Original subtitles

What are you smiling about?

All your stuffed animals

blew away to Oklahoma.

Good news.

Found some of your underwear in a tree.

Those are your grandmother's.

Ew.

Did you find any diapers?

Yes, but only one.

Use it wisely.

Okay.

Thanks.

Okay.

Mary?

Mary, let me finish.

Everybody's okay.

Oh, thank the Lord.

So the house is fine?

Well, ours is.

What does that mean?

Your mother's house is sort of...

gone.

Gone where?

Everywhere.

What?! Why didn't you call me right away?

Well, the phones were down, honey.

That is no excuse.

You're right, I'm sorry. But...

again, nobody got hurt.

Okay, Mandy and the baby are staying with us.

Your mom's at Dale's. All right, well,

I'll call the airlines

and see when the next flight out is.

Why? To do what?

To help.

There's nothing to do.

I got it under control.

Hey, where are the extra sheets?

We have extra sheets?

They're in the linen closet.

We have a linen closet?

Yes! I have to come home.

Well, Sheldon's not gonna be real happy about that.

George, when is he ever happy?

This is the greatest pretzel I've ever had.

Ich bin ein Heidelberger!

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

What do you mean I don't have coverage for tornadoes?

All right, fine, it's a hurricane.

No?

Then what the hell am I paying you for?

All right, there you have it, it's a flood.

Everything's wet, what difference does it make?

You know what, I'd like to talk to your supervisor.

♪ I'm walking on sunshine... ♪

Hey, how's it going?

I don't have coverage for tornados.

So call it a hurricane.

I did.

Flood?

I tried that.

Locusts?

You're not helping.

Oh, listen, come on.

As long as it takes you to rebuild your place,

you always got a home

right here with me.

Thank you. Thank you.

Well, I don't want to be a freeloader.

I-I'll pay you rent.

Great.

My house just blew away, you're supposed to say no!

Well, you offered.

♪ And don't it feel good? ♪

Georgie, Mandy.

Breakfast's ready.

Dad, there's other people in this house.

[George Sr.] I just got in here.

I saw you bring in a newspaper.

It's not a library. Wrap it up.

Good morning. Eggs are on the table.

Here's some toast. Bacon's coming up.

Wow, look at you being Mom.

Say that again, and you can make your own lunch.

Oh, you're touchy like Mom, too.

[George Sr.] Missy, I said I'm coming!

It's Mandy.

Oh... uh, be right out.

Oh, that smells good. Help yourself.

You know, you're gonna make a really good mom one day.

Thank you.

How's that different from what I said?

You said our mom, she said a mom.

Totally different.

No, it ain't.

Bathroom's free.

You wash your hands?

Yes.

Dad?

What's this? Your lunch.

We just had a tornado.

I'm not going to work.

Then you're gonna help me clean the house.

Dang, it's like Mom never left.

Sorry, it's like a mom never left.

Better. How about you and me run and get groceries,

baby supplies, whatever else you need.

Okay, great.

Other than your grandma's underwear, I have nothing.

You're watching CeeCee today.

Well, who put you in charge?

Okay, just asking.

Jeff, look what I found in the garden.

Oh, my goodness, that's a lot of money.

$1,230.

It must've blown over from Connie's house.

You don't know that.

Robin.

We have to return it.

Why?

What do you mean why?

It's the Christian thing to do.

You said yourself she was running

an illegal gambling establishment.

That's true.

You really think it was a coincidence that her house

was the only one on the street to get torn up?

Could be.

Or could be a sign.

Look at the bill, who does it say to trust?

I see it.

I brought you a wiener schnitzel.

Thank you.

I tried it. It's yucky.

Shelly, sit down. Why?

Just sit.

I don't know

how else to say this

other than just to say it.

We have to go home.

Oh, no, who did Germany invade now?

No, nothing like that.

Um...

there was a tornado back home.

Everybody's okay,

but your meemaw's house was destroyed.

But everyone's okay, that's confirmed?

Thank God, yes. You're thanking the deity

who sent the tornado?

I'm not in the mood for this.

We have to go.

Why?

Honey, your meemaw lost her house.

I'm sure she has insurance.

That is not the point.

Well, what is the point?

What would we do once we get there?

I don't know.

Uh, be there,

provide solace,

lend a hand.

Me? Lend a hand? You're funny.

Too bad. We are going.

Class is starting tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere.

Sheldon, do not argue with me.

You are going home.

Mom, the people of Germany are obsessed

with rules and devoid of humor. I am home.

You know something?

I think that tornado had a silver lining.

Oh, and what would that be?

It just blew you right in

to where you're supposed to be.

You mean it destroyed my house

so you could have sex in the middle of the day?

No.

Well, yeah.

Making love and living together.

Well, I don't want to live together.

This is temporary.

Pretty tough talk for a woman

who didn't have tornado insurance.

Oh, no, come on! I was joking.

Do you think I'm stupid just because

I didn't have tornado insurance?

We are in Texas.

I live here now.

[Missy] All right, Georgie and Mandy

are in Sheldon's room.

I'm in my room. Meemaw,

you'll be in Mom and Dad's. Dad, you get the garage.

Why do I get the garage?

Would you rather put the baby or the old lady out there?

Hey. I'm helping you.

What's wrong with the couch?

Like you'd fit on the couch. Hey.

Actually, maybe Meemaw can take Sheldon's room,

and Mandy and I can take Mom and Dad's room

with the bigger bed.

Really? You want to sleep on the mattress

you were conceived on?

Ew. Ew.

Wait, you've had the same mattress for 18 years?

There's nothing wrong with it.

It's a Sealy.

We'll be fine in Sheldon's room.

Okay, I'll take the garage.

Hey, you get to sleep on the mattress

CeeCee was conceived on.

Shut up.

Whoa.

What's this? She's a beauty, huh?

How big is that thing?

27 inches.

Don't you think this is a decision

I should've been a part of?

How about this? You can decide what we watch first.

I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this.

Well, then I'll decide.

A spider that lives on his hand.

Walker, Texas Ranger.

Tell me that's not a sign from God.

Geez Louise!

It's like we're in a movie theater.

If you're still uncomfortable,

I can return it.

I-I guess it's okay.

I'll make popcorn.

Why are you testing me?

I need to change our return flights.

As soon as possible.

What are you doing?

Uh...

Tonight would be great. How much?

Sheldon Lee Cooper!

I told you I'm not going home.

I am your mother.

What I say goes.

What are you doing?

Passive resistance. Good luck lifting my limp body.

Your grandmother lost her home.

And I feel terrible, but I can't change what happened.

You could be there for your meemaw.

Does she even want us there?

Of course she does.

Let's ask her.

There's too many people here already.

You'd just be in the way.

No need to thank me.

We could be back by tomorrow.

Are you deaf? I said don't come.

We will get through this together.

God will provide.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

Put Sheldon on the phone.

No. Let me talk to her.

Love you, bye.

Hi. ls your meemaw home?

She took the baby for a walk.

Oh.

Is she gonna be gone long?

Do you want to wait?

I just made a pot of coffee.

You like coffee?

I'm about to find out.

Come on in, I don't want to

air condition the whole neighborhood.

Well, sure. Thank you.

How'd your meemaw seem this morning?

Cranky.

Well, she's always cranky.

Can you be more specific?

You may need more flowers.

Right. Well, it's been

pretty traumatic around here.

Try some cream and sugar in there.

Nah.

Black's good.

So, what'd you do that pissed her off?

Well, I'm not gonna talk to you about none of this.

'Kay.

What makes you think it was my fault?

The flowers, your hang-dog face...

This is my regular face.

'Kay.

What goes on between me and your grandma

is none of your business.

'Kay.

She totally overreacted.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe a little.

There we go.

Wow, this place is hopping.

Half the town's still got no power.

Oh, check this out.

Damn.

I know.

What is it about a tornado

that makes people want to gamble?

Don't know.

Guess they're happy to be alive, scared they're gonna die.

If we had an earthquake, I bet we could retire.

Here's to hoping.

Where's CeeCee?

She's with Connie.

Oh, cool.

Oh, hey, your mom stopped by

the video store earlier.

What'd she want?

She was just being nice.

Oh, Georgie, grow up.

No, I'm serious.

She heard about Meemaw's house

and offered us a place to live.

There it is.

The-the niceness?

She's plotting and scheming to control my life.

All I heard is they got two bathrooms.

Doesn't matter, I am never living under their roof.

You realize even if business stays like this,

we're at least two years away from getting our own place.

Georgie, I am not living with my parents.

Okay, what if... No.

You don't even know what I was going to say.

You wanted to live there by yourself.

How do you do that?

You made fun of her for not having the right insurance?

It was a joke.

The only thing I got wrong was the timing.

If I said it two or three years later,

everybody's laughing their ass off.

Hey, look who's here.

Shh, she's sleeping.

Sorry.

What're you doing here?

He came to apologize.

Nobody's talking to you.

Cranky, cranky.

Don't you have some place better to be?

Actually, I'm about to go run around the block.

I am buzzing.

Hi.

I brought you flowers.

Thank you.

I was stupid.

No, I was stupid.

This feels like a trap.

I was embarrassed about the insurance thing,

'cause I didn't think anything like this

was gonna ever happen to me,

and...

now I've lost everything.

Worse, I've lost living with Mandy

and my little great-granddaughter,

and...

I liked that.

Yeah, I get it.

But look on the bright side,

you're running a successful criminal enterprise.

Before you know it,

you're gonna have enough money to rebuild.

Assuming you stay out of jail.

Eh, two years from now, that's gonna be so funny.

Hey, Jeff.

Oh, George.

Ooh, what do you got there?

New TV?

Yeah.

Ooh. Trinitron.

That's pricey.

There was a sale. Where?

I don't know, my wife bought it.

Probably with coupons.

You lucky duck.

Yeah.

He doth provide.

I guess so.

How big is it?

I don't really know.

Well...

it says 27 inches on the box.

27.

Hey, Dad. Pastor Jeff.

Excuse me.

Um...

Herr Dr. Pepper?

Ah, nein.

Um, sweet tea?

Oh, oh. Um...

Uh, susser tea?

Ah. Nein.

Bier?

Sure.

Danke.

Bítte.

Oh.

Grande.

Mmm.

I'm from America.

No kidding.

It's good.

Who's hungry for spaghetti?

Oh.

Didn't realize your boyfriend was staying for dinner.

Is that a problem?

No, just...

would've been nice if someone told me.

I'm sorry.

All right, grace.

We're still doing that?

We survived a tornado.

Thank you, Lord, for the food we are about to receive,

and bless the hands that prepared it,

which are mine.

I got it.

Amen.

Amen.

Missy, I'm really impressed

how you stepped up.

Thanks, it's easier now that I've discovered coffee.

There's vegetables in the spaghetti.

Since when do we eat vegetables?

We got one bathroom.

Got to keep things moving.

That's very important.

Who's knocking at suppertime?

This is your TV now.

I can't have this on my conscience.

I don't want to go to hell.

You'll need this.

Sweet.

Georgie!

So, you're from Texas? Ja.

Where is your cowboy hat?

Oh, I don't have one.

Boots? No.

Horse? No.

Gun? No.

Are you sure you're from Texas?

Well, I do think I'm better than everyone else.

That's mighty Texan.

[Mary] ♪ Danke schoen ♪

♪ Darling, danke schoen ♪

♪ Thank you for ♪

♪ All the joy and pain ♪

♪ Picture show, second balcony ♪

♪ Was the place we'd meet ♪

Hey, honey.

Mother. Oh, I love this country.

Mwah!

♪ Second seat, go Dutch treat ♪

♪ You were sweet ♪ Sing it with me.

♪ Danke schoen, darling, danke schoen ♪

[Adult Sheldon] I don't know what could have gotten into her.

Probably jet lag.

[George Jr.] 27 inches.

We're living in the future.

Boy, that color's amazing.

Those Japanese fellas know what they're doing.

Why'd Pastor Jeff give this to you?

I have no idea.

You didn't ask him?

Didn't care.

Are you staying the night?

'Cause we're gonna need to lay a few ground rules.

You know, sympathetic vomiting has an evolutionary basis.

In the Paleolithic era,

when one member of a tribe would start vomiting,

it was a signal to the rest

that they'd eaten something poisonous and...

Oh, scooch.

Like that.

Another fun fact...