Original subtitles

Yo. Hey. What is so important?

Why couldn't you tell me whatever this is over the phone, huh?

'Cause I wanted to see your stupid face when I told you.

Okay. You know that teaser poster we released yesterday?

- Yeah. The-The Kool-Aid one, yeah? - Mm-hmm.

It has gotten more positive online engagement

than any teaser poster released by anyone in the last five fucking years!

It's fucking destroying.

- Wait, are you serious right now? - Mmm. I am fucking dead serious.

- I'm fucking dead serious, man. Yeah. - Oh, my God.

[stammers] How is this happening?

You know, I think it's just the perfect storm

of nostalgia, kitsch, irony and stupidity.

Fucking people are just loving

- the fucking Kool-Aid right now. - Oh, my God.

- Oh, yeah! - Oh, yeah!

- Oh... [exclaiming] Yeah! Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. [exclaiming]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah! - We're gonna make a billion dollars!

We're gonna make a fucking billion dollars!

- Do you wanna make out right now? - We can't do that anymore.

- Are you sure? - [stammers] We said we wouldn't.

- [groans] We're gonna be fucking rich! - We're gonna make a billion dollars!

- We're gonna be fucking rich! Yeah! - Yeah, motherfucker!

Okay. [sighs] Whoo!

[groans]

All right, on the heels of the huge launch of our poster,

we are gonna be all up in Anaheim Comic-Con tomorrow

announcing this dope cast!

I got Nick Stoller to write a bit for Ice Cube to come out during the panel.

He's gonna, like, crash through the wall as Kool-Aid, "Oh, yeah!"

Oh, that's great. Stoller, uh, he should actually write a joke for me

because I've decided I'm personally gonna introduce

Ice Cube as the Kool-Aid Man at Comic-Con.

Oh, look who's hopping on the bandwagon now that it's got some heat.

Well, you know, I figured it's a, you know,

good moment for me to show confidence in the project.

Also really, like, rub it in everyone's fucking face who said this was gonna suck.

- I mean, we got Biel, we got Duhamel... - [Sal] Yes.

- ...we got Oh, we got Cube. - [Sal] Boom.

I mean, how could you not be excited about this cast? [chuckles]

Yeah. How could you not be excited?

I can't believe we got Ice Cube. He is better than Kevin Hart.

I still think Tracy Morgan would have been so funny.

"Who's thirsty?

Somebody gettin' pregnant!" You know, it would have been great.

Uh, Sal, can you hang back?

- Me too? - Uh, no, you, out.

[sighs]

- [clears throat] What happened? - What's up?

Okay, so, um, we are loving the enthusiasm in this room.

Um, I'm just having, like... I'm starting to have like a...

a nagging concern that something is really fucking sus.

- Sus? Like bad? - Yeah.

This isn't sus at all. This is amazing.

- Yeah, no, there's no sus... - Are you kidding me?

Look, I know Josh Duhamel's not Mr. Comedy,

- but he is so good looking and cool. - He's funny enough.

Duhamel is the least of my concerns.

What is it? Just spit it out. What's going on here?

Okay, um, uh, I'm starting to think

that maybe casting Ice Cube as the Kool-Aid Man

could potentially be problematic.

Why? You're the one who said we should cast Ice Cube in the first place.

You actually said for a musician, he's remarkably unproblematic.

- That's true. - Oh, God.

- Oh, my God. - You see it?

- Oh, no! Oh, fuck. - What? What do you see?

- What am I not seeing? What is happening? - I know.

- Okay. Fucking... - Okay, just...

What Maya is saying is that perhaps we're playing into some stereotypes

- because there might be... [inhales deeply] - Oh, my God.

...a group of people who historically enjoy Kool-Aid more than others.

- I think that's what you were saying. - Yeah, thank you.

Fuck... [stammers] Everyone enjoys Kool-Aid.

I grew up drinking Kool-Aid. Who doesn't like Kool-Aid?

- I agree. It's fine. It's fine. - Yeah.

- He doesn't see it, so we're... - It's good.

- Okay, great, great, great. I'll... - Oh, no.

Oh.

- He's Black. - Okay, you don't have to say it.

- To say that out loud. We get it. - Shit.

Is this... Is this racist? Did we do something racist?

- Yeah. Yeah, kinda. - Okay, you guys,

- this could be a major marketing issue. - Oh, fuck.

[stammers] This is exactly the kind of shit that social gets salty over.

They're gonna tear us new assholes.

That's gonna leave a stink on this whole, beautiful thing.

I always knew something like this would happen to me.

You know what, I'm the whitest motherfucker in this room.

Trust me, I will take the fall for this.

- I'm dead. - Are you kidding me?

I am personally getting up in front of thousands of people tomorrow

and announcing this hate crime.

- [groans] - Oh, God.

Look, maybe we're just spinning out. You know what I mean?

Maybe it's like white guilt, you know, and it's not a big deal.

We should talk to Quinn.

- Let's ask her, you know? - Good idea.

- She's very young and with-it... - Yeah, she's got a cute bob.

- [sighs] She's not white. - Don't say that. She's-She's...

- She's different. She's the same. - She's not different! She's the same.

- And I think that is so great. - We're all the same.

- Let's just head out. - I think it's fucking great.

- Knock, knock, knock. Hi. - [Quinn] Oh. Hi.

- Hey, girl. - What's happening right now?

Am-Am I being fired?

No, uh, far from it. Yeah, uh, you're actually of,

very, uh, particular use at the moment.

- Um... - Oh, great.

- Let me just ask you. - Yeah?

Do you think it's weird in any way, shape, or form

that the Kool-Aid Man is being voiced by a person of...

Ice Cube?

Why-Why would that be weird?

Maybe it wouldn't. There you go.

- Thank you. Right, good. See? - I feel a little bit better.

Oh, because Ice Cube's Black?

[groans] We did not call Ice Cube Black, just for the record.

None of us called him Black.

I mean, I guess I-I get your concern,

but I've never really viewed Kool-Aid as a Black person drink.

- Okay, great. - It's a poor person drink.

- [groans] I don't wanna hear it. - No. No. No.

- Don't say that, please. - That's a whole separate bad thing

- you just said. - People love Ice Cube, okay?

- Just stick with him. It's fine. - Okay.

Respectfully, I don't think Quinn is the spokesperson

- for all peoples if you know what I mean? - Yes, I never said I was.

- [shushes] Uh, honey, give us a sec. - Sal's right. Look,

we need a much more specific perspective on this.

- You know what I'm saying? Who? - Tyler.

- My Tyler. You know, who run... - Oh, yes, Tyler. Hard working, dedicated.

- Very specific. - Yes.

Uh, he's running the photo shoot for Ain't Yo Mama stage eight. Let's go.

- [Matt] Thank you, Quinn. - [Quinn] Yeah, you're welcome.

[mouthing] Hey.

[scoffs]

- I'm good with it. - [Sal] Oh, my God.

Great. That's great news. Great news.

Honestly, when you think about it, if you didn't cast a Black man as Kool-Aid,

- that would be more racist. - Precisely, yes.

- That's exactly why we cast him. - Uh-huh.

Ah, thank you so much, Tyler.

We so value and appreciate you.

- Yes, thank you so much. - No, no, no. Come here.

I do not feel comfortable speaking for all Black people.

Oh, my God.

Can't you just, like, rubber-stamp it on their behalf for the time being?

Anaheim Comic-Con is tomorrow, dude.

No.

Why don't we ask Ziwe and Lil Rel?

Oh, yeah, great idea. Can you ask them for us, please?

No.

- Mmm. - [Sal sighs]

I love Ice Cube as the Kool-Aid Man.

- [Matt] Great. Great. Thank you. - Dope. Dope AF.

Okay, so, are y'all thinking Mrs. Kool could be like Gabby Union, or...

Oh, she is great, but no, it's-it's not her.

Is it Keke Palmer?

- She slays, but no, it's not. - Mmm, yes. Mm-mmm.

- No, it's not. - Ooh. Oh. Um,

Mrs. Kool's Black too though, right?

Mrs. Kool is for sure a-a woman of color.

- Yes, yes. - POC, hello. Yeah.

Is the color Black?

Her color is Korean.

Is that not... [stammers]

- Is that bad? Is that bad? - [Ziwe] Well...

Well, it's bad if you're implying that a Black woman, uh,

is not good enough to be with a successful Black man like Kool.

- Whoa. No, no, no, no, no. - [clamoring]

Hey. No, I-I'm not implying that.

I'm not. Look, I'm not implying... Look... [stammers]

Let me just make one thing clear.

We are in no way saying that a Black woman is not,

uh, good enough to be with a successful Black man like the Kool-Aid Man.

I think, if anything, I never viewed the Kool-Aid Man

as a successful Black man. I didn't view him as a ma...

He's a... He's a CGI glass jug filled with red liquid.

- He's not real, you know what I mean? - [Maya] It's all pretend.

[Ziwe] Sure, sure. Look, I...

All of that makes sense, but really, when you think about it,

if Kool-Aid is voiced by a Black man, you know what that means.

- Yes. - That's...

The thing is I very much don't know what that means.

Wake the fuck up.

- Oh. - Okay.

Okay?

- Mm-hmm. - Now I'll tell you what it means.

It means that the Kool-Aid man has the soul of a Black man...

Yes.

...and he has the soul of a Black man

because Ice Cube is voicing that Black man.

So Kool-Aid is Black.

Kool-Aid is a Black man.

The Kool-Aid man is...

- Black. - Mm-hmm.

- [Tyler] I feel that. Black man, yeah. - Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense now.

- [Sal] Thank you, guys. - [Matt] Thank you.

- So, uh, Sandra Oh is out as Mrs. Kool. - [Maya] Very informative.

- Fucking fired. Done. Gone. - Goddamn it.

[Sal] All right, I got it. I got it. Are you ready for this shit?

Here we go.

- Regina King as Mrs. Kool. - Okay, great.

- I like that, yeah. - Ooh, love her. Obsessed.

Oh, now... Wait, we have to recast the daughter.

- Why? - 'Cause she's half Asian.

You want "who's the father" questions coming up?

We might as well burn a cross at Comic-Con.

- Why did I agree to introduce this panel? - [groans] God, slow down, motherfucker.

My hair.

And booyah. Look at that.

That feels good. That is progress, you know what I mean?

Hmm.

What?

I mean, is it weird that all of the live-action characters are white,

and all of the non-white actors are CG?

And so then, the only actual human faces we see on camera are white faces.

- Yes, the answer's yes. - Right.

That's obviously very fucking weird.

We can't have a segregated cast.

How did we not see this until right now?

I-I think maybe because we had Sandra Oh.

She kind of, like, offset the whole thing.

Okay, here's what we're gonna do, Josh Duhamel, he's fucking gone,

and... [stammers] ...Don Cheadle, he's the new live-action dad.

Matt, the cast we had this morning is so fine, okay?

This is all making it a lot worse.

Okay, we can't have Biel and Cheadle because of the white wife thing.

- Fuck, she's right. - Because of-of what?

Oh, because if Don Cheadle is married to a whitey,

then that could be construed as possibly problematic to Black women.

- Do you want that? Okay. - Okay, no.

But you're telling me that interracial marriage is now regressive?

I've exclusively dated white men. Does that make me a racist person?

Honestly, it might.

- Holy shit, I got it. - [scoffs]

- Lesbians. - [Quinn scoffs]

Two white lesbians with a Asian child. Is that anything?

Does their gayness mitigate their whiteness?

Okay, I'm sorry, I love lesbians,

but white women are the fucking worst right now. They're so toxic.

Okay, you are a white woman.

How dare you? My dad is from Cyprus.

I got it. I fucking got it.

We make them all Black, baby.

We Black Panther this shit, you know what I mean?

That's unassailable.

- That's doing the work, you know? - Yeah.

- Boom. You ready for this? - Yeah.

Watch this. Don Cheadle as the dad.

- Keke Palmer as the mom. - Love it.

And this will be a young Black actor TBD.

- Okay, I can sell it. - Boom.

Great. This actually makes it feel important almost now, you know?

This could be like our Hamilton.

Okay, wait, hold on. Stoller's at the production office

with the writers right now, and they're working on a new draft

- so we should probably... - Okay, I'll give them the note myself.

- Right. Wow. - Maya, you come with me.

- Okay. Coming. - Let's get these white losers off.

- Totally. Yeah. - Bye white losers. Bye-bye.

There's a lot of enthusiasm internally for this new version of the film.

Yeah, we think that, uh, it's more of the moment...

- No. More fresh. - Exactly.

Yeah, yeah. Lots of new opportunities for comedy

will-will come from the new casting, you know?

Totally. Super-duper fresh.

Yeah, so, Nick, as-as the director, you think you can... you can pull this off?

- I know you can. - Um, so... [stammers] ...uh...

We're... We're talking about an almost entirely new cast?

- Yes. - Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Uh, which would require substantial rewrites.

- [Matt] Yes. - Definitely.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Uh... And we're f...

- we're five weeks out from shooting. - [Matt] Mm-hmm.

Uh...

Uh... Uh, yeah... I mean, yeah, yeah, we could do this.

- Great. Perfect. Love that. - We got this. Yeah...

You got this. Yeah.

- What do you guys... you guys... - Uh, I mean, it's...

- Wow. Uh... - ...it's certainly an exciting new version

of the Kool-Aid man story.

- [stammers] Yes. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. - Great.

- But... - Um...

...are we 100% sure we should be the writers on this movie now?

Wh... Why not?

- You guys have been rocking it. - [Matt] Yeah. Yeah.

Because it would be way out of our wheelhouse.

- Definitely. - It's a comedy.

You guys are comedy writers. That is the definition of wheelhouse. [laughs]

- [Nick laughs] - [laughs] Yeah, but, um... We're...

We're talking about the live-action family and... [stammers]

- You want them to be Black. - [Matt] Oh.

We can't do that.

Like, then... What, we're taking jobs from Black writers?

- Like, we c... I mean, we couldn't. - [sighs] I'd hate that.

Okay, so can you help me understand this?

Yeah.

You can write then for one Black person, but...

But now it's all Black people.

So in an attempt to not be racist,

you're limiting the amount of Black people you're willing to write for?

Look, if this is the path you guys are gonna go down...

[sighs] I don't think we can work on this anymore.

Well, this is very much 100% the path we're gonna go down.

- We vetted it with Lil Rel. Okay? - Yes. Yeah, it's vetted.

- We are so sorry. - We're sorry.

- Thank you. That's it. - Wow. Thank you.

We believe in the project, it's... It isn't easy.

Thank you so much.

- Thank you, we'll... See you. Yes. - Hey, best of luck on this.

[Nick] Thank you.

- [Nick] We should have lunch, guys. - [writer 2] We'd love that.

[Nick] That'd be great. Thank you. Thanks.

[clicks tongue] I'll rewrite the whole thing. I don't give a shit.

- I'll rewrite the entire thing. - Thank you. Thank you, Nick.

- I got it. - I knew you would. Thank you, man.

- There he is. - Oh, thank God.

Oh, and Matt, just one quick housekeeping thing...

- Yeah, yeah. - Just a little thing, um...

- So in order to hit the dates... - Yeah.

- ...on our budget... - Uh-huh.

...and given these... The substantial changes that we just...

- Yeah. - I just received,

- which I love and are awesome, um... - Great.

I'm going to have to bring on an animation company that is primarily artificial.

- Like, AI artificial? - Yeah, artificial...

- Like, artificial intelligence. - Artificial intelligence?

Can't you hire more human animators?

- It's like two to three million dollars... - Ooh, that's too much. Don't do that.

...for each one. Yeah, but I'm talking about the eyebrow... Little things.

- Eyebrows. - Eyebrows, eyeballs, like...

Nobody even gives a shit about that.

- Yeah, that's fine. - Maybe a background.

Okay, do what you gotta do, just, uh, you know, keep it under wraps.

- Just on there. Okay. Yeah. - Just sprinkle it on there. Not too much.

Yeah, I'm just worried about not looking racist, okay?

Okay, I get it. I get it. Thank you.

- Oh, yeah. - Thanks. Thanks. Thank you. Oh, yeah!

[Matt] Oh, yeah!

Donny C. in the house. Right there. Uh, nailed it.

[Maya] Yeah, I think we did too.

- [Maya] I feel really good about it. - [Matt] Don Cheadle's the man.

[Sal] So good. Funny too.

[Maya] I didn't know his ears were pierced.

I mean... Now this is racist.

- What? How is that possible? - No! No! No!

Look at all of them. What do you mean?

Well, it's just weird.

Like, before we had a cast that was all over the map, racially,

so having a Black Kool-Aid man didn't seem like anything,

but now that they're all Black,

kinda seems like what you're saying is that Kool-Aid is only for Black people.

- Fuck. [groans] - Goddamn it, she's right.

Okay, but he has to be Black because Kool-Aid has the soul of a Black man.

- [Maya] Mmm. - What?

You weren't there.

And his wife has got to be Black, right?

I don't even wanna get into that whole thing, okay?

[stammers] I don't know what to do with that.

Okay, here's what we do.

If we don't wanna be racist or seem racist,

we just gotta make this cast reflect America's racial demographics,

you know what I mean?

That way, no one can possibly accuse us

of not being representative of America, racially,

because we will mathematically be representative of America racially.

Let's do that.

[all clamoring]

Okay, okay. This is what I'm...

- Okay, this is what I'm seeing. - [Matt] Okay. Okay.

Seventy-five percent of America is all white.

- Uh, 60% white if we exclude Hispanics. - Great.

So, that would be 3.6 white people needed for this cast.

Oh, no, remember we round down for whites, that's three.

Wait, wait, wait, we're lumping Hispanics in with white people now?

- What the fuck is that all about? - Uh, I... [stammers]

Sometimes. Um, when they're not, they're 25% of the population.

Black people are 13%, Asians 6%, and the rest don't matter.

I mean, obvi, they matter, of course. All lives matter.

- All lives matter? - [Maya] God.

All right, okay, so according to this math,

we need 0.36 an Asian person to round this out.

What the fuck is 0.36 of an Asian person...

Okay, round up half an Asian, Quinn. Fuck.

- Oh, my God. - Israel is technically a part of Asia.

I would just like to say that, okay?

Holy fuck, Matt! No! We are not going there.

Going where? Jews are a race. [stammers] It's not my fault the Jews are a race.

- [Quinn] All right, here we go again. - What?

It's not... [stammers] We are a race of people and a religion.

It's complicated. Do we need Jewish representation in the film?

- Should we cast Josh Gad? - No. Guys, listen, everybody focus.

We just need one real half Asian. No Jews.

Okay. How about a Hispanic? How about a Hispanic person?

- Mmm. Yeah. Anya Taylor-Joy. She's great. - She's fucking whiter than me.

No, she's Argentinean. She's full Argentinean.

- She is? - Oh, fuck! A white Hispanic!

Two birds with one stone. Anya Taylor-Joy.

- No! No! That's like half of a bird. - Anya Taylor-Joy.

- [Maya] No stone. - Okay.

Fucking how are any of these better than a couple of lesbians?

[Maya] Because gay has too many moving parts.

[Quinn] Yeah, gay is way too complicated. Just stick to race, okay?

- [Maya] Thank you. Thank you. - [Quinn] Make it simple.

- [Sal] Here we go. Gay child. - [Quinn] Everybody can switch...

[Quinn and Maya] No!

Stop! Guys, stop. Stop. Stop. [sighs]

This is an insane conversation for us to be having.

We should not be saying any of this shit. All right?

This all started this morning

'cause we had concerns that it was perhaps racially insensitive

for Ice Cube to portray the Kool-Aid Man.

There is one person who could tell us if that's the case,

and I'm gonna go talk to him.

[crew laughing]

Uh, excuse me? I'm-I'm looking for Mr. Ice Cube? Mr. Ice? Mr-Mr. Cube?

Uh, it's just Cube, man. He's in the booth.

Great. Thank you. Appreciate that.

Cube.

- What up, Matt? - How's it going?

All good. What's happening, man?

Uh, not too much. Am I interrupting the flow or anything?

Nah, we just taking a break. Checking out the game.

Great. Cool, yeah. Sports. The best. [chuckles]

So, what's up? How's everything going with Kool-Aid?

So well, actually. Um, really great.

We just, uh... [chuckles, inhales sharply] We had one small concern. [chuckles]

Concern?

Concern's not even the right word. [stammers] It's more of a... a question.

Uh, a question that I think only you can answer.

Okay. So, there's been some... [clicks tongue]

[whispers] ...discussion around the office that perhaps...

Why are you whispering?

No reason.

Uh, there's been some discussion around the office

that perhaps the Kool-Aid Man being portrayed

by a certain... [inhales deeply] ...person,

who is a certain member of a certain African American community...

- Just say Black. - Great, I will.

Uh, Black person, a part of the Black community...

[sighs] The concern is that maybe you playing the Kool-Aid Man

might be viewed as offensive because it plays into racist tropes.

Are you serious?

I knew when you came in here whispering

you was gonna be on some passive-aggressive bullshit.

- No, it's not passive-aggressive. I... - You trying to fire me?

No! No, no.

You think a white dude could play Kool-Aid Man better than me?

Not unless you feel that way. No. No, no, no, no.

Well, then why you trippin'?

Is it 'cause I got first-dollar gross?

Hey, Matt! Don't be a cheap motherfucker, man.

No. This has nothing to do with the money, honestly.

This is purely about the racist thing.

So there's people that's concerned, for real?

[chuckles] That a Black man is playing Kool-Aid?

It has come up as a concern, yes.

[sighs] Now that shit's offensive.

See? Why is that offensive?

The whole thing is we're trying not to be offensive.

It's offensive because some asshole studio exec

think that I'm not sophisticated enough to understand that playing Kool-Aid

could possibly be a... a trope and people could see it as a stereotype.

For the record, I do not think that.

But yes, some stupid studio executives have... have brought that up.

Well, tell that motherfucker this, all right?

- The Kool-Aid Man is Black. - Okay.

- He ain't white. He ain't no Mexican. - Right.

He Black. I'm the motherfucking Kool-Aid Man. All right?

- Yes. - And if you get anybody else to play him,

now that shit's offensive. And they're gonna be coming for your neck.

That is not gonna happen 'cause you're the motherfucking Kool-Aid Man.

That's right.

- Love it. We're on the same page. - Hey.

- Thank you. - That's why you're my nigga, Matt.

And you're mine. Yes.

Hey. Don't come down here with no bullshit like that anymore.

- Never will again. - All right.

So glad we worked this out. Uh, I'll see you in Anaheim.

- [Ice Cube] See you in Anaheim. - We're so psyched.

- [Ice Cube] Yay, yay. - Yay, yay.

[crowd cheers]

Thank you. Hello, Anaheim Comic-Con.

[crowd cheers]

Thank you for this warm welcome.

Well, Hollywood is abuzz with one question.

Who is the star of Kool-Aid: The Movie? Well, here with an exciting announcement

is the head of Continental Studios, Matt Remick.

[crowd cheers]

Thank you, Nick.

Thank you, everybody.

I am thrilled and honored to announce that the Kool-Aid Man will be voiced

by none other than the incomparable Ice Cube!

- Oh, yeah, baby! [laughs] - [crowd cheers]

Thank you. Thank you.

- [Matt] Yeah! - [Ice Cube] Oh, yay, yay!

Yay, yay.

And we have time to answer a few questions from the audience,

if anyone has anything they'd like to ask?

Um, I have a question.

Yes. Uh, the Homelander there.

I just saw on Reddit that you're using AI to replace human animators. Is that true?

[crowd gasps, murmurs]

Well, is it?

I actually think our director, Nick Stoller, can speak to that.

Nick, why don't you come back out here?

Come down, Nick.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey! Hey! - Fuck you, Stoller.

[Maya] Fucking hack.

Uh-huh. I'd rather talk about our amazing cast.

As an animator, this is pure evil.

Do you have any questions for Ice Cube you'd like to ask?

You're taking jobs away from artists, real human artists.

You are everything that's wrong with Hollywood.

[crowd] Yeah!

- Yeah, man. She right. AI is bullshit. - [crowd] Yeah!

- Fuck AI! Fuck AI! Fuck AI! - [crowd cheering]

[crowd clamoring]

[crowd] Fuck AI! Fuck AI! Fuck AI!

Bullshit. Can't believe y'all got me part of this bullshit.

- Crushed it. [chuckles] - Don't touch me, motherfucker.

- Thank God they didn't mention race. - [crowd booing]

No shit. We dodged them bullets.

[clamoring, booing]