Original subtitles

CONFESSIONS OF FELIX KRULL

Adapted from the novel by Thomas Mann

Starring:

Director of Photography

Music

Director

I, Felix Krull, come of an excellent,

but slighty seedy family. The figures in the background

are, or rather were, my people. My poor father drank champagne all day...

his own make and therefore well diluted with mineral water.

A symbol of our prosperity at that time was a French governess,

My father liked her rather too much, for my mother to like her at all.

Engelbert, I beg of you! -But why, my dear?

I shall have to give her notice! -I doubt that.

Olympia, come along for your lesson!

Even then, my older sister Olympia, fell for any man she saw.

Although not related to us, my god-father, Prof. Shimmelpreester,

lived with us too.

This is Genevieve. I owe her more than I can say

for her services as nurse as well as for other reasons.

And that little boy is me. Born on a Sunday,

I was a really nice child with a lively imagination.

That day, I had decided that I was the old emperor.

My god-father was the crowds lining the street. -Up! Up!

I was lifted from my carriage into the saddle.

And on horse-back continued my triumphal progress,

with my parents making obeisance.

The old emperor was one of my first parts, but it wasn't the last.

My inborn sociability endeared me to everybody.

So I soon realized one truth: Love the world and the world will love you.

Not that this truth could always shield me and my family

from the blows of fate. I was not yet 19 when,

along with my poor father, we lost everything that we had.

And a little later, stood my personal plans

an insurmountable barrier in the way.

-Yes? -Oh, Mr.Felix, I thought...

your mother... Is my bill ready? -Certainly!

We're always punctual at the 'Loreley', especialy with the bills.

Mr. Rossgoderer, you want your bill. It's all ready, of course!

I'll be with you in just a minute! -Thank you!

Mr. Felix, is it your turn today?

Well, good luck to you then! -Thank you, Mr. Rossgoderer.

You must go now. Never keep

the officials waiting! -I'm just going, mother dear.

Well then hurry up... and do behave...

I mean, watch your step!

-I'll hold my thumbs for you. -Olympia...

You can do it, Felix! -So...

Don't worry!!

-Good morning! -Morning, Felix!

So, this is the day, isn't it? -Yes, dear god-father.

-In a few hours the dice will be cast. -If everything works out alright

you are going to Paris? -If! You're hopeful, aren't you, god-father!?

Of course it'll work! I'm splendindly prepared, I have studied a great deal

of specific medical literature. -Medical literature?

My tickets for Paris - I've got that, too! A lovely painting!

A genuine Shimmelpreester! What do you call it?

Summer Morning in the Free Imperial City

of Frankfurt at the Turn of the Century.

A very good title and not too long. -Hm?

I have to go now. The fatherland demands punctuality - quite right too.

Recruits A-K

Sorry.

-What's that nonsense about pneumonia? -I'm just a bit

weak on the chest, Mr. Surgeon. -Cough! Now bend down!

But Mr. Surgeon! -Quiet! You're as fit as a fiddle!

Kripps Franz, fit for service! Dismissed!

Everybody's fit here! Me and my cough...

and my delicate constitution! Look at my hair!

You can hardly see it. And I sleep walk, too.

I find your hairdo very becoming! -Really?

Next!... Krull, Felix!

Step right up!

I'm fit for service, gentlemen, - for any branch

of the armed forces! -We'll judge that! Answer my questions.

Your own comments are uncalled for. -Certainly, Surgeon General!

I am not Surgeon General! -Then I beg your pardon.

Hands up!

How do your affairs stand?

I've none as yet... I'm still too young.

I was asking about your job! -I see.

I and my people have decided, that I should engage in the hotel service,

when I have done my duty by my emperor and fatherland.

Who are your people? -My mother, widow of a champagne manufacturer,

my sister Olympia, and Professor Schimmelpreester, my god-father,

the famous painter who today finished a magnificent painting.

Alright! Are you nervous?

Why are you twitching about like that? - I'm not twitching.

I never even dreamed of being nervous.

Perhaps, though, I'm a little embarrassed by my nudity.

May I get my shirt? Freshly washed and starched.

Alright, get it, but come here again.

-Strange! -Rather queer! -Talks too much!

Feel better now? Tell me,

what is your present occupation? -I assist my mother in the management

of quite a large boarding house. -Good, good.

What schools did you go to?

Six years of high school... -Why only six? Answer me!

I couldn't keep up with the others. A recurrent indisposition and

besides... much of what my beloved teachers said escaped me.

Not because I was inattentive.

No! It was exactly as if I hadn't been present!

Stop. Do you have trouble hearing? Go to that corner over there!

Repeat what I say... Twenty-seven!

27! -131.

-131! -4.112.

4.112! -Come back!

Amazingly acute sense of hearing. An interesting symptom.

Your recurrent indisposition, was that in the form of headaches?

Headaches, too, and colour spots before my eyes...

and roaring in my ears and feelings of distress and fear

and fits of choking which nearly threw me out of bed.

No other kinds of fits? -None whatsoever.

But roaring in the ears? -Yes, Surgeon-in-chief.

But those migraines of mine - they don't matter.

They couldn't interfere in any way with my fitness for military service.

Please forgive my excitement.

I wouldn't know how to see my mother

if I'd only been recruited for a kind of trial period.

May I sit down?

Your father made spirits? -Yes, that is,

he owned a sparkling wine factory on the Rhine.

He produced the justly famous

'Loreley' brand of champagne.

So he was probably quite a connoisseur of wines?

He was indeed, Health-Commander, sir.

And didn't mind drinking a glass

or more now and then? -My father was the joy of life itself!

That much I agree to. -Well, well, the love of life.

And what did he die of?

May I request the Batallion Surgeon not to answer that question?

You are not to refuse any information whatsoever.

Once more, how did your father die? -Oh!

He had a church funeral!

I can prove it!

But ruin had knocked at our door with her bony knuckle.

Evil people! Bloodsuckers!

Bankruptcy! A terrible misfortune!

His rifle went off accidentally. My poor old ...

So, suicide... -No! No!

No! A terrible accident!

Dead, dead, and everything lost... Our quaint...

dwarfs in the garden and magnificent grand piano

Krull! Krull! Krull!

Krull! Krull, do you hear me?

Have you taken leave of your senses?

At your service, sir!

Have you any recollection

of what you have just gone through?

I humbly beg your pardon. I must have

been a bit absent-minded for a moment. -You certainly were.

Did you come here

in a state of excitement? -I can only repeat that I

ardently wish to be drafted. -Hm, unfit for service!

The recruit Krull suffers from epileptoid attacks,

so-called equivalents. Propably inherited from

his drunkard of a father who committed suicide.

The symptoms are unusually clear: choking fits,

colour spots before the eyes, twitching shoulders,

facial contortions,

and abnormally acute sense

of hearing. A classic case of epilepsy.

such as is seldom seen. Get yourself

a sensible doctor. You're unfit for service.

Couldn't you let me try, sir?

A soldier's life might quite improve my health.

The barracks aren't a health resort. -Yes, I think so too.

Dismissed.

You, you, you idiot!

Yeah!

'Symptoms and Character of Epilepsy'.

'The Epileptic in the Middle Ages'. 'What is Epilepsy?'

Away with it! I won't need this junk any more! -You gave them a

real performance of this? -Yes,

I certainly did. I still feel like twitching!

Better get rid of the habit. No good for Paris. -Don't worry!

There's something I'd like to discuss before you leave.

A question from man to man.

Say it, my dear god-father. -Dear boy, a hotel is like

a little world in itself. It is often ruled by women,

just like in the real world. Tell me, have you had...

any actual experience with women?

I should say so! Nor do I merely refer to my

unusally alert behaviour at the bosom of my wet-nurse.

You often spoke highly of that. -Yes.

No, I'm referring to Genevieve, our former maid.

The one with the nut-brown curls? -Yes, yes. Her.

She has - if I may say so - praised me warmly.

'Angel Child', she called me. -No!

And 'Devil of a Boy' to boot!

And you? Did you find it fun?

Fun? I was almost consumed with the fire of my passion!

I felt as if I were flying to heaven.

Is that so? Still, those were childish pranks!

How will you do in Paris? -Don't worry, dear god-father.

Although I am young, I believe I'll be able to handle any amorous situation.

You're a card, boy, you can stay that way. -Felix!

Just 40 minutes till train-time! Here's some candy for you!

Oh, my God! My boy! -What is there to cry about?

Why does he have to go to Paris of all places, that sink of iniquity?

The profession I shall take up in the French capital

is most respectable. -Besides, he's been warmly

recommended to the St.James and Washington Hotel. The manager,

Mr.St�rzli and I are school buddies. Have you got my letter for him?

Felix is sure to make good in the hotel business. Come on!

Or we're going to be late.

And so I said farewell to the grey present...

and full of expectation drove into a colourful future.

What was awaiting me in Paris? I did not know.

All I knew was I wanted to succeed, and I was hoping that the love

which I had for the world would be reciprocated.

We were about to arrive at the French frontier.

A stop which turned out to be of

the greatest significance. -Brussels lace must be declared!

That is part of my most intimate lingerie!

A dutiable part - unfortunately! I regret.

Here's my bag, opened already for your convenience.

You see before you a law-abiding young man...

who has absolutely nothing to declare. -We will see.

You'll see that there never was a more innocent piece of luggage.

You speak French very well - or maybe you're a Frenchman?

Half French, inspector general.

It is no mere coincidence that I'm a passionate

admirer of your country

and a determined opponent of the annexation of Alsace-Lorraine!

Vive la France! -You may close your bag.

Yours? -Yes, sir.

An heirloom from my French grandmother.

Monsieur... -Sir...

With my suit-case and my conscience only a little heavier

I left the custom-house and within a few hours arrived

in my new home - Paris.

-Sir...

Your key, monsieur? -Yes, of course. Although I don't even know

where will I be put up? I'm the new employee, Felix Krull...

and highly recommended to the management. -Employee? Step back!

Step back!

Krull, Felix... -Yes. My train was a bit late.

Surely, the manager's expecting me by now.

Why! He's been looking out of the window

looking for you for hours. -That would be most regrettable.

You're registered for a job here! Bob!

Take him to dormitory No. 5 in the attic. Use the baggage lift.

Yes, sir.

You'll hear from me tomorrow morning. -Thank you.

-Shoo, get moving! Half-wit!

-This is your bed. -Thank you, sir Bob.

At last I was alone and could dare turn my attention...

to the 'heir-loom',

which a friendly coincidence had played into my hands.

I was thinking of that lady. How expensive had she looked!

Would my little haul be as attractive?

Charming trinkets!

What are you doing up there? -Me?

What I do on my day off is my business.

But you, sonny, will have to do a little explaining.

Please, don't call me that way. For all I know we're neither relatives

nor friends. -Who are you anyway? I'm assistant cook

for cold dishes in this dump. My name is Stanko.

Mine is Felix. I'll be assigned my job tomorrow.

Want the address? -Which one?

That of the one who'll take this hot stuff off you

at a fair price if you don't mind. -Hot stuff?

Stop fooling! It wasn't your darling mother

who packed this up for you! -How much...

do you think my souvenirs will fetch?

'Souvenirs' is a peach. Let's see!

The stuff is worth about 20.000. We won't get that, of course.

Let's say, 10.000. Five for you and five for me.

A half-cut? Just for an address?

And for keeping my mouth shut! -Perhaps a quarter

will be enough. - 40% at least.

A third and not more. -Alright, pretty boy,

because it's you. Now listen!

It's the watch-maker in the Rue de l'Echelle au Ciel.

And remember that I can turn you in anytime.

Rue de l'Echelle au Ciel... -Watch out! the others are coming!

A Parisian lift-boy to the life! Fits beautifully!

A little wide in the back still...

Voila, that's better! The pretty women prefer it this way.

Just as you say, sir.

What's your name?... Felix? -That is my name.

No good for Paris. How about Armand?

I am Armand - from now on. When will the livery be ready?

At noon! Until then you're free... Armand!

Hello, sir! -Sir!

I'm looking for a nice pocket watch. -In gold?

Nothing showy, you know,

but first-class works. -Sound principle! In silver then.

This one. -25 francs.

An absolutely fair price.

Only, I am a little short - at present. How about deducting the

trifle from the 2000 francs which no doubt you will give me for this.

Where did you get the thing? -Found it, that's why it's so cheap.

What kind of business is this? Leave my shop!

I'm an honest man! -Don't forget, dear master,

that this stone, precious as it is, may be only part

of the goods that I have to offer.

600 francs. -For what, please?

All together. -You're joking.

You fool! Think how much money that is... 600 or 700 francs!

All the things one can buy for, let's say 850 francs!

Pretty girls, clothes, good dinners.

Maybe the police is already waiting for you outside.

Leave this dangerous stuff here for the...

900 francs which I'm offering you. -9.000 and not a penny less!

3.000, 4.000...

I shouldn't have been so generous, but I like you.

There's something sunny about you. 4.100...

4.200, 4.300.

And you may keep the watch as well. -Oh...

And come back again if you've got something nice.

4.300 francs! I had barely half the amount expected.

What would Stanko say? One third of it all was his.

Should I admit my disgrace? But would he believe me?

Perhaps I'd better lie a bit and tell him I'd got more.

But then I'd keep almost nothing.

I didn't know what to decide.

-My God, you frightened me! -Have you made the deal?

-Of course. -Got a good deal?

Fair. I got 9.000. Here's your third as agreed.

Liar! You made 12.000, I'm sure! -I assure you...

Keep calm! The old fox wouldn't have paid more than 5.000.

Here's thousand back!

We're honest crooks, old boy! I'm delighted by us!

Stanko never returned to the hotel. He had

bold plans and besought me to go in with him.

Despite my refusal we parted friends.

He went up and I went down... the stairs...

In life it was just the opposite. I didn't know then

under what changed circumstances we'd meet again a year later.

I'm a little too fast for them - the dirty dogs!

The police? -No, cockchafers.

Why that face? Aren't you glad to see me again?

Oh, of course, Mr. Stanko. I've often wondered

how you were getting along. -First rate! That's why I've got

to beat it now... across the border! Don't ask me why!

Just believe me, things are getting hot! Listen...

Will a hundred do? -I'd only meant

to ask for half. But I'm no miser.

We're honest crooks. I'm still delighted with us.

Now, with business taken care of, let me look at you, boy!

You've grown, and so elegant! Still working at the old joint?

Yes, in an elevated position. -But you live here?

As much as I can. -Well, not bad.

All with the 3.000 francs from your 'souvenirs'? -Yes and no.

Tell me! I can't leave before it gets dark.

You became a lift boy at that time? -Yes, at first.

So was I once. Hopeless!

Maybe it's a question of personality.

I was an excellent lift-boy.

Work was easy and

I even liked it. Besides, on the very first afternoon

there suddenly appeared...

Down!

Quickly!

My heart stood still! The owner of the jewel-case!

My neighbour at the custom-house. I trembled.

Not with fear, but with excitement and expectation.

Attention, Madame! -Merci.

Ren�!

Who is that lady? -She often stays here.

Her husband owns the biggest pat� de foie factory in Strasbourg.

Shamefully rich.

Her name is Houpfl�. Do you like her? Far too old for me.

Madame...

Monsieur...

Second floor, Madame? Apartment 234.

You're new here, aren't you? How do you know?

One has to know such things. -A definite improvement

in the staff. -You're too kind, Madame!

May I carry your parcels?

Does Madame have any other wishes?

Close the door!

Help me out of this jacket.

You are undressing me, saucy varlet?

How gladly I would continue

but I haven't got the time. I'm on duty.

But you would have time for me - if you weren't?

All the time in the world.

When? -I'll be through at eleven.

I'll be expecting you.

Seven o'clock. Another four hours.

I beg you pardon, sir.

At 9 o'clock she came down for dinner.

Attention, Madame. -Leave it.

Lady. Sir.

At last the time had come.

Enter!

Come closer!

Closer.

What is this? A domestic, a man-servant

entering my room at this hour? -Madame expressed the wish...

One doesn't wish anything from a lift-boy, one commands!

Come closer still! Don't forget you're only an object

of poetic study for me. I write passionate novels. And poems.

But of course not under the name of Houpfl�. That's the name of the pat�

my husband produces. I use my maiden-name!

Have you ever heard of Diane Philibert?

Of course, Madame. One of my favourite authoresses!

You've never read one line I wrote, but you're a divine liar.

Perhaps Madame would like to rest.

Not at all, dearest! How you confuse and inspire me.

Oh, your youth's full shine intoxicates my aging heart

Oh, craving that consumes me, Oh, never-ending smarl!

I'll die with it and of it, Whilst immortality

Deriving from my poems Oh boys, your lot will be.

What are you talking about? -Why? Don't you like the poem offered

to him who will drag one down into the gutter

or even deeper still? -Madame,

I'm not dragging anyone into the gutter, or even deeper still.

Deeper, still, vulgar lift-boy!

Madame...

Yes, yes, this is beautiful.

So...

Lift the left arm a little higher... bend you head.

Yes, it's you... Hermes! -Who's that?

Oh, you bewitching simpleton - you sweet, sweet idiot!

He doesn't even know who Hermes is!

I'm still a foreigner here. -Is he a foreigner here?

So you haven't met Monsieur Hermes yet? I'll tell you,

my dear, who Hermes is: the god of all thieves!

Ah, the god of thieves!

Tell me something, Diane. After you came here,

haven't you lost something? -No.

A jewel-case, for example? -Oh, yes. How do you know?

I stole it. -You? But when?

At the frontier. We were standing next to each other.

Ah, I understand! You stole it!

You're a thief, beloved! Not just a vulgar lift-boy,

but also a thief! How delightfully this debases me!

The way you talk sometimes... -Never mind, my little one!

If I'd only known that we'd make love,

I'd never done this to you...

But you know the things have gone. -Silly!

It's the thief I value, not his loot!

Hermes! He doesn't know who that is and is the god himself!

Hermes! I have a wonderful idea! You shall steal again.

Here under my very eyes. -But...

Blockhead! Have you no feeling for the beauty of my idea?

Alright! I shan't be watching, I'll pretend I'm asleep.

I'll turn out the light too. -But, Diane!

Quiet! You must

creep around on stealthy feet, and you shall steal!

Believe me, Diane, that wouldn't be nice. -Steal! That's an order

and a game as well, just made for the two of us.

The chest of drawers!

Here...

But you darling chump, you stole it, so it's yours!

Take it and escape!

Thank you.

Farewell, Armand! I'm leaving tomorrow.

Never forget your Diane.

She makes you immortal.

Though our tombs be dark, Armand, don't ever tell!

You'll live in all my songs.

Adieu my love, farewell.

And those trophies, where did you sell them? The old address?

Yes, but for a new sort of price. -Filthy millionaire! Where do you

keep your riches? Here? -Most of it

is safely invested and for my current expenses

I have a bank account. -And what is your job now

in the joint? -I was almost everyything -

dish-washer, assistant waiter, waiter, and now head-waiter.

What shall it be, Mr. Stanko? Caviar Malossol?

Lobster thermidor, some turtle soup, a drop of white wine?

Stop! Stop! You make my mouth water.

Now my only boss is Machatschek, the Maitre d'hotel.

Nice going!

His parents are coming, darling! I shall be all alone

and I'll wait for you after the show.

From the poetess? -She left long ago.

This is Zaza.

Zaza? Who is that? Another acquaintance from the hotel?

No, a little dancer.

Does she come to see you? -No, - alas! She's more or less engaged

and watched like nobody's business. -But tonight's the night!

So it seems. But I must go to work now.

I'm gone. Just promise to tell me about Zaza

when we meet again.

So long, old man.

See you soon. -Let's hope so, dear Stanko.

Let's hope so.

Good thing you've turned up at last, Armand. -Am I late?

No, no, the little Twentyman girl's back there. Been sitting

there for a whole hour waiting. Insisted on being served by you.

What do you think of her? -Bit too wild

for her age. -But her father's a millionaire.

Go, comfort the child!

I thought you were at the Louvre, Miss Eleanor?

That's what I told my governess, Armand.

This tea is too strong. You won't be able to sleep!

I haven't slept for weeks. -I'm sorry to hear that.

You aren't suffering, are you? -But I want to suffer!

But why? Some marmalade?

No! It's love I'm after! -But, Miss Eleanor, what are you talking about?

You mustn't talk like that! -Armand, I love you!

I want to give you a child! -I shouldn't have heard that!

You don't give a waiter a child, but a tip,

if you're satisfied with the service.

Let's elope to Canada! My father has a big chicken-farm there.

And Canada is far away. -Pull yourself together!

Here comes your governess.

Eleanor! Come along now.

Impudence.

In the hall, Armand... Lord Kilmarnock! Another coffee!

Thank you. Ah, you are, Armand? I thought

you had the afternoon off? -But not the evening, Milord.

Heavens, is it that late?

How old are you, Armand? -20, Milord.

Twenty? And where's your home? -On the Rhine, Milord.

But the name Armand? -They call me Armand here,

but my real name is Felix. -Nice name. They should have

let you keep it.

Armand...

Felix...

Milord? -I've been watching you for

two weeks. You are very gifted, Very nice to have you around.

Would you exchange your job for one as a private butler?

How, Milord? -Working for me. Quite simple.

You'd come with me to Scotland to Nectanhall Castle.

You'd only have to look after me

and you'd get paid three times as much as here.

Your offer honours me, Milord, but it's so sudden.

May I think it over? -There isn't much time for that.

Come with me. It is the wish of a lonely heart.

Thank you. Tell Mr. Machatschek

I'd like to talk to him, please. -Of course, Milord.

Armand...

You look distrait. I must do something for you.

Hector doesnt't feel well. You'll take over his night duty.

Couldn't you appoint someone else?

I have an engagement for which I'd like to be in good shape.

It is not the rule to smile, if I'm not smiling myself.

And I'm not smiling. Be reasonable and do your duty.

And if I said no?

Such a thing has never happened to me.

I regret having to break this tradition,

but I'm saying no.

Pst, Armand! A letter for you.

Smells lovely. -Thank you.

His parents are not coming and he won't leave me alone.

Can you wait, darling?

I'm sorry, dear Maitre, but in the struggle between love and duty,

night service wins.

This time you may smile, since I smiled first.

Right after dinner, you'll take over the 3rd and 4th floors.

Good evening, Mrs. Twentyman.

Good evening, Mr. Twentyman. -Hm?

Oh... Good evening, Mr. Twentyman! -Ah...

You aren't eating again, Milord. -I have no appetite.

Have you got a free table, Armand? -Yes, table 7.

Wasn't it reserved? The Marquis de Venosta has called,

from the steel people in Luxembourg.

Zaza, you're

flirting with the violinist! I won't have it!

But, he's playing my waltz! -That's not an explanation!

Good evening...

How are you, dear Machatschek? -Thank you, I can't complain.

And you, Monsieur le Marquis?

Never mind. Anything eatable here today?

The food is as perfect as your state of health.

You don't know the way I feel. Let's leave it, though.

We are hungry and in a hurry. -You know

I have to be at the theatre at half past eight.

Thank you.

15.

Let's change seats! -But why, my Loulou?

If you insist on flirting with that chap over there, I'll call him out.

He wouldn't be the first.

Well, what do we have here? Looks very friendly.

The taste of this animal is even more exquisite than its appearance.

Nicely put, indeed!

Oh! Armand, another napkin, please!

Hurrah, darling, his parents are coming after all!

See you after the show at the Sheherezade!

Thus all had turned out for the best. Zaza didn't expect me till very late...

after my night duty, a pleasant occupation...

which offers a chance for meditation.

That evening I was feeling dreamy. Without my doing anything

three hearts were beating for me in the big strange city of Paris.

What should I do? Follow Lord Kilmarnock to Scotland?

Elope with Eleanor to Canada?

And Zaza?

With her at least I would find joy without being tied.

Remain free! That's what I wanted -

free to love the whole world and be loved in return.

Milord rang. -Yes, my dear. Come in.

I've just had a cable... I am leaving.

Will you come with me?

I hope, Milord, you'll forgive me, but I don't feel

equal to the position you've so kindly offered me

and I would rather not deviate from the path I have chosen.

I shan't press you. But I have no children

and am free to do as I please.

There have been cases of adoption. You might wake up one day

as Lord Kilmarnock and as my heir.

Milord, allow me just to wish you

the very best on your journey.

And rest assured that I shall always remember with deepest gratitude

the kind interest that you took in me.

Good night, Armand.

Concierge...

I'm alone! -I beg you, leave me alone!

Somebody might come! -I love you to distraction!

I've never loved anyone so fiercely! -Eleanor, I'm on duty!

I will never love anyone so much. -Be a good girl! Stop it!

Let me go!

Armand!

Felix...

Milord...

Take this.

I want you to.

I thank you.

And farewell, my dear Felix.

What are you doing here, Louis? You are not

Veuve Cliquot. ...with your parents?

Have you lied to me? -I had to find out

what you're doing when you're alone. -Alone? And the man is a detective?

I engaged him. -And he's been frightening me stiff for days.

Tonight, after the show, he was standing at the door again.

I get scared, hurry off and take refuge in this dull place.

I sit here, all alone and confused. And it's all because of you!

Oh, how I hate you! Ah! -Zaza!

Listen to me! Mon Chou!

I see you're alone and not guilty. My dear!

Can you forgive me for the last time, please?

If I only didn't love you so much, you jealous monster!

But now I really need a glass of champagne.

Good evening, my little one. -Oh, good evening, Monsieur.

How do you do, Minouche.

One table, Monsieur? -Thank you, I'm joining somebody.

When I said I loved you, mother cried,

father twirled his moustache and called you 'that person'.

And both talked of disinheriting me. If only I knew what to do...

I...

Are you listening to me? -Of course I am.

Disinheriting you. -And that means nothing to you?

Is there another man? -But, darling...

Ah! Isn't that...? -Who?

The charming waiter from the hotel.

Armand, the one who waited on us today.

Shall I ask him over?

A waiter? He won't like that. Maybe he has a date here.

You see, he's coming. A handsome fellow!

My dear Armand, I only know your first name...

Krull, Monsieur le Marquis, Felix Krull. Armand is just my stage name.

Take a seat, or have you a date?

No. I'm simply here to be waited on myself for a change.

Quite understandable. Anyone can see you're a gentleman.

Yes, you're right, Marquis. -May I use the happy

coincidence of our meeting and ask your advice - confidentially?

I know how to keep a secret.

Madame doubts my words? -He couldn't have any secrets.

Mr. Krull looks so innocent. -Let's drink to it!

May our secrets always remain our own!

Well, listen now. My parents

wish me to forget Madame. -They seem to

wish for the impossible. -They're sending me on a trip around the

world... Portugal, Latin Amerika... I got the tickets,

letter of credit, recommendations today. I am to leave Madame for

a whole year. I can't bear it.

And if you refuse?

I'll be disinherited.

I can't think of your situation as a bad one, dear Marquis.

A trip around the world is something beautiful and a year will soon be over.

And Madame will be waiting for you in Paris. -But how will she wait?

Paris is full of temptations! As a waiter

you must be a psychologist. What d'you think? Will Madame...?

I mean... won't Madame...?

Speak up, Monsieur!

Madame will not. Madame is faithful. One can feel it.

Thank you.

You're making things easy for me. You ought to know!

Madame will not... at least not with you!

Have you anything else to say?

Pull yourself together! You've no grounds for suspicion.

And what about Gaston? Are you going to kill him, too?

Gaston? Why should I kill him? -Who is Gaston?

You'll be away a year. Won't Madame meet somebody else?

A Gaston for example. Or would you prefer a Francois?

Or an Emil? Indeed, Armand and Felix

will be dead, but Gaston won't. -Gaston...

Take Madame along. -Never! I am staying in Paris.

My parents would never allow it. -There is only one possibility left:

You stay here and somebody else travels as Louis de Venosta!

The very thing. The one solution! It must work!

But where to find someone who'll take the risk? No, it can't be done.

There must be someone! -Your name would have to travel

attached to a person who is not you. But who can't just be anyone.

He'd have to be my age... I mean your age...

We both speak several languages... You're asking for the impossible!

He must be found! -Be reasonable!

It's not so easy to lend out one's identity.

You mentioned a letter of credit? -Amounting to 20.000 francs.

A tidy little sum.

I'd be interested to see your signature.

The hand-writing would have to be like yours, not only for

a letter of credit, but especially the letters to your suspicious parents.

Allow me.

Sorry. The difficulties are insurmountable.

Besides, you'd better try and flee

after murdering me. -But I'll let you live.

I decided you'll go in my place. I'll kill you only if you refuse.

You haven't got much time! Yes or no? Decide before the music stops.

Say yes!

A short time later I was travelling towards the blue horizon.

How imaginative life is in making

our childhood dreams come true!

Wasn't I the Emperor at the age of three? And now?

I was a nobleman at any rate and no fuss about it.

I was very happy, very proud of myself

and enchanted with my elated ego. Even my noble parents

figured in my loving thoughts. And I decided to send them a message.

'Monrefuge Castle, Luxembourg.

With fondest love, have left for Lisbon.

Already notice change of outlook through new impressions.

Your obedient son Loulou.'

To be sent off at the next station.

Certainly, Monsieur le Marquis. -My new title!

For the first time! I had to hear it again!

Mr conductor... -Monsieur le Marquis?

This cable is urgent! -Of course, Monsieur le Marquis.

How pleasant that was.

But I still knew too little about my past.

Educated by private turors...

Father's name Theodore, Mother's Catherine. On my 14th birthday

father gave me a horse, mother a gold watch. My horse's name

is Minou and the butler's name is... Radicule.

Dinner is served. -Ah, well, my friend.

I tried to imagine my neighbour at the table hoping for a lady

who would help me forget Zaza, but it was

a kindly gentleman with his starry eyes on me.

Monsieur? -A bottle of ale, please.

Yes, Monsieur.

Very sensible to order a strong beer for dinner.

It is calming and induces sleep. Travelling to Lisbon?

Well, yes, that's the first stop on my trip around the world.

Lisbon once used to be the richest city in the world. Sadly you weren't

there 500 years ago. The city was enveloped in the fragrance

of exotic spices from overseas. -How interesting. Merci.

You remind me of something. -Please, tell me.

Of a sea-anemone. -That sounds quite flattering.

Because to you it sounds like the name of a flower.

The sea-anemone, however, is not a flower,

but a species of animal fixed to the bottom of the sea.

After a sheltered youth it breaks away from its stem

and swims along the coast, out for adventure.

By the way, Cuckoo (Kuckuck)! -I beg your pardon?

My name is Cuckoo. Director of the Museum for Natural History in Lisbon.

Professor Cuckoo. -Sea-anemone! I beg your pardon... Venosta!

Marquis Venosta? Of the Luxembourg line?

Correct. My father's name is Theodore, my mother's Catherine...

Nee Plettenberg, if I'm not mistaken.

You needn't be surprised! Genealogy is my hobby.

Did you board the train in Paris?

Yes, I was there to acquire for our museum a shoulder-blade

of the species of tapir, from which our horse is a descendant.

Sounds almost unbelievable! Minou a descendant of a tapir?

My horse's name is Minou. -Yes! Minou is a descendant of the tapirs

which lived in the eocene age. -Eocene? I promise you I'll

try to remember the word! When was that eocene age?

Just a few hundred thousand years back.

Aha...

A bottle of water, please. -Sir...

At that time life had already emerged. But the inhabitability

of a planet is limited. Life wasn't always here

and won't always be here. Life is an episode,

and - on the scale of the aeons - a very fleeting one.

That predisposes me in its favour. There is a song:

'Gather ye rosebuds while ye may'...

It's been going on for quite a while... some 550 million years.

How old are you, Marquis? -22 - according to the peerage.

My daughter is 18, a charming child. We call her Zouzou.

Not Zaza? -Zouzou. That comes from Susanna.

My wife's name is Maria Pia. -To your ladies!

What else might I tell you about the dinosaurs? They were fellows,

who took up more space than they should on the Earth.

High as a house and long as a train.

They had a tendency to walk straight. -Well, walking like that,

they can't have been much like Hermes.

What makes you think of Hermes? -In my education at Monrefuge Castle

great importance was attached to mythology, a hobby

of my private tutor Houpfl�. -Then he wouldn't have had much

time for the natural sciences. Or did he tell you how primitive

in contrast to the brain, our arms and legs

have remained? They retain all the bones you find

in the primeval land animals. -That is thrilling!

That is not the first thrilling piece of information you've given me,

but it is among the most thrilling. Take a shapely feminine arm...

that embraces us, if we are lucky... Sounds cuckoo... forgive me,

I didn't mean to abuse. -That shapely arm of your dreams

is just the clawed wing of the primeval bird and

the pectoral fin of the fish. -I shall remember this

at the proper time. -You do that.

But man, they tell me, comes from the ape?

We shouldn't be too proud of this anatomical resemblance.

The eyes and the skin of a pig have more human features

than any chimpanzee. And the naked human body, too...

resembles a pig. -Gentlemen, we're closing!

We're the last people left. I hope to see you in Lisbon.

My ladies will be delighted.

I'm looking forward to meeting them. -Sleep soundly and dream about

the eocene age, the prehistoric animals and the shapely arm

with its ancient bone structure! Good night.

Good night, professor.

Lisbon and Hotel Savoy Palace

received me like a prince. This time there was no

'Step back, further back!'

The gilded world. Now I was really part of it.

The hotel didn't hold me long. I took a walk past the

House of Parliament. A visit to the Cuckoos

seemed premature. Besides, the Santa Estrela Cathedral

attracted my attention.

And then the enchantingly strange old city.

Finally, I decided to take a little refreshment...

as well as to fulfil an urgent obligation.

Waiter!

Coffee.

'Beloved Mama, dear and revered Papa!

Lisbon is very charming,

even though today, after only 500 years, no longer

enveloped in the fragrance of exotic spices from overseas.

What interests me the most is the great event, Privy Councillor.

How was the audience with the king? How did you get his invitation?

Our Minister, Mr. Von Roell, arranged it for me.

I'd never have thought he could. -Why? It's part of his job.

'Immediately upon my arrival... I presented my card

at our minister's.

He will try to present me to His Majesty, the King.

Meanwhile I remain your affectionate and obedient son - Loulou.'

Well, wasn't this trip a good idea of mine? A nice letter.

Loulou takes after my family. The Plettenbergs were always

after the girls. All the same their motto was always:

Noblesse oblige! You may pour out the tea, Radicule.

How well the young master expresses himself! He must have changed.

We Venostas always had a good style. By the way,

not a word about that Zaza person. He's already forgotten her.

Are you crazy? You're not to be seen in Paris and you come here?

I had to come. You were horrible to me this afternoon!

And your suit-case had gone! -Of course, because it's here!

And because I travel! I'm going to my relatives in Dijon.

You're leaving me?! What have I done? -You've got precious

little money left and have to hide! And I'm supposed to sit around

with you in this stupid apartment? And your disgusting jealousy...

I'm sick of it all! -But those sacrifices I'm making for you, alone.

I won't let you leave me! I'll kill you first!

I'll kill you! -Louis! Louis!

Zaza, no! Stay!

Zaza, wait! -Stop him!

No! Let me go! Let me go!

I'm going to kill her!

Another letter from Monsieur Louis. -The third one already!

As if he actually enjoyed writing. Who would have thought it of Loulou?

Still in Lisbon? He must have postponed his departure.

'On the day of my departure I received an invitation

from the Palace.'

But the papers say that the King is at his summer residence.

The press lies! 'We, our minister von H�on and I,

drove up in his coach,

in tails, of course.

The Lord Chamberlain on duty immediately took charge of us.

We passed dozens of ante-rooms,

with a uniformed official at every door.

Finally I stood alone in the splendid reception hall,

in joyful anticipation. In front of me a golden-feathered peacock-eagle,

presumably the symbol of the royal house, spread its immense wings,

when unexpectedly, through silk-covered folding-doors...

His Majesty appeared and looked at me. His Majesty was

most gracious to me. He introduced me to his family.

First to the Adjutant.

Then to the Queen, a graceful slip of a thing, and finally...

to Princess Beatrice, whose lack of youthful charm

is made more obvious still by her amazing corpulence.

I may consider this audience a success

due surely to my background rather than to any personal merits.

With this I remain your faithful and obedient Loulou.''

We may be proud...

Loulou! -Mama! Papa!

Help me! The police! I'm innocent!

Zaza's gone, disappeared... I threatened her in front of

witnesses, but I didn't kill her! I swear.

You are not in Lisbon! -Somebody else is there in my place.

Loulou... -Mama!

Monsieur le Marquis, the police commissioner's on the phone!

Don't tell him I'm here! I beg you!

We need more time!

Mama, I'm innocent! You need to trust me! I swear it!

Hello? Venosta...

My son? But why on earth?

That's quite impossible! Because he's in Lisbon!

We just got a letter from him. His address?

Hotel Savoy-Palace.

I shall never forget your museum. -And this is our work-shop.

The Neanderthal Man.

One of our first real ancestors. -So that is what he looked like!

No longer an animal, but not yet a real man. Most extraordinary!

And who is this grim character?

He's got nice teeth! -Zouzou, you're impossible!

Well, he shows them constantly.

An Indian rhino, very rare and precious these days.

Looks absolutely real and not at all stuffed.

It isn't stuffed but the reproduction

of a living model. -But how can you get a rhino to keep still?

Just a little trick!

We use a snake poison which causes a death-like sleep.

After a few days the victim wakes up, but by then the copy's made.

How thrilling! -Now, we'll go and play tennis.

I'm sure you're quite a champion. -Thanks, I manage.

Would I actually manage? I had never played tennis before...

and felt worried about this match.

Thank you. -Three things

seem to disturb you: the ball, the racket and the net.

I'm quite out of practice. -But you were pretty quick.

As if you'd never learned how to play the game.

Let's talk about something more interesting. About love!

Love is indecent. -But, Zouzou.

Patatipatat�!

How lovely you are, how charming.

With these strands of hair behind your ears. And to you

I shouldn't be permitted to speak about love? -No. Because

as soon as you start I know what you're after. -No, you don't,

and that's why you'd better watch out. -I should keep quiet?

But that's unhealthy. What do you really want?

Something that is unspeakably ridiculous.

No, it is not at all unspeakable, and I'll put it into words:

We should embrace each other,

even though nature has carefully separated us.

Then you'd want to press your lips on mine, with our

noses crosswise... and we'll be breathing each other's breath

until we start behaving like cannibals.

You hurt me, because you're being unjust to love and to the kiss,

whis is the tenderest exchange in the world, lovely as a flower.

The tenderest exchange? The flower kiss? Patatipatat�!

Zouzou, your mother told you to treat me kindly.

Mama, I was saying patatipatat� to him again.

If you want to be naughty you'll have to leave. -That's what I want.

Yes, Marquis, youth is often too young for youth, isn't it?

Zouzou is extremely pretty, heaven knows.

But you, Madame, are beautiful.

I note, you know how to differentiate. -I don't even

want to differentiate.

Ever since I've met you, I've been seeing the charming double-image

of mother and daughter. It's no coincidence I mention you first.

You flatter me, Marquis, but you do it with charm.

I spent happy hours

among the Cuckook family until an unexpected event

terminated the idyll.

Marquis de Venosta? -Yes?

Follow us. You're under arrest! -But why?

You'll be charged in due course. Vamos, Senhor.

Poor Zaza. No, I can't believe it!

You've been moaning for a whole hour. That's enough!

Confess and we can all go and have dinner.

I'm not hungry. -You aren't, but we are.

So you admit that you knew Zaza Rigaud very well.

Well, but not very well. I kept hoping

that I'd get to know her better. -Where? In heaven?

I know nothing about Miss Zaza's disappearance, believe me!

Alright, let's start all over again!

Perhaps we'll understand each other better. The lady disappeared

after quarrel with you, witnessed by several ladies

of the 'Folies Musicales'. You even openly threatened to kill her.

What d'you say to that?

When am I supposed to have committed this crime?

On the morning of April 21st. -I can prove that I was in Lisbon that day.

May I go now? I'm invited for dinner

and could at least come for dessert. -Stay where you are!

From the 19th to the 23rd you weren't in your room

and were not seen at the hotel! Time enough for a trip to Paris!

Don't say you were with a woman!

They all say that! -Where were you?

I'd rather die than commit such an indiscretion.

Who says that I am the real Marquis de Venosta?

Your parents, for example, Senhor!

My... my parents?

Certainly, and they're longing to see you.

Loulou! My poor son! -Monsieur!

Don't deny it any longer! Admit

you were in Paris at that time! Everything will turn out alright.

A mother's heart always forgives. Let me take you in my arms, Loulou!

Inspite of my indignation about this scoundrelism, it was good

to be embraced by a real marchioness.

However, after a few days in the Citadel of Silence,

the prison, I was near to

revealing my true identity. But this confession would have

earned me two years at least for swindling.

And being used to freedom I began to despair.

Suddenly, I hit on the idea for my rescue.

Hello! Hey!

Why did you send for me? -Only you can help me now,

Monsieur Professor. -You overestimate my power,

although not my sympathy. Really, dear Marquis,

I feel sorry for your life and for your splendid early promise.

But even if we consider the worst, death is only a chemical

process. The dying person knows as little about it as of his birth.

The cells go on growing happily. Yours perhaps as a sea-anemone.

Only I rather like my present form.

I'm willing to die if I'm sure of

a speedy resurrection. -One of the points

where religion and science touch delicately.

But how do you mean to be resurrected?

Your assistant spoke about a poison

which causes a death-like sleep from which one awakes.

Must I be more explicit? -A museum is a state-subsidized

institution, just like a prison. I'm an official, my dear Marquis.

What you're proposing is illegal.

But I'm innocent! I wasn't in Paris! I could prove it!

If the honour of a lady and of a whole family weren't at stake.

But you must tell the police the truth.

I can't. - I beg you, Marquis,

you're suspected of murder. -I'll confess to you and to you only

because I'm sure of your sympathy. The crime in question

occurred on the 21st in Paris.

On the 19th - observe the date, professor - I had the honour

of accompanying your ladies to the theatre. Subsequently I spent

some time in the garden of your villa.

Ah! -That's for behaving

like a cannibal! Did I scratch you?

Yes. -Let me see!

I have pointed nails. -Naturally, as the most charming woman's arm

is but the clawed wing of the primeval bird!

Always repeating what papa told you! Don't you know anything yourself?

I know a lot about love.

Patatipatat�! Must I repeat that love is a disgusting topic?

I can't believe that somebody could talk about love in such a cold manner.

I'm just telling the truth. -No, you're not.

Love is no more or less than a miracle, dear Zouzou.

All existence is a miracle.

But love is the greatest miracle of all. You said lately

that nature carefully separated one human being from the other. Correct!

Man wants to be left alone and separated from others.

But there's something that wipes out the division,

between one body and the other,

between the I and the you. It's love.

What happens? Out of their separateness two glances meet

as glances never do at other times.

And the kiss which you shine over with a 'patatipatat�'

completely obliterates all separation.

And I've got to believe all this just because you put it so nicely?

Louis?

No, not because of that, but because of this!

Enough, enough! I don't want to hear any more! Nothing more!

I had to be discreet. Do you understand now?

Nothing else happened after all?

Anyway, you'll be released and make Zouzou a countess.

Professor, my situation is too dangerous.

There is no room for a wife in my life now. Besides,

my confession would be useless. -What do you mean by that?

In your own interest, don't force me

to tell even more. I'm being asked about my whereabouts

not only for one evening, but for four nights!

I'd have to mention somebody else and that would embarrass all of us.

I fear the worst, but speak up!

As you like. Zouzou and I

were still embracing when...

Zouzou! Zouzou! Go to your room at once and stay there

until you're called!

Marquis, I wish to speak to you! Follow me.

Is this your way of repaying Portuguese hospitality?

Be silent!

Let more mature persons lead you back to the right path!

Susanna is a child and will marry Hurtado,

my husband's assistant.

And you are trying to turn her little head?

Pst!

What were you thinking? -I assure you, Madame...

It doesn't matter what you thought!

You don't have to resort to such childish pranks.

Louis...

Nor will you have to run off

comfortless like a dying duck.

Maria!

No, don't say any more!

I'm certainly not narrow-minded, but there are limits!

For four nights and days I was an involuntary guest in your house.

Your wife had locked me in, and I, the charming double-image...

Locked in! -You see now how embarrassing our situation is?

It must remain an absolute secret!

I don't need much, just

a small capsule with the poison that induces artificial death.

You can't interrogate a dead person. -But you will wake up again!

A free man, sir! Don't worry.

'for the last time,

Louis de Venosta.'

'Esteemed authorities! Dear friends!

Beloved world! In a few minutes death will embrace me.

My golden watch I leave to the taxidermist Hurtado,

who gave me such interesting information about his work.

To Professor Cuckoo, whom I hold in particularly high esteem,

I bequeath for scientific purposes my body,

my lifeless, yet well-shaped corpse.'

An amazing document! -He thought of everything.

Well, it's about due to arrive, that well-shaped corpse.

'Miss Zouzou, my charming tennis partner,

I beg to accept this golden pen.

The platinum tobacco box is for Mrs Cuckoo.

Awareness of her motherly affection has sweetened my last moments.'

It's too touching! -And so terribly sad.

'My beloved Papa! As soon as you have read this

please go and pay a visit to Professor Cuckoo...

I am deeply indebted to this famous scientist

and as I cannot thank him personally,

please do it for me at once. And so, for the last time, I am your

Louis de Venosta.' -The poor boy.

And it's all our fault! Go and see Cuckoo.

We must at least do this for him.

Hello?

A lady to see the Marquis de Venosta? -After I get back.

Tell her to call later.

Forgive my delay. An unexpected visitor. The Marquis de Venosta.

Who? -Not he - his father. Quite a fantastic story.

Love the world and the world will love...

Ah! One should die more often.

You feel newly born.

Good morning, gentlemen. How long did I sleep?

Eh... 61 hours

and 42 minutes! -That's unbelievable!

Quite unbelievable, Mr. Felix de Krullosta!

You know? -Since you had the kindness to send

the Marquis to me... -Of course! I'm sorry,

I must still be drowsy!

May I go now? I'm hungry!

Go now? Get out and stay out!

Not only out of Lisbon, but out of Europe!

With pleasure! But I'm penniless.

Here, you lucky dog, from father Venosta.

and this I have contributed myself.

A trip around the world. Just as planned!

Not quite so much in style, and not for the sake of your blue eyes either.

You must be gone, without a trace, dead,

so that we can straighten out our lives here.

May I hope for forgiveness?

You have it already. Quite undeservedly.

'Undeservedly'... the perfect title for my life-story.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, now here again,

the plain untitled Felix Krull is speaking to you.

Even though that won't remain my name for long, I'm sure. I seem

to fit many names under the sun.

But that is... of course!

The old Venosta with a young lady! Poor chap!

Really, there's no fool like an old fool! While youth, indeed,

may gain some wisdom. I, at least, have learned one lesson

from my adventures: Women are lethal and should

be avoided at all costs! What? It can't be done?

But one only has to remember... even the most charming woman's

arm is nothing but the clawed wing of the primeval bird

and the pectoral fin of the fish. -Se�or...

Merci.

Cabin number seven? Please, excuse me for a second!

Madame...

Zaza! Ol�!

Where have you been, Zaza? -I ran away and followed you...

but then I couldn't find you. And now...

Do you still love me? -No.

Transcribed from the hard-coded version.