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Sorry, one second.
2
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:31,156
Okay. I'm ready.
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00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:35,951
When I moved back
to New York City after college,
4
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:38,788
everyone told me it was
the worst place to date.
5
00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:42,709
And I believed them
until I met Chad.
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00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,794
Chad took me to
this trendy sushi spot
7
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:47,046
for our first date,
and it was perfect.
8
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:50,175
Great eye contact,
flowing conversation,
9
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,844
he wore a backwards
baseball cap.
10
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:57,974
Green flag after green flag
after green flag.
11
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,728
And while I had no intention
12
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,187
of sleeping with him
on the first date,
13
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,690
there was something
about consuming raw fish
14
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,359
that really made me crave
raw dick.
15
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:11,237
Just kidding.
I obviously always use condoms.
16
00:01:11,362 --> 00:01:13,406
I ended up bringing him
up to our roof,
17
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,492
and I don't know
if it was the altitude
18
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,243
or the city skyline,
19
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:21,664
or the fact that he was
a Scorpio sun and a BDSM rising,
20
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,042
but we ended up
69ing right there
21
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,169
on those lounge chairs.
22
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,505
Mid-choke...
23
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,425
I knew that Chad
could be the one.
24
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:36,095
? Na na na na na na ?
25
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:39,474
? Na na na na na ?
? Na na na na na ?
26
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,476
? Na na na na ?
27
00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:43,560
? Every single time ?
? I pull up outside ?
28
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,604
? I want this lifestyle ?
? And the way I ride ?
29
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,607
? Say you wanna be ?
? My cherry pie ?
30
00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:49,734
? Got a sweet tooth ?
? Try to get a slice ?
31
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,151
? I don't even need to talk ?
32
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:52,486
? Talk that ?
? Uh-huh uh-huh ?
33
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:54,447
? Let's go bananas ?
? Uh-huh ?
34
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:56,324
? Let's go bananas ?
? Uh-huh ?
35
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,827
? Let's- ?
36
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,454
No service.
Where's the fucking map?
37
00:02:14,133 --> 00:02:17,762
- Are you okay?
- I feel lost.
38
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:19,054
Okay, it was just a wrong turn.
39
00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:20,722
We'll get back on the road.
It'll be fine.
40
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:22,833
I just don't know
if I should be here at all.
41
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,519
Like this whole trip.
42
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,438
I'm taking time away
from the podcast,
43
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,606
time away from everything else
I'm working on,
44
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,066
and I'm literally
at that point in my career
45
00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:33,486
where I can't afford it yet.
46
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:35,864
And I just feel like
I'm running out of time.
47
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,324
Okay, I hear you.
48
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,325
I'm sorry for putting you
in that position.
49
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:44,581
Billie Eilish finally agreed
to come on my show...
50
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,749
and I had to turn it down.
51
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,002
And it's been
killing me, honestly.
52
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,129
That could have been
so huge for me.
53
00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:54,381
I wish you would have told me.
We could have-
54
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:57,051
To- To what end?
Make you feel guilty?
55
00:02:57,176 --> 00:02:59,470
I know, but I should have
checked in with you.
56
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,555
I know you're trying
to build something too.
57
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:05,018
- Exactly.
- You're super talented,
58
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:07,353
and this is
the first opportunity of many.
59
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:08,938
And there will be more.
60
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:11,356
I don't want this trip to be
a total sacrifice for you,
61
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,651
so let's figure it out together.
62
00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:16,696
Thanks. I think I really needed
to hear that.
63
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:19,032
We're a team. Always.
64
00:03:20,828 --> 00:03:23,660
Why don't we pull in
for the night?
65
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:26,331
I saw a really cute motel
a couple miles back.
66
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,499
Fuck, yes.
67
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:17,215
What the hell?
- Let me try.
68
00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:31,521
Chad obviously wante to take me
on a second date.
69
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,481
Cooking at my place.
70
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,149
He had a 401K,
71
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,567
but he didn't have a kitchen
in his Murray Hill apartment.
72
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,862
And if this is giving
finance fuckboy,
73
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,155
that's exactly right,
74
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,574
because that is what I like.
75
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:45,784
But honestly,
there was just something
76
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:49,414
so romantic and intimate
about him boiling the water
77
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,750
and pouring in the pasta for me.
78
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:55,919
Even though we'd only
known each other for 12 hours,
79
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:59,632
I knew that Chad was
going to be my boyfriend.
80
00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:01,426
My therapist even agreed.
81
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,637
She is no longer my therapist.
82
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:09,058
Then he started rescheduling
and making all these excuses
83
00:05:09,183 --> 00:05:10,977
like, "Work is so busy,"
84
00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:13,272
"I'm going to
the Hamptons this weekend,"
85
00:05:13,354 --> 00:05:14,981
"I have COVID."
86
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,860
I started replaying
every moment,
87
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:21,319
screenshotting every text,
showing to my friends.
88
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,282
I was so anxious,
I could barely recognize myself.
89
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:28,161
Chad and I
never made it to our third date.
90
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,329
I was really sad,
91
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,790
but then I realized
I'm not the problem.
92
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,250
I never am.
93
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,564
Chad's signals
were yeses and noes.
94
00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:42,383
He was flaky, inconsistent,
and worst of all,
95
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,885
he had such a small dick,
he couldn't pick up the phone
96
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:47,597
to call me, to tell me that
he was no longer interested.
97
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,182
Ironically enough,
98
00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:51,417
Chad taught me
the biggest lesson of all:
99
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,937
If it's not a fuck yes,
it's a fuck no.
100
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:59,400
Life is too short to settle for
anything less than a fuck yes.
101
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,278
So if something or someone
isn't committed to you,
102
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:03,945
then you should
mourn the fucking loss
103
00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:05,448
and let them go.
104
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:08,117
You create your own closure.
105
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:09,701
Which is why
I fucked his brother
106
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,704
to really
pound the nail on the coffin.
107
00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:35,914
Looks like we're not ordering
room service.
108
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,904
"Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today
109
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:48,032
to lay to rest
the fuck noes from our past.
110
00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:50,201
The ghosts, the flakes,
111
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:53,037
the bedframeless,
the jackhammerers,
112
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:56,833
the shitty texters
and all the rest.
113
00:06:56,958 --> 00:07:01,420
We say goodbye to the red flags
and the trauma that came with.
114
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:04,257
We cleanse ourselves
of the small-dick energy
115
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,926
and replace it
with the bad-bitch energy.
116
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,763
Anyone who needs to say goodbye
to something or someone,
117
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:12,682
this is your opportunity.
118
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:14,433
I want you to shout out
119
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,019
the names of the hes,
shes, and theys
120
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,355
that aren't a fuck yes.
121
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,149
May they rest in peace."
122
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,796
Okay. I want to hear the names
123
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,257
of the fuck noes
that we're laying to rest.
124
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:47,884
woman: Kevin!
125
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,181
I can't hear you!
I can't hear you!
126
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,141
I can't hear you!
127
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:59,395
Louder! Louder!
This is a funeral.
128
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,397
Go!
129
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:03,107
Yes!
130
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:08,613
Now let me hear you say it.
131
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:11,199
If it's not a fuck yes,
it's a...
132
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,075
audience: Fuck no!
133
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,461
Should I be a cult leader?
134
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:25,421
? Don't fit in... ?
135
00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:26,964
So now what?
136
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,051
Should we play a game?
137
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,845
Should we play...
138
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:36,474
your game?
It's been a minute.
139
00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,642
{\an8}Let's see
if two years of dating
140
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,603
has prepared us for this.
141
00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:45,816
What's your
favorite memory of us?
142
00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:49,779
Probably when I asked you
to be my girlfriend
143
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,365
and you immediately
started crying
144
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,617
'cause we were on shrooms.
145
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,827
- At least I said yes.
- Obviously.
146
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,537
Your turn.
147
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,830
My favorite memory
is when we met on your podcast.
148
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:02,666
{\an8}Can you admit
that it was love at first sight?
149
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,335
{\an8}Oh, so you agree?
150
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:05,752
{\an8}You think it was
love at first sight?
151
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:09,465
{\an8}Play the clip.
My rizz was undeniable.
152
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:10,967
{\an8}Okay.
153
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,137
I'm what?
154
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,722
Well, I think, like you,
155
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,016
with the right matched partner,
156
00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:21,435
you're the perfect amount.
157
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,103
- That was really sweet.
- Wait, that was-
158
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,604
Wait, that was,
like, the nicest thing
159
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:25,647
I've said in a long time.
160
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,690
Whoa, are you hitting on me?
161
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,317
- No.
- I'm down.
162
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,235
Serena. We have to...
- Of course.
163
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,695
- ...keep this professional.
- Is this professional?
164
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:34,365
Oh! It's like the beginning
of a rom-com.
165
00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:35,825
Honestly, yeah.
166
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,787
Okay. What are you
obsessed with right now?
167
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,663
I can tell you
what I'm not obsessed with.
168
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,665
That dirty-ass hotel room.
- Yeah, that was-
169
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,416
- What about you?
- That was brutal.
170
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:48,296
Um, I'm kind of obsessed
with this car. It's so big.
171
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,338
It's, like, bigger than
our New York City apartment.
172
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,049
Maybe I should get my license.
173
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,509
No. No.
174
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,344
Definitely not.
175
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:56,929
Your turn.
176
00:09:58,472 --> 00:09:59,932
Oh, that's a good one.
177
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:04,020
What do you want to
do to me right now?
178
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,354
I have some ideas.
179
00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:06,939
Go on. Don't be shy.
180
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,527
Just a kiss, right?
181
00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,342
I think we can do
better than that.
182
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:22,788
*... in the middle ?
? Of the night ?
183
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,007
Felix?
184
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:28,961
Felix?
185
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,629
Felix?
186
00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:36,510
Oh!
187
00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:38,596
Felix?
188
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:40,639
Felix?
189
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,476
Felix?
190
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,146
Felix?
191
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:50,983
Felix!
192
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,823
You've gotta be
fucking kidding me.
193
00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:03,169
Felix.
194
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,048
Rise and shine.
195
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:23,307
? Some might say I'm jaded ?
196
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:26,519
? Emotionally faded ?
197
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:29,772
? Overstimulated ?
198
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,858
? I moved on ?
? And you hate it ?
199
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:35,528
? You can say ?
? You wish me well ?
200
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:39,532
? But those are sly eyes ?
? Reflect the feel ?
201
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:42,326
? Left me in a white flower ?
202
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:44,995
? Just to see me burn ?
203
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:48,249
? But I held the flames ?
204
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:52,169
? And now I know ?
? Just what it takes ?
205
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:56,882
? Scarlet supernova ?
206
00:11:56,932 --> 00:12:01,482
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