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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Well, Judith, you can't have it both ways.
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No, if you want to stay in that house,
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and drive that car,
then I have to live here to save money.
4
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No. I don't agree that
he's a bad influence on Jake.
5
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Uncle Charlie,
I understand the point spread,
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but I'm still confused about the vig.
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Okay.
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Vig is short for vigorish,
and it means the percentage you pay
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-to a bookie to take your bet.
-So it's better to be a bookie.
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My little boy is growing up.
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Judith, hang on.
12
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I have got to stop you here,
because right at this very minute,
13
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I am watching Charlie
help Jake with math.
14
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Well, go ahead and call your lawyers,
but I think I am well within my rights here.
15
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Well, I don't know what Jake is telling you
about Charlie's dates,
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00:00:55,918 --> 00:00:59,050
but he is a kid,
and he blows things out of proportion.
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00:00:59,051 --> 00:01:02,116
Well, if by nude swimming you mean,
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she had no bathing suit on whatsoever,
19
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then that never happened.
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I can see the clothes hamper
was a wise purchase.
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-Berta?
-No, it's Liz Hurley, but I'm holding water.
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I'm still sleeping here.
Could you come back in a little while?
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I could,
or you could get your pampered ass
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out of bed
and let me do my demeaning job
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and get on with my hellish life.
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Excuse me, Berta, but last time I checked,
you work for me.
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So I'll get up when I'm good and ready.
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Sorry I had to pull rank on you.
29
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-Berta, for God's sake!
-Hey, do you want clean towels?
30
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-But I'm trying to do something here.
-So do it.
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Well, I can't do it now.
32
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Is something wrong?
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I mean, beyond the usual
demeaning-job hellish-life stuff?
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Do you really want to know?
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No, but I'm up and my bed's gone.
36
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Okay. So I told you
about my daughter, right?
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-You have a daughter?
-I have three.
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Three? Wow.
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You gotta start learning to say no,
little lady.
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Hey, Berta. Morning.
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Now, you know I hate to criticize,
but the coffee filters you've been buying
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have chemicals in them.
43
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And I love it!
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Get out of my way.
45
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-What's wrong with her?
-Apparently she has children.
46
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And one of them showed up last night
and left her little girl,
47
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who I have to drag with me everywhere
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because I can't leave her alone
in the house.
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00:03:07,042 --> 00:03:08,734
-So you brought her here?
-Yeah.
50
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Is that gonna be a problem?
51
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-No.
-That's wonderful.
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-Happy to have her.
-Yeah.
53
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-So where is she?
-She's playing with Jake.
54
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Good. A little playmate for Jake.
55
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That'll give him something to do for today.
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I hope they're quiet
'cause I got a lot of work to do.
57
00:03:23,696 --> 00:03:27,576
Nana, did you throw out
my cigarettes again?
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-Dear God!
-Oh, hell!
59
00:03:33,701 --> 00:03:35,458
Prudence, you're 16 years old.
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You want to end up on a breathing
machine like your Uncle Chick?
61
00:03:39,008 --> 00:03:42,011
-Mom lets me smoke.
-Well, why didn't you say so?
62
00:03:42,012 --> 00:03:44,472
No reason I shouldn't trust
the judgment of a woman
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00:03:44,473 --> 00:03:49,204
who's off selling bootleg Metallica t-shirts
at a monster truck rally.
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00:03:49,205 --> 00:03:51,409
Mom sounds like a real go-getter.
65
00:03:51,410 --> 00:03:53,551
So what am I supposed to do here all day?
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00:03:53,552 --> 00:03:56,140
You're supposed to help me clean,
that's what. Here.
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You can start with his toilet.
68
00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:03,556
Hi.
69
00:04:03,557 --> 00:04:06,205
-I'm Alan.
-Hi, Alan.
70
00:04:07,809 --> 00:04:10,333
What kind of car do you drive?
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00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:14,607
-A Volvo station wagon.
-What do you got?
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00:04:16,568 --> 00:04:19,403
I got nothing. Not a damn thing.
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00:04:19,699 --> 00:04:22,288
Hey, Prudence, I set up my Xbox.
You ready to play?
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-Sure.
-Get to work, Prudence!
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Maybe later, handsome.
Stupid old woman.
76
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Isn't she wonderful?
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-Dear God.
-Oh, hell.
78
00:04:51,122 --> 00:04:54,744
Well, I'd better get started on that work
79
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I have...to do.
80
00:05:03,397 --> 00:05:07,402
Yeah, I gotta catch up on some
paperwork that
81
00:05:07,425 --> 00:05:10,324
has to do with the office.
82
00:05:14,937 --> 00:05:17,370
-Oh, yeah. Your job.
-Yeah.
83
00:05:21,011 --> 00:05:23,406
Your chiropractor job.
84
00:05:23,568 --> 00:05:28,329
Yeah and you'll be, what,
you'll be writing a jingle?
85
00:05:29,609 --> 00:05:33,598
Yeah. Potato chips. You know, the...
86
00:05:34,788 --> 00:05:37,183
The ones in the can.
87
00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:39,644
Yeah.
88
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I like those.
89
00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:52,494
All right, then.
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00:05:53,712 --> 00:05:58,441
-I'm gonna go over to the piano now.
-Yeah, and I'm gonna go to the
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00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:01,755
kitchen and... Yeah.
92
00:06:20,020 --> 00:06:22,415
Hey, you play piano?
93
00:06:26,188 --> 00:06:28,583
Yes.
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00:06:36,801 --> 00:06:39,196
You're pretty good.
95
00:06:40,158 --> 00:06:41,308
Thanks.
96
00:06:41,309 --> 00:06:44,785
-Are you in a band?
-No.
97
00:06:45,624 --> 00:06:49,235
I used to go out with a bass player.
He wrote this beautiful song for me,
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called Dear Prudence.
99
00:06:54,350 --> 00:06:58,313
Yeah, that sounds like something
a bass player would do.
100
00:06:58,314 --> 00:07:01,669
You know, I've always wanted
to play the piano.
101
00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:05,397
Do you think you could
teach me something?
102
00:07:06,146 --> 00:07:08,934
Nope, nothing, not a damn thing.
103
00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:14,039
So, do you have a girlfriend?
104
00:07:14,170 --> 00:07:17,109
Me? Oh, yeah. Big-time girlfriend.
105
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We're practically engaged.
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Prudence, he's old enough
to be your father.
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And knowing your mother, he might be.
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-Just wash the damn windows.
-I'm not your father.
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How do you stand her? She's such a bitch.
110
00:07:35,139 --> 00:07:37,887
Don't talk like that
about your grandmother.
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Hey, you don't know her.
She's all sweet and nice with you.
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Yeah.
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00:07:44,568 --> 00:07:46,963
She's a real gumdrop.
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00:07:47,605 --> 00:07:52,559
My point is, you've gotta respect her
because she loves you and
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I've seen her pick up the stove
to vacuum under it.
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Oh, hey, look!
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There's Rose, my girlfriend.
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Come on in, baby.
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Okay.
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00:08:09,853 --> 00:08:14,232
Rose, this is Berta's 16-year-old
granddaughter, Prudence.
121
00:08:14,233 --> 00:08:21,131
Prudence, this is my girlfriend, who
I'm free to take across state lines, Rose.
122
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-Wow, look at that kiss!
-What?
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Oh, thank God.
124
00:08:33,253 --> 00:08:35,393
Berta, does Prudence have a boyfriend?
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Oh, honey, don't get me started.
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What does that mean?
127
00:08:38,655 --> 00:08:41,883
It means if she gets a high-school diploma
before she gets a baby,
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she'll be the first one in the family.
129
00:08:46,039 --> 00:08:48,020
I'm thirsty. What's to drink?
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00:08:48,021 --> 00:08:50,865
The Cransylvania Goofy Juice is mine,
but you can have one.
131
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Oh, thanks, handsome.
132
00:08:52,655 --> 00:08:54,062
Is this beer for anybody?
133
00:08:54,063 --> 00:08:57,834
-Prudence, you're 16.
-You know, Prudence,
134
00:08:57,899 --> 00:09:01,062
the Goofy Juice has vitamin C
and calcium.
135
00:09:01,063 --> 00:09:05,192
It's much better than beer
for a growing body.
136
00:09:05,730 --> 00:09:08,726
Not that your body needs to grow.
137
00:09:12,379 --> 00:09:14,774
I'm done.
138
00:09:15,319 --> 00:09:18,291
You know, Prudence,
I'm the third fastest runner in my class.
139
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:21,520
-Cool!
-Spring break's over. Back to work.
140
00:09:21,521 --> 00:09:23,886
Later, stud.
141
00:09:23,887 --> 00:09:26,282
Boy, she smells good.
142
00:09:26,955 --> 00:09:30,599
Yeah, if you like Camel Filters
and pheromones.
143
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,091
I gotta do some grocery shopping
for your brother.
144
00:09:33,092 --> 00:09:35,105
I'll be back in a little while.
145
00:09:35,106 --> 00:09:36,991
-What about Prudence?
-She'll be fine.
146
00:09:36,992 --> 00:09:38,845
Just keep her out of the liquor cabinet.
147
00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:43,023
Don't do anything stupid
or you'll go to jail.
148
00:09:43,225 --> 00:09:46,645
-Why would you go to jail?
-Well, that's kind of complicated.
149
00:09:46,646 --> 00:09:48,755
And why was Uncle Charlie kissing Rose?
150
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,888
-Well, that was the...
-And what are pherobones?
151
00:09:51,889 --> 00:09:56,276
That one I know,
and it's pronounced pheromones...
152
00:09:56,524 --> 00:09:58,919
Never mind.
153
00:10:07,904 --> 00:10:10,740
Wow, you're really good at that.
154
00:10:12,666 --> 00:10:15,542
Thanks. I took some cosmetology courses.
155
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I figure I'll be a beautician,
or a supermodel.
156
00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:23,020
Cool.
157
00:10:23,087 --> 00:10:27,983
-You want another Goofy Juice?
-Aren't you the sweetest.
158
00:10:34,211 --> 00:10:36,160
That's twice he's done that.
159
00:10:36,161 --> 00:10:40,875
You gotta admit,
she did a nice job on those windows.
160
00:10:44,504 --> 00:10:47,157
Jake, you need to get started
on that book report.
161
00:10:47,158 --> 00:10:50,098
-But Prudence is thirsty.
-I'll take care of Prudence.
162
00:10:50,099 --> 00:10:52,494
-Come on, get going.
-Man!
163
00:10:53,550 --> 00:10:57,708
-Charlie, you want to...
-Not a chance in hell.
164
00:10:58,122 --> 00:11:02,050
Remember when you used to say that
about us?
165
00:11:16,406 --> 00:11:19,436
-Here.
-Thanks.
166
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:21,520
Where's my little pal?
167
00:11:21,521 --> 00:11:27,269
-He has work to do. Kind of like you.
-Are you gonna tell on me?
168
00:11:27,786 --> 00:11:30,181
No, it was just...
169
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:32,900
Just an observation.
170
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:35,737
Just calling them as I see them.
171
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Glean from it what you will.
172
00:11:41,723 --> 00:11:46,820
-What are you talking about?
-I'm not really sure anymore.
173
00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:50,047
But I do want you to know that
174
00:11:50,226 --> 00:11:53,997
I understand how angry
and powerless you feel.
175
00:11:53,998 --> 00:11:56,682
Believe it or not,
I was a teenager once, too.
176
00:11:56,683 --> 00:12:01,093
And I can remember what it's like
to rebel against parental authority.
177
00:12:01,094 --> 00:12:04,572
Or in your case, grandparental authority.
178
00:12:05,378 --> 00:12:09,200
-Can you put some of this on my back?
-No.
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00:12:09,693 --> 00:12:11,546
If you don't, I'll burn.
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00:12:11,547 --> 00:12:13,942
If I do, I will.
181
00:12:18,643 --> 00:12:22,632
-Judith. What a surprise.
-Hello, Charlie.
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00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:28,039
So,
183
00:12:28,425 --> 00:12:30,942
-what's new?
-Where's Jake?
184
00:12:31,046 --> 00:12:33,155
In his room, doing a book report.
185
00:12:33,156 --> 00:12:36,384
Well, how can he do a book report
when he left the book at my house?
186
00:12:36,385 --> 00:12:40,475
That little dickens.
Trying to pull the wool over our eyes.
187
00:12:40,476 --> 00:12:46,165
-I'll take care of this right now. Bye.
-Charlie, I want to see Jake.
188
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,561
Sure. Hang on.
189
00:12:49,586 --> 00:12:52,616
Jake? Your mother's here!
190
00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:07,266
-What?
-Your mom's here. Talk to your mom.
191
00:13:08,766 --> 00:13:10,363
-Here he is.
-Hi, Mom.
192
00:13:10,364 --> 00:13:12,856
Hi, sweetie.
Are you having a fun weekend?
193
00:13:12,857 --> 00:13:14,934
You know Berta,
Uncle Charlie's housekeeper...
194
00:13:14,935 --> 00:13:17,747
Of course she knows her.
Who doesn't know Berta?
195
00:13:17,748 --> 00:13:20,816
-She brought her granddaughter over.
-Yeah. Sweet little kid.
196
00:13:20,817 --> 00:13:22,766
That's nice.
Have you been playing with her?
197
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:25,960
Oh, yeah. I mean, he has. Not me.
198
00:13:27,562 --> 00:13:29,957
Hey, Judith. What's up?
199
00:13:30,247 --> 00:13:34,465
Well, it turns out this little rascal
was pulling a fast one on us.
200
00:13:34,466 --> 00:13:37,685
Doing a book report without the book.
201
00:13:37,822 --> 00:13:42,967
Oh, Jake. All right, young man,
you get to work right now.
202
00:13:44,439 --> 00:13:47,567
-Jake?
-Oh, yeah.
203
00:13:49,427 --> 00:13:51,280
So, thanks for stopping by.
204
00:13:51,281 --> 00:13:53,869
I guess I'll see you
when you come to pick him up.
205
00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:57,242
-What's going on here?
-Nothing. What?
206
00:13:57,322 --> 00:13:58,791
Oh, hi, Judith.
207
00:13:58,792 --> 00:14:02,531
Did you hear the good news?
Charlie and I are back together.
208
00:14:02,532 --> 00:14:04,927
Oh, really?
209
00:14:04,929 --> 00:14:07,550
Yep. That's what's going on here.
210
00:14:07,551 --> 00:14:10,746
Well, just show a little discretion
in front of my son, Charlie.
211
00:14:10,747 --> 00:14:11,930
Absolutely.
212
00:14:11,931 --> 00:14:16,548
-You got that, Rose? Discretion.
-Got it, Monkey Man.
213
00:14:22,575 --> 00:14:25,056
I think I have a concussion.
214
00:14:30,663 --> 00:14:33,379
Thanks for helping me
with my book report, Prudence.
215
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:37,182
Oh, no problem.
Fourth-grade stuff is easy for me.
216
00:14:37,183 --> 00:14:39,664
Should be, you did it twice.
217
00:14:40,092 --> 00:14:42,009
Let's go before we miss the bus.
218
00:14:42,010 --> 00:14:44,405
-Later, handsome.
-Bye.
219
00:14:50,704 --> 00:14:54,077
So, what are we doing tonight, sweetie?
220
00:14:56,075 --> 00:14:58,408
Rose, I really appreciate your help,
221
00:14:58,409 --> 00:15:02,883
but you don't have to pretend
to be my girlfriend anymore.
222
00:15:02,884 --> 00:15:04,961
Oh, no.
223
00:15:04,962 --> 00:15:08,382
Are you pretending to break up with me?
224
00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:21,324
2:00 in the morning. This better be God.
225
00:15:23,469 --> 00:15:25,864
Oh, God.
226
00:15:26,379 --> 00:15:27,624
Hey.
227
00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:30,181
Prudence, what the hell
are you doing here?
228
00:15:30,182 --> 00:15:33,091
-I had a fight with my grandmother.
-So?
229
00:15:33,092 --> 00:15:36,734
When I have a fight with my grandmother,
I don't come to your house.
230
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:39,228
I know, I'm sorry.
I just didn't know where else to go
231
00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:41,710
and I thought you were cool.
232
00:15:42,266 --> 00:15:46,484
Look, Prudence, this just can't happen.
233
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:52,423
I mean, you're very nice and pretty,
but in prison, so am l.
234
00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:56,908
Bitching house, man.
You should rent it to MTV.
235
00:15:57,354 --> 00:16:00,975
-Who the hell are you?
-What's going on?
236
00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:06,367
Put down the toothbrush, Alan,
we've got bigger problems than gingivitis.
237
00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:08,732
What's she doing here?
Who the hell is this?
238
00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:11,664
This is Freddie. My fiancé.
239
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,317
-'Sup.
-'Sup?
240
00:16:15,318 --> 00:16:16,915
I'll tell you what's 'sup. I'm 'sup.
241
00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:18,802
And I should be seeping. Sleeping.
242
00:16:18,803 --> 00:16:20,751
What's going on here?
243
00:16:20,752 --> 00:16:24,300
Well, Freddie came over to announce
our engagement, and Nana threw him out.
244
00:16:24,301 --> 00:16:28,104
Really? She didn't take a shine
to Bazooka Joe here?
245
00:16:28,105 --> 00:16:31,172
You know,
I'm kind of more of an acquired taste.
246
00:16:31,173 --> 00:16:33,410
So we just need a place to crash tonight
247
00:16:33,411 --> 00:16:36,063
because tomorrow we're gonna go
to Vegas and get married.
248
00:16:36,064 --> 00:16:38,588
-Oh, Prudence, that's a terrible idea.
-Yeah.
249
00:16:38,589 --> 00:16:41,881
If you leave right now,
you can beat the traffic.
250
00:16:41,882 --> 00:16:43,223
We can't go tonight.
251
00:16:43,224 --> 00:16:45,877
He's gotta pick up his last paycheck
from the photomat.
252
00:16:45,878 --> 00:16:48,273
Yeah, $218.
253
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:51,631
I'll give you $300 to leave right now.
254
00:16:51,632 --> 00:16:54,315
-Charlie, we can't let them go.
-Why not?
255
00:16:54,316 --> 00:16:57,448
Because they're stupid and they'll die.
256
00:16:57,449 --> 00:17:00,390
-What's going on?
-Hey, handsome.
257
00:17:01,029 --> 00:17:03,713
-Who's he?
-This is Freddie, my fiancé.
258
00:17:03,714 --> 00:17:07,866
-You're marrying him?
-Freddie, this is Jake.
259
00:17:09,564 --> 00:17:11,959
'Sup.
260
00:17:13,177 --> 00:17:16,084
Charlie, I saw the lights come on,
is everything okay?
261
00:17:16,085 --> 00:17:18,418
Yeah, Rose, everything's fine.
262
00:17:18,419 --> 00:17:21,359
She's your girlfriend
but she doesn't sleep here?
263
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,426
Yeah, what's up with that, Charlie?
264
00:17:25,292 --> 00:17:28,391
-I told you they'd be here.
-Come here, you little snot bubble.
265
00:17:28,392 --> 00:17:30,693
What do you think you're doing
with my baby girl?
266
00:17:30,694 --> 00:17:32,195
Mom, leave him alone! I love him.
267
00:17:32,196 --> 00:17:34,721
Give me a break, Prudence.
You're 16 years old,
268
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,821
and your hormones are doing
all your thinking for you.
269
00:17:37,822 --> 00:17:40,217
Hi, you must be Charlie.
270
00:17:40,475 --> 00:17:41,561
Hi.
271
00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:43,799
-That's it, we're outta here.
-But, Mom...
272
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,301
-Grandma!
-Oh, shut up, both of you!
273
00:17:45,302 --> 00:17:51,462
-Can I at least give him my number?
-He's got your number, sweetheart.
274
00:17:53,709 --> 00:17:55,371
I guess I'll take the couch.
275
00:17:55,372 --> 00:17:57,256
Okay, I'm going!
276
00:17:57,257 --> 00:17:59,652
Don't you ever come back!
277
00:18:00,134 --> 00:18:02,529
Ready for bed, lamb chop?
278
00:18:03,970 --> 00:18:06,365
It was worth a shot.
279
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:13,303
-ls Mom here yet?
-No.
280
00:18:13,304 --> 00:18:16,755
-Sit down a minute, Jake, okay?
-Did I do something wrong?
281
00:18:16,756 --> 00:18:18,226
No.
282
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:23,021
-We just want to talk.
-Okay. What do you want to talk about?
283
00:18:23,022 --> 00:18:26,377
Well, you know how I've always told
you that you should always tell
284
00:18:26,378 --> 00:18:29,446
your parents the truth, no matter what?
285
00:18:29,447 --> 00:18:31,842
Well, forget it.
286
00:18:32,707 --> 00:18:35,487
Charlie. Jake, it's just that...
287
00:18:35,488 --> 00:18:38,556
We're just saying a lot of things
happened here this weekend,
288
00:18:38,557 --> 00:18:42,456
and it's not really necessary
that your mother know about them.
289
00:18:42,457 --> 00:18:43,927
So you want me to lie?
290
00:18:43,928 --> 00:18:46,323
No, it's not really lying.
291
00:18:48,434 --> 00:18:50,829
When a boy becomes a man,
292
00:18:52,558 --> 00:18:54,827
and that's what you're becoming.
293
00:18:54,828 --> 00:18:57,846
-Right, Charlie?
-Oh, yeah, a man.
294
00:18:59,303 --> 00:19:03,074
He has to start protecting the women
in his life from certain things.
295
00:19:03,074 --> 00:19:04,991
Like the truth.
296
00:19:04,992 --> 00:19:06,462
Do you understand?
297
00:19:06,463 --> 00:19:09,212
I think so.
You don't want Mom to know about
298
00:19:09,213 --> 00:19:12,280
Prudence and her boyfriend
and everything.
299
00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:14,676
Good man.
300
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,847
-Hi, Judith.
-Hello, Alan.
301
00:19:20,848 --> 00:19:22,126
-Charlie.
-Judith.
302
00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:23,628
-You ready to go, sweetheart?
-Yep.
303
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,130
How was your weekend?
304
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:29,030
Uncle Charlie says I don't have to tell you.
23631
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