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(Транскрибовано за допомогою TurboScribe.ai. Оновити до Необмеженого, щоб прибрати це повідомлення.) ...like room service and armed security guards.

Billy, this is so much better than a

vacation.

This is an adventure.

An adventure that's sadly lacking in lumberjacks.

Well, we're going for our morning yoga session.

Would you like to come along?

Aren't you worried about Bigfoot?

No.

Besides, we have the mighty Dirk to protect

us.

I always feel better after a good session.

It's like food and water.

We need it to live.

That sounds so awesome.

By the way, have any of your girls

seen Mike this morning?

Uh, I think he had a little trouble

sleeping last night.

Maybe it's best if we just let him

relax.

There's some mats inside.

If you'd like to join us, it's the

perfect way to work through all the stress

from last night.

Thank you.

...

Oh my god!

He's here!

You girls go back to the house.

I'm gonna go take a look.

Oh yeah, good idea.

Fuck that shit.

I'm going with you.

I'm not letting you out there with that

creature.

We probably already scared Bigfoot off.

I was talking about Dirk.

Who cares?

Come on.

Dirk, what have you found?

This is amazing.

We got hair samples, broken branches.

But lookie here.

Some kind of secretion.

A sticky substance.

Perhaps some kind of ectoplasm.

You know, I know I've smelt this before.

I can't find it, but I mean, it's

on the tip of my tongue.

This is amazing.

Ladies!

We can't let this kind of evidence just

slip through our fingers here.

He just buries himself deeper and deeper.

Ladies, tonight we act.

I have a plan.

Oh god, and we were afraid of that.

Brunes, grab Mike and bring your equipment here.

Twenty hundred hours.

Be prepared to be amazed.

Victory is so close I can almost taste

it.

Yeah, and I bet it tastes salty.

I really wish you would just come out.

Just for one minute.

I'm not afraid of you.

And I promise I wouldn't let anybody hurt

you.

I just need one really good picture of

you so that I can graduate.

I wrote you a little poem.

I know that sounds silly, but I thought

it would be sweet.

So here it goes.

Oh Bigfoot, with your big feet.

I hope someday that we shall meet.

And on that day we can share the

thoughts and ideas that show we care.

You as a man and me as a

woman.

And then I couldn't find anything that rhymed

with woman.

But I really, really, really tried.

Oh my god.

You did hear me.

Oh, I hope you liked the poem.

Foot Ince, who are you talking to?

Bigfoot.

Bigfoot, he sent me these flowers.

Oh, that's really sweet.

What's wrong, honey?

It's just that I know he wouldn't do

anything wrong to any of us.

I know he means no harm.

And he'd be better off if we all

just left him alone.

But I really need to get that picture

of him.

And does that make me a terrible person?

As long as you do it honestly and

you don't take advantage of the creature, no.

That doesn't make you a bad person.

That makes sense.

But it's just that what if something bad

happens tonight because of Jerk?

I mean, oh, Dirk, but it's just that...

It's just that he's such a...

A jerk?

Yeah.

Well, I can't tell you what to do.

As long as you follow your heart, you'll

know where to go.

Maybe it's your place to go out there

tonight and follow Dork, I mean Dirk, and

make sure nothing bad happens.

Yeah, you're right.

Thank you, Flower.

You're welcome.

Just don't let Dirk break your heart.

This is weird even by Dirk's standards.

Where is he?

Oh, I'm sure he'll pop up eventually.

Oh!

Oh, shit!

I really can't see fuck all in this

thing!

What the hell are you doing?

You scared the shit out of us.

I was trying to make an entrance.

What are you wearing?

For three years I've studied every report, sketch,

and sighting of Bigfoot.

And with the finest artisans money can buy,

I've fabricated this perfect recreation.

Pretty amazing, isn't it?

Oh, it's something.

I'll play the Bigfoot sounds we recorded earlier

to lure the creature here.

Once he sees me, he's going to come

even closer and hopes to communicate with his

fellow creature, thus giving you two the perfect

photo opportunity.

And when we get enough photos?

Well, you make enough noise and you scare

it away.

And if I have any problems, I'm going

to give you the panic signal.

Okay, and what's that going to be?

It's this.

All right?

Okay.

All right.

Now go over to those bushes and get

situated.

Then I'll begin.

All set.

All right, Mr. Bigfoot.

Get prepared for your final booty call.

Thirsty?

No, thanks.

I've got my little friend right here.

Prudence, no.

That's how we got into trouble the first

time.

But come on.

When I get so bored, I get aroused.

How can you be bored?

This is the most exciting investigation we've ever

had.

I know.

But when I get excited, I get...

Let me guess.

Aroused.

Kind of.

If you turn that on, it's going to

scare him away.

Fine.

Prudence, what are you doing?

I'm just thinking back on all those times

that we almost got together.

But I guess you didn't like me that

way.

Of course I like you.

It's just the timing wasn't right.

Well, there's no time like the present, is

there?

Video diary...

Video diary of Bigfoot Hunt.

One hour in, still no sign of the

creature.

As soon as he's close, I will open

fire, killing it.

Then I will claim that it was endangering

the research party, and then I'll be a

million dollars richer.

Shit.

Maybe I shouldn't have actually recorded that.

Yeah, let me just rewind.

Hit the rewind button here.

Video diary of Bigfoot Hunt.

Still no sign of the creature, but we

continue to wait anxiously.

Personal note, I really should have put some

ventilation in this, because I'm sweating like a

fucking bitch.

On a side note, I'm chafing real fucking

bad in the groin area.

Out.

Damn, I shouldn't have bought those Salvation Army

batteries.

Fuck.

Christ!

Now that I'm sweating, I really can't see

fuck all.

Fuck!

This is so fucked!

Can't believe I let those stupid idiots talk

me into this dumb plan!

Damn, this was a bad idea!

God!

Fuck!

I hate this!

Fuck, I can't see shit!

Where the hell am I?

Uh-oh.

Oh fuck, this isn't good.

Oh no.

This isn't good.

No!

No!

No!

No!

Ah!

Fuck!

Holy shit, there's more!

Oh my!

Oh shit, it's splitting me in half!

No!

Ah!

Fuck!

Holy shit!

Oh Mike, you're an animal!

Help, for the love of God!

Please!

Panic!

What happened?

Oh my God, we were distracted.

We didn't see anything.

Are you okay?

Get me out of here!

I don't want to talk about it!

Oh my God.

There goes our stuff.

Okay, come on.

Yes!

No!

Be careful.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Good.

I can't

believe you paid money for this thing.

Oh my God.

Please tell me you didn't know about this.

Oh my God, no.

No, I swear.

I'm as shocked as you are.

Maybe he just had it for protection in

case he was attacked.

Um, I don't think so.

Take a look at this.

As soon as he's close, I will open

fire, killing it.

Then I'll claim that it was endangering the

research party, and then I'll be a million

dollars richer.

Shit!

That son of a bitch!

I want him and his guns and his

cruelty out of my resort.

He's the negativity the cards predicted.

Not Bigfoot.

Well, if you're someone who believes in karma,

you've got to take a look at this.

Wow.

I knew karma was a bitch, but I've

never seen it work so fast.

And so hard.

And so repeatedly.

Holy fuck, that's a big cock!

Wow.

Unfortunately, there's no shot of Bigfoot, but we

know why Dirk was walking so fast.

I am so putting this online.

Shall we wake him up?

No, no, let him sleep.

Let him sleep.

Let me get rid of this gun.

I'm throwing it in the lake where it

can't hurt anybody or anything ever again.

Wow.

What a gorgeous day!

The sun's shining, the birds are singing, joyfully,

playfully.

Were you really going to kill Bigfoot?

We found your gun and saw the tape.

Well, there's no point in denying it.

Yes, I came here with the intention of

killing Bigfoot.

And I deceived you all into becoming pawns

in my elaborate charade.

Yeah, well, your game is over, Mr. Bigfoot

shooting person.

Flower has thrown your gun in the lake,

so there'll be no chance of you hurting

that poor creature.

No, no, absolutely not.

I think guns are terrible too.

I mean, as far as hurting Bigfoot, I

would never do that.

Not after a brief encounter.

But aside from that, I just want to

let you guys know that I called my

superiors and the deal's off.

Toodaloo, guys.

Well, that was genuinely weird.

You see, he was just a violent person,

consumed with greed.

But his one encounter with Bigfoot completely changed

him.

Filled him with love.

Well, he did look pretty full.

So you think Bigfoot's gay?

No, it was in the dark, you know,

the costume.

You know, like that time you got drunk

at the Mardi Gras party?

I didn't think I told you about that

story.

Damn Thai exchange students.

At least he stopped texting me.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Dirk is going to contact the people that

sent him here to kill Bigfoot.

And then they're going to send other people

to come and try.

That's true.

They might even send someone competent.

Do you know what this means?

Bigfoot is in danger.

We have to warn him.

We have to get him to move on

to another forest.

But how do you intend to communicate with

him?

We're going to give him what he wants.

Dirk's butt?

No, and seriously, you really have to stop

with that.

Do you really want me to start talking

Mardi Gras party again?

No need to go there.

Well, I guess we all have to make

sacrifices.

Besides, I haven't had much use for it

lately anyway.

Seems I manifested exactly what I needed.