All language subtitles for Recep.Ivedik.3.DVDRip.XviD.AC3-LTRG-English

I'll go nuts in this room.

20-30 rhino-like women.

All trampling around.
I'm telling you, I'm depressed.

Plus, it stinks in here.
It stinks burnt panties.

It stinks here
like burnt panties.

We did dance
and have fun.

Well, you did have fun...

...but where does this energie
come from?

When you folks come together
there's an energy explosion.

When your husbands come at night
and want some, you'll say...

"Oh no, I have a headache."
"Oh no, I have a buttache."

"Oh no, my rheuma."

- Would you like a dolma?
- Not from your filthy hands.

Who knows what you've touched.

We had a gathering today
and you just walked in.

Tell us your problem
so we might find a solution.

Nezahat Abla,
this sorrow will be my end.

I've had enough.

After my granny passed away
I wasn't able to do anything at all.

I swear, I'm depressed.

I'm deeply upset.
Really.

I swear.
You know me.

I take a bath every 3-4 month,
wash my hair every 4 months.

I didn't take a bath
since 5 months now.

I'm starting to stink.

Slowly, from toes to head.

I can't take a dump
since 15 days now.

I could, but I don't.
I'm that much depressed.

I feel so much stress.

And I have the same
nightmare each night.

I go to bed.

I say 'Dear God.

I beg you, please don't
give me the same nightmare.

But I have it again.

A white, bleak surrounding.

No time and spatial
integrity.

You're unable to grasp
where you are.

That bleak.

I wonder
'Where am I?'.

Recep.

- Where are you?
- Come, Recep. Come.

Where are you?
I'll knock your head in.

Show yourself.
Talk to me like a man.

Recep, come.
Follow my voice.

Come, come son.

Oh God.

- Grandpa.
- You're the chosen one, Recep.

Why, Grandpa?
Why did you pick me?

You're a real animal.

Is that nice now?

In such heavenly surroundings?

You're all in white,
you hold a staff.

- Come, Recep. Come closer.
- I'm there.

- Come closer.
- I do.

What the heck?

You're going to pay
for your rudeness.

Grandpa, don't!

Grandpa, don't. Please.

That makes me cry.

I wake up screaming
and piss in my pants a little.

I swear, all my
exits are closed.

You know the answer.
That's why I came to you.

You're the leader
of the neighborhood.

Give me an advice.

Something is inside you.

It has 5 letters.

What is it, McGyver?
- It has 5 letters.

Something is inside me?

Something is inside you.

What is it? Shit or what?

Watch your tongue.

I can't guess it.
Tell me.

We can't.
Guess a little harder.

Can I buy a letter?
- Sure.

It starts with D.

I think of something but...

Don't be vulgar.
I'm trying to help you.

What's this talk?

I can't guess anything.

There's a djinn inside you.

Oh dear!

- A djinn?
- You have a djinn inside you.

What should I do?

Take a bath first.

I'm going to send you
to hodja.

May you get well soon.

- Thanks.
- You too.

- May you get well soon.
- Thank you.

- Do I have to take a number?
- Yes.

May you get well soon.

Thanks.
What's your problem?

A sort of stress,
depression...

...distress...

...in short,
I have djinn in me.

May you get well soon.
- Thank you.

- What's your problem?
- My son is sick.

He attacks everyone.
Me as well.

He bit my hand
and here too.

My ear, too.

My hand also.

This one?

Yes. He's violent.

Why do you attack...

Good Lord!

Son, don't get me mad.
I'll knock you out.

God!

I'm as mad as you are!

I'll pluck your eye out.

I'm talking here.
Listen up.

God!

Stop it, son.

I'll knock you out.

You should tie him up.
It's no good like this.

Even pitbulls are illegal.
Don't take him out.

Respect.

Shall I sit here?

Hodja.

Hodja.

Tell me what bothers you.

I'm stressed, distressed.

There's a djinn in you.

God forbid.

Get it out.
Save me from this nuisance.

I'll make an elixir for you.

I've collected these organic
herbs myself.

This will heal you.

I will drive out everything
inside you.

Drink this.
You'll feel better.

There's too much inside.

Everything from cow tongue
to goat droppings.

This won't do no good.

That gives an organic taste.

That will drive the djinn out.

Thank you.

Thanks.

My tongue feels numb.

That's pretty normal.

You'll feel a little sick as well.

But it will drive away
the djinn.

Really?

Hodja...

Relax.

Leave yourself in my hands.

Lay down.

Come on.

Relax.

What are you doing here?

Do you see what he's doing
to innocent citizens?

What's going on in here?
Are you harassing these people?

Take this guy away.

As you can see...
Sir, did he harass you?

Take him.
Help this guy.

Don't.

- Damn it.
- You got away well.

Why on earth
did I believe Nezahat?

I thought she's
the leader in the neighborhood.

If she can manage to gather
all rhinolike women around...

...she should be able to
find a sollution for me.

I thought she's experienced.

That she had it in her.

Why the hell did I go
to a hodja?

Now, everybody knows me
as an idiot.

My image as a man...

...my great life
with a big EQ...

...and IQ,
my aggressive character...

...my feline body...

...it's all down the drain.

Don't think anybody watched it.

If you and I did watch
than everybody did.

- Uncle Salih.
- Hello, Mertcan. Welcome.

- Chocolate, please.
- Sure.

- How much?
- It's on me.

You're the idiot
from the news, right?

Mertcan, you make me angry!

Beat it!

Lunatic.

I think I have a solution for you.

I'm feeling distress
all over.

We go hunting each week.
Come along.

Nature, fresh air.
It will do you good.

- It should relax you.
- Really?

Stop. I want out.

Oh man.

You go on.
Good luck.

Have a nice hunt.
I'll be around.

- Don't walk away.
- OK.

Pick me up from this meadow.

Idiots.

Hunt, huh?

O God!

Damn!

- Hasan, Did you see that?
- What was it?

- Looks like a boar.
- No, that's a big one.

Could be a bear.
Look how it's bouncing.

- Shoot.
- Wait.

God!

Oh God!

Emel, you've ruined me.

You've taken away from me that
which I've protected all these years.

May you get well soon.

The shots would normally disperse
and not hit all a single lobe...

...but the area is big.

Very funny. Dumbwit.

You've studied for years
but no sense of humor.

If the shots had hit
a little further right...

...it would've been
the end of inocence.

I think I'm hit there,
it's burning.

But no.

I feel it,
why do you say no?

It's burning inside.
Ouch! Emel.

I hope this won't cause
further problems.

Problems I have enough.

- More than I could handle.
- How come?

I need to see an internist.
You wouldn't understand.

I am an Internist.

I feel so distressed inside.

That has nothing to do
with internal medicine.

- What's internal medicine?
- Study of inner diseases.

I feel sick inside.
I feel distressed.

You're problem is psychologic.

Why psychologic,
you stethescope!

A few of my friends
are psychologists.

I'll give you their number.

Tell them your problem
and walk away happy.

- Does it work?
- Sure.

- Swear.
- I swear.

- Swear.
- I swear.

It's going to work.
You'll be very happy.

Get lost.

You make bad jokes.
What kind of a doctor are you?

You're all insane.

6 years education
drives you mad.

- Don't touch.
- Sir, please.

I'll kick you on the head.

Could you hold that for me
schizophrenic pal? Thank you.

Give them.
Don't burden yourself.

- Welcome.
- Thank you.

I'd like to give you baklava
before the session.

This is from Gungoren.
It has 120 layers of thin dough.

Anyway, let's eat sweet
and talk sweet.

I'm in a very big depression.

My buddies said so.
It buggers me in the night.

I'm feeling distressed
since 3 months now.

First I peed into the bed.

You should tell all this
to the doctor.

- I'm not the doctor.
- And you are?

- His assistant.
- "His assistant."

"His assistant."

Why did you make me tell
all these private things?

You started and I didn't
want to interrup.

Just look at her.

Just look at her.

She heard all my
private matters.

So you didn't want to
interrupt, huh?

Don't worry,
we'll keep it a secret.

Secret, huh!

What happened to confidentiality?

What happened to Hippocrates
and his vow?

Where's the goverment?
What happened to humanity?

Calm down.

So much stress
before the session.

I feel sicker.

Thanks to you.

What are you looking at?

What are you looking at?

You with the funny hair.
why are you staring?

You look like Tina Turner,
you instable idiot.

- Is the doctor available?
- Yes. You can go in.

I'll give the baklava
to the doctor, not you.

You fake Kalimero.

May you die with that
eggshell glued on your head.

Lifelong virgin.

I'll strangle you.

Come in.

Welcome.

I don't shake hands,
swine flu, you know.

You should be more careful as well.

I brought you baklava,
from Gungoren.

120 layers but still
transparent.

Thank you.

My problem is this.

I'm having a depression.

I would like to set the
diagnosis myself.

We have to run a few tests
for this.

We can start rightaway.

Of course.

- Please stand opposing me.
- Vertically?

- Yes.
- Right.

What do you see here?

Doc, please keep
that away from me. Get rid of it.

Doc! I see evil things there.

I see blood, I see horror.

I see a crowbar
through somebody's skull.

The crowbar is in the guys head.

- Here?
- Yes, Doc. There.

I saw an orangutan
raping a hippo there.

- Do you want to make me puke?
- That's enough.

What's wrong with me?

Yes. You're falling asleep now.

Concentrate, please.

You thought I was asleep, right?

- That's nonsense.
- Go ahead.

Good. You'll fall asleep and wake up
when I snap with my fingers.

You won't remember anything
we've talked about.

Mr. Recep, Mr. Recep.

I want you to the same
pattern I have in front of me.

Sure.

Done.

I think they're very similar.

Interesting.

I see no distinction.

I'll be frank with you.

Your disease...

Unfortunately we're out of time.
We'll meet in our next session.

Just finish your sentence.

You said 'Your disease...'
and after that beeper thing...

...you stopped.

That's the procedure.
When it's over, it's over.

So I have to come back
to find out, right?

- Yes.
- How many sessions will we have?

Normally we come to a result
with my patients within 5-6 sessions.

Well with you,
I guess 20 would do it.

Whoa!

It's just a little depression.

20 sessions you say.

How much is each session?

150 Dollar.

- How much?!
-150 Dollar.

- Not even Lira.
- No.

If we multiply that,
it totals up to 3000 dollars.

Don't know. Approximately.

Look at his airs.

"Don't know. Approximately."

He trips out! Listen here.

If I pay you 3000 dollar so that
you fix my psychology...

...I'll go insane again.

This is standard.

Don't get me started with standard.

Shame on you!

Has green braces,
thousands of accessories...

...and plays the wiseacre.

Shame on you!
Give me my file.

I'll go to another doctor
and pay less.

Unbelievable! I'll figure out
myself what's wrong with me.

No more baklava for you.

You'll never see baklava again.

Never!

Imposter! Fake!

Do you have depression?
Yes.

I need one now.

Yes. You lose.

Take it under your arm, move.

Have I gone mad?

Neighbors! Help!

I'm going to die here
on my own.

Where's the remote control?

Here it is.

God, take my life
and spare me!

Do you get my signal?

Neighbor!

What kind of a life is this?

Are you going to make me bellow?

You!
Stop making sex.

Stop the sex and
show me some passion.

I think I've epilepsy.

Damn! Damn!

In 2009, Gungoren, in the middle
of Europa, there's no broadcast.

In the middle of Europa,
there's no broadcast.

Hello, Osman.
- Welcome, brother Recep.

- How are you?
- Thanks. And you?

Thanks. I'm not that well.
I'm down.

- Hope you'll get well.
- I had problems with the antenna.

Give me a VCD.

- Local or foreign?
- Local.

Ape 3, from our guy Nuri.
An awarded film.

- Nuri Bilge Ceylan?
- Nuri Bilge Ceylan.

I like him.

Just like Star Wars,
goes back from 3.

Really? Than it is a
high budget movie.

Very high.

I watched his previous
movie "Distant."

A guy started to walk.

I went out, paid some bills.

When I came back
he was still walking.

- Such a beautiful movie.
- "Distant."

- One More.
- "Lonesome Man", from Cagan Irmak.

That's a good one, acclaimed.

What's it about?

A love movie, between a woman
and a man.

What else could it be?

It can't be between men
and a donkey. That's not love.

You're in this movie business
for years now...

...you should at least
memorize the synopsis.

- You're right.
- I'll bring them back after watching.

- Take care.
- Fine.

Brother Recep. The money?

I'll bring them back in the evening.

We can't sell them
when they're scratched.

I'm just going to watch it once
and take them back.

We can't sell them.
Plus, you owe me from last month.

I'm just going to watch them,
not trample on them.

Jeez! "We can't sell, we can't sell."

I'm your only customer.

As if this is the busiest
street of Istanbul.

You're stealing from the people.
Idiot!

The movie business suffers
from guys like you.

Thief! Thief!

Here. No more pirate copies.

You call yourself a friend?

I said I'm down.

Is this what you make of
friendship?

Is it?

Playboy Ekrem lives uptairs.
You're the 8. woman today.

I'll drag one of you inside and
have the explosion of my life.

Don't you get it?

I do but you're Uncle Ivedik, right?

Yes. So what?

I'm Zeynep.
Mustafa Toylak's daughter.

He was going to call you.

Nobody called.

Get lost.

Let's call my dad
and you'll talk.

God Almighty!

Hello? Dad.

Uncle Recep won't let me in.

Haven't you talked yet?

Such a crappy phone.

Yes, brother?

Yes, I'm from the same village.

Yes, I know.
Aunt Hatice.

She had a daughter.

She has two husbands.
They stole the car of one of them.

There was Uncle Vehbi.
He shat into the coffeehouse.

He shat in his pants.
Was 90 years old.

Then he went off
dropping shit everywhere.

Yes, he had a house there.

Next to Zerrin's?

They had a child,
chained in the stables.

His mother?
Are you his uncle?

You have no ties with them?
Why do you keep telling about them?

Yes, I got it.
You didn't have to tell.

It's the duty of all the nation
to be knowing you.

Alright, Mustafa. I got it.

How are you, fine?
Thanks.

Aren't you dead?

We were at your funeral.

Strange, your picture
was next to the coffin.

I must've mixed you up.

Either a similar name
or pirate funeral.

I see. OK.

She can stay at my place.

Your daughter is my daughter.

Sure. Yes, dear.

Take care. Thanks.

Hang up. Enough.

Moron.

Take it. I never liked your
father, nor do I like you.

He stole all my perfumed erasers
at primary school.

Beat it.
Try your luck elsewhere.

Move!

What kind of a man are you?

Are you going to leave a girl
in the street, at this late hour?

You found my bug.

My brain is in error state now.

You touched my soft spot.

Get in.

Leave your suitcase there.

The hood as well.

Don't you have a place
to stay here?

I was at a dorm but left.

The director was a foul person.

And I always speak out.

So she threw me out.

I'm very frank as well.

I say what I think.

Then I butt them on the nose.

But I do speak first.

It's communication between humans,
not animals.

So, what are you doing here?

I'm studying,
I'm takinge double major.

- Dumb what?
- Double major.

I study sociology and
psychology at the same time.

- Psychology is fine.
- Why?

I went recently to one. He said
I'm supposed to go to 20 sessions.

And each 150 dollars.

Choose psychology.

I don't know about the other,
never been to one.

What's yourjob?

Me?

I...

Well, I'm a freelancer.

Really?

I'm free.
Nice and easy.

This is my home-office.

Home-office style.

It's decorated that way.
Nice and easy.

Sofisticated.

The recent effective depression
of the markets...

...has affected all of us.

The markets are bleeding.

As an individual
in this global world...

That's 'Lonesome Man', right?

We're overly sentimental, huh?

I'm not being sentimental.

Got nothing to do with it.

But I liked the movie.

And your eyes look as if
you've cried.

Me? I don't cry.
Men don't cry.

I've got nothing to do
with crying.

I was 2 years old
when I cried the last time.

That's because my mom
stopped breastfeeding me.

Can I be frank with you?

The last scene filled my eyes.

The one in the shopping arcade.

The director uses a single shot.

The boy runs from the right,
the girl runs from the left.

And in the middle
there's this breat song.

You get full of expectations.

And they meet in the middle
like two goats on a narrow bridge.

Her face is covered in blood
because the boy butts her.

Smeared in blood. At that moment
your tears start to fall.

I was wet all over.

Tears came from my eyes
and I was soaked down...

That was a beautiful scene.

Hey! Put your feet down.

Don't.

Military rules apply
in this house. That's it.

Unless you become
18 and move out...

...and have no more ties with me
then you can do as you wish.

But my house, my rules.

- Do you dig me, young lady?
- I'm not interested in your house.

I'll move out at first chance.

Got it.
Cut it short.

Where am I going to sleep?

Here, you can nicely sleep here.

This is disgusting,
I won't sleep here.

A marvelous bed.

2 by 2 meters.

Your pants, socks.
This bed is like a bacteria nest.

Won't sleep here.
Change the sheets.

I changed them recently.

You know, they make a thorough
spring cleaning.

I changed the sheets then,
in winter.

That's a whole year.
Don't want it.

I'm sleeping totally naked here.

I'm not going to bed dressed,
so no germs.

I'm going to bed with
the cleanliness of my body.

I won't sleep then.
I'll just stand here.

Everything you do
is sentimental opression.

You make everything happen with
sentimental, psychologic pressure.

There you are.

Let's wrap this
around your feet.

I'm getting squashed.

Don't tell me later
that you've become sick.

- Allright?
- Fine?

You're a guest here.
Take the key.

You can come in and leave
as you wish.

Take care. Good night.

You too, good night.

What's going on?

God! Oh God!

- What's going on?
- Give me some water.

Oh God. Oh dear God.

You've slept somewhere else
and had a nightmare I guess.

Completely irrelevant.

I'm having these dreams
since 3 months.

What do you see?

There's this grandpa,
beard and such...

He says "Come towards me."

"Come."

I say 'Why should I come?'

He says "I've come to take you."

'Why dad, why me?'

'Because you're an animal.

Because you're complexive.

Because you're agressive."
he says.

- Don't be sad.
- You study psychologie, right?

- Yes.
- You should dig me.

Let me explain.

I'm only in the first class.

First class, second class,
won't matter.

You'll be better in time.

I don't know much.

Please stay with me.
Let's chat.

No way, I got to go to class.

What if you don't?

No can do, I'm in a rush.

- Please stay.
- I have important classes.

I have to take a shower
and dress.

You're not dirty at all.

My hair is covered in fat.

You don't stink.

I do but you don't smell it.

- So you're going?
- Wait for me at home.

- We'll chat when I'm back.
- Let me come along.

- To the uni?
- Please.

No way.

'Please sis, may the one
you love have a heart of gold.

May all your wishes come true, sis."

That's emotional pressure.

- Please. -Don't.
Or else I'll worry about you.

- Let me come.
- No.

- I'm coming.
- No.

Yes, who's going to
solve this problem?

Zeynep, do it.

Professor...

...just a sec.

Eight.

Just a minute.

18 divided by 2x times
square root 17, so 35.

18 divided by
15 square root, 35.

This is unheard of.
Why do you cheat?

- I didn't.
- We al saw and heard it.

You're getting worse and worse.
No concentration at all.

You show no interest. All you do
is chatting with your friends.

If you keep on like this,
you won't pass this course.

I want an answer
the next time I ask you a question?

- Hold on there.
- What are you doing?

I have to object.
This system can't go on like this.

All around the world
it's the people who ask questions.

And the professor answers.

When I go to a hospital...

...and say to the doctor
"I have a pain in my liver."...

...the doc would say
"You could have cirrhosis."

- He's right.
- Sure I am.

If you're the professor
they'll ask you...

...and you'll answer.

When you tell a doctor
"I have a problem with my liver."...

...does he say
"What could it be?"

Does a doctor say such a thing?

You just stand there
in front of the board...

...hair made like an airstrip.

And then you ask
and get the answers.

You write the questions
and young minds answer.

Nice going.

Do they have to fulfill
your personal fantasies?

You're a professor
but inhuman.

Ask the camel
why his neck is crooked...

...he'd say
"I'm crooked all over."

What do you mean?

I don't know but
the education system is so wrong.

Say no to this
system based on memorizing.

These youngsters prepare
for the university entry exam.

Then they pay tuition.

Books, clothing and such.

If you have a girl friend
a little love-making.

Then you come to the class
and the professor asks you.

You have it nice here.

But you still complain
"Our income is very low."

"Our income is very low."

Such guys don't deserve a salary.

- Am I wrong?
- You're right.

You do all the work.

What's your name?

- He's my...
- Hold on, Zeynep.

- My name is Recep Ivedik.
- And your number is?

Number 10. I'm always
number 10 in mini soccer.

Your name is on the list.
Who are you?

I'm here as exchange student.

From Kyrgyzstan.
I've just arrived in this country.

Get out.

Move it.

Don't let this guy
oppress you.

Don't give him this much credit.

Please calm down!

Out!

Why is my dad's photo
in your computer?

How come?

This is my dad.

No. That's a Cro-Magnon o.
Something like primal human.

My father was dumb as chrome.

Nonsense.

I swear it's my dad.

Could be my uncle as well.

Anyway. I'm going to take
some books.

Stay here. Don't move.

- Take care of these.
- I'll take care of your computer.

Don't worry.

Psst.
Do you have smoke?

Psst.
What's the matter?

Hush.
This is a library.

Hello.

Don't hit like that.

Sorry, that's my stile.

- How can I help?
- I'm looking for a book.

What kind of a book?

Something to read.
With cover and text.

Which kind?
Do you have a favorite genre?

Not so contemporary
but classics.

Smurfs, Tintin.

Hansel and Gretel.

- I'm returning this.
- Thank you.

- Hey, Optic? Who's the author?
- Hugo.

- Nice one?
- Nice.

Alright. Get lost.

For example Hugo.

Victor Hugo. This is a classic
and very valuable.

And it's more suiting
for your age.

Thank you.
We all love Hugo.

We like him a lot.

Short, with long ears.

The host Tolga is a nice person.

"The Miserables,
he's really miserable.

Hugo on the rails, you dial 2 he goes left,
when you press five, to the right.

Tolga has always helped the kids.

But it was a miserable job.

Are you a member?

Sure we are.

We have family membership.

- No sauna and fitness though.
- There's no family membership.

There was a campaign
at the rectorship.

I see.
May I see your card?

Madam, my card...

It arrived via post so I put it
in the glove compartment.

Next to the license
and insurance papers.

Please bring your card
so I can finish the process.

I will make you a process.

A very good process.

We came by bus.

We came here,
110 aspiring students.

We're from the "Dad, send me
to school." campaign.

I am a snowdrop.

When I was 5 years old
I cried "Goethe! Goethe!

We didn't have money
so I red smurfs.

I red Tintin, it's all
because we didn't have money.

No books without cards,
that's the rule.

Listen, lady..

You satisfy my 35 year old
hunger for education...

...and I'll satisfy your
55 year old sexual hunger.

I'll extinguish your fire.

I left you alone for two minutes...

...and you broke my laptop
into two pieces.

I had everything in there.
My projects, notes.

I haven't even paid
the last installment.

There was a fly
and I thought of using this.

You could've used your hand.

I'm sorry.
You're overreacting.

May I be damned!
I'll buy you a new one.

Well, I don't know.

What are those books?

How did you get them out?

I told the lady
I'm a snowdrop.

She told me to take these.
She cherishes education.

I've had it.
I don't want to see you.

I don't want to stay with you.
I wish you hadn't let me in.

I would've been much better of
in the streets.

I'll come by this evening
and take my stuff.

I'll put the key on the table.
I don't want to see you ever again.

Zeynep. Zeynep.

What?
What have I done?

Don'tjust walk out on me.

Come and get it, come, come.

70 Lira for you.

- Whoa!
- Ok, give me 5.

Buy and sell and
give live to the economy.

I've read it 12 times
in one night.

Touch it, it's important
to touch a book.

Just give me 10 YTL.

Get lost. Give me 20.
I'll take the change.

No bag for you!

This is a thick book. You start
from the end, you from the beginning.

You'll meet in the middle and kiss.

I'll take 20 from you
and 95 from you.

Your rich after all.

All bestsellers here.

Go and change your tracksuit.

Take of your sweatshirt.
Don't step on the books.

No, only one for the sweatshirt.

I'll give you 2
for the jeans...

Fine, give me 5.
These students are really poor.

All bestsellers here.

Look here, dude.

- Welcome.
- Thank you.

Murat Yazicioglu
from Custom Care.

Yes, how can I be of help?

I'm going to buy a computer.

Which type?

Well... what's this.

This is a laptop.

Can't she put it on the desk
when I buy this.

Can be used anywhere.

Why do you call it laptop then?

The English word is so.

Does it mean it's intended
to be used on your knee?

I'm not sure about that.

What is your price range?

Between 1200 YTL and 5000 YTL.

No way.
Make a discount.

What's your price range?

300. Here's 300 Wrap it up.

There are no laptops
for 300 YTL.

Fine, 350, give it.

Alright. 375.
I'll have to walk home.

You're going to make me walk, huh?

You're such a repulsive guy.

I'll give you 375.
There's 350 here.

350 here, take it, boy.

I had nice sales today
and sold everything.

Here.
Open your hand.

And here are 24.
How much is there?

374.

And my luck coin.

A man should always have
money somewhere.

Now go.

Get me a notebook that one of the
managers has reserved for himself.

Find it, I'm waiting.

I don't think so
but I'll have a look.

You help me
and I'll help you.

I'll give you some money.

I'll give you money
at the counter.

Move it.
I'll be waiting here..

Where's this girl?

Did they stab her 39 times,
rape her...

...put her in a wedding dress
and dump her in the bushes?

Some strange thoughts I have.

I have to get rid of these
bad thoughts.

Where have you been?

- None of your business?
- Whoa.

Would you please sit.

- I bought you a laptop.
- Is this a laptop?

Yeah, laptop.

Do you like it?

Seems a little old,
like from the 80's.

It was in the storage. Hold on.
We wouldn't want to break it.

First press on these,
then open it.

I got them to bring it
from the storage.

Pentium Core 2 Duet.

128 Kbytes.

Look at the grey,
the blue, the black.

It's nice. I liked it,
thank you.

I'm glad you did.
When you said you were leaving...

...I felt bad. I wanted
to make it up.

Zeynep, don't go.

That was a bluff.
I got nowhere to go.

You are a sly one.
I'm a bluffer too.

I laugh but...I'd be
very upset if you'd leave.

I'm deeply distressed
for the last 3-4 months Zeynep.

I suffer a big depression.

Psychologically I'm down.

Uncle Recep, friends
talk bitter.

I want to tell you
what I see as an outsider.

You sit at home
the whole day...

...you've grown a big belly.

Does a belly cause
depression?

No exercise. No sports.

No social activities.
This is no way to live.

You know psychology.
Please help me out.

- Under one condition.
- Which is?

You'll do everything I say.

- Fine.
- No complaints.

- Deal?
- Fine...

We did good by coming here.

No running and such,
this suits me.

Now I'll beat them up like
carpets and feel much better.

People, Karate is an
art of defense.

We're going to use the things
we learn here as a last resort.

Do you understand?

- Hi!
- One!

Let's say you're walking...

...and somebody gives you
the finger...

...or swears at you,
what would you do?

Knock his teeth out.

Not even close!

You won't start the fight
no matter what they say.

Sensei, even if he
swears at our mother?

Sure.

If I were to curse at you
like a sailor now...

...would you just walk away?

Sure, I've trained myself
for this for years.

- Let's try.
- Fine.

I'm going to take...

As you see,
no reaction.

Master, in my 37 years...

...I've never seen
such a lax person.

Unreal.

As you can see,
I'm not angry.

Back to our course.

I'm going to teach you
new techniques.

I need a volunteer.

You, barrel, come.

- He's calling you.
- No, you.

- He called you a barrel.
- I'm telling you, fatso.

- Me?
- Yes, you. Come.

Respect.

I'm going to knock your
head in. Wait outside.

The sensei calls me
because of you.

I can keep on cursing,
right dumb wit?

Let's say you encounter
such a bear on the street.

I resent such remarks
like bear.

I wasn't angry a few moments ago.
We learn here to control anger.

Now I'm showing you
techniques.

As you can see,
I'm fast like lightning.

- Did it hurt?
- I don't hurt.

Second part of our course.

- Hit me.
- I won't.

- I'm telling you to.
- I can't hit an old person.

I'm telling you to hit me.

You're old, look for
trouble elsewhere.

I may be old
but have a black belt.

- The belt won't do you any good.
- Hit me.

- Where?
- Here.

- Under the eye?
- Possibly. You'll miss anyway.

Do you want ringing in the ears?

Look, how I'm going to parry.

Ouch!

Master?

Your master did faint.
Wash his face.

I don't want to do
any kind of sports.

I was upset and distressed already,
now I'll have to worry about the master.

We didn't take that course
so you could knock him out cold.

- I already told the...
- What's up, Zeynep?

- Fine, and you?
- Hi, uncle.

Keep talking with Zeynep, don't
mess with me. I'll break your teeth.

- Don't call me uncle.
- I made a super program.

We're going to play Paintball,
we're short two players.

It would be great
if you come as well, uncle.

I'll break your arm.

Don't make me bash
in your nose.

He makes to me East Side-West Side
gangsta moves.

What was that?
We could've gone to play paintball.

We're the McHammer,
Vanilla Ice generation.

We grew up with them.

Show-off?
Leonardo di Caprio look-alike.

- We could've gone playing.
- I won't go to the grocer with him.

Eat orderly.

Do I have something
between my teeth?

- Stop being gross.
- Look.

You're disgusting.

I'll make a chocolate fountain
for you.

Don't.

We'd use to pour this into a glass
and drink when I was a kid.

Folks, I want fairplay.

We have rules...

We have to goals
and flags.

You need to take the flags
to the other side. Simple.

Go back to your place.

Nevermind.

If you get shot,
you leave the field.

- Every thing's clear?
- Yes...

Yes!

What the hell?

- Sorry, sir.
- Never mind.

Let's take you to the field.

This way.

Gather around.

We're going to win with
the Turan tactic of the Ottomans.

What's that?

You from the left, you from the right.
We two will strike from the middle.

Then we'll retreat
and you'll surround them.

You take the left,
you the right.

You'll stay with me.
Where did he go?

I was shot instantly.
- Idiot, You've ruined the tactics.

- You're shot, out.
- Piss off.

He has ruined our strategy.

Now there's only three of us.

Anyway. You from the left.
Roger that.

You, from the right,
affirmative.

Come on, shoot me!

Shoot me!

Shoot me!

Whoa, stop!

You're shot, out!

Hey, game over for you.

I can go on.

That's the rules.

- Leave me here and go.
- The rules!

Leave me and go.

You're out when you're shot.

I want to continue.

The rules are clear.
When you get shot, you're out.

This is unheard of!

You go on.

Paintball was nice, right?

And it takes away your stress.

I wanted to go on but the dude
stopped me. Is this a girls game?

Just as I was about to
lose my stress, they intervened.

We need to find you fun
and social activities.

You're the pro.
I promised I'd play along.

Leave it to me,
I'll find you nice hobbies.

Hold on a minute.

What are you doing?

This is the 9. symphony, right?

Isn't that Beethoven?

Play with your mouth,
not nose.

Everybody has different techniques.

Our mates play with their
mouth, so what?

This Viking dude here was
playing with his ear in the toilet.

I'll throw you out
if you interrupt the class.

What are you looking at?

I'll stick that flute
up your throat.

Show-off.

I'm sorry,
he drives me insane.

They are not yet on my level.

They're level 1
and I'm level 4.

I've had it enough
to make it up for them.

Let's play another song.
I'm fed up with the 9. symphony.

Let's get rid of the bleak,
dark middle ages.

- What are you going to play?
- I'll play one.

This song was once very popular.

I'm sure that our friends
will remember it.

I'll play with my mouth.

- Get out.
- But madam..

I played Tayfun for you.

Out. Hurry up.

Throw him out too!

He's the leader of the gang.
Why don't you throw him out?

Let's go to another course.

We're paying after all.
There are tons of courses.

And I don't like flute at all.

Play with this here.
It's better.

I've started spinning.

Now squeeze it,
from bottom to tip.

Shame on you.

This won't turn out
something good.

We better stop.

Master, master.

- Hold it steady.
- What on earth is this?

Take that away.
It makes me sick.

I'll ad some flour.

I'll leave the spoon inside.
Extra service.

Delicious.

Cake fight!

Turkey! Turkey!

Please.
Give it a try.

You incapable thing.
Why don't you shoot?

You're right in front of the goal...

You call this football?

Sit down. Sorry.

What's your problem?

Don't give him so many chances.

I'm finished.

So hit them down.

She finished very fast.

So what? You louse.

She finished very fast, right?

What are you doing?

Don't!

One, two, three.

Damn, I stepped on it.

One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine.

- She's doing it wrong.
- Calm down. She's just a child.

She's doing it wrong.
We're having a competition here.

- You really are a spoilsport.
- I'm not playing.

- What...
- I'm not playing.

You do this all the time.
Come here.

- Why did we come here?
- Theatre is good for your culture.

Nice place. Front seat.

You insisted on buying popcorn
but it makes a lot of noise.

It's no problem
in cinemas though.

- They're performing live here.
- I'm not going to throw it at them.

- Don't throw it in your mouth either.
- Stop with your advices.

I know classic Turkish theather very well.
I've seen Karagoz Hacivat many times

Would you like some?

I'm sure you got the smell.
Sister?

And you?
Did you wash your hands?

I saw you in the toilet.

Take some if your hands are clean.

From the top.

I'll throw away the top layer.

He grabbed them all.

It's starting.
In the name of God...

We'll go far far away
and get rich.

Honey, my love, I'm home.

Her husband's home.
He's going to walk in on them.

- My love.
- Antoine?

- Antoine?
- Ramirez?

You were my best friend.

Antoine, I can explain everything.

What's there to explain?

Kathrine, you?
You were my love.

I love him. You didn't touch me
since two years now.

A real cuckold.

God. What have I done
to deserve this destiny?

Jeez!
I really got scared.

Antoine.
Please talk to me.

Dear God. What have I done
to deserve this.

Ramo. Ramo.

Don't, be quiet.

You snake,
you killed my husband.

He was my first love.

Poor guy.
He's crawling on the ground.

Is there not a single noble soul
in the cruel world...

...who could change
the order of things?

Yes, I am here.
Don't worry.

Antoine, don't worry.
I'll help you out.

- Buddy...
- I'll avenge your blood.

What kind of a woman are you?
- Buddy.

Shut up!
You're up your neck in it.

You tell him that he didn't
touch you since 2 years.

Then you tell him, snake,
damned snake.

Get lost. Out!

Beat it!

The fat guy comes home
and it's the surprise of a lifetime.

This guy is your best friend.

He's your buddy, your comrade.

Why do you do such a thing to him?
Why do you bang his wife?

He sees you as a friend.

He thinks,
"This is my buddy."

Ramirez!
He shot Ramirez.

Get up, let's go to the hospital.

Behave like a man.

Nooo!

Bravo!

- Are you crazy?
- What are you doing?

We're on a stage.

Listen how much
the audience liked it..

We tried so many things
but none worked out.

Just when I think it's over,
the problems come back.

I think this time it's done,
and they're back.

I do my best,
I try to understand you.

How's that? You have to be me
to understand me.

It's like I'm an elegant soul...

...trapped in this animal body.

Did nobody ever
understand you?

Friends, relatives, buddies?

I know you don't
have a girlfriend.

Shut up.

Why do you remind me
that I don't have a girl friend?

Is this the way to approach
a patient suffering depression.

I have a few friends
but they're all morons.

I'm the only sane
amongst them.

- Today is my birthday.
- Didn't know that.

I wouldn't have known
if you hadn't told me.

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

I didn't have a birthday
in my whole life.

Doesn't anybody even call...

Only Salih calls but
he hangs up instantly.

Why, because his prepaid
phonecard is empty.

Why don't you buy some
for my birthday.

And sometimes
I'm empty too.

He calls, hangs up, I do the same.

We were not able to talk
since 4-5 years...

Soon we'll use smoke
like the indians...

I'm not mad at you.
I'm mad at my parents.

If you have bad genes
and bad X-Y chronomosomes...

...why do you bring me
to this world?

Why do you reproduce and throw me
into this miserable world?

Am I obliged to clear up
the traces of your chronomosomes.

Am I?

My mother had a moustache...

When I was in primary school...

...we went to the zoo.

All my friends had
photos taken with my dad...

...thinking he was an orang-utan.

The cleaner came
and have him a banana.

That really hurts.

It's a miracle
that I've lived this long.

- Must've been hard.
- So it is.

We did so many things.
Don't you feel slightly better.

Sometimes I do, sometimes not.

Itjust comes and goes...

Just as I say it's all over,
then they're back.

- You don't feel empathy at all.
- I do.

No, you'not. feeling emphaty
You don't.

I'm doing my best.

What would a sophjisticated,
depressed sofisticated...

...Sex and the City woman
do in Istanbul?

Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Hobbes,
Charlotte York...

...Samantha Jones,
What would they to?

We know what Samantha does
but that doesn't suit me.

If it does any good
let's buy some Manolo Blahnik.

If Manolo Blahnik is good against
depression, let's buy some.

I have an idea but...

I've really had enough.

Open your eyes.

- What is this place?
- A hair dresser.

Why do you take me
to a hair dresser I don't know?

My hair has been cut by our
neighborhood barber since 25 years.

He knows my hair.

He became blind 10 years ago
but can still cut mine hair.

You asked me what women would do,
they'd come here.

I wouldn't. Let's go.

Please.

Hi Zeynep, how are you?

Welcome.

I don't shake hands.
swine flu, you know?

Is he your sweetheart?

Very funny.

You troll.
Why do you act like that?

Why do you act like that?

My hair dresser Cihan,
my uncle Recep.

A complete Uncle.
Anyway, welcome

We want to change his outlook.

Work your magic.
I trust you.

- He's depressed.
- Alright, Zeynep.

Uncle, please have a seat.
You can trust me.

Zeynep, I have an idea.

Please, don't shy.

I'm thinking of an avant-garde,
sofisticated style.

You'll become a metrosexual.

Don't do anything stupid.
Put a bowl on my head and cut it

That's pretty old.
Bowls and such

- Something energic.
- Leave it to me.

I'll have cuts in between.
We'll lift this part.

I'll give you a beating
in between.

You can trust me.
All celebrities come to me.

Let's start.

- Are we ready?
- Yes.

3. 2. 1.

Happy end!

- This is it.
- Did you like it?

It's great. Did you like it?

I knew you'd like it.

What happened?
Too much color?

Uncle Recep?

Look. Beautiful, right?

Did you like it?
Did it work?

Turn me one more time.

It's great. The girls
will fight for you.

I told you that
I'm very different.

- Do you like it?
- Do you have a big bottle of raki?

I'll do bottoms up.

I have tachycardia.

I'm having tachycardia here.

Something's not right with me.

- Drop the scissors.
- Enough!

- Very nice.
- Zeynep?

He fainted again.

Are you faking it?

Just look at me.
This is disgusting.

It's great.

I look like soccer players
from the regional German Liga.

I look like Steffan Edberg.

I look like Schmeichel.

- This is very pretty.
- What's pretty about it?

I'll have it dyed
completely black.

- Your hair could burn.
- Don't care. Jeez.

What are you doing here?

Look at you.
You look like a cross dresser.

Get lost. You're drunk.

- I'll knock the daylight out of you.
- Beat it. You Margaret Thatcher impostor!

I'm going crazy.

- Calm down.
- She stands there waiting.

Please, don't.

It's really nice.

You took me to that idiot hair dresser
so he could cheer me up.

Look how I've ended up?

Surprise!

Happy birthday Recep!

Happy birthday Recep!

Bravo! Bravo Recep.

- What happened to your hair?
- I've changed my shampoo.

It affected the color.
I've been to a doctor about this.

This is just a shell,
inside it's still the old Recep

- Don't be sad. It looks nice.
- Thank you.

Come on, blow them off.

Bravo.

This is the first time I'm having
a birthday party.

Thank you all.

- Congratulations.
- What did you buy me?

- Detergent.
- How beautful. Hold this.

- What did you buy?
- Just a small present.

So much tea would last
for 7 month.

- What did you buy?
- Underwear.

Brilliant, I'm wearing the same
pants for 8 months now.

Now you're done for.
I'll do the explanation.

- Double time?
- Sure.

We have the first bridge
across te the bosphorus. There's a second.

- What's its name?
- Long bridge.

I'd have kicked your nose
it you hadn't been old.

Which Long Bridge?
Where did that come from?

We have the Bosphorus bridge.
What's the name of the second?

- FSM.
- Open up the abbreviation.

- Open it up.
- Bridge

No bridge. Open up
FSM. Don't laugh.

Time's running out.
What's the long form of FSM:

- The long name.
- Bridge.

Dear God, I've had it.

Forget the long bridge.
FSM is the abbreviation of...?

- Of what?
- How could I know?

You said FSM.

I'm going to give you...

...a very nice beating.

You had only one answer
in the double time.

You make strange inventions
at home...

...but can't find the answers.

I won't play with her.

No way.

I'm not playing.

This is unheard of.

I'll end up getting cancer here.
I'm talking to a wall.

If you play taboo,
you should know stuff.

- I want another turn.
- Fine, it's your birthday after all.

But later.

I want another partner.
Leave.

I want another partner.

Take care.
- Good bye.

Thanks.

Happy birthday.

Thank you, till next year.

Work on your general knowledge.

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you Hasan.

Good luck in school.

Why didn't you buy me a present?

I did but it's not ready.
I'll give it to you later on.

I'll do so as if I believe you.

- I promise, I'll give it later.
- When?

My birthday is over
when it is 12.

- My present is nice.
- You got 2-3 hours.

I'll tidy up a bit.

Leave it. We'll do it in the morning.

No, they'd stink.

Are you going somewhere?
We'll do it in the morning.

I may not have the energy.

- Let's do it in the morning.
- No, I'll tidy up a bit.

- Alright then.
- I don't feel comfortable.

As if I care.

Let me give you a hug.
Thank you, for everything.

Not at all.

Oh dear! I didn't have any
nightmares.

No depression either.

Zeynep!

What on earth?

Zeynep!

Where are you?

Zeynep, where are you?

Who put this here?

Where did this goat
come from?

Who put you here?

This is a bed.

It says "To Recep."
Let met have a look.

Came in with a note.

Ungle Recep,
thank you for everything.

I've rented a house
with 2 friends.

I was going to tell you
but I don't like farewells.

I think the only reason
of your distress is Ioneliness.

I'm leaving you a buddy
who'll love you unconditionally.

Take care. See you, later.

With love, Zeynep.

Are you going to love me
unconditionally?

So this is supposed to
love my unconditionally?

You are an ugly one.

You are truly ugly.

Let me show you around the house,
we're roommates after all.

Let's walk the house.
Come on.

This is my bedroom.

This is the hallway.

You'll stay in the toilet.

Come.

Come, boy.

Hold on, slowly...

Whoa. Wait.

Don't run around.
We should walk together.

Just like in the movies.

Are you trying to escape.
What kind of an animal are you?

You run up the hills but
won't walk with me.

- He's so lovely.
- Well, thank you.

What's his name?

His name is Behlul.

He's very lovely.

So they seem.

But he shits all around
the house, non-stop.

So sweet.

Do you have a pet?
- Yes, a dog.

- Which brand?
- Golden.

So you're fond of animals, right?

- Yes, I love animals.
- Then you'll love me too.

You're very sweet.

So are you.

Who bought him the hat?

His aunts from the neighborhood
made it.

Against cold and swine flue.

He's in the risk group.

It fits him well.

- Do you run every day?
- Yes, but I've seen you for the first time.

We've started short time ago.

He came in recently and
we'll walk every day.

- I run each morning.
- Nice. A lovely coincidence.

- Shall we walk?
- Sure.

- Do you want to hold him?
- Yes, sure.

- Behlul, come.
- Do you see who's holding you?

- Come now.
- Do you see who's holding you?

- I think he likes me.
- Yeah, definitely.

He snuggles instantly.
My goat after all.

Come.

First swallow down.

You eat so lovely.

Would you like hot meatballs?

Here, take it.
You're insatiable.

You should learn to share.

Your show is on.

"Panoramas From Anatolia"
your friends are there.

You sweet thing.
Look at those ears.

You jackal, you.