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(Транскрибовано за допомогою TurboScribe.ai. Оновити до Необмеженого, щоб прибрати це повідомлення.) ...like room service and armed security guards.
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Billy, this is so much better than a
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vacation.
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This is an adventure.
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An adventure that's sadly lacking in lumberjacks.
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Well, we're going for our morning yoga session.
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Would you like to come along?
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Aren't you worried about Bigfoot?
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No.
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Besides, we have the mighty Dirk to protect
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us.
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I always feel better after a good session.
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It's like food and water.
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We need it to live.
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That sounds so awesome.
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By the way, have any of your girls
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seen Mike this morning?
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Uh, I think he had a little trouble
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sleeping last night.
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Maybe it's best if we just let him
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relax.
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There's some mats inside.
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If you'd like to join us, it's the
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perfect way to work through all the stress
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from last night.
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Thank you.
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...
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Oh my god!
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He's here!
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You girls go back to the house.
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I'm gonna go take a look.
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Oh yeah, good idea.
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Fuck that shit.
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I'm going with you.
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I'm not letting you out there with that
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creature.
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We probably already scared Bigfoot off.
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I was talking about Dirk.
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Who cares?
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Come on.
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Dirk, what have you found?
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This is amazing.
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We got hair samples, broken branches.
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But lookie here.
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Some kind of secretion.
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A sticky substance.
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Perhaps some kind of ectoplasm.
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You know, I know I've smelt this before.
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I can't find it, but I mean, it's
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on the tip of my tongue.
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This is amazing.
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Ladies!
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We can't let this kind of evidence just
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slip through our fingers here.
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He just buries himself deeper and deeper.
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Ladies, tonight we act.
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I have a plan.
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Oh god, and we were afraid of that.
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Brunes, grab Mike and bring your equipment here.
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Twenty hundred hours.
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Be prepared to be amazed.
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Victory is so close I can almost taste
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it.
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Yeah, and I bet it tastes salty.
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I really wish you would just come out.
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Just for one minute.
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I'm not afraid of you.
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And I promise I wouldn't let anybody hurt
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you.
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I just need one really good picture of
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you so that I can graduate.
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I wrote you a little poem.
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I know that sounds silly, but I thought
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it would be sweet.
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So here it goes.
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Oh Bigfoot, with your big feet.
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I hope someday that we shall meet.
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And on that day we can share the
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thoughts and ideas that show we care.
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You as a man and me as a
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woman.
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And then I couldn't find anything that rhymed
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with woman.
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But I really, really, really tried.
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Oh my god.
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You did hear me.
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Oh, I hope you liked the poem.
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Foot Ince, who are you talking to?
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Bigfoot.
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Bigfoot, he sent me these flowers.
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Oh, that's really sweet.
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What's wrong, honey?
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It's just that I know he wouldn't do
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anything wrong to any of us.
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I know he means no harm.
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And he'd be better off if we all
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just left him alone.
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But I really need to get that picture
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of him.
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And does that make me a terrible person?
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As long as you do it honestly and
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you don't take advantage of the creature, no.
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That doesn't make you a bad person.
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That makes sense.
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But it's just that what if something bad
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happens tonight because of Jerk?
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I mean, oh, Dirk, but it's just that...
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It's just that he's such a...
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A jerk?
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Yeah.
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Well, I can't tell you what to do.
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As long as you follow your heart, you'll
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know where to go.
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Maybe it's your place to go out there
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tonight and follow Dork, I mean Dirk, and
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make sure nothing bad happens.
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Yeah, you're right.
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Thank you, Flower.
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You're welcome.
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Just don't let Dirk break your heart.
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This is weird even by Dirk's standards.
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Where is he?
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Oh, I'm sure he'll pop up eventually.
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Oh!
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Oh, shit!
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I really can't see fuck all in this
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thing!
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What the hell are you doing?
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You scared the shit out of us.
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I was trying to make an entrance.
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What are you wearing?
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For three years I've studied every report, sketch,
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and sighting of Bigfoot.
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And with the finest artisans money can buy,
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I've fabricated this perfect recreation.
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Pretty amazing, isn't it?
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Oh, it's something.
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I'll play the Bigfoot sounds we recorded earlier
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to lure the creature here.
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Once he sees me, he's going to come
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even closer and hopes to communicate with his
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fellow creature, thus giving you two the perfect
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photo opportunity.
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And when we get enough photos?
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Well, you make enough noise and you scare
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it away.
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And if I have any problems, I'm going
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to give you the panic signal.
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Okay, and what's that going to be?
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It's this.
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All right?
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Okay.
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All right.
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Now go over to those bushes and get
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situated.
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Then I'll begin.
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All set.
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All right, Mr. Bigfoot.
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Get prepared for your final booty call.
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Thirsty?
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No, thanks.
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I've got my little friend right here.
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Prudence, no.
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That's how we got into trouble the first
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time.
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But come on.
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When I get so bored, I get aroused.
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How can you be bored?
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This is the most exciting investigation we've ever
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had.
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I know.
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But when I get excited, I get...
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Let me guess.
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Aroused.
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Kind of.
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If you turn that on, it's going to
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scare him away.
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Fine.
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Prudence, what are you doing?
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I'm just thinking back on all those times
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that we almost got together.
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But I guess you didn't like me that
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way.
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Of course I like you.
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It's just the timing wasn't right.
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Well, there's no time like the present, is
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there?
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Video diary...
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Video diary of Bigfoot Hunt.
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One hour in, still no sign of the
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creature.
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As soon as he's close, I will open
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fire, killing it.
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Then I will claim that it was endangering
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the research party, and then I'll be a
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million dollars richer.
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Shit.
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Maybe I shouldn't have actually recorded that.
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Yeah, let me just rewind.
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Hit the rewind button here.
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Video diary of Bigfoot Hunt.
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Still no sign of the creature, but we
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continue to wait anxiously.
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Personal note, I really should have put some
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ventilation in this, because I'm sweating like a
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fucking bitch.
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On a side note, I'm chafing real fucking
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bad in the groin area.
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Out.
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Damn, I shouldn't have bought those Salvation Army
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batteries.
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Fuck.
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Christ!
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Now that I'm sweating, I really can't see
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fuck all.
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Fuck!
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This is so fucked!
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Can't believe I let those stupid idiots talk
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me into this dumb plan!
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Damn, this was a bad idea!
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God!
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Fuck!
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I hate this!
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Fuck, I can't see shit!
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Where the hell am I?
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Uh-oh.
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Oh fuck, this isn't good.
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Oh no.
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This isn't good.
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No!
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No!
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No!
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No!
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Ah!
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Fuck!
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Holy shit, there's more!
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Oh my!
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Oh shit, it's splitting me in half!
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No!
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Ah!
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Fuck!
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Holy shit!
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Oh Mike, you're an animal!
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Help, for the love of God!
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Please!
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Panic!
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What happened?
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Oh my God, we were distracted.
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We didn't see anything.
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Are you okay?
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Get me out of here!
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I don't want to talk about it!
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Oh my God.
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There goes our stuff.
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Okay, come on.
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Yes!
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No!
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Be careful.
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Are you okay?
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I'm fine.
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Good.
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I can't
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believe you paid money for this thing.
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Oh my God.
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Please tell me you didn't know about this.
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Oh my God, no.
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No, I swear.
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I'm as shocked as you are.
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Maybe he just had it for protection in
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case he was attacked.
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Um, I don't think so.
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Take a look at this.
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As soon as he's close, I will open
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fire, killing it.
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Then I'll claim that it was endangering the
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research party, and then I'll be a million
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dollars richer.
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Shit!
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That son of a bitch!
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I want him and his guns and his
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cruelty out of my resort.
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He's the negativity the cards predicted.
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Not Bigfoot.
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Well, if you're someone who believes in karma,
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you've got to take a look at this.
286
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:55,720
Wow.
287
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,740
I knew karma was a bitch, but I've
288
00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:00,640
never seen it work so fast.
289
00:19:00,820 --> 00:19:02,060
And so hard.
290
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,440
And so repeatedly.
291
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,900
Holy fuck, that's a big cock!
292
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:09,880
Wow.
293
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,900
Unfortunately, there's no shot of Bigfoot, but we
294
00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:14,300
know why Dirk was walking so fast.
295
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,580
I am so putting this online.
296
00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:19,120
Shall we wake him up?
297
00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:20,600
No, no, let him sleep.
298
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:21,480
Let him sleep.
299
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,160
Let me get rid of this gun.
300
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:24,240
I'm throwing it in the lake where it
301
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,000
can't hurt anybody or anything ever again.
302
00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:00,230
Wow.
303
00:21:01,590 --> 00:21:03,250
What a gorgeous day!
304
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:08,690
The sun's shining, the birds are singing, joyfully,
305
00:21:09,030 --> 00:21:09,650
playfully.
306
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,870
Were you really going to kill Bigfoot?
307
00:21:18,690 --> 00:21:20,490
We found your gun and saw the tape.
308
00:21:23,260 --> 00:21:24,940
Well, there's no point in denying it.
309
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:27,880
Yes, I came here with the intention of
310
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:28,480
killing Bigfoot.
311
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,080
And I deceived you all into becoming pawns
312
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,260
in my elaborate charade.
313
00:21:32,460 --> 00:21:35,100
Yeah, well, your game is over, Mr. Bigfoot
314
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:36,020
shooting person.
315
00:21:36,020 --> 00:21:38,640
Flower has thrown your gun in the lake,
316
00:21:38,700 --> 00:21:40,460
so there'll be no chance of you hurting
317
00:21:40,460 --> 00:21:41,380
that poor creature.
318
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:43,680
No, no, absolutely not.
319
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,860
I think guns are terrible too.
320
00:21:46,020 --> 00:21:49,060
I mean, as far as hurting Bigfoot, I
321
00:21:49,060 --> 00:21:50,500
would never do that.
322
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,020
Not after a brief encounter.
323
00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:58,120
But aside from that, I just want to
324
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,340
let you guys know that I called my
325
00:22:00,340 --> 00:22:02,500
superiors and the deal's off.
326
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:05,660
Toodaloo, guys.
327
00:22:10,790 --> 00:22:12,470
Well, that was genuinely weird.
328
00:22:13,370 --> 00:22:15,430
You see, he was just a violent person,
329
00:22:15,630 --> 00:22:16,850
consumed with greed.
330
00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:20,570
But his one encounter with Bigfoot completely changed
331
00:22:20,570 --> 00:22:20,870
him.
332
00:22:21,650 --> 00:22:22,990
Filled him with love.
333
00:22:23,730 --> 00:22:24,910
Well, he did look pretty full.
334
00:22:25,930 --> 00:22:27,150
So you think Bigfoot's gay?
335
00:22:28,290 --> 00:22:30,450
No, it was in the dark, you know,
336
00:22:30,510 --> 00:22:31,110
the costume.
337
00:22:31,930 --> 00:22:33,290
You know, like that time you got drunk
338
00:22:33,290 --> 00:22:34,310
at the Mardi Gras party?
339
00:22:34,310 --> 00:22:36,390
I didn't think I told you about that
340
00:22:36,390 --> 00:22:36,770
story.
341
00:22:37,930 --> 00:22:40,030
Damn Thai exchange students.
342
00:22:40,370 --> 00:22:41,850
At least he stopped texting me.
343
00:22:42,630 --> 00:22:43,350
Oh, my God.
344
00:22:43,850 --> 00:22:44,450
Oh, my God.
345
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:45,990
Dirk is going to contact the people that
346
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:47,470
sent him here to kill Bigfoot.
347
00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:49,330
And then they're going to send other people
348
00:22:49,330 --> 00:22:50,150
to come and try.
349
00:22:50,730 --> 00:22:51,270
That's true.
350
00:22:51,330 --> 00:22:52,630
They might even send someone competent.
351
00:22:53,350 --> 00:22:54,550
Do you know what this means?
352
00:22:54,670 --> 00:22:55,850
Bigfoot is in danger.
353
00:22:56,370 --> 00:22:57,490
We have to warn him.
354
00:22:57,730 --> 00:22:58,870
We have to get him to move on
355
00:22:58,870 --> 00:22:59,730
to another forest.
356
00:23:00,130 --> 00:23:01,770
But how do you intend to communicate with
357
00:23:01,770 --> 00:23:01,890
him?
358
00:23:02,370 --> 00:23:04,130
We're going to give him what he wants.
359
00:23:04,990 --> 00:23:05,570
Dirk's butt?
360
00:23:06,030 --> 00:23:08,350
No, and seriously, you really have to stop
361
00:23:08,350 --> 00:23:08,710
with that.
362
00:23:08,770 --> 00:23:10,110
Do you really want me to start talking
363
00:23:10,110 --> 00:23:11,210
Mardi Gras party again?
364
00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:12,950
No need to go there.
365
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,100
Well, I guess we all have to make
366
00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:24,800
sacrifices.
367
00:23:25,940 --> 00:23:28,260
Besides, I haven't had much use for it
368
00:23:28,260 --> 00:23:29,020
lately anyway.
369
00:23:30,620 --> 00:23:33,400
Seems I manifested exactly what I needed.
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