Original subtitles

Another day in paradise.

Omigod, I found him.

There he is.

This guy's been doing this every day since lockdown began.

He's coming.

Ha! Here he is.

Majestic.

See, this is what happens when they put us on house arrest

for a crime we didn't commit.

People start going apeshit.

Exhibit A right here.

Where's your mask?!

And where is your mask?

Hi, I'm Annie Hardy and you're watching Band Car,

the internet's number 1 live improvised music show

broadcast...

...from a moving vehicle.

Here's how it works.

You write in one word in uppercase letters.

I'm making a beat I'm gonna improvise a song

and work in your word and before too long...

...we will have made a collaboration.

I don't know, why not?

Something tells me you're not up to much.

Yes, lockdown, getting it on.

Having to fuck your own Dad.

Come on, that's rough.

But we do what we must.

If you can't be free you must...

...commit the sin of incest.

It's not the worst but it's not the best.

I don't really know - do what you want.

I don't judge, I'm objective as motherfuckin' fuck.

Yeah, nice bike...

...man.

"Ring, ring," I'm calling 'em up.

"What you up to today, you dumb fuck?

"Staying inside, hashtag stayin' safe?

"Man, you can suck my queef."

Is it safe to be so lonely?

Everybody's trying to kill they-selves.

This place is like a living hell.

For something with a 99.6 recovery rate.

Raae--

Meh.

I gotta get outta here.

Oh, shit on my face.

Gosh, darn it!

Fuck, fucking, fuck-ass.

I'mma kill someone. Damn it.

Gotta bring this.

This one?

I see you.

I told her that I was leaving two nights ago

and she proceeded to immediately urinate on my pants.

I wasn't wearing them. They were on the ground.

It's OK, Goostein.

I'm feral too, I understand.

It is one of the hardest things for me to do...

...to leave this little cat.

Otherwise who cares? This place is a shithole.

Angels, if I'm forgetting something,

tell me now or forever hold your peace, please.

Mm.

And we're off...

...to see the world.

Welcome to the ghost town.

I never seen LAX like this before.

Gate 135 boarding, ghosts only to the ghost plane.

This shit is nuts.

Check out "future me" over here.

Don't sound so good either.

I got this hat clip thing at Duty Free.

"And they all wondered why she got...

"...brain cancer."

- Hello. - Hello, how are you?

I'm good.

58K, straight over there, on the right.

Thank you!

And we're off.

♪ We're still rolling after all these years. ♪

♪ It's Annie Hardy, I've cried a million tears ♪

♪ Here I am to cry again ♪

♪ In England, at the house my friend. ♪

Here we are rolling up to El Stretcho's house.

This is it.

Hopefully, nothing's changed too much.

"All lives won't matter until..."

Brother.

Yes!

I knew Stretch would not let me down by changing ever.

Fucking British keys, man.

Pretty gay.

And I mean that in the 1990s way.

I'm gonna drop trou here.

Stretch has a photograph to commemorate

the first time he got crabs.

Oh, what's going on in there?

I recognise that nose

and all that cum swilling out of his mouth anywhere.

There's good old Stretch back in the day...

...my nice, sweet little friend.

Yeah, there is someone behind me.

It's your dad who just pulled his micro penis out of my ass.

It's Stretch.

I'm gonna do what I used to do.

We used to do this to each other on tour.

It's called the Silverlake Handshake.

It's pretty cool.

Fuck off! Fuck off!

Hey, hey! Fuck!

- Gemma, it's OK, it's OK. - Shit on my dick!

We're here on my first morning at Stretch's house.

Let's see what have they to eat for me.

Smells like health food!

What in the mother-F are these?

You know, Stretch used to love a nice cheeseburger.

I don't know...

...what went wrong, huh.

Hello!

Good morning.

Morning.

Would you like a coffee?

I would love one, thank you.

Just...

...rub it together.

Got it.

One of my viewers says that you're hot.

Oh!

Thanks.

This other guy says that he wants you to take your tits out

and he's pretty adamant about it.

How do you respond to this display of toxic masculinity?

Sorry, do you wanna--

I just wanna keep social distancing, thanks.

♪ If you sanitise ♪

♪ Because you believe the lies ♪

♪ That the mainstream media guys tell you. ♪

- Viral Stretch! - Yo.

- Hey! - What are you doing here?

I am just running away from the fucking madness of America, bro.

What is this - you vlogging?

♪ We got Annie Hardy back in the house ♪

What is this fucking beard, this chomo beard.

Annie, check it out.

- Oh, look at me! - Oh, is this you?

That is me from back back in the day.

- Remember this? - 2010.

Tell me. I want to hear stories.

He was crazed back then. We call him Stretch.

And I think he's always thought that it's just because he's really tall.

That is exactly why it is. - But that's not why.

What?

You know, nightly after shows,

he would find a groupie from the crowd, select her,

cast his wizardry spell on her and bring her backstage

where he would take two fingers and stretch her butthole apart...

- Oh! - That is not true.

...and insert a backstage fruit or vegetable.

That is not true.

Yes, it is so. - No, no, it's not.

That's-- I'm called "Stretch" because I'm tall.

Could I have some sugar?

I'm called "Stretch" because I'm tall.

To me, it sounds like you're ashamed

and I think that's a bad, bad thing to hold in your body.

Let's get rid of it!

Let's do a shame-expelling exercise. - I'm not ashamed.

What we gotta do here is stamp our right feet...

- ...and make a sound! - Yeah, come on, Amar.

- Come on, babe. - You guys do it.

Come on, Stretch!

You got Stretch in the car with my main girl Annie Haaarr....

D...icks is all I wanna... it.

"Eat" I meant to say.

Looking round for a butt buffet.

I love food.

I love eating food.

Whether it's hot or it's cold, I'm in the mood.

Gonna get some right up in his boot,

right in the undercarriage,

you know that looks cute.

I got stuff in my ass, that's true it's not grass -

it's fruit.

I got a butt buffet.

He's got a butt buffet, like, every day.

He's got two apples and a motherfucking grape.

Can I get maybe one orange?

All I wanna know...

...what rhymes with orange?

Every single day I got a butt buffet...

...in my ass. - He's got a butt buffet.

Order number 2, veggie all-day breakfast.

- Number 2, yeah. - Number two!

That's me.

Stretch, completely winning at life.

♪ Times are tough but Stretch is a survivor. ♪

♪ Got him a job as a delivery driver. ♪

♪ Suck your dick for a fiver. ♪

He'll do it for free. That's pro bono. - Shut up.

I brought you a gift, Stretch, from my homeland.

It's an orgonite Pyramid. It's got crystals inside of it.

It'll help you so that your erectile dysfunction

won't flare up so much.

Thank you, essential worker.

Lord bless the man's food.

- No, don't touch the food. - Step back.

He said I was gonna be fine.

They furloughed me for a month so, you know, we were just chill.

And then they just kept stringing us along

and they weren't really telling anybody what was going on.

I don't know, I thought--

Track 'n Trace.

What's Track 'n Trace?

You've gotta sign in with an app.

They make you sign in? This is insane!

Can you just, um...if you could just put on the mask, please--

Oh, I'm wearing a mask.

It's a new fibre technology where you can't actually see it.

It's good. - OK, yeah.

But trust that I'm wearing one.

Yeah, no, I do need you to put on a mask though.

Come again. I can't understand you, the muffled sound of your mask.

I'm saying if... I'm saying if you're in here...

- Oh, hypocrite! - ...you need to put a mask on.

Mask on cos this is my job.

I cannot put the mask on because it's my job to tell the truth

that this is a scam. - Can you turn that phone off, please.

Do you know anyone who's died of Covic?

- Answer me and I'll leave! - Get her out of the shop.

- I'm so sorry. - Just get her out of here.

You guys need to fucking wake the fuck up.

- Don't touch anything! - Put your mask on.

His nose is out, so how's that work?

I told you to get out the shop, so get out the fucking shop!

- Get out! Get out! - Annie.

- Get out the fucking-- - Annie, just stop.

It's fucking hectic. Get the fuck out the shop!

- Sorry, mate. Annie, please! - Seriously! Get her out.

Listen, Annie-- - Fuck you!

Get this fucking crazy bitch out of my shop.

I'm sorry. - Annie, just fuck off.

- I'm so sorry, mate. - In both cultures.

Annie, go on, behave. Don't do that.

America, England, America, England.

- Sorry, mate. Annie! - Rounding them up for the camps.

Annie, just wait in the fucking car.

Fuckin' idiot.

Stretch, come on. That guy was a fuckin' asshole.

Stretch...

Maybe your feminazi girlfriend will be happy to see me.

Not coming in this fucking house!

You'll risk our fucking safety!

Get her the fuck out of this house, Amar!

They're deciding my fate in there.

Well, will I be executed for owning a red hat?

Or will I be allowed to live?

Find out on the stunning conclusion

of "This is Fucking Bullshit".

Thank you very much. I'm outta here.

See you fucking libtards later.

Yo!

MAGA, Stretch, you fucking libtard bitch.

Big-ass nose and the legs of a chick.

In, my friend, you are not, it in...

...to tonight - do the bitch right -

plus you won't forgive me for stealing the car, aite.

May have made a mistake, but probably not.

My biggest mistake was thinking that you didn't suck.

No one understands me, no one could.

I got the brain of a genius, you got the brain of wood.

You can't cancel me, I don't exist

You's a fucking group-think bitch

Hive-minded as the day is long

And your girlfriend fucks you with a nine-inch dong.

Yo, that's-- ♪ Hey, Amar ♪

♪ Pick up the phone It's me, Gemma ♪

♪ I know you're alone ♪

♪ Thanks for making this beat for me ♪

♪ So I can call you and tell you what-- ♪

Hello!

Annie, where the fuck are you?

Bring my car back right now, you fucking psycho.

Bitch I don't have your car. I don't know what you're talking about.

Bring my car back right now or I am gonna call--

I am gonna take all of your things

and I'm gonna empty it out in the street.

Don't smoke in my fucking car!

We're gonna call the police on you!

I'll throw all your shit out on the street if you don't come back.

Biatch!

Oh, Stretch, buddy, looks like someone wants you to deliver them some food.

Well, I'm hungry too.

Should we take it or what?

You think?

"Accept" and then it's confirmed.

Don't worry, man. I would never put your job in peril.

This looks to be it.

The Beano Cafe.

There better be-no problems with my order today.

You know, sometimes I think you're the only ones who understand me.

Then I realise you guys don't quite understand me either.

But most of you guys...

...are at least nice to me.

I don't need nobody else.

My Band Car-holics tonight

are the only ones who matter in this world.

Alright.

Hello?

Is anyone here?

Hello!

I'm picking up an order.

Oh, there's no-fucking-body here, man.

What shall I do?

Those look a little past due.

What'd you said?

"Check the cash register."

I'm not a thief.

British food is horrible.

Eughhh.

Stop it, nobody's behind me.

They should be though, know what I'm saying?

What is this here?

Looks like I found the location

of where Stretch's girlfriend's been keeping his nuts

and all her previous boyfriends' as well.

Dare me? Send me 20 bucks to my cash app, Venmo or PayPal

and I will eat a Covic egg.

Got that pay notificache.

I'll put this Covic egg in my face.

Oh, it's not good.

Hello? Excuse me.

Hey, sorry, we're closed.

- Oh, um... - Excuse me.

- You can't be back there! - Oh, no, no, no.

Sorry, you need to leave.

- Delivery! - You need to--

- I'm not a normal person. - Oh, shit, sorry.

That's my fault. I should have cancelled it.

- Yeah, probably. - I'm sorry.

Wait, you're not gonna give me some food?

We've had a really busy night. I'll sort out a refund.

Not very socially distance safe, just sayin', you know.

Apologies.

Whatever.

At least I got a snack.

Hey!

Have you got a car?

If you're trying to steal one of my kidneys,

I wouldn't bother,

because those things don't barely work.

Listen, I just need you to take my friend somewhere nearby,

the usual guy let us down.

It won't take long.

People do that, let you down.

Listen, it needs to stay between us, OK?

I'll pay you extra but don't mention...

not a word to anybody, OK, promise?

I promise, yeah...

- She's sleeping. I'll just wake her up. - ...totally.

Angela, Angela, sweetheart.

Angela, come on, lovely. That's it, good girl.

Come on. Let's get up.

Are you OK?

That's it, good girl.

OK. You're OK.

OK, Angela, this lady's gonna just take you to some friends, OK?

- Nope! - Please, wait, wait!

I'm just desperate. Wait a minute, please.

No, lady.

Look, please, look, I really need you to do this for me.

What is this, some human-trafficking shit?

- She's not safe here, please-- - No shit!

- Half an hour at most. - Somethin's up here.

- Please! - No.

Look, wait, stop, look...

You know, a lot of people don't know this about me

but I'm actually a really good person.

Lean against the car for a second. I just gotta get my key out here.

Alright!

Welcome to the Band Car, Angela - it's your first ride.

Put her little feeters in there.

Oh, great! Good girl.

It's OK, we're safe.

Oh, no, no, no, Angela.

You gotta stay inside for me.

OK, Angela, don't worry. Just sit back.

And there we go.

Let me get a pen, cos I'm taking a trip with--

Fuck! Come on.

Yeah, it's alright. You stay in there.

I'm gonna put the child-locks on.

OK, this is Angela.

Her and I are taking a trip to 214 Timberline Way.

RINGTONE: ♪ Hey, Amar, pick up-- ♪ - Oh, shit.

♪ It's me, Gemma I know you're alone. ♪

I don't fucking need this, Stretch.

Suck it, bro. I'm busy.

What, pray tell, is at 214 Timberline Way?

Is it a blood sex orgy?

Is it an adrenochrome-harvesting Tupperware party?

Will the Queen be there selecting innocent children to eat?

You're being awfully tight-lipped.

But let's go...

We're cruising down the street.

Looking for a bad brow

Bad bro, get him in the backseat

Me and Angela want the skeet

Yes, we do, Yes, we do

I said, yes, we do - I do too

What the fuck could the smell be?

That is trying to arrest me

Pull over, it's the smell police

Yo, somebody help me, please.

What is that?

Oh, fuck! This bitch shat herself.

She's fucking shitting.

I can hear it, I can taste it.

It's like she's shitting directly into my mouth!

Fucking kill myself.

Oh, god.

Oh, fuck, Angela!

Come on. Gimme your hand. It's alright.

Come on, Angela. Keep up.

Dicks in my ass.

Come on.

Alright, alright, very good.

Excuse me, sir. Can we use your rest room?

Er, just sign in on the Track 'n Trace.

Fuck, Angela!

Shit, no, no, no, no.

Fuck!

Omigod, Angela.

See, this is what happens

when you're wearing a mask for too long, I feel like.

I don't know.

- Huh? - Angela?

Angela!

What the fuck?

Angela!

Leave me alone!

Oh, gross!

Oh, fuck! Shit on my balls.

Angela?

Come with me.

Fuck you, you fucking psycho cunt.

This is fucking insane.

Fuck.

Fucking nightmare world.

What the fuck is this?!

Get out! Fuck off!

You fucking...ho.

What the fuck is happening? Did I just kill that bitch?

Omigod, omigod, omigod.

What the fucking fuck!

Thanks, mate.

- Annie! Annie! - Fuck off, Stretch, not now!

- Annie, Annie. - How the fuck did you find me?

- And who the fuck is she? - Who the fuck are you--

What the fuck?!

- Come on, no. - We gotta go--

- I'm going, I'm going, I'm going. - Oh, fuck!

Alright, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going!

Welcome back to Band Car the internet's number 1 live improvised music show...

Talk to me! - ...broadcast from a moving vehicle...

Stop livestreaming. - So much excitement...

Who is this woman? - ...it's coming out my ears...

...my rear... - Why does my car smell of shit?

Actually it was coming out of her rear.

Who is this woman, seriously? What's your name?

- I think they're gonna kill her! - Shut the fuck up.

- That's why we have to rescue her. - Who?

Who is gonna kill her? - I don't know who it is.

What are you talking about?

- If it's antifa, it's an evil cabal.

A fucking cabal? What are you talking about?

I don't know who it is.

- Excuse me, what's your name? - Angela, please tell us--

- Her name's Angela. - Where do you come from?

Why are you being silenced?

Why do you have an Ariana Grande tattoo?

I- 'm taking her back to where we were. - No, you're not.

Jesus! Fuck!

Get out of my fucking car right now. - Don't touch me, bro!

Get the fuck out the car right now. - Alright! Shut up!

Fuck! You are such a fucking nightmare.

Oh, shut your--

- She's fucking damaged. - Oh, fuck, Angela!

- Annie! Annie! - Angela, come back!

See this?

This is what happens when you let Annie Hardy into your life.

What the fuck?

Annie!

Fuck.

Angela.

Angela!

Angela!

Angela!

Wha--?! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Oh, fuck!

Angela.

Fuck you, Annie.

Angela.

Shit, fuck!

Angela.

Fucking shit in my ca--

Oh, fuck.

Shit.

- Stretch, she found us! She's here! - Huh?

- Run! - You fucking bitch.

- Annie, what's happening? - What the fuck?

Annie, wait!

Fucking cunt.

Shit!

They're coming for us!

Annie!

- Annie, what's happening? - I don't know!

What the fuck is happening?

Fucking Antifa bitch!

Oh, yeah.

Come on, come on.

Did we lose her?

- Fuck me! - What the fuck is her problem?

Oh, fuck! Fuck!

Shh. Shut the fuck up. Stretch, your foot.

Oh, shit.

- Oh... oh fuck. - Stop being a little bitch.

Angela.

Turn off the fucking light.

Angela.

Shit.

Angela.

- Angela! - Fuck!

She's fucking coming.

Get under the cover.

- What the fuck is this woman? - Shh.

Angela!

Do you have a boner right now?

Fuck you.

Annie!

Annie, what the fuck was that?

- What about Angela? - She'll be fine.

What? We need to get... At least help her.

You're all "Black Lives Matter", you fucking do it.

Oh, fuck!

Sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Harvesting the energy,

the healing powers of Nature

from this tree...

...and now...

...I can bestow them upon your foot.

Taking out the AIDS.

Got it. I got the AIDS right here in my hands...

- AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS! - Fuck off! Fuck off, Annie.

- Stop that, Annie. - AIDS!

Did you hear that?

♪ Hey, Amar... ♪

♪ ...pick up the phone ♪

♪ It's me, Gemma-- ♪ - It's your stupid bitch girlfriend.

...Road... I'm gonna call the police, OK?

"Yeah, and the doctor called today

"and he said there's nothing can be done

"about your anal prolapse.

"That pink sock is sticking around for life."

"Oh, man, this is terrible news."

"Yeah, I didn't want to have to break it to you while you're out."

- "Oh, god, what am I gonna do?" - I'm with her now, actually.

I think she's got something to say to you.

Fuck!

Hi, Gemma, it's Annie.

Hey, I'm fine.

Just wanted to say I was really sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry that you're...

...hypnotised by the mainstream media that

- you think you're anti-fascist. - What the fuck are you doing?

But you're actually a fascist

because you won't let people like me have our own beliefs.

What the fuck are you saying? - I'm so sorry!

- I'm so sorry! - Fuck's sake.

Porridge!

..."storage"..."lozenge".

"Lozenge" rhymes with "orange" sort of.

- Hey, Annie, I've got one. - "Lozenge".

- "Shut the fuck up." - Orange.

- I'm driving, bitch, because... - You're not driving.

...you are too cripple.

Everybody knows Annie Hardy wants to see my nipple.

You should go see if she's alright.

You're the fucking man.

You're supposed to go.

I'll just drop a pin. We'll call the police--

You are such a fucking pussy.

Alright, fine, I'll go.

Angela.

Angela.

Angela.

Annie!

What's going on?

Her fucking mouth!

- She's trying to say something. - Got a woman in the car bleeding from the mouth.

I need the address of the emergency.

- It's OK, I'll take this off. - We're about 20 miles--

Omigod!

Fucking shit on my dick!

Annie, tell me what's happening!

Fuuuck! There's blood coming out of her mouth!

What? Why is there blood coming from her mouth?

There's fucking staples in it, you fuck-ass.

What? Shut up for a second!

- Give me the fucking camera. - Fuck yourself right now!

Oh, fuck! No!

Omigod!

Angela, it's OK, it's OK!

What the fuck is happening?

Omigod.

It's OK, it's OK, it's OK.

It's OK, it's OK, it's OK!

- Help me! - What the fuck. Ow! Fuck off.

Angela!

Help!

Stretch, help! Help me!

Help! Help!

What the fuck?

Fuck no, fuck, get off!

The fuck was that?

Stretch!

Hey...are you alright?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Stretch.

I took some of your cigarettes.

It's OK...

...it's OK.

Hey, um...

...I thought of a word that rhymes with "orange".

Set me up.

- Come on, set me up. - What?

I thought of a word that rhymes with "orange"

but I need you to set me up, though.

Packed like a...f-fruit bowl...

...all full of orange.

I won't take no vaccine, from a fucking syringe.

Do another one.

Come on.

Hangin' off the wall...

...like a door on the hinge.

Everyone in town knows your mom has the stinkiest minge.

Get me a beer, I wanna be on a binge.

Uh, your rhymes are so bad they make my butthole cringe.

Give me another one.

If you had red hair, then they'd call you a ginge.

Omigod!

Ah, fuck off, get off me!

Come on.

What the fuck?

Yeah, right.

- Help us! Help! - Hey!

- Help us! Help! - Oh, please. Oh, god.

-Help us. - Help us.

Shit!

What the fuck are you doing? Where you going?

I'll find you, you fucking bitch.

I see you, you fucking cunt!

You can't run!

You're gonna fucking die!

Give her back to me!

Hey!

I've got your friend.

If you don't come out, I'll blow his fuckin' head off.

I'll find you, you fucking cunt.

Come out or I'll fucking kill him.

Stretch.

The next one goes in your fucking skull.

Where is she?!

Where's your cunt friend?

Annie!

Stretch.

Where is she? Give her back!

- Shit. - Where is she?

Tell me!

She's a fucking child!

Sick fuck!

Oh, shit on my balls, shit on my balls.

Hey! - Shit on my balls, shit on my balls.

Hey!

Eat my fuckin' ass, bitch!

Oh, fuck!

Stretch!

Start the car.

No!

Eat shit!

Omigod, gross!

Give me the camera. Film me with this stupid bitch.

- I'm gonna call the police. - No! What are you, white?

Come on, this is the best episode of Band Car ever!

Don't hit me!

Hi, I'm Annie Hardy.

We're live on Band Car with this psychopath bitch

who just tried to kill us.

Ma'am, can you tell us why you've tried to murder us today?

Alright!

Watch it, bitch.

Annie, this is fucked up.

Do you like that shit?

Please don't make me do that again.

You seem to be hurt. Tell me where the pain is.

Fuck you.

Where did he touch you? Show me on the doll.

Fuck!

Well, that's what you get for getting too clos--

- Whoa! - I'll fucking kill you.

- Fuck off her. Get off! - I'll kill you.

Relax!

What the fuck do you want?

Angela!

She's 16.

- Please... - What are you talking about?

She's my daughter.

Please give her back.

I'm not a math whiz,

but this seems highly improbable, ma'am.

- She's fucking old. - No. No, she's 16. Please...

Ma'am, you must be rocking some sort of Benjamin Button vagina.

- Can we have a look? - Shut up.

Back pocket.

You keep your vagina in your back pocket?

You told him to do it. Don't #metoo him later.

Let me see this sundried tomato snatch.

What?

What the fuck are you doing?

Fuck, Annie!

It's fucking real. - What you talking about?

It's really Angela! Look, look.

It's the Ariana Grande tattoo, I've seen it...

Why are you talking about Ariana Grande?

...at the diner. She's got the same Ariana Grande tattoo.

Angela!

- Angela! - Oh, fuck!

- Leave her, we've gotta go! - Come with us.

We gotta get outta here.

Oh, fuck. Fuck this bitch. - You're not gonna help her?

Stay away from her.

- Angela! - Don't go near her!

- I've got you, baby. - Fuck!

Get in the car.

Go, Annie!

What the fuck! That bitch's head!

Annie!

Annie! Wait!

Annie! Annie, wait.

Fuck!

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Annie!

Oh, fuck me.

Hello?

Sorry, your call could not be connected.

Please try again later.

Annie!

Annie! Oh, fuck.

Annie!

Annie, wake up.

Annie! Annie!

Annie!

Annie.

What's happening?

- No, no! What the fuck! - It's alright, it's me.

- Annie... - Fuck you.

Annie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

It's not fucking funny, you narc.

Fuck! Annie, come on.

Annie.

Annie!

Annie.

"I'm sorry."

I'm sorry you're such a libtard idiot...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

...and your fucking girlfriend's such a stupid bitch.

Stop it. - Give me that phone.

Give me the phone!

Annie!

Annie!

Follow my voice.

- Stretch! - Annie!

Come on, come with me.

Annie!

Breathe!

It's gonna be fine.

You just need to breathe.

Annie... you're Annie fucking Hardy, right?

What are you always telling me?

You've got bigger balls than me, right?

I know!

- How big are my balls? - Your balls are small.

My balls are fucking tiny, OK?

Come on! I was the one who got hit by a car.

It's not a competition.

Let's get out of here.

OK, you're kinda being a bit of a pussy right now.

Come on, follow me. It's this way.

Fuck me!

Retard.

- Stretch! - Annie!

- Stretch! - Help me, Annie!

♪ You've seen a lot of things ♪

♪ You're not sure what they mean ♪

♪ You spend your whole life finding out ♪

Come on, fuck-ass.

Oh, c'mon, dude.

Fuck!

God, why do you hate me?

Lord, I repent of my sins

of lust, rage, blasphemy--

No! No!

Fucking bitch!

Fuck off, you stupid bitch!

Wear your mask, bitch.

What?

Holy shit, no!

Help!

Help!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit. Sorry!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Hello!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello--

♪ I guess this is my house now ♪

♪ This is where I'll stay ♪

♪ Come on, I'm having a party ♪

♪ At 214 Timberline Way. ♪

Shit on my dick. Fuck!

Oh, fuck shit!

Fuck!

Oh, come on.

Fuck!

Get the fuck off me, you incontinent old bitch!

No!

Fuck you, you stupid bitch!

That's what happens when you fuck with Annie Hardy, you stupid-ass b--

Oh, fuck!

No!

Shit in my mouth. Cum in my asshole.

Shit on my tits.

Fuck me in the--

What?

Fuck! Come on. Keys, keys, keys.

Keys on--

Please help me find his fucking keys, please, angels.

Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off.

Oh, what the fuck?

Yes!

Fuck you, you fucking semen demon!

Are you fuckin' kidding me?

Oh, shit!

Fuck! Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Get fucked! Why?!

You fucking...

...piece...of...shit.

Suck...my...dick.

"Annie, are you OK?"

Killing 'em like OJ.

If the glove does not fit, you must acquit.

And if your name's Annie Hardy, then you must be the shit.

Fuck these credits, bitch.

Band Car styleee.

What, did you know that Rob Savage could really fuck a ho?

He got a dick so big, his Douglas Cox hits.

You in the back of your throat and shit.

Jason Blum, had sex with his mum,

I gotta call him "honey" just to make him cum.

Yo, is that sick?

No, all in the fam.

We like to keep it incestuous, man.

Brenna Rangott, sourcream crotch,

nobody wants to tell you it stanks, slut.

Gemma Hurley, hurling... buckets of her own vaginal stink.

Jed Shepherd, he catches it right in the mouth,

like a lewd little dog, wont you sit down now.

Anyway, Jennifer Trent,

she's got Dale Slater, open and bent right over.

And Alexi's on the ground, on all fours, getting down.

Calum Sample, they call him that cos he's got a sample

of every guy in England's jizz in his asshole -

it's just crazy.

Drew O'Neill, I know how he feels.

They don't call him Drew "O'Kneel" for nothing,

you know what I'm saying.

Heather Basten, wouldn't you know,

you better eat that pussy if you want the role.

How you think I got here, I'm the best.

All the lesbians know - they put me to the test.

Lina, I don't know what the fuck your last name is,

it sounds crazy like some dude's anus

that fell inside out - they call that a "pink sock".

Yep, Annie Hardy, that bitch rocks.

Amar, I'mma tell you what.

There's a willow in your butt,

better pull that out.

Me and Angela, we know the truth

and everyone else, ha-ha, doesn't.

Seylan, say it again,

I can't understand the motherfucking Scottish accent.

That shit is thick like James Swanton's dick.

Here's the ambulance,

they came to fucking pick

up Caroline Ward, take her to the morgue.

That bitch is dead from getting fucked like a whore.

Hey, Jemma Moore, she still wants less

of dude's dicks right up in her ass.

These motherfuckers wearing masks - alone?

Shut the fuck up, everybody go home.

Mojave, dry as a desert can't stop me.

Edward Linard, every time someone farts he gets hard,

I don't know what that's about.

Joshua Higgott,

knows well that George Keeler is a booty feeler.

And Faith Kiggundu, she really needs her

pipes cleaned, if you know what I mean?

Freddie Senner is a sinner indeed.

Yep, Nate Marten, doin' a kick,

falling off a building, right on a dick.

Anna Thornley, my beautiful stunt double,

tits so big almost got us in trouble.

Bethan Clark is not a narc,

she fell down, and she fell real hard.

And Rajesh making a mess in some guy's butt,

Farrell Cox, yeah, he's got two of em.

Double-dick dude, Tamaira Hesson,

'bout to teach that asshole a motherfuckin' lesson.

And Ben Ring, another member of

the pedophile ring of child love.

Deimante "Brriiyyattka" - nobody speaks that language, brah.

Come on, don't tell me there's...

OK - ahh! - there's compost.

- There's compost! - I'm excited!

Yes, Jason Blum, do you want some cum-post?

I'm so excited, yeah.

I haven't seen this compost in so long.

Might have to suck it off some guy's dong.

Dave Nolan, shout out - my guy, my dude -

everybody know he's bi.

Just kidding, nobody knows, just me.

Except now I just told everyone

so I guess everybody knows - sorry!

If I put my Claire Adcock right in your Bingham,

then pulled it out, put it in your pussy,

you know, that I be, um,

smelling like a Harriet Salmon the next day.

Me and Millie Wells know bacterial vaginitis isn't a joke, hey?

Oh, no, Juan David Martinez,

I want to touch the dude's penis.

Robert Platt-Higgins, all I wanna know

are you guys digging these credits so far?

Robert Kirkwood, you're gonna be a star.

Billy Ball-ham

look out for the ball ham.

That's the ham that you eat of some guy's balls.

It's kind of gross but it's a delicacy, y'all.

Steven Bray, what do you say,

these motherfuckers don't know about me.

Maybe Abi Ford, cos we're both whores,

Ricky Casey, wearing shorts.

And Ellie Goff going off Emily Close,

don't stand too close to me, you damn hoes.

Dave Nolan doing karate kicks,

kicking Kiel O'Shea right in the dick.

And Stuart Angell, he's doing anal,

with Criss Angel, at the hotel-yo.

In Las Vegas, with Ben Mahoney.

I tell all these motherfuckers, "Fucking blow me!"

Jamie Nunn, make you cum in ten-to-none...

...seconds.

So easy, Ollie Craig's feeling peckish.

Max Gabbay, get him please, some motherfucking ass shit to eat.

Maria Hardy, are we... we... related?

Sam Baker, is that that dude I fellated?

I'm not sure anymore, Dana Degan.

I'm just trying to get some dude to eat it.

Shayne Saville,

your uncle used to dibble-dabble

in molesting all the children.

Yes, like Rob Goldstone, Dan Hodgson,

can we just bone or what?

I know you motherfucking nasty slut,

I'll call you up, Frances, we'll be there,

6pm, no pubic hair.

Dan Martin, he'll be there too,

and he'll be cum-cum farting, bitch, just for you.

Ahh! There's a cat, Peter Rudd.

Look out, Peter Rudd and Dan Hawkins.

If I run over a cat, I will scream again.

And then I'll cry, cry.

I don't want a cat to die.

Graeme Clint, with no clit,

Alex Poulter on some poltergeist shit.

Emma Crome giving dome to Louis Doran when ain't nobody at home.

And Samuel Dore, life is a bore,

if you don't fuck a dead hooker right on the floor.

Every night of the week, until she come queefs,

Tom Carr-Griffin...

...he's a freak, yo.

OK, I don't wanna do this no more.

Bye.

♪ You don't know what you just got in ♪

♪ Friends and family, never see 'em again ♪

♪ Another hopeless ghoul to save ♪

♪ You know he loves you as his slave ♪

♪ So let it ride ♪

♪ Let it ride, ride ♪

♪ Let it ride, the devil inside ♪

♪ Roll it over now in the garage ♪

♪ Knowing no one is a true lost cause ♪

♪ Becoming everyone you've dated ♪

♪ You're everything you hated ♪

♪ So let it ride, let it ride, ride ♪

♪ Let it ride, you got devil inside ♪

♪ Let it ride, let it ride, ride ♪

♪ Let it ride, you got the devil inside ♪

♪ Lord, when it goes down ♪

♪ No time to change your mind now ♪

♪ Slowly he sleeps now ♪

♪ You've got to go, you've got to run ♪

♪ You've gotta get let it ride ♪

♪ Let it ride, ride ♪

♪ Let it riiiide ♪

♪ You got the devil inside ♪

♪ Let it ride, let it ride, ride ♪

♪ Let it riiiide ♪

♪ You got the devil inside ♪

♪ Let it ride ♪

♪ You got the devil inside. ♪