All language subtitles for Super Team Canada s01e04 Wed on Arrival.eng

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Original subtitles

[???]

?�It's�a�mad,�mad�world�?

?�And�guess�who's�gonna save�it�all?�?

?�It's�a�dirty�job�?

?�But�someone's�gotta�do�it�?

?�Yeah,�we�can�do�it�?

?�Super�Team�Canada!�?

?�Hey,�hey!�?

?�The�fate�of�the�free�world�?

?�Is�in�our�hands�?

?�We're�the�heroes�of�the�land�?

?�Super�Team�Canada!�?

[explosion]

[distant�loon�call]

[woman's�voice] Once�upon�a�time,

on�a�planet I�like�to�call�Earth,

there�was�a�group�of�heroes

who�called�themselves Super�Team�Canada.

They�weren't�that�super.

Anyway,�one�day, they�were�lounging�about,

watching�their�favourite television�show...

[Announcer] And�on�"Glacier�or�Iceberg:

College�Week"... -[studio�audience�cheering]

Okay,�Carol,�for�the�$20

and�the�hand-cranked�toaster,

is�this�a�glacier or�an�iceberg?

I�say�glacier,

and�I'd�bet�money�on�it

if�I�hadn't�lost�everything

betting�on�stupid gender�reveals.

It's�an�iceberg.

Like�me,

their�biggest�parts are�often�not�visible.

[buzzer�blaring]

I�see�you've chosen�"glacier."

Well,�Carol,�congrats...

on�being�so�wrong! -[error�buzzer�blaring]

It's�an�iceberg.

[crashing�and�splashing]

Hey,�hey,�hey, Poutine�was�right!

He's�so�smart.

Check�it�out.

The�show�finally got�interesting.

[woman's�voice] Yes,�I�lifted�the�iceberg

right�out�of�the�ocean

and�moved�it to�a�football�stadium.

Why?

Well,�let's�let the�me�on�TV�explain.

[blasting]

[chipping]

At�first,�I�wanted a�Summer�Splendor�theme,

but�then�I�remembered it�was�the�Glurk�wedding,

so�I�pivoted�to�Magic�Memory.

Are�you�a�wedding�planner?

I�prefer "matrimony�consultant."

[chuckling]

That�edge�is�rough. You're�dust.

[blasting]

[handvac�whirring]

My�clients,�very�well-off,

wanted�a�unique destination�wedding,

so�voil�!

But�this�place�needs some�decorations.

[clicking]

We�have�a�very�exclusive guest�list,

and�you're�not�on�it,�so...

[clicking�pen]

[clanging]

Cracked? Did�we�know�it�was�cracked?

And�if�someone�did, why�didn't�I?

[handvac�whirring]

[alert�beeping]

[Wedding�Planner]�Everything was�coming�along�beautifully.

The�city�of�Hamilton was�excited.

No�one�had�ever�wanted

a�destination�wedding there�before.

Uh,�caterers,

you�know�we're�only�using the�horns�for�the�passed�apps.

Throw�the�rest�away.

Stop�the�wedding!

And�if�we're�not�too�late, the�rehearsal�dinner.

Is�that�a�gift?

[RCM-PC] Didn't�want�to�be�rude.

Ugh,�I�hate�surprises.

You�know�what's�not�a�surprise?

You�being�dust.

[handvac�whirring]

On�Earth,�we're�not�fans

of�theft,�violence, or�trespassing.

I'd�even�go�so�far as�to�say�we�frown�on�it.

Oh,�you�misunderstand.

I'm�not�here�to�hurt�anyone.

I'm�here�for�love!

You�see,�the�heart�is�my�canvas,

and�romance,�my�paintbrush.

Catchy�slogan.

Now,�pack�it�all�up,

and�don't�let�the�atmosphere

hit�you�in�the�butt on�the�way�out.

But�everything's�planned.

The�wedding,�reception, toss�the�bouquet,

then�blow�up�your�planet.

[bomb�alerts�blaring]

Can't�call�something a�once-in-a-lifetime�event

if�some�other�couple can�get�married�here,�can�we?

We�can't.

In�that�case,

we'll�be�checking the�"regret"�box.

Oh,�I�see�that�you're�mad, but�first,

I�think�it�might�help

if�you�got�to�know�the�couple.

[???]

Zlax's�terrible�eyesight and�rotten�breath

attracted�bullies and�repulsed�the�opposite�sex.

He�resigned�himself to�never�finding�love.

J'zah�was�beautiful.

She�could�have�had any�suitor�she�wanted,

until�a�stray�meteor hit�her�in�the�face.

Diagnosed as�clinically�hideous,

she�prepared to�live�her�life�alone,

until�one�day,

Zlax's�astigmatism

made�J'zah's�concave�face beautiful�again,

and�J'zah's�smashed-in�nose

made�his�foul�breath smell�like�roses.

They�were�literally the�only�ones�in�the�universe

for�each�other.

-That�movie�sucked. -[Sask�snoring]

Agree.�It�was�clich�,�cloying,

and�poorly�lit.

Two�and�a�half�stars.

I�was�bored into�a�screensaver.

You�guys�chill.

I�got�Miss�Pantsuit.

You�love�weapons?

Well,�I�believe love�is�the�ultimate�weapon.

[Wedding�Planner] I�took�out�my�romance�rock.

The�rock sends�a�beam�of�romance

that�enters�any�heart.

[crystal�beam�whooshing]

Maybe�I�can�be�helpful with�the�ice�sculpture?

Ice�is�kinda�my�thing.

You�hypnotized�her!

And�even�worse,

you�made�her�pursue�the�Arts.

[crystal�beam�whooshing]

Mm,�I�used�to�like�love.

Now�I�love�it.

[RCM-PC] Attack�software�downloaded!

[beam�whooshing]

I�realize�now

love�is�the�ultimate�language,

not�JavaScript.

[beam�whooshing]

Didn't�work,�crystals�are�crap.

Ha!�Rocks�trying�to�be�glass?

I�mean,�pick�a�lane,�right?

Hmm,�this�only�doesn't�work

if�your�hearts are�closed�to�love,

and�also�in�a�cardiac�event kind�of�way.

I�presume�you�eat a�lot�of�cheese?

Would�I�be�as�constipated as�I�am�if�I�didn't?

[video�game�victory�music]

You�always�know just�what�a�lady�wants�to�hear.

Anyway,

spray�right�where�you�are!

[Wedding�Planner] My�romance�rock

had�no�effect�on�these�two,

but�I�came�up�with a�new�strategy.

Stop!�I'll�leave.

It�takes�a�few�hours

for�the�beam's�effects to�wear�off,

so�while�we�wait, how�about�dinner?

[Poutine]�I�would�like�to�eat out�of�a�rhino�horn.

I'm�a�bit�of�a�foodie.

We�also�have vegetarian�options.

A�nice�salad served�in�a�kangaroo�pouch?

Does�that�hurt�the�kangaroo?

It�can�if�you�want�it�to.

Oh...�this�is�fine,

but�I�don't�do�fine.

I�do�dramatic!

Cue�volcano!

I�also�imported�this

from�Nova�Scotia

for�ambiance.

[playing]

They�won't�miss�it.

I�mean,�what�would�Nova�Scotia

even�do�with�ambiance?

[laughing]

That's�forte.

I�wanted�mezzo�forte!

[blasting]

[handvac�whirring]

You�missed�some!

[blasting]

Now,�before�we�get�into the�boring�stuff

about�saving�your�planet,

I�heard�you�two�used�to�date.

True?

We�dated�once,

for�barely�two�minutes.

And�yet�she�still�remember.

You�see, gravy�leaves�quite�a�stain.

Well,�excuse�me�for�a�moment.

Apparently when�I�said�"Winter�Mist,"

someone�heard�"French�Vanilla,"

and�now�that�someone

is�going�home�in�a�Ziploc�bag.

[laughing]

I'm�sure�that�lava's destroying�homes,

but�it�is�kinda�nice.

Yes,�inside every�destructive�force

is�something�very�beautiful.

Are�you...�hitting�on�me?

It's�a�compliment,

and�the�truth.

Well,�then,�thank�you.

I�hate�you,

but�now�I�hate�you a�little�less.

Heh,�that's�sweet.

[chuckling]�You're�sweet.

[???]

[Wedding�Planner] They�fell�for�it.

A�romantic�lava-lit�dinner

opened�their�hearts�just�enough

for�my�romance�rock to�do�its�thing.

I�had�done�it�again!

They�were�in�love.

[record�scratch] Wh-what's�happening?

[laser�beam�blasting]

She�tricked�us.

This�romantic�setup�crap

opened�our�hearts�just�enough for�the�ray�to�sneak�in.

You're�so�smart to�figure�this�out.

It's�one�of�the�reasons I�like�you�so�much.

Hey! -Don't�be�nice!

Any�hint�of�romance lets�her�beam�take�effect!

Brains,�body.

What�don't�you�have?

[smacking] I�mean,�you�sweaty�mule!

Our�only�defense�is�remembering

what�we�hate�about�each�other,

like�how�you�floss�with�cheese.

Uh,�you�tip�too�much.

It's�supposed�to�be the�amount�before�tax!

You�kiss�on�the�cheek four�times!

No�one�wants�that!

It's�normal�in�French�culture!

Like�how�I�presume in�your�culture

it's�normal to�grow�leg�hair�long!

[both�growling]

[ray�powering�down] Ha�ha,�we�did�it!

Hate�saved�the�day!

Yes,�but�I�wished there�was�time

for�one�more�insult.

I�had�a�good�one about�your�nail�polish.

[Wedding�Planner] Meanwhile,�in�Hamilton,

the�jewel�of�tetanus�country,

your�special�day was�about�to�begin.

Send�the�flower�girl, then�the�groomsmen,

and�pre-heat

the�planet-destroying super�bomb,

but�to�the�music...

[alerts�blaring�in�rhythm]

...and�the�bride�and�groom in�three,�two...

[crowd�gushing�and�cheering]

Arr�tez-vous!

Your�romantic�B.S.�didn't�work.

Now�prepare�to�pay�the�price.

I�don't�pay�for�anything.

Security, we�have�wedding�crashers.

[growling]

Guys,�guys,�look, it-it-it's�us,

your�teammates!

Love�is�the�only�team,

and�romance is�the�star�left�wing.

I�got�the�dumb�animal, you�get�Sask.

I�have�an�idea, I�just�need�the�groom's�phone.

[Sask�snarling, Poutine�groaning]

A-ha.

[RCM-PC]�Ha�ha!

[crowd�gasping]

[Wedding�Planner] The�lady�hero

showed�everyone�the�strippers

at�Zlax's�bachelor�party,

and�it�wasn't�good�for�him,

for�the�wedding,

and�more�importantly,�for�me.

[bride�crying]

It�was�just�a�lap�dance!

And�not�even�a�sexual�one,

because�our�genitalia is�on�our�back,�remember?

No!

[ray�powering�down]

[grunting�in�confusion]

You're�not�glowing�anymore!

Yup,�hate�always�wins.

[Wedding�Planner] Yes,�hate�had�won.

I�hated�them.

You�two�lovebirds hated�each�other,

but�I�also�hate�losing,

so�it's�complicated.

Anyway,�I�thought a�change�in�scenery

could�help�smooth�out this�little�episode.

I�even�invited�those�heroes

to�participate in�your�new�wedding�venue.

[grunting]

Sorry,�babe,

this�lap�is�reserved�for�you.

[kissing]

[suction�popping]

Thank�you.

I'll�never�forget�this.

Who�knew�our�perfect�wedding

was�simple�and�easy on�an�iceberg?

[J'zah]�Um,�actually, I�think�it's�a�glacier.

Honey,�it's�an�iceberg.

You�can�tell�from�the�size.

[J'zah]�Oh,�look�at�you.

Mr.�Iceberg�Expert is�also�a�mansplainer.

I�want�a�divorce!

Hate�wins�again.

It's�undefeated.

And�I�keep�betting�on�love.

[cracking]

[Wedding�Planner]�It�could have�all�ended�there�again,

but�it�didn't.

I�managed�to�get�you�two ugly�unicorns�together�again,

and�now�look�at�you!

All�in�all,

it's�a�wedding-breakup, wedding-breakup,

wedding-to-remember for�a�lifetime.

[sighing]

And�now�soon�you'll�be�parents,

and�I�know�just�the�place for�the�gender�reveal.

[clicking�pen]

[alerts�blaring]

I�bet�on�"girl."

[explosion]

[Announcer]�Previously on�Super�Team�Canada...

And�this�stuff that�never�happened.

[Announcer]�We�find�our�heroes

enjoying some�well-deserved�downtime.

I�know�myself, after�a�long�day�of�work,

I�like�to�take�my�pants�down

and�turn�the�Streisand�up

until�the�lady�upstairs complains�it's�too�loud,

and�that�is�why I�steal�her�prescriptions.

[roaring]

Sask,�can�you turn�it�down�a�little?

I'm�chasing�a�bonus

on�my�new�rust-proofing side�hustle.

I�sell�20�orders,

I�get�a�set�of�Rogie�Vachon corn�holders.

Mrs.�Abby�Schulman?

Oh,�she's�dead?

I�hope�she's�resting�in�peace,

but�not�rusting�in�peace.

[disconnection�tone�buzzing]

You�see,�rust�is�every�bit as�sad�as�death...

[RCM-PC�gasping]�Oh! Three�more�wheat�for�me.

Wanna�trade?

I�can�give�you...�wheat.

There's�only�wheat.

How�is�this�a�game?

The�only�rule�is�to�stay�awake.

And�there's�no�way�to�win.

We�just�keep�handing�each�other pieces�of�cardboard

until�death�mercifully�takes�us.

I've�never�been�so�bored,

angry,�or�constipated!

Je�shreddez�vous!

[RCM-PC]�Oh!

[coughing�and�sputtering]

Hey!�It's�the�beaver�signal!

You�know,�like�a�DM from�the�Prime�Minister!

Sorry,�telemarketing, but�I�have�to�go.

Angry�strangers

will�just�have�to�hang�up�on�me at�a�later�time.

[RCM-PC�coughing�and�vomiting]

Okay,�that's�it, get�it�all�out.

[Prime�Minister] Super�Team�Canada,

we're�facing�a�crisis.

World�leaders�are�being�sealed in�jars�of�pickle�brine.

-[wolf�whistling] -No,�no,�no...

[all�gasping]

Turn�it�off!

[clearing�throat]�Ahem.

Anyway,

they're�trapped�but�alive.

Well,�aside�from that�one�dictator.

It's�all�the�twisted�work

of�Pickle-Pus.

?�Eat�'em�hot,�eat�'em�cold�?

?�Even�frozen,�maybe�?

?�Or�to�shut�their�yap�?

?�Give�'em�to�your�baby�?

-[smooching] -Hee�hee!

When�countries�raised pickle�import�taxes,

pickle�sales�dropped.

Pickle-Pus�was�let�go.

When�he�lost�his�job,

he�lost�his�sanity.

Any�pickle�would.

Now�he's�getting�revenge

with�these�vinegar-based�tombs

set�on�drift�ice,

nature's�refrigerator.

There's�something�else.

We're�retiring the�beaver�signal,

and�the�beaver�we�used to�create�it,

Chomper.

[snarling�roar]

[gasping�in�horror]

Yeah,�disgusting.

[Prime�Minister]�Apparently, having�60,000�watts

blasted�at�your�face

can�create�some�ill�effects.

[vomiting]

Mm-mm...

[vomiting]

Why�didn't�you�just�use

a�cardboard�cutout of�his�profile?

I�don't�know.

Why�can't�toenails�be�money?

It�just�is!

He's�gone�so�blind,

he�doesn't�even�know�what's�wood

and�what�isn't. -[sniffing]

-[chomping�and�snarling] -Not�wood!�Arm!

[Chomper�snarling, Sask�screaming]

I'm�sure�he'll�be�fine without�a�job.

Cat�food's�pretty�affordable

if�you're�not�hung�up on�expiration�dates.

I�like�Seafood�Sensations.

You�can�taste�the�ocean. -[distant�foghorn]

So�Chomper�just�gets�fired?

That�hardly�sounds�fair.

Oh,�yeah,�the�government not�being�fair.

Totally�unheard�of.

Eh...

I�was�hoping�you�guys would�do�me�a�small�favour.

Would�you�take�Chomper out�to�the�woods,

and,�you�know,

give�him�the�old Ottawa�Senator�treatment?

And�I�don't�mean the�hockey�team.

I�even�got�you a�cool�way�to�get�there!

[key�fob�chirping]

And�the�gas�tank�is�full... of�soda.

Long�story.

-[snarling] -So�you'll�do�it?

We'll�do�it!

For�Canada.

And�for�something to�add�to�our�LinkedIn�pages.

[engine�sputtering]

Here�you�go.�Wood.

Your�last�meal.

[sniffing]

[chomping�and�farting]

I'm�no�optician,

but�when�you�get�to�this�point,

it's�time�to�head

to�the�big�penalty�box in�the�sky.�[chuckling]

[buzzer�sounding]

Well,�if�he�knows he's�about�to�die,

he's�sure�trying�to�go�empty.

I�haven't�dodged�this�much�scat since�the�Halifax�Jazz�Fest.

[winner�bells�clanging]

So,�uh,�which�one�of�us is�gonna...

you�know?�[clicking]

You�should�bore�him�to�death

with�that�story

about�the�day you�got�your�braces�off.

[mock�gasping]�The�ending

where�you�could finally�eat�licorice?

Mm,�m'wah!

[Sask�groaning]

[grunting]

[chittering�whimper]

[Sask�screaming]

[groaning�in�pain]

[alert�beeping]

Pickle-Pus�has�struck�again!

The�Premier�of�the�Turks,

and�presumably�Caicos,

is�missing!

Oh,�we�gotta�go!

Right�after�we�send�someone to�beaver�heaven.

My�favourite�strip�club in�Montreal!

[Sask�screaming]

Sask,�let's�get�this over�with�already.

[bellowing]

[grinding�and�gurgling]

[crunching]

[horror�movie�music�sting]

?�Every�minute,�every�hour�?

?�Have�one�dill�?

?�Have�one�sour!�?

Yo,�Sea�Spider!

You�have�eight�crotches,

and�I'm�gonna�kick every�one�of�them!

Super�Team�Canada.

You�may�be�cool�as�cukes,

but�you'll�be�sour�as�dill

when�I'm�done with�your�gherkins!

[all�murmuring�in�confusion]

I�don't�get�it...

[stammering]�D-don't think�about�it�too�much.

Instead,�think�about how�you're�going�to�die!

[cackling�maniacally]

Sask,�fur�bridge!

[spine�cracking]

[yelping�in�pain]

[all�shouting�battle�cries]

[roaring]

[all�grunting]�Let�go!

?�Eat�'em�on�the�couch�?

?�Or�on�the�go�?

?�They�look�like�frogs�?

?�They're�frankly�gross�?

?�They're�pickles!�?

You�losers�soak�in�the�brine of�your�failure.

I'm�off�to�see�the�Belgian�PM about�some�cornichons.

?�Bowels�not�workin'?�?

?�Open�things�up�?

?�With�a�gherkin!�?

I�could�have�taken�him.

You�jerks�blocked�my�shot!

Moi?�I�had everything�under�control.

[gasping] Uh,�older�people?

[snarling�roar]

[screeching]

[RCM-PC]�Chomper?

He's�still�alive

and�angry!

[chuckling]�Oh,�I've�seen that�look�of�pure�hate

from�so�many�flight�attendants.

Everyone,�wait,�and�shut�up!

Maybe�Chomper is�our�way�out�of�this�mess.

He�hates�Sask,

so�let's�use�his�hate

to�love�ourselves�into�a�win.

Sask,�maybe he'll�chew�through�your�lid

to�get�at�you,

rock�your�jar,�tip�it�over.

[grunting]

[Belgian�PM�screaming]

[jar�rattling]

[lid�clicking]

[jar�crashing]

No�one�disrupts the�pickling�process!

?�Some�are�sweet�?

?�And�some�are�sour�?

?�Great�for�a�snack even�in�the�shower!�?

New�plan,�Sask, keep�being�choked!

[gasping�for�breath]

-[Chomper�snarling] -[Pickle�Pus�screaming]

[Announcer]�That�blind�beaver

chewed�straight�through�the�ice

and�up�that�octopus�ass

seeking�revenge!

[groaning�in�pain]

Wait,

you�want�to�kill this�blue�collar�gorilla,

and�so�do�I,

and�that's�not�all we�have�in�common.

We're�both�forgotten�relics

from�big, cold-hearted�organizations

that�tolerated�us when�we�served�a�purpose,

but�as�soon�as�we�didn't,

we�were�callously�discarded.

I�went�from�signing eight�autographs�at�a�time

at�Pickle�Fest

to�bussing�four�tables�at�a�time at�Red�Lobster.

Face�it,�beaver,

we�share�the�same�pain, the�same�betrayal.

Now,�if�we�team�up,

we�could�share the�same�vengeance.

So...�partners?

[purring�and�chittering]

[chomping]

[screaming�in�pain]

[chomping]

[bellowing]

[smashing�fists]

Ha�ha!�My�plan�worked.

I'm�a�genius!

A�lady�genius?

[laughing] That's�like�half�a�man,

or�twice�a�Breakaway.

Just�happy�to�be in�the�conversation.

I�got�the�idea�to�defeat�him

from�a�dream where�this�happened,

and�we�defeated�him�this�way in�my�dream.

It�was�my�idea.

The�only�way�you�helped

was�by�doing�nothing,

because�you�were�trapped in�a�jar.

Well,�you�heard�her,�folks,

I�helped! -Actually-

[Prime�Minister] Have�some�pickles!

-Mm. -These�are�good.

Delicious.

The�whole�country�agrees.

That's�why,�as�of�today,

Canada�is�dropping all�pickle�tariffs!

-[crowd�cheering] -Seriously?

You're�doing�it�now?

-[crackling] -[yelping]

?�Hawaii�has�some�lepers�?

?�You�can�also pickle�peppers...�?

Pickles�aren't�the�only�thing

restored�to their�former�glory�today.

In�honour�of�his�heroism,

and�thanks�to socialized�medicine,

the�government�has�paid to�fix�Chomper's�eyes.

He's�had�surgery,

jumping�the�line

ahead�of�several cross-eyed�babies.

[crowd�cheering, babies�crying]

And�here�he�is�now!

Let's�see if�the�surgery�worked.

[chittering�and�twinkling]

[sniffing]

[chomping]

[Prime�Minster]�He�chose�wood!

His�eyes�are�fixed,

and�our�toy�cars�are�safe,

and�now,�Chomper,

this�Beaver�Preserve,

formerly�Winnipeg,

is�yours!

You've�earned�it,�buddy!

[sniffing�and�chittering]

[chomping]

I�guess�being�a�hero

really�builds�up�an�appetite?

[tone�beeping]

[cranking�dial]

[crowd�laughing]

I�went�to�Afghanistan for�you�all.

Twice!

What�will�happen�to�Pickle-Pus?

Don't�worry�about�him.

He'll�wake�up�in�a�luxury�suite

in�the�Grey�Bar�Hotel.

It�was�one�of�the�my�classic PM�play�on�words.

I�meant�send�him to�our�government�super�prison.

You're�supposed�to�blow on�the�harmonica,

not�suck.

[playing�harmonica]

[playing�notes]

[growling]

[???]

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