Original subtitles

Everything looks so good.

What should I get, the Seaside Trio or the Seafood Platter?

Oh, what am I talking about?

One of them is so big, they serve it on a platter, for God's sakes.

I'm going platter. What about you? What are you getting?

Nauseous. I just ate lunch like a half hour ago.

Why did you, if you knew we were going out to dinner?

It's 4:30 in the afternoon. I don't even think they're open yet.

God, why are we here?

My clock's a little off.

Since Barb and I became partners, I've taken the morning shift at the gym.

I have to open it up at 6 a.m. It's killing me.

-Why don't you take the night? -Better in the morning.

-You're terrible in the morning. -Have you seen me at night?

Anyway, I've been getting up earlier and earlier to do that.

I've gotta get Ritchie off to school and I've gotta do stuff at the house.

By the time the afternoon comes around, I'm done.

Anyway, this place is great.

They've got a bottomless basket of Cheddar Bay Biscuits.

Bottomless.

How do you know the menu so well?

-How often do you come here? -Not often.

Oh, hey, Christine. I like your haircut.

Yeah, because I went to your guy, Liz.

You were right about him too. He's a good shampooer.

Okay, so I've been here a couple of times. My clock is off, okay?

Oh, by the way, it's your birthday today.

Your clock is way off. My birthday was a month ago.

Yeah. I know when your birthday is.

Yeah, when is it?

Today, okay? Shut your mouth.

-You guys ready to order? -Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna have the Seafood Platter

and he's gonna have the Ultimate Feast.

Oh, and by the way, it's his birthday today...

...so I guess we'll be getting that free cake.

You know, we don't really give out free cake on your birthday.

I just did it for you because you got so upset.

Yeah, but now, it's his birthday and I promised him...

...and told him about it on the ride here...

...and now you're just gonna cut him off, just like that?

Okay. I'll get the cake.

You're a doll.

Happy birthday.

Oh, God. I should've ordered some coffee.

This is great.

Like going out with Grandma...

...but without the bourbon and the stealing of the salt shakers.

Fine.

-Hey. -Hey.

-Red Lobster? -It's so good.

Hey, you wanna go tomorrow? Say it's your birthday.

You took me there last week for my birthday.

Yeah? Now we'll say it's our anniversary.

It's time they started giving cake for that too.

So is Ritchie ready to go?

I think so. He's getting his stuff together.

He's gonna be so excited. Tomorrow, I'm taking him to the job site.

-Whose job site? -My job site.

It's a huge job too.

There's gonna be a backhoe, and a jackhammer

and a steamroller.

I'm gonna drive it over a garbage can. It will be awesome.

You know, last time you took him there, he didn't like it.

Remember the accident?

Oh, please, there was no accident.

Our son lost the tip of his finger.

He got a splinter.

Then he got a scab which fell off.

Fell off of what? The tip of his finger.

He was traumatized, Richard.

They had to draw turkeys in class.

He was too ashamed to trace his hand.

You see, this is exactly why I wanna take him to my job.

-You know what he said? -What?

He said when he grows up, he wants to run a women's gym.

Aw.

No, not "aw", "ew."

What woman's gonna wanna join a gym run by a creepy man with half a finger?

He's coming to work with me tomorrow. He'll love it.

-Hey, Dad. -Hey, pal.

Guess who gets to go to work with me?

-Who? -You.

(screaming)

He's excited.

(loud music)

What is--? What is happening?

Matthew?

Matthew?

What?

Will you turn down your stupid music?

Jeez, it's the middle of the night. I'm trying to sleep.

That's not music. It's the ice-cream truck.

Oh.

It's still daytime. You went to bed 20 minutes ago.

What? Oh, my God.

What's happening? I have no life anymore.

God, I go from work to Red Lobster to bed.

-What is today? -Saturday.

Ooh. Seafood Sampler Saturday.

Stop it. What's happening to you?

Matthew, I gotta get out of this house.

I don't know if it's safe, it's almost dusk.

Come on. What are you doing tonight?

God, I'm busy. I got a party.

Perfect. A party.

That's what I need to get me out of my rut.

No, no. You can't come with me.

My friends will be there, they'll see you.

Come on, please? I'm in trouble.

I get up before the paper comes, I go to bed before my 9 year old...

...and I'm eating three cups of drawn butter a day.

I need help.

Okay, you can come. But, you know, you can't embarrass me.

If you mention any fest, lobster or otherwise, we're out of there.

Yeah, deal, deal. This is good, yeah.

It's just what I need, one night out that'll reset my clock.

Everything will get back to normal.

You think we're gonna be out past 9?

Because if we are, I'm gonna need to bring my calcium supplements.

Look, I know you had a bad experience last time you came to work with me.

The accident?

It was a splinter.

I think you and your mom have made this into a bigger deal than it is.

Come on, it will be good for you.

You'll come to work with me and see it's not dangerous.

Hey, I'll let you use the nail gun.

I don't feel good. Maybe I should sleep here tonight.

You don't feel good, huh? Alright.

We'll hang out here, and if you feel better, we'll take it from there.

And in the meantime, look what I got for you.

Huh?

Why don't you try it on?

It hurts.

It's not even touching your head yet.

-It's sharp. -It's not sharp, it's a hardhat.

Well, it's hard.

Okay, we'll just take it slow.

Matthew. I'm completely overdressed for this party. Why didn't you tell me?

Well, you're over a lot of things for this party.

I didn't think it was polite to point it out.

Oh, hey. The Squib's here.

Oh, good, can't have a party without The Squid.

Hi, Squid.

Hey.

-It's "Squib." -Oh, right.

Yeah, talk to me like that, because Squid would be a stupid name.

So you went to Stanford with all these people?

Nope, I did go to Berkeley with all these people.

Oh, right. God, I'm a little nervous.

It's good music. Huh?

* Pum pum pum *

* Pum pum pum *

Ah.

I'm telling you right now, if you booty pop at this party...

...you're walking home.

God. Alright.

I don't get out that much.

What is that smell?

Matthew....

Matthew?

(sniffs)

Is that weed?

Ah.

-Hey, bud. -Hey.

-You feeling a little better? -No. What's that?

Just some wood and building materials I found in the garage.

What are you gonna do?

-Nothing you'd be interested in. -Okay.

Hey, Ritchie, wanna get the door for me?

Okay.

Thank you.

So you're probably looking at that and thinking it's just a pile of wood.

But to a contractor like me, it can be anything you want.

-What do you want it to be? -I don't know. Pile of wood.

Something else.

A puppy.

Sweetie, it can't be a puppy.

-A fish. -It can't be a fish.

It's gotta be something made of wood.

Oh, okay.

-A tree. -You know it can't be a tree.

Ritchie, you know what I'm trying to get at here.

You don't have to go to the job site tomorrow...

...but I'd like you to help me build so I can show you how cool my job is.

Because maybe it's something you'd be interested in.

Yeah? So let's build something.

-Could we build a car? -Yes.

Thank you, God. Great idea.

-Let's build a car. -Can I wear gloves?

-Sure. -Can I wear a costume?

No, Ritchie. No, you may not.

Oh, come on. Even if the U.S. did ratify the Kyoto Protocol...

...it'd take years to undo the environmental devastation we've caused.

Yeah. You know what that's called?

That's an Inconvenient Truth.

What are you talking about?

You know, the movie about the environment?

With Al Gore? It's an important film.

Yeah, I know, I contributed some of the research for the Greenland study.

Oh, I...

...didn't actually see it yet.

But I heard it's good, so congrats.

Yeah.

God, I bet Greenland was cold, huh?

I mean, not as cold as it used to be, but, you know....

So that's....

That's....

Hi.

-Hi. -Hey.

(speaks foreign language)

What is that? German?

-Come on, we're leaving. -What? Why?

There's someone here I don't wanna see.

Oh, yeah. The Germans?

No. No, Tori.

I used to go out with her until she dumped me.

-Oh, which one is she? -Yes.

The beautiful one?

You're kidding me. She went out with you?

Thank you. That helps me.

Listen, like--

-Crap, she saw me. -What? Matthew.

Matthew? What's going on?

-I've never seen you like this. -It's a long story.

I was in love with her. I thought she was the one.

Out of nowhere, she broke up with me.

You were in love? Where was I?

Well, most of it happened after 9 p.m., so you were in bed.

Oh, come on, how come you never told me this?

Well, I mean, it was a while ago. You were dealing with Richard.

-I didn't wanna bother you. -Bother me?

I'm your sister. That's what I'm here for.

Christine, our relationship is kind of a one-way street.

When you have a problem, I listen.

When I have a problem, that's a problem

because we're still on your problems.

God, that makes me sound so awful and shellfish.

You said shellfish.

No, I didn't. I said selfish.

I can't believe that's what you think of me. I hate that.

-Let's just get out of here. -No.

I feel like I don't know you.

I mean, you were in love, your friends are German, your parties are boring.

I mean, I didn't know any of this.

It's okay. I'm fine with the way things are.

-It works for us. -No, I don't accept that.

I'm your sister, we need a new dynamic.

Yeah, no. Let's go.

You can't run away when you see her.

You lobster once, I'm not gonna let you do it again.

You said lobster.

I'm starving. There's not even any food here.

-I don't think I can do this. -Yes, of course you can.

Just go over there and act natural.

Don't let her know she got to you, okay?

Because there's nothing a woman likes more than a guy she didn't get to.

-Really? -I don't know.

Just don't let her know that she hurt you, okay?

Really, after my divorce, I didn't let anybody see my pain.

Are you kidding me? You laid in bed, sobbing and tearing at your clothes.

But nobody saw me.

I saw you.

But nobody else saw me, okay?

Come on, Matthew, you're funny, you're smart, you're good looking.

I mean, and what is she? She's nothing.

She's undersecretary of Environmental Affairs...

...for the state of California.

Oh, really?

And she's so pretty.

Boy, is she something.

-Stop. -Go.

Hey, chuckles, you know what time it is?

Seven forty-five.

That's all?

God, why is life so long?

-Hey, Tori. -Hi, Matthew.

Hey, Tori.

I got here late. I thought I'd miss you.

Oh, my God, I miss you too. I think about you all the time.

What? No, I said I wasn't sure I'd see you.

I thought I'd miss you.

I miss you too.

So, what do you think so far?

-This is fun. -See?

Shows what a little hard work and imagination can do.

Tomorrow, we'll flatten it with a steamroller.

I wanna be a contractor.

You do?

Wow. This is intense.

Come on, let's get her out in the street and see what she can do.

Splinter.

(screams)

-Hey. -Hey. Hey.

Hey, how'd it go?

I didn't let her see she got to me.

Oh, good.

I did cry in front of her and tell her I love her.

Okay. I'm gonna go talk to her.

What? No, you can't. She thinks I'm pathetic.

Now I'm gonna send my sister in there? Let's get out of here.

No, no, no. I'm good at this, okay? Let me help you.

-This is our new dynamic. -No. No.

We're done with that. I'm just gonna get my coat, you stay.

What--? No--

Hey, good party, huh?

-I guess. -Yeah.

So I saw you were talking to Matthew.

Yeah. Why?

No, it's no reason.

It's just that I-- I get a little jealous

because he's my boyfriend.

And he's....

He's hot.

He's your brother. Christine, I've met you before.

Oh, damn it.

I've gotta pay closer attention. Okay, look....

Tori, that was stupid. I know.

But I just want you to know that I think you're wrong about Matthew.

Really. I mean, he's such a great guy.

He's thoughtful and he's selfless.

You know, when I was going through my divorce...

...I was having really bad time and Matthew helped me through it, totally.

I mean, he'd like sit on the edge of my bed and he'd read Self Magazine to me.

And one time...

...he painted a face on his tummy and he put on this tummy puppet show.

And....

Oh, God, we watched Under The Tuscan Sun...

...like, you know, 50 times.

And he'd start crying and then I'd go, and--

Oh, you know, I'm just--

What I'm trying to tell you is that he's a good man.

He sounds like a good woman.

And you sound like a mess.

Alright, fair enough.

Hi.

I accidentally might have talked to Tori...

...and made things just a smidge worse.

You spoke to her after I told you not to? What did you say?

Well, you know, I just tried to talk you up.

You know, I told her how you helped me through my divorce.

Oh, no.

The tummy puppet show?

-I told her that. -Self Magazine?

Uh, I don't know, I may have mentioned that.

Under The Tuscan Sun?

-No. I have a brain in my head-- -Oh, you told her.

Matthew, I'm sorry, okay? I think it's sweet. I was trying to help.

That makes me look like a weenie.

No. She doesn't think you're a weenie.

She thinks you're a woman.

-Oh, my God. -A good woman.

You're unbelievable.

I asked you to stay out of this.

No, I did it for you.

No, you did it for you. Because you're shellfish.

-Oh, you just said-- -I know what I just said.

Christine?

(screams)

What are you doing?

Oh, God, I just took a little nap.

Hey, you know that smell from before?

Definitely weed.

So where were you?

With Tori. We went for a walk.

Oh, really? That's good. Was it good?

No. She spent time checking her e-mail on her cell phone...

...until I mentioned I was going to med school, then she got interested.

-Ew. -I know.

So did you tell her to get lost?

No, I made out with her.

Oh, so you're back together?

No, but she told me to give her a call when I was done with med school.

-But you're not gonna? -Yeah, I probably will.

Oh, so did I help at all?

Not even a little bit. But thanks.

Matthew, I'm sorry. I promise I'm gonna try to pay closer attention to your life.

I'm gonna be a better sister.

Come on, I'll buy you a bucket of fish.

You're so good to me.

-Is it feeling any better? -No.

-It's still throbbing. -Oh.

So did you have any fun tonight?

I can't remember anything before the accident.

Richard? Ritchie?

What are you guys doing here? It's the middle of the night.

It's 10 to 9.

Come on, it was 10 to 9 two hours ago.

Why's it so cold in here?

It's alright, Grandma. You're just getting near the end.

Hey, what happened to your finger?

It's just a splinter.

How'd it happen?

I don't remember anything before the accident.

Nothing? Good.

Today's your birthday.

Let's see what else they have on a platter.

For some reason, I'm starving.

What do you smell like?

A party.