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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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This is where I sit.
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Right on. Good location.
3
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What else?
4
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That's the sink.
5
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If you put your thumb over the hole,
you can squirt water
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all the way over to the other side
of the room.
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Cool.
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I'm not allowed to use the sink anymore.
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Got it.
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-So, what's the deal with your teacher?
-Miss Tuttle? She's very strict.
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That could work.
12
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Did you see this drawing our son made?
13
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It's a cry for his parents
to get back together.
14
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Alan, it's Davy Crockett at the Alamo.
15
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I know. Breaks your heart, doesn't it?
16
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I can see you got your brother here.
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Yeah, he wasn't thrilled about it,
but he can't say no to Jake.
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And I kind of implied that Miss Tuttle
was a bit of a freak.
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Excuse me?
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You wanted me to get him here.
He's here. The rest is up to you.
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So, come on. You gonna introduce me?
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-What for?
-She's your teacher.
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You're my nephew. I feel like...
Come on, just do it.
24
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Don't you want to see my model
of a California mission?
25
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-It's made of sugar cubes.
-Okay.
26
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First your mission, then mine.
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May I have everyone's attention? Hello.
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I'm Judith Harper, the class mom.
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I just want to thank you all for coming.
This is a great turnout.
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Give yourselves a hand.
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I understand you teachers
are sadly underpaid.
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That's very true.
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I'd like to do my part.
Can I buy you dinner?
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So please feel free to put your name
on the sign-up sheets
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if you're available
for carpools, coaching, fieldtrips.
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Charlie Harper.
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Jake's uncle, mentor, pal.
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And finally, and this is a biggie, folks.
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It looks as if we're gonna have to cancel
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our annual music show
for our fourth graders.
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Unless someone with music experience
volunteers to help us out.
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Anyone? Anyone at all?
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-Charlie?
-Yeah.
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Thank you. Charlie Harper, everyone.
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What?
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Go ahead, say it.
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You traitorous, rat bastard.
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Good. You feel better?
49
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You set me up. You lured me
into that classroom
50
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with promises of donuts
and loose women.
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I'm sorry. I honestly thought
there'd be donuts.
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What about Miss Tuttle? The freak?
53
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She's a married Christian missionary!
54
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Okay, that I just lied about.
55
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But it was for a good cause.
The kids really need you.
56
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Yeah, but see, here's the problem.
I don't like kids.
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-You like Jake.
-Jake's different. He's cool. He's our kid.
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The rest of them.
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-What other kids do you know?
-I see them.
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Having tantrums in supermarkets,
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screaming in movie theaters,
making everything sticky.
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And the whole world gives them
a free ride just because they're cute.
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Okay. Forget about the kids.
Do this for me and Judith.
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Not really a big Judith fan, either.
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Come on. You'll write the music and lyrics.
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Judith and l
will produce and direct. Together.
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Hold on.
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So you roped me into this
because you think
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that the three of us collaborating
on a fourth-grade tribute
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to the lndustrial Revolution will somehow
lead to you getting back together
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00:04:03,394 --> 00:04:06,182
with your allegedly gay ex-wife?
72
00:04:06,687 --> 00:04:10,968
It's easy to make anything
sound stupid, Charlie.
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Look, we're still legally married.
Frankly, I don't buy the whole gay thing.
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A gay woman would not fake orgasms
for 12 years just to protect my feelings.
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Okay. Take off your seat belt.
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-Why?
-Because when I slam on the brakes,
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I want to watch you
go through the windshield.
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Don't be silly. Do you know how fast
you'd have to be going to...
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Hey, slow down.
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Manpower, horsepower, coal and steam
81
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Moving forward the American dream
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Electric, atomic, solar, too
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All this energy for me and you
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-I want to like it.
-Yeah, want to like it.
85
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-But?
-But I just don't think it's your best work.
86
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It's not. Fire me, please.
87
00:05:04,696 --> 00:05:07,732
Do you remember that show
that you and I did in college?
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Stormy Weather? Sure.
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00:05:09,586 --> 00:05:11,727
-Now, those songs had a point of view.
-Yeah.
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And you couldn't get them
out of your head.
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Co-ed bathrooms, co-ed bathrooms
92
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Wear your flip-flops
in the co-ed bathrooms
93
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Stuff grows on the floor there
94
00:05:23,777 --> 00:05:27,072
And whoops! There's another pubic hair
95
00:05:30,169 --> 00:05:33,685
See? Maybe the easiest way to do this
is for us to write the actual song.
96
00:05:33,686 --> 00:05:36,880
Yeah. Then Charlie could just toss in
the specific notes and stuff.
97
00:05:36,881 --> 00:05:39,745
Yeah, Charlie, what do you think?
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Okay, then I guess it's just the two of us.
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-Like the old days.
-Yeah. Except this time I'm not a virgin.
100
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How come you're not
helping Mom and Dad with the show?
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How can I put this?
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Your uncle Charlie is a professional
musician, and your mom and dad...
103
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Suck?
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Good a word as any.
105
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I think they're gonna get back together.
106
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-You do?
-Yep.
107
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Except if my Dad moves back
to Mom's house,
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I probably wouldn't see you anymore.
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Of course you'd see me. You'd still have
your room here, and I'd come visit.
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-You never visited before.
-That's 'cause I didn't know you before.
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That's 'cause you never visited.
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Gin.
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To tell you the truth, Jake,
I don't think this is gonna be an issue.
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You don't think they're gonna
get back together?
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-I didn't say that.
-Do you?
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-Hey, what do I know?
-I think they are.
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Robert Fulton, Eli Whitney
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Robert Fulton, Eli Whitney
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All aboard for Henry Ford
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Henry Ford
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And then...
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Careful what you wish for, pal.
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Charlie, we're gonna be late for rehearsal.
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-What are you doing?
-Making margaritas.
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But we've got a rehearsal at Jake's school.
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Don't worry, I have a plan.
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00:07:18,231 --> 00:07:20,787
Charlie, you're taking liquor
to Jake's school?
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00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,929
You betcha.
129
00:07:22,930 --> 00:07:27,819
I'm not gonna face all those pre-pubers
without a snootful.
130
00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:30,951
They'll have limes
in the teacher's lounge, right?
131
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No. There's no limes,
there's no swizzle sticks, there's...
132
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-Oh, God.
-What?
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It's from Judith's lawyers.
134
00:07:39,421 --> 00:07:41,816
Really? Good news?
135
00:07:43,065 --> 00:07:47,379
No, it's not good news.
Judith filed for divorce.
136
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Man. I'm sorry.
137
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:53,068
What am I gonna do?
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00:07:53,069 --> 00:07:55,785
There's a lot of ways to respond
to something like this.
139
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Anger, grief, denial.
140
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What would you do?
141
00:08:00,452 --> 00:08:06,362
I'd probably blow off rehearsal
and start chugging from the blender.
142
00:08:06,876 --> 00:08:10,880
But I wouldn't recommend that
for an amateur.
143
00:08:13,237 --> 00:08:15,697
I can't believe she blind-sided me like this.
144
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Being so nice and friendly to my face.
145
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Meanwhile her lawyers were working
behind my face.
146
00:08:21,515 --> 00:08:23,112
Let me tell you something, Charlie.
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A woman who would do such a thing
cannot be trusted.
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00:08:25,926 --> 00:08:29,057
Yeah, well, maybe you can use
this divorce as a chance to
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take a little break from each other.
150
00:08:31,806 --> 00:08:35,258
No, that would be playing
right into her hands.
151
00:08:35,258 --> 00:08:39,189
Alan, your kid's confused enough about
you and his mother. Don't make it worse.
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00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:42,609
How could I possibly make it any worse?
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00:08:43,312 --> 00:08:45,229
Let's find out.
154
00:08:45,230 --> 00:08:48,553
Okay, everybody, what we're gonna do
is put the girls on one side
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-and the boys on the other.
-Sure.
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00:08:50,153 --> 00:08:54,146
Start splitting them up early.
That's your answer for everything, isn't it?
157
00:08:54,147 --> 00:08:55,393
Excuse me?
158
00:08:55,394 --> 00:09:00,749
Would Mrs. Plaintiff please see
Mr. Respondent in the hallway?
159
00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:05,296
Watch the kids, we'll be right back.
160
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Wait!
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00:09:11,822 --> 00:09:14,217
Jake? Where's Jake?
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Okay. Everybody take five.
163
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That means sit down.
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00:09:35,633 --> 00:09:38,028
Stand up.
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00:09:39,181 --> 00:09:41,576
Hop up and down.
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00:09:43,048 --> 00:09:45,443
Right on.
167
00:09:45,957 --> 00:09:48,929
But why file for divorce?
We were getting along so well.
168
00:09:48,929 --> 00:09:51,549
We've been getting along
because I don't feel trapped,
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00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,627
suffocated and depressed anymore.
170
00:09:53,628 --> 00:09:58,092
Sure, kick me out,
then work on improving yourself.
171
00:09:59,637 --> 00:10:03,669
Okay. Everybody flap your arms
like a chicken.
172
00:10:07,946 --> 00:10:11,950
Alan, check it out.
I got this amazing power.
173
00:10:12,805 --> 00:10:15,199
Stop.
174
00:10:17,056 --> 00:10:20,169
It's like having my own robot army.
175
00:10:24,215 --> 00:10:26,849
No, wait, where are you going?
176
00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:32,428
-Are we gonna do our songs?
-Hey, I'm just the piano player.
177
00:10:32,429 --> 00:10:35,176
Lerner and Lowe are out in the hallway
working things out.
178
00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:37,510
-Who?
-Lerner and Lowe?
179
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:39,905
My Fair Lady? Camelot?
180
00:10:40,451 --> 00:10:43,210
Aren't there any gay kids here?
181
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:49,496
-They're fighting again, aren't they?
-Yeah, what can I tell you.
182
00:10:49,497 --> 00:10:52,244
Your Mom lawyered up
and your Dad is freaking out.
183
00:10:52,245 --> 00:10:54,737
Stay cool, I'll try to get them back in here.
184
00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:59,556
Hey, everybody, Jake's in charge.
So, whatever he says.
185
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,863
Okay, it's been fun.
186
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,937
But I'm officially resigning
as the Mayor of Booger Town.
187
00:11:07,938 --> 00:11:09,631
Not now, Charlie.
188
00:11:09,632 --> 00:11:12,891
You know, I have tried everything I can
to make you happy.
189
00:11:12,892 --> 00:11:16,726
I don't want to rush you or anything,
but have you ever read Lord of the Flies?
190
00:11:16,727 --> 00:11:18,964
But you know what? You know what?
I'm through.
191
00:11:18,965 --> 00:11:21,297
Maybe your lawyers can make you happy.
192
00:11:21,298 --> 00:11:23,904
Your brother's a horse's ass.
193
00:11:24,238 --> 00:11:28,680
Hey, let's not lose sight of who
the real victim of this divorce is.
194
00:11:28,681 --> 00:11:31,075
Me!
195
00:11:40,315 --> 00:11:44,405
Okay, I think we should all calm down
just a little.
196
00:11:44,406 --> 00:11:48,304
You're not our teacher.
Why should we listen to you?
197
00:11:48,305 --> 00:11:50,477
Okay, let me put it another way.
198
00:11:50,478 --> 00:11:52,873
Shut up and sit down!
199
00:11:57,254 --> 00:11:59,140
Thanks.
200
00:11:59,141 --> 00:12:02,144
Now, listen, rehearsal's over.
You can all go home.
201
00:12:02,145 --> 00:12:04,093
What about our play?
202
00:12:04,094 --> 00:12:06,682
You know how they say,
"The show must go on"?
203
00:12:06,683 --> 00:12:09,901
They weren't talking about this show.
204
00:12:10,391 --> 00:12:13,585
-Your uncle's so lame.
-ls not. He's cool.
205
00:12:13,586 --> 00:12:15,312
-Yeah, right.
-He is.
206
00:12:15,313 --> 00:12:17,709
He's almost famous.
He wrote the Maple Loops song.
207
00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:20,105
-Did not.
-Did, too!
208
00:12:21,257 --> 00:12:25,252
-Prove it.
-You see that Jaguar in the parking lot?
209
00:12:25,253 --> 00:12:27,585
Maple Loops.
210
00:12:27,586 --> 00:12:30,019
That doesn't prove anything.
211
00:12:31,294 --> 00:12:33,689
Fine.
212
00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:40,076
It's got oats and corns and wheat
213
00:12:40,178 --> 00:12:44,767
It's the sweetest breakfast treat
It's maple-licious
214
00:12:47,370 --> 00:12:51,076
-Everybody knows that?
-Of course. It's the Maple Loops song.
215
00:12:51,077 --> 00:12:55,799
-Uncle Charlie, do Fudge Nuggets.
-Yeah! Fudge Nuggets!
216
00:12:56,351 --> 00:12:59,217
From the magic chocolate mountain
217
00:12:59,292 --> 00:13:01,528
In a secret chocolate mine
218
00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:03,701
Come granny's big fudge nuggets
219
00:13:03,702 --> 00:13:07,854
With a taste that's oh so fine
220
00:13:11,661 --> 00:13:15,483
What do you know.
Maybe I don't hate kids.
221
00:13:24,925 --> 00:13:26,202
Hi.
222
00:13:26,203 --> 00:13:29,111
I'm sorry I didn't give you
a heads up about the divorce papers.
223
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:30,709
I'm sorry if I overreacted.
224
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:33,104
Just the girls.
225
00:13:34,992 --> 00:13:38,738
-What's going on in there?
-I don't know.
226
00:13:38,828 --> 00:13:41,064
Smell like a man
227
00:13:41,065 --> 00:13:43,206
Stick, pump or can
228
00:13:43,207 --> 00:13:46,073
With Dry Guy Deodorant
229
00:13:46,179 --> 00:13:48,574
Only the girls get sweaty
230
00:13:52,028 --> 00:13:53,912
We're getting there.
231
00:13:53,913 --> 00:13:55,479
Okay, thank you, Charlie.
232
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:57,396
Yeah, we'll take it from here, okay?
233
00:13:57,397 --> 00:13:59,792
Too late. You're out.
234
00:13:59,859 --> 00:14:01,552
What about the songs we wrote?
235
00:14:01,553 --> 00:14:04,172
Hey, kids, what do you think about
the songs they wrote?
236
00:14:04,173 --> 00:14:06,568
They're bad.
237
00:14:10,661 --> 00:14:13,056
These are my people.
238
00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:18,395
What do your jingles have to do
with the lndustrial Revolution?
239
00:14:18,396 --> 00:14:20,793
Look, you wanted a show,
I'm giving you a show.
240
00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:23,476
Now step back and let us work.
241
00:14:23,670 --> 00:14:28,076
Plumber in a Jar.
Let's really sell it this time.
242
00:14:28,209 --> 00:14:32,260
When your sink backs up
there's just one star
243
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:34,855
It's the one you trust
It's Plumber in a Jar
244
00:14:34,856 --> 00:14:37,251
Plumber in a Jar
245
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:49,237
Hey, what you doing?
246
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:54,032
I'm trying to find some plausible
connection between my jingles
247
00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:56,572
and the lndustrial Revolution.
248
00:14:57,709 --> 00:15:00,201
-What's up?
-I just talked to my dad.
249
00:15:00,202 --> 00:15:04,068
He said that he and Mom
aren't getting back together again.
250
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,306
Yeah.
251
00:15:06,307 --> 00:15:09,438
-How you doing with that?
-I'm not sure.
252
00:15:09,439 --> 00:15:11,707
I like that I get to stay here on weekends.
253
00:15:11,708 --> 00:15:13,592
That's cool. I like that, too.
254
00:15:13,593 --> 00:15:16,150
But you gotta be sad about your folks,
though, right?
255
00:15:16,151 --> 00:15:18,545
No, I'm okay.
256
00:15:19,283 --> 00:15:23,230
Jake, it's okay to feel sad, I've been told.
257
00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:27,656
-And this is a sad thing.
-My dad's not sad.
258
00:15:27,657 --> 00:15:30,053
Of course he is.
He's just trying to protect you.
259
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:32,563
-From what?
-From being sad.
260
00:15:34,145 --> 00:15:39,034
Yeah, I know it's a vicious circle.
But the liquor industry is built on it.
261
00:15:39,035 --> 00:15:41,781
-What?
-It's not important.
262
00:15:41,911 --> 00:15:46,385
All you need to know is that
we all feel sad sometimes and it's okay.
263
00:15:46,386 --> 00:15:48,781
-Understand?
-Yeah.
264
00:15:55,879 --> 00:15:58,274
Hey, buddy.
265
00:15:58,883 --> 00:16:01,278
It's okay, Dad.
266
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:13,616
Before the lndustrial Revolution,
we lived in an agrarian society.
267
00:16:13,617 --> 00:16:17,132
Most people grew their own food and
ate what they grew. Breakfast involved...
268
00:16:17,133 --> 00:16:18,826
...slaughtering animals...
269
00:16:18,827 --> 00:16:20,744
...and milking cows.
270
00:16:20,745 --> 00:16:23,588
It would be hundreds of years
before people could enjoy
271
00:16:23,589 --> 00:16:28,286
a pre-packaged and nutritious breakfast.
And what's in that breakfast?
272
00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:31,763
It's got oats and corns and wheat
273
00:16:31,835 --> 00:16:34,519
It's the sweetest breakfast treat
274
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,915
It's maple-licious
275
00:16:37,268 --> 00:16:41,199
As urbanization led to stress and
loneliness, industrial society looked
276
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:46,377
to an ancient agrarian product for
a delicious and refreshing solution.
277
00:16:46,378 --> 00:16:49,062
The girls look prettier
with Hammerstein beer
278
00:16:49,063 --> 00:16:51,778
You like what you see
and you like what you hear
279
00:16:51,779 --> 00:16:54,368
Have a cold frosty mug and pull her near
280
00:16:54,369 --> 00:16:57,016
The girls look prettier
281
00:16:57,085 --> 00:17:00,993
The girls look prettier
with Hammerstein beer
282
00:17:01,399 --> 00:17:04,211
We're not letting him
anywhere near the Christmas pageant.
283
00:17:04,212 --> 00:17:06,606
Agreed.
284
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:12,681
Even with the advent of indoor plumbing,
285
00:17:12,682 --> 00:17:16,037
the lndustrial Revolution
still had some bugs in the system.
286
00:17:16,038 --> 00:17:18,370
What was man to do?
287
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,872
Three, four...
288
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,268
If your home is bug infested
289
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:25,146
Filled with spiders, flies, and gnats
290
00:17:25,147 --> 00:17:27,576
All our sprays are safety tested
291
00:17:27,576 --> 00:17:31,347
We kill vermin, not your cats
22740
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