Original subtitles

Happy birthday, thank you.

Happy birthday.

Oh, thank you.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

I don't care if every fucking young girl

in this fucking town

in the next few weeks.

Look, I made it simple.

We need her young.

We need her hot.

We need her now.

How the old bitch has been able to stick

around for this long.

That's the fucking mystery to me.

Oh, Oscar winner, my ass.

When was that back in the 30s?

What, for King Kong?

No, I don't give a

fuck what we promised her.

This is network TV,

not a fucking charity.

Find me somebody new.

Now.

Hey, did you know that a woman's

fertility starts to

decrease by the age of 25?

How old is Jennifer?

You better get busy.

It's like when you see

someone fart on screen.

People just love that.

I mean, that's just the way it is.

So you know what I mean?

People are just people.

And I have to give people what they want.

That's what keeps the shareholders happy.

And people always ask for something new.

Renewal is inevitable.

And at 50, well, it stops.

What stops?

What?

What stops?

Um, you know, the um...

The um...

The um...

Oh, George!

Oh, oh!

I'm sorry, I gotta run.

Harvey!

George, those ratings are insane!

You're a genius!

Oh, what a mess. You're a genius.

That's why you'd be drinking.

Oh, that's hilarious.

Well, it's your lucky day, Miss Sparkle,

because we have

X-rayed you from head to toe,

and you don't have so

much as a crap molar.

So, you are good to go.

Uh, vaccination, okay?

Not going on a vacation.

By the way, I just want to

say, my wife is a huge fan.

Um, blood type...

Oh, hey, it's your birthday.

Happy birthday.

Oh, uh, that's an emergency, I'm sorry.

I, uh, had to have a...

Bye.

One moment.

It's just one last exam to perform.

I thought he said I was good to go.

Is there a problem?

No, it's perfect.

You're a good candidate.

I mean, are you good to go?

I wish you the best.

Lizzie?

Lizzie Sparkle?

Oh my God, I can't believe it.

Fred!

Fred, from 10th grade homeroom!

Oh, Fred, of course.

You haven't changed a bit.

You're still the most beautiful girl in

the whole wide world.

You know, I followed your career.

What a success.

I mean, wow, wow, wow.

Wow.

Hey, why don't we go out maybe for a

drink sometime now that

we're, you know, reconnected?

Um...

Oh, of course, I'm stupid.

You're super busy.

But you know what?

Why don't you give me your card?

I mean, you never help.

Um, sure, what I...

This will do.

Oh.

Don't look at my cholesterol levels.

They're a disaster.

Oh, God.

What is that?

There.

Now you've got it.

Have you ever dreamt of a

better version of yourself?

Younger.

More beautiful.

More perfect.

One single injection unlocks your DNA,

starting a new cellular

division that will release

another version of yourself.

This is the substance.

You are the matrix.

Everything comes from you.

And everything is you.

This is simply a

better version of yourself.

You just have to share.

One week for one and

one week for the other.

A perfect balance of seven days each.

The one and only thing not to forget.

You are one.

You can't escape from yourself.

Yes.

Hello.

I'd like to order.

Address.

1057 Beverly Canyon.

Write this down.

35 North Byron Alley.

35 North.

Phone ringing

You are the matrix.

Everything comes from

you, and everything is you.

This is simply a

better version of yourself.

Hello.

Thanks.

We'll let you know by next week.

Thank you so much.

I'm just dying to get the part.

Great dancer.

Hmm, too bad her

boobs aren't in the middle

of her instead of the nose.

Next!

Looks like everything sure is in the

right place this time.

Please say your name, age, measurements.

I'm Sue.

I'm Sue.

Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue.

Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue.

Where is she?

Where is she?

What a gorgeous little angel.

You're hired.

We want a show that's just like you.

Beautiful and happy.

People want to be happy.

We air in two weeks,

so let's get to work.

I'm gonna let you organize

the rest with my assistant.

Isabella?

Is-is-isis.

Who has time to say that?

We're gonna make you Cindy.

It's shorter, it's better.

So, I'm gonna let you

organize everything else with Cindy.

Oh, um, before you go,

I just have to mention

a small scheduling issue.

I have to be out of town every other week

to take care of my

mother, who's very sick.

I want you for this

show, and we will work around

any mother, brother, fucking sick,

puppy you need to take care of.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Gorgeous, with a pure heart.

People are gonna love that.

Perfect.

So you jump out, touch your elbows,

head down, contract.

And five, six, seven, eight, elbows.

Where have you been?

I've all been wanting

to have a drink with you

for your departure.

Anyway, we all chipped in

and we got you just a little

something to keep you busy.

It's French.

My wife, she's for her spire.

Oh, I don't want my wife.

Oops, I gotta run.

But it's always great to see you.

The antelope and the deer moving about

are going through the text.

The antelope with remotes.

I cannot believe the

incredible price for $49.98.

God dammit, they have the phone

and it's such a great night.

Open up.

We gotta open up.

And uh, sorry.

I thought that Ms. Sparkle.

She moved out.

I'm the new tenant.

Sue.

Oliver.

Oliver.

Oliver.

You wanted to complain about something?

Oliver?

What?

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I think it's like

awesome when there's stuff

going on in the

building, you know what I mean?

Um, I'm actually,

quite handy if you ever need,

need me to be of aid in any way.

I got a sack of tools

and I got a big hammer.

You know what I mean.

Anyways, I live right here,

so you know where to find me.

Anytime.

Day or night.

Later.

Hi everybody.

I'm Sue and it's time to pump it up.

Are you ready?

Let's go.

Thank you so much everybody.

I'll see you next week.

And in the meantime,

take care of yourself.

Courtesy!

Wonderful, wonderful.

I won't be out late, so just wait for me.

Don't eat too fast.

Are you all right?

Yes, I'll be right back.

Are you all right?

What did you do?

You've seen me the more

beautiful than before.

No.

Yes.

Yes, hi.

This is Elizabeth Sparkle.

I'm 503.

Yes.

Yes, hi.

There's been a slight

misuse of the substance.

A few extra hours were accidentally used

causing an alteration.

So I'm just looking for

the procedure to reverse it.

What has been used on one

side is lost on the other side.

There's no going back.

No, I don't know what she was thinking.

And obviously she was drunk.

Remember there is no she and you.

You are one.

Respect the balance

and you won't have

any more inconveniences.

Don't you know

Don't you know

You got to pump it up

Don't you know

Don't you know

You got to pump it up

You got to pump it up

You got to pump it up

You got to pump it up

You got to pump it up

Sue!

Sue?

I just saw you on TV.

Holy moly.

Makes me want to join your class.

Hey, you don't give

private lessons, do you?

Hey, what about a

drink at my place tonight?

Come on, don't be shy.

I see you standing behind

the door there, gorgeous.

All right, take your

time, but it's a date.

You know, pump it up

You got to pump it up

You know, pump it up

You got to pump it up

Sue.

What can I get you?

Moka Latte.

It's long, isn't it?

Excuse me?

Seven days.

Did you follow me here?

I was just curious to find out

how things were going for you.

Each time you feel a little

more lonely, don't you think?

I don't know what you were talking about.

I'm fine.

Everything's fine.

It gets harder each time to remember

that you still deserve to exist.

That this part of

yourself is still worth something

that you still matter.

Has she started yet?

Eating away at you?

Fuck!

Watch out!

What?

Hey!

Move!

You're still the most beautiful girl

in the whole wide world.

Hello?

Hi, Fred.

It's Lizzie.

Hello?

Sorry, I mean, I'm a chalk.

Oh.

Wow.

Wow, wow.

I thought I'd never

hear from you again after...

Oh gosh, no, no, not at all.

I just, I've just

been really busy lately.

So listen, I was thinking that

maybe we could get

together and grab a drink.

Are you still there?

Sorry, I'm in shock.

I'm in shock again.

I could book Luigi's at eight.

Eight in Luigi's?

It is.

I will see you tonight.

Bye.

Okay, bye.

Hi everybody.

Hi.

Okay, here we go everyone.

Clear the set please.

First positions, thank you.

Roll cameras.

And in three, two, one.

Squat, squat, squat.

Circle those hips.

Circle those hips.

Contract, contract, contract,

contract, contract, contract.

Contract, between your legs.

Cut.

I'm sorry, I thought I, thought I, I,

I just got distracted.

Not a problem, let's

get right back to it.

Back to one please.

Sorry, it's the control room now.

The director said he saw something

bizarre on the monitor.

Bring up the replay on camera two.

Camera two.

Forward.

Can I have my dressing gown?

Sorry, it's in your dressing room.

But I go and get it.

Let's just take this frame by frame.

I need five minutes.

Yes.

This balance is not working.

I barely have any time to enjoy myself

while she wastes seven days

stuffing her face in front of the TV.

Remember there is no she and you.

I love everybody.

What's happening?

Where is everybody?

The TV's been canceled.

What, why?

Sue.

Harvey wants to see you

in his office immediately.

Okay.

I'll go change him.

No, he said now.

I'll get right to the bond.

We can't keep you on the morning show.

But why?

I just started.

Ratings are through the roof.

We started at 42.

Now we're up to like...

216.

It's phenomenal.

People love you.

They adore you.

They want more and more and more of you.

That is why we have

decided that we want you

to host the New Year's Eve show.

You mean the...

The network's biggest show.

50 million viewers live.

You can't go higher than that.

That's gonna be intense.

We only have a few more. So are you in?

If you don't open the

door and opportunity knocks,

you won't get another chance.

You of all people know this.

Just one more day and

then I have a whole week off.

We can switch.

We're doing the cover of Vogue.

Just one more day, okay?

Yes. She didn't respect the balance.

She's stealing more

and more time from me,

completely without

consideration of the consequences.

She's a selfish bitch.

Would you like to stop?

Stop.

You are the Matrix.

If you are not satisfied,

you can put an end to the experience

and go back to being

just you on your own.

Would you like to stop?

Will it go back to the way it was before?

What has been

transferred won't come back,

but you can stop the experience.

As of now, would you like to stop?

To go back to being just you on your own?

No.

No, no, no.

I can't stop.

She just...

I did it.

I did it.

I did it. I did it.

The balance just needs to be respected.

So respected.

Stop it, stop it, stop

it, stop it, stop it.

You are the Matrix.

Well,

congratulations, you've won $25,000.

We're standing on our final chance

and it's your second question

in our big question

round and play for $250,000.

And you'll have just 45

seconds to come up to get

the correct answer that you can't...

Just a little something to keep you busy.

Fuck.

Boss.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she is here.

The superstar of the moment, Sue.

Are you ready?

Let's welcome her, Sue.

You popped up nowhere on

our screens like a tornado.

I don't think anybody was

really prepared for this world.

It all started with the morning show

and rumor has it that you are

up for Tom Grant's next movie.

Wait, just a moment.

I'm being told that you are going to host

the New Year's Eve show.

Can you confirm this?

Yes, that's right.

Yes, that's right.

Oh my God, that is huge news.

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Where are you from?

How did you get discovered?

I want, we want to know everything.

Well, I mean, there's

really not very much to tell.

I'm just a girl from a

very small town in Indiana.

I'm sure that you've never heard of it.

In fact, it's not even a town.

I'm not sure you could

really even call it a village.

It's a farm, perhaps?

But ever since I can remember,

it has always been my

dream to be on screen.

This is my dream.

As a child, I used to

put on shows for my family.

Mm, your family.

How sweet.

So, everyone is aware that

you replaced Elizabeth Sparkle.

And no doubt about it, you stepped in,

you turned up the volume,

and you rocked their world.

Were you a fan of her show?

Um, well, well, I can't, uh,

I can't really say that I

actually watched her show.

You do know that we're not exactly from

the same generation.

And you have to admit, it

was a bit old-fashioned.

Jurassic Fitness, really.

Jurassic Fitness, it needed a change.

I'll fucking show you.

You really wanna see

some Jurassic Fitness?

You want it?

Come on, come get your

fucking Jurassic Fitness!

But my mother was a huge fan of hers.

So, every morning, rain or shine,

Sparkle, your life, was on TV.

So, in a way, I grew up with her.

Whether I liked it or not.

I guess that's why you could say

we have some sort of connection.

Some sort of connection.

You wouldn't exist without me.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

It is time, ladies and

gentlemen, for our final question.

The question that we ask each

and every one of our guests.

Okay.

Would you share one of your

little beauty secrets with us?

Just one little trick of yours

that helps you look

so incredibly stunning.

I mean, look at you.

I don't know.

Say it!

Say it!

Let me think.

Say it!

Tell them who your

little beauty secret is!

I guess, I would just

show them right here.

Here's your little beauty secret.

I guess I just try to be myself.

To be sincere and

grateful for all that I have.

And to always remember

to leave with my heart.

Oh, I'm here at the sweetheart center.

I just, oh, I try to be myself.

Stop it!

Stop it.

You're taking it from me.

That's your little secret.

Stop it!

You have to control yourself!

I can't go back, I forgot.

Oh, shit.

Gross old rat.

Stop it!

Coming to bed?

Yes, I'll be right there.

Yes.

Hi, hi, this is emergency.

There's no more stabilizer fluid.

Hello?

It's fucking 503.

Yes.

Fuck!

I'm telling you, this is urgent.

There's no more stabilizer fluid.

It means you've reached the end.

What do you mean the end?

You've drained it all out.

If you want more, you must

let the fluid regenerate.

Tell me how to do it.

I need to stabilize myself right now.

You simply have to switch.

Excuse me?

The switch reboots the

fluid secretion process

so you can continue to

enjoy the experience.

No, no, no, no, no.

I can't switch, I can't.

Especially not now.

There is no other option.

Sue?

Babe?

Sue?

You all right?

Should I start out tomorrow?

Babe?

Babe?

Sue?

Is something wrong?

You look cranky because

you're related business.

Sue, open the door.

Come on, Sue.

Sue, funny, I need to take a picture.

Sue, open the door.

Open the door, Sue, come on.

Come on.

Guys!

What the fuck?

The fuck out!

Who's this? Who the fuck is that?

Leave me alone!

What the fuck?

Doorbell

Yes?

It's 503.

I want to stop.

Are you sure? Once you

stop, you can't go back.

I want to stop! I want to fucking stop!

I want to stop!

We'll deliver.

Panting

Speaking in foreign language

Are you sure?

Once you stop, you can't go back.

You will simply remain on your own.

Just on your own.

Just on your own.

Shut the fuck up! Breathing heavily

Okay.

I can't do this.

I need you.

I need myself.

You gotta get ready. It's our big night.

Come on. They're gonna love you so much.

Come on.

Come on.

You're the only lovable part

of me. You have to come back.

You have to come back. Come back.

Panting

Okay. Okay.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Minimumy revenues

rolls dice

Oh, don't!

You guys know what happened, makeup?

Here, we gotta get you the pinning room.

We have one final test on

stage, lighting a sound.

We have it in, I'll type it for the show.

You got it?

You good?

Okay, let's go.

Grab it.

One more.

There you go.

You good?

You gonna dance, lads?

I'm gonna be right back, sorry.

They need to see you on

stage with the satellites.

Have you ever dreamt

of a better version of yourself?

More beautiful, more perfect.

Tim?

Yes, let me meet you there.

Okay, so I'll wait for you on stage.

Sue?

Let me introduce you to the shareholders.

They have been dying to meet you.

Is everything okay?

So smile.

That's what we want tonight.

Pretty girls should always smile.

Bathers, blathers, blathers.

Hey, you ready for tonight?

Would you be the

better version of myself?

Please give me a better

version of myself, please.

Please.

Come on.

Jesus.

Looks like everything sure is in the

right place this time.

Please say your name, age, measurements.

Pretty girls should always smile.

At last, we're starting to worry.

Hurry up, you're up in five.

There she is, so beautiful.

We love you.

This is where you belong.

You always belong here.

We can't do it without you.

We'll never do it without you.

Who would you replace them all?

Oh.

Girls, come on, let's go.

Let's go, what are we waiting for?

Okay, come on, everybody,

let's go, let's go, let's go.

You will not be disappointed.

She's my most beautiful creation.

I have shaped her for success.

Five, four, three, two, one.

The monster!

Shoot the monster!

It's a freak!

The monster!

Don't be a bird.

Monster!

You're stupid.

It's real.

I'm a little bit, I'm a little bit.

Freak!

Freak, monster, monster!

It's me.

It's me.

I'm just kidding.

Too bad her boobs aren't

in the middle of her face

instead of that nose.

Hmm.

Next!

Pretty girls should always smile.

I have 50.

It stops.

I love you.

I love you.

You're a place of all.