. - No way!

But I need to eat, to eat for two.

Hey.

I'm sorry. Loli made me come.

I made you come! She made you sire a child!

It's never your fault.

I never thought it'd work.

Cut it out! I'm fine. No problem.

How are you going to raise the baby?

In the club? What a life!

Loli, that's my problem.

No, it's ours!

I'm behind this baby too!

She can't stay. She's coming home.

- What? - She's better off with us.

No way! She wanted the kid. It's none of my concern.

Who asked you? You've done enough!

A child needs a mother and a father!

Wait. Have I got a say in this?

- What? - I don't want a thing from you!

What are you doing? What about the music?

What have you been up to?

Just hanging out with friends.

- That's the sperm bank? - What's her problem?

And that's the love of your life? Great couple.

Is that what's going to raise our child?

Over my dead body!

Who took care of her when you dumped her?

Little bitch!

- Stop it! - I'll get upset!

- I'll get upset! - Back off, Loli!

No dick has ever entered here in over 5 years...

so piss off, you and your bitch!

The bitch is gonna punch your lights out!

Come on, little tart! Come on!

- Loli, stop! - You hear me!

Get her out!

Hold my ring.

In the nose.

My ring.

She broke my nose! I'm gonna kill her!

I never want to see you again, Marijo! Just move out!

And don't come back! I'll toss your shit out!

Right out the window!

What are you staring at? There's nothing to see.

The bleeding's stopped.

Feel better?

- Come on. - What's with you?

We're going home.

We can't leave Marijo like this!

- Asshole! - Where'll she go?

- Who cares? - Don't you care about your baby?

No! Come on.

Let go!

What's wrong?

It hurts!

- Take it easy. - Now what?

She's going to give birth on the street! Help me!

Come! Quick!

Take it easy. Relax.

- What'll we do? - See the bench?

Come on. Grab her shoulders.

Get her bag. The shoulders. Hurry!

Okay. Coming!

Grab her legs.

- A bloody whale! - Sorry.

It's your child she's carrying!

Don't fight over me.

There. It's okay.

Go get an ambulance.

Where? Where?

Where? I'm gonna sock you one!

Take care of her. I'll find one.

- Don't go! - I'll be back.

What's wrong?

My water is breaking.

- That's normal. - I'm scared.

- It happens to all women. - I'm scared!

I don't want to lose my baby!

I'm here!

I want it to live!

To live, Laurent.

Some are even born at six months.

I'm here.

See you later.

Bye, Manuela.

My little angel.

Can I have her?

Look, it's Daddy.

- Bye, Daddy. - Bye, Manuela.

Don't forget the diapers.

Ten pounders, pink.

- She's hungry. - I'll feed her.

Look, Daddy's leaving.

Say bye to Daddy.

Bye, Daddy.

May I help you, sir?

I'm Mr. Lafaye from the real estate agency.

Come in.

Follow me.

I'll tell him you're here.

It's the real estate agent.

I'm here.

Hello.

I called yesterday.

Sorry to meet you so early. My plane leaves at 10:00.

Found a buyer?

Yes. Me. If we strike a deal.

Why not?

I'll give you a tour.

You're standing on my robe.

I'm so sorry.

Thanks.

Want something to drink?

It breaks my heart to leave.

So many memories.

If we agree, you'll stay.

I mean for a visit. No...

You'll always be welcome.

Beware.

I just might.

Are you... Spanish?

Yes. You know Spain?

- My wife's from Barcelona. - So am I.

That's funny.

Were you a good girl?

Yes, she was a very good girl.

Did you have your bottle?

What's your name?

I'm Diego.

To you, Laurent.

You understand?

Cheers?

Almost.

I understand.

I'll be back on Saturday. Will you be here?

I will.

Salut i força al canut!

A lot of "força" !