Original subtitles

No, no.

Take me!

Hold on Fishbreath.

I'm having a moment here Batty.

What the fuck!

Are you doing dis starting there

at de end.

Start at the beginning, Maggothead.

Batty I just want to cut to the chase.

You know a real dramatic moment

comforting a dying loved one.

Dat ain't even me.

Just start at da beginning.

Otay?

Fine.

Way to kill the moment Fairytits.

Is this thing really necessary?

It's for your own good sir.

Get this freaking thing off a me.

Get outta here, I don't need you for this.

I can get my own self ready.

I have to do everything myself around here.

Like this use to be bigger.

I didn't use to have fly aways

when I had good help.

Life.

Didn't turn out the way I expected.

Mortality sucks.

Once I was a demon prince, top clown in Hell

with a 1,000 different names.

Then came along the one that got away.

They put me on trial.

Order.

Me.

Well after a daring escape...

What, tell da truth.

With a little help from my posse,

I escaped from Hell.

Finally made it to Earth.

Where I lorded over the quivering masses.

Yes I was their god.

Schnap outta it.

What do you mean red?

What's red?

You're in the red,

your accounts.

I don't follow.

You've got to start bringing in some money baby,

this place is running on fumes,

and I can't get you anymore credit.

Oh for fucks sake.

I'm selling okay.

I'm selling, what's wrong with my merch.

Look I got,

Killjoy tee shirts,

and you can't forget Killjoy The Movie.

You made a movie?

Hell yeah we made a movie.

We even made a sequel although the guy that played me

in part two was a little too Hollywood.

But wait, wait, I'm writing my memoirs,

and what about these Killjoy condoms huh?

Killjoy Artisanal Vodka.

Potatoes grown in vegan Brooklenites beards.

It's empty, Killjoy Baby,

we can't be selling this shit

and you've got sponsors to think about.

Adam and Eve, Eebee's Dispensary, Bone Crusher.

That tee shirt doesn't even look like me.

It's not all about you.

Ow.

How'm I supposed to remember all these sponsors.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

I don't know, get some baseball caps,

and start selling ice cream.

You need cash.

I sold some swag last week.

I know I used the money to pay my bill.

And you still owe me.

Oh you sniveling idiot I crush you.

I crush you,

crush you, crush you.

Stop it.

My hammer.

You need a new image.

You need to rebrand.

I mean you've got a good show

but it's getting a little stale,

not to mention the fans miss Batty Boop.

Oh I wouldn't mention that name.

And start selling ice cream Baby.

Where am I supposed to get eyes that scream?

They miss Batty.

The mime speaks.

Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap,

that's all you do anymore.

What's up with that I thought you were a

mime?

I'm reinventing myself.

That's my schtick.

Freakshow the talking mime.

That's the stupidest Goddamned thin I ever heard.

I ain't stopping now.

Oh I'm so smart 'cause I went back to school

and got my degree.

Well listen, your education doesn't impress me

Poindexter.

Yale.

What a dive.

You really wanna show me your smart,

you're gonna go find some of this

ice cream shit she's talking about.

Just get yourself ready for tonight's show.

We have a special guest.

Shut up alright.

Look, what does the little guy gotta say about all this?

Where'd he go, what happened?

I don't know.

He just left.

Damn it.

I always like him better.

Fuck off.

Just telling it like it is.

And you.

You you overstuffed

sick sausage,

what do you gotta say about yourself huh?

Nothing right?

'cause you're useless.

Punchy I don't understand a fucking word you just said.

Be happy.

Oh,

be happy.

Great advice, that's gonna solve everything.

I'll just be happy.

I got the IRS on my ass.

I got immigration coming after me.

La Migra? Yeah La Migra.

Not to mention Homeland Security,

Donald Trump made us a talking point.

We're undocumented.

Who else could come after us now?

I demand to know the meaning of this.

Why am I here?

You let Killjoy escape.

The exact same charge Killjoy is guilty of.

All because you could not stand to be touched

by a little girl.

She was so innocent.

Sweet.

Virginal.

It was disgusting.

Completely repellent.

Oh shut up, that's nothing.

Right, have you ever heard of log jamming.

Scribe,

is that you?

Yes it is actually.

You're my judge?

Yeah, how 'bout that.

Good aye.

How dare you be my judge.

Excuse me, I was voted in fair and square.

Besides you had me dressed in a bed sheet

you old cunt.

This is good.

Oh stop it boys, I have an appointment in five.

Let's get this wrapped up shall we.

Fine. Can I read the sentence?

No you can't, it's my job.

You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this.

Come on, come on, come on.

I said no.

This is so annoying, Scribe just let the little shit.

Do it.

Alright.

Bob you're such a tedious twat.

If you weren't the most powerful being in existence

I'd smite you.

Get on with it Bob.

Okay.

We the demonic tribunal of three

find the accused, the accursed,

the foul Beelzebub guilty of lapsing

in his duties of as arch devil.

Allowing the fiend Killjoy to escape.

This is bloody lame.

Let him finish.

You Beelzebub are to be stripped of your horns.

You are demoted from devil to mere demon,

and you're membership to Hell's night club and spa

is revoked.

I demand a chance to redeem myself.

To avenge myself.

Well Beelze-baby,

what do you have in mind then?

Let me bring his soul back.

Let me deliver Killjoy to you.

Killjoy's on Earth.

You have no jurisdiction in that realm.

Grant me a ship.

A massive spaceship.

A battleship.

Yes,

and passage to outer space.

I say yes.

Alright,

now Beelze-boob,

your mission

lure Killjoy back from Earth.

Capture him in this orb,

and bring him before us.

Always surrounded by idiots.

I'm mother fucking Killjoy.

We're live in two minutes.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah we're live, we're live.

♪ Mother fucking Killjoy ♪

♪ Mother fucking Killjoy ♪

♪ Mother fucking, mother fucking ♪

♪ Killjoy's Psycho Circus ♪

Welcome to Psycho Circus.

On tonight's show we have a very special guest,

Doctor D Ross,

author of Koulrophobia,

Killjoy And Other Delusions.

Look at that he spelled Koulrophobia with a K.

How fucking cleaver.

So anyway...

What, what do you want?

Titty twister, karate chop,

stop it doesn't make any sense.

Top 10, dumb ass.

Oh top 10,

why didn't you just say so shit for brains.

Okay, it's time for tonight's top 10.

Tonight's top 10, is top 10 reasons that Batty Boop

left the posse.

Alright, alright.

Top 10 reasons Batty Boop left the posse,

to be read by,

Batty Boop.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the...

Okay.

Alright, alright.

Whatever.

Number 10.

Fishbreath spends more time on his hair,

than I do.

Okay, number nine.

Dental work.

Those teeth.

Number eight.

When I said cream pie.

I had something else in mind.

Number seven.

The third ass hole.

Number six.

Tongue

fungus.

Number five.

Immigwation status.

Four.

Finger snaps.

Number three.

You let your only victim

get away.

She's got moxie or something.

She's got like freaking crazy legs...

You know what, number two.

You fucking went to Shivers and Quivers wedding

with out me.

You weren't invited.

I mean

whoa,

that sure was fun.

And the number one reason

why Batty Boop is no longer in the clown posse.

Fishbreath.

Fishbreath.

What was that?

Who wrote this shit?

This is awful.

I'm surrounded by morons.

Go on with this.

♪ Mother fucking Killjoy ♪

♪ Mother fucking Killjoy ♪

♪ Mother fucking mother fucking ♪

♪ Killjoy's Psycho Circus ♪

Who was that bitch Batty Boop?

More like Batty Poop.

On with the show.

Tonight's special guest is Doctor Dean Ross.

Thank you, thank you.

So great to be here.

It's great to have you on the show.

Oh thank you for having me.

You're welcome, now

you have not seen the show before have you?

No I have to admit I haven't seen it,

but I am happy to be here.

So you're here to promote your book.

Are you getting this Toadie?

You got it good, Koulrophobia

Killjoy And Other

Delusions.

Yes.

Yes and in this book you claim, among other things

that Killjoy is a

pernicious figment of imagination.

Kinda mass hysteria.

Dude, I'm right here.

What originally manifested in one patient,

quickly spread like a virus.

Infecting anyone that came in contact with patient zero,

a young co-ed from Miskatonic University.

The one that got away.

She escaped,

killing a police detective, a security guard,

and injuring another.

Hey, don't give her credit for our kills

you fucking moron.

I'm Killjoy.

The girl may have embellished on this urban legend,

but I'm the one who officially named the syndrome,

Killjoy Disease,

an irrational belief in an evil clown

with symptoms of chronic laughter and insomnia.

Hold on a second Doc.

Pump the brakes okay 'cause you know what,

it looks like our time is up.

But I was just getting to the good stuff.

Oh we're getting into the good stuff alright.

Whoa.

Cool.

No.

Not cool.

In a matter of fact,

it's gonna get really hot.

Well I'm just happy to be on the show.

These restraints are really tight.

They're kinda turning me on a little.

Batty,

turn us on.

Sure thing Fishhead.

You're kidding?

We're gonna do a little shock therapy Doc.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait this won't work.

You need an electrolyte if you're going to shock somebody.

Like salt water.

I am not ready.

Doc, you're sweating.

No, no!

That was the shocking conclusion to yet another episode

of Killjoy's Psycho Circus.

Join us next week when our guest

will be actor, writer, philanthropist Craig...

How do you pronounce that name?

Okay you know what,

now a word from our sponsor.

♪ Killjoy's Psycho Circus ♪

If you're looking for weed, grass, kush, pooch,

stims, chemicals,

go to one of our lousy competitors.

Don't be drab and dreary.

Visit Eebee's Magical Weed Dispensary,

and get cheery.

It's the happiest shit.

Credit cards and trades, strictly unacceptable.

We give you...

Well that show was another disaster.

Hi Fishead.

It's Fishbreath,

and who the fuck are you?

I'm Batty Boop.

Don't you recognize me?

Who the fuck is this?

Her name is Luanne.

I'm Batty Poop.

Poo poo poo poop.

We hired her this morning.

You need a female co-host.

Batty is perfect.

This ain't Batty alright.

This freakshow,

pardon the expression,

has turned into a real train wreck.

Train weck?

Yeah train wreck.

I appreciate your demented personality okay,

but you're not Batty.

The real Batty had teeth everywhere.

And I mean everywhere.

She's the only thing we've got.

You need a co-host

'cause sexy ain't you.

Hey I'm damn sexy.

I resent that statement.

And you are weak, timid, and lame.

But I can be crazy.

Stop trying to be Batty.

But I am Batty.

Bat shit crazy maybe,

but you are not her.

I'm quitting as soon as I get paid.

Killjoy.

Yes my corporate overlord.

You kinky little fucking Smurf.

I know what you're up to over there.

I'm a fan of the show dude.

That wasn't Batty Boop.

That was some other crazy bitch.

Luanne.

Luanne.

Who is this Luanne of which you speak?

Don't piss in my ear and tell me

that it's raining stupid.

As your main supporting sponsor I expect you to treat me

with a little more fucking respect bro.

How dare you.

We have some stipulations to our business agreement.

No huffing, snorting, or bud fucking,

and you're doing all three to me right now.

God damn it.

Man you're a real drag.

I'm over here wanting to get higher than Jesus,

and you're pissing me off.

Now you listen to me you little fuck,

I want you to get rid of that crazy bitch

and find the other crazy bitch.

You mean Batty?

Did I stutter mother fucker?

Get to it.

How the Hell am I going to find Batty?

I want off this planet.

There you are, Batty Boop.

I always liked her.

She knows where her priorities are.

Next.

Next is Punchy the hobo clown.

He was invoked by the demon Behemoth.

He's clearly the muscle.

He was once an obedient servant and then rebelled,

and is now the head of the Evil Clown Union.

What has he done on Earth?

Since surfacing he's had a few jobs.

He's an occasional professional wrestler,

he still meets with the Communist Party,

and occasionally partakes in parkour.

Parkour?

He's not very good at it.

Next is Freakshow the mime.

He was invoked by Gemini.

They were conjoined twins attached by a long umbilical cord.

Were conjoined twins?

Freakshow was originally a host to a smaller brother

but he was destroyed by a hand full of salt.

He then rebuilt a bionic brother,

but he is also gone missing.

Since then he's gone back to school

and received a very rare scholarship to Yale.

I see.

And our target?

Killjoy.

For centuries he longed to live amongst the humans

and after only a couple short visits to Earth

he wanted top make the move there permanently.

After he got away from me,

stole my interdimensional elevator,

and blasted himself to the surface.

What did he do with that elevator?

That was quite an amazing machine.

Beats me.

Continue Jezebel.

Well since surfacing Killjoy's had spotty luck,

but he recently settled on a late night variety show

he calls, Psycho Circus.

How will I get him up here?

Why don't we send our demon minions down to get him?

Because he's too strong,

and he still has Freakshow and Punchy.

Punchy's the dangerous one.

We're in the most powerful spaceship in the universe,

let's start blowing shit up.

First Paris.

That's a good idea my busty underling.

Only we will have to do more than destroy the world.

We have to take Killjoy off his game.

Make him unbalanced.

Unbalanced?

I have an idea.

Do you think it will work?

Don't underestimate the power of jealousy.

I bet she hasn't seen her imposter yet.

Oh yeah.

You know what.

Just do this, let's do it, come on.

Oh, oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're on in 10 minutes.

Can't you knock before barge in on somebody,

who is obviously looking at

dimware?

Psycho Circus is waiting.

We have Trent Haaga on tonight.

That mother fucker.

♪ Mother fucking Killjoy ♪

♪ Mother fucking Killjoy ♪

♪ Mother fucking mother fucking ♪

♪ Killjoy's Psycho Circus. ♪

Thank you, thank you, thank you,

and welcome to the Psycho Circus.

Listen we've got a great show for you people tonight.

Yeah, later on Batty Boop here is gonna juggle a ball.

You know normally she can juggle more than one,

but not with her hands if you know what I'm saying.

Real quick on the uptake that one.

You know what, screw the top 10,

we're just gonna go straight to the interview,

welcome Trent...

How's it going man?

Not too bad, how's it going with you?

It's all good, it's all good, can't complain,

cannot complain at all.

Great, okay, so I have a question.

Ask away. I will, I will.

Just give me a second.

Ask your question, don't be shy.

I'm not shy mother fucker,

I'm trying to ask the question.

Quit interrupting me.

Just ask the question, puss.

Okay, alright I will.

So,

how,

in the fuck do you pronounce your name?

Do you pronounce both the A's separately.

I mean is it Haaga or...

I mean I don't know,

so it was fucking killing me in the dressing room.

Is that the best you got huh?

Fuck you, that's how you pronounce my name,

how do you like that?

I don't like it at all as a matter of fact.

So let's talk about your movies.

Now correct me if I'm wrong,

but you didn't actually play Killjoy

in the first Killjoy movie did you?

No that was Angel Vargas.

I know, he did such a wonderful job.

Really, are you fucking kidding me?

I'm serious, I thought he nailed it.

He doesn't even look like you.

He got the essence right.

The soul of Killjoy.

Soul.

You got no soul, you're nothing but a sad patchwork

of whiney fart jokes.

I can't argue that, but uh,

I couldn't have played Killjoy better myself.

I could play you better than you.

Bull shit.

Bull shit, bull shit, look,

look at what you're doing, look at what you're doing.

What, what am I doing?

I don't know, what am I doing?

What? What?

Man you're such a douche.

Man you're such a douche.

All you're doing now is copying me.

You're just copying me.

And doing a crappy job of it to.

Well yeah, that was the acting part.

What so,

crappy acting is part of being kllljoy.

Yeah,

that's my take on it.

And that's how I get to the soul

of Killjoy.

Look, you're easy.

As a matter of fact, everything you're doing right now

I could do it, I could do it better than you.

Not everything.

Oh great,

it's the old pie tin to the face gag.

Comical but a little lame.

Give me that. Give those back.

No, no, I got this, I got this.

Alright, hey, hey, check it out everybody,

it's Killjoy killing Trent Haaga.

He's right, that's exactly how I would have done it.

I'm having a bit of an existential moment here.

Bravo, bravo.

And now a word from our sponsor.

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I've never met anyone like you.

Oh I hope not.

I

'ate sloppy seconds.

Wow.

You're an animal.

Jou can say that.

Jou look scrumptious.

I think I have to confess to something.

What's dat?

I debug code for a medical software company.

My pimp avatar is just my online profile,

and when I said I was a player,

I meant a video game player.

Oh yeah?

That's gweat.

Good for jou.

You know what screw the top 10,

we're gonna go straight to the interview.

What da Hell is that dat?

Oh,

it's Psycho Circus.

Great show.

Killjoy's awesome.

Jou watch that chit?

Yeah.

And he's got some crazy side kicks.

There's Punchy,

Freakshow,

and the smoking hot Batty Boop.

Psycho Circus everybody.

Yeah tonight's going to be a great show.

So anyway.

Dat's not Batty Boop.

Sure it is.

Man she's sexy.

I'd give my left nut just to tap that piece of ass.

Jou're gonna get more dan dat.

What, you know her?

I

Am

'er,

dumb shit.

Captain,

we're closing in on earth.

I know that.

Can't you give me some useful information?

What else could we have been doing

all this time but getting closer to earth?

Orbiting Uranus.

What?

Nothing.

What did you say? Nothing.

Has Batty Boop seen the show yet?

Sure she has.

And she's pissed.

Then we have to get her to Killjoy.

Send her the magic mirror.

Dat two timing

pansy picking,

donkey fucking,

toilet sitting,

nail clipping,

dish washing, chin kicking...

What the faheezus?

Magic miwwor.

Looks wike a twap.

I ain't going near dat ting.

Yeah tonight's gonna be a great show.

Oh no.

No fucking way.

No you're not, I'm mother fucking Killjoy.

I'm killjoy, I'm guilty as Hell.

What the...

What the Hell happened?

Where am I, what happened?

Where is everybody?

What the Hell happened?

We wrapped another show.

Really?

Was I there 'cause I don't remember shit?

Handy?

Now where is that stupid clown?

Handy!

Here Boss.

Cut that out.

I told you when I hired you,

no more teleporting okay?

You're not a demonic clown anymore.

You gotta try to fit in.

But I was just standing behind you.

I said cut it out.

I asked you to get me off of this planet.

What've you been doing about it?

I've been building a spaceship

outta that rocket engine from the interdimensional elevator.

Yeah? Want me to show ya?

Okay.

Feast your eyes

on this.

Wow, how do I get in?

Why you push the big red button,

and it's gonna transport the rumpus room

into the rocket ship.

You know what Handy,

I gotta hand it to ya,

this is pretty awesome.

Now I can finally get off this rock.

Could this have some weapons like

you know some lasers and shit?

You want guns Boss?

I know just the guys for you.

Excellent.

This place is like so disgusting.

Everybody's breath is really bad.

A mirror.

Thank the heavens.

Mirror mirror on the wall,

who's the hottest Batty of them all?

Surely it's me.

Oh thank you mirror for being there.

Jou.

Me.

_Jeah, jou, ja home wrecking floozie.

How dare jou horn in on my clown?

No, no, no, no,

I like am not trying to go for Killjoy I promise.

I'm trying to get closer to his sponsor Larnell.

Cut the cwap.

I seen ja shake your hips

and put your grubby paws all over Fishbreath.

He means nothing

to me.

Nothing?

Listen Pipsqueak,

If I ever see jou near Killjoy again

I'm going to break jou in half.

Oh really?

If you see me again,

you're gonna break

me

In half?

Oh ja.

Jou can take dat to da bank.

We need like lasers and stuff.

And I need all this work done by next week alright,

no excuses.

Sure thing Boss.

And if you need guns,

remember to talk to my guys.

Guys right.

Yeah.

What the fuck are you still doing here?

Oh I tought I'd wehearse.

Ah you're taking the job seriously.

No kidding.

Yeah the make up looks a lot better,

and you're really nailing that annoying accent.

It's like fingernails on a chalk board.

Is dat so?

If I didn't know better I'd say you were the real Batty.

Batty Boop.

It's you.

What tipped you off, Fishbreath?

It's so good to see ya.

Oh now you're just throwing me a line.

Well what did you expect me to say.

Oh thank God you're here,

Now I can continue with my dreadful mind numbing journey

through ebb checked misery.

Would you like that?

It wasn't all bad.

We had some good times, jou and me.

Yeah, but at what costs?

At what costs?

Jou tink you're the only one to suffer?

Jou're not the easiest to live with.

Jou attwact twouble like flies to chit.

Yeah, well then why did you keep sticking around?

Because,

I love you.

That wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

You love me to.

Low blow.

Jou do.

Admit it.

I admit nothing.

Jou need me,

jou said it

jourself.

Yeah I need you when you're neck deep in shit

and behind bars.

What do you tink love is?

I needed you

to get outta jail.

Is dat all?

Well alright,

well if you love me, then why did you leave?

Ja hooked up with Chivers and Quivers

at deir wedding.

Look they invited me,

they asked me to be their best man,

they offered me a bunch of free booze,

c'mon I've done worse.

What gives?

What gives?

Ja went without me, dat's what gives.

And ja slept with Jivers.

She was hot.

He was da gwoom.

That explains a lot.

I know jou wanna be with me.

Stop pushing it.

But jou have to be with me.

I'm warning you.

It works both ways.

I'm

sorry, okay, is that what you wanted to hear?

Getting there.

That hurts.

What is that?

It's bwood.

Blood, no, no, that can't be.

We're semi-mordal now.

But,

but blood that's bad.

Ja tink that's bad,

Snookums,

I

Feel

different.

And the fucking makeup's coming off.

Like what are you getting at?

Babycakes,

we're changing.

I'm ovulating.

Okay, what is that,

like a political party or something?

It means if we have sex,

I could have a baby.

No more balloon animals and confetti or...

Jou never had real sex,

have jou?

No.

Jou're patetic.

Where ya going?

Where ya going?

Everything is in place Master.

The target is distracted.

Soon he will come to you.

All he needs is a little push.

Excellent.

Be ready for our signal.

Now we start blowing things up.

That's music to my ears.

Computer?

What, what is it?

Target Paris.

Oh my pleasure.

What?

That's ridiculous.

I've never seen a bill like this.

You electrocute your guest and staff,

what do you expect?

But it's so much fun.

Come on Samantha,

I gots to get my kicks.

Start selling ice cream.

Everybody loves ice cream.

Oh and one more thing,

get Batty Boop back in the act.

How the Hell am I going to do that?

She's not exactly thrilled about all this.

Woo her, romance her, buy her dinner, flowers

or some shit.

She's a red blooded woman.

Well this is a new development.

One of our sponsors is Adam and Eve.

You have sample products.

Seduce her.

Well that's easier said than done,

because apparently I've been doing it wrong all these ages,

and I don't understand how the mortals do it.

Like that right?

I don't know.

You're in luck.

Really?

Thrill me.

Not only am I an agent /accountant/manager/bookie,

I'm also a pornographer.

I keep these handy for pillowy soft clients like you.

Call it an instructional video.

It's from my fetish series.

You'll need this.

Take this.

I'm gonna keep that.

Samantha,

did anyone ever tell you that you're a total buzzkill?

I get that a lot.

What is it?

It's a human porn.

Isn't that dangerous.

Come on we're blood thirsty demons.

Nothing shocks us.

I suppose, but we never saw anything like this.

Buck up you woes.

We've been neck deep in blood and gore.

We've eaten things that would make a billy goat puke.

We were in the real sitting and high?

So I think that we can handle a little porno.

Hi, I'm Tommy Pistol.

Who's Tommy pistol?

And this is the third video to

Beginners Series of Instructional Fetish Porn,

following Rocks On, Rocks Off, Log Jamming.

Log jamming?

I got a bad feeling about this.

Hi Dyna Mite.

Ready to show them how it's done?

Sure Tommy.

Let's do this mother fucking shit.

Essential tools. Safety first.

Tarp.

Gloves are needed.

Open wide.

That was just a warm up.

Warmed up, what the Hell?

Make it stop, just make it stop, make it stop.

And this is log jamming.

Here's a close up.

My eyes.

I can't take my eyes off of it.

Please make it stop, please make it stop.

Well

isn't dis cute.

Ja'll are patetic.

Batty,

me and the fellas were just watching a little um...

None of ja ever seen human sex before?

Didn't know what you were in for,

did ja?

Did you know about this?

Forget about it.

Haven't you seen the news Knucklehead?

What news.

Beelzebub?

People of Earth I seek one among you

by the name of Killjoy.

Mother fucker, he came back for me.

You have 13 hours to bring him to me.

If you do not

I will destroy every city

one

by

One.

Is this serious?

To show you that I am serious.

He blew up Paris!

Paris was on my to do list.

Now if I do not receive Killjoy,

by the time designated,

I will destroy a city

that you actually like.

That's it.

I want off this planet.

Excellent.

That should provide some motivation.

Now we call out our bounty hunters,

the Six Psychos.

Give the order.

Release the Six Psychos.

Number one.

Creepy.

Number two.

Can she do it?

She looks cute but she can tear it up.

Just like my second ex-wife.

Number three.

Ooh sisters.

Number four.

Number five.

So dangerous.

I only counted five psychos.

There's six.

Six psychos.

I need guns,

lots of guns, can you get them for me?

Guns sure, I'll call my guys.

Great and I need to get access to this computer.

Did you install a security measure.

Hold still.

It has to scan you for ID.

What the Hell was that?

Rectal scan.

I said retinal.

Retinal scan.

I'll have to put in a retinal scanner.

Yeah you're gonna have to do that.

Hey Boss, I got tomorrows script.

We gotta go over your lonely asparagus sketch.

Toady.

You got hold of the lowly asparagus sketch?

That's never been done before.

Yes in my hands is the only copy.

I can't believe it.

We're going to make comedy history.

My gun guys are here.

Oh good.

See ya Toady.

But the sketch?

I gotta buy guns.

I feel so patriotic.

I got your firepower right here.

I love it.

You looking to ventilate someone?

What?

You know, whack, plug, kill.

Home protection?

This here,

is an example of a sensible weapon.

Light weight, well balanced, scientifically engineered

built in safety features, including a fingerprint

electronic ID system,

guaranteed not to hurt a kitty cat on accident.

How'd you like that tucking you into bed at night.

It's okay.

You want better than okay, that thing's fucking bull shit.

I wouldn't shoot my mother with this piece of shit,

and I've shot my mother with Ginger Deadman's dick.

Okay, okay, what else you got?

This.

Oh you're God damned right.

It feels good to whip it out.

Tell me more.

Laser scope, extended battery,

400,000 heat tons of two hairy balls

screaming safety's for nerds.

Yeah awesome, what's it called?

It's called the Aborted Granny Diarrhea Filcher.

Wait what?

That is just plain offensive.

It's an assault weapon.

You're really going to yank my cock over it's name?

What else you got?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What does this one do?

It leaves your victims bubbling and popping like herpes.

It leaves the dick wad still alive,

so you can watch them turn into Granny's jello mold

all green and dripping with nectarines on Christmas.

Is that really necessary?

You asked what it does.

What until you see what this thing can do

to innocent bystanders and babies.

You are a peach.

I hate to ask it but,

what do you call this one?

The Crust Scraping Cunt Plunger.

Are you fucking kidding.

What the Hell is wrong with you?

You asked what it does.

Guns are offensive by design bro.

Why are you so tight in the crotch?

What do you want?

I want something that's got a more heroic and sexy name,

like

Thor's Hammer,

or a Wings of Justice,

or Soul Reaper.

Yeah yeah, so just tell me what I wanna hear.

Fine.

You look damn sexy holding my weapon.

Damn sexy.

Hello, I'd fuck me.

Yeah now you're ready to blow your wad.

That's the spirit.

Yeah.

I'll take all of 'em.

I'll load them up for you.

Wait a second.

I don't need like a background check or anything?

You look good to me.

I'll say.

Your background's sweet.

Hey where the fuck is everybody?

I sent them off to do some errands.

I want some alone time with jou.

Can I use your bathroom?

Yeah, if you can find it, it's all yours.

Fucking A.

Booya.

Now we're alone.

I know what that means.

What does that mean exactly?

Fishbreath, we're turning mordal now.

It's mortal.

Pronounce the R, mortal.

Jou know what I mean.

I wanna take dis to the next lebel.

Look I'm dying here Batty.

What more do you want from me?

I wanna kid.

Oh a kid, why didn't you just say so.

How much are they, I just saved a ton of money

on these guns.

With jou ja idiot.

How's that happen?

Jou know, jou just saw a video on it.

Well yeah but that,

that was Tommy Pistol.

I can't do that.

Aren't jou at least

a little bit cuwious?

I'm also curious about toe nail fungus.

Dis is one of the tings,

that makes loife,

loife.

Yeah.

You know what,

maybe you're right.

Maybe if we're going to do this mortal thing,

we should just go full bore.

I already bought a bunch of guns today.

I feel so American.

Yeah let's log jam.

Come on.

Yeah I'm calming down.

I'm calming all the way down.

So romantic.

Kind makes me feel like I'm gonna throw up

in my mouth a little bit, I love it.

It's for real.

Is that the way?

It's not working for me,

it's just not working for me.

I put it in right? Yes.

You put it in me.

You put it in me.

Okay, I'm weady.

I'll try.

Is that it, did I get it? Yes.

Just go with it.

Boss.

We have company.

It's a mob of people outside.

What do they want?

I think they're coming to get you.

No your fans are here to help.

You can't be too careful.

Alright Batty,

you stay here.

Otay Snookums.

And I'm gonna work on the rocket ship

in case we need to scram.

Yeah, good Idea.

Wocket ship?

Yeah Baby, rocket ship.

Just go with it.

You wait here.

Things might get a little rough.

Rough, here are the guns.

Alright, Freakshow,

you guard the door and make sure nobody gets in.

Sure.

You have you actually ever used one of these?

I've seen all the movies.

I know what the fuck I'm doing.

That's good enough for me.

Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

I'm not your hero.

I want to kill you all.

Who are these people?

Your Psycho Circus Fan Club.

What am I supposed to do?

They're your fans, rally them.

How am I going to do that?

Easy, raise your gun in the air.

No, no, no, no, no shut up, shut up.

I guess

this is supposed to be some kind of an

inspirational speech.

But you all are a bunch of morons.

I ain't no hero,

and I don't give a shit about any of ya.

The earth is doomed,

and it's all your fault.

Why do you want me?

Because you make us look sane.

That was a bit of a back handed compliment.

We're having a party.

How nice.

Now surrender and board my ship,

or suffer the consequences.

I'll never board your ship.

I'd rather die first.

I don't want you dead.

I need you whole before I rip your soul out.

Come willingly,

or I will destroy

everything

that you love.

Play time.

I don't think they're friendly.

You're going to have to kill me first.

Human shield.

There's a shit storm outside.

Are you getting the ship ready?

We're on it.

Going somewhere?

I was just gonna show you something.

I tought you were gonna wait for Killjoy.

I am Batty.

There's just something wrong with your face.

What's wong with my face?

Made ya look.

Get some.

Victory, suck it Beles.

Congratulations Killjoy.

You have killed five of the Six Psychos.

That's right bitch.

Wait a minute.

Five of the Six Psychos.

What's he talking about?

Yoohoo.

You missing something?

Batty?

If you want to see her again,

you will come

to

Me.

No!

What happened?

There were thousands of them.

A horde.

I was overrun.

They took her.

Is the ship ready to go?

It's loaded ready top launch.

To the bridge.

Oh I should thank you all for your sacrifices.

Now apparently the Killjoy fans are gullible buffoons.

But he didn't actually apologize.

Activate the control panel.

Wow.

Cool.

Isn't that cool.

I mean that is like really fucking cool.

They're getting away.

Right, right.

Blast off.

Three,

two,

one,

blast off.

We're coming for ya Batty.

Good.

Good, right into our hands.

Jezebel you can fire at will.

Abso-fucking-Lutely.

Fire!

That was close captain.

Shields up.

We don't have shields.

Well what the fuck do we have, a tortilla?

We have fields.

For fucks sake, fields up.

Fire!

Fields still holding sir.

Good, now all we have to do is find that things weak spot,

and disable it.

Punchy wanna punch.

Weapons online.

Let's give them what fer.

Fire!

Yes.

That's it.

Just keep wasting your energy.

No effect captain.

What're we tossing at them,

cream pies?

Great we'll do lasers.

Fire the lasers.

I think their lasers might penetrate.

Just keep firing.

But sir...

Just keep firing.

We're taking a lot of damage.

The field's almost gone.

We almost have them.

Keep firing.

Batty I'm coming to get ya.

No!

No take me.

Take me.

We have our enemy's ship's engines targeted.

Good.

Fire!

Keep firing, keep firing.

What's happening.

It's an energy drain due to malfunction.

Malfunction, what malfunction?

The power lines from the atomic generator

to the weapons seems to have failed.

Fuck can we fix it?

The access tubes are too thin.

Only something the size of a

baby could crawl through those things.

You traitor.

What?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Why would you build access tubes

too thin to get into?

But I helped you.

I got you guns.

Those psychos weren't meant to kill me at all.

Beelzebub needs me alive so he can get me my soul.

What did he offer you?

Money, fame, a Klondike Bar.

There aren't many primeval clowns left.

When you're gone guess who's still here.

You're the sixth psycho.

You little shit,

I would have offered you the spot of top clown.

I can't have it while your soul is still free.

But now I guess I'll be getting the spot.

Reach for the sky.

We're in outer space.

So that's a really vague order.

You know what I mean.

You've forgotten one thing.

Punchy don't give a shit.

Get him.

Punchy,

can we make a deal?

No.

You dirty traitor.

Seriously.

Who keeps the gravity on full power in outer space?

Congratulations.

You figured it out.

You.

What have you done to Batty?

Oh

That's

kinda turning me on a little bit.

I mean.

No Batty.

Unhand her you fiend.

You see that red liquid,

dripping from her wounds?

She's turning mortal.

Soon,

she will bleed

to death.

No, take me.

That's precisely my intention.

Oh right.

Of course it is.

I suggest you lower your fields,

so I can beam you on board.

Then you'll let Batty go?

I will let her go to your ship.

Well,

I guess this is goodbye.

Been nice knowing you two fucks.

When Batty gets back to the bridge,

get her outta her.

Fly away, just

fly away.

I still don't understand

a fucking word you're saying Punchy,

but it's gonna be alright.

And you, Freakshow,

I always liked your brother better.

Quit being such a cunt.

Sayonara suck wads.

Now you're going to get your ass into this thing.

Let Batty go first.

Mortal flesh is so delicate.

Stop it leave her alone.

You

first.

No.

What if I don't want to?

Jezebel,

activate the queezernaire.

My pleasure.

Mortal.

Semi-mordal.

Semi what?

Semi-Mortal.

♪ Ready ♪

♪ Fight ♪

♪ Mortal Kombat ♪

♪ Jezebel ♪

♪ Fight ♪

♪ Finish her ♪

♪ Mortal Kombat ♪

♪ Suck it ♪

That's my girl.

Suck on that.

Great balls of fire up your ass.

Oh Babycakes,

I wasn't weak because of my wounds.

No?

Then what's wrong with you?

I'm pwegnant.

You're pregnant?

We created loife.

Batty you gotta get back to the ship.

Jump through the magic mirror.

No, I wanna stay with you.

Think of the kid.

Batty you gotta get outta here.

A clown with a small hammer.

Don't make me laugh.

You call this small?

You fool.

You have your hammer back but I'm still an archdemon.

You buffoon.

Fool.

Bozo.

Clown.

You can't hurt me with that thing.

Hit me with your best shot.

I intend to.

Oh no.

I'm mother fucking Killjoy.

Yeah.

Uh oh.

Oh shit.

Master no, just please stop, please.

Come on let's go.

Yes.

Snookums.

There's an energy build up on the Exitium.

We gotta get outta here.

Get outta here.

We gotta go to warp speed.

We have to go plaid now.

Just wait a second.

Wait?

We have no power. Batty we're fucked.

Son of a bitch.

We're not gonna make it.

Power back online.

Power's back online.

Somebody's in the access fixing the power lines.

What's going on?

I missed you.

I always liked you best.

We still won't make it.

We have to go to ludicrous speed.

Now.

Punch it.

That was ludicrous.

Approaching planet.

Computer,

what is it?

Uh it's Earth.

Jesus.

It can't be.

Oh it is.

Maybe it's a parallel universe.

Wow, Snookums.

Dat sounds like fun.

I don't know.

It could be completely different.

Fishbreath, in about 10 minutes,

I'm going to lay an egg,

and jou're going to be a father.

Tings will be different foreber.

A penny for jour toughts.

Evil clown gonna bust some ass.

I'm mother fucking Killjoy.