Original subtitles

♪ Just two good ol' boys ♪

♪ Never meanin' no harm ♪

♪ Beats all you never saw been in trouble with the law ♪

♪ Since the day they was born ♪

♪ Straightenin' the curves ♪

♪ Flattenin' the hills ♪

♪ Someday the mountain might get 'em ♪

♪ But the law never will ♪

♪ Making their way ♪

♪ The only way they know how ♪

♪ That's just a little bit more ♪

♪ Than the law will allow ♪

♪ Just the good ol' boys ♪

♪ Wouldn't change if they could ♪

♪ Fightin' the system like a true modern-day Robin Hoods ♪

'Yee-haw!'

♪ ...tall corn down by the river ♪

♪ Her hair shone like gold in the hot mornin' sun ♪

♪ In the hot ♪

♪ In the hot in the hot.. ♪

You know, singing together as kids in the church choir

sure pays off, don't it?

It's a big week in Hazzard, 'cause Lulu Hogg

is runnin' her big annual charity talent show.

Bo, Luke and Daisy are tunin' up their old song pipes

to enter as the "Duke Family Singers."

And all over the county, folks is gettin' ready.

Even old Rosco.

'And now, ladies and gentlemen, let me present, uh..'

'...Coltrano the Greato.'

I love it. I love it.

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, I appreciate that kind applause.

Now for my first trick.

For my first trick..

Oh!

That ain't it.

Uh, but, for my first trick is a card trick.

With my able assistant, Flasho.

Now, then, Flasho, will you pick a card?

Any card and don't let me see it.

'Ooh, that's it.'

Darlin'.

Alright, put it back in the deck, darlin'.

Hm, don't let me see it. Oh, don't, don't.

Now, then, I will tell you..

Coltrano the Great will tell you the card that you chose.

Ta-da.

Three of clubs.

No?

Q-Queen of spades?

Now, while all these doings was goin' on over at the state pen,

Floyd Malone was bein' released from prison today,

three years after Boss Hogg had squealed on him

and put him there.

Thanks for the car, Bubba.

You got that double-crossin' rat set up?

Just like I promised.

I cased him and that hick town he lives in. That Hazzard?

I know every move Jefferson Davis Hogg makes.

Good.

I've been livin' for the day I meet up with the fat man again.

Let's get goin'.

What in hallelujah's goin' on in here, Rosco?

Boss, listen here.

The name is not Rosco. It's the Great Coltrano.

And this is Flasho.

And you interrupted my prestidigitation here.

Yeah, well, your name will be Muddo

if you don't explain all this nonsense

and how you got this room so full of junk.

And first, let's turn off this infernal racket.

Was it a red card?

Rosco! I said explain this whole nonsense.

But, Boss, this is not nonsense.

What I am doin', I am practicing my magic for Lulu's talent show.

- Oh, for that. - Yes, of course, listen.

This cost me an arm and a leg, all this stuff.

I had to send away at a special cata-catalogue place

and get this stuff.

- You did, huh? - Expensive.

- Well, you know somethin'? - What?

- You've been took. - Uh, took?

Yeah, because you'll never make no magician.

Oh, tiddly-tuddly. You have little faith.

I will show you how good Coltrano is.

- Yeah? - See this gigantic box here?

I surely do.

I spent tremendous amounts of money to get this.

This-this trick is so good

and so magic, that it can make a human being disappear.

Even you.

- What? - Yes.

Look at this.

- Oh! - Isn't that pretty?

- Holy heaven. - Alright.

Alright, Boss.

Now, I want you to step into that box.

And I'm gonna make you disappear.

Poof!

Oh, no, no, no. Uh, uh, uh.

I ain't steppin' into no box.

Let's see here..

"Making a plump person disappear. See Fat."

And listen, you ain't gonna practice

no more magic on county time.

- What? - No, siree, Bob.

And I want you to get out on patrol and bring in some moolah.

And take off this here stupid cape.

- No. - Ah! Ah!

- 'How you doin' over there?' - 'Got it? '

- 'Yeah.' - 'Think we're doin' alright.'

I figured, when we get to the chorus part..

♪ Like a fox.. ♪

- That's where, it's at C. - Show me.

Alright, it's, uh, uh..

♪ Like a fox.. ♪

Nice.

Great. I busted a dang string.

Oh, gosh. We were just gettin' it too.

I ain't got no more strings. You?

You put on my last set.

Go into town and get some. I need a breather, anyway.

I think I'm gettin' over ventilated.

How about we have some hot apple pie and coffee, Uncle Jesse?

That sounds like a good idea.

Why don't I stay here with them

you go into town and get some..

- Bye. - See you.

Alright. Alright.

You can drive into town. How 'bout that?

Durin' all this, them two mean-lookin' brothers

was speedin' closer and closer to Hazzard

and Boss Hogg, their target.

As fate and Bo's busted guitar string would have it

they was comin' to the same intersection as Bo and Luke.

Hey, look out!

What the heck was that all about?

Did you get your license in a box of cereal or what?

- Tryin' to kill us all? - Hold on...

Uh, friend, my cousin here is talkin' to your pal.

You're supposed to completely stop when you reach a main road.

We do have vehicular laws around here.

- Well, we do. - Yeah.

Why don't you two fellas just get back in your car..

While you can still walk that far?

And we'll forget the whole thing.

Boy, it sure takes a big man to talk that way

with his goon hangin' around.

Bo.

- Yeah? - He is a big man.

Yeah.

Now, why don't you boys just get back in your car..

While we can still walk that far?

And we'll forget this whole thing.

Good idea.

Yeah.

Bo, you stuck your foot in it that time.

- Well, fine. You started it. - I did not.

"It takes a big man." Ha!

- He was a big man, wasn't he? - They both are.

Wonder what they're doing here?

Well, I don't know.

Don't worry. Ain't got nothin' to do with us.

Now, anybody who's ever been around Hazzard

knows better than that.

All I wanna know is when do I put the hit on Hogg?

Well, accordin' to my schedule, he leaves his office

and crosses to the coffee shop at 10 a.m. sharp.

We got three minutes.

Boss was breakin' for old faithful.

His stomach.

Which needs feedin' about every two hours.

'Well, there's old Boss Hogg.'

Right on schedule. Fatter than ever.

♪ Like a fox, like a fox.. ♪

Yeah, right.

Here we go.

'Goodbye, Mr. Hogg.'

What's that? Over there.

'What are they doin' here?'

'They're headin' right for Boss.'

Well, one thing's sure. Old Boss ain't hard to spot.

Hey, Boss!

You alright, Boss?

Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. No thanks to you Dukes.

You're welcome. Let's go, Bo.

Oh, uh, listen, how dare you...?

Makes you mad. You can't do nothin'.

- Hey? - Yeah.

What are we gonna do if we catch 'em?

We'll burn that bridge when we get there. Just get after 'em.

Alright. I'll cut cross-country.

- Bo. - Yeah, hang on.

'Yee-haw!'

Oh, great.

I was wonderin' how many of those the suspension would take.

Well, we sure ain't gonna catch 'em now.

Hey, you think maybe they just didn't see Boss

standin' there in the street?

A fat man in a white suit, readin' the financial page?

Look, I got their license number.

We'll let Enos and Rosco do their jobs.

We got guitar strings and shocks to worry about.

Try and miss a couple of these bumps.

- We're headin' back. - I said no, Floyd.

Now, they spotted this car.

We're gonna have to dump it and swipe another one.

But we'll be back.

And if those two farm boys butt in again

they're gonna get the same thing Hogg's gonna get.

The boys had picked up some guitar strings

and some new shocks.

The shocks was for the car.

And the Duke Family Singers were back rehearsin'.

We got it. Listen, take it from the top. Here we go.

- Alright. - Ready? A one, two..

Oh, my.

- I'll get it. - Great.

I gotta get that chorus down.

We'll never get through the dang song.

I know.

Hello?

Enos, yeah.

You're kiddin'.

Alright. Much obliged.

Hm, Enos ran a make on those plates.

- He says the car was stolen. - Well, that figures.

It means them two big fellas are really up to no good, don't it?

Sure does.

I wonder what they got against Boss?

Well, it could be most anything.

Everybody's got somethin' against him.

We got a show to do and a lot of rough spots to work out.

I got one adjustment to make.

- Good idea. - Good idea.

Okay.

- Here we go. You ready now? - Yeah.

A one, two..

♪ She walks through the.. ♪

At the Boar's Nest, Lulu was gettin' ready

for the charity show next day.

You know, we've got a lot of other things to do today, honey.

Oh, my, isn't that the prettiest thing.

Oh, I love those colors, don't you?

While Boss was up to his round belly

in closing a big real estate deal

of unloadin' 200 acres of prime swamp.

Going to make it at 1 p.m.?

Well, y-you couldn't try a little earlier

a little later, then?

Because I..

Uh, only 1 p.m.?

Well, alright, alright. I'll see you then.

Oh, for goodness sakes alive.

Well, he can keep all them alligators he can find too.

Mmm.

Oh, 250,000. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Let's see. I'll have a profit then of..

- Da, da, da! - Oh.

- Oh! Goodness sakes alive. - Oh.

Would you just stop sneakin' up on me like that?

And I'll tell you what.

Take off that stupid dunce cap.

Boss, it's not a dunce cap.

No? Then how come the dunce is wearin' it?

Listen, I've come in here to bestow a great honor upon you.

You gonna learn how to drive?

- No, no. Listen. - Hm?

- Better than that. Listen. - Oh, yeah? What?

I am going to make you my assistant in my magic act.

- Your assistant? - Yeah.

Uh, uh, uh. No, no, no. Not on your life.

And would you stop with all that magic business?

Only just now, I got them pigeon feathers of yours

cleaned out of my underwear.

Well, that's not gonna happen again.

- Listen, I've been practicin'. - Oh.

Ah, listen, Boss.

I've got a finale that'll knock your socks in the dirt.

- What? - Listen to this.

What do you think of this?

I am going to make every little fat corpuscle

in your flabby little body disappear.

- Poof! - Oh, no, you ain't.

- Uh-huh. - Not me. Oh, no siree, Bob.

- I got it. - What?

Why don't you use Lulu? Yeah, you make her disappear.

That'd be a trick we could all applaud.

- I heard that, Jefferson. - Oh, oh-oh, cream puff.

Don't you "cream puff" me.

Now, I warned you that you have got to be in this show.

Now, you assist my baby brother, or else.

Yeah, but, sponge cake

I gotta consummate a big deal tomorrow at 1 p.m.

same time as the show and I can't be in two places at once.

Well, that's right.

So you'll be here and forget the business deal.

- Well.. - Or I will disappear..

Oh, you will?

From your kitchen.

- Permanently! - Uh!

And I'll never cook you another morsel of food.

Oh... never?

- Never. - Oh.

Dagblast her!

Well, uh, listen, Boss. Uh, listen.

- What? - I got good news.

- You do? - Yes.

See, I got this, uh, catalogue from the magic department.

- Oh, you're back to that again? - Yes.

And you get to look at the costume

that my assistant gets to wear.

- Uh, no. - Take a look.

- Oh, no, no, no. - Mm-hmm.

Uh, never, never, never.

No, no, no. Absolutely, positively, definitely no!

J.D.!

Keep your tutu fluffed.

You look beautiful. Take a look.

Ah! Oh. Oh, no!

No, no, no. Absolutely, positively, definitely no!

Listen, I'll be your, your dagblasted assistant

but I sure am gonna do it in my own clothes..

And hair.

Well, ju... what?

Now, old Boss had to get out of the talent show

to close his real estate scam.

So at the Boar's Nest that night..

'Yes.'

'There it is.'

'It's stuffy here.'

Old Boss opened up the trapdoor to the root cellar

which was the old escape route from Boss' moonshine days.

Well, a long way down. But good. Alright.

Yeah. Alright, now I'll just move this magic box of Rosco's

back over that trapdoor.

Yeah.

You know, I figure that tomorrow's talent show

was gonna have some surprises for everybody.

Did y'all forget these two?

Well, now, they ain't forgot about gettin' even with Boss.

They was just off swipin' another vehicle.

What's your idea now? This place is mobbed.

Hey, don't worry about it. I got everything under control.

We'll just find some place to hide

until we can get a shot at old Boss Hogg, hm?

That haystack looks like a pretty good place.

What do you think?

We gone.

Hey.

I want to thank all you wonderful people for comin'.

And of course, all the talented folks of Hazzard

who are donatin' their services to this very worthy cause.

Now, I won't keep you waitin' any longer.

Here to open the show are your friends and mine

the Duke Family Singers.

'One, two, three, four.'

♪ She walks through the tall corn ♪

♪ Down by the river ♪

♪ Her hair shone like gold in the hot mornin' sun ♪

♪ In the hot ♪

♪ In the hot ♪

♪ In the hot ♪

♪ Mornin' sun ♪

♪ And she took all the love that a poor boy could give her ♪

♪ And left him to die like a fox on the run ♪

♪ Like a fox ♪

♪ Like a fox ♪

♪ Like a fox ♪

♪ On the run ♪

Uh! Mr. Tewilliger. That's you? What's wrong?

Uh, oh, nothin', you're just in my office..

Well, didn't you get there a little bit early?

I mean, it-it..

Oh, it, yeah, you are early. Well, alright.

I'll be there. Just make yourself comfy.

Oh, listen, you did bring the 250,000 with you, didn't you?

Oh, good.

You brought Mrs. Tewilliger too.

Well, make yourselves at home. I'll be right there.

Rosco, hurry up. We're on next. Come on.

Ew!

You cannot rush perfection.

Show business is my life.

Oh, please. Hurry, hurry.

♪ Like a fox ♪

♪ Like a fox ♪

♪ Like a fox ♪

♪ On the run ♪

♪ Like a fox ♪

♪ Like a fox ♪

♪ Like a fox ♪

♪ On the run ♪

- Alright. - We did it.

Weren't they marvelous?

Alright.

'And now for our next magnificent act'

I am proud to introduce one of my favorite people

my baby brother, otherwise known as Coltrano the Great.

Oh.

'Thank you all, one and all.'

Thank you kindly. Thank you, sis.

My name is Coltrano the Great.

And I would like now to introduce my able assistant

J.D. Hoggo the Round.

Alright.

Step out here, Hoggo.

Come on. Let's get it over with.

Don't rush.

- Oh, what do I see here? - Huh?

Is this what... what is this?

- Oh, stop that. - What is this?

Don't tickle me.

- Is that your red underwear? - Uh-oh.

- No, that's yellow. No, blue. - Uh-oh. Oh.

Uh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Those are his too.

Rosco sure got to the bottom of things in a hurry.

Now for my next "predigitation."

I would like to make this live human being

this portly gentleman..

Disappear before your eyes.

Wait, didn't you forget somethin'?

- What? - You know.

You know. You know, da-da-da-da.

- What do you mean...? - Oh, for goodness sake, these!

It's itchin' me under the armpit for an hour.

Listen, I'm the..

Now, I will make him disappear.

If you will open the curtain, please. Alright.

If you'll notice, the magic box.

This is great.

Okay, portly gentleman, if you'll be so kind

as to enter the magic box.

- That I will. - Here.

Step right in there. You'll notice..

- Very good. - Bye-bye.

Alright.

Alright Hoggo the Round has done his part.

Time for me to go.

Of course, what nobody knows is Boss really is gonna disappear.

Down the trapdoor to the root cellar

and off to his meetin' in town.

Leavin' old Rosco with grits on his face.

Concentration for me to do this.

Okay, I-I'm beginning to get the vibrations now.

Uh, listen, if this works, we ought to try to borrow that box

when the mortgage comes due.

Thank goodness. I ain't got much time.

Alright.

Yeah.

Hello, Floyd.

Hello, Hogg.

Bubba.

Hogg.

Sure is nice when old friends meet, ain't it?

Abracadabra, abracazoo, abracazeer!

Make my little chubby buddy disappear.

Ha ha ha. Nice trick.

He did it.

He's better than I thought he was.

He did disappear, didn't he?

Now, let's see.

Mr. Tewilliger is waitin' on Boss.

Rosco and the audience is waitin' on Boss.

And Floyd and Bubba, they're kind of waitin' on Boss too.

I tell you, Boss Hogg has a talent

for bein' the center of attention. Don't he?

Now, for the piece de resistance.

This is the best part.

This is when I will make my little buddy reappear.

Alakazam, alakazoo, alakazeer.

Make my little chubby buddy reappear.

And there he is..

'Oh.'

Yes, uh..

I think... see, I reversed the words.

You can't do that, you see.

But I just did that for a joke.

Alright, alakazam, alakazeer, alakaz..

Uh, make my buddy reappear.

He just..

Boss, quit horsin' around now.

Look, listen, uh, it's not funny anymore.

You know, Rosco sure is milkin' this gag.

Psst. Rosco, get on with your act, honey.

I'm tryin' to.

The little rascal won't come out of there.

It's just part of the act.

Looks to me like Rosco's a little shook up.

Somethin' ain't right, Bo.

He ain't..

Listen..

Psst. Close the curtain.

Gene! Wake up and close the curtain.

Goodness.

Well, let's hear it for the Great Coltrano.

Oh, my goodness.

The Great Coltrano wasn't so great, was he?

And now it is my pleasure to bring you Eugene Jackson

playin' "Camptown Races."

'Yeah. Alright, Eugene.'

Bo, I think we ought to check it out.

Daisy, hold this for a second.

Yeah.

Listen, you're makin' me mad now.

You little sucker. Get out here!

Enough. Listen, Boss... Hey, Rosco?

What happened? Boss give you the slip?

Oh, are you kiddin'? He didn't give me the slip.

Didn't you see it?

I said my alakazams, alakazoos, and alakazeers

and he disappeared. Poof! Like that.

It worked great too. How's this box work?

- Get your hand off that. - Ah, Rosco.

That's a magician's trick there.

Sorry.

Alright. You know, I did something wrong, though.

Must be in that book of instructions.

I'll just check that sucker out.

Why's Boss givin' him such a hard time.

I don't know.

How does this thing works, anyway? Boss, you in there?

- Hey, Bo. - Huh?

Here, help me slide this over.

Alright.

- There you go. - Look at that.

Where do you suppose it goes?

- One way to find out. - After you.

'Thank you, Eugene.'

And now it is my pleasure to bring you our very own

Enos Strate, doin' his favorite number.

Hey, Boss!

Boss, where are you? Rosco's in a state.

Huh.

Well, his car's still here.

He sure ain't no where to be seen, though.

Hey... take a look at this.

What do you got?

It's a white button, like the one Boss has got on his jacket.

It looks like somebody was dragged off here.

And there go the car tracks.

Luke, you think he's just kind of messin' around with Rosco?

I don't think so, Bo.

Remember them two big-uns we ran into yesterday?

Yeah. What makes you think of them?

Who do you know here that would leave a footprint like that?

I think they really got it in for him.

We better go talk to Rosco.

Let's look for a nice, quiet..

High place.

Hm?

♪ Where the old folks play ♪

The boys told Rosco what they had found

and what they was thinkin'.

But the Great Coltrano wasn't listenin'.

Ah-ha! See, I figured it out. The little rascal.

He's in there and he won't come out.

I'll go in and get him.

He's finally slipped off the deep end, Bo.

Hush up! There's a show goin' on in here.

What in the world is the matter?

Uh, Miss Lulu, we got a problem.

It-It looks like Boss really did disappear.

We can't find him anywheres.

Oh, he didn't disappear.

He probably just drove into town to his office.

He said he had a business appointment.

Yeah, I bet that must be exactly what he...

- Bo, his car is outside. - Oh, yeah.

Lulu, I don't know how to tell you

but... it looks like he's been kidnapped.

Bad news, bad news.

- Rosco! - That little su, what?

Shut up.

Now, what makes you think he's in trouble?

Well, we followed this trapdoor outside, see.

And there were tracks that look like a scuffle and..

We found this button, which came off of his jacket.

'And we seen so-some car tracks leadin' off.'

Oh.

I-I've gotta stop the show.

Enos. Enos, honey, I'm sorry, we have to stop.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Folks, I am terribly sorry, but the show is over.

Something terrible has happened.

Please forgive me.

'What happened?'

What is goin' on?

Sheriff, that was a real good trick you did.

Will you hush, you dipstick. I'm in trouble here.

Yeah. Oh, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna call that mail-order company

that sold me this magic book and I'm gonna give 'em

a piece of my mind, and..

You know, they got a money-back guarantee.

Maybe they got a buddy-back guarantee.

Give 'em a small piece.

He thinks he really did it.

Guess he does. We ain't got time to convince him.

Enos, you're our next best bet.

Bo and Luke described them two fellers

to Enos and Cooter and put them on the lookout.

They headed out to trace the tracks outside the Boar's Nest.

This looks like as good a place as any.

Yeah.

Hold it there, brother.

Let's hear what the fat man has to say, huh?

Oh! Oh, don't shoot. Don't shoot, don't shoot.

Listen, Floyd, uh.

I never meant to testify against you, honest injun.

- They made me do it. - That's a laugh, Hogg.

You were trying to save your hide and now you'll pay for it.

No, no. Listen, don't do it. I'm a rich man.

I'll give you money. That's right. Anything you want.

'You name it, I'll give it to you. Anything, anything.'

This rat just can't stop squealing.

You ain't gonna get away with it, Hogg.

You double-crossin', lowdown, no good.

Hold it, brother. Hold it.

The man's got a point, little brother.

Why not make him really pay

for those years you spent in the slammer?

In cold cash.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. Cash. That's it.

He's right. Look, I got $300 in my wallet right now.

We was thinkin' in terms of a million dollars.

Million?

Suddenly I'm gettin' interested.

Forget it.

Ah!

'I ain't got a million dollars.'

'Listen, I've had a bad year.'

Maybe I can squeeze out, uh, 750.

Or maybe, maybe, maybe scrape up 800 or-or something...

All we have to do is call his wife

and demand $1 million ransom

if she ever wants to see her little fat husband.

My-my wife, my wife. But-But she ain't..

She won't be able to do it. She ain't got a million dollars.

We can't do it. We haven't got a million...

Bo and Luke wasn't havin' much luck trackin' them tire treads

that they found out back.

This is Deputy Enos Strate callin' the Duke boys.

- 'Come in, Bo and Luke.' - Hey, whoa, whoa.

'Come in, Bo and Luke.'

'This is Enos Strate callin' the Duke boys.'

- 'Come in, Bo and Luke.' - Yeah, we read you, Enos.

I ran a make on them two fellas like you asked me to.

And their description fits the Malone brothers.

'Uh, Mr. Hogg testified against the younger one, Floyd'

in a hijacking trial three years ago.

And-and he just got out of prison.

Oh, yeah. He's got a brother named Bubba.

And he's got a record too.

They're a couple of bad customers, y'all.

Pay dirt. That's our lead.

Listen, Enos, why don't you get together a search party

and start, checkin' out all the roads?

Me and Bo'll drop by Boss' house and make sure Lulu's okay

then we'll come find you.

Ten-four, Luke, I'm gone now.

- Thanks a lot. - Alright.

- Oh, here come Bo and Luke. - Oh, is J.D. with 'em?

- Uh.. - Daisy, is he?

Oh.

Oh, boys, did you find J.D.? Did you find him?

Uh, well, no, Miss Lulu, we didn't.

But we got a pretty good idea where to look.

Oh, see, that's him. It was just a prank. That's my pumpkin.

Hello, Jefferson.

This isn't Jefferson.

Oh.

If you wanna see him again, listen carefully.

- 'You still there, Mrs. Hogg?' - Yes.

We have your husband and if you want him back

you'll have to come up with $1 million. In cash.

Well, I want him back. I'll do anything you ask.

'Now, that's a smart lady.'

'First you go to the bank and get that million dollars'

in unmarked bills.

Then you bring it to the old River Road crossroads.

You drop it out of the car and keep moving.

'No tricks..'

'...and no tail.'

Otherwise your husband's a goner.

Oh. Uh-uh, I'm too nervous to drive.

Well, have someone drive you.

'But listen..'

if I see one cop, one tail..

You're a widow.

'You got one hour.'

One hour ain't much

but in Hazzard, it ain't only not over till it's over.

It ain't over till the Dukes has had their shot.

'An hour don't give us much time for sure.'

No and Rosco ain't much help. Guess it's up to us.

I don't want anything to happen to Jefferson.

'Now, I want to pay that ransom.'

- I will get it from the bank. - Just calm down, Lulu.

Uncle Jesse and Daisy'll go with you.

Alright, I'll go get my things.

Okay.

'Oh, I'll get you. I'll get you, pumpkin.'

I'll save you.

I don't want anything to happen to J.D.

There's gotta be some way we can go along on that money drop.

But how'll you do it without them seein' ya?

Well, that's what we gotta figure out.

'Daisy, Jesse, come on.'

Boys, we don't have any time to lose. Please hurry.

Oh, that's right, Lulu, come on.

Listen, you boys get a hold of Rosco

tell him what's goin' on.

After all, he's still the sheriff.

Yes, sir.

Maybe after we tell him that Boss has been kidnapped

he won't think he made him disappear.

I hope he's some good to us.

I got a feeling they ain't gonna get Boss back.

'Tiddly-tuddly.'

'Tiddly-doe.'

'Tiddly-wobbly Megally-moe.'

Now, old great spirits, hear my plea..

And bring my little fat buddy back to me.

Ta-da.

Rosco. E-excuse us. We just gotta talk to you.

What are you Dukes doin' here?

You're interruptin' the Great Coltrano.

Well, we-we're sorry about that, Coltrano

but it-it's real important. It's about Boss.

'Will you hush?'

Listen, you're interferin' with me.

You're gonna break the spell, now, I got, I got-got him..

Lost somewhere.

Rosco, what are you doing to yourself?

- You look terrible. - Never mind.

Never mind how I look.

The Great Coltrano, I bought a new incantation

and they promised me that I'd get him back.

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Now, g-get out of here.

Alright. Okay.

Tiddly-tuddly.

Tiddly-doe.

If you can't see it

you don't necessarily know that it's there, right?

Yeah, what-what's that all about?

Here, I'll explain to you later.

We're gonna need some of this stuff here.

Let's get out of here.

Tiddly-toe

Tiddly-toe?

Now, durin' all this

Floyd and Bubba had found an old shack to stash Boss in.

While they was pickin' up the ransom money.

Well, I better head on back out to the pickup spot.

And, Floyd..

Don't do anything to him, huh?

Until I get back with the money.

For a million bucks, I can wait.

Okay.

Shut up, Hogg. I heard enough out of you three years ago.

Meanwhile, Lulu had come back with the million dollar ransom

Bo had done some special work on Boss' car

and Luke had told everyone how his plan was gonna work.

But do you think it'll work?

Lulu, I can't think of nothin' better.

I got the car rigged. It's the only way we'll get him back.

If it don't work I know they'll just kill my little pumpkin.

Miss Lulu, we got no way of knowin'

that they're not gonna do that, anyway.

You willin' to take that chance?

Let's go. We don't have much time to waste.

Alright.

Now, ev-everybody's set on what we're doin' here.

Daisy, you're gonna be our backup.

I'll give you a two-minute head start.

Alright. Now, make sure nobody sees you.

- Okay, let's go. Come on. - Alright.

Now, this is as close as we can get without bein' seen.

- Let's get positioned. - Alright.

Now, you boys be careful, you hear?

Yes, ma'am.

- Oh, I'm so nervous. - Okay, we're all set.

Hang on.

We're approachin' the crossroads, boys.

Stay down.

Yeah, alright, come on.

Well, so far, so good.

Now to leave a trail for Daisy to follow.

I was wonderin' what them things were for.

Rosco ain't been no help, but his tricks sure are.

'I wonder which way they went?'

Ah.

We did it, little brother. We did it.

One million smackeroonies.

- You count it? - No, I didn't count it.

I just did a quick look, you know.

'Let's take it slowly.

'I've never seen a million bucks before.'

Yeah.

- Bo, this ain't workin'. - Well, what am I gonna do?

We're gonna tear you apart.

Wait a minute, now. Just hold on a second.

Come on, they might have friends.

Wait, wait. I ain't done what I came for.

Come on.

Uncle Jesse, I hear shootin'.

The boy's gotta be in trouble, so I'm gonna go on in.

- Boss? - He's got a pulse.

Boy, they blew him right off the porch.

- Boss? - Boss, come on.

You gotta be alright.

- There's a hole in his jacket. - Where'd it got him.

- Boss. - Wait a minute.

- Are you alright? - You're alright.

Come on, sit up here.

Boss, you got shot in your credit cards.

You are one lucky man.

Lucky Boss didn't leave home without 'em.

They ruined my credit cards.

Oh, wait a minute. To heck with them cards.

Them cutthroats got my million dollars.

Oh, look, look, look, look. It's that orange clunker car.

Come on, come on, come on, come on. Let's go.

Come on, come on.

Come on. Go. Go right now.

I swear, Boss, you got nine lives.

- Let's get to the car. Come on. - Come on.

- Come on. - Alright, alright.

Get in here. Get me in this thing.

Boss, careful.

The plan's working great, Daisy.

- There you go. - Hit it, Bo.

Oh, listen, they got a million bucks of mine.

So catch 'em. Go on after 'em. Catch 'em.

Alright. We're drivin' as fast as we can, okay?

- Alright. - Just hang on.

Bo, you're gonna have to take a shortcut.

- I know it. Don't we always? - Yeah.

We gotta get out of here.

Don't worry. We got the money, we're gettin' away.

- Bo? - Huh?

Look!

- 'Hang on.' - 'Bo.'

Whoa, holy. Look out!

Alright, come on out of there.

Come on.

You too. Get out.

Here you go, Bo.

Let me see, oh, there's my money.

Where'd you get those handcuffs?

- Out of Rosco's bag of tricks. - Ha ha.

Daisy, would you hold this thing for a second?

Thank God for the Great Coltrano, huh?

- The Great Coltrano, my foot. - Yeah.

Wait'll I get my hands on him.

Everything that happened today was his fault.

Oh, look, look, look.

'Here they come, in my car.'

'With Jesse and Lulu.'

- Oh, my. - Boss.

Oh, here, here I am.

You can't blame it on him, everything.

- Oh, J.D., you alright? - Lulu, honey, got my money.

And so, thanks to the Dukes.

Boss' life and a million dollars was saved.

And them two bad brothers was sent back to jail.

- No, don't touch that. - Don't worry about it.

Boss and Lulu were reunited.

Yeah, I hope so.

But Rosco was still blamin' himself for losin' Boss.

'J.D. Hogg..'

'Let me out of here. I'm gonna get that Rosco.'

Boss, you can't do it.

'He's been beside himself the whole time.'

'Take it easy, J.D.'

'Think I've lost you, buddy.'

Think you're right. I can't do anything right.

It just, uh..

And you're the only one that ever understood me.

I c-can't afford to lose ya.

I'm the only one.

I'm the only one.

Come on. Come on, Miss Lulu.

What?

Oh, good grief.

Rosco, we got bad news. We couldn't find him anywheres.

Yeah, you must have really made him disappear.

Well, of course I did.

I'm the Great..

Coltrano.

Uh, Rosco, why don't you give it one more try?

Oh, what's the use? He-he's, I..

Go on, give it a try. It'll work.

Muggly-wuggly, muggly-zeer. Little fat buddy, reappear.

See?

It just won't work.

Bravo! Bravo!

Alright, knock it off. You think it's funny?

Just 'cause I can't make him app..

Uh, so you..

Oh! Oh, little buddy.

- I'm so happy. - D-don't do that.

But it's just, I'm so happy.

- Well, just once. - Once.

- Yeah. - Oh.

Alright. That's enough.

- You did it, Rosco. - Yeah.

So you see, that's the way it goes in Hazzard.

Where the Dukes will even help out the enemy

when the chips are down.

And that's plum typical of the Dukes of Hazzard.

Too bad it ain't the same everywhere else, huh?