Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:02,352 --> 00:00:06,792
-Hey! There he is! High five!
-Down low. Too slow.
2
00:00:06,799 --> 00:00:10,147
Come here, clown. Upside down.
3
00:00:13,166 --> 00:00:15,501
-Hello, Charlie.
-Judith, how's it going?
4
00:00:15,502 --> 00:00:19,340
Hey, Uncle Charlie, show Mom
how I mop the floor with my hair.
5
00:00:19,341 --> 00:00:22,282
Well, it's not really mopping.
It's more like dusting.
6
00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:26,666
-What if you drop him on his head?
-Then I guess I will have to mop.
7
00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:30,825
-Wonderful. Where's Alan?
-He's in the kitchen.
8
00:00:30,826 --> 00:00:33,223
Walk this way.
9
00:00:37,192 --> 00:00:39,589
Master,
10
00:00:40,584 --> 00:00:44,112
your sexually ambivalent ex-wife is here.
11
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:49,180
-I'm not ambivalent, I'm exploring.
-Yes, mistress.
12
00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:54,308
-Thanks for bringing Jake over.
-Well, I wanted to give you this anyway.
13
00:00:54,309 --> 00:00:57,251
-What is it?
-It's the bill from my divorce lawyer.
14
00:00:57,252 --> 00:01:00,738
-You haven't been paying them.
-Told you they'd notice.
15
00:01:00,739 --> 00:01:03,490
I also need you
to look this over and sign it.
16
00:01:03,491 --> 00:01:05,250
And what is this?
17
00:01:05,251 --> 00:01:08,833
My lawyer recommended I take out
a bigger life-insurance policy on you
18
00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:13,344
in case you should die
and can't pay the alimony and legal fees.
19
00:01:13,345 --> 00:01:14,783
Why don't you have him frozen?
20
00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:17,983
Then you can use him
to keep your drinks cold, too.
21
00:01:17,984 --> 00:01:19,967
And who's supposed to pay for this policy?
22
00:01:19,968 --> 00:01:23,486
You are. And please,
try to be on time with the premiums.
23
00:01:23,487 --> 00:01:27,869
Boy, my shallow, empty lifestyle
is looking pretty good right about now.
24
00:01:27,869 --> 00:01:32,028
Okay, as long as we're on the subject
of lawyers and death,
25
00:01:32,029 --> 00:01:35,547
my lawyer recommended
that I redraft my will. And you know what?
26
00:01:35,548 --> 00:01:39,066
If I die after you die,
guess who gets custody of Jake?
27
00:01:39,067 --> 00:01:42,263
-Charlie.
-Charlie?
28
00:01:42,331 --> 00:01:44,441
-Me?
-What about my sister?
29
00:01:44,442 --> 00:01:48,409
-I never liked your sister.
-ls this the sister I slept with?
30
00:01:48,410 --> 00:01:50,680
Shut up, Charlie.
31
00:01:50,681 --> 00:01:54,422
Alan, you can't be serious.
He's immature, he drinks too much,
32
00:01:54,423 --> 00:01:56,662
he sleeps around,
he is completely irresponsible.
33
00:01:56,663 --> 00:02:00,406
Yeah, you should've thought of that
before you threw me out.
34
00:02:00,406 --> 00:02:01,846
Yeah.
35
00:02:01,847 --> 00:02:04,917
All right. You're obviously angry
and trying to get even with me,
36
00:02:04,918 --> 00:02:08,340
but I am not gonna take the bait.
I will see you on Sunday.
37
00:02:08,341 --> 00:02:10,738
Bye-bye.
38
00:02:13,012 --> 00:02:15,250
-Hey, man. Thanks.
-For what?
39
00:02:15,251 --> 00:02:19,892
For trusting me to take care of Jake
when you croak.
40
00:02:20,083 --> 00:02:23,409
I'm sorry.
You didn't think I was serious, did you?
41
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:26,352
I just said that to piss her off.
42
00:02:26,352 --> 00:02:30,792
Right. Good one. Hey!
43
00:02:40,878 --> 00:02:42,253
That's not fair!
44
00:02:42,254 --> 00:02:46,732
Why don't I get to keep the kid
when you're dead?
45
00:02:46,732 --> 00:02:50,891
If I'm dead. And Judith would have to die
before me for it to even be an issue.
46
00:02:50,892 --> 00:02:54,506
It's a contingency plan
for a hypothetical worst-case scenario.
47
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:57,514
I know it's a long shot,
but I had the Marlins in the World Series.
48
00:02:57,515 --> 00:02:59,433
Don't tell me they don't come in.
49
00:02:59,434 --> 00:03:02,313
It never occurred to me that you'd
want to be a full-time parent.
50
00:03:02,314 --> 00:03:04,903
This isn't about what I want.
This is about what you want,
51
00:03:04,904 --> 00:03:07,143
-and you don't want me to have Jake.
-What?
52
00:03:07,144 --> 00:03:08,263
Nothing.
53
00:03:08,264 --> 00:03:09,798
Why'd you say my name?
54
00:03:09,799 --> 00:03:12,870
Get over yourself, no one said your name.
55
00:03:12,871 --> 00:03:14,182
So what's wrong with me?
56
00:03:14,183 --> 00:03:17,220
Charlie, you're a great uncle.
You're there for all the fun stuff.
57
00:03:17,221 --> 00:03:20,740
I don't think you're up to the hard work
of being a full-time parent to Jake.
58
00:03:20,741 --> 00:03:21,860
-What?
-Nothing.
59
00:03:21,861 --> 00:03:24,258
Nothing.
60
00:03:29,284 --> 00:03:31,617
So if not me,
then who are you giving him to?
61
00:03:31,618 --> 00:03:35,873
I'm not giving him to anybody.
He's not a 5-pound ham.
62
00:03:35,874 --> 00:03:39,072
You know what I mean.
Who gets him in that scenario thing?
63
00:03:39,073 --> 00:03:43,263
-Cousin Jerry and his wife Faye.
-Jerry and Faye? Why Jerry and Faye?
64
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:47,326
They've got a good marriage,
three kids, lots of dogs, a big backyard,
65
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,245
and they live in a great school district.
66
00:03:49,246 --> 00:03:51,653
Yeah, but I'm your brother!
67
00:03:52,063 --> 00:03:54,013
-Charlie, it's not...
-And I live right here.
68
00:03:54,014 --> 00:03:58,748
You wouldn't have to ship him off
to Corn Hole, Kansas.
69
00:03:58,748 --> 00:04:01,146
Coventry, Rhode lsland.
70
00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:04,027
Who am I thinking of that lives in Kansas?
71
00:04:04,028 --> 00:04:06,789
I don't know, Dorothy and Toto?
72
00:04:08,346 --> 00:04:11,129
All right, Alan, let me ask you something.
73
00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:13,785
If I'm here, and Jake's in Rhode lsland,
74
00:04:13,786 --> 00:04:16,216
who's gonna teach him
all the things he needs to know?
75
00:04:16,217 --> 00:04:18,871
Jerry and Faye
are both college professors.
76
00:04:18,872 --> 00:04:21,270
I'm talking about the important stuff.
About life.
77
00:04:21,271 --> 00:04:22,742
Face it. When the time comes,
78
00:04:22,743 --> 00:04:27,969
are those two eggheads gonna step up
and get your kid laid?
79
00:04:28,214 --> 00:04:33,493
-You're not helping your case, Charlie.
-Fine, you've made your decision.
80
00:04:33,494 --> 00:04:35,860
Despite all I've been through
with your son,
81
00:04:35,861 --> 00:04:38,835
my nephew,
obviously I have no say in the matter.
82
00:04:38,836 --> 00:04:39,987
Where are you going?
83
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,930
Alan, quite frankly,
I'm a little hurt and a little disappointed,
84
00:04:42,931 --> 00:04:45,106
so I'm gonna go make myself
a big glass of vodka
85
00:04:45,107 --> 00:04:47,409
and sit and think about things.
86
00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:51,304
Charlie, wait. Okay, how about this?
87
00:04:51,889 --> 00:04:55,248
If Judith dies and then I die,
and then Jerry and Faye die,
88
00:04:55,249 --> 00:04:57,647
Jake will come and live with you.
89
00:04:57,648 --> 00:05:02,998
Yeah, like I'm gonna outlive
Jerry and Faye the way I drink.
90
00:05:04,591 --> 00:05:07,885
-What do you say to Grandma?
-Can I at least open it first?
91
00:05:07,886 --> 00:05:09,901
-Jake.
-No, he's right.
92
00:05:09,901 --> 00:05:12,433
Wait and see if he likes it.
93
00:05:15,628 --> 00:05:20,034
-Now you can thank me.
-Thank you.
94
00:05:20,971 --> 00:05:22,761
I'm kidding.
95
00:05:22,762 --> 00:05:26,377
No little boy wants a framed picture
of his grandmommy.
96
00:05:26,378 --> 00:05:28,775
This is for your daddy.
97
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:33,639
-What do you say, Dad?
-Don't push me, Jake.
98
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,975
That's my new photo
for the Sunday real estate section.
99
00:05:35,976 --> 00:05:38,598
I thought maybe you'd like
a color print of it for your office.
100
00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:42,501
Gee, Mom, we've already got the one
of you swimming with dolphins.
101
00:05:42,502 --> 00:05:45,157
So you didn't bring me anything?
102
00:05:45,158 --> 00:05:49,604
Is that all grandmommy is good for,
to bring you gifts?
103
00:05:49,605 --> 00:05:53,760
Of course I brought you something. There.
104
00:05:56,515 --> 00:05:59,329
Crayons? I'm 10.
105
00:06:00,354 --> 00:06:02,689
Well, it's not just crayons, sweetheart.
106
00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:05,758
It's also a dinosaur coloring book.
107
00:06:06,848 --> 00:06:11,288
-But I'm 10.
-You want to trade?
108
00:06:12,576 --> 00:06:14,973
No, I'm good.
109
00:06:15,519 --> 00:06:19,728
-So, where's your brother?
-Why? What'd he get?
110
00:06:20,606 --> 00:06:24,796
Nothing. I just want to make sure
he knows why.
111
00:06:24,797 --> 00:06:27,067
He's in his room.
He's been sulking all weekend.
112
00:06:27,068 --> 00:06:30,555
-Sulking? About what?
-Well, it's the silliest thing.
113
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,187
I just happened to mention
114
00:06:32,188 --> 00:06:35,482
that in the unlikely event
that Judith should die, and I should die,
115
00:06:35,483 --> 00:06:38,551
that custody of Jake would go to...
116
00:06:43,353 --> 00:06:48,962
-Custody of Jake would go to who?
-Actually, it would be "whom."
117
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:55,144
-Alan, who gets Jake?
-Now, see, that's grammatically correct.
118
00:06:55,510 --> 00:06:57,907
-Alan.
-Jerry and Faye.
119
00:06:58,006 --> 00:07:00,403
Jerry and Faye who?
120
00:07:00,469 --> 00:07:05,040
-Your sister's son and his wife.
-Them?
121
00:07:06,036 --> 00:07:08,819
You would bypass your own mother
122
00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:12,904
in favor of two potato farmers
on Long lsland?
123
00:07:13,042 --> 00:07:16,081
They're agriculture professors
in Rhode lsland.
124
00:07:16,082 --> 00:07:17,520
Really?
125
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:20,464
Who am I thinking of
who lives on Long lsland?
126
00:07:20,465 --> 00:07:22,512
I have no idea.
127
00:07:22,513 --> 00:07:26,895
-Well, regardless, I am deeply insulted.
-Come on, Mom.
128
00:07:26,896 --> 00:07:29,742
This is only if Judith and I both die,
and we're not dying.
129
00:07:29,743 --> 00:07:33,997
-At least, not before you.
-Now you're wishing me dead.
130
00:07:33,998 --> 00:07:38,207
-No, Mom. No, it's...
-Give me back my picture.
131
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:49,383
No. Better you should look at it
and feel shame.
132
00:08:01,256 --> 00:08:04,603
-Hey, want to play one-on-one?
-Sure.
133
00:08:04,648 --> 00:08:07,045
Check it out.
134
00:08:11,686 --> 00:08:14,083
One, nothing.
135
00:08:15,781 --> 00:08:18,180
You know that Rhode lsland
isn't really an island?
136
00:08:18,181 --> 00:08:20,635
That's just a flat-out lie.
137
00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:27,682
Two, nothing.
138
00:08:27,683 --> 00:08:30,624
Hey, I've got to run some errands,
so I'll be back in about an hour.
139
00:08:30,625 --> 00:08:31,840
You guys gonna be okay?
140
00:08:31,841 --> 00:08:34,016
Gee, Alan,
you sure I can handle the responsibility?
141
00:08:34,017 --> 00:08:37,823
What if he wants to go to college
or something?
142
00:08:37,824 --> 00:08:40,414
Charlie, please don't start.
I'll see you later.
143
00:08:40,415 --> 00:08:44,091
-Hey!
-Three, nothing.
144
00:08:45,374 --> 00:08:47,933
-That was a time-out.
-You didn't call it.
145
00:08:47,934 --> 00:08:51,165
-Fine. Three, nothing.
-You want a do-over?
146
00:08:51,165 --> 00:08:55,317
No, I don't want a do-over.
Just bring it on.
147
00:08:58,619 --> 00:09:00,474
Not so easy when I'm paying attention,
is it?
148
00:09:00,475 --> 00:09:02,872
Not so hard, either.
149
00:09:07,642 --> 00:09:10,039
-My head!
-Oh, God.
150
00:09:13,528 --> 00:09:15,863
-You okay?
-No.
151
00:09:15,864 --> 00:09:18,678
-All right, don't panic.
-I'm not panicking.
152
00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:22,191
Good. You're gonna be fine.
153
00:09:22,678 --> 00:09:27,319
-We've just got to stop the bleeding.
-I'm bleeding?
154
00:09:29,013 --> 00:09:32,051
-What?
-Nothing. Just a little trickle.
155
00:09:32,052 --> 00:09:35,091
Here, take my shirt. Hold it up here.
156
00:09:35,092 --> 00:09:38,961
I'm sorry.
Okay, let's get you up, nice and slow.
157
00:09:38,962 --> 00:09:41,682
Attaboy. I'll grab my car keys
and we'll head to the hospital.
158
00:09:41,683 --> 00:09:44,081
A hospital?
I don't want to go to a hospital!
159
00:09:44,082 --> 00:09:47,610
Did I say "hospital"? I meant Disneyland.
160
00:09:48,401 --> 00:09:50,895
How's it going there, pal?
You still bleeding?
161
00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:53,782
-I don't know.
-No, don't look.
162
00:09:54,319 --> 00:09:56,366
You just hang in there,
we'll get you fixed up,
163
00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:58,894
and you'll be back home
before you know it.
164
00:09:58,895 --> 00:10:01,965
Just as soon as we find
the freaking hospital.
165
00:10:01,966 --> 00:10:08,102
-You don't know where the hospital is?
-Of course I know where it is.
166
00:10:08,492 --> 00:10:11,627
I'm kind of hungry.
Can we stop for a chili cheeseburger?
167
00:10:11,628 --> 00:10:14,474
You're hungry?
How could you even think about food?
168
00:10:14,475 --> 00:10:17,994
What do you think about
when you're hungry?
169
00:10:17,994 --> 00:10:20,392
Fair enough.
170
00:10:20,393 --> 00:10:23,080
We'll get you a chili cheeseburger
at the hospital.
171
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:26,503
-Will they have fries at the hospital?
-They have everything.
172
00:10:26,504 --> 00:10:29,419
Some people go just for the food.
173
00:10:30,312 --> 00:10:33,073
Man, we'd better call your dad.
174
00:10:38,758 --> 00:10:40,708
Hello?
175
00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:45,220
-Why do you have your father's phone?
-I don't know.
176
00:10:45,221 --> 00:10:47,618
-That's great.
-Bye.
177
00:10:51,843 --> 00:10:55,873
Yes! An ambulance.
Fifty-fifty shot he's going to a hospital.
178
00:10:55,874 --> 00:10:58,271
Hang on!
179
00:10:59,905 --> 00:11:01,759
I can't believe we beat the ambulance.
180
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:05,119
Yeah, well, those things are just
ice-cream trucks with blood bags.
181
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,910
Hi, we need to see a doctor.
182
00:11:06,911 --> 00:11:10,270
-All right. Just fill this out and have a seat.
-No, you don't understand.
183
00:11:10,271 --> 00:11:12,221
He hit his head, he's bleeding.
184
00:11:12,222 --> 00:11:14,334
-Did he lose consciousness?
-No.
185
00:11:14,335 --> 00:11:16,895
I got a little woozy, though.
186
00:11:17,021 --> 00:11:19,418
Follow my finger.
187
00:11:20,669 --> 00:11:23,066
He's gonna be fine.
188
00:11:23,228 --> 00:11:25,960
That's it? He's gonna be fine?
189
00:11:26,748 --> 00:11:30,713
That's not a medical test,
that's how you hypnotize a chicken.
190
00:11:30,714 --> 00:11:34,329
I'd like a chili cheeseburger and fries,
please.
191
00:11:34,330 --> 00:11:38,392
You see, he's hallucinating.
Can you please just get him in to a doctor?
192
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:40,055
Well, you need to fill this out first.
193
00:11:40,056 --> 00:11:44,854
Come on, this is gonna take forever.
Can't we do this later?
194
00:11:44,855 --> 00:11:46,774
Over dinner?
195
00:11:46,775 --> 00:11:49,172
Now you're hallucinating.
196
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:52,340
Come on, buddy.
197
00:11:55,350 --> 00:11:58,803
All right. Let's see. Last name, Harper.
198
00:11:58,804 --> 00:12:01,201
First name, Jake. Ob?
199
00:12:02,164 --> 00:12:05,327
Jacob. I knew that. Middle name?
200
00:12:05,587 --> 00:12:07,697
-You don't know?
-Of course I know.
201
00:12:07,698 --> 00:12:10,256
I want to see if you know.
You fell on your head, dude.
202
00:12:10,257 --> 00:12:12,209
David.
203
00:12:12,210 --> 00:12:16,304
Jacob David. They went full Old Testament
on you, didn't they?
204
00:12:16,305 --> 00:12:19,882
-Age, 10. Allergies?
-I don't know.
205
00:12:20,719 --> 00:12:24,334
Is there anything you eat
that makes you sick?
206
00:12:24,335 --> 00:12:26,732
I ate a worm once.
207
00:12:27,406 --> 00:12:30,093
No allergies.
Have you had any of the following?
208
00:12:30,094 --> 00:12:31,692
-Measles?
-I don't know.
209
00:12:31,693 --> 00:12:33,004
-Mumps?
-I don't know.
210
00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:35,340
-Chicken pox?
-ls that the one with the spots?
211
00:12:35,341 --> 00:12:37,738
-Yeah.
-I don't know.
212
00:12:38,732 --> 00:12:41,994
All right. We're just gonna vote
the straight "no" ticket.
213
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:44,392
Family history?
214
00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:47,657
Your grandmother's always been
a pain in the ass.
215
00:12:47,658 --> 00:12:49,576
Gonzales?
216
00:12:49,577 --> 00:12:52,391
-Right here!
-I'm Gonzales.
217
00:12:54,792 --> 00:12:57,189
No, you're not.
218
00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:01,349
Right. He's Gonzales.
219
00:13:05,158 --> 00:13:09,476
-Okay, you're gonna feel a little sting.
-Nobody said I had to get a shot!
220
00:13:09,477 --> 00:13:12,035
It's just to numb your skin
so you won't feel the stitches.
221
00:13:12,036 --> 00:13:15,203
What are you gonna give me
to not feel the shot?
222
00:13:15,204 --> 00:13:17,826
It's all right, pal. I'm right here with you.
223
00:13:17,827 --> 00:13:22,082
Big deal.
I'm still gonna get a shot in my head.
224
00:13:22,083 --> 00:13:25,472
Come on, just hold my hand,
look me in the eyes.
225
00:13:25,473 --> 00:13:27,870
Go ahead, Doc.
226
00:13:27,969 --> 00:13:32,964
-Hey, go easy on the kid!
-No, you're squishing my hand!
227
00:13:33,824 --> 00:13:36,383
Sorry.
But you didn't feel the shot, did you?
228
00:13:36,384 --> 00:13:38,781
-No.
-You're welcome.
229
00:13:39,230 --> 00:13:40,989
Maybe you'd prefer to wait outside.
230
00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:43,356
I'd prefer a morphine drip
and a sponge bath,
231
00:13:43,357 --> 00:13:45,754
but the kid needs me.
232
00:13:45,949 --> 00:13:49,595
-How many stitches am I gonna get?
-I don't know, three or four.
233
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,419
That's all? Scott Pressman got nine
234
00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:54,554
when his sister hit him
with the Etch-A-Sketch.
235
00:13:54,555 --> 00:13:56,185
Help us out here, Doc.
236
00:13:56,186 --> 00:13:58,713
Okay, I'll go five,
but one is purely decorative.
237
00:13:58,714 --> 00:14:00,025
Thank you.
238
00:14:00,026 --> 00:14:02,585
-ls this gonna leave a scar?
-I'm afraid so.
239
00:14:02,586 --> 00:14:04,856
-No.
-Yes!
240
00:14:04,857 --> 00:14:07,254
Okay, let's get started.
241
00:14:07,832 --> 00:14:10,546
Good, maybe that's your father.
242
00:14:10,776 --> 00:14:13,459
Hello. Hey, Judith.
243
00:14:16,183 --> 00:14:18,580
No, it's me, Charlie.
244
00:14:18,902 --> 00:14:25,393
What am I doing with Alan's phone?
Why? Do you want custody of that, too?
245
00:14:26,229 --> 00:14:28,626
Come on, that's funny.
246
00:14:29,716 --> 00:14:32,657
I don't know. Maybe Alan and l
accidentally switched phones.
247
00:14:32,658 --> 00:14:37,146
Why don't you try calling him on mine?
310-LlCKME.
248
00:14:41,617 --> 00:14:45,551
I didn't pick it, but that's what it spells.
249
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,087
Okay. Goodbye.
250
00:14:47,088 --> 00:14:49,071
Are you doing it?
'Cause I can't feel anything.
251
00:14:49,072 --> 00:14:53,204
-Yeah, that's the idea.
-Can you see my brain?
252
00:14:53,646 --> 00:14:57,904
Sure, it's a big brain.
You must be very smart.
253
00:14:58,701 --> 00:15:02,213
-Phone's ringing.
-No, it's not.
254
00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:07,722
The doctor's just stimulating
the phone-ring part of your brain.
255
00:15:07,723 --> 00:15:10,235
-Right, Doc?
-Sure, why not?
256
00:15:10,602 --> 00:15:16,921
I ordered a chili cheeseburger out there.
Will they know to bring it in?
257
00:15:17,705 --> 00:15:22,695
Come on, Mom. Those are
two completely different scenarios.
258
00:15:22,696 --> 00:15:25,093
Hey.
259
00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:28,485
Cool hats.
260
00:15:28,486 --> 00:15:31,845
So, you're saying that because
I didn't name you as Jake's guardian,
261
00:15:31,846 --> 00:15:35,268
you're switching your medical
power of attorney from me to Charlie?
262
00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:37,092
-What's going on?
-Hang on.
263
00:15:37,093 --> 00:15:43,881
If Mom's ever in a coma, you're the one
who has to decide to pull the plug.
264
00:15:44,388 --> 00:15:46,785
Pull.
265
00:15:47,011 --> 00:15:50,337
All right, Mom, Charlie's onboard.
Yeah, got to go.
266
00:15:50,338 --> 00:15:51,649
Hey, where have you guys been?
267
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:54,464
You know,
we went and got a couple of hamburgers,
268
00:15:54,465 --> 00:15:56,862
bought some hats.
269
00:15:58,177 --> 00:16:01,350
Ate the hamburgers, wearing the hats.
270
00:16:01,696 --> 00:16:03,102
Okay.
271
00:16:03,103 --> 00:16:06,833
-You're right, he bought it.
-Bought what?
272
00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:12,319
Dude, you can forget about a life of crime.
273
00:16:13,693 --> 00:16:16,060
Oh, my God. What happened?
274
00:16:16,061 --> 00:16:18,619
We were playing basketball,
and it got a little rough.
275
00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:20,122
-He fouled me.
-You charged.
276
00:16:20,123 --> 00:16:21,338
-Did not.
-Did, too!
277
00:16:21,339 --> 00:16:22,394
Hold on.
278
00:16:22,395 --> 00:16:24,474
-So you took him to the emergency room?
-Yes.
279
00:16:24,475 --> 00:16:27,417
Where the cheeseburgers sucked,
by the way.
280
00:16:27,418 --> 00:16:29,529
But he's okay?
There's no concussion or anything?
281
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,512
-No.
-We saw my brain.
282
00:16:31,513 --> 00:16:34,455
No, we didn't. We didn't see any brains.
283
00:16:34,456 --> 00:16:36,987
Hey, why didn't you call me?
284
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:40,598
There it is.
Why do you have my cell phone?
285
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,774
I don't know.
286
00:16:42,775 --> 00:16:45,525
All right. You sure you're okay?
287
00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:47,932
-Can I go watch TV?
-Sure.
288
00:16:51,765 --> 00:16:53,971
I am really sorry, Alan.
289
00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:57,810
-Don't worry about it. He's fine.
-Yeah, but I'm not.
290
00:16:57,811 --> 00:16:58,994
You were right.
291
00:16:58,995 --> 00:17:02,705
I obviously can't be trusted
to take care of Jake.
292
00:17:02,706 --> 00:17:04,593
Believe me,
the second you're in the ground,
293
00:17:04,594 --> 00:17:08,144
I'm sticking that kid on a plane
to Rhode lsland.
294
00:17:08,145 --> 00:17:09,840
Charlie, let me tell you something.
295
00:17:09,841 --> 00:17:12,080
You can't keep Jake
from ever getting hurt.
296
00:17:12,081 --> 00:17:15,438
I mean, he's a boy. That's...
Getting hurt is like his job.
297
00:17:15,439 --> 00:17:20,845
Last summer, he actually fractured his ass
doing a cannonball into the bathtub.
298
00:17:20,846 --> 00:17:23,309
All I care about
is that he has somebody who loves him
299
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:28,364
and who'll step up when it really counts.
And that's what you did today.
300
00:17:28,364 --> 00:17:31,179
Yeah, I guess I did, didn't l?
301
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,674
Yeah. And if, God forbid,
302
00:17:33,675 --> 00:17:37,712
something should ever happen
to Judith and me,
303
00:17:38,218 --> 00:17:43,145
I would be very comfortable knowing
that you were looking after my son.
304
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,543
Dead, but comfortable.
305
00:17:48,872 --> 00:17:52,135
Does this mean
you're putting me in the will?
306
00:17:52,136 --> 00:17:55,713
-Yeah.
-Wow. Thanks, man.
307
00:17:58,822 --> 00:18:01,219
That means a lot.
308
00:18:01,253 --> 00:18:04,260
-Just do me a favor, all right?
-What's that?
309
00:18:04,261 --> 00:18:06,658
Don't die.
310
00:18:12,899 --> 00:18:16,065
-That's a very cute hat.
-Thank you.
311
00:18:16,066 --> 00:18:18,463
It makes my hair sweat.
312
00:18:19,329 --> 00:18:21,696
Oh, my God!
What happened to your head?
313
00:18:21,697 --> 00:18:25,535
I got five stitches.
There was blood everywhere.
314
00:18:25,536 --> 00:18:29,022
-Why didn't anyone tell me?
-I just did.
315
00:18:29,023 --> 00:18:32,126
-Can we stop for pizza?
-I can't believe this.
316
00:18:32,127 --> 00:18:36,537
I'm going to have a little talk
with your father.
317
00:18:40,317 --> 00:18:42,714
Hello?
25559
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof