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1
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:10,610
* Whoa! *
* Attention *
2
00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:12,145
* Yeah! *
3
00:00:12,245 --> 00:00:13,813
* I need attention *
4
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,414
* Give me that *
* Give me that *
5
00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:16,465
* Okay *
6
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:18,051
* Give me your attention *
7
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:20,587
[crowd cheering]
8
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:24,824
* I need attention *
* Did I mention her? *
9
00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:26,459
* Give me attention *
10
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:27,961
-It was 2009.
11
00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:30,463
"Just Dance" is playing
on my iPod touch.
12
00:00:30,563 --> 00:00:33,299
Audrina Patridge just got robbed
by The Bling Ring,
13
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,568
and Kanye West just
told Taylor Swift,
14
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:36,702
"I'mma let you finish."
15
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,506
She can finish herself,
thank you very much.
16
00:00:39,839 --> 00:00:42,642
And me? Well, I was thriving.
17
00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:46,312
I put the fresh in freshmen
and the man in,
18
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:48,181
well, not me quite yet.
19
00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:49,849
[audience chuckles]
20
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,583
I was at my New York City
high school,
21
00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:54,054
living out my
Serena van der Woodsen fantasy,
22
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:58,324
if I was a stoner
and didn't kill anyone.
23
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:01,027
It was at high school
where I met Chris,
24
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:03,063
the junior
in my filmmaking class,
25
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:06,232
the Wes Anderson
to my Sofia Coppola.
26
00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:09,069
I fell in love as I squirted...
27
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:11,705
[audience laughing]
28
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:14,974
Visine into his eyes
while we rolled blunts
29
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,077
and talked about
The Big Lebowski
30
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,346
for the tenth time,
even though...
31
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:21,014
I've never seen that movie.
32
00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:22,182
[people laughing]
33
00:01:22,282 --> 00:01:24,984
Sometimes liking boys
is like a mental illness.
34
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,520
* Oh, it's gonna be *
* A good day *
35
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:30,924
[***]
36
00:01:31,991 --> 00:01:34,928
* Yup, I know you *
* Want in on this feeling *
37
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,629
* But let me tell you now *
38
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,498
{\an8}* You want it , you got it *
* Straight to the ceiling *
39
00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:41,501
{\an8}* Wish you would hear me now *
40
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:45,705
* Follow me this way *
* It's not too late *
41
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,476
* You can have *
* This feeling every day *
42
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:51,311
* Always gonna be a good day *
43
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:55,215
* Woo hoo woo hoo hoo! *
* Woo hoo hoo *
44
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:56,716
* You can't touch me! *
45
00:01:56,816 --> 00:01:59,953
* Woo hoo woo hoo hoo! *
* Woo hoo hoo *
46
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,421
* You can't touch me! *
47
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:05,992
* Woo hoo woo hoo hoo! *
* Woo hoo hoo *
48
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:09,362
[whistling]
49
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:10,697
* Give me all you got *
50
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:14,300
[whistling]
51
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:15,902
* You can't touch me *
52
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,272
[birds chirping]
53
00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:21,941
Felix: Charcuterie board?
54
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,176
Babe.
55
00:02:23,595 --> 00:02:25,344
-Bon appetit.
56
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,278
[phone buzzing]
57
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:27,547
What is that?
58
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:30,237
-I set an alarm so we know
when to get back on the road.
59
00:02:30,238 --> 00:02:31,583
-Aye, aye, cap.
60
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:33,085
-If you want to get
to your show on time,
61
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,854
we have to follow the schedule.
62
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,724
-What are you doing?
63
00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:40,293
-I brought a map
in case we lose service.
64
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:43,095
-Put that away. You're giving me
second-hand embarrassment.
65
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:44,731
-I'm gonna be the one cringing
66
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,100
when you're late
to your own show. Let's eat.
67
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:48,667
-Okay, but first,
can you take a photo of me?
68
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:51,004
It's not every day
I'm in the wilderness.
69
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,773
* Let's have a real good time *
70
00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:57,410
[upbeat music playing]
71
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,448
* Let's have a real good time *
72
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:05,585
[chuckles] Yeah, good. Sexy.
73
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:06,953
Mm, hot.
74
00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:08,988
* Let's have a real good time *
75
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,491
-Not horizontal.
76
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,893
-It's fine. It's a good angle.
77
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:16,763
* Let's have a real good time *
78
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,032
Obsessed. Slay.
79
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,500
[phone ringing]
80
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,040
* Let's have a real good time *
81
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,336
-It's Jasmine.
82
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,737
-Great news. I can't believe
I'm saying this,
83
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,941
but your show's not only
sold out, there's a waitlist.
84
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,043
-No way. How many people?
85
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,193
-Like three.
86
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,279
-Oh.
-I know, I'm shocked.
87
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:36,116
Who knew you were
the hot ticket?
88
00:03:36,117 --> 00:03:37,383
-Isn't that why you signed me?
89
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,452
-Of course.
I'm just so intuitive,
90
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:40,642
it scares me.
-Uh-huh.
91
00:03:40,643 --> 00:03:41,553
-When are you getting
to California?
92
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:42,855
-When are we getting
to California?
93
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,692
-Approximately 47 hours,
21 minutes,
94
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,461
30 seconds
broken up over a couple days.
95
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:49,595
-Soon.
96
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:50,736
-Well, we need you here
97
00:03:50,737 --> 00:03:51,797
at least three hours
before the show
98
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,699
for glam, soundcheck
and meet & greet.
99
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,268
-Copy. Bye.
100
00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,137
[sighs]
101
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,471
Wait.
102
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,006
I'm sorry.
103
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:01,573
I didn't want you
to get ambushed.
104
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,843
I think you should read this.
105
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,381
Chris was my first Valentine.
106
00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:11,371
I'll never forget our date
to the Natural History Museum.
107
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,887
We smoked joints
at the Hayden Planetarium
108
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:18,525
on 79th Street, and I was
literally on cloud nine.
109
00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:21,394
Then afterwards,
we exchanged gifts.
110
00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:25,565
He gave me a mixtape of bands
that people pay to forget,
111
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:27,667
and I gave him head
112
00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:33,340
in a bush across the street
in Central Park.
113
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,376
Gift giving is clearly
my love language.
114
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:41,648
I was obsessed with Chris,
115
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:45,752
and he was also obsessed
with his ex, Carolina.
116
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:47,754
[audience laughing
117
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:50,657
[scoffs]
I'm glad you find that funny.
118
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,995
As Chris and I were exchanging
I love yous over AIM,
119
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:59,399
he was accepting a relationship
status request on Facebook
120
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,835
from a girl that he claimed
to be over.
121
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,571
And it's not
like Chris ended things.
122
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,940
He just kept making excuses
123
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,743
like, "I'm gonna do it soon."
124
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,478
"Be patient."
125
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,380
"By the way, I'm Mormon."
126
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,516
[people laughing]
127
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:18,351
So I did what I had to do.
128
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,954
I accepted my fate
and I moved on.
129
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,957
Which is all chronicled
in my Juicy Couture diary
130
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,759
that I made my dad go into
131
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,428
an all out bidding war
on eBay for.
132
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:31,264
[people laughing]
133
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:32,899
[exhales]
134
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,836
"I had sex with Chris,
and guess what?
135
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:38,938
I'm in love with him.
136
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:41,474
He has a huge dick...
137
00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:42,809
and is a big dick."
138
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:45,412
[crowd chuckling]
139
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,481
And then I sought revenge.
140
00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:51,651
[audience cheering]
141
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:55,387
"This Serena Kerrigan chick's
live show
142
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,356
sounds like a train wreck
of narcissism
143
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,977
and cringe-worthy oversharing.
144
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,160
It's not empowering.
145
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:02,395
It's a desperate grab
for attention.
146
00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,998
It's like watching
a car crash in slow motion,
147
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,966
{\an8}except her car's her career.
148
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:10,103
{\an8}SFK needs a reality check,
not an audience."
149
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,175
Maybe they're right.
150
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,377
Maybe this whole thing
is a disaster.
151
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:20,714
And I do look like some
delusional narcissist up there.
152
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,682
-Why do you even read
that garbage?
153
00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:25,585
-I didn't. Chloe sent it to me.
154
00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:28,988
[sobs]
155
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,923
I just feel like
you're missing the entire point.
156
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:31,974
Like, it's-
157
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,495
Yes, the show is about me,
but it's not only about me.
158
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:38,865
It's- It's to own your mistakes
and empower my audience.
159
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:41,568
-Exactly.
So practice what you preach.
160
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:44,437
-But what if I'm just
embarrassing myself up there
161
00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:46,239
and nobody's telling me?
162
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,809
-You just sold out your
live show, Serena.
163
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,779
500 people bought tickets
to see you.
164
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,547
-What if they're just coming
to watch the car crash?
165
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,017
-Okay. Okay.
Let's try something.
166
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,718
Read more of them out loud.
167
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,954
-Read more?
Are you kidding me?
168
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,522
-Yeah.
169
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:04,891
Exposure therapy.
170
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:07,460
The more you face it,
the less it stings.
171
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,062
-Like anal?
172
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:14,900
{\an8}Uh... "It's obvious Serena's
whole 'SFK' persona
173
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,803
{\an8}"is just a facade to hide
how insecure she really is."
174
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:20,874
-Coming from someone writing
on an anonymous message board.
175
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,075
-Okay, hold on.
176
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,555
"Serena looks like she's 40.
177
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,146
She gets uglier
and older by the day."
178
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,348
-40 is the new 30.
179
00:07:28,349 --> 00:07:29,748
Wait, does that
make you my mom?
180
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:30,649
-Ew.
181
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,018
[both laugh]
182
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,753
I'm fuming.
183
00:07:35,028 --> 00:07:39,458
As the great philosopher Carrie
Fisher taught me.
184
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,560
not personally,
185
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,430
take your broken heart
and make it into art
186
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,098
or defamation.
187
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:48,001
This was the year
I made my first short film.
188
00:07:48,002 --> 00:07:50,736
It was about a freshman girl
who got her heart broken
189
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:53,506
by a junior boy who left her
for his ex-girlfriend.
190
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,909
Write what you know, I guess.
191
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,011
Thanks to Chris,
I found my calling.
192
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:01,348
This film changed the trajectory
of my entire life.
193
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,383
I ended up winning Best Film
194
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,293
at my high school's
film festival,
195
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,315
which is the only trophy
I've ever won...
196
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,122
thus far.
197
00:08:09,123 --> 00:08:10,589
The point isn't to talk about
198
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,340
my extreme talent
as a filmmaker,
199
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,289
it's that you're
a Google fucking map
200
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,827
constantly getting rerouted.
201
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:18,264
Rejection feels so painful,
202
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:21,568
but it is always redirecting you
to something better.
203
00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:24,938
Like that one time I auditioned
to be a host at E! News
204
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,573
and I bombed it
205
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,707
because I literally
couldn't read the teleprompter.
206
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,310
[people laughing]
207
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:33,580
But then,
the Pandemi Lovato happened,
208
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,181
that show got canceled,
209
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,483
and I ended up getting
interviewed by E! News
210
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,654
about my experience
confidence coaching
211
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,588
a Bachelorcontestant.
212
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:43,122
Do you think
that this would have happened
213
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,658
if I had moved to L.A.
and learned how to read?
214
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:46,993
[people laughing]
215
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:47,960
I don't think so.
216
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:51,031
Rejection is the universe
catapulting you
217
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,900
into the plotline you're
actually meant to star in.
218
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:56,835
Or at least that's what
I like to tell myself.
219
00:08:56,836 --> 00:09:00,507
[audience cheering
and applauding]
220
00:09:00,508 --> 00:09:02,174
There's something
here about you, too.
221
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:03,865
-Oh, really?
Read me the best one.
222
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,146
-"Young Fefe is a 23-year-old
223
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:08,547
{\an8}jobless, moneyless,
wannabe influencer."
224
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,282
{\an8}-Okay, first of all,
I'm 24 now.
225
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,918
{\an8}-"And he can't even take
a good photo of his girlfriend."
226
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:15,088
-Okay, see, that one hurts.
227
00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:17,056
I've been getting
all the good angles.
228
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,925
-You have.
-I'm very well trained.
229
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:20,360
[chuckles]
230
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,192
Do you see how dumb
this shit is?
231
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,766
Two minutes of our lives
we'll never get back.
232
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,169
-You're right.
233
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,805
Fuck what people think.
234
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,013
Can I drive? Please?
235
00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:41,613
-Only if you stop
reading Reddit.
236
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:42,749
-Deal.
237
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:48,922
[car doors close]
238
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:51,391
[GPS beeps]
239
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,428
Oh my God.
-What?
240
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,230
-I just took my breath away.
241
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,202
[heavy thud]
242
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:07,674
[***]
243
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:17,350
* Taking life *
* Way too seriously lately *
244
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:25,692
* Looking for something *
* To entertain me *
245
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,996
* I don't know who I am *
246
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:34,567
* But I'm so good *
* At impressions *
247
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:37,404
* Still don't have *
* The answers *
248
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:41,841
* But I'm tired *
* Of asking questions *
249
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:49,249
* Where to be *
* When I'm waiting *
250
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:57,323
[singing continues]
251
00:10:57,373 --> 00:11:01,923
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