Original subtitles

♪ Just a good ol' boys ♪

♪ Never meanin' no harm ♪

♪ Beats all you never saw ♪

♪ Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born ♪

♪ Straightenin' the curves ♪

♪ Flattenin' the hills ♪

♪ Someday the mountain might get 'em ♪

♪ But the law never will ♪

♪ Makin' their way ♪

♪ The only way they know how ♪

♪ That's just a little bit more ♪

♪ Than the law will allow ♪

♪ Just a good ol' boys ♪

♪ Wouldn't change if they could ♪

♪ Fightin' the system ♪

♪ Like a true modern day Robin Hood ♪

'Yee-haw.'

Uncle Jesse Duke ain't poking along this slow

because he needs a valve job.

It's because of that load of eggs

he's got there in the back.

Which he and Luke are taking to Hazzard for an ailing neighbor.

Can you believe this road?

At this rate, Henry's chickens will have laid another truckload

before we get this one delivered.

Already missing Bo, ain't you?

Yeah, I guess so.

'He just left yesterday.'

I know that, but I'm worried about him

and that new NASCAR engine. I ought to be giving him a hand.

It's a shame you can't be there.

Company only wanted one man. He won the toss fair and square.

Why don't you just lean back, enjoy the quiet like me.

Now, this being Hazzard.

The quiet life is about as laid back

as old Jeb Stuart's cavalry charge.

See what I mean?

Dewey Hogg is back in Hazzard for the first time in years.

Now, Dewey is old Boss' nephew.

And he's Hughie's older brother.

Dewey Hogg makes his Uncle Boss seem respectable.

He's ornery, he's greedy

and he's crooked as a dog's hind leg.

And them is his good points.

Dewey Hogg.

The slickest scoundrel in Georgia.

Who is about to steal Hazzard blind.

What's that?

Look out.

You alright?

Oh, what in the world was that?

That was a fine move.

Worthy of a Duke-ditching Hogg.

You ain't gonna believe this. That was Dewey Hogg.

- Dewey Hogg? - That's right.

Let's survey the damage here.

Holy Toledo. Look at that.

'This here's Lost Sheep calling Bo Peep. Come back.'

I read you, Luke.

What's up, and what's taking you so long, huh?

I hate to tell you.

Little guy in a black suit with a long cigar?

Beat you out of first prize

in the all-school spelling bee. Remember him?

- Dewey Hogg? - 'The one and only.'

'He's headed your way in an ambulance.'

'Find out what he's up to.'

Well, I ain't gonna take my eyes off of him.

Cooter's got the General Lee just purring.

That's great.

We'll be in town once we unscramble

some eggs out here. We're gone.

10-4.

- Daisy? - Yeah?

Luke just say old Dewey Hogg was back in town?

Ah-ha.

There goes the neighborhood.

Yup, that's him alright.

Sure is. We better see what he's up to, Cooter.

Well... one case out of seven ain't bad.

Y'all are about to see a master con at work.

One of Dewey's best shots is playing sick.

Old Dewey could fool the Harvard Medical School.

Look at you. The lovely Daisy Duke.

'And Cooter Davenport.'

Put on a pound or two, ain't you?

See you ain't changed a bit, Dewey.

- Same old charmer, huh? - What did you come back for?

I'm a very sick Hogg.

Uh-huh? Well you gonna be even sicker when Boss catches you.

You weren't ever to set foot in Hazzard again, bucko.

In your lifetime.

My lifetime is nearly over, Daisy.

You see... I'm gonna die.

Huh?

Please save your energy, Mr. Hogg.

- I don't believe it. - Me neither.

Oh, dagblast it. Ding dong yourself.

Whoever it is, I sure hope they're bringing money.

Yes?

No! Dewey Hogg.

Dewey Hogg, I can't believe it.

After all these years, I never thought I'd see your rotten face

- in this county again. - Hi, Uncle Boss.

Don't you "Uncle Boss" me.

- You may be my nephew.. - Your dying nephew.

'...but you're still the slickest'

the most low-down sneak thief in these parts.

Or any parts. And I want no part of you.

Out, out, out, out. And stay out.

Howsoever, even a Hogg's blood is thicker than water.

"Dying nephew?"

- Did you say dying? - Yes.

I swear it.

Uncle Boss, it's all here in this medical report.

Medical report? What are you talking about?

I'm afflicted with a rare and barely known

subtropical sleeping disease.

Sleeping disease? Oh, my. Oh, my.

There, did you see that? That's the disease.

When I go like.. When I'm sleeping.

I got it selling frozen hog jowls in deepest Africa.

- Africa? Africa? - Oh, Uncle Boss.

- My days are numbered. - Yes.

- Oh, Uncle Boss. - Yeah. Now wait a minute.

- Oh, God. - Wait a minute, would you?

You're all I got in the whole world.

Damn it, let go of me. Let go of me, would you?

I mean, what's really wrong with him?

It ain't catchy, is it?

'Medical science just doesn't know yet.'

Oh.

Dewey?

- Is he? - Not yet, but almost.

Oh, there, did you see?

- Uncle Boss. - Wait a minute.

I ain't gonna believe none of this.

Anybody could cook up this sort of thing.

Uncle Boss, you gotta believe me. I got proof.

If you'd put your clothes on.

I'd like to take you down to Sutter's Road.

And show you something.

Yeah, my last... and final real-estate purchase.

Meanwhile, back in Hazzard

Daisy told old Luke and Jesse all about Dewey's dying.

And how he and Boss took off in the Caddy.

Now, what Daisy didn't know

was that Dewey was conning Boss too.

He's in a wheelchair.

Taking him to his future, final resting place.

'My, oh, my. This sure is a beautiful site, Dewey.'

'But that tombstone, what's it say?'

'"Here lies Dewey Hogg.'

He never met a man he didn't rip off."

Here lies Dewey Hogg?

Oh, then it's true.

Then you really are headed for them pearly gates?

I'm practically, I'm practically knocking on that door now.

I believe you, I believe you.

But before I do, I wanna do something.

I wanna do something good, you know?

I wanna build a living monument

a medical clinic for the good people of Hazzard.

- A medical clinic? - Yeah.

I thought I'd call it the Dewey Hogg Memorial Clinic.

Oh, you're so warm-hearted.

To be built with my $50,000 life savings.

Wait a minute, you know from the size of this building here

and all this other stuff, I mean, it appears to me

you're gonna need three times that to build it.

I'd say, oh, a $150,000 anyhow.

Well, Uncle Boss, you see, I thought maybe

we could have a fundraiser to match my $50,000.

Yeah, but another 50,000... still leave you $50,000 short.

Uncle Boss, now I thought may..

I mean, I thought maybe you...

Me? Me kick in 50,000?

Oh! You must have lost all your marbles

when you were sick over in Africa.

Listen, Dewey, like I always say

blood may be thicker than water..

But money is thicker than blood.

I know, I know. But to insure your-your investment

I thought I could.. You see what I've done.

I've made you a beneficiary of my $300,000

life insurance policy.

What, you have? Let me see.

Yeah, beneficiary. Jefferson Davis Hogg.

In the amount of $300,000. Ho ho ho ho!

Dewey, Dewey, Dewey.

I mean, discounting my $50,000 then.

I'm gonna be a quarter of a million dollars richer

when you kick the bucket.

Oh, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey.

Just wanted to see if I still had the touch.

Yeah, me too.

Give me that.

Oh, that's my Dewey.

With Boss and Dewey up at the gravesite

well, the Dukes decided it would be a good time

to check out the ambulance.

And Daisy was gonna be the decoy.

How are you today?

I was gonna ask you the same.

- Oh, really? I'm fine. - Yes. Oh, that's good.

- So are you a real medic? - Mmm-hmm.

Friends and neighbors, Daisy Duke

could distract a Fourth of July parade.

Give me the high sign.

So while Daisy distracted Dewey's driver

and Uncle Jesse kept lookout

Luke checked out the ambulance.

Almost there. Almost there now, Dewey.

- Find anything? - Looks legitimate to me.

Look who's here.

Home sweet home! Here we are.

Alright, now we get you out.

'Here, let me help. Let me help, let me help.'

Oh, careful now.

Careful, that's right.

Oh, poor Dewey.

Oh, yeah, set him down here.

That's the way.

Poor Dewey, poor Dewey. Make him nice and comfy now.

All set. That's good.

There's that no-good Dewey.

Yes, sir, I'm gonna cuff him and stuff him...

Would you just cease and desist.

Can't you see that this poor sick boy is dying?

Oh, Boss.

You know better than to believe anything Dewey says.

He'll cheat you out of house and home if he ain't already.

Well, I'll tell you that Dewey is reformed.

- Yeah. - Yes, he has.

I mean, if you only knew what this warm-hearted

generous boy is gonna do for all the lovely folks

- here in Hazzard. - Oh, oh, oh.

Get him on his life-support system fast.

- 'Oh, yeah.' - 'He's having a vapor lock.'

- 'Dewey!' - 'Shunt the juice to his hair.'

- No, no, no. - 'Thank goodness.'

Alright now, get him on his system now.

And you, Dukes, listen. You've caused enough trouble today.

Get out of here before I have you arrested

as common vagrants.

- Right, riff-raff. - Rosco?

- What? - We got big plans to make.

- Let's go. - Come on.

'Yeah, come on. Come on, we gotta go in the house.'

We could be a little premature on this thing.

You know, he could be real sick.

- Hah. - I find that highly unlikely.

With Dewey in town, the sheep dip

is gonna hit the fan sooner or later.

Just don't know where or how.

Next day, Boss called a town meeting

to announce the fund drive

for Dewey Hogg's Memorial Clinic.

Now, Boss began the drive by producing

his and Dewey's 50,000 each.

Then asking the town folk to match these funds.

'...townsfolk of Hazzard put up the rest'

'another $50,000.'

Fifty thousand?

'Now here's a word from Dewey Hogg himself.'

'You good, kind, wonderful people of Hazzard'

'before I-I'm not so good at financial matters.'

'I mean, you know my record in the past'

'has not been so good, right?'

'Well, we forgive you.'

'Therefore, to hold the money'

'I picked the most honest person in Hazzard'

'that I could think about.'

'The most honest person to hold the funds, Jesse Duke.'

When the fox asks you to watch the henhouse.

Chances are he's gonna have chicken.

And you're gonna be stuck with the feathers.

- Oh, no, wait a minute. - No, no.

There's something going on here.

'And I know for a fact that Jesse Duke here'

'is the most honest person in Hazzard.'

'I second the nomination. I put it to a vote.'

- All in favor say "Aye". - Aye.

Wait a minute, I...

Uncle Jesse, We're playing right into his hands.

I got a feeling we are too.

But if there's any chance, we need that clinic.

J.D., now you just hold on there a minute.

If I'm to be in charge of all the funds.

'Alright, go ahead, Jesse.'

Oh, Luke, somethings ain't right. I just know it.

We gotta find out what Dewey's up to.

- And we gotta find out fast. - Yeah.

And I think I just figured out how.

I'm going to work.

- Hi. - Howdy.

Something I can do for you?

You'd like to check my blood pressure?

Gladly. Wanna feel my pulse?

Hazzard has that effect on some folks.

They just naturally say whatever's on their minds.

Well, that's my cousin.

Yeah, he's a Duke boy, alright.

So while Uncle Jesse was counting out the money

Luke sweet-talked the nurse out of the name

of Dewey's doctor or so he thought.

- Psst. Dewey. - Did he take the bait?

- Yes. - Great. Great.

The plan is going perfectly. You devil, you.

Luke went ahead and called Dewey's doctor

who was all the way up in Cleveland.

And Uncle Jesse was putting Dewey and Boss' money

in his own safety deposit box in Boss' bank

He he he. All set here.

- Here we go. - Here we go, everybody.

Now we're just gonna lock it up tight.

That does it.

Hey, y'all.

Listen up. I just talked to that doctor.

And if he is a real doctor

he confirmed that Dewey's terminally ill.

Well, the doctor checked out. The ambulance checked out.

I tell you, maybe Dewey ain't faking.

The only way to be sure

is to keep one eye on Dewey and the other on the bank.

Well, now... where could a dying man

be going that fast?

Well, I know one thing.

Cemetery ain't in that direction.

Come on, Daisy. Let's go.

'Them Dukes are following us.'

Looks like old Dewey's emergency vehicle

is prepared for any emergency, including the Dukes.

Luke, it's oil. Look out.

Hang on, sweetheart, we're going for a ride.

- Boy. - Doggone it.

That Dewey is gonna raise my ire.

Do you think he really did it?

Who else would lay down an oil slick like that?

I don't know.

Shoot, we gotta change this tire and get into town

Get him out of that wheelchair, and prove he ain't sick.

While Luke and Daisy was wrestling with a tire.

Dewey was conducting business as usual.

Yes, the bank vault is rigged, Mr. Hogg, just like you asked.

Mack, you are an artist and a craftsman.

Here's the key to Jesse Duke's safety deposit box, Number 115.

Well, the money will not be in there long.

I got the whole town of Hazzard suckered.

Now, Jesse's safety deposit box ain't safe no more.

And unless Luke does something real fast

Dewey's one weasel that's gonna walk

right into and out of the chicken coop untouched.

I'd like to take that Dewey and just shake him

until I found out what he's up to.

Now, Luke, just calm down.

You know, there's a chance that Dewey has reformed.

He's gotta be up to something.

There's a reason why you're holding that money for sure.

He ain't never forgiven you for that whuppin' you gave him

when you caught him pushing Daisy off that soapbox airplane.

Dewey had me absolutely convinced I could fly.

I whooped him good.

You know, Daisy coulda broken a leg or something.

Yeah, that would've been a real shame too.

Wait a minute, that's it. Daisy's legs, you said it.

What do my legs got to do with it?

Hey, Dewey's been chasing you for years, ain't he?

'Yeah, that's for sure.'

I bet you could turn up that Southern hospitality

and bring him bouncing out of that wheelchair.

Oh, Luke.

'Course, we'd have get Boss in position to see it all.

'That'd put an end to Dewey's shenanigans, I bet you that.'

Well, I'll hike up my jeans.

Meanwhile, old Dewey's plan was tickin' along

just like a train conductor's watch.

Fundraising for the Hogg Clinic fund was complete.

'Fifty thousand dollars over the top.'

'That's it, Over the top!'

'And now-and now, my good citizens'

'and friends of Hazzard, I want to give you the chance'

'to express your appreciation to the man'

'who made it all possible, that esteemed public benefactor'

'my nephew, Dewey Hogg.'

'Thank you very much. Get up, boy.'

'Oh, you dear people of Hazzard.'

'I know-I know that I can rest in peace now.'

'Knowing that I've given you a living monument'

'The Dewey Hogg Memorial Clinic.'

'Yeah.'

'Oh, I'm.. Oh!'

'I'm sorry, you'll have to.. You'll have to excuse me now.'

'I think I'm gonna need some rest.'

'Yeah, I think my time... is coming.'

'Oh, no. Alright, give him rest.'

'Take him home. Take him to my house.'

'And, listen, we'll go over to the bank'

'and see that that money's safeguarded. Come on.'

While Boss and Jesse headed for the bank

Dewey went back to Boss' house.

Not knowing that he was the target of old Luke's con.

Which was about to go into action.

He is playing it to the hilt, ain't he?

Listen, I'm gonna have Boss over at the house

exactly five minutes from the time

you give me the signal, alright?

You better.

Alright, now. Don't worry about it.

Me and Cooter are gonna be outside the window

we're gonna be watching in case anything happens, alright?

- Okay, okay. - Good luck.

Come on, let's get going.

There he goes.

- You got it, Jesse? - Yup.

And there's the $50,000.

While Jesse was sealing his fate

with all those good folks' money

Daisy was trying to prove that Dewey was a very healthy man.

I was so moved by your speech.

I'm really beginning to believe you mean it.

About being reformed and all.

Indeed I do, Daisy, indeed I do.

I remember the first time I really noticed you.

When was that?

In the third grade, do you remember?

Yeah, that's when I spread the rumor

that everybody had bubonic plague.

I got everyone a whole week's vacation.

- What about the ninth grade? - Yeah, the ninth grade.

That was wonderful. I traded all the chairs and all the desks

for two operating stills.

Oh, I mean, I was on my way then.

But I'm a changed man. No, I'm repentant. I'm changed.

That's the problem, Dewey.

I don't know if I like you changed.

I always secretly admired that sneaking

evil, conniving nature of yours.

It's just such a shame.

What-what's.. Could you tell me what's a shame?

That we discovered our feelings for each other too late.

Well... it may not be too late after all.

I mean, I could recover, couldn't I?

I mean, I could, couldn't I?

I mean, with your help?

Oh, Dewey, I'd be glad to help you

in any little way I can.

Because when I think of what could have been between us

I could just cry.

Oh, Dewey.

Oh, Dewey.

It's-It's a miracle.

You made.. You've made me well. Oh, glory be.

I'm-I'm alive.

- And I'm-I'm well again. - Dewey. Dewey!

Boss has gotta see this.

- Miracle. - Dewey.

Dewey. Dewey, I'm warning you, keep away from me.

I got.. I'm well and I got goose bumps all over.

Oh, hallelujah.

Dewey, you gotta stop right now

because you're gonna have a relapse.

Never.

'Alright, that does it.'

- Now we can.. What? - Hey, Boss. Boss.

Daisy's over at your house with Dewey

and he's acting peculiar for a sick man if you get my drift.

- Acting peculiar? - He sure is.

Oh, no, Rosco. My baby nephew's about to kick the bucket.

Come on. Come on.

Boss, wait a minute. It ain't that kind of peculiar.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, help me. Ooh!

Danggit. They're gonna screw up the plan.

- We better get over there. - Come on.

- Guard the bank. - Come on.

I've found the cure.

I mean it, Dewey. You just keep away.

Alright. Alright, Rosco, come on.

- Well... - Come up, my nephew's dying.

- 'I'm still... ' - 'Dying.'

What are you doing out here if Dewey's dying in there?

Dewey's dying in there.

My sneaking, conniving, evil nature

is come back to full strength.

'Dewey, you stay away from me.'

Dewey, Dewey.

No. No. No. Daisy Duke!

What are you doing to my poor sick nephew?

- Nothing, Boss. - Keep her away from me.

You keep her away from me, Uncle Boss.

She can't control herself in my-my magnetic presence.

She took advantage of my-of my weakened state.

You know what she did, Boss? She flung me to the floor.

Oh, shame, shame, everybody knows your name.

Boss, look at this mess.

Dewey's been chasing me all over your house.

Now, Daisy's got it right, Boss.

I seen the whole thing from over there.

Uh, uh, uh. Daisy Duke, you're lying. He's dying.

She ain't lying, he ain't dying.

- Take a look around. - Get off your high horse, J.D.

You know he's been after her ever since grade school.

Nurse. Nurse, take me to the ambulance.

- Yeah. - I mean, I'm going. I'm going.

- Put him on life support. - I'm dying.

This is what comes from all your meddling, you hear me?

Daisy Duke, you done this.

- No, I didn't. - Dewey.

Dewey.

Dewey. Dewey. Dewey.

Be careful with him. Be careful with him.

- Yeah. - Let me help you. Let me help.

- 'Don't leave me now.' - 'Sorry, Mr. Hogg.'

- Rest time. - Yeah, rest time, rest time.

It's terrible. He's going fast.

Yeah, we'll have to plant him with the spring crops, you know?

Woo!

That was a close call.

Now I gotta move on the bank.

After we get them Dukes out of the way first. First.

Well, at least we know Dewey's faking it.

He was putting some moves on you, that's for sure.

- You're tellin' me. - Hey, now what we gonna do?

We wait till he makes a move for the money

then catch him in the act.

You're not gonna have to wait for long.

Dang it. Here we go again. Come on, Daisy.

Ooh, that was close.

While Luke and Daisy were deciding what to do next

Dewey's plan was running like a threshing machine

through a bumper crop.

There he is, right over next to the bank.

Can you see anything?

'Shoot. That vault looks closed.'

Now would you just look.

Old Dewey's stolen the money without removing one cent

from the bank.

Now, friends, that's slicker than New York.

Once the Hazzard folks find out that their contributions

disappeared out of Jesse Duke's safety deposit box

the Dukes are gonna be in some kind of trouble.

- Hey, Boss. Hey, look. - What? What?

Isn't that the Dukes next to the bank?

- The Dukes? - Yeah.

Now, don't tell me about it, do something about it.

I mean, I got 50,000 simoleons tied up in there.

Come on, let's head around back. I know he's been in there.

There's Dewey. Let's roll a shuck and jive on him.

- Come on. - Alright.

- Dewey, how you doing? - Hi, Dewey.

- Oh, my goodness. - You okay?

- You woke me up. - You alright?

I didn't mean to. Here, let me tuck you back in.

You're tickling me.

We better see if we knocked a wheel loose or something.

- Here, let me... - Wait a minute.

What're you folks doing messing with my nephew? He's dying.

Uncle Boss, quick, the money's gone.

I know, I can feel it in my bones. We're ruined.

We're ruined. No, no, no. Rosco, check out the vault.

Gone.

Alright, alright, let's go in.

Check it out.

Check out the vault. Let's check it out, Jesse.

I am checking it out.

Well, the henhouse is empty

the fox is licking off chicken feathers

and the Dukes' goose is about to be cooked.

Well, it was there just a half-hour ago.

- 'I put it in there myself.' - You work fast, Jesse Duke.

I mean, you-you stole my money.

The only one working this bank is you, Dewey.

You knew it wasn't there.

- That's right. - No. No.

Well, you had to have done it, Jesse.

- Yeah. - Rosco, arrest Jesse Duke.

- 'Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.' - 'Go on, get him.'

Hey, Enos.

Hey, Luke, I'm sorry about this, but..

That's alright. We're much obliged. We'll see you later.

Let go. I can't open the door.

Forget it, Boss. It can't open it. It's stuck.

Enos, after them, after them.

- 'You hear me? Go after them.' - Yes, sir, Mr. Hogg.

Alright.

Alright, we got 'em now.

'Move, Enos. Move.'

- 'I'm sorry, but you can't... ' - Enos. Enos.

Mr. Hogg, you're gettin' wet.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hogg. Don't be mad at me.

Now we'll never get them.

I'm sorry, but, gosh, it's raining.

He's as smart as he is sneaky.

He didn't have the money on him, he must have hid it some place.

Could have even left it in another spot inside the bank.

All I know is that we gotta find it

because Uncle Jesse didn't take it. We gotta prove that.

But how?

What if Dewey really thought he was dying?

That's it.

He'd go to that money like a chicken to a June bug.

You're right.

- Come on, I got an idea. - Yeah?

We gotta talk to Boss.

'Now, you two nincompoops, you couldn't catch'

a three-legged mule in his own stall.

I gotta do something else.

I'm gonna call out the state police or the FBI.

Or the CID.

- Could I have a little chomp? - Boss? Boss.

- The Dukes. - Freeze.

Boss, you better sit down. We got something to tell you.

No. Rosco, nail them right here on the spot.

J.D., will you quit sputtering and just listen?

Now do you sincerely believe that I could steal from people

I've known all my life? Dear friends of mine?

You was the only one who coulda done it.

He ain't the only one.

There's another one, he did it and that's Dewey.

- Dewey. - 'It had to be.'

And besides that, he's got 50,000

of your hard-swindled dollars with him, remember that?

Yeah, yeah, that's true too, Jesse, but-but..

- But-but.. - No buts about it, J.D.

Now, for once in your life, just listen.

'Now just hear what Luke's got to say.'

Alright, alright. Alright, I'm listening.

- Go ahead. Talk. - Alright.

We got one small chance to swindle the swindler.

Oh, Dewey.

Oh, Uncle Boss.

Uncle Boss, I feel my time, my time has come.

I can hear all them Hoggs calling me home.

Home to Hogg heaven.

You can cut the dying act, Dewey.

- 'Yeah.' - What are you Dukes doing here?

Oh, we came to celebrate your victory.

What victory?

Yeah, they know that you stole the money, Dewey.

And sure as you're sitting there, so do I.

- And me too. - You do?

There ain't nothing we can do about it. We're beat.

Yeah, and if you can't beat them... well, toast 'em.

- Luke's brought the champagne. - That's right.

- I'll go get the glasses. - And I'll bring the toast.

This is Boss' best vintage right here.

Yeah, well, we figured, the best for the best.

I don't buy this. You can't be serious.

Oh, we are serious, my dear conniving nephew.

We sure are serious.

That's for you. Now come on, drink up.

Don't be a sore winner.

- One for you. - No. Never touch the stuff.

- Oh, well, I'll take his. Yeah. - Good.

Alright. Here's to Dewey Hogg.

The greatest con artist in the whole state of Georgia.

- To Dewey Hogg. - Dewey Hogg.

'To Dewey Hogg, I'll say.'

The bubbles. They tickle my nose.

'Well, thank you.'

Well, fun's fun, but a sheriff's work's never done.

Down the hatch.

Oh, yummy.

Listen, it's the champagne.

Tell Flash her doggy num-nums are under the sink.

- Rosco. - Rosco.

Rosco.

Oh, he ain't never gonna answer nobody again.

- What's the matter, Daisy? - Oh, Luke. The champagne.

Not you too?

'Oh, yes.'

Luke, from now on, you'll have to do your own laundry.

Daisy.

Oh, I never seen nothing like it.

Two went in one day.

- Boss. - Oh, Oh. Ah, ah. It's got me.

I gotta get something to help. I gotta get something to help.

'I gotta some help. Too late. Too late.'

'I can't breathe.'

I always did buy that cheap stuff.

Yeah, this is the Hogg residence.

The Atlanta Poison Control?

- 'I see.' - Wh-wh.. Just..

What do you see?

They traced a bottle of Chateauneuf du Picard, 1970.

- It's pure poison. - Poison.

Cha-Chateauneuf du Picard, 1970.

- I'm gonna die. - You're gonna die.

- I'm gonna die? - You're gonna die.

I'm gonna die. Give me the phone. Tell me.

- What-What is the antidote? - 'There is no antidote.'

You got about one hour to live.

I'd get myself a stomach pump real fast.

It's your only chance.

One hour to live.

Oh, the pain.

Get me a stomach pump, quick. Get it.

Please.

Nearest hospital will be Capitol City.

Get me the emergency room over in Capitol City.

Capitol? Capitol City?

What you talking about? That's an hour away.

Yeah, this here's Luke Duke over in Hazzard.

We got a real catastrophe over here.

We need a stomach pump double-quick.

- 'Could you fly it in?' - Fly it?

- Well, maybe a helicopter. - Helicop.. Anything.

It's gonna be pretty expensive, huh?

I guess if I'm dying, then to tell them

I'll pay $30,000.

Where you gonna get that kinda money?

Where am I gonna get that.. I got that kind of money.

I got that kind of money. It's in the bank.

Yeah, he's got the money. Just bring that helicopter.

You can land it right next to the bank. But hurry.

Come on, Dewey. You ain't looking so good.

You're a little pasty-looking. Your eyes are all watery.

- I'm not feeling well. - I don't suppose.

Come on, we gotta get to the bank.

'I'm not feeling well at all.'

- There he goes. - Oh, good, good. Yeah.

Boss, did you leave the bank open like Luke asked you to?

Of course I did.

This is one withdrawal I don't wanna miss.

- Me either. - Come on, Rosco.

Me too. I'll get Uncle Jesse. He won't wanna miss this.

Get the money. Get the money.

I'm never gonna make it. Oh, hurry.

- Here. I've got the key. - Which one?

You can do it for me. I kinda locked it.

- Fourteen. - Right next to Uncle Jesse.

- That's pretty clever. - Oh, never mind compliments.

Just get the money, get the money quickly.

Get the money. Oh! Oh god!

'Where's the helicopter with the stomach pump?'

Oh.

You tricked me.

Boss and Rosco messed up, right on schedule.

Luke is locked in an airtight vault

and Dewey's getting away.

That's about normal for Hazzard, huh?

Wait a minute.

That's two to the right and one to the left.

Just stand away and don't listen?

I don't want you to hear these clicks.

- Good grief. - Well, what happened?

- Where's Luke? - What?

- Where's Luke? - Where's Luke?

He's in the vault there with Dewey.

- Oh, no. - 'Let's move it.'

Naturally, by now, Dewey had stashed the money

in the ambulance and was on his way

with nobody to give a decent chase.

- Luke? - Howdy.

- Honey, are you okay? - I'm alright.

You are? What are you holding your head for?

- I got banged in the head. - Where is he?

'Where is that dagblasted little Dewey?'

Little Dewey's got himself a nice little escape hatch.

Right through 133 there.

'Took all the money with him too.'

'Let's not stand here talking about it.'

Let's go after him. Yeah, come on, come on.

'Oh-oh.'

Hey, I just seen that ambulance, headin' out on Highway Seven.

Cooter ride shotgun with Uncle Jesse in the pickup.

Daisy, ride with me. We've got to cut him off.

Freeze here. Listen, I am the head honcho.

I give the orders. Let's cut them off before they get out

- of the county line. - He said that.

- 'Let's go after him.' - You know, I love it.

'In hot pursuit again.'

This thing work? I sure hope it does.

To South America, baby.

'Boy, how you getting it?'

Sheriff Rosco? This here's Enos. Come back.

This is Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane. What is it, Enos?

Sheriff, am I supposed to chase speeding ambulances

'or just regular cars?'

Ambulances!

He's heading out Old Ridge Road faster than a scalded cat.

Well, Enos, follow him, you dipstick.

Yeah, that's the idea.

Hurry.

- Hear that? - Yeah, I heard that.

We're heading cross country. Stick with us if you can.

Well, I wouldn't miss that for the world.

We're gone.

Hope the shocks hold up.

Look at this.

'Come on, let's go.'

Follow me. Follow me, come on.

I'm coming. I'm right behind you.

Now, when Dewey was a Boy Scout

their motto, "Be prepared," was the only thing that took.

Well, that's too bad, huh?

What's that in the road?

- It looks like Dewey's hat. - Yeah.

Sakes alive. What's going on?

Come on, keep going, keep going.

What did you stop for?

Dewey's hat. Right here on the side of the road.

Maybe he put it there just to throw us off.

I don't think so. Here, look at this.

Tire tracks. He's leading right across country.

- Sure is. Alright. - Let's go get him. Come on.

Hold on to that money.

By the time old Enos caught up

the driver, not willing to take the rap

for old Dewey, had taken off for parts unknown.

Watch out, watch out.

Well, as Mr. Lincoln said

"You can fool some of the people all of the time."

He said more, but that's about all we need

to point out that Boss got snookered.

Luke and Jesse were still hot on the trail.

There he is. Let's go get him.

Oh, no.

Hang on, Cooter.

I don't think Uncle Jesse's gonna make it.

Well, he'll be able to find us. We can't afford to lose Dewey.

- Okay. - Hang on.

Uh-oh!

They made me take the wrong turn, but I'll show them.

One last maneuver and we're home free.

Okay.

Watch it. Look out.

- Oops! - "Home free," huh?

- Dewey, you alright? - I'm fine.

Kind of a fitting end to this whole thing.

'Yeah, you might say he dug his own grave, huh?'

'You might say.'

Boss made Dewey walk out of the countyfor his health.

And Rosco made sure that he left

for everybody else's health.

Shame, shame, you litterbug.

That nurse is kind of cute. Now just keep moving there.

That's it.

I love it.

I'll be back.

Seven years, I'll be back.

So everything had settled down by the time old Bo called in.

- Hey there, stranger. - Hey, how you doing?

Y'all get in any trouble without me?

Trouble?

Well, heck, no.

It's quiet around here. Peaceful.

- 'Bo, We got it set up okay.' - Yeah, I'll be right there.

Listen, y'all, I gotta run. I gotta get back to work

but I'll give you another call as soon as I can.

Everybody here sends you their love.

You take care now. Get home soon. Bye-bye.

And the next day, the Dukes made sure that Boss

spent the money on what it was intended, a medical clinic.

And to soften the blow on old Boss' wallet

they agreed to name it the J.D. Hogg Memorial Clinic.

Old Boss was gonna do something right

in spite of himself with a little help

from the Dukes.