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1
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(Dynamic music)
2
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,588
?
3
00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:15,098
(Text on screen)
4
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,100
(Dramatic instrumental music)
5
00:00:18,225 --> 00:00:21,312
?
6
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:27,152
[???]
7
00:00:29,486 --> 00:00:31,697
Please pass the mustard, Father.
8
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[chuckling fondly]
Happy to, son.
9
00:00:34,241 --> 00:00:35,867
[whooshing overhead]
10
00:00:35,868 --> 00:00:37,453
[horrified screaming]
11
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,246
[screaming]
12
00:00:41,915 --> 00:00:42,965
[firing gun]
13
00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:45,345
[screaming continuing]
14
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,630
[screaming]
15
00:00:49,631 --> 00:00:52,593
[spaceship powering up]
16
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,179
[???]
17
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,681
People of Earth!
18
00:00:58,682 --> 00:01:00,767
I'm- [coughing and hacking]
19
00:01:00,768 --> 00:01:02,935
[hacking]
20
00:01:02,936 --> 00:01:04,396
People of Earth!
21
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,982
I'm Ted Zorg Senior,
22
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:10,777
and I am here to enslave you!
23
00:01:10,778 --> 00:01:12,404
[cackling maniacally]
24
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,907
[coughing and hacking]
25
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,200
[inhaling deeply]
26
00:01:17,201 --> 00:01:20,244
Your monuments are my weapons,
27
00:01:20,245 --> 00:01:24,083
and now for the piece
de resistance...
28
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,583
Huh?
29
00:01:25,584 --> 00:01:27,836
How do you work
that stupid thing?
30
00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:29,797
There are too many buttons!
31
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:31,631
At least give me a minute,
32
00:01:31,632 --> 00:01:33,342
then you're all gonna die!
33
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,176
[screaming]
34
00:01:35,177 --> 00:01:36,095
Call...
35
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,596
the Righteousness Club!
36
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:41,599
[Announcer] In the centre
of all that is moral,
37
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,010
Earth's greatest superheroes
have assembled.
38
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,772
Amazing Man!
39
00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:49,649
[snarling]
40
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:51,236
Hero Gal!
41
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,781
Bat Crusader!
42
00:01:57,825 --> 00:02:00,120
And Marine Gent!
43
00:02:01,328 --> 00:02:04,165
Together they are
the Righteousness Club!
44
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,875
Their mission:
to fight wrongdoing
45
00:02:07,876 --> 00:02:08,926
and defend-
46
00:02:09,837 --> 00:02:12,214
and... they're dead.
47
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:13,549
[gasping and wheezing]
48
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:17,468
[Ted] You fell for my trap,
super idiots!
49
00:02:17,469 --> 00:02:19,555
I got you all together,
50
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,639
and then killed you
all together!
51
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:22,932
[cackling wickedly]
52
00:02:22,933 --> 00:02:26,811
Without heroes,
your planet is defenseless!
53
00:02:26,812 --> 00:02:28,104
[screaming]
54
00:02:28,105 --> 00:02:31,150
I'll be back tomorrow
with my entire armada
55
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,861
for my complete domination
of Earth!
56
00:02:34,862 --> 00:02:36,029
[laughing maniacally]
57
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,282
[coughing]
58
00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:40,867
[Announcer] With Earth
now as defenceless as a baby,
59
00:02:40,868 --> 00:02:41,910
soft-shelled turtle,
60
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,412
or even
a baby soft-shelled turtle,
61
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,372
the world's leaders gather
to plan their next steps.
62
00:02:46,373 --> 00:02:47,708
[screaming in terror]
63
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,293
All Earth's heroes are dead.
Is terrible, no?
64
00:02:50,294 --> 00:02:52,712
Is terrible, yes!
65
00:02:52,713 --> 00:02:54,047
[vomiting]
66
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:55,591
It's really bad,
67
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:56,799
and I'm German.
68
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,634
We know really bad.
69
00:02:58,635 --> 00:03:00,512
Like always,
America knows
70
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,680
just how
to handle this.
71
00:03:02,681 --> 00:03:04,056
[screaming
and blasting guns]
72
00:03:04,057 --> 00:03:07,060
[all screaming]
73
00:03:07,061 --> 00:03:09,605
[sobbing and vomiting]
74
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,609
[gently] Yoo-hoo. Hello?
75
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:14,817
Excuse me, sorry.
76
00:03:14,818 --> 00:03:16,569
I might know who can save us.
77
00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:18,530
Who the Helsinki are you?
78
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,240
Canada's Prime Minister.
79
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:21,824
[glinting]
80
00:03:21,825 --> 00:03:23,410
Sorry for my casual clothes.
81
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:26,037
My shift at the furniture store
just ended.
82
00:03:26,038 --> 00:03:27,580
So who can save us?
83
00:03:27,581 --> 00:03:28,581
Tell!
84
00:03:28,582 --> 00:03:29,750
[splashing] Tell!
85
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:30,751
Well, for years,
86
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:31,835
there have been rumours
87
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:34,170
about some Canadian superheroes.
88
00:03:34,171 --> 00:03:36,423
If they do exist,
I could try to find them.
89
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:39,091
Canadian superheroes?
90
00:03:39,092 --> 00:03:42,262
[laughter]
91
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,597
No, you're right.
92
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,389
Why don't we call
the Righteousness Club again?
93
00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:48,560
Oopsie, we can't.
94
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,270
Make the call.
95
00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:52,313
[mobile device beeping]
96
00:03:52,314 --> 00:03:53,565
[???]
97
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,275
[Announcer]
In a country known for snow
98
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,943
and not inventing Post-it notes
99
00:03:56,944 --> 00:04:00,198
live six of the world's
most mediocre heroes...
100
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,740
Poutine!
101
00:04:02,741 --> 00:04:05,117
Able to blast hot, cheesy fries
at any wrongdoing
102
00:04:05,118 --> 00:04:06,746
in two languages...
103
00:04:07,955 --> 00:04:09,914
Niagara Falls!
104
00:04:09,915 --> 00:04:11,667
The mighty maiden of moisture
105
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,586
and defender
of the environment...
106
00:04:15,629 --> 00:04:17,129
Sasquatchewan!
107
00:04:17,130 --> 00:04:18,547
The nexus of brute strength
108
00:04:18,548 --> 00:04:20,883
and brute ignorance...
-[belching]
109
00:04:20,884 --> 00:04:22,511
Chinook!
110
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,263
A young Inuit
who can harness snow and ice,
111
00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:26,931
and sometimes,
depending on the weather,
112
00:04:26,932 --> 00:04:28,642
even sleet...
113
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,729
-RCM-PC!
-[dial-up tone warbling]
114
00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:36,401
A cyborg that's both a P.C.
and PC...
115
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,402
And Breakaway!
116
00:04:39,403 --> 00:04:41,780
With sweat, steel,
and stick-handling,
117
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:42,823
when evil's in the net,
118
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,991
he shoots and scores!
119
00:04:44,992 --> 00:04:46,285
Cobbled together,
120
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,619
they'll become
121
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:51,039
Super Team Canada!
122
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,791
[distant loon calling]
123
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:57,546
[Prime Minister]
Thank you all for coming.
124
00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,381
I'll be brief, because I've got
a sofa sale to get back to.
125
00:05:00,382 --> 00:05:01,924
I know none of you
have met before,
126
00:05:01,925 --> 00:05:02,967
and this may be awkward,
127
00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:04,261
but you're a team now,
128
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,554
and the world needs you.
129
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,806
That's why we've set you up
with this lair!
130
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,433
As a child, I never had a lair!
131
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:10,725
I'm so jealous!
132
00:05:10,726 --> 00:05:11,768
Oh, it makes sense
133
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:12,768
we haven't met before.
134
00:05:12,769 --> 00:05:14,604
Canada's a big,
diverse country,
135
00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,273
second largest in the world.
136
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,607
Did you guys know
Jim Carrey is Canadian?
137
00:05:18,608 --> 00:05:19,984
-[all groaning]
-D'uh!
138
00:05:19,985 --> 00:05:21,361
Well, as the natural
team leader,
139
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:22,778
let me jump over the boards.
140
00:05:22,779 --> 00:05:25,114
I'm sure you've all
heard of me, Breakaway,
141
00:05:25,115 --> 00:05:27,325
and if it helps break the ice,
pun intended,
142
00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:28,869
I do sign autographs.
143
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,371
Boom! Two minutes
in the awesome box!
144
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:32,246
[skates gliding]
145
00:05:32,247 --> 00:05:33,373
Karate moves!
146
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:34,749
I've only known you
for ten seconds,
147
00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:35,876
and spent nine of those
148
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:37,544
wanting to beat the crap
out of you.
149
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:39,546
If we're forced to work together
for this assignment,
150
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:40,463
I nominate me,
151
00:05:40,464 --> 00:05:42,090
and I also vote for me.
152
00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:43,883
Wow, talk about momentum.
153
00:05:43,884 --> 00:05:46,219
That was two votes,
we all saw that,
154
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,347
and discount Chewbacca
votes for me, right?
155
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,431
[grunting]
156
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,308
[smashing and groaning]
157
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,516
Guys, I have a solution,
158
00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:54,061
but maybe you don't want
to hear it
159
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,354
because I'm too handsome, hmm?
160
00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:58,023
Does he really need to be here?
161
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,148
Or... alive?
162
00:05:59,149 --> 00:06:00,900
Aw, you two know each other?
163
00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:02,068
That's great.
164
00:06:02,069 --> 00:06:04,028
It's so nice
to work with friends.
165
00:06:04,029 --> 00:06:06,698
Oh, parts of us have met
many times.
166
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:08,325
I'm referring to, uh...
167
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,535
We made
the Boom Boom Geoffrion,
168
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:11,912
le Bonhomme Carnaval,
169
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,955
we got it Celine Dion.
170
00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:15,082
[chuckling suggestively]
171
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,249
You know... sex.
172
00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:19,126
It was Canada Day years ago,
173
00:06:19,127 --> 00:06:21,087
and I had eaten
a funky Nanaimo Bar.
174
00:06:21,088 --> 00:06:21,962
Nobody could have
thought straight
175
00:06:21,963 --> 00:06:23,256
in that scenario.
176
00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:27,051
Another piece of history
rewritten by you Anglos!
177
00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:28,595
[Sasquatchewan growling]
178
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,388
No offense,
but you guys seem like idiots.
179
00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:31,723
Let's brawl! Huah!
180
00:06:33,016 --> 00:06:34,141
Enough!
181
00:06:34,142 --> 00:06:36,186
What part of
"international emergency"
182
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,395
don't you goofs get?
-[vacuuming]
183
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:38,688
[whimpering]
184
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:41,023
Sorry for the rough language.
Sorry.
185
00:06:41,024 --> 00:06:42,859
[notification beeping]
Aw, my Uber pool's here.
186
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:45,277
Super Team Canada
is Earth's last chance,
187
00:06:45,278 --> 00:06:46,530
so get it together!
188
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,521
I'm sorry,
did I have an opinion? Sorry.
189
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:50,950
[groaning]
190
00:06:50,951 --> 00:06:53,285
[news report beginning]
191
00:06:53,286 --> 00:06:55,121
[Chinook]
Damn, Ted's back early.
192
00:06:55,122 --> 00:06:56,914
Like our Thanksgiving!
193
00:06:56,915 --> 00:06:58,458
More like your Thanksgiving.
194
00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:00,460
Oh... [chuckling awkwardly]
[processor beeping]
195
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:02,462
All right, huddle up, team.
196
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,338
[footsteps retreating]
197
00:07:04,339 --> 00:07:08,261
The Captain is always
the last man off the ship.
198
00:07:09,678 --> 00:07:13,013
[slurping] Great job
mushing up these lima beans.
199
00:07:13,014 --> 00:07:15,391
Oh, I can't tell you
how warm they feel on my-
200
00:07:15,392 --> 00:07:16,600
[alert blaring]
201
00:07:16,601 --> 00:07:18,145
[shrieking] My man plums!
202
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,813
[groaning]
203
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,107
Who the Klarn are those guys?
204
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,276
[shouting] Huah! Ha!
205
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:25,986
Shut la gueule!
206
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:26,986
Poutine is here!
207
00:07:26,987 --> 00:07:28,655
Move it, citizens!
208
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,407
-Out of my way!
-Take a seat, Grandma!
209
00:07:31,408 --> 00:07:32,575
[roaring]
210
00:07:32,576 --> 00:07:34,745
I've got Ted
right where I want him!
211
00:07:35,407 --> 00:07:37,455
[groaning]
212
00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:38,457
Hey, Ted,
213
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,292
go puck yourself.
214
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,343
[horn sounding]
215
00:07:42,037 --> 00:07:44,087
[clanking]
216
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:45,172
[smacking]
217
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,172
People!
218
00:07:46,173 --> 00:07:47,506
Let's discuss our approach
219
00:07:47,507 --> 00:07:48,924
and our feelings.
220
00:07:48,925 --> 00:07:51,553
D'accord, try this on for fries!
221
00:07:53,555 --> 00:07:54,807
Ice to meet you!
222
00:07:58,310 --> 00:07:59,896
[thudding, power surging]
223
00:08:02,189 --> 00:08:03,607
[cackling wickedly]
224
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,066
[all laughing]
225
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,986
Thanks for
the pre-invasion entertainment,
226
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:11,030
but I grow tired
of the nuisance.
227
00:08:11,031 --> 00:08:14,993
Now let me show you
how a pro does it.
228
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,044
Tractor beam!
229
00:08:18,991 --> 00:08:21,082
[thudding heavily]
230
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,583
[screaming] My army apples!
231
00:08:22,584 --> 00:08:24,878
After I enslave everyone,
232
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,254
I am writing
this tractor beam company
233
00:08:27,255 --> 00:08:29,382
a very stern letter!
234
00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:32,594
[Announcer] Have Earth's
would-be heroes failed?
235
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,387
Has their first mission
left them defeated,
236
00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:35,680
humiliated,
237
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,306
and presumably
still paying for gym memberships
238
00:08:37,307 --> 00:08:38,807
when they don't even go anymore?
239
00:08:38,808 --> 00:08:41,268
A truly unfortunate
turn of events,
240
00:08:41,269 --> 00:08:43,021
like me mixing up
my medications.
241
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,480
Hopefully this one ends better,
242
00:08:44,481 --> 00:08:46,650
and without
the hostage negotiator.
243
00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:50,487
[zapping sharply]
244
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,154
Well, well, well,
245
00:08:52,155 --> 00:08:54,074
Canadian superheroes.
246
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,075
Who's ever heard of something
so ridicu-
247
00:08:56,076 --> 00:08:57,576
Ah! [crashing]
248
00:08:57,577 --> 00:08:59,912
Seriously? We lost to this guy?
249
00:08:59,913 --> 00:09:01,790
Klarg, kill that floor!
250
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:02,749
[blast ricocheting]
251
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:03,792
[yelping in pain]
252
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,125
Wilson, kill Klarg!
253
00:09:05,126 --> 00:09:06,503
No one likes a crybaby.
254
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:07,586
[blasting, Klarg yelping]
255
00:09:07,587 --> 00:09:09,089
And now yourself.
256
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,340
You understand.
257
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,425
Can't have any loose ends.
258
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:13,551
[blast splatting]
259
00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:14,927
[coughing]
260
00:09:14,928 --> 00:09:16,513
When I made a list
261
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,723
of all Earth's heroes
to eliminate,
262
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,975
I never even thought of Canada.
263
00:09:20,976 --> 00:09:22,351
Why would I?
264
00:09:22,352 --> 00:09:24,854
Canada is just like
my sex drive!
265
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,273
Negligible.
266
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:30,067
[wailing and crying]
267
00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:31,777
Mommy!
268
00:09:31,778 --> 00:09:33,279
[stops crying] Ah...
269
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,907
Enjoy the final view
of your planet,
270
00:09:36,908 --> 00:09:39,952
because Earth as you know it
is over!
271
00:09:39,953 --> 00:09:42,830
[cackling wickedly]
272
00:09:42,831 --> 00:09:45,959
[grows to maniacal laughing]
273
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,378
I know now might not be the time
to point fingers, but...
274
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:49,546
I blame Poutine!
275
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:53,048
Moi? I had everything
under control
276
00:09:53,049 --> 00:09:56,135
until these two
knocked me out of the sky!
277
00:09:56,136 --> 00:09:57,512
You lactosey liar!
278
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:58,430
[roaring]
279
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,806
[all shouting and arguing]
280
00:10:00,807 --> 00:10:02,933
Sorry to interrupt
your squabbling.
281
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:05,269
I just forgot the best part.
282
00:10:05,270 --> 00:10:06,937
Well, best for me,
283
00:10:06,938 --> 00:10:08,815
worst for you.
284
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:12,360
[laughing maniacally]
285
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:16,407
[wicked cackling]
286
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,369
[Announcer]
Have our heroes failed?
287
00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:24,623
Is Earth doomed?
288
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,917
Who's this Roger fellow
who keeps calling my wife?
289
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:29,753
The answers to
many of these questions,
290
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:30,920
but not all of them,
291
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,715
on the next exciting episode
of...
292
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,383
Super Team Canada!
293
00:10:36,384 --> 00:10:37,510
[???]
294
00:10:41,222 --> 00:10:43,850
[???]
295
00:10:45,602 --> 00:10:48,605
[Announcer] Previously seen
on Super Team Canada...
296
00:10:49,731 --> 00:10:51,858
[roaring]
297
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:54,149
[maniacal laughter,
horrified screaming]
298
00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:58,531
[Announcer] And here's
some stuff that didn't happen.
299
00:10:58,532 --> 00:10:59,615
[laughing]
300
00:10:59,616 --> 00:11:00,783
[sobbing]
301
00:11:00,784 --> 00:11:01,834
[goofy chuckling]
302
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:04,912
[Announcer]
Last we saw our heroes,
303
00:11:04,913 --> 00:11:06,498
they met defeat.
304
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,707
Now all hope is lost,
305
00:11:08,708 --> 00:11:11,043
and Earth is in grave peril.
306
00:11:11,044 --> 00:11:13,213
Can our heroes find a way
307
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:14,422
out of this mess?
308
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:15,422
I sure hope so.
309
00:11:15,423 --> 00:11:17,258
My Nana is coming over tomorrow.
310
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,176
[Ted laughing and coughing]
311
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,427
These are your heroes?
312
00:11:20,428 --> 00:11:23,348
Your defenders?
[cackling]
313
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,682
They didn't even
put up a fight,
314
00:11:25,683 --> 00:11:28,353
and I respect a good fight.
315
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,522
[slurping]
316
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,315
It might be wise of you
317
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,234
to get a team of superheroes
318
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:37,027
who fight the enemy
more than each other!
319
00:11:37,028 --> 00:11:39,906
But, you know,
I'm just blue sky-in' here.
320
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:42,242
[cackling wickedly]
321
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,244
Your heroes failed!
322
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:45,912
I knew I should have waited
323
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,205
on that celebratory
perogy basket.
324
00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:49,374
Whoa!
325
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:50,582
Hell,
my six-year-old niece Molly
326
00:11:50,583 --> 00:11:52,085
could have done better.
327
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:55,129
Of course, she has the gun
I gave her at her baptism...
328
00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:56,089
[hawk crying,
weapon cocking]
329
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,923
I know I say "sorry" a lot,
330
00:11:57,924 --> 00:11:59,341
but now, well...
331
00:11:59,342 --> 00:12:00,676
Sorry.
332
00:12:00,677 --> 00:12:02,720
I told you Canada was a joke!
333
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:05,807
We've wasted enough time
letting them tug our taffy!
334
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,811
[???]
335
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:11,396
[Ted] You know the word
"super-villain"
336
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:15,066
gets thrown around
willy-nilly these days,
337
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:15,941
but... [cackling]
338
00:12:15,942 --> 00:12:17,527
Come on!
339
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:20,072
Aren't you proud of me, Daddy?
340
00:12:20,689 --> 00:12:23,074
Wait, you're Ted Senior,
341
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,783
and your father was Ted Junior?
342
00:12:24,784 --> 00:12:26,911
That's how names work with us!
343
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,330
We also put hot sauce
on pancakes,
344
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:32,292
and can yell "Bingo!"
after only two numbers.
345
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,292
Deal with it!
346
00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:35,461
Anywhizzle,
347
00:12:35,462 --> 00:12:38,965
I'm about to enslave
your fellow earthlings!
348
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,133
[laughing maniacally,
heroes sobbing]
349
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,133
[clanking]
350
00:12:41,134 --> 00:12:42,218
Daddy dap!
351
00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:45,263
Mm-hmm... Mm!
352
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,681
[Breakaway] Those bars
are getting close fast,
353
00:12:47,682 --> 00:12:48,932
and if this is how it ends,
354
00:12:48,933 --> 00:12:50,225
I need to admit something.
355
00:12:50,226 --> 00:12:52,019
We know you're the one
who's been farting.
356
00:12:52,020 --> 00:12:54,439
Listen, I know
you all see me as flawless,
357
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,608
maybe even some kind of
a perfect specimen,
358
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,691
but I'm not.
359
00:12:57,692 --> 00:12:58,984
I say I'm smart with money,
360
00:12:58,985 --> 00:13:00,277
but I'm broke!
361
00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:03,406
My bank account's
like Vancouver Stanley Cups-
362
00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:05,533
[wailing] Zero!
363
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,954
[sobbing, banging helmet]
364
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:10,955
[Chinook clearing throat]
365
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,123
Sometimes
366
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,500
when I say I've summoned
an ice storm,
367
00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:16,252
I'm really just moving my arms
368
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,464
after having checked
the weather report.
369
00:13:24,052 --> 00:13:25,135
Once,
370
00:13:25,136 --> 00:13:26,845
a man in the CN Tower washroom
371
00:13:26,846 --> 00:13:28,764
mistook me for a urinal,
372
00:13:28,765 --> 00:13:30,307
and I liked it.
373
00:13:30,308 --> 00:13:31,350
We've been over this!
374
00:13:31,351 --> 00:13:33,393
I didn't mistake you
for a urinal,
375
00:13:33,394 --> 00:13:35,104
I just didn't
want to wait for one.
376
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,898
[mumbling growl]
377
00:13:37,899 --> 00:13:39,359
[all gasping]
378
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,860
We all have things
we're embarrassed of.
379
00:13:41,861 --> 00:13:43,696
Remember,
I dated lumber-jerk?
380
00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:45,031
Ah! [stammering]
[cannons spurting weakly]
381
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:45,989
Well, that's familiar.
382
00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:46,865
[groaning] No!
383
00:13:46,866 --> 00:13:48,033
Don't worry, Fran�ois.
384
00:13:48,034 --> 00:13:49,201
She doesn't mean it.
385
00:13:49,202 --> 00:13:50,994
The fact is, we're all here
386
00:13:50,995 --> 00:13:52,497
because of our own
stupid behaviour,
387
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,705
spelled with a "U,"
388
00:13:53,706 --> 00:13:54,792
like it's meant to be.
389
00:13:56,876 --> 00:13:59,461
We're supposed to be
Super Team Canada,
390
00:13:59,462 --> 00:14:01,214
but we couldn't even follow
the one core concept
391
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,715
that makes our country
so special.
392
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:03,550
Curling?
393
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:04,926
Andr�-Philippe Gagnon?
394
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,927
Overpriced airport maple candy?
395
00:14:06,928 --> 00:14:08,303
Those things are great,
396
00:14:08,304 --> 00:14:10,598
but we have one thing
that other countries don't.
397
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:12,016
We're a mosaic,
398
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,518
made up of huge prairies,
399
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,103
a thriving French culture,
400
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,146
vibrant Indigenous communities,
401
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:19,983
politeness, and a small
but growing technology sector,
402
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,567
Clean renewable energy,
403
00:14:21,568 --> 00:14:22,652
and...
404
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,737
A voice like sexy gravel?
405
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,239
Yeah, okay, sure.
406
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,365
If only we had all worked
together in the first place.
407
00:14:28,366 --> 00:14:30,951
Wait, I just
came up with a plan.
408
00:14:30,952 --> 00:14:32,744
We should work together!
409
00:14:32,745 --> 00:14:34,080
I just said that.
410
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,123
You heard me,
411
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,416
and now you're simply
repeating it.
412
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,334
Aw, that's a crazy way
of saying I'm right,
413
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:40,795
but I always try to make time
for my fans.
414
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:42,116
[chuckling indulgently]
415
00:14:42,117 --> 00:14:46,175
[sighing] That's not even
how you spell "Breakaway."
416
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:48,135
Now, just like Canada,
417
00:14:48,136 --> 00:14:49,678
we're not perfect,
418
00:14:49,679 --> 00:14:51,723
but you know what can make
our team work?
419
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,433
Teamwork!
420
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:56,686
[Ted] Computer, status report?
421
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:58,061
Today's schedule,
422
00:14:58,062 --> 00:14:59,814
dominate Earth,
423
00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:01,023
then dominate a nap.
424
00:15:01,024 --> 00:15:02,358
Two things?
425
00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:04,234
Gah, this is a busy day!
426
00:15:04,235 --> 00:15:05,612
[wall smashing and crumbling]
427
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,196
[gasps of surprise]
428
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:09,782
We make Bloody Marys
with Clamato juice
429
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:12,076
and call them "Caesars"!
430
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:15,455
I wasn't sure what Ted said
before we burst in,
431
00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,290
so I wanted my announcement
to be generic.
432
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,249
How did you get out?
433
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:22,128
I personally designed
that jail cell
434
00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:23,463
to be escape-proof
435
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,132
for every kind of
superhero power!
436
00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:28,551
True, but there's one power
you never thought of!
437
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:29,384
A mosaic!
438
00:15:29,385 --> 00:15:30,720
That,
439
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,805
and Breakaway kicking
a hole in my oil pan
440
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:33,889
with his skates,
441
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:35,932
and the others smeared the oil
442
00:15:35,933 --> 00:15:37,851
as a protective coating
on Sasquatchewan
443
00:15:37,852 --> 00:15:40,354
so he could step through
the laser bars
444
00:15:40,355 --> 00:15:42,315
with only minimal damage!
445
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,399
And now, Space Wipe,
446
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:45,652
you're about to learn
447
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,903
that you just pissed up
the wrong maple tree!
448
00:15:47,904 --> 00:15:48,988
Let's do this
449
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,989
for the good old
red, white, and...
450
00:15:50,990 --> 00:15:52,157
red?
451
00:15:52,158 --> 00:15:53,659
Super Team Canada...
452
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:55,536
L'attaque!
453
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:56,829
[blasting]
454
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:57,955
[roaring battle cries]
455
00:15:57,956 --> 00:16:00,457
[???]
456
00:16:00,458 --> 00:16:01,508
[crunching]
457
00:16:02,919 --> 00:16:03,969
Hah!
458
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,008
[slapshot cracking]
459
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,059
[goal horn buzzing]
460
00:16:10,885 --> 00:16:12,427
[crowd cheering]
461
00:16:12,428 --> 00:16:13,553
H'yah!
462
00:16:13,554 --> 00:16:14,888
[yelping]
463
00:16:14,889 --> 00:16:15,939
[groaning]
464
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,399
Ha ha!
465
00:16:28,528 --> 00:16:29,862
[groaning]
466
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,114
[low cackling]
467
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,824
You think you've stopped me?
468
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,367
Well... you have,
469
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,702
but there's no rule that says
470
00:16:36,703 --> 00:16:39,705
I can't suddenly start
a new thing
471
00:16:39,706 --> 00:16:42,296
that you haven't even
thought about stopping yet!
472
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:45,136
Aah!
473
00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:51,216
This ship is now a giant bomb
474
00:16:51,217 --> 00:16:53,635
heading straight up the caboose
475
00:16:53,636 --> 00:16:55,763
of your precious
Council of Nations!
476
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,013
[screaming]
477
00:16:57,014 --> 00:16:58,682
He's coming for us,
478
00:16:58,683 --> 00:17:01,019
and I never said goodbye
to my wife...
479
00:17:02,937 --> 00:17:04,564
I can't die!
480
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,774
There's so much stuff
I haven't shot yet!
481
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,817
We should have never
trusted Canada!
482
00:17:08,818 --> 00:17:10,569
Their God is a beaver!
483
00:17:10,570 --> 00:17:11,820
If this is
the end of the world,
484
00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:14,073
no more "sorrys"!
485
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:15,240
Sorry.
486
00:17:15,241 --> 00:17:16,576
I was rude. Sorry.
487
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:21,204
[all screaming]
488
00:17:21,205 --> 00:17:23,915
Have fun dying, ding-dongs.
489
00:17:23,916 --> 00:17:24,916
Tell Earth I'll be back,
490
00:17:24,917 --> 00:17:27,420
and I'll be even worse
next time,
491
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,423
like shingles!
492
00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:33,884
[cackling wickedly]
493
00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:35,678
The space-hole
is trying to escape!
494
00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:38,346
We... can't... quit... now.
495
00:17:38,347 --> 00:17:39,973
I know just what to do.
496
00:17:39,974 --> 00:17:40,892
Like Niagara said-
497
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,809
[all together] Mosaic!
498
00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:43,853
I'll get things started...
499
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,771
with way too much water!
500
00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:46,822
Hah!
501
00:17:47,857 --> 00:17:48,907
Ah!
502
00:17:49,942 --> 00:17:51,943
And for grip, le fromage!
503
00:17:51,944 --> 00:17:53,489
[squelching]
504
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:58,116
[grunting with effort]
505
00:17:58,117 --> 00:17:59,117
[spitting, slapshot cracking]
506
00:17:59,118 --> 00:18:00,286
Give 'er!
507
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,287
[shattering]
508
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,913
[screaming]
509
00:18:02,914 --> 00:18:04,708
Lame snow pun!
510
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:09,461
It looks like you are trying
to call off a kamikaze mission.
511
00:18:09,462 --> 00:18:10,462
Need help?
512
00:18:10,463 --> 00:18:11,513
A polite no.
513
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:15,548
[brakes screeching]
514
00:18:16,511 --> 00:18:17,636
[groaning]
515
00:18:17,637 --> 00:18:18,805
We did it!
516
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:21,641
Great work, Super Team Canada!
517
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,601
Don't jerk your gherkins
too fast.
518
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,310
Ted's got one more trick
519
00:18:25,311 --> 00:18:27,604
up his diabetic-friendly sleeve!
520
00:18:27,605 --> 00:18:29,022
[robot voice] Self-destruct
521
00:18:29,023 --> 00:18:30,942
in three... two...
-[all gasping]
522
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,655
[gasping] They're dead!
523
00:18:36,656 --> 00:18:39,909
-[wailing in distress]
-Nein!
524
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,160
[sobbing]
525
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,953
Wait, butter my biscuits,
526
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:44,413
look over there!
527
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,168
[screeching]
528
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,502
Yay! Yes!
529
00:18:50,503 --> 00:18:51,879
-They did it!
-[guns blasting]
530
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,547
[laughing in delight]
531
00:18:53,548 --> 00:18:54,633
[Ted screeching]
532
00:18:56,759 --> 00:18:58,886
[geese honking]
533
00:18:59,887 --> 00:19:02,806
[cheering]
534
00:19:02,807 --> 00:19:04,187
[crashing, geese honking]
535
00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:07,310
[geese honking]
536
00:19:07,311 --> 00:19:09,604
Guys, the, uh, pisser
may smell like burnt Vegemite
537
00:19:09,605 --> 00:19:10,730
for a few- Crikey!
538
00:19:10,731 --> 00:19:12,232
Who the hell did this?
539
00:19:12,233 --> 00:19:13,942
The greatest
and most polite heroes
540
00:19:13,943 --> 00:19:15,318
the world has ever known...
541
00:19:15,319 --> 00:19:17,864
Super Team Canada.
542
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,975
[RCM-PC] I can't feel pain,
but that hurt.
543
00:19:21,701 --> 00:19:22,826
So with great pride,
544
00:19:22,827 --> 00:19:24,828
and a very tight 51% vote,
545
00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:26,372
we make Super Team Canada
546
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:28,374
Earth's official, and only,
547
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:30,375
super defenders,
548
00:19:30,376 --> 00:19:32,295
and we've also asked
someone special
549
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:33,546
to present you with medals
550
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:36,214
in recognition
of your heroism today-
551
00:19:36,215 --> 00:19:38,884
Lane Grotski and his wife,
Jenny.
552
00:19:38,885 --> 00:19:41,095
They sound close to names
I've heard before,
553
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,846
but they were maybe changed
for legal reasons or something?
554
00:19:42,847 --> 00:19:43,806
Who cares?
555
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:44,806
[Sasquatchewan shrieking]
556
00:19:44,807 --> 00:19:46,267
[grunting excitedly]
557
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,477
He's a big fan.
558
00:19:47,715 --> 00:19:49,979
[grunting excitedly]
559
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:52,231
Can't... breathe...
[bones crunching]
560
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,902
A really big fan,
561
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,236
and, uh, condolences.
-[gasping]
562
00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,570
He'll be okay.
563
00:19:58,571 --> 00:19:59,822
He just had the life
hugged out of him.
564
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:00,873
[chuckling]
565
00:20:02,241 --> 00:20:04,075
Thank you all,
566
00:20:04,076 --> 00:20:05,368
and speaking personally,
567
00:20:05,369 --> 00:20:07,412
I'm humbled to be
the self-appointed captain
568
00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:08,788
of such a great team.
569
00:20:08,789 --> 00:20:10,541
[laughing]
570
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,670
Uh, I think I deserve that
more than you.
571
00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:16,588
In life, you don't get
what you deserve.
572
00:20:16,589 --> 00:20:18,591
You get what you grab.
573
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,218
-[grunting and struggling]
-Get off!
574
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,427
[boxing bell dinging]
575
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:22,428
[alert dinging]
576
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:24,721
[printing]
577
00:20:24,722 --> 00:20:25,806
[gasping]
578
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:28,100
The radioactive sex doll
King Dong
579
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:30,060
is causing a volcano to erupt,
580
00:20:30,061 --> 00:20:31,144
and it's right above
a summer camp
581
00:20:31,145 --> 00:20:32,270
for the lava-sensitive!
582
00:20:32,271 --> 00:20:34,230
Another crisis?
583
00:20:34,231 --> 00:20:35,607
[Breakaway]
How are you so strong?
584
00:20:35,608 --> 00:20:38,402
We are sure the good heroes
are dead? Ja?
585
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,028
Yeah. [sighing]
586
00:20:40,029 --> 00:20:42,739
Then this seems like a job
for...
587
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:43,909
you guys!
588
00:20:46,619 --> 00:20:49,121
[together] Mosaic!
589
00:20:49,122 --> 00:20:51,164
Super Team Canada!
590
00:20:51,165 --> 00:20:52,290
Let's fly!
591
00:20:52,291 --> 00:20:53,625
[geese honking]
592
00:20:53,626 --> 00:20:55,420
[crashing]
593
00:20:56,081 --> 00:20:58,130
[grunting]
594
00:20:58,131 --> 00:20:59,131
Whoo-hoo!
595
00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:00,298
[???]
596
00:21:00,299 --> 00:21:02,677
? It's a mad, mad world ?
597
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:05,762
? And guess who's gonna
save it all ?
598
00:21:05,763 --> 00:21:08,848
? It's a dirty job ?
599
00:21:08,849 --> 00:21:11,434
? But someone's gotta do it ?
600
00:21:11,435 --> 00:21:13,604
? Yeah, we can do it ?
601
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:16,606
? Super Team Canada! ?
602
00:21:16,607 --> 00:21:19,151
? The fate of the free world ?
603
00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:21,820
? Is in our hands ?
604
00:21:21,821 --> 00:21:25,283
? We're the heroes of the land ?
605
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,659
? Super Team Canada! ?
606
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,702
[explosions]
607
00:21:28,703 --> 00:21:30,203
[distant loon call]
608
00:21:30,204 --> 00:21:31,288
[???]
609
00:21:31,338 --> 00:21:35,888
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