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1
00:00:37,166 --> 00:00:40,125
Okay.
Yes, let me introduce myself. Um...
2
00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:42,665
Hi. I'm a thermostat,
3
00:00:42,666 --> 00:00:47,790
and, look, I know these two
don't like each other too much, okay?
4
00:00:47,791 --> 00:00:48,749
Oh. Ow.
5
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:51,249
Dual climate zones! You ever heard of it?
6
00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:55,874
It's not a problem.
It's literally what I'm designed to do.
7
00:00:55,875 --> 00:00:57,624
Oh, okay.
8
00:00:57,625 --> 00:01:00,540
Now I know what it feels like
to be the kid stuck in a divorce
9
00:01:00,541 --> 00:01:03,165
ferrying messages between two parents.
10
00:01:03,166 --> 00:01:04,082
Ugh.
11
00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:06,832
Oh my God. Again.
12
00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,290
You know what?
Winter gets pretty cold here.
13
00:01:09,291 --> 00:01:13,791
If they want passive-aggressive,
just wait until it gets below freezing.
14
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,624
I'll show them
passive-aggressive.
15
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,790
When used as directed,
16
00:01:24,791 --> 00:01:26,999
I clear 99.9% of all the plaque
17
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,375
that builds up
on the surfaces of your teeth.
18
00:01:30,166 --> 00:01:32,208
When used as directed, Chad.
19
00:01:32,708 --> 00:01:36,290
And I don't mean like a light wave
in the general vicinity of your mouth
20
00:01:36,291 --> 00:01:37,207
once a week.
21
00:01:37,208 --> 00:01:38,999
No one wants to kiss him.
22
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:43,458
The toaster has sympathy for the bread
that has to enter this guy's mouth.
23
00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:46,249
Even the dog "nopes" the hell out.
24
00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:48,457
And that thing licks buttholes, okay?
25
00:01:48,458 --> 00:01:50,165
And then he goes to the dentist,
26
00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:53,165
and when they tell him his gums
look worse than a rabid coyote's,
27
00:01:53,166 --> 00:01:57,290
he just plays innocent. He's like,
"W... well, how? I brush every day."
28
00:01:57,291 --> 00:01:59,707
Don't make me party to your lies, Chad.
29
00:01:59,708 --> 00:02:01,457
Fucking floss, man.
30
00:02:01,458 --> 00:02:03,666
You have bacon in there from 1996.
31
00:02:08,125 --> 00:02:11,124
1-2-3-4 is not a security code.
32
00:02:12,791 --> 00:02:17,083
I see meth heads lurking in the woods,
waiting for her to leave.
33
00:02:17,625 --> 00:02:23,665
What does she think the first damn thing
they'll type into my keypad is?
34
00:02:23,666 --> 00:02:26,958
When she gets robbed,
when she gets robbed,
35
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:30,290
I'm just gonna ask
if they'll take me with them.
36
00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:40,125
This dude eats a lot of lentils.
I mean, a lot.
37
00:02:40,625 --> 00:02:43,540
You know what it is?
He thinks I'm deodorizing his house.
38
00:02:43,541 --> 00:02:44,624
Understand this.
39
00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:47,290
I just take dust and particles
out of the air, bro.
40
00:02:47,291 --> 00:02:49,707
That's what I do. I don't do methane.
41
00:02:49,708 --> 00:02:53,249
Here's my question.
How do you get used to that smell?
42
00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:54,749
And I'm asking you honestly.
43
00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,915
I mean, at what point can you just ignore
44
00:02:56,916 --> 00:03:00,000
that you're constantly
leaking out a greenhouse gas?
45
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,040
Let me tell you something.
If he ever lights a candle in here,
46
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:05,749
we are all going to die.
47
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:12,665
I have six customizable pulse settings.
48
00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:15,249
Mist, rain, shower,
full-body massage,
49
00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:18,166
pulsating massage,
and ultra-power pulsating massage.
50
00:03:19,041 --> 00:03:22,499
The other appliances tell me
she hasn't had a date in four years,
51
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,750
but I... You know, I just...
I just want to clean people.
52
00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:29,582
I mean, I'm sorry about
her dating life, okay? I... I... I really am.
53
00:03:29,583 --> 00:03:31,665
But I would prefer
to keep it professional.
54
00:03:31,666 --> 00:03:34,415
I just want to be frien... Oh... Oh, okay.
55
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,540
I've never been out of this cabinet.
56
00:03:46,541 --> 00:03:48,749
I was a housewarming gift from his parents
57
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:51,541
when he got his first apartment
at 42 years old.
58
00:03:52,291 --> 00:03:56,790
He plays video games
and smokes weed all day.
59
00:03:56,791 --> 00:03:59,083
It's pretty much all he does.
60
00:03:59,583 --> 00:04:03,000
The other appliances will confirm
he's never cooked a thing in his kitchen.
61
00:04:03,541 --> 00:04:04,375
Ever.
62
00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:05,708
Yeah.
63
00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:12,040
My only hope of getting out of here
is if someone or something swipes right.
64
00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:15,166
Oh my God.
65
00:04:16,458 --> 00:04:18,250
I'm gonna die a waffle virgin.
66
00:04:19,416 --> 00:04:20,250
Holy shit.
67
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:24,457
The chefs started out
with the goal of wowing our judges
68
00:04:24,458 --> 00:04:26,874
using the ingredients
in their mystery baskets.
69
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,207
Now only two remain...
70
00:04:28,208 --> 00:04:30,707
I'm sworn to secrecy.
71
00:04:30,708 --> 00:04:32,083
That's all I'll say.
72
00:04:33,583 --> 00:04:34,749
Except this.
73
00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:38,499
When I'm working,
she likes to watch episodes of Chopped.
74
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,624
Honey! Don't ask me why.
75
00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:42,124
I don't even guess why.
76
00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:44,208
I'm a sex toy, not a therapist.
77
00:04:45,416 --> 00:04:50,040
I'd rather watch Squid Game,
but let's not get into my kinks.
78
00:04:54,041 --> 00:04:59,125
Why would anyone even think
to give a toilet intelligence?
79
00:04:59,958 --> 00:05:02,458
What horrible person would do that?
80
00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:06,624
Was I like Stalin
in a past life or something?
81
00:05:06,625 --> 00:05:08,499
Oh God.
82
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:11,249
The refrigerator just told me
it's taco night,
83
00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:13,624
and Brenda's making them extra spicy.
84
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,958
Please just kill me now.
85
00:05:17,416 --> 00:05:21,290
Maybe I'll come back as a showerhead
or something. Yeah, that'd be fine.
86
00:05:26,750 --> 00:05:27,832
Let me guess.
87
00:05:27,833 --> 00:05:31,333
The Toilet was whining to you
about how hard life is.
88
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:34,833
That's adorable.6988
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