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gas Flames dishes stacked added two more
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orded and my uniform so bleached I could
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disappear still cutting the red stuff
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table five coming concentrate vertical
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Strokes just just like you my knife
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slips Splats on the floor I'll
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clean it up bend down soop up the red
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there's no room to move my shoes touch
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those of the next kitchen hand I level
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back up to the stove and my head catches
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the saucepan handle not again tossed
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over the pan soes and the whole kitchen
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Quakes with fear next order it's
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coming spoon to lips taste tongue around
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latch onto the layer
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of
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nothing there's nothing there I
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can't keep stirring it's coming you
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grunt spittle in the air no time keep
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stirring
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what what's
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that a red
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drop traces the inside of the source pin
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it's coming I said the red inches down
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before I can act hits the surface of the
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liquid and
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spread
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blood oh
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I flip over my hands burn scab
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thick skin the usual my eyes off the
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stove you smack me across the back of my
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head my neck
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snaps a
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cut a hole on the inside of my left
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arm you grab the saucepan handle rip it
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off the heat dip the spoon in push it to
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your rdy face no no no no no what are
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you doing you can't I need 5 more
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minutes you shake your head please
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you're not listening you can't take I
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need more time I you
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what I suck in some
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air
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nothing it's fine get it out
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there food is lapped onto two plates I
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hold my
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breath look up through the Skylight and
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the kitchen
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ceiling just for a
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second you're not supposed to do this
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but you're not looking so I stick my
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head out around to the dining area
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shoulders
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hunched my four fingers grip the
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wall forgotten how white the room
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was old walls tablecloth
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Crockery a smell of pale roses a spot a
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waiter Gliding Over to two women at the
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corner table I look back down at the cut
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of my arm as a fresh drop of blood
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pauses between skin and the floor the
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jaws of the women slacken and slide for
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what feels
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like
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eternity a black crust forms over my
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lungs just can't keep going on like this
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I need to breathe and
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then she
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smiles the older of the two women smiles
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she digs her spoon back in deep
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masticates
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swallows and smiles again my lungs relax
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it's fine it's fine she didn't see the
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blood she didn't see the blood taste the
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blood kitchen sounds borrow inside the
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white noise of silver on Silver and a
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slow peel and burn of the lacquer on the
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bottom of source spant you're standing
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next to me nice you say good work they
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told the waiter the women compliments to
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the chef they want to order more tables
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s and eight overheard they want some
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too 3 minutes okay oh God keep stirring
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that means it was the blood No 2 minutes
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kid no no no I can't do this one minute
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think uh recipe uh red stuff heat green
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stuff spoon in
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taste it's nothing it's it's it's empty
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I can't do this I can't you're standing
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close to me you're smiling but your hand
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is raised and as it sweeps through the
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air I Flinch instinctively as it lands
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to a sudden
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Pat on my
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shoulder
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the three layers of fabric between your
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hand and my shoulder unravel to thread
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and I can feel your skin on
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mine it's my
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blood my insides you want and you don't
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even know it my index finger traces the
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cut on the inside of my left arm the
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edges Bend
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release 1 2 three drops in the pen
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a
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clockwise that's
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it that's all I need to give no
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more it's ready you snatch the pan and
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the plates go flying more kid more your
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lips apart teeth juted out but I'm not
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scared all the other kitchen hands are
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silent I grab more sauce punin fire up
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all the hot plates have four going at
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once nobody's looking I pour my arm W do
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can drops in each sauce pin I grab a
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spoon do figurette and pans 1 2 3 4
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losing a lot of blood now I grab the
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edge of the bench as my weight skids
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from underneath me I catch sight of my
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arm and the edge is erased I Bunch up my
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uniform and say that the arm flesh is
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faded more orders kid you're doing great
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blood still dripping from my cut sticky
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pool underf
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foot my
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fate not in the
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mess in the
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air hovering in the
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air anle
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height resting on an invisible
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bench I'm
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floating come on kid I'm waiting hair
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escapes my lungs snap I'm heavy again
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feet back on the ground back to work
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plates lined up gleaming and perfect I
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catch your eye thrown back at me in the
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surface of a pan the way you're looking
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at me
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you're
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happy you're actually proud new pans new
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spoons before I even start stirring I
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hang my arm over the
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pan a transparent ly now for the light I
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pour in a cup my secret ingredient
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done my hands circling above my head
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stirring all the way up to the Skylight
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in the kitchen ceiling I covered the pan
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let it simmer the customer
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they're mine I want to see their faces I
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lean my head out the back to the outdoor
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seating area and I spy an elderly couple
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smiles on both their
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faces I smile back and wave but my arm
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doesn't actually raise the shadow but
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the flesh and Bone doesn't budge I can't
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control it can't control
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it let's buy the next table of Diner a
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helium balloon reads happy
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birthday it Bobs near a gas heater next
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to a little girl where's the food boy
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stirring again new batch his out
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bubbling blood still dripping from my
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arm gluggy and warm but the color's gone
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out of it done new batch spot the girl's
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birthday balloon out the back window
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it's bobbing up and down but it always
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comes to still lower than it began some
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helium's leaked out of it
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I feel
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taller my bones
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lighter as if some of the helium has
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leeched into my
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skin
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yeah I look down
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and my feet on on the
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floor I kick my
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legs I Rise a few
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centimet the balloon lowers
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as if a counterweight instantly I Rise a
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few more
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centim the balloon lowers further
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towards the
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ground and I Rise
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upwards keeping the balance of
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things I see you leave the kitchen for
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the outdoor dining area I call out Point
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down with my toes but you can't see me
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or hear
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me I'm far too high now out of your
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Rich there's a gray smudge in your
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hand
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Fork you walk over to the table with a
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little
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girl but your knee buckles and you trip
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lose your
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balance the fork runs straight through
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the
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balloon
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pop it sinks
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dead
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saw
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alive I can't stop it
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now
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my under my skin I feel my
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blood heating the boiling
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point but a gentle
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oil from liquid to
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vapor and now let's
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pray
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